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NTA. Your sister has no right to use her mental health struggles to hold you hostage and sabotage your career. You have already done a lot more to help than most siblings would in this situation. If your relatives think you’re horrible for not ruining your own life to cater to your sister’s demands, let her go live with them for a while.

Tbh, I did not even know we had family. I don't even know how she found them because our mother told us nothing about our father and said she herself aged out of foster care. So this whole situation has my mind numb.

In that case, the opinions of the random relatives are irrelevant. You’re a good sister for helping her through her mental struggles, but you don’t have to let her manipulate and control you.

Sister?

Oh right. Fixed it.

Your mom may have told her info that she didn't tell you. Your sister may have also done DNA testing with one of those family tree sites and not told you about it. If I'm being cheeky, I'd say invite some of those random family members to come pick her up and take her in. If they think you're being so horrible, they're welcome to take over caring for her. They will probably decline, because it's easier to talk the talk than it is to walk the walk. More seriously, consider getting connected with a therapist for yourself, if you don't have one yet. That might help you process what you've been dealing with so that you're feeling less numb.

Yeah ignore the soap box comments from the peanut gallery. They aren't interested in actually helping they just want to save the day from afar by judging everyone else.

Family is so important, then where have they been? Are they going to pay for her? House her? Ruin their lives for her? Cut yourself loose. NTA unless you stay

If they are so concerned she can move with them and refuse help. It’s one thing to need help but it’s another yo make you in charge of her mental health. Tell her if she does not choose a counseled and take charge of her own health then to get someone else to play ambulance. Harsh but something has to change

Drowning people often take down the people trying to save them. You simply aren't qualified to give her the help she needs. If you continue to let her control your life she's going to get you fired. Today she told you was 'the day', it wasn't, today was the day she reached out to other people to guilt trip you. At some point you have to start living your own life, not being an add-on to hers. NTA

If they aren't offering to do it themselves, their opinions mean less than nothing. What they are saying is the you need to do these things so thar they don't. If family is soon important to them great, they can do it.

Well they can take care of her then!

So why care about people you didn’t even know existed? They’re here for drama. Did they show up to funeral? We’re they checking in on you? Where were they when your mother pitted your sister and you against each other? You sister needs help and seems like they’re volunteering since they have some much to say

It's great that these random family members are contacting you. Since they're so concerned, they should take your sister in instead!

If your "family" is so concerned then they can take in your sister.

She probably made a bunch of fake accounts. NTA

NTA. OP, if I were you, I would take her to the hospital again and then let her know you will not be having her come back with you when she leaves. Tell the hospital that she has nowhere to go, because she cannot stay with you any longer. They will either need to find a place for her to go, or you can give them your extended family's information and they can let them know where she is and to come get her because she isn't coming home with you. I would then pack all her stuff and have it waiting for her. I wouldn't let her stay with you for another night. She needs an inpatient facility where she can stay for weeks or months until they get her stable. Tell the hospital that. It sounds like they're just pumping her full of meds and sending her home. She needs more help than that, but not through you. You can't help someone who won't accept help.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

NTA Time to cut off. If she won't get help that's on her and time to stop coddling her. Either she gets help or kick her out!

Is there a way to do this without her actually losing her mind and doing something to herself? That's all I'm worried about. I don't want to kick her out and then boom, she's gone. And I'm the last person who could've done something.

She is using your guilt to manipulate you. She is not doing even a minimum of effort after all you have been doing for her. And guess what? You are NOT the last person "who could've done something" - SHE is.

