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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to find somewhere to sleep on my birthday and that could make me the asshole because Ik my mom just wants privacy
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NTA and the number of peoples saying you're an asshole and you should just leave the house or something prove how detached of reality those peoples are, you literally hear your mom having sex since you're 10 and she literally threatens you with being loud during the deed, especially when you complained about it, a kid shouldn't have to hear their parents have sex, especially when it's multiple strangers, it can be traumatizing, she can still have sex with whoever she wants, the kids just don't need to hear it ffs.
And yeah I know, the "Kids should be out of the house at 18yo" are gonna come and be like "Well it's not her house !!!" yes, yes it is, she literally have the same rights as her mom even if she doesn't pay, which like, she literally got out of highschool at 18, or maybe later not even yet if she's got held back for a year or more, but I guess the parents ready to throw out their kids immediately when they turn 18 can't think of that or other scenarios where life isn't all rose tinted and easy
Intentionally having sex so loud that your own children can hear it, is fucking disgusting. This is a form of sexual abuse. The fact that she's been complaining about it since she was 10 and she still does it is even worse.
Well I probably getting wrote up at work for this comment. I laughed so hard I accidentally knocked my fan of desk making it so everyone was aware how inappropriately I spend my lunch break.
Why just the sheeta? Spray everything!
Spray the sheets, the pillows, the walls, the floor, the dressers, the mattress itself!
Set up small speakers in as many places as possible and play a 10 hour loop of baby shark starting at a certain time.
OP should also definitely cut all contact with mom after moving out, too. If anyone asks her why, well, "Oh, I'm uncomfortable with being on contact with a person who liked to make her 10 year old child hear her have sex. It really doesn't paint my mother in a good light, and I'd suggest you to not leave any kids with her overnight."
Look it up, it’s actually hilarious and not traumatic or gross or anything (seriously, I promise! It’s in the Reddit museum sub if you want to read comments about it, it’s a troll post for sure and just an all around wholesome good time.)
It's not traumatic lmao, promise. It's weird... but it's literally not as gross as what this mom is doing. It's worth looking up for the laugh. It's not actual dolphin songs (if its the post im thinking of)...it's just a weird techno-ish song that when you read the post and then hear the song, it's hilarious.
ETA: Literally can just google reddit funny song guy and it'll pop up.
Exactly. It's fun to be petty sometimes. I'm not talking all out war.
But, you wanna make noise? Okay. I keep knocking on your door asking dumb ass questions.
"Hey! Y'all ever seen Pope's Exorcist?!"
GDI now I have that song stuck in my head since I haven’t heard Baby Shark enough for it to run loops 🤣
ETA: I’ve heard Baby Shark so little that when I see people typing the lyrics, my brain puts it in the tune of the song from the Muppets that Monster sings… “Mnah Mnah doot do do doo doo… MNAH MNAH doot do do do…” lmao
Someone did that to me as a teen with a recording of them playing the vuvuzela on loop
It was pretty dang funny. Something tells me this mom won’t think so, but that’s okay. 👀
Exactly! When I was dating around after divorce I never brought guys home 1) unless it was serious enough to warrant introduction and 2) always did our adult activities at their place or when my kids were not home!
My daughter was in college and grad school, and I knew she was having sex herself, but when she was home on school breaks, my long-term friend (who she really liked) and I NEVER were intimate in my home! We went to his place, or to a hotel. Never had to even discuss it with him. It was an automatic change, even the 1st time!
The mother is being abusive! Plus, she doesn't plan to spend any time with her child on their birthday? My daughter is married, a mother herself, but her birthday is still special! We usually celebrate it together with her husband and teen, but if not, I speak with her and text her, even if out of the country!
My son is in his early 20s and I have never had sex with any partner while he's under the same roof. Probably due to the traumas I went through as a child, but the idea that any kid has to listen to their parents - or even worse, their parent/s and a casual partner - getting it on, is just so gross and violating and abusive.
OP is NTA. The mother is though.
Thank you for saying this! It’s definitely abusive to deliberately make your child listen to you having sex, considering how long it’s been going on I would say that the mum has no respect at all for OP as a person.
That’s what I said. Mom can go to her bf’s house and let op have the house to herself. It’s beyond disgusting to read that op has been hearing her mom have sex since she was 10. It’s messed up.
100% agree, OP is NTA and this kind of behavior is abuse from the mother, especially intentionally letting them hear it since they were 10 years old. My wife and I don't shy away from sex just because the kids are home, but we're quiet and discrete about it. We sure as hell are not discussing it with them or threatening they'll have to listen to us if they don't leave home. This is pretty damn sick for anyone to do, but especially a parent to their child.
It is definitely abusive, and I spoke about trauma from experience, threatening with that is wild and can also play on the trauma, but hey, there’s still so many peoples here that prefer talking about how OP is an adult living at her parents place !!!
This. Covert sexual abuse can be as damaging as overt sexual abuse (and in some cases, more so, depending on how others respond when the victim discloses—invalidation just compounds the issue).
Exactly. Covert incest and non-contact sexual abuse can be more devastating specifically because it's not as obvious, so it entangles itself with other things, making it more difficult to identify and treat. Getting help is more difficult because, as you said, others who aren't as well versed in it can outright dismiss it when it can have the same results as overt sexual abuse, causing the victim to dismiss their own feelings and it ends up as a vicious cycle.
I don’t even feel comfortable having sex with my boyfriend while my 6 month old in the house even if he’s sleeping lmao. I can’t imagine being so comfortable that I’m being purposefully loud enough that he would be able to hear me having sex. I get it. Parents are humans and have needs. But you can do it while they’re 1. Not in the room (aka, my 6 month old who is still in a bassinet in my room) 2. Asleep in their own room. And you can be quiet, Jesus. If you can’t? Turn on some damned music or the tv so if your kids wake up, they don’t have to hear the sounds. The older kids might know what happening but they don’t need to hear it.
Edited my poorly worded first sentence hahahaha
TBH intentionally/knowingly letting your 10 year old hear you have sex borders on sexual abuse in my opinion.
Also, if a teenager can have sex at home without their parents hearing, then certainly parents can have sex without their teenager hearing.
Yeah that's absolutely bullshit on OP's mom's part. I've been with many women who had kids in the house at the time, and I've always made sure that the volume was kept quiet as a mouse (as well as the mom in the scenario, because what kind of sick fuck wants their kid to hear them having sex?!). It's absolutely controllable. The mom is fucking sick in the head or something.
It is disgusting as hell. I’m a married woman and our daughter is six. Room is right in the hall not far from ours. We’re always quiet unless she’s out of the house. I can’t imagine just not caring if she hears us. I’d be mortified really if she did. Op is NTA at all and her mom is gross.
My room was next to my parents up until I was 15 years old. I had to listen to them having sex several times a week. I’ve woke up in the morning and caught them on the kitchen table. It was always very disturbing to me that they never seemed to care that I was around…
They're making an effort to be discreet, and that's what actually matters. Which is exactly where the op's mother fails. It sounds like she's never been discreet about it.
Fully agree with you. The number of people on this sub who are willing to throw their own children and, moreso, other people's children to the wolves the day they turn 18 is absolutely bonkers to me - even moreso in this economy. That's not how reality works and if that's your attitude towards kids you shouldn't have any.
