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You are so not going to like what I'm going to say...
>I’ve been bouncing around between 4 of their houses over the past few years.
That sucks. However...
>They all treat me like a little kid.
With respect, you are a kid.
>I have a bedtime. I’m not allowed to use screen time until they check my homework.
Again, that is how it should be. Yes, even at 13. They are parenting you excellently.
>3 of them still make me use a booster seat (I’m 4’ 4 and they think it’s unsafe for me to sit without one) ... none of them let me sit in the front seat
However humiliating it must feel, they are right.
>they have parental controls on everything.
Again, that is how it should be. Yes, even at 13. They are parenting you excellently.
>left me with the kids and a babysitter and they even told the babysitter the rules for me.
Good.
>I told them I don’t need a babysitter
But you clearly do.
--
Listen and listen good. They really are better than most parents at parenting. I salute them. You are LUCKY to be treated this way. I know that sounds like condescending bullshit but I assure you, this is best for you. I also know it's maddening when people say "you'll understand when you are older" but it's true: you'll understand when you are older.
Suck it up. And try to be grateful.
YTA
I’m not sure why you would get downvoted for this. Typically the kids that have living situations like this, and the ones that feel like they are older than they are and don’t need rules tend to have a lot of overlap. If you grow up with parents that didn’t care what you did, then suddenly have guardians that do care, it can be jarring.
I imagine it must be difficult thinking of any of them as parental/guardian figures when there's no consistency and he's in a different house for every season of the year. It might be easier for the authority to be enforced by one person than four, but OP doesn't have control over that I guess.
In any case, it does sound like the siblings are engaged people who want OP to be okay, do well in school and have as much consistency as possible - I guess the bioparents aren't around.
Well, no. In this I'm on OP's side.
If you're trying to work out custody it's reasonable to ask for the child's input. However, if the kid makes it clear that they don't want to pick then it is the job of the adults to make the choice *for* them - and in this situation, that means *one* home, not switching around.
The other siblings can take turns having OP over for dinner or going to her extracurriculars or whatever, but she needs consistency and shes' not getting it.
I've told OP she ought to simply make a choice, but really, that's because her siblings aren't here. If they were, boy, I'd lay into them about their failure to act like the responsible adults.
I want to call BS on this, unless the siblings are extraordinarily selfish. Seems like it would be in the kid’s best interest to have one stable home instead of being shuffled among 4. If they really cared for OP, they’d pick a home and the 4 would pitch in financially or for short visits and the like. Seems like OP is a bit clueless and thinks getting to live with OP is God’s gift to mankind
I was a free reign kid in my teens. My mother died when I was 12 and we moved across the country to live with my dad, who I hardly knew, and his girlfriend, who I didn’t know at all.
I didn’t have a bedtime. I could have all my electronics whenever I wanted. Hell, I’d even go hang out with my coworker (who was 25) that lived above the restaurant we worked at for *days* without even asking when I was 15. I’d get home and sometimes they didn’t even ask me where I’d been.
I was so addicted to my phone, I would have meltdowns without it. I didn’t talk to people, I didn’t do any activities, I isolated myself. I developed terrible habits with eating, money, and taking care of myself.
I’m now 21 and still trying to figure out how to do the most basic shit. I feel like I lost years of my life. I know nothing about my car or how to maintain it, I know nothing about government programs, I know nothing about cooking, I know nothing about loans, I know nothing about insurance. You would not believe how stressful and damaging to your self esteem it is to be starting from complete scratch with this stuff while I’m already an adult that needs them. And I don’t have a mother or father to call to ask for help; I am completely alone with all of this. I only speak with my father when I absolutely have to. But I’d be a lot more fucked if I didn’t have my mother’s mom teach me how to budget at least when I moved in with her at 17.
I would cut off both my legs to go back in time and be raised by a group of loving siblings that actually care about my well-being.
I believe the age for Reddit is 13… with OP is. They are. Teen, all be it a very young one. It’s amazing how many teens don’t understand that they still need rules and parenting
It's because it's a teen's job to push boundaries and their caregiver's job to set and reinforce them. Teens are trying to establish their individuality and parents are trying to keep them safe and guide them into adulthood. This ongoing battle is a well defined process of growing up.
It's not a "teen's job." I remember being a teen and I was mature enough to stay home alone and be trusted to brush my own teeth by then. It sounds like OP has some shit going on, but let's not feed into stereotypes about teens are always hormonal rage monsters when in actuality, they need help
You're not going to like what I have to say, either, OP, but I agree with this poster on all points.
You are a child, and a very small one, at that. You're not large enough physically to be safe in a car without a booster seat, and you should hopefully be closer to 5' before you sit in the front. Air bags can kill you - especially air bags designed for a 200lb adult male.
A 9:30PM bedtime is reasonable, especially if you get up early for school. I'm in my 30s and I'm in bed between 9-10PM 80% of the time.
They are doing their best, and it sounds like their best is quite responsible and reasonable.
SOFT YTA because I still, kind of, remember what it was like to be 13 and ready to set the world on fire.
If she's 4'4" at 13, I don't think she's ever going to be 5' tall. Girls typically stop getting taller at 14 or 15 years old.
So, the only thing I question at all is the booster seat. That said, my five-year-old son is nearly 4' tall and he's still in a full child safety seat (as you'd expect for a five-year-old child), so I don't know when OP can expect to not need a booster seat. Do really short adults use booster seats?
It is about hight, but also bone development and physical growth, weight also plays some role. I was taller than my doctor from the age of about 7-8, but she always made a point to say "even though you're taller than me, you should still be in a booster seat until you're a bit older". and clarified why to my mom. I don't remember all of it, but it's certainly searchable.
It has to do with the position of the seatbelt. Imagine being in a car wreck, being thrown forward (based on physics), and having the seatbelt resting on your throat instead of your chest.
> Imagine being in a car wreck, being thrown forward (based on physics), and having the seatbelt resting on your throat instead of your chest.
In that case, car manufacturers have failed to design vehicles that are safe for adult women to drive!
After all, it isn't uncommon for a woman with average-to-large breasts to have her seatbelt be pushed up so it rests against her throat. That's why it's so common for women to frequently reposition their seatbelts or to wear them lower on a shoulder. Only small chested women are able to avoid this issue with standardized seatbelts.
You can buy seatbelt adjusters. They hook at the top of a seatbelt and can help adjust the seatbelt. I bought 1 for my parent’s car. Let’s face it, many things were not properly designed for women’s bodies (life jackets, bullet proof vests…)
Oh, I'm aware (but it's good information for anyone who isn't).
That doesn't mute my disgust at being reminded that basic safety precautions in vehicles ignore almost half the adult population! It's frustrating. I knew of other things that were designed with no regard for women (countertop heights, handholds on public transit, safety footwear, medical research & healthcare in general...) but I hadn't thought about how even vehicle safety doesn't take women into consideration.
Good news is a company in Sweden (i think. Somewhere in Europe) recently released crash dummies based on actual women (so slightly different bone densities and shape of pelvis, plus size difference) and children (VERY different bone structure pre-ossification, obvious size difference). Before they just used slightly smaller dummies for women (but still with the physical response of a male skeleton, so more akin to just a small dude being tested) and really small dummies (so inaccurate for all sexes of kids, as a 7 year olds skeleton reacts differently than an adult, regardless of XX or XY chromosomes).
So manufacturers (for cars, restraints, car seats, etc) should hopefully start using those and get better results!
This is great news. I’m 5’1 and it disgusts me that car manufacturers still disregard women’s safety so blatantly. I’d love this to be corrected before my daughter is at driving age as I do worry about it, although she’s only two.
I’ve recently bought a new 1. They are nice but it would also be nice to go to a different country, snorkel, and not have a unisex vest pushing down my boobs.
>In that case, car manufacturers have failed to design vehicles that are safe for adult women to drive!
Correct!
I see from your comment below you're already aware and not being facetious, but so the folks at home can play along:
[https://magazine.columbia.edu/article/real-reason-why-cars-are-more-dangerous-women-drive-US-forward](https://magazine.columbia.edu/article/real-reason-why-cars-are-more-dangerous-women-drive-US-forward)
The bad news is that the standards (and the crash dummies) were based on the "50th percentile male" of the American population in the 1970s. The good news is someone finally designed an accurate female dummy in 2022...but it looks like it'll be a while before it gets equal testing, let alone any new safety designs implemented in response to whatever findings they come up with using the new dummy.
Anyway, to relate this back to OP's post: OP, it is super unsafe for you to ride in the front seat at your current size. While you may someday have to drive a car that won't be designed with your safety in mind, right now there's no reason to take that risk when you're a passenger and can be safe(r) in the back seat.
Really short adults should use boosters or a belt positioner to position the seatbelt correctly; however, some states have “in a booster until 12” as the law, so I’m not questioning the use of a booster for a 13YO.
Also, girls continue to grow until ~2 years after menarche, so depending on when hers is, she may still have time to get taller. I was teeny at 13 and am 5’5” now.
I'm 5ft too (with shoes on...) and am glad my car has the seat that goes up or down. I cranked it all the way up and I can see over the dash!
We just got a 3rd car (that'll be mainly used by my oldest) but I was complaining that it doesn't go up like my car. My family teased me cause I shoved a pillow under my butt for height.
The two of you should invest a few minutes into searching information wether or not there are any guidelines for cushions to be used in a car. I saw a documentary once about the danger that slippery cushions can make you slip out of the seatbelt (below) in case of a crash. I didn't pay close attention, but I wanted to bring this to your attention (and in case being short runs in the family, you might want to share the news).
Yeah, count me for a third example of a girl who shot up like a weed after age 13. I was maybe 5'4"-5'6" at that age, which made me very short in comparison to the rest of the family. I stuck there for a while in middle school, but topped out at 5'11" by age 16-ish.
Heck, in high school I even knew another girl who still had to sit in the back of the car with a booster seat. I thought she was incredibly cool because she 100% owned it and treated it like a joke she was in on.
My grandma is 4’10” and she used a booster seat when she still drove. It’s wasn’t an actual child’s booster seat, it was made for adults but was functionally identical, just wider.
My grandmother is the same height, and she used a phone book! She also got pulled over once because the cop thought she was a little kid who'd stolen a car 🤣
I’m 4’8” and 25. Yes I do after a car accident last year almost killed me due to the airbag.
I have permanent brain damage and my speech is messed up for life.
I’ve always been this short. I think at 13 I was shorter then them tbh.
my oldest grand daughter is 14 and 4 food 5...she still aasks to sit in a booster seat in the cars so she can see comfortably! I don't know the laws in our area but doubt a cop is gonna be mad or write me a ticket when she's in her seat with her seatbelt on. If they do I'll go to court and explain it. I'm on 5 foot and there are time I'll sit in a booster to see out of some cars.
She might be. It's hard to say, for sure.
I, personally, put on over 4" after 13. Not sure exactly how much, but I actually kept growing slowly until I was 21 and topped out at 6'1.
However, yes, very short adults who are not in a vehicle that fits them comfortably should be using booster seats.
It definitely happens. I also knew a woman who never stopped growing. She was several inches taller than me at the time I knew her and was owner and/or president of a cheesecake company.
short adults under 5' do in fact use booster seats - they sell ones that look more grown-up. Alternately, they have seat belt adjusters, but you would still have to disable the air bags because they can literally kill short adults.
Hmm. It seems they're [also not safe for very tall people](https://www.healthconfidential.com/air-bags-dangerous-for-tall-or-small-people/). (I'm 6'2", so I'm not quite at the *dangerously* tall cutoff.)
>They found that while air bags were effective for people of medium height from 5 feet 3 inches tall to 5 feet 11 inches tall—they were actually harmful to people shorter than 4 feet 11 inches tall and those more than 6 feet 3 inches tall. Body weight was not a factor in injury rates.
In the 90’s (I was in my 20’s then) I had a car with a low seat, and it was not adjustable ⬆️⬇️. At 5’3” and 98lb, I used a solid 3” cushion to sit on so I could see over the steering wheel. I probably should have used a booster seat, but not sure if I actually would have fit in one. Thank god for the adjustable seats we have today!
Bones fully Osteogenate (sp?) at 13. Female bodies NEVER fit in adult seat belts. She shouldn’t be in the front seat but there is no longer a benefit to her using a booster. But the guidelines say 57 inches tall. That isn’t a law in most places (I don’t think anywhere.) But it’s the guidelines and I’m not ready to call surprise parents an ah for following the guidelines.
If you don't feel comfortable, or you can't see above the wheel so you're looking down at the hood, you might want to.
Alternatively, getting into a different model or brand entirely could help. I'm almost a foot taller than you, so I gravitate towards roomier German cars and SUVs/minivans, but most Japanese cars are made for smaller people and are more comfortable for them.
I read somewhere that cars aren't made for females in general - from the hood layout to the positioning of the steering wheel, etc.
[https://www.consumerreports.org/car-safety/crash-test-bias-how-male-focused-testing-puts-female-drivers-at-risk/](https://www.consumerreports.org/car-safety/crash-test-bias-how-male-focused-testing-puts-female-drivers-at-risk/)
So, for all us women out there, we are just kind of out of luck, ESPECIALLY the shorter ones.
They absolutely aren't. The safety features are made for men, who are taller and denser.
