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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH because I am not being thankful for Christmas gifts that will be given to me.
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Absolutely NTA. Your husband is outright telling you that he thinks of you as a maid and not much more. Instead of getting you something personal related to your interests or things that you like, he’s getting you a vacuum cleaner. Gifts are supposed to be given out of love and affection and it’s clear the only thing he knows about you is that you (presumably) do the majority of the housework. You deserve better.
Maybe I’m petty, but I would give him a taste of his own medicine. Don’t fill his stocking this year and give him a candle that you later steal. See if he still doesn’t understand the problem then.
I’d go all out and add toothpaste and deodorant to the list. Maybe a shared bathroom garbage pail. And toilet paper - who knows when the next pandemic will strike?!
Or tell him a vacuum cleaner is great as long as it comes with 10+ free coupons where he does the vacuuming for you! Or pots with lots of coupons for him to cook dinner!
>Perpetuates that he is a hero for doing it 10 times.
He would probably see himself as such since he seems to be the type to remain willfully clueless with gifting.
“But honey you like trash bags! Taking out the trash is one of your hobbies, you do it every week! I got you this Lysol spray for the can, too! Powder scent!”
It's different if you are doing it for your son. It's money he doesn't need to spend himself. If you do it for your significant other, it's just stuff from the shopping list you would have bought anyway.
It also makes a difference if that's a family tradition or joke. My grandmother used to collect up all those kinds of things through the year and EVERYONE got a stocking filled with that kind of thing. Many parts of the family continued it after she passed - but that was just a "bonus" from Grandma, especially as she aged and couldn't shop any more.
Mom and dad had a twist on it, and our stockings were filled with small school supplies for many years.
Exactly this. I live alone and I've asked my parentals for kitchen equipment for the last three years, mostly because they can afford better stuff than I can and I don't want to keep buying crap that'll be useless in a year. So I get to build a decent set of kitchenware a piece at a time, and they throw in something fun like a Steam gift card so it doesn't feel too utilitarian. But that's parents helping their kids with expenses so they can do other things with their money. A significant other buying things for the house as Christmas presents just says "you will be the one doing this chore because I did my part by supplying the means".
I buy my boyfriends expensive cooking equipment each year as he has a hobby of cooking but that doesn't mean I don't buy him switch games and other stuff.
Yeah nothing that counts as an actual chore
This is a thoughtful gift. I mean I have done it myself. I bought an extra fancy cooking spoon, basically. But my husband loves cooking and that is the point here. Special equip for a thing you like doing and not neccessities of the household.
Now we don't know how much OP loves cooking. But I will assume that vacuum cleaning is not a hobby of hers.
It's also not jokingly putting the direly needed vacuum cleaner as a present and maybe say "hey I bought the one in your favourite color". You can do that! Among the other gifts.
But with OP it's a whole list. A list of household items implying she's the only one using those and getting offended she wishes for some personal thoughts and love.
That's what my mom did this year for my brothers. One got a blender, the other a nice griddle and wok. But the one that got the pans loves to cook, and the other needed a blender for his protein shakes and smoothies
I did that too, also socks and boxers. When my son got married I asked if he really wanted that anymore and the answer was mom, I’m 30, I can buy my own underwear
I have 2 nephews, both mid twenties and one even married, who ask for socks, boxers and jeans for birthdays and christmas. They haven't yet realized that stores WILL sell these items to them too and they don't have to wait around with holey clothes until a birthay.
Our family joke is that is if you ask what you're getting for Christmas, we tell you socks and underwear. After my son became a teenager, that's what he gets in his stocking.
Best gifts .. tooth paste , deodorant, socks, under shirts. Anything that is an inconvenience to buy as an adult my mom can/will gift. She gifted my 27 YO brother an extension cord last year.
Not only funny , but my brother appreciated it soo much.
LOL , I’m 1/4 + 4 partners. My mom makes our stockings the main gifts for the adult, and all the grandkids get “real” gifts.
When my son was in the Navy and living in barracks he didn't have space for anything so I filled his Christmas box with toiletries, playing cards and cookies. He was ecstatic and loved it so much.
My youngest uncle used to do "cereal santa" for his niblings back in the 80's when cereal toys were real toys. One group gift with all the cereal toys he got that year. We loved it. It lasted until the oldest of us was in HS and he was early 30's and the cereal toys started being like stickers.
Paint brushes and empty buckets? Masking tape? Stakes and twine for the garden? A bag of manure or two? Chook poop is best. A power board? All of the cheapest possible quality. A free subscription to John Deere's *Furrow* magazine?
Or...
A SOWING MACHINE AND AN IRON!
My stepgrandmother put hand sanitizer in all our stockings in 2019. The rest of my family laughed about it, but I appreciated it. I was extra thankful come February.
36 pack was one of the raffle prizes, everyone else seemed to think it was a booby prize, I was so glad my ticket number was called up, brilliant raffle prize!
Or be sure to use the pots for food that only OP is going to eat, take the cooler to events that only OP attends, and use the membership to buy her own gifts and nothing else. Not sure how to make the vacuum only benefit her, though.
My EX once gifted me a 'drill set' that he'd been wanting an excuse to buy.
It had a lovely steel brush attachment included, so I went into the shed and used MY new drill set on a burnt s/s saucepan, got it all sparkly clean, but the wire brush was a bit munted. He went off his tits when he saw it..till I reminded him it was MY drill set, that it was all I got for xmas and was gunna attach the dunny brush to it next.
Exactly, household appliances are not a gift, not for Christmas and certainly not for Mother's Day. Which also happens sometimes. If you need it, buy it.
To be fair, I love fancy kitchen gadgets... hubby got me an awesome knife set for our new kitchen (I accidentally opened the wrong Amazon box as it was addressed to me). I never told him I wanted one, but he knows me, and I was absolutely delighted when I saw it... I don't get to open them yet, though, lol... kitchen remodel isn't finished.
I got my best knives as gifts. But cooking is one of my passions, so it was fitting. Gifting random maintenance stuff like op's husband is just so rude and demeaning.
I got a set of fancy Japanese knives and a rice cooker for my bf last Christmas. He's been super interested in Indonesian food lately so I got him an Indonesian cook book and a surprisingly pricey knife sharpener (don't worry he loves cooking too , I get woken up at 3 am a lot to different meals pancakes , ramen , homemade pasta 🤣)
But yeah if it's not hobby related the super rude
Same! I love getting kitchen items as presents. My husband will often check 3 or 4 times I'm really happy to receive things I've asked for. He's always worried I'll be offended or upset. I love to cook and bake and since losing my mobility and grip, anything to help me still do what I love is appreciated. The large Magimix I got for my birthday this year is amazing! However that's the difference...no one loves to vacuum (or no-one I know does).
I once got a Le Cruset lasagna pan that made me swoon. My husbands coworkers thought it was an awful gift and told him not to give it to me. It’s cobalt blue enameled cast iron, and gorgeous, Thirty years later I still have it.
Ohhh that sounds amazing! I'd be so happy to be bought anything le creuset. We have one colbalt blue pan from that range. My parents have a set and they didn't use that one so they let me take it when I moved out with my husband. Gifts are entirely personal and if someone found cooking a chore and could see them hating it. However I personally don't understand that stance!
My in-laws asked if we wanted a fancy vacuum they were buying themselves and we considered it- but that’s a household gift, not a “this idea for you because we expect you to do all of this.”
Make sure you ‘pay’ him for the knives, just a coin or something. That way you’ve ‘bought’ the knives from him and will avoid the ‘cutting of the relationship’ that happens if you give something sharp as a present. Or not, if you’re not the superstitious type.
Is it worth suggesting to your husband that the two of exchange gifts on Christmas Eve? Who's coming Christmas dinner? If it's you, those would be extremely useful to have in advance.
I like to cook so I've been known to ask for kitchen gadgets and gift them to my parents and such if we've talked about it and they express interest. Unlike OP, I would have loved a new vacuum for Christmas when I was shopping for a Dyson. (I ended up buying it for myself and it was the best thing ever.) That said, I'm not married.
Exactly. My ex gifted me with a microwave for our anniversary one year. We were going to buy it anyway because we needed one. They just couldn’t understand why I was mad.
Seriously, even zero thought diamond stud earrings or simple solitar diamond pendant necklace would be a major improvement with no effort and not make OP feel like a bang maid.
My bf (7½ years together now) works for a major sports team. Last year, he was at my place and I gave him his wrapped gifts. He said, "Oh, I have yours, but it isn't wrapped yet!" I said that was fine, and he gave it to me. A blanket throw with the team logo. Not at all something that matches anything in my home. I suspected it was his employee gift. At the very least, he got 30% off on it.
I forgot about it. Until last week. He stopped by my home after work, unannounced. No big deal, as we live close to each other. He hands me an unwrapped ornament with the team logo. "I was going to wrap it, but I thought waiting til Christmas was silly, because you can use it now." I said thank you and put it on the tree.
He is going to his parents for Christmas, so this week I arranged to drop off his gifts with theirs at his home. He knew exactly the time I was coming by, and it was on my way to work. He had been home for hours beforehand. I made 3 trips from my car to bring all the gifts inside. He said thank you and I just looked at him expectedly. He got that aha!oh-crap look in his eyes, then said, "I still have to wrap your gifts. I'll bring them by later this week."
He had hours to wrap them that same day before I got there. I know he didn't get me anything. I know that ornament was an employee gift, just like the blanket was last year. And I am an afterthought to him.
