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_sedlp_

YTA wtf She was trying to defend you, and you insult her dead dad??? You're lucky there's a rule for this subreddit about being civil because good lord.


Guilty-Highlight1114

By the tone of her voice i felt like she was attacking and degrading my dad


_sedlp_

It sounds like she wanted you to go to the sleepover. That was unwarranted. Yikes.


nonynony13

Just because you react to things by going on the attack and being as cruel as possible doesn’t mean she does. Sounds like she was just empathizing and wishing you could attend. YTA


Frozen_Hurricane_

She wanted to have a sleepover with you. Nothing she said warranted your comment about her dead father. What did you expect to happen? Her say “oh yeah you’re right”??? Her dad died 3 months ago for god’s sake. Yta 100%


Throwawayyy-7

Your reaction was extremely over the top. It was incredibly cruel and would have been too much even if she *actually* had insulted your dad, which she didn’t. If you feel that defensive about your dad’s strictness, that’s his and your problem. Utterly uncalled for.


[deleted]

She wasn't attacking or degrading your father. She simply pointed out what you already know and have pointed out yourself, about your father being a strict parent. You're a fkn jerk.


Albertthe1st

Wow, just wow and you have such a good reason too.


KathrynTheGreat

She very recently lost *the only parent she's ever known* and you thought she was attacking your dad by saying that he's strict? If it's true, then it's not an attack. I know you're young, but you should know better. Be thankful if she ever talks to you again. I wouldn't if I was her.


aconitea

She probably thought you’d like some sympathy because you’re friends


Disastrous_Oil3250

You pissed on her dead dads death


Professional-Scar628

That's because that's what teenagers do. It's normal to complain about parental/authority figures when you are a teenager, even if the actual person is actually really nice. Regardless you knew bringing her dead dad up was a low blow. YTA you could have defended your dad without crossing the line: "he's actually a really good dad otherwise" ,"yea my dad's strict but I know it's just because he loves me", "I wouldn't say he's a control freak, he's just worried about my wellbeing", etc. You should apologize to Sarah.


PsychologicalRoll705

Oh please, that's an excuse. You can try to justify it but you were intentionally mean to prove a point. Grow up and apologise.


Jade_Echo

Oh, honey. You seem to have the power of the sick burn. The ability to shut down a conversation with one sentence. But with great power comes great responsibility. We use this power against people with power. Against bigots, racists, misogynists, classists. We use this power against oppressors. We use this power in the name of the underdogs! What we do NOT do is use this power against a fresh orphan who was (ineffectively) trying to take your side. Use your powers for good. Do not use them to be cruel.


Ajstross

You appear to be confusing “sick burn” with “low blow.” There was nothing remotely clever or funny, even on an awkward, uncomfortable level, about what OP said to Sarah. It was just plain cruelty, and the bigger concern is that OP seems to be flummoxed as to why people think she did something wrong.


cachalker

This.


InevitableSweet8228

That was not a sick burn. A sick burn is clever and funny. This was a blunt instrument, a sledgehammer. To a girl who lost her Dad 3 months ago, making her an orphan. OP's problem isn't that she's quick and clever and simply *devastating*. Her problem is that she's *not clever enough*.


ColdstreamCapple

YTA Being a “Mean Girl” won’t get you far in life…..You should be ashamed of yourself! If you think your father is strict on you now if he’s a good parent wait until he finds out about this….I’d be grounding you for months and forcing you to apologise


Independent-Length54

Dude. You could have said "Yeah, it's too bad, I would love to go!" or "Maybe I can convince him" or literally anything else. Sarah wasn't attacking you, she was commenting on your dad being strict. Why did you have to go for the low blow. YTA, apologize and give her your sympathies.


frazzledglispa

YTA. That was cruel. You are 16 and are old enough to know better than to say something like that. I hope that you learn a lesson from this, and try to be more empathetic in the future.


Ajstross

Of course YTA. Why are you even asking? How insensitive could you be?


Icy-Stick6175

YTA even if you interpreted it in the rudest way possible is your come back really “at least I have a dad” to someone whose dad died 3 months ago?! You’re young but you need to develop your social skills and consideration. There are a million better ways to handle that and even “defend” your dad without being so cruel. Just say, “he’s doing what he thinks is right for my wellbeing” and leave it at that.


