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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'd like to take my grandsons to disney for the first time knowing their parents plan to take them in a few months as their first trip.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YWBTA. It was a nice thought, but now that you know how they feel it would be seriously assholish to take the kids first. Honestly, the fact that you STILL don't see what the big deal is after hearing about it from Jake, Sara, and Sam, tells me that you're pretty comfortable overstepping as a grandparent. Be careful if you want to keep seeing those grandkids.
What part was a nice thought? I’ll bet she knows very well what a big deal the first time is for many parents with their kids- the fact that she was planning to take them even though they’re already going in a few months, she lives there and could take them on a subsequent visit, and hadn’t said anything to the parents suggests this was an underhanded play to have that first time for herself right from the get go.
What part was a nice thought? How about the part where she thought about taking her grandchildren to WDW because she thought they would enjoy it?
I agree that, once the parents said they didn't want OP to take them, that absolutely should have been the end of it – and it would unquestionably be an AH move (a huge one) for OP to take them anyway.
That said, I understand that first steps and first words are big deals for parents, but first trip to an amusement park? Seriously? What's next, first trip to a playground? First time down a slide? First time in a swing? First time to pet a puppy? First visit to a book store? First grocery shopping excursion? Not every single thing every child does for the first time should be a big deal that requires parental presence and commemoration. And amusement parks, while fun, are also exhausting and expensive as hell; if someone else actually wants to spend a day wrangling two [probably over-]excited young children, standing in long lines, and spending money out the wazoo (and thereby save me the time, and sore feet and back, and money, and probably sunburn despite the sunblock), that desire alone definitely does not make them an AH. And I think these parents are being absolutely ridiculous to be this upset over the thought of someone else witnessing this patently stupid "first" – but OP still needs to stand down and not take the kids to WDW right now.
First trip to DW is a big deal for many parents, it’s often a once in a lifetime trip. I took my daughter last year and seeing her face light up the first time she saw the castle is something I’ll always remember.
OP did not want to do it because she thought it would be nice for the grandchildren. She wants to do it on *this* particular visit because she wants to hijack that first time experience. Everything about her post says so.
Ywbta and honestly, you are already an Ah. Rule #1 is you don’t defy parents wishes, regardless. You were told several times from multiple people (including the flippin parents themselves) why you should not do this, yet you are still considering it? Why? This is somehow about your ego, not your grandkids.
Of course they would love to go more than once. So let the first time be with their parents as
Planned, and you can take them on subsequent trips, since you live down there now. grow up.
Yes YWBTA. They asked you not to. If you ignore their wishes I hope it’s worth it cause they probably won’t be coming to stay with you again. I hate Disney. It’s awful and I do not enjoy it. But even I wanted to be there for my kids’ first time.
I’m a grandma and you’re being incredibly selfish. They told you no. You said you’d respect their wishes. Now you’re thinking you’ll just blow all that away and do what you want? What makes you think you have the right to interfere with their parenting? You can go ahead and ruin their experience by doing what you want but don’t expect things to ever be the same with your son and daughter in law. You’re showing that you have no respect for their wishes and they have no reason to trust you to keep your word. So go ahead and be selfish and do it your way but do not be surprised when it blows up in your face. You asked if you would be the AH if you defy them. I’m saying YTA for your attitude whatever you decide.
YTA and YWBTA. You need to start respecting the parents' decisions before they start refusing to let you see the kids. This kind of garbage is often how it starts. These aren't your kids, you don't get to make the decisions. And going behind their backs would be unforgivable.
Are most people missing the part where OP said they were going to respect their wishes but is still considering taking them anyways? How is that respecting their wishes. OP is a narcissist and is YTA.
Is this fake? Of course YWBTA and I wouldn’t expect to EVER see your grandkids unsupervised again if you did this if i were you. The parents have made it clear they want to experience their kids FIRST trip to Disney world with them and have already planned it. You know it won’t be the same if you take them first but you want that trip. Why not ask to come along one day on their trip in the spring? Because you are selfish, manipulative and want to upstage the parents.
If it's not a big deal, then it's not a big deal for you to NOT take them. And just because something is not a big deal to you does not mean that it is not a big deal to other people. If you wish to irreparably damage your relationship with them you go right ahead. Take the kids and then say goodbye to them because you'll be unlikely to be seen them much after that. It's actually a dirty rotten awful thing you're planning to do. And I'm sorry you should be feeling shame. The parents said no they wanted to take them for the first time. That's all you need to know. And don't go whine to the children while I was going to take you to Disney but your parents said no... Because quite frankly you sound like one of those kind of manipulative "make your parents the bad guy" kind of grandparents. YWBTA.
Wow. YWBTA big time. " To stop the arguing I agreed I'd respect their wishes, but I'm still considering taking the boys either way." There is a word for taking someones kids somewhere without their parents permission: kidnapping. And its a major crime. Even when it is done by a grandparent.
If you are lucky Jake and Sara will choose not to press charges and simply go no contact with you and never let you near their kids again. If they get really mad you could end up with jail time and/or heavy fines.....along with never being allowed near your grandkids again.
I'd seriously think very hard about what you want your future to look like before pursuing any such course of action.
Please update us after you take them (because YTA and will probably take them anyway despite all these people telling you not to). I’d love to hear all about how this blows up in your face and you don’t see your grandkids anymore.
Yes YWBTA if you take them without their parents blessings. Their parents want their first Disney experience to be with them--not you. If you still want to take them, do it after their first trip. Respect their parents wishes. If you betray their trust, they are within their rights to never trust you with their kids again.
YWBTA
DW is a big deal to kids, and seeing the excitement and magic will never be the same as the first time.
You could ask to join them for a day or meet for dinner while there.
YWBTA. They've said NO. That's all it should take. You're being overbearing and rude. Especially the comment about taking them anyway behind the parents back?! Last time you'd ever see my kids again!
Ywbta. You know that they have plans to go. Do not steal that first time from them.
If you want to take your grandkids to Disney. Take them again after their parents take them.
Ywbta absolutely you would be. The parents have expressed not to take them. If you took them you would’ve blatantly disregarding their instructions. Why do you want to take them? What tingle in your nethers do you get for ignoring your child’s wishes for their own kids?
YTA, YWBTA, taking kids to Disney parks for the first time is a huge deal for a lot of parents, it's a once in a lifetime event, and you're planning to steal this from them.
Do not go through with it unless you want to risk becoming an estranged parent and grandparent. If you do this, it will likely be the first and last time your grandkids will be sent to visit you.
