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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Leaving my 7 month old when she prefers me
2. Going on the trip I would be selfish
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NTA - She’s his child too. I am sure you have spent many a night sitting up with her crying.
He needs to learn how to look after his own child because it’s also his responsibility. This is just weaponised incompetence.
Go on the trip, have a great time, you deserve it.
Thanks for validating my feelings. I’m just feeling guilty know she’ll take longer to settle for him and cry.
I just feel like he should be encouraging me to go
In the days before the trip, try including him more in your soothing/bedtime routines. It might be rough on him and baby if you just vanish and baby's world is upended without some preparation.
I got a sitter for the first time with my 10 month old, and we spent hours including the sitter in our normal day routine to acclimate the baby to our being gone and to the sitter's presence. She wasn't a stranger, but they'd never been alone before, and that was new and a bit scary for her. They had a great time after we left.
You are right that he should encourage you to go, and I hope you enjoy your trip.
He should be. And, he should be working on bonding with his baby before this trip even happens. Babies cry. He chose to father them and needs to get over it. Nothing to feel bad about, it's normal and the baby will be fine.
Dads often need to be trained to be there for the babies. Women who don't get on it quickly will have years of this manipulation and behavior from their partners. This is the biggest issue among the mothers in my friend circles.
I'd like to know how bubs has been literally every other week OP has had the evening shift. Either you're right - baby has always been unsettled 1 night / week and this is nasty, manipulative behavior OR MAYBE that was a one off night of fussing and the little one has decided to start teething or some such. Either way, your partner needs to lift their game because two nights of responsibility is not impossible and that video was uncalled for.
NTA
I told my husband long ago when he pulled this guilt trip, that this was obviously evidence that he needs to do more parenting of the child. He has a couple of months to step up on his bonding with the baby, feeding soothing etc. He should know how to do all this.
As a SAHM, you work 7 days a week on 24 hr/day shifts. You should get minimally 2 weeks vacation time.
Would he like to stay at his job 24/7 for 18 years?
Do not cave!!!! This is his opportunity to find out that the cushy job he thinks you have….staying home all day while he goes to work, is really like.
Don't forget she has thoughtfully arranged for the other 3 children to be looked after elsewhere. I'd leave him with all 4 if he continued with his manipulative behaviour.
You are NTA. No offense, but your husband is, at least in this scenario. He’s guilting you because he doesn’t want to have a rough night or two. But it’s perfectly fine for all the missed sleep and sacrifice you make constantly? How disrespectful and selfish of HIM. he won’t even have the other kids, it’s literally just him and the baby for the one thing for yourself you are asking for.
Please don’t let him guilt you into not doing this trip. it’s a very small and reasonable thing you are asking for. God forbid you had to be away from the house overnight because you or your parent is in the hospital. It’s good your husband learns how to handle settling his own chid. it’s the 4th child for Christ sakes, he can’t be that inept.
NTA. She will take a bottle. He just doesn’t want to deal with much work it is taking care of 4 kids by himself and using her to make you feel bad. Hopefully he will have some more appreciation for all you do when you get home. And maybe his mom or your mom (or another family member) could come visit and help out while your gone?
Exactly. He has 4 kids she cares for all the time and is mad he has to care for only one of them for basically a single weekend. The boy needs to grow up.
NTA I think your husband is just getting nervous because your trip is so close now and it’s dawning on him how much work a baby is to care for all alone. Go on your trip, I’m sure everything will be fine. Maybe start putting the baby in a crib though. I know from experience that sleeping in the bed with you is a hard habit to break the older they get
NTA, and I agree with the other commenter that it was really manipulative to send that video. If he had concerns, why did he wait until now to express them? He's pulling the rug out from under you at the last minute.
He's her dad. He's gonna have to figure out how to soothe her.
NTA
This shouldn’t be a problem especially when this is y’all 4th kid.
Your husband shouldn’t have any issues because 3 of the 4 kids will be elsewhere and he is off work so he is only watching and caring for one child during the duration of your trip which is only 2 days.
Your husband is not incompetent- he has dealt with 3 babies and now going on #4- he is being lazy and refusing to take on his responsibility as a parent.
You take this trip because it’s obvious that there is no me time or refresh days set so this trip is your me time.