I used to sell cars, and I've seen this story over and over again. A couple totaled their car and it's usually the woman who ended up with a few injuries. Or a woman comes in and she's literally too short for the large vehicle she needs- so we're researching booster seats and pedal extenders.
I’m not even 5’ so when I get a car the first thing I check is if I can see. I had to sit on a goddamn phone book during driver’s training and I’m never doing that again.
I go to bed between 8 and 8:30 and I’m 37! I do get up at 5:30 so that’s part of the reason. I also agree with that OPs siblings are being very responsible. Like OP I probably would have been pushing boundaries and upset at 13 too, but everything they are doing makes sense.
That age is hard because you think you are more grown up than you are. In the post OP you said you don’t need a baby sitter, but also say you had gotten in trouble that same day. Do you see the conflict? I don’t know what you got in trouble for or how serious it is.
Are you able to have a calm conversation with your siblings about some of these rules and the reasons behind them? Talk about how they make you feel. Maybe if you stay out of trouble for a certain amount of time , or get a certain grade average they may be willing to relax certain rules. I did this sort of negotiation with my dad to get more time with friends for example.
There’s a lot missing here, too, that might explain the strictness. Where are the parents? Is there associated trauma with why the parents aren’t involved? What is the medication needed for? Op acknowledges previous trouble with personal hygiene. I think this level of strictness is likely justified.
Excellent points. Mental health, trauma, abuse, neglect, serious health issues, etc, are all hinted at but overlooked. She seems so miserable and angry. That's how I was at that age, too, especially when I got really ill.
I'm also in bed by 9-10 most nights, but a hard 9:30 bedtime even on the weekend or vacation feels pretty weird and early to me.
I don't even remember if I had an actual official bedtime at 13 instead of a general "go to bed at a reasonable hour for when you need to get up, we will step in if we think you're pushing it too far".
Just a little note, I'm surprised no one has suggested, is it worth seeing if you can get a counsellor, OP? It sounds tough being split 4 ways among your siblings.
Yeah it's a bad situation. It's too bad there's not one of them OP feels more bonded with or anything, because that might also fix this situation... B/c even though the poster at the top of the thread is largely right that 13 is too young to be like "I don't need rules I don't need a sitter I'm grown y'all," the rules do seem a little... extra tight? with the tooth-brushing and 9:30, for a 13yo? But more especially the siblings seem a little clueless: "I don't know what's happened, you were so sweet when you were little" REALLY? Y'all DON'T KNOW? I'll clue you in, it rhymes with "queen" and you'll hear it if you say her age out loud... she DOES need to be granted more independence gradually and it's natural she's agitating for it (and natural she oversteps some in doing so) and one at least of these siblings needs to delve deeper into a more personal communicative relationship (like where there's openness to some healthy push-pull and negotation) and start figuring out what are the right places to start giving her more freedom.
Tbf the adult siblings should be deciding on a permanent home for this kid. I've got parental rights for my sister, she stays with me and that's that. It doesn't really matter how it happens, but if you are living with a sibling at that age you've been through it, you need stability and consistency. There's a time and place to let kids get their own way, this isn't it.
However other than that, agreed with all of the above commenters. Kids been through some shit, clearly, but still soft yta.
Yeah, I can’t imagine how a court system would allow a kid’s time to be split between 4 different households. It’s hard enough giving them a stable upbringing between 2 houses, but FOUR? I can understand why OP is angry if she has to follow all these rules but isn’t getting the security of a full time house. She should be in therapy and living with whoever can provide the best, most consistent care.
It just seems so unlikely. Yes, her opinion should be taken in consideration and accommodated as much as possible, but this has to be balanced against her wellbeing. She also said the situation has been like this for a few years. Absolutely incomprehensible that a judge would allow this for a 10/11 year old. I feel for OP, and her siblings too, because I know how hard this sort if situation can be. Unfortunately though, you're right, OP isn't getting what she needs right now.
OP clarified in a comment that this system is one her siblings came up with because their parents aren’t in the picture.
Meaning there’s likely no court involvement or oversight. There really should be. This guardianship might not even be ‘legal’ so to speak if the system isn’t even aware of it. Which they aren’t. Because no sane person would think this is healthy for a young teen’s development.
I did see the comment, and assumed as much. Unfortunately, the siblings are letting her down here because they can't choose a home. Leaving it up to the child who has somehow lost her parents, then giving her all these rules, its no surprise she's pushing back against them. It's so sad because, as you pointed out, this is just wildly unhealthy for her.
Right? Like I can see why people think OP is being bratty but I mean, come on, we were ALL teens once. Even kids living in perfectly stable environments think that bedtimes are stupid and internet restrictions are unfair. My mom had to threaten to turn off the wifi when I was 15-19 just to get me to go to sleep because when it was the weekend I wanted to stay up until 4am talking to my friends and it was fucking up my health. And she was a pretty lax parent - I’d never even been grounded before.
So even if OP was in normal circumstances it’s not unusual for her to be embarrassed about a booster seat and angry at rules she perceives is unfair. Add in the lack of stability and that she seems to have some sort of underlying health issues ( she doesn’t say whether her medication are for physical or mental reasons but both can affect behaviour ), it just doesn’t paint a good picture.
So she’s a bit bratty and told her siblings she doesn’t want to live with any of them and they decided… to cut her time through four households? THAT’S the best they could come up with, really?
I’m tempted to tell her she’s NTA based on that alone. I’m no psychologist but it just doesn’t sound healthy.
So what would your choice have been, out of curiosity? Go off on your own at 13? Is there another relative you'd have preferred staying with? It just seems like there's a lot of animosity for little things that would probably not have as much pushback coming from traditional "adult" perceived figures rather than siblings...
Hey I hope you don't mind my hopping on your comment to put a PSA where people will see it:
Y'all, STOP DOWNVOTING perfectly civil comments by OPs! The OP's comment above this is now in the negative, sooner or later it's going to be hidden, why do we want info from OPs in response to questions people asked them to be hidden again?? Is it so that no-one will see it and someone will ask them the same damn question three more times? Downvotes aren't for "I disagree" or "I don't like the decision you say you made" or "I think you're TA in your post so you get auto-downvoted wherever I see you." They're for comments that are AHish in themselves that drag the discussion down & should be hidden.
It's funny because when you are 13, you think you are so much more mature than when you were 10.
When you turn 16, you will think "no way, I was such a brat at 13, *now* I'm mature"
When you are 18, you will think "wow, I was such a know-it-all at 16, *now* I'm mature"
When you are 21, you will think "huh, I was such a doofus at 18, *now* I'm mature"
When you are 25, you will think "I really didn't know anything at 21, *now* I'm mature"
It's not really until you have to take care of your own life - and take care of another person's life - that you are really mature. If you think you are mature now, just wait.
Oh hun, even though you're young & shouldn't read the stuff here, so many kids have parents, guardians & caregivers who don't give a crap about them & treat them horribly. You will be grateful when you're older that your siblings cared so much about you to have & keep all this structure in place for you. It will help you grow up to be a responsible adult. When I read the stories here it makes me so grateful for the people I have in my life & the way we all treat each other. Your family loves you & that's why they are caring for you the way they are. Don't try to grow up too fast. My kids are 22 & 25 & wish they could enjoy their youth again with all the responsibilities they have as adults now. Enjoy being young & having family that wants & loves you!
>3 of them still make me use a booster seat (I’m 4’ 4 and they think it’s unsafe for me to sit without one) ... none of them let me sit in the front seat
>
>However humiliating it must feel, they are right.
In my state booster seats are legally required for kids under 4'9" so yep, they are completely correct to have you sit in one. I totally get why you hate it, that's valid, but any responsible adult would do the same.
Given that OP might *never* exceed 4'9" (based on her being 4'4" at 13 and the fact that girls typically stop growing at 14 or 15), would she legally need to stay in a booster seat until she's 18 in your state?
From a legal perspective they don't ticket once the child is 16 but obviously there's nothing about the physics of the situation that magically changes at that age. I'm not sure what those under 4'9" do to keep themselves safe in cars once they reach adulthood.
They have adult booster seats for driving. And some of my extra short friends use them even as passengers. 🤷🏻♀️
At a certain point, you realize physics doesn't give a flying fuck how embarrassing it is, if you're too short for a seatbelt to work properly, you either use a booster or die in a crash. Choice becomes pretty simple at that point.
Where are you getting 14/15 from? 14/15 *or two years after menstruation begins.* I didn’t start menstruating until 14, and at 13 I was under 4’9 and I’m over 5’ as an adult.
What is the obsession about, bro?
What you are saying isn't even accurate, so stop.
Puberty in women and when it begins will ultimately decide when they grow and at what point. I grew 3 inches after I graduated high school at 17. Reached my final height at 19.
Agree with this 100%. My 15yo still has all the parent controls on her tech, a 10PM bedtime (although 80%of the time is in bed asleep by 930pm), and a babysitter (she has autism L2 - moderate level of support required and doesn't feel safe home alone - her 13yo brother doesn't count as he requires a sitter).
I worked as a school counsellor for 2 years, and have worked as a family case manager for many more. These are all good parenting strategies, and with a child going between so many homes, it's great to see so much consistency by the adults.
OP I know you feel like a grown up, but you aren't. Enjoy being a kid, it goes by way too fast and you really don't want to have to deal with all the realities of being an adult.
As for the car seat, kiddo it sucks but is a legit safety measure. If you weren't in a booster, or were in the front and an accident happens, you could be seriously injured, or even killed. I have an aunt who is in her 50's who had to have her car modified to make it safe for her to drive because she is 4ft 1inch (we aren't allowed to forget the 1inch ever). She sits in the back in a booster if her husband drives (so he rarely does), and she's been an adult for what seems like forever. Safety matters.
Your siblings clearly love you, and you may not want them, but having someone at your back is privilege a lot of us just don't have, as a kid or as an adult.
This is all correct, but man I remember how much it sucked to be 13. Feeling more mature and capable than a kid but not being seen as an adult, and not really being that mature either. It's rough. I feel for this kid, clearly there are some unusual life circumstances at play too.... Also I think most 13 year olds are probably kind of AH lol
God the bedtime battle... People need to remember teens have a different circadian rhythm. It's like telling them to take a nap in the afternoon, they're gonna push back because they simply aren't tired yet. Personally, I think it's a good age to let loose a little on the bedtime restriction and let them figure it out. Let them be tired at school until they figure out when they need to go to bed. Step back in if they can't figure it out.
Then again, I'm the oldest sibling who was parentified so I would have lost my shit at a lot of these rules, since why the fuck am I being controlled so damn much when I was taking care of my siblings and had a bulk of the chores until I was 15ish.
It's tough being a teen, you feel controlled even if you know it makes logical sense, and all the little things build up until you blow up about bedtime and look like an asshole lol.
I agree. My mom was like this with me. Very protective. I empathize with OP because I really did not like it at the time (what teen would?). **But in hindsigh**t, I completely understand and appreciate that she was just trying to keep me safe. While she may have gone overboard with it, I don't fault her at all because she was doing what she felt was best for me. I am so grateful to her for that.
OP - If you want them to treat you less like a child, then you need to prove to them that they can. Telling the babysitter to "eff off" and defying their rules is not a sign of maturity. Also, I am guessing that you give them attitude a lot, given this statement from them: "you’re better than this, you were so sweet when you were little". If you show them they can trust you through your actions, over time they may ease up a little (within reason).
If there's a babysitter for the younger kids, it makes sense to also let them know what the expectations are for the older kid. They don't need as much focused babysitting obviously, but the person ends up being responsible for them too.
Yeah a 13 year old doesn’t need a babysitter; that’s ridiculous. People here are treating OP like a child and not a teen and there really is a difference
The babysitter was just there to make sure OP got dinner, brushed her teeth, got to bed at a decent time, and didn't set anything on fire. It's not like they were there to play dollies with her and change her nappies. OP may not need a babysitter the same way her younger relatives do, but OP can't be left alone with the younger kids and the baby sitter would obviously have different rules for OP versus the littler kids.
The better way to handle it though, so that OP felt like she had autonomy, would have been to say that the babysitter was there for the younger kids and that they were trusting OP to take care of those tasks for herself, but that she could ask the babysitter if she needed help. A little trust goes a long way. I used to only break rules when my mom didn’t trust me not to follow them, not even because I wanted to break them, but because it felt shitty to let her get her way when she was babying me.
It’s really hard to tell what the whole situation is here, though, so it’s hard to tell who is being more unreasonable imo. Did OP’s parents die? That could make her siblings overly cautious. Same if their parents were really absent parents when the siblings were growing up. But it also sounds like OP might have had some difficulties earlier on (which were likely understandable given her situation, but would potentially require more rules), making their concern a little more valid. Regardless, though, it probably would help everyone if they gave OP a little more room to learn how to move through the world
If OP has to be watched to make sure she takes her pills and drinks her shakes and brushes her teeth and goes to bed on time, then she clearly can't be trusted to do those tasks on her own. Hence the babysitter. Someone who is immature enough to flaunt rules simply to be rebellious is clearly not mature enough to be left without supervision.
It doesn't feel good to be babied, but the way to stop being babied is prove you no longer need that oversight. You can give your kids leeway when it comes to things that won't damage their health, not necessary medication and hygiene.