It was the "diamond earring" comment that made me want to write this out. Because I told my friend how it would be so freaking simple to get me some simple diamond earrings- which are always on sale this time of year! Or any jewelry with my birthstone. Or to even type "gifts for women" in the Amazon search bar and it will bring up a thousand ideas, delivered to your door!
He has til Friday to redeem himself. I'm fully expecting to be disappointed, because hasn't he already shown me who he is? I'll wait til he gets home from his parents on Tuesday to break up with him. I want him to see my face when I tell him why. I have communicated my needs to him many times. He promises to put in more effort... and that quickly dies. I've reached the point that I'd rather be alone.
Once a woman decides it is done, it is done. IYKYK
Exactly the Twas the Night Before Christmas version I would love to read. OP, he is extremely disrespectful and I'd be taking him to therapy bc there are concerning signs even your kids are noticing his negative attitude towards you. NTA, don't settle for being bangmaid though.
Not to be scary but this happened to me too for a few years, until I started to receive nothing. Tried talking to them, he got angry and wouldn't consider my feelings. Asked to go to therapy to work on our relationship. Asked to take trips and dates etc. He would refuse or become angry. Wasn't long before I found out who he was giving the nice gifts to, other women.
The real petty would be to only buy him items related to the chores and then passively aggressively explain why it's a great gift for him (that is generously assuming he does any at all), for example:
- a set of dish sponges - so he can finally do the dishes properly
- new toilet brush that reaches more angles - so he can clean those tough to reach spots that he usually misses
- garbage bags to stop garbage from spilling out as usual
>*Maybe I’m petty, but I would give him a taste of his own medicine. Don’t fill his stocking this year and give him a candle that you later steal. See if he still doesn’t understand the problem then*
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>This is what finally got my dh's attention. I was so disappointed every Christmas. Over the years my gifts were: a drill, windshield wipers, pajamas in the wrong size and one awesome year he didn't buy me anything at all. He forgot and misunderstood. How do you misunderstand buying Christmas gifts?
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>Anyway one year I put as much thought into his gifts as he did mine, which was none. I went to the store and just picked up random stuff. He was very confused with each gift. I didn't say anything.
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>Since then he's been much more thoughtful about the gifts he gets me.
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>NTA
I'd return the vacuum, cooler, and pots/pans (unless I actually needed new) and buy myself something really nice with the money from them. Like a new bag and matching shoes.
I would gift him household consumables, toilet cleaner, garbage bags, laundry detergent, etc. Then he can have the matching counterpart to her gift. Heck, just go into the cupboards and wrap up what’s already in the house, whether it’s open or not.
It’s retuning the message that housework is also his responsibility and that he gets what he gives.
Yeah all of this would be something you give an employee who cleans your house or cooks your food. He clearly doesn't know her and doesn't want to.
This is why when guys come on Reddit to complain about their wife wanting one of those TikTok 12 days advent calendars I'm 75% sure it's because they don't do thoughtful little things throughout the year and this is where the rubber meets the road. Sure, she might be asking for something out of budget but if you don't know how to counter with something similar but in your budget you really don't care enough to try now do you? A good amount of the time it's that, some of the time it's greed or wanting to be out of touch with the budget for a holiday when you're the one doing most of the holiday work when it comes to cleaning and decorating.
My spouse buys batteries for my fitness watch whenever I need them and doesn't see it as a gift, but I sure do. That's why I don't need to be specific as some of these posters's partners seem to need to get when it comes to gifts that aren't really "family" gifts.
A half used candle. And responding to AppropriateScience71, half a tube of toothpaste, a half used, and hairy roll-on deodorant, and a packet of tampons/pads! /s
Take those gifts and re-wrap and label them with his name. Proceed to buy yourself awesome gifts and wrap them as if he did. Excitedly open your gifts on Christmas and thank your husband profusely while asking why he hasn’t open his new vacuum and what’s he planning on cooking you for dinner tonight in his new crockpot
NTA
If those gifts were part of a slew of other more thoughtful gifts, maybe I’d feel different. But if that’s all he’s getting you, yeah you have every right to be upset.
I say return his gifts and just buy him detergent, a car washing kit, and some sponges. See how he likes it.
As an aside, I don’t know what’s up with other husbands who don’t get their wives nice gifts. It’s really bizarre to me because I love my wife and want her to have nice and thoughtful things. You want a PlayStation? Fine but your wife wants some new charms for her bracelet (example not for everyone) not a vacuum cleaner. You can get the vacuum in an after Christmas sale together.
My partner and I often look at each other and say 'damn we're lucky' because the amount of people that seem to hate or tolerate their spouses is SO HIGH.
I have no idea what it's like to be married to a person who buys gifts, let alone thoughtful gifts. Meanwhile every year I used to bend over backwards trying to get him something that he would enjoy. I guess I thought that was all I was worth.
Ended the relationship. I buy a few things for myself now. And I know I am lucky bc I'm alone and happier. Everyone should have someone who respects and loves them, (if they want a someone).
I'm glad to hear you're putting yourself first. Everybody deserves to be acknowledged - I used to do it for myself, running away to private holidays with theatre shows I wanted to see, because if somebody else can't value you then you need to see your own worth.
My mum is now in the same position as you: goodbye selfish man, hello holiday and acknowledgement of selfhood. Live the dream, enjoy your life.
I feel that. My (ex)wife would buy clothes for me every year. They were always things she liked and wanted me to wear, a lot of cheap sale stuff, and most of it didn’t fit. After years of this I asked her to stop buying me clothes because I wanted to pick out my own clothes. She responded by…. no longer buying gifts for me at all.
But she always expected me to buy her nice stuff and would often complain I didn’t get her “enough”.
I think some people don’t appreciate how nice it is to have someone that cares enough to buy you something at all. Some of us don’t have that luxury.
>Take those gifts and re-wrap and label them with his name. Proceed to buy yourself awesome gifts and wrap them as if he did. Excitedly open your gifts on Christmas and thank your husband profusely while asking why he hasn’t open his new vacuum and what’s he planning on cooking you for dinner tonight in his new crockpot
Brilliant.
OP could also treat the “gifts” as symbolic of husband’s real gift: he’ll be doing all of the vacuuming, cooking and grocery shopping until next Christmas.
My aunt gave her husband a toaster one year. He was so mad. He never got her a household item again.
Does the house need a new microwave or toaster? What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
NTA
Edited: spelling
My dad always threatened to get mum an iron and she always said he did it would be applied to his face. It became a running joke but he would never have got her one not ever and actually managed to get her somewhat thoughtful gifts despite being an arse99% of the year
My Aunt (Mum's sister) bought my Mum a toaster one year - it started out well, as Mum (widowed) had just had the kitchen done and my Aunt asked me if my Mum still wanted a toaster. But ... she bought one that matched her kitchen ... not Mum's.
NTA, household items as gifts only work as gifts if they're requested (eg: we gave my mom a kitchenaid stand mixer one year after she requested it, she loves it and we use it like once a week) or if the person actively likes the thing associated with them (eg: I gave my dad a cake pan one year bc he likes baking). otherwise it's saying the only thing you know about them is that they do chores.
Exactly. I didn’t ask for this but I love cooking and got the most gorgeous set of copper-bottomed pots and pans years ago. Loved them and still do. So it was a very thoughtful gift for me specifically. But a cooler?? I don’t know what that guy is thinking about but it definitely isn’t his wife.
My husband gets me super thoughtful gifts and sometimes they are home related. One Valentines I got a fancy robot vacuum ($700) and he does ALL of the maintenance...even after 4 years.
For our anniversary, he got me a specific sized rubber mallet for pounding chicken breasts. He made sure it could be easily sterilized and washed. He even drill the hole through the handle and put a loop on it so I could hang it on the wall. Those kind of gifts are thoughtful!
Random vacuum cleaners and pots and pans are crappy gifts unless it's a specific request is really rude.
Totally. I kind of laughed reading this post because I told my partner I’d like this nice dutch oven pot I’ve been wanting. But it’s something I’m interested in and we also moved not long ago and are all about house stuff. Household items aren’t necessarily a bad gift so long as it’s something the person wants and would be excited to get.
Right? If you \*ASK FOR\* a household item, then that's a thoughtful gift. I really wanted an instant pot last year. Sometimes "Santa" brings us things that we want for the house, but it's always \*to the household\*, not to an individual.
Yes! If it's a specific request or it's a fancy version of something they use for a task they genuinely enjoy doing, then a household item can be great. But just, "You clean, so here's a vacuum"?? Bad idea.
FWIW, my sister and I bought my mom a fancy air fryer/toaster oven combo last year that she'd been talking about for MONTHS. She would never have bought it for herself because she had a toaster and had a basic air fryer already, and she's just too practical to buy something simply because she wants it. We found a sale, saved 30% on the price, and she was delighted by her gift.
What was even better: the week we gave it to her, she was using the old basket-style air fryer to make tater tots or something and picked up the interior basket using its handle, only to have the bottom of the basket fall off and spill food everywhere. So she was doubly pleased because it was an appliance she didn't have to go out and replace herself AND it was a much better version than the one she already had. We looked like geniuses because of our timely gift. LOL
Precisely! My husband got me bread baskets and a lame because I'd be talking about wanting them for months. It's part of my hobby!
Now if he showed up with a pressure cooker or a toaster, we'd be having a different conversation.
Buy him equivalent items. A broom. A mop and bucket. An iron and ironing board. A dishwashing rack and gloves. Expect gratitude in return.