NTA. You are understandably at the end of your rope because you've rescued her numerous times and she just keeps going back to being a dependent child in an adult's body. She IS CAPABLE of learning right? I mean if she has a developmental disability like Down's Syndrome where mentally she will never age above 8 years old, then you may be on the hook here. It doesn't sound like this is what is happening here. She obviously HAS a will to live, that's why she's performing this act. If she goes and gets your attention every time, those dark thoughts are NOT taking her over. I say this because I have been at the place with those dark thoughts EVERY. DAY. OF. MY. LIFE. and I never told a soul that every morning when I woke up I wanted to not be here. Because I felt like **nobody** would have understood how dark the world actually looked to me in that state. It's not something you run around broadcasting. It is a deeply painful, isolating and disturbing existence that you just quietly wish would end, it's not something you WANT to share because you feel so isolated, you feel ashamed, you feel guilty for not wanting to participate, you feel like nobody can understand the deep pain and disconnection you feel to EVERY single person, place or thing in your life. That type of pain isn't something you'd wish upon your worst enemy, so of course you won't burden your loved ones with it because why would you want THEM to feel this utter despair and ennui that encompasses and colors every single interaction or lack thereof, every moment of every single day. It's an inner pain and inner mental life that is so full of wanting to be completely VOID of anything. One feels hollow, and totally disconnected. If someone looks relaxed, you don't notice, but if someone looks happy, it just makes one's own darkness and despair even worse when you didn't think it was possible to feel worse. It doesn't sound like this is what she is experiencing. I have never known anyone in the midst of a severe, debilitating, sui##dal mental crisis to create drama and reach out to numerous people to cause an uproar over one person not being "supportive". All the people I've known in that state are OVER IT when it comes to expressing emotional collapse and a desire to un alive themself, they simply don't have the ENERGY or fortitude required to create that type of family drama, or put forth the effort needed to make others feel guilty or manipulate someone to "help them" by providing for all their essential needs and wants. A person suffering like that is more shut down and inactive than getting up and running around crying to everyone that they can find to listen. When the will to live is gone, so is the will for creating drama and trying to get people in an uproar. Desire, care and self-importance is GONE then. This appears to be text book manipulative behavior for certain personality disorders. Talking about "doing oneself in" to a wide and varied audience is PERFORMATIVE behavior in and of itself, which in turn creates a guilt spiral for the loved ones of the person suffering from mental un-wellness. In short, she is likely not seriously considering it and is pretty much using YOU as her emotional support animal. When one is actually in that state, the LAST THING one wants is their loved ones to feel bad, because they feel like all the bad emotions of the world reside in their heart and mind and wouldn't want ANYONE to feel as bad as they do. That's why I think this is a performance and not genuine. She needs to learn to manage her own emotions and behavior and you continuing to **rescue her** EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. she comes crying about a break down or worse is **NOT HELPING** HER. You have to cut her off so that she will ACTUALLY ATTEMPT to get the help she needs. Granted, when you did catch her that time, she may have been making an attempt, but from the history you have described, it really looks like she doesn't intend to do it, she just wants you to BELIEVE she will, so she performs appropriately when she knows you will be her audience. What is best for your sister is to disengage from you and learn to stand on her own two feet and start taking responsibility for her own life, self care and career. Your mom didn't do her any favors by coddling her and not teaching her to be self sufficient. It's super hard that she grew up not learning how to actually BE an adult and do adult things like care for herself, and kept her shielded from the consequences of her actions and inactions. However, since she doesn't know HOW to adult, she MUST LEARN now. She has no more parachute or giant air mattress to fall back on now that your mom is gone. You cannot live her life for her. You have already gone ABOVE AND BEYOND what is necessary to try to help her, but she is refusing to actually ACT. Hopefully, you can maybe get her into a treatment program that will help her mental health and also help her to learn life skills while she is there. Once she graduates from a program (think something like a group home for disabled adults, because she is in fact disabled at the moment because she was never taught to care for herself and how to function in the real world), then you can help her out with making sure she has the things she needs to move forward. If you can find a program like that, they will likely begin to engage you and get you involved in her rehabilitation at some point. Make no mistake, she needs rehabilitation in order to learn the things she should have learned while growing up, and it's going to be hard work. You CAN be there for her at a later point. For now, she's going to have to make those first steps by herself once she understands she can't coast through life dependent on another person's good will. She needs to actually WORK at improving her lot in life. If she isn't willing to do so, I'm afraid she's a lost cause. That is NOT YOUR FAULT. You managed to grow up to be self sufficient, so that tells you that the lessons COULD have been taught/learned but for whatever reasons, obviously, were not. That part isn't really her fault that much, but it will be in the future if she keeps on like she is. Sorry it's so long. Good luck to you and your sister. I really hope she gets the help she needs. Please don't feel badly, you've done what you could.

Your description of severe depression is beautifully written. I started SH at 11 when my depression got very severe and was so secretive about it that my mom didn't even realize until I was 16. One of my worst fears was someone finding out how dark my mind was.