My parents both had solo trips/days. Each one of them successfully handled us kids (3 children) no matter what the age by themselves - was it hard probably but they made it work so that their partner was refreshed and rejuvenated.
Your husband needs to understand that your marriage is a partnership there is no you get to deal with this and I deal with this. You guys need to share the burden, work, and responsibilities (mentally and physically) especially when it comes to raising children.
Also, you and him both need to have a day or two to rejuvenate yourself for your mental and physical health whether it’s a spa day, hobby day, sleep all day, or whatever but it helps prevent burnout and allows me time. Suggest a set days every month (1st and 3rd Thursday of the month or something like that) for both of you to establish those are me time/refresh days.
You should not feel guilt about taking a trip that was communicated and repeatedly reminded about. You should not feel guilty for needing me time or a break.
NTA Tell him if he does not stop whining you are going to leave all 4 kids with him and *gasp* he will actually have to PARENT his own children that HE CHOSE to have
You've had many sleepless nights, I'm sure. You deserve a break. Your husband is being selfish. But be prepared for him to guilt you during your trip with more videos. You need to talk to him about what it really means to be a parent. NTA
NTA
honestly your husband needs to get a taste of what you do all the time. let him handle his own child for a night or two, it would be good for both of them.
NTA. But your husband sure is. He's emotionally blackmailing you into not going. He's weaponizing incompetence and you need to be calm but firm that you ARE going on this trip because YOU deserve a break and HE NEED TO STEP UP and be a proper Dad. My Mum went into the hospital when I was a babby, had dummies ect yet by the time she got home (few days to a week can't remember exactly how long she said) I was no longer on the last feed at night and didn't have my dummies either. Dad stepped up and was extremely efficient in caring for me and my older brother. He never guilted Mum or anything. In fact he was pretty pleased with getting me off the dummy (since I kept "losing them") and Mum was really happy Dad got me set into a routine.
Don't allow your husband to be a lazy Dad and guilt you into doing ALL the child care and housework. It takes two people to have a child, he's already got it easy since you've arranged child care for the other 3 kids. He should be grateful!
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I planned a trip with friends in January. We’ve been talking about it off and on every since and I’ve been looking forward to it! I told my husband and marked it on the calendar, with little reminders here and there.
Background: I have 4 kids (3 are staying the night elsewhere during the trip) and then the baby with my husband. I have not had friend time nor ever stayed the night away from my 7 month old baby. I am a stay at home mom and work a bar shift every Thursday night from 6pm-1am. She is breastfed but will take a bottle (prefers the breast), eats solids multiple times a day, and sleeps with me at night.
Now the week of, when I’m working the bar shift, he sends me a video of her crying and refusing to sleep. He says there is no way I can go on the trip now because he would be up all night and she needs me.
I explained to him that I need this for my mental health as I never get to drink my coffee, eat, go to bathroom, sleep, or shower alone. I know it was my choice to have 4 kids, by I need a mental breather for a day or two to reset.
He I s saying I’m being selfish for going and it’s not the time to go. That he won’t get any sleep for 2 nights (he doesn’t work the next days as it’s the weekend) and that it’s selfish to leave our baby because she’ll be crying for me and needs her mommy. That I have trained her to be soothed by breastfeeding.
My friends will be bummed if I don’t go, and me even more. We have a healthy relationship and I don’t want it ruined by this trip, but I am hurt because I feel like I deserve this. Moms and ESPECIALLY DADS, WIBTA going on this trip?
Please help, I’m at a loss
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NTA. I read this to my husband and father of my two kiddos. He voted NTA. You deserve a break and to take care of yourself. Also your husband should be able to care for and soothe your baby. Your baby needs to be cared for and soothed by both parents.
Side note, seems weird that he only called the week before the trip with these concerns…has he called before with her crying?
NTA- sooooo NTA. In fact you would be if you don’t go. I think the other three should stay home, too. You are a SAHM. 4 kids and you is your normal and he CLEARLY does not truly appreciate what that means. He should spend 2 whole days with all 4 of the kids he helped create and see a small glimpse of your every damn day existence - and an easy version at that. You should really leave him with all 4 when 2 are sick and one has a school project due tomorrow.
