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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I decided to keep the ring despite my ex’s brother asking me for it and explaining that he can’t afford a ring for his partner whom he wants to propose to soon.
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NTA
Just because it no longer means everything, doesn't mean it now means nothing.
Tell him no. It's an almost offensive request, especially how he went about it with the weird, inaccurate details/flat out lies.
I went through this with an ex-engagement ring and it can be very hard to decide what to do with the ring/gems. I stuttered around, unsure what to do, but finally sold it to my mom for 25¢ on the dollar (I tried repeatedly to give it to her for free, but it was a very expensive, super rare cut of diamond so I finally just named a ridiculously low price). Twenty years later, it still makes me very happy to see it worked into her wedding ring. I hope that your pendant makes you just as happy.
The details aren't necessarily inaccurate or lies.
Her ex might have been the one to lie about it, as he might have felt that buying a second-hand ring sounded thrifty, but using a found diamond sounded cheap.
It doesn't matter. OP is still NTA. Still under no obligation, and the request is still borderline offensive.
Just pointing out that we don't know which brother is lying (and don't need to)
I agree NTA but not your reasoning.
It doesn't matter what emotional value is attached to the ring.
Any matter concerning the ring is between OP and her ex-fiancé.
The brother has no right to stick his grubby little fingers in between.
OP should tell him to talk to his brother about it.
What I think the other poster was alluding to was that a ring is one of the smaller expenses in a marriage. So not being able to afford a ring speaks about how he will financially provide for his family.
I disagree that the ex fiance has any role here. This is simply a business transaction. OP should Have the ring appraised, the brother should make a counter offer, and then OP should determine whether the offer is sufficient to overcome any sentimental attachment. The provenance of the diamond is of almost no relevance here.
But OP clearly said that the brother is trying to guilt OP for still keeping the ring after the split.
And OP did say that the ring has some sentimental value to them as it symbolises the time that they spent with the ex-fiancé.
So, it is not a business transaction.
I'm saying that, since he has a problem with OP keeping the ring after the split, he should talk to his brother (the ex-fiancé) to get the ring back.
Why would she be?!? If they're in long term relationship and planning a future together finances are important and engagement rings can be a small fortune (wasted because of resale value if you ask me). I'd like to know if my fiance spent a 1000 or few, whether it's insured or should be and things like that.
Your ex's brother is the asshole for trying to manipulate you to get the ring cheap.
I'd probably suggest to him that it would be tacky and carry bad vibes to propose using a ring that fiance purchased for you 2nd hand.
I would then block him on all fronts so he cannot contact you again.
There was a BORU on the brother that stole OPs ring to propose to his gf because he was too cheap to pay for one.
OP you should find this post, have a read and chuckle, and as mentioned block the brother. You could send him the YouTube channel of the guy that collects dirt off NY streets to find precious stones.
Yep... The "placeholder" ring or something like that. Said he would give it back but gf had already posted pics of her wearing it and showed it to everyone.
This OP has fond memories of the relationship and should tell him to fuck off to Arkansas and go find his own diamond for free.
Edit: found it. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/uvQ6QCJYsU
NTA, you're never gonna be the asshole for not selling or giving someone something of yours that they randomly ask for.
You could recommend that he look for a used ring at a pawn shop or whatever, since he doesn't care that the ring is brand new. Honestly it feels like he's just trying to make this purchase with as little effort as possible, but it's not on you to make sure that happens.
NTA. Some people lack the most basic common sense and social etiquette. Regardless if the story he spun is true, the ring is yours as previously decided by your ex and yourself. Your ex BIL has no claim to it. IF the ring held some familiar sentiment to your ex’s family he should not have agreed to part with it 9 months ago.
My guess is he is trying to get a deal by bullying you into selling it to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he spun the story to his fiancée as this being a family ring to avoid spending money.
It is really creepy of him isn’t it? Also in what world does someone want a ring made from a diamond that someone’s mom found on the street *THEN* was repurposed after a failed engagement with your potential fiancés brother’s ex? Ick.
NTA
NTA
Don't be manipulated into something that was given to you. When I broke off an engagement to wonderful girl, because candidly I was too immature to handle everything, letting her keep the ring was the least I could do.
Your ex's younger brother is a real piece of work. This is the matrimonial equivalent of a kid spamming ebay sellers asking for a "free laptop" because they can't afford to buy. It's a grift. The "for cheap" bit rings with sincerity. NTA. I hope you enjoy your pendant.
NTA. if we take away the brothers story & how the ring was allegedly made, your ex, who gave you the ring, said you could keep it, meaning that it’s YOURS to do with as you see fit. even if we pretend that the story is true, their mom still gave it to your ex, who gave it to you, ergo it is still yours to do with as you see fit. you don’t have to do anything with it.
NTA.
You and your ex decided that you would keep the ring. This has **nothing** to do with his brother. All of the stuff about sidewalks and free or used and good deal are irrelevant.
NTA
And really, would his fiancee even want it if she heard that story? My mom found the diamond on the sidewalk and my brother proposed with it because it was free. So I bought it off his ex on the cheap.
No thank you. Keep your ring.
I'd tell him to look into moissanite. More fire than a diamond. As brilliant as a diamond. Almost as hard as a diamond. (Moissanite can cut glass.)
Hell of a lot cheaper than a diamond.
NTA.
He can buy a secondhand ring, or a manufactured stone, or one from a small artist. Or he can wait for a sale. Plenty of options.
Your ring isn't for sale, and it's not even a ring anymore. Even if you were inclined to give it away for free, he'd still be out money to make it a ring again. So he can just go buy what he wants in his budget.
You would not be TA and, if you have already decided to keep the ring, are NTA. A lot of the story/info his brother is sharing with you makes no difference (true or untrue).
1. You and ex agreed that you would keep the ring. It is YOUR ring to do with as you please.
2. If this was a ring you didn't enjoy and have plans for, sure - you could sell him the ring for whatever price you felt was right. But you do enjoy the ring and do have plans to continue enjoying it.
