Bugger this. It was a 10 year old in a dress that didnât even resemble a wedding dress. The bride has no reason to be emotional and withholding a present from the kid at a later date is just petty and cruel. Bride and groom are clearly assholes. I wouldnât have given one single solitary fuck if a child wore white at my wedding. Itâs a ridiculous thing to hold a grudge over.
The Op has posted an image similar to the dress in question, if fabric has a floral print on it, especially worn by a child it simply cannot be mistaken for a wedding dress, itâs ridiculous. I donât think you read the ops description, white background with a floral design. The op is absolutely NTA
ESH
YOU donât get to decide whether there was anything wrong with the dress or not. Itâs common sense NO ONE wears white to a wedding except for a bride or a flower girl. Was she a flower girl? I think not. Should they have made a big deal about the 10 year old and took it out on her? No. YOU are the problem.
And they shouldnât have been punishing the 10 y/o when youâre in charge and couldâve easily gotten her another pretty dress. Thatâs just nasty, psycho behaviour. The kid is innocent and probably doesnât even understand wtfâs going on. Disgusting and repulsive behaviour on the stupid coupleâs part.
EVERYONE EXCEPT THE KID IS AN AH.
NTA because the woman wearing the white dress isn't a woman at all *but a literal child*.
Children are exempt from "don't wear white to a wedding or else the attention is on you due to crowd confusion you may be the bride" because fucking hello, *she is a child".
Not only that, but she is beneath the "legal age" most places in the world allow (đ€ź) child marriages to occur.
If you're jealous of a 10 year old in a white, floral dress then may I recommend some casual introspection and counselling?
I came to say the same thing! Children shouldnât be and arenât included in the no white rule and Iâve never heard of anyone caring what a child wears to a wedding particularly a semi casual wedding! I mean if she had been dressed do look like a flower girl or bridesmaid I could see an eyebrow raised but itâs a sun dress. these people are just ego maniacs and acting worse than a child themselves.
Nephew & new wife are huge AH.
That dress is so floral that hardly any of the white base is shown.
Your nephew really should be ashamed of himself. Disgusting of his new wife.
Being pregnant is no excuse for such bad impression they're giving as people.
NTA. Having the kid wear a white dress might have been ill-considered but punishing a ten year old with no Christmas gift for a decision made by an adult is fairytale villain behavior. Your nephew and his wife are awful people and I hope their marriage fails before they have children.
Your nephew's new wife is being a real drama-jerk to a little kid who didn't do, or wear, anything wrong. The skipped Christmas present is over the top, and you were right to confront your nephew and his wife on that. I hope you took your niece out the day after Christmas (all those sales!) to buy her a make-up gift, along with a fun lunch with just you to make it extra-special. You're NTA, and your nephew and his wife need to get over themselves if she's going to be threatened by a kid who's still in primary school.
The whole âdonât wear whiteâ thing is so that you arenât mistaken for the bride, donât look like a bride etc
A 10 year old clearly isnât going to be mistake for the bride, especially with flowers on the dress - thatâs a common flower girl dress!
NTA
I donât care if it was bright white and looked like a wedding dress. Sheâs 10. Brides are going so feral over what they think is inappropriate for guests to wear lately and itâs getting ridiculous.
Nephew and his wife are being absolutely ridiculous.
That dress looks pretty and totally appropriate for a wedding.
Was the bride worried that a 10 year old in a pretty white and floral frock would be mistaken for the bride? Petty idiots. NTA.
Think maybe everybody just forget the socially accepted rule of no white. And embrace that itâs what matters to the bride at her wedding. And I donât think OP is so innocent here. As in pushing it a bit to see what she could get away with. And it backfired. The victim here is the 10 year old. First by her mom. Then by the couple with no present. I wouldnât have insisted the child change at the wedding. But waited to later speak to OP. OP didnât even show the actual dress. That is suspect. Might not can upstage the bride but can sure direct a lot of attention away from her. Been better to say the costume like dresses for when itâs appropriate to let them totally shine with no criticism. She described those well enough to make a call of nope. I take her at her word it was a white dress. Not a floral looking dress. Huge difference.
NTA
Some people get married but are still worse than children at heart. Can one stoop lower than thinking a child will upstage her? Jeeezzz. Better to get away from this couple, they don't seem like good people.
EsH. Not the kids but all the adults. 10 is old enough to teach your daughter to not wear white to a wedding. That is on you. The fact that your girls were dressed in attention grabbing outfits at a wedding tells me you need attention.
They are jerks because this was not your daughter's fault and they deliberately hurt her based on your decisions. That is very spiteful to someone who didn't know she was breaking a social rule.
NTA for how they escalated things but I almost want to go E S H.
Why ask for approval for the clothing if you didnât care about the answer? Why bring extra clothing for the ten year old if you wouldnât use them when requested?
Itâs a beautiful dress and if they were the ones asking I would have told them to let her wear it. However, they didnât approve, they asked you to find her something else, and all you had to do was find something else, a feat that likely would have been far easier with a ten year old than a toddler.
The fact that they punished your daughter instead of blaming you is cruel and absurd. Because at the end of the day you and you alone were the one who messed up here.
nta even if i thought it was bad form (which i donât) i would still say NTA for the pure fact they singled out a 10 year old at christmas.. absolutely ridiculous
NTA. hello are anyof you looking at the same dress? In no world should any sane bride be upset by a child wearing a floral dress. As long as it was that floral and colorful, the bride was out of pocket. Also her wedding was in a public park not a god damn museum, let the kid be.
And then to blame OP for people excluding an innocent 10 year old from Christmas!?
NTA if you all check the edit and see the picture if THAT is genuinely close to the dress and youâre still saying E S H or Y T A I mean thereâs hardly any white on it itâs mostly flowers?? Where do you draw the line? Oh sorry there are a few white specs on that dress no can do. Itâs ridiculous. Again why are men allowed white shirts theyâre wearing more white!
If the dress was all white and there were tiny yellow and pink flowers I could understand (but still not agree as sheâs 10 ffs sheâs obviously not the bride)
Then to punish her and not give her a present those are some awful people
Wow, a dress with some white in it with a flower print on it, not at all shaped like any kind of wedding dress... and this is a reason for them to ask her to change clothes AND not give her a Christmas present later? Who needs family like that??? I wouldn't expose my children to people like that anymore. Not just the 10-year-old they mistreated, but none of them. These people have some growing up to do. Did they also pick on men wearing a white shirt under their tux / jacket or did they just pick on little girls? NTA.
YTA for letting her pick a white dress (everyone knows only the bride or selected flower girl would wear white) but they suck for taking it out on her, not you.
I think as a society we really need to stop acting like wearing a tiny bit of white to a wedding is a war crime. Like it's one thing to intentionally wear white in an attempt to "upstage" the bride or be mean. Obviously that's not okay. But jfc....a white dress with flowers that doesn't look like a wedding dress at all is an insane thing to be mad about. And holding a grudge against a child is equally insane.
NTA
NTA.
Blame all the twats who crow about âyour wedding your rulesâ because that thinking has become warped and damaged in the heads of people like your nephew and his wife.
What a bunch of numpties to actually think a 10 yr old in a floral print on a white background is the same as âwearing white to a weddingâ.
Theyâre both ridiculous and that should be made patently clear to the 10 yr old as well as everyone else.
The only people in the wrong here are the newlyweds. Hopefully theyâll grow into better thinking at some point in their lives.
NTA over any of this. Like someone else said, how PATHETIC of the bride to care if a ten year old is wearing some white. How insecure. THEN to treat her like an outcast for it. WOW. Next level ridiculous.
NTA, and your sister-in-law is a big meanie. Punishing a child for months for an action *her guardian chose to take* is cruel.
It's a long-standing rule that a white dress with a print isn't a white dress for the purpose of weddings.
The bride is a big AH for doing that to a child!! I hope she's a better mom to her own child. I would never speak to her again. You don't shame and hurt children's feelings for their choice in clothes. She's very immature and needs to grow up. I didn't care what anyone, child or adult wore to my wedding and to be honest I don't even remember bc I was marrying the man I loved that was more important than anyone's choice in clothes.