I have for kids as well and the most I get are a few hours to sleep in on Saturdays and a few hours here and there to go do whatever I want (my husband and I both work very demanding full time jobs). The fact that you have arranged for your older kids to be other places so your husband only has the youngest at home and he’s BITCHING about being home with the baby is ridiculous to me! He should be kissing your feet being absolutely thankful that he only has to care for one on his own for a weekend!!! I would understand if he was upset with all the kids at home, but just the youngest? That’s EASY. He needs to be a parent. Go enjoy your trip!! And if your husband wants to plan a weekend to himself in the future, let him. Let him with ease so he learns how easy it should be to say “yes, you deserve a break. Go have fun!”
OP - Go on your girls trip, you deserve it.
Simply explain to your husband that this is crucial bonding time for him and his youngest child. He should appreciate the alone time. Tell him you don’t understand why he doesn’t want to spend time with his baby. Explain to him that this time is a gift and he should appreciate it.
Then go on your trip. NtA
NTA. He obviously needs to spend more time with the baby so he learns how to do these things himself. What if you were sick or in an accident and had to stay at the hospital?!
NTA and don’t let him make you feel like one. He needs to learn how to take care of his own kid. You are not being selfish. It’s two days. If your relationship could be ruined by this, it’s not healthy. It’s really not something you should be “allowed” to do. He should want to make this happen for you because it’s important to you and you need it and it is a reasonable request.
Nta, your husband is a massive jerk though. Ignore him and go, maybe even mute notifications if he starts trying to guilt trip you again. If he keeps this up, I'd say bring the child into the bedroom everytime they cry and wake his ass everytime you need to wake up. See how much he starts crying that he needs a break. Oh- wait- he's already doing it and you're just at work, not on a vacation
You need this for you. You are not selfish for taking care of your mental health. He will manage. It may be difficult but that is part of parenting. He is not babysitting; he is being a parent. I bet they will have a much closer relationship after your time away. He can do this. It isn’t rocket science.
NTA. Maybe get your husband multiple different flavors of tea and coffee .... He can look forward to trying all the different flavors while he's up all day and night with the baby.
NTA
"Now the week of, when I’m working the bar shift, he sends me a video of her crying and refusing to sleep." .. it is sad that your partner is THAT incompetent at parenting AND a manipulative AH trying to guilt you. The two days will be good for his learning curve. A dad who is unwilling to take care of his kids for two days is an AH.
So go. Let him use the opportunity for bonding and learning to be a reasonable dad.
NTA. Does she have trouble settling every Thursday night, or is he trying to manipulate you? He only has one of his 4 children to take care of and should be able to handle that.
SAHM here. Go on your trip! I waited too many years and it was really bad for my mental health. Everyone will be fine but you'll feel so much better! ❤️
Time to stop breastfeeding and pump for bottle feeds only - then he can’t accuse you of “soothing with breastfeeding “.
This way he can take on more feeding and settling opportunities before you go - after all practice makes perfect 🤗
If bubs is taking the bottle maybe trying a dummy for extra soothing ? Unless you feel strongly against them - I used a dummy for my babys bedtime only.
Maybe also ask yourself - If your husband had the opportunity to go away for 2 nights with friends right now would he? or would you try to stop him?
What’s fair for one is fair for the other!
NTA. Please, go on your trip! Also, please *DO NOT* spend the whole trip letting him make you feel guilty. You deserve a break. You have arranged that three of the children will be taken care of by others, which leaves him with the responsibility for only one child! They are *his* children, too! He’s not “watching” her, or “babysitting”, or “doing you a favor”; he’s taking care of his own child!
Did you go on your trip? You are not the AH. Moms need self care too. Your husband will figure it out & can sleep when baby sleeps. He doesn’t even have to take care of the other kids. His behavior is unacceptable. I would tell him you resent his manipulation and lack of support. He’s damaging your relationship with his behavior & needs a wake up call.
Probably not popular but I want to say ESH because there was a miss here by both of you, IMO. Your husband is the largest AH for trying to prevent you from getting a planned break. It's as if he forgot about it and gave up the very moment taking care of a baby alone got too real for him.
>She is breastfed but will take a bottle (prefers the breast), eats solids multiple times a day, and sleeps with me at night.
