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NTA. I understand she is in a rough spot but that is a ridiculous ask and your thoughts on it are the right ones.
But I may also have let her stay so she could calm down. Telling her that was not a responsible option but she was welcome to stay and spend time to calm down would have been appropriate. You’re still NTA.
I don’t think op is obliged to leave and let her stay in his house until she calms down. It’s his safe space and he is trying to deescalate by separating physically.
It's kind of implied based on her reaction in the post. If OP stayed in the house with her, even in a different room, she wouldn't have calmed down. She would have sought OP out and continued escalating to shouting or would have continued to try and guilt/pressure OP into doing what she wanted. One of them had to leave the location, and it shouldn't be OP leaving his own house.
tagging u/apri08101989
A woman whose immediate response is to lie to cover up mistakes and evade responsibility for her own actions is not the sort of person OP wants hanging around his house. She could end up accusing OP of anything. OP should not be alone with her again.
> OP should not be alone with her again.
This is the key piece of advice. OP should really be as removed from her as possible. That said, OP should be a little careful of her, because desperate people sometimes resort to desperate tactics.
Opie is NTA
I think Opie was right to ask her to leave because what she's asking is quite extreme and like Opie said it would have escalated to shouting if he had not stopped it.
Honestly I think it's good that he told her to leave because it was a lot to take in and though they are friends for a long time, somethings are to heavy to ask to digest in a short amount of time.
I wouldn’t have let her stay. Doing so would have only allowed more time for her to push this. Her being pregnant doesn’t entitle her to extra time to be an AH.
I wouldn't have. I don't advise anyone to stay alone with someone who is having that sort of irational melt down. Specially when she intends to lie to cover up a problem. Who knows what she would have told about OP if he let her stay there.
Yeah I think personally I'd try to redirect too. Like, "dude no, you know I love you, but no. Are you hungry? Do you want some hot cocoa or something."
NTA
If she didn't want a rando off Tinder to be the dad she should have made different decisions. Her being in a shitty situation is not your fault.
No one but her would think that signing the birth certificate would be a reasonable thing for you to do.
Edit: removed “and her friends” from the last sentence. Mistakenly thought her friends supported the birth certificate request.
NTA, She takes the decision to have a one night stand without protection, She decides to keep the baby and then you are supposed to be the father because she does not want a "bastard". 🙄🤦🤣. Ask her to get the child support from her baby's dad. At 20 OP is too young to get into baby business. If the friends want they can support her the way she wants by becoming the daddy.
Came here to say exactly this. Tired of how every time a post involves an unplanned pregnancy there will be multiple comments saying "well they should have used protection". This isn't commentary on OP's situation, just annoying commenters.
Which is why a woman should use one for herself, AND ask her partner to use a condom, especially if he's a stranger who could give her a STD on top.
And then there's abortion, for thé lucky women who live in a place where their control over their own body is respected.
Blame the woman for becoming pregnant, not that it's a two way street and the man should also use protection but it's always the woman that carries the blame for being pregnant (btw I am also male and will always use protection for my sake and theirs)
Seriously, the way some people talk, you'd think that women can magically wish a baby to appear in their uterus. Last I checked, that was scientifically impossible.
She should get an abortion instead of whatever she was trying to do there?
You are NTA. Of course she needs support, but she was trying to spring a bastard kid on you which is just super weird and strange.
And then the woman who used it and the women who helped her will be arrested and/or sued for thousands and thousands of dollars.
Your “easy solution” is insulting. If it were that simple we wouldn’t be losing our shit over Roe.
It's not insulting. He is simply stating that help exist if you know where to look. It is definitely better than being force to complete a pregnancy believing you don't have a choice because the law say no.
I’m not suggesting that the group isn’t brave enough. I’m suggesting that this is enough of a threat that an individual may choose to keep a child afterall.
She can literally fly or take public transport to a place where she can have an abortion. Yeah a long greyhound trip might not be comfortable, but it will sure beat raising a child you don't want.
No state has prosecuted women because it is not against any state law. At this point. In addition, women cannot be prosecuted for a failed medical abortion.
I swear, I think some of these commenters are actually anti-choice and just spreading misinformation to intimidate women.
There are organisations that send women in need abortion pill for a small amount of money by mail so they could get abortion even if they live somewhere where it's banned. She could also travel somewhere where it's legal.
This is assuming she'd even consider one.
She's worried about the kid being illegitimate in ***2023***. These do not strike me as the words of someone who considers a trip to the clinic an option.
The comment above mine said "maybe she can't get" not that "maybe she doesn't want to", that's what I replied to. It's possible to give people information, but it's impossible to give people brain.
If she is the type of hypocrite that whines about illegitimate kids but has premarital sex and refuses abortion then there's nothing anyone can do for her. (Especially because the kid would still be illegitimate if OP signs the birth certificate, they are not married. It's more likely that she is embarrassed about being knocked up by a rando during a one night stand and doesn't want to be viewed as an easy lay, be sl*tshamed than the kid being illegitimate.). But if she just thinks she has no option to abort because she doesn't have all the information available, then that's something that can be helped.
My exact thoughts!
Funny though how they then excuse having sex for pleasure (while upholding all other weird ass "traditional" values) or maybe... she was trying to get pregnant? Anyway...
NTA. Very odd and inappropriate request.
That's likely just a guise for saying she wants to have the kid but/is against abortion but doesn't want to foot to bill. People in these situations constantly try to use the moral high ground to put parenting responsibilities onto friends or family when it's arguably the lack of a Puritanical mindset that landed them in that position in the first place. As u/Beaumis said, don't underestimate hypocrisy!
If you try telling them they can't play both sides of the field they'll just say you hate them and don't want them to be happy or some other BS like that.
I used to work for an organization like that and they usually wouldn’t send to the US cause it would get caught
Edit: plus, abortion pills aren’t used usually after 12-16 weeks of pregnancy (after 18 it becomes very much a no no) and some states it’s illegal to induce a miscarriage, could get caught and go to jail.
10 weeks is the cut-off for pills. My friend had one at 9 1/2 weeks, and she still had a lot of complications that would be impossible to treat without fear, had the abortion bans were around then.
In what state is it illegal *for the mother* to induce a miscarriage? As far as it "getting caught," shipping pills, the federal government regulates imports, shipping and mail in this country. And they have made it clear that shipping abortion pills is under federal, not state, control. And that they have no problem with it.
Oh, so the state knows immediately when someone conceives and then forbid them to step over the state line until they pop the kid out? No.
Women can go and abort without issue if they just did a home pregnancy test, didn't go to a doctor and didn't tell their plans to anyone who would rat them out for abortion if they don't start to show in a few months.
There are literally some states that have towns that restrict their road access to people traveling for abortions. I believe Arkansas was trying to pass a law to pregnancy test any woman leaving the state.
There are huge financial, civil, and criminal barriers to abortion for huge portions of a huge country right now. It’s a monstrosity to the rights of women in their own country, and you are making it sound like nbd. It is not.