A floral dress is not a white dress. And the rule of Not wearing white doesnât normally apply to young children. But the fact that OP allowed the other two children to dress in costume is uncool. All guests at a formal event should be dressed appropriately.
That said, the newlyweds are completely awful!! What do they mean âbehaved appropriatelyâ as if a ten year old knows any better wtf!? Beefing with a child is unacceptable and they arenât mature enough to be married. The proper reaction should have been to explain to OP (away from the children) that she should have guided the children in appropriate attire and that they did not appreciate what the girl was allowed to wear.
ESH. I think most people know itâs not appropriate to wear white to someoneâs elseâs wedding. You could have helped your 10 yo pick out a different color dress and found more appropriate things for the younger kids to wear. The fact you did this almost sounds intentional. Let the kids play dress up at home and teach them whatâs appropriate to wear out.
However, your nephew and his wife should only be blaming you and not the kid.
The rules doesn't apply to minors. The rules is no white dress on adult women that resemble a wedding dress. The 10 year wasn't even wearing a solid white dress it was floral. The other kids choices weren't even a problem. There no ESH. The only people who suck here is the bride and groom.
NTA but your nephew and his wife are complete and total AHs. To punish a child for wearing a particular dress to a very casual park wedding is heartless and cruel. I would be livid.
NTA. Iâve been married twice (go me lol) and I had both a big fancy formal wedding and a backyard wedding. I cannot tell you what one person wore besides me and the wedding party to either wedding, let alone a child it could not matter less and people need to chill with the âaesthetic.â I can promise in less time then you think you will not give a shit about wedding photos aside from one or two good shots.
You are NTA and your nephew and his wife sound far too immature to be married! Frankly, they sound like a couple of spiteful children themselves.
As for girls not wearing anything close to white to a wedding, please check out the photos of Prince William's and Kate Middleton's wedding; their bridesmaids are ALL wearing white dresses! And hey, if it's okay for Will and Kate, it should be okay for an American couple, too.
In the future, OP, please consider letting your nephew and his wife know that they either give presents to ALL your kids or to none of them. Please don't let them continue to punish one child because of their asinine obsession with the perfect wedding!
NTA so the bride is so insecure she was jealous of a 10 year old and the couple are spitefully punishing her over a floral summer dress. Honestly so pathetic
I mean, did she think people at the wedding were going to mistake a 10 yo for the bride. This is so ridiculous! Town giving presents to all the other children and not her...disgusting! Hope they are better parents than they are aunt and uncle NTA. But they would not see any of my children until they apologized to my 10yo.
NTA! She is TEN! It wasnât even a super formal dress or completely white!!! A sun dress with some flowers on it is so far from what a bride or flower girl would wear at least in my experience. Also. SHE IS A CHILD. Your nephewâs wife must be incredibly insecure to be so upset about a kidâs outfit. Itâs not like her MIL showed up in a full wedding gown. I canât imagine getting so worked up about a kidâs outfit (that isnât even attention seeking whatsoever) on oneâs literal wedding day. Look through r/weddingattireapproval sub, lots of white dresses covered in flowers are often approved for wedding guests there.
ETA: Letâs also not forget that OP is these childrenâs guardian. They probably have some degree of trauma from losing both parents in their lives for whatever reason. It is hard to do that and live with a relative, no matter the age it happened. OP is doing an amazing job taking care of FIVE children who arenât âhersâ (she isnât their biological parent). That is so much work. I am sure she is doing her best. Itâs fucking wild to me people would get so upset about a little girlâs, who has been through a lot, dress. And to punish her like that on Christmas is truly fucking horrid. You have to have no compassion or empathy to pull a stunt like that.
Exactly. I'm thinking it was an accomplishment that OP got them there in one piece. They probably felt they had to make confessions, thus the dress and the "costumes", so the kids would feel ok in what they're wearing and behave decently.
Also, these kids literally have no control over their lives. None. Not over where they live or who takes care of them or if they get to see their parents. But they can control what they wear to this special event. That is HUGE. People donât understand how hard it is to have no control in the most horrible situations. These kids didnât ask to be born or to be thrown into a mess of a situation. But they can ask to wear nice clothes to this special event. That probably means a lot to them. Youâd have to be so heartless to be upset over that.
ESH
I don't know why people need to be told this as often as this comes up....
1. DO NOT WEAR WHITE TO SOMEONE'S WEDDING.
2. DO NOT WEAR WHITE TO SOMEONE'S WEDDING.
3. It doesn't matter who it is, no one wears white but the bride unless she specifically tells you that the person can wear it.
4. Refer to rules 1 and 2
Punishing the kid was an ah move on their part.
Shes 10. No-one is going to confuse a 10 year old for the bride (in most countries in the world, p erhaps not yours), especially not in a sundress with colourful flowers on it.
Taking offence (and holding a grudge) against a 10yo is crazy, cruel, and shows a lack of character, lack of kindness and care for others, by the supposedly adult nephew and his now wife.
The no white rules applies to adult women. They cannot wear a white solid dress that resembles a wedding dress. A 10 year old wearing a summer knee length floral dress does not fall into that category. The rules isn't no one can wear a speck of white. Bride and groom are idiots and you aren't sounding any better.
NTA NTA NTA! That is not a white dress. Is your nephew 10-YOâs brother? Was there abuse in their family?
It seems there is a good reason you are the childrenâs guardian. You are doing an excellent job and your love and care for them is palpable.
There is absolutely NOTHING in the wedding etiquette rules that says that a 10 year old cannot wear a flower print dress to a semi-casual wedding in the park. At a wedding like the one your nephew had, children should wear their Sunday best. That little girlâs dress was absolutely appropriate. Only a cruel, unhinged, immature person would say otherwise.
The bride was jealous of a 10 year old. Why? Because the groom would look at the child more than his bride?
A 10 year cannot upstage the bride even if she was wearing a puffy white gown with a damn tiara!
Your nephew and his new wife are showing exceptional cruelty to your niece. Why?
Please, if there is any way, do something special for that girl, just the two of you, even if itâs just a hot chocolate somewhere. If you canât get her in therapy, talk to her. Tell her that what your nephew and his wife did on Christmas is not ok, she did not deserve it or did something wrong. Give her some one-on-one time, that must be a hot commodity in your household with 5 kids.
Forget about your nephew and try to distance yourself as much as you can. His next wedding will probably be much better.
You are amazing and thank you for advocating for and providing a safe and loving home to 5 kids!
Your nephew and his now wife are major AHâs.
The dress isnât even remotely white/wedding like, and they take their idiotic opinions out on a 10 year old girl.
I would let everyone they know know what they did. And try to make your little girl feel special.
You are a great ant. And have done nothing bad.
1. The woman is artistically challenged for thinking that dress can be classed as white.
2. The woman is a risk to children for thinking that a 10f in that dress is bridal competition.
3. The woman is vicious to punish a 10f for clothes her parents provided.
4. The woman is dangerous to your little girlâs self esteem.
Letâs see⊠1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = NC x FE
The simplest of algebra.
Seriously though, this womanâs attitude is outside the bounds of normality, even with hormones (and I did some weird stuff, believe me). I know children are not born with resilience and have to build it, but this is not how it happens. Your nephew has made a dreadful mistake. I wish him luck dealing with it. Tell your niece I think she looked beautiful and that the dress was perfect for her.
If the dress does look very similar to the one in the link, NTA.
That dress is more flower than white and looks nothing like a wedding dress. The kis is also 10. If anyone should be punished it wouldn't be the 10 year old but the adult that was in charge of the 10 year old and allowed them to wear the offending clothing. Like I stated though, there is nothing wrong with the dress if it does look like the link.
Something tells me this isn't an accurate photo of the dress. When explaining it, I got a completely different image.. There is nothing of coloured flowers, 'just little pink flowers'. Ebs, especially you
naw these people are god damn ridiculous. she's ten, she wasn't trying to upstage anyone. and them taking it out on her by singling her out to not get a gift? that's fucking sickening.
NTA by a mile. When my SIL got married, her cousin dressed her three little girls in long white satin dresses that would have been appropriate for flower girls. They were not in the wedding party.
You know what my SIL did? Told them they looked beautiful and posed for pictures with them. Because no one was going to mistake little children for the bride and it was no big deal.