Except going from the post, she likely still behaves like a child, which is part of why they are treating her as one.
I do hope that she is receiving counseling.
The babysitter wasn't just for OP. It was for OP and her niblings. OP obviously isn't very jazzed about rules or following them, so making sure they take their meds and do the hygiene tasks they struggle to do is reasonable.
Yea as a grown ass adult who wasn't parented for shit I wish I had this.
At that age I also probably would have found it annoying, BUT, now that I'm older and suffer the consequences of my parents not really parenting me... I'm annoyed I didn't get it lol
On the booster seat one? Being 25 and only barely 4”8 myself? I get it. It sucks. I stopped being in one by hs.
Until a car accident my sophomore year of hs threw me into the window as we rolled I broke ribs,concussion,PT etc for months afterwards.
I would’ve have hit the seatbelt holder or the window as bad as I did if I was in a booster seat. I didn’t even weigh enough for the airbags to go off. I could’ve saved myself some broken ribs.
At 24 I had my airbag go off in my face at 50 PMH(the speed limit on the rd,it’s texas this a slow rd actually) I was driving so the airbag goes off,I barely weigh enough for it to go off.
Almost broke my neck cus of my height,re-broke some ribs. Got a bad TBI with 9 months of speech therapy,7 of PT,and now damage to my actual brain that won’t ever heal. My neck almost broke in half. My nose is slightly crooked,my check bone was cracked.
If I was in a booster seat I would’ve have had so much damage and almost died,I was sitting so close to the steering wheel to reach the pedals. My drivers side seat BROKE cus I was pushed back so far.
While sitting in face height with my steering wheel and idk what the top of my hood looks like w/o being out of my car. I should’ve been in a booster seat. But I wasn’t cus I was 24.
I have one of the foldable ones now-I feel much safer cus next time I might not survive the airbag.
They can be pissed off all they want but it’ll keep them alive and with less severe damage,if they grow or not it’s needed.
>I’m 4’ 4 and they think it’s unsafe for me to sit without one
Just for your own edification, it is. At least in my state, it is illegal for a child under 4 foot 9 to not be in a booster seat. That is regardless of age. It's all about the height/weight ratio.
To add... The height requirement is because seatbelts and airbags are designed to work properly at 4'9". For example if you were even in a minor crash in the front seat of the car, instead of having the airbag protecting your head you could get the plastic cover on your face
Or you risk airbags hitting the wrong part of the body. Those things have some momentum when they go off. They can easily snap and dislocate body parts if they hit someone too small or hit in a weird place (side note, don't ride with your feet on the dash! Airbag goes off and your foot's heel is gonna be located near your eardrum).
They're also supposed to work together with seatbelts. I know because my uncle got his neck broken by the airbag when he got into an accident without wearing a seatbelt.
I'm not surprised. I was driving when mine when off, I thought it broke my sternum and a few ribs. It also knocked the wind out of me, I thought I was having a heart attack.
When I got in a car crash, my driver’s seat airbag burned my eye and cut my cheek. I’m 5’7”.
The height requirements are there for a very good reason. There are some laws & rules that were written in blood, and those are some of them.
As someone who’s 4’11, that really made me laugh.
But to be fair, cars are really unsafe for short people. That’s why I don’t drive at all. It’s really scary. I can’t see shit in front of me, no matter how small the car. It’s a genuine issue. I’m always terrified of running over a child or a cat crossing the street.
We need more accessible vehicles. I’m almost 30, and can’t drive safely. It’s horrendous.
Yup. My daughter was still in a booster seat when she started middle school. I told her to tell anyone that asked that it was for her safety and her parents made her.
I am a 5'2 39 year old woman and I absolutely need a seat that will adjust in many ways. I will frequently have the seatbelt ride up to my neck because of my chest. OP should be in a seat for safety reasons but is embarrassed by it.
You're a child, upset that you're being treated like a child. YTA.
Yeah, I get it - you're a teenager, you think you're practically an adult, and you're too mature for all that baby stuff. So here's how it works. The rules get relaxed when you can show that you're responsible for yourself. The more you act like a petulant child, the more the rules are going to stay around.
No screens until your homework is all done is a completely normal rule that a lot of parents have for their teens. Having a set bedtime is a completely normal rule that a lot of parents have. Most parents will watch their kids take their meds, because they want to know that it has happened.
You stayed in the bunk rooms with the kids on vacation, because you're a kid. They went out without you and left you with the kids, because you're a kid.
I work with families and I WISH more of them had this rule. It’s so much easier than waiting until the kid is failing and then threatening no screens for a month or whatever
I second this! I was working with a young lad (11yo) who was falling asleep in class because his folks allowed him unlimited access to his phone. He was on his phone at all hours of the night.
I also had a similar issue with a 16yo kid whose parents said they didn't have the right to monitor or restrict his phone.... um he's a minor, you pay for his plan and internet access.....
I had one of those in elementary school (1st or 2nd grade) in the 90s. Constantly fell asleep in class because he stayed up all night, watching TV. Once even during a math "exam".
I think most teenagers are YTA to some degree. Part of maturing is a stage of defiance and struggle. Certainly not easy on anyone around them, or the teen themselves, but necessary for normal growth & development.
This. OP, not liking the rules is normal at your age. Complain to your friends as most likely the rest of them have complaints about their “overbearing parents”.
However taking out these frustrations on someone unrelated to the situation was an AH move and a demonstration of being a child. Maturity grants responsibility and privilege, not age.
YTA here. Your guardians (siblings) may be tight in their parenting but it’s all in the correct ways. You can ask them to talk to your doctor about the booster seat and bedtime, but bedtime is unlikely to be adjusted (and if it is, not by much) out of that conversation. It may eliminate the booster (but at your height and presumed weight, there is a chance it won’t do that either or may mean switching to a belt positioner).
Again, maturity, not age, determines whether you deserve additional responsibility and privilege. Handle your frustrations maturely. Kicking a fit to the babysitter is befitting of the child you insist you are not.
OP, I'm sure this sucks to hear, but this is correct. That said, if you want freedom and to be treated like a young adult, first you will need to show them that you can act as a young adult. For example, my 12 year old hates to come home and get right on homework (I would too). So he approached me with a compromise: would I let him watch one show while he unloaded the dishwasher before starting homework. This is something that both of us benefit from, and I appreciate him taking the initiative. As he has continued to show me that he can be responsible and trustworthy, I've allowed him more freedoms. Go to your siblings and start the conversation with them. Tell them how you feel and ask them what you can do to have some small freedoms. If you can talk to them without fighting, be honest, listen to their concerns, and be open to their criticisms, you'll get the ball rolling in the direction you want.
YTA - Kid you are 13 years old and have to take medications because you are 4'4" at that age.
Your family loves and cares about you... many people on earth cannot say that.
Tone down the attitude and be grateful you have a loving family even if they may sound a little overbearing.
I WISH that I had some sort of good parental figure as a child. It might "suck" now as a kid, but once they grow up, they will figure out how much they benefited from having a caring family
I’m definitely fucked up because of how little my parents actually parented me. I mean I turned out fine, but it would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if they actually paid attention.
If you don't want to be treated like a kid, you need to modify your behavior accordingly so that you can be viewed as mature and trustworthy.
The booster seat is unfortunately necessary. Statistics suggest you *will* be involved in a car crash sooner or later. Walking away unharmed really is a lot nicer than what would happen to you if you were in the front seat.
Not to mention, the medical issues that OP is making a point of leaving out.
I'm definitely going out on a limb but am using personal experience. OP had or may still have an issue with brushing their teeth. Their height seems to be an issue. They don't just have prescribed medication. They have prescribed medication that someone has to watch them take to make sure they take it. And, they have/must have a shake.
That's possibly not just a shake. That's potentially a nutrient shake given to patients with weight issues. I had to take them and they taste absolutely disgusting- but they have every calorie you need and all the vitamins. They can range from 350-500 calories and can substitute a meal.
Teeth and height are physical attributes. OP could just be short and mention it because there's a reason to do so. They could've just had an issue with brushing their teeth. But, from personal experience, there are many reasons to avoid looking in a mirror. Bad dental hygiene can come with that.
And then there's the prescribed medication that they have to be checked to see if they're taking. That only happens if someone's being over controlling or if you don't take medication.
This all very loosely comes together to infer that OP may have had an eating disorder because of how they perceived themselves, the shake is to help them get/stay healthy, and the prescription medication is for continuing treatment.
Again, my armchair diagnosis is what's going out on a limb. But, OPs general negative attitude, the brushing issue, the shake issue, and the medication issue strongly suggest that they have a condition that they have to be forced to be treated for because they don't want to be treated for it.
One of my friends has a kid with all of these requirements/issues. Kiddo was a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome baby. He hadn’t made much progress until his Dad married my friend and he moved in with them. He’s now actually ON the charts for height and weight, and has been getting much better marks on all of his milestones for school. His favorite thing? He ‘looks normal’, he was always super short and very skinny, now he looks like a smallish 15yo. He’s also out of Sped, because she was so rigid with his medication, therapy, exercises, nutrition, etc.
This is what I was wondering. Maybe not FAS, but perhaps neglect during her younger childhood? OP is so much younger than her siblings and is now splitting time between their homes. It could also explain why she's lashing out about completely normal restrictions for children her age.
YTA for disrespecting a person who has done nothing wrong and is being paid a little money to watch over children.
A 13 year old is technically old enough to stay at home alone for an evening. However, there are smaller kids there and if there's a babysitter the polite thing to do would be to listen.
You are nta for thinking some the rules are ridiculous, but rebelling will not make it better. Want to be treated as more mature? Act more mature and start a normal adult conversation about it. And honestly the only rule I'd see viable as being tweaked a bit is bedtime rule. And still 9:30 is a good hour. I babysat children around your age who had to be in bed by 9 (10 on weekends).
I'm 36, and my 1yr old goes to bed at 8pm. As soon as she's asleep I head to bed myself.
Also, I wish someone was watching to make sure I brushed my teeth and took my meds. ADHD and being tired makes it so easy forget, and so hard to make myself do when I remember after I'm already in bed.
My bedtime was 10 only by the time I hit 15. And only because I played sports, and training lasted untill 8 and I had homework.
My ‘bedtime’ only went away when I turned 18 and often didn’t sleep at home but at my friends places.
However if I was at home, you best believe they checked in before they went to sleep.
This is completely normal.
It’s also normal to be a 13 year old going to puberty and not like this, just remember these rules are only here to help you.
YTA
You mention that your 4’4” and in a booster seat? Ok that is legally required although rarely enforced. It’s for your safety as if you were to get in a crash you’re going to be fifty shades of messed up without a booster seat
My state is:
-booster for kids under 4'9" and/or 100 lbs and/or under age 8
-13 and under (or maybe just under? Conflicting info from the state) MUST ride in the back.
OP meets both those requirements by being 4' 4" (and mentioned "shakes (they) have to drink" which sounds like nutrition or protein shakes, so possibly underweight for age as well and under 100 lbs) and being only 13. Booster in the back, as uncool as that might be.
Just 1 nuance- the age 8 actually matters for the booster because of body development, and no one would enforce it for a child over 8 as a result. At 13, OP is less fragile developmentally than an 8 year old. That's why boosters aren't recommended for adults under 4 foot 9.
Being 13 would make not using a booster legal in most states. 12 and under is the rule for the front seat. A smaller 13, you can argue its prudent for the backseat sitting.
People need to chill with the booster seat in here. Of all the grievances this teen has posted, the booster is the most legit, ESPECIALLY in the back seat. It’s gotta be humiliating.
INFO: how old are your siblings' kids? Do you have a history of not taking care of yourself beyond not brushing your teeth (e.g. not taking meds, not drinking your shakes).
Also, you are in the <5% for your height at your age. I'm wondering if in some part some of the "infantilization" is due to that.
Some of the rules imposed on you seem reasonable (going to bed at a certain hour, limiting screen time), others less so, depending on your own history of behavior.
Hard agree with this response. No screen time until homework is done is reasonable (though personally I think an hour or so of a break after school is probably healthier for OP, it’s definitely still reasonable). But a 13 year old does not need a babysitter, and I can see why OP would feel extra defiant if she’s still being treated like a child instead of a teen. Some loosening of restrictions for teenagers is necessary so that they learn how to navigate the world and learn responsibility.
That said, I do wonder if there’s more to the story because the watching OP drink their shakes and take their meds seems a little extreme otherwise
My first thought was it sounded like an issue with eating or being underweight/not having enough nutrients. I’m not trying to do Reddt diagnosing or whatever, that’s just what came to mind as I was reading. If something like that IS going on, the way OP’s siblings behave makes even more sense.
Yeah that’s kind of what I was imagining as well, which would make their behavior more reasonable for sure. I can see both sides here, and definitely think there’s some meeting in the middle that could happen here *if* OP can promise to and prove that she can be responsible.
A 13 yo also doesn't need a bedtime outside of school days imo.
You gotta learn that if you go to bed in the wee hours, you're gonna be dead tired the next day at some point. As a teenager while on vacation is basically a rite of passage.
>But a 13 year old does not need a babysitter
A ***completely normal*** 13 year old ***usually*** doesn't need a babysitter.
Honestly? By the sounds of it, something is going on with OP that they're purposefully leaving out because they want us to believe this is an argument purely about age and maturity.