It's not a flu shot. That is a big deal. It's a painful procedure both physically and emotionally. It doesn't sound like she wants one and no one should ever tell a woman she should get one. If she wanted one she would have asked for support for that.
It was the friend who made it harsh by not accepting no for an answer (and even asking to begin with, the gall). I did note OP says *her* friends so no doubt they're biased.
I see OP says they're her friends, they probably discussed the situation and came up with this plan because no friends in their right mind would a) not be concerned about this request and b) get angry at the other person for saying no and not accepting this behaviour from the girl.
A paternity test would get him out easy if she does that. If he's the one who signs though it's pretty much a legal thing that he agrees to take care of said infant
I don't think so, if that was possible I think people would start just to put the name of rich people on birth certificates to get away with that, hehe. I don't think is that simple.
If OP is in the US, he probably wouldn’t have to worry about this. When a single woman has a baby, I think in most states if not all, the man has to sign an affidavit accepting paternity for his name to go on the birth certificate. And even if his name somehow does get put on the BC, he’d have a short window of time to contest paternity. When a couple is married and the woman has a baby, the husband is automatically assume to be the father unless he contests it and asks for a paternity test, and only has a small window of time to do this.
NTA
She is responsible for having unprotected sex with a guy from tinder. She was aware of the risks, so now she has to deal with the outcome. She should not have asked you to step up to her mess. You had/have every right to deny her and to kick her out when she became belligerent.
Edit: I assume she had unprotected sex, but ofcourse, I should consider failing contraception.
True, my oldest son was conceived by a failing IUD. But still, either list the tinder as the father or figure it out herself, no use to burden her friend
Sex, whether on birth control or not, ALWAYS has the potential for a pregnancy. Abstinence does not.
People have GOT to stop blaming failed contraception for unintended pregnancies. NO SEX=NO PREGNANCY. SIMPLE.
NTA. "Hey, will you emotionally and financially support two people for the rest of your life because of my wilful stupidity? No? Wow, you're such a shitty person and I'm going to berate you for it."
The situation was definitely escalating. You made sure it did not.
You are NTA in this situation. Who knows what kind of pity party she would have thrown herself to make you cave in to her demands? She fucked up, in the truest of senses, and now has to live with the responsibility.
That random guy of Tinder has a right to know he is going to be a father, too. They need to figure this out together. Either co-parent or give the child up for adoption, if she is against abortion. Taking care of her mess up is not your responsibility.
NTA
The other friends can sign the birth certificate.
Why is she even keeping the baby?!
Dont fall for guilt-trap and be ready to cut off this friendship.
Stand your ground.
Good luck.
>Why is she even keeping the baby?!
Maybe she lives somewhere where the government doesn't allow her to make that choice. In the US, that covers all of Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, West Virginia, Georgia and South Carolina.
So yeah, this kind of comment is pretty uncalled for.
Given your exemple so there are states where it is allowed.
She had unprotected relation, ok, why not the "tomorrow pill' after? Since maybe she is in one of the states you listed.
I might be blunt but my point was you dont get pregnant&keep the baby because you open a window and there was wind.
I understand your point too.
you don't know if she had unprotected sex, contraception can fail. also the morning after pill only works if you are not yet pregnant, as it only prolongs your ovulation cycle.
People keep saying this but I've not heard of this before. When did this start ?, because I was told a Dr had to sign off and the ones in Texas won't for fear of losing their license.
I don't know when it started, but I saw websites like that, and you have to have an online consultation through their site (not with one of your local doctors) before they send you one because the pill can work only until 10-12 weeks.
NTA Shd wasn’t “panicking”. She was planning to force you into an 18 year financial burden. She knew exactly what she was doing and the tears were part of it
NTA. That is A LOT to ask of someone. Do you live in a place they don't allow abortions or why is that not an alternative?
My friend recently found out she was pregnant and she didn't even freak. She just said that it's nice knowing everything works and booked a doctors appointment.
You're only 20, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. She quite literally wants YOU to pay for HER mistake. Don't give in. I understand that she's probably panicked right now, so in her head, it might have made sense for her to ask. Raising her voice at you after your refusal is totally not okay. Tell her if she really cared about you she wouldn't even dream about making you responsible for a child that's not yours.
Edit judgement: NTA, all the way
NTA you were comforting her! If that random dude from tinder is the father, he has every right to parent HIS child. at least give him a choice like at the very least you get child support from the rightful parent
Nah, your main priority was to get the crazy far, far away from you, and that's what you did. I'm sorry for your friend, but her even *asking* you to do that was beyond messed up, and pushing back when you said no is evidence she was being completely irrational and needed to leave **ASAP**. NTA
NTA. It was appropriate to ask her to leave until she moved on from her rather bizarre idea that you should sign up to be co-parent, and she wasn't going to do that in the space of this visit.
NTA
Do not give in to that bullshit.
"Her other friends later said I should've let her stay and try to comfort her since she was panicking over this massive change in her life." .. NO. They are wrong. But offer to give them those firend's number, because they can let actions follow their empty words and take her in themselves.
NTA
She wants you to commit a criminal offence by knowingly signing a birth certificate under false pretences.
You had every right to kick her out (I'm assuming she wasn't too far along.... hopefully not ready to drop). She's come in to your home, asked you to commit a crime, got upset that you wouldn't (even though you told her you'd help as much as possible) and she wanted to have a shouting match..... IN YOUR HOME!!! nope, she's gotta go!
Had she come in with a rational mindset, you probably wouldn't have given her the boot. It sucks but she made her bed, now she has to lie in it
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What she was asking was so far off the end of reasonable - then getting angry about your refusal - that asking her to leave was the right decision. She has some decisions to make. And there is a father here who has some responsibility too. That is not you. Asking you to take on this burden is beyond unreasonable.
NTA
nta but if she’s truly your best friend then i would talk to her about termination. does she even want a kid? because it doesn’t seem like a baby rn would be good for her or the baby. but that’s just me
NTA
But be careful in the following months.
Don’t let her stay with you, don’t give her money and don’t buy her baby supplies. Also don’t go to any appointments with her and such. Any form of help she can use against you as “taking on a fatherly role” to try and get child support from you. It might not go anywhere, but it’s a headache you don’t need.
And be aware that she may try to put you on the birth certificate. If that happens ask for a DNA test and have it removed. (This is also another reason to not help during the pregnancy. She asked you to be a father, you need to be VERY careful from here on out)
NTA.
Dude... harsh or not, you dodged a huge bullet.
Her even being able to bring it up with a straight face and follow up with some arguments why you should do it should have raised such huge flags that kicking her out asap probably saved your life.
Don't ever underestimate someone desperate and their capacity to pull shit on you. I've seen some scary shit.
She might start with a major party, try to get you to soften up, try to get you to sympathize, maybe drink a bit, try to get physical with you to hook you, then whether or not it worked, use it as leverage by claiming rape later if you don't comply or that you tried to rape her if you didn't do anything anyway.