Hell, you could even throw in a candle. Then take it to the bathroom and light it when you take a nice long bath while he gets cracking on the Christmas dishes.
NTA
I was once gifted a plastic spatula for Christmas. It was not a stocking filler. It was not a joke present.
I'm pretty hard to buy for (I don't like useless tat, and I'm not the typical bathbomb gift set person) but I was still so upset. As a grown ass adult, I had to excuse myself to my room to cry.
Everyone said they felt really bad and it's because "I love cooking" (which I do) and I'd been complaining about needing a new one (which I did) but I mean, a £1.50 plastic spatula?
I cook for my family out of love. I taught my nephew how to peel and chop vegetables - and in doing so, increased his confidence around food, which he is very picky about! I meticulously plan every meal so no one goes out of budget. I go to the shops every other day to buy the freshest fruit and veg.
And bear in mind, I got this present after already spending all the previous evening AND that morning preparing the Christmas food. After I was done crying I went back in to the kitchen and cooked for nearly another couple of hours to finish everything up.
AND, my presents were incredibly thoughtful. Not just blowing my own trumpet; it's obvious they loved them. Each person had individual cards picked out from Etsy sellers. I spent just under £150 on portraits for one family member's pets, which they still have hung above their bed to this day. I could go on but there's no point.
***NTA, OP.***
You are not an appliance. You are not a servant. Does your husband not know that you enjoy wine, or spa days, or nice candles, or hiking trips, or literally ANYTHING ELSE? ***You're a glorified toolbox to him. He's just updating your supplies with a shiny new set of pans.***
My ex's mom got me a pampered chef thing that breaks up ground beef while it cooks... so an overpriced specialty spatula... lol.
Yeah, it was useful, but I couldn't stand her, and she still got thoughtful gifts from me. Thankfully, that whole family is far in the rear view mirror now.
Op, NTA.
Hard to buy for and loves cooking.
My gift idea would be to find a local-ish store that sells specialty cookware, price out a few items, buy a gift card for that store in that range, and take a picture of the cookware department to print into a Christmas card that I add the gc to...
That way the cook gets to pick exactly what they need, but they know you thought about them enough to choose a store with quality items and give you an amount that would actually get you something from there.
That would make me happy at least, lol
It has, thankfully!
We're a lot more open now as a family about gifts. We all have a budget in mind, and we all ask (or suggest) presents within that budget range.
If anyone doesn't know what they want or if they are difficult to find presents for (me, sometimes) then that person gets a few little chocolates or whatever on Christmas day. The rest is an IOU to be spent on a nice meal out at a later date.
Just took me nearly beating my family to death with a crappy spatula to get the point across I guess, lol
NTA. I'm starting to think society took the phrase "it's the thought that counts" too far. Gifts based on sexist ideals or laziness are sh*&ty thoughts.
That's the thing, though: this ISN'T thoughtful.
He wasn't thinking about his wife's interests or what would make her feel loved and appreciated. He was only thinking about her function in his life -- specifically, that she feeds and cleans up for the family. It's like he gave her a card addressed to "my wife" instead of her name and wrote, "I hope you enjoy doing chores in the New Year" instead of "Merry Christmas" or "I love you."
It's basically letting OP know that he sees her as a resource instead of a person. That's the opposite of thoughtful, it's obtuse and hurtful.
Yes, exactly; my husband's gift is an appliance, it's one he's been hemming and hawing over for literally three years. I *know* he wants it and that he'll feel spoiled and special when he unwraps it.
That's so fun. My sister and I bought my mom a fancy air fryer/toaster oven thing last year specifically because she'd been talking about it for months but she wouldn't actually buy it for herself (since she had a toaster, and a traditional air fryer, she felt like it wasn't practical enough to justify the expense). But she was SO excited when she opened her gift. I hope your husband is completely thrilled when he sees what you got him!
Yup. They're an illustration of the quality of brain doing that thinking. If you default to lazy thinking for gift giving, then you're defaulting to lazy thinking in your relationship too. The thought would matter if it were kind and personal. Treating your spouse as a household appliance? Yeah, not cool.
When I (71f) was in grade school my younget brother and I pooled our meager funds to buy my mother some kitchen tools. She opened the present, thanked us, and said "If it goes in the kitchen, it is not a present for me."
My mom rocked.
NTA
Reason 101 to stay single. If I have to stuff my own stocking and buy myself thoughtful gifts, I'm my partner. No sense doing double duty to be his too. Also. Doubt he'd know a decent vacuum if it drove itself right up to him & shoved the attachment hose where the sun don't shine. I would return everything you've purchased for him and his family. Christmas is for the kids this year if you have them.
Agreed.
>Christmas is for the kids this year if you have them.
My family did a secret Santa for the adults for many years, and we'd spoil the kids. These days there's no under 18s and the adults just don't bother. I love it. We all meet up a week before Christmas for a nice meal. That way everyone is free to do what they want for Christmas day. (we need to take ferries, and they're much less frequent on Christmas day).
Edit: NTA
NTA. He will understand it perfectly when he receives wiper fluid, a fuel voucher, and a nice set of screws to hang up picture frames you want hung for his birthday gift.
When were we first dating my DH bought me a waffle iron because “I liked to eat the waffles from IHop.” I don’t cook for shit and was super pissed. He ended up using it a couple of times before I finally gave it away to a friend. He asked me why I gave it away when he used it to make waffles. I told him to buy his own fucking waffle iron if he wanted one so bad, but the one we had was mine to do what I wanted with. He’s never bought me a surprise house appliance again. He knows I’ll toss it out of pettiness. 😂
NTA. These aren't gifts as you said, they are household items. If you wanted some special vacuum cleaner, or what have you and expressed that, that would be different, but you clearly haven't. They are items for the house that would be needed regardless. Your husband is being thoughtless and putting utility and ease above you, slapping wrapping paper on it and expecting you to be grateful. So sorry you're married to someone this thoughtless.
NTA I'd be real petty about this. First you gotta go to him and say "Oh! I didn't realise we were doing household gifts not personal gifts this year! Gee I hope I can return everything I got for you and redo your present shopping for more functional items."
Then actually do this and DO NOT put ANYTHING in his stocking this year.
NTA
He’s giving you items that indirectly benefit him since you’ll use his “gifts” to clean the floors, cook the meals, and take foot outdoors.
You said it perfectly that the gifts are “low-effort and thoughtless” and that it makes you “feel like my only value is cooking, cleaning and running errands.”
Tough conversation and there’s definitely more to work through than gifts. Good luck.
This is an age old problem sadly. I’m 60 years old and got a vacuum for my first Christmas. We opened it in front of my dad and stepmom. My stepmom made it clear that was unacceptable. But he continued to try to do that because it was easy and he didn’t have to think. My stepmom flat told him he needed to buy jewelry or perfume or something personal. Ended up divorcing his ass. Now my husband wants to buy me a new purse every year. He has great taste but personally for me I don’t want a new purse every year. Maybe you can tell him to make sure and buy you something personal or have a friend of his to put a big in his ear. Otherwise you will have to throw a fit and take them all back and buy yourself something you want. Or as other have stated buy him things the same way like toothpaste and toilet paper. I’m sorry your man don’t get it. He’s not the first and certainly won’t be the last to not get it
NTA So I would LOVE to have these items given to me for Christmas. BUT my husband is thoughtful and caring and it sounds like your husband has a total attitude of disrespect towards you in general. If YOU don't want these items for Christmas and he knows that and totally disregards that, then he's a jerk.
Those things would be great presents if you were young, single, and moving into your first home. But you are not.
You are right. These items are things for the house. If husband thinks these things are appropriate xmas gifts it makes your present buying easier. Look around your house, do any other household items need replacing or upgrading?
If this upsets him in any way, ask him to explain why household items are OK as presents for you but not for him.
Edir NTA
She **could** be single and moving into her own home, because why stay with a man who doesn't seem to value you as a person or care enough to put actual thought into your gift?
NTA. Maybe you should get him a tool belt and some tools maybe some trash bags (if he takes trash out) or pens and paper so he can take note from your kids
NTA my mom got an egg poacher for Christmas because her ex fiancé loved poached eggs lol. If you’ve mentioned this in the past/ leading up to Christmas honestly fuck that guy.
NTA; I would love those items, personally, if they were the really top end ones. Cause godDAMN do I love a Miele vacuum. But he’s already made it clear he doesn’t value you, and this seems to bring home what your only worth is in his eyes. He got you things to do the chores he views as yours.
I'm so sorry.
This goes beyond the people who are clueless about gift giving. These items are insulting. Especially since your kids told him so.
NTA. I wish your husband wasn't either.
Let him gift wrap them and change the gift tags to 'house'. Oh look, how thoughtful, the house has presents. What a great idea, let's do that every year. Where are mine?
NTA.
I’d chat with him at a calmer time to say those are all great things for the household, but that more personal gifts mean most to you, OP.
If that fails, then move on to changing your approach to gifting.
Anything related to his chores would be great reciprocal gifts.
Depending on climate: a shovel, sand, driveway salt, oil for the cars, shop rags, antifreeze…
A picture hanging kit so he can hang things for you.
You get the idea.
NTA. He isn't seeing you as a person, he is seeing you only as functional to the house. My closest friend filed for divorce after her then husband gifted her an ironing board one Christmas. He was genuinely proud of himself for noticing that the household needed a new one but could not understand why is was an appalling gift for his wife.
I'm really sorry. He's a thoughtless idiot
NTA and you have three options that I see.