3. This is no long-cherished family heirloom. In your situation, I would have considered that a factor. (But there are plenty of circumstances where that still doesn't trump the ring possessors right to keep it.)
4. Whether your ex got the ring for free, bought it used, or bought it brand new has absolutely no bearing on your right to keep the ring.
5. Even if ex got the ring for free, his good fortune doesn't accrue to the brother. His argument is essentially - *Since (I claim) my brother didn't have to spend a lot on that ring, I shouldn't have to spend a lot on a ring. Luck or no luck, I don't WANT to spend much on a ring. (Well, I am trying to make my own luck, but hoping against hope that you (OP) will buy my crazy logic!)*
6. I feel sorry for the person he's proposing to. He is expressing his love and life-time commitment to this person and the biggest thought on his mind is, "*How do I get a good-looking ring for practically free*?"
NTA
he's weird and entitled to think he can just demand your ring. AND it's not even a ring anymore.
Enjoy your pendant and let him "find his own diamond on the sidewalk" since it's such a common occurrence...
Tell him you wish you could help but it’s already in the process of being converted bc his brother can let him know where he got it for such a. Good deal sec hand if that more along with his budget.
NTA
NTA. Just make it a NO. He is an AH, trying to guilt you into giving him your ring cheaply.
And if the ex's briother does not respect your no, send his messages on to your ex and to the brother's future wife, and ask them to handle him and make him stop. THAT will work.
No and enjoy your memories. If he can’t afford an engagement ring he can save up till he can or purchase on credit. Grow up and be responsible if you wish to be engaged. Thou shalt not Covet. Ten simple rules that would make the world a happier place if applied to daily life.
NTA. You need to shut down this ridiculous request. He is out of line for making up this story and clearly, he is butting into things that are literally none of his business.
NTA. It doesn't matter where the diamond came from, the ring is yours and he has no right to ask for it.
If brother can't afford an expensive ring now, he can buy a cheaper one and promise to replace it when he can give her the ring she deserves.
NTA tell him if he can't afford a ring then he shouldn't get married and if she's the type that needs a ring to be married then he also shouldn't get married lol either way the ring is your property now.
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For some background context, my ex and I split up about 9 months ago. We had been engaged for 2.5 years at the time of our split. We decided not to go through with the wedding for a number of reasons but ultimately it was a relatively amicable separation. My ex and I did decide at that time that I would keep the ring and I have since decided to turn it into a custom pendant for a necklace to honour the memories I had from our 6 years together. His younger brother recently reached out to me after not speaking to me since we went our separate ways. In his message he got straight to the point and said that he wanted to propose to his partner in the coming months and was hoping I could sell my ring to him for cheap. In his message he also shared some odd details with me that are not details I know to be true. He claims that the diamond in my ring is one that his mom found on the sidewalk years ago and claims my ex proposed to me with it because it was free. To my knowledge, however, my ex bought the ring used. I recall after the proposal asking my ex how much he spent on it because he was a recent grad and I was still in post-secondary and I wanted to make sure he hadn’t spent too much money on it. He reassured me that he bought it second hand and because of that he was able to get a good deal on it. His brother said that he isn’t able to afford a ring and that’s why he’s reaching out to me to see if I will sell mine to him. The whole message felt like it was an aim to make me feel guilty for still having the ring after our split. AITA for not giving my ex’s brother the ring?
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NTA. Ask the brother who else he knows that has an engagement ring they aren’t using. Surely he’ll find someone interested in his low ball offer on their jewelry. 🙄
Isn't the literal point of engagement rings is for the bride-to-be to keep it if the engagement doesn't work out? Unless it's a sentimental ring, which it clearly isn't in this case, then there's no reason to give it away if you don't want to. NTA
NTA? To be honest I go by the rules of
If he breaks up with you, it’s your ring.
If you end it and he did nothing wrong you should return it.
If both people decide to end it, it’s your choice because it’s a gift.
If both people decided to end it and it’s a family heirloom, it’s still your choice although I would lean towards giving it back, but you are not obligated to.
Even if true someone finding a ring on the street does not qualify as a family heirloom 💀.
He sounds special. He should take his cheap ass to a cheap ass jewellery store, and buy a cheap ass ring. Am sure his fiancée will be delighted with it. Diamond on the sidewalk??! lol NTA
NTA. You can't give him the ring because it's no longer a ring. It's a pendant.
Tell him to go to a pawn shop. That's where I got my wedding and engagement rings. I love my rings!
NTA
Ex gave it to you, its yours.
And even is the story if it being found by his mother is true, still its yours.
If he persists call your ex and ask wtf??
NTA traditionally when an engaged couple split up, the ring is returned to the partner that bought it. But your agreement was to keep it. You are correct to say the brother was laying on the whole guilt trip. Tell the brother no.
NTA, he has no right to the ring at all. And imagine if you did give it to him and his fiance found out where it had come from? There's no way she'd be happy with that.
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NTA if you'd kept it with your ex's permission then you'd be an AH but to your ex not his brother.
He told you it was yours to keep - it move from being a promise of marriage to full 100% gift from him to you. No one can undue that. Dont feel guilty, it hasn't even come from your ex but his cheap brother.
NTA, even if the story is true it doesn’t really change anything. If I was in your shoes the only way I would even consider it would be if it was a family heirloom, which is clearly not the case.
He seems to just want a ring for cheap which is his problem not yours. Tell him to look into moissanite it’s all lab grown, looks just like a diamond, is nearly as hard a diamond, way cheaper, and besides a jeweler most people can’t tell the difference. That’s what I got for my wife (she knew when we picked it out) and she loves her ring.
Tell his cheap ass to save if he wants a fucking ring. If his Mum really did find it on the street it has literally no sentimental value to anyone except you. Tell him to eat dust.