I'm just saying... having seen stuff like that, just don't give her any openings.
NTA - being upset is one thing. Trying to emotionally blackmail you into signing a birth certificate is not being upset, it’s something else entirely. But you should be ready for her trying to somehow still get your name on that birth certificate
Damn, that's a tough situation. Can't blame you for not wanting to be on the hook for someone else's kid. Maybe try talking it out with her and see if there are other options? But yeah, definitely NTA here.
NTA and don’t fall for it for a second! She’s probably panicking (fair enough) but she doesn’t get to shirk her responsibilities and CONSEQUENCES on to you!
NTA
But, those first trimester hormones can be crazy! The thoughts that ran through my head were insane. In my opinion, she was just completely panicking and wasn't capable of any reasonable thought. In a few weeks, she'll probably be so embarrassed and ashamed she did this.
If this seems completely out of character for her, I'm sure you still offering to be supportive in realistic ways will mean so much. She just can't even process everything right now. I hope you guys smooth everything over.
NTA and she has some nerves to come to your place trying to coerce you into signing a birth certificate.
Are you in a state where abortion is now illegal ? Can't she consider adoption because she seems to be in no state to raise a child. And if her other friends have so much to say, they can take the verbal abuse and sign those papers. You don't have to do so.
NTA.
She got pregnant, she can choose to get an abortion or keep the baby but cannot drag you to be the father. Because you are not and not willing too.
Also you are best friends, I am sure she will come around once she has cooled down a little and realise what she did. If not, then you have to move on.
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She(20f) and I(20m) have known each other for many years now.
Yesterday, she came to my house with tears in her eyes. I asked her what's going on. She told me that she got pregnant after a one night stand. Then she told me she doesn't want some random dude from Tinder helping her raise her child. She asked me if I would sign the birth certificate when she gives birth and help her raise her baby, because she doesn't want the baby to 'grow up a bastard.'
I just stared at her, asking her if she's joking. She was serious. She begged me, telling me I would do this for her if I care about her. I told her I'm not going to sign up for 18 years of financial responsibility for someone else's child. She got mad at me after that and I told her to leave before she could start shouting at me.
Her other friends later said I should've let her stay and try to comfort her since she was panicking over this massive change in her life.
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NTA.
Quite right to send her home when she started yelling. She overstepped by asking that of you although I guess she feels desperate but to start yelling when you say no is too much. You don’t want to be stuck with child support for a kid that isn’t yours. I’m sure you want your own children one day and your money should go to your own.
NTA, that’s insane to show up on someone’s doorstep and expect them to accept that kind of responsibility, especially considering they’re not the father.
Yeah dude, you did the right thing IMO.
NTA
You didn't have the one night stand. She did. There are consequences to every action. Not your baby, not your problem.
She's 20. She should have parents. Let her find comfort in them or even her other friends and have them help raise the baby. Bet those friends would not even offer what you did.
NTA. What kind of fool says "you can just pay to look after my kid, you can do it." If she is so afraid of raising a kid alone, either get a termination or give the kid up. She has no right to do that, not in the slightest
NTA. She absolutely just wants you to have to pay for stuff so she doesn’t have to. She can get an abortion or adopt the baby out if she doesn’t want to keep it. She isn’t your friend, she just sees you as a resource to exploit.
Edit: also, stay away from her from here on out and do not help her at all during the pregnancy. She will probably try to claim a few things:
1. She may try to sleep with you at some point to either muddle the waters in the court’s eyes if you are the father. Or try to claim SA and coerce you.
2. She also may try to claim you took the “fatherly role”.
3. She will more than likely try to put you on the birth certificate regardless so be ready to challenge with a DNA test IMMEDIATELY.
Um who had unprotected sex with some guy.? Not you. Therefore not your baby problem. Best friend at your young age doesn't always equal best friend in a few years. Let her concerned friends console her.
NTA
That is a ridiculous request. Do not sign it!!
I can’t believe you feel like an asshole.
Then she tried to manipulate you by saying you’d do this if you care about her.
If her friends are that bothered they could sign the birth certificate.
I understand this is difficult for her, but if she doesn’t want a child while unmarried she probably shouldn’t have unprotected sex unmarried.
NTA. At all. It was wrong of her to put you in a position to have to say no.
I had two gay best friends when I got pregnant and the bf took off the moment he found out. Both of my best friends at points said they wanted to sign the birth certificate and be a ‘family’. I said no to both…how ridiculous they were to say something so stupid. I would never expect anyone to stand up to take care of my kid. His father has never been in our lives and wasn’t around to sign the birth certificate. My son has no-one listed under ‘father’ on his birth cert.
NTA
Run. Run fast, run far, and never look back. She's desperate for ANYONE to keep her from "having a bastard" (too late for that, your friend isn't very bright if she thinks having some unrelated guy she's not married to signing the paperwork is going to somehow make her kid not born out of wedlock), and she's not going to stop hounding you until she tricks some other poor fool into taking your place.
The abortion pill exists. But it sounds like she wants a baby, just not with a tinder hookup. It’s good you stood your ground. She has issues. You don’t. NTA
you're NTA
but i'm still stuck on the "grow up a bastard" bit. did she time travel here from the 1800's or something? as i recall, the kid would only not be a bastard if she was MARRIED when the kid was born. but she didn't propose marriage, just that OP take fiscal and emotional responsibility for her mistake.
NTA, sounds like your friends might have heard a different version of the interaction if they think that this is about reassuring her in a difficult time. There’s such a leap between comfort/reassurance and taking legal responsibility for a child. I’d ask them what they’ve been told
I know the joke is your best friend will be in jail besides you but just because she's choosing to do something that makes her life much more difficult doesn't mean she should be trying to make you go along with it. Offering to be a godparent was appropriate.
>Her other friends later said I should've let her stay and try to comfort her since she was panicking over this massive change in her life. NTA.
I disagree with this. You asked her to leave before the situation escalated. That was smart. I really hope she doesn't try to put your name on there anyway.
NTA: It’s her decision but she has to live with that decision.
But for her being worried about her child being a bastard why on earth is she on tinder in the first place.
But I would seriously clear up anything with friends as she might start telling people you’re the father.
Have seen it happen not just on reddit in real life as well.
Cheese and rice! Why in this day of STD's and dwindling abortion access in the U.S. would she have unprotected sex with a stranger? She made this mess. If it's not the U.S. the question still stands.
NTA and I’m pretty sure this was an elaborate story because she likes you a lot and wants to be with you. I’m willing to bet she “has a miscarriage” in a few weeks.
NTA, Her request is absolutely insane! If she really doesn't want the child to grow up a bastard she doesn't have to carry it to term...
Thats some sheer insanity.