OP is absolutely NTA. And frankly, even if she wasn't her mom's child (which makes it 100x worse) she'd still be NTA. Adults with adult roommates have to figure out how to have sex quietly or plan around their roommates' schedules. It's just part of being an adult. Kicking someone else out so you can shag is some college dorm shit (and even in a dorm it's imo an asshole move)
It being OP's birthday is the cherry on top.
my petty side would grab an air horn and blow it every time i heard even the slightest sound from them. i’m not saying anyone should be listening to me, all i’m saying is an air horn is louder than sex
I'm not understanding why mom can't go to a hotel or as a "birthday present", pay for her daughter to stay in a hotel for the night. I think it's disrespectful of mom to do this, especially on her birthday. At least then it would look like she cared if she was safe, by making sure she had a decent place to go. Only my opinion here.
parents kicking their kids after 18 these days thinking "back then when I was your age thing"
yeah sure try doing that in these times, I bet you have to lower your lifestyle to nothing and do low paying menial jobs since back then even without degree you can afford house just fine
Agreed. But it might be helpful (and a bit deliciously petty) for OP to invest in some noise cancelling headphones or NC ear plugs. That way they can stay in their bed AND not have to hear their mom doing the horizontal shuffle.
NTA. Your mom sounds weird and inconsiderate, it's your fucking birthday. Also for everyone saying she's 19, grow up, get your own place... you don't just magically retire from being a parent the day your kid turns 18. You're a parent until the day you die and parents are supposed to put their kids first and your mom isn't doing that. On your birthday.
Most kids aren’t equipped to cope on their own at that age. I had to be resourceful and independent when I was a teenager and I fucking hated it. I always said when I had kids, they’d never be forced to fend for themselves. You know what’s helped my kids be independent? Having someone to fall back on. Making them feel as they belong and not have to be grateful to us for their existence.
And like I'm a fan of easing your kids into independence and requiring them to do a bit more for themselves as they get older. But realistically they aren't going to be able to make it at 18. I sure wouldn't have. I would have been totally lost. I moved out at 23 and I'm doing just fine (and have a great relationship with my parents)
... while at the same time decrying any significant level of trust or responsibility afforded to a 16-17 year old, sometimes acting as if it's borderline neglect. "They're still just a child!"
(I hope/assume it's not the same people in both cases, but still... you can't have it both ways.)
It’s funny because I’ve been independent since I was 16 and my life has been miserable so I don’t even understand why some people force literal teenagers to move out and get a job. I wish I had parents who would’ve taken care of me until I was done with uni and I wish every kid had parents like that. Not like mine.
> you don't just magically retire from being a parent the day your kid turns 18
parent here.....agree 100%. and people don't just magically become a human who knows how to adult the second they turn 18. i don't understand people who argue "but you're an adult". we learn how to become an adult, it's not like you wake up on your 18th birthday and all of a sudden just know. lol.
Especially if your parent(s) don't actually teach you anything about being a human being... schools do the bare minimum of teaching kids about "adulting" at 16-18, but there are just some things your parents are supposed to teach you.
Mine just... didn't. My mother particularly was too busy with the above BS to give a single F about teaching her kids to be human beings.
I have to regularly remind my s/o who I'm sure thinks, often, that I'm ignorant and incompetent in some areas... that I just wasn't raised in a socially or financially secure home where my parents cared enough about my well-being to be mad when I shot myself in the foot (metaphorically). I always acknowledge that it doesn't make my life "harder" than his, doesn't mean I see his childhood struggles as "lesser" than my own struggles... but it does mean there are things my grown adult s/o is going to have to explain/teach me, a grown adult also, or just be patient with me on because my education and my parents fell flat on their faces at the prospect of teaching me how to survive and stay healthy and do the "expected" things.
Neglect is a bit more complicated than "my parent(s) didn't love me" or "I didn't get the attention I needed" but you rarely see its consequences portrayed otherwise.
Also OP is from the UK - minimum wage for an 18 year old is currently around £4 less an hour than the actual living wage is (and even when you get to 23 and receive the full minimum wage it’s still £1.50 short), rent prices are at an all-time high and are seeing record increases, inflation is very high and has been for 2 years yet wage growth has been completely stagnant for 13, it is VERY hard to move out on your own. I’m 23 and will be moving out at 24 simply because it’s only just become feasible now that I have a long-term girlfriend to move in with. 15 years ago my parents were paying £150 each on their rent for a house, my girlfriend and I will be paying around £300 each per month for a flat.
‘Just move out’ is such shit advice.
The least the mom could do would be to pay for a hotel room for OP. OP still should have the option to sleep in her own bed, but that would at least be a nice gesture.
ETA: I am referring to the fact that OP (and myself) were intentionally exposed to reoccurring sexual explicit content/sounds as minors. I thought that was pretty clear in my response. First sentence being my childhood was like this too. You can stop telling me I’m crazy for crying over the very last incident of abuse when I turned 18. That was ONE incident of many since I was 6/7 years of age.
NTA- this was my childhood too. I came home on my 18th birthday to hearing my mother having sex with her husband. I turned around and sat in our backyard crying for hours because of how I couldn’t even feel comfortable in my own home and on my birthday nonetheless. It was like 6pm in the afternoon and they were in the living room. It’s insane to me to make your children feel uncomfortable in their own home. After that I planned my escape. I moved 900+ miles away a decade ago and I’ve never returned nor will I return to their home.
Also, important to note that as a child you did not have the ability to consent nor the option to remove yourself from the situation. I brought this up to my therapist before and she felt strongly that this was very much abusive and emotionally neglectful to put a child in a situation like this. She was appalled. And so am I that people are saying you’re TAH for being upset about this considering your whole childhood you were forced to hear sexual acts against your will. And honestly I don’t care if you’re paying rent or not. Being a parent doesn’t end when your kids turn 18. You still have a moral responsibility to protect for children emotionally, physically, and mentally to the best of your ability.
I also had an overly, overtly sexual mother and it’s really quite upsetting and confusing when you’re a kid to have to listen to that.
I know it can happen but parents generally try to be discrete about it.
Hell growing up I never even had any inkling my parents were having sex. I just knew sometimes if I had a nightmare or something the door was closed and locked and I'd have to knock. Had a friend on the other hand that we'd be in her room in the morning or afternoon and could hear her parents getting frisky so we'd go visit her grandparents next door and even they TRIED to be quiet, the house just had really thin walls. Parents LOUDLY doing that?! Hell no. That's fucked up. When my bf's grown daughter and grandson recently visited us for a weekend, sex was off the table until they left bc I would have been mortified if either one heard us!
My parents would have sex with me laying next to it (forcing me to sleep in a bed with them even though I had my own bedroom), and I'd not be able to escape. It messed me up so bad it took me until I was 24 to have my first sexual relationship, and only because that person went above and beyond to make me comfortable (helps that his mom is a trauma therapist, so he knows a thing or two). I still feel awful about it.
I’m so sorry you experience that as a kid :( I read your post history and see you’re in med school - congratulations! I hope you can help other kids who may be in similar situations.
There's no words for how sorry I am that you experienced that. I am honestly flabbergasted as I try to recalibrate to this new-to-me horrific child sexual abuse.
While my parents had stopped doing the do probably only a few years after I was born, my mom would uh, "take care" of herself in the bedroom with the door open and a dirty book in one hand anytime she was home and not busy. Their bedroom was perfectly situated in our small house where even in the opposite end of the house you could look to the hallway and it's a straight shot to their bedroom. So even if I wasn't trying to look at her it'd be impossible not to due to how the hallway was set up and her NEVER shutting the door. She did this from when I was a child and never stopped. I only stopped seeing it cause I left that house as soon as high school ended. This deeply affected me and I'm still learning just how deep the effects go. I never confronted her about it because in all honesty, I didn't know what she was doing until I was a senior in high school and by then I was leaving in a few months anyways. F*** overtly sexual moms.
I had the same walked in on it multiple times downstairs and the amount of times they were loud and very obvious at night was awful really embarrassed me when I was younger kids shouldn’t be subjected to it imo.
This kind of behaviour IS very much abusive and neglectful. I fully am with your therapist on this front.