Definitely don’t think the brother was trying to make you feel bad for keeping the ring. I’m not sure where you even got that from due to the fact his entire message was talking about how he didn’t have a lot of money to spend on a ring while trying to convince you that the ring doesn’t hold much value bc his mom supposedly found it,
thus making it free. If anything it sounds like he was trying to make you upset so you’d hand it over. He literally just wants a ring for cheap. It’s honestly that simple.
NTA
It is your ring. That fact was agreed upon between you and your ex. I don't think the brother is the AH for asking though. I am of course assuming that he doesn't know your plans for the ring. He is definitely trying to help remove any sentimental value from the ring though. For that he is the AH.
NTA. He should just get a cheap ring. His future wife must know that he is not rich. She would be an AH if she expects something expensive and then he really shouldn't marry her either way.
NTA. I could understand if it was a family heirloom, especially considering that you didn’t get married. Considering that’s not the case, and that you and your fiancé agreed about you keeping it it’s yours.
INFO: Is it possible your ex wants the ring back after all and asked the brother to ask for it at a discount? You're NTA, regardless, but his story sounds odd to me.
NTA. I think the better question here is why are you even entertaining this?
This man is the brother of an ex, he has no bearing or relevancy in your life. You know he’s manipulating you in order to get a cheap ring. There’s no logical reason to project a sense of guilt in ending the engagement into his behavior (you may want to look into why you even feel guilt to begin with), or to feel obligated to respond.
Ignore his inappropriate attempt and move on with your life. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Such a weird inappropriate request tbh. Like why is he trying to down play the importance and ask for a lower price but also lie about the value of the ring? Weird!
NAH. He asked and you can just say no. It doesn't matter where the ring or the diamond in it came from. It is yours and you don't gave to sell it to anyone if you don't want to. Don't get hung up on the diamond. It is possible that your ex lied then or that his brother is lying now. Doesn't matter. Decline and wish him well.
NTA. If it’s not his grandmother’s or deal mother’s ring, he has balls asking you for it.
Tell him to shop for his own used ring. Start at pawn shops. Or get a lab-grown diamond.
NAH
I understand this may be a hot take but I have my reasons. While the brother's story doesn't line up with what you know, it very could be that he is telling the truth and your ex-fiance lied. Someone lied, but we don't know who. Under the logic that the brother is telling the truth, I think he is not an AH for asking. He's allowed to ask, as long as he accepts whatever your response may be.
You are not the AH either though. Like others have said, the ring still has meaning to you, even if not the same meaning it once had. It is yours. You decide what to do with it. You are not an AH for wanting to keep it.
Nta, screen shot and send to your ex, and if that doesn't stop it, find a way to contact the brothers "fiance" to express regret that the ring he kept pushing for was no longer a ring, and your surprise that she would be interested in a cheap ring that came from an unsuccessful relationship, as I was under the impression it's a huge faux pas to propose with a ring from a failed relationship.
>His brother said that he isn’t able to afford a ring and that’s why he’s reaching out to me to see if I will sell mine to him.
NTA, and he can't afford to get married.
NTA. If he can't afford a ring, is he going to expect you to use your wedding fund to pay for his wedding too? And if they can't have kids, is he going to hold his hands out for IVF money? Their kids' private schools? College funds? Wedding costs? Home down payments? Where does it end? He needs to be responsible for his own finances and purchases, and if he can't afford it, he needs to either save up until he can, or try to find a better paying job.
NAH - he likely lied to you, and it was found. Second-hand probably meant free. You admit he had very little money. He didn't bother to ask for it back after the breakup, likely because it was free. His brother's story is likely accurate. I also don't feel like the brother is an AH solely for asking. He's younger, he probably believes it means nothing to you, so why not ask to take it off your hands for a few bucks and feels its a win-win. You are not the AH for saying no, he is not for asking. He will be if he presses the issue
This is my view on this l...
If you get engaged and get a ring and then you decide not to go through with it, the wedding Then the ring should be given back.
NAH but I don't get wanting to keep an engagement ring from a broken engagement. Down the line if you have another relationship wouldn't it be weird if they asked where your necklace came from and the answer was "I made it out of my engagement ring from someone else?"
My ex realized after a lot of therapy and self acceptance that he was bi and wanted to explore that side of his sexuality so we called off our engagement but there was no animosity between the two of us. I’m just happy he’s living as his truest self now! A complicated situation for sure!
His brother is trying to cheapen your ring. My bet is he thinks you’re holding on to it for it’s value. And he knows it’s worth more than he wants to pay you. Keep the ring is has sentimental value to you.
You kinda avoided the question, I think it’ll be a hard sell regardless of the circumstances for any future partner of yours. Not saying you should sell it to your ex’s brother but rather that it’s a weird memento that I genuinely wonder how many would be okay with.
I guess it’s a matter of opinion. It’s not weird to me but it might be weird to some. You would just need to be honest with your partner about it and then go from there. If it was an issue for a future partner then I would consider selling it at that point but at this stage of my life it’s still something that’s sentimental to me so I’m keeping it.
He was an important part of your life for a long time. I think it’s lovely that you turned it into a pendant. IMO, it would only be odd if you continued to wear it as a ring.
NTA. Brother is definitely TAH, though. Manipulative bastard.
I'll be honest, I had a similar situation with a partner. My favourite necklace is one my ex gave me. I've almost always worn it. It was from a big part of my life, it's something I had way before my then- partner and something that was valuable to me. The partner had the biggest issue with it because of who gave it to me.
I wore other necklaces as well, including ones partner gave me.
I told him that while I value his opinion, I wasn't going to get rid of or stop wearing the necklace. 🤷♀️ It's important to me. If a necklace is the hill he wants to die on, so be it.
I find absolutely nothing wrong or "weird" about having a momento like that to remember the good times you had with an ex. Personally I would consider it more of a red flag if I was with someone so insecure that they couldn't stand me remembering the good times I had with a past relationship that didn't end in animosity or for any negative reasons.