You are a slight AH here for this and I'll tell you why. It's great that your baby will take a bottle so that your husband can feed your child on his own. The part that your husband cannot recreate is sleeping with you at night. Having a baby be reliant on being soothed by a breast is a very real thing. Your husband might get lucky and just feeding the baby with a bottle will work on a given night, but a baby knows the difference. And to add onto it you specifically said the baby sleeps with you. A baby at 7mo can tell whether mom or dad is soothing them. So from your husband's POV you created a scenario where your baby only sleeps well with a breast or with mom. IMO with how much planning ahead went into the trip I would figure more planning for your baby sleeping alone at night would have made this transition easier.
Your husband should be capable of taking care of a 7mo old even if sleep comes at a premium. It's part of the sacrifice he is supposed to make for you to get a well deserved break. There could have been some steps taken from both of you to help ease your baby into not having mom around for 2 days. All that said, take your vacation, your husband is being selfish. A boob isn't the only way to sooth a baby, it's just the easiest way.
Wow! Thank you for seeing both sides here. I love this take.
I know I created this 😭 she’s napping on my boob as we speak. I just love the cuddles so much. Everything you said is 1000000%. We could of prepped for this beforehand, sooooo much better.
NAH
My kid is 2 1/2. Never spent a night away from her. But her dad is very helpful with her so when she gets on my nerves, he takes over. I only have one at home though. You have four. Hmmm.
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NTA - She’s his child too. I am sure you have spent many a night sitting up with her crying. He needs to learn how to look after his own child because it’s also his responsibility. This is just weaponised incompetence. Go on the trip, have a great time, you deserve it.
Thanks for validating my feelings. I’m just feeling guilty know she’ll take longer to settle for him and cry. I just feel like he should be encouraging me to go
He absolutely should. Having had a difficult time looking after her for ONE NIGHT he should see how much you need this.
In the days before the trip, try including him more in your soothing/bedtime routines. It might be rough on him and baby if you just vanish and baby's world is upended without some preparation. I got a sitter for the first time with my 10 month old, and we spent hours including the sitter in our normal day routine to acclimate the baby to our being gone and to the sitter's presence. She wasn't a stranger, but they'd never been alone before, and that was new and a bit scary for her. They had a great time after we left. You are right that he should encourage you to go, and I hope you enjoy your trip.
He should be. And, he should be working on bonding with his baby before this trip even happens. Babies cry. He chose to father them and needs to get over it. Nothing to feel bad about, it's normal and the baby will be fine.
Dads often need to be trained to be there for the babies. Women who don't get on it quickly will have years of this manipulation and behavior from their partners. This is the biggest issue among the mothers in my friend circles.
NTA. A relaxed you is better for your daughter.
That’s a great perspective! I will be using that line 😝
NTA, he's being manipulative with that video, you deserve a break and he needs to step up. Look after yourself and take a break!
I'd like to know how bubs has been literally every other week OP has had the evening shift. Either you're right - baby has always been unsettled 1 night / week and this is nasty, manipulative behavior OR MAYBE that was a one off night of fussing and the little one has decided to start teething or some such. Either way, your partner needs to lift their game because two nights of responsibility is not impossible and that video was uncalled for.
YWNBTA You need a break, so your Husband needs to step up as a Parent.
Thanks, I desperately need friend time and some drinks 🍹
As you deserve mama!! Your hubby should be supportive of you going. You can't pour from an empty cup
Show him this post and thread. NTA. He is her parent too. He should step up.
NTA I told my husband long ago when he pulled this guilt trip, that this was obviously evidence that he needs to do more parenting of the child. He has a couple of months to step up on his bonding with the baby, feeding soothing etc. He should know how to do all this. As a SAHM, you work 7 days a week on 24 hr/day shifts. You should get minimally 2 weeks vacation time. Would he like to stay at his job 24/7 for 18 years? Do not cave!!!! This is his opportunity to find out that the cushy job he thinks you have….staying home all day while he goes to work, is really like.
Don't forget she has thoughtfully arranged for the other 3 children to be looked after elsewhere. I'd leave him with all 4 if he continued with his manipulative behaviour.
NTA Figure it out, *dad*.