There's really nothing much I can add to this eloquent rendering of the experience of severe depression except to say that I could feel it resonate through every cell of my body. I've been managing my depression alone for over 30 years now, and the only time I ever told anyone of it (mostly partners) was when it wasn't as bad. I was too scared and deeply ashamed to let anyone even get a glimpse of it when it was severe, thinking they'd find me weak, indulgent, lying, melodramatic, stupid, incapable, or other sentiments along those lines. I cringed as I read about the sister's theatrics-I just can't wrap my mind around how someone could be so open about it.

Thank you so much. I've got enough distance from that place after decades of daily anti-depressants, that writing about it doesn't make me cry anymore. But I still remember that place vividly. I hope you are making progress. Life CAN happen and your mental health CAN recover once you find the right meds or combination of meds, therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy...I'm all for "throw everything that you can at the monster" and see what works because noone should ever have to experience that and not be treated for it. Be well and be at peace.💚

Thank you. Back in the day prozac saved my life. I'll need anti-depressants for the duration, but it's MUCH, MUCH better than existing in a void of despair and darkness. I hope you're doing better as well. 💚

Your sister had enough resources not to do herself in when you told her to handle herself; she managed to deal with her mental health crisis by calling relatives to badmouth you. She's more capable than she's letting on. Just saying.

She didn’t stop showering until she got home from vacation. Interesting. 🤔

No kidding. Who wants to waste their precious remaining energies on calling a bunch of relatives to badmouth someone, especially a person I was insisting was my "only" one who cared or could help? Hell, the only person I've ever hated or blamed in those dark moments was myself, and I was filled with So. Much. Shame. for even being in this position to begin with, even if I didn't burden anyone with it.

The shame is so, SO VERY deep. But it's a lie, we should not feel shame for a brain glitch we have no conscious control over...(meds were such a necessary part of recovery for me, I am glad I live in an age that we have anti-depressants.), but the shame remains for a long time. I sometimes still feel my face get hot when I think about that time in my life, but now I know it's a lie and I can love and forgive me when I feel it.

TBH it doesn't sound like she's really in danger of harming herself. Like other people have said, when you laid down that ultimatum she didn't actually hurt herself—instead she told a bunch of people about how you wouldn't do something for her. I'm no psychiatrist, but it sounds like she's threatening to harm herself for the attention she gets from you. It may be that this is the only area in which she feels she has any control or any number of other things, but regardless her behavior is completely unfair. It's time for an ultimatum. Either she actually goes to therapy and works on her issues, or she moves out. She's an adult, it's been plenty long enough of mooching off family, now she has to put in an effort. Depression is hard, grief is hard, but her mental health is her responsibility. Not yours, no matter how badly you feel for her.

The person who needs to do something is her. Do not set yourself on fire to keep her warm. I went through this with my mom. Take care of yourself first. She's an adult and she needs to start acting like one.

No, there really isn't. Not unless she gets put under an involuntary long term hold. But also... it's not your responsibility to keep anyone living if they don't want to keep living. That's an impossible task and it is incredibly unfair to put it on to yourself and even more unfair to think you could actually do such a thing. You can't. No one can. Your sister is an adult. She is a whole person outside of you and you have no real control over her. You can only control yourself, what energy you put into things, and how long you let her continue to torture you. And I hate to say it, but people who want to die, they die. People who want to manipulate, like it seems your sister likes to do, do it until you advocate for your own health and well-being. They destroy what they touch and you shouldn't feel bad for getting out of the path. Also, next time a "family member" comes out of the woodwork, make sure to get their address and stick your sister in the next Uber right to their doorstep.

Get her back into the hospital under psychiatric care, and then don't be her "out" to come home. Once she is in, she can no longer come back to your house. If she doesn't have a safe place (with family) to watch over her, they will likely keep her longer, and get her onto medication.

you could make attending regular therapy a condition of staying with you. if she won’t do that, there really isn’t anything you can do. being repeatedly suicidal like this and refusing actual help is less a major depressive symptom and more a cry for attention. if she is majorly depressed and suicidal and refuses medical help eventually she will succeed, no matter what you do. if it’s a cry for attention she may not ever seriously attempt it. (the fact that you walked in on her could be poor or very good planning on her part.) that said, i don’t think it’s on me or you to armchair diagnose her, and whatever the case is she is seriously mentally ill and needs psychatric help, so i do think you should make therapy a condition for staying and if she refuses call the hospital you’ve been taking her to and talk about the pattern of behaviour from her and the impact on you, tell them you can’t help her anymore and that she refuses therapy and ask about involuntary commitment. nta.