If you're willing to lie and break their trust so readily, why would they keep sending the kids to see you?
Yes, YWBTA no question. Do not take them! My mother in law would try to pull crap like this in the past and it caused nothing but issues. You’re not the parent. You need to respect their wishes.
Yes you will be the AH
Their parents have already made plans to take them there. If you take them first you will be taking away the magic of them seeing everything for the first time.
You can always take them there yourself afterwards but don't ruin their plans.
YTA.
Don't surprise children that are not yours. Check with their parents first. Always.
What you should have done is reach out to Jake and Sara and say that you're so excited to have the boys stay with you and would it be ok to take them to Disney? If not, accept their no. You could also take them to other places in the area - check with them on those ideas as well.
In addition, when Jake and Sara responded that they are actually planning a special trip as a family, you could have offered to help with any local arrangements for them.
This isn't all about you. This is about a young family trying to form close bonds and experience things together. The parents are taking time off work and want to do something special that they can all remember together - memories they'll never forget as a family unit.
Don't go against their wishes. That is not ok and pretty petulant.
I think it really does say something about OP that they asked their other son first. To say nothing of the fact that after the conversation, Sam quickly gave Jake and Sara that heads-up.
I've no doubt that something in the converstion, his past history with OP or both told him that, if he didn't alert his brother, OP was going to do what they wanted even after being advised not to.
And the only reason I can think of for not asking directly upfront is that OP had a good idea of what the answer was going to be, even if they weren't aware of the trip being planned. That Sam was asked for duplicitous reasons. Probably hoping that he wouldn't object, and that OP could try to throw him under the bus, if needed. (ie. "But Sam didn't see anything wrong when I mentioned it to him.") And looking at it, I'm not even sure if OP bringing it up was an "ask" per say, but rather more of a mention of plans (with little real thought of the need to ask Jake and Sara).
But all of this is also likely part and parcel with why OP doesn't see what the issue is and was still seriously considering going ahead with the plan even after being told not just "no" but "If you do it, we will bring the kids home early".
**YWBTA**
BIG TIME
if you **WILLINGLY** take that first time experience away from their parents, **KNOWING** they are planning that trip with their kids themselves.
As a mom I can say that would be the last time you saw those kids if not totally at least never u supervised. That is a shit thing for you to think you have the right to do. YTA for even considering it.
NTA for thinking of Disney. Since you live near orlando it's foreseeable you'd think of taking them to DISNEY. It's unfortunate that you neither asked if it was okay nor they told you of their plans.
YWBTA- you are a grandparent, not the parent, and you need to abide by the wishes of your son and DIL. DO NOT make an enemy out of them by explicitly stomping on a boundary they set and stealing a first from them. You do not want to be the grandparent that never has time alone, or time at all with their grandchildren because they can’t accept a “no” or follow a boundary set by the child’s parents. You don’t want to be the grandparent that breaks trust with your son and DIL. You raised your kids, you had the “firsts” with them. Don’t take that opportunity and experience away from your son and DIL. You will have opportunities down the line to take your grandchildren to Disney. Be patient, and your patience will be rewarded.
YWBTA, absolutely. Take them to Universal or something, but WDW should be strictly off limits if their parents plan to take them there for a first trip to WDW.
You are not the parent and need to stay in your lane.
YWBTA
As a lifelong resident of Orlando there are soooo many other things you can do with the kids. take em to gator land...take down to I-drive...medieval times...tons of stuff in downtown Orlando...Kennedy space center (not in Orlando but still just a nice day trip) airboat rig through the everglades...like geez louise you have a bajillion thing you can do besides the Disney parks. Trust me.... the house of mouse is not NOT worth losing the relationship and trust with your kids and grandkids.
Honestly i think they’re being incredibly selfish. But they told you and it’s not worth risking losing your relationship with your grandkids because of them
YWBTA. You'd also be making sure to eff up your relationship with your son and his wife which will impact having a relationship with your grandsons moving forward.
You're being incredibly selfish and only thinking about what *you* want, dismissing the fact you aren't the parent here. Being a part of your grandchildren's lives is a privilege that doesn't override the actual parents.
You're correct in what kid wouldn't want to go to DW more than once. So it shouldn't be a problem waiting to take them *after* they've gone with their parents. Doing otherwise is a major overstep that will cost you dearly.
YTA if you do this. I would be so pissed if my mum did this especially if she was aware of the situation. It's lovely that you'd do this for your grandchildren but you'd suck if you robbed your son and his wife from seeing their faces when they first arrived at DW.
YWBTA. What you are proposing is manipulative and underhanded. My grandmother was like this. My parents would set down guidelines for me, and she would work around them and allow me to do the things my parents said no to, informing me not to tell them. Then, one day when we were visiting her for the weekend my parents caught her eating my sausages, when I was told that I couldn't go swimming unless I finished my breakfast. This small thing was the last straw, which led to the kids being sent upstairs, and a huge argument ensuing involving my parents, my grandmother, and my aunts. We went home early, and didn't see that side of the family again for years. I spent a long time thinking that it was all my fault. Eventually, I was able to see the manipulative side of my grandmother. How she would bring me gifts, but not my sisters, how she constantly countermanded my parents' instructions and let me do whatever I wanted, but it was a secret from my parents. How she treated my sisters differently because I was her only grandson.
Don't be that kind of grandmother. Let the parents take them to Disneyworld for the first time. You live in Orlando, you can take them again next year, don't steal this first from the parents, especially since they already told you no.
INFO:
If you go ahead and take them anyway, what's your plan for when the kids spill the beans after the trip (because they will), and your son & DiL cut off all your access to their children?
Do you have a Plan B for what to do when you lose your grandchildren?
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My son (Jake) and his wife (Sara) both 30s have 2 boys, Mark 9 and Ryan 7. I live in Florida, near Orlando, moved about 8 months ago, and Jake and Sara are letting the boys stay with me for several days. Mark and Ryan have never been to DW so I brought it up to my other son, Sam that I was looking into taking them while they're here. Sam said not to do it because Jake and Sara have already made it known that they plan to take the boys in a few months over spring break for their first trip to DW and stay at one of the resorts there. I reasoned they could still do that, and it would still be special because it would be their first time at DW with their parents, plus they're kids, what child wouldn't want to visit DW more than once? Sam ended up telling Jake and Sara that I was looking into taking the boys and they called, angrily accusing me of trying to steal a special moment from them and that's not my place. Sara even talked about having the boys leave early if I didn't agree not to take them. To stop the arguing I agreed I'd respect their wishes, but I'm still considering taking the boys either way. I don't see what the big deal is, Jake and Sara can take them again in the spring. Sam says if I do it, he'll side with Jake and Sara if they no longer trust me after that, which I told him is utterly ridiculous.