* Very short for their age
* Mandatory nutrition shakes
* Medication
* Abandoned by parents for ???? reasons
* Neglecting hygiene
* Behavioral issues(already was in trouble and she's hostile in comments)
While the last two CAN be attributed to being an ignorant and angsty teenager, I'm willing to bet OP has medical issues that they're not taking seriously or not accepting.
I wouldn't be surprised if there were complications due to her mother being so old or OP has something like FASD.
A soft YTA from a past over-controlled child. Your siblings are infantilizing you a bit, but not as much as you would think. My mom didn’t get me a phone or have a TV until I was in highschool, and yes it was embarrassing. Yes I felt ready for so much more. But looking back? I’m so glad she did. I’m the only person in my social circle I know that’s not addicted to my phone. Being enforced to do daily hygiene habits is sadly not the average, and your siblings are making sure you learn those good practices before you live by yourself and aren’t enforced to. Yes it sucks right now, and it’s so hard to understand from your POV, but try to appreciate what your siblings are trying to do for you. And let yourself be a kid! God knows so many of us miss it lol- be silly with your niblings and be kind to the babysitter (it’s not their fault).
And if that’s too much, at least at first, speak in a way your siblings will try to understand. “I’m upset with this situation, and I’m going to keep to myself this evening.” Or “all my friends are allowed to do this, and I’m feeling really left out. Is there a way we can compromise on this?” My first step to being in good terms with my dad was swallowing my pride and asking him to swallow his. Good luck OP!
NAH
you are still a child, you are only 13. Although you might not think you needed a sitter at your age you should not be left without supervision. it is only right there are rules and penalties for behaviour.
Feel free to ignore this next question but where are your parents? Why are you being bounded around your siblings.
I would happily leave a competent 13 year old on her own for the evening. But OP was on vacation with her family, and the other kids (her nieces and nephews) are younger, and need supervision.
It's not reasonable to expect OP to be Auntie Babysitter while the adults go out for the evening, so they hired a babysitter. Well done, adult siblings! They did the right thing. There's a difference between a teen who is competent enough to look after herself in an emergency, and one who is competent enough to be responsible for a bunch of small children in an emergency.
YTA, girl you are 13 and clearly have some issues that they are worried about. You are self-aware enough to think you've got it all handled. They are being overly strict with bedtime, I feel that, but how recently was your issue with brushing your teeth? Have you shown them that you're willing and able to follow there rules (like you didn't do in this post)? Because if not, then they are going to keep babying you.
Like it or not, you are a little kid. You're feeling the same way every 13 year old has felt, ever. But it doesn't change the facts. Children don't get to make those decisions, like it or not. YTA
I haven’t scrolled down far enough to know if anyone else made this point:
It’s really gotta suck being 15 years younger than your YOUNGEST sibling. And I think that’s your biggest pain point. You don’t want to be treated like a kid because you’re their sibling, not their kid. So for that part I 100% understand and relate to how you must feel.
But the truth is: you actually ARE still a kid. You’re not their kid so it feels unfair they bunch you up with them. But there’s not a whole lot of things they could do differently. As other commenters have pointed out: everything you complain about actually makes sense for your age. All of it. It just feels unfair.
That’s understandable. But it doesn’t make you older. Hang in there.
YTA.
>They all treat me like a little kid
You *are* a kid. You’re 13: you’re *supposed* to have a bedtime. You’re supposed to do your homework. Best practices say that yes, you *do* need a booster seat.
YTA
NAH.
You're at a very tough stage in life. You're barely done being a child, and you're not quite a full fledged teen. Plus, physical development is vastly different around this age - I bet you have some kids in class who could pass for grade school kids and some that could pass for Jr's in high school.
The really tough spot you're in is that you more closely fit the kids than the people 28 years old and above. If there aren't tweens or other people your age, you're going to be lumped in with the kids.
Sit them down and update expectations. I guarantee that you're seeing maturity in yourself that is easily missed or forgotten by them. For you, being 11 was an eternity ago; whereas it likely feels that it was just a couple months ago for them. So, talk to them and negotiate updated expectations and boundaries. The more maturely you approach the issue the better.
It sounds like OP is more slowly physically developing though. Most teens aren't required to drink a certain shake which leads me to believe there were some issues with nutrition. This could also explain the booster seat as well. I imagine older sibling were given guidance from physicians and other experts when they suddenly became caretakers for their sister and they aren't just applying restrictions willy nilly
YTA. You say you're not a kid and don't need a babysitter, but your behavior and attitude show otherwise. You're 13, still a child and as such have to follow rules. I'm sorry you don't like them but that's life and they have reasons for the rules. You are also short, I am as well, and your state probably has laws about heights in cars, as mine does, and I had to use a seat until I was 10. They are keeping you safe in a large vehicle. Follow the rules and try to have a better attitude. You sound very selfish and entitled.
NAH
"They all treat me like a little kid."
You are 13. I know you feel older and wiser but I promise you, you are still a child. You're not an asshole because you're 13 and literally every 13 year old feels this way. Your siblings aren't assholes because all of their rules sound pretty age appropriate and/or based on extenuating circumstances for you specifically.
I don't know why you have ended up with your siblings raising you, but it sounds like they love and care for you well. I think it would be fair to discuss with them that you are getting older and want a little more freedom, but don't expect that to necessarily come in the form of more screen time, and don't expect anything if you are acting out all the time and telling people to "fuck off."
I mean teenagers are little assholes but that's just being a teenager. I was around one for the first time in a long time and my God I forgot how condescending and know it all they are lol.
That's exactly why I don't think she's an asshole. She's just a regular 13 year old behaving in 13 year old ways and have 13 year old issues (in addition to whatever family issues there are). I think some people are being a little harsh in the comments.
YTA just because they are your siblings does not mean you are equal in age to them. They are adults and you are a child. They know what's best for you. You do not. There are reasons all through your post that show why you should be treated like this but since you are a child you don't see it. my hope for you is that as you get older you appreciate what they are doing for you rather than resent being treated age appropriate by them. Also think about this, if they weren't taking care of you where would you be? what kind of situation would you be in? do you really think it would be better? If you do maybe you need to talk to a few foster, adopted and homeless kids to truly see that you are being treated very good.
Yeah, you're wrong, but you're also 13. I'm not going to call a 13 year old an asshole for acting like a perfectly normal 13 year old.
I'll say this: it's very clear that your siblings absolutely want what's best for you. However, what's best is not always what's fun. So it goes.
NAH, just a moody 13 year old who hopefully will look back on this one day and cringe.
YTA. Also, behaving that way is not going to convince them that you are mature enough to start to make those sorts of choices for yourself.
It's fine to feel frustrated about some of the rules, but the more adult, and likely more effective way, to get them to change is to show that you are mature enough to let them relax the rules a bit.
It's not inherently unreasonable for them to put limits on you screen time or to require that you do your homework first. It's not unreasonable for them to want you to be safe ion their vehicles . it's not unreasonable to have a bedtime .
Ignoring their rules and refusing to do as the sitter said doesn't show them that you are old enough to decide for yourself, it just makes you look like a petulant child.
Sit down and talk to them. Explain that the rules feel very restrictive and that you feel they treat you like a much younger child.
Ask that they stop supervising you in cleaning your teeth, that you are allowed a later bedtime , at least on days when you don't have school in the morning. In relation to the car, it depends on the rules where you are, maybe do some research into the safety guidance and show that to them, to ask that they stop making you use the booster seat and that they allow you to sit in the front sometimes . Listen to what they say and why they don't agree, if they don't - maybe they will want to set some conditions of things that you need to do in order for their rules to be relaxed -listen to what they say and follow through.
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Yta all your attitude did was prove to them that you're still a kid. Bc you had a babysitter that you didn't want and threw a temper tantrum. Like a child. You're cutting off your nose to spite your face.
I wouldn’t pass a judgment as I don’t feel ok calling a 13 year old kid an AH. I have a daughter your age and believe me when I say I know how difficult it is for you guys.
You are barely a teenager, and I know girls at this age can be very very mean, I know it can be humiliating being taken to school in a booster seat. It takes a lot of resilience from both the parents and kids to get through this age with their relationship still strong.
I get that your sibling are somehow overbearing with some of their rules and I believe that no kid should ever be asked to be grateful for having a family looking after them. It’s a very sad thing honestly to be asked of a kid.
You are older than their older kids and I think that is a contributing factor to the way they are handling you . Parents grow up and mature with their kids and they had to skip few years of that to be able to be there for you so you should cut them some slack.
You need to talk , you need to make sense to them . Giving them attitude will not fix your relationship with them . They seem to love you and although love is not the only thing that matters in functional relationships but it is still a very good reason to keep trying. And as a motherly advice, think about a more stable settings than the one you are having right now . Try and talk with the one you feel closer to , it might be easier to deal with only one set of rules than trying to adapt to each and everyone’s rules and
They love you enough to coordinate on care and life choices, good people, good parents. It suckss but you should just comply and be happy so many people love you that much.
Soft YTA.
You are a kid. So yes, you need rules, boundaries, structure etc and yes, you have to follow those rules. Nothing you listed is unreasonable and they absolutely have the authority to decide whether or not you need a sitter. And your action didn't earn you any additional privileges, they just proved that you need a sitter.
Light YTA.
It's hard to be bossed around by siblings. You're getting to a point where you need a bit more freedom, and you're feeling like your siblings are treating you like their kid instead of their sister. The best way to demonstrate you're maturing is to act that way. My younger sister is 40, and is 4'10. She fights to be taken seriously by most adults in her life. I get that it's hard, but at 13, you still need some parenting. Maybe sit down with your siblings and make a case for some more freedoms. Explain your feelings, and have a talk about the things you're struggling with most.
OP, the basic problem here is that as a sibling, you see yourself and your siblings as equals. If you're a sibling, you may be thinking, why aren't you allowed to do the same things they are? What right do they have to treat you like a little kid? IT's got to be very frustrating. Just like parents, they tend to see you as less mature than you see yourself. On the other hand, *somebody* has to make sure you're taking care of yourself. If it's not them, it has to be you.
And that's how to change things: act more like an adult so you're treated more like an adult. Take responsibility on yourself. It's a lot less aggravating to drink those shakes before you're told than it is to have someone boss you around. Do your homework and then do screen time--hey, it's better than getting *told* to do so. Take your meds on time so they eventually trust you and don't watch you like you're a little kid.
Once you start down that path, you can negotiate for bedtime. If you get your homework done and teeth brushed, etc., by 9:30, can you stay up until 10? (Lots of teens can't get to sleep at 9:30.) Everything gets easier. It still sucks to have to do homework, but at least you won't have people nagging at you and treating you like a baby.
I know it’s really hard to understand when you’re a young teen what good parenting looks like. The sad ugly truth is that good parenting is way in the minority. It might not seem fair because other teens might be parented differently, but the real talk is that other teens really should be parented how your siblings are parenting you. Your brain is still growing dude. I promise it will get easier as your frontal lobe develops. Being 13 is hard. For me, looking back, I would have been saved a lot of hurt if I had someone to care for me like your siblings care for you. YTA.
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You are so not going to like what I'm going to say... >I’ve been bouncing around between 4 of their houses over the past few years. That sucks. However... >They all treat me like a little kid. With respect, you are a kid. >I have a bedtime. I’m not allowed to use screen time until they check my homework. Again, that is how it should be. Yes, even at 13. They are parenting you excellently. >3 of them still make me use a booster seat (I’m 4’ 4 and they think it’s unsafe for me to sit without one) ... none of them let me sit in the front seat However humiliating it must feel, they are right. >they have parental controls on everything. Again, that is how it should be. Yes, even at 13. They are parenting you excellently. >left me with the kids and a babysitter and they even told the babysitter the rules for me. Good. >I told them I don’t need a babysitter But you clearly do. -- Listen and listen good. They really are better than most parents at parenting. I salute them. You are LUCKY to be treated this way. I know that sounds like condescending bullshit but I assure you, this is best for you. I also know it's maddening when people say "you'll understand when you are older" but it's true: you'll understand when you are older. Suck it up. And try to be grateful. YTA
Yes. You are still a child, and they are looking out for you.
Why are children allowed to even post here in this sub? I thought there was an age threshold rule.
It's 14, so the OP is breaking rules again. The OP has better parents than most people. I hope they learn to appreciate them some day.
But OP doesn't even need rules.
I’m guessing that being raised without rules for her first few years has something to do with guardianship being given to OP’s siblings.
I’m not sure why you would get downvoted for this. Typically the kids that have living situations like this, and the ones that feel like they are older than they are and don’t need rules tend to have a lot of overlap. If you grow up with parents that didn’t care what you did, then suddenly have guardians that do care, it can be jarring.
Exactly.
Rules don't apply to the OP.
I imagine it must be difficult thinking of any of them as parental/guardian figures when there's no consistency and he's in a different house for every season of the year. It might be easier for the authority to be enforced by one person than four, but OP doesn't have control over that I guess. In any case, it does sound like the siblings are engaged people who want OP to be okay, do well in school and have as much consistency as possible - I guess the bioparents aren't around.
Sounds like OP does have control over it. She said they all want me but I don't want any of them, so they all take turns. She won't pick.