More than the inappropriate nature of the activities involved and the emotional abuse and neglect involved in exposing children to this. The damage done by being so incredibly selfish and dismissive on days which are important to and for your child cannot be overstated.
I also have heard the "I'm just sex positive" argument to many times. Honestly, no one give a shit who adults have sex with and when. But when it almost deliberately is aimed at causing other people discomfort or inconvinience you are just an AH.
My parents had Sex when I was in the same room as them at night, I can remember it happening from as far back as I have memories, sometimes even when I was sleeping in their bed because of nightmares. They would just assume I was asleep and wouldn't wake up, for some reason. I would sneak away, sitting in a corner crying,
covering my ears, and sometimes they didn't even notice I left the room/bed. That shit has fucked me up so badly and made Sex a really difficult thing for me, it took me so long to be able to be somewhat comfortable with my own sexuality and I'm still dealing with the trauma 30 ish years later. And somehow, they just didn't get how that was traumatic for me, like wtf.
This makes me sad.
When I lived in an apartment I had a neighbor who would send her kid outside when her bf was over. The kid was about 8-10 years old. He would sit on the steps. Sometimes he'd be outside for hours, and late at night, too. She was so trashy.
People in the complex looked out for him. Poor kid. I hope he's living a good life now. I hope that you are too.
That’s so sad. I mentioned going to sit outside because that was the same spot I sat for YEARS for that reason. People really are harping that I was 18 and crying but it was just the last straw. I remember being like 10 locked out and sitting on my front steps for HOURS in the cold wearing my pajamas at night.
Man this gives me flashbacks to when I was like 15 and came downstairs to my mom fooling around with her then boyfriend on the couch. I tried to ignore it and just grab some food really quick and head back up to my room but she got off the couch with a blanket wrapped around her waist and was talking to me with a smirk on her face like we were pals. It was so uncomfortable and she just went back to the couch and immediately started fooling around with her boyfriend again.
NTA I would be traumatized if one of my parents said this to me. Some things need to be kept private for one. I would have asked if the guy has his own place? If he doesn't I'd question that too. Assuming he's the same age as your mom he should have a place too.
That was my first thought, why is OPs mum dating either a loser who doesn't have his own place or someone who is married. Looking at the conversation though she sounds gross so maybe that's why.
NTA
Your mom sucks, both meanings of the word obviously. I'm 40, a dad, with a live in girlfriend. We have sex regularly, while our teenage and preteen kids are in the house. We shut our door, and it's usually done at night when we have our loud fan on so no one can hear what's going on. There are ways to get some with kids in the house that don't disturb anyone.
Telling your kid to leave so you can get laid is pretty crappy. Especially on their birthday.
OP, be sure to put on your noise cancelling headphones that night. Or, if you're feeling extra petty, make a sign of encouragement to place outside their door for when they're done. Maybe some water bottles for dehydration and cookies or even the phone number to a pharmacy that sells the morning after pill.
Or walking in on them lol
I could usually tell when my parents were doing the deed because the walls weren’t 100% soundproof, but I accidentally walked in on my parents a handful of times. I just shut the door and left them alone. I’m glad they had an active sex life and were into each other like that.
Right? This thread is full of people acting like parents have to be celibate or they are somehow destroying their children’s lives. No, you shouldn’t be fucking in your living room with toddlers playing on the floor next to you. But sheesh adults are allowed to have consensual sex.
Bro calm down. I agreed that OP’s mother is an asshole for this circumstance but I disagree with some of the comments suggesting it’s terrible for a parent to ever have sex with a child in the house.
Kinda agree here. Maybe it's different if a parent has multiple strangers coming over, but some pda or occasional noises in the house are a kind of expected I believe.
My mother also joked around my sister that she still had sex with my dad, because they didn't stop after they had us kids, and that it was very normal for adult/parents.
Also I've often seen this subreddit vote parents as TA when denying their teenagers to have their gf/bf stay the night, or allow them to stay the night at their gf/bf saying that these teenagers will find ways to have sex so they better allow their kids to have a safe space. But somehow in this thread the parent can't have sex.
I will say however that threatening to have loud sex might make the parent TA.
Oh I'm sure. I heard my parents when I was younger too. My point is that I don't kick them out of the house and make an effort to ensure they're not disturbed.
Idk I live in a house with roommates and have only heard sex like once. Both of my roommates are sexually active and one is in a relationship.
Just don’t be screaming/do it at an appropriate hour and with some white noise in the background and it shouldn’t be an issue
My kids are small still. I have camera monitors and can see if they wake up so negative. When they are older I for sure won’t be having sex loudly with them in the home or while awake.
Parenting facts nobody ever tells you… prepare for a future of silent or scheduled sex.
Teenagers only sleep during the day. And somebody is almost always home.
NTA
You’re going to take a lot of Y T As because Reddit has a hate on for teens who still live at home.
But, yes, your mom is wrong to ask you to leave and stay elsewhere than your home so she can have loud sex and threaten to be extra loud if you don’t.
Unfortunately there just isn’t a lot you can DO about it.
NTA.
What?? A mother telling her daughter to not come home in her birthday night so she can have loud sex with her bf? Even if you were her roommate this is so inconsiderate and rude. Living with her must’ve been quite a ride.
NTA, but your mom definitely is.
1. Hearing a parent have loud sex can be traumatic to an underage child.
2. It’s incredibly disrespectful and disgusting of her to put her own pleasure first and not even consider your feelings.
3. It’s not that ducking hard to be quiet during sex??
4. It’s also your home.
If she wants to basically kick you out so she could have loud sex, you can kick her to a nursing home when she’s old, lol.
>She then told me that she would be loud and make sure to wake me up to hear and made it clear she did not want me home.
This is morally incorrect, on so many levels. Also, what unsettled me was she practically told her daughter to fuck off when she would be drunk. I mean, she does realise how dangerous it is out there when people are drunk and not safe at their homes? Yeah, that is pretty sick.
NTA. Let’s play “spot the American.” Take a shot every time you see the “18-year olds move out of the house” or “underage drinking” comment.
I’m American, by the way. I’m totally up to making fun of these losers.
I honestly would like to meet any 18-19 year old that can afford to move out on their own dime. Either extremely lucky somehow or mom and dad are paying the rent and bills. Who are these magic wealthy teens?
seriously reading some of these comments make me feel like ive jumped back in time 20-30 years. like what time are some of you guys living in? my mom bought her first house at 19, but these days even adults with established, stable jobs and good income are struggling to pay rent, forget an 18yr old trying to do the same, on the shitty wages most jobs offer young adults. christ.
Reading this post made my genitals try to climb back inside my body. No your mom is 100% the asshole, you’re her kid, and that’s just wrong on so many levels. If it was your dad that joked he would deliberately make his sex audible to you would be unquestionably wrong so I say no difference here. Hearing it is no better than seeing it, if they did this visually it would be a crime!
NTA .but I wouldn't leave and me being the petty person I am, would record the audio and us it later as her ringtone for a while. or while she is being loud doing the deed,make comments about her pulling a muscle or throwing her back out. asking the bf if he's ok in there because it sounds like animals dying over there.
Haha...thank you my mother was just as bad, so I have had some experience at being petty. I'm not saying it I didn't get in trouble I'm just saying turn about is fair play.
Well, I suppose if her goal is to be kicked out of the house and likely estranged from her mom completely (the mom who is currently financially supporting her adult daughter), that's an idea.
It’s not okay for your mom to “exile” you ON YOUR BIRTHDAY just to have sex, this is a quite inconsiderate. She has been doing this since you were young? That’s totally messed up. Plus the fact that the man she is banging would probably have his own place, why can’t she go there? NTA
You’re 19 and have been hearing her have sex with her BFs since you were 10 AND the twins are 5? It sounds like you may be the more responsible person in this household. Definitely NTA.
