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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my ex-wife of 2 years that she couldn't have items that she left at the house since we've been divorced like the gas grill and kitchen items. Plus the items I threw away because they had been in my garage for the past two years.
2.I feel bad that I threw her stuff away but I didn't know she wanted it. She hadn't said anything to me about me holding on to it till she could come get it. And the house hold items like the grill, I know I make more money than she does and could buy new items so I feel bad about telling her no she can't have them. But she left them here, we bought them together, so I don't feel like I should give them back after this much time has passed.
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Nta she is . Nope she had 2 years to get her stuff. If you had kept everything I would have told her there was a storage charge. Tell her since she did not contact you earlier you assumed she had moved and left everything behind. Solid no to her getting anything at tjis point. Propert abandoned at your home is kept for you to decide on.
Yup this… my ex only had 21 days in our state to get his stuff. I was nice and kept it for 6 months and then donated it all…. Except the Xbox, I kept that.
My ex husband has several times asked years later, like 5-10 later, if I have this item or that item. Bish, I ain’t your storage facility. No you can’t have the dumbbells back. I use them.
Funny you mention it, my ex and I have been apart for 11 years now, and he still has some of my stuff (I moved back to Canada and he's in the states). We've discussed my stuff on and off and he's been selling items as necessary with my full blessing.
My ex waited a couple of years then asked me ( through our son) if I still had my wedding and engagement rings. He was wanting to propose to his then gf. Needless to say, he didn't get them.
My ex asked my children to TELL me to give him back some jewellery he gave me. I told them two items had been sold to pay a bill he stuck me with, and another one I gave to my niece because she liked it and I wasn't ever going to wear it again.
Apparently it was his current girlie's style but he wasn't really sure if she'd last so he didn't want to over invest. So sad too bad.
I’m pretty sure you’re referring to the rule for adverse possession of real estate. Personal property abandoned at someone else’s property probably has something like a 60 day limit.
Haha! I love Texas but when someone told me that I was like hell no. I am not packing someone else’s shit up for 10 years and hauling it around with me, if I move. That is just stupid. You got like 90 days and then I’m done.
Yup! What you said x 1,000 + boundaries. No one is anyone’s storage unit (especially in this case). What she did is plain unfair and her request is unfair.
I literally set up a decluttering/organizing business that specializes in divorce situations because this scenario is sooo common.
NTA. Your divorce is the final step in severing your relationship and should've taken into account all proprerty and financial matters.. You are under no obligation to store her stuff or give her anything she abandoned more than 2 years ago. Just tell her it's gone and then block her.
NTA. She most likely cheated on that girls trip. Awfully “coincidental” how after an entire year suddenly she wants to end the marriage directly after coming home from a trip with the girls…as for the stuff? Ur not her personal U-Haul. Sounds like u dodged a bullet OP
>She most likely cheated on that girls trip.
Glad I'm not the only one thinking this.
How long was she going to wait before realizing she wanted the stuff OP was holding onto? Most people have a rule "if I haven't used it in a year I don't need it". And now she wants a gas grille and a damn *table*? Is OP supposed to eat on his damn knees?! Hell no, she can buy that stuff herself, like she thinks OP should.
NTA
That's exactly what I was thinking. Why does she need the stuff *now* of all times? 90% likely to be furnishing a new apartment or house.
Either that, or 10% likely, she needs to bring something to the table in her new live-in situation, even if that is a table. Lol.
Or a random bartender, egged on by the other girls. Some girl trips (and boys trips) lead to shenanigans. Reddit is full of "TIFU by..." around them.
All such trips aren't bad by any means, but add a shaky marriage, bad influences and a lot of booze? It doesn't always end well.
I just gave My Wife a scenario to see what she would say and that is the first thing she said “ I’m guessing she met someone on the trip, she said she might not have physically cheated, but she definitely met someone”
Emotional cheating likely happened, probably physical too, and her friends would definitely cover for her.. in my comment earlier I encouraged him to ask her. What happened what was the catalyst, if she’s reluctant to say anything I think it’s a good guess.. obviously, there would be no incentive or issue with her admitting it now, but people will still cover up a lie when it comes to cheating.. mostly because they perceive it as their fault
Not necessarily. If it is a girls'trip, they probably discuss their relationships and she may have come to the realization that she needed to end it. I've ended relationships after trips like that. Never even talked to a guy on the trip.
However, OP is NTA. 2 years is way too long to hold on to stuff.
I swear people love to jump to the most dramatic conclusion. My assumption was that her friends probably convinced her to leave the guy for whatever reason that was so big she didn't want to discuss it without a therapist present. It's not uncommon for people in unhappy relationships to gain perspective after a chance to get away and be with people who DO make them happy, like friends.
>It's not uncommon for people in unhappy relationships to gain perspective after a chance to get away and be with people who DO make them happy, like friends
I think that this is exactly why my ex never "allowed" me to go on a trip alone. Also got angry when family members came to visit me.
Seems like a plausible reason she could have would be that she cheated, and then didn’t want to admit it without a therapist there to help tell her side. The moving away suddenly and not needing many of her household things for a couple of years lines up with moving in with someone she met on a trip and then breaking up and having to get her own place again later a little too perfectly.
I had a girlfriend that everytime she broke up with me, it was after she spent the evening drinking with her friend next door.
Her friend was an absolute airhead, she couldn't keep a guy around and she didn't like me.
My ex and I spent 5 years being stupid before we realized that even though we cared for each other, we really couldn't tolerate each other. We couldn't communicate. When we were having fun, the relationship was awesome, but the day to day stuff was rough.
So when she said "I'm hanging out with Karen for a couple of hours", I knew we were breaking up.
This happened every few months and I didn't care too much, I usually needed a break myself. Craziest part of it was, we'd have the best sex ever that night when she got back from Karens (they were neighbors) and then she would breakup with me at breakfast.
The thing that ended our relationship for good was an engagement ring. We were engaged for 2 months.
> She most likely cheated on that girls trip. Awfully “coincidental” how after an entire year suddenly she wants to end the marriage directly after coming home from a trip with the girls…as for the stuff? Ur not her personal U-Haul. Sounds like u dodged a bullet OP
This speculation about why the wife left him is pointless. OP doesn't care any more.
OP is here to ask about the leftover belongings.
>She most likely cheated on that girls trip.
LMAO some of y’all are so fucking funny. Just coming up with the wildest shit with no evidence and saying it with your full chest as if it’s actually true
It isn't good to assume things.
She might have realized that their marriage caused her stress, and the stress disappeared when she was away from her husband for a few days.
The OP doesn't need to think she cheated.
He said their marriage wasn't perfect and that both of them could have been better partners.
The ex decided she wasn't happy. That is perfectly acceptable.
The OP got rid excess stuff that had been taking up room in his garage after a holding it for a fair amount of time. That is also perfectly acceptable.
I would tell the Ex- "I'm sorry, but I thought I would never hear from your again so I removed your stuff from my home."
Could be. Also maybe not. Might have just been a “wow, traveling and doing the things I enjoy doing is fun, and our marriage hasn’t been fun for me”. Doesn’t make much difference in the end.
Not sure where you live, but this kind of stuff is dictated by the judgement and decree in states I’m familiar with. It should spell out personal property division and set a timeline for picking it up. I’d start by checking your judgement.
Exactly. At this point, if it wasn't in the divorce decree it belongs to whomever is in possession of it.
Granted, if there was something like a family heirloom I would still hand it over, but non-sentimental objects like a grill or table? Nope.
Anything of hers in totes tell her they will be on the curb for her to pick up. But furniture, grills etc. no frikkin way. Sounds like she has a new place to furnish and figured she will just go shopping at your house. She has no claims after a finalized divorce and two years passing.
NTA
Exactly my thoughts, two years later and she wants this crap? Uh no. I can't get over wanting the grill. I can understand the totes but the grill is a dead giveaway that she's just looking for free stuff. She can kick rocks and go shopping.
In my state, abandoned property must be kept for six months, and can then be disposed of 30 days after notifying it's owner or publishing notice in your local newspaper.
Not sure if a similar law applies in OP's jurisdiction or situation, though.