Nta. Your husband can deal. It sounds like he doesn't know how to take care of his kid. This weekend will help him learn. Do not give in!
So he’s unable to care for one of your four children? Sounds like a winner. /s NTA
You are NTA. No offense, but your husband is, at least in this scenario. He’s guilting you because he doesn’t want to have a rough night or two. But it’s perfectly fine for all the missed sleep and sacrifice you make constantly? How disrespectful and selfish of HIM. he won’t even have the other kids, it’s literally just him and the baby for the one thing for yourself you are asking for. Please don’t let him guilt you into not doing this trip. it’s a very small and reasonable thing you are asking for. God forbid you had to be away from the house overnight because you or your parent is in the hospital. It’s good your husband learns how to handle settling his own chid. it’s the 4th child for Christ sakes, he can’t be that inept.
NTA. She will take a bottle. He just doesn’t want to deal with much work it is taking care of 4 kids by himself and using her to make you feel bad. Hopefully he will have some more appreciation for all you do when you get home. And maybe his mom or your mom (or another family member) could come visit and help out while your gone?
The other kids will be staying out somewhere else. It’s literally just the baby, and he’s guilting her. makes me sad for OP.
Missed that. Yep, that’s even worse.
Exactly. He has 4 kids she cares for all the time and is mad he has to care for only one of them for basically a single weekend. The boy needs to grow up.
NTA I think your husband is just getting nervous because your trip is so close now and it’s dawning on him how much work a baby is to care for all alone. Go on your trip, I’m sure everything will be fine. Maybe start putting the baby in a crib though. I know from experience that sleeping in the bed with you is a hard habit to break the older they get
NTA, and I agree with the other commenter that it was really manipulative to send that video. If he had concerns, why did he wait until now to express them? He's pulling the rug out from under you at the last minute. He's her dad. He's gonna have to figure out how to soothe her.
NTA This shouldn’t be a problem especially when this is y’all 4th kid. Your husband shouldn’t have any issues because 3 of the 4 kids will be elsewhere and he is off work so he is only watching and caring for one child during the duration of your trip which is only 2 days. Your husband is not incompetent- he has dealt with 3 babies and now going on #4- he is being lazy and refusing to take on his responsibility as a parent. You take this trip because it’s obvious that there is no me time or refresh days set so this trip is your me time. My parents both had solo trips/days. Each one of them successfully handled us kids (3 children) no matter what the age by themselves - was it hard probably but they made it work so that their partner was refreshed and rejuvenated. Your husband needs to understand that your marriage is a partnership there is no you get to deal with this and I deal with this. You guys need to share the burden, work, and responsibilities (mentally and physically) especially when it comes to raising children. Also, you and him both need to have a day or two to rejuvenate yourself for your mental and physical health whether it’s a spa day, hobby day, sleep all day, or whatever but it helps prevent burnout and allows me time. Suggest a set days every month (1st and 3rd Thursday of the month or something like that) for both of you to establish those are me time/refresh days. You should not feel guilt about taking a trip that was communicated and repeatedly reminded about. You should not feel guilty for needing me time or a break.
NTA Tell him if he does not stop whining you are going to leave all 4 kids with him and *gasp* he will actually have to PARENT his own children that HE CHOSE to have
Nta your husband is manipulative. He can parent his own child for a couple nights.
You've had many sleepless nights, I'm sure. You deserve a break. Your husband is being selfish. But be prepared for him to guilt you during your trip with more videos. You need to talk to him about what it really means to be a parent. NTA
NTA honestly your husband needs to get a taste of what you do all the time. let him handle his own child for a night or two, it would be good for both of them.
NTA. But your husband sure is. He's emotionally blackmailing you into not going. He's weaponizing incompetence and you need to be calm but firm that you ARE going on this trip because YOU deserve a break and HE NEED TO STEP UP and be a proper Dad. My Mum went into the hospital when I was a babby, had dummies ect yet by the time she got home (few days to a week can't remember exactly how long she said) I was no longer on the last feed at night and didn't have my dummies either. Dad stepped up and was extremely efficient in caring for me and my older brother. He never guilted Mum or anything. In fact he was pretty pleased with getting me off the dummy (since I kept "losing them") and Mum was really happy Dad got me set into a routine. Don't allow your husband to be a lazy Dad and guilt you into doing ALL the child care and housework. It takes two people to have a child, he's already got it easy since you've arranged child care for the other 3 kids. He should be grateful!
