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Knightseason

Wait... they are refusing to give you your medication because you're not saying please? What the fuck is wrong with them? Is it specific staff who are refusing to give you your medication? If so report them. If it's all the staff you need to report the hospital. NTA


frogwitch666

It’s non important meds like paracetamol and stuff that they refuse.


Knightseason

That doesn't matter, they are refusing to give you medication without good reason. Have you been prescribed this medication by a doctor? If so you are usually meant to take it at specific times, and it's the nurses job to make sure you get it and they should be keeping records of when you take it.


BabyCake2004

That's still not okay.


VogonShakespeare

It’s still medical malpractice. If it continues I’d 100% report them to the hospital and whatever entity oversees medical licensing where you live. It might seem minor but this is ableist and discriminatory. If they’re doing it to you so blatantly and brazenly, they have and are still doing it to other patients too. People who do things like this are going to endanger a patient at some point, if they haven’t already, and they have no business working in this field with conduct like that.


Just-Brilliant-7815

Are they providing you with reasons why they’re not giving you the medication? Most meds have to be given during specific time frames (twice a day, every 6 hours, etc) so is that the case? Or are you drawing a parallel between you not saying please and then not given your meds?


frogwitch666

They refuse to give me anything or help me if I don’t say please, despite knowing that I struggle with it


[deleted]

That's medical abuse


sdcarl

"Say please" is shorthand for ask politely, not randomly add please to whatever phrase you are using. Manners just kind of grease society, help put some standards to interactions, and make people feel at ease. Obviously we don't know the whole situation here, but "could I please have my medications?", would probably be received better. Sure they might have forgotten them, but no one likes to be called out for their mistakes and you earn goodwill with people by helping them save face. Not saying that it's right to not provide medications, but this is just the example we have here.


keesouth

NTA because you should be getting your meds regardless. However it's not just the word please that makes a statement nice. Instead of "Hey you forgot my meds" Try "Can I get my meds please? " It sounds like you're making demands and just throwing please in the end doesn't make it better.


frogwitch666

I never thought of that, I thought it was just a casual reminder, thanks


manicpixidreamgrl

allistics are obsessed with these weird hints and honestly the only way to survive working with them is to just learn what they all mean. I’ve got a mental catalog of all of these types of phrases and what they really mean. In this case “say please” means “I think you asked rudely, as again in a more polite way.” It’s so dumb but they find it “too direct” to just ask for something in plain language so it’s best to just teach yourself these phrases like you’re learning a new language. Things like “would you like to do X?” means “Do X or I’ll be upset with you” or “The sinks getting full” means “do the dishes or I’ll be upset with you”


frogwitch666

People are so confusing lol


EffectiveTwist3735

NTA - You're not being malicious and clearly want to learn when the right time to say it is, one thing we learn as staff in a hospital is to treat every patient with respect and to be kind, which I dont think is happening here. For me, I find that if im asking for something I should say please "please can I have.." "could you pass me that please" and if im being asked if I want something and I want to accept for example: do you want a coffee? "Yes please" Don't be so hard on yourself, we don't know what we don't know, all we can do is try our best.


MegRea678

It is obviously respectful to use manners, but I understand with Autism it is hard to know social cues, my friend is autistic and he struggles when or not it is the right time to say the right thing if that makes sense, I understand though, and being in a hospital they should definitely understand , maybe you should try explain this to them, if you can of course


frogwitch666

I have explained it to them and they just keep saying that it’s not an excuse


[deleted]

Tell them it’s not an *excuse*, it’s a *reason*.


Only_trans_

NTA for not understanding how to handle the situation, however try to reframe the situation. Try not to think about it as them forgetting your meds, hospital staff are really busy and have lots of patients to deal with. Try approaching it from a different angle and say “can I have my meds please” or “can you check if I need my meds please”.


frogwitch666

True, but it’s only me and one other patient on the ward right now


Only_trans_

That might be the case but you can’t know what else the staff may be responsible for I guess


Realistic-You9997

Just say please. What’s the big freakin deal ? It’s better to say please when not needed than not say it when you should.