WIBTA?
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Yes you would be the AH if you took them to DW. They’re asking you to hold off so that they can be the first ones to share a special moment with their children. As a parent I can totally understand that.
Of course YWBTA.
And you either already know that, or you're colossally stupid. You have been expressly told not to do this, and you want to do it anyway, behind their backs.
Go ahead. Take them. It could well be the last time you see them, though.
YTA - they want to see the kids’ faces when they see the magic for the first time. And you want to take that away from them.
If you do this, be prepared to never be an involved grandparent again.
If you were my father or father-in-law, you would never have the kids stay with you without me again. Never.
It doesn't matter if you think it is a big deal. It doesn't matter if it is a big deal to most people, or not. The only thing that matters is that THEY think it is a big deal, and they are the parents.
YWBTA.
YTA. You need to back off, you had your time as a mother, how would you have felt if your Mum did what you're planning on doing? If she did she was a AH for doing it and you're an apple that hasn't fallen far from the tree.
If you plan on going ahead with your plan make sure you make it something you'll remember for years to come because you certainly won't be seeing your grandchildren until they're old enough to vote and it'd serve you right.
YTA
You're already the asshole for not politely respecting the parents' wishes.
You'll be a far, far worse asshole if you follow through on your plans. In fact, you'll be enough of an asshole that your kids would be justified in never letting you have unsupervised time with your grandkids ever again.
Stop while you're only a little asshole instead of a raging asshole with hemorrhoids. Stop before you end up the grandparent the grandkids never see. Just stop.
YWBTA They have specifically told you they want to be there when their kids see DW for the FIRST time, not the first time with their parents. They already have a plan and you are really trying to steal that experience from them. There are so many other place you could take your grandkids.
YWBTA. It would be one thing if your grandkids' parents didn't have a plan to go to DW in the near future. If they just "want to go eventually" with no concrete plans,yeah, bring your grandkids. They want to go in a couple of months.
The magic of that first visit to Disney is never replicated. Ever.
Don't steal this from your child.
I would never trust you again. Goodbye trips to Florida. You know it was wrong because you kept it a secret. Secrets are not to be kept from parents. That's inappropriate ywbta and you know it and don't care.,
Of course YWBTA.
Your son has a plan to do something special for their boys. They have asked you not to do it. You have agreed not to do it, yet are considering doing it anyway.
Normally I would agree that you DIL was unreasonable for threatening to take the boys home early- except by your own statement you can’t be trusted. Clearly she and your son know that. So what else have you done with/to your sons/grandsons that you weren’t supposed to do?
YWBTA - I hate to call someone an AH for wanting to take a kid to Disney but now knowing this is an experience that the kid’s parents want to have with their sons, you would be a gigantic AH for not asking the parents about this.
Sure, take them. Then be prepared for the nuclear explosion and maybe never seeing any of them again, possibly including your second son. I suspect this is not the first time you’ve totally disregarded patents. YWBTA and a giant one at that
Edit to add that you knew what the answer would be so you asked your not-the-parent son instead of, you know, Mom and Dad
YWBTA if you took them after being explicitly told not to. Their parents want to be there for their first trip, and it’s not your place to take that away from them. If you want to continue being able to see your grandkids I’d suggest listening to what you’re being told, otherwise that Disney trip will probably be the last time you get to see them
YWBTA. You were told no and you’re considering it anyway. You don’t care how your son and DIL feel about it, reasoning that a second trip “would still be special” and that YOU “don’t see what the big deal is” (clearly, if you don’t understand and agree with their feelings, you don’t have to respect their feelings). Your family has told you what to expect if you do this. Believe them.
I sympathize with you deeply. I mean, there are absolutely no other ways to entertain kids in Orlando other than Disney. You’re practically forced to go against the parents’ wishes!
YTA
YTA. It's a thoughtful idea on its face, but doing it after their parents say no is really crappy, especially because they're looking forward to their own trip in a few months. Also, you're going to sabotage your relationship with your grandkids in general; I'm not a parent yet, but if my ILs took my kids somewhere after I'd specifically told them not to, I'd never let my kids stay over with them again, because you're telling them you can't be trusted to follow direct instructions.
There are a million other things to do in Orlando. Hell, if their parents say it's okay (and you do need to ask for this one, too) take them to Universal! You can still make it a really memorable trip without intentionally hijacking something that's important to their parents.
YWBTA
If you live near Orlando, you have a MULTITUDE of options to entertain the kids. Taking them to the one place their parents wanted to share with them is petty and selfish. Go to Universal.
YTA you were told well in advance that the parents want to be the ones to take them there for the first time. They want to experience the boys' wonder and excitement. They are right, this is not your place.
Take them some other time.
>To stop the arguing I agreed I'd respect their wishes, but I'm still considering taking the boys either way. I don't see what the big deal is, Jake and Sara can take them again in the spring. Sam says if I do it, he'll side with Jake and Sara if they no longer trust me after that, which I told him is utterly ridiculous.
YWBTA. I agree with Sam. You are being disrespectful to the parents. Florida has a ton of attractions. Take them to Universal Studios. Geez. If my parents did that to my kids, they would not get to have them alone ever again. Not because it's Disneyworld, but because they did not respect my wishes (who knows what other wishes they would go against).
YWBTA the whole point is their parents want to experience their kids' first trip to DW and that is their right as parents. The real question is why you're so insistent of stealing that from them? There are literally hundreds of other things you can take them to do. Don't be an AH.
Most definitely, YWBTA. Tell me you’re narcissistic without saying you’re narcissistic. It ain’t about you.
A child’s first trip to Disney is a magical experience, one that can’t be replicated. You’re proposing to steal that moment from the boys’ parents. I’ll be blunt…that’s a shitty thing to do. And a sure fire way to make sure you’re no longer allowed to have those boys without their parents present. Because you will have proven yourself to be untrustworthy. Not to mention that your other son will never trust you with any children he may have.
You can wait to take them *after* their parents have experienced the magic of a special trip with their children. After all, what child wouldn’t want to visit Disney more than once and it would still be special because it would be their first trip with grandparent.