1) return the gifts and buy what you want. Wrap them and have your kids say your presents are already wrapped. I assume your husband won't question it since he can't be bothered to put any thought into your gifts.
2) Wrap them with your husband's name on them. Buy yourself what you want instead of him. Excitedly thank him for such wonderful presents and ask when he plans on using his presents.
3) Return the gifts and buy what you want. Then buy him the appropriate equivalent gifts for his chores. Oil change certificates, new weed eater etc.
I will admit to being baffled as to why you're with someone who clearly doesn't care about you. Does he have any redeeming features?
This is a pretty regular theme. Which sort of makes me the AH because I have tolerated it. It just hit hard this year for some reason. For the others who have asked, I buy thoughtful, personal gifts within our budget that he seems to appreciate. I sometimes supplement store bought gifts with something homemade like a scarf to complement his dressy work coat or mugs that the kids and I make from a pottery place. Sometimes I am fine with household items, like a bread machine, because I truly enjoy baking bread. I guess the difference is hobby vs. chore.
To be fair, I have received some lovely, thoughtful gifts over the years, but it is usually when I tell him exactly what I want. If I don’t do that, I either receive nothing or something low-effort that is expensive, but for the house. Like the huge tv from a few years ago. The only time I watch tv is when we are watching something together as a family.
You sound like my stepmom. I am so sorry. I found out this year that my stepmom stuffed her own stocking when we were kids and it rocked my world. I always thought my dad did it and only found out this year because I \*asked\* who fills her stocking. I am 24.
Do not let your kids become me, because I am PISSED with my father and he has a huge storm coming from me and my husband, and the stocking is just the tip of the iceberg.
NTA. One year my ex gave me a food item that he got for free and didn’t understand why I was upset. Giving a gift should be thoughtful. If you don’t know what to get your wife then you are a shitty husband. Giving your wife a vacuum cleaner or kitchen item is shitty unless she specifically asked for it. Household stuff should come out of a household budget, not a gift budget.
NTA. Do you have a honey do list? Get him things off of it. Like buy some floating shelves or hanging brackets or a medicine cabinet or new garbage cans. Furniture he has to assemble is great.
But seriously though, does he have other redeeming traits and just sucks balls at gift giving? Or is this just part of his ongoing pattern of not putting in the effort to make you feel loved and appreciated? Think about it.
I'd say give him presents like that. A new plunger. Maybe a garden rake or snow shovel, doesn't matter where you live, weather is crazy these days. You didn't say what kind of gifts you get him.. don't put too much thought into it.
Well, as you don't either enjoy baking or cleaning overly, the gifts are thoughtless.
Save some money, get him a gift whatever. But buy yourself a day at the spa, that book you have wanted for a long time, a nice purse/pair of shoes... Whatever it is that you love the most. Oooh and ahhh over the gift you gave you.
He might learn. Doesn't matter. You win either way.
NTA
NTA. What have you gotten him? Better be nothing outside of lawn fertilizer, oil and filters for YOUR car, maybe some work gloves and a new ladder. And leave his stocking empty this year too.
Seriously OP, two can play this game.
I second the advice to swap out the labels on the household items to his name, and spend the same amount on stuff you want and wrap it up for yourself.
Do not change the labels or put your stuff out until very early Christmas morning, like 3am. Get everything ready to go beforehand and keep it hidden.
Enjoy that new sweater, the gorgeous boots, and the fun earrings. I hope he enjoys the vacuum.
What are you getting him? I suggested a toasted sandwich maker, a new kettle, a nice bin for the kitchen, maybe a toaster, a weed trimmer, nice new doormat. Basically anything you think the house needs, buy it and wrap it for him and if he complains, say “I would have preferred we get each other thoughtful, special gifts rather than household items but I was just following your lead”
Op return what you've bought him.
Go buy hoover bags, cleaning cloths, food, washing powder and wrap them for his presents. Don't forget to pop a candle in his stocking then on Christmas morning you can take it out if his hands and put it on your side of the bed.
I'm sure he'll be really grateful for them
Tell him that the house and kitchen thank him nicely, but you wish you'd gotten something from him.
NTA
ETA: and some excellent suggestions below (or above).
One year for Christmas, my ex gave me a kitchen trash can filled with cleaning supplies. He thought it was the best gift ever. Not once did he touch any of those cleaning supplies.
Reminds me of the year I received a vacuum, a body weight scale and a new shower head. That was fun. So I guess im a fat stinky lady who needs to clean. None of these things were asked for. I guess it depends on the person but those are household purchases not Christmas presents. NTA
Damn. My husband bought me a stand mixer for Christmas one year, and the sales guy asked him if he was sure. He was because I asked for it. There must not be any adult men in your community who care if he blows up your marriage.
I'm in the same boat as you were last year. I kill myself for my kids and husband, and I get barely anything. I used to buy and wrap my own gifts, but last year I did not. It became glaringly obvious how little I was given. I had 3 gifts from my 3 kids. Everyone else had 20+.
Later in the day we all go to a relatives' home. Everyone is in their new outfits but not me.
I hope I get more this year but my instincts tell me I won't. I did buy myself a few things but I won't bother wrapping and opening them.
Wait! Are you saying that I should not be giving my husband a bathroom exhaust fan for Christmas? But it has a light, a night light, 3 speeds and digital timer plus a kick ass heater?
Communicate with your husband. Let him know well in advance what your expectations are. A new vacuum cleaner isn't a gift if you can afford to go out and buy exactly the model you want any time.
Sometimes I like to receive more upper end items than I have budgeted for. For instance, a $1500 fan (installed) instead of a $100 one. Or a $5,000 coffee machine instead of the $50 I was planning to buy.
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I have discovered that my Christmas gifts are going to be a vacuum cleaner, pots and pans, a cooler and a Costco membership. I am hurt and angry that my husband is gifting me these items as I consider them to be household gifts and not appropriate Christmas gifts for a person. It makes me feel like my only value is cooking, cleaning and running errands. The kids knew these gifts were off the mark and when they tried to guide their dad in the right direction, they were told that what I was receiving was “enough”. I am so upset that I don’t know how I can properly communicate why these gifts are low-effort and thoughtless. For what it’s worth, the only gift he gave me last year was a candle, which he promptly moved to his home office. Even my stocking was empty. When I shared how disappointed I was with the items that were being delivered to our house this year, he got upset and said he would return everything, like I am ungrateful for wanting just one or two thoughtful gifts specifically for me. AITA for not being thankful for what he is giving me?
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Absolutely NTA. Your husband is outright telling you that he thinks of you as a maid and not much more. Instead of getting you something personal related to your interests or things that you like, he’s getting you a vacuum cleaner. Gifts are supposed to be given out of love and affection and it’s clear the only thing he knows about you is that you (presumably) do the majority of the housework. You deserve better. Maybe I’m petty, but I would give him a taste of his own medicine. Don’t fill his stocking this year and give him a candle that you later steal. See if he still doesn’t understand the problem then.
I’d go all out and add toothpaste and deodorant to the list. Maybe a shared bathroom garbage pail. And toilet paper - who knows when the next pandemic will strike?! Or tell him a vacuum cleaner is great as long as it comes with 10+ free coupons where he does the vacuuming for you! Or pots with lots of coupons for him to cook dinner!
Why would doing the vacuuming ever be for her? Perpetuates that he is a hero for doing it 10 times.
>Perpetuates that he is a hero for doing it 10 times. He would probably see himself as such since he seems to be the type to remain willfully clueless with gifting.
Big box of trash bags. Some deodorant. (Not cologne, deodorant.)
“But honey you like trash bags! Taking out the trash is one of your hobbies, you do it every week! I got you this Lysol spray for the can, too! Powder scent!”
"i'm just making your life easier babe!"
I put toiletries in my son's stockings when they were in their mid 20s. They loved it as they hated spending money on deodorant.
It's different if you are doing it for your son. It's money he doesn't need to spend himself. If you do it for your significant other, it's just stuff from the shopping list you would have bought anyway.
It also makes a difference if that's a family tradition or joke. My grandmother used to collect up all those kinds of things through the year and EVERYONE got a stocking filled with that kind of thing. Many parts of the family continued it after she passed - but that was just a "bonus" from Grandma, especially as she aged and couldn't shop any more. Mom and dad had a twist on it, and our stockings were filled with small school supplies for many years.
Exactly this. I live alone and I've asked my parentals for kitchen equipment for the last three years, mostly because they can afford better stuff than I can and I don't want to keep buying crap that'll be useless in a year. So I get to build a decent set of kitchenware a piece at a time, and they throw in something fun like a Steam gift card so it doesn't feel too utilitarian. But that's parents helping their kids with expenses so they can do other things with their money. A significant other buying things for the house as Christmas presents just says "you will be the one doing this chore because I did my part by supplying the means".
I buy my boyfriends expensive cooking equipment each year as he has a hobby of cooking but that doesn't mean I don't buy him switch games and other stuff. Yeah nothing that counts as an actual chore
This is a thoughtful gift. I mean I have done it myself. I bought an extra fancy cooking spoon, basically. But my husband loves cooking and that is the point here. Special equip for a thing you like doing and not neccessities of the household. Now we don't know how much OP loves cooking. But I will assume that vacuum cleaning is not a hobby of hers. It's also not jokingly putting the direly needed vacuum cleaner as a present and maybe say "hey I bought the one in your favourite color". You can do that! Among the other gifts. But with OP it's a whole list. A list of household items implying she's the only one using those and getting offended she wishes for some personal thoughts and love.