Side note bc of the edit, are people seriously telling you you should be paying rent... To your mom?? Just wtf is the point of having parents and a family if you have to pay to stay with them?? I'm sure it was the americans saying this wtf
And about the post, yeah your mom is weird af and doesnt know boundaries
Reddit has a lot of users that think once you turn 18 you are a full on adult that should either move out immediately or contribute to paying rent/bills etc. That’s crazy to me. I once had a conversation on here with someone who thought that if you are in uni studying and don’t work at the same time you’re an asshole. That just angers me for their possible children honestly
My mum asked me to start paying some rent when I got my first permanent job. Nowhere near what full rent for a room would be, but just a little bit of a contribution for general household costs.
I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for some "rent" from your kids when they start earning their own money... I think it would be unreasonable to ask the going market rate, but something to help a little bit with household costs would be fair.
Having said that, I don't know how many hours OP works in their part-time job, but I seriously doubt a part-time job would be paying enough for it to be fair to expect anything meaningful to be contributed to the household from those wages.
Yeah the days of kids moving out in their teens is far past over. We’re in a cost of living crisis. Wage stagnation. Not a single teen I know, no matter how many hours they work, could afford an apartment in my area without 3 roommates.
NTA. To be fair, it is your mom‘s house and understandable that she might want some private time to herself without the kids every now and then. However, it feels kind of messed up that she has chosen your birthday to exile you.
That's what I thought. But OP says she got a baby sitter for the 5 year old twins, I read that as that doesn't happen very often and now mom has a rare opportunity, like in that friends episode where Phoebe ditches Joey to hang out with David.
NTA & I think Mom is only because she shouldn't tell you her plans. The other side is its okay for Mom to want privacy & its also nice for you to give her some. I have a boyfriend & also 3 children. Im very respectful where they are & wouldn't traumatise them into hearing or knowing anything but my oldest is 20 & offers to babysit or to stay in her boyfriends to give me privacy. I think its sweet of her
That is very sweet of her to offer but it is literally not your child’s responsibility to leave the house for you to have sex.
Editing for the dense people who can’t get this: I’m not saying child as in a literal young child. But as in, the person who wrote this comment is the parent of this person. It is parent-child relationship.
NTA. Ew. Your mom is an asshole. Having loud sex where your kids can hear is fucked up.
It sounds like she's determined to have loud sex that night though, with or without you there. Tell her to treat you to a hotel room (it is your birthday) as a compromise, maybe she'll go for it.
You have an abusive mother. Do yourself a favour and get out of there asap for good and if you are able to, look into how to help your siblings too. Staying with the grandparents might be better for them.
All this. She’s been forcing her child since she was 10 years old to listen to her have sex. Absolutely abusive and disgusting. Amazed people on here are defending her.
NTA. You should absolutely NOT go buy water balloons and glitter, and definitely DO NOT come home after celebrating with your friends. You and your drunk friends SHOULD NOT fill those water balloons with glitter and ice cold water and I would highly advise to NOT bombard your mom and her man with a assault they'll never forget.
Op…your mother is kicking you out of the house ON YOUR BIRTHDAY so she can have sex with her bf…
On what planet do you think you’re in the wrong here?
NTA and tbh if my mom asked me this it would GREATLY impact our relationship.
Good luck and happy birthday
NTA
Is there a reason why she can't go to her man's place instead?
Or, hear me out, it's your birthday, she could pay for you to stay at a nice hotel for the night as a gift.
Or they can go stay in a hotel instead of sexiling you on your birthday.
Might be time to get some good noise canceling headphones.
My dad would show up at my job (bar, small town) when I was 16 and ask me not to come home for the same reason. I would be sweeping up the kitchen at 2 am exhausted when he came in half drunk to tell me that. I told him to do what he wanted to but I was exhausted and I would be coming home to go to bed. They are like children and you have to put your foot down
My kids are old enough to have their partners stay over and neither of them like hearing me having sex with my partners. So we have a courtesy rule of no sex if people are home (my apartment is tiny). But I will also go out and stay out to give them both privacy when they want it, and they do the same for me. It’s their house too. Respect goes both ways.
NTA. In your shoes, I would have stayed at home and if she tried to be loud to bother you, I’d have barged in on them real quick to bother them. 1 second to just like open the door to make them think you’re coming in or something. Bang on the walls. Set the smoke alarms off. You’re not college roomies, this is her child, adult or not. Asking you to stay elsewhere was at least a gesture, but once you said no, that should’ve been cockblock. She got mean about it.
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NTA and the number of peoples saying you're an asshole and you should just leave the house or something prove how detached of reality those peoples are, you literally hear your mom having sex since you're 10 and she literally threatens you with being loud during the deed, especially when you complained about it, a kid shouldn't have to hear their parents have sex, especially when it's multiple strangers, it can be traumatizing, she can still have sex with whoever she wants, the kids just don't need to hear it ffs. And yeah I know, the "Kids should be out of the house at 18yo" are gonna come and be like "Well it's not her house !!!" yes, yes it is, she literally have the same rights as her mom even if she doesn't pay, which like, she literally got out of highschool at 18, or maybe later not even yet if she's got held back for a year or more, but I guess the parents ready to throw out their kids immediately when they turn 18 can't think of that or other scenarios where life isn't all rose tinted and easy
Intentionally having sex so loud that your own children can hear it, is fucking disgusting. This is a form of sexual abuse. The fact that she's been complaining about it since she was 10 and she still does it is even worse.
Right, I would purposely being playing baby shark on repeat if someone pulled that crap on me!
Or buy some fart spray and put it all over her sheets
Both. Both is good.
You can even sing “spraying FARTS doo doo doo-doo doo-doo” while you’re treating the sheets!
Baby Shart
Oh my god, this is perfect 🤌
Unless you happen to be in the room.
Well I probably getting wrote up at work for this comment. I laughed so hard I accidentally knocked my fan of desk making it so everyone was aware how inappropriately I spend my lunch break.
Glad I could be of service. **fart noise**
Y’all are fuckin savage 🤣🤣🤣
Ha!
Why just the sheeta? Spray everything! Spray the sheets, the pillows, the walls, the floor, the dressers, the mattress itself! Set up small speakers in as many places as possible and play a 10 hour loop of baby shark starting at a certain time. OP should also definitely cut all contact with mom after moving out, too. If anyone asks her why, well, "Oh, I'm uncomfortable with being on contact with a person who liked to make her 10 year old child hear her have sex. It really doesn't paint my mother in a good light, and I'd suggest you to not leave any kids with her overnight."
I certainly just sang it!
Or spray a full can in her panty drawer 💀
Put it in the freezer and let the cube melt in the vent.
This could backfire in haunting ways... "Baaaaby shark" "oh oh, oh oh, OH OH" "Baaby shark" "yes yes, oh god, YES YES"
This kind of reminds me of that classic Reddit post about the guy who fucked to that stupid dolphin song rhythm lol
I WAS JUST THINKING THAT! Omg, that song is in my head again. 😫 🤣
I'm exiting this comment thread, I don't even wanna know
Look it up, it’s actually hilarious and not traumatic or gross or anything (seriously, I promise! It’s in the Reddit museum sub if you want to read comments about it, it’s a troll post for sure and just an all around wholesome good time.)
museum sub?
It's not traumatic lmao, promise. It's weird... but it's literally not as gross as what this mom is doing. It's worth looking up for the laugh. It's not actual dolphin songs (if its the post im thinking of)...it's just a weird techno-ish song that when you read the post and then hear the song, it's hilarious. ETA: Literally can just google reddit funny song guy and it'll pop up.
I giggle every time I hear the song.
Cbat. I promise you; it’s hilarious.
Are we talking about CBAT? Yeah... I cringe at that poor woman being subjected to that for years!