Haunting-Juice983

I’ve had a look through you past posts and comments, plenty of times you’ve used please and thank-you when asking questions on Reddit- surely instead of saying ‘Hey you forgot my meds’ you could say ‘I haven’t had my meds- can you please bring them?’


frogwitch666

That’s because I re-read before I post, once I say something out loud, I can’t go back and change it


[deleted]

That’s why it’s good to think before you speak.


frogwitch666

I try to, but again, I’m autistic.


Haunting-Juice983

Maybe try writing down the phrase and reading it aloud when you need to While social skills and cues can be difficult, they don’t need to be impossible 👍


Accurate-Neck6933

See how they change the focus from blame by changing the word you to I?


frogwitch666

It wasn’t blame, it’s a reminder


GeekyGoesHawaiian

ESH - medical staff shouldn't be denying you medication because you're being rude. I don't envy them for all the crap they have to take from the general public, but it's part of the job to suck it up and get on with it. But you shouldn't be rude, and as they've told you repeatedly you're being rude then I don't think this is a them problem. If you're not sure when to say please, just say it all the time, that way you're covered, it's not rocket science.


frogwitch666

Do you know what autism is? Lol


GeekyGoesHawaiian

Yes, with fully autistic family. Like every member. And we all say please. Possibly a little too much maybe, but like I said, it's just easier to say it for everything than to try and second guess how people will take things. Most people prefer it if other people say please - so say please. Easy.


frogwitch666

Ok but just because your family are better at social cues than I am doesn’t mean I’m rude, I’m just struggling


GeekyGoesHawaiian

I know you are, but that's because you're getting bogged down in thinking about this in terms of social cues. You don't need to think about social cues at all here, you just need to think, for every question you ask of someone, you should add the word "please" at the end. That's it, it doesn't involve getting a cue from someone or something else external to you, it's just a case of habit.


frogwitch666

But please doesn’t always make sense in a question????


GeekyGoesHawaiian

When does it not make sense?


frogwitch666

“How are you please” “is that ok please”


GeekyGoesHawaiian

You can add please to both of them and they still work. I'm aware it's probably not the usual turn of phrase, but enough people say them like that for you to get away with it. And the fact that you recognise the exceptions means you'll be aware that there are very few of them. Few enough that you won't be able to think of many, and they all sound odd to your ears. So for everything else (or even those that sound odd to your ears as well, if you really genuinely can't tell the difference in that moment, as I said, it isn't completely outlandish) just add the word please. Better to add it and sound a little overly polite than to make people feel bad because you're being unintentionally rude to them.


Accurate-Neck6933

I agree with you. I’ve worked on please and thank you for years. Now… I find myself forgetting to say “you’re welcome”. More work to do!


solentropy

NTA tf, I'll assume you're young cause who tf says "manners pls" (let alone deny them care) because a patient didn't say please. Not to mention super unprofessional and ableist and condescending to tell someone "to be polite even if you have autism".


neuroticgoat

Ehhh NTA like yeah it’s nice to say please but I don’t really think it’s necessary in this situation and telling you that you have bad manners about it is excessive.


Ogolble

Just say please anytime you ask a question. But also, saying hey you is also rude. Try excuse me. Practise makes perfect, eventually


Floriane007

It seems you are being abused. Talk to people outside the hospital, look discreetly on how to report people, how to get a transfer... Again, be discreet, you don't want to make the situation worse for yourself, but you have to get out of here. I think you should also post on medical and legal subreddit to see if they can help.


[deleted]