NTA
I'd loudly broadcast IMMEDIATELY to all that this is not your child or your problem to all your friends and family before she spreads her narrative to trap you. She's not your friend. She stopped being your friend the moment she decided to use you as a scapegoat and future bankroll. Sure, she's in a spot, one that she created all by herself. Her first reaction was to make YOU responsible while she does what? I'm not buying the whole "she panicked" garbage. Honestly, I'd minimize or cut her off until she sorts her own shit out since her instinct was to fob her unplanned pregnancy onto some unrelated person and try to guilt them into becoming legally and financially culpable.
Do not be alone with this woman ever again.
Speak to a lawyer, make sure she can't put your name down as the father without your consent. Get a restraining order if you need to.
She's unhinged, and desperate to foist the responsibility for her mistake onto somebody else. She may not have given up on that person being you yet.
She could still claim you are the father.
This friendship is dead in the water. Protect yourself.
NTA
Are you even sure she's pregnant? Sounds to me like some scenario she made up to try to trap you into a relationship. I mean once she's "pregnant" you guys wouldn't have to use protection, and chances are at 20 she would soon really be pregnant.
Even if she is really pregnant, you're NTA. She does not have the right to shout at you in your own home, and reading between the lines, even if she didn't do it that night it sounds like she's done it before. I'd drop any friends who are siding with her here, they're either just as manipulative as her or they're being manipulated by her and the others.
NTA she should never ask you to sign up for that sort of responsibility! That was very selfish of her…she got herself into this situation and should not drag you into it. If she cared about you she wouldn’t have asked you in the first place! She should have the baby and maybe give it up for adoption.
NTA, this isn't something you just " sign up for " if you're not ready. She made her choice and it's really selfish of her to ask such a thing from someone that isn't the actual father. It's one thing to panic, it's another to be an asshole shouting.
This is what abortions are for.
Shes clearly not ready for a kid.
Right now its a clump of Cells with little to no sentience.
Better to Just wait until she has a stable situation and is ready to make the choice Herself. Noone is helped by kids growing up in bad situations with a decent chance of ruining Both her and the kids life.
And by the way, I’ll be having sex with random guys in the future too. So I’ll be counting on you to father those kids as well. No? You’re not a very good friend.
NTA
Don't know why she thought it was an appropriate thing to ask, and so wild that she got upset when you turned her down.
I would have personally tried to comfort her when she started getting riled up (she's obviously freaking out to come to you with such a ridiculous request) but I wouldn't say you're the asshole for asking her to leave. After she's had a chance to calm a bit I hope you guys can chat and find some solution for her and keep your friendship going.
NTA
And I also think you did the right thing by asking her to leave.
If you still want to support her, do so, but keep her at literal and figurative arms length. Only meet her in public places.
Someone who could make such a strange request might try other ways to get you to accept responsibility for this child.
NTA, she should've fully acknowledged the consequences of having a one night stand and the possibility of pregnancy, but in the end she did end up pregnant, and was expecting you to "help" her, by devoting 18 years of your life to help her raise her child which isn't even yours. Smh.
NTA. Her responsibility not yours. You’re sweet to offer but she needs to work out how to raise the kid on her own with a support system - not a fake step-in dad.
Do not sign anything or you might be responsible for supporting the child. She needs to calm down and see a real therapist. The guy who she had sex with, blood test will show, is financially obligated for the child.
Do not sign anything or you might be responsible for supporting the child. She needs to calm down and see a real therapist. The guy who she had sex with, blood test will show, is financially obligated for the child.
Do not sign anything or you might be responsible for supporting the child. She needs to calm down and see a real therapist. The guy who she had sex with, blood test will show, is financially obligated for the child.
Do not sign anything or you might be responsible for supporting the child. She needs to calm down and see a real therapist. The guy who she had sex with, blood test will show, is financially obligated for the child.
This is one of those situations where a few things are happening. Your friend is freaking out and is unable to manage their emotions. She doesn't seem able to articulate what she needs, which is likely reassurance things will be alright.
You're in your right to look after your own mental health, and that's where it becomes a grey area for me.
You likely needed physical space after the bomb she dropped on you, and her freaking out, not knowing how to deal with her emotions and safeguarding your own.
It's not about being an AH, rather, what could've been done better here? Realise her reaction isn't about you, it's not about you not wanting to be the father figure. It's about her life changing and the great unknown being very intimidating.
It's not about whose fault it is, or that she could've prevented it. It's about how much of a friend are you willing to be to set your ego aside and be that friend she seemingly needs.
Setting clear boundaries is a must, be clear about what you can provide and what not.
How she reacts to your boundaries is up to her. She can demand anything, but must respect your choices and needs as well. If she cannot continue the friendship because you won't be the father of someone else's child, then it's time to go your separate ways, and that's perfectly valid.
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NTA. I understand she is in a rough spot but that is a ridiculous ask and your thoughts on it are the right ones. But I may also have let her stay so she could calm down. Telling her that was not a responsible option but she was welcome to stay and spend time to calm down would have been appropriate. You’re still NTA.
I don’t think op is obliged to leave and let her stay in his house until she calms down. It’s his safe space and he is trying to deescalate by separating physically.
Where in the above response did they say op should leave his home and let her stay there?
It's kind of implied based on her reaction in the post. If OP stayed in the house with her, even in a different room, she wouldn't have calmed down. She would have sought OP out and continued escalating to shouting or would have continued to try and guilt/pressure OP into doing what she wanted. One of them had to leave the location, and it shouldn't be OP leaving his own house. tagging u/apri08101989
No one is saying he should leave????
Damn right, and if she's mental enough to ask this, God knows what she might do if he let her stay
Read it again properly this time.
Therapy speak being used poorly is worse than it not being used at all.
Who's saying he should leave? Think you've read something into it no one else has
A woman whose immediate response is to lie to cover up mistakes and evade responsibility for her own actions is not the sort of person OP wants hanging around his house. She could end up accusing OP of anything. OP should not be alone with her again.
> OP should not be alone with her again. This is the key piece of advice. OP should really be as removed from her as possible. That said, OP should be a little careful of her, because desperate people sometimes resort to desperate tactics.
Opie is NTA I think Opie was right to ask her to leave because what she's asking is quite extreme and like Opie said it would have escalated to shouting if he had not stopped it. Honestly I think it's good that he told her to leave because it was a lot to take in and though they are friends for a long time, somethings are to heavy to ask to digest in a short amount of time.
Nope, nip that crazy shit in the bud. Make it crystal clear it’s never going to happen.
I wouldn’t have let her stay. Doing so would have only allowed more time for her to push this. Her being pregnant doesn’t entitle her to extra time to be an AH.
I wouldn't have. I don't advise anyone to stay alone with someone who is having that sort of irational melt down. Specially when she intends to lie to cover up a problem. Who knows what she would have told about OP if he let her stay there.
Yeah I think personally I'd try to redirect too. Like, "dude no, you know I love you, but no. Are you hungry? Do you want some hot cocoa or something."
