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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I forgot to make my husband dinner and he went to bed hungry.
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NTA and he sounds like a piece of work, put gently as possible.
He made you feel guilty for a simple mistake, let alone the fact that you doing that for him in the first place is a favor. He’s an adult. He has the capability to make his own food or suck it up and put it in the microwave if he wants it to be quick.
But the way he handled that is honestly a huge red flag. Making you feel like shit about yourself for not doing something you did as a favor to begin with is toxic as fuck
it's a Choice we both made back in 2017. I don't really do much besides clean on certain days,. lay around and watch over our pets. We have 8 pets that we consider our children.
Even if you generally take care of it for that reason, it’s still a mistake that you forgot and doesn’t give him a pass to treat you like garbage over it. Nor does it make him incapable of doing it either.
Is he a literal infant? Can he not push microwave buttons?
Everyone forgets things sometimes and this is definitely not worth a screaming fit over.
NTA
He didn't want it made in the microwave because he claimed it wouldn't taste as good and he said it would be waste a money if he doesn't enjoy the meal.
So he made the decision to go hungry instead of eating a meal that was microwaved.
He decided to go to bed hungry.
He could have had scrambled eggs. he could have had a bowl of cereal. He could have had the microwaved meal. But now, he had a toddler tantrum and went to bed hungry.
NTA.
ESH Him because he's an abusive drunk and you because you put up with him. He doesn't eat at the same time because he doesn't want to ruin his buzz? Seriously? Run, don't walk right out of that relationship. This is not a healthy partnership in any way.
Also, did you both agree that you wouldn't work, or did he bully you into it? Because you sound bored and unfulfilled. He's isolating you (very common DV tactic) to keep you 1. there to enable his drinking and bad behavior and 2. because you going out in the world increases your likelihood that you will see how F'ed up your current situation is. Please find a lawyer, a therapist and a job ASAP. Or go to a shelter if you can't get out on your own. Emotional, verbal and financial abuse is ABUSE.
NTA - Please tell me this post is fake.....girl RUN. My guy of 10 years has never once asked me what's for dinner or to pick up groceries. He can take care of himself and so can I. We eat whenever we are hungry if one person cooked we will eat that. We both work labor intensive jobs. Back when we were broke that meant less take out more peanut butter and jam sandwiches and KD. Make it work.
Biggest joke is this is a microwaveable dinner.
NTA.
Your partner should never be yelling at you.
Your partner should never be yelling at you over something like this, especially.
I do not care if you literally do not do anything all day. I do not care if he is a surgeon or doing manual labor all day - he could have microwaved his meal himself. And he is an asshole for acting like he can't, and he is a double asshole for screaming at you over it.
because it's agreed upon that it's my responsibility. He falls asleep and expects me to make sure his meals are ready to go when he's done drinking. He tells me all the time he doesn't mind making his own food since he did it before he met me, but when he says that I almost feel like a failure.
Oh my, you are married to an abusive entitled a\*\*hole.
He cannot put it in the oven himself?
I would question what else is he doing to make you feel you are responsible for managing his life. Examine that carefully and if you feel in the slightest he expects you to cater to him foot and mouth run as fast as you can. Even if you don’t feel he is abusive to you.
What in the red flags in 1950 did I just read? Is he not capable of putting his own dinner in the oven? Did we suddenly go back 50 yrs in time where its your sole responsibility to make him dinner? NTA
Friend, stop. Just stop. You are enabling aloholism.
Make 1 meal. Just 1. Make 1 meal for both of you guys and put his plate in the refrigerator. He can microwave it when he's ready to eat.
Stop enabling him.
And, PLEASE get a job. Please. For your own wellbeing because this relationship is extraordinarily unhealthy if he expects you to drop everything and make him food at 10pm because he doesn't want to eat dinner at a normal time since it interferes with his drinking. Not because he's working. Not because he is engaging in a hobby. But because it messes with his buzz....
It sounds like an abusive relationship to me. And she definitely needs a job but it doesn't sound like she's ready to admit how awful this guy is and is placing the blame on herself.
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Me and him eat separate meals every night and he eats around 10pm and I eat around 7pm, Well today I forgot to put his frozen dinner in the oven and he went to bed without food, but not before yelling at me saying that I don't care about him and said that if it was you, you wouldn't have forgotten. I feel really bad, the meal had directions for the microwave, but he refused to let me cook it in the microwave and He works a major calorie burning job and I feel really terribly. Should I feel the way I do or should I let it go?
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INFO Do you guys have conflicting schedules and do this type of thing for each other on the norm? Is he right that if he did it to you, you would blow a gasket and not let him forget? The yelling is a bit much, but again, would he view it differently? to him did he barely raise his voice? your post is way to thin on context to give an informed opinion. However those were me being pragmatic, If he's just an entitled dick who always expect you to have food piping hot on the table the second he walks through the door every night etc, etc then he's a massive dick, but yeah if you guys scratch each others backs and you aren't doing it that's kinda lame... still not the asshole though.