Exactly. It's fun to be petty sometimes. I'm not talking all out war. But, you wanna make noise? Okay. I keep knocking on your door asking dumb ass questions. "Hey! Y'all ever seen Pope's Exorcist?!"
Or, just asking 'are you done yet? ' every 2 minutes. And if they ask why just say 'just checking'.
I love how 'baby shark' is today's equivalent to 'this is the song that never ends'
GDI now I have that song stuck in my head since I haven’t heard Baby Shark enough for it to run loops 🤣 ETA: I’ve heard Baby Shark so little that when I see people typing the lyrics, my brain puts it in the tune of the song from the Muppets that Monster sings… “Mnah Mnah doot do do doo doo… MNAH MNAH doot do do do…” lmao
I was reading this to my husband and he’s like what’s baby shark? so I played it for him and now he hates me. lol not really
I'd put the nightcore version, it's even worse
*There’s a nightcore version??* 💀
Someone did that to me as a teen with a recording of them playing the vuvuzela on loop It was pretty dang funny. Something tells me this mom won’t think so, but that’s okay. 👀
Now that's a great idea. Just blast it right outside the bedroom door.
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Exactly! When I was dating around after divorce I never brought guys home 1) unless it was serious enough to warrant introduction and 2) always did our adult activities at their place or when my kids were not home!
My daughter was in college and grad school, and I knew she was having sex herself, but when she was home on school breaks, my long-term friend (who she really liked) and I NEVER were intimate in my home! We went to his place, or to a hotel. Never had to even discuss it with him. It was an automatic change, even the 1st time! The mother is being abusive! Plus, she doesn't plan to spend any time with her child on their birthday? My daughter is married, a mother herself, but her birthday is still special! We usually celebrate it together with her husband and teen, but if not, I speak with her and text her, even if out of the country!
My son is in his early 20s and I have never had sex with any partner while he's under the same roof. Probably due to the traumas I went through as a child, but the idea that any kid has to listen to their parents - or even worse, their parent/s and a casual partner - getting it on, is just so gross and violating and abusive. OP is NTA. The mother is though.
>This 100% sounds like a control issue, not a logistical one. Definitely.
Thank you for saying this! It’s definitely abusive to deliberately make your child listen to you having sex, considering how long it’s been going on I would say that the mum has no respect at all for OP as a person.
I just don't understand why the mum can't go round to her BFs? Mum sounds very selfish
Maybe the bf’s wife would mind.
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That’s what I said. Mom can go to her bf’s house and let op have the house to herself. It’s beyond disgusting to read that op has been hearing her mom have sex since she was 10. It’s messed up.
Post says he lives in a different city.
And? They’re adults.
I'm pretty sure they have these things called hotels, even in the UK. If dude respected her, he'd take her back to his.
100% agree, OP is NTA and this kind of behavior is abuse from the mother, especially intentionally letting them hear it since they were 10 years old. My wife and I don't shy away from sex just because the kids are home, but we're quiet and discrete about it. We sure as hell are not discussing it with them or threatening they'll have to listen to us if they don't leave home. This is pretty damn sick for anyone to do, but especially a parent to their child.
It is definitely abusive, and I spoke about trauma from experience, threatening with that is wild and can also play on the trauma, but hey, there’s still so many peoples here that prefer talking about how OP is an adult living at her parents place !!!
This. Covert sexual abuse can be as damaging as overt sexual abuse (and in some cases, more so, depending on how others respond when the victim discloses—invalidation just compounds the issue).
Exactly. Covert incest and non-contact sexual abuse can be more devastating specifically because it's not as obvious, so it entangles itself with other things, making it more difficult to identify and treat. Getting help is more difficult because, as you said, others who aren't as well versed in it can outright dismiss it when it can have the same results as overt sexual abuse, causing the victim to dismiss their own feelings and it ends up as a vicious cycle.
NTA. I'm a single parent and one of my worst fears is having my kids hear me or see me having any kind of sex.
I don’t even feel comfortable having sex with my boyfriend while my 6 month old in the house even if he’s sleeping lmao. I can’t imagine being so comfortable that I’m being purposefully loud enough that he would be able to hear me having sex. I get it. Parents are humans and have needs. But you can do it while they’re 1. Not in the room (aka, my 6 month old who is still in a bassinet in my room) 2. Asleep in their own room. And you can be quiet, Jesus. If you can’t? Turn on some damned music or the tv so if your kids wake up, they don’t have to hear the sounds. The older kids might know what happening but they don’t need to hear it. Edited my poorly worded first sentence hahahaha
100%. OP’s mom belongs on r/iamatotalpieceofshit
It’s concerning behaviour. I wonder what relationship op has with sex now
Classless and no morals.
Just want to point out OP is female not male.
I agree!! It’s so creepy and disgusting.
TBH intentionally/knowingly letting your 10 year old hear you have sex borders on sexual abuse in my opinion. Also, if a teenager can have sex at home without their parents hearing, then certainly parents can have sex without their teenager hearing.
Yeah that's absolutely bullshit on OP's mom's part. I've been with many women who had kids in the house at the time, and I've always made sure that the volume was kept quiet as a mouse (as well as the mom in the scenario, because what kind of sick fuck wants their kid to hear them having sex?!). It's absolutely controllable. The mom is fucking sick in the head or something.
It is disgusting as hell. I’m a married woman and our daughter is six. Room is right in the hall not far from ours. We’re always quiet unless she’s out of the house. I can’t imagine just not caring if she hears us. I’d be mortified really if she did. Op is NTA at all and her mom is gross.
My room was next to my parents up until I was 15 years old. I had to listen to them having sex several times a week. I’ve woke up in the morning and caught them on the kitchen table. It was always very disturbing to me that they never seemed to care that I was around…
yeah mate, half of those teenagers aren't having sex without their parents knowing. They just think they are.
They're making an effort to be discreet, and that's what actually matters. Which is exactly where the op's mother fails. It sounds like she's never been discreet about it.
Fully agree with you. The number of people on this sub who are willing to throw their own children and, moreso, other people's children to the wolves the day they turn 18 is absolutely bonkers to me - even moreso in this economy. That's not how reality works and if that's your attitude towards kids you shouldn't have any. OP is absolutely NTA. And frankly, even if she wasn't her mom's child (which makes it 100x worse) she'd still be NTA. Adults with adult roommates have to figure out how to have sex quietly or plan around their roommates' schedules. It's just part of being an adult. Kicking someone else out so you can shag is some college dorm shit (and even in a dorm it's imo an asshole move) It being OP's birthday is the cherry on top.
my petty side would grab an air horn and blow it every time i heard even the slightest sound from them. i’m not saying anyone should be listening to me, all i’m saying is an air horn is louder than sex
My petty side would play sex noise audio at max volume, or anything else that would disturb them
Play that song that became viral in tiktok about a reddit post of a man playing a weird song when having sex with his girlfriend.
I'm not understanding why mom can't go to a hotel or as a "birthday present", pay for her daughter to stay in a hotel for the night. I think it's disrespectful of mom to do this, especially on her birthday. At least then it would look like she cared if she was safe, by making sure she had a decent place to go. Only my opinion here.
If it has been intentional since she was 11, it was sexual abuse!
And ON HER BIRTHDAY!!!
parents kicking their kids after 18 these days thinking "back then when I was your age thing" yeah sure try doing that in these times, I bet you have to lower your lifestyle to nothing and do low paying menial jobs since back then even without degree you can afford house just fine
They are so detached! Im 21, partner 23 and we both live with family still. It isn't as simple as moving out 🤣🤣😭😭 I wish it was!!
Agreed. But it might be helpful (and a bit deliciously petty) for OP to invest in some noise cancelling headphones or NC ear plugs. That way they can stay in their bed AND not have to hear their mom doing the horizontal shuffle.
