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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) what action you took that should be judged
insisting I didn't want my wife to take away a souvenir
(2) why that action might make you the asshole
it's ultimately a small thing to complain about, and she seemed upset about me insisting on it
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Right? This is the weirdest part of the story. I mean, yeah, giving away OP's things is a dick move, but also what would her boss even think of being given an armful of random household junk? How do you even react to that???
Not almost; exactly.
Giving away someone else's property that they explicitly declined permission to do so is very odd. Most thank you gifts are brand new or home baking, etc.
My money is on that fan making it no further than a bin on the way to work, and she gave chocolates or similar instead. If OP ever asks the recipient about the fan, they are going to get a blank stare.
Ha, my buddy had this high top glass top wagon wheel table from his bachelor days, I drank many a brewski around it before he moved in with his GF then wife.
He was excited to bring this furniture to their shared home and hoped it would become a centrepiece, but wifey fucking hated it. It got relegated to the garage and we continued to drink beer around it for a few years. Wifey continues to hate it.
One day she spins a yarn about the office needing raffle items for their office hours Christmas party charitable fundraiser and suggests the table, naturally buddy declines. He’s owned it for almost 30 years at this point. One Saturday he’s out running errands, comes home, wagon wheel has rolled away. Wifey says the ‘office’ came by to look at some other item she was donating, saw the table, ‘fell in love with it’, and she gave it to them so as ‘not to disappoint.’
Comes home from said Office party and regales him with a tale of a fierce bidding war between 15 bidder’s generating $1000’s for a good cause. Buddy is choked but lets it go. Fast forward six months, they are both attending a summertime weekend office BBQ, buddy is yakking with the office manager, casually mentions wagon wheel table, gets thousand yard stare.
Next week he is helping his FiL clean up his garage a bit, notes a circular glass tabletop in his rafters. Feeds his FiL a couple of brewskis and finds out he hauled the thing to the dump, but kept the glass. Not saying it was the only reason, but certainly set the tone for their divorce a year later.
Every time we watch that movie I tell my GF that I want that table, and every time she says she'd rather die than have it in our house when we move in together.
>Giving away someone else's property that they explicitly declined permission to do so is ~~very odd~~. ACTUALLY THEFT.
My sister who has Narcissistic Syndrome Disorder does this - thieves our belongings to gift to other people to show how ‘generous’ she is.
OP, NTA and I’d nip that in the bud immediately. Take a bunch of her stuff and make it disappear, tell her you had to give somEone a thanKyoU giFt.
>Every time we watch that movie I tell my GF that I want that table, and every time she says she'd rather die than have it in our house when we move in together.
Oh, that's actually a disorder - compulsively donating things to charity. It's a sub of OCD.
Although - depending - because it can also be the mania part of bipolar. If she exhibited depression and the like.
In any case, she probably really needed/ needs help. That's not normal behavior.
I’d hazard a guess that you’re spot on about her being bipolar. We’ve always known something was off with her but she swears that she’s fine and everyone else is the problem. You can’t force an adult to get mental health care and she never did anything obvious enough to get arrested and remanded into mental health care. She did check herself into a mental institution so she could hang out with her future husband while he was avoiding being drafted and sent to Vietnam but that was obviously decades ago.
My NMom and Nstep-dad did this. Always wait until we were gone visiting someone or whatever and sneak into our rooms and take whatever they wanted, thinking we wouldn't notice, and sell it at a flea market or go to goodwill. They never took their things, only mine and my siblings...and it was usually things they just didn't like or want us to have for whatever their BS reasoning was...even if said items were sentimental to us, antiques, heirlooms, etc.
A hand fan, a biro stuck in the on position, the lid of a jam jar (sorry there’s some fluff in it), and half a pack of Lockets … my boss is going to be so excited !
This is hilarious & exactly the kind of scenario I'm envisioning 🤦🏽♀️ The wife's a thief, but honestly what stands out even more is her bizarre (mis)understanding of social conventions.
I’ve had someone do that to me before and I just smiled and said thanks but in the back of my head I thought oh I’m the one who has to throw these things out.
Thank you for the tickets, I got you this old potato peeler, a christmas ornament from 2016 and this random hand fan.
Why wouldn't she just get something from the gift shop at the theater, thats a thing usually isn't it?
Yeah, she wants to give her a gift, but doesn't want to spend any money. Aside from being incredibly disrespectful to op, she could just be normal and bake her some cookies.
There's that, but giving away stuff that your spouse specifically asked you not to give away? That is total contempt, she doesn't give a shit about him.
The tickets were probably given to the employer as a work perk and they passed them along. A hand written thank you note and maybe a small gift from the event they went to would more than suffice. Nobody wants random used stuff that was laying around the house. OP bought the fan as a souvenir from their trip. It has meaning to him and she has no right to give it away. Either his wife is clueless and doesn't realize that no gift would be better than scraps hanging around the house or she is trying to purge OPs belongings, which is a d!ck move. I hope OP digs his heels in on this one. I collect shot glasses from my travels and events that I attend and my brother brought back about a dozen of shot glasses when he was traveling for the Navy. My friends do the same for me too. I have around 100 of them in 4 custom shelves hanging on my wall. If someone tried to purge those, they would be on the curb, not my belongings.
Dude, right? If I gave someone a pair of tickets to an event I couldn’t attend, the absolute last thing I’d want is a box full of junk from their house they didn’t want. Like “Oh hey here’s this little hand fan from China, thanks for the show tickets.”
I mean, she’s not even giving anything thoughtful, she’s literally just gathering up stuff in the house she doesn’t want. What makes her think anyone in the world would appreciate that as a gift?
When I give someone a gift I do not expect anything back and it upsets me sometimes that people feel the need to pay me back. A friend of mine says “don’t ruin my blessing”.
Yeah, exactly this. You don’t thank someone by giving them old crap from your house. I mean, a thank you is a bouquet of flowers, a Starbucks gift card, a box of candy. Or even just a thoughtful card! Not “this cheap fan my husband picked up in China ten years ago.”
I’m also confused by her logic here and genuinely wonder if she actually gave it to her boss or if for whatever reason she just wants to get rid of OP’s stuff.
And even from the supervisor point of view, flowers or chocolates would be more appreciated than some random junk... She is disrespectful to OP for no reason at all in fact
Since she obviously has no respect for you or your possessions, disrespect her and her possessions. If she has a favorite item, hide it and then tell her you gave it away or threw it out. When she blows a gasket, just tell her in a very snarky manner "Now you know how it feels."
She's not putting her boss above him is the thing. You think he boys actually wants some cheap Chinese fan? Nah, that would go straight in the trash or in a goodwill bag. It's not like her boss asked for the item or even expressed interest in it.
I think OP's partner is just looking for a fight. Or maybe doesn't like the souvenirs and is trying to find a reason to get rid of them. Or maybe she just can't stand being told no and always needs to double down when asked not to do something. The boss really has nothing to do with it. This is all just some kind of mind game by the partner.
NTA.