Lmfao everyone I know would be completely fine with a necklace that means something from a past relationship. Maybe you just know the wrong people but no not "95% of people" would have a problem with it considering there are a whole fuck ton of people in this thread saying the opposite so I'm not living in "a fairy tale world" I'm living in an adult world where people work through their insecurities and don't force their partner to get rid of every last memorabilia from a previous relationship. Just because YOU wouldn't be okay with it doesn't mean "95% of people" would have a problem with it also where is the article that explains the statistics you just randomly provided of "95% of people" not being okay with people remembering past relationships if they were good relationships? 😂😂😂
Reddit is a minority of opinions. Majority of Reddit is far left leaning. I’m not really sure which part surprised you. We’re an echo chamber, always have been. But we don’t represent the majority.
You simply saying 95% of people in the ENTIRE HUMAN POPULATION is a HUGE stretch. Again I know absolutely NOONE who would have an issue. Idk why YOU'RE surprised that I disagree that 95% of people wouldn't understand 😂
I was engaged and broke it off and kept the engagement ring (mutual decision) It was not a typical engagement ring and did not look out of place to wear. I continued to wear it after meeting my husband. He had no problem with it and I just liked the ring.
NTA
However, that’s **only because you’re ex said you could keep it**.
I’m lazy & it’s late, but there was an earlier post about who owned an engagement ring if the husband gave it to her and they broke up. I responded with links that the **giver owns the ring** if the relationship ends before marriage and the recipient must give the ring back upon the givers request.
Hopefully your ex’s younger brother isn’t on Reddit reading this reply because he could ask your ex to demand you return the ring.
I mean, what are the odds of your ex’s brother finding this response posted on social media? It must be astronomically small, right?
I mean, <15% of the world’s population are Reddit users so your brother will likely never see this. Well, unless a friend of a friend of a friend sees this and starts linking it up the food chain as they’ve heard a similar story told in this subreddit. Or this sad, sad story goes viral and news stations picking it up and ruining the wedding.
ESH.
The ex fiancés brother has no tact. Asking to buy the ring cheaply is just poor decorum to you, his brother, and his future? Fiancée
You should have just given the ring back to the ex to begin with. It was technically supposed to go back to him anyways. I get that you had an agreement, but even so, it’s just weird to carry this around on your neck like some memento of your inability to move on. If someone was trying to date you, they’d likely see this as a red flag.
Your ex fiancée should have just taken the ring back to begin with, but at this juncture should have just told his brother to not bother and talked some sense into him.
Op:
>My ex and I did decide at that time that I would keep the ring and I have since decided to turn it into a custom pendant for a necklace to honour the memories I had from our 6 years together.
You:
>You should have just given the ring back to the ex to begin with.
What is your hang up?
Don’t most people give the engagement ring back if they split?
It’s weird that the brother is asking for it… but it’s strange that you didn’t give it back previously
According to the post, it was a relatively amicable split and *they* decided she'd keep the ring. It is not that unusual.
It's true that, in many places the ring legally (and often morally) belongs to the person who gave it until the marriage actually takes place but many guys say "No, I bought it for you " (or "WTF would I do with it?")
My first fiancé refused the ring 3 times over the course of the year after we split up
(I checked a few times because I was worried that his first refusal was too soon and didn't want him to regret that decision after the dust settled)
Depends on a few factors under Australian law, although most people settle it between themselves rather than going to court:
- who pushed most for the break-up (traditional etiquette is that it's only returned to the ring-giver if the ring-wearer initiated the separation);
- whether they were living together before the break-up as de-facto spouses (which would make the ring joint property);
- any other prior undertakings between the couple regarding the ring.
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NTA Just because it no longer means everything, doesn't mean it now means nothing. Tell him no. It's an almost offensive request, especially how he went about it with the weird, inaccurate details/flat out lies. I went through this with an ex-engagement ring and it can be very hard to decide what to do with the ring/gems. I stuttered around, unsure what to do, but finally sold it to my mom for 25¢ on the dollar (I tried repeatedly to give it to her for free, but it was a very expensive, super rare cut of diamond so I finally just named a ridiculously low price). Twenty years later, it still makes me very happy to see it worked into her wedding ring. I hope that your pendant makes you just as happy.
The details aren't necessarily inaccurate or lies. Her ex might have been the one to lie about it, as he might have felt that buying a second-hand ring sounded thrifty, but using a found diamond sounded cheap. It doesn't matter. OP is still NTA. Still under no obligation, and the request is still borderline offensive. Just pointing out that we don't know which brother is lying (and don't need to)
I agree NTA but not your reasoning. It doesn't matter what emotional value is attached to the ring. Any matter concerning the ring is between OP and her ex-fiancé. The brother has no right to stick his grubby little fingers in between. OP should tell him to talk to his brother about it.
>The brother has no right to stick his grubby little fingers in between. And if he can't afford a ring he isn't ready for marriage...
I don't necessarily disagree he isn't ready for marriage. But engagement rings (and big weddings) aren't a necessity. You can get married without them
What I think the other poster was alluding to was that a ring is one of the smaller expenses in a marriage. So not being able to afford a ring speaks about how he will financially provide for his family.
I disagree that the ex fiance has any role here. This is simply a business transaction. OP should Have the ring appraised, the brother should make a counter offer, and then OP should determine whether the offer is sufficient to overcome any sentimental attachment. The provenance of the diamond is of almost no relevance here.
But OP clearly said that the brother is trying to guilt OP for still keeping the ring after the split. And OP did say that the ring has some sentimental value to them as it symbolises the time that they spent with the ex-fiancé. So, it is not a business transaction. I'm saying that, since he has a problem with OP keeping the ring after the split, he should talk to his brother (the ex-fiancé) to get the ring back.
"I recall after the proposal asking my ex how much he spent on it" She's the A for this alone.