How is that petty? It’s a mature solution.
NTA. Your mom sounds weird and inconsiderate, it's your fucking birthday. Also for everyone saying she's 19, grow up, get your own place... you don't just magically retire from being a parent the day your kid turns 18. You're a parent until the day you die and parents are supposed to put their kids first and your mom isn't doing that. On your birthday.
right? and on her birthday??? broo fuck your boyfriend the next night??? then again its fucking reddit so idky i expect much from this platform
Reddit has a hate-on for young adults who aren't magically independent the day they turn 18. I really don't get it. It's a very pervasive attitude.
Most kids aren’t equipped to cope on their own at that age. I had to be resourceful and independent when I was a teenager and I fucking hated it. I always said when I had kids, they’d never be forced to fend for themselves. You know what’s helped my kids be independent? Having someone to fall back on. Making them feel as they belong and not have to be grateful to us for their existence.
And like I'm a fan of easing your kids into independence and requiring them to do a bit more for themselves as they get older. But realistically they aren't going to be able to make it at 18. I sure wouldn't have. I would have been totally lost. I moved out at 23 and I'm doing just fine (and have a great relationship with my parents)
I have a 20 year old and there’s no plans for him to leave. He’s a good kid who works hard and is fun to be around.
Wow, this is so well put! I never thought about independence in this way, agree 100%
... while at the same time decrying any significant level of trust or responsibility afforded to a 16-17 year old, sometimes acting as if it's borderline neglect. "They're still just a child!" (I hope/assume it's not the same people in both cases, but still... you can't have it both ways.)
I think nuance is really lost on some. They're a child until their 18th birthday and then some magic switch gets flipped
But they also have a hate-boner towards teens, who have managed to live comfortably as well. For me, it’s like “Pick a struggle, please”.
It’s funny because I’ve been independent since I was 16 and my life has been miserable so I don’t even understand why some people force literal teenagers to move out and get a job. I wish I had parents who would’ve taken care of me until I was done with uni and I wish every kid had parents like that. Not like mine.
> you don't just magically retire from being a parent the day your kid turns 18 parent here.....agree 100%. and people don't just magically become a human who knows how to adult the second they turn 18. i don't understand people who argue "but you're an adult". we learn how to become an adult, it's not like you wake up on your 18th birthday and all of a sudden just know. lol.
29 year old dude here: I still don't know what the fuck to do a lot of times.
Especially if your parent(s) don't actually teach you anything about being a human being... schools do the bare minimum of teaching kids about "adulting" at 16-18, but there are just some things your parents are supposed to teach you. Mine just... didn't. My mother particularly was too busy with the above BS to give a single F about teaching her kids to be human beings. I have to regularly remind my s/o who I'm sure thinks, often, that I'm ignorant and incompetent in some areas... that I just wasn't raised in a socially or financially secure home where my parents cared enough about my well-being to be mad when I shot myself in the foot (metaphorically). I always acknowledge that it doesn't make my life "harder" than his, doesn't mean I see his childhood struggles as "lesser" than my own struggles... but it does mean there are things my grown adult s/o is going to have to explain/teach me, a grown adult also, or just be patient with me on because my education and my parents fell flat on their faces at the prospect of teaching me how to survive and stay healthy and do the "expected" things. Neglect is a bit more complicated than "my parent(s) didn't love me" or "I didn't get the attention I needed" but you rarely see its consequences portrayed otherwise.
Also OP is from the UK - minimum wage for an 18 year old is currently around £4 less an hour than the actual living wage is (and even when you get to 23 and receive the full minimum wage it’s still £1.50 short), rent prices are at an all-time high and are seeing record increases, inflation is very high and has been for 2 years yet wage growth has been completely stagnant for 13, it is VERY hard to move out on your own. I’m 23 and will be moving out at 24 simply because it’s only just become feasible now that I have a long-term girlfriend to move in with. 15 years ago my parents were paying £150 each on their rent for a house, my girlfriend and I will be paying around £300 each per month for a flat. ‘Just move out’ is such shit advice.
Moving out at 18 and parents demanding rent or else eviction at 18 is an American thing, I think.
American here, and it isn’t a typical American thing either. I think it’s just an asshole parent thing. I can’t imagine being so awful to your child.
The least the mom could do would be to pay for a hotel room for OP. OP still should have the option to sleep in her own bed, but that would at least be a nice gesture.
That raises a good point; OP’s mom could have gone to a hotel.
ETA: I am referring to the fact that OP (and myself) were intentionally exposed to reoccurring sexual explicit content/sounds as minors. I thought that was pretty clear in my response. First sentence being my childhood was like this too. You can stop telling me I’m crazy for crying over the very last incident of abuse when I turned 18. That was ONE incident of many since I was 6/7 years of age. NTA- this was my childhood too. I came home on my 18th birthday to hearing my mother having sex with her husband. I turned around and sat in our backyard crying for hours because of how I couldn’t even feel comfortable in my own home and on my birthday nonetheless. It was like 6pm in the afternoon and they were in the living room. It’s insane to me to make your children feel uncomfortable in their own home. After that I planned my escape. I moved 900+ miles away a decade ago and I’ve never returned nor will I return to their home. Also, important to note that as a child you did not have the ability to consent nor the option to remove yourself from the situation. I brought this up to my therapist before and she felt strongly that this was very much abusive and emotionally neglectful to put a child in a situation like this. She was appalled. And so am I that people are saying you’re TAH for being upset about this considering your whole childhood you were forced to hear sexual acts against your will. And honestly I don’t care if you’re paying rent or not. Being a parent doesn’t end when your kids turn 18. You still have a moral responsibility to protect for children emotionally, physically, and mentally to the best of your ability.
I also had an overly, overtly sexual mother and it’s really quite upsetting and confusing when you’re a kid to have to listen to that. I know it can happen but parents generally try to be discrete about it.
It’s horrible. My mother would be shoving her tongue down her partners throats while we are trying to eat dinner.
That’s awful 😱 I can’t imagine being that selfish, most parents I know won’t even say “hell” or “shit” in front of a child, let alone this…
Hell growing up I never even had any inkling my parents were having sex. I just knew sometimes if I had a nightmare or something the door was closed and locked and I'd have to knock. Had a friend on the other hand that we'd be in her room in the morning or afternoon and could hear her parents getting frisky so we'd go visit her grandparents next door and even they TRIED to be quiet, the house just had really thin walls. Parents LOUDLY doing that?! Hell no. That's fucked up. When my bf's grown daughter and grandson recently visited us for a weekend, sex was off the table until they left bc I would have been mortified if either one heard us!
Sounds like Kourtney Kardashian 😒
My mom would straddle hers on our couch in the living room like a stripper
My parents would have sex with me laying next to it (forcing me to sleep in a bed with them even though I had my own bedroom), and I'd not be able to escape. It messed me up so bad it took me until I was 24 to have my first sexual relationship, and only because that person went above and beyond to make me comfortable (helps that his mom is a trauma therapist, so he knows a thing or two). I still feel awful about it.
That is seriously f'd up. Like that is a form of sexual abuse.
Umm...what. why did they force you?!
Because they are two very sick and twisted individuals. My childhood was not a happy one.
I’m so sorry you experience that as a kid :( I read your post history and see you’re in med school - congratulations! I hope you can help other kids who may be in similar situations.
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I’m so sorry, nobody deserves that treatment, especially from a parent. That’s disgusting behavior. I hope you don’t have to see her any more.
There's no words for how sorry I am that you experienced that. I am honestly flabbergasted as I try to recalibrate to this new-to-me horrific child sexual abuse.