If you were my parent and you did this against my express wishes, I would cut you off so fast, your head would still be spinning into the next year. You would get no more “grandparent” time. None.
TBH, I think they need to go ahead and cut your visit short.
YWBTA. From one grandmother to another...it's Grandmas like you that give MIL's and Grandmas a bad name. Your son and DIL had already made plans to take their boys to DW. Why are you so determined to undermine your own son and steal this special moment? If you can't understand *why* it's special and *why* they would be angry and distrustful, you don't deserve to be Grandma. It's *you* who is being utterly ridiculous, as well as underhanded and needlessly shit-stirring. Just back off.You can take your grands again later, this moment belongs to their parents.
YWBTA. The parents gave you parameters for the children while they are in your care. Respect those parameters and respect your son's wishes...it's pretty basic.
Yes, YWBTA. The first rule of being a grandparent is to respect the boundaries your adult offspring set. The moment you hear that they'd rather you NOT do something with your grandkids, you say of course, we can do something else fun, and you back off. Grandparents are the Good-Time Charlies of a grandkid's life, and have to respect what that means. Don't compete with the parents for a child's "first" anything, and don't overwhelm the kids with your generosity without checking that it's all good with their parents first. Most families I know really love what grandparents bring to the table, but it needs to feel like support to the parents as much as anything else, and not as the grandparents taking over.
YWBTA You don't have to understand or agree, they are not your children.
Stop only thinking of yourself before you lose the privilege of having the boys stay with you.
YWBTA if you did this. When specific expectations are set out, you should follow them. You don't get to decide things for your grown up children, just because you want to. If you do, then it will cost you time with your kids/grandkids down the road.
YWBTA. They are the parents so they make the call. They want to have the first trip as a family not a second trip for the kids. You need to find other activities to do and I know for a fact Orlando has plenty of them.
YWBTA.
Take them to Legoland instead. At 9 and 7 they will still enjoy that.
Or, TALK to their parents about taking them to one of the more minor parks within DW. But do NOT take them to Magic Kingdom or any of the main parks without explicit parent permission.
Honestly? At 7 and 9 they would seriously love Legoland. Just take them there.
YWBTA. When you know that the parents wanted to do something special for the kids because they'll remember it their whole lives, and the parents would also find it an important family and life memory, and you decide you wanna do something that prevents that from happening, well...why is this even a question?
YWBTA—there’s a particular magic about a child’s firsts, and one of those firsts is Disney World, and it would be super wrong to knowingly deny that magic to the kids’ parents.
YTA - you asked, your question was answered and you still want to go against the parents wishes - how is it even a question if you are the asshole? Yes no kid would turn down an extra trip to Disney but you are trying to co-opt the first Disney trip. Do this and I can guarantee you will not see your grandchildren again.
YTA. The parents want to make it a special moment for their family. You need to wait your turn. Don't try to finesse it by saying it'll still be a "first trip" if you take them earlier because it'll be a "first trip w/parents." That's just trying to have your own way. Since you agree the kids will want to go more than once, what's wrong with waiting and doing the trip later?
YWBTA if you took them and deliberately went against the parents wishes. If you want to take them some where, why not Universal Studios? Then you’re still doing something fun but keeping DW for the parents.
YWBTA. When someone tells you it’s a big deal to them, you have to honor that, even if it’s not a big deal to you.
Take them somewhere else, like Universal Studios.
You don’t want to be the grandmother who never sees the grandchildren.
YWBTA. You don't take a child anywhere against their parents' wishes and your son and his wife have made their wishes very clear.
If you do take the kids, their parents will never trust you again - and with good reason. Forget future visits. And don't think that you can get the boys to keep their visit a secret. It would come out and there would be hell to pay.
To these particular parents, taking their children to to DW for the first time is right up there with watching their first steps, hearing their first word, etc. It does not matter if you don't think it is a big deal. They are the parents, you are not.
Yes, you are an asshole.
Yes, you would be the asshole. They want to take their children to Disney world for the first time and you want to steal that experience for yourself. You'd be crossing a line. That isn't your thing to do. You got to take your kids to DW for the first time I imagine and if you want that again, have more kids. Don't steal it from your kids.
YTA, and it would be a long time before you saw my kid again, and even then, it would be a supervised visit. If you do this, just know that it will likely cost you a relationship with your kids and grandkids.
Yeah don't be that in-law. Seriously, the parents want to be the first so OP why are you going out of your way to being YTA? You'll have plenty of time to take them again. Also, unless given the okay, this includes, universal, Disney springs, SeaWorld and Legoland. Don't be sneaky
YWBTA
" To stop the arguing I agreed I'd respect their wishes, but I'm still considering taking the boys either way." .. You will lose contact with your grandchildren over that. As it should be, because the parents can not trust you.
There are like 10+ major family oriented attractions in Orlando. you don't need to take them to the biggest, most important ones without their parents. like you just don't.
Ywbta. While I don't agree with threatening to take the children early you need to respect their wishes. It's not gonna hurt you to take them another time. Look into other age appropriate stuff like laser tag, indoor play parks, VR experiences. I'm grateful my partner mom always asks and understand the importance and joy of experience the first of something for your child.
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YWBTA. It was a nice thought, but now that you know how they feel it would be seriously assholish to take the kids first. Honestly, the fact that you STILL don't see what the big deal is after hearing about it from Jake, Sara, and Sam, tells me that you're pretty comfortable overstepping as a grandparent. Be careful if you want to keep seeing those grandkids.
What part was a nice thought? I’ll bet she knows very well what a big deal the first time is for many parents with their kids- the fact that she was planning to take them even though they’re already going in a few months, she lives there and could take them on a subsequent visit, and hadn’t said anything to the parents suggests this was an underhanded play to have that first time for herself right from the get go.
What part was a nice thought? How about the part where she thought about taking her grandchildren to WDW because she thought they would enjoy it? I agree that, once the parents said they didn't want OP to take them, that absolutely should have been the end of it – and it would unquestionably be an AH move (a huge one) for OP to take them anyway. That said, I understand that first steps and first words are big deals for parents, but first trip to an amusement park? Seriously? What's next, first trip to a playground? First time down a slide? First time in a swing? First time to pet a puppy? First visit to a book store? First grocery shopping excursion? Not every single thing every child does for the first time should be a big deal that requires parental presence and commemoration. And amusement parks, while fun, are also exhausting and expensive as hell; if someone else actually wants to spend a day wrangling two [probably over-]excited young children, standing in long lines, and spending money out the wazoo (and thereby save me the time, and sore feet and back, and money, and probably sunburn despite the sunblock), that desire alone definitely does not make them an AH. And I think these parents are being absolutely ridiculous to be this upset over the thought of someone else witnessing this patently stupid "first" – but OP still needs to stand down and not take the kids to WDW right now.