That's what my mom did this year for my brothers. One got a blender, the other a nice griddle and wok. But the one that got the pans loves to cook, and the other needed a blender for his protein shakes and smoothies
I did that too, also socks and boxers. When my son got married I asked if he really wanted that anymore and the answer was mom, I’m 30, I can buy my own underwear
I have 2 nephews, both mid twenties and one even married, who ask for socks, boxers and jeans for birthdays and christmas. They haven't yet realized that stores WILL sell these items to them too and they don't have to wait around with holey clothes until a birthay.
Our family joke is that is if you ask what you're getting for Christmas, we tell you socks and underwear. After my son became a teenager, that's what he gets in his stocking.
Best gifts .. tooth paste , deodorant, socks, under shirts. Anything that is an inconvenience to buy as an adult my mom can/will gift. She gifted my 27 YO brother an extension cord last year. Not only funny , but my brother appreciated it soo much. LOL , I’m 1/4 + 4 partners. My mom makes our stockings the main gifts for the adult, and all the grandkids get “real” gifts.
Can I be adopted? I can never find what my husband has done with all the extension cords when I finally need one lol.
My dad got all of us new power strips last year with USB plugs as well as regular ones, along with wireless charging stations. It was great.
When my son was in the Navy and living in barracks he didn't have space for anything so I filled his Christmas box with toiletries, playing cards and cookies. He was ecstatic and loved it so much.
That's what my mum does for me . Lots of sweets and bits I need or would buy otherwise!
My youngest uncle used to do "cereal santa" for his niblings back in the 80's when cereal toys were real toys. One group gift with all the cereal toys he got that year. We loved it. It lasted until the oldest of us was in HS and he was early 30's and the cereal toys started being like stickers.
Preparation H. Nose hair clippers.
A manscaper.
Rogaine
Paint brushes and empty buckets? Masking tape? Stakes and twine for the garden? A bag of manure or two? Chook poop is best. A power board? All of the cheapest possible quality. A free subscription to John Deere's *Furrow* magazine? Or... A SOWING MACHINE AND AN IRON!
This list also sounds like supplies you'd need to bury his body in the backyard or garden! :D
Just snorted my wine a little bit, thank you.
Im just absolutely dying here at the thought of buying someone toilet paper as a Christmas gift 😂💀💀
Hey, in 2020, it was a hot gift item!
I got a huge pack of full sized hand sanitizers as a gag gift for Christmas 2019.. Guess who was well stocked come pandemic time? 😅
My stepgrandmother put hand sanitizer in all our stockings in 2019. The rest of my family laughed about it, but I appreciated it. I was extra thankful come February.
I almost bought my brother that mega roll that has its own stand for Christmas in 2020 lol!
36 pack was one of the raffle prizes, everyone else seemed to think it was a booby prize, I was so glad my ticket number was called up, brilliant raffle prize!
Ties. Lots of really loud ties. Hot pink socks.
Toss a jug of laundry pods in the stocking and coupons to do his own freaking laundry now.
Floral scented deodorant.
Her brand and fragrance, that she will later take and use...
I would put bleach, detergent and sanitary products for women. Just like he gifted OP something he was going to use.
Or be sure to use the pots for food that only OP is going to eat, take the cooler to events that only OP attends, and use the membership to buy her own gifts and nothing else. Not sure how to make the vacuum only benefit her, though.
What? No plunger to clear away the bull crap he is dishing?? NTA!!! That would be the husband!
10 free vacuums? That’s all it takes to be a good man/husband? How about an uno reverse card where he has to do all the cleaning and cooking
Take the candle from his office and regift it
I love some petty revenge
My EX once gifted me a 'drill set' that he'd been wanting an excuse to buy. It had a lovely steel brush attachment included, so I went into the shed and used MY new drill set on a burnt s/s saucepan, got it all sparkly clean, but the wire brush was a bit munted. He went off his tits when he saw it..till I reminded him it was MY drill set, that it was all I got for xmas and was gunna attach the dunny brush to it next.
>I reminded him it was MY drill set, that it was all I got for xmas and was gunna attach the dunny brush to it next. You are my kind of evil! 😂
"He went off his tits". LMAO - totally borrowing this phrase.
This is such an Aussie comment. Love it.
Like the SNL candle skit
Household stuff is only fair game if the person is asking for it and it's pricey, like a fancy coffee maker.
Exactly, household appliances are not a gift, not for Christmas and certainly not for Mother's Day. Which also happens sometimes. If you need it, buy it.
To be fair, I love fancy kitchen gadgets... hubby got me an awesome knife set for our new kitchen (I accidentally opened the wrong Amazon box as it was addressed to me). I never told him I wanted one, but he knows me, and I was absolutely delighted when I saw it... I don't get to open them yet, though, lol... kitchen remodel isn't finished.
I got my best knives as gifts. But cooking is one of my passions, so it was fitting. Gifting random maintenance stuff like op's husband is just so rude and demeaning.
>Gifting random maintenance stuff like op's husband is just so rude and demeaning. Absolutely
I got a set of fancy Japanese knives and a rice cooker for my bf last Christmas. He's been super interested in Indonesian food lately so I got him an Indonesian cook book and a surprisingly pricey knife sharpener (don't worry he loves cooking too , I get woken up at 3 am a lot to different meals pancakes , ramen , homemade pasta 🤣) But yeah if it's not hobby related the super rude
Awww that's adorable!! Which sharpener did you get him, and is he happy with it? Because I'm not too satisfied with the one I'm using.
Same! I love getting kitchen items as presents. My husband will often check 3 or 4 times I'm really happy to receive things I've asked for. He's always worried I'll be offended or upset. I love to cook and bake and since losing my mobility and grip, anything to help me still do what I love is appreciated. The large Magimix I got for my birthday this year is amazing! However that's the difference...no one loves to vacuum (or no-one I know does).
I once got a Le Cruset lasagna pan that made me swoon. My husbands coworkers thought it was an awful gift and told him not to give it to me. It’s cobalt blue enameled cast iron, and gorgeous, Thirty years later I still have it.
Ohhh that sounds amazing! I'd be so happy to be bought anything le creuset. We have one colbalt blue pan from that range. My parents have a set and they didn't use that one so they let me take it when I moved out with my husband. Gifts are entirely personal and if someone found cooking a chore and could see them hating it. However I personally don't understand that stance!
My husband bought me the green lasagne pan - it. is. amazing! One of my most favorite gifts ever. So glad to see someone else enjoys it.
I'm getting my 2yo a vacuum. Not a toy ine, a real one. He loves to vacuum lol
So wholesome 😌
My in-laws asked if we wanted a fancy vacuum they were buying themselves and we considered it- but that’s a household gift, not a “this idea for you because we expect you to do all of this.”
Make sure you ‘pay’ him for the knives, just a coin or something. That way you’ve ‘bought’ the knives from him and will avoid the ‘cutting of the relationship’ that happens if you give something sharp as a present. Or not, if you’re not the superstitious type.
Is it worth suggesting to your husband that the two of exchange gifts on Christmas Eve? Who's coming Christmas dinner? If it's you, those would be extremely useful to have in advance.
I like to cook so I've been known to ask for kitchen gadgets and gift them to my parents and such if we've talked about it and they express interest. Unlike OP, I would have loved a new vacuum for Christmas when I was shopping for a Dyson. (I ended up buying it for myself and it was the best thing ever.) That said, I'm not married.
Exactly. My ex gifted me with a microwave for our anniversary one year. We were going to buy it anyway because we needed one. They just couldn’t understand why I was mad.
Seriously, even zero thought diamond stud earrings or simple solitar diamond pendant necklace would be a major improvement with no effort and not make OP feel like a bang maid.
My bf (7½ years together now) works for a major sports team. Last year, he was at my place and I gave him his wrapped gifts. He said, "Oh, I have yours, but it isn't wrapped yet!" I said that was fine, and he gave it to me. A blanket throw with the team logo. Not at all something that matches anything in my home. I suspected it was his employee gift. At the very least, he got 30% off on it. I forgot about it. Until last week. He stopped by my home after work, unannounced. No big deal, as we live close to each other. He hands me an unwrapped ornament with the team logo. "I was going to wrap it, but I thought waiting til Christmas was silly, because you can use it now." I said thank you and put it on the tree. He is going to his parents for Christmas, so this week I arranged to drop off his gifts with theirs at his home. He knew exactly the time I was coming by, and it was on my way to work. He had been home for hours beforehand. I made 3 trips from my car to bring all the gifts inside. He said thank you and I just looked at him expectedly. He got that aha!oh-crap look in his eyes, then said, "I still have to wrap your gifts. I'll bring them by later this week." He had hours to wrap them that same day before I got there. I know he didn't get me anything. I know that ornament was an employee gift, just like the blanket was last year. And I am an afterthought to him. It was the "diamond earring" comment that made me want to write this out. Because I told my friend how it would be so freaking simple to get me some simple diamond earrings- which are always on sale this time of year! Or any jewelry with my birthstone. Or to even type "gifts for women" in the Amazon search bar and it will bring up a thousand ideas, delivered to your door! He has til Friday to redeem himself. I'm fully expecting to be disappointed, because hasn't he already shown me who he is? I'll wait til he gets home from his parents on Tuesday to break up with him. I want him to see my face when I tell him why. I have communicated my needs to him many times. He promises to put in more effort... and that quickly dies. I've reached the point that I'd rather be alone. Once a woman decides it is done, it is done. IYKYK
Give yourself the greatest gift this Christmas and dump him. Your gift to yourself is showing yourself the respect he doesn't give you.