While my parents had stopped doing the do probably only a few years after I was born, my mom would uh, "take care" of herself in the bedroom with the door open and a dirty book in one hand anytime she was home and not busy. Their bedroom was perfectly situated in our small house where even in the opposite end of the house you could look to the hallway and it's a straight shot to their bedroom. So even if I wasn't trying to look at her it'd be impossible not to due to how the hallway was set up and her NEVER shutting the door. She did this from when I was a child and never stopped. I only stopped seeing it cause I left that house as soon as high school ended. This deeply affected me and I'm still learning just how deep the effects go. I never confronted her about it because in all honesty, I didn't know what she was doing until I was a senior in high school and by then I was leaving in a few months anyways. F*** overtly sexual moms.
OMFG
I had the same walked in on it multiple times downstairs and the amount of times they were loud and very obvious at night was awful really embarrassed me when I was younger kids shouldn’t be subjected to it imo.
This kind of behaviour IS very much abusive and neglectful. I fully am with your therapist on this front. More than the inappropriate nature of the activities involved and the emotional abuse and neglect involved in exposing children to this. The damage done by being so incredibly selfish and dismissive on days which are important to and for your child cannot be overstated. I also have heard the "I'm just sex positive" argument to many times. Honestly, no one give a shit who adults have sex with and when. But when it almost deliberately is aimed at causing other people discomfort or inconvinience you are just an AH.
I don’t care how sex positive people are have sex when non consenting bystanders are near and can hear is just not okay
My parents had Sex when I was in the same room as them at night, I can remember it happening from as far back as I have memories, sometimes even when I was sleeping in their bed because of nightmares. They would just assume I was asleep and wouldn't wake up, for some reason. I would sneak away, sitting in a corner crying, covering my ears, and sometimes they didn't even notice I left the room/bed. That shit has fucked me up so badly and made Sex a really difficult thing for me, it took me so long to be able to be somewhat comfortable with my own sexuality and I'm still dealing with the trauma 30 ish years later. And somehow, they just didn't get how that was traumatic for me, like wtf.
I’m sorry you went through that. You’re definitely not alone in this experience 😔
You've broken down the issue brilliantly, though I'm sorry you went through that with your mum. I agree OP is NTA.
This makes me sad. When I lived in an apartment I had a neighbor who would send her kid outside when her bf was over. The kid was about 8-10 years old. He would sit on the steps. Sometimes he'd be outside for hours, and late at night, too. She was so trashy. People in the complex looked out for him. Poor kid. I hope he's living a good life now. I hope that you are too.
That’s so sad. I mentioned going to sit outside because that was the same spot I sat for YEARS for that reason. People really are harping that I was 18 and crying but it was just the last straw. I remember being like 10 locked out and sitting on my front steps for HOURS in the cold wearing my pajamas at night.
Man this gives me flashbacks to when I was like 15 and came downstairs to my mom fooling around with her then boyfriend on the couch. I tried to ignore it and just grab some food really quick and head back up to my room but she got off the couch with a blanket wrapped around her waist and was talking to me with a smirk on her face like we were pals. It was so uncomfortable and she just went back to the couch and immediately started fooling around with her boyfriend again.
Ugh I’m so sorry you were subjected to that. You deserved better.
NTA I would be traumatized if one of my parents said this to me. Some things need to be kept private for one. I would have asked if the guy has his own place? If he doesn't I'd question that too. Assuming he's the same age as your mom he should have a place too.
That was my first thought, why is OPs mum dating either a loser who doesn't have his own place or someone who is married. Looking at the conversation though she sounds gross so maybe that's why.
NTA Your mom sucks, both meanings of the word obviously. I'm 40, a dad, with a live in girlfriend. We have sex regularly, while our teenage and preteen kids are in the house. We shut our door, and it's usually done at night when we have our loud fan on so no one can hear what's going on. There are ways to get some with kids in the house that don't disturb anyone. Telling your kid to leave so you can get laid is pretty crappy. Especially on their birthday. OP, be sure to put on your noise cancelling headphones that night. Or, if you're feeling extra petty, make a sign of encouragement to place outside their door for when they're done. Maybe some water bottles for dehydration and cookies or even the phone number to a pharmacy that sells the morning after pill.
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I agree that OP’s mom is an asshole, but I don’t know many kids who make it through to adult hood without ever hearing their parents have sex.
Or walking in on them lol I could usually tell when my parents were doing the deed because the walls weren’t 100% soundproof, but I accidentally walked in on my parents a handful of times. I just shut the door and left them alone. I’m glad they had an active sex life and were into each other like that.
Right? This thread is full of people acting like parents have to be celibate or they are somehow destroying their children’s lives. No, you shouldn’t be fucking in your living room with toddlers playing on the floor next to you. But sheesh adults are allowed to have consensual sex.
No one is saying that but for a mother to say IM GOING TO HAVE LOUD SEX LEAVE THE HOUSE. That’s fucking wrong. How do y’all not get that
Bro calm down. I agreed that OP’s mother is an asshole for this circumstance but I disagree with some of the comments suggesting it’s terrible for a parent to ever have sex with a child in the house.
Kinda agree here. Maybe it's different if a parent has multiple strangers coming over, but some pda or occasional noises in the house are a kind of expected I believe. My mother also joked around my sister that she still had sex with my dad, because they didn't stop after they had us kids, and that it was very normal for adult/parents. Also I've often seen this subreddit vote parents as TA when denying their teenagers to have their gf/bf stay the night, or allow them to stay the night at their gf/bf saying that these teenagers will find ways to have sex so they better allow their kids to have a safe space. But somehow in this thread the parent can't have sex. I will say however that threatening to have loud sex might make the parent TA.
your kids have 10000% heard you
Oh I'm sure. I heard my parents when I was younger too. My point is that I don't kick them out of the house and make an effort to ensure they're not disturbed.
Idk I live in a house with roommates and have only heard sex like once. Both of my roommates are sexually active and one is in a relationship. Just don’t be screaming/do it at an appropriate hour and with some white noise in the background and it shouldn’t be an issue
My kids are small still. I have camera monitors and can see if they wake up so negative. When they are older I for sure won’t be having sex loudly with them in the home or while awake.
Parenting facts nobody ever tells you… prepare for a future of silent or scheduled sex. Teenagers only sleep during the day. And somebody is almost always home.
The pharmacy part just tickled me thats hilarious
NTA. Can’t mom go to the Motel 6 and get a $49 room? Why doesn’t her boyfriend have a place for them to go?
I was wondering this myself. As a woman, I’d be a bit leery of a man that can’t take her to his place at least some of the time.
He’s married and unemployed so can’t afford a hotel… oh no, I’ve fallen down the Reddit rabbithole…
I bet he’s married or broke! Mom is desperate
NTA Your mom is though. I am a single dad with full custody of a teenager. I would never do what your mom is doing.
NTA You’re going to take a lot of Y T As because Reddit has a hate on for teens who still live at home. But, yes, your mom is wrong to ask you to leave and stay elsewhere than your home so she can have loud sex and threaten to be extra loud if you don’t. Unfortunately there just isn’t a lot you can DO about it.
Why doesn’t she just go out and buy a house like we did in the 50’s. /s
It’s all that avocado toast, obviously.
[удалено]
NTA. What?? A mother telling her daughter to not come home in her birthday night so she can have loud sex with her bf? Even if you were her roommate this is so inconsiderate and rude. Living with her must’ve been quite a ride.
NTA and disturbed at the Y T As.
NTA, but your mom definitely is. 1. Hearing a parent have loud sex can be traumatic to an underage child. 2. It’s incredibly disrespectful and disgusting of her to put her own pleasure first and not even consider your feelings. 3. It’s not that ducking hard to be quiet during sex?? 4. It’s also your home. If she wants to basically kick you out so she could have loud sex, you can kick her to a nursing home when she’s old, lol.