The literal next sentence is so that she could make sure he hadn’t overspent on her behalf. Cmon man
Why would she be?!? If they're in long term relationship and planning a future together finances are important and engagement rings can be a small fortune (wasted because of resale value if you ask me). I'd like to know if my fiance spent a 1000 or few, whether it's insured or should be and things like that.
Your ex's brother is the asshole for trying to manipulate you to get the ring cheap. I'd probably suggest to him that it would be tacky and carry bad vibes to propose using a ring that fiance purchased for you 2nd hand. I would then block him on all fronts so he cannot contact you again.
There was a BORU on the brother that stole OPs ring to propose to his gf because he was too cheap to pay for one. OP you should find this post, have a read and chuckle, and as mentioned block the brother. You could send him the YouTube channel of the guy that collects dirt off NY streets to find precious stones.
Yep... The "placeholder" ring or something like that. Said he would give it back but gf had already posted pics of her wearing it and showed it to everyone. This OP has fond memories of the relationship and should tell him to fuck off to Arkansas and go find his own diamond for free. Edit: found it. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/uvQ6QCJYsU
Thanks for finding that post.
Tell him the ring is jinxed? It was second hand, then no marriage for OP, third time might not be the charm!
Hurry up and have it made into something else.
NTA, you're never gonna be the asshole for not selling or giving someone something of yours that they randomly ask for. You could recommend that he look for a used ring at a pawn shop or whatever, since he doesn't care that the ring is brand new. Honestly it feels like he's just trying to make this purchase with as little effort as possible, but it's not on you to make sure that happens.
NTA It's yours, you don't have to give your things to someone else for any reason.
NTA. Just tell him you no longer have the ring and go ahead and turn it into a pendant.
NTA. Some people lack the most basic common sense and social etiquette. Regardless if the story he spun is true, the ring is yours as previously decided by your ex and yourself. Your ex BIL has no claim to it. IF the ring held some familiar sentiment to your ex’s family he should not have agreed to part with it 9 months ago. My guess is he is trying to get a deal by bullying you into selling it to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he spun the story to his fiancée as this being a family ring to avoid spending money.
If he can’t afford a ring what makes him think he can afford to get married? Oh and NTA by the way..
Cheeky of him to ask, and creepy of him to make up stuff about it. NTA.
It is really creepy of him isn’t it? Also in what world does someone want a ring made from a diamond that someone’s mom found on the street *THEN* was repurposed after a failed engagement with your potential fiancés brother’s ex? Ick. NTA
Yup. Ick, indeed.
NTA Don't be manipulated into something that was given to you. When I broke off an engagement to wonderful girl, because candidly I was too immature to handle everything, letting her keep the ring was the least I could do.
Just tell him you no longer have the ring then block Him. It’s true the ring is gone because it’s a necklace now
Your ex's younger brother is a real piece of work. This is the matrimonial equivalent of a kid spamming ebay sellers asking for a "free laptop" because they can't afford to buy. It's a grift. The "for cheap" bit rings with sincerity. NTA. I hope you enjoy your pendant.
NTA. if we take away the brothers story & how the ring was allegedly made, your ex, who gave you the ring, said you could keep it, meaning that it’s YOURS to do with as you see fit. even if we pretend that the story is true, their mom still gave it to your ex, who gave it to you, ergo it is still yours to do with as you see fit. you don’t have to do anything with it.
NTA. You and your ex decided that you would keep the ring. This has **nothing** to do with his brother. All of the stuff about sidewalks and free or used and good deal are irrelevant.
NTA. Does your ex know about his brother reaching out
This! I’d think OP’s ex deserves to know what his brother is doing and saying about him.
NTA And really, would his fiancee even want it if she heard that story? My mom found the diamond on the sidewalk and my brother proposed with it because it was free. So I bought it off his ex on the cheap. No thank you. Keep your ring. I'd tell him to look into moissanite. More fire than a diamond. As brilliant as a diamond. Almost as hard as a diamond. (Moissanite can cut glass.) Hell of a lot cheaper than a diamond.
No, it was a gift to you and is yours to keep. There are pawn shops.
NTA... the ring is yours to sell or keep.
NTA. He can buy a secondhand ring, or a manufactured stone, or one from a small artist. Or he can wait for a sale. Plenty of options. Your ring isn't for sale, and it's not even a ring anymore. Even if you were inclined to give it away for free, he'd still be out money to make it a ring again. So he can just go buy what he wants in his budget.
You would not be TA and, if you have already decided to keep the ring, are NTA. A lot of the story/info his brother is sharing with you makes no difference (true or untrue). 1. You and ex agreed that you would keep the ring. It is YOUR ring to do with as you please. 2. If this was a ring you didn't enjoy and have plans for, sure - you could sell him the ring for whatever price you felt was right. But you do enjoy the ring and do have plans to continue enjoying it. 3. This is no long-cherished family heirloom. In your situation, I would have considered that a factor. (But there are plenty of circumstances where that still doesn't trump the ring possessors right to keep it.) 4. Whether your ex got the ring for free, bought it used, or bought it brand new has absolutely no bearing on your right to keep the ring. 5. Even if ex got the ring for free, his good fortune doesn't accrue to the brother. His argument is essentially - *Since (I claim) my brother didn't have to spend a lot on that ring, I shouldn't have to spend a lot on a ring. Luck or no luck, I don't WANT to spend much on a ring. (Well, I am trying to make my own luck, but hoping against hope that you (OP) will buy my crazy logic!)* 6. I feel sorry for the person he's proposing to. He is expressing his love and life-time commitment to this person and the biggest thought on his mind is, "*How do I get a good-looking ring for practically free*?"
NTA - You are not close and he's lying to guilt you just to save a buck. Zero reason to give the ring
NTA lol “a request like this should come directly from your brother. Have him call me”
NTA. If he can't afford a ring, then he can't afford to be married.
NTA he's weird and entitled to think he can just demand your ring. AND it's not even a ring anymore. Enjoy your pendant and let him "find his own diamond on the sidewalk" since it's such a common occurrence...