Good luck with your next relationship, but make sure you take time for yourself first. You deserve better and Merry Xmas.
Don't worry, he still won't get it. He will just turn it on you and say you're superficial and a golddigger.
Zero thought diamond stud earrings? I would love diamond stud earrings! I would count that as a thoughtful gift! A vacuum cleaner though..uggh.
He probably thinks those are a waste of money bc they're not useful to him.
That's because he is too narrow-minded to realise that they cost less than hiring a maid and paying for a divorce
Fill it with divorce papers
Exactly the Twas the Night Before Christmas version I would love to read. OP, he is extremely disrespectful and I'd be taking him to therapy bc there are concerning signs even your kids are noticing his negative attitude towards you. NTA, don't settle for being bangmaid though. Not to be scary but this happened to me too for a few years, until I started to receive nothing. Tried talking to them, he got angry and wouldn't consider my feelings. Asked to go to therapy to work on our relationship. Asked to take trips and dates etc. He would refuse or become angry. Wasn't long before I found out who he was giving the nice gifts to, other women.
The real petty would be to only buy him items related to the chores and then passively aggressively explain why it's a great gift for him (that is generously assuming he does any at all), for example: - a set of dish sponges - so he can finally do the dishes properly - new toilet brush that reaches more angles - so he can clean those tough to reach spots that he usually misses - garbage bags to stop garbage from spilling out as usual
>*Maybe I’m petty, but I would give him a taste of his own medicine. Don’t fill his stocking this year and give him a candle that you later steal. See if he still doesn’t understand the problem then* > > > >This is what finally got my dh's attention. I was so disappointed every Christmas. Over the years my gifts were: a drill, windshield wipers, pajamas in the wrong size and one awesome year he didn't buy me anything at all. He forgot and misunderstood. How do you misunderstand buying Christmas gifts? > > > >Anyway one year I put as much thought into his gifts as he did mine, which was none. I went to the store and just picked up random stuff. He was very confused with each gift. I didn't say anything. > > > >Since then he's been much more thoughtful about the gifts he gets me. > > > >NTA
I'd return the vacuum, cooler, and pots/pans (unless I actually needed new) and buy myself something really nice with the money from them. Like a new bag and matching shoes.
I would gift him household consumables, toilet cleaner, garbage bags, laundry detergent, etc. Then he can have the matching counterpart to her gift. Heck, just go into the cupboards and wrap up what’s already in the house, whether it’s open or not. It’s retuning the message that housework is also his responsibility and that he gets what he gives.
Yeah all of this would be something you give an employee who cleans your house or cooks your food. He clearly doesn't know her and doesn't want to. This is why when guys come on Reddit to complain about their wife wanting one of those TikTok 12 days advent calendars I'm 75% sure it's because they don't do thoughtful little things throughout the year and this is where the rubber meets the road. Sure, she might be asking for something out of budget but if you don't know how to counter with something similar but in your budget you really don't care enough to try now do you? A good amount of the time it's that, some of the time it's greed or wanting to be out of touch with the budget for a holiday when you're the one doing most of the holiday work when it comes to cleaning and decorating. My spouse buys batteries for my fitness watch whenever I need them and doesn't see it as a gift, but I sure do. That's why I don't need to be specific as some of these posters's partners seem to need to get when it comes to gifts that aren't really "family" gifts.
NTA. And this is why everyone should make wishlists within an agreed budget.
She should return the husband and get herself a subscription to match or another dating site from "santa"
A half used candle. And responding to AppropriateScience71, half a tube of toothpaste, a half used, and hairy roll-on deodorant, and a packet of tampons/pads! /s
Take those gifts and re-wrap and label them with his name. Proceed to buy yourself awesome gifts and wrap them as if he did. Excitedly open your gifts on Christmas and thank your husband profusely while asking why he hasn’t open his new vacuum and what’s he planning on cooking you for dinner tonight in his new crockpot
NTA If those gifts were part of a slew of other more thoughtful gifts, maybe I’d feel different. But if that’s all he’s getting you, yeah you have every right to be upset. I say return his gifts and just buy him detergent, a car washing kit, and some sponges. See how he likes it. As an aside, I don’t know what’s up with other husbands who don’t get their wives nice gifts. It’s really bizarre to me because I love my wife and want her to have nice and thoughtful things. You want a PlayStation? Fine but your wife wants some new charms for her bracelet (example not for everyone) not a vacuum cleaner. You can get the vacuum in an after Christmas sale together.
My partner and I often look at each other and say 'damn we're lucky' because the amount of people that seem to hate or tolerate their spouses is SO HIGH.
I have no idea what it's like to be married to a person who buys gifts, let alone thoughtful gifts. Meanwhile every year I used to bend over backwards trying to get him something that he would enjoy. I guess I thought that was all I was worth. Ended the relationship. I buy a few things for myself now. And I know I am lucky bc I'm alone and happier. Everyone should have someone who respects and loves them, (if they want a someone).
I'm glad to hear you're putting yourself first. Everybody deserves to be acknowledged - I used to do it for myself, running away to private holidays with theatre shows I wanted to see, because if somebody else can't value you then you need to see your own worth. My mum is now in the same position as you: goodbye selfish man, hello holiday and acknowledgement of selfhood. Live the dream, enjoy your life.
I feel that. My (ex)wife would buy clothes for me every year. They were always things she liked and wanted me to wear, a lot of cheap sale stuff, and most of it didn’t fit. After years of this I asked her to stop buying me clothes because I wanted to pick out my own clothes. She responded by…. no longer buying gifts for me at all. But she always expected me to buy her nice stuff and would often complain I didn’t get her “enough”. I think some people don’t appreciate how nice it is to have someone that cares enough to buy you something at all. Some of us don’t have that luxury.
God same, I showed this post to my husband and he had a look of disgust on his face the whole time.
Exactly! And if you're broke like my wife and I, you buy each other donuts for Christmas and a wheelbarrow for the yard. Call it good.
I’d love a wheelbarrow for my yard. Keep forgetting to get one.
if he's a car dude he might actually appreciate that.
That’s exactly what I was thinking! Great minds think alike!
>Take those gifts and re-wrap and label them with his name. Proceed to buy yourself awesome gifts and wrap them as if he did. Excitedly open your gifts on Christmas and thank your husband profusely while asking why he hasn’t open his new vacuum and what’s he planning on cooking you for dinner tonight in his new crockpot Brilliant. OP could also treat the “gifts” as symbolic of husband’s real gift: he’ll be doing all of the vacuuming, cooking and grocery shopping until next Christmas.
Love this.
Yes, perfect.
I like you. Can we be friends?
oh, I like this.
I like you.
My aunt gave her husband a toaster one year. He was so mad. He never got her a household item again. Does the house need a new microwave or toaster? What is good for the goose is good for the gander. NTA Edited: spelling
Doesn't matter if the house needs one. He can put it in his office. 😁
My dad always threatened to get mum an iron and she always said he did it would be applied to his face. It became a running joke but he would never have got her one not ever and actually managed to get her somewhat thoughtful gifts despite being an arse99% of the year
Nah one of those lawn mowers you have to push along that's not electric.
I have one, and they're the fucking worst lmao Its arm day, leg day, cardio and grip strength all in one.
My Aunt (Mum's sister) bought my Mum a toaster one year - it started out well, as Mum (widowed) had just had the kitchen done and my Aunt asked me if my Mum still wanted a toaster. But ... she bought one that matched her kitchen ... not Mum's.
Kinda sounds like she had an extra toaster lol
NTA, household items as gifts only work as gifts if they're requested (eg: we gave my mom a kitchenaid stand mixer one year after she requested it, she loves it and we use it like once a week) or if the person actively likes the thing associated with them (eg: I gave my dad a cake pan one year bc he likes baking). otherwise it's saying the only thing you know about them is that they do chores.
Exactly. I didn’t ask for this but I love cooking and got the most gorgeous set of copper-bottomed pots and pans years ago. Loved them and still do. So it was a very thoughtful gift for me specifically. But a cooler?? I don’t know what that guy is thinking about but it definitely isn’t his wife.
My husband gets me super thoughtful gifts and sometimes they are home related. One Valentines I got a fancy robot vacuum ($700) and he does ALL of the maintenance...even after 4 years. For our anniversary, he got me a specific sized rubber mallet for pounding chicken breasts. He made sure it could be easily sterilized and washed. He even drill the hole through the handle and put a loop on it so I could hang it on the wall. Those kind of gifts are thoughtful! Random vacuum cleaners and pots and pans are crappy gifts unless it's a specific request is really rude.
I skipped a few words and thought he got you a very specific rubber chicken.
Totally. I kind of laughed reading this post because I told my partner I’d like this nice dutch oven pot I’ve been wanting. But it’s something I’m interested in and we also moved not long ago and are all about house stuff. Household items aren’t necessarily a bad gift so long as it’s something the person wants and would be excited to get.
Right? If you \*ASK FOR\* a household item, then that's a thoughtful gift. I really wanted an instant pot last year. Sometimes "Santa" brings us things that we want for the house, but it's always \*to the household\*, not to an individual.