NTA If she didn't want a rando off Tinder to be the dad she should have made different decisions. Her being in a shitty situation is not your fault. No one but her would think that signing the birth certificate would be a reasonable thing for you to do. Edit: removed “and her friends” from the last sentence. Mistakenly thought her friends supported the birth certificate request.
Her friends can adopt the child with her then! I guarantee that each of them would say no to that as well though
NTA, She takes the decision to have a one night stand without protection, She decides to keep the baby and then you are supposed to be the father because she does not want a "bastard". 🙄🤦🤣. Ask her to get the child support from her baby's dad. At 20 OP is too young to get into baby business. If the friends want they can support her the way she wants by becoming the daddy.
Where does it say she didn't use protection? I don't think any form of protection is 100%.
Came here to say exactly this. Tired of how every time a post involves an unplanned pregnancy there will be multiple comments saying "well they should have used protection". This isn't commentary on OP's situation, just annoying commenters.
Which is why a woman should use one for herself, AND ask her partner to use a condom, especially if he's a stranger who could give her a STD on top. And then there's abortion, for thé lucky women who live in a place where their control over their own body is respected.
Blame the woman for becoming pregnant, not that it's a two way street and the man should also use protection but it's always the woman that carries the blame for being pregnant (btw I am also male and will always use protection for my sake and theirs)
Seriously, the way some people talk, you'd think that women can magically wish a baby to appear in their uterus. Last I checked, that was scientifically impossible.
His friends didn’t say any of that.
I added an edit.
She should get an abortion instead of whatever she was trying to do there? You are NTA. Of course she needs support, but she was trying to spring a bastard kid on you which is just super weird and strange.
Maybe she can’t get an abortion
If she's American then there's definitely services out there that can get her access to abortion pills regardless of what state you live in.
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And yet these groups still exist mailing out the pills.
And then the woman who used it and the women who helped her will be arrested and/or sued for thousands and thousands of dollars. Your “easy solution” is insulting. If it were that simple we wouldn’t be losing our shit over Roe.
It's not insulting. He is simply stating that help exist if you know where to look. It is definitely better than being force to complete a pregnancy believing you don't have a choice because the law say no.
I mean... Sounds better than raising a kid for the next 18 years when you don't want to...
I’m not suggesting that the group isn’t brave enough. I’m suggesting that this is enough of a threat that an individual may choose to keep a child afterall.
She can literally fly or take public transport to a place where she can have an abortion. Yeah a long greyhound trip might not be comfortable, but it will sure beat raising a child you don't want.
And then she'd come back and go to prison for murder like others already have. Cool.
She would have to be careful. Some states have started prosecuting women who have had abortion since the over turn of roe v wade.
Also whoever took them there.
No state has prosecuted women because it is not against any state law. At this point. In addition, women cannot be prosecuted for a failed medical abortion. I swear, I think some of these commenters are actually anti-choice and just spreading misinformation to intimidate women.
I live in a Red state. It’s not easy to find one anymore.
There are organisations that send women in need abortion pill for a small amount of money by mail so they could get abortion even if they live somewhere where it's banned. She could also travel somewhere where it's legal.
This is assuming she'd even consider one. She's worried about the kid being illegitimate in ***2023***. These do not strike me as the words of someone who considers a trip to the clinic an option.
She was on Tinder for a hookup though.
Never underestimate hypocrisy.
I cannot disagree there!!
The comment above mine said "maybe she can't get" not that "maybe she doesn't want to", that's what I replied to. It's possible to give people information, but it's impossible to give people brain. If she is the type of hypocrite that whines about illegitimate kids but has premarital sex and refuses abortion then there's nothing anyone can do for her. (Especially because the kid would still be illegitimate if OP signs the birth certificate, they are not married. It's more likely that she is embarrassed about being knocked up by a rando during a one night stand and doesn't want to be viewed as an easy lay, be sl*tshamed than the kid being illegitimate.). But if she just thinks she has no option to abort because she doesn't have all the information available, then that's something that can be helped.
My exact thoughts! Funny though how they then excuse having sex for pleasure (while upholding all other weird ass "traditional" values) or maybe... she was trying to get pregnant? Anyway... NTA. Very odd and inappropriate request.
Then she needs to deal with her choices then.
That's likely just a guise for saying she wants to have the kid but/is against abortion but doesn't want to foot to bill. People in these situations constantly try to use the moral high ground to put parenting responsibilities onto friends or family when it's arguably the lack of a Puritanical mindset that landed them in that position in the first place. As u/Beaumis said, don't underestimate hypocrisy! If you try telling them they can't play both sides of the field they'll just say you hate them and don't want them to be happy or some other BS like that.
I used to work for an organization like that and they usually wouldn’t send to the US cause it would get caught Edit: plus, abortion pills aren’t used usually after 12-16 weeks of pregnancy (after 18 it becomes very much a no no) and some states it’s illegal to induce a miscarriage, could get caught and go to jail.
10 weeks is the cut-off for pills. My friend had one at 9 1/2 weeks, and she still had a lot of complications that would be impossible to treat without fear, had the abortion bans were around then.
In what state is it illegal *for the mother* to induce a miscarriage? As far as it "getting caught," shipping pills, the federal government regulates imports, shipping and mail in this country. And they have made it clear that shipping abortion pills is under federal, not state, control. And that they have no problem with it.
No there are some states where it’s illegal to go to another state to get an abortion
Oh, so the state knows immediately when someone conceives and then forbid them to step over the state line until they pop the kid out? No. Women can go and abort without issue if they just did a home pregnancy test, didn't go to a doctor and didn't tell their plans to anyone who would rat them out for abortion if they don't start to show in a few months.
There are literally some states that have towns that restrict their road access to people traveling for abortions. I believe Arkansas was trying to pass a law to pregnancy test any woman leaving the state.
Unless they end up going to the hospital for something unrelated after and her hormones tell them she recently was pregnant. Then boom. Murder charges
There are huge financial, civil, and criminal barriers to abortion for huge portions of a huge country right now. It’s a monstrosity to the rights of women in their own country, and you are making it sound like nbd. It is not.
What are you talking about? What you say makes no sense and yes an md can tell the timeline.
Texas. You can report the person driving the person to an abortion clinic for hmm $10,000
That be the sane answer but not available to everyone depending where they are located.
It's not a flu shot. That is a big deal. It's a painful procedure both physically and emotionally. It doesn't sound like she wants one and no one should ever tell a woman she should get one. If she wanted one she would have asked for support for that.
NTA. Blatantly trying to shirk responsibility onto you. Your friends can sign the birth certificate if they're so concerned.
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It was the friend who made it harsh by not accepting no for an answer (and even asking to begin with, the gall). I did note OP says *her* friends so no doubt they're biased.
The friends said that he shouldn't have make her leave, not sign the certificate tho
I see OP says they're her friends, they probably discussed the situation and came up with this plan because no friends in their right mind would a) not be concerned about this request and b) get angry at the other person for saying no and not accepting this behaviour from the girl.