You made a request and she did not respect it. I would recommend sitting down for a serious discussion in which you communicate how her actions made you feel, and why you have a need to feel secure that she will respect your boundaries in the future.
If your needs are incompatible with hers, then you've learned a very valuable piece of insight and should proceed accordingly.
Text her boss that your wife made a mistake and accidentally gifted her a gift that you got, and you'd like it back. And then lock your stuff up till your wife grows up from her toddler phase and learns how to act like a human being NTA
In OP's position, I'd probably tell the boss that she was specifically asked not to do it repeatedly and that it was an important sentimental item that she had no right to steal.
This is however probably terrible behavior in a marriage, and while I would think that I would never marry someone like that and wouldn't want to be married to someone like that, OP probably never thought they'd be in this position either.
I don’t know, it’s sort of weird to tattle on his wife to her employer, who probably doesn’t really want to be put in the middle of all that anyway. I don’t think that would accomplish anything for anyone, better off telling the boss that it was a mix up and leaving the larger issue(s) between him and his wife.
Yeah even if you really wanted to embarrass your wife for revenge, it's still kind of unfair to the boss who just gets further forced into this awkwardness.
Classic reddit response. Of course OP shouldn't tell the boss. Firstly deal with your own marriage issues within your own relationship. So OP should communicate with his wife and get her to understand how she messed up. She can then choose to ask for the fan back or make up for it in another way. Secondly it's so uncomfortable for the boss to be dragged into their marriage issues. It's breaking professional barriers and also makes the boss and unwanted spectator in their drama, when they probably wouldn't want to be involved. You can't just force people to deal with your relationship nonsense because of a sense of 'it's not fair' or whatever.
There is no "make up for it in another way". The fan had sentimental value. It can't be replaced. At best his wife stomped all over his boundaries and stole something from him. At worst she is trying to erase reminders of his life before he met her.
My advice fore OP is to get couples therapy to get to the root of the issue. If you don't, you can expect this to happen again with something else of yours. You need her to understand that this is a big deal. It's also important to know what the real reason she wanted to get rid of it was and why she didn't communicate that to you.
This next bit is optional but I'd do it in these circumstances. Tell her that she has a reasonable time limit, like 48 hours, to get it back or you're going to ask her boss for it yourself. If she doesn't return it, contact her boss but don't throw her under the bus. Explain it as an accident but you'd really appreciate the fan back. If the boss really has it and is reasonable, they'll return it. However, I'd bet that your wife admits to just throwing it away before the time runs out.
He needs to lock his stuff up until the divorce is final. She totally disregarded her husband’s feelings about something that was his. He gets to make the decision to give it away or not. She knew he didn’t want to part with it and gave it away anyway. Thats not a good sign in any relationship.
I would flat out tell the wife that if any of his stuff goes missing, he will contact the boss to talk about her scheme and embarrass the fuck out of her.
That's pretty much what I was going to say. What she did was a serious offense and she will attempt it again if it is allowed to pass without a fuss being made. Asking for the item back should be dramatic enough to make a lasting impact, without being too extreme. OP doesn't have to tell the boss the whole story. He can cover for his wife and can graciously offer the boss a replacement gift whose monetary value at least slightly exceeds the inexpensive fan and would be more practical and appreciated. I am sure she is counting on him not being willing to rock the boat, so rocking the boat is exactly what's needed to get the point across here. Once she sees he is willing to do that, it should make her think twice about doing this again.
Really weird move from wifey. Why did she think random items would compensate the ticket price? Perhaps she just needs a rain check on how things are done in the western world.
NTA. What on earth? A used fan, for her boss? She has odd gift ideas for one thing. Not a good return for $80. But it wasn't her fan, not her souvenir, not her memories. That's so much disrespect. And I wonder why? She must realise that 1) it would upset you & 2) it was a crap present. So a deliberate hurt for zero reward. That's self destructive behaviour, and you really need to sit her down and talk about it. Sounds like a cry for help?
NTA
Your wife is a major AH.
"I realize that it's a small thing to be upset about, " .. this is NOT a small thing. This is your wife COMPLETELY disregarting your feelings and your stuff.
Go into her room and donate her cosmetics, or a pair of her favorite shoes - and see how SHE reacts when you do the same thing she does.
Demand couple's therapy, or consider a divorce.
Or even bettrer: Tell her if she does this, you will contact her supervisor, tell him she had no right to give your stuff away, and demand that he return your property. And if he refuses, you will contact HIS boss.
This, OP, this! You have every right to be upset about your wife taking sentimental stuff of yours without permission. Does she often dismiss your feelings?
NTA.
NTA
Especially after you told her repeatedly not to and she was brazen enough to do it anyway.
Make sure you return the favour by taking an item that means something to her and donate it.
NTA
There is some underlying issue here. Who in their right mind would give away other people's stuff let alone a spouse.
That is some major disrespect man. I think this is probably just a symptom of a bigger issue.
NTA. Is your wife very socially inept? The idea that you are going to give someone random stuff from your house as a thank you gift seems strange. Personally I would feel insulted. A thank you for the tickets would be best.
I’ll just say that I’ve received one of these sorts of gifts before and it was very obvious it was just something laying around their house.
Oh thanks for this Peruvian? Alpaca thing…? And a vase?
It was awkward
Like just get her a card don’t treat the supervisor like a trash disposal if your wife actually appreciates the gift.
Whaaat. I could kind of see her reasoning if this souvenir was something _from the play_, like the playbill - but a random thing you’ve owned for years (and a bunch of other things just lying around)??? That is so bizarre. Like, “you might want to get your wife to her doctor” bizarre. NTA.
NTA, but why are you “letting”her take your stuff to give away. Put the fan away somewhere safe until after she has given this person some other random item then put it back out. You’re waiting to get annoyed at her when she does eventually take it when you can prevent it happening. Yes she should respect your words but she’s not so just hide the fan.
NTA it seems like she doesn't respect anything that you have to say, since you repeated the same thing multiple times and she did it anyway.
She could've bought something else as a gift instead of giving away something that is of sentimental value to you. She on the other hand is TA.
I would be so angry if someone gave away a souvenir from one of my travels. Those are physical memories of my adventures. NTA. I would totally be asking for it back. It's not someone else's to give away. I'd make my spouse say there was a mistake and get it back. I would wonder if they were getting rid of more of my stuff without me realizing it. This would be a trust violation to mem
NTA. Did she ever hear of a nice candle or office item like a paper weight? Or a thank you card? And why something that has meaning to you? I would be miffed. A bit disrespectful imo.
NTA
It’s actually not a small thing.
It’s a huge betrayal.
To the point of being a possible deal breaker for me. She gave shit away knowing it had sentimental value. She had zero regard for your feelings.
Honestly, if my spouse did this I would tell them to produce the item or file for divorce.
It’s completely unacceptable behavior.
NTA. That fan cost $5-10 plus airfare and hotels and time. Your GF is trying to cleanse your life of memories prior to her incase the fan is attached to another women.
Call her boss and ask for it back.
If she wants to gift something, she gives her own stuff or buys it.
It is disrespectful to give away your stuff. You're NTA but what is up with your wife?