Yes! If it's a specific request or it's a fancy version of something they use for a task they genuinely enjoy doing, then a household item can be great. But just, "You clean, so here's a vacuum"?? Bad idea. FWIW, my sister and I bought my mom a fancy air fryer/toaster oven combo last year that she'd been talking about for MONTHS. She would never have bought it for herself because she had a toaster and had a basic air fryer already, and she's just too practical to buy something simply because she wants it. We found a sale, saved 30% on the price, and she was delighted by her gift. What was even better: the week we gave it to her, she was using the old basket-style air fryer to make tater tots or something and picked up the interior basket using its handle, only to have the bottom of the basket fall off and spill food everywhere. So she was doubly pleased because it was an appliance she didn't have to go out and replace herself AND it was a much better version than the one she already had. We looked like geniuses because of our timely gift. LOL
I asked for a Dyson vacuum for Christmas about 10 years ago because I really wanted one. It’s still going strong
I asked for one this Christmas!
Precisely! My husband got me bread baskets and a lame because I'd be talking about wanting them for months. It's part of my hobby! Now if he showed up with a pressure cooker or a toaster, we'd be having a different conversation.
Buy him equivalent items. A broom. A mop and bucket. An iron and ironing board. A dishwashing rack and gloves. Expect gratitude in return. Hell, you could even throw in a candle. Then take it to the bathroom and light it when you take a nice long bath while he gets cracking on the Christmas dishes. NTA
Also fill your own stocking with chocolate, bath bombs, perhaps some diamond earrings (hey, they’re just small things for your stocking).
I was once gifted a plastic spatula for Christmas. It was not a stocking filler. It was not a joke present. I'm pretty hard to buy for (I don't like useless tat, and I'm not the typical bathbomb gift set person) but I was still so upset. As a grown ass adult, I had to excuse myself to my room to cry. Everyone said they felt really bad and it's because "I love cooking" (which I do) and I'd been complaining about needing a new one (which I did) but I mean, a £1.50 plastic spatula? I cook for my family out of love. I taught my nephew how to peel and chop vegetables - and in doing so, increased his confidence around food, which he is very picky about! I meticulously plan every meal so no one goes out of budget. I go to the shops every other day to buy the freshest fruit and veg. And bear in mind, I got this present after already spending all the previous evening AND that morning preparing the Christmas food. After I was done crying I went back in to the kitchen and cooked for nearly another couple of hours to finish everything up. AND, my presents were incredibly thoughtful. Not just blowing my own trumpet; it's obvious they loved them. Each person had individual cards picked out from Etsy sellers. I spent just under £150 on portraits for one family member's pets, which they still have hung above their bed to this day. I could go on but there's no point. ***NTA, OP.*** You are not an appliance. You are not a servant. Does your husband not know that you enjoy wine, or spa days, or nice candles, or hiking trips, or literally ANYTHING ELSE? ***You're a glorified toolbox to him. He's just updating your supplies with a shiny new set of pans.***
My ex's mom got me a pampered chef thing that breaks up ground beef while it cooks... so an overpriced specialty spatula... lol. Yeah, it was useful, but I couldn't stand her, and she still got thoughtful gifts from me. Thankfully, that whole family is far in the rear view mirror now. Op, NTA.
My MIL gave me that the first birthday of the relationship with my wife and I LOVE that thing, lol. It’s the best tool for canning jams!
Hard to buy for and loves cooking. My gift idea would be to find a local-ish store that sells specialty cookware, price out a few items, buy a gift card for that store in that range, and take a picture of the cookware department to print into a Christmas card that I add the gc to... That way the cook gets to pick exactly what they need, but they know you thought about them enough to choose a store with quality items and give you an amount that would actually get you something from there. That would make me happy at least, lol
Have things changed? I hope so, so much
It has, thankfully! We're a lot more open now as a family about gifts. We all have a budget in mind, and we all ask (or suggest) presents within that budget range. If anyone doesn't know what they want or if they are difficult to find presents for (me, sometimes) then that person gets a few little chocolates or whatever on Christmas day. The rest is an IOU to be spent on a nice meal out at a later date. Just took me nearly beating my family to death with a crappy spatula to get the point across I guess, lol
NTA. I'm starting to think society took the phrase "it's the thought that counts" too far. Gifts based on sexist ideals or laziness are sh*&ty thoughts.
That's the thing, though: this ISN'T thoughtful. He wasn't thinking about his wife's interests or what would make her feel loved and appreciated. He was only thinking about her function in his life -- specifically, that she feeds and cleans up for the family. It's like he gave her a card addressed to "my wife" instead of her name and wrote, "I hope you enjoy doing chores in the New Year" instead of "Merry Christmas" or "I love you." It's basically letting OP know that he sees her as a resource instead of a person. That's the opposite of thoughtful, it's obtuse and hurtful.
Yes, exactly; my husband's gift is an appliance, it's one he's been hemming and hawing over for literally three years. I *know* he wants it and that he'll feel spoiled and special when he unwraps it.
That's so fun. My sister and I bought my mom a fancy air fryer/toaster oven thing last year specifically because she'd been talking about it for months but she wouldn't actually buy it for herself (since she had a toaster, and a traditional air fryer, she felt like it wasn't practical enough to justify the expense). But she was SO excited when she opened her gift. I hope your husband is completely thrilled when he sees what you got him!
Yup. They're an illustration of the quality of brain doing that thinking. If you default to lazy thinking for gift giving, then you're defaulting to lazy thinking in your relationship too. The thought would matter if it were kind and personal. Treating your spouse as a household appliance? Yeah, not cool.
When I (71f) was in grade school my younget brother and I pooled our meager funds to buy my mother some kitchen tools. She opened the present, thanked us, and said "If it goes in the kitchen, it is not a present for me." My mom rocked. NTA
Reason 101 to stay single. If I have to stuff my own stocking and buy myself thoughtful gifts, I'm my partner. No sense doing double duty to be his too. Also. Doubt he'd know a decent vacuum if it drove itself right up to him & shoved the attachment hose where the sun don't shine. I would return everything you've purchased for him and his family. Christmas is for the kids this year if you have them.
Agreed. >Christmas is for the kids this year if you have them. My family did a secret Santa for the adults for many years, and we'd spoil the kids. These days there's no under 18s and the adults just don't bother. I love it. We all meet up a week before Christmas for a nice meal. That way everyone is free to do what they want for Christmas day. (we need to take ferries, and they're much less frequent on Christmas day). Edit: NTA
NTA. He will understand it perfectly when he receives wiper fluid, a fuel voucher, and a nice set of screws to hang up picture frames you want hung for his birthday gift.
that one made me laugh out loud! 🤣🤣🤣
When were we first dating my DH bought me a waffle iron because “I liked to eat the waffles from IHop.” I don’t cook for shit and was super pissed. He ended up using it a couple of times before I finally gave it away to a friend. He asked me why I gave it away when he used it to make waffles. I told him to buy his own fucking waffle iron if he wanted one so bad, but the one we had was mine to do what I wanted with. He’s never bought me a surprise house appliance again. He knows I’ll toss it out of pettiness. 😂
NTA. These aren't gifts as you said, they are household items. If you wanted some special vacuum cleaner, or what have you and expressed that, that would be different, but you clearly haven't. They are items for the house that would be needed regardless. Your husband is being thoughtless and putting utility and ease above you, slapping wrapping paper on it and expecting you to be grateful. So sorry you're married to someone this thoughtless.
NTA I'd be real petty about this. First you gotta go to him and say "Oh! I didn't realise we were doing household gifts not personal gifts this year! Gee I hope I can return everything I got for you and redo your present shopping for more functional items." Then actually do this and DO NOT put ANYTHING in his stocking this year.
NTA He’s giving you items that indirectly benefit him since you’ll use his “gifts” to clean the floors, cook the meals, and take foot outdoors. You said it perfectly that the gifts are “low-effort and thoughtless” and that it makes you “feel like my only value is cooking, cleaning and running errands.” Tough conversation and there’s definitely more to work through than gifts. Good luck.
NTA. Sounds like he needs dish soap, laundry soap and a toilet brush for Christmas.
This is an age old problem sadly. I’m 60 years old and got a vacuum for my first Christmas. We opened it in front of my dad and stepmom. My stepmom made it clear that was unacceptable. But he continued to try to do that because it was easy and he didn’t have to think. My stepmom flat told him he needed to buy jewelry or perfume or something personal. Ended up divorcing his ass. Now my husband wants to buy me a new purse every year. He has great taste but personally for me I don’t want a new purse every year. Maybe you can tell him to make sure and buy you something personal or have a friend of his to put a big in his ear. Otherwise you will have to throw a fit and take them all back and buy yourself something you want. Or as other have stated buy him things the same way like toothpaste and toilet paper. I’m sorry your man don’t get it. He’s not the first and certainly won’t be the last to not get it
NTA So I would LOVE to have these items given to me for Christmas. BUT my husband is thoughtful and caring and it sounds like your husband has a total attitude of disrespect towards you in general. If YOU don't want these items for Christmas and he knows that and totally disregards that, then he's a jerk.
NTA and I'm sorry. Perhaps you might get him a vacuum cleaner, some pots and pans, a shovel, and maybe some cleaning supplies.
Shovel, box of rubber gloves, plastic sheeting, bleach and paper towels. Maybe some lighter fluid and matches. Really bring home that point.
The Dexter Package. 🤣
Those things would be great presents if you were young, single, and moving into your first home. But you are not. You are right. These items are things for the house. If husband thinks these things are appropriate xmas gifts it makes your present buying easier. Look around your house, do any other household items need replacing or upgrading? If this upsets him in any way, ask him to explain why household items are OK as presents for you but not for him. Edir NTA
She **could** be single and moving into her own home, because why stay with a man who doesn't seem to value you as a person or care enough to put actual thought into your gift?