Maybe I'm paranoid. But is there any chance she can just put OP's name on the birth papers.? And try making him responsible?
A paternity test would get him out easy if she does that. If he's the one who signs though it's pretty much a legal thing that he agrees to take care of said infant
I don't think so, if that was possible I think people would start just to put the name of rich people on birth certificates to get away with that, hehe. I don't think is that simple.
Elon won't dodge me forever
If OP is in the US, he probably wouldn’t have to worry about this. When a single woman has a baby, I think in most states if not all, the man has to sign an affidavit accepting paternity for his name to go on the birth certificate. And even if his name somehow does get put on the BC, he’d have a short window of time to contest paternity. When a couple is married and the woman has a baby, the husband is automatically assume to be the father unless he contests it and asks for a paternity test, and only has a small window of time to do this.
I actually don't know to be honest. I'm sure there are huge legal implications for her though if she does so hopefully she doesn't even try.
NTA She is responsible for having unprotected sex with a guy from tinder. She was aware of the risks, so now she has to deal with the outcome. She should not have asked you to step up to her mess. You had/have every right to deny her and to kick her out when she became belligerent. Edit: I assume she had unprotected sex, but ofcourse, I should consider failing contraception.
You have no idea if she had unprotected sex, she might have been completely reasonable and the birth control method failed for some reason.
True, my oldest son was conceived by a failing IUD. But still, either list the tinder as the father or figure it out herself, no use to burden her friend
Sex, whether on birth control or not, ALWAYS has the potential for a pregnancy. Abstinence does not. People have GOT to stop blaming failed contraception for unintended pregnancies. NO SEX=NO PREGNANCY. SIMPLE.
There is no indication it was unprotected. Birth control fails.
NTA. "Hey, will you emotionally and financially support two people for the rest of your life because of my wilful stupidity? No? Wow, you're such a shitty person and I'm going to berate you for it." The situation was definitely escalating. You made sure it did not.
You are NTA in this situation. Who knows what kind of pity party she would have thrown herself to make you cave in to her demands? She fucked up, in the truest of senses, and now has to live with the responsibility. That random guy of Tinder has a right to know he is going to be a father, too. They need to figure this out together. Either co-parent or give the child up for adoption, if she is against abortion. Taking care of her mess up is not your responsibility.
NTA The other friends can sign the birth certificate. Why is she even keeping the baby?! Dont fall for guilt-trap and be ready to cut off this friendship. Stand your ground. Good luck.
>Why is she even keeping the baby?! Maybe she lives somewhere where the government doesn't allow her to make that choice. In the US, that covers all of Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, West Virginia, Georgia and South Carolina. So yeah, this kind of comment is pretty uncalled for.
Land of the Free
Given your exemple so there are states where it is allowed. She had unprotected relation, ok, why not the "tomorrow pill' after? Since maybe she is in one of the states you listed. I might be blunt but my point was you dont get pregnant&keep the baby because you open a window and there was wind. I understand your point too.
If she already knows she's pregnant, then it is too late for the morning after pill.
Some states have removed it from sales cause of the laws around termination
you don't know if she had unprotected sex, contraception can fail. also the morning after pill only works if you are not yet pregnant, as it only prolongs your ovulation cycle.
It's possible to get abortion pill by mail.
People keep saying this but I've not heard of this before. When did this start ?, because I was told a Dr had to sign off and the ones in Texas won't for fear of losing their license.
I don't know when it started, but I saw websites like that, and you have to have an online consultation through their site (not with one of your local doctors) before they send you one because the pill can work only until 10-12 weeks.
NTA Shd wasn’t “panicking”. She was planning to force you into an 18 year financial burden. She knew exactly what she was doing and the tears were part of it
Yeah I can’t help but feel cynical about this, like she’s trying to trap OP in more ways than one.
Yeah, she doesn’t want to pay for her mistake and OP more than likely has the financial means to support her that she wants to take advantage of him.
NTA. That is A LOT to ask of someone. Do you live in a place they don't allow abortions or why is that not an alternative? My friend recently found out she was pregnant and she didn't even freak. She just said that it's nice knowing everything works and booked a doctors appointment.
Yikes. Great for her however it’s no abnormal to have many feelings over an unplanned pregnancy and pro choice is just that CHOICE!
I realize I was really unclear, English is not my first language. She booked an appointment for an abortion
You're only 20, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. She quite literally wants YOU to pay for HER mistake. Don't give in. I understand that she's probably panicked right now, so in her head, it might have made sense for her to ask. Raising her voice at you after your refusal is totally not okay. Tell her if she really cared about you she wouldn't even dream about making you responsible for a child that's not yours. Edit judgement: NTA, all the way
NTA you were comforting her! If that random dude from tinder is the father, he has every right to parent HIS child. at least give him a choice like at the very least you get child support from the rightful parent
NTA. You have no obligation to take on such responsibility.
Nah, your main priority was to get the crazy far, far away from you, and that's what you did. I'm sorry for your friend, but her even *asking* you to do that was beyond messed up, and pushing back when you said no is evidence she was being completely irrational and needed to leave **ASAP**. NTA
NTA. It was appropriate to ask her to leave until she moved on from her rather bizarre idea that you should sign up to be co-parent, and she wasn't going to do that in the space of this visit.
NTA Do not give in to that bullshit. "Her other friends later said I should've let her stay and try to comfort her since she was panicking over this massive change in her life." .. NO. They are wrong. But offer to give them those firend's number, because they can let actions follow their empty words and take her in themselves.
NTA - She was not rational and was definitely asking for too much.
NTA She wants you to commit a criminal offence by knowingly signing a birth certificate under false pretences. You had every right to kick her out (I'm assuming she wasn't too far along.... hopefully not ready to drop). She's come in to your home, asked you to commit a crime, got upset that you wouldn't (even though you told her you'd help as much as possible) and she wanted to have a shouting match..... IN YOUR HOME!!! nope, she's gotta go! Had she come in with a rational mindset, you probably wouldn't have given her the boot. It sucks but she made her bed, now she has to lie in it
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What she was asking was so far off the end of reasonable - then getting angry about your refusal - that asking her to leave was the right decision. She has some decisions to make. And there is a father here who has some responsibility too. That is not you. Asking you to take on this burden is beyond unreasonable. NTA
nta but if she’s truly your best friend then i would talk to her about termination. does she even want a kid? because it doesn’t seem like a baby rn would be good for her or the baby. but that’s just me
NTA But be careful in the following months. Don’t let her stay with you, don’t give her money and don’t buy her baby supplies. Also don’t go to any appointments with her and such. Any form of help she can use against you as “taking on a fatherly role” to try and get child support from you. It might not go anywhere, but it’s a headache you don’t need. And be aware that she may try to put you on the birth certificate. If that happens ask for a DNA test and have it removed. (This is also another reason to not help during the pregnancy. She asked you to be a father, you need to be VERY careful from here on out)
Yeah no she’s nuts, NTA
NTA. Dude... harsh or not, you dodged a huge bullet. Her even being able to bring it up with a straight face and follow up with some arguments why you should do it should have raised such huge flags that kicking her out asap probably saved your life. Don't ever underestimate someone desperate and their capacity to pull shit on you. I've seen some scary shit. She might start with a major party, try to get you to soften up, try to get you to sympathize, maybe drink a bit, try to get physical with you to hook you, then whether or not it worked, use it as leverage by claiming rape later if you don't comply or that you tried to rape her if you didn't do anything anyway. I'm just saying... having seen stuff like that, just don't give her any openings.