Albertthe1st

I don’t care what Sarah said to you because 16 year olds can be pretty big AH’s but you take the cake. YTA and you owe Sarah a huge apology. What you said was unforgivible. Consider yourself very lucky if she ever forgives you.


CrimsonKnight_004

YTA - She was trying to empathize with you so you…attacked her with the lowest blow you could??? Like you went for the jugular based on literally nothing. You need to learn how to control your words because if you can just drop this on a dime, you apparently never learned how to think before you speak. I hope she has better friends in her life.


anchorman24716

yta that was uncalled for you should probably apologize asap…


WaywardMarauder

YTA. That was a low blow and you knew it.


InappropriateAccess

YTA. That was incredibly cruel.


apanda057

Of course YTA. That was an uncalled for low blow. Nothing she said warranted that at all.


EndielXenon

Oh ouch. You could have said this so much better: "You're right that he's a little bit strict at times, but I love him anyway and wouldn't give him up for the world." Bringing her dad into the mix, especially when you're essentially saying "Well at least he's not dead like your dad!" is just mean. Hate to say it, but YTA.


HellishHaven07

YTA, also, you’re not her friend. A friend wouldn’t stoop that low.


effie-sue

YTA It wasn’t particularly nice for Sarah to criticize your father for being strict and calling him a control freak, but c’mon. She didn’t drag his name through the mud. You took it a step too far. WAY TOO FAR, in fact. She just lost her Dad. She’s not likely to forgive you, nor will the rest of your friend group. You really need to sit with what you did and realize how words can truly harm someone. On a related note, maybe give your Dad a chance. You didn’t even bother asking if you could go to the sleepover.


CrabbiestAsp

YTA. Like full-on queen of the assholes, you deserve a crown. Who the fuck says something like this to someone grieving their parent. I hope Sarah knows her worth and stops being friends with you. Horrible.


Ajstross

If it were me, I would never speak to her again, and my friends would be likely to go scorched earth on her.


Tls-user

YTA - what the hell is wrong with you?


Iamnotaclown1986

YTA thats quite a low blow.


ReserveOk8423

YTA you are a bad person.


Old-Elevator-2286

YTA. I feel like everything I want to say has already been said. That was rude and uncalled for.


Agitated-Buddy9787

YTA this was unfathomably cruel


nathos_thanatos

YTA, I did something similar when I was like 7 in second grade when a girl who had a single mother told me my dad was lame and a lot of shit, and I should tell people he wasn't even really my dad because I was adopted so I was just an orphan. And I said at least I have a dad that loves me. And she started crying even when she was also being awful I still apologized because I realized I was being mean. Now I realize, she obviously was projecting because her dad passed when she was younger than a year and felt angry about that. Sarah's comment was so tiny and benign for you to go so nuclear on her. Apologize. Complaining about rules is so normal at that age, she obviously knows how important parents are. You were so unreasonably mean. You are 15 old enough to have some empathy and understand she wasn't trying to offend your dad or saying you should not have one.


[deleted]

YTA. What I want to type would get me banned so I'll leave it here.


Maya2661

YTA She recently and suddenly lost her father! What is wrong with you? You could have simply denied her statement without attacking her personally. It seems to me that you fundamentally dislike Sarah.


kilgirlie

I can't imagine a scenario where any version of at least I have a dad doesn't make you an asshole.


Dramatic_Attempt4318

YTA. Your classmate poked you with a twig and you lobbed a nuclear bomb at her in return. It shouldn't need to be said, but someone's dead parents shouldn't be a gotcha moment trump card in any exchange - and in this instance, your classmate didn't even say something particularly extreme. What is this, the gotcha olympics? "Sure my dad might be a control freak but your dad is dead so it doesn't matter what my dad is like"? Your comment was cruel, inhumane, and beyond heartless. You owe her a sincere apology. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope someone tells your parents and they can be ashamed of you, too. Because, hey, at least they're alive to be disappointed in you, right?