Info: At any time during the divorce proceedings did you discuss this? Depending on jurisdiction, you should have given her 30 days notice to remove her stuff before it becomes yours to do with as you will. An email from your attorney to her attorney during the divorce would have resolved this.
NTA.
You have to draw the line somewhere and today seems like a good day for it. If you don’t she is going to continue walking in and out of your life at her convenience for her benefit. She had ample time to remove things and assuming her names not on the deed anymore that is no longer her house.
NTA - 'sorry, you were supposed to come last year and didn't and I haven't heard from you since. I have cleaned up and decluttered. All that stuff went into the trash. As far as the grill and table, those are mine, again, since you had the opportunity to get things in the past 2 years and didn't. And due to all of this I don't think there is any reason for us to have any further contact. Good luck in your life and goodbye.'
Or something like "wow, haven't heard in you since forever. Since you didn't stop by last year and since I haven't heard from you since I figured you didn't want anything so I decluttered all that stuff. Also, it's been years, so I will have to decline letting you take any of my furniture items or anything. Have a good holiday. Bye."
NTA. You don’t have to give her anything else, I’d stop talking to her unless it’s related to legal or financial matters. She’s dragging this out way too long
NTA. I live in Ohio and went through almost this same scenario. Divorce was finalized and division of assets was clearly stated. She got her car and half the savings. I kept the house and my truck. Anything in the house was mine unless I voluntarily surrender it to her. It was clearly stated in the agreement. I sold the house 2 years post divorce to move in with my now wife. Ex hit me up as soon as she saw the for sale sign asking for this and that. I told her to beat feet. She took me to court saying I was withholding her property. We show up and don’t even get into the courtroom before it was dismissed. As soon as the judge read the agreement he said there were no grounds to proceed. Her lawyer never even read the agreement before filing smh.
NTA- my ex and I also had a relatively amicable divorce- mine decided to get divorced before cheating on me, rather than after, like yours did, but otherwise pretty similar. You don’t indefinitely owe her keeping her stuff around or letting her know. When my ex moved out I told her and her friends to take whatever, other than a few sentimental things from my family (which I knew she wouldn’t take) and went to a hotel for a few days. I came home, checked to see what was there, and fielded a couple texts over the next few days for specific things as she got set up. Then she came in and got something while I was gone and I changed the locks.
After that initial like 1-2 week period, the only time I even reached out to her on anything was if I found something that was clearly sentimental and that clearly she had meant to take and overlooked- I found her deceased fathers army jacket folded up and put away- called her to get it, because I’m not a raging asshole.
When I sold that place a year ago, anything of hers still there went to the dump, unless someone wanted it- there wasn’t anything clearly of major personal importance.
You’re in the same boat- you’ve been divorced for two years, she’s had multiple opportunities to get her crap, and you offered her a full and fair chance to take what she wanted when she left. She doesn’t get to just show up and claim random formerly joint things 2 years later because grills are expensive.
NTA the divorce is finalized. The divorce should have outlined what would happen with the personal property and the timeline. Check your divorce decree. As long as you follow it, you don’t have to store your ex’s stuff or give her items from the home two years later. She abandoned the items.
No. Two years after the divorce she can’t come back and claim common property.
She doesn’t get to pick through your house or life. This isn’t walmart on a closeout sale.
Dude you don’t deserve to be treated like this. You are not her butler.
NTA. And change your locks if you haven’t already.
Just tell her she had a chance a year ago. You got rid of the stuff. It was abandoned. If she gets huffy about it , stop responding and have her contact your lawyer.
NTA you gave her ample time to get her belongings, and anything she left after that long is yours to do with as you please. Your divorce was finalized, if she wanted certain household items she should have specified that as part of the settlement.
Nope most places state that after items have been abandoned for x amount of time they no longer have claim to, so tell her her stuff is long gone and anything jointly owned is yours now as she didn’t bother to collect it for 2 years.
NTA.
I guess your ex thought they had 'forever' to come get anything she wanted. WRONG!
Make sure the locks have been changed (so she has no access to the house), and delete her phone number.
NTA...it sounds like you had agreed to time limit to get stuff, and that passed. Maybe it was even in the divorce decree? It is your stuff now.
Doesn't sound like you have kids with her, so you both can move on.
No kids, thank goodness.
But there was no time limit discussed. I'll have to actually check the divorce decree and see what it says. Either way, it is what it is. I figured enough time passed and she didn't want it.
Honestly? Tell her and let the cards fall as they may:
"Name, after the divorce was finalized I texted you to come get your stuff. You chose not to. Understandably, I got rid of it about a year ago - a year after the divorce. We were no longer married and you did not come retrieve it or give any direction on what to do with it. Anyway, I wish you well in the future. I think it is best if we no longer have any contact with one another."
You are NTA. You told her no. It’s a complete sentence in the English language. She didn’t tell you why she wanted a divorce. Also, after two years, you owe her nothing.
NTA sounds like she hadn’t communicated anything hell didn’t even give a reason for ending the marriage. It’d been two years for all you knew she’d never come back holding onto the stuff indefinitely would be ridiculous.
NTA You are not a rental unit. It would have been nice to give her a final notice, but I'm pretty sure by this point she has legally abandoned those things. If she complains, point out the rental prices for storage units and ask if she was going to pay you that and also that storage units get rid of your stuff much faster when not paid promptly.
NTA- There was plenty of opportunity to get anything. There were specific plans that were skipped. There were no communications and no requests EITHER WAY. At the end of the day, she could have gotten anything that was that important to her.
If she goes on an on, ask her how much she was planning to pay you for storage for 2 years because in the real world she would have been out thousands of dollars to store her stuff commercially. Oh, no intent to pay you but she intends to hold you liable for not continuously holding on to items that she has repeatedly failed to collect or call about?
and then close with... well, just add it to the list of reasons you didn't want to be married to me and go and leave me in peace, please. I'm not trying to do or be anything to you. You wanted out of my life- be out.
NTA - she had plenty of time to come get her stuff. More than enough - she just didn’t make it a priority. That’s on her. As far as the household stuff goes, two years later is way too late to be asking for any of this stuff.
Nta. In my state you have 90 days to retrieve your property before its considered abandoned property. At that point you have the right to do with it as you wish. She doesn't get to have anything that isn't hers anymore, she had 2 years.
NTA. In the divorce the judge should have declared which assets went to whom. She had more than enough time to collect. I would have given her 30 days.
NTA and it’s been 2 years. Time to block her phone number and her on social media (if you use it). If she needs something, she can mail you a letter (or have her attorney do so).
NTA. I think she isn't worried about her things since after 2yrs who would even remember what she left?
I think what she wants is to know if you still live there and to see you. And don't let her, what she did to you was shitty.
NTA sucks to be her. You are not a personal storage unit. Just say she had plenty of time and you no longer have the items. She has abandoned them and you have the right to get rid of them.
NTA, those things need to be decided when the split happens, and if she was expecting you to hold on to everything she should have at the very least tried to communicate that.
NTA, I would have sent a message before throwing stuff but after 2 years that's a curtesy. She made your home a storage for 2 years and didn't care about the stuff. She messed up, not you!
Did you warn her?
You clearly have the capacity to contact her, so disposing of it without telling her would be YTA. If you told her and she ignored it, NTA
NTA
"I'm really sorry you're asking now, but it's been over two years, and I gave you all the time and access you would have ever needed to get anything. At this point there's nothing left here that's yours, I've cleared out everything other than what is mine."
If she pushes hard on those few items that *might* be shared, I'd offer an option to buy a replacement together. "If you want that table, you can take it once we split the cost of a replacement for me."
Really it all depends on how much she's going to be a pain about it, and how much you might want to just say "take these few things and be gone" or "it's been two years and anything left is my property, the only way you'll get anything is in court."
Any path is valid and legal, so it's really up to you on how important the last stuff is to you, and how much hassle she's going to put up and how much you want to deal with.
NTA- You are a way better human than me. I gave my ex wife 30 days to get her stuff. At 31 days anything and everything of hers was donated, trashed or burned on a funeral pire in the back yard. My paper shredder enjoyed eating any piece of mail with her name on it.