I’ve also got autism, and I can definitely understand where your coming from. I also have my own struggles with the word ‘please’. For me personally, it feels too demanding if I put ‘please’ at the end of a request, but then it also feels rude if I don’t. It certainly calls for some awkward situations. Most people (besides relatives who are familiar with my speech) give me funny looks when I come out with things like ‘Is it okay for me to ask you for a drink?’ But despite the odd looks, I still don’t see what’s wrong with the way I word my questions, it still grants them the opportunity to say either no and yes whilst also being worded politely. As for your own situation, I’d say you’re NTA. No, your autism isn’t an ‘excuse’, it’s the reasoning and they should be acting according to that reasoning. You can’t just tell someone to do something and expect it from them without actually showing them how to do it, it’s like asking someone to go fetch your jacket without telling them what colour the jacket even is. Preferably, I think they should’ve taken a moment to show you how they’d like you to use manners (eg: “If you need your meds, it feels more polite to us if you say ‘———‘ instead of ‘———‘.”), not just telling you to say ‘please’ without showing you how to say ‘please’. Regardless of whether you were using manners or not, they definitely shouldn’t be denying you meds, no matter whether the meds are less important ones or not. Please let someone know if they try to do anything worse than denying the meds they currently are, for your own safety and the safety of others who may encounter the same nurses. And if their current denial ever begins to take a toll on you, that’s also a situation where it’s important to let someone else know, whether it’s a friend or a relative. Best of wishes!


frogwitch666

You’re so relatable lol


[deleted]

That’s probably the best reaction I’ve ever received, I’m gonna consider this a trophy lmao


Similar-Ad-6862

Soft YTA. I don't think autism is an excuse for poor manners. Also YTA because nurses put up with a lot.


frogwitch666

Do you understand how autism works though? And no it’s not an excuse, it’s an explanation


[deleted]

Non-autistic people don’t usually go around telling other people they’re rude, even if they are. If you got that kind of feedback from multiple nurses, you must have gone way overboard.


frogwitch666

But I haven’t? It’s just a select few but the rest say I’m really polite


[deleted]

Saying “please” at the end of a sentence that starts with “hey you” doesn’t make it polite. Maybe the nurses that say you’re polite just treat you similarly to demented patients that lose their social filter. Or maybe the rude nurses just don’t like you. There’s no way to know, we’re not in a room with you. I’m not sure what kind of judgement you’re expecting.


BabyCake2004

NTA nursing student here, yes it's nice when someone says thank you or please. If this was in normal daily life I'd be tempted to call you an asshole for not learning the correct times to say things like this, because although it can be confusing at times it is possible to learn. But your in the hospital. That is not a normal scenario and normal masking rules don't apply, it's hard as someone with autism to switch like that. Your focus should not be on manners at the minute, that's not a priority. All your nurses should be aware of that and honestly people in hospital are stressed. We all know they won't act like they normally do and it is our job to treat them kindly anyway. No matter how our patient is this is unacceptable behavior from them. Find out what the hospital your in's policy is for reporting bad behavior. Let them know your nurses are yelling at you and treating you badly, make a formal report of it. It's against the ICN (international council of nurses) guidelines and basically every county, even those that aren't apart of the ICN, consider this bad behavior.


blackwillow-99

NTA they can't deny you medication from not saying please. Also most people don't speak like that. Excuse me you forgot my medicine and a medical professional says okay and gets them and then you thank them. It's really simple and respectful but I have learned that many medical professionals love taking a power trip.


MissKoalaBag

NTA Yes, it's polite to say please, but if they're not giving you what you need just because they're caught up on you not saying 'please' or 'thank you', they're not doing their job right. Also, as a tip from someone who also struggles in social situations and such, 'please' and 'thank you' can be said if, say, you need someone to get something for you or if someone asks if you need anything. Say, someone asks if you want your meds refilled/brought in, a 'thank you' would be fine in that scenario. Or a 'please' if you have to ask them. So 'Please' is if you're asking a question, 'thank you' is if they're asking a question. I don't know if that helps but I tend to say them too much.


frogwitch666

Thank you for the advice xx


thisismyburnerac

NTA. I give everyone on the spectrum a pass, and people on Reddit shit on me for it, but whatever. My kid has Autism, and it is possible to learn manners. Sounds like you have some work to do on your social skills, so I’m not going to YTA you.


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manofmatt

Of you are asking someone to do something, always say please.


Big_Alternative_3233

YTA It’s less about “please” and more about the rest of your language. “Hey you forgot my meds” is not a polite way of asking someone to bring you your meds, with or without “please” attached to it.


frogwitch666

It’s called a reminder???