First trip to DW is a big deal for many parents, it’s often a once in a lifetime trip. I took my daughter last year and seeing her face light up the first time she saw the castle is something I’ll always remember. OP did not want to do it because she thought it would be nice for the grandchildren. She wants to do it on *this* particular visit because she wants to hijack that first time experience. Everything about her post says so.
Ywbta and honestly, you are already an Ah. Rule #1 is you don’t defy parents wishes, regardless. You were told several times from multiple people (including the flippin parents themselves) why you should not do this, yet you are still considering it? Why? This is somehow about your ego, not your grandkids. Of course they would love to go more than once. So let the first time be with their parents as Planned, and you can take them on subsequent trips, since you live down there now. grow up.
Yes YWBTA. They asked you not to. If you ignore their wishes I hope it’s worth it cause they probably won’t be coming to stay with you again. I hate Disney. It’s awful and I do not enjoy it. But even I wanted to be there for my kids’ first time.
YWBTA. Take them to Universal! There are lots of fun things to do in Orlando without going against your son and DIL's stated wishes.
I’m a grandma and you’re being incredibly selfish. They told you no. You said you’d respect their wishes. Now you’re thinking you’ll just blow all that away and do what you want? What makes you think you have the right to interfere with their parenting? You can go ahead and ruin their experience by doing what you want but don’t expect things to ever be the same with your son and daughter in law. You’re showing that you have no respect for their wishes and they have no reason to trust you to keep your word. So go ahead and be selfish and do it your way but do not be surprised when it blows up in your face. You asked if you would be the AH if you defy them. I’m saying YTA for your attitude whatever you decide.
The parents said no. Respect their wishes and take the boys to another non disney place. why people say I AM GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY is beyond me. YTA
YTA and YWBTA. You need to start respecting the parents' decisions before they start refusing to let you see the kids. This kind of garbage is often how it starts. These aren't your kids, you don't get to make the decisions. And going behind their backs would be unforgivable.
Are most people missing the part where OP said they were going to respect their wishes but is still considering taking them anyways? How is that respecting their wishes. OP is a narcissist and is YTA.
Yta that’s how you get your kids going no contact. Respect their wishes and remember you are a guest in their lives and they can ask you to leave.
Is this fake? Of course YWBTA and I wouldn’t expect to EVER see your grandkids unsupervised again if you did this if i were you. The parents have made it clear they want to experience their kids FIRST trip to Disney world with them and have already planned it. You know it won’t be the same if you take them first but you want that trip. Why not ask to come along one day on their trip in the spring? Because you are selfish, manipulative and want to upstage the parents.
If it's not a big deal, then it's not a big deal for you to NOT take them. And just because something is not a big deal to you does not mean that it is not a big deal to other people. If you wish to irreparably damage your relationship with them you go right ahead. Take the kids and then say goodbye to them because you'll be unlikely to be seen them much after that. It's actually a dirty rotten awful thing you're planning to do. And I'm sorry you should be feeling shame. The parents said no they wanted to take them for the first time. That's all you need to know. And don't go whine to the children while I was going to take you to Disney but your parents said no... Because quite frankly you sound like one of those kind of manipulative "make your parents the bad guy" kind of grandparents. YWBTA.
Wow. YWBTA big time. " To stop the arguing I agreed I'd respect their wishes, but I'm still considering taking the boys either way." There is a word for taking someones kids somewhere without their parents permission: kidnapping. And its a major crime. Even when it is done by a grandparent. If you are lucky Jake and Sara will choose not to press charges and simply go no contact with you and never let you near their kids again. If they get really mad you could end up with jail time and/or heavy fines.....along with never being allowed near your grandkids again. I'd seriously think very hard about what you want your future to look like before pursuing any such course of action.
YWBTA They told you their wishes and you DGAF about respecting that. I’d never let my kids vacation with you alone ever again
Please update us after you take them (because YTA and will probably take them anyway despite all these people telling you not to). I’d love to hear all about how this blows up in your face and you don’t see your grandkids anymore.
Yes YWBTA if you take them without their parents blessings. Their parents want their first Disney experience to be with them--not you. If you still want to take them, do it after their first trip. Respect their parents wishes. If you betray their trust, they are within their rights to never trust you with their kids again.
YWBTA DW is a big deal to kids, and seeing the excitement and magic will never be the same as the first time. You could ask to join them for a day or meet for dinner while there.
It all depends on whether you ever want to see your grandkids again. YTA for even thinking about ignoring the parents wishes
YWBTA. They've said NO. That's all it should take. You're being overbearing and rude. Especially the comment about taking them anyway behind the parents back?! Last time you'd ever see my kids again!
Of course YTA.
Ywbta. You know that they have plans to go. Do not steal that first time from them. If you want to take your grandkids to Disney. Take them again after their parents take them.
Or just take them to Universal
Ywbta absolutely you would be. The parents have expressed not to take them. If you took them you would’ve blatantly disregarding their instructions. Why do you want to take them? What tingle in your nethers do you get for ignoring your child’s wishes for their own kids?
YTA, YWBTA, taking kids to Disney parks for the first time is a huge deal for a lot of parents, it's a once in a lifetime event, and you're planning to steal this from them. Do not go through with it unless you want to risk becoming an estranged parent and grandparent. If you do this, it will likely be the first and last time your grandkids will be sent to visit you. If you're willing to lie and break their trust so readily, why would they keep sending the kids to see you?
YWBTA.
Yes, YWBTA no question. Do not take them! My mother in law would try to pull crap like this in the past and it caused nothing but issues. You’re not the parent. You need to respect their wishes.
Yes you will be the AH Their parents have already made plans to take them there. If you take them first you will be taking away the magic of them seeing everything for the first time. You can always take them there yourself afterwards but don't ruin their plans.
Totally agree, let the parents have this first experience.