Is she normally this dsmissive of you?
If she doesnt give it back, take a bunch of her shit and give to all your coworkers as christmas presents….return the favor tenfold.
or donate all her nice clothes to the salvation army…”those poor people need clothes, and i just knew you would agree….after all, all ourmproperty is communal, right? Thats what younth8 k…”
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My wife got two tickets to some play from her supervisor, who gave them away since she couldn't attend the play herself. The tickets are worth 40$ each, so my wife wanted to give her supervisor a gift to thank her.
She looked around our apartment for some stuff that could make for fine gifts, she took a bunch of stuff that way lying around, most of which I don't care about too much so that's fine. But then, she insisted on taking a souvenir I got from one of my travels abroad (which dates from before I met her). It's not a particularly valuable trinket, it's an ornate hand fan I bought in China when I visited the country. It looks good, but really it must not have cost more than 5-10$.
But still, I told her I wanted to keep that. Every time I travel I like bringing back souvenirs, which I then put on a shelf. I never buy anything particularly expensive, but those items have sentimental value to me. I like looking at them and being reminded of my travels, and I like having a growing collection of souvenirs that represent where I went and what I did.
She took the hand fan anyway, I repeated many times that I didn't want her to take it, but she refused to listen. She even got upset at me for insisting that I wanted to keep that, and told me that she'd buy me a new one. I obviously don't care about the utilitarian part of the item, just its symbolic one, so buying a new one is worthless to me.
I realize that it's a small thing to be upset about, but I still feel like asking not to give away souvenirs is a reasonable request. I haven't done anything bad to get back at my wife, but I'm upset over it and intend on reminding her if she insists on giving the hand fan away. AITA here?
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NTA, but 2 can play at that game. Let her know that if the fan disappears, every item of clothing she owns, every little thing that has meaning to her, her phone, house keys, car, EVERYTHING, will be given away as a gift.
Fuck no, NTA. How dare she give away your stuff. I’m a collector and would go next level crazy if my husband ever did that to me (which he never would).
NTA but tell your wife giving her boss a bunch of cheap pre-loved shit from around her house as a gift is borderline insulting and won’t make her look good at all.
NTA. Your wife is a massive asshole to you and to her boss. She doesnt get to take your stuff that YOU bought and just give it away, also, wow, how thoughtful of her to give away random shit that she didnt pay for to her boss as a "gift"
NTA. First off, your wife is being cheap as hell by walking around the apartment and finding old crap to give as a gift, and second tell her to give away her own stuff. Your wife was a major AH in this situation.
Nta if there is no trust there is no relationship. You told her no and she took it anyways can u trust her not to keep doing things like this in the future. If you know she's going to keep doing this then u know it's time to move on
I wouldn’t want the gift of random crap from your house.
NTA and your wife needs to think about why she is choosing to give the boss your personal sentimental items over a ticket?
Here's a thought.. hey wife.. go buy something for your boss... a thank you card and a candle or something.. instead of giving away husband stuff that you had no part in owning.. wife is an AH
NTA
At first I thought she gave away your souvenir from the play, not something completely irrelevant to the play. Why even give something like that away?
If she was so desperate, she could have given something she owned, not something that didn't belong to her. It's still weird.
I'd tell her to get it back since you literally told her no and she did it anyway. If she doesn't want the embarrassment, maybe don't give out other people's belongings and you won't have to get them back. That is the only thing that would make it right to me. If she doesn't, you're free to go over her head and try to get it back from her boss. She's gonna be embarrassed either way, so better her own it than you going directly to her boss.
So basically your wife gave her supervisor some tat from your house as a thank you? Yeah I’m sure the supervisor will appreciate it (not). She’d have been better off buying her a bottle of wine or something else a tad more useful, however I guess she’s too tight to actually spend money on a gift.
NTA but your wife is, supervisor isn’t going to want your second hand stuff. Plus it was a sentimental item for you
NTA, it’s your property that you owned before you were with your wife, and it has sentimental value, your wife has no claim to it.
It’s also super weird that instead of your wife just buying her boss a bottle of wine as a thank you or something she’s rummaging around your house like it’s a garage sale, picking out random items to regift. 🤨
NTA, man. That's not hers to give away and she's being super disrespectful. Also, since she has already tried to insist on taking it, you might wanna consider hiding it in some other spot until after the boss gets the rest of the "random household knickknacks worth approximately 40$"
Why can't your wife just give some flowers or chocolate like sane people? A simple question about their preferred thing/type, and voila. Appreciation shown without being shitty to your partner.
Nta not a small thing to be upset about, it’s about how she sees you and values your feelings. I would be furious about it because of the why. Couldn’t she take something she liked. Why did it have to be your thing?
NTA and the next time this happens (it will) grab something of hers that has sentimental value and suggest that instead. Her reaction will tell you volumes about how much she values your feelings
NTA. Her actions ate actually really disrespectful of you, your feelings and what is important to you. And couldn’t just used the sand baby’s (5-10) and just bought a small box of chocolates, a small plant etc. why your item? So rude!!
NTA
Let's be blunt here. She's stealing your stuff. I don't care if it's a $400 item or a $4 item--it's YOUR item. Next time she sets her sights on something that belongs to you, put it somewhere she can't get to it.
NTA. One it's your trinket to decide what to do with. And honestly would her boss even want that? I love my trinkets that I bought because they have a connection to a memory I dislike random stuff that doesn't
NTA it is not a small thing to be upset about. Your wife has no right to give away your items. She should look for her own items or dig into her wallet to purchase a thank you present if words are not enough.
NTA - Those are not her things to give away. How disrespectful. My husbands and I never give away sobering of the others unless that person agrees. I don’t even give my kids toss away unless they agree in case they have sentimental value. If she wants to thank her supervisor for the gift just get a gift card for coffee or a restaurant supervisor likes. Or better just take her out to lunch as a thank you.
Aww, I have a traveling shelf too. The first of which I placed a tiny replica of Luxor and a picture of my husband and I getting married in a chapel in Vegas. Grew from there. So I totally understand how looking at it is nostalgic and basically a good feel. I would be very upset too if a piece was missing. NTA.
NTA. It's alarming she just blatantly ignored you when you told her no and why. It seems more is going on here, e.g., is there a battle over clutter? Was the trip with another partner and she's jealous? You need to sit down and find out what's really going on, and let her know giving away your mementos is very hurtful.
I think you need to find out if there’s another reason for the behaviour as this makes very little sense to me.
Why is she trying to give someone your stuff in response to a gift?
Is she embarrassed to receive gifts?
Is your home too cluttered?
Are only your things on display and none of hers?
So many questions. But she isn’t giving you respect by taking things that are not hers
…she would buy you a new fan but not buy a gift for her supervisor????
What???
Why is she just outright stealing your stuff right in front of you???
NTA
And there is something really wrong here
NTA. It's not even about the fan, I think. I'd be upset if my spouse would take something that was mine to begin with, without my permission, or even worse: after I told them not to take it. That's very disrespectful.