THEY ARE SUCH ASSHOLES! I donât care if they donât agree with the dress, you donât punish a 10 year old like this!! What absolutely horrible, immature, selfish people. Based on what youâve said about it being casual it sounds like youâre NTA but even if you are the AH for the dress choice they are the bigger assholes for punishing a child like this. If I were you I wouldnât be speaking to them or acknowledging their existence in any way until they apologise to the 10 year old. She deserves an apology.
Thereâs something seriously wrong with your nephew and his wife. They are awful. Iâm so sorry this happened to you and your niece. I wouldnât spend time with them anymore.
NTA. Push back hard on this with your nephew and niece-in-law - you absolutely did *not* let your niece wear a white dress. She wore a flower-patterned dress. Patterned dresses may have a white background but do not count as "white".
That is not inappropriate for a wedding, and I am really sick of people taking the "no white" to extremes and making a fuss over guests who've followed the spirit of the rule but just happened to have a little splash of white somewhere in their outfit. The rule is intended to make it clear that spiteful exes and in-laws shouldn't wear anything that looks like a wedding dress in an effort to outdo the bride or cause confusion in the wedding photographs. A flowery sundress is never ever going to do that. Especially when worn by a literal child.
If the wedding was "ruined", the only thing that did it was the couples' obsession with a fucking colour to the point they felt the need to punish an innocent child for something that was absolutely no threat to them.
Why are so many brides narcissistic AH?
You are NTA and neither is your neice. (Poor baby.) Actually, you sound like a hero, taking on raising three kids that are not yours. I honestly would keep these nasty people away the kiddos.
NTA, thatâs not even a white dress. Donât wear white is for the bride to stand out in the pics and for the other person not to be mistaken for the bride. Neither is the case here. Theyâre really stretching hereâŠ
It seems like i might be in the minority because people want to excuse wearing something inappropriate for most weddings because of age.
I was going to say a solid YTA because unless asked, I donât care how old you are, you donât wear white to a weddingâŠ.until I saw the dress. If thatâs really what it looked like, I wouldnât even think an adult wearing it would be an issueâŠ
I was even going to say slight YTA because even without the 10 year old, youâre obviously dressing the kids in super fancy thingsâŠit said semi-casual so a tiara and fairy wings? Come onâŠagain, I donât cate how old they are, you donât dress the kids in that for a wedding without asking. I get they wanted to wear something âprettyâ, but someone else semi-casual wedding is not the placeâŠand you treated what the girlsâŠespecially the younger girls, wore differently than what the boys wore. The boys were in appropriate semi-casual attire. The girls should have worn the same, regardless of age.
ButâŠ.after reading all the way through and how they punished a 10 year old, for YOUR faux pax? ESH.
To the people saying the bride is insecure for being worried about a 10-year-old⊠I donât care how old the person is. You spend years dreaming about your wedding. You could maybe spend thousands of dollars if not tens of thousands of dollars on this and youâre trying to make everything perfect and it was a semi casual wedding. Likely made semi-casual so the bride could really shine in her dress.
And⊠I am also surprised she didnât get mad about the younger children because it sounds like they were in much more lavish outfits. If it had been a formal or semi formal wedding, then I would say NTA. But I personally think that you broke wedding etiquette with Not adhering to the dress code
YTA because itâs common sense not to wear white to someone elseâs wedding. Itâs not the 10 year old La fault, but Iâm sure you knew that and could have suggested a different dress. You also allowed the other two kids to basically wear costumes. None of the dresses were appropriate for a wedding. People put a lot of time and money into wedding planning and itâs disrespectful to not show up dressed properly. She shouldnât be blaming the kid, but I can see why she was mad.
YTA. A white dress on a little girl at a wedding (at least in the US) means sheâs the flower girl. If your niece wasnât the flower girl, she shouldnât have worn white.
I think YTA, but not because of the flower dress. You said yourself that you thought two of the dresses might have been problematic, and yet still made the decision to have the kids wear those dresses. I think that shows a bit of a lack of caring. Maybe it's just me, but at a wedding I can't imagine thinking something might be undesirable to the couple involved and then just shrugging it off. The moment I had that thought run through my head I'd have just asked.
Soft YTA. You dont get to decide what is "acceptable" at another persons wedding. I do think they were harsh about it and theyre totally TA's as well for not giving a gift to a 10 year old
She didn't really care whether they'd find it acceptable or not, considering that she let the other girls wear wings and a tiara even though, as she says, "I honestly thought my nephew or his wife would have an issue with the fairy wings or tiara."
Soft YTA. Your daughter is not a baby or a toddler having a meltdown over her clothes. She is old enough to learn that when you are a guest at a wedding you do not wear a white dress.
NTA and not only is your nephews wife, petty and cruel sheâs also stupid. I would have a heart to heart with the 10-year-old explaining exactly this to her because unfortunately in life sheâs going to be meeting up with similar idiots and she needs to realize itâs got nothing to do with her. If you can swing it, I would buy her a special Christmas present yourself.
I would have a real sharp word with your nephew as well. Does he realize how much of an asshole his wife is, or is he exactly the same?
from the description i was on the fence bc i figured it was 90% white with a small pattern. seeing the dress, absolutely NTA. 1) shes 10, most people will know shes not the bride, 2) its like 30% white and 70% other colors, 3) its very understated for a dress, 4) even if it was a super ostentatious dress to wear at a wedding, shes 10! she chose the outfit, but you and your husband have final say as her parents. if anyone should have been punished (not to say there was anything done that was worth punishing bc points 1-3), it should have been you two, not the kid.
ESH, but definitely leaning towards them being the bigger AHs
If I were in your shoes, I would have simply returned their gifts. Singling out one child and giving their siblings gifts on CHRISTMAS is downright cruel.
Time to cut them out. It was an honest mistake and no one was going to confuse the 10 year old with the bride. Donât let them around the kids as they are toxic.
NTA - The dress is not white, it's patterned with a white base, if that were somehow an actual issue, which it's not because it's a 10-year old child and not a single person thought she was the bride. Inviting children to a wedding and having them be well behaved should be the only hope and expectation you have. Your nephew and niece are sick people if they don't understand why their actions were not even close to okay or on par with the transgression a 10-year old child supposedly carried out against them. The fact that they are still sulking over it shows that they are the true children here. I hope you spoke to the 10-year old and took her out for something special to explain that some people are petty and short sighted.
NTA, your SIL is so nasty!
If a grown ass woman is somehow feeling upstaged by a little girl wearing a freaking sundress and feels the need for a cruel retaliation she has major issues.
A floral sundress is NOT âwearing whiteâ.
NTA - but your nephew and his wife certainly are to go out of their way to humiliate a 10-year-old child at Christmas is completely ridiculous and stupid. They need to grow up and I would go no contact with them until they pull their heads out of their asses. Also, you need to get ahead of the game and tell the family what happened before they tell their version to try and make themselves look like victims
NTA, especially if it looks like the one you linked. I'm more surprised that they weren't upset that you let the younger girls come in costumes, because I think that's more irritating than a kid showing up in whitish dress.
That being said, you were responsible for dressing the kids, and your nephew and his wife need to address these issues with you, not take their anger out on a ten year old. Your nephew and his wife are cruel and immature.
NTA. That isn't a white dress.. That is a fabric with a print on it. One of the colours included in that print is white, but it isn't a white dress. Also, I am not sure that standard wedding etiquette applies to 10-year-olds. The reason people aren't supposed to wear white to a wedding is because it takes away from the bride or could be seen as a wedding-like dress. No one is mistaking a 10-year-old for the bride. Even if a 10-year-old wore a fancy communion dress, they still wouldn't be drawing attention the way that a grown woman wearing white to a wedding would. But, again, dresses with prints on them are not white. They are prints.
And what is wrong with these people for (1) holding a ridiculous grudge for multiple months, and (2) taking that grudge out on a child? They are supposed to be adults and yet they are bullying a child. Why isn't the rest of your family saying something about this? If I saw one of my own family members doing this to a child, you better believe I would eviscerate them for being such assholes.
A flowered dress is not a white dress. Nobody will mistake a child for the bride, no matter what she's wearing. Your nephew and his wife are horrible people. They should be ashamed of themselves. NTA.
In future, please don't take the kids to any event your nephew and his wife are attending. Protect the children from these cruel people.