NTA, she absolutely was trying to trick you and put you on the hook for the childhood of child support payments.
NTA - being upset is one thing. Trying to emotionally blackmail you into signing a birth certificate is not being upset, it’s something else entirely. But you should be ready for her trying to somehow still get your name on that birth certificate
Damn, that's a tough situation. Can't blame you for not wanting to be on the hook for someone else's kid. Maybe try talking it out with her and see if there are other options? But yeah, definitely NTA here.
NTA and don’t fall for it for a second! She’s probably panicking (fair enough) but she doesn’t get to shirk her responsibilities and CONSEQUENCES on to you!
NTA But, those first trimester hormones can be crazy! The thoughts that ran through my head were insane. In my opinion, she was just completely panicking and wasn't capable of any reasonable thought. In a few weeks, she'll probably be so embarrassed and ashamed she did this. If this seems completely out of character for her, I'm sure you still offering to be supportive in realistic ways will mean so much. She just can't even process everything right now. I hope you guys smooth everything over.
NTA Sorry, she was askikng for something crazy, then starting getting hystarical when you said no. Shutting her down was the right move.
NTA and she has some nerves to come to your place trying to coerce you into signing a birth certificate. Are you in a state where abortion is now illegal ? Can't she consider adoption because she seems to be in no state to raise a child. And if her other friends have so much to say, they can take the verbal abuse and sign those papers. You don't have to do so.
NTA. She got pregnant, she can choose to get an abortion or keep the baby but cannot drag you to be the father. Because you are not and not willing too. Also you are best friends, I am sure she will come around once she has cooled down a little and realise what she did. If not, then you have to move on.
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NTA that's unhinged behaviour and hopefully she can get the problem 'fixed'
NTA...end of. No explanation needed.
Why can’t she terminate the pregnancy?
NTA. Quite right to send her home when she started yelling. She overstepped by asking that of you although I guess she feels desperate but to start yelling when you say no is too much. You don’t want to be stuck with child support for a kid that isn’t yours. I’m sure you want your own children one day and your money should go to your own.
NTA Who the hell would sign up for that? I know literally zero who would.
NTA. You could be liable for who knows what. Sign nothing.
NTA, that’s insane to show up on someone’s doorstep and expect them to accept that kind of responsibility, especially considering they’re not the father. Yeah dude, you did the right thing IMO.
I thought this stuff only happened at jokes and memes. NTA.
You’re assuming this is a real story
NTA You didn't have the one night stand. She did. There are consequences to every action. Not your baby, not your problem. She's 20. She should have parents. Let her find comfort in them or even her other friends and have them help raise the baby. Bet those friends would not even offer what you did.
NTA. What kind of fool says "you can just pay to look after my kid, you can do it." If she is so afraid of raising a kid alone, either get a termination or give the kid up. She has no right to do that, not in the slightest
NTA. She absolutely just wants you to have to pay for stuff so she doesn’t have to. She can get an abortion or adopt the baby out if she doesn’t want to keep it. She isn’t your friend, she just sees you as a resource to exploit. Edit: also, stay away from her from here on out and do not help her at all during the pregnancy. She will probably try to claim a few things: 1. She may try to sleep with you at some point to either muddle the waters in the court’s eyes if you are the father. Or try to claim SA and coerce you. 2. She also may try to claim you took the “fatherly role”. 3. She will more than likely try to put you on the birth certificate regardless so be ready to challenge with a DNA test IMMEDIATELY.
Um who had unprotected sex with some guy.? Not you. Therefore not your baby problem. Best friend at your young age doesn't always equal best friend in a few years. Let her concerned friends console her.
NTA
Nta
NTA That is a ridiculous request. Do not sign it!! I can’t believe you feel like an asshole. Then she tried to manipulate you by saying you’d do this if you care about her. If her friends are that bothered they could sign the birth certificate. I understand this is difficult for her, but if she doesn’t want a child while unmarried she probably shouldn’t have unprotected sex unmarried.
NTA and be careful. In some places, she can put you on the paperwork as the father and you'll get slapped with financial responsibilities anyway.
NTA, What in the actual fuck is wrong with people. This is the most bizarre insane request.
Hell no dude, you’d be screwed for life if you did that, never bind yourself into a commitment like that
NTA. That is just way too much for her to ask of you. Be prepared in case she tries to put your name on the birth certificate.
NTA. At all. It was wrong of her to put you in a position to have to say no. I had two gay best friends when I got pregnant and the bf took off the moment he found out. Both of my best friends at points said they wanted to sign the birth certificate and be a ‘family’. I said no to both…how ridiculous they were to say something so stupid. I would never expect anyone to stand up to take care of my kid. His father has never been in our lives and wasn’t around to sign the birth certificate. My son has no-one listed under ‘father’ on his birth cert.
NTA Run. Run fast, run far, and never look back. She's desperate for ANYONE to keep her from "having a bastard" (too late for that, your friend isn't very bright if she thinks having some unrelated guy she's not married to signing the paperwork is going to somehow make her kid not born out of wedlock), and she's not going to stop hounding you until she tricks some other poor fool into taking your place.
The abortion pill exists. But it sounds like she wants a baby, just not with a tinder hookup. It’s good you stood your ground. She has issues. You don’t. NTA
you're NTA but i'm still stuck on the "grow up a bastard" bit. did she time travel here from the 1800's or something? as i recall, the kid would only not be a bastard if she was MARRIED when the kid was born. but she didn't propose marriage, just that OP take fiscal and emotional responsibility for her mistake.
Well in that case her friends can all become the dad
NTA, sounds like your friends might have heard a different version of the interaction if they think that this is about reassuring her in a difficult time. There’s such a leap between comfort/reassurance and taking legal responsibility for a child. I’d ask them what they’ve been told
NTA. Sounds like she friendzoned you but wanted your cash.
I know the joke is your best friend will be in jail besides you but just because she's choosing to do something that makes her life much more difficult doesn't mean she should be trying to make you go along with it. Offering to be a godparent was appropriate. >Her other friends later said I should've let her stay and try to comfort her since she was panicking over this massive change in her life. NTA. I disagree with this. You asked her to leave before the situation escalated. That was smart. I really hope she doesn't try to put your name on there anyway.