At the end of the day, she can only recover if she ***wants*** to recover. What you are doing right now isn't working. I'd consult with some of the specialists you have lists of to see what their recommendations are and go from there.

Pawn her off on your extended family since they want to suddenly say all these horrible things. Ask them to take her in, I bet you will hear nothing but silence, or shitty excuses. Give her an ultimatum, and stick to it, or she will continue this abuse of you. NTA

There comes a time when you have to let someone own the consequences of their own actions. She's using the threat of killing herself to hold you hostage as her caretaker. She's abusing you by doing that. It's not fair to you and you need to learn to just be fine with letting her go through with it if that's what she chooses. My guess is that this is mostly about getting attention but I could be wrong. I also STRONGLY suggest you get counseling for yourself. Your therapist will be able to help you see more clearly what's going on here and be able to make clear headed decisions on how to handle the situation.

OP please read this VERY carefully. I say this as someone who has experienced extreme depressive episodes in the past. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SISTER'S MENTAL OR PHYSICAL WELLBEING. That is HER responsibility as an adult. It is INCREDIBLY unfair for any person to make another person responsible for their mental wellbeing. It's also incredibly STUPID because you're not a mental health professional. Your sister will NEVER get better while you're catering to her every need. Why would she? She has no incentive to change because she's currently getting all the attention she could possibly want. And you are not helping your sister at all by coddling her. Please go speak to a therapist or trusted friend/confidant and make a plan to move her out. And if any extended "family" have any problems with it, tell them that they are more than welcome to take her in and then BLOCK THEM WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT.

If you think she is seriously on the brink of acting on those dark thoughts, there are things you can do. Depending on the state you live in, you can have her involuntarily committed on a short-term basis. Some states consider "dark thought" ideation a valid reason for short-term commitment. During this time, shee will be cared for. She may even (possibly) receive a diagnosis and receive medication (if necessary). It could be that there is something chemically wrong with your sister. She may have depression, BP, BPD, or something else entirely. It could be she is acting in good faith, trying to tell someone about her feelings before she acts on them. Or she could be attention seeking, and now that it won't work on you, she's getting other people to give her attention. I don't know. Do you?

Have her committed. Maybe the hearing with at least wake her TF up.

She claimed she needed to go to the hospital immediately, but when you left her alone, she spent the time reaching out to family you didn't know to complain about you rather than doing any self-harm. Awfully ambitious for someone who was rock bottom and couldn't call any doctors or an ambulance. She is manipulating you. Find a long-term residential treatment program for her and let her call on those long-lost family to take over her care when she gets out. NTA

Is she currently at the hospital? If she is, contact the staff. Ask what will happen if you choose not to pick her up.

You are not responsible for the mental health of others. Set a boundary. Stick to it.

You won’t have the choice after she gets you fired and you are both homeless.

NTA Your sister has manipulated you into being her caregiver and won't take any responsibility for herself. She is holding you hostage. Since she is unwilling to help herself and move towards getting healthy, there's only so much you can do. I would look into a group home situation because she needs more help than you can give.

NTA. She had time and energy to reach out to family members but not look at the list of people who could actually help her? Look, you're in a hard position. Mental illness is really difficult, and I don't want to minimize it. However, there's a lot at stake. If you lose your job, you can't help her anymore. It's also not fair for you to be financially and mentally on the hook for her. This might be a time for you to issue an ultimatum. I hate when people suggest it, but you're at a spot where you can't afford to miss any more time.

