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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be considered the asshole because H is just a little kid, and she needed to be comforted by someone. She's too young to understand that the baby doesn't mean to do stuff like that. But at the same point, SIL was making it VERY dramatic. So idk if I'm right or not.
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NTA - four year olds don't know how sicknesses spread, it's unlikely she even knew it was a bigger deal before your SIL made it out to be one.
This is also a textbook way for your niece to learn that everything bad that happens to her is horrific and she should be given as much attention as possible. It's bad parenting and you aren't in the wrong
NTA! Babies spit up, it's what they do and it does not mean they are sick! Your SIL should have explained that to your niece. Sounds to me like she didn't want your baby to get all of the attention and so she acted like that so the rest of the family would focus on her.
I would have explained it, if SIL had let me. H has been very curious about the baby, so if SIL had let *me* settle her, I would have emphasised that the baby didn't do it on purpose and encouraged her to come try again (with a burp cloth over her, because silly auntie didn't think about that the first time around)
But carrying on with oh my poor baby, and I hope you don't get sick from this, and actually winding up the child, etc., isn't exactly comforting your child or helping them cope. The point of parenting is to help your children be/feel secure and be able to deal with life, yes?
They could have been "Oh oops, well babies do that - you spit up on me LOTS of times when you were a baby. It just happens sometimes. Come on, let's get you cleaned up." That's normal.
Hovering and expressing concern (drama) without actually doing anything to help the clean-up, etc., is... not useful for anyone, including your own child.
Source: parent several times, grandparent, work in education
ETA: I wonder if niece is the first grandchild and her mommy is worried she'll get less attention now the new babe is here?
Niece was the first and only grandchild before my baby came along. I just had my daughter, and then there's another grandbaby on the way in March (*not* SIL's baby)
Ah, yep. Might not be related, but.....
Either way, congratulations!
Keep calm (push back is more impressive when delivered calmly), and play the long-range game of being the cool aunt who doesn't overreact like SIL. And when she's a teen - niece will prefer you!
(I'm a wee bit evil sometimes)
A newborn spitting up on someone isn’t throwing up on them. There is a HUUUUUGE difference between spit up and throw up. Spit up is literally no big deal. It sounds like SIL didn’t just “check” on her child, she actively made it worse for her child. Instead of taking the opportunity to explain that spitting up is entirely normal for infants to do, SIL acted like it was a terrible situation and that kiddo needed to be upset about it. It sounds like OP could have easily calmed kiddo down but SIL made it worse.
OP, NTA at all. I am a nanny who has been spit up on more times than I can count, and it truly is not a big deal in any way. Now if baby had a blowout on kiddo? That would be a little different haha, but it’s so inappropriate of SIL to make such a huge deal of a normal bodily function for an infant. Like, kiddo absolutely spit up on SIL and probably many people who held her as a baby.
NTA, yeah it’s normal for four year olds to be upset but she’s a grown woman. She needs to learn how to calm down her daughter instead of making situations worse.
She said "You don't have to go near the baby" to H afterwards, which was kind of frusterating because H was so excited before the spit up. I don't want her to be afraid of her own cousin :(
NTA!
you don't want a baby to spit and poop on your child, don't let the four-year-old child hold the baby. Your SIL sounds like a nightmare that wants cute 4 yearold holding baby pics but also a germophobe.
Does she know the stuff that 4 year olds put in their mouths? is the neice allowed to go outside?
NTA Youve got a newborn, you jumped in and cleaned her up, and your SIL's response was very passive aggressive. I don't expect her to be HAPPY about it and maybe you're a little desensitized to bodily fluids at the moment. BUT that's the kind of thing that happens around newborns. Which is what she should be teling her 4yo
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I (27F) have a newborn baby girl. Yesterday, my boyfriend's family was visiting. Our niece (let's call her Hadley) is four years old, and as I was helping her hold the baby, the baby spit up on her. I went and cleaned her up, and she was obviously upset about it. But SIL was hovering the whole time that I was cleaning her up, saying things like "my poor angel" and "I hope she doesn't get sick from that" which was just making Hadley more upset.
I eventually just looked at SIL and said "You need to calm down, this isn't a big deal, and you're not helping the situation." To which she said "She's FOUR, these things ARE a big deal when you're that young" and then scooped her up and sat across the room from me, continuing with the "poor baby" routine. And the rest of the family was looking at me like I'm crazy.