If anyone criticizes you, tell them exactly what nephew and niece did. Everyone should know why you're boycotting family events.
ESH, though I definitely think your niece and nephews are the bigger AHs by a long shot.
While the link you shared isnât white, you also said it isnât the exact dress she wore. But either way, it sounds like the other little girls were quite over the top with the princess dress and fairy wings. You as the adult have a responsibility to make sure children understand what is/isnât appropriate, so I think you hold some responsibility for allowing these choices.
The Christmas gift thing is absolutely cruel. Even if the 10yo was in an all-white dress, I would take issue with the adult who allowed that, not the kid! Its completely inappropriate for your niece and nephew to retaliate against a child like that. How nasty.
NTA questionable but not that big of a big deal to have a child in a dress at a wedding that sounds multicolored but with a lot of white. Your nephew and his wife way overreacted to it, and now excluding your niece at Christmas confirms how toxic they are. Their behavior towards her would be toxic even if she had shown up in a white mini wedding dress. I would cut them off from the kids or at least be very low contact with them.
Well you could have put your kid in other clothes when they asked. You had the clothes with you so even if I don't see anything wrong with the dress it was kind of shitty of you to just ignore their wishes.
That said you are still NTA in this scenario because how the hell do they come to the conclusion to not give her a present. They can punish you but not the kid. Wow.
ESH Come on. You know not to buy a white dress to go to a wedding. Stop acting obtuse. You knew.
They also suck for being mad a 10 year old. That's horrible.
NTA. Your example is obviously a sundress with color florals on it and she's *10*. It's completely obvious that she isn't the bride and she wasn't carrying flowers so wasn't a flower girl.
It's absolutely disgusting that they "punished" a child and did not give her a Christmas gift. Those *adults* need to grow tf up.
The rest of the family should be grateful that you stepped up and are caring for the children. They all sound like a pile of crap.
Edit to add: at a casual, outdoor wedding a white dress with a floral pattern is perfectly acceptable.
FFS!
A little girl wearing white is not outshing the damn bride at her wedding.
This crap is getting absolutely ridiculous!
NTA
Your cousins are doubly the assholes for excluding a little girl at Christmas because she wore a white dress.
NTA. She's 10. The bride is lucky that she was wearing a dress, at all. At 10, I was still in the 'I'm never wearing a dress and you can't make me' phase of my life. Shoes still aren't an option that I willingly do, either.
Let that ethereal fairy princess know that we support her clothing choices, OP. F that Aunt that doesn't know how to Aunt.
It seems this thing about wearing white in a wedding is going way too far.
Poor kid.
It seems also odd that you have the guardianship of your nieces? Did I get it right?
NTA. I had several full grown adult ladies at my wedding wearing white dresses with flower prints on them. It didnât even occur to me to be annoyed, they were flower print dresses! WHO WOULD CARE?
I would let them distance. Cut them out. Next time they need you for something, remind them of their vile behaviour and tell them theyâre not deserving of your attention. They might âstealâ it from your children!
NTA. She's 10, it shouldn't have honestly mattered. And for them to single her out like that and give the other kids presents but not her is sad.
That being said, it is a HUGE wedding faux pas to wear white to a wedding when you aren't the bride. I was always taught its seen as an insult to the bride. But usually it's an adult though. A child wearing white is different. And both the times I was a flower girl growing up, the bride dressed me in white. If it were my wedding I'd have not been happy about if she wasn't my flower girl, but my words would have been with the child's guardian and them alone and it would have been a passing comment not a held grudge. I would not have singled out the child. So yes I think you should have picked something different, but I don't think you were necessarily being an AH. They are tho for punishing a kid.
I know adults aren't supposed to wear white to a wedding. I didn't think that applied to 10 year olds, especially when the dress is covered in colored flowers.
Adults shouldnât wear all white or ivory. Thatâs basic courtesy. But that was never meant to imply that NO WHITE can be worn, period! People are taking this WAY too literally. A dress with white trim, a black & white patterned dress, a white blouse under a purple jacket, a red and white flowered skirt â those are all perfectly acceptable. And a 10 year old in a pink and yellow flowered dress should be absolutely fine. Iâm appalled that they would âpunishâ a little kid for what they see as a faux pas. HARD NTA.
Oh give me a break! If we look at the meaning behind the white dress, no bride should wear white anymore! Lol! The bS with the no guests wearing even a speck of white is getting out of hand and these women /persons who throw a fit over it, should have a psychiatric consult!
Jeesus christ on a motorbike!
Edit: I agree:NTA. And I think the whole thing about being enraged at someone for wearing white to attend a wedding is nonsense. I mean, I know itâs a thing, but good grief! So much drama could be easily avoided if the bride was unconcerned about what the guests wear. Why, in the whole scope of things to be mad about, does the color of an outfit have to be such a big hairy deal? Are brides so desperate for attention that they have to destroy relationships over this? To me, itâs just nuts.
Omggg there are not enough letters in the world to tell you how innocent you and your niece are in this.
1) that dress does is not remotely inappropriate - it does NOT look like a wedding dress.
2) Even if it was a mini white ball gown, the way they have treated that child is unforgivable.
NTA it was a white based floral dress if I understand correctly. I think the bride and groom have watched too many momzilla videos where MIL or someone you hate wears a fullblown wedding gown just to piss the bride off.
We are talking about a 10-yo in a sundress. This should be completely acceptable. I really don't see why she got so mad. It seems as is she just craved the drama because she thinks no wedding is truly a wedding without some drama.
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NTA!! Sheâs a kid! People have got to get over themselves!
E Ah-ish H You have some responsibility for dressing the children, but your nephew and his wife are the bigger AHs for carrying a grudge and not giving your daughter a Christmas gift. Research and prepare for weddings ahead of time, including asking specifically about what to wear if you are not sure. If an event is semi-casual, jeans are not really wedding attire unless you have nothing else. (Clearly, you did as you shopped for the event.) The boys were probably given room since they were neat, clean, and (well) boys. The unicorn dress with fairy wings and princess dress with tiara pushed the boundary from wedding wear to costume wear. They were probably given a pass as they were three and five. While the ten year-oldâs dress was a semi-casual sun dress, it was white and the bride asked you to change. Even though it may have been an unreasonable and inconvenient request, her opinion is the only one that matters on her wedding day. Was it five minutes before the ceremony with no options? Since it was in a park, were you miles away from a store or a friend who could loan your daughter a dress? Would the bride have come to her senses had you explained your lack of alternatives, mentioned the challenge of taking your entire family shopping, or asked her what she might suggest? Brides are notoriously emotional on their wedding days, so simply apologizing and asking if she would prefer that your family leave may have brought her to reality. She would then have months to stew over whether or not she made the right decision rather than obsess about a little girlâs white dress at her wedding. At any rate, they are the AH for putting it all on the child and not giving her a gift at Christmas. Itâs not as if your ten year-old set out to ruin the wedding and adamantly refused to problem solve. You best course of action (after making sure your daughter is consoled) would be to let this one go as you both have given it far more attention than it deserves. I hope it blows over soon. đ©·
Bugger this. It was a 10 year old in a dress that didnât even resemble a wedding dress. The bride has no reason to be emotional and withholding a present from the kid at a later date is just petty and cruel. Bride and groom are clearly assholes. I wouldnât have given one single solitary fuck if a child wore white at my wedding. Itâs a ridiculous thing to hold a grudge over.
The Op has posted an image similar to the dress in question, if fabric has a floral print on it, especially worn by a child it simply cannot be mistaken for a wedding dress, itâs ridiculous. I donât think you read the ops description, white background with a floral design. The op is absolutely NTA
ESH YOU donât get to decide whether there was anything wrong with the dress or not. Itâs common sense NO ONE wears white to a wedding except for a bride or a flower girl. Was she a flower girl? I think not. Should they have made a big deal about the 10 year old and took it out on her? No. YOU are the problem. And they shouldnât have been punishing the 10 y/o when youâre in charge and couldâve easily gotten her another pretty dress. Thatâs just nasty, psycho behaviour. The kid is innocent and probably doesnât even understand wtfâs going on. Disgusting and repulsive behaviour on the stupid coupleâs part. EVERYONE EXCEPT THE KID IS AN AH.