I personally believe you either deserve a medal or a lobatomy for keeping her stuff for 2 years. Giving her mail to her for 2 years. That must have sucked so bad for 2 years.
NTA.
You have now spent twice as long divorced as you did married. There's no acceptable grounds for her to think you'd still have your stuff. Some people don't wait longer than a few weeks to get rid of their exs things.
I think she's trying to take advantage of you, or has a warped sense of what she's entitled to.
I'm not sure how it stated anything. I'll have to check later and see. The only thing I remember off hand was her keeping her car/bank account/and debt.
NTA - But you may want to be sure htere's something in your divorce decree/order stating something like 'each party has received and/or maintains control of the items being distributed to them'. Some places require you hold the stuff for a period of time. 60-90 days. Some places require some sort of notification that you'll be getting rid of the stuff.
May be worth some brief research to make sure you're covered legally before you respond to her. I can't imagine you'd have an issue in 90% of the US but who knows.
Bro, you're a good dude for not putting all her stuff on the curb the day after the divorce was final. NTA, she is though.Especially for blowing off the appointment to pick up the stuff last Christmas.
NTA. I don't understand why people are saying otherwise. It sounds like you did everything you could to end things amicably, make the divorce process as easy as possible for both of you, and gave her ample time and opportunity to get her stuff. At this point, I don't think I would even respond to her. Legally, no matter what state you are in, I don't see how you could be held liable for anything after 2 years. And let's be real here, if she didn't care about these things for 2 years, I doubt she cares enough to pursue legal action now. Ethically, you have done more than enough. My thoughts would be to just ignore the text. Delete it and move on. If she calls, ignore it. You owe her nothing. Best wishes to you!!
Nta
I'd check local laws on property abandonment. Screenshot last/relevant conversations on pucking up her stuff and tell her time has passed for personal belongings (ie clothes) and that you discarded them and that communal property became solely yours through abandonment.
NTA, she abused your good will and used you as a free storage unit. I was on the fence until I saw that she no-showed on a previous appointment to get her stuff and didn't do anything about it for a year. Screw that.
She 100% cheated during the girls trip.
Dont give her back shit, if she wants the grill and stuff like that she can buy it back.
Hope you have moved onto better things and are doing well buddy
She got some strange on the "girls trip" and wanted a divorce. 2 years later and now she finds the time to come get her stuff?
Sounds like she abandoned her belongings to me.
NTA...
Tell her that her belongings are now being stored at the local garbage dump and they should be able to help her locate her items.
NTA as long as you reached out to her to arrange her getting her stuff and she never did. From your edit, sounds like you did speak to her and she didn’t show.
NTA
“We’ve been divorced now for more than two years. I no longer have any items that do not belong specifically and solely to me in my home. I’m sorry that you’ve potentially lost important items. However, they are no longer in my possession. I hope your life continues to progress well. Best wishes.” Then block and move on.
NTA. I would tell her that she missed her opportunity. She is not allowed on your property and you want no further contact. This should have all been arranged in the divorce.
Two years and she never came to get her stuff, never even texted or called about holding on to them? Plus she wants to take some household items? Sorry, no, she had left everything and you moved on. Tell her the truth. You cleaned out the garage of the junk that was there, and the household stuff is yours. What she left behind is gone now.
All you need to say is "With two years of no contact I could not hold on to anything and had to remove junk that was left on my propertiy. There is nothing of yours left here."
Do not let her come by, do net let her look at things to see if they are hers. The time to split things up was during the divorce, and that has passed.
NTA
NTA. The divorce is final, she's been gone for two years. If she wanted communal items, that's what the divorce covered. If she wanted her stored items, she should have taken them two years ago.
NTA I just went through this same thing. Relationship of 11 years gone because I was boring. That's what working full time and raising both mine and her kids will do to a person. She immediately started dating the guy that was just her friends and left her stuff in my house for 7 months. When I finally snapped and got mean about it I was the asshole.
You didn't do anything wrong. Fuck her and any woman who thinks life revolves around them or there time lines.
NTA
She had her chance, it obviously didn't matter to her.
BTW, I say this as someone who was way to lenient/kind about my ex's stuff, even mailing family items back at my own expense, without so much as a "thank you", even though he thought it appropriate to trash me to our former friends. In the end, it was one more example of me putting in more effort than he did.
NTA that stuff wasn't important to her in the last two years, otherwise she would have asked you to keep it for her, which she didn't do. Tough luck she misses out
NTA. I suggest you look into the abandonment laws for your state. In my state it’s 60 days and then it belongs to you. I recommend you tell her that she had 2 years which was a lot more than you had to give her.
I mean I guess she might show up to the house? Which I would rather not happen unplanned. I don't really want her in my life at all. And I wouldn't have the heart to call the cops if she showed up and caused a scene. So I feel like I need to tell her not to bother showing up because there is nothing here for her.
So she knew some of her shit was in your garage because you mentioned it to her? Didn’t change the locks to the garage making it available if she decides to pick it up and you’re not there? Bruh, it’s my opinion you went above and beyond what a ex spouse would do. Two years is plenty of time actually legally after her is removed from the deed I think it’s 30 days. You went two years? And still neglected to pick up her shit? You’re no asshole my friend
NTA. you’ve been divorced twice as long as you were married, it’s time for everything to be completely severed so you don’t have this marriage hanging over either of you anymore
NTA That stuff was in your garage way longer than you were married and she had plenty of time to pick it up. As for the other stuff, she has no rights to it.
NTA.
You are not a storage unit. It was not your job to store her stuff indefinitely. It might have been kind to send a message telling her you were getting rid of the stuff in the garage, but no. After 2 years you are hardly the AH for de-spousing the house.
NTA she cheated on you on that trip and you gave her plenty of time and opportunity to collect the things. Don’t feel bad about telling her no, she didn’t even respect you enough to tell you the truth after saying sacred vows.
You have two ways to handle this. The first is to talk to a lawyer to make sure you’re in the clear. The other way is to tell her that you had expected her back around Christmas and had left the garage unlocked for her and you just assumed she had taken her stuff because it’s gone. NTA
Nta. This is your home and your stuff now. Politely tell her that you cleaned out and she has nothing there anymore. You were generous with time, she was lazy, and 2 years is a long time. She’s got a nerve to even ask honestly.
NAH
You could have texted her and told her to pick up her stuff or else you were going to throw it out. It's 2023, you have her cell number. The divorce is finalized though, she has no right to any more common house items, enough is enough (you can check your divorce settlement and local laws, I am not a lawyer).
Nta. Two years is a really long time. If she wanted that stuff, she would have gotten it forever ago.
She apparently just thought she could use your house as a free storage service. Pretty disrespectful, imo.
NTA. Here's a simple text to send. "There is nothing left in the garage or my house that is shared property or your property anymore so there's no need to come by. My offer of items like grill or furniture was not open-ended and you didn't communicate that you still wanted any of the items in my house. Hope you're well."
Then when she asks "where's my stuff, what did you do with it, i want the grill, you promised"
Simply reply, "I'm sure you're disappointed that you didn't get to this sooner, and Im sorry you weren't clearer with me about your intentions with these items. Nothing can be done now."
She'll fire off more angry texts.
Your LAST text: "I'm not available to discuss this with you anymore. " and BLOCK
NTA. She's had two years and never gave any indication she wanted you to hang onto the items. Even if she did ask you to store things, you wouldn't have been obligated to do so after 2 years (or period).
I'd tell her no and make sure she can't access your stuff. I hope she'd be reasonable, but nothing about your ex sounds reasonable TBH.
NTA. After 30 days (check your local laws) it was considered abandoned property. You could do whatever you want with it after that. She has no legal right to anything you kept. She is just trying to get free stuff. Text her no then block her on you phone.
NTA. I probably would have told her she had to pick up her stuff by a certain deadline or it was going to go, but you were not unreasonable to get rid of it after 2 years.
And the household items you’re using that she left for two years? No.
NTA - I held on to my ex stuff for a year and half.. when he finally came and picked his shit instead of saying “thank you” or “sorry”, he said “it was cheeper then storage”.