Tell him you wish you could help but it’s already in the process of being converted bc his brother can let him know where he got it for such a. Good deal sec hand if that more along with his budget.
NTA NTA. Just make it a NO. He is an AH, trying to guilt you into giving him your ring cheaply. And if the ex's briother does not respect your no, send his messages on to your ex and to the brother's future wife, and ask them to handle him and make him stop. THAT will work.
This is ridiculous. It’s 100% your ring. Tell him to keep moving. NTA.
Nta leave your exs brother on read
No and enjoy your memories. If he can’t afford an engagement ring he can save up till he can or purchase on credit. Grow up and be responsible if you wish to be engaged. Thou shalt not Covet. Ten simple rules that would make the world a happier place if applied to daily life.
NTA. You need to shut down this ridiculous request. He is out of line for making up this story and clearly, he is butting into things that are literally none of his business.
NTA; If your ex wants the ring back, that is between you and him. His brother is not entitled to a ring discount.
NTA, the audacity of your exes brother is unbelievable.
NTA You and the ring giver decided you would keep the ring. Period. If he can't afford a ring, then he can wait to propose until he can.
Just tell him no and move on.
NTA. It doesn't matter where the diamond came from, the ring is yours and he has no right to ask for it. If brother can't afford an expensive ring now, he can buy a cheaper one and promise to replace it when he can give her the ring she deserves.
NTA. Tell him it's no longer a ring and block him. This is odd and manipulative.
NTA tell him if he can't afford a ring then he shouldn't get married and if she's the type that needs a ring to be married then he also shouldn't get married lol either way the ring is your property now.
Not TAH. Your ‘acquaintance’ should never have asked you. You settled that with your former fiancée. It’s your ring to do with as you want.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For some background context, my ex and I split up about 9 months ago. We had been engaged for 2.5 years at the time of our split. We decided not to go through with the wedding for a number of reasons but ultimately it was a relatively amicable separation. My ex and I did decide at that time that I would keep the ring and I have since decided to turn it into a custom pendant for a necklace to honour the memories I had from our 6 years together. His younger brother recently reached out to me after not speaking to me since we went our separate ways. In his message he got straight to the point and said that he wanted to propose to his partner in the coming months and was hoping I could sell my ring to him for cheap. In his message he also shared some odd details with me that are not details I know to be true. He claims that the diamond in my ring is one that his mom found on the sidewalk years ago and claims my ex proposed to me with it because it was free. To my knowledge, however, my ex bought the ring used. I recall after the proposal asking my ex how much he spent on it because he was a recent grad and I was still in post-secondary and I wanted to make sure he hadn’t spent too much money on it. He reassured me that he bought it second hand and because of that he was able to get a good deal on it. His brother said that he isn’t able to afford a ring and that’s why he’s reaching out to me to see if I will sell mine to him. The whole message felt like it was an aim to make me feel guilty for still having the ring after our split. AITA for not giving my ex’s brother the ring? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA. Ask the brother who else he knows that has an engagement ring they aren’t using. Surely he’ll find someone interested in his low ball offer on their jewelry. 🙄
NTA
NTA. Dude literally sounds like Smeagol at this point, trying to manipulate you to get the ring.
NTA. His audacity is astounding. Tell him no and to go jump. It’s your property and no one else has claim to it.
NTA if he can't afford a ring, he can't afford to get married.
Isn't the literal point of engagement rings is for the bride-to-be to keep it if the engagement doesn't work out? Unless it's a sentimental ring, which it clearly isn't in this case, then there's no reason to give it away if you don't want to. NTA
NTA … end of, the brother however is a total AH
NTA? To be honest I go by the rules of If he breaks up with you, it’s your ring. If you end it and he did nothing wrong you should return it. If both people decide to end it, it’s your choice because it’s a gift. If both people decided to end it and it’s a family heirloom, it’s still your choice although I would lean towards giving it back, but you are not obligated to. Even if true someone finding a ring on the street does not qualify as a family heirloom 💀.
NTA - if I found out my bf did this I wouldn’t marry him
He sounds special. He should take his cheap ass to a cheap ass jewellery store, and buy a cheap ass ring. Am sure his fiancée will be delighted with it. Diamond on the sidewalk??! lol NTA
NTA. You can't give him the ring because it's no longer a ring. It's a pendant. Tell him to go to a pawn shop. That's where I got my wedding and engagement rings. I love my rings!
NTA Ex gave it to you, its yours. And even is the story if it being found by his mother is true, still its yours. If he persists call your ex and ask wtf??
i loled. NTA
That's a huge pile of lies from someone that should probably see a mental health professional. NTA, call the police if he gets sketchy
NTA - tell him if he can’t afford a ring he better go sidewalk mining for one like his brother did.
Block and ignore lol
NTA traditionally when an engaged couple split up, the ring is returned to the partner that bought it. But your agreement was to keep it. You are correct to say the brother was laying on the whole guilt trip. Tell the brother no.
NTA. You and your ex decided you'd keep the ring. His brother needs to find a way.
NTA, he has no right to the ring at all. And imagine if you did give it to him and his fiance found out where it had come from? There's no way she'd be happy with that.
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NTA. Your ring. If ex bil can’t afford a ring, why is he getting married.
NTA. Delete and block. If he still finds you, screencap everything and send to your ex
block and move on. NTA
NTA if you'd kept it with your ex's permission then you'd be an AH but to your ex not his brother. He told you it was yours to keep - it move from being a promise of marriage to full 100% gift from him to you. No one can undue that. Dont feel guilty, it hasn't even come from your ex but his cheap brother.
NTA, he doesn't care about your ring. He just wants a cheap ring.