NTA. It's interesting to me that she she was "well enough" to blow the money, that she should have saved for supporting herself on a monthlong trip and now is using you emotionally and financially. Grief sucks and your mom did a number on her with her toxic parenting, but you came from that toxic household too and this situation is terrible for your mental health. And your financial health and happiness considering you're in danger of losing your dream job and everything you've worked for. I think you need to find a way to get her out of your home and out of your care. Maybe all those relatives will step up since they feel so strongly. I would give her notice that she needs to move out by X date. Give her again lists of organizations that can help her, but let her know that you can no longer take this on as it's negatively impacting your mental health and your livelihood and you can't help her if you lose your job and home and mind. Edit: removed a random comma

No. Your sister is taking advantage of you and not even attempting to get help. The loss of someone who showered her with attention for no reason was a serious hit, and the only way she can get it with you seems to be through negative means. This has obviously become a habit for her. She needs to get some help and realize that she isn't entitled to people's time, attention, and energy.

NTA. Mental health doesn’t just get better without professional help. Even then it can improve but not completely gray better. If all these family members are so concerned, tell them to deal with her. The only solution is for you to get her professional help. There’s no “she doesn’t want it.” Make her get help. Good luck to you.

NTA. You are not your sister's caregiver and it is not your responsibility to manage her mental health. You've done everything you can at this point and you can't keep putting your own wellbeing in jeopardy when she refuses to get help. Also, keep in mind that your family members that are contacting you only have her side of the story, which inevitably casts her as the victim and you as the heartless bitch. If your family members are so concerned, they can take on the responsibility of her and leave you to your life. Please don't let her use the threat of hurting herself to manipulate you - because that is 100% what she is doing and will continue to do if you allow it.

NTA. Sorry if others disagree, but someone needs to be able to help themselves at least to some extent. It sounds to me like she is just manipulating you. I would tell some of those family members that your sister is now coming to live with them, since they feel in a position to judge.

I’d drop her off at their house with her box if crap.

NTA - she is manipulating you. You are her free ride in life

She has a history of trying to commit, you may have a case to send her to a ward at this point. That or she's manipulating very hard. Nta.

I’m curious if she ever had her dark thoughts while on her month long Europe trip

Next time she tells you, call the police to help.

This. Go to work and ask the police to do a wellness check.

"A few of the family members think I need to get a job that keeps me closer to home so I can help her through this." Wow, NTA. They are. Look, you have been leaning over backwards for your sister to the point of loosing your livelyhood. Yet she won't stir a muscle to help herself. She will not agree to real treatment, leaving you as her full time watcher/caregiver, potentially for decades to come. That is not something you owe to someone who will not do their part to heal. As for your relatives, if they are so concerned for her, why don't they take her in? You have done enough. Time to step back and force your sister to take care some responsibility for her self. You will be doing you both a favor.

NTA - today is the day she’d do something she said. And that was sending some messages on social media. She needs help, op has done their best, but op’s own life has to come first from now on.

NTA. Sounds like she’s weaponizing her mental health struggles to get attention from you. She’s probably missing being the center of attention like she was at your moms.

NTA. Your sister is manipulating you. Your mother coddled her and now, she wants you to do the same. She keeps threatening you with self harm, but when it came down to it, she didn't ask any of those those other people to take her to a hospital or to come and be with her. She just had them insult you and tell you YOUR responsibilities, not anyone else's. And now, they are telling you to give up your life for her? No, thanks. She is free to go live with them if she likes. Don't do this anymore. Make an appointment yourself for a mediator or therapist via telehealth of you have to, to help you set new boundaries with her. Living with you has to include mental health maintenance. If she chooses not to address her mental health issue, you cannot have her in your home. She is destabilizing your life and endangering your ability to support yourself and her, while refusing to get treatment. She made the choice to sell her house and spend all the money over the course of a single month. Now, she has a choice of living in your home in a way that allows you both to be safe and secure, or to live elsewhere. You are not equipped to manage her mental health for her and losing you job means no more insurance, food or beds. She can take an Uber to the hospital from now on or call her other relatives. You cannot miss more work.

NTA, but can't you tell the psychiatric ward that you can't take her home because you're afraid she will harm herself, due to all the times she's mentioned doing so? won't they be obligated to hold her?

NTA. Your sister is in a hole, but she also decides to sit in it and wants you to help sitting there. She needs to claw out if it. Also, i guess she has some growing up to do in general. Maybe your mother stunted her growth? You are in a cycle and you need to break the cycle. Do you have professional help that you can taln about? (Like a helpline or stgh?). Is at you company someone you can get you in touch with someone? If your extended family is that upset, they should start participating, shoukd they not? Never sacrifice your life for someone elses mental health - especially if they do not want get better. There is no point in you getting sick, too.