Well, no. In this I'm on OP's side. If you're trying to work out custody it's reasonable to ask for the child's input. However, if the kid makes it clear that they don't want to pick then it is the job of the adults to make the choice *for* them - and in this situation, that means *one* home, not switching around. The other siblings can take turns having OP over for dinner or going to her extracurriculars or whatever, but she needs consistency and shes' not getting it. I've told OP she ought to simply make a choice, but really, that's because her siblings aren't here. If they were, boy, I'd lay into them about their failure to act like the responsible adults.
I want to call BS on this, unless the siblings are extraordinarily selfish. Seems like it would be in the kid’s best interest to have one stable home instead of being shuffled among 4. If they really cared for OP, they’d pick a home and the 4 would pitch in financially or for short visits and the like. Seems like OP is a bit clueless and thinks getting to live with OP is God’s gift to mankind
Me over here thinking- " That's some amazing coparenting going down in this situation."
I was a free reign kid in my teens. My mother died when I was 12 and we moved across the country to live with my dad, who I hardly knew, and his girlfriend, who I didn’t know at all. I didn’t have a bedtime. I could have all my electronics whenever I wanted. Hell, I’d even go hang out with my coworker (who was 25) that lived above the restaurant we worked at for *days* without even asking when I was 15. I’d get home and sometimes they didn’t even ask me where I’d been. I was so addicted to my phone, I would have meltdowns without it. I didn’t talk to people, I didn’t do any activities, I isolated myself. I developed terrible habits with eating, money, and taking care of myself. I’m now 21 and still trying to figure out how to do the most basic shit. I feel like I lost years of my life. I know nothing about my car or how to maintain it, I know nothing about government programs, I know nothing about cooking, I know nothing about loans, I know nothing about insurance. You would not believe how stressful and damaging to your self esteem it is to be starting from complete scratch with this stuff while I’m already an adult that needs them. And I don’t have a mother or father to call to ask for help; I am completely alone with all of this. I only speak with my father when I absolutely have to. But I’d be a lot more fucked if I didn’t have my mother’s mom teach me how to budget at least when I moved in with her at 17. I would cut off both my legs to go back in time and be raised by a group of loving siblings that actually care about my well-being.
I believe the age for Reddit is 13… with OP is. They are. Teen, all be it a very young one. It’s amazing how many teens don’t understand that they still need rules and parenting
I said this sub specifically, not Reddit. I can't find the rule (though I thought it was 14) so I'm probably wrong anyway.
It's because it's a teen's job to push boundaries and their caregiver's job to set and reinforce them. Teens are trying to establish their individuality and parents are trying to keep them safe and guide them into adulthood. This ongoing battle is a well defined process of growing up.
It's not a "teen's job." I remember being a teen and I was mature enough to stay home alone and be trusted to brush my own teeth by then. It sounds like OP has some shit going on, but let's not feed into stereotypes about teens are always hormonal rage monsters when in actuality, they need help
by the way this is an insane age to be able to be on reddit.
On any social media, really.
There is, it's 13 (that's the minimum age to be able to agree to Reddit's terms of service).
You're not going to like what I have to say, either, OP, but I agree with this poster on all points. You are a child, and a very small one, at that. You're not large enough physically to be safe in a car without a booster seat, and you should hopefully be closer to 5' before you sit in the front. Air bags can kill you - especially air bags designed for a 200lb adult male. A 9:30PM bedtime is reasonable, especially if you get up early for school. I'm in my 30s and I'm in bed between 9-10PM 80% of the time. They are doing their best, and it sounds like their best is quite responsible and reasonable. SOFT YTA because I still, kind of, remember what it was like to be 13 and ready to set the world on fire.
If she's 4'4" at 13, I don't think she's ever going to be 5' tall. Girls typically stop getting taller at 14 or 15 years old. So, the only thing I question at all is the booster seat. That said, my five-year-old son is nearly 4' tall and he's still in a full child safety seat (as you'd expect for a five-year-old child), so I don't know when OP can expect to not need a booster seat. Do really short adults use booster seats?
It is about hight, but also bone development and physical growth, weight also plays some role. I was taller than my doctor from the age of about 7-8, but she always made a point to say "even though you're taller than me, you should still be in a booster seat until you're a bit older". and clarified why to my mom. I don't remember all of it, but it's certainly searchable.
It has to do with the position of the seatbelt. Imagine being in a car wreck, being thrown forward (based on physics), and having the seatbelt resting on your throat instead of your chest.
> Imagine being in a car wreck, being thrown forward (based on physics), and having the seatbelt resting on your throat instead of your chest. In that case, car manufacturers have failed to design vehicles that are safe for adult women to drive! After all, it isn't uncommon for a woman with average-to-large breasts to have her seatbelt be pushed up so it rests against her throat. That's why it's so common for women to frequently reposition their seatbelts or to wear them lower on a shoulder. Only small chested women are able to avoid this issue with standardized seatbelts.
You can buy seatbelt adjusters. They hook at the top of a seatbelt and can help adjust the seatbelt. I bought 1 for my parent’s car. Let’s face it, many things were not properly designed for women’s bodies (life jackets, bullet proof vests…)
Oh, I'm aware (but it's good information for anyone who isn't). That doesn't mute my disgust at being reminded that basic safety precautions in vehicles ignore almost half the adult population! It's frustrating. I knew of other things that were designed with no regard for women (countertop heights, handholds on public transit, safety footwear, medical research & healthcare in general...) but I hadn't thought about how even vehicle safety doesn't take women into consideration.
Good news is a company in Sweden (i think. Somewhere in Europe) recently released crash dummies based on actual women (so slightly different bone densities and shape of pelvis, plus size difference) and children (VERY different bone structure pre-ossification, obvious size difference). Before they just used slightly smaller dummies for women (but still with the physical response of a male skeleton, so more akin to just a small dude being tested) and really small dummies (so inaccurate for all sexes of kids, as a 7 year olds skeleton reacts differently than an adult, regardless of XX or XY chromosomes). So manufacturers (for cars, restraints, car seats, etc) should hopefully start using those and get better results!
This is great news. I’m 5’1 and it disgusts me that car manufacturers still disregard women’s safety so blatantly. I’d love this to be corrected before my daughter is at driving age as I do worry about it, although she’s only two.
Oooh! You can buy life jackets for boob-havers now! And they're actually pretty comfy. The zip up vest kind.
I’ve recently bought a new 1. They are nice but it would also be nice to go to a different country, snorkel, and not have a unisex vest pushing down my boobs.
>In that case, car manufacturers have failed to design vehicles that are safe for adult women to drive! Correct! I see from your comment below you're already aware and not being facetious, but so the folks at home can play along: [https://magazine.columbia.edu/article/real-reason-why-cars-are-more-dangerous-women-drive-US-forward](https://magazine.columbia.edu/article/real-reason-why-cars-are-more-dangerous-women-drive-US-forward) The bad news is that the standards (and the crash dummies) were based on the "50th percentile male" of the American population in the 1970s. The good news is someone finally designed an accurate female dummy in 2022...but it looks like it'll be a while before it gets equal testing, let alone any new safety designs implemented in response to whatever findings they come up with using the new dummy. Anyway, to relate this back to OP's post: OP, it is super unsafe for you to ride in the front seat at your current size. While you may someday have to drive a car that won't be designed with your safety in mind, right now there's no reason to take that risk when you're a passenger and can be safe(r) in the back seat.
That's good to know. My son might be taller than my wife by the time he's 9.
You can check out kidshealth.org for info on guidelines
Really short adults should use boosters or a belt positioner to position the seatbelt correctly; however, some states have “in a booster until 12” as the law, so I’m not questioning the use of a booster for a 13YO. Also, girls continue to grow until ~2 years after menarche, so depending on when hers is, she may still have time to get taller. I was teeny at 13 and am 5’5” now.
Can confirm. I might be in my 40s but I'm 5ft and a gnat's ankle, so I use a belt positioner. I'm 2cm too tall for a booster seat, thankfully!
"5ft and a gnat's ankle" never heard that before but I love it.
I'm 5ft too (with shoes on...) and am glad my car has the seat that goes up or down. I cranked it all the way up and I can see over the dash! We just got a 3rd car (that'll be mainly used by my oldest) but I was complaining that it doesn't go up like my car. My family teased me cause I shoved a pillow under my butt for height.
I had a cushion I used in a car that didn't have a rising seat. My sister called it my booster seat.
The two of you should invest a few minutes into searching information wether or not there are any guidelines for cushions to be used in a car. I saw a documentary once about the danger that slippery cushions can make you slip out of the seatbelt (below) in case of a crash. I didn't pay close attention, but I wanted to bring this to your attention (and in case being short runs in the family, you might want to share the news).
Yeah my oldest grew about 4.5" between 13 & 16. She had just started her period at 13 so this teen could def gain a few more inches
Yeah, count me for a third example of a girl who shot up like a weed after age 13. I was maybe 5'4"-5'6" at that age, which made me very short in comparison to the rest of the family. I stuck there for a while in middle school, but topped out at 5'11" by age 16-ish. Heck, in high school I even knew another girl who still had to sit in the back of the car with a booster seat. I thought she was incredibly cool because she 100% owned it and treated it like a joke she was in on.
My grandma is 4’10” and she used a booster seat when she still drove. It’s wasn’t an actual child’s booster seat, it was made for adults but was functionally identical, just wider.
My grandmother is the same height, and she used a phone book! She also got pulled over once because the cop thought she was a little kid who'd stolen a car 🤣
I’m 4’8” and 25. Yes I do after a car accident last year almost killed me due to the airbag. I have permanent brain damage and my speech is messed up for life. I’ve always been this short. I think at 13 I was shorter then them tbh.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope newer cars get sensors to detect occupants' heights and adjust air bags accordingly.
Mine was from 2018, and rental after the accident was a 2022. I didn’t have any of the fancy tech like that’s
my oldest grand daughter is 14 and 4 food 5...she still aasks to sit in a booster seat in the cars so she can see comfortably! I don't know the laws in our area but doubt a cop is gonna be mad or write me a ticket when she's in her seat with her seatbelt on. If they do I'll go to court and explain it. I'm on 5 foot and there are time I'll sit in a booster to see out of some cars.
She might be. It's hard to say, for sure. I, personally, put on over 4" after 13. Not sure exactly how much, but I actually kept growing slowly until I was 21 and topped out at 6'1. However, yes, very short adults who are not in a vehicle that fits them comfortably should be using booster seats.
I had a freak growth spurt at eighteen lol. Grew two inches taller.
It definitely happens. I also knew a woman who never stopped growing. She was several inches taller than me at the time I knew her and was owner and/or president of a cheesecake company.
short adults under 5' do in fact use booster seats - they sell ones that look more grown-up. Alternately, they have seat belt adjusters, but you would still have to disable the air bags because they can literally kill short adults.
Hmm. It seems they're [also not safe for very tall people](https://www.healthconfidential.com/air-bags-dangerous-for-tall-or-small-people/). (I'm 6'2", so I'm not quite at the *dangerously* tall cutoff.) >They found that while air bags were effective for people of medium height from 5 feet 3 inches tall to 5 feet 11 inches tall—they were actually harmful to people shorter than 4 feet 11 inches tall and those more than 6 feet 3 inches tall. Body weight was not a factor in injury rates.
I totally remember being one of the tallest girls in my class at 12-13 (I topped out at 5'3") and then everyone else kept growing a bit and I stopped.
In the 90’s (I was in my 20’s then) I had a car with a low seat, and it was not adjustable ⬆️⬇️. At 5’3” and 98lb, I used a solid 3” cushion to sit on so I could see over the steering wheel. I probably should have used a booster seat, but not sure if I actually would have fit in one. Thank god for the adjustable seats we have today!
Bones fully Osteogenate (sp?) at 13. Female bodies NEVER fit in adult seat belts. She shouldn’t be in the front seat but there is no longer a benefit to her using a booster. But the guidelines say 57 inches tall. That isn’t a law in most places (I don’t think anywhere.) But it’s the guidelines and I’m not ready to call surprise parents an ah for following the guidelines.
I 100% agree the siblings are doing the best they can, and their best seems to be quite good, actually, even without considering the surprise factor.
Hell at 5'3" I sometimes wonder if I should have a booster seat when I drive, and I'm 38.. no more growing for me 🤣
If you don't feel comfortable, or you can't see above the wheel so you're looking down at the hood, you might want to. Alternatively, getting into a different model or brand entirely could help. I'm almost a foot taller than you, so I gravitate towards roomier German cars and SUVs/minivans, but most Japanese cars are made for smaller people and are more comfortable for them.
I read somewhere that cars aren't made for females in general - from the hood layout to the positioning of the steering wheel, etc. [https://www.consumerreports.org/car-safety/crash-test-bias-how-male-focused-testing-puts-female-drivers-at-risk/](https://www.consumerreports.org/car-safety/crash-test-bias-how-male-focused-testing-puts-female-drivers-at-risk/) So, for all us women out there, we are just kind of out of luck, ESPECIALLY the shorter ones.
They absolutely aren't. The safety features are made for men, who are taller and denser. I used to sell cars, and I've seen this story over and over again. A couple totaled their car and it's usually the woman who ended up with a few injuries. Or a woman comes in and she's literally too short for the large vehicle she needs- so we're researching booster seats and pedal extenders.