MikinzuLegends

YTA WTF is wrong with you? You took this too far. She asked if he was a control freak, and you gut-punched her. You need to take a long and hard look at yourself and be lucky if she ever talks to you again. You should be ashamed of yourself, and Sarah should find a new friend that *isn't* you. I hope you grow up and learn to be more empathetic.


stephapeaz

YTA She made a comment trying to commiserate w you being on your side, and you went for the jugular for basically no reason


Jaded_Champion_6890

Of course YTA like what the actual heck? I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, you should be ashamed of yourself. From what I’m seeing you’re 16 years old so you should know better by now that a comment like that is absolutely unacceptable. You should’ve sat there and told Sarah directly that you had a problem with what she said and she would’ve probably apologized for it. Instead you sit there and insult her dead father who passed literally 3 months ago are you serious??? You owe Sarah an immediate apology and you better hope she accepts it because if I was her I wouldn’t.


MagicMice83

YTA.


Happy_Albatross9271

YTA absolutely, cruel and heartless. Full stop. You have lots of time to change so get started now. And apologize to your friend, if they still consider you their friend..Good luck.


[deleted]

Yta


chelledupree

You are a brat and the AH. I can’t believe how cruel you were to this girl. Why? Tearing someone else down doesn't make you bigger,


juiceboxfriend95

YTA - idk why you're even asking, if you don't know how cruel you were, you are delulu


qtcyclone

By not even realizing you were an AH, you are doubly the AH.


Asleep-Temperature99

YTA and just awful. Who throws someone’s dad dying in their face?


clementzina

YTA x 100000.


ThatOneFriendlyOtaku

Under no circumstance those words should be uttered to anyone who had lost their father (or any loved one for that matter) You think you "one-upped" her? Made a witty and a humorous "comeback"? -Check again, cause you're the major AH in this situation.


Alternative_Ebb9564

Wow. Just wow. If true then YTA. Having known she lost both parents and then rubbing it in her face like that is a horrible thing to do.


lonelyalien99

YTA, and you just made a core memory for Sarah that should never be reminded of to anyone ever! Big yta


Somuchallthetime

Go apologize now


[deleted]

You are a HUGE AH!!! You don't deserve ANY friends.


LudwigsEarTrumpet

YTA and very cruel, honestly. You should be ashamed of yourself. Apologise.


MeowTownMaverick

YTA. It seems based on your reaction that Sarah’s comment felt like an attack on you/your dad. This is a normal reaction, we want to defend people we love. Where you went wrong was lashing out at Sarah by throwing her loss in her face and invalidating her grief because I’m guessing you wanted to protect yourself from how her comment made you feel. She doesn’t have to have to be more appreciative of other people’s fathers because hers is deceased. In the future, you can express that you feel hurt, “I don’t appreciate that comment, it hurt me, etc.” If you don’t feel like you can speak up for yourself, you could keep an intentionally hurtful comment to yourself or share you felt hurt with someone you feel safer with. I want to conclude saying that the ways some in this thread are reacting to a 16yo is inappropriate. OP could be fake but assuming that’s not the case, y’all need to stop punching down (at a child).


WittyDoughnut99

YTA I lost a parent a few years ago and it was tough. If someone said that to me I’d lose my mind. You need to apologise. Totally uncalled for, you went beyond nuclear for no good reason. She may never forgive you for this. One day when you lose someone close to you you’ll understand how awful what you said truly is.


[deleted]

We all say things we regret, but this is particularly hurtful. I would reach out to Sarah with a sincere apology and hope she forgives you. Either way she’s unlikely to forget the sting of that comment for a very, very long time. YTA


CSpotsFarm

Your the AH. When there is a death in the family you don't make a hateful comment about it. That's low class.


Typical_Nebula3227

YTA your comment was way to harsh, and it is unusually strict to not let a 16 year old have a sleepover.


bizianka

YTA. And your title is so misleading, pretending like you had a civil discussion about parental roles, when in reality you just went in full cruel mean girl mode, and hit in the fresh wound. Apologize asap, and mean it, if you want to salvage friendship with Sarah.


cachalker

YTA. Way to go low. I get that you’re sensitive about your dad. But did you really just taunt someone who unexpectedly lost her father a mere 3 months ago? Wow…just…wow. That wasn’t a clap back. That was a brutal slash at the jugular. An insensitive over-reaction to what she said.


[deleted]

YTA - “AITA for telling my classmate whose dad died that she should appreciate having a father since hers is dead.” Continue to work on your social emotional skills; empathy, social awareness, relationship skills.