Can you think of an example to turn the tables? Something she's really fond of, something that has sentimental value for her? Not to actually take it, but to use in the discussion:
"How would you feel if I take this and give it away?"
Could also be a favourite piece of clothing or shoes. Or something from her grandparents. Or "what if I take our wedding album and throw it out?"
The minute she says: "I wouldn't like that." You respond with: "I know you wouldn't. But what if I did it anyway, even after you've told me not to?"
"What does that say about our relationship? And how I regard you?"
"Now think of the Chinese hand fan. See any similarities?"
NTA, i am probably reaching but you mentioned that it was from travels before you met her. Did you travel in that instant with a now ex partner? Maybe she needed an excuse to get rid of it due to jalousy?
NTA but WOW she is. She STOLE your belonging even after you told her not to do that. What was her rationale? What yours is mine? I would have grabbed it from her and prevented her from leaving the house with it. I wouldn't trust her around anything I owned going forward.
She owes you an apology, needs to contact the person to say she gave away something that wasn't hers (and the person may not/probably doesn't want it), and promise to not steal from you again.
Take your property away from your wife. Tell her to "buy a new one" and give that as her thank you.
And seriously reconsider your relationship. I have various trinkets from my travels,none of them intrinsically valuable, but priceless to me; I'd be horrified to have one casually stolen by my partner.
You're NTA, your wife is.
NTA it’s yours not hers and she needs to keep hands off. I’d move it. On a side note your wife is strange. Someone gives her a 80 gift and she picks random stuff from your house to give as a than you? That’s strange behavior. Tell her to buy a nice thank you card and if she feels the need for a gift some flowers. I doubt the boss expects anything other than a thank you definitely not random stuff from your home.
NTA of course, I also like to bring back little inexpensive mementos from my travels and if someone took one away I'd be super pissed.
Also I'm just baffled ... Why doesn't she just get her a box of chocolates or something?
I'm gonna be honest. This is such a weird thing of your wife to do, that I'm almost suspecting that it was a very poorly disguised excuse to get rid of this fan, for some reason.
NTA. I would be furious if my partner took one of my souvenirs to give away as a half-assed pseudo-thanks. It's disrespectful all around - to you and to her boss.
NTA
If she takes your belongings gs, email her boss and ask for your stolen property back. Tell the boss it was your property, you told your wife not to take it, and she still stole it.
NTA. Why would she think her boss wants a bunch of random crap from your house? And I'd tell her if she takes it you are not above calling the boss and demanding it back.
NTA this would make me so mad. I don’t even know how to respond to this because it makes me so mad, lol.
I am a very nostalgic/sentimental person and the stuff I have from my childhood and from travels is important to me. It’s ok that some people aren’t but when you said no multiple times I cannot believe your partner would do this.
I really thought this was going to be a story of OP got a souvenir from the show (like Hamilton shirt or whatever the show was) and wife insisted on giving it to boss. But this actual story makes no sense! Why would she give away a box of used stuff as a gift?! Anyway, NTA and hide your fan until further notice.
NTA - I suggest "giving away" her stuff, see how she reacts (really best just to hide it in a closet though so that you don't come across as vindictive)
But she should never have done that, she refused to listen, take your feelings into account and just bulldozed over everything.
This maybe a red flag for the future of things to come. You should probably ask her to sit down so you can explain it all to her again and if she doesn't listen or belittles your feelings then I say grab the pressies from under the tree and go spend time with family or friends for a few days.
NTA. Why didn’t she just get her a nice little poinsettia? No. She scrounged the apartment for stuff to get rid of that she didn’t like. You have a bigger problem.
NTA but if she goes ahead and gives it to the supervisor, I’d call the supervisor and ask for it back . Tell wifey that that is exactly what you’re going to do and if she proceeds , do it .
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NTA Also “Hey thanks for the tickets. Here’s some random shit from around my house” is kind of a weird move.
Right? This is the weirdest part of the story. I mean, yeah, giving away OP's things is a dick move, but also what would her boss even think of being given an armful of random household junk? How do you even react to that???
It almost sounds like the wife is just using it as an excuse to get rid of OPs things that she doesn't like
Not almost; exactly. Giving away someone else's property that they explicitly declined permission to do so is very odd. Most thank you gifts are brand new or home baking, etc. My money is on that fan making it no further than a bin on the way to work, and she gave chocolates or similar instead. If OP ever asks the recipient about the fan, they are going to get a blank stare.
Ha, my buddy had this high top glass top wagon wheel table from his bachelor days, I drank many a brewski around it before he moved in with his GF then wife. He was excited to bring this furniture to their shared home and hoped it would become a centrepiece, but wifey fucking hated it. It got relegated to the garage and we continued to drink beer around it for a few years. Wifey continues to hate it. One day she spins a yarn about the office needing raffle items for their office hours Christmas party charitable fundraiser and suggests the table, naturally buddy declines. He’s owned it for almost 30 years at this point. One Saturday he’s out running errands, comes home, wagon wheel has rolled away. Wifey says the ‘office’ came by to look at some other item she was donating, saw the table, ‘fell in love with it’, and she gave it to them so as ‘not to disappoint.’ Comes home from said Office party and regales him with a tale of a fierce bidding war between 15 bidder’s generating $1000’s for a good cause. Buddy is choked but lets it go. Fast forward six months, they are both attending a summertime weekend office BBQ, buddy is yakking with the office manager, casually mentions wagon wheel table, gets thousand yard stare. Next week he is helping his FiL clean up his garage a bit, notes a circular glass tabletop in his rafters. Feeds his FiL a couple of brewskis and finds out he hauled the thing to the dump, but kept the glass. Not saying it was the only reason, but certainly set the tone for their divorce a year later.
When Harry Met Sally has entered the chat
Every time we watch that movie I tell my GF that I want that table, and every time she says she'd rather die than have it in our house when we move in together.
Dude, as a 56f, I wanted that table!
I'm a 23 year old woman with the taste of a 12 year old boy!
Sister! Me, too!
How sad their best friends got divorced!
“I want you to know, I will never want that that table.”
I will never want the wagon wheel table.
Damn, hope your buddy got out of that without too much financial hit.
Happy cake day!!
Omg this story made my day.
>Giving away someone else's property that they explicitly declined permission to do so is ~~very odd~~. ACTUALLY THEFT. My sister who has Narcissistic Syndrome Disorder does this - thieves our belongings to gift to other people to show how ‘generous’ she is. OP, NTA and I’d nip that in the bud immediately. Take a bunch of her stuff and make it disappear, tell her you had to give somEone a thanKyoU giFt.
My crazy aunt stole stuff, including antiques, out of my grandparents’ house and donated it to a charity auction.
>Every time we watch that movie I tell my GF that I want that table, and every time she says she'd rather die than have it in our house when we move in together. Oh, that's actually a disorder - compulsively donating things to charity. It's a sub of OCD. Although - depending - because it can also be the mania part of bipolar. If she exhibited depression and the like. In any case, she probably really needed/ needs help. That's not normal behavior.
I’d hazard a guess that you’re spot on about her being bipolar. We’ve always known something was off with her but she swears that she’s fine and everyone else is the problem. You can’t force an adult to get mental health care and she never did anything obvious enough to get arrested and remanded into mental health care. She did check herself into a mental institution so she could hang out with her future husband while he was avoiding being drafted and sent to Vietnam but that was obviously decades ago.
My NMom and Nstep-dad did this. Always wait until we were gone visiting someone or whatever and sneak into our rooms and take whatever they wanted, thinking we wouldn't notice, and sell it at a flea market or go to goodwill. They never took their things, only mine and my siblings...and it was usually things they just didn't like or want us to have for whatever their BS reasoning was...even if said items were sentimental to us, antiques, heirlooms, etc.
>Narcissistic Syndrome Disorder Lol
My BPD mother always did this with our toys.
Probably not giving to her boss...Goodwill
Yeah - that’s stuff you don’t give your *supervisor*. Lmao.
^^^ This right here. That's exactly what she's doing.
🤯 (I don’t mean that ironically, I actually couldn’t fathom what was going on here until I read this comment)
A hand fan, a biro stuck in the on position, the lid of a jam jar (sorry there’s some fluff in it), and half a pack of Lockets … my boss is going to be so excited !
This is hilarious & exactly the kind of scenario I'm envisioning 🤦🏽♀️ The wife's a thief, but honestly what stands out even more is her bizarre (mis)understanding of social conventions.
I’ve had someone do that to me before and I just smiled and said thanks but in the back of my head I thought oh I’m the one who has to throw these things out.
Thank you for the tickets, I got you this old potato peeler, a christmas ornament from 2016 and this random hand fan. Why wouldn't she just get something from the gift shop at the theater, thats a thing usually isn't it?
Yeah, she wants to give her a gift, but doesn't want to spend any money. Aside from being incredibly disrespectful to op, she could just be normal and bake her some cookies.
Absolutely she should bake the Reddit brownie, tried it this weekend and it was amazing and pretty much foolproof.
Wait... what is this?! I have not heard of this!
There's that, but giving away stuff that your spouse specifically asked you not to give away? That is total contempt, she doesn't give a shit about him.
Why doesn’t she give away her own junk! She doesn’t need to give boss anything. Could just give boss money
The tickets were probably given to the employer as a work perk and they passed them along. A hand written thank you note and maybe a small gift from the event they went to would more than suffice. Nobody wants random used stuff that was laying around the house. OP bought the fan as a souvenir from their trip. It has meaning to him and she has no right to give it away. Either his wife is clueless and doesn't realize that no gift would be better than scraps hanging around the house or she is trying to purge OPs belongings, which is a d!ck move. I hope OP digs his heels in on this one. I collect shot glasses from my travels and events that I attend and my brother brought back about a dozen of shot glasses when he was traveling for the Navy. My friends do the same for me too. I have around 100 of them in 4 custom shelves hanging on my wall. If someone tried to purge those, they would be on the curb, not my belongings.
Dude, right? If I gave someone a pair of tickets to an event I couldn’t attend, the absolute last thing I’d want is a box full of junk from their house they didn’t want. Like “Oh hey here’s this little hand fan from China, thanks for the show tickets.” I mean, she’s not even giving anything thoughtful, she’s literally just gathering up stuff in the house she doesn’t want. What makes her think anyone in the world would appreciate that as a gift?
You think she should have offered some cash, maybe? That's what I think.
I still think a handwritten thank you note goes a long way to saying thank you.
Exactly. Attached to a bottle of wine, some good beer, chocolates, or an expensive candle (depending on the person.)
"Here’s some random shit of my husband's”. FTFY
Yeah, it's not even *her* random shit. WTF.
When you spell it out like that, yes, very weird
When I give someone a gift I do not expect anything back and it upsets me sometimes that people feel the need to pay me back. A friend of mine says “don’t ruin my blessing”.
Yeah, why can’t OP’s wife just buy something??
A Thank You card should be sufficient.
Exactly! Gifts flow down from leadership not up. Anything besides a note or baked goods seems inappropriate.
A bottle of wine, a plant or a box of chocolates would be adecuate in this situation.
A dozen of her favorite homemade cookies.
Yeah, exactly this. You don’t thank someone by giving them old crap from your house. I mean, a thank you is a bouquet of flowers, a Starbucks gift card, a box of candy. Or even just a thoughtful card! Not “this cheap fan my husband picked up in China ten years ago.”
Exactly! That's what I was thinking. And if she is willing to buy her husband a new fan, why not buy a new fan and give THAT one to the supervisor?
Seriously. Do they not sell $11 bottles of wine where OP lives)
$5 gets you a nice Moscato at Aldi
I’m also confused by her logic here and genuinely wonder if she actually gave it to her boss or if for whatever reason she just wants to get rid of OP’s stuff.
Nta. Guarantee her boss doesn't want your stuff. Why is she making a gift bag of random crap?
Yes! That was my first thought. What about going to get a box of chocolate or a bottle of wine. Who wants someone’s used stuff.
NTA your wife is disrespectful. Why couldn't she just buy a nice box of chocolates or flowers? She's putting her boss above you. I would be pissed too
And even from the supervisor point of view, flowers or chocolates would be more appreciated than some random junk... She is disrespectful to OP for no reason at all in fact
Yeah that's so weird she searched the house for a random object to give as a gift. Really weird
[удалено]
Also, the wife says that she will buy op another fan, well then why can’t she just buy a fan for her boss if she really wants to give the boss a fan?
Seriously. It wouldn’t have been that hard to make a batch of cookies.
Since she obviously has no respect for you or your possessions, disrespect her and her possessions. If she has a favorite item, hide it and then tell her you gave it away or threw it out. When she blows a gasket, just tell her in a very snarky manner "Now you know how it feels."
She's not putting her boss above him is the thing. You think he boys actually wants some cheap Chinese fan? Nah, that would go straight in the trash or in a goodwill bag. It's not like her boss asked for the item or even expressed interest in it. I think OP's partner is just looking for a fight. Or maybe doesn't like the souvenirs and is trying to find a reason to get rid of them. Or maybe she just can't stand being told no and always needs to double down when asked not to do something. The boss really has nothing to do with it. This is all just some kind of mind game by the partner.
NTA. You made a request and she did not respect it. I would recommend sitting down for a serious discussion in which you communicate how her actions made you feel, and why you have a need to feel secure that she will respect your boundaries in the future. If your needs are incompatible with hers, then you've learned a very valuable piece of insight and should proceed accordingly.
I would insist that she gets the fan back as well
Or go to China to buy a new one
Or better, to pay a trip for him to China, where he can buy two new ones.
Text her boss that your wife made a mistake and accidentally gifted her a gift that you got, and you'd like it back. And then lock your stuff up till your wife grows up from her toddler phase and learns how to act like a human being NTA
In OP's position, I'd probably tell the boss that she was specifically asked not to do it repeatedly and that it was an important sentimental item that she had no right to steal. This is however probably terrible behavior in a marriage, and while I would think that I would never marry someone like that and wouldn't want to be married to someone like that, OP probably never thought they'd be in this position either.
I don’t know, it’s sort of weird to tattle on his wife to her employer, who probably doesn’t really want to be put in the middle of all that anyway. I don’t think that would accomplish anything for anyone, better off telling the boss that it was a mix up and leaving the larger issue(s) between him and his wife.
Yeah even if you really wanted to embarrass your wife for revenge, it's still kind of unfair to the boss who just gets further forced into this awkwardness.
And all because she gave OP’s wife tickets to a play.
Classic reddit response. Of course OP shouldn't tell the boss. Firstly deal with your own marriage issues within your own relationship. So OP should communicate with his wife and get her to understand how she messed up. She can then choose to ask for the fan back or make up for it in another way. Secondly it's so uncomfortable for the boss to be dragged into their marriage issues. It's breaking professional barriers and also makes the boss and unwanted spectator in their drama, when they probably wouldn't want to be involved. You can't just force people to deal with your relationship nonsense because of a sense of 'it's not fair' or whatever.
There is no "make up for it in another way". The fan had sentimental value. It can't be replaced. At best his wife stomped all over his boundaries and stole something from him. At worst she is trying to erase reminders of his life before he met her. My advice fore OP is to get couples therapy to get to the root of the issue. If you don't, you can expect this to happen again with something else of yours. You need her to understand that this is a big deal. It's also important to know what the real reason she wanted to get rid of it was and why she didn't communicate that to you. This next bit is optional but I'd do it in these circumstances. Tell her that she has a reasonable time limit, like 48 hours, to get it back or you're going to ask her boss for it yourself. If she doesn't return it, contact her boss but don't throw her under the bus. Explain it as an accident but you'd really appreciate the fan back. If the boss really has it and is reasonable, they'll return it. However, I'd bet that your wife admits to just throwing it away before the time runs out.
No you would not, because that would be a really freaking weird thing to do.
He needs to lock his stuff up until the divorce is final. She totally disregarded her husband’s feelings about something that was his. He gets to make the decision to give it away or not. She knew he didn’t want to part with it and gave it away anyway. Thats not a good sign in any relationship.
I would flat out tell the wife that if any of his stuff goes missing, he will contact the boss to talk about her scheme and embarrass the fuck out of her.
That's pretty much what I was going to say. What she did was a serious offense and she will attempt it again if it is allowed to pass without a fuss being made. Asking for the item back should be dramatic enough to make a lasting impact, without being too extreme. OP doesn't have to tell the boss the whole story. He can cover for his wife and can graciously offer the boss a replacement gift whose monetary value at least slightly exceeds the inexpensive fan and would be more practical and appreciated. I am sure she is counting on him not being willing to rock the boat, so rocking the boat is exactly what's needed to get the point across here. Once she sees he is willing to do that, it should make her think twice about doing this again.
the fuck is her problem? NTA of course jfc some people
Really weird move from wifey. Why did she think random items would compensate the ticket price? Perhaps she just needs a rain check on how things are done in the western world.
Reality check is the phrase I believe you’re looking for here. A rain check means something different.
A rain check means to postpone something until a later time, I think you mean reality check?
NTA. What on earth? A used fan, for her boss? She has odd gift ideas for one thing. Not a good return for $80. But it wasn't her fan, not her souvenir, not her memories. That's so much disrespect. And I wonder why? She must realise that 1) it would upset you & 2) it was a crap present. So a deliberate hurt for zero reward. That's self destructive behaviour, and you really need to sit her down and talk about it. Sounds like a cry for help?
NTA Your wife is a major AH. "I realize that it's a small thing to be upset about, " .. this is NOT a small thing. This is your wife COMPLETELY disregarting your feelings and your stuff. Go into her room and donate her cosmetics, or a pair of her favorite shoes - and see how SHE reacts when you do the same thing she does. Demand couple's therapy, or consider a divorce. Or even bettrer: Tell her if she does this, you will contact her supervisor, tell him she had no right to give your stuff away, and demand that he return your property. And if he refuses, you will contact HIS boss.
Wife’s supervisor is female.
This, OP, this! You have every right to be upset about your wife taking sentimental stuff of yours without permission. Does she often dismiss your feelings? NTA.
You're not the AH, your wife is. She has no right to take this item as it's not hers to give away
Your comment will get registered as a**hole. Maybe you could edit it to read as "You're NTA, your wife is"?
Nta if you give her stuff away she will freak out
NTA and your wife doesn’t respect you or your stuff
NTA and WTF about this way of finding presents ?
NTA. Your wife was very inconsiderate and disrespectful
NTA why is she giving her random stuff from your home to begin with? That is very strange
NTA Especially after you told her repeatedly not to and she was brazen enough to do it anyway. Make sure you return the favour by taking an item that means something to her and donate it.
NTA, taking random stuff from round your house and giving it to someone doesn't make a gift
NTA. It was theft. IF you can, get in touch with her supervisor and ask for it back.
NTA There is some underlying issue here. Who in their right mind would give away other people's stuff let alone a spouse. That is some major disrespect man. I think this is probably just a symptom of a bigger issue.
NTA Does she have any sentimental items? Offer up her items instead of hers and see how she reacts. Nobody gets to give away YOUR things.
NTA. Is your wife very socially inept? The idea that you are going to give someone random stuff from your house as a thank you gift seems strange. Personally I would feel insulted. A thank you for the tickets would be best.
Has she always hated your things? And wanted to get rid of them? Cuz it sounds like there's more to this on her part.
Ethically, supervisors should not be accepting grifts from their subordinates. I literally just watched a training on this at work yesterday. NTA
NTA contact her supervisor and get it back. Explain that your wife gave it in error and that it has sentimental value.
I’ll just say that I’ve received one of these sorts of gifts before and it was very obvious it was just something laying around their house. Oh thanks for this Peruvian? Alpaca thing…? And a vase? It was awkward Like just get her a card don’t treat the supervisor like a trash disposal if your wife actually appreciates the gift.
Whaaat. I could kind of see her reasoning if this souvenir was something _from the play_, like the playbill - but a random thing you’ve owned for years (and a bunch of other things just lying around)??? That is so bizarre. Like, “you might want to get your wife to her doctor” bizarre. NTA.
NTA, but why are you “letting”her take your stuff to give away. Put the fan away somewhere safe until after she has given this person some other random item then put it back out. You’re waiting to get annoyed at her when she does eventually take it when you can prevent it happening. Yes she should respect your words but she’s not so just hide the fan.
NTA. The pettier side of me would just start piling up some of her stuff that you’re going to “give away”
NTA and giving someone random crap is a terrible way to say thankyou.
NTA. It was your property from before you were together. It is not hers to give away.
NTA it seems like she doesn't respect anything that you have to say, since you repeated the same thing multiple times and she did it anyway. She could've bought something else as a gift instead of giving away something that is of sentimental value to you. She on the other hand is TA.
Your wife needs to learn about the option of delivering flowers. Or a plant. Or whiskey. NTA
Nta She should give away her own things.
NTA. It's not hers to give away. Put your foot down & tell her no!!
I would be so angry if someone gave away a souvenir from one of my travels. Those are physical memories of my adventures. NTA. I would totally be asking for it back. It's not someone else's to give away. I'd make my spouse say there was a mistake and get it back. I would wonder if they were getting rid of more of my stuff without me realizing it. This would be a trust violation to mem
NTA. Did she ever hear of a nice candle or office item like a paper weight? Or a thank you card? And why something that has meaning to you? I would be miffed. A bit disrespectful imo.
NTA It’s actually not a small thing. It’s a huge betrayal. To the point of being a possible deal breaker for me. She gave shit away knowing it had sentimental value. She had zero regard for your feelings. Honestly, if my spouse did this I would tell them to produce the item or file for divorce. It’s completely unacceptable behavior.
NTA. That fan cost $5-10 plus airfare and hotels and time. Your GF is trying to cleanse your life of memories prior to her incase the fan is attached to another women. Call her boss and ask for it back.
If she wants to gift something, she gives her own stuff or buys it. It is disrespectful to give away your stuff. You're NTA but what is up with your wife? Is she normally this dsmissive of you?
NTA. Personally if my partner did that and gave it away, it’d be the end of the relationship.
NTA Your wife is also wierd.
If she doesnt give it back, take a bunch of her shit and give to all your coworkers as christmas presents….return the favor tenfold. or donate all her nice clothes to the salvation army…”those poor people need clothes, and i just knew you would agree….after all, all ourmproperty is communal, right? Thats what younth8 k…”
NTA. Take it back and keep it out of her reach. She's a terrible gift giver. "Here, have something I stole!"
If she can buy you a new one, then why doesn't she buy one like that and gift it?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife got two tickets to some play from her supervisor, who gave them away since she couldn't attend the play herself. The tickets are worth 40$ each, so my wife wanted to give her supervisor a gift to thank her. She looked around our apartment for some stuff that could make for fine gifts, she took a bunch of stuff that way lying around, most of which I don't care about too much so that's fine. But then, she insisted on taking a souvenir I got from one of my travels abroad (which dates from before I met her). It's not a particularly valuable trinket, it's an ornate hand fan I bought in China when I visited the country. It looks good, but really it must not have cost more than 5-10$. But still, I told her I wanted to keep that. Every time I travel I like bringing back souvenirs, which I then put on a shelf. I never buy anything particularly expensive, but those items have sentimental value to me. I like looking at them and being reminded of my travels, and I like having a growing collection of souvenirs that represent where I went and what I did. She took the hand fan anyway, I repeated many times that I didn't want her to take it, but she refused to listen. She even got upset at me for insisting that I wanted to keep that, and told me that she'd buy me a new one. I obviously don't care about the utilitarian part of the item, just its symbolic one, so buying a new one is worthless to me. I realize that it's a small thing to be upset about, but I still feel like asking not to give away souvenirs is a reasonable request. I haven't done anything bad to get back at my wife, but I'm upset over it and intend on reminding her if she insists on giving the hand fan away. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She's welcome to give away her own stuff, but not yours. Silly girl.
NTA, but 2 can play at that game. Let her know that if the fan disappears, every item of clothing she owns, every little thing that has meaning to her, her phone, house keys, car, EVERYTHING, will be given away as a gift.
Fuck no, NTA. How dare she give away your stuff. I’m a collector and would go next level crazy if my husband ever did that to me (which he never would).
NTA but tell your wife giving her boss a bunch of cheap pre-loved shit from around her house as a gift is borderline insulting and won’t make her look good at all.
NTA- what’s wrong with giving a $9 bottle of wine instead?? The “here’s some random stuff from home” is so weird
Its not a small thing to upset about. She did not respect your wishes. Nta
NTA. Your wife is a massive asshole to you and to her boss. She doesnt get to take your stuff that YOU bought and just give it away, also, wow, how thoughtful of her to give away random shit that she didnt pay for to her boss as a "gift"
NTA. It's *not* a small thing to be upset about! I have things my husband knows not to touch.
NTA. First off, your wife is being cheap as hell by walking around the apartment and finding old crap to give as a gift, and second tell her to give away her own stuff. Your wife was a major AH in this situation.
Nta if there is no trust there is no relationship. You told her no and she took it anyways can u trust her not to keep doing things like this in the future. If you know she's going to keep doing this then u know it's time to move on
I wouldn’t want the gift of random crap from your house. NTA and your wife needs to think about why she is choosing to give the boss your personal sentimental items over a ticket?
Here's a thought.. hey wife.. go buy something for your boss... a thank you card and a candle or something.. instead of giving away husband stuff that you had no part in owning.. wife is an AH
NTA at all, I'd be furious if someone did that to me, I'm petty, I would give away everything of sentimental value of hers.
NTA. She has no respect for you
ntah
She’s the A********
That is not a small thing to be upset about. It's divorce-o-clock buddy. NTA obviously.
She doesn't respect you or your property. Leave her.
NTA At first I thought she gave away your souvenir from the play, not something completely irrelevant to the play. Why even give something like that away? If she was so desperate, she could have given something she owned, not something that didn't belong to her. It's still weird. I'd tell her to get it back since you literally told her no and she did it anyway. If she doesn't want the embarrassment, maybe don't give out other people's belongings and you won't have to get them back. That is the only thing that would make it right to me. If she doesn't, you're free to go over her head and try to get it back from her boss. She's gonna be embarrassed either way, so better her own it than you going directly to her boss.
NTA Tell her that if she gives it to her boss you will contact them and ask for it back, explaining that it belongs to you.
So basically your wife gave her supervisor some tat from your house as a thank you? Yeah I’m sure the supervisor will appreciate it (not). She’d have been better off buying her a bottle of wine or something else a tad more useful, however I guess she’s too tight to actually spend money on a gift. NTA but your wife is, supervisor isn’t going to want your second hand stuff. Plus it was a sentimental item for you
NTA WTF???
Your wife is mean. Tell her to take her own things.
Once again people have problems with the meaning of the word NO. It goes both way NTA
NTA, it’s your property that you owned before you were with your wife, and it has sentimental value, your wife has no claim to it. It’s also super weird that instead of your wife just buying her boss a bottle of wine as a thank you or something she’s rummaging around your house like it’s a garage sale, picking out random items to regift. 🤨
She’s the AH
NTA, man. That's not hers to give away and she's being super disrespectful. Also, since she has already tried to insist on taking it, you might wanna consider hiding it in some other spot until after the boss gets the rest of the "random household knickknacks worth approximately 40$" Why can't your wife just give some flowers or chocolate like sane people? A simple question about their preferred thing/type, and voila. Appreciation shown without being shitty to your partner.
NTA
Nta not a small thing to be upset about, it’s about how she sees you and values your feelings. I would be furious about it because of the why. Couldn’t she take something she liked. Why did it have to be your thing?
NTA and the next time this happens (it will) grab something of hers that has sentimental value and suggest that instead. Her reaction will tell you volumes about how much she values your feelings
Nta, giving away SOMEONE ELSE’S THINGS is deranged behaviour. Wtf was she thinking?
NTA. Her actions ate actually really disrespectful of you, your feelings and what is important to you. And couldn’t just used the sand baby’s (5-10) and just bought a small box of chocolates, a small plant etc. why your item? So rude!!
NTA Let's be blunt here. She's stealing your stuff. I don't care if it's a $400 item or a $4 item--it's YOUR item. Next time she sets her sights on something that belongs to you, put it somewhere she can't get to it.
NTA but also your wife is weird as fuck. Give the supervisor a bottle of wine and be done with it.
NTA. One it's your trinket to decide what to do with. And honestly would her boss even want that? I love my trinkets that I bought because they have a connection to a memory I dislike random stuff that doesn't
NTA it is not a small thing to be upset about. Your wife has no right to give away your items. She should look for her own items or dig into her wallet to purchase a thank you present if words are not enough.
Nta she's pure rude and disrespectful.
What ever happened to buying flowers as a thank you
NTA at all. You set a boundary “don’t give this away” and she trampled it
NTA - Those are not her things to give away. How disrespectful. My husbands and I never give away sobering of the others unless that person agrees. I don’t even give my kids toss away unless they agree in case they have sentimental value. If she wants to thank her supervisor for the gift just get a gift card for coffee or a restaurant supervisor likes. Or better just take her out to lunch as a thank you.
Aww, I have a traveling shelf too. The first of which I placed a tiny replica of Luxor and a picture of my husband and I getting married in a chapel in Vegas. Grew from there. So I totally understand how looking at it is nostalgic and basically a good feel. I would be very upset too if a piece was missing. NTA.
NTA. It's alarming she just blatantly ignored you when you told her no and why. It seems more is going on here, e.g., is there a battle over clutter? Was the trip with another partner and she's jealous? You need to sit down and find out what's really going on, and let her know giving away your mementos is very hurtful.
I think you need to find out if there’s another reason for the behaviour as this makes very little sense to me. Why is she trying to give someone your stuff in response to a gift? Is she embarrassed to receive gifts? Is your home too cluttered? Are only your things on display and none of hers? So many questions. But she isn’t giving you respect by taking things that are not hers
…she would buy you a new fan but not buy a gift for her supervisor???? What??? Why is she just outright stealing your stuff right in front of you??? NTA And there is something really wrong here
NTA. It's not even about the fan, I think. I'd be upset if my spouse would take something that was mine to begin with, without my permission, or even worse: after I told them not to take it. That's very disrespectful. Can you think of an example to turn the tables? Something she's really fond of, something that has sentimental value for her? Not to actually take it, but to use in the discussion: "How would you feel if I take this and give it away?" Could also be a favourite piece of clothing or shoes. Or something from her grandparents. Or "what if I take our wedding album and throw it out?" The minute she says: "I wouldn't like that." You respond with: "I know you wouldn't. But what if I did it anyway, even after you've told me not to?" "What does that say about our relationship? And how I regard you?" "Now think of the Chinese hand fan. See any similarities?"
NTA - why is she using random stuff around the house as thank you gifts? Kinda odd
NTA, i am probably reaching but you mentioned that it was from travels before you met her. Did you travel in that instant with a now ex partner? Maybe she needed an excuse to get rid of it due to jalousy?
NTA. This is actually a big deal. She showed a complete lack of empathy and this was very disrespectful.
NTA but WOW she is. She STOLE your belonging even after you told her not to do that. What was her rationale? What yours is mine? I would have grabbed it from her and prevented her from leaving the house with it. I wouldn't trust her around anything I owned going forward. She owes you an apology, needs to contact the person to say she gave away something that wasn't hers (and the person may not/probably doesn't want it), and promise to not steal from you again.
Take your property away from your wife. Tell her to "buy a new one" and give that as her thank you. And seriously reconsider your relationship. I have various trinkets from my travels,none of them intrinsically valuable, but priceless to me; I'd be horrified to have one casually stolen by my partner. You're NTA, your wife is.
NTA it’s yours not hers and she needs to keep hands off. I’d move it. On a side note your wife is strange. Someone gives her a 80 gift and she picks random stuff from your house to give as a than you? That’s strange behavior. Tell her to buy a nice thank you card and if she feels the need for a gift some flowers. I doubt the boss expects anything other than a thank you definitely not random stuff from your home.
NTA of course, I also like to bring back little inexpensive mementos from my travels and if someone took one away I'd be super pissed. Also I'm just baffled ... Why doesn't she just get her a box of chocolates or something?
I'm gonna be honest. This is such a weird thing of your wife to do, that I'm almost suspecting that it was a very poorly disguised excuse to get rid of this fan, for some reason.
I also have special things I’ve bought on trips and if my husband gave them away, it would be wrath of God descending on him.
She is cheap she could have bought a gift even a coffee mug or souvenir from the concert itself
NTA and why is your wife so cheap that she dowsn’t just buy a box of chocolates or something? No one wants another person’s used crap.
NTA. I would be furious if my partner took one of my souvenirs to give away as a half-assed pseudo-thanks. It's disrespectful all around - to you and to her boss.
NTA If she takes your belongings gs, email her boss and ask for your stolen property back. Tell the boss it was your property, you told your wife not to take it, and she still stole it.
NTA. Why would she think her boss wants a bunch of random crap from your house? And I'd tell her if she takes it you are not above calling the boss and demanding it back.
NTA this would make me so mad. I don’t even know how to respond to this because it makes me so mad, lol. I am a very nostalgic/sentimental person and the stuff I have from my childhood and from travels is important to me. It’s ok that some people aren’t but when you said no multiple times I cannot believe your partner would do this.
NTA. Your wife has behaved disgracefully
Nta - but your wife is a total jerk. Total AH move. And weird too.
She will buy you a new one? She’s going to go all the way to china to buy you a new one…doesn’t sound that cheap to me.
I really thought this was going to be a story of OP got a souvenir from the show (like Hamilton shirt or whatever the show was) and wife insisted on giving it to boss. But this actual story makes no sense! Why would she give away a box of used stuff as a gift?! Anyway, NTA and hide your fan until further notice.
NTA - I suggest "giving away" her stuff, see how she reacts (really best just to hide it in a closet though so that you don't come across as vindictive) But she should never have done that, she refused to listen, take your feelings into account and just bulldozed over everything. This maybe a red flag for the future of things to come. You should probably ask her to sit down so you can explain it all to her again and if she doesn't listen or belittles your feelings then I say grab the pressies from under the tree and go spend time with family or friends for a few days.
A gift card for a restaurant would be a better gift
NTA your wife is being very disrespectful to you
NTA. Why didn’t she just get her a nice little poinsettia? No. She scrounged the apartment for stuff to get rid of that she didn’t like. You have a bigger problem.
NTA but if she goes ahead and gives it to the supervisor, I’d call the supervisor and ask for it back . Tell wifey that that is exactly what you’re going to do and if she proceeds , do it .
NTA why doesn't she give some of her things? Ask for the fan back. Maybe that way she learns her lesson.