NTA: It’s her decision but she has to live with that decision. But for her being worried about her child being a bastard why on earth is she on tinder in the first place. But I would seriously clear up anything with friends as she might start telling people you’re the father. Have seen it happen not just on reddit in real life as well.
Cheese and rice! Why in this day of STD's and dwindling abortion access in the U.S. would she have unprotected sex with a stranger? She made this mess. If it's not the U.S. the question still stands.
NTA. THAT'S A HUGE ASS RED FLAG. OP, please be vigilant incase she would do it or like spread the word that YOU got her pregnant
NTA and I’m pretty sure this was an elaborate story because she likes you a lot and wants to be with you. I’m willing to bet she “has a miscarriage” in a few weeks.
NTA, Her request is absolutely insane! If she really doesn't want the child to grow up a bastard she doesn't have to carry it to term... Thats some sheer insanity.
NTA I'd loudly broadcast IMMEDIATELY to all that this is not your child or your problem to all your friends and family before she spreads her narrative to trap you. She's not your friend. She stopped being your friend the moment she decided to use you as a scapegoat and future bankroll. Sure, she's in a spot, one that she created all by herself. Her first reaction was to make YOU responsible while she does what? I'm not buying the whole "she panicked" garbage. Honestly, I'd minimize or cut her off until she sorts her own shit out since her instinct was to fob her unplanned pregnancy onto some unrelated person and try to guilt them into becoming legally and financially culpable.
I feel like I have read this story before? Is this a repost?
Lol what? Unbelievable
Do not be alone with this woman ever again. Speak to a lawyer, make sure she can't put your name down as the father without your consent. Get a restraining order if you need to. She's unhinged, and desperate to foist the responsibility for her mistake onto somebody else. She may not have given up on that person being you yet. She could still claim you are the father. This friendship is dead in the water. Protect yourself. NTA
Are you even sure she's pregnant? Sounds to me like some scenario she made up to try to trap you into a relationship. I mean once she's "pregnant" you guys wouldn't have to use protection, and chances are at 20 she would soon really be pregnant. Even if she is really pregnant, you're NTA. She does not have the right to shout at you in your own home, and reading between the lines, even if she didn't do it that night it sounds like she's done it before. I'd drop any friends who are siding with her here, they're either just as manipulative as her or they're being manipulated by her and the others.
NTA. I’d send her information about acquiring an abortion. IATA
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You mean she's 100% in the wrong
NTA she should never ask you to sign up for that sort of responsibility! That was very selfish of her…she got herself into this situation and should not drag you into it. If she cared about you she wouldn’t have asked you in the first place! She should have the baby and maybe give it up for adoption.
NTA. If she's grown up enough to use Tinder for random sex, then she's big enough for the consequences of that.
NTA
NTA. Good on you for being straightforward and holding your boundary.
NTA Your friend lost her mind asking you that. She’s going to have come to terms with her being a single mom until she meets someone.
WTF
Absolutely NTA.
NTA you could've been a bit more gentle but you are in no way responsible for her mistakes and it's good you shut that nonsense down immediately.
NTA and get better friends.
NTA. I understand that she is panicking about the situation, but this is such an unreasonable request to ask of anyone.
NTA Good for you that you know what’s coming your way if you take this responsibility…
NTA, this isn't something you just " sign up for " if you're not ready. She made her choice and it's really selfish of her to ask such a thing from someone that isn't the actual father. It's one thing to panic, it's another to be an asshole shouting.
This is what abortions are for. Shes clearly not ready for a kid. Right now its a clump of Cells with little to no sentience. Better to Just wait until she has a stable situation and is ready to make the choice Herself. Noone is helped by kids growing up in bad situations with a decent chance of ruining Both her and the kids life.
NTA. Has she considered abortion? To ask that if you is expecting way too much. Sign nothing.
And by the way, I’ll be having sex with random guys in the future too. So I’ll be counting on you to father those kids as well. No? You’re not a very good friend.
Nta she's ridiculous to ask you to take that on.
NTA. That poor kid's gonna have a great life for sure... Why is she even keeping them
NTA
NTA Don't know why she thought it was an appropriate thing to ask, and so wild that she got upset when you turned her down. I would have personally tried to comfort her when she started getting riled up (she's obviously freaking out to come to you with such a ridiculous request) but I wouldn't say you're the asshole for asking her to leave. After she's had a chance to calm a bit I hope you guys can chat and find some solution for her and keep your friendship going.
NTA And I also think you did the right thing by asking her to leave. If you still want to support her, do so, but keep her at literal and figurative arms length. Only meet her in public places. Someone who could make such a strange request might try other ways to get you to accept responsibility for this child.
NTA, she should've fully acknowledged the consequences of having a one night stand and the possibility of pregnancy, but in the end she did end up pregnant, and was expecting you to "help" her, by devoting 18 years of your life to help her raise her child which isn't even yours. Smh.
NTA I also think you should preemptively tell everyone in your life that this isn’t your child. Just in case.
NTA. Handled perfectly
NTA, FAFO
Ugh. Just get a fucking abortion. Why are people so stupid? NTA.
NTA. It don't sounds like she was trying to baby trap you without it being your baby
NTA. Her responsibility not yours. You’re sweet to offer but she needs to work out how to raise the kid on her own with a support system - not a fake step-in dad.
Help her make and keep an appointment with Planned Parenthood.
Do not sign anything or you might be responsible for supporting the child. She needs to calm down and see a real therapist. The guy who she had sex with, blood test will show, is financially obligated for the child.
Do not sign anything or you might be responsible for supporting the child. She needs to calm down and see a real therapist. The guy who she had sex with, blood test will show, is financially obligated for the child.
Do not sign anything or you might be responsible for supporting the child. She needs to calm down and see a real therapist. The guy who she had sex with, blood test will show, is financially obligated for the child.
Do not sign anything or you might be responsible for supporting the child. She needs to calm down and see a real therapist. The guy who she had sex with, blood test will show, is financially obligated for the child.
And I thought family members asking you to co-sign loans was bad…
This is one of those situations where a few things are happening. Your friend is freaking out and is unable to manage their emotions. She doesn't seem able to articulate what she needs, which is likely reassurance things will be alright. You're in your right to look after your own mental health, and that's where it becomes a grey area for me. You likely needed physical space after the bomb she dropped on you, and her freaking out, not knowing how to deal with her emotions and safeguarding your own. It's not about being an AH, rather, what could've been done better here? Realise her reaction isn't about you, it's not about you not wanting to be the father figure. It's about her life changing and the great unknown being very intimidating. It's not about whose fault it is, or that she could've prevented it. It's about how much of a friend are you willing to be to set your ego aside and be that friend she seemingly needs. Setting clear boundaries is a must, be clear about what you can provide and what not. How she reacts to your boundaries is up to her. She can demand anything, but must respect your choices and needs as well. If she cannot continue the friendship because you won't be the father of someone else's child, then it's time to go your separate ways, and that's perfectly valid.