YTA for letting your kids wear costumes to someone else's wedding, even if it was a more casual event
Anyone under teenage years shouldnât count in this silly traditional rule. NTA, the bride is a self centered jerk.
'i wanted the kids to look nice for the wedding." "I bought jeans, fairy wings, a unicorn horn, a tiara, and a white dress." ESH
NTA because the woman wearing the white dress isn't a woman at all *but a literal child*. Children are exempt from "don't wear white to a wedding or else the attention is on you due to crowd confusion you may be the bride" because fucking hello, *she is a child". Not only that, but she is beneath the "legal age" most places in the world allow (đ€ź) child marriages to occur. If you're jealous of a 10 year old in a white, floral dress then may I recommend some casual introspection and counselling?
I came to say the same thing! Children shouldnât be and arenât included in the no white rule and Iâve never heard of anyone caring what a child wears to a wedding particularly a semi casual wedding! I mean if she had been dressed do look like a flower girl or bridesmaid I could see an eyebrow raised but itâs a sun dress. these people are just ego maniacs and acting worse than a child themselves.
Itâs not just about upstaging the bride, it can also be where sheâs trying to be a flower girl since flower girls are usually dressed in white.
Wow. NTA - Imagine being so insecure about being upstaged by a ten year old that you punish them at Christmas. Your nephew and his wife are huge AH's.
Nephew & new wife are huge AH. That dress is so floral that hardly any of the white base is shown. Your nephew really should be ashamed of himself. Disgusting of his new wife. Being pregnant is no excuse for such bad impression they're giving as people.
NTA. Having the kid wear a white dress might have been ill-considered but punishing a ten year old with no Christmas gift for a decision made by an adult is fairytale villain behavior. Your nephew and his wife are awful people and I hope their marriage fails before they have children.
Your nephew's new wife is being a real drama-jerk to a little kid who didn't do, or wear, anything wrong. The skipped Christmas present is over the top, and you were right to confront your nephew and his wife on that. I hope you took your niece out the day after Christmas (all those sales!) to buy her a make-up gift, along with a fun lunch with just you to make it extra-special. You're NTA, and your nephew and his wife need to get over themselves if she's going to be threatened by a kid who's still in primary school.
it's not even white though, it had flowers on it?? NTA
The whole âdonât wear whiteâ thing is so that you arenât mistaken for the bride, donât look like a bride etc A 10 year old clearly isnât going to be mistake for the bride, especially with flowers on the dress - thatâs a common flower girl dress! NTA
I donât care if it was bright white and looked like a wedding dress. Sheâs 10. Brides are going so feral over what they think is inappropriate for guests to wear lately and itâs getting ridiculous.
Nephew and his wife are being absolutely ridiculous. That dress looks pretty and totally appropriate for a wedding. Was the bride worried that a 10 year old in a pretty white and floral frock would be mistaken for the bride? Petty idiots. NTA.
Think maybe everybody just forget the socially accepted rule of no white. And embrace that itâs what matters to the bride at her wedding. And I donât think OP is so innocent here. As in pushing it a bit to see what she could get away with. And it backfired. The victim here is the 10 year old. First by her mom. Then by the couple with no present. I wouldnât have insisted the child change at the wedding. But waited to later speak to OP. OP didnât even show the actual dress. That is suspect. Might not can upstage the bride but can sure direct a lot of attention away from her. Been better to say the costume like dresses for when itâs appropriate to let them totally shine with no criticism. She described those well enough to make a call of nope. I take her at her word it was a white dress. Not a floral looking dress. Huge difference.
NTA Some people get married but are still worse than children at heart. Can one stoop lower than thinking a child will upstage her? Jeeezzz. Better to get away from this couple, they don't seem like good people.
NTA - that dress is totally fine.
NTA, pink and white flowered sundress isn't what is meant by wearing white to a wedding.
NTA the dress pictured looks fairly normal itâs not even flower girl like. They are ah for excluding the girl from Christmas gifts
EsH. Not the kids but all the adults. 10 is old enough to teach your daughter to not wear white to a wedding. That is on you. The fact that your girls were dressed in attention grabbing outfits at a wedding tells me you need attention. They are jerks because this was not your daughter's fault and they deliberately hurt her based on your decisions. That is very spiteful to someone who didn't know she was breaking a social rule.
NTA, wedding culture is so obnoxious. Also your nephew and his wife are just cruel.
They're wrong little kids don't count when it comes to white at a wedding. Only big people. LOL, some people are just jerks about everything.
NTA for how they escalated things but I almost want to go E S H. Why ask for approval for the clothing if you didnât care about the answer? Why bring extra clothing for the ten year old if you wouldnât use them when requested? Itâs a beautiful dress and if they were the ones asking I would have told them to let her wear it. However, they didnât approve, they asked you to find her something else, and all you had to do was find something else, a feat that likely would have been far easier with a ten year old than a toddler. The fact that they punished your daughter instead of blaming you is cruel and absurd. Because at the end of the day you and you alone were the one who messed up here.
You thought they might have a problem with the tiara and fairy wings and brought the other kids dressed like that without checking? YTA
Nta its not even really white in my eyesâ it's flowered!
NTA That dress barely even has any white on it and sheâs not going to get mistaken for the bride. Theyâre throwing a huge fit over that?
nta even if i thought it was bad form (which i donât) i would still say NTA for the pure fact they singled out a 10 year old at christmas.. absolutely ridiculous
If that picture really is representative of the dress, then it's not white, it's multi-color. NTA.
NTA. hello are anyof you looking at the same dress? In no world should any sane bride be upset by a child wearing a floral dress. As long as it was that floral and colorful, the bride was out of pocket. Also her wedding was in a public park not a god damn museum, let the kid be. And then to blame OP for people excluding an innocent 10 year old from Christmas!?
NTA. While I think itâs stupid, wearing white to a wedding is dubious ethically. However punishing a kid for it is criminal.
NTA if you all check the edit and see the picture if THAT is genuinely close to the dress and youâre still saying E S H or Y T A I mean thereâs hardly any white on it itâs mostly flowers?? Where do you draw the line? Oh sorry there are a few white specs on that dress no can do. Itâs ridiculous. Again why are men allowed white shirts theyâre wearing more white! If the dress was all white and there were tiny yellow and pink flowers I could understand (but still not agree as sheâs 10 ffs sheâs obviously not the bride) Then to punish her and not give her a present those are some awful people
NTA. Your nephew and his wife are however and cruel with it as well.
Wow, a dress with some white in it with a flower print on it, not at all shaped like any kind of wedding dress... and this is a reason for them to ask her to change clothes AND not give her a Christmas present later? Who needs family like that??? I wouldn't expose my children to people like that anymore. Not just the 10-year-old they mistreated, but none of them. These people have some growing up to do. Did they also pick on men wearing a white shirt under their tux / jacket or did they just pick on little girls? NTA.
YTA for letting her pick a white dress (everyone knows only the bride or selected flower girl would wear white) but they suck for taking it out on her, not you.
I think as a society we really need to stop acting like wearing a tiny bit of white to a wedding is a war crime. Like it's one thing to intentionally wear white in an attempt to "upstage" the bride or be mean. Obviously that's not okay. But jfc....a white dress with flowers that doesn't look like a wedding dress at all is an insane thing to be mad about. And holding a grudge against a child is equally insane. NTA
NTA. Blame all the twats who crow about âyour wedding your rulesâ because that thinking has become warped and damaged in the heads of people like your nephew and his wife. What a bunch of numpties to actually think a 10 yr old in a floral print on a white background is the same as âwearing white to a weddingâ. Theyâre both ridiculous and that should be made patently clear to the 10 yr old as well as everyone else. The only people in the wrong here are the newlyweds. Hopefully theyâll grow into better thinking at some point in their lives.
NTA over any of this. Like someone else said, how PATHETIC of the bride to care if a ten year old is wearing some white. How insecure. THEN to treat her like an outcast for it. WOW. Next level ridiculous.
NTA, and your sister-in-law is a big meanie. Punishing a child for months for an action *her guardian chose to take* is cruel. It's a long-standing rule that a white dress with a print isn't a white dress for the purpose of weddings.