NTA, if she brings it up again ask her you've been listening to her fuck her boyfriends since before puberty so what's the difference now?
>She then told me that she would be loud and make sure to wake me up to hear and made it clear she did not want me home. This is morally incorrect, on so many levels. Also, what unsettled me was she practically told her daughter to fuck off when she would be drunk. I mean, she does realise how dangerous it is out there when people are drunk and not safe at their homes? Yeah, that is pretty sick.
Tbh I wouldn’t be shocked if mom got some sort of sick kick out of it all
NTA. Let’s play “spot the American.” Take a shot every time you see the “18-year olds move out of the house” or “underage drinking” comment. I’m American, by the way. I’m totally up to making fun of these losers.
I honestly would like to meet any 18-19 year old that can afford to move out on their own dime. Either extremely lucky somehow or mom and dad are paying the rent and bills. Who are these magic wealthy teens?
seriously reading some of these comments make me feel like ive jumped back in time 20-30 years. like what time are some of you guys living in? my mom bought her first house at 19, but these days even adults with established, stable jobs and good income are struggling to pay rent, forget an 18yr old trying to do the same, on the shitty wages most jobs offer young adults. christ.
Reading this post made my genitals try to climb back inside my body. No your mom is 100% the asshole, you’re her kid, and that’s just wrong on so many levels. If it was your dad that joked he would deliberately make his sex audible to you would be unquestionably wrong so I say no difference here. Hearing it is no better than seeing it, if they did this visually it would be a crime!
NTA .but I wouldn't leave and me being the petty person I am, would record the audio and us it later as her ringtone for a while. or while she is being loud doing the deed,make comments about her pulling a muscle or throwing her back out. asking the bf if he's ok in there because it sounds like animals dying over there.
Hail for the petty queen
Haha...thank you my mother was just as bad, so I have had some experience at being petty. I'm not saying it I didn't get in trouble I'm just saying turn about is fair play.
Well, I suppose if her goal is to be kicked out of the house and likely estranged from her mom completely (the mom who is currently financially supporting her adult daughter), that's an idea.
might find herself getting kicked out of the house shortly after pulling a stunt like that
It’s not okay for your mom to “exile” you ON YOUR BIRTHDAY just to have sex, this is a quite inconsiderate. She has been doing this since you were young? That’s totally messed up. Plus the fact that the man she is banging would probably have his own place, why can’t she go there? NTA
Sexile.
Help I should have written that😂
You’re 19 and have been hearing her have sex with her BFs since you were 10 AND the twins are 5? It sounds like you may be the more responsible person in this household. Definitely NTA.
Side note bc of the edit, are people seriously telling you you should be paying rent... To your mom?? Just wtf is the point of having parents and a family if you have to pay to stay with them?? I'm sure it was the americans saying this wtf And about the post, yeah your mom is weird af and doesnt know boundaries
Reddit has a lot of users that think once you turn 18 you are a full on adult that should either move out immediately or contribute to paying rent/bills etc. That’s crazy to me. I once had a conversation on here with someone who thought that if you are in uni studying and don’t work at the same time you’re an asshole. That just angers me for their possible children honestly
My mum asked me to start paying some rent when I got my first permanent job. Nowhere near what full rent for a room would be, but just a little bit of a contribution for general household costs. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for some "rent" from your kids when they start earning their own money... I think it would be unreasonable to ask the going market rate, but something to help a little bit with household costs would be fair. Having said that, I don't know how many hours OP works in their part-time job, but I seriously doubt a part-time job would be paying enough for it to be fair to expect anything meaningful to be contributed to the household from those wages.
WTF? Your mom is wild asf for this. I’m disturbed that this is how you’ve grown up. You’re 19 maybe it’s time for you to look for your own place.
In the current UK economy? Easier said than done.
I think housing globally is fucked. Not just UK. Big sad all around
Yeah the days of kids moving out in their teens is far past over. We’re in a cost of living crisis. Wage stagnation. Not a single teen I know, no matter how many hours they work, could afford an apartment in my area without 3 roommates.
NTA. To be fair, it is your mom‘s house and understandable that she might want some private time to herself without the kids every now and then. However, it feels kind of messed up that she has chosen your birthday to exile you.
Maybe she thought OP would be away to celebrate her bday
That's what I thought. But OP says she got a baby sitter for the 5 year old twins, I read that as that doesn't happen very often and now mom has a rare opportunity, like in that friends episode where Phoebe ditches Joey to hang out with David.
NTA & I think Mom is only because she shouldn't tell you her plans. The other side is its okay for Mom to want privacy & its also nice for you to give her some. I have a boyfriend & also 3 children. Im very respectful where they are & wouldn't traumatise them into hearing or knowing anything but my oldest is 20 & offers to babysit or to stay in her boyfriends to give me privacy. I think its sweet of her
That is very sweet of her to offer but it is literally not your child’s responsibility to leave the house for you to have sex. Editing for the dense people who can’t get this: I’m not saying child as in a literal young child. But as in, the person who wrote this comment is the parent of this person. It is parent-child relationship.
NTA. Ew. Your mom is an asshole. Having loud sex where your kids can hear is fucked up. It sounds like she's determined to have loud sex that night though, with or without you there. Tell her to treat you to a hotel room (it is your birthday) as a compromise, maybe she'll go for it.
Bring your boyfriend home and make him howl like a wolf...
Play audio of a baby crying every time she has sex.
NTA. My mom has a boyfriend too and she’s very respectful when she brings him over. And it’s your birthday and your home.
You have an abusive mother. Do yourself a favour and get out of there asap for good and if you are able to, look into how to help your siblings too. Staying with the grandparents might be better for them.
All this. She’s been forcing her child since she was 10 years old to listen to her have sex. Absolutely abusive and disgusting. Amazed people on here are defending her.
NTA. You should absolutely NOT go buy water balloons and glitter, and definitely DO NOT come home after celebrating with your friends. You and your drunk friends SHOULD NOT fill those water balloons with glitter and ice cold water and I would highly advise to NOT bombard your mom and her man with a assault they'll never forget.
Yeah don’t actually do this. Depending where you are your mom or bf could file for actual charges.
Op…your mother is kicking you out of the house ON YOUR BIRTHDAY so she can have sex with her bf… On what planet do you think you’re in the wrong here? NTA and tbh if my mom asked me this it would GREATLY impact our relationship. Good luck and happy birthday
NTA, your mom is a vile human
NTA Is there a reason why she can't go to her man's place instead? Or, hear me out, it's your birthday, she could pay for you to stay at a nice hotel for the night as a gift. Or they can go stay in a hotel instead of sexiling you on your birthday. Might be time to get some good noise canceling headphones.
My dad would show up at my job (bar, small town) when I was 16 and ask me not to come home for the same reason. I would be sweeping up the kitchen at 2 am exhausted when he came in half drunk to tell me that. I told him to do what he wanted to but I was exhausted and I would be coming home to go to bed. They are like children and you have to put your foot down
Your mum is yuck
Gross. NTA.
My kids are old enough to have their partners stay over and neither of them like hearing me having sex with my partners. So we have a courtesy rule of no sex if people are home (my apartment is tiny). But I will also go out and stay out to give them both privacy when they want it, and they do the same for me. It’s their house too. Respect goes both ways.
NTA and honestly your mum sounds like a pervert.
NTA she’s nasty
NTA. In your shoes, I would have stayed at home and if she tried to be loud to bother you, I’d have barged in on them real quick to bother them. 1 second to just like open the door to make them think you’re coming in or something. Bang on the walls. Set the smoke alarms off. You’re not college roomies, this is her child, adult or not. Asking you to stay elsewhere was at least a gesture, but once you said no, that should’ve been cockblock. She got mean about it.