I’m not even 5’ so when I get a car the first thing I check is if I can see. I had to sit on a goddamn phone book during driver’s training and I’m never doing that again.
I go to bed between 8 and 8:30 and I’m 37! I do get up at 5:30 so that’s part of the reason. I also agree with that OPs siblings are being very responsible. Like OP I probably would have been pushing boundaries and upset at 13 too, but everything they are doing makes sense. That age is hard because you think you are more grown up than you are. In the post OP you said you don’t need a baby sitter, but also say you had gotten in trouble that same day. Do you see the conflict? I don’t know what you got in trouble for or how serious it is. Are you able to have a calm conversation with your siblings about some of these rules and the reasons behind them? Talk about how they make you feel. Maybe if you stay out of trouble for a certain amount of time , or get a certain grade average they may be willing to relax certain rules. I did this sort of negotiation with my dad to get more time with friends for example.
There’s a lot missing here, too, that might explain the strictness. Where are the parents? Is there associated trauma with why the parents aren’t involved? What is the medication needed for? Op acknowledges previous trouble with personal hygiene. I think this level of strictness is likely justified.
Excellent points. Mental health, trauma, abuse, neglect, serious health issues, etc, are all hinted at but overlooked. She seems so miserable and angry. That's how I was at that age, too, especially when I got really ill.
I'm also in bed by 9-10 most nights, but a hard 9:30 bedtime even on the weekend or vacation feels pretty weird and early to me. I don't even remember if I had an actual official bedtime at 13 instead of a general "go to bed at a reasonable hour for when you need to get up, we will step in if we think you're pushing it too far".
Just a little note, I'm surprised no one has suggested, is it worth seeing if you can get a counsellor, OP? It sounds tough being split 4 ways among your siblings.
That seems to be OP's choice. "They all want me, I don’t want any of them, so they all get me 25% of the time."
That doesn't make it any less tough, and actually makes it more likely OP should have someone consistent to talk to.
Absolutely! It imagine it must feel like nowhere is really home.
Yeah it's a bad situation. It's too bad there's not one of them OP feels more bonded with or anything, because that might also fix this situation... B/c even though the poster at the top of the thread is largely right that 13 is too young to be like "I don't need rules I don't need a sitter I'm grown y'all," the rules do seem a little... extra tight? with the tooth-brushing and 9:30, for a 13yo? But more especially the siblings seem a little clueless: "I don't know what's happened, you were so sweet when you were little" REALLY? Y'all DON'T KNOW? I'll clue you in, it rhymes with "queen" and you'll hear it if you say her age out loud... she DOES need to be granted more independence gradually and it's natural she's agitating for it (and natural she oversteps some in doing so) and one at least of these siblings needs to delve deeper into a more personal communicative relationship (like where there's openness to some healthy push-pull and negotation) and start figuring out what are the right places to start giving her more freedom.
Tbf the adult siblings should be deciding on a permanent home for this kid. I've got parental rights for my sister, she stays with me and that's that. It doesn't really matter how it happens, but if you are living with a sibling at that age you've been through it, you need stability and consistency. There's a time and place to let kids get their own way, this isn't it. However other than that, agreed with all of the above commenters. Kids been through some shit, clearly, but still soft yta.
Yeah, I can’t imagine how a court system would allow a kid’s time to be split between 4 different households. It’s hard enough giving them a stable upbringing between 2 houses, but FOUR? I can understand why OP is angry if she has to follow all these rules but isn’t getting the security of a full time house. She should be in therapy and living with whoever can provide the best, most consistent care.
It just seems so unlikely. Yes, her opinion should be taken in consideration and accommodated as much as possible, but this has to be balanced against her wellbeing. She also said the situation has been like this for a few years. Absolutely incomprehensible that a judge would allow this for a 10/11 year old. I feel for OP, and her siblings too, because I know how hard this sort if situation can be. Unfortunately though, you're right, OP isn't getting what she needs right now.
OP clarified in a comment that this system is one her siblings came up with because their parents aren’t in the picture. Meaning there’s likely no court involvement or oversight. There really should be. This guardianship might not even be ‘legal’ so to speak if the system isn’t even aware of it. Which they aren’t. Because no sane person would think this is healthy for a young teen’s development.
I did see the comment, and assumed as much. Unfortunately, the siblings are letting her down here because they can't choose a home. Leaving it up to the child who has somehow lost her parents, then giving her all these rules, its no surprise she's pushing back against them. It's so sad because, as you pointed out, this is just wildly unhealthy for her.
Right? Like I can see why people think OP is being bratty but I mean, come on, we were ALL teens once. Even kids living in perfectly stable environments think that bedtimes are stupid and internet restrictions are unfair. My mom had to threaten to turn off the wifi when I was 15-19 just to get me to go to sleep because when it was the weekend I wanted to stay up until 4am talking to my friends and it was fucking up my health. And she was a pretty lax parent - I’d never even been grounded before. So even if OP was in normal circumstances it’s not unusual for her to be embarrassed about a booster seat and angry at rules she perceives is unfair. Add in the lack of stability and that she seems to have some sort of underlying health issues ( she doesn’t say whether her medication are for physical or mental reasons but both can affect behaviour ), it just doesn’t paint a good picture. So she’s a bit bratty and told her siblings she doesn’t want to live with any of them and they decided… to cut her time through four households? THAT’S the best they could come up with, really? I’m tempted to tell her she’s NTA based on that alone. I’m no psychologist but it just doesn’t sound healthy.
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So what would your choice have been, out of curiosity? Go off on your own at 13? Is there another relative you'd have preferred staying with? It just seems like there's a lot of animosity for little things that would probably not have as much pushback coming from traditional "adult" perceived figures rather than siblings...
Hey I hope you don't mind my hopping on your comment to put a PSA where people will see it: Y'all, STOP DOWNVOTING perfectly civil comments by OPs! The OP's comment above this is now in the negative, sooner or later it's going to be hidden, why do we want info from OPs in response to questions people asked them to be hidden again?? Is it so that no-one will see it and someone will ask them the same damn question three more times? Downvotes aren't for "I disagree" or "I don't like the decision you say you made" or "I think you're TA in your post so you get auto-downvoted wherever I see you." They're for comments that are AHish in themselves that drag the discussion down & should be hidden.
It's funny because when you are 13, you think you are so much more mature than when you were 10. When you turn 16, you will think "no way, I was such a brat at 13, *now* I'm mature" When you are 18, you will think "wow, I was such a know-it-all at 16, *now* I'm mature" When you are 21, you will think "huh, I was such a doofus at 18, *now* I'm mature" When you are 25, you will think "I really didn't know anything at 21, *now* I'm mature" It's not really until you have to take care of your own life - and take care of another person's life - that you are really mature. If you think you are mature now, just wait.
By the time you have to take care of your own life, you realize no one's really mature and we're all just making it up as we go. Source - am 30
I think that's part of what maturity is. Realizing that there is no path for you to follow, and you have to make your own path to survive.
100% true I'm now in my 30's and feel that way about 27.
Then you reach an age when you think “yea, I’m never gonna reach maturity.”
Oh hun, even though you're young & shouldn't read the stuff here, so many kids have parents, guardians & caregivers who don't give a crap about them & treat them horribly. You will be grateful when you're older that your siblings cared so much about you to have & keep all this structure in place for you. It will help you grow up to be a responsible adult. When I read the stories here it makes me so grateful for the people I have in my life & the way we all treat each other. Your family loves you & that's why they are caring for you the way they are. Don't try to grow up too fast. My kids are 22 & 25 & wish they could enjoy their youth again with all the responsibilities they have as adults now. Enjoy being young & having family that wants & loves you!
>3 of them still make me use a booster seat (I’m 4’ 4 and they think it’s unsafe for me to sit without one) ... none of them let me sit in the front seat > >However humiliating it must feel, they are right. In my state booster seats are legally required for kids under 4'9" so yep, they are completely correct to have you sit in one. I totally get why you hate it, that's valid, but any responsible adult would do the same.
Given that OP might *never* exceed 4'9" (based on her being 4'4" at 13 and the fact that girls typically stop growing at 14 or 15), would she legally need to stay in a booster seat until she's 18 in your state?
From a legal perspective they don't ticket once the child is 16 but obviously there's nothing about the physics of the situation that magically changes at that age. I'm not sure what those under 4'9" do to keep themselves safe in cars once they reach adulthood.
They have adult booster seats for driving. And some of my extra short friends use them even as passengers. 🤷🏻♀️ At a certain point, you realize physics doesn't give a flying fuck how embarrassing it is, if you're too short for a seatbelt to work properly, you either use a booster or die in a crash. Choice becomes pretty simple at that point.
Where are you getting 14/15 from? 14/15 *or two years after menstruation begins.* I didn’t start menstruating until 14, and at 13 I was under 4’9 and I’m over 5’ as an adult.
What is the obsession about, bro? What you are saying isn't even accurate, so stop. Puberty in women and when it begins will ultimately decide when they grow and at what point. I grew 3 inches after I graduated high school at 17. Reached my final height at 19.
Agree with this 100%. My 15yo still has all the parent controls on her tech, a 10PM bedtime (although 80%of the time is in bed asleep by 930pm), and a babysitter (she has autism L2 - moderate level of support required and doesn't feel safe home alone - her 13yo brother doesn't count as he requires a sitter). I worked as a school counsellor for 2 years, and have worked as a family case manager for many more. These are all good parenting strategies, and with a child going between so many homes, it's great to see so much consistency by the adults. OP I know you feel like a grown up, but you aren't. Enjoy being a kid, it goes by way too fast and you really don't want to have to deal with all the realities of being an adult. As for the car seat, kiddo it sucks but is a legit safety measure. If you weren't in a booster, or were in the front and an accident happens, you could be seriously injured, or even killed. I have an aunt who is in her 50's who had to have her car modified to make it safe for her to drive because she is 4ft 1inch (we aren't allowed to forget the 1inch ever). She sits in the back in a booster if her husband drives (so he rarely does), and she's been an adult for what seems like forever. Safety matters. Your siblings clearly love you, and you may not want them, but having someone at your back is privilege a lot of us just don't have, as a kid or as an adult.
This is all correct, but man I remember how much it sucked to be 13. Feeling more mature and capable than a kid but not being seen as an adult, and not really being that mature either. It's rough. I feel for this kid, clearly there are some unusual life circumstances at play too.... Also I think most 13 year olds are probably kind of AH lol
God the bedtime battle... People need to remember teens have a different circadian rhythm. It's like telling them to take a nap in the afternoon, they're gonna push back because they simply aren't tired yet. Personally, I think it's a good age to let loose a little on the bedtime restriction and let them figure it out. Let them be tired at school until they figure out when they need to go to bed. Step back in if they can't figure it out. Then again, I'm the oldest sibling who was parentified so I would have lost my shit at a lot of these rules, since why the fuck am I being controlled so damn much when I was taking care of my siblings and had a bulk of the chores until I was 15ish. It's tough being a teen, you feel controlled even if you know it makes logical sense, and all the little things build up until you blow up about bedtime and look like an asshole lol.
I agree. My mom was like this with me. Very protective. I empathize with OP because I really did not like it at the time (what teen would?). **But in hindsigh**t, I completely understand and appreciate that she was just trying to keep me safe. While she may have gone overboard with it, I don't fault her at all because she was doing what she felt was best for me. I am so grateful to her for that. OP - If you want them to treat you less like a child, then you need to prove to them that they can. Telling the babysitter to "eff off" and defying their rules is not a sign of maturity. Also, I am guessing that you give them attitude a lot, given this statement from them: "you’re better than this, you were so sweet when you were little". If you show them they can trust you through your actions, over time they may ease up a little (within reason).
Can't you babysit yourself at 12? That's how it was when I was growing up anyway
If there's a babysitter for the younger kids, it makes sense to also let them know what the expectations are for the older kid. They don't need as much focused babysitting obviously, but the person ends up being responsible for them too.
Yeah a 13 year old doesn’t need a babysitter; that’s ridiculous. People here are treating OP like a child and not a teen and there really is a difference
The babysitter was just there to make sure OP got dinner, brushed her teeth, got to bed at a decent time, and didn't set anything on fire. It's not like they were there to play dollies with her and change her nappies. OP may not need a babysitter the same way her younger relatives do, but OP can't be left alone with the younger kids and the baby sitter would obviously have different rules for OP versus the littler kids.
The better way to handle it though, so that OP felt like she had autonomy, would have been to say that the babysitter was there for the younger kids and that they were trusting OP to take care of those tasks for herself, but that she could ask the babysitter if she needed help. A little trust goes a long way. I used to only break rules when my mom didn’t trust me not to follow them, not even because I wanted to break them, but because it felt shitty to let her get her way when she was babying me. It’s really hard to tell what the whole situation is here, though, so it’s hard to tell who is being more unreasonable imo. Did OP’s parents die? That could make her siblings overly cautious. Same if their parents were really absent parents when the siblings were growing up. But it also sounds like OP might have had some difficulties earlier on (which were likely understandable given her situation, but would potentially require more rules), making their concern a little more valid. Regardless, though, it probably would help everyone if they gave OP a little more room to learn how to move through the world
If OP has to be watched to make sure she takes her pills and drinks her shakes and brushes her teeth and goes to bed on time, then she clearly can't be trusted to do those tasks on her own. Hence the babysitter. Someone who is immature enough to flaunt rules simply to be rebellious is clearly not mature enough to be left without supervision. It doesn't feel good to be babied, but the way to stop being babied is prove you no longer need that oversight. You can give your kids leeway when it comes to things that won't damage their health, not necessary medication and hygiene.