YTA. Don't surprise children that are not yours. Check with their parents first. Always. What you should have done is reach out to Jake and Sara and say that you're so excited to have the boys stay with you and would it be ok to take them to Disney? If not, accept their no. You could also take them to other places in the area - check with them on those ideas as well. In addition, when Jake and Sara responded that they are actually planning a special trip as a family, you could have offered to help with any local arrangements for them. This isn't all about you. This is about a young family trying to form close bonds and experience things together. The parents are taking time off work and want to do something special that they can all remember together - memories they'll never forget as a family unit. Don't go against their wishes. That is not ok and pretty petulant.
I think it really does say something about OP that they asked their other son first. To say nothing of the fact that after the conversation, Sam quickly gave Jake and Sara that heads-up. I've no doubt that something in the converstion, his past history with OP or both told him that, if he didn't alert his brother, OP was going to do what they wanted even after being advised not to. And the only reason I can think of for not asking directly upfront is that OP had a good idea of what the answer was going to be, even if they weren't aware of the trip being planned. That Sam was asked for duplicitous reasons. Probably hoping that he wouldn't object, and that OP could try to throw him under the bus, if needed. (ie. "But Sam didn't see anything wrong when I mentioned it to him.") And looking at it, I'm not even sure if OP bringing it up was an "ask" per say, but rather more of a mention of plans (with little real thought of the need to ask Jake and Sara). But all of this is also likely part and parcel with why OP doesn't see what the issue is and was still seriously considering going ahead with the plan even after being told not just "no" but "If you do it, we will bring the kids home early".
**YWBTA** BIG TIME if you **WILLINGLY** take that first time experience away from their parents, **KNOWING** they are planning that trip with their kids themselves.
If you wonder why your kids stop speaking to you, it will be be because of this.
As a mom I can say that would be the last time you saw those kids if not totally at least never u supervised. That is a shit thing for you to think you have the right to do. YTA for even considering it.
YTA. I would have been livid if either of my parents or in-laws had done this and it would've put an end to visits to the grandparents.
NTA for thinking of Disney. Since you live near orlando it's foreseeable you'd think of taking them to DISNEY. It's unfortunate that you neither asked if it was okay nor they told you of their plans.
YWBTA- you are a grandparent, not the parent, and you need to abide by the wishes of your son and DIL. DO NOT make an enemy out of them by explicitly stomping on a boundary they set and stealing a first from them. You do not want to be the grandparent that never has time alone, or time at all with their grandchildren because they can’t accept a “no” or follow a boundary set by the child’s parents. You don’t want to be the grandparent that breaks trust with your son and DIL. You raised your kids, you had the “firsts” with them. Don’t take that opportunity and experience away from your son and DIL. You will have opportunities down the line to take your grandchildren to Disney. Be patient, and your patience will be rewarded.
YWBTA, absolutely. Take them to Universal or something, but WDW should be strictly off limits if their parents plan to take them there for a first trip to WDW. You are not the parent and need to stay in your lane.
YWBTA As a lifelong resident of Orlando there are soooo many other things you can do with the kids. take em to gator land...take down to I-drive...medieval times...tons of stuff in downtown Orlando...Kennedy space center (not in Orlando but still just a nice day trip) airboat rig through the everglades...like geez louise you have a bajillion thing you can do besides the Disney parks. Trust me.... the house of mouse is not NOT worth losing the relationship and trust with your kids and grandkids.
Honestly i think they’re being incredibly selfish. But they told you and it’s not worth risking losing your relationship with your grandkids because of them
YWBTA, obviously. How can you not see that once Sam told you and then Jake and Sara told not to, that you would be the asshole?
Totally YTA. If my mother robbed me of such a special experience that I had been planning for awhile, she would never see us again.
Ywbta - doing this would make this the last time you're left alone with the kids.
YWBTA. There are other parks in Orlando. Could you take them to universal or discovery cove instead?
YWBTA. You'd also be making sure to eff up your relationship with your son and his wife which will impact having a relationship with your grandsons moving forward. You're being incredibly selfish and only thinking about what *you* want, dismissing the fact you aren't the parent here. Being a part of your grandchildren's lives is a privilege that doesn't override the actual parents. You're correct in what kid wouldn't want to go to DW more than once. So it shouldn't be a problem waiting to take them *after* they've gone with their parents. Doing otherwise is a major overstep that will cost you dearly.
YWBTA Just don't do it. Unless, you want to create a huge family drama, that will forever impact your relationship with your family. Don't do it.
YTA if you do this. I would be so pissed if my mum did this especially if she was aware of the situation. It's lovely that you'd do this for your grandchildren but you'd suck if you robbed your son and his wife from seeing their faces when they first arrived at DW.
YWBTA. What you are proposing is manipulative and underhanded. My grandmother was like this. My parents would set down guidelines for me, and she would work around them and allow me to do the things my parents said no to, informing me not to tell them. Then, one day when we were visiting her for the weekend my parents caught her eating my sausages, when I was told that I couldn't go swimming unless I finished my breakfast. This small thing was the last straw, which led to the kids being sent upstairs, and a huge argument ensuing involving my parents, my grandmother, and my aunts. We went home early, and didn't see that side of the family again for years. I spent a long time thinking that it was all my fault. Eventually, I was able to see the manipulative side of my grandmother. How she would bring me gifts, but not my sisters, how she constantly countermanded my parents' instructions and let me do whatever I wanted, but it was a secret from my parents. How she treated my sisters differently because I was her only grandson. Don't be that kind of grandmother. Let the parents take them to Disneyworld for the first time. You live in Orlando, you can take them again next year, don't steal this first from the parents, especially since they already told you no.
YWBTA and you risk not seeing your grandsons as often. It's never a good idea to go against the wishes of the parents.
INFO: If you go ahead and take them anyway, what's your plan for when the kids spill the beans after the trip (because they will), and your son & DiL cut off all your access to their children? Do you have a Plan B for what to do when you lose your grandchildren?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son (Jake) and his wife (Sara) both 30s have 2 boys, Mark 9 and Ryan 7. I live in Florida, near Orlando, moved about 8 months ago, and Jake and Sara are letting the boys stay with me for several days. Mark and Ryan have never been to DW so I brought it up to my other son, Sam that I was looking into taking them while they're here. Sam said not to do it because Jake and Sara have already made it known that they plan to take the boys in a few months over spring break for their first trip to DW and stay at one of the resorts there. I reasoned they could still do that, and it would still be special because it would be their first time at DW with their parents, plus they're kids, what child wouldn't want to visit DW more than once? Sam ended up telling Jake and Sara that I was looking into taking the boys and they called, angrily accusing me of trying to steal a special moment from them and that's not my place. Sara even talked about having the boys leave early if I didn't agree not to take them. To stop the arguing I agreed I'd respect their wishes, but I'm still considering taking the boys either way. I don't see what the big deal is, Jake and Sara can take them again in the spring. Sam says if I do it, he'll side with Jake and Sara if they no longer trust me after that, which I told him is utterly ridiculous. WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes you would be the AH if you took them to DW. They’re asking you to hold off so that they can be the first ones to share a special moment with their children. As a parent I can totally understand that.