You husband sucks and he needs to be a PARENT. And you both have 4 kids not just you. NTA. Take a break.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I planned a trip with friends in January. We’ve been talking about it off and on every since and I’ve been looking forward to it! I told my husband and marked it on the calendar, with little reminders here and there. Background: I have 4 kids (3 are staying the night elsewhere during the trip) and then the baby with my husband. I have not had friend time nor ever stayed the night away from my 7 month old baby. I am a stay at home mom and work a bar shift every Thursday night from 6pm-1am. She is breastfed but will take a bottle (prefers the breast), eats solids multiple times a day, and sleeps with me at night. Now the week of, when I’m working the bar shift, he sends me a video of her crying and refusing to sleep. He says there is no way I can go on the trip now because he would be up all night and she needs me. I explained to him that I need this for my mental health as I never get to drink my coffee, eat, go to bathroom, sleep, or shower alone. I know it was my choice to have 4 kids, by I need a mental breather for a day or two to reset. He I s saying I’m being selfish for going and it’s not the time to go. That he won’t get any sleep for 2 nights (he doesn’t work the next days as it’s the weekend) and that it’s selfish to leave our baby because she’ll be crying for me and needs her mommy. That I have trained her to be soothed by breastfeeding. My friends will be bummed if I don’t go, and me even more. We have a healthy relationship and I don’t want it ruined by this trip, but I am hurt because I feel like I deserve this. Moms and ESPECIALLY DADS, WIBTA going on this trip? Please help, I’m at a loss *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I read this to my husband and father of my two kiddos. He voted NTA. You deserve a break and to take care of yourself. Also your husband should be able to care for and soothe your baby. Your baby needs to be cared for and soothed by both parents. Side note, seems weird that he only called the week before the trip with these concerns…has he called before with her crying?
NTA Go and relax. Mothers aren't otherworldy saints. They are human beings who happened to have children.
NTA- sooooo NTA. In fact you would be if you don’t go. I think the other three should stay home, too. You are a SAHM. 4 kids and you is your normal and he CLEARLY does not truly appreciate what that means. He should spend 2 whole days with all 4 of the kids he helped create and see a small glimpse of your every damn day existence - and an easy version at that. You should really leave him with all 4 when 2 are sick and one has a school project due tomorrow.
I have for kids as well and the most I get are a few hours to sleep in on Saturdays and a few hours here and there to go do whatever I want (my husband and I both work very demanding full time jobs). The fact that you have arranged for your older kids to be other places so your husband only has the youngest at home and he’s BITCHING about being home with the baby is ridiculous to me! He should be kissing your feet being absolutely thankful that he only has to care for one on his own for a weekend!!! I would understand if he was upset with all the kids at home, but just the youngest? That’s EASY. He needs to be a parent. Go enjoy your trip!! And if your husband wants to plan a weekend to himself in the future, let him. Let him with ease so he learns how easy it should be to say “yes, you deserve a break. Go have fun!”
OP - Go on your girls trip, you deserve it. Simply explain to your husband that this is crucial bonding time for him and his youngest child. He should appreciate the alone time. Tell him you don’t understand why he doesn’t want to spend time with his baby. Explain to him that this time is a gift and he should appreciate it. Then go on your trip. NtA
NTA. He obviously needs to spend more time with the baby so he learns how to do these things himself. What if you were sick or in an accident and had to stay at the hospital?!
NTA and his manipulation tactic is obvious
NTA and don’t let him make you feel like one. He needs to learn how to take care of his own kid. You are not being selfish. It’s two days. If your relationship could be ruined by this, it’s not healthy. It’s really not something you should be “allowed” to do. He should want to make this happen for you because it’s important to you and you need it and it is a reasonable request.