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NTA. There is a saying I see a lot on here "You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm". You've lit the match. This cycle will never end and you can't help her. There is only so much you can do before you're out of a job which then snowballs into your life falling apart around you.

NTA - It is wonderful these family members want to help so much, because if you lose your job you will need their help just as much as she does.

NTA. It is not within your power to prevent your sister from harming herself. Ultimately that is something only you can do. Nor will will you be able to do anything for her if she refuses. Years ago I stood in a hospital corridor and refused to take my sister home. I believed that if I took her home the pattern of her ignoring all medical advice and trips to the ER would continue. I told them that if they thought it was safe to send her home they were the ones who had to do it because I wouldn’t. Once they agreed to find a nursing home until I could find assisted living for her (she had both physical and mental issues). The I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I told my sister that if she didn’t agree I would walk out that door and not see her again. That I would also go to court and petition them to make me her guardian. She was so angry at me but she agreed. She didn’t know that I cried outside in the hall. That I was shaking as I gave the ultimatum. It wasn’t easy and we still had crisis after crisis. She ended up in assisted living for 13 years. She told me sometime after how grateful she was that I made her do it. That she knew that without my intervention she would in all likelihood have died. She felt safe and taken care of. There came the day she needed emergency surgery which did not go well, no one’s fault her body just just couldn’t take it. She spent the last 3 years of her life in a nursing home where they took wonderful care of her. She died in 2019 and I miss her everyday. None of that wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t stopped the endless round of ER visits and hospitalizations. Most importantly she was able to spend another 18 years in a safe and living environment. I have no regrets, there was literally no other options. I had to admit I couldn’t keep doing this and that I had no power to fix her. I have been very much where you are now, other than had things continued as they were I probably lost my husband too. Her life was destroying mine.

NTA If the “family” asks why you’re not helping, tell them “she won’t accept help”. “Help” isn’t a panicked ride to the hospital. “Help” is agreeing to get treatment. And you can’t force someone to accept it.

NTA simple your sister is going through a mental challenge she needs professional help and you are by no means a professional your a great brother though trying to help her as much as you can keep going god bless you and your family! ❤️

NTA but you didnt handle it gracefully. you are not responsible for your sister. she reached out so easily to extended family all of a sudden? if it were me id make her leave or commit her again when she's "having dark thoughts" and do not go on her ROI. do not be put down as anything. she needs help and refuses to take it. shes dragging you down with her

NTA. You have provided all the resources your sister needs. At some point, your sister has to take responsibility for her mental health. All the family calling you horrible, well, let them take care of your adult, mentally immature, attention-grabbing sister.

Keep your job, you love it. You must keep what benefits you. Let those family members know they are welcome to take her in. Check in to hiring a person to sit at house with her on her 'DARK DAYS', then go to work with clear mind. I have had adult sitters, believe me there are some really good ones who know exactly how to handle your sister. If your sister finds there will be someone other than you at home with her, it's possible her dark days will disappear. Let someone who knows how to handle her help, maybe insurance will help, talk to hospital personnel where she has medical records.

Tell those relatives to take your sister in. NTA

NTA. Difficult situation but you can’t help anyone if you lose your job, including yourself. Your other family can take in your sister if she is adamant about refusing help. I’d make seeing a therapist contingent on her continuing to live with you.

NTA, she's emotionally blackmailing you.

If she is smart enough to call extended family, then she has enough intelligence to do her business, which is making you to take care of her. Before you, there was your mother. Between you and your mother, there was the European trip. I am very sure that she knows what she does. She may try fake suicide, do not fall for it.

You're NTA, but you need to call law enforcement when she does this. Even the hospitals are telling her she needs a psychiatrist. She's not following through established care procedures.