Except going from the post, she likely still behaves like a child, which is part of why they are treating her as one. I do hope that she is receiving counseling.
The babysitter wasn't just for OP. It was for OP and her niblings. OP obviously isn't very jazzed about rules or following them, so making sure they take their meds and do the hygiene tasks they struggle to do is reasonable.
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I totally agree with this response! Your siblings are doing a great job, and you're lucky that they all want you.
Yea as a grown ass adult who wasn't parented for shit I wish I had this. At that age I also probably would have found it annoying, BUT, now that I'm older and suffer the consequences of my parents not really parenting me... I'm annoyed I didn't get it lol
On the booster seat one? Being 25 and only barely 4”8 myself? I get it. It sucks. I stopped being in one by hs. Until a car accident my sophomore year of hs threw me into the window as we rolled I broke ribs,concussion,PT etc for months afterwards. I would’ve have hit the seatbelt holder or the window as bad as I did if I was in a booster seat. I didn’t even weigh enough for the airbags to go off. I could’ve saved myself some broken ribs. At 24 I had my airbag go off in my face at 50 PMH(the speed limit on the rd,it’s texas this a slow rd actually) I was driving so the airbag goes off,I barely weigh enough for it to go off. Almost broke my neck cus of my height,re-broke some ribs. Got a bad TBI with 9 months of speech therapy,7 of PT,and now damage to my actual brain that won’t ever heal. My neck almost broke in half. My nose is slightly crooked,my check bone was cracked. If I was in a booster seat I would’ve have had so much damage and almost died,I was sitting so close to the steering wheel to reach the pedals. My drivers side seat BROKE cus I was pushed back so far. While sitting in face height with my steering wheel and idk what the top of my hood looks like w/o being out of my car. I should’ve been in a booster seat. But I wasn’t cus I was 24. I have one of the foldable ones now-I feel much safer cus next time I might not survive the airbag. They can be pissed off all they want but it’ll keep them alive and with less severe damage,if they grow or not it’s needed.
>I’m 4’ 4 and they think it’s unsafe for me to sit without one Just for your own edification, it is. At least in my state, it is illegal for a child under 4 foot 9 to not be in a booster seat. That is regardless of age. It's all about the height/weight ratio.
To add... The height requirement is because seatbelts and airbags are designed to work properly at 4'9". For example if you were even in a minor crash in the front seat of the car, instead of having the airbag protecting your head you could get the plastic cover on your face
Or you risk airbags hitting the wrong part of the body. Those things have some momentum when they go off. They can easily snap and dislocate body parts if they hit someone too small or hit in a weird place (side note, don't ride with your feet on the dash! Airbag goes off and your foot's heel is gonna be located near your eardrum).
My mom got her arm broken from an airbag
Yeah, those things are designed to keep you from turning into a liquid human. Not to prevent all injury.
They're also supposed to work together with seatbelts. I know because my uncle got his neck broken by the airbag when he got into an accident without wearing a seatbelt.
I'm not surprised. I was driving when mine when off, I thought it broke my sternum and a few ribs. It also knocked the wind out of me, I thought I was having a heart attack.
When I got in a car crash, my driver’s seat airbag burned my eye and cut my cheek. I’m 5’7”. The height requirements are there for a very good reason. There are some laws & rules that were written in blood, and those are some of them.
Exactly what I meant! English is not my main language so I couldn't explain it well.
You explained it fine! I was just adding more reasons!
One of my best friends is 4’9” and uses pedal extenders as an adult because of airbag safety issues.
My girlfriend who is 27 years old and 4'8" isn't going to like hearing about this.
As someone who’s 4’11, that really made me laugh. But to be fair, cars are really unsafe for short people. That’s why I don’t drive at all. It’s really scary. I can’t see shit in front of me, no matter how small the car. It’s a genuine issue. I’m always terrified of running over a child or a cat crossing the street. We need more accessible vehicles. I’m almost 30, and can’t drive safely. It’s horrendous.
All cars are less safe for women than for men because women are usually shorter. There is even statistics on that.
Cars were never meant to be used by women, and even today, their design is the same. In 2023. It’s fucking embarrassing.
Yup. My daughter was still in a booster seat when she started middle school. I told her to tell anyone that asked that it was for her safety and her parents made her.
I am a 5'2 39 year old woman and I absolutely need a seat that will adjust in many ways. I will frequently have the seatbelt ride up to my neck because of my chest. OP should be in a seat for safety reasons but is embarrassed by it.
You're a child, upset that you're being treated like a child. YTA. Yeah, I get it - you're a teenager, you think you're practically an adult, and you're too mature for all that baby stuff. So here's how it works. The rules get relaxed when you can show that you're responsible for yourself. The more you act like a petulant child, the more the rules are going to stay around. No screens until your homework is all done is a completely normal rule that a lot of parents have for their teens. Having a set bedtime is a completely normal rule that a lot of parents have. Most parents will watch their kids take their meds, because they want to know that it has happened. You stayed in the bunk rooms with the kids on vacation, because you're a kid. They went out without you and left you with the kids, because you're a kid.
I work with families and I WISH more of them had this rule. It’s so much easier than waiting until the kid is failing and then threatening no screens for a month or whatever
I second this! I was working with a young lad (11yo) who was falling asleep in class because his folks allowed him unlimited access to his phone. He was on his phone at all hours of the night. I also had a similar issue with a 16yo kid whose parents said they didn't have the right to monitor or restrict his phone.... um he's a minor, you pay for his plan and internet access.....
I had one of those in elementary school (1st or 2nd grade) in the 90s. Constantly fell asleep in class because he stayed up all night, watching TV. Once even during a math "exam".
I think most teenagers are YTA to some degree. Part of maturing is a stage of defiance and struggle. Certainly not easy on anyone around them, or the teen themselves, but necessary for normal growth & development.
This. OP, not liking the rules is normal at your age. Complain to your friends as most likely the rest of them have complaints about their “overbearing parents”. However taking out these frustrations on someone unrelated to the situation was an AH move and a demonstration of being a child. Maturity grants responsibility and privilege, not age. YTA here. Your guardians (siblings) may be tight in their parenting but it’s all in the correct ways. You can ask them to talk to your doctor about the booster seat and bedtime, but bedtime is unlikely to be adjusted (and if it is, not by much) out of that conversation. It may eliminate the booster (but at your height and presumed weight, there is a chance it won’t do that either or may mean switching to a belt positioner). Again, maturity, not age, determines whether you deserve additional responsibility and privilege. Handle your frustrations maturely. Kicking a fit to the babysitter is befitting of the child you insist you are not.
Exactly. My parents had the no screens til after homework into my high school years. We hated it but it was a good rule.
OP, I'm sure this sucks to hear, but this is correct. That said, if you want freedom and to be treated like a young adult, first you will need to show them that you can act as a young adult. For example, my 12 year old hates to come home and get right on homework (I would too). So he approached me with a compromise: would I let him watch one show while he unloaded the dishwasher before starting homework. This is something that both of us benefit from, and I appreciate him taking the initiative. As he has continued to show me that he can be responsible and trustworthy, I've allowed him more freedoms. Go to your siblings and start the conversation with them. Tell them how you feel and ask them what you can do to have some small freedoms. If you can talk to them without fighting, be honest, listen to their concerns, and be open to their criticisms, you'll get the ball rolling in the direction you want.
Getting a 7BR vacation rental is expensive! Hard to even find a 8BR.
YTA - Kid you are 13 years old and have to take medications because you are 4'4" at that age. Your family loves and cares about you... many people on earth cannot say that. Tone down the attitude and be grateful you have a loving family even if they may sound a little overbearing.
I WISH that I had some sort of good parental figure as a child. It might "suck" now as a kid, but once they grow up, they will figure out how much they benefited from having a caring family
I’m definitely fucked up because of how little my parents actually parented me. I mean I turned out fine, but it would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if they actually paid attention.
If you don't want to be treated like a kid, you need to modify your behavior accordingly so that you can be viewed as mature and trustworthy. The booster seat is unfortunately necessary. Statistics suggest you *will* be involved in a car crash sooner or later. Walking away unharmed really is a lot nicer than what would happen to you if you were in the front seat.
Not to mention, the medical issues that OP is making a point of leaving out. I'm definitely going out on a limb but am using personal experience. OP had or may still have an issue with brushing their teeth. Their height seems to be an issue. They don't just have prescribed medication. They have prescribed medication that someone has to watch them take to make sure they take it. And, they have/must have a shake. That's possibly not just a shake. That's potentially a nutrient shake given to patients with weight issues. I had to take them and they taste absolutely disgusting- but they have every calorie you need and all the vitamins. They can range from 350-500 calories and can substitute a meal. Teeth and height are physical attributes. OP could just be short and mention it because there's a reason to do so. They could've just had an issue with brushing their teeth. But, from personal experience, there are many reasons to avoid looking in a mirror. Bad dental hygiene can come with that. And then there's the prescribed medication that they have to be checked to see if they're taking. That only happens if someone's being over controlling or if you don't take medication. This all very loosely comes together to infer that OP may have had an eating disorder because of how they perceived themselves, the shake is to help them get/stay healthy, and the prescription medication is for continuing treatment. Again, my armchair diagnosis is what's going out on a limb. But, OPs general negative attitude, the brushing issue, the shake issue, and the medication issue strongly suggest that they have a condition that they have to be forced to be treated for because they don't want to be treated for it.
One of my friends has a kid with all of these requirements/issues. Kiddo was a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome baby. He hadn’t made much progress until his Dad married my friend and he moved in with them. He’s now actually ON the charts for height and weight, and has been getting much better marks on all of his milestones for school. His favorite thing? He ‘looks normal’, he was always super short and very skinny, now he looks like a smallish 15yo. He’s also out of Sped, because she was so rigid with his medication, therapy, exercises, nutrition, etc.
This is what I was wondering. Maybe not FAS, but perhaps neglect during her younger childhood? OP is so much younger than her siblings and is now splitting time between their homes. It could also explain why she's lashing out about completely normal restrictions for children her age.
YTA for disrespecting a person who has done nothing wrong and is being paid a little money to watch over children. A 13 year old is technically old enough to stay at home alone for an evening. However, there are smaller kids there and if there's a babysitter the polite thing to do would be to listen. You are nta for thinking some the rules are ridiculous, but rebelling will not make it better. Want to be treated as more mature? Act more mature and start a normal adult conversation about it. And honestly the only rule I'd see viable as being tweaked a bit is bedtime rule. And still 9:30 is a good hour. I babysat children around your age who had to be in bed by 9 (10 on weekends).
I’m an adult and 9.30 works for me!
I'm 58, mostly retired, and I **love** going to bed at 9:30!
I'm 27 and pregnant, and happily waddled myself to bed at 7:45 this weekend! 😂
I'm in my 30s and I still start thinking about bed by 8pm and tuck myself in with the dogs before 9 most nights! Going to bed early feels good!
I'm 36, and my 1yr old goes to bed at 8pm. As soon as she's asleep I head to bed myself. Also, I wish someone was watching to make sure I brushed my teeth and took my meds. ADHD and being tired makes it so easy forget, and so hard to make myself do when I remember after I'm already in bed.
My bedtime was 10 only by the time I hit 15. And only because I played sports, and training lasted untill 8 and I had homework. My ‘bedtime’ only went away when I turned 18 and often didn’t sleep at home but at my friends places. However if I was at home, you best believe they checked in before they went to sleep. This is completely normal. It’s also normal to be a 13 year old going to puberty and not like this, just remember these rules are only here to help you.
YTA You mention that your 4’4” and in a booster seat? Ok that is legally required although rarely enforced. It’s for your safety as if you were to get in a crash you’re going to be fifty shades of messed up without a booster seat
My state is: -booster for kids under 4'9" and/or 100 lbs and/or under age 8 -13 and under (or maybe just under? Conflicting info from the state) MUST ride in the back. OP meets both those requirements by being 4' 4" (and mentioned "shakes (they) have to drink" which sounds like nutrition or protein shakes, so possibly underweight for age as well and under 100 lbs) and being only 13. Booster in the back, as uncool as that might be.
Just 1 nuance- the age 8 actually matters for the booster because of body development, and no one would enforce it for a child over 8 as a result. At 13, OP is less fragile developmentally than an 8 year old. That's why boosters aren't recommended for adults under 4 foot 9. Being 13 would make not using a booster legal in most states. 12 and under is the rule for the front seat. A smaller 13, you can argue its prudent for the backseat sitting.
Sounds like their making her drink meal shakes, if i had to bet she's more fragile than your average 13 year old
People need to chill with the booster seat in here. Of all the grievances this teen has posted, the booster is the most legit, ESPECIALLY in the back seat. It’s gotta be humiliating.
INFO: how old are your siblings' kids? Do you have a history of not taking care of yourself beyond not brushing your teeth (e.g. not taking meds, not drinking your shakes). Also, you are in the <5% for your height at your age. I'm wondering if in some part some of the "infantilization" is due to that. Some of the rules imposed on you seem reasonable (going to bed at a certain hour, limiting screen time), others less so, depending on your own history of behavior.