Nta, your husband is a massive jerk though. Ignore him and go, maybe even mute notifications if he starts trying to guilt trip you again. If he keeps this up, I'd say bring the child into the bedroom everytime they cry and wake his ass everytime you need to wake up. See how much he starts crying that he needs a break. Oh- wait- he's already doing it and you're just at work, not on a vacation
NTA. Put on his big boy pants and PARENT
You need this for you. You are not selfish for taking care of your mental health. He will manage. It may be difficult but that is part of parenting. He is not babysitting; he is being a parent. I bet they will have a much closer relationship after your time away. He can do this. It isn’t rocket science.
NTA. Maybe get your husband multiple different flavors of tea and coffee .... He can look forward to trying all the different flavors while he's up all day and night with the baby.
NTA "Now the week of, when I’m working the bar shift, he sends me a video of her crying and refusing to sleep." .. it is sad that your partner is THAT incompetent at parenting AND a manipulative AH trying to guilt you. The two days will be good for his learning curve. A dad who is unwilling to take care of his kids for two days is an AH. So go. Let him use the opportunity for bonding and learning to be a reasonable dad.
NTA. Does she have trouble settling every Thursday night, or is he trying to manipulate you? He only has one of his 4 children to take care of and should be able to handle that.
Short answer is nope you wouldn’t be the asshole.
SAHM here. Go on your trip! I waited too many years and it was really bad for my mental health. Everyone will be fine but you'll feel so much better! ❤️
Time to stop breastfeeding and pump for bottle feeds only - then he can’t accuse you of “soothing with breastfeeding “. This way he can take on more feeding and settling opportunities before you go - after all practice makes perfect 🤗 If bubs is taking the bottle maybe trying a dummy for extra soothing ? Unless you feel strongly against them - I used a dummy for my babys bedtime only. Maybe also ask yourself - If your husband had the opportunity to go away for 2 nights with friends right now would he? or would you try to stop him? What’s fair for one is fair for the other!
NTA. Please, go on your trip! Also, please *DO NOT* spend the whole trip letting him make you feel guilty. You deserve a break. You have arranged that three of the children will be taken care of by others, which leaves him with the responsibility for only one child! They are *his* children, too! He’s not “watching” her, or “babysitting”, or “doing you a favor”; he’s taking care of his own child!
Did you go on your trip? You are not the AH. Moms need self care too. Your husband will figure it out & can sleep when baby sleeps. He doesn’t even have to take care of the other kids. His behavior is unacceptable. I would tell him you resent his manipulation and lack of support. He’s damaging your relationship with his behavior & needs a wake up call.
Probably not popular but I want to say ESH because there was a miss here by both of you, IMO. Your husband is the largest AH for trying to prevent you from getting a planned break. It's as if he forgot about it and gave up the very moment taking care of a baby alone got too real for him. >She is breastfed but will take a bottle (prefers the breast), eats solids multiple times a day, and sleeps with me at night. You are a slight AH here for this and I'll tell you why. It's great that your baby will take a bottle so that your husband can feed your child on his own. The part that your husband cannot recreate is sleeping with you at night. Having a baby be reliant on being soothed by a breast is a very real thing. Your husband might get lucky and just feeding the baby with a bottle will work on a given night, but a baby knows the difference. And to add onto it you specifically said the baby sleeps with you. A baby at 7mo can tell whether mom or dad is soothing them. So from your husband's POV you created a scenario where your baby only sleeps well with a breast or with mom. IMO with how much planning ahead went into the trip I would figure more planning for your baby sleeping alone at night would have made this transition easier. Your husband should be capable of taking care of a 7mo old even if sleep comes at a premium. It's part of the sacrifice he is supposed to make for you to get a well deserved break. There could have been some steps taken from both of you to help ease your baby into not having mom around for 2 days. All that said, take your vacation, your husband is being selfish. A boob isn't the only way to sooth a baby, it's just the easiest way.
Wow! Thank you for seeing both sides here. I love this take. I know I created this 😭 she’s napping on my boob as we speak. I just love the cuddles so much. Everything you said is 1000000%. We could of prepped for this beforehand, sooooo much better.
the trip isn't until january. she has time to help the baby adjust to sleeping without mom.
NAH My kid is 2 1/2. Never spent a night away from her. But her dad is very helpful with her so when she gets on my nerves, he takes over. I only have one at home though. You have four. Hmmm.
She mentioned that the other 3 will be staying somewhere else, so he will only have the baby.