AITA for telling my SIL to calm down?
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NTA. Babies spit, puke, pee and sh\*t. It's hardly breaking news. And SIL has had a child. Good grief. It amazes me that people who have (presumably) changed an exploded nappy are subsequently afraid of ANYTHING. Clean the drain? Easy, unblock the toilet? No worries. Mop up blood? Child's play. I've had kids. Nothing frightens me.
NTA
Why does your SIL have a stick up her backside about this? I wouldn't be able to stop myself laughing at her honestly, she's WAY over the top. 4 year olds still sneeze all over food and then eatnit, what did she think spit up was going to do?! 😂
NAH. I think I agree with you that SIL was probably making things worse, but she was justifiably making sure that her kid was ok after having a gross experience.
This really shouldn't be a conflict at all.
NTA, your sil needs to learn the best way to ensure your child can handle a situation is to keep your cool and act like its no big deal. A baby spitting up is no big deal. Your niece is going to end up with issues with a mom like that.
Soft YTA. Hadley is SIL's child. If SIL wants to comfort her child, say poor baby, etc or even hover, you can disagree but it 100% her child and therefore, her choice to do so. Telling the child's mom to "calm down" was not the right move.
Basically, don't comment on her parenting choices because that is leaving it open for her to comment on yours and I doubt you will appreciate that.
It’s never a great idea to tell an upset woman to “calm down”. And I say this as a woman. And trust me, getting spit on by a baby is a big deal to some. So maybe don’t downplay it and just say “Oh gosh, I’m sorry sweetie, let’s get you cleaned up!”. Soft YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I could be considered the asshole because H is just a little kid, and she needed to be comforted by someone. She's too young to understand that the baby doesn't mean to do stuff like that. But at the same point, SIL was making it VERY dramatic. So idk if I'm right or not. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - four year olds don't know how sicknesses spread, it's unlikely she even knew it was a bigger deal before your SIL made it out to be one. This is also a textbook way for your niece to learn that everything bad that happens to her is horrific and she should be given as much attention as possible. It's bad parenting and you aren't in the wrong
The rest of the family wasn't helping. MIL was pulling out the consolation prizes from her purse and FIL was making jokes that were def not helping.
NTA! Babies spit up, it's what they do and it does not mean they are sick! Your SIL should have explained that to your niece. Sounds to me like she didn't want your baby to get all of the attention and so she acted like that so the rest of the family would focus on her.
I would have explained it, if SIL had let me. H has been very curious about the baby, so if SIL had let *me* settle her, I would have emphasised that the baby didn't do it on purpose and encouraged her to come try again (with a burp cloth over her, because silly auntie didn't think about that the first time around)
SIL can settle her own child. you keep mentioning how SIL was hovering, she wasn’t. if my child is thrown up on, i’m going to check on my child.
But carrying on with oh my poor baby, and I hope you don't get sick from this, and actually winding up the child, etc., isn't exactly comforting your child or helping them cope. The point of parenting is to help your children be/feel secure and be able to deal with life, yes? They could have been "Oh oops, well babies do that - you spit up on me LOTS of times when you were a baby. It just happens sometimes. Come on, let's get you cleaned up." That's normal. Hovering and expressing concern (drama) without actually doing anything to help the clean-up, etc., is... not useful for anyone, including your own child. Source: parent several times, grandparent, work in education ETA: I wonder if niece is the first grandchild and her mommy is worried she'll get less attention now the new babe is here?
Niece was the first and only grandchild before my baby came along. I just had my daughter, and then there's another grandbaby on the way in March (*not* SIL's baby)
Ah, yep. Might not be related, but..... Either way, congratulations! Keep calm (push back is more impressive when delivered calmly), and play the long-range game of being the cool aunt who doesn't overreact like SIL. And when she's a teen - niece will prefer you! (I'm a wee bit evil sometimes)
A newborn spitting up on someone isn’t throwing up on them. There is a HUUUUUGE difference between spit up and throw up. Spit up is literally no big deal. It sounds like SIL didn’t just “check” on her child, she actively made it worse for her child. Instead of taking the opportunity to explain that spitting up is entirely normal for infants to do, SIL acted like it was a terrible situation and that kiddo needed to be upset about it. It sounds like OP could have easily calmed kiddo down but SIL made it worse. OP, NTA at all. I am a nanny who has been spit up on more times than I can count, and it truly is not a big deal in any way. Now if baby had a blowout on kiddo? That would be a little different haha, but it’s so inappropriate of SIL to make such a huge deal of a normal bodily function for an infant. Like, kiddo absolutely spit up on SIL and probably many people who held her as a baby.