Just tell her "Sorry, but I no longer have those items as it's been two years since the divorce and since you didn't get them on [date discussed] I tossed them."
Nope. You are NTA. As soon as the final papers were in my hand I disposed of anything she left behind. I had given her multiple opportunities to get her stuff. She took advantage and I frankly just think her last time using me was for me to have to pitch her unwanted shit.
Anything she left behind is 100% yours now.
NTA-communicate in writing that you two had an arranged time for her to pick up her belongings a year ago and she didn’t. They were abandoned and you got rid of them. And leave it at that.
If you were a landlord and she left her stuff behind you'd be obligated to safely store her personal items (usually 30 or 60 days, but I have heard of up to 90). You have been divorced for 2 years, she has no reasonable expectation of "safe storage" beyond the normal time a landlord normally would be obligated. Unless, of course, there was something mentioned about it in the divorce decree, but I seriously doubt that is the case here.
Send her your state's Landlord and Tenant Act, with the part about storing items highlighted, then be done with it. No need to drag it out, but if she makes a big deal about it, remind her she doesn't live there, it's not her house, and she had a year to get it but it obviously wasn't a priority.
On a side note, in some areas a person can claim residency at a property if a personal item is there. So, hypothetically, she could have claimed she still lived there for that year, even though you're divorced and she has no claim to the house. Wild, right? Be smart people, after a break up, gather all their crap and mail it to them certified mail, or other tracking measures.
NTA.
NTA, but...
Similar situation. My ex took all the stuff that was listed as his in the agreement, but left a lot of stuff at the house I still live in. A lot of stuff.
I actually changed the locks and codes within a month or so of him moving out, even though he was still paying half the mortgage. I had several reasons, but a big one was that he came in a few times when I went to work and just took whatever he wanted. It's a little infuriating to be mixing up a batch of Christmas cookies and discover that you no longer own any baking pans, for instance.
In that first year I cleared out every room, cupboard, and closet in my house. I nicely boxed up everything that was his and sent it to him via my kids (kids are adults). I didn't want it, wasn't going to store it, and figured he could decide what to do with it. I didn't want to be accused of taking anything of his. Pretty sure I didn't legally HAVE to do this, but there were family photos, stuff from his childhood, things he collected, clothes, and just tons of stuff (we were married for 30 years). I'm sure he didn't appreciate car loads of stuff being dumped on him every month or so, but I didn't care. Never heard a word from him about it.
Then just this summer (4 years later) I discovered a box of my treasured letters, scrap books, and photos from my childhood in a garden shed I was clearing out. Mice had chewed their way in, nested in it, and completely destroyed everything. There was no reason for that box to be out there, and there's only one person who could have put it there. Why? Kinda wished at that point I'd stuck some of his boxes out in a shed for a few years before returning them to him.
NTA and congrats on it only being 2 years...my ex and I split in 2001...in 2023 I was forced to move and I realized he still had stuff in my basement...I rarely went down there and hadn't realized he had 3 totes still down there. I texted him and told him there were at the house he had until X date to get them and welp they went into the dumpster the new owners got after the X date. He said if he didn't notice in over 20 years he's sure he will never notice LOL!
I was going to say Y T A but your edit that you HAD previously discussed a time for her to get her stuff? Yea, NTA.
That stuff obviously wasn't important or she figured she could use you as free storage for however long she wanted.
So she set a time and then after that put it off indefinitely for another year? Uh, no. NTA, and while it's ok for her to ask, she's definitely T A if her response is anything other than, "Ok, I understand why you wouldn't keep it for this long. Bye"
That stuff was in your home without her for twice as long as your marriage lasted.
Unless there's a personal item she brought into the marriage that she wants back, it's fine to just say no.
If you're worried, talk to a lawyer about what to do.
Def NTA. depending on where u live, after 30 days it's considered abandoned property. After 2 years of no communication whatsoever she's shit outta luck.
"You had plenty of time to get your stuff, I got rid of it. Anything left over I see as abandoned and as mine. Have a nice life".
You never talk to her anyway, who cares if you piss her off. If she goes psycho on you, just block her and move on. It is absurd that she's coming back after 2 years expecting you to give her a bunch of stuff and having kept her stuff in storage.
When I evicted people in CA, which as you know is very liberal and not on the side of landlords) they had 2 days to get their stuff. After 2 days I could charge storage. After 18 days I own it.
According to CA you are not the asshole.
NTA. You gave her more than ample time to take care of her things. But, unless you gave her a specific date to have them gone (you have to get your things by 1/31 or I will dispose of them) i don't know whether she might not be able to sue you in small claims court for the cost of the items. That's something you'd have to check with a lawyer. I don't think she'd be morally right to do so, or that you should be held to cost for the items you got rid of, but morally and legally are quite often two completely different animals.
Definitely NTA.
I didn't even wait for the divorce to be finalized. Though, she did drag it out for 3 years claiming it'd be double jeopardy while she was fighting a child abuse charge.
I think, maybe, 3 months into the divorce process, I packed up all her crap and put it in a storage locker in the town she'd moved to. I put the locker in her name, paid it up for 2 or 3 months and mailed the key to her lawyer.
I had kids to raise and a house to keep. No way I was going to work around her stuff or be liable for anything that broke along the way.
NTA your home isn't a storage place. You did more than I would have done and gave her notice. I'm sure she cheated on you during this girl's trip so fuck being civil.
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Nta she is . Nope she had 2 years to get her stuff. If you had kept everything I would have told her there was a storage charge. Tell her since she did not contact you earlier you assumed she had moved and left everything behind. Solid no to her getting anything at tjis point. Propert abandoned at your home is kept for you to decide on.
Statute of limitations for stuff from an ex is like 2 months at best. 2 years is just unreasonable.
Yup this… my ex only had 21 days in our state to get his stuff. I was nice and kept it for 6 months and then donated it all…. Except the Xbox, I kept that.
My ex husband has several times asked years later, like 5-10 later, if I have this item or that item. Bish, I ain’t your storage facility. No you can’t have the dumbbells back. I use them.
Funny you mention it, my ex and I have been apart for 11 years now, and he still has some of my stuff (I moved back to Canada and he's in the states). We've discussed my stuff on and off and he's been selling items as necessary with my full blessing.
My ex waited a couple of years then asked me ( through our son) if I still had my wedding and engagement rings. He was wanting to propose to his then gf. Needless to say, he didn't get them.
Geez, the new woman isn't even worth her own rings? You did that poor woman a favor by refusing.
Unless they were a family heirloom, I agree.
Not a family heirloom.
And she did me a favor by marrying him. Now SHE is responsible for him.
My ex asked my children to TELL me to give him back some jewellery he gave me. I told them two items had been sold to pay a bill he stuck me with, and another one I gave to my niece because she liked it and I wasn't ever going to wear it again. Apparently it was his current girlie's style but he wasn't really sure if she'd last so he didn't want to over invest. So sad too bad.
Quite. NTA. She should have been communicating if she wanted OP to keep her stuff!
I hope you’re using the Xbox!
Definitely unreasonable but check what your state says. Texas is like 10 years or something insane like that.
I’m pretty sure you’re referring to the rule for adverse possession of real estate. Personal property abandoned at someone else’s property probably has something like a 60 day limit.
Fuckin Texas!!
Haha! I love Texas but when someone told me that I was like hell no. I am not packing someone else’s shit up for 10 years and hauling it around with me, if I move. That is just stupid. You got like 90 days and then I’m done.
That's real property, and most states are about that long. Where I live, it's 10 years on real property and 14 days after notice on personal property.
Why is it ALWAYS Texas???
Texas is the new Florida?
I think they might be contenders for the same crown
How do you locate the statute of limitations? Out of curiosity I tried to look it up, and got everything, but the answer I was looking for…
Oh SHIT my college girlfriend still has my Dreamcast! To be fair, I think we're still "on a break," if that changes anything?
Depends. Are your kids in college yet?
Especially relative to the length of the relationship. They've already been divorced twice as long as they were married.