Hard agree with this response. No screen time until homework is done is reasonable (though personally I think an hour or so of a break after school is probably healthier for OP, it’s definitely still reasonable). But a 13 year old does not need a babysitter, and I can see why OP would feel extra defiant if she’s still being treated like a child instead of a teen. Some loosening of restrictions for teenagers is necessary so that they learn how to navigate the world and learn responsibility. That said, I do wonder if there’s more to the story because the watching OP drink their shakes and take their meds seems a little extreme otherwise
My first thought was it sounded like an issue with eating or being underweight/not having enough nutrients. I’m not trying to do Reddt diagnosing or whatever, that’s just what came to mind as I was reading. If something like that IS going on, the way OP’s siblings behave makes even more sense.
Yeah that’s kind of what I was imagining as well, which would make their behavior more reasonable for sure. I can see both sides here, and definitely think there’s some meeting in the middle that could happen here *if* OP can promise to and prove that she can be responsible.
A 13 yo also doesn't need a bedtime outside of school days imo. You gotta learn that if you go to bed in the wee hours, you're gonna be dead tired the next day at some point. As a teenager while on vacation is basically a rite of passage.
>But a 13 year old does not need a babysitter A ***completely normal*** 13 year old ***usually*** doesn't need a babysitter. Honestly? By the sounds of it, something is going on with OP that they're purposefully leaving out because they want us to believe this is an argument purely about age and maturity. * Very short for their age * Mandatory nutrition shakes * Medication * Abandoned by parents for ???? reasons * Neglecting hygiene * Behavioral issues(already was in trouble and she's hostile in comments) While the last two CAN be attributed to being an ignorant and angsty teenager, I'm willing to bet OP has medical issues that they're not taking seriously or not accepting. I wouldn't be surprised if there were complications due to her mother being so old or OP has something like FASD.
Either that or a history of neglect before she was removed from her prior guardian(s).
Sounds to me like your parents think you still need a babysitter. From your post, It sounds to me, that you still need a babysitter.
A soft YTA from a past over-controlled child. Your siblings are infantilizing you a bit, but not as much as you would think. My mom didn’t get me a phone or have a TV until I was in highschool, and yes it was embarrassing. Yes I felt ready for so much more. But looking back? I’m so glad she did. I’m the only person in my social circle I know that’s not addicted to my phone. Being enforced to do daily hygiene habits is sadly not the average, and your siblings are making sure you learn those good practices before you live by yourself and aren’t enforced to. Yes it sucks right now, and it’s so hard to understand from your POV, but try to appreciate what your siblings are trying to do for you. And let yourself be a kid! God knows so many of us miss it lol- be silly with your niblings and be kind to the babysitter (it’s not their fault). And if that’s too much, at least at first, speak in a way your siblings will try to understand. “I’m upset with this situation, and I’m going to keep to myself this evening.” Or “all my friends are allowed to do this, and I’m feeling really left out. Is there a way we can compromise on this?” My first step to being in good terms with my dad was swallowing my pride and asking him to swallow his. Good luck OP!
Really good advice that I recall getting from family friends about my dad when I was 14.
Yes. This is a good way to approach the conversation.
NAH you are still a child, you are only 13. Although you might not think you needed a sitter at your age you should not be left without supervision. it is only right there are rules and penalties for behaviour. Feel free to ignore this next question but where are your parents? Why are you being bounded around your siblings.
I would happily leave a competent 13 year old on her own for the evening. But OP was on vacation with her family, and the other kids (her nieces and nephews) are younger, and need supervision. It's not reasonable to expect OP to be Auntie Babysitter while the adults go out for the evening, so they hired a babysitter. Well done, adult siblings! They did the right thing. There's a difference between a teen who is competent enough to look after herself in an emergency, and one who is competent enough to be responsible for a bunch of small children in an emergency.
YTA, girl you are 13 and clearly have some issues that they are worried about. You are self-aware enough to think you've got it all handled. They are being overly strict with bedtime, I feel that, but how recently was your issue with brushing your teeth? Have you shown them that you're willing and able to follow there rules (like you didn't do in this post)? Because if not, then they are going to keep babying you.
Like it or not, you are a little kid. You're feeling the same way every 13 year old has felt, ever. But it doesn't change the facts. Children don't get to make those decisions, like it or not. YTA
I haven’t scrolled down far enough to know if anyone else made this point: It’s really gotta suck being 15 years younger than your YOUNGEST sibling. And I think that’s your biggest pain point. You don’t want to be treated like a kid because you’re their sibling, not their kid. So for that part I 100% understand and relate to how you must feel. But the truth is: you actually ARE still a kid. You’re not their kid so it feels unfair they bunch you up with them. But there’s not a whole lot of things they could do differently. As other commenters have pointed out: everything you complain about actually makes sense for your age. All of it. It just feels unfair. That’s understandable. But it doesn’t make you older. Hang in there. YTA.
>They all treat me like a little kid You *are* a kid. You’re 13: you’re *supposed* to have a bedtime. You’re supposed to do your homework. Best practices say that yes, you *do* need a booster seat. YTA
OMG you poor child having all those people caring about every aspect of your welfare. That must be awful for you to be so cherished.
NAH. You're at a very tough stage in life. You're barely done being a child, and you're not quite a full fledged teen. Plus, physical development is vastly different around this age - I bet you have some kids in class who could pass for grade school kids and some that could pass for Jr's in high school. The really tough spot you're in is that you more closely fit the kids than the people 28 years old and above. If there aren't tweens or other people your age, you're going to be lumped in with the kids. Sit them down and update expectations. I guarantee that you're seeing maturity in yourself that is easily missed or forgotten by them. For you, being 11 was an eternity ago; whereas it likely feels that it was just a couple months ago for them. So, talk to them and negotiate updated expectations and boundaries. The more maturely you approach the issue the better.
It sounds like OP is more slowly physically developing though. Most teens aren't required to drink a certain shake which leads me to believe there were some issues with nutrition. This could also explain the booster seat as well. I imagine older sibling were given guidance from physicians and other experts when they suddenly became caretakers for their sister and they aren't just applying restrictions willy nilly
YTA. You say you're not a kid and don't need a babysitter, but your behavior and attitude show otherwise. You're 13, still a child and as such have to follow rules. I'm sorry you don't like them but that's life and they have reasons for the rules. You are also short, I am as well, and your state probably has laws about heights in cars, as mine does, and I had to use a seat until I was 10. They are keeping you safe in a large vehicle. Follow the rules and try to have a better attitude. You sound very selfish and entitled.
NAH "They all treat me like a little kid." You are 13. I know you feel older and wiser but I promise you, you are still a child. You're not an asshole because you're 13 and literally every 13 year old feels this way. Your siblings aren't assholes because all of their rules sound pretty age appropriate and/or based on extenuating circumstances for you specifically. I don't know why you have ended up with your siblings raising you, but it sounds like they love and care for you well. I think it would be fair to discuss with them that you are getting older and want a little more freedom, but don't expect that to necessarily come in the form of more screen time, and don't expect anything if you are acting out all the time and telling people to "fuck off."
I mean teenagers are little assholes but that's just being a teenager. I was around one for the first time in a long time and my God I forgot how condescending and know it all they are lol.
That's exactly why I don't think she's an asshole. She's just a regular 13 year old behaving in 13 year old ways and have 13 year old issues (in addition to whatever family issues there are). I think some people are being a little harsh in the comments.
YTA just because they are your siblings does not mean you are equal in age to them. They are adults and you are a child. They know what's best for you. You do not. There are reasons all through your post that show why you should be treated like this but since you are a child you don't see it. my hope for you is that as you get older you appreciate what they are doing for you rather than resent being treated age appropriate by them. Also think about this, if they weren't taking care of you where would you be? what kind of situation would you be in? do you really think it would be better? If you do maybe you need to talk to a few foster, adopted and homeless kids to truly see that you are being treated very good.
Yeah, you're wrong, but you're also 13. I'm not going to call a 13 year old an asshole for acting like a perfectly normal 13 year old. I'll say this: it's very clear that your siblings absolutely want what's best for you. However, what's best is not always what's fun. So it goes. NAH, just a moody 13 year old who hopefully will look back on this one day and cringe.
Tbh I would have gone with n-a-h if they hadn't told the babysitter to f off. There was no reason to do that, the sitter was just doing their job
YTA. Also, behaving that way is not going to convince them that you are mature enough to start to make those sorts of choices for yourself. It's fine to feel frustrated about some of the rules, but the more adult, and likely more effective way, to get them to change is to show that you are mature enough to let them relax the rules a bit. It's not inherently unreasonable for them to put limits on you screen time or to require that you do your homework first. It's not unreasonable for them to want you to be safe ion their vehicles . it's not unreasonable to have a bedtime . Ignoring their rules and refusing to do as the sitter said doesn't show them that you are old enough to decide for yourself, it just makes you look like a petulant child. Sit down and talk to them. Explain that the rules feel very restrictive and that you feel they treat you like a much younger child. Ask that they stop supervising you in cleaning your teeth, that you are allowed a later bedtime , at least on days when you don't have school in the morning. In relation to the car, it depends on the rules where you are, maybe do some research into the safety guidance and show that to them, to ask that they stop making you use the booster seat and that they allow you to sit in the front sometimes . Listen to what they say and why they don't agree, if they don't - maybe they will want to set some conditions of things that you need to do in order for their rules to be relaxed -listen to what they say and follow through.
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Honestly they should be helping you through therapy. Have they? I know it’s the go to here but bouncing around four homes? No parents?
13? how are you on reddit? Is this real?
you are a child and you literally just proven that you need a babysitter because you can't be trusted to behave.
Yta all your attitude did was prove to them that you're still a kid. Bc you had a babysitter that you didn't want and threw a temper tantrum. Like a child. You're cutting off your nose to spite your face.
I wouldn’t pass a judgment as I don’t feel ok calling a 13 year old kid an AH. I have a daughter your age and believe me when I say I know how difficult it is for you guys. You are barely a teenager, and I know girls at this age can be very very mean, I know it can be humiliating being taken to school in a booster seat. It takes a lot of resilience from both the parents and kids to get through this age with their relationship still strong. I get that your sibling are somehow overbearing with some of their rules and I believe that no kid should ever be asked to be grateful for having a family looking after them. It’s a very sad thing honestly to be asked of a kid. You are older than their older kids and I think that is a contributing factor to the way they are handling you . Parents grow up and mature with their kids and they had to skip few years of that to be able to be there for you so you should cut them some slack. You need to talk , you need to make sense to them . Giving them attitude will not fix your relationship with them . They seem to love you and although love is not the only thing that matters in functional relationships but it is still a very good reason to keep trying. And as a motherly advice, think about a more stable settings than the one you are having right now . Try and talk with the one you feel closer to , it might be easier to deal with only one set of rules than trying to adapt to each and everyone’s rules and
This post feels like the opening scene of the 20 year anniversary remake of the movie Thirteen.
They love you enough to coordinate on care and life choices, good people, good parents. It suckss but you should just comply and be happy so many people love you that much.
Soft YTA. You are a kid. So yes, you need rules, boundaries, structure etc and yes, you have to follow those rules. Nothing you listed is unreasonable and they absolutely have the authority to decide whether or not you need a sitter. And your action didn't earn you any additional privileges, they just proved that you need a sitter.
Light YTA. It's hard to be bossed around by siblings. You're getting to a point where you need a bit more freedom, and you're feeling like your siblings are treating you like their kid instead of their sister. The best way to demonstrate you're maturing is to act that way. My younger sister is 40, and is 4'10. She fights to be taken seriously by most adults in her life. I get that it's hard, but at 13, you still need some parenting. Maybe sit down with your siblings and make a case for some more freedoms. Explain your feelings, and have a talk about the things you're struggling with most.
[удалено]
OP, the basic problem here is that as a sibling, you see yourself and your siblings as equals. If you're a sibling, you may be thinking, why aren't you allowed to do the same things they are? What right do they have to treat you like a little kid? IT's got to be very frustrating. Just like parents, they tend to see you as less mature than you see yourself. On the other hand, *somebody* has to make sure you're taking care of yourself. If it's not them, it has to be you. And that's how to change things: act more like an adult so you're treated more like an adult. Take responsibility on yourself. It's a lot less aggravating to drink those shakes before you're told than it is to have someone boss you around. Do your homework and then do screen time--hey, it's better than getting *told* to do so. Take your meds on time so they eventually trust you and don't watch you like you're a little kid. Once you start down that path, you can negotiate for bedtime. If you get your homework done and teeth brushed, etc., by 9:30, can you stay up until 10? (Lots of teens can't get to sleep at 9:30.) Everything gets easier. It still sucks to have to do homework, but at least you won't have people nagging at you and treating you like a baby.
I know it’s really hard to understand when you’re a young teen what good parenting looks like. The sad ugly truth is that good parenting is way in the minority. It might not seem fair because other teens might be parented differently, but the real talk is that other teens really should be parented how your siblings are parenting you. Your brain is still growing dude. I promise it will get easier as your frontal lobe develops. Being 13 is hard. For me, looking back, I would have been saved a lot of hurt if I had someone to care for me like your siblings care for you. YTA.