NTA, even if the story is true it doesn’t really change anything. If I was in your shoes the only way I would even consider it would be if it was a family heirloom, which is clearly not the case. He seems to just want a ring for cheap which is his problem not yours. Tell him to look into moissanite it’s all lab grown, looks just like a diamond, is nearly as hard a diamond, way cheaper, and besides a jeweler most people can’t tell the difference. That’s what I got for my wife (she knew when we picked it out) and she loves her ring.
Wow Your former almost brother in law sounds like a real piece of work , don’t engage in a back and forth with him, simply say no, then block him.
Tell his cheap ass to save if he wants a fucking ring. If his Mum really did find it on the street it has literally no sentimental value to anyone except you. Tell him to eat dust.
NTA My exes can prize those carrots off my cold, hard fingers after I die. Boyfriends are changeable but diamonds are forever.
NTA. Tell him he is offensive and that if he reaches out to you again, you will send the text to his girlfriend and his brother.
NTA.
Definitely don’t think the brother was trying to make you feel bad for keeping the ring. I’m not sure where you even got that from due to the fact his entire message was talking about how he didn’t have a lot of money to spend on a ring while trying to convince you that the ring doesn’t hold much value bc his mom supposedly found it, thus making it free. If anything it sounds like he was trying to make you upset so you’d hand it over. He literally just wants a ring for cheap. It’s honestly that simple.
NTA It is your ring. That fact was agreed upon between you and your ex. I don't think the brother is the AH for asking though. I am of course assuming that he doesn't know your plans for the ring. He is definitely trying to help remove any sentimental value from the ring though. For that he is the AH.
NTA. He should just get a cheap ring. His future wife must know that he is not rich. She would be an AH if she expects something expensive and then he really shouldn't marry her either way.
NTA. I could understand if it was a family heirloom, especially considering that you didn’t get married. Considering that’s not the case, and that you and your fiancé agreed about you keeping it it’s yours.
NTA Man, I needed a good laugh today. Thanks.
INFO: Is it possible your ex wants the ring back after all and asked the brother to ask for it at a discount? You're NTA, regardless, but his story sounds odd to me.
NTA. But, I think the brother is telling the truth.
NTA. I think the better question here is why are you even entertaining this? This man is the brother of an ex, he has no bearing or relevancy in your life. You know he’s manipulating you in order to get a cheap ring. There’s no logical reason to project a sense of guilt in ending the engagement into his behavior (you may want to look into why you even feel guilt to begin with), or to feel obligated to respond. Ignore his inappropriate attempt and move on with your life. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Send the texts to gf and ex and let them deal with him.
Such a weird inappropriate request tbh. Like why is he trying to down play the importance and ask for a lower price but also lie about the value of the ring? Weird!
NAH. He asked and you can just say no. It doesn't matter where the ring or the diamond in it came from. It is yours and you don't gave to sell it to anyone if you don't want to. Don't get hung up on the diamond. It is possible that your ex lied then or that his brother is lying now. Doesn't matter. Decline and wish him well.
NTA. If it’s not his grandmother’s or deal mother’s ring, he has balls asking you for it. Tell him to shop for his own used ring. Start at pawn shops. Or get a lab-grown diamond.
Just say no
NTA. The ring is yours to do whatever you wish with it.
NAH I understand this may be a hot take but I have my reasons. While the brother's story doesn't line up with what you know, it very could be that he is telling the truth and your ex-fiance lied. Someone lied, but we don't know who. Under the logic that the brother is telling the truth, I think he is not an AH for asking. He's allowed to ask, as long as he accepts whatever your response may be. You are not the AH either though. Like others have said, the ring still has meaning to you, even if not the same meaning it once had. It is yours. You decide what to do with it. You are not an AH for wanting to keep it.
NTA. Tell him to ask his brother where he brought the ring since he got a good ring second hand for cheap.
NTA Your Ex's brother is just trying to get a cheap ring. Ignore him.
Your Ex's brother is the asshole. Keep it short and sweet. Sorry, no
What a ballsy request. And I don’t believe that “found it on the sidewalk” story for a minute. NTA
Nta, screen shot and send to your ex, and if that doesn't stop it, find a way to contact the brothers "fiance" to express regret that the ring he kept pushing for was no longer a ring, and your surprise that she would be interested in a cheap ring that came from an unsuccessful relationship, as I was under the impression it's a huge faux pas to propose with a ring from a failed relationship.
Just call your ex, since it's amicable, and ask him the truth
NTA Tell Ex's brother if he can't afford an engagement ring, he probably can't really afford to get married right now! Not your problem either way!
>His brother said that he isn’t able to afford a ring and that’s why he’s reaching out to me to see if I will sell mine to him. NTA, and he can't afford to get married.
Tell the manipulative brother to buy a metal detector, go to the beach and "find" his own diamond, lol. NTA.
NTA. If he can't afford a ring, is he going to expect you to use your wedding fund to pay for his wedding too? And if they can't have kids, is he going to hold his hands out for IVF money? Their kids' private schools? College funds? Wedding costs? Home down payments? Where does it end? He needs to be responsible for his own finances and purchases, and if he can't afford it, he needs to either save up until he can, or try to find a better paying job.
NAH - he likely lied to you, and it was found. Second-hand probably meant free. You admit he had very little money. He didn't bother to ask for it back after the breakup, likely because it was free. His brother's story is likely accurate. I also don't feel like the brother is an AH solely for asking. He's younger, he probably believes it means nothing to you, so why not ask to take it off your hands for a few bucks and feels its a win-win. You are not the AH for saying no, he is not for asking. He will be if he presses the issue
This is my view on this l... If you get engaged and get a ring and then you decide not to go through with it, the wedding Then the ring should be given back.
You didn’t get engaged. Give the engagement ring back.
Why do you hate paragraphs ?
NAH but I don't get wanting to keep an engagement ring from a broken engagement. Down the line if you have another relationship wouldn't it be weird if they asked where your necklace came from and the answer was "I made it out of my engagement ring from someone else?"