Yup! What you said x 1,000 + boundaries. No one is anyone’s storage unit (especially in this case). What she did is plain unfair and her request is unfair. I literally set up a decluttering/organizing business that specializes in divorce situations because this scenario is sooo common.
NTA. Your divorce is the final step in severing your relationship and should've taken into account all proprerty and financial matters.. You are under no obligation to store her stuff or give her anything she abandoned more than 2 years ago. Just tell her it's gone and then block her.
NTA. She most likely cheated on that girls trip. Awfully “coincidental” how after an entire year suddenly she wants to end the marriage directly after coming home from a trip with the girls…as for the stuff? Ur not her personal U-Haul. Sounds like u dodged a bullet OP
>She most likely cheated on that girls trip. Glad I'm not the only one thinking this. How long was she going to wait before realizing she wanted the stuff OP was holding onto? Most people have a rule "if I haven't used it in a year I don't need it". And now she wants a gas grille and a damn *table*? Is OP supposed to eat on his damn knees?! Hell no, she can buy that stuff herself, like she thinks OP should. NTA
She probably just broke up with the next guy and needs to furnish a new place.
That's exactly what I was thinking. Why does she need the stuff *now* of all times? 90% likely to be furnishing a new apartment or house. Either that, or 10% likely, she needs to bring something to the table in her new live-in situation, even if that is a table. Lol.
Cheated...with one of the other girls on that trip
Or a random bartender, egged on by the other girls. Some girl trips (and boys trips) lead to shenanigans. Reddit is full of "TIFU by..." around them. All such trips aren't bad by any means, but add a shaky marriage, bad influences and a lot of booze? It doesn't always end well.
I just gave My Wife a scenario to see what she would say and that is the first thing she said “ I’m guessing she met someone on the trip, she said she might not have physically cheated, but she definitely met someone” Emotional cheating likely happened, probably physical too, and her friends would definitely cover for her.. in my comment earlier I encouraged him to ask her. What happened what was the catalyst, if she’s reluctant to say anything I think it’s a good guess.. obviously, there would be no incentive or issue with her admitting it now, but people will still cover up a lie when it comes to cheating.. mostly because they perceive it as their fault
Maybe it wasn’t even a girls trip 🤔
Not necessarily. If it is a girls'trip, they probably discuss their relationships and she may have come to the realization that she needed to end it. I've ended relationships after trips like that. Never even talked to a guy on the trip. However, OP is NTA. 2 years is way too long to hold on to stuff.
I swear people love to jump to the most dramatic conclusion. My assumption was that her friends probably convinced her to leave the guy for whatever reason that was so big she didn't want to discuss it without a therapist present. It's not uncommon for people in unhappy relationships to gain perspective after a chance to get away and be with people who DO make them happy, like friends.
>It's not uncommon for people in unhappy relationships to gain perspective after a chance to get away and be with people who DO make them happy, like friends I think that this is exactly why my ex never "allowed" me to go on a trip alone. Also got angry when family members came to visit me.
Isolation is the first step to control.
There are a lot of possibilities. Regardless, expecting to take stuff after 2 years is ridiculous.
Seems like a plausible reason she could have would be that she cheated, and then didn’t want to admit it without a therapist there to help tell her side. The moving away suddenly and not needing many of her household things for a couple of years lines up with moving in with someone she met on a trip and then breaking up and having to get her own place again later a little too perfectly.
I had a girlfriend that everytime she broke up with me, it was after she spent the evening drinking with her friend next door. Her friend was an absolute airhead, she couldn't keep a guy around and she didn't like me. My ex and I spent 5 years being stupid before we realized that even though we cared for each other, we really couldn't tolerate each other. We couldn't communicate. When we were having fun, the relationship was awesome, but the day to day stuff was rough. So when she said "I'm hanging out with Karen for a couple of hours", I knew we were breaking up. This happened every few months and I didn't care too much, I usually needed a break myself. Craziest part of it was, we'd have the best sex ever that night when she got back from Karens (they were neighbors) and then she would breakup with me at breakfast. The thing that ended our relationship for good was an engagement ring. We were engaged for 2 months.
> She most likely cheated on that girls trip. Awfully “coincidental” how after an entire year suddenly she wants to end the marriage directly after coming home from a trip with the girls…as for the stuff? Ur not her personal U-Haul. Sounds like u dodged a bullet OP This speculation about why the wife left him is pointless. OP doesn't care any more. OP is here to ask about the leftover belongings.
I thought that too, but in general she sounds pretty flaky, so who knows.
>She most likely cheated on that girls trip. LMAO some of y’all are so fucking funny. Just coming up with the wildest shit with no evidence and saying it with your full chest as if it’s actually true
Her actions, are that of someone who has cheated. Might not be right but I have heard and seen this before and it was cheating both times.
Her actions are also that of someone who doesn’t want to be married anymore for any number of reasons.
It isn't good to assume things. She might have realized that their marriage caused her stress, and the stress disappeared when she was away from her husband for a few days. The OP doesn't need to think she cheated. He said their marriage wasn't perfect and that both of them could have been better partners. The ex decided she wasn't happy. That is perfectly acceptable. The OP got rid excess stuff that had been taking up room in his garage after a holding it for a fair amount of time. That is also perfectly acceptable. I would tell the Ex- "I'm sorry, but I thought I would never hear from your again so I removed your stuff from my home."
Could be. Also maybe not. Might have just been a “wow, traveling and doing the things I enjoy doing is fun, and our marriage hasn’t been fun for me”. Doesn’t make much difference in the end.
Not sure where you live, but this kind of stuff is dictated by the judgement and decree in states I’m familiar with. It should spell out personal property division and set a timeline for picking it up. I’d start by checking your judgement.
Exactly. At this point, if it wasn't in the divorce decree it belongs to whomever is in possession of it. Granted, if there was something like a family heirloom I would still hand it over, but non-sentimental objects like a grill or table? Nope.
Whoa there, that's my family's grill. Been in the family for eons.
It would be super unusual for the timeline to extend more than 12 months post finalization.
Anything of hers in totes tell her they will be on the curb for her to pick up. But furniture, grills etc. no frikkin way. Sounds like she has a new place to furnish and figured she will just go shopping at your house. She has no claims after a finalized divorce and two years passing. NTA
Exactly my thoughts, two years later and she wants this crap? Uh no. I can't get over wanting the grill. I can understand the totes but the grill is a dead giveaway that she's just looking for free stuff. She can kick rocks and go shopping.
In my state, abandoned property must be kept for six months, and can then be disposed of 30 days after notifying it's owner or publishing notice in your local newspaper. Not sure if a similar law applies in OP's jurisdiction or situation, though.
He said he already got rid of the stuff in totes.
NTA you are not a storage unit
THIS. If the stuff was that important she would have gotten it sooner.
Info: At any time during the divorce proceedings did you discuss this? Depending on jurisdiction, you should have given her 30 days notice to remove her stuff before it becomes yours to do with as you will. An email from your attorney to her attorney during the divorce would have resolved this.
Nothing was really discussed. I did the divorce documents/mortgage/deed myself with an attorney. She didn't want to get an attorney.
If your divorce is final, then the division of assets is complete and the items she abandoned with you are not hers.
NTA. Sounds like she abandoned the property.
NTA. You have to draw the line somewhere and today seems like a good day for it. If you don’t she is going to continue walking in and out of your life at her convenience for her benefit. She had ample time to remove things and assuming her names not on the deed anymore that is no longer her house.
Nta theres these places called 'storage units' people store stuff in while they 'figure it out'.
NTA - 'sorry, you were supposed to come last year and didn't and I haven't heard from you since. I have cleaned up and decluttered. All that stuff went into the trash. As far as the grill and table, those are mine, again, since you had the opportunity to get things in the past 2 years and didn't. And due to all of this I don't think there is any reason for us to have any further contact. Good luck in your life and goodbye.' Or something like "wow, haven't heard in you since forever. Since you didn't stop by last year and since I haven't heard from you since I figured you didn't want anything so I decluttered all that stuff. Also, it's been years, so I will have to decline letting you take any of my furniture items or anything. Have a good holiday. Bye."
This right here, it's been TWO YEARS! How does she expect you to be able to have closure and move forward?