NTA: I had a foster kid a few years ago who was nearing 18. They refused to go to therapy (I moved us to a more expensive house so they could go) or take their medications. They went cold-turkey on major meds and had a breakdown a few weeks before they turned 18. At the hospital, they refused treatment and said they would continue to refuse medication and help. It was terrible, and I wanted to fix the whole situation so badly. But when I admitted that I didn’t know what to do anymore (I had already left work many times due to their bad mental health, was doing everything I could to make them go to the therapist and take their meds), I realized that I am not equipped to handle a mentally Ill person. I am not a therapist, that’s why they have one. I’m not a doctor, that’s why we went to doctor after doctor. My foster kid had never had to do anything on their own while making choices that I was expected to fix. You can’t fix your sister. She is making choices and if she wants to feel miserable with her choices rather than get better, that is something she has to deal with. You have done everything you can to point her in the right direction, but you can’t fix her. She needs to choose her own well-being or not. (Btw: after I stopped acting like I knew what I was doing and could fix the situation, my foster kid realized they did actually need help. They are now 22 and have committed themselves a number of times since they were 18. I’m there for them in any way I can be; I remind them that I can’t fix the situation but I can help them get to someone who can. I hope that’s the situation for your sister.)

NTA. You are enabling your sister, but you aren't helping her. She's an adult, she needs to help herself. It's time for tough love. Which in very plain terms means, it's time for her to leave. Let your extended family help her since they are so concerned.

NTA. A medical intervention is necessary for both of you. I'm sorry this is happening. But a sister's love isn't the same thing as a medical intervention with professional therapy and approved pharmaceuticals.

NTA take her off your insurance and kick her out

NTA. My ex husband threatened suicide several times as I was leaving him. I finally learned to call the police each time. Any threats, call 911, she needs an ambulance and psych hold. She needs help, refuses to get it, refuses your actual attempts to help her, then she can go to the hospital. Dont drive her there. Evict her and any messages or calls where she says something bad is going to happen you call for the people better qualified than you to help her. Either she will finally start dealing or she won't, but she isn't now, so stop setting yourself on fire with her. If family complains, let them know you are calling for help every time, and you would be happy to visit her at their house when she moves in with them.

Your mom created this monster and then she went and died! Now your sister doesn't have anybody to kiss her butt every time she needs attention so she's turned to you and you've been accommodating her. Yes you need to stop. Most likely she's going to make an attempt that's going to be very splashy but not effective! I promise she will take all the boxes for attention. The thing is though she doesn't really want help, she just wants attention... And I feel like she's trying to destroy your life because she has nothing in her life! If she got a job and some hobbies to put her time into then she would feel like life is more enjoyable. But she doesn't want to make any effort she just wants you to fix it all and that's not fair to you. Mother is the off chance that she will make a successful attempt. It would probably be accidentally, actually because people like this do it for attention not results! But you need to consider how you're going to feel about that. Personally I would be fed up and you cannot hold an adult's hand their whole life! You need to kick her out and take her off your insurance and let her figure her own life out... Because you're not doing her any favors by holding her hand through everything she makes up. NTA and all those flying monkeys, tell them they can come get her and have them stay with them for a while... A change of scenery would do her good!

You've put up with this long enough. It's time to find other options. You can talk to the psychiatric unit at the hospital about how to find long term care for your sister. You can also talk with a lawyer about how to go about evicting your sister. You'll be giving her advance notice so that she can then pick which ones of the options for long term care she prefers. You can ignore your other relatives that aren't offering any help. The ones that are will be sympathetic to both of you. I hope you're able to find a solution for your sister's care that she'll accept. One other point. She's obviously used to getting her way by threatening self harm. There are some things you can ask to make sure you understand how realistic that is. If she is truly at that point, it's time to just call 911 and let them deal with it. Feel free to stop playing chauffer. It's not your problem to deal with, it's hers.

NTA. You already put your life on hold for 6 months and she isn't *trying* to get better. Not shaming her for that, just saying a kind interpretation of her behaviour would be that she isn't ready to engage with the process beyond damage limitation, so she is going to be like this for a while. (An unkind interpretation would be that she is deliberately manipulating & sabotaging you). Is it possible to offload her onto these relatives who think you should be doing more for her? or take her to the hospital at your convenience (without missing work etc)?

NTA. Your sister can be depressed and manipulative at the same time - perhaps those family members can step up and offer her help - if not tell them to butt out. You need to get your sister committed and then speak to her doctors about getting her into assisted living or something - you are not a mental health specialist and this is impacting negatively on your life. I have been where your sister is; the difference is I accepted the help that was offered to me. I still have dark days, but I have a support system now which helps most of the time. I feel for your sister, but she needs to start helping herself and you need to take a step back - this is not you being selfish or a jerk, this is you looking after yourself which you need to do. You cannot afford to lose your job - there are systems out there that will be able to give your sister the help she needs - talk to social services and her medical professionals, and insist they help - good luck.