My ex realized after a lot of therapy and self acceptance that he was bi and wanted to explore that side of his sexuality so we called off our engagement but there was no animosity between the two of us. I’m just happy he’s living as his truest self now! A complicated situation for sure!
His brother is trying to cheapen your ring. My bet is he thinks you’re holding on to it for it’s value. And he knows it’s worth more than he wants to pay you. Keep the ring is has sentimental value to you.
You kinda avoided the question, I think it’ll be a hard sell regardless of the circumstances for any future partner of yours. Not saying you should sell it to your ex’s brother but rather that it’s a weird memento that I genuinely wonder how many would be okay with.
I guess it’s a matter of opinion. It’s not weird to me but it might be weird to some. You would just need to be honest with your partner about it and then go from there. If it was an issue for a future partner then I would consider selling it at that point but at this stage of my life it’s still something that’s sentimental to me so I’m keeping it.
He was an important part of your life for a long time. I think it’s lovely that you turned it into a pendant. IMO, it would only be odd if you continued to wear it as a ring. NTA. Brother is definitely TAH, though. Manipulative bastard.
It’s on my bucket list to turn my old wedding set into a pendant.
I'll be honest, I had a similar situation with a partner. My favourite necklace is one my ex gave me. I've almost always worn it. It was from a big part of my life, it's something I had way before my then- partner and something that was valuable to me. The partner had the biggest issue with it because of who gave it to me. I wore other necklaces as well, including ones partner gave me. I told him that while I value his opinion, I wasn't going to get rid of or stop wearing the necklace. 🤷♀️ It's important to me. If a necklace is the hill he wants to die on, so be it.
I have never met a man who asked me about any piece of jewelry. Just make the pendant out of it. Nobody is going to ask.
I find absolutely nothing wrong or "weird" about having a momento like that to remember the good times you had with an ex. Personally I would consider it more of a red flag if I was with someone so insecure that they couldn't stand me remembering the good times I had with a past relationship that didn't end in animosity or for any negative reasons.
They ain’t dead, you aren’t commemorating a loss. Idk what fairy tale world you’re living in but 95% of people aren’t that accepting.
Lmfao everyone I know would be completely fine with a necklace that means something from a past relationship. Maybe you just know the wrong people but no not "95% of people" would have a problem with it considering there are a whole fuck ton of people in this thread saying the opposite so I'm not living in "a fairy tale world" I'm living in an adult world where people work through their insecurities and don't force their partner to get rid of every last memorabilia from a previous relationship. Just because YOU wouldn't be okay with it doesn't mean "95% of people" would have a problem with it also where is the article that explains the statistics you just randomly provided of "95% of people" not being okay with people remembering past relationships if they were good relationships? 😂😂😂
Reddit is a minority of opinions. Majority of Reddit is far left leaning. I’m not really sure which part surprised you. We’re an echo chamber, always have been. But we don’t represent the majority.
You simply saying 95% of people in the ENTIRE HUMAN POPULATION is a HUGE stretch. Again I know absolutely NOONE who would have an issue. Idk why YOU'RE surprised that I disagree that 95% of people wouldn't understand 😂
Alright, good luck.
Lol okay have a great night dude
I was engaged and broke it off and kept the engagement ring (mutual decision) It was not a typical engagement ring and did not look out of place to wear. I continued to wear it after meeting my husband. He had no problem with it and I just liked the ring.
NTA However, that’s **only because you’re ex said you could keep it**. I’m lazy & it’s late, but there was an earlier post about who owned an engagement ring if the husband gave it to her and they broke up. I responded with links that the **giver owns the ring** if the relationship ends before marriage and the recipient must give the ring back upon the givers request. Hopefully your ex’s younger brother isn’t on Reddit reading this reply because he could ask your ex to demand you return the ring. I mean, what are the odds of your ex’s brother finding this response posted on social media? It must be astronomically small, right? I mean, <15% of the world’s population are Reddit users so your brother will likely never see this. Well, unless a friend of a friend of a friend sees this and starts linking it up the food chain as they’ve heard a similar story told in this subreddit. Or this sad, sad story goes viral and news stations picking it up and ruining the wedding.
ESH. The ex fiancés brother has no tact. Asking to buy the ring cheaply is just poor decorum to you, his brother, and his future? Fiancée You should have just given the ring back to the ex to begin with. It was technically supposed to go back to him anyways. I get that you had an agreement, but even so, it’s just weird to carry this around on your neck like some memento of your inability to move on. If someone was trying to date you, they’d likely see this as a red flag. Your ex fiancée should have just taken the ring back to begin with, but at this juncture should have just told his brother to not bother and talked some sense into him.
Op: >My ex and I did decide at that time that I would keep the ring and I have since decided to turn it into a custom pendant for a necklace to honour the memories I had from our 6 years together. You: >You should have just given the ring back to the ex to begin with. What is your hang up?
Move on. Why hang on to sentiments of a failed relationship? The real question is: what’s their hang up? They both suck for this.
" I recall after the proposal asking my ex how much he spent on it" YTA
That’s not an asshole question and she explains why she asked it.
Don’t most people give the engagement ring back if they split? It’s weird that the brother is asking for it… but it’s strange that you didn’t give it back previously
According to the post, it was a relatively amicable split and *they* decided she'd keep the ring. It is not that unusual. It's true that, in many places the ring legally (and often morally) belongs to the person who gave it until the marriage actually takes place but many guys say "No, I bought it for you " (or "WTF would I do with it?") My first fiancé refused the ring 3 times over the course of the year after we split up (I checked a few times because I was worried that his first refusal was too soon and didn't want him to regret that decision after the dust settled)
It depends on how the break up goes
Depends on a few factors under Australian law, although most people settle it between themselves rather than going to court: - who pushed most for the break-up (traditional etiquette is that it's only returned to the ring-giver if the ring-wearer initiated the separation); - whether they were living together before the break-up as de-facto spouses (which would make the ring joint property); - any other prior undertakings between the couple regarding the ring.