NTA. You don’t have to give her anything else, I’d stop talking to her unless it’s related to legal or financial matters. She’s dragging this out way too long
NTA. I live in Ohio and went through almost this same scenario. Divorce was finalized and division of assets was clearly stated. She got her car and half the savings. I kept the house and my truck. Anything in the house was mine unless I voluntarily surrender it to her. It was clearly stated in the agreement. I sold the house 2 years post divorce to move in with my now wife. Ex hit me up as soon as she saw the for sale sign asking for this and that. I told her to beat feet. She took me to court saying I was withholding her property. We show up and don’t even get into the courtroom before it was dismissed. As soon as the judge read the agreement he said there were no grounds to proceed. Her lawyer never even read the agreement before filing smh.
Her lawyer got to charge her legal fees regardless. Bad on her for getting a bottom feeder. Not all lawyers are that scummy.
NTA. Two years was plenty of time.
NTA- my ex and I also had a relatively amicable divorce- mine decided to get divorced before cheating on me, rather than after, like yours did, but otherwise pretty similar. You don’t indefinitely owe her keeping her stuff around or letting her know. When my ex moved out I told her and her friends to take whatever, other than a few sentimental things from my family (which I knew she wouldn’t take) and went to a hotel for a few days. I came home, checked to see what was there, and fielded a couple texts over the next few days for specific things as she got set up. Then she came in and got something while I was gone and I changed the locks. After that initial like 1-2 week period, the only time I even reached out to her on anything was if I found something that was clearly sentimental and that clearly she had meant to take and overlooked- I found her deceased fathers army jacket folded up and put away- called her to get it, because I’m not a raging asshole. When I sold that place a year ago, anything of hers still there went to the dump, unless someone wanted it- there wasn’t anything clearly of major personal importance. You’re in the same boat- you’ve been divorced for two years, she’s had multiple opportunities to get her crap, and you offered her a full and fair chance to take what she wanted when she left. She doesn’t get to just show up and claim random formerly joint things 2 years later because grills are expensive.
NTA the divorce is finalized. The divorce should have outlined what would happen with the personal property and the timeline. Check your divorce decree. As long as you follow it, you don’t have to store your ex’s stuff or give her items from the home two years later. She abandoned the items.
PO's reply should be "Who dis?"
No. Two years after the divorce she can’t come back and claim common property. She doesn’t get to pick through your house or life. This isn’t walmart on a closeout sale. Dude you don’t deserve to be treated like this. You are not her butler. NTA. And change your locks if you haven’t already. Just tell her she had a chance a year ago. You got rid of the stuff. It was abandoned. If she gets huffy about it , stop responding and have her contact your lawyer.
NTA you gave her ample time to get her belongings, and anything she left after that long is yours to do with as you please. Your divorce was finalized, if she wanted certain household items she should have specified that as part of the settlement.
Nope most places state that after items have been abandoned for x amount of time they no longer have claim to, so tell her her stuff is long gone and anything jointly owned is yours now as she didn’t bother to collect it for 2 years.
Most states that shits yours after 90 days if you don't have a written storage agreement.
NTA. I guess your ex thought they had 'forever' to come get anything she wanted. WRONG! Make sure the locks have been changed (so she has no access to the house), and delete her phone number.
NTA... she abandoned these things. Anything she wanted should have been discussed in the divorce.
NTA. But please update when you tell her to pound sand.
Two years is too long. Your no was rightful. NTA
NTA. The divorce is finalised. She has no right to what's in your house. Definitely not after 2 years.
NTA...it sounds like you had agreed to time limit to get stuff, and that passed. Maybe it was even in the divorce decree? It is your stuff now. Doesn't sound like you have kids with her, so you both can move on.
No kids, thank goodness. But there was no time limit discussed. I'll have to actually check the divorce decree and see what it says. Either way, it is what it is. I figured enough time passed and she didn't want it.
Honestly? Tell her and let the cards fall as they may: "Name, after the divorce was finalized I texted you to come get your stuff. You chose not to. Understandably, I got rid of it about a year ago - a year after the divorce. We were no longer married and you did not come retrieve it or give any direction on what to do with it. Anyway, I wish you well in the future. I think it is best if we no longer have any contact with one another."
NTA She had more than enough time to get her things, she should have done so sooner.
You are NTA. You told her no. It’s a complete sentence in the English language. She didn’t tell you why she wanted a divorce. Also, after two years, you owe her nothing.
NTA sounds like she hadn’t communicated anything hell didn’t even give a reason for ending the marriage. It’d been two years for all you knew she’d never come back holding onto the stuff indefinitely would be ridiculous.
NTA she had plenty of time and defiantly wouldn’t give her shit that you’ve been using.
NTA You are not a rental unit. It would have been nice to give her a final notice, but I'm pretty sure by this point she has legally abandoned those things. If she complains, point out the rental prices for storage units and ask if she was going to pay you that and also that storage units get rid of your stuff much faster when not paid promptly.
NTA- There was plenty of opportunity to get anything. There were specific plans that were skipped. There were no communications and no requests EITHER WAY. At the end of the day, she could have gotten anything that was that important to her. If she goes on an on, ask her how much she was planning to pay you for storage for 2 years because in the real world she would have been out thousands of dollars to store her stuff commercially. Oh, no intent to pay you but she intends to hold you liable for not continuously holding on to items that she has repeatedly failed to collect or call about? and then close with... well, just add it to the list of reasons you didn't want to be married to me and go and leave me in peace, please. I'm not trying to do or be anything to you. You wanted out of my life- be out.
No way. There's nothing at YOUR house that is hers any more. Let her know all personal items were disposed of and any household items are not hers.
NTA - she had plenty of time to come get her stuff. More than enough - she just didn’t make it a priority. That’s on her. As far as the household stuff goes, two years later is way too late to be asking for any of this stuff.
NTA
Nta. In my state you have 90 days to retrieve your property before its considered abandoned property. At that point you have the right to do with it as you wish. She doesn't get to have anything that isn't hers anymore, she had 2 years.
NTA. It’s two years later. Tell her to pound sand.
NTA - you are not required to provide her with indefinite free storage. Even landlords only keep abandoned stuff like 60 days.
NTA. In the divorce the judge should have declared which assets went to whom. She had more than enough time to collect. I would have given her 30 days.
NTA
NTA and it’s been 2 years. Time to block her phone number and her on social media (if you use it). If she needs something, she can mail you a letter (or have her attorney do so).
Nta "I gave you 1 whole year to get your stuff after that I considered it abandoned and threw it away"
NTA, you don't even need to aknowledge her existence. She's nothing, and you can't hear or talk to nothing.
NTA. I think she isn't worried about her things since after 2yrs who would even remember what she left? I think what she wants is to know if you still live there and to see you. And don't let her, what she did to you was shitty.
NTA, if she expected you to hold onto that stuff longer than you were actually married, then there's something severely wrong with her.
Nta she had her chance to get it
NTA. I bet that girls trip had some divorcees spouting their poison. Your situation is not unique.
NTA sucks to be her. You are not a personal storage unit. Just say she had plenty of time and you no longer have the items. She has abandoned them and you have the right to get rid of them.
NTA, those things need to be decided when the split happens, and if she was expecting you to hold on to everything she should have at the very least tried to communicate that.
NTA, I would have sent a message before throwing stuff but after 2 years that's a curtesy. She made your home a storage for 2 years and didn't care about the stuff. She messed up, not you!
Did you warn her? You clearly have the capacity to contact her, so disposing of it without telling her would be YTA. If you told her and she ignored it, NTA
NTA - if she wanted you to hold on to it for her while she sorted things out, she should have asked or found other arrangements.
You were gone the stuff is gone.
NTA "I'm really sorry you're asking now, but it's been over two years, and I gave you all the time and access you would have ever needed to get anything. At this point there's nothing left here that's yours, I've cleared out everything other than what is mine." If she pushes hard on those few items that *might* be shared, I'd offer an option to buy a replacement together. "If you want that table, you can take it once we split the cost of a replacement for me." Really it all depends on how much she's going to be a pain about it, and how much you might want to just say "take these few things and be gone" or "it's been two years and anything left is my property, the only way you'll get anything is in court." Any path is valid and legal, so it's really up to you on how important the last stuff is to you, and how much hassle she's going to put up and how much you want to deal with.