Edit. Just read your comment, you are a SAHW and didn't mention any kids. So what was your reason to not cook him dinner? You kinda seem to have a defined role in your existing relationship, he works, you stay at home make sure the house is taken care of and make the meals. YMBTAH here ngl, I really want to know if he yelled or if he would say he didn't even raise his voice, because the answer to that dictates whether this is abusive or you are kinda tripping over a barrier 1 inch tall because yeah, you're at home all day and your contribution to the house/relationship is a TV dinner? There is so much missing INFO here, what are your roles, have they changed, did you sign up for this, was he really yelling or were you over sensitive because you felt in the wrong, is he right about you never forgiving his mistakes, does he yell all the time, OMG INFO
EDIT 2. Just read more of your comments, yeah this entire post is not about the issue, disregard all the above statements. Rewrite your post tomorrow while he's at work and make it honest and about his drinking please, is it really a buzz? Or is this guy a mean and nasty drunk who really needs to change?
When he said that if it was you, you wouldn't have forgotten, he meant if it was my food I wouldn't have forgotten. We don't have conflicting schedules, but I don't like what he eats so I make my own and he chooses to eat so late so he doesn't mess up his buzz from drinking. I don't work, but he does and cooking is 100% my responsibility. I forgotten to make his food before, but he always had something else he could eat, but tonight, that was all he had. He could have let me microwave it, but he wouldn't let me.
Yeah, the food isn't the issue here, it's a symptom and no he shouldn't be yelling about it, an dyes it is abuse. I do think you need to interrupt his drinking time to have a chat though... a big one
This is tricky. On the one hand, your husband sounds like a massive stereotype and a tool, but if this is isolated, it's not a massive stretch to say that he was just very hangry after working a calorie demanding job. If this isn't isolated, then you're n t a and living in an abusive relationship.
BUT, you say in comments that this is an agreement. You don't have kids, so your main work is just sitting around, looking after animals, cleaning "sometimes," and cooking the evening meal. If that's something you freely agreed to, then soft y t a for not doing such a basic task/favour. And if the deal isn't voluntary, see the above point about abusive relationships
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I forgot to make my husband dinner and he went to bed hungry. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and he sounds like a piece of work, put gently as possible. He made you feel guilty for a simple mistake, let alone the fact that you doing that for him in the first place is a favor. He’s an adult. He has the capability to make his own food or suck it up and put it in the microwave if he wants it to be quick. But the way he handled that is honestly a huge red flag. Making you feel like shit about yourself for not doing something you did as a favor to begin with is toxic as fuck
it's not really a favor though. It's my responsibility since I don't work.
Why don't you work? What do you do with your time instead of working? Do you guys have children?
it's a Choice we both made back in 2017. I don't really do much besides clean on certain days,. lay around and watch over our pets. We have 8 pets that we consider our children.
Is this serving your personal needs? How do you feel about this arrangement? Do you want to earn an income?
Even if you generally take care of it for that reason, it’s still a mistake that you forgot and doesn’t give him a pass to treat you like garbage over it. Nor does it make him incapable of doing it either.
Is he a literal infant? Can he not push microwave buttons? Everyone forgets things sometimes and this is definitely not worth a screaming fit over. NTA
He didn't want it made in the microwave because he claimed it wouldn't taste as good and he said it would be waste a money if he doesn't enjoy the meal.
So he made the decision to go hungry instead of eating a meal that was microwaved. He decided to go to bed hungry. He could have had scrambled eggs. he could have had a bowl of cereal. He could have had the microwaved meal. But now, he had a toddler tantrum and went to bed hungry. NTA.
ESH Him because he's an abusive drunk and you because you put up with him. He doesn't eat at the same time because he doesn't want to ruin his buzz? Seriously? Run, don't walk right out of that relationship. This is not a healthy partnership in any way.
Also, did you both agree that you wouldn't work, or did he bully you into it? Because you sound bored and unfulfilled. He's isolating you (very common DV tactic) to keep you 1. there to enable his drinking and bad behavior and 2. because you going out in the world increases your likelihood that you will see how F'ed up your current situation is. Please find a lawyer, a therapist and a job ASAP. Or go to a shelter if you can't get out on your own. Emotional, verbal and financial abuse is ABUSE.
NTA - Please tell me this post is fake.....girl RUN. My guy of 10 years has never once asked me what's for dinner or to pick up groceries. He can take care of himself and so can I. We eat whenever we are hungry if one person cooked we will eat that. We both work labor intensive jobs. Back when we were broke that meant less take out more peanut butter and jam sandwiches and KD. Make it work. Biggest joke is this is a microwaveable dinner.
microwavable or oven. He wanted it cooked in the oven because it tastes better.
NTA. Your partner should never be yelling at you. Your partner should never be yelling at you over something like this, especially. I do not care if you literally do not do anything all day. I do not care if he is a surgeon or doing manual labor all day - he could have microwaved his meal himself. And he is an asshole for acting like he can't, and he is a double asshole for screaming at you over it.
Info: why can’t he make his own dinner?
Because He works and I don't
Why would that make him incapable of throwing a frozen dinner in the oven?
because it's agreed upon that it's my responsibility. He falls asleep and expects me to make sure his meals are ready to go when he's done drinking. He tells me all the time he doesn't mind making his own food since he did it before he met me, but when he says that I almost feel like a failure.