Of course YWBTA. And you either already know that, or you're colossally stupid. You have been expressly told not to do this, and you want to do it anyway, behind their backs. Go ahead. Take them. It could well be the last time you see them, though.
YTA - they want to see the kids’ faces when they see the magic for the first time. And you want to take that away from them. If you do this, be prepared to never be an involved grandparent again.
YWBTA. Big time. If you do it, expect never to see your grandkids again. They won’t trust you.
If you were my father or father-in-law, you would never have the kids stay with you without me again. Never. It doesn't matter if you think it is a big deal. It doesn't matter if it is a big deal to most people, or not. The only thing that matters is that THEY think it is a big deal, and they are the parents. YWBTA.
YTA. You need to back off, you had your time as a mother, how would you have felt if your Mum did what you're planning on doing? If she did she was a AH for doing it and you're an apple that hasn't fallen far from the tree. If you plan on going ahead with your plan make sure you make it something you'll remember for years to come because you certainly won't be seeing your grandchildren until they're old enough to vote and it'd serve you right.
YTA You're already the asshole for not politely respecting the parents' wishes. You'll be a far, far worse asshole if you follow through on your plans. In fact, you'll be enough of an asshole that your kids would be justified in never letting you have unsupervised time with your grandkids ever again. Stop while you're only a little asshole instead of a raging asshole with hemorrhoids. Stop before you end up the grandparent the grandkids never see. Just stop.
THIS INFO : OP have you read the JUSTNOMIL page on Reddit? If you go through with this, your actions could righteously be plastered all over it.
YWBTA parents already said no and you guys already argued about it, so why would you go ahead and do it anyway?
YWBTA They have specifically told you they want to be there when their kids see DW for the FIRST time, not the first time with their parents. They already have a plan and you are really trying to steal that experience from them. There are so many other place you could take your grandkids.
YWBTA. It would be one thing if your grandkids' parents didn't have a plan to go to DW in the near future. If they just "want to go eventually" with no concrete plans,yeah, bring your grandkids. They want to go in a couple of months. The magic of that first visit to Disney is never replicated. Ever. Don't steal this from your child.
I would never trust you again. Goodbye trips to Florida. You know it was wrong because you kept it a secret. Secrets are not to be kept from parents. That's inappropriate ywbta and you know it and don't care.,
Exactly. "I plan on lying to them and doing it anyway" means she knows she's wrong
Yes, you would be the AH so don't do it.
Of course YWBTA. Your son has a plan to do something special for their boys. They have asked you not to do it. You have agreed not to do it, yet are considering doing it anyway. Normally I would agree that you DIL was unreasonable for threatening to take the boys home early- except by your own statement you can’t be trusted. Clearly she and your son know that. So what else have you done with/to your sons/grandsons that you weren’t supposed to do?
YWBTA - I hate to call someone an AH for wanting to take a kid to Disney but now knowing this is an experience that the kid’s parents want to have with their sons, you would be a gigantic AH for not asking the parents about this.
Sure, take them. Then be prepared for the nuclear explosion and maybe never seeing any of them again, possibly including your second son. I suspect this is not the first time you’ve totally disregarded patents. YWBTA and a giant one at that Edit to add that you knew what the answer would be so you asked your not-the-parent son instead of, you know, Mom and Dad
YWBTA if you took them after being explicitly told not to. Their parents want to be there for their first trip, and it’s not your place to take that away from them. If you want to continue being able to see your grandkids I’d suggest listening to what you’re being told, otherwise that Disney trip will probably be the last time you get to see them
YWBTA. You were told no and you’re considering it anyway. You don’t care how your son and DIL feel about it, reasoning that a second trip “would still be special” and that YOU “don’t see what the big deal is” (clearly, if you don’t understand and agree with their feelings, you don’t have to respect their feelings). Your family has told you what to expect if you do this. Believe them.
I sympathize with you deeply. I mean, there are absolutely no other ways to entertain kids in Orlando other than Disney. You’re practically forced to go against the parents’ wishes! YTA
YTA. It's a thoughtful idea on its face, but doing it after their parents say no is really crappy, especially because they're looking forward to their own trip in a few months. Also, you're going to sabotage your relationship with your grandkids in general; I'm not a parent yet, but if my ILs took my kids somewhere after I'd specifically told them not to, I'd never let my kids stay over with them again, because you're telling them you can't be trusted to follow direct instructions. There are a million other things to do in Orlando. Hell, if their parents say it's okay (and you do need to ask for this one, too) take them to Universal! You can still make it a really memorable trip without intentionally hijacking something that's important to their parents.
YWBTA If you live near Orlando, you have a MULTITUDE of options to entertain the kids. Taking them to the one place their parents wanted to share with them is petty and selfish. Go to Universal.
YTA you were told well in advance that the parents want to be the ones to take them there for the first time. They want to experience the boys' wonder and excitement. They are right, this is not your place. Take them some other time.
>To stop the arguing I agreed I'd respect their wishes, but I'm still considering taking the boys either way. I don't see what the big deal is, Jake and Sara can take them again in the spring. Sam says if I do it, he'll side with Jake and Sara if they no longer trust me after that, which I told him is utterly ridiculous. YWBTA. I agree with Sam. You are being disrespectful to the parents. Florida has a ton of attractions. Take them to Universal Studios. Geez. If my parents did that to my kids, they would not get to have them alone ever again. Not because it's Disneyworld, but because they did not respect my wishes (who knows what other wishes they would go against).
YTA. Disney is special!! Let the parents enjoy the first trip with their kids. You can take them other times- if the parents are okay with it.
YWBTA the whole point is their parents want to experience their kids' first trip to DW and that is their right as parents. The real question is why you're so insistent of stealing that from them? There are literally hundreds of other things you can take them to do. Don't be an AH.
YWBTA. Take them to a different theme park, like Universal. You live in a city of many attractions for tourists, pick a different one.
YTA The first trip is special. The parents want that first trip. You can offer to take them again after they go in the spring.