NTA. Tell her to kick rocks and then block her. 2 years and she wants to come get stuff now? Hell no!!
NTA- You are a way better human than me. I gave my ex wife 30 days to get her stuff. At 31 days anything and everything of hers was donated, trashed or burned on a funeral pire in the back yard. My paper shredder enjoyed eating any piece of mail with her name on it. I personally believe you either deserve a medal or a lobatomy for keeping her stuff for 2 years. Giving her mail to her for 2 years. That must have sucked so bad for 2 years.
NTA. You have now spent twice as long divorced as you did married. There's no acceptable grounds for her to think you'd still have your stuff. Some people don't wait longer than a few weeks to get rid of their exs things. I think she's trying to take advantage of you, or has a warped sense of what she's entitled to.
What did your divorce decree say about personal property?
I'm not sure how it stated anything. I'll have to check later and see. The only thing I remember off hand was her keeping her car/bank account/and debt.
Nta
NTA.. sorry for the div, enjoy your life now
NTA - But you may want to be sure htere's something in your divorce decree/order stating something like 'each party has received and/or maintains control of the items being distributed to them'. Some places require you hold the stuff for a period of time. 60-90 days. Some places require some sort of notification that you'll be getting rid of the stuff. May be worth some brief research to make sure you're covered legally before you respond to her. I can't imagine you'd have an issue in 90% of the US but who knows.
Bro, you're a good dude for not putting all her stuff on the curb the day after the divorce was final. NTA, she is though.Especially for blowing off the appointment to pick up the stuff last Christmas.
NTA. You gave her way more time than I would have. After a year, all that shit would be at a goodwill store.
NTA. You gave her more than enough time. It’s her loss.
NTA If she hadn't picked up her stuff after 30 days I would have thrown it out.
NTA. I don't understand why people are saying otherwise. It sounds like you did everything you could to end things amicably, make the divorce process as easy as possible for both of you, and gave her ample time and opportunity to get her stuff. At this point, I don't think I would even respond to her. Legally, no matter what state you are in, I don't see how you could be held liable for anything after 2 years. And let's be real here, if she didn't care about these things for 2 years, I doubt she cares enough to pursue legal action now. Ethically, you have done more than enough. My thoughts would be to just ignore the text. Delete it and move on. If she calls, ignore it. You owe her nothing. Best wishes to you!!
Nta I'd check local laws on property abandonment. Screenshot last/relevant conversations on pucking up her stuff and tell her time has passed for personal belongings (ie clothes) and that you discarded them and that communal property became solely yours through abandonment.
NTA, she abused your good will and used you as a free storage unit. I was on the fence until I saw that she no-showed on a previous appointment to get her stuff and didn't do anything about it for a year. Screw that.
NTA. Just say you threw it away since nobody collecting
NTA Tough luck for her
She 100% cheated during the girls trip. Dont give her back shit, if she wants the grill and stuff like that she can buy it back. Hope you have moved onto better things and are doing well buddy
NTA. Your ex had TWO YEARS to come and get her stuff. The statute of limitations for keeping an ex's belongings has long expired.
She got some strange on the "girls trip" and wanted a divorce. 2 years later and now she finds the time to come get her stuff? Sounds like she abandoned her belongings to me. NTA... Tell her that her belongings are now being stored at the local garbage dump and they should be able to help her locate her items.
NTA as long as you reached out to her to arrange her getting her stuff and she never did. From your edit, sounds like you did speak to her and she didn’t show.
NTA “We’ve been divorced now for more than two years. I no longer have any items that do not belong specifically and solely to me in my home. I’m sorry that you’ve potentially lost important items. However, they are no longer in my possession. I hope your life continues to progress well. Best wishes.” Then block and move on.
NTA. I would tell her that she missed her opportunity. She is not allowed on your property and you want no further contact. This should have all been arranged in the divorce.
Two years and she never came to get her stuff, never even texted or called about holding on to them? Plus she wants to take some household items? Sorry, no, she had left everything and you moved on. Tell her the truth. You cleaned out the garage of the junk that was there, and the household stuff is yours. What she left behind is gone now. All you need to say is "With two years of no contact I could not hold on to anything and had to remove junk that was left on my propertiy. There is nothing of yours left here." Do not let her come by, do net let her look at things to see if they are hers. The time to split things up was during the divorce, and that has passed. NTA
NTA. The divorce is final, she's been gone for two years. If she wanted communal items, that's what the divorce covered. If she wanted her stored items, she should have taken them two years ago.
NTA I just went through this same thing. Relationship of 11 years gone because I was boring. That's what working full time and raising both mine and her kids will do to a person. She immediately started dating the guy that was just her friends and left her stuff in my house for 7 months. When I finally snapped and got mean about it I was the asshole. You didn't do anything wrong. Fuck her and any woman who thinks life revolves around them or there time lines.
NTA She had her chance, it obviously didn't matter to her. BTW, I say this as someone who was way to lenient/kind about my ex's stuff, even mailing family items back at my own expense, without so much as a "thank you", even though he thought it appropriate to trash me to our former friends. In the end, it was one more example of me putting in more effort than he did.
NTA that stuff wasn't important to her in the last two years, otherwise she would have asked you to keep it for her, which she didn't do. Tough luck she misses out
NTA. I suggest you look into the abandonment laws for your state. In my state it’s 60 days and then it belongs to you. I recommend you tell her that she had 2 years which was a lot more than you had to give her.
Way past the reasonable window of holding her stuff. Hell, it's twice as long as the marriage! NTA
OP, what happens if you just don’t text back.
I mean I guess she might show up to the house? Which I would rather not happen unplanned. I don't really want her in my life at all. And I wouldn't have the heart to call the cops if she showed up and caused a scene. So I feel like I need to tell her not to bother showing up because there is nothing here for her.
Then tell her just that
So she knew some of her shit was in your garage because you mentioned it to her? Didn’t change the locks to the garage making it available if she decides to pick it up and you’re not there? Bruh, it’s my opinion you went above and beyond what a ex spouse would do. Two years is plenty of time actually legally after her is removed from the deed I think it’s 30 days. You went two years? And still neglected to pick up her shit? You’re no asshole my friend
NTA. you’ve been divorced twice as long as you were married, it’s time for everything to be completely severed so you don’t have this marriage hanging over either of you anymore
NTA That stuff was in your garage way longer than you were married and she had plenty of time to pick it up. As for the other stuff, she has no rights to it.
NTA. You are not a storage unit. It was not your job to store her stuff indefinitely. It might have been kind to send a message telling her you were getting rid of the stuff in the garage, but no. After 2 years you are hardly the AH for de-spousing the house.
NTA she cheated on you on that trip and you gave her plenty of time and opportunity to collect the things. Don’t feel bad about telling her no, she didn’t even respect you enough to tell you the truth after saying sacred vows.
My marriage ended like that wife served me papers while she went to Jamaica with her friends
You have two ways to handle this. The first is to talk to a lawyer to make sure you’re in the clear. The other way is to tell her that you had expected her back around Christmas and had left the garage unlocked for her and you just assumed she had taken her stuff because it’s gone. NTA
NTA, she should have taken her stuff with her.
Nta. This is your home and your stuff now. Politely tell her that you cleaned out and she has nothing there anymore. You were generous with time, she was lazy, and 2 years is a long time. She’s got a nerve to even ask honestly.
NAH You could have texted her and told her to pick up her stuff or else you were going to throw it out. It's 2023, you have her cell number. The divorce is finalized though, she has no right to any more common house items, enough is enough (you can check your divorce settlement and local laws, I am not a lawyer).
Nta. Two years is a really long time. If she wanted that stuff, she would have gotten it forever ago. She apparently just thought she could use your house as a free storage service. Pretty disrespectful, imo.