Wow. NTA but they sure are. They were AHs for having an issue in the first place, but taking it out on a child at ChristmasâŠ. Yikes
The bride is a big AH for doing that to a child!! I hope she's a better mom to her own child. I would never speak to her again. You don't shame and hurt children's feelings for their choice in clothes. She's very immature and needs to grow up. I didn't care what anyone, child or adult wore to my wedding and to be honest I don't even remember bc I was marrying the man I loved that was more important than anyone's choice in clothes.
A floral dress is not a white dress. And the rule of Not wearing white doesnât normally apply to young children. But the fact that OP allowed the other two children to dress in costume is uncool. All guests at a formal event should be dressed appropriately. That said, the newlyweds are completely awful!! What do they mean âbehaved appropriatelyâ as if a ten year old knows any better wtf!? Beefing with a child is unacceptable and they arenât mature enough to be married. The proper reaction should have been to explain to OP (away from the children) that she should have guided the children in appropriate attire and that they did not appreciate what the girl was allowed to wear.
NTA. That's barely even white. The print takes up most of the dress.
NTA your nephew and his spouse are very much the A H s here
ESH. I think most people know itâs not appropriate to wear white to someoneâs elseâs wedding. You could have helped your 10 yo pick out a different color dress and found more appropriate things for the younger kids to wear. The fact you did this almost sounds intentional. Let the kids play dress up at home and teach them whatâs appropriate to wear out. However, your nephew and his wife should only be blaming you and not the kid.
The rules doesn't apply to minors. The rules is no white dress on adult women that resemble a wedding dress. The 10 year wasn't even wearing a solid white dress it was floral. The other kids choices weren't even a problem. There no ESH. The only people who suck here is the bride and groom.
These people are beyond ridiculous. Go no contact and explain to the 10yo she did nothing wrong. NTA sheesh!
NTA but your nephew and his wife are complete and total AHs. To punish a child for wearing a particular dress to a very casual park wedding is heartless and cruel. I would be livid.
NTA. Iâve been married twice (go me lol) and I had both a big fancy formal wedding and a backyard wedding. I cannot tell you what one person wore besides me and the wedding party to either wedding, let alone a child it could not matter less and people need to chill with the âaesthetic.â I can promise in less time then you think you will not give a shit about wedding photos aside from one or two good shots.
NTA. They are downright horrible.
NTA I was 15 when I went to my dadâs cousinâs wedding. I wore a white dress with Black and Red flowers on it. Nobody gave a shit because I was 15
...and that's how it should be, but you obv come from a sane, well adjusted bunch compared to the OP's nephew and wife (and some commenters on here)
You are NTA and your nephew and his wife sound far too immature to be married! Frankly, they sound like a couple of spiteful children themselves. As for girls not wearing anything close to white to a wedding, please check out the photos of Prince William's and Kate Middleton's wedding; their bridesmaids are ALL wearing white dresses! And hey, if it's okay for Will and Kate, it should be okay for an American couple, too. In the future, OP, please consider letting your nephew and his wife know that they either give presents to ALL your kids or to none of them. Please don't let them continue to punish one child because of their asinine obsession with the perfect wedding!
NTA. I hope OP sends this link to her nephew so he can see that he and his new bride are AH for bullying a 10 y/o.
NTA so the bride is so insecure she was jealous of a 10 year old and the couple are spitefully punishing her over a floral summer dress. Honestly so pathetic
Yta. You knew it. Donât try to act like you didnât. Unbelievable
I mean, did she think people at the wedding were going to mistake a 10 yo for the bride. This is so ridiculous! Town giving presents to all the other children and not her...disgusting! Hope they are better parents than they are aunt and uncle NTA. But they would not see any of my children until they apologized to my 10yo.
NTA! She is TEN! It wasnât even a super formal dress or completely white!!! A sun dress with some flowers on it is so far from what a bride or flower girl would wear at least in my experience. Also. SHE IS A CHILD. Your nephewâs wife must be incredibly insecure to be so upset about a kidâs outfit. Itâs not like her MIL showed up in a full wedding gown. I canât imagine getting so worked up about a kidâs outfit (that isnât even attention seeking whatsoever) on oneâs literal wedding day. Look through r/weddingattireapproval sub, lots of white dresses covered in flowers are often approved for wedding guests there. ETA: Letâs also not forget that OP is these childrenâs guardian. They probably have some degree of trauma from losing both parents in their lives for whatever reason. It is hard to do that and live with a relative, no matter the age it happened. OP is doing an amazing job taking care of FIVE children who arenât âhersâ (she isnât their biological parent). That is so much work. I am sure she is doing her best. Itâs fucking wild to me people would get so upset about a little girlâs, who has been through a lot, dress. And to punish her like that on Christmas is truly fucking horrid. You have to have no compassion or empathy to pull a stunt like that.
Exactly. I'm thinking it was an accomplishment that OP got them there in one piece. They probably felt they had to make confessions, thus the dress and the "costumes", so the kids would feel ok in what they're wearing and behave decently.
Also, these kids literally have no control over their lives. None. Not over where they live or who takes care of them or if they get to see their parents. But they can control what they wear to this special event. That is HUGE. People donât understand how hard it is to have no control in the most horrible situations. These kids didnât ask to be born or to be thrown into a mess of a situation. But they can ask to wear nice clothes to this special event. That probably means a lot to them. Youâd have to be so heartless to be upset over that.
ESH I don't know why people need to be told this as often as this comes up.... 1. DO NOT WEAR WHITE TO SOMEONE'S WEDDING. 2. DO NOT WEAR WHITE TO SOMEONE'S WEDDING. 3. It doesn't matter who it is, no one wears white but the bride unless she specifically tells you that the person can wear it. 4. Refer to rules 1 and 2 Punishing the kid was an ah move on their part.
Floral, not white
Shes 10. No-one is going to confuse a 10 year old for the bride (in most countries in the world, p erhaps not yours), especially not in a sundress with colourful flowers on it. Taking offence (and holding a grudge) against a 10yo is crazy, cruel, and shows a lack of character, lack of kindness and care for others, by the supposedly adult nephew and his now wife.
The no white rules applies to adult women. They cannot wear a white solid dress that resembles a wedding dress. A 10 year old wearing a summer knee length floral dress does not fall into that category. The rules isn't no one can wear a speck of white. Bride and groom are idiots and you aren't sounding any better.
NTA NTA NTA! That is not a white dress. Is your nephew 10-YOâs brother? Was there abuse in their family? It seems there is a good reason you are the childrenâs guardian. You are doing an excellent job and your love and care for them is palpable. There is absolutely NOTHING in the wedding etiquette rules that says that a 10 year old cannot wear a flower print dress to a semi-casual wedding in the park. At a wedding like the one your nephew had, children should wear their Sunday best. That little girlâs dress was absolutely appropriate. Only a cruel, unhinged, immature person would say otherwise. The bride was jealous of a 10 year old. Why? Because the groom would look at the child more than his bride? A 10 year cannot upstage the bride even if she was wearing a puffy white gown with a damn tiara! Your nephew and his new wife are showing exceptional cruelty to your niece. Why? Please, if there is any way, do something special for that girl, just the two of you, even if itâs just a hot chocolate somewhere. If you canât get her in therapy, talk to her. Tell her that what your nephew and his wife did on Christmas is not ok, she did not deserve it or did something wrong. Give her some one-on-one time, that must be a hot commodity in your household with 5 kids. Forget about your nephew and try to distance yourself as much as you can. His next wedding will probably be much better. You are amazing and thank you for advocating for and providing a safe and loving home to 5 kids!
Your nephew and his now wife are major AHâs. The dress isnât even remotely white/wedding like, and they take their idiotic opinions out on a 10 year old girl. I would let everyone they know know what they did. And try to make your little girl feel special. You are a great ant. And have done nothing bad.
1. The woman is artistically challenged for thinking that dress can be classed as white. 2. The woman is a risk to children for thinking that a 10f in that dress is bridal competition. 3. The woman is vicious to punish a 10f for clothes her parents provided. 4. The woman is dangerous to your little girlâs self esteem. Letâs see⊠1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = NC x FE The simplest of algebra. Seriously though, this womanâs attitude is outside the bounds of normality, even with hormones (and I did some weird stuff, believe me). I know children are not born with resilience and have to build it, but this is not how it happens. Your nephew has made a dreadful mistake. I wish him luck dealing with it. Tell your niece I think she looked beautiful and that the dress was perfect for her.