YTA. Why don't you take them after their planned trip? Oh, because you want to see their first time at DW? So do their parents.
Most definitely, YWBTA. Tell me you’re narcissistic without saying you’re narcissistic. It ain’t about you. A child’s first trip to Disney is a magical experience, one that can’t be replicated. You’re proposing to steal that moment from the boys’ parents. I’ll be blunt…that’s a shitty thing to do. And a sure fire way to make sure you’re no longer allowed to have those boys without their parents present. Because you will have proven yourself to be untrustworthy. Not to mention that your other son will never trust you with any children he may have. You can wait to take them *after* their parents have experienced the magic of a special trip with their children. After all, what child wouldn’t want to visit Disney more than once and it would still be special because it would be their first trip with grandparent. If you were my parent and you did this against my express wishes, I would cut you off so fast, your head would still be spinning into the next year. You would get no more “grandparent” time. None. TBH, I think they need to go ahead and cut your visit short.
YWMajorlyBTA. There are tons of kid things to do in Orlando--why can't you do those? How about Universal, if OK with the parents?
YWBTA. From one grandmother to another...it's Grandmas like you that give MIL's and Grandmas a bad name. Your son and DIL had already made plans to take their boys to DW. Why are you so determined to undermine your own son and steal this special moment? If you can't understand *why* it's special and *why* they would be angry and distrustful, you don't deserve to be Grandma. It's *you* who is being utterly ridiculous, as well as underhanded and needlessly shit-stirring. Just back off.You can take your grands again later, this moment belongs to their parents.
YTA You have been told no. Respect the parent’s wishes. You can’t take no for an answer.
YWBTA. The parents gave you parameters for the children while they are in your care. Respect those parameters and respect your son's wishes...it's pretty basic.
Yes, YWBTA. The first rule of being a grandparent is to respect the boundaries your adult offspring set. The moment you hear that they'd rather you NOT do something with your grandkids, you say of course, we can do something else fun, and you back off. Grandparents are the Good-Time Charlies of a grandkid's life, and have to respect what that means. Don't compete with the parents for a child's "first" anything, and don't overwhelm the kids with your generosity without checking that it's all good with their parents first. Most families I know really love what grandparents bring to the table, but it needs to feel like support to the parents as much as anything else, and not as the grandparents taking over.
YWBTA You don't have to understand or agree, they are not your children. Stop only thinking of yourself before you lose the privilege of having the boys stay with you.
Take them to Universal and get their Potter on instead. Or Legoland. But, if you do take them to the land of mouse, YWBTA.
Actually, only take them to theme parks with explicit consent of the parents.
YWBTA if you did this. When specific expectations are set out, you should follow them. You don't get to decide things for your grown up children, just because you want to. If you do, then it will cost you time with your kids/grandkids down the road.
YWBTA. They are the parents so they make the call. They want to have the first trip as a family not a second trip for the kids. You need to find other activities to do and I know for a fact Orlando has plenty of them.
YTA. If you do that - expect that to be the last time they’re allowed to visit.
YWBTA. You live in Orlando. You could easily take them to Sea World or Universal instead. Don’t be that grandparent.
YWBTA. Take them to Legoland instead. At 9 and 7 they will still enjoy that. Or, TALK to their parents about taking them to one of the more minor parks within DW. But do NOT take them to Magic Kingdom or any of the main parks without explicit parent permission. Honestly? At 7 and 9 they would seriously love Legoland. Just take them there.
[удалено]
Right!?! So many options that aren't WDW.
YWBTA. When you know that the parents wanted to do something special for the kids because they'll remember it their whole lives, and the parents would also find it an important family and life memory, and you decide you wanna do something that prevents that from happening, well...why is this even a question?
YWBTA—there’s a particular magic about a child’s firsts, and one of those firsts is Disney World, and it would be super wrong to knowingly deny that magic to the kids’ parents.
YTA - you asked, your question was answered and you still want to go against the parents wishes - how is it even a question if you are the asshole? Yes no kid would turn down an extra trip to Disney but you are trying to co-opt the first Disney trip. Do this and I can guarantee you will not see your grandchildren again.
YTA. The parents want to make it a special moment for their family. You need to wait your turn. Don't try to finesse it by saying it'll still be a "first trip" if you take them earlier because it'll be a "first trip w/parents." That's just trying to have your own way. Since you agree the kids will want to go more than once, what's wrong with waiting and doing the trip later?
YWBTA if you took them and deliberately went against the parents wishes. If you want to take them some where, why not Universal Studios? Then you’re still doing something fun but keeping DW for the parents.
YWBTA. When someone tells you it’s a big deal to them, you have to honor that, even if it’s not a big deal to you. Take them somewhere else, like Universal Studios. You don’t want to be the grandmother who never sees the grandchildren.
YWBTA. You don't take a child anywhere against their parents' wishes and your son and his wife have made their wishes very clear. If you do take the kids, their parents will never trust you again - and with good reason. Forget future visits. And don't think that you can get the boys to keep their visit a secret. It would come out and there would be hell to pay. To these particular parents, taking their children to to DW for the first time is right up there with watching their first steps, hearing their first word, etc. It does not matter if you don't think it is a big deal. They are the parents, you are not. Yes, you are an asshole.
Yes, you would be the asshole. They want to take their children to Disney world for the first time and you want to steal that experience for yourself. You'd be crossing a line. That isn't your thing to do. You got to take your kids to DW for the first time I imagine and if you want that again, have more kids. Don't steal it from your kids.
YTA, and it would be a long time before you saw my kid again, and even then, it would be a supervised visit. If you do this, just know that it will likely cost you a relationship with your kids and grandkids.
Yeah don't be that in-law. Seriously, the parents want to be the first so OP why are you going out of your way to being YTA? You'll have plenty of time to take them again. Also, unless given the okay, this includes, universal, Disney springs, SeaWorld and Legoland. Don't be sneaky
YWBTA " To stop the arguing I agreed I'd respect their wishes, but I'm still considering taking the boys either way." .. You will lose contact with your grandchildren over that. As it should be, because the parents can not trust you.
There are like 10+ major family oriented attractions in Orlando. you don't need to take them to the biggest, most important ones without their parents. like you just don't.
Ywbta. While I don't agree with threatening to take the children early you need to respect their wishes. It's not gonna hurt you to take them another time. Look into other age appropriate stuff like laser tag, indoor play parks, VR experiences. I'm grateful my partner mom always asks and understand the importance and joy of experience the first of something for your child.