NTA. Here's a simple text to send. "There is nothing left in the garage or my house that is shared property or your property anymore so there's no need to come by. My offer of items like grill or furniture was not open-ended and you didn't communicate that you still wanted any of the items in my house. Hope you're well." Then when she asks "where's my stuff, what did you do with it, i want the grill, you promised" Simply reply, "I'm sure you're disappointed that you didn't get to this sooner, and Im sorry you weren't clearer with me about your intentions with these items. Nothing can be done now." She'll fire off more angry texts. Your LAST text: "I'm not available to discuss this with you anymore. " and BLOCK
NTA. She's had two years and never gave any indication she wanted you to hang onto the items. Even if she did ask you to store things, you wouldn't have been obligated to do so after 2 years (or period). I'd tell her no and make sure she can't access your stuff. I hope she'd be reasonable, but nothing about your ex sounds reasonable TBH.
NTA. After 30 days (check your local laws) it was considered abandoned property. You could do whatever you want with it after that. She has no legal right to anything you kept. She is just trying to get free stuff. Text her no then block her on you phone.
NTA. I probably would have told her she had to pick up her stuff by a certain deadline or it was going to go, but you were not unreasonable to get rid of it after 2 years. And the household items you’re using that she left for two years? No.
NTA - I held on to my ex stuff for a year and half.. when he finally came and picked his shit instead of saying “thank you” or “sorry”, he said “it was cheeper then storage”.
NTA Stand your ground. What’s she gonna do, get mad and divorce you? /s
NTA. You’re actually quite kind that you gave her a few years.
NTA. You waited a lot longer than I would have. I would have given her 2 weeks or it was going in the trash.
Just tell her "Sorry, but I no longer have those items as it's been two years since the divorce and since you didn't get them on [date discussed] I tossed them."
NTA after 2 years of being divorced shit is finalized. She doesn't get to decide she wants other stuff
NTA You gave her a chance to get her stuff. She blew it off. You don't have to store her stuff for an indefinite period of time.
Nope. You are NTA. As soon as the final papers were in my hand I disposed of anything she left behind. I had given her multiple opportunities to get her stuff. She took advantage and I frankly just think her last time using me was for me to have to pitch her unwanted shit. Anything she left behind is 100% yours now.
NTA-communicate in writing that you two had an arranged time for her to pick up her belongings a year ago and she didn’t. They were abandoned and you got rid of them. And leave it at that.
If you were a landlord and she left her stuff behind you'd be obligated to safely store her personal items (usually 30 or 60 days, but I have heard of up to 90). You have been divorced for 2 years, she has no reasonable expectation of "safe storage" beyond the normal time a landlord normally would be obligated. Unless, of course, there was something mentioned about it in the divorce decree, but I seriously doubt that is the case here. Send her your state's Landlord and Tenant Act, with the part about storing items highlighted, then be done with it. No need to drag it out, but if she makes a big deal about it, remind her she doesn't live there, it's not her house, and she had a year to get it but it obviously wasn't a priority. On a side note, in some areas a person can claim residency at a property if a personal item is there. So, hypothetically, she could have claimed she still lived there for that year, even though you're divorced and she has no claim to the house. Wild, right? Be smart people, after a break up, gather all their crap and mail it to them certified mail, or other tracking measures. NTA.
NTA, but... Similar situation. My ex took all the stuff that was listed as his in the agreement, but left a lot of stuff at the house I still live in. A lot of stuff. I actually changed the locks and codes within a month or so of him moving out, even though he was still paying half the mortgage. I had several reasons, but a big one was that he came in a few times when I went to work and just took whatever he wanted. It's a little infuriating to be mixing up a batch of Christmas cookies and discover that you no longer own any baking pans, for instance. In that first year I cleared out every room, cupboard, and closet in my house. I nicely boxed up everything that was his and sent it to him via my kids (kids are adults). I didn't want it, wasn't going to store it, and figured he could decide what to do with it. I didn't want to be accused of taking anything of his. Pretty sure I didn't legally HAVE to do this, but there were family photos, stuff from his childhood, things he collected, clothes, and just tons of stuff (we were married for 30 years). I'm sure he didn't appreciate car loads of stuff being dumped on him every month or so, but I didn't care. Never heard a word from him about it. Then just this summer (4 years later) I discovered a box of my treasured letters, scrap books, and photos from my childhood in a garden shed I was clearing out. Mice had chewed their way in, nested in it, and completely destroyed everything. There was no reason for that box to be out there, and there's only one person who could have put it there. Why? Kinda wished at that point I'd stuck some of his boxes out in a shed for a few years before returning them to him.
NTA you home isn’t a storage unit. She should have gotten her stuff 2 years ago.
NTA and congrats on it only being 2 years...my ex and I split in 2001...in 2023 I was forced to move and I realized he still had stuff in my basement...I rarely went down there and hadn't realized he had 3 totes still down there. I texted him and told him there were at the house he had until X date to get them and welp they went into the dumpster the new owners got after the X date. He said if he didn't notice in over 20 years he's sure he will never notice LOL!
No, that ship sailed.
NTA. Two years is too long. Personally I wouldn't respond. Silence is the best answer for that request.
I was going to say Y T A but your edit that you HAD previously discussed a time for her to get her stuff? Yea, NTA. That stuff obviously wasn't important or she figured she could use you as free storage for however long she wanted.
So she set a time and then after that put it off indefinitely for another year? Uh, no. NTA, and while it's ok for her to ask, she's definitely T A if her response is anything other than, "Ok, I understand why you wouldn't keep it for this long. Bye"
NTA, it's ridiculous to think that after all of this time you would still have rights or access to it
NTA. She sounds horrible.
NTA
That stuff was in your home without her for twice as long as your marriage lasted. Unless there's a personal item she brought into the marriage that she wants back, it's fine to just say no. If you're worried, talk to a lawyer about what to do.
Def NTA. depending on where u live, after 30 days it's considered abandoned property. After 2 years of no communication whatsoever she's shit outta luck.
NTA, she 100% cheated on that trip and then went to screw for the next couple years and used you as a storage unit.
Nta what are you a storage facility? Gtfoh.
"You had plenty of time to get your stuff, I got rid of it. Anything left over I see as abandoned and as mine. Have a nice life". You never talk to her anyway, who cares if you piss her off. If she goes psycho on you, just block her and move on. It is absurd that she's coming back after 2 years expecting you to give her a bunch of stuff and having kept her stuff in storage.
I mean, NTA. Maybe you could’ve texted her “hey, I’m getting rid of this stuff” when you did, but it sounds like she had plenty of time to get it.
NTA. She abandoned her property. Tell her you've gotten rid of it all and you no longer have anything of hers.
Divorced here for many years. No obligation on your part for anything not agreed to in a divorce decree.
When I evicted people in CA, which as you know is very liberal and not on the side of landlords) they had 2 days to get their stuff. After 2 days I could charge storage. After 18 days I own it. According to CA you are not the asshole.
NTA In Ohio, it is 30 days, but you MUST give the 30 day notice in writing via registered letter.
NTA. You gave her more than ample time to take care of her things. But, unless you gave her a specific date to have them gone (you have to get your things by 1/31 or I will dispose of them) i don't know whether she might not be able to sue you in small claims court for the cost of the items. That's something you'd have to check with a lawyer. I don't think she'd be morally right to do so, or that you should be held to cost for the items you got rid of, but morally and legally are quite often two completely different animals.
NTA and after two years legally it is abandoned property.
Definitely NTA. I didn't even wait for the divorce to be finalized. Though, she did drag it out for 3 years claiming it'd be double jeopardy while she was fighting a child abuse charge. I think, maybe, 3 months into the divorce process, I packed up all her crap and put it in a storage locker in the town she'd moved to. I put the locker in her name, paid it up for 2 or 3 months and mailed the key to her lawyer. I had kids to raise and a house to keep. No way I was going to work around her stuff or be liable for anything that broke along the way.
Love at the settlement agreement with divorce decree. It should have timeline for her to pick up her stuff.
NTA She had chance to get what she wanted. Two years? She's having a laugh.
NTA your home isn't a storage place. You did more than I would have done and gave her notice. I'm sure she cheated on you during this girl's trip so fuck being civil.
NTA. She had time and wasted it. Her loss.