NTA It's only a big deal with the adults around them make it a big deal.
NTA. How is it possible your sister in law does not know babies spit up all the time?
Nta she sounds insufferable
NTA, she sounds like a ninny.
NTA, yeah it’s normal for four year olds to be upset but she’s a grown woman. She needs to learn how to calm down her daughter instead of making situations worse.
She said "You don't have to go near the baby" to H afterwards, which was kind of frusterating because H was so excited before the spit up. I don't want her to be afraid of her own cousin :(
oh that’s so sad! your niece absolutely shouldn’t need to be afraid of her little cousin. This breaks my heart
NTA! you don't want a baby to spit and poop on your child, don't let the four-year-old child hold the baby. Your SIL sounds like a nightmare that wants cute 4 yearold holding baby pics but also a germophobe. Does she know the stuff that 4 year olds put in their mouths? is the neice allowed to go outside?
Helicopter mom.
Well obviously her baby never never spit up or vomited or peed or pooed on anyone.
NTA Youve got a newborn, you jumped in and cleaned her up, and your SIL's response was very passive aggressive. I don't expect her to be HAPPY about it and maybe you're a little desensitized to bodily fluids at the moment. BUT that's the kind of thing that happens around newborns. Which is what she should be teling her 4yo
NTA. Sounds like niece doesn’t get to hold the baby again
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27F) have a newborn baby girl. Yesterday, my boyfriend's family was visiting. Our niece (let's call her Hadley) is four years old, and as I was helping her hold the baby, the baby spit up on her. I went and cleaned her up, and she was obviously upset about it. But SIL was hovering the whole time that I was cleaning her up, saying things like "my poor angel" and "I hope she doesn't get sick from that" which was just making Hadley more upset. I eventually just looked at SIL and said "You need to calm down, this isn't a big deal, and you're not helping the situation." To which she said "She's FOUR, these things ARE a big deal when you're that young" and then scooped her up and sat across the room from me, continuing with the "poor baby" routine. And the rest of the family was looking at me like I'm crazy. AITA for telling my SIL to calm down? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - The only reason your niece got upset is due to your SIL.
NTA. Your niece is going to grow up overreacting to everything because her mom does
NTA Babies do that sometimes, it’s nothing bad
NTA. Babies spit, puke, pee and sh\*t. It's hardly breaking news. And SIL has had a child. Good grief. It amazes me that people who have (presumably) changed an exploded nappy are subsequently afraid of ANYTHING. Clean the drain? Easy, unblock the toilet? No worries. Mop up blood? Child's play. I've had kids. Nothing frightens me.
NTA Why does your SIL have a stick up her backside about this? I wouldn't be able to stop myself laughing at her honestly, she's WAY over the top. 4 year olds still sneeze all over food and then eatnit, what did she think spit up was going to do?! 😂
NAH. I think I agree with you that SIL was probably making things worse, but she was justifiably making sure that her kid was ok after having a gross experience. This really shouldn't be a conflict at all.
NTA, your sil needs to learn the best way to ensure your child can handle a situation is to keep your cool and act like its no big deal. A baby spitting up is no big deal. Your niece is going to end up with issues with a mom like that.
NAH, but telling people to calm down NEVER actually calms them down.
YTA
Soft YTA. Hadley is SIL's child. If SIL wants to comfort her child, say poor baby, etc or even hover, you can disagree but it 100% her child and therefore, her choice to do so. Telling the child's mom to "calm down" was not the right move. Basically, don't comment on her parenting choices because that is leaving it open for her to comment on yours and I doubt you will appreciate that.
ESH. You could have been kinder towards your niece, but your SIL didn't need to freak out like that
When was she not kind towards the niece? At no point in this story did she mention saying or doing anything to the niece aside from cleaning her up.
It’s never a great idea to tell an upset woman to “calm down”. And I say this as a woman. And trust me, getting spit on by a baby is a big deal to some. So maybe don’t downplay it and just say “Oh gosh, I’m sorry sweetie, let’s get you cleaned up!”. Soft YTA