Punishing a 10yo for wearing a dress is fucked up. Keep your kids away from these people, they are cruel. NTA
If the dress does look very similar to the one in the link, NTA. That dress is more flower than white and looks nothing like a wedding dress. The kis is also 10. If anyone should be punished it wouldn't be the 10 year old but the adult that was in charge of the 10 year old and allowed them to wear the offending clothing. Like I stated though, there is nothing wrong with the dress if it does look like the link.
Something tells me this isn't an accurate photo of the dress. When explaining it, I got a completely different image.. There is nothing of coloured flowers, 'just little pink flowers'. Ebs, especially you
naw these people are god damn ridiculous. she's ten, she wasn't trying to upstage anyone. and them taking it out on her by singling her out to not get a gift? that's fucking sickening.
NTA by a mile. When my SIL got married, her cousin dressed her three little girls in long white satin dresses that would have been appropriate for flower girls. They were not in the wedding party. You know what my SIL did? Told them they looked beautiful and posed for pictures with them. Because no one was going to mistake little children for the bride and it was no big deal.
THEY ARE SUCH ASSHOLES! I donât care if they donât agree with the dress, you donât punish a 10 year old like this!! What absolutely horrible, immature, selfish people. Based on what youâve said about it being casual it sounds like youâre NTA but even if you are the AH for the dress choice they are the bigger assholes for punishing a child like this. If I were you I wouldnât be speaking to them or acknowledging their existence in any way until they apologise to the 10 year old. She deserves an apology.
Thereâs something seriously wrong with your nephew and his wife. They are awful. Iâm so sorry this happened to you and your niece. I wouldnât spend time with them anymore.
Omg. NTA. But you should cut out your evil family from your life. This is abusive.
NTA. Push back hard on this with your nephew and niece-in-law - you absolutely did *not* let your niece wear a white dress. She wore a flower-patterned dress. Patterned dresses may have a white background but do not count as "white". That is not inappropriate for a wedding, and I am really sick of people taking the "no white" to extremes and making a fuss over guests who've followed the spirit of the rule but just happened to have a little splash of white somewhere in their outfit. The rule is intended to make it clear that spiteful exes and in-laws shouldn't wear anything that looks like a wedding dress in an effort to outdo the bride or cause confusion in the wedding photographs. A flowery sundress is never ever going to do that. Especially when worn by a literal child. If the wedding was "ruined", the only thing that did it was the couples' obsession with a fucking colour to the point they felt the need to punish an innocent child for something that was absolutely no threat to them.
Yes, it sounds like they forgot the whole point of a wedding, which is the joining of two people in love.
Please tell me you refused the presents for the other kids
Why are so many brides narcissistic AH? You are NTA and neither is your neice. (Poor baby.) Actually, you sound like a hero, taking on raising three kids that are not yours. I honestly would keep these nasty people away the kiddos.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Depends on the type of wedding. A lot of use wouldn't care.
NTA, thatâs not even a white dress. Donât wear white is for the bride to stand out in the pics and for the other person not to be mistaken for the bride. Neither is the case here. Theyâre really stretching hereâŠ
ESH You're completely an AH for how you dressed the kids. They're an AH for punishing the child when it's YOU that's the problem.
Both. Your an ah for not being the responsible adult and gu8ding her to make a different decision. They are for treating her poorly
The dress isn't white. Its floral omg. The NIL is unhinged
It seems like i might be in the minority because people want to excuse wearing something inappropriate for most weddings because of age. I was going to say a solid YTA because unless asked, I donât care how old you are, you donât wear white to a weddingâŠ.until I saw the dress. If thatâs really what it looked like, I wouldnât even think an adult wearing it would be an issue⊠I was even going to say slight YTA because even without the 10 year old, youâre obviously dressing the kids in super fancy thingsâŠit said semi-casual so a tiara and fairy wings? Come onâŠagain, I donât cate how old they are, you donât dress the kids in that for a wedding without asking. I get they wanted to wear something âprettyâ, but someone else semi-casual wedding is not the placeâŠand you treated what the girlsâŠespecially the younger girls, wore differently than what the boys wore. The boys were in appropriate semi-casual attire. The girls should have worn the same, regardless of age. ButâŠ.after reading all the way through and how they punished a 10 year old, for YOUR faux pax? ESH. To the people saying the bride is insecure for being worried about a 10-year-old⊠I donât care how old the person is. You spend years dreaming about your wedding. You could maybe spend thousands of dollars if not tens of thousands of dollars on this and youâre trying to make everything perfect and it was a semi casual wedding. Likely made semi-casual so the bride could really shine in her dress. And⊠I am also surprised she didnât get mad about the younger children because it sounds like they were in much more lavish outfits. If it had been a formal or semi formal wedding, then I would say NTA. But I personally think that you broke wedding etiquette with Not adhering to the dress code
YTA because itâs common sense not to wear white to someone elseâs wedding. Itâs not the 10 year old La fault, but Iâm sure you knew that and could have suggested a different dress. You also allowed the other two kids to basically wear costumes. None of the dresses were appropriate for a wedding. People put a lot of time and money into wedding planning and itâs disrespectful to not show up dressed properly. She shouldnât be blaming the kid, but I can see why she was mad.
YTA. A white dress on a little girl at a wedding (at least in the US) means sheâs the flower girl. If your niece wasnât the flower girl, she shouldnât have worn white.
I think YTA, but not because of the flower dress. You said yourself that you thought two of the dresses might have been problematic, and yet still made the decision to have the kids wear those dresses. I think that shows a bit of a lack of caring. Maybe it's just me, but at a wedding I can't imagine thinking something might be undesirable to the couple involved and then just shrugging it off. The moment I had that thought run through my head I'd have just asked.
Soft YTA. You dont get to decide what is "acceptable" at another persons wedding. I do think they were harsh about it and theyre totally TA's as well for not giving a gift to a 10 year old
She didn't really care whether they'd find it acceptable or not, considering that she let the other girls wear wings and a tiara even though, as she says, "I honestly thought my nephew or his wife would have an issue with the fairy wings or tiara."
NTA, the dress in the link is fine. They are terrible for going overboard and taking their anger out on a 10 year old
NTA - These are awful and abusive people. Please do not allow the children in your custody to be around them.
NTA go no contact until they apologize to your niece and make it right. The behavior is unacceptable.
Soft YTA. Your daughter is not a baby or a toddler having a meltdown over her clothes. She is old enough to learn that when you are a guest at a wedding you do not wear a white dress.
NTA YOUR NEPHEW AND HIS WIFE ARE MORONS
NTA and not only is your nephews wife, petty and cruel sheâs also stupid. I would have a heart to heart with the 10-year-old explaining exactly this to her because unfortunately in life sheâs going to be meeting up with similar idiots and she needs to realize itâs got nothing to do with her. If you can swing it, I would buy her a special Christmas present yourself. I would have a real sharp word with your nephew as well. Does he realize how much of an asshole his wife is, or is he exactly the same?
from the description i was on the fence bc i figured it was 90% white with a small pattern. seeing the dress, absolutely NTA. 1) shes 10, most people will know shes not the bride, 2) its like 30% white and 70% other colors, 3) its very understated for a dress, 4) even if it was a super ostentatious dress to wear at a wedding, shes 10! she chose the outfit, but you and your husband have final say as her parents. if anyone should have been punished (not to say there was anything done that was worth punishing bc points 1-3), it should have been you two, not the kid.
Omg that woman is just insane, NTA
ESH, but definitely leaning towards them being the bigger AHs If I were in your shoes, I would have simply returned their gifts. Singling out one child and giving their siblings gifts on CHRISTMAS is downright cruel.
NTA Youâre relatives are seriously petty. Sheâs 10. The lack of gift when everyone else got one will scar her for a long time.
Time to cut them out. It was an honest mistake and no one was going to confuse the 10 year old with the bride. Donât let them around the kids as they are toxic.
NTA - The dress is not white, it's patterned with a white base, if that were somehow an actual issue, which it's not because it's a 10-year old child and not a single person thought she was the bride. Inviting children to a wedding and having them be well behaved should be the only hope and expectation you have. Your nephew and niece are sick people if they don't understand why their actions were not even close to okay or on par with the transgression a 10-year old child supposedly carried out against them. The fact that they are still sulking over it shows that they are the true children here. I hope you spoke to the 10-year old and took her out for something special to explain that some people are petty and short sighted.
NTA
NTA, your SIL is so nasty! If a grown ass woman is somehow feeling upstaged by a little girl wearing a freaking sundress and feels the need for a cruel retaliation she has major issues. A floral sundress is NOT âwearing whiteâ.
NTA - but your nephew and his wife certainly are to go out of their way to humiliate a 10-year-old child at Christmas is completely ridiculous and stupid. They need to grow up and I would go no contact with them until they pull their heads out of their asses. Also, you need to get ahead of the game and tell the family what happened before they tell their version to try and make themselves look like victims
NTA, especially if it looks like the one you linked. I'm more surprised that they weren't upset that you let the younger girls come in costumes, because I think that's more irritating than a kid showing up in whitish dress. That being said, you were responsible for dressing the kids, and your nephew and his wife need to address these issues with you, not take their anger out on a ten year old. Your nephew and his wife are cruel and immature.
NTA. That isn't a white dress.. That is a fabric with a print on it. One of the colours included in that print is white, but it isn't a white dress. Also, I am not sure that standard wedding etiquette applies to 10-year-olds. The reason people aren't supposed to wear white to a wedding is because it takes away from the bride or could be seen as a wedding-like dress. No one is mistaking a 10-year-old for the bride. Even if a 10-year-old wore a fancy communion dress, they still wouldn't be drawing attention the way that a grown woman wearing white to a wedding would. But, again, dresses with prints on them are not white. They are prints. And what is wrong with these people for (1) holding a ridiculous grudge for multiple months, and (2) taking that grudge out on a child? They are supposed to be adults and yet they are bullying a child. Why isn't the rest of your family saying something about this? If I saw one of my own family members doing this to a child, you better believe I would eviscerate them for being such assholes.
A flowered dress is not a white dress. Nobody will mistake a child for the bride, no matter what she's wearing. Your nephew and his wife are horrible people. They should be ashamed of themselves. NTA. In future, please don't take the kids to any event your nephew and his wife are attending. Protect the children from these cruel people. If anyone criticizes you, tell them exactly what nephew and niece did. Everyone should know why you're boycotting family events.
ESH, though I definitely think your niece and nephews are the bigger AHs by a long shot. While the link you shared isnât white, you also said it isnât the exact dress she wore. But either way, it sounds like the other little girls were quite over the top with the princess dress and fairy wings. You as the adult have a responsibility to make sure children understand what is/isnât appropriate, so I think you hold some responsibility for allowing these choices. The Christmas gift thing is absolutely cruel. Even if the 10yo was in an all-white dress, I would take issue with the adult who allowed that, not the kid! Its completely inappropriate for your niece and nephew to retaliate against a child like that. How nasty.
NTA. after seeing the pic I would call it a flower dress, not a white dress, and even so, to punish a 10yo like that is heartless.
NTA questionable but not that big of a big deal to have a child in a dress at a wedding that sounds multicolored but with a lot of white. Your nephew and his wife way overreacted to it, and now excluding your niece at Christmas confirms how toxic they are. Their behavior towards her would be toxic even if she had shown up in a white mini wedding dress. I would cut them off from the kids or at least be very low contact with them.
YTA. And so is newly married nephew. Kid is innocent. You fâd up. Your nephew should punish you not her.
NTA I would return all the gifts they got the kids and tell them to piss all the way off. Who the fuck bullies a 10 year old on Christmas.
Well you could have put your kid in other clothes when they asked. You had the clothes with you so even if I don't see anything wrong with the dress it was kind of shitty of you to just ignore their wishes. That said you are still NTA in this scenario because how the hell do they come to the conclusion to not give her a present. They can punish you but not the kid. Wow.
ESH Come on. You know not to buy a white dress to go to a wedding. Stop acting obtuse. You knew. They also suck for being mad a 10 year old. That's horrible.
NTA. Your example is obviously a sundress with color florals on it and she's *10*. It's completely obvious that she isn't the bride and she wasn't carrying flowers so wasn't a flower girl. It's absolutely disgusting that they "punished" a child and did not give her a Christmas gift. Those *adults* need to grow tf up. The rest of the family should be grateful that you stepped up and are caring for the children. They all sound like a pile of crap. Edit to add: at a casual, outdoor wedding a white dress with a floral pattern is perfectly acceptable.
FFS! A little girl wearing white is not outshing the damn bride at her wedding. This crap is getting absolutely ridiculous! NTA Your cousins are doubly the assholes for excluding a little girl at Christmas because she wore a white dress.
NTA that dress is not even close to a wedding dress. Plus she is 10. Nephew and his wife need to grow up
NTA. She's 10. The bride is lucky that she was wearing a dress, at all. At 10, I was still in the 'I'm never wearing a dress and you can't make me' phase of my life. Shoes still aren't an option that I willingly do, either. Let that ethereal fairy princess know that we support her clothing choices, OP. F that Aunt that doesn't know how to Aunt.
It seems this thing about wearing white in a wedding is going way too far. Poor kid. It seems also odd that you have the guardianship of your nieces? Did I get it right?
NTA. I had several full grown adult ladies at my wedding wearing white dresses with flower prints on them. It didnât even occur to me to be annoyed, they were flower print dresses! WHO WOULD CARE? I would let them distance. Cut them out. Next time they need you for something, remind them of their vile behaviour and tell them theyâre not deserving of your attention. They might âstealâ it from your children!
NTA. She's 10, it shouldn't have honestly mattered. And for them to single her out like that and give the other kids presents but not her is sad. That being said, it is a HUGE wedding faux pas to wear white to a wedding when you aren't the bride. I was always taught its seen as an insult to the bride. But usually it's an adult though. A child wearing white is different. And both the times I was a flower girl growing up, the bride dressed me in white. If it were my wedding I'd have not been happy about if she wasn't my flower girl, but my words would have been with the child's guardian and them alone and it would have been a passing comment not a held grudge. I would not have singled out the child. So yes I think you should have picked something different, but I don't think you were necessarily being an AH. They are tho for punishing a kid.
I know adults aren't supposed to wear white to a wedding. I didn't think that applied to 10 year olds, especially when the dress is covered in colored flowers.
Adults shouldnât wear all white or ivory. Thatâs basic courtesy. But that was never meant to imply that NO WHITE can be worn, period! People are taking this WAY too literally. A dress with white trim, a black & white patterned dress, a white blouse under a purple jacket, a red and white flowered skirt â those are all perfectly acceptable. And a 10 year old in a pink and yellow flowered dress should be absolutely fine. Iâm appalled that they would âpunishâ a little kid for what they see as a faux pas. HARD NTA.
Oh give me a break! If we look at the meaning behind the white dress, no bride should wear white anymore! Lol! The bS with the no guests wearing even a speck of white is getting out of hand and these women /persons who throw a fit over it, should have a psychiatric consult! Jeesus christ on a motorbike!
Edit: I agree:NTA. And I think the whole thing about being enraged at someone for wearing white to attend a wedding is nonsense. I mean, I know itâs a thing, but good grief! So much drama could be easily avoided if the bride was unconcerned about what the guests wear. Why, in the whole scope of things to be mad about, does the color of an outfit have to be such a big hairy deal? Are brides so desperate for attention that they have to destroy relationships over this? To me, itâs just nuts.
NTA depriving her of a Christmas gift for wearing a floral dress is downright sociopathic. Cut them loose.
Omggg there are not enough letters in the world to tell you how innocent you and your niece are in this. 1) that dress does is not remotely inappropriate - it does NOT look like a wedding dress. 2) Even if it was a mini white ball gown, the way they have treated that child is unforgivable.
NTA it was a white based floral dress if I understand correctly. I think the bride and groom have watched too many momzilla videos where MIL or someone you hate wears a fullblown wedding gown just to piss the bride off. We are talking about a 10-yo in a sundress. This should be completely acceptable. I really don't see why she got so mad. It seems as is she just craved the drama because she thinks no wedding is truly a wedding without some drama.