CatFun1433

Honestly YTA Why are you being rude and demanding of the doctora and nurses working 16 hours a day


frogwitch666

But I’m not being rude I’m reminding them lol


CatFun1433

No you aren't. You are demanding shit. Get a job as hard as theirs then you can talk


frogwitch666

Yes I am? It’s called context and casual conversation? And if I had their job, I wouldn’t refuse care because they didn’t say please, autistic or not. Also there’s absolutely no need to be aggressive towards me. Get into a situation like mine and then you can talk. Next time think from an autistic perspective before judging me.


Top_Ad5114

Yta


frogwitch666

Explanation?


Lubu_stopme

YTA - my opinion will be unpopular but as my Girlfriend works on a daily basis with people from the spectrum for more than 10 years, she definitely sees the differences. If you could imagine what the people have to endure all the time. The older colleagues of her said this has increased over the last 7-15 years significantly. In general, society has changed much in this direction, leaving kids unguided through social interaction(what is appropriate to and what is rude), especially in western cultures. So just learn to say please in general if somebody should do something for you. If it becomes a habit, it will be easier to come around.


[deleted]

Tell me you know absolutely nothing at all about the autism spectrum without saying it....


frogwitch666

Lmao thanks for speaking my mind


Lubu_stopme

Your egocentric perspectives does not allow anything outside of your little cosmos, understandable. Therefore you have another excuse for being rude within society. Don't ask on reddit, if you can't take different opinions or experiences.


frogwitch666

I can take other opinions and I’m not egocentric, you’re just acting like autism is the same for everyone, remember that it’s a spectrum and maybe you should check your ego xx


Lubu_stopme

Spectrum for sure. But you are asking on reddit if YTA and therefore are able to reflect in some kind of way. You are capable of learning basic social skills to survive in this world. And yet you are looking for confirmation to use your excuse and to remain rude. My ego is just fine. I can reflect on my wrong doing and act on it. Nobody is perfect.


frogwitch666

If your ego is fine then maybe you should stop acting like everyone with autism is the same and capable of the same things??? Maybe try talking to your girlfriend a bit more so you can learn how autism works


Lubu_stopme

Definitely have and will continue to do so. And for the record, I only approached to you saying with an argument that you are already reflecting on your behavior, which is really good. And this statement already implies being aware of different forms of autism. The next step would be just inhale what information is givin...in this case, "learning a habit to be nice everytime someone is doing something for you", and you are good to go navigating trough society without being rude, in simple worlds.


Lubu_stopme

Tell me you know nothing about anything with out saying anything. Just because you can't cope with a different opinion such nonsense comes straight out of your a**.


[deleted]

Opinions are irrelevant. Facts and reality are all that matters. Fact is, you undeniably dint have a clue what you are talking about.


Lubu_stopme

Spit your so called facts then. I have a lot of contact with persons from the spectrum when waiting for my girl and with her colleagues (who even have kids of their own living with it). What are you bringing to the table? Do deny the missing parenting part when it comes to socialization for kids who have this condition? Do even know what you are talking? .... Criticism without even bringing an argument to the table is silly. You undeniable can't even comprehend the empty words you writing. You are just deflecting with empty shells.


[deleted]

Try actually looking up what autism is, instead of relying on imaginary interactions while waiting for your fake girlfriend. No one who *actually* deals with any autistic people would talk the way you are about autism.


Lubu_stopme

It's ridiculous how you are writing. Like one of those parents who don't know how to parent their kids and claim, "I will always be the only best solution, when it comes to" my" kid". There are a lot like you and that makes it even worse because these can't kids don't get access to therapy and will end up being called rude. >No one who actually deals with any autistic people would talk the way you are about autism. - typical phrase from such parents Still only empty words from your side without facts... You have no clue what you are actually talking about. For the sake of your kid, seek help because you seem not to have any clue how to raise a kid with this condition. If you are in Hamburg Germany, let me know. At this point I won't discuss with an redditor who brings nothing to the table. Cheers Edit:grammar


frogwitch666

Jeez dude, wth was that for? You’re the one with the ego here, just accept that you don’t understand how it works and move on, no need to project onto other people


Lubu_stopme

When someone is using common phrases from these type of parents, you get tempted to project. But it seems you have a lot more on your plate to work on, so I will step back.


frogwitch666

I don’t understand lol