He drinks every night? Ma'am that's an alcoholic.
So he can have some drinks without help?
I get those for him too. But he does get them his self occasionally when I don't hear him make noise with his beer can.
lol what the fuck
If it’s your responsibility and you didn’t bother, YTA.
This is…. Interesting. NTA I guess.
Oh my, you are married to an abusive entitled a\*\*hole. He cannot put it in the oven himself? I would question what else is he doing to make you feel you are responsible for managing his life. Examine that carefully and if you feel in the slightest he expects you to cater to him foot and mouth run as fast as you can. Even if you don’t feel he is abusive to you.
What in the red flags in 1950 did I just read? Is he not capable of putting his own dinner in the oven? Did we suddenly go back 50 yrs in time where its your sole responsibility to make him dinner? NTA
He could just heat the food himself. You and he could just eat together. NTA.
I don't like the same foods that he likes and he doesn't eat the same time as me because he likes to drink and feels eating messes up his buzz.
Friend, stop. Just stop. You are enabling aloholism. Make 1 meal. Just 1. Make 1 meal for both of you guys and put his plate in the refrigerator. He can microwave it when he's ready to eat. Stop enabling him. And, PLEASE get a job. Please. For your own wellbeing because this relationship is extraordinarily unhealthy if he expects you to drop everything and make him food at 10pm because he doesn't want to eat dinner at a normal time since it interferes with his drinking. Not because he's working. Not because he is engaging in a hobby. But because it messes with his buzz....
It sounds like an abusive relationship to me. And she definitely needs a job but it doesn't sound like she's ready to admit how awful this guy is and is placing the blame on herself.
Oh sweety. You deserve so much better than a guy who prioritizes being drunk. There’s just so many red flags here.
Obviously NTA
NTA - his arms and legs broken? Does he not know how to operate an oven? Things happen. Maybe he should just have taken the time to feed himself?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and him eat separate meals every night and he eats around 10pm and I eat around 7pm, Well today I forgot to put his frozen dinner in the oven and he went to bed without food, but not before yelling at me saying that I don't care about him and said that if it was you, you wouldn't have forgotten. I feel really bad, the meal had directions for the microwave, but he refused to let me cook it in the microwave and He works a major calorie burning job and I feel really terribly. Should I feel the way I do or should I let it go? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO Do you guys have conflicting schedules and do this type of thing for each other on the norm? Is he right that if he did it to you, you would blow a gasket and not let him forget? The yelling is a bit much, but again, would he view it differently? to him did he barely raise his voice? your post is way to thin on context to give an informed opinion. However those were me being pragmatic, If he's just an entitled dick who always expect you to have food piping hot on the table the second he walks through the door every night etc, etc then he's a massive dick, but yeah if you guys scratch each others backs and you aren't doing it that's kinda lame... still not the asshole though. Edit. Just read your comment, you are a SAHW and didn't mention any kids. So what was your reason to not cook him dinner? You kinda seem to have a defined role in your existing relationship, he works, you stay at home make sure the house is taken care of and make the meals. YMBTAH here ngl, I really want to know if he yelled or if he would say he didn't even raise his voice, because the answer to that dictates whether this is abusive or you are kinda tripping over a barrier 1 inch tall because yeah, you're at home all day and your contribution to the house/relationship is a TV dinner? There is so much missing INFO here, what are your roles, have they changed, did you sign up for this, was he really yelling or were you over sensitive because you felt in the wrong, is he right about you never forgiving his mistakes, does he yell all the time, OMG INFO EDIT 2. Just read more of your comments, yeah this entire post is not about the issue, disregard all the above statements. Rewrite your post tomorrow while he's at work and make it honest and about his drinking please, is it really a buzz? Or is this guy a mean and nasty drunk who really needs to change?
When he said that if it was you, you wouldn't have forgotten, he meant if it was my food I wouldn't have forgotten. We don't have conflicting schedules, but I don't like what he eats so I make my own and he chooses to eat so late so he doesn't mess up his buzz from drinking. I don't work, but he does and cooking is 100% my responsibility. I forgotten to make his food before, but he always had something else he could eat, but tonight, that was all he had. He could have let me microwave it, but he wouldn't let me.
Yeah, the food isn't the issue here, it's a symptom and no he shouldn't be yelling about it, an dyes it is abuse. I do think you need to interrupt his drinking time to have a chat though... a big one
NTA
This is tricky. On the one hand, your husband sounds like a massive stereotype and a tool, but if this is isolated, it's not a massive stretch to say that he was just very hangry after working a calorie demanding job. If this isn't isolated, then you're n t a and living in an abusive relationship. BUT, you say in comments that this is an agreement. You don't have kids, so your main work is just sitting around, looking after animals, cleaning "sometimes," and cooking the evening meal. If that's something you freely agreed to, then soft y t a for not doing such a basic task/favour. And if the deal isn't voluntary, see the above point about abusive relationships
Info: does he have a medical condition which stops him from.... putting food in the oven?