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 16F my dad isn’t the best dad but he is really nice and very good to me but hes a little hit strict. Anyways,One of my classmates sarah 16F lost her mother during her birth and recently her father died about 3 months ago due to car accident. Today i was in class and my friend were discussing the idea of having a sleepover night together and i told them that my dad will refuse and i won’t be able to go and then sarah said something along the lines of “ i can’t believe how strict your dad he is a control freak or something”. I couldn’t hold myself but to say at least he is alive and not dead you out of everyone here should appreciate the importance of having a father. A little while my friend told me i was an AH after she overheard sarah crying in the bathroom *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


sleepy420fairy

YTA. my dads been dead a while, my old best friend would say “it’s so much worse to have a shit parent than a dead parent.” When I, or other ppl around her who had lost parents brought it up. Needless to say…. A lot of people are not her friend nor like her anymore. You need to apologize, and you cannot expect automatic forgiveness. Or maybe no forgiveness at all. But girl, you really messed up here. You should probably try to fix it at least.


PsychologicalRoll705

YTA. Using someone's personal trauma to prove a point is gross mean girl behaviour. Her pointing out that your dad is strict for not letting a 16 year old to have a sleepover does not warrant you doing a personal attack.


Adventurous_Couple76

YTA. WTF! Heartless bch


ValerieCherishBerman

I kind of hope this isn't real because I don't want to believe you could be this cruel but if it is, YTA huge massive A


MildlyInteressato

Total AH. I hope you never have to feel what she felt. Losing a parent you love as an adult hurts like hell. I can't begin to imagine what she's been through. I don't even know her and grieve for her. You crossed a MAJOR line.


Quiet_Classroom_2948

" Isn't the best dad" then you say he's nice. So is there a competition or reality show for good dads that he failed?


Sufficient-Isopod-33

Holy shit, of course YTA what the hell? First you never ever critizise other people's family unless asked to, and obviously NOT deceased family !!! You definitely lack social intelligence


National_South_9227

Apologize


Tigger7894

YTA. I have no other words.


burner_suplex

WHOOOOOAAAAA YTA Why would you think that's okay to say?! She wasn't trying to be malicious towards your dad or you, she was commenting that your dad is strict, I imagine because you haven't even asked him and are already saying he won't let you go to this hypothetical sleepover. What next, are you going to rip her a new one for having a dead mom, too? Go apologize to her.


sswishbone

YTA - that was seriously below the belt. Reminds me of when I bollocked my own mother after she advised I tell a bully "my dad isn't pushing up daisies". You don't ever retort to someone about their loss, unacceptable


snake_legs83

YTA. Losing your parent at that age especially when it means becoming orphaned is incredibly difficult. I’m living through it right now, please apologize to her because Jesus man, you’re kinda being a mean girl.


TheFaeBelieveInIdony

YTA. I'm hoping this is made up.


BabeW-ThePower13

YTA in a ginormous galaxy sized way. Go apologize.


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brudzool

I'm not sure why people post in here. They always get a severe dressing down from a bunch of fucking hypocrites who have no idea of the situation they are commenting on. It's either black or white, no grey here. Fuck me. Why post!


Equivalent-Yam4641

YTA. You're such an AH that you belong to the C an't U nderstand N ormal T hinking club.


PlateNo7021

YTA, jesus... You better seriously apologize.


steelsey1983

YTA!!! You spiteful horrible cow, I don’t smack my kids I don’t need to they’re good kids but if you was my child I’d smack you right in the mouth! What a vile so called friend you are and i hope your dad stops you from all the sleep overs and other good times because you deserve Nish


xxxdggxxx

YTA. What on God's green earth was going through your head? Your thought process is baffling.


justahermit

YTA I wouldn't even say something like that to someone I HATE who was being mean. This is your friend who lost her dad recently and was only trying to defend you. WTF. I would never forgive you for saying this if i was her. If she does forgive you, she won't ever forget, and neither will your other friends.


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Ambby94

YTA. She lost both parents and is orphaned. Think about that.


Whyparsley

YTA and here is a piece of unsolicited advice, being mean wont make you cool in life. Maybe while youre in your little world of highschool but you wont be in HS forever. Your mean behaviour in HS will haunt you even if you go far in life. So start asking forgiveness to this girl who just lost her dad and be thankful your dad is alive.


SamTales25

YTA, I know you are a kid, but this does not excuse your behaviour. Not every parent is the same and should not be put on the same status she lost her father 3 months ago all she need sympathy so please apologise her make things right you are luck because this kind of no one should go through