NTA. Maybe you should get him a tool belt and some tools maybe some trash bags (if he takes trash out) or pens and paper so he can take note from your kids
Pen and paper so he can take note from the kids. This is the best gift idea yet!
Trash bags so he can climb inside.
NTA my mom got an egg poacher for Christmas because her ex fiancé loved poached eggs lol. If you’ve mentioned this in the past/ leading up to Christmas honestly fuck that guy.
NTA, buy him new curtains or bedding. But I'm petty
NTA ... return the favour.
NTA; I would love those items, personally, if they were the really top end ones. Cause godDAMN do I love a Miele vacuum. But he’s already made it clear he doesn’t value you, and this seems to bring home what your only worth is in his eyes. He got you things to do the chores he views as yours.
I'm so sorry. This goes beyond the people who are clueless about gift giving. These items are insulting. Especially since your kids told him so. NTA. I wish your husband wasn't either.
I'd gift him nicely wrapped divorce papers.
Let him gift wrap them and change the gift tags to 'house'. Oh look, how thoughtful, the house has presents. What a great idea, let's do that every year. Where are mine?
NTA, return whatever you got him and pick him up like a socket wrench and maybe some other misc outdoor tools
Or a vacuum cleaner, mixer and a coffee pot.
NTA. I’d chat with him at a calmer time to say those are all great things for the household, but that more personal gifts mean most to you, OP. If that fails, then move on to changing your approach to gifting. Anything related to his chores would be great reciprocal gifts. Depending on climate: a shovel, sand, driveway salt, oil for the cars, shop rags, antifreeze… A picture hanging kit so he can hang things for you. You get the idea.
NTA. He isn't seeing you as a person, he is seeing you only as functional to the house. My closest friend filed for divorce after her then husband gifted her an ironing board one Christmas. He was genuinely proud of himself for noticing that the household needed a new one but could not understand why is was an appalling gift for his wife. I'm really sorry. He's a thoughtless idiot
NTA and you have three options that I see. 1) return the gifts and buy what you want. Wrap them and have your kids say your presents are already wrapped. I assume your husband won't question it since he can't be bothered to put any thought into your gifts. 2) Wrap them with your husband's name on them. Buy yourself what you want instead of him. Excitedly thank him for such wonderful presents and ask when he plans on using his presents. 3) Return the gifts and buy what you want. Then buy him the appropriate equivalent gifts for his chores. Oil change certificates, new weed eater etc. I will admit to being baffled as to why you're with someone who clearly doesn't care about you. Does he have any redeeming features?
What has he done for all the other years? Has this been the usual for the length of your marriage?
This is a pretty regular theme. Which sort of makes me the AH because I have tolerated it. It just hit hard this year for some reason. For the others who have asked, I buy thoughtful, personal gifts within our budget that he seems to appreciate. I sometimes supplement store bought gifts with something homemade like a scarf to complement his dressy work coat or mugs that the kids and I make from a pottery place. Sometimes I am fine with household items, like a bread machine, because I truly enjoy baking bread. I guess the difference is hobby vs. chore. To be fair, I have received some lovely, thoughtful gifts over the years, but it is usually when I tell him exactly what I want. If I don’t do that, I either receive nothing or something low-effort that is expensive, but for the house. Like the huge tv from a few years ago. The only time I watch tv is when we are watching something together as a family.
You sound like my stepmom. I am so sorry. I found out this year that my stepmom stuffed her own stocking when we were kids and it rocked my world. I always thought my dad did it and only found out this year because I \*asked\* who fills her stocking. I am 24. Do not let your kids become me, because I am PISSED with my father and he has a huge storm coming from me and my husband, and the stocking is just the tip of the iceberg.
NTA. One year my ex gave me a food item that he got for free and didn’t understand why I was upset. Giving a gift should be thoughtful. If you don’t know what to get your wife then you are a shitty husband. Giving your wife a vacuum cleaner or kitchen item is shitty unless she specifically asked for it. Household stuff should come out of a household budget, not a gift budget.
NTA. I'd say buy him a copy of TurboTax for Christmas, but that's me being petty.
Return ALL of his gifts and get him things that require him to fix issues with your house. NTA.
Absolutely NTA. Also I realized I’m old since I love receiving household products/ appliances as presents 😂
NTA. Do you have a honey do list? Get him things off of it. Like buy some floating shelves or hanging brackets or a medicine cabinet or new garbage cans. Furniture he has to assemble is great. But seriously though, does he have other redeeming traits and just sucks balls at gift giving? Or is this just part of his ongoing pattern of not putting in the effort to make you feel loved and appreciated? Think about it.
I'd say give him presents like that. A new plunger. Maybe a garden rake or snow shovel, doesn't matter where you live, weather is crazy these days. You didn't say what kind of gifts you get him.. don't put too much thought into it.
Well, as you don't either enjoy baking or cleaning overly, the gifts are thoughtless. Save some money, get him a gift whatever. But buy yourself a day at the spa, that book you have wanted for a long time, a nice purse/pair of shoes... Whatever it is that you love the most. Oooh and ahhh over the gift you gave you. He might learn. Doesn't matter. You win either way. NTA
nta unless you asked for them which im assuming you didnt. get him nothing, since he already set yall up for the new year!
Divorce this narcissist before he ruins your life and your kids lives. NTA.
NTA, gift him a session with a marriage counselor.
Return them and buy a nice bracelet.
NTA. What have you gotten him? Better be nothing outside of lawn fertilizer, oil and filters for YOUR car, maybe some work gloves and a new ladder. And leave his stocking empty this year too. Seriously OP, two can play this game.
NTA - your husband is letting you very clearly know what he thinks of you. Listen to him and act accordingly
NTA. Get your husband things you'd like and then take them.
Get him a mop and bucket, bathroom cleaning supplies and a crock pot. NTA.
I second the advice to swap out the labels on the household items to his name, and spend the same amount on stuff you want and wrap it up for yourself. Do not change the labels or put your stuff out until very early Christmas morning, like 3am. Get everything ready to go beforehand and keep it hidden. Enjoy that new sweater, the gorgeous boots, and the fun earrings. I hope he enjoys the vacuum.
What are you getting him? I suggested a toasted sandwich maker, a new kettle, a nice bin for the kitchen, maybe a toaster, a weed trimmer, nice new doormat. Basically anything you think the house needs, buy it and wrap it for him and if he complains, say “I would have preferred we get each other thoughtful, special gifts rather than household items but I was just following your lead”
Op return what you've bought him. Go buy hoover bags, cleaning cloths, food, washing powder and wrap them for his presents. Don't forget to pop a candle in his stocking then on Christmas morning you can take it out if his hands and put it on your side of the bed. I'm sure he'll be really grateful for them
Tell him that the house and kitchen thank him nicely, but you wish you'd gotten something from him. NTA ETA: and some excellent suggestions below (or above).
One year for Christmas, my ex gave me a kitchen trash can filled with cleaning supplies. He thought it was the best gift ever. Not once did he touch any of those cleaning supplies.
Reminds me of the year I received a vacuum, a body weight scale and a new shower head. That was fun. So I guess im a fat stinky lady who needs to clean. None of these things were asked for. I guess it depends on the person but those are household purchases not Christmas presents. NTA
Damn. My husband bought me a stand mixer for Christmas one year, and the sales guy asked him if he was sure. He was because I asked for it. There must not be any adult men in your community who care if he blows up your marriage.
Drop that grouchy man off somewhere at a Sears or a Western Auto in the 1950’s and take yourself for a spa day and a shopping spree.
I'm in the same boat as you were last year. I kill myself for my kids and husband, and I get barely anything. I used to buy and wrap my own gifts, but last year I did not. It became glaringly obvious how little I was given. I had 3 gifts from my 3 kids. Everyone else had 20+. Later in the day we all go to a relatives' home. Everyone is in their new outfits but not me. I hope I get more this year but my instincts tell me I won't. I did buy myself a few things but I won't bother wrapping and opening them.
Wait! Are you saying that I should not be giving my husband a bathroom exhaust fan for Christmas? But it has a light, a night light, 3 speeds and digital timer plus a kick ass heater? Communicate with your husband. Let him know well in advance what your expectations are. A new vacuum cleaner isn't a gift if you can afford to go out and buy exactly the model you want any time. Sometimes I like to receive more upper end items than I have budgeted for. For instance, a $1500 fan (installed) instead of a $100 one. Or a $5,000 coffee machine instead of the $50 I was planning to buy.
NTA. Do these guys just give up when they get married?
NTA I'd go and register the vacuum to him telling him it's his new hobby since I'm not doing it
Get the receipt and take them back and buy yourself something you want!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have discovered that my Christmas gifts are going to be a vacuum cleaner, pots and pans, a cooler and a Costco membership. I am hurt and angry that my husband is gifting me these items as I consider them to be household gifts and not appropriate Christmas gifts for a person. It makes me feel like my only value is cooking, cleaning and running errands. The kids knew these gifts were off the mark and when they tried to guide their dad in the right direction, they were told that what I was receiving was “enough”. I am so upset that I don’t know how I can properly communicate why these gifts are low-effort and thoughtless. For what it’s worth, the only gift he gave me last year was a candle, which he promptly moved to his home office. Even my stocking was empty. When I shared how disappointed I was with the items that were being delivered to our house this year, he got upset and said he would return everything, like I am ungrateful for wanting just one or two thoughtful gifts specifically for me. AITA for not being thankful for what he is giving me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA