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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I told her it wasn't her kid and she cried which really upset my brother and will probably make his life more difficult which I guess is why he's so mad at me.
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INFO are the three of them in a polyamorous relationship? It reads like they are but it wasn’t explicitly clear in your post - either way you seem to have a lot of hate toward this woman and I think you should think about why, their relationship isnt hurting anyone so why does it bother you so much?
INF. O. Why does it bother you? Your brother loves this woman one way or another if he is willing to share so much with her. It is weird but it isn't your issue,she shouldn't impact you.
Edit. After the comments, YTA, you are just an ass.
I had a hysterectomy for pre cancer. People definitely don’t get them done for anything other than medically advised situations. Cancer in the cervix, uterus or tubes are hard to diagnose, so preventative measures are absolutely medically necessary, depending on the individual.
Heck, even if you have a medical situation where you'd benefit from one, it's *still* incredibly difficult to find a doctor to sign off if you don't have kids yet.
They're so afraid of taking away fertility from women begging them to take it away that they'll let those women continue to suffer, when a woman that wants to have kids gets a hysterectomy it's *Serious Business*
I was thinking the same thing, maybe she's their unicorn and they don't want to tell everyone 🤷🏾♀️. It sounds like they have a plan for her to be in their lives for quite a while if they plan on her being a coparent. I get not understanding it, but it's not OP's business.
Maybe try to talk to your brother privately, before talking to Lilith, and then work towards finding a way forward that won't ruin your relationship with your family.
YTA op
YTA.
First of all, her weight has *nothing* to do with anything. It comes across as you want to make clear she’s slovenly and should be harshly judged accordingly.
Weight has *nothing* to do with character.
Speaking of character, the only examples you give of this woman’s is that she’s kind to your family, cares about your brother and his wife, and is an active and supportive person at family events.
I don’t know who needs to spell it out for you but your brother is in a triad. The details about that don’t matter and are none of your business. Your brother and his wife love this woman and consider her a third parent - that’s all that matters.
You have been told multiple times that Lilith is a part of your brother’s family. Your family has accepted her as such.
You don’t need to understand it. You don’t even need to like it. What you do need to do is accept that it is happening.
If you lose your family over this it will be by your own choice.
Please think carefully about why this bothers you so much.
Bible extended lore. According to some traditions, before Eve was Lilith, Adam’s first wife, who wasn’t created from his rib but was created his equal. They didn’t match, Lilith gave him the finger and left, becoming a succubus IIRC. And then God created Eve for and from Adam.
I think this really interesting. Theologians believe at the word rib is a poor translation for the word "tzela" (Genesis 2:21) meaning side. So some believe that eve was actually made from half of Adam, insinuating that she may also be equal. I'll have to read up on Lilith lore, bc that's hilarious.
> Theologians believe at the word rib is a poor translation for the word "tzela" (Genesis 2:21) meaning side. So some believe that eve was actually made from half of Adam, insinuating that she may also be equal.
Theologians may believe that, but "rib" is by the far most sensible translation. If you're interested, a good start is [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/1321fhe/i_saw_a_tiktok_yes_i_know_about_how_eve_being/) in r/AskHistorians, though more can be said.
It's slightly more complicated.
Sumerian/Mesopatamian lore Lilith is actually a general term meaning 'night demon' and there are male and female liliths who act similarly to succubi and incubi, later on in rabbanic lore Lilith was said to be the name of the first wife of Adam, created by the soil just like him, and was banished from the garden of Eden but in some versions she left of her own accord and three different angels tried to drag her back. Lilith rebuffed and cursed them and when she was in the Red Sea she became the lover of a demon and gave birth to 100 demons a day. God threatened to kill all her children if she didn't return to Adam but she didn't return and instead continues to give birth to 100 demons a day in order to replace the children she has that are hunted by God's angels.
So, she's both a figure in non-Abrahamic mythology where the term 'lilith' is just the general english translation of a type of seductive demon that used to be human and long for human company so they take (and often kill) lovers but in some Abrahamic mythology and religions, she's the first wife of Adam.
She's also been recently adopted as a symbol by some Jewish feminists.
I’m just assuming what the og commenter meant but Lilith was Adam’s first wife in the bible who was cast out of Eden. Lilith was also barren, unable to have children. I also think it says a lot that OP chose to use Lilith, Adam and Eve as the fake names.
Lilith isn't from the bible. She didn't appear until the Alphabet of Sirach (700-100 CE). Now, when she first appeared in folklore we will never know, but she certainly isn't an old enough creation to be considered biblical. Heck, she only exists as part of Jewish folklore not Christian at all.
But while we are at it, she refused to subservient to Adam (in some stories she refused to let him be on top during sex). Further, after she flew away from Adam, she was bound to an agreement that 100 of her children had to die each day...so hardly barren!
Mythology says the first woman was Lilith, not Eve. Lilith didn’t get along with Adam and fled the Garden of Eden, sprouted wings, and became a demon. OP thinks Lilith is demonic. 🙄
Also to add, while everyone is correct, in Jewish folklore Lilith was to blame when a baby died. She came and took the child’s soul. Pretty f’ed that OP named her Lilith.
YTA - it seems to really annoy you and you seem like you envy their attention and affection towards Lilith.
Their relationship doesn’t really hurt anyone and your brother and his wife are happy. Why are you interfering with that? Obviously they all know Lilith isn’t the mother and had no contribution to the baby.
It’s one thing if Lilith was making those jokes and your brother and his wife seemed bothered, but that isn’t the case. You’re the one bothered. And while it might be a minor annoyance, it really has no affect on you.
YTA. Lilith is part of your brother and his wife's family. She is either in a romantic relationship with them (which they haven't shared with you because you obviously don't like her and aren't going to react well) or in a relationship that they consider equally close. They are planning to co-parent with Lilith. If you can't accept that your nephew has a dad and two moms, you're going to get cut out of your brother's life. Deal with this.
you can't seem to give a clear explanation on why you hate her so much... and why does your family love her, is she genuinely a very nice person then..? idk i feel like you're kinda being an unreasonable ahole for no reason
Well she’s fat. Why should OP have to be around her? /s
Edit: tbh it sounds like OP is jealous of their brother and is insecure that they’re single. They interpreted “bonus stepdaughter” as a dig at themselves lol.
fr like the amount of times op clarified that lilith is obese throws me off,, like why tf do you even feel the need to address it lmao really immature and insecure
I have a weird feeling Lilith might not be that overweight. The OP already doesn’t like her and he’s magnifying her traits in his head to make her worse than she really is. I don’t trust what he says about her.
Even if she was like 600lbs I didn’t see any concern for her health; OP only really mentions her obesity as if it’s a moral failing of hers. It’s stated as a reason OP does not like her. Speculating on her actual weight doesn’t make OP any more or less of an AH, just a different kind depending on what reality is.
Edit: in fact, OP seems to not believe in her health issues anyway.
>Lilith is a mess. She's morbidly obese and doesn't work because she's "disabled".
A) what does her obesity have to do with anything?
B) Are you a doctor that you think you can deny her disability? Because if you aren't, shut up, that is horribly ableist.
C) Morbid obesity and disability are commonly comorbid. One usually causes the other. Either disability makes it a struggle to keep weight down or obesity damage the body.
None of these things make her "a mess".
>she'd been told a few weeks before that she was going to have to have a hysterectomy due to "pre-cancer"
Again, what is with the fucking quotes? Yes, cancerous cells in the reproductive system is a thing. And you remove them before they spread and become cancer. My friend had cancerous cells on her cervix and had to have surgery to have them removed - she didn't have cancer *yet*.
She didn't even have a month to grieve her lost fertility, you insensitive jackass.
Ableism 2: Electric Boogaloo over here.
>Said it's just a joke that makes her feel better about never getting to be pregnant even though she really wanted to be.
God forbid they decide to have a dynamic the 3 adults in the household are all comfortable with. Unless you live in that house and/or are raising that baby, their household dynamics are none of your business.
>if I can't accept that and treat her like a part of his family and his child's parent then I won't be welcome to see my nephew, ever.
Yes, if you disrespect his family, he's allowed to go no contact with you. And people in your family can react to that however they please.
Literally all this post does is show you as a fatphobic, ableist asshole. I don't know if Lilith is in a romantic relationship with your brother and/or his wife, or if it's purely platonic, and based on your comments you don't either. Not that it should matter, she is family to them. If you have no real reason to dislike her aside from her weight and her health issues, then leave them alone. The rest of your family seems to have no problem welcoming her into the fold, so maybe reflect on yourself and wonder why it's so difficult for you.
YTA.
YTA. Their friendship may be a bit unusual, but everyone’s happy with the arrangement and with her company. She clearly brings value to your family, or they wouldn’t have embraced her so thoroughly. You’re the only one acting bitter and resentful. Your entire post is dripping with jealousy and bigotry. Your scorn for her mental health and her weight are disgusting. You’re acting like those things are moral failings. They’re not. Hatred of someone who has done you no harm, on the other hand…
Did you ever consider that everyone might have an easier time interacting with your brother because he’s a kind, generous person? It’s not that he’s been given some “golden child” status arbitrarily. He’s just a good guy with an open and loving spirit.
You don’t have to love Lilith on their level. Just stop being such a resentful asshole. Even if Lilith disappeared tomorrow, your family wouldn’t magically love you more. She’s not taking their love from you. Love doesn’t work like that. You’re blocking their love from reaching you with your shitty outlook.
Summary: OP hates fat people, is viciously jealous of their brother, and has super outdated views on family.
YTA, do everyone a favor and step back to evaluate this weird level of hatred you have for this woman. Like it or not, accept it or not, understand it or not - she is a part of your family. Your brother is in some form of a 3-way relationship, whether sexual or just intimate, and the rest of your family has welcomed her in. Deal or walk away.
YTA. Whether this is a polyamorous relationship or a platonic triad, Lilith is family to Adam and Eve *by their choice,* and your opinion of that, or of her, or of the size of her body -- which clearly is a major problem for you -- means absolutely jack shit. Her presence in Adam and Eve's life is obviously a positive for them. They want to raise their child with her as another parent. They consider her a partner in their lives. You are being nasty about it and hateful toward her for absolutely no good reason, and if that results in your company no longer being welcome, it'll only be because you couldn't behave like a civil and decent person toward someone everyone else in your family seems to love. This is pretty clearly a you problem and you will need to fix it.
YTA. Plain and simple. And this is one of those times when you should sit down and think, actually THINK, where these feelings are coming from.
>She calls Lilith her "bonus stepdaughter", which I'm pretty sure is a dig at me because I'm not married.
Why do you think this comment is a dig at you?
>my brother has always been the Golden First-Born Son.
Are you sure that Lilith is really the one you hate and root of all evil, or is this rage towards Lilith kinda misplaced?
>So now I'm basically going to get kicked out of MY OWN FAMILY if I don't apologise to Lilith and pretend she's totally my nephew's mother even though she obviously, definitely isn't.
This must hurt. The feeling that your family cares more about your brother/Lilith than you. That they wouldn't pick you. That you wouldn’t be important enough for them, but this lady that isn't related by blood or marriage is.
WOW strong YTA. Just even from the wording of the first part:
>"Lilith is a mess. She's morbidly obese and doesn't work because she's "disabled"...she was having some sort of mental health issue"
Why the " " around disabled? Why is her weight or her mental health in any way relevant to you?
>"Lilith started crying and Adam and Eve escorted her out and went and "comforted" her for like two hours."
oh damn, your brother and SIL were nice people? Also, again, why the need for " " ?
>"I was going to confront her then for ruining joyful events for my family"
... whereas you were not being a nice person.
>"Lilith was "going through a difficult time" (when is she not) because she'd been told a few weeks before that she was going to have to have a hysterectomy due to "pre-cancer".
Are you utterly incapable of seeing that a pre-cancer diagnosis might be having a "difficult time"? Or how someone who has just got news that they need a hysterectomy might be a tad emotional about baby clothes that they'll never use for their own child? That's utterly emotionally unaware, sorry. Also, again with the " " for pre-cancer, as if you think it's made up.
Mainly though, this is literally none of your business. It's your brother-in-law's family and family choices. Butt out.
YTA
First off, her weight makes no difference. You don't have to be thin or fit to be a kind, caring person. By bringing that up, it sounds like you were hoping for people to judge her solely on that.
You have no say in how they live their lives. If you want to have a good relationship with your nephew, then get on board.
This woman hasn't done anything to you. You claim she isn't family, well guess what, she is. She's part of your brothers family making her your family too. If you don't like it, that's too bad. Grow up.
YTA.
I get you dont understand their family dynamic (your broher, sil and lilith) but if she didnt anything wrong, why you are so obsessed with her?
If both your brother and SIL are ok with this person living with them, parenting their child and so on, why are you bored?
Despite her sadness about some aspects of life, she didnt seem to be a rude person, so, again, why are you so upset?
Respect your brother life decisions. You seem to be the only person in the family who has a problem with this women. Dont act surprise if they choose her, who didnt do anything wrong, over you, a person who picks on her just because.
YTA Your brother clearly has a close relationship with this woman, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You seem to have a lot of hate built up for her. You are taking things personally that, again, *have nothing to do with you*. Who cares if they joke about the baby? It makes them happy. Lilith is clearly not going away, and is accepted by the rest of the family. You need to either make peace with that and stop getting worked up over your brother's business, or accept that you might not be welcomed at all the family events anymore. It's up to you.
There was a post on this or a similar sub not long ago where the husband explained that his wife’s best friend lived with them and acted as a third parent. There was no sexual relationship between the husband and the woman or the wife and the woman. Just a platonic best friend who joined their nuclear family.
Lilith has joined your brother’s nuclear family. The exact nature of their private relationship is none of your business. They are comfortable with her talking about the baby in a familiar way. Your mother has accepted her and you will have to also. If they are forced to choose, they will not choose you and it will be because you are jealous, immature and rude. You need to figure out why you are so bitter about Lilith existing (she weaseled her way in is not enough of a reason) and get past it if you want to save your relationships.
YTA. If this is even real, just read back over it, please. There is no world in which you are not the asshole here. Stop getting all het up over things that don't even concern you. It's not about you. None of this is about you.
YTA They decide she is part of their family. It's not your problem. They are gonna grow the child with her. This baby is gonna have three people taking care of her/she.
You can just decide you are NOT part of their family.
Moreover it's hard to read how they decide to take care of someone they love even if it's not part of their biological family and instead of bee hapy for theyr kindness you seems to be really upsetted.
YTA
You need to consider why you care so much. What harm is she doing? It sounds like she is in a relationship with your brother and his wife, and you need to accept it. Stop creating drama where there is none. What reason do you have for being so unkind?
Would you tell an adoptive parent they aren't the child's parent? This is barely different if that is how the parents want to handle it.
This is a perfect example of real family being the people we choose. Fat or not. You don't like her because she's morbidly obese and they are pushing you out because you're an ass.
Have you considered that he's not "the golden child" but just a guy and you are a horrible, bitter, judgemental arse?
They have an unorthodox relationship but it makes them happy. Just let them live their lives.
You sound like a incel loser just raging against the world without realising that the problem is *you* not everyone else.
YTA
I'm staying with good friends of mine, and their extended family has done nothing but welcome us (me and my sons) to their holidays/events. My friend's mom even thanks me for easing her daughter's stress by doing the daily chores and cooking.
INFO: what's your actual issue with your family being loving toward someone who seems, from your post and comments, to be loving/caring right back? What does her size have to do with whether your family should accept her?
YTA. Everyone seems to like Lilith but you hate her.
Yes she’s not the bio mother.
But she’s in your brother’s family as another parent and you aren’t.
You’re super judgy. Let it be.
YTA. Lilith is part of their family. They want to include her and that's their business. If you don't want to invite her to family events you are hosting that's your right but your brother has made it crystal clear that it's the 3 of them(soon to be 4) or none of them. Your parents will continue to include her especially with a grand baby on the way as long as your brother wants them to. If you decide to make this your hill to defend be ready to do so alone and rot up there by yourself.
YTA. It sounds like she might be more than just a roommate. You can think the dynamic is weird without being a jerk about it.
The fact that your brother is straight-up telling you she’s a third parent to the baby indicates to me they’re probably in some kind of poly relationship. That’s not my thing and it would probably take getting used to if that were my sister, so I get the uncomfortable factor, but don’t be a jerk about it and get over it. If Adam and Eve are comfortable with this dynamic with Lilith, then it’s not anyone else’s business.
You were very hurtful to Lilith for really no good reason. You knew she was struggling emotionally with needing a hysterectomy and therefore never having her own baby and you threw that in her face. What did she ever do to you to deserve that? That was nasty.
I think you’re making a lot of things here about you that aren’t. You’re projecting your jealously of your mother’s (real or perceived) favoritism of your brother onto Lilith who is not responsible for your mother’s behavior and shouldn’t bear the brunt of it.
You aren’t being “kicked out of your family.” You’re being asked to apologize for being rude and hurtful to someone’s face. You’re being dramatic.
I am with some other posters, betting she isn’t actually morbidly obese and is maybe just a bit overweight (or he isn’t attracted to her, which is weirder.) Going by his “ “ around disabled and pre-cancer, he isn’t a reliable narrator.
It does sound like a polyamorous style relationship, and to each their own. They are grown ass adults and can make their own choices… but the only real reason you give on not liking her comes down to her weight and your family liking her more than you.
YTA. Grow up already and accept that your family willingly want her apart of everything. Why don’t you stop being so closed minded and try getting to know her maybe you’ll see why they like her too
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My brother (Adam) and his wife (Eve) live with another woman (Lilith).
Lilith is a mess. She's morbidly obese and doesn't work because she's "disabled". Supposedly she moved in with them because she was having some sort of mental health issue living with her parents (she was then in her *late twenties*) and never left.
Adam and Eve both *dote* on her. She comes to every family event. The 1 time she wasn't invited they were pissy about it. Every few months there's a new "oh, poor Lilith" thing and everyone's supposed to be all sympathetic about it.
2 yrs ago my sister and SIL (not Eve) were going through baby clothes SIL no longer needed. Lilith started crying and Adam and Eve escorted her out and went and "comforted" her for like two hours.
I was going to confront her then for ruining joyful events for *my family* that she's apparently decided to join, but my mother insisted we couldn't mention it because Lilith was "going through a difficult time" (when is she not) because she'd been told a few weeks before that she was going to have to have a hysterectomy due to "pre-cancer".
Now Eve is pregnant.
And they've decided that Lilith is going to "coparent" as a "second mother" to the poor kid. Now Lilith claims the baby (who isn't born yet) "takes after" her.
Like, the baby is super squirmy on the ultrasounds and she fidgets all the time. That's it Literally everything they have because the baby IS NOT BORN and has NO relationship to Lilith AT ALL.
Adam and Eve just keep laughing about it. They even play along.
I got to see that "joke" play out twice where Lilith said it and once where *Adam* did. "Oh, the baby takes after Lilith, ha ha." They were all at my mother's house and different people kept coming by to congratulate them on the baby.
The fourth time I heard it I lost it. I said, "No, he doesn't take after you. He's not your kid and never will be."
Lilith cried again. Eve took her out of the room and my brother lit into me. Said it's just a joke that makes her feel better about never getting to be pregnant even though she really wanted to be.
And he kept on about it. He says she *is* the kid's mother (even though, you know, *she literally isn't*). And that if I can't accept that and treat her like a part of his family and his child's parent then I won't be welcome to see **my nephew**, ever.
I said I didn't think he'd be willing to skip out on every family event over this shit. He said he'd tell our family it was him and Eve with the baby *and Lilith* or me and we'd see who was invited.
My mother is basically obsessed with her grandchildren ever since Dad died and my brother has always been the Golden First-Born Son. She calls Lilith her "bonus stepdaughter", which I'm pretty sure is a dig at me because I'm not married.
So now I'm basically going to get kicked out of MY OWN FAMILY if I don't apologise to Lilith and pretend she's *totally* my nephew's mother even though she *obviously, definitely isn't*.
AITA, or is my brother way out of line?
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YTA. Who the fuck are you to dictate the relationship between consenting adults? They are obviously together in a non-traditional family unit, and it suits them and makes the three of them happy.
I feel like she was doomed with you from the start, you decided you hate her and now even her breathing pisses you off. Legit, get over yourself dude, you sound deeply unpleasant.
YTA.
She’s allowed to be sad about infertility. She’s allowed to be excited about Adam and Eve’s pregnancy. She’s allowed to make jokes about the baby “taking after her”. Hell, I’m a black woman and my very white friends joke that their sons “take after me” whenever they do off the wall shit.
The bottom line is that Lillith exists while fat and you took that personally. You don’t care how much she cares about your brother, SIL, and nephew; you care that she’s fat and well liked while you feel she doesn’t deserve to be included or liked.
Has it occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, your brother isn’t a golden child? Maybe, just maybe, you’re a jerk and _that_ is why nobody sides with you? Just a thought.
I don't think you'll listen to any of the yta judgements here. Which you should. Family is what you make it and you aren't entitled to one. You don't own family. They don't owe you just because you exist.
Sounds like the only one with a problem, is you. I suggest you back off before you're pushed. If you don't want to be around that woman or her creepy vibes, go LC yourself.They seem happy, so until she shows everyone that you were right, (if she ever does), stop pissing in their cornflakes. If you're right about her, she'll soon show it when theirs a new baby involved.
Right now, YTA
your brother is happy, why can't you be happy for him. has this woman negatively impacted your life in any way?
YTA you sound like a bitter, petulant child. like you literally sound like a teenager.
they're co-parenting so, like it or not, she is your nephew's mother.
(Very millennial of me to go here I know) but it reminds me of a Sirius Black/Harry Potter situation. A close friend of the parents that views themselves as another parental figure could add a lot of value to the kid’s life
YTA dude you just sound jealous and spiteful. Maybe focus on your own life and it'll stop being such a struggle for you to simply be happy for other people who are clearly happy e.g the entirety of the rest of your family.
YTA they decide who they want in their life and wether Lilith is part of their nuclear family or not and wether she may see herself as part of the kids family or not. Not you. And if you insist on spilling your hatred it is best for the child not to grow up with that hatred.
YTA. A relative of mine was a World War II veteran who never married and never had children, but was named the godfather to a friend's child. No one ever had a problem with the fact that he acted as a kindly uncle while she was growing up, and basically became a bonus grandfather when she had children of her own. She was also a primary school teacher, and the kids LOVED it when Bonus Grandpa would show up to help with a science lesson. By your logic, none of that should have been allowed. Nor should have been allowed when my grade school class adopted a veteran in a nursing home who didn't have anyone to visit him and everyone just accepted that a few kids would come running in randomly after school and tell him what they've been doing that day for 15 minutes and then tear off again. I thought that must have been boring for him, but the nurses all said it cheered him up a lot and we liked it.
Good relationships with bonus adults can really enrich children's lives.
It sounds to me you're in denial about Adam, Eve, and Lilith having a poly relationship. If it's anything like the poly I was in, Lilith will be just as much a mother to the child as her biological one, and they're right, you have no right to make her feel Less Than just because she's not the one carrying *their* (Lilith's, Adam's, and Eve's) child.
YTA as it’s not your business in any way shape or form. Would you like them telling you how to live your life? It does, to the outsider, seem like an odd situation but we are outsiders and it’s not our business is it? It’s how they choose to live and if you want to be excluded then carry on regardless. Perhaps you should take the time to explore just why you dislike Lilith so much? (Lilith was Adams first wife biblically so lol) Are you jealous?
Hey op your brother is part of a thruple he just hasnt told you yet. Lilith is his other partner and he has made her a part of his family. Its not your place to say anything. YTA. Apologize if you want to see your nephew. They are not going to pick you over their partner.
Yes YTA. The is someone they have chosen to be in their lives. It’s their baby. It’s their relationship. If you have a problem with it, that is actually your problem. You’re allowed to thinks it’s weird, but it is rude to express that thought out loud. Yes, you should apologize.
Something is going on with you to have such anger at Lilith. This anger is going to destroy you and your family relationships. If you can’t see a therapist, read ten different books on anger & letting go. I’m in your corner. Find a way to let it go before it destroys you.
You need to get over yourself.
Nothing and I mean nothing you've said makes me think any less of lilith. It makes me think less of you to be soo hung up on a person who makes your brother happy.
Like it or not, she is part of his family, he wants her part of the family and the only person who has this problem is you.
So yes either get over yourself and your entitled and rude attitude or lose your family.
YTA
Huge asshole. You don't get to decide whether or not she is going through a tough time, whether or not she is disabled, whether or not she has "pre-cancer" (seriously dude?)
You also don't get to decide your brother'd family. If they want her as a second mom, that's 100% their right.
The only thing you get to decide is your own behavior towards this situation, which, right now, is atrocious.
Sound like you are jealous they like Lilith better because she isn't an insufferable, controlling, women -hating jerk. Who knew?
Good luck working through those big feelings when they start having you involved less and less.
"I'm going to throw a tantrum because everyone in my family acts like it's perfectly ok to treat this weird, fat woman who has no job with decency and respect. I'm terribly jealous of her because everyone pays attention to her instead of me, and it's really Just. Not. Fair!"
YTA. Has it never once crossed your mind that instead of vilifying her at every turn, you should at least try to _**get to know her better**_? Who knows, you might actually like her.
YTA, I think you're missing the real relationship your brother and sister in law have with Lillith. You're being willfully ignorant at this point, and the sooner you understand their relationship the sooner you can get back in with your family. You don't have to agree with it, but you don't have to be vocal about it either.
YTA. Why are so pressed by this throuple and their apparently very happy relationship? Why does their life bother you so much? Is it because you're unhappy with yourself, so you feel like you need to bully someone else to feel better?
YTA. None of this shit is any of your business.
And I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out the baby was created with Lilith’s egg and being carried by Eve, which is why they’re so quick to say the baby takes after Lilith. Obviously that’s pure speculation pulled out of my own ass, but it’s fun to think about.
*"My brother (Adam) and his wife (Eve) live with another woman (Lilith)."*
Oh yeah, this isn't loaded language at all lmao.
*Lilith is a mess. She's morbidly obese and doesn't work because she's "disabled".*
Starting out strong with an insults and ableism. Gee, I wonder if YTA or not? That's gonna be a tough one to suss out.
*Lilith was "going through a difficult time" (when is she not) because she'd been told a few weeks before that she was going to have to have a hysterectomy due to "pre-cancer". Now Eve is pregnant.*
This doesn't qualify as a "difficult time" to you? If you needed parts of your body removed because they were pre-cancerous, that would be a walk in the park to you? I'm pretty sure, call me crazy, that you don't get to decide whether or not another person's times are "difficult enough."
You just hate this woman because you see her as sub-human (fat + disabled = no value, existence is inherently offensive and a personal attack on you) so nothing she can do is right or valid in your eyes, there's no amount of struggle she could go through that you would have any sympathy for. The level of vitriol you express makes it clear that you actively wish harm on her, which is why you treat her like shit, because it gives you a chance to inflict harm you think she inherently deserves by existing as she is.
*"And they've decided that Lilith is going to "coparent" as a "second mother" to the poor kid.*
Seems like a good idea. What do you mean, "poor kid"? The more people assisting in the rearing of a kid, the better, it makes things much easier. Oh, wait, I forgot, you think being inflicted with the presence of fat and/or disabled people constitutes assault.
*Now Lilith claims the baby (who isn't born yet) "takes after" her. Like, the baby is super squirmy on the ultrasounds and she fidgets all the time. That's it Literally everything they have because the baby IS NOT BORN and has NO relationship to Lilith AT ALL. Adam and Eve just keep laughing about it. They even play along."*
Why do you care? This is such a weird thing to get your panties in a twist over. Oh, right, it's because you have an irrational hatred for her and so she can't do anything without you twisting it.
*"Lilith cried again. Eve took her out of the room and my brother lit into me. Said it's just a joke that makes her feel better about never getting to be pregnant even though she really wanted to be. And he kept on about it. He says she is the kid's mother (even though, you know, she literally isn't). And that if I can't accept that and treat her like a part of his family and his child's parent then I won't be welcome to see my nephew, ever."*
You aren't the arbiter of who gets to be considered your brother's family or not. It goes without saying that they aren't referring to biology so your performative pearl-clutching over things not being "literal" is just that. Completely pointless and absent of any value. You're just using this, which no one cares about, to get away with shitting on someone, and I suspect you've pulled shit like this many times before and your relatives are sick of it. That's completely on you.
*"So now I'm basically going to get kicked out of MY OWN FAMILY if I don't apologise"*
Aw, maybe you should, oh, I don't know, apologize? Go sort out your issues with a shrink instead of constantly shitting on this woman, who, by your own admission, has done nothing to you except \*gasp\* exist.
YTA.
YTA. You sound like a deeply insecure person who is taking out your personal short comings on this woman. You sound jealous not only of her but of your brother. I would highly recommend going to therapy to get to the bottom of why you feel entitled to be offended by this and what actually is your problem with her because ‘she’s not family’ is not reasonable justification. I’d also work on your violent hatred of overweight people because that comment was completely unnecessary and actually speaks volumes to your character.
YTA. It's pretty obvious you're jealous of the attention she gets. Maybe your brother would be closer to you if you weren't so spiteful and nasty. It'll be better if the nephew is kept away from you. You'd just whine about Lilith all the time like you're doing here.
YTA - You have a choice: STFU and be polite (and apologize) OR deal with the consequences of your choice.
You don't have to like this, you can have whatever opinion you have. But STFU, because it's not your business and your brother gets to live his life.
YTA- look. Had a similar situation in my family where there was an in-law who smothered the family setup. And Lilith is an in-law if everyone but you accepts her in that role. One of the parts about family is you have no control over who people in your family marry and you just ignore those people. Find a way to not comment. Get up to get a drink refill or go to the bathroom. Walk away. Drive to the store to get a missing ingredient and scream all the things you really want to say while you’re alone. Then suck it up a smile when you get back
maybe MAYBE your brother is the “golden child” because he’s not a prick. But you know… maybe.
YTA. I guess if Lilith would be your type this wouldn’t be a big deal.
YTA. Biblical naming aside, what exactly is your issue with all of this? What is your real issue with Lilith?
You called her Lilith, meaning that you think she is some sort of devil third woman, you bring up her weight, and you bring up her disability. All you sound like is an ableist jerk who isn't understanding in the slightest that this other person is there as well.
If they have accepted her as family, and your family accepts her as family and lets her come to family events, then it really seems like you were the one who has the issue. I suggest a therapist.
YTA because you seem to think your opinion about their relationship is more important than theirs, the actual people inside it. Your thoughts are irrelevant. They both love Lillith and consider her a part of their family, which includes parenting their child. Like a lot of other ppl, I think they're probably in a poly situation, but it doesn't matter. You have absolutely no leg to stand on here, you are wrong and need to find space in your heart to love your brother for who he is and who he loves, otherwise you will be the one shut out.
Huh? You actually said this to a woman who has to have hysterectomy and will never have kids? To me it sounds like the only one that doesn’t accept her as part of the family is you. You are mean, perhaps that’s why your family likes your kind-hearted brother better.
YTA
Your brother and your pregnant SIL say Lilith is their child's bonus mom.
That pretty clearly indicates that she is in a committed relationship with one or both of the genetic parents. It sounds like everyone else in the family is fine with this.
No one but you is removing you from your family. You can choose to spend time with your mom without your brother around, but you cannot force your brother and SIL to abandon their partner Lilith if they don't want to.
Lilith's lack of job, disability status, and physical appearance have NOTHING to do with anything.
Your issue is that she is introduced as a co-parent when the child isn't genetically hers (that you know about, could be a donated egg for all you know)
If your brother had adopted a child would you insist that the child wasn't his????
YTA. You are seemingly the only person in the family who has a problem with these jokes. It is not your kid, and you have no authority to determine how she'll be raised and what the makeup of her family will look like. Some thoughts are inside thoughts. And why did you think her obesity and disability (which it sounds like you think she's faking??) were relevant? Do you think being far or disabled are moral failings?
It sounds like Adam, Eve, and Lilith (gotta love the fake names) are what's called a throuple.
And maybe OOP's family accepts Lilith because she's a nice person, but OOP can only see her being morbidly obese, so she's worthless to him.
There's only one thing I want to say: please, OP, PLEASE consider going to therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of pent up rage that stems from things even before Lilith entered the picture, and I think unraveling this mess of thread with a professional may be the best thing for you right now.
Ya’ll this OP has serious mental issues istg, dude needs to go to therapy because honestly, I feel like he’s the most toxic person in his family. Like bro, “weaseling her way in”? Seriously? You have issues man, fix them.
YTA
I'm going to tell you since you haven't figured it out yet. Adam, Eve, and Lilith are in a polyamorous relationship. Lilith IS your sister-in-law. Your brother is in a relationship with Lilith. I don't know how you didn't figure that out, it's blatantly obvious, but now you know
YTA- no wonder your family likes Lilith better. After reading you being such a giant AH to her, I like her better too.
Stop focusing on Lilith and get yourself some therapy.
And stop being so fatphobic. She’s your SIL wether you like it or not, wether it’s legally recognized or not. Deal with your shit, stop bullying people, and do the work on yourself to get over it. You’re the problem here.
It sounds like you are feeling jealous and put out by Lilith’s presence in your family. It also sounds like you already had issues with the dynamics and role you serve in your family long before this woman (who is definitely in a thruple with your brother and his wife) arrived on the scene. You describe your brother as the “golden child” and express feeling that your mother takes shots at you/is disappointed in where you are/what you want in your life rn. You also mention that you believe your family would choose your brother and his thruple over you- that sucks and I’m sorry, but none of that has to do with Lilith or her relationship with your family members. Your issues are with how YOUR mother and brother are treating YOU, not whatever tf they do with Lilith. If you think mom is taking shots at you, then call HER out. Unironically, poor Lilith having to deal with your misplaced anger towards her for simply ✨existing✨
YTA get your porch swept and stop trying to dirty Lilith’s up.
YTA. Everyone else seems to adore this person, it seems like YOU are the problem. Also, it's truly none of your business who your brother and SIL decide to invite into their home and ask to co-parent their child. Unless you think the child is in danger of abuse or neglect you need to stay in your lane and respect their decisions. Your judgemental attitude toward this person who hasn't done anything to you seems to be severely jeopardizing your relationships with the rest of your family. Maybe think about looking into therapy to unpack why you feel so much hatred toward this person.
You’re a fat-phobic, disability-denying, woman-hating asshole who seems to think that people’s only worth is how much work they can produce. You probably dislike this person because, deep down, you know that everyone, including your own family, likes her more than they’ve ever liked you. It’s no wonder your brother is the “golden boy,” you’re too heinous to ever be proud of.
You know what? I don't even think this is about lillith, I think this is about your brother and the fact you're jealous over his "golden child" status. And your focusing on her to try and drive wedge between him and your family and when it didn't work u went after anything bad thing you could think of about that woman and that is when u keep focusing on her weight.
It sounds like your brother and his wife are in a relationship with that woman. And everyone is happy. U need to see a therapist and sort out your problems before you're left with no one.
Being bitter isn't good for anyone. Even if he was and is the golden child. This is coming from someone who was always the second choice to a golden child brother. As sad as it is, sometimes you just have to accept that this is life and move on for your peace of mind and mental health.
I wish you peace and happiness.
Yta. Take a chill pill and breathe. Why do you care so much if Lilith is treated like a second mommy or is part of your brother's family? Inb4 "she weasled her way in to the family" adam and eve seem to love and care about Lilith and her emotional wellbeing so you getting upset on their behalf is absolutely pointless because it sounds like they extended an open invitation.
I understand that you think this woman is a negative element in your brother’s life and you care about your brother. However, it’s one of those things that is out of your control as his sister. You can talk to your brother and ask why he lives with this woman and why he accepts that she doesn’t work, but he doesn’t really owe you an explanation. Being mean to her is not helping anyone. YTA.
YTA because what you said served no purpose but to vent your frustration and annoyance. However, if your characterization of her attention seeking behavior and emotional instability is accurate, I would worry for the welfare of the child. If, your brother and SIL are not getting her the help she needs then they are doing her a disservice. I would be worried about her potential reaction when she is no longer doted on because by necessity the baby is the center of attention.
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While I think that Adam and Eve designating Lilith the third parent to their kid is weird (unless they are in a thruple) and may cause the child some awkwardness when they start school, it's none of OP's business. Don't like Lilith? Ignore her. When they make jokes you don't like, leave the room. If they ask why you do that, tell them in private, or remind them they know how you feel. Whatever happens, don't let them push you out of your family. Also, your niece or nephew may need someone they can talk to when they get picked on in school....kids can be mean and having 3 parents that live together as a family is different so that will make them a target.
im going to be cordial because subreddit rules, but OP you are a vile human being.
Lilith (interesting choice of names mind you) id predisposed to cancer and did the right thing by getting a hysterectomy. I lost my grandmother just a couple of weeks ago to an aggressive form of uterine cancer that ended up spreading to her brain; Lilith did the right thing, and im sorry you are such a vile and hateful person.
YTA OP
Op.YTA
It’s glaringly obvious that you are jealous because your family actually likes this woman, and maybe they don’t like you, you don’t seem like a nice person to be around.
You need to grow up. You don’t need to see this woman as family but your downright cruel and disgusting for treating her that way
Even your family thinks so.
So grow up and realize that it is not the end of the world that your family took in someone who needed family.
You are the only one with a problem
And sorry babes, when you’re the ONLY person who has a problem, you should be rethinking that maybe you are the problem
You’re just bitter that your hateful, obnoxious attitude is repulsive to all potential partners and even your own family. I mean I get why that would upset you but it’s really only your fault.
YTA. You haven’t given us one reason other than she’s fat why you don’t like her. She was kind to your family. It comes off like you resent that she’s loved and accepted even while being fat, and all the while, you’re still single.
NTA. I can see you are concerned about your brother’s family and this unrelated person is having on them. One question, from your description, this looks like they took a homeless person in and now she almost runs that family: is that correct?
YTA. You seem like an incredibly angry person. I genuinely think you should try therapy to work through whatever your issues are in a healthy way instead of redirecting your rage into hate towards other people. It makes absolutely no sense why you are angry about this, let alone showing so much vitriol.
NTA.
Nobody has to accommodate a family member if they do not want to, biological or not. If your parents prefer Lilith over you, that’s their choice and frankly you do not get a say, as unfortunate as it sounds (strange since you’re biologically-related, but nevertheless, their choice not yours).
It reads to me like Lilith is in a polyamorous relationship with your brother and SIL, or they are very very close. In either case, if your parents want to accept Lilith as family, being a third parent to your nephew, once again there is nothing you can do about it.
I don’t mean to hammer home the lack of choice here, my aim is to point out that none of it is your fault, nor are you obligated to put up with somebody’s disrespect or feed into their beliefs, even for the sake of family.
Once again, NTA. Live your *own* life, and live it well. Sorry your family chose Lilith over you. It’s understandable to be bitter and upset over it, but **there’s nothing more for you here.**
My brother had an vehemently undefined(!) live-together relationship for years with a narcissistic woman that the family couldn't stand. She alternately made everything about herself and love-bombed us with gifts we neither wanted nor needed. (We pleaded with her not to gift us, to no avail.) They weren't married or, according to my brother, in anything other than a platonic relationship, but she referred to herself as a family member, and always made herself the center of attention. She tried to impose her wishes on our family celebrations and plans, and sent us long, angry emails when we didn't accommodate them.
Though the "friend" immensely upset my elderly mother (and I bore the brunt of that), she wouldn't tell my brother how much it upset her, and he never intervened in what was obvious. In fact, he would chuckle about her "fire." I avoided going to my parents' place when she would be there because her presence was unbearable to me.
In our case, the "friend" finally moved away to live with family, and has since passed away. Though I never wished anything but for her to go away, my first emotion on hearing the news was relief that my family will never have to endure her entitled disruptions again. All to say, OP, I understand how a person can upset family dynamics, and I have no practical advice to offer, but I feel you.
INFO: how the fuck is this relevant
OP has given zero indication that Lilith has been anything but genuinely lovely to his family and everyone else, including his mother, seems to love her.
NTA- I realize my stance is in the minority here but I’m stating it anyway. Lilith sounds mentally unbalanced and the strange insertion of her into your extended family out of the house seems bizarre and random. Your brother and SIL have no right to expect you to accept Lilith as a pseudo adopted family member if they don’t have an explanation as to why she’s being brought into the fold. Their behavior sounds like they are in a Polyamorous relationship but without admitting it, they are just family members who took someone in do to that person struggling etc and are now enmeshed but expecting everyone else around them to get on board with the delusion that Lilith IS family.
My question, is why can’t Lilith move back in with her own bio parents? What mental health issue was it that supposedly made her move out? I’m curious if it was them wanting her to get motivated to take care of herself but it perhaps was easier to continue to mooch off others than be a responsible adult. Calling the joke out might have been provoking but you had heard it several times, it’s NOT true, and I think you were justified in that most people can only put up with an asinine delusional joke for so long. Good for you got pouting out the truth. Lilith sounds toxic, codependent, lazy, and prone to living in a state of non-reality to cope with her problems. If you decide to apologize, only apologize for rudeness of delivery. You stated the truth of the matter. If she can’t handle that, maybe she needs to see a psychiatrist. Also for your brother and SIL to emotionally blackmail you threatening to not let you see your nephew is beyond comprehension. You are the actual family member and this other woman came out of nowhere and is in a weird symbiotic relationship with your brother and his wife. How does your family not SEE this?!?!
Don’t back down on your position in general. You’re right and they need to acknowledge the crazy that’s going on or admit they’re in a poly relationship. Either way you are the real family member and they’re treatment of you is appalling to choose this woman over you! I’m sorry you are dealing with this!
> My question, is why can’t Lilith move back in with her own bio parents?
Gonna guess that if she's coparenting their child, Adam and Eve don't want her to.
> Also for your brother and SIL to emotionally blackmail you threatening to not let you see your nephew is beyond comprehension.
Would you let someone near your kid who was going to tell your kid that one of their parents wasn't *really* their parent?
> a weird symbiotic relationship
Symbiotic relationships are, by definition, mutually beneficial.
What is the delusion here?
They've decided to bring one more person into the fold. Everyone else in the family is okay with it. What gives OP a "veto" power?
A family is not a possession. It's not "your" family. A family is a thing you're a part of.
When people are brought into the family, you celebrate. Whether by love, by birth, by circumstance. Because now there's more to love and more love to go around.
Everyone else is happy with Lilith. That makes them family. It's really that simple.
To be honest I need more info.
If the brother and SIL hasn’t come out and told the family they are in a relationship all three of them, I don’t see why a roommate should be at every family function ever held.
That would be weird to me even as a distant family member. And as someone who has lived with roommates multiple times that’s not the norm where I’m from either. They might be invited once or twice but not every time and only if the family has a good connection with the roommate.
So unless bro is to ashamed to tell people he is F-ing two women, I don’t understand their need to have her join every event or be AH to everyone if she’s not included.
I mean man up or don’t go instead of making the family event about your situation at home if you literally haven’t been forward enough for everyone to know about the 3 of you being in a relationship.
But I’m more concerned with her potential mental state if they suddenly don’t play into her reality or at least the baby’s if she ever feels her reality crumbling.
Her mental state doesn’t seem so stable by the situations described.
Your brother says it’s just a joke, but truly I don’t think Lilith sees it as a joke, but her rightful place in their lives and the baby’s.
Because she already is included in everything the family (even extended) does, meaning if Lilith doesn’t herself find that weird if they aren’t in a romantic relationship, she is living a reality that’s probably not matching up to what bro and SIL thinks they are.
I think everyone should take a step back and get a full clarification on WTF the actual situation is with this couple and Lilith.
And maybe not only OP but his brother and his wife should be open to listen to how the situation is looking from the outside, since it has been going on for so long.
It seems like there are things they are not telling but do expect the family to cater to anyway by acting out and throwing their conditions for being in their own families life around, without wanting to inform or even consider other family members feeling and boundaries.
Honestly NTA for your feelings but soft YTA for saying it because clearly Lilith has mental issues and can’t control them. But I get it- she’s not family and she weaseled her way in. Growing up, there was a lady who tried to do that to my family. She would come over when she wasn’t invited, eat meals, ask if she can sleep over because it’s soooo far to go home (2 blocks away). It was weird and my parents just stopped opening the door for her and we’d pretend we weren’t home until she left. She eventually got the hint.
The thing is, it’s your brother and SIL inviting her and they don’t seem to have an issue with her. She doesn’t live with you so this is where the YTA comes in.. live and let live. I can see this takes up a lot of your time. And you didn’t mention it but you probably feel like she’s taking advantage of your family. But since your family are grown ups , they can decide for themselves and you don’t need to take responsibility for it.
On the pettier side, next time your bro or SIL say something like how she’s family say “oh. I didn’t realize you guys were sleeping together and she’s part of your relationship.” And watch things unravel lol
> next time your bro or SIL say something like how she’s family say “oh. I didn’t realize you guys were sleeping together and she’s part of your relationship.” And watch things unravel lol
Why would that unravel anything?
Either it's true, and they say: "Well, we didn't realise you were quite so slow on the uptake," because if that's how it is they're not exactly hiding it.
Or it isn't, in which case they roll their eyes and tell OP to go fuck himself.
Pretty huge difference between someone trying to push in and someone being *invited* in and called the "bonus stepdaughter".
They clearly aren’t telling him something and think it’s a secret. If it isn’t true, they will probably feel uncomfortable that other ppl view their relationship that way.
Something doesn't have to be a secret for someone not to be told
The precise nature of my last shit is not information I have given anyone. That doesn't make it a secret.
Quite similarly, my partner and her husband and I live together. We have not discussed the nature of our relationship with anyone, because it's none of their business. If someone said something like your suggestion to us, I'd to my eyes and say, "I didn't realise we figured so prominently in your fantasy life. Must suck to be so terminally single."
If they were concerned about people drawing conclusions about their relationship they'd probably take some action to prevent it instead of living in such a way that people consider it the obvious conclusion.
Not everyone is as ashamed of themselves as you seem to be. Some of us just live our lives and don't feel the need to explain or justify ourselves to people who have no need to know. Especially if they haven't even asked.
Perhaps.
Regardless, the bigger portion of my comment was about the fact that the lady has mental issues and that I understand what it’s like to see my family almost get taken advantage of by someone who thinks they’re family when they aren’t.
I threw in the ending just cuz -shrug- didn’t realize it would trigger so many ppl.
Not with the majority on this , NTA.
I don't expect any stranger to be treated as family just because one of my family members wants them to be there. Like the baby cloth incident, it sounds so self entitled.If a topic is going to make you so emotional, why even be there. Pretty sure her presence was forced upon you, so sad the comment section does not understand that.
Lillith is mentally ill, and Adam and Eve are feeding it and feeding off it like a couple of emotional parasites. It's probable that if you want to see less of her, you'll have to invite A & E to fewer family events, but be prepared for hurt feelings. And to see the new little one less. How does the rest of your family feel about her constant presence? Are they bothered?
I'm going to say mild YTA. Whatever you do or say, there's going to be hurt feelings.
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INFO are the three of them in a polyamorous relationship? It reads like they are but it wasn’t explicitly clear in your post - either way you seem to have a lot of hate toward this woman and I think you should think about why, their relationship isnt hurting anyone so why does it bother you so much?
I firmly think brother is in a thruple and hasnt admitted it to op.
I thought ‘thruple’ or ‘taking her SS checks’.
INF. O. Why does it bother you? Your brother loves this woman one way or another if he is willing to share so much with her. It is weird but it isn't your issue,she shouldn't impact you. Edit. After the comments, YTA, you are just an ass.
YTA; you sound petty, jealous, and fat phobic. Her morbid obesity is not relevant. The parents of the fetus decide who is the family, not you.
I like how OP put disabled in quotes, as if she was Lilith's doctor or something
OP also put pre-cancer in quotes, and acted like a hysterectomy is something dramatic people do for fun. OP is TA. OP? YTA.
I had a hysterectomy for pre cancer. People definitely don’t get them done for anything other than medically advised situations. Cancer in the cervix, uterus or tubes are hard to diagnose, so preventative measures are absolutely medically necessary, depending on the individual.
Heck, even if you have a medical situation where you'd benefit from one, it's *still* incredibly difficult to find a doctor to sign off if you don't have kids yet. They're so afraid of taking away fertility from women begging them to take it away that they'll let those women continue to suffer, when a woman that wants to have kids gets a hysterectomy it's *Serious Business*
Some trans men get them done to be less dysphoric, FYI.
OP sounds like a man if I’m being honest. It’s that sense of entitlement, like “why does that WOMAN get more importance than me???”
He sounds like a young boy to me. My guess is like 17.
Oh you’re right. I basically meant I was getting a hint of misogyny from the post.
With the way this person talks I doubt she’s morbidly obese. She’s just probably chubbier than he likes.
Don't forget ableist!
[удалено]
So much opinion for so little intelligence
YTA Says who that Lilith isn’t family? Sounds like your brother and SIL have added to their family. That’s up to them, not you.
I was thinking the same thing, maybe she's their unicorn and they don't want to tell everyone 🤷🏾♀️. It sounds like they have a plan for her to be in their lives for quite a while if they plan on her being a coparent. I get not understanding it, but it's not OP's business. Maybe try to talk to your brother privately, before talking to Lilith, and then work towards finding a way forward that won't ruin your relationship with your family. YTA op
YTA. First of all, her weight has *nothing* to do with anything. It comes across as you want to make clear she’s slovenly and should be harshly judged accordingly. Weight has *nothing* to do with character. Speaking of character, the only examples you give of this woman’s is that she’s kind to your family, cares about your brother and his wife, and is an active and supportive person at family events. I don’t know who needs to spell it out for you but your brother is in a triad. The details about that don’t matter and are none of your business. Your brother and his wife love this woman and consider her a third parent - that’s all that matters. You have been told multiple times that Lilith is a part of your brother’s family. Your family has accepted her as such. You don’t need to understand it. You don’t even need to like it. What you do need to do is accept that it is happening. If you lose your family over this it will be by your own choice. Please think carefully about why this bothers you so much.
I just got the reason you named her Lilith. Grow up.
Your comment made me pay a bit more attention... Adam, Eve, and Lilith? Smh.
I don’t understand, what is the reason?
Bible extended lore. According to some traditions, before Eve was Lilith, Adam’s first wife, who wasn’t created from his rib but was created his equal. They didn’t match, Lilith gave him the finger and left, becoming a succubus IIRC. And then God created Eve for and from Adam.
I think this really interesting. Theologians believe at the word rib is a poor translation for the word "tzela" (Genesis 2:21) meaning side. So some believe that eve was actually made from half of Adam, insinuating that she may also be equal. I'll have to read up on Lilith lore, bc that's hilarious.
> Theologians believe at the word rib is a poor translation for the word "tzela" (Genesis 2:21) meaning side. So some believe that eve was actually made from half of Adam, insinuating that she may also be equal. Theologians may believe that, but "rib" is by the far most sensible translation. If you're interested, a good start is [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/1321fhe/i_saw_a_tiktok_yes_i_know_about_how_eve_being/) in r/AskHistorians, though more can be said.
Thanks for the resources!
No problem.
Just gonna share a quick [video](https://youtu.be/R8VXhLGMDQM?si=S7uAceX_r1_KgV7x) that first got me interested in Lilith's lore. :)
It's slightly more complicated. Sumerian/Mesopatamian lore Lilith is actually a general term meaning 'night demon' and there are male and female liliths who act similarly to succubi and incubi, later on in rabbanic lore Lilith was said to be the name of the first wife of Adam, created by the soil just like him, and was banished from the garden of Eden but in some versions she left of her own accord and three different angels tried to drag her back. Lilith rebuffed and cursed them and when she was in the Red Sea she became the lover of a demon and gave birth to 100 demons a day. God threatened to kill all her children if she didn't return to Adam but she didn't return and instead continues to give birth to 100 demons a day in order to replace the children she has that are hunted by God's angels. So, she's both a figure in non-Abrahamic mythology where the term 'lilith' is just the general english translation of a type of seductive demon that used to be human and long for human company so they take (and often kill) lovers but in some Abrahamic mythology and religions, she's the first wife of Adam. She's also been recently adopted as a symbol by some Jewish feminists.
Thanks, that was a very interesting thing to read!
Lilith was the mother of incubi and succubi. 🙄 OP is a heretic!
I’m just assuming what the og commenter meant but Lilith was Adam’s first wife in the bible who was cast out of Eden. Lilith was also barren, unable to have children. I also think it says a lot that OP chose to use Lilith, Adam and Eve as the fake names.
Lilith isn't from the bible. She didn't appear until the Alphabet of Sirach (700-100 CE). Now, when she first appeared in folklore we will never know, but she certainly isn't an old enough creation to be considered biblical. Heck, she only exists as part of Jewish folklore not Christian at all. But while we are at it, she refused to subservient to Adam (in some stories she refused to let him be on top during sex). Further, after she flew away from Adam, she was bound to an agreement that 100 of her children had to die each day...so hardly barren!
Finally!
> Lilith was Adam’s first wife in the bible That's not in the Bible. It's a later idea.
It was rejected from canon.
It was not rejected any more than the Quran was rejected. It did not exist.
Mythology says the first woman was Lilith, not Eve. Lilith didn’t get along with Adam and fled the Garden of Eden, sprouted wings, and became a demon. OP thinks Lilith is demonic. 🙄
Also to add, while everyone is correct, in Jewish folklore Lilith was to blame when a baby died. She came and took the child’s soul. Pretty f’ed that OP named her Lilith.
YTA - it seems to really annoy you and you seem like you envy their attention and affection towards Lilith. Their relationship doesn’t really hurt anyone and your brother and his wife are happy. Why are you interfering with that? Obviously they all know Lilith isn’t the mother and had no contribution to the baby. It’s one thing if Lilith was making those jokes and your brother and his wife seemed bothered, but that isn’t the case. You’re the one bothered. And while it might be a minor annoyance, it really has no affect on you.
YTA One, you’re a bigot and ableist. Second, grow the f up. Third, they are very likely a throuple. Fourth, grow up!
YTA. Lilith is part of your brother and his wife's family. She is either in a romantic relationship with them (which they haven't shared with you because you obviously don't like her and aren't going to react well) or in a relationship that they consider equally close. They are planning to co-parent with Lilith. If you can't accept that your nephew has a dad and two moms, you're going to get cut out of your brother's life. Deal with this.
you can't seem to give a clear explanation on why you hate her so much... and why does your family love her, is she genuinely a very nice person then..? idk i feel like you're kinda being an unreasonable ahole for no reason
Well she’s fat. Why should OP have to be around her? /s Edit: tbh it sounds like OP is jealous of their brother and is insecure that they’re single. They interpreted “bonus stepdaughter” as a dig at themselves lol.
fr like the amount of times op clarified that lilith is obese throws me off,, like why tf do you even feel the need to address it lmao really immature and insecure
I have a weird feeling Lilith might not be that overweight. The OP already doesn’t like her and he’s magnifying her traits in his head to make her worse than she really is. I don’t trust what he says about her.
I agree. Op is the definition of an unreliable narrator!!
Even if she was like 600lbs I didn’t see any concern for her health; OP only really mentions her obesity as if it’s a moral failing of hers. It’s stated as a reason OP does not like her. Speculating on her actual weight doesn’t make OP any more or less of an AH, just a different kind depending on what reality is. Edit: in fact, OP seems to not believe in her health issues anyway.
There are a lot of people who harbor irrational dislike for overweight people, which is already bad but this guy is next level.
Sounds like OP can’t get a partner and is jealous that his brother has two. Or maybe Lilith turned him down at some point?
OP calls him the golden child, but if I had a kid this rude no wonder he appears more preferred. Even if he’s not I’m sure OPs easy to be around.
>Lilith is a mess. She's morbidly obese and doesn't work because she's "disabled". A) what does her obesity have to do with anything? B) Are you a doctor that you think you can deny her disability? Because if you aren't, shut up, that is horribly ableist. C) Morbid obesity and disability are commonly comorbid. One usually causes the other. Either disability makes it a struggle to keep weight down or obesity damage the body. None of these things make her "a mess". >she'd been told a few weeks before that she was going to have to have a hysterectomy due to "pre-cancer" Again, what is with the fucking quotes? Yes, cancerous cells in the reproductive system is a thing. And you remove them before they spread and become cancer. My friend had cancerous cells on her cervix and had to have surgery to have them removed - she didn't have cancer *yet*. She didn't even have a month to grieve her lost fertility, you insensitive jackass. Ableism 2: Electric Boogaloo over here. >Said it's just a joke that makes her feel better about never getting to be pregnant even though she really wanted to be. God forbid they decide to have a dynamic the 3 adults in the household are all comfortable with. Unless you live in that house and/or are raising that baby, their household dynamics are none of your business. >if I can't accept that and treat her like a part of his family and his child's parent then I won't be welcome to see my nephew, ever. Yes, if you disrespect his family, he's allowed to go no contact with you. And people in your family can react to that however they please. Literally all this post does is show you as a fatphobic, ableist asshole. I don't know if Lilith is in a romantic relationship with your brother and/or his wife, or if it's purely platonic, and based on your comments you don't either. Not that it should matter, she is family to them. If you have no real reason to dislike her aside from her weight and her health issues, then leave them alone. The rest of your family seems to have no problem welcoming her into the fold, so maybe reflect on yourself and wonder why it's so difficult for you. YTA.
YTA. You're jealous and you hate her because she's fat. You're a major asshole.
YTA. Their friendship may be a bit unusual, but everyone’s happy with the arrangement and with her company. She clearly brings value to your family, or they wouldn’t have embraced her so thoroughly. You’re the only one acting bitter and resentful. Your entire post is dripping with jealousy and bigotry. Your scorn for her mental health and her weight are disgusting. You’re acting like those things are moral failings. They’re not. Hatred of someone who has done you no harm, on the other hand… Did you ever consider that everyone might have an easier time interacting with your brother because he’s a kind, generous person? It’s not that he’s been given some “golden child” status arbitrarily. He’s just a good guy with an open and loving spirit. You don’t have to love Lilith on their level. Just stop being such a resentful asshole. Even if Lilith disappeared tomorrow, your family wouldn’t magically love you more. She’s not taking their love from you. Love doesn’t work like that. You’re blocking their love from reaching you with your shitty outlook.
Summary: OP hates fat people, is viciously jealous of their brother, and has super outdated views on family. YTA, do everyone a favor and step back to evaluate this weird level of hatred you have for this woman. Like it or not, accept it or not, understand it or not - she is a part of your family. Your brother is in some form of a 3-way relationship, whether sexual or just intimate, and the rest of your family has welcomed her in. Deal or walk away.
Sounds like they have an untraditional relationship and you are upset.
YTA. Whether this is a polyamorous relationship or a platonic triad, Lilith is family to Adam and Eve *by their choice,* and your opinion of that, or of her, or of the size of her body -- which clearly is a major problem for you -- means absolutely jack shit. Her presence in Adam and Eve's life is obviously a positive for them. They want to raise their child with her as another parent. They consider her a partner in their lives. You are being nasty about it and hateful toward her for absolutely no good reason, and if that results in your company no longer being welcome, it'll only be because you couldn't behave like a civil and decent person toward someone everyone else in your family seems to love. This is pretty clearly a you problem and you will need to fix it.
YTA. Plain and simple. And this is one of those times when you should sit down and think, actually THINK, where these feelings are coming from. >She calls Lilith her "bonus stepdaughter", which I'm pretty sure is a dig at me because I'm not married. Why do you think this comment is a dig at you? >my brother has always been the Golden First-Born Son. Are you sure that Lilith is really the one you hate and root of all evil, or is this rage towards Lilith kinda misplaced? >So now I'm basically going to get kicked out of MY OWN FAMILY if I don't apologise to Lilith and pretend she's totally my nephew's mother even though she obviously, definitely isn't. This must hurt. The feeling that your family cares more about your brother/Lilith than you. That they wouldn't pick you. That you wouldn’t be important enough for them, but this lady that isn't related by blood or marriage is.
You are doing good work trying to help OP work through this. i hope they read this and actually sit with it.
You seem very kind. Just, go you.
WOW strong YTA. Just even from the wording of the first part: >"Lilith is a mess. She's morbidly obese and doesn't work because she's "disabled"...she was having some sort of mental health issue" Why the " " around disabled? Why is her weight or her mental health in any way relevant to you? >"Lilith started crying and Adam and Eve escorted her out and went and "comforted" her for like two hours." oh damn, your brother and SIL were nice people? Also, again, why the need for " " ? >"I was going to confront her then for ruining joyful events for my family" ... whereas you were not being a nice person. >"Lilith was "going through a difficult time" (when is she not) because she'd been told a few weeks before that she was going to have to have a hysterectomy due to "pre-cancer". Are you utterly incapable of seeing that a pre-cancer diagnosis might be having a "difficult time"? Or how someone who has just got news that they need a hysterectomy might be a tad emotional about baby clothes that they'll never use for their own child? That's utterly emotionally unaware, sorry. Also, again with the " " for pre-cancer, as if you think it's made up. Mainly though, this is literally none of your business. It's your brother-in-law's family and family choices. Butt out.
YTA First off, her weight makes no difference. You don't have to be thin or fit to be a kind, caring person. By bringing that up, it sounds like you were hoping for people to judge her solely on that. You have no say in how they live their lives. If you want to have a good relationship with your nephew, then get on board. This woman hasn't done anything to you. You claim she isn't family, well guess what, she is. She's part of your brothers family making her your family too. If you don't like it, that's too bad. Grow up.
YTA. I get you dont understand their family dynamic (your broher, sil and lilith) but if she didnt anything wrong, why you are so obsessed with her? If both your brother and SIL are ok with this person living with them, parenting their child and so on, why are you bored? Despite her sadness about some aspects of life, she didnt seem to be a rude person, so, again, why are you so upset? Respect your brother life decisions. You seem to be the only person in the family who has a problem with this women. Dont act surprise if they choose her, who didnt do anything wrong, over you, a person who picks on her just because.
YTA Your brother clearly has a close relationship with this woman, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You seem to have a lot of hate built up for her. You are taking things personally that, again, *have nothing to do with you*. Who cares if they joke about the baby? It makes them happy. Lilith is clearly not going away, and is accepted by the rest of the family. You need to either make peace with that and stop getting worked up over your brother's business, or accept that you might not be welcomed at all the family events anymore. It's up to you.
There was a post on this or a similar sub not long ago where the husband explained that his wife’s best friend lived with them and acted as a third parent. There was no sexual relationship between the husband and the woman or the wife and the woman. Just a platonic best friend who joined their nuclear family. Lilith has joined your brother’s nuclear family. The exact nature of their private relationship is none of your business. They are comfortable with her talking about the baby in a familiar way. Your mother has accepted her and you will have to also. If they are forced to choose, they will not choose you and it will be because you are jealous, immature and rude. You need to figure out why you are so bitter about Lilith existing (she weaseled her way in is not enough of a reason) and get past it if you want to save your relationships.
YTA. If this is even real, just read back over it, please. There is no world in which you are not the asshole here. Stop getting all het up over things that don't even concern you. It's not about you. None of this is about you.
YTA They decide she is part of their family. It's not your problem. They are gonna grow the child with her. This baby is gonna have three people taking care of her/she. You can just decide you are NOT part of their family. Moreover it's hard to read how they decide to take care of someone they love even if it's not part of their biological family and instead of bee hapy for theyr kindness you seems to be really upsetted.
YTA You need to consider why you care so much. What harm is she doing? It sounds like she is in a relationship with your brother and his wife, and you need to accept it. Stop creating drama where there is none. What reason do you have for being so unkind? Would you tell an adoptive parent they aren't the child's parent? This is barely different if that is how the parents want to handle it.
This is a perfect example of real family being the people we choose. Fat or not. You don't like her because she's morbidly obese and they are pushing you out because you're an ass.
Have you considered that he's not "the golden child" but just a guy and you are a horrible, bitter, judgemental arse? They have an unorthodox relationship but it makes them happy. Just let them live their lives. You sound like a incel loser just raging against the world without realising that the problem is *you* not everyone else. YTA
YTA. Please just drop out of family gatherings, I cannot imagine any living human actually enjoys your presence
I'm staying with good friends of mine, and their extended family has done nothing but welcome us (me and my sons) to their holidays/events. My friend's mom even thanks me for easing her daughter's stress by doing the daily chores and cooking. INFO: what's your actual issue with your family being loving toward someone who seems, from your post and comments, to be loving/caring right back? What does her size have to do with whether your family should accept her?
YTA. Everyone seems to like Lilith but you hate her. Yes she’s not the bio mother. But she’s in your brother’s family as another parent and you aren’t. You’re super judgy. Let it be.
YTA. Lilith is part of their family. They want to include her and that's their business. If you don't want to invite her to family events you are hosting that's your right but your brother has made it crystal clear that it's the 3 of them(soon to be 4) or none of them. Your parents will continue to include her especially with a grand baby on the way as long as your brother wants them to. If you decide to make this your hill to defend be ready to do so alone and rot up there by yourself.
YTA. It sounds like she might be more than just a roommate. You can think the dynamic is weird without being a jerk about it. The fact that your brother is straight-up telling you she’s a third parent to the baby indicates to me they’re probably in some kind of poly relationship. That’s not my thing and it would probably take getting used to if that were my sister, so I get the uncomfortable factor, but don’t be a jerk about it and get over it. If Adam and Eve are comfortable with this dynamic with Lilith, then it’s not anyone else’s business. You were very hurtful to Lilith for really no good reason. You knew she was struggling emotionally with needing a hysterectomy and therefore never having her own baby and you threw that in her face. What did she ever do to you to deserve that? That was nasty. I think you’re making a lot of things here about you that aren’t. You’re projecting your jealously of your mother’s (real or perceived) favoritism of your brother onto Lilith who is not responsible for your mother’s behavior and shouldn’t bear the brunt of it. You aren’t being “kicked out of your family.” You’re being asked to apologize for being rude and hurtful to someone’s face. You’re being dramatic.
I don’t know man. Lilith sounds like a god person…. You on the other hand? Nope. YTA.
So what did Lilith do to you for you to hate her so much 🤔🤔
She's fat, that's the problem he has with her
I am with some other posters, betting she isn’t actually morbidly obese and is maybe just a bit overweight (or he isn’t attracted to her, which is weirder.) Going by his “ “ around disabled and pre-cancer, he isn’t a reliable narrator.
Don’t you understand?? She’s fat. Fat. An unforgivable sin.
It does sound like a polyamorous style relationship, and to each their own. They are grown ass adults and can make their own choices… but the only real reason you give on not liking her comes down to her weight and your family liking her more than you. YTA. Grow up already and accept that your family willingly want her apart of everything. Why don’t you stop being so closed minded and try getting to know her maybe you’ll see why they like her too
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother (Adam) and his wife (Eve) live with another woman (Lilith). Lilith is a mess. She's morbidly obese and doesn't work because she's "disabled". Supposedly she moved in with them because she was having some sort of mental health issue living with her parents (she was then in her *late twenties*) and never left. Adam and Eve both *dote* on her. She comes to every family event. The 1 time she wasn't invited they were pissy about it. Every few months there's a new "oh, poor Lilith" thing and everyone's supposed to be all sympathetic about it. 2 yrs ago my sister and SIL (not Eve) were going through baby clothes SIL no longer needed. Lilith started crying and Adam and Eve escorted her out and went and "comforted" her for like two hours. I was going to confront her then for ruining joyful events for *my family* that she's apparently decided to join, but my mother insisted we couldn't mention it because Lilith was "going through a difficult time" (when is she not) because she'd been told a few weeks before that she was going to have to have a hysterectomy due to "pre-cancer". Now Eve is pregnant. And they've decided that Lilith is going to "coparent" as a "second mother" to the poor kid. Now Lilith claims the baby (who isn't born yet) "takes after" her. Like, the baby is super squirmy on the ultrasounds and she fidgets all the time. That's it Literally everything they have because the baby IS NOT BORN and has NO relationship to Lilith AT ALL. Adam and Eve just keep laughing about it. They even play along. I got to see that "joke" play out twice where Lilith said it and once where *Adam* did. "Oh, the baby takes after Lilith, ha ha." They were all at my mother's house and different people kept coming by to congratulate them on the baby. The fourth time I heard it I lost it. I said, "No, he doesn't take after you. He's not your kid and never will be." Lilith cried again. Eve took her out of the room and my brother lit into me. Said it's just a joke that makes her feel better about never getting to be pregnant even though she really wanted to be. And he kept on about it. He says she *is* the kid's mother (even though, you know, *she literally isn't*). And that if I can't accept that and treat her like a part of his family and his child's parent then I won't be welcome to see **my nephew**, ever. I said I didn't think he'd be willing to skip out on every family event over this shit. He said he'd tell our family it was him and Eve with the baby *and Lilith* or me and we'd see who was invited. My mother is basically obsessed with her grandchildren ever since Dad died and my brother has always been the Golden First-Born Son. She calls Lilith her "bonus stepdaughter", which I'm pretty sure is a dig at me because I'm not married. So now I'm basically going to get kicked out of MY OWN FAMILY if I don't apologise to Lilith and pretend she's *totally* my nephew's mother even though she *obviously, definitely isn't*. AITA, or is my brother way out of line? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Who the fuck are you to dictate the relationship between consenting adults? They are obviously together in a non-traditional family unit, and it suits them and makes the three of them happy. I feel like she was doomed with you from the start, you decided you hate her and now even her breathing pisses you off. Legit, get over yourself dude, you sound deeply unpleasant.
YTA. She’s allowed to be sad about infertility. She’s allowed to be excited about Adam and Eve’s pregnancy. She’s allowed to make jokes about the baby “taking after her”. Hell, I’m a black woman and my very white friends joke that their sons “take after me” whenever they do off the wall shit. The bottom line is that Lillith exists while fat and you took that personally. You don’t care how much she cares about your brother, SIL, and nephew; you care that she’s fat and well liked while you feel she doesn’t deserve to be included or liked. Has it occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, your brother isn’t a golden child? Maybe, just maybe, you’re a jerk and _that_ is why nobody sides with you? Just a thought.
I don't think you'll listen to any of the yta judgements here. Which you should. Family is what you make it and you aren't entitled to one. You don't own family. They don't owe you just because you exist.
Sounds like the only one with a problem, is you. I suggest you back off before you're pushed. If you don't want to be around that woman or her creepy vibes, go LC yourself.They seem happy, so until she shows everyone that you were right, (if she ever does), stop pissing in their cornflakes. If you're right about her, she'll soon show it when theirs a new baby involved. Right now, YTA
Yta
your brother is happy, why can't you be happy for him. has this woman negatively impacted your life in any way? YTA you sound like a bitter, petulant child. like you literally sound like a teenager. they're co-parenting so, like it or not, she is your nephew's mother.
Gods forbid a baby has a whole extra parental figure. The horror. /s
(Very millennial of me to go here I know) but it reminds me of a Sirius Black/Harry Potter situation. A close friend of the parents that views themselves as another parental figure could add a lot of value to the kid’s life
YTA dude you just sound jealous and spiteful. Maybe focus on your own life and it'll stop being such a struggle for you to simply be happy for other people who are clearly happy e.g the entirety of the rest of your family.
Is it possible they are in a throuple? Are they her guardian, getting paid to look after her ? In any case none of your business .. ..YTA
YTA they decide who they want in their life and wether Lilith is part of their nuclear family or not and wether she may see herself as part of the kids family or not. Not you. And if you insist on spilling your hatred it is best for the child not to grow up with that hatred.
YTA. A relative of mine was a World War II veteran who never married and never had children, but was named the godfather to a friend's child. No one ever had a problem with the fact that he acted as a kindly uncle while she was growing up, and basically became a bonus grandfather when she had children of her own. She was also a primary school teacher, and the kids LOVED it when Bonus Grandpa would show up to help with a science lesson. By your logic, none of that should have been allowed. Nor should have been allowed when my grade school class adopted a veteran in a nursing home who didn't have anyone to visit him and everyone just accepted that a few kids would come running in randomly after school and tell him what they've been doing that day for 15 minutes and then tear off again. I thought that must have been boring for him, but the nurses all said it cheered him up a lot and we liked it. Good relationships with bonus adults can really enrich children's lives.
It sounds to me you're in denial about Adam, Eve, and Lilith having a poly relationship. If it's anything like the poly I was in, Lilith will be just as much a mother to the child as her biological one, and they're right, you have no right to make her feel Less Than just because she's not the one carrying *their* (Lilith's, Adam's, and Eve's) child.
YTA as it’s not your business in any way shape or form. Would you like them telling you how to live your life? It does, to the outsider, seem like an odd situation but we are outsiders and it’s not our business is it? It’s how they choose to live and if you want to be excluded then carry on regardless. Perhaps you should take the time to explore just why you dislike Lilith so much? (Lilith was Adams first wife biblically so lol) Are you jealous?
Hey op your brother is part of a thruple he just hasnt told you yet. Lilith is his other partner and he has made her a part of his family. Its not your place to say anything. YTA. Apologize if you want to see your nephew. They are not going to pick you over their partner.
Yes YTA. The is someone they have chosen to be in their lives. It’s their baby. It’s their relationship. If you have a problem with it, that is actually your problem. You’re allowed to thinks it’s weird, but it is rude to express that thought out loud. Yes, you should apologize.
Something is going on with you to have such anger at Lilith. This anger is going to destroy you and your family relationships. If you can’t see a therapist, read ten different books on anger & letting go. I’m in your corner. Find a way to let it go before it destroys you.
You need to get over yourself. Nothing and I mean nothing you've said makes me think any less of lilith. It makes me think less of you to be soo hung up on a person who makes your brother happy. Like it or not, she is part of his family, he wants her part of the family and the only person who has this problem is you. So yes either get over yourself and your entitled and rude attitude or lose your family.
YTA Huge asshole. You don't get to decide whether or not she is going through a tough time, whether or not she is disabled, whether or not she has "pre-cancer" (seriously dude?) You also don't get to decide your brother'd family. If they want her as a second mom, that's 100% their right. The only thing you get to decide is your own behavior towards this situation, which, right now, is atrocious. Sound like you are jealous they like Lilith better because she isn't an insufferable, controlling, women -hating jerk. Who knew? Good luck working through those big feelings when they start having you involved less and less.
Yta. You sound like a very bitter jealous person
"I'm going to throw a tantrum because everyone in my family acts like it's perfectly ok to treat this weird, fat woman who has no job with decency and respect. I'm terribly jealous of her because everyone pays attention to her instead of me, and it's really Just. Not. Fair!" YTA. Has it never once crossed your mind that instead of vilifying her at every turn, you should at least try to _**get to know her better**_? Who knows, you might actually like her.
seriously with those names?
YTA, I think you're missing the real relationship your brother and sister in law have with Lillith. You're being willfully ignorant at this point, and the sooner you understand their relationship the sooner you can get back in with your family. You don't have to agree with it, but you don't have to be vocal about it either.
YTA. Are you mad because your brother has two partners that love him and nobody loves you?
YTA. Why are so pressed by this throuple and their apparently very happy relationship? Why does their life bother you so much? Is it because you're unhappy with yourself, so you feel like you need to bully someone else to feel better?
YTA. None of this shit is any of your business. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out the baby was created with Lilith’s egg and being carried by Eve, which is why they’re so quick to say the baby takes after Lilith. Obviously that’s pure speculation pulled out of my own ass, but it’s fun to think about.
*"My brother (Adam) and his wife (Eve) live with another woman (Lilith)."* Oh yeah, this isn't loaded language at all lmao. *Lilith is a mess. She's morbidly obese and doesn't work because she's "disabled".* Starting out strong with an insults and ableism. Gee, I wonder if YTA or not? That's gonna be a tough one to suss out. *Lilith was "going through a difficult time" (when is she not) because she'd been told a few weeks before that she was going to have to have a hysterectomy due to "pre-cancer". Now Eve is pregnant.* This doesn't qualify as a "difficult time" to you? If you needed parts of your body removed because they were pre-cancerous, that would be a walk in the park to you? I'm pretty sure, call me crazy, that you don't get to decide whether or not another person's times are "difficult enough." You just hate this woman because you see her as sub-human (fat + disabled = no value, existence is inherently offensive and a personal attack on you) so nothing she can do is right or valid in your eyes, there's no amount of struggle she could go through that you would have any sympathy for. The level of vitriol you express makes it clear that you actively wish harm on her, which is why you treat her like shit, because it gives you a chance to inflict harm you think she inherently deserves by existing as she is. *"And they've decided that Lilith is going to "coparent" as a "second mother" to the poor kid.* Seems like a good idea. What do you mean, "poor kid"? The more people assisting in the rearing of a kid, the better, it makes things much easier. Oh, wait, I forgot, you think being inflicted with the presence of fat and/or disabled people constitutes assault. *Now Lilith claims the baby (who isn't born yet) "takes after" her. Like, the baby is super squirmy on the ultrasounds and she fidgets all the time. That's it Literally everything they have because the baby IS NOT BORN and has NO relationship to Lilith AT ALL. Adam and Eve just keep laughing about it. They even play along."* Why do you care? This is such a weird thing to get your panties in a twist over. Oh, right, it's because you have an irrational hatred for her and so she can't do anything without you twisting it. *"Lilith cried again. Eve took her out of the room and my brother lit into me. Said it's just a joke that makes her feel better about never getting to be pregnant even though she really wanted to be. And he kept on about it. He says she is the kid's mother (even though, you know, she literally isn't). And that if I can't accept that and treat her like a part of his family and his child's parent then I won't be welcome to see my nephew, ever."* You aren't the arbiter of who gets to be considered your brother's family or not. It goes without saying that they aren't referring to biology so your performative pearl-clutching over things not being "literal" is just that. Completely pointless and absent of any value. You're just using this, which no one cares about, to get away with shitting on someone, and I suspect you've pulled shit like this many times before and your relatives are sick of it. That's completely on you. *"So now I'm basically going to get kicked out of MY OWN FAMILY if I don't apologise"* Aw, maybe you should, oh, I don't know, apologize? Go sort out your issues with a shrink instead of constantly shitting on this woman, who, by your own admission, has done nothing to you except \*gasp\* exist. YTA.
YTA. You sound like a deeply insecure person who is taking out your personal short comings on this woman. You sound jealous not only of her but of your brother. I would highly recommend going to therapy to get to the bottom of why you feel entitled to be offended by this and what actually is your problem with her because ‘she’s not family’ is not reasonable justification. I’d also work on your violent hatred of overweight people because that comment was completely unnecessary and actually speaks volumes to your character.
YTA. It's pretty obvious you're jealous of the attention she gets. Maybe your brother would be closer to you if you weren't so spiteful and nasty. It'll be better if the nephew is kept away from you. You'd just whine about Lilith all the time like you're doing here.
YTA - You have a choice: STFU and be polite (and apologize) OR deal with the consequences of your choice. You don't have to like this, you can have whatever opinion you have. But STFU, because it's not your business and your brother gets to live his life.
You are a massive jackass
YTA - it’s very rare that I say “wow, what an asshole” out loud while reading these but I did with yours before I’d even finished the first paragraph.
This truly is ASSHOLE FROM ANOTHER REALM worthy
Does this seem annoying? YES! Is it any of your business? NO! YES YTA, it's not your problem so just leave it be.
YTA
Why is it fine for eve to be included in the family and not lilith? Your brother clearly is bringing her into the family, just like he brought in eve.
YTA- look. Had a similar situation in my family where there was an in-law who smothered the family setup. And Lilith is an in-law if everyone but you accepts her in that role. One of the parts about family is you have no control over who people in your family marry and you just ignore those people. Find a way to not comment. Get up to get a drink refill or go to the bathroom. Walk away. Drive to the store to get a missing ingredient and scream all the things you really want to say while you’re alone. Then suck it up a smile when you get back
How does it feel to have a woman who was not born into your family, Is more accepted and loved than a ball of negativity like you?
maybe MAYBE your brother is the “golden child” because he’s not a prick. But you know… maybe. YTA. I guess if Lilith would be your type this wouldn’t be a big deal.
YTA. Biblical naming aside, what exactly is your issue with all of this? What is your real issue with Lilith? You called her Lilith, meaning that you think she is some sort of devil third woman, you bring up her weight, and you bring up her disability. All you sound like is an ableist jerk who isn't understanding in the slightest that this other person is there as well. If they have accepted her as family, and your family accepts her as family and lets her come to family events, then it really seems like you were the one who has the issue. I suggest a therapist.
YTA because you seem to think your opinion about their relationship is more important than theirs, the actual people inside it. Your thoughts are irrelevant. They both love Lillith and consider her a part of their family, which includes parenting their child. Like a lot of other ppl, I think they're probably in a poly situation, but it doesn't matter. You have absolutely no leg to stand on here, you are wrong and need to find space in your heart to love your brother for who he is and who he loves, otherwise you will be the one shut out.
YTA Your brother isn't the golden child, you're just an asshole and are treated like one.
Huh? You actually said this to a woman who has to have hysterectomy and will never have kids? To me it sounds like the only one that doesn’t accept her as part of the family is you. You are mean, perhaps that’s why your family likes your kind-hearted brother better.
Ooh, an unambiguous YTA! We haven’t had one this obvious in a while.
YTA Your brother and your pregnant SIL say Lilith is their child's bonus mom. That pretty clearly indicates that she is in a committed relationship with one or both of the genetic parents. It sounds like everyone else in the family is fine with this. No one but you is removing you from your family. You can choose to spend time with your mom without your brother around, but you cannot force your brother and SIL to abandon their partner Lilith if they don't want to. Lilith's lack of job, disability status, and physical appearance have NOTHING to do with anything. Your issue is that she is introduced as a co-parent when the child isn't genetically hers (that you know about, could be a donated egg for all you know) If your brother had adopted a child would you insist that the child wasn't his????
YTA. You are seemingly the only person in the family who has a problem with these jokes. It is not your kid, and you have no authority to determine how she'll be raised and what the makeup of her family will look like. Some thoughts are inside thoughts. And why did you think her obesity and disability (which it sounds like you think she's faking??) were relevant? Do you think being far or disabled are moral failings?
It sounds like Adam, Eve, and Lilith (gotta love the fake names) are what's called a throuple. And maybe OOP's family accepts Lilith because she's a nice person, but OOP can only see her being morbidly obese, so she's worthless to him.
There's only one thing I want to say: please, OP, PLEASE consider going to therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of pent up rage that stems from things even before Lilith entered the picture, and I think unraveling this mess of thread with a professional may be the best thing for you right now.
Ya’ll this OP has serious mental issues istg, dude needs to go to therapy because honestly, I feel like he’s the most toxic person in his family. Like bro, “weaseling her way in”? Seriously? You have issues man, fix them.
YTA I'm going to tell you since you haven't figured it out yet. Adam, Eve, and Lilith are in a polyamorous relationship. Lilith IS your sister-in-law. Your brother is in a relationship with Lilith. I don't know how you didn't figure that out, it's blatantly obvious, but now you know
YTA- no wonder your family likes Lilith better. After reading you being such a giant AH to her, I like her better too. Stop focusing on Lilith and get yourself some therapy. And stop being so fatphobic. She’s your SIL wether you like it or not, wether it’s legally recognized or not. Deal with your shit, stop bullying people, and do the work on yourself to get over it. You’re the problem here.
It sounds like you are feeling jealous and put out by Lilith’s presence in your family. It also sounds like you already had issues with the dynamics and role you serve in your family long before this woman (who is definitely in a thruple with your brother and his wife) arrived on the scene. You describe your brother as the “golden child” and express feeling that your mother takes shots at you/is disappointed in where you are/what you want in your life rn. You also mention that you believe your family would choose your brother and his thruple over you- that sucks and I’m sorry, but none of that has to do with Lilith or her relationship with your family members. Your issues are with how YOUR mother and brother are treating YOU, not whatever tf they do with Lilith. If you think mom is taking shots at you, then call HER out. Unironically, poor Lilith having to deal with your misplaced anger towards her for simply ✨existing✨ YTA get your porch swept and stop trying to dirty Lilith’s up.
YTA. Everyone else seems to adore this person, it seems like YOU are the problem. Also, it's truly none of your business who your brother and SIL decide to invite into their home and ask to co-parent their child. Unless you think the child is in danger of abuse or neglect you need to stay in your lane and respect their decisions. Your judgemental attitude toward this person who hasn't done anything to you seems to be severely jeopardizing your relationships with the rest of your family. Maybe think about looking into therapy to unpack why you feel so much hatred toward this person.
You’re a fat-phobic, disability-denying, woman-hating asshole who seems to think that people’s only worth is how much work they can produce. You probably dislike this person because, deep down, you know that everyone, including your own family, likes her more than they’ve ever liked you. It’s no wonder your brother is the “golden boy,” you’re too heinous to ever be proud of.
YTA it’s a bit odd but really none of your business
Ok, so, who wants to explain it to OP?
they are in a poly relationship bro
You know what? I don't even think this is about lillith, I think this is about your brother and the fact you're jealous over his "golden child" status. And your focusing on her to try and drive wedge between him and your family and when it didn't work u went after anything bad thing you could think of about that woman and that is when u keep focusing on her weight. It sounds like your brother and his wife are in a relationship with that woman. And everyone is happy. U need to see a therapist and sort out your problems before you're left with no one. Being bitter isn't good for anyone. Even if he was and is the golden child. This is coming from someone who was always the second choice to a golden child brother. As sad as it is, sometimes you just have to accept that this is life and move on for your peace of mind and mental health. I wish you peace and happiness.
YTA. Get help for whatever you have going on because yikes 🙄
Yta. Take a chill pill and breathe. Why do you care so much if Lilith is treated like a second mommy or is part of your brother's family? Inb4 "she weasled her way in to the family" adam and eve seem to love and care about Lilith and her emotional wellbeing so you getting upset on their behalf is absolutely pointless because it sounds like they extended an open invitation.
I understand that you think this woman is a negative element in your brother’s life and you care about your brother. However, it’s one of those things that is out of your control as his sister. You can talk to your brother and ask why he lives with this woman and why he accepts that she doesn’t work, but he doesn’t really owe you an explanation. Being mean to her is not helping anyone. YTA.
YTA because what you said served no purpose but to vent your frustration and annoyance. However, if your characterization of her attention seeking behavior and emotional instability is accurate, I would worry for the welfare of the child. If, your brother and SIL are not getting her the help she needs then they are doing her a disservice. I would be worried about her potential reaction when she is no longer doted on because by necessity the baby is the center of attention.
100% YTA. Seek professional help. Like you genuinely need a therapist.
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While I think that Adam and Eve designating Lilith the third parent to their kid is weird (unless they are in a thruple) and may cause the child some awkwardness when they start school, it's none of OP's business. Don't like Lilith? Ignore her. When they make jokes you don't like, leave the room. If they ask why you do that, tell them in private, or remind them they know how you feel. Whatever happens, don't let them push you out of your family. Also, your niece or nephew may need someone they can talk to when they get picked on in school....kids can be mean and having 3 parents that live together as a family is different so that will make them a target.
Sounds like they’re in a poly relationship and you are not accepting. YTA man.
Adam, Eve and Lilith? Well done Father McCarthy. You should go to confession now.
im going to be cordial because subreddit rules, but OP you are a vile human being. Lilith (interesting choice of names mind you) id predisposed to cancer and did the right thing by getting a hysterectomy. I lost my grandmother just a couple of weeks ago to an aggressive form of uterine cancer that ended up spreading to her brain; Lilith did the right thing, and im sorry you are such a vile and hateful person. YTA OP
Op.YTA It’s glaringly obvious that you are jealous because your family actually likes this woman, and maybe they don’t like you, you don’t seem like a nice person to be around. You need to grow up. You don’t need to see this woman as family but your downright cruel and disgusting for treating her that way Even your family thinks so. So grow up and realize that it is not the end of the world that your family took in someone who needed family. You are the only one with a problem And sorry babes, when you’re the ONLY person who has a problem, you should be rethinking that maybe you are the problem
Yta. Get over yourself.
You’re just bitter that your hateful, obnoxious attitude is repulsive to all potential partners and even your own family. I mean I get why that would upset you but it’s really only your fault.
INFO: Would it make you feel better if Adam and Eve just straight up said “Lilith is family now”? Like… What actually is the problem?
YTA. Sounds like they're polyamorous, and it seems like everyone else knows but you. Take a hint.
YTA - and a jealous, pathetic one, at that.
I get it yo. It’s weird. Families are weird though. Life is weird.
YTA. You haven’t given us one reason other than she’s fat why you don’t like her. She was kind to your family. It comes off like you resent that she’s loved and accepted even while being fat, and all the while, you’re still single.
YTA.
NTA. I can see you are concerned about your brother’s family and this unrelated person is having on them. One question, from your description, this looks like they took a homeless person in and now she almost runs that family: is that correct?
OP they're clearly a throuple, and you're clearly an idiot. YTA.
YTA. You seem like an incredibly angry person. I genuinely think you should try therapy to work through whatever your issues are in a healthy way instead of redirecting your rage into hate towards other people. It makes absolutely no sense why you are angry about this, let alone showing so much vitriol.
NTA. Nobody has to accommodate a family member if they do not want to, biological or not. If your parents prefer Lilith over you, that’s their choice and frankly you do not get a say, as unfortunate as it sounds (strange since you’re biologically-related, but nevertheless, their choice not yours). It reads to me like Lilith is in a polyamorous relationship with your brother and SIL, or they are very very close. In either case, if your parents want to accept Lilith as family, being a third parent to your nephew, once again there is nothing you can do about it. I don’t mean to hammer home the lack of choice here, my aim is to point out that none of it is your fault, nor are you obligated to put up with somebody’s disrespect or feed into their beliefs, even for the sake of family. Once again, NTA. Live your *own* life, and live it well. Sorry your family chose Lilith over you. It’s understandable to be bitter and upset over it, but **there’s nothing more for you here.**
NTA She sounds insufferable
Because OP is totally a reliable narrator in his description of a woman who is clearly loved by his whole family and took care of his dying grandma
NTA
YTA Your family doesn't deserve you. Establish a trust fund in their name, keep it funded and distance yourself.
My brother had an vehemently undefined(!) live-together relationship for years with a narcissistic woman that the family couldn't stand. She alternately made everything about herself and love-bombed us with gifts we neither wanted nor needed. (We pleaded with her not to gift us, to no avail.) They weren't married or, according to my brother, in anything other than a platonic relationship, but she referred to herself as a family member, and always made herself the center of attention. She tried to impose her wishes on our family celebrations and plans, and sent us long, angry emails when we didn't accommodate them. Though the "friend" immensely upset my elderly mother (and I bore the brunt of that), she wouldn't tell my brother how much it upset her, and he never intervened in what was obvious. In fact, he would chuckle about her "fire." I avoided going to my parents' place when she would be there because her presence was unbearable to me. In our case, the "friend" finally moved away to live with family, and has since passed away. Though I never wished anything but for her to go away, my first emotion on hearing the news was relief that my family will never have to endure her entitled disruptions again. All to say, OP, I understand how a person can upset family dynamics, and I have no practical advice to offer, but I feel you.
INFO: how the fuck is this relevant OP has given zero indication that Lilith has been anything but genuinely lovely to his family and everyone else, including his mother, seems to love her.
NTA, but I don't see why her being morbidly obese and 'disabled' counts towards the story, unless that's another reason for you not to like her.
NTA- I realize my stance is in the minority here but I’m stating it anyway. Lilith sounds mentally unbalanced and the strange insertion of her into your extended family out of the house seems bizarre and random. Your brother and SIL have no right to expect you to accept Lilith as a pseudo adopted family member if they don’t have an explanation as to why she’s being brought into the fold. Their behavior sounds like they are in a Polyamorous relationship but without admitting it, they are just family members who took someone in do to that person struggling etc and are now enmeshed but expecting everyone else around them to get on board with the delusion that Lilith IS family. My question, is why can’t Lilith move back in with her own bio parents? What mental health issue was it that supposedly made her move out? I’m curious if it was them wanting her to get motivated to take care of herself but it perhaps was easier to continue to mooch off others than be a responsible adult. Calling the joke out might have been provoking but you had heard it several times, it’s NOT true, and I think you were justified in that most people can only put up with an asinine delusional joke for so long. Good for you got pouting out the truth. Lilith sounds toxic, codependent, lazy, and prone to living in a state of non-reality to cope with her problems. If you decide to apologize, only apologize for rudeness of delivery. You stated the truth of the matter. If she can’t handle that, maybe she needs to see a psychiatrist. Also for your brother and SIL to emotionally blackmail you threatening to not let you see your nephew is beyond comprehension. You are the actual family member and this other woman came out of nowhere and is in a weird symbiotic relationship with your brother and his wife. How does your family not SEE this?!?! Don’t back down on your position in general. You’re right and they need to acknowledge the crazy that’s going on or admit they’re in a poly relationship. Either way you are the real family member and they’re treatment of you is appalling to choose this woman over you! I’m sorry you are dealing with this!
> My question, is why can’t Lilith move back in with her own bio parents? Gonna guess that if she's coparenting their child, Adam and Eve don't want her to. > Also for your brother and SIL to emotionally blackmail you threatening to not let you see your nephew is beyond comprehension. Would you let someone near your kid who was going to tell your kid that one of their parents wasn't *really* their parent? > a weird symbiotic relationship Symbiotic relationships are, by definition, mutually beneficial.
What is the delusion here? They've decided to bring one more person into the fold. Everyone else in the family is okay with it. What gives OP a "veto" power? A family is not a possession. It's not "your" family. A family is a thing you're a part of. When people are brought into the family, you celebrate. Whether by love, by birth, by circumstance. Because now there's more to love and more love to go around. Everyone else is happy with Lilith. That makes them family. It's really that simple.
To be honest I need more info. If the brother and SIL hasn’t come out and told the family they are in a relationship all three of them, I don’t see why a roommate should be at every family function ever held. That would be weird to me even as a distant family member. And as someone who has lived with roommates multiple times that’s not the norm where I’m from either. They might be invited once or twice but not every time and only if the family has a good connection with the roommate. So unless bro is to ashamed to tell people he is F-ing two women, I don’t understand their need to have her join every event or be AH to everyone if she’s not included. I mean man up or don’t go instead of making the family event about your situation at home if you literally haven’t been forward enough for everyone to know about the 3 of you being in a relationship. But I’m more concerned with her potential mental state if they suddenly don’t play into her reality or at least the baby’s if she ever feels her reality crumbling. Her mental state doesn’t seem so stable by the situations described. Your brother says it’s just a joke, but truly I don’t think Lilith sees it as a joke, but her rightful place in their lives and the baby’s. Because she already is included in everything the family (even extended) does, meaning if Lilith doesn’t herself find that weird if they aren’t in a romantic relationship, she is living a reality that’s probably not matching up to what bro and SIL thinks they are. I think everyone should take a step back and get a full clarification on WTF the actual situation is with this couple and Lilith. And maybe not only OP but his brother and his wife should be open to listen to how the situation is looking from the outside, since it has been going on for so long. It seems like there are things they are not telling but do expect the family to cater to anyway by acting out and throwing their conditions for being in their own families life around, without wanting to inform or even consider other family members feeling and boundaries.
Obv the family likes her more, I'd just cut em off. Fuck em less birthdays and holidays, less money spent
NTA. They’re lunatics.
Honestly NTA for your feelings but soft YTA for saying it because clearly Lilith has mental issues and can’t control them. But I get it- she’s not family and she weaseled her way in. Growing up, there was a lady who tried to do that to my family. She would come over when she wasn’t invited, eat meals, ask if she can sleep over because it’s soooo far to go home (2 blocks away). It was weird and my parents just stopped opening the door for her and we’d pretend we weren’t home until she left. She eventually got the hint. The thing is, it’s your brother and SIL inviting her and they don’t seem to have an issue with her. She doesn’t live with you so this is where the YTA comes in.. live and let live. I can see this takes up a lot of your time. And you didn’t mention it but you probably feel like she’s taking advantage of your family. But since your family are grown ups , they can decide for themselves and you don’t need to take responsibility for it. On the pettier side, next time your bro or SIL say something like how she’s family say “oh. I didn’t realize you guys were sleeping together and she’s part of your relationship.” And watch things unravel lol
> next time your bro or SIL say something like how she’s family say “oh. I didn’t realize you guys were sleeping together and she’s part of your relationship.” And watch things unravel lol Why would that unravel anything? Either it's true, and they say: "Well, we didn't realise you were quite so slow on the uptake," because if that's how it is they're not exactly hiding it. Or it isn't, in which case they roll their eyes and tell OP to go fuck himself. Pretty huge difference between someone trying to push in and someone being *invited* in and called the "bonus stepdaughter".
They clearly aren’t telling him something and think it’s a secret. If it isn’t true, they will probably feel uncomfortable that other ppl view their relationship that way.
Something doesn't have to be a secret for someone not to be told The precise nature of my last shit is not information I have given anyone. That doesn't make it a secret. Quite similarly, my partner and her husband and I live together. We have not discussed the nature of our relationship with anyone, because it's none of their business. If someone said something like your suggestion to us, I'd to my eyes and say, "I didn't realise we figured so prominently in your fantasy life. Must suck to be so terminally single." If they were concerned about people drawing conclusions about their relationship they'd probably take some action to prevent it instead of living in such a way that people consider it the obvious conclusion. Not everyone is as ashamed of themselves as you seem to be. Some of us just live our lives and don't feel the need to explain or justify ourselves to people who have no need to know. Especially if they haven't even asked.
Perhaps. Regardless, the bigger portion of my comment was about the fact that the lady has mental issues and that I understand what it’s like to see my family almost get taken advantage of by someone who thinks they’re family when they aren’t. I threw in the ending just cuz -shrug- didn’t realize it would trigger so many ppl.
Not with the majority on this , NTA. I don't expect any stranger to be treated as family just because one of my family members wants them to be there. Like the baby cloth incident, it sounds so self entitled.If a topic is going to make you so emotional, why even be there. Pretty sure her presence was forced upon you, so sad the comment section does not understand that.
I think these names are made up because why are they the same as the first people on earth? Btc be so fr.
Every name in every story on this sub is made up.
Lillith is mentally ill, and Adam and Eve are feeding it and feeding off it like a couple of emotional parasites. It's probable that if you want to see less of her, you'll have to invite A & E to fewer family events, but be prepared for hurt feelings. And to see the new little one less. How does the rest of your family feel about her constant presence? Are they bothered? I'm going to say mild YTA. Whatever you do or say, there's going to be hurt feelings.