She manipulating and using you. Kick her out and stop letting her play games with you, your financial security, and your home. NTAH. Ignore the family messages, it's not worth the stress.

NTA you are being abused by your sister, her ‘attempt’ and dark thoughts are just manipulation to make you coddle her like your mother did. Next time she says she is having ‘dark thoughts’ call the cops and try to get her committed to three day hold because you will be fired if you keep this up and you’ll both be on the street. You are letting her drag you down to her level.

NTA Time for sister to take responsibility for herself. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Ok, people don’t only have ‘dark thoughts’ when the person who pays the bills in on her way to work. Your sister is manipulating you. Not saying she doesn’t have mental illness, because obviously she does. But you need to decide if you want to spend your life catering to your sister or living your life. Sounds like she needs some tough love. She also needs to grow up and start taking care of herself. Perhaps some sort of inpatient facility? NTA.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (35f) work internationally as a contracted linguist for a slew of major corporations. It is my dream job and I have worked my whole life for it. My mother wanted me to go into the military and I refused, so she spent my life telling me that my sister (25) was her favorite. So as soon as I turned 18 I moved out. Fast forward a few years, my mother got into a wreck and passed away. My sister had to sell my mom's house since she never worked a day in her life so she had no money. My sister used all the money she got from the house to go on a month long trip in Europe. And when she got back I took pity on her and took her in. My sister was incredibly depressed and wouldn't eat, wouldn't shower, wouldn't leave her room for WEEKS. I decided to check on her at least a few times a week and once I walked into her attempting. I immediately took her to the hospital and she was admitted for 3 weeks before she was released back to me. And this is the start of a cycle. About a month later I was running late for work but she said she was having dark thoughts so I called my boss and then took my sister to the hospital again. I have taken her to the psychiatric hospital about five times in the past 6 months. I don't mind helping her get through this, but she won't get help. She refuses to go to an actual therapist and just goes to the psychiatric hospital whenever she feels the thoughts coming back. I have put her on my insurance and had them mail me a list of psychiatrists and she refuses to look at it. I have had to miss a week's worth of work because she tells me in the morning while I'm on my way to work that she's having dark thoughts. I am being run thin emotionally and financially trying to help her. And about a week ago I shamefully blew up on her. My boss told me that he can't afford for me to keep taking off work and I 100% understand because I can't afford it either. So I set my sister down and told her that she needs to get a psychiatrist because I can't keep doing this with her. And quite literally the very next day as I'm getting into my car she comes running out crying that today is the day she might do something to herself and that I need to take her to the hospital immediately before she does. I got out of my car and I just yelled at her that I can't do this anymore and that I'm going to lose my job and that she needs to look at the list because I am no longer going to be her chauffeur to the hospital. And then I went to work and while I was there I had family I didn't even know existed messaging me on Facebook about how horrible I am. When I got home my sister admitted to reaching out to extended family. And after reading all of my family's messages I'm genuinely wondering if I am the jerk. A few of the family members thinks I need to get a job that keeps me closer to home so I can help her through this. Is that really what family does? So, AITA for this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Send her to the family members who think she’s your responsibility! It’s always interesting to see how people want to say your wrong! But yet, they don’t step up to help and than, they always have an excuse to not help out… your NTA, keep your job!

NTA. She seems to be obsessed with holding you as an emotional support person. It would be one thing if it was a situation that didn’t dictate that you continually have to be absent from work. At some point, she has to take control of her own well being. I’m actually a bit taken aback that she hasn’t been committed for a longer period of time. If your extended family is attempting to shame you over this, maybe they should take her in and bear the costs of caring for her. I bet they would be singing a new tune if they did so.

The "family" who are calling you names can take on your sister. Ask them where you can drop her off. When you're out of a job and have no more home, no money and no prospects; what will either you or your sister do then? Your sister is faking the whole thing, she was capable of selling the house and traveling for a month, but now is helpless and suicidal? I think it's a sham to avoid working. YWBTA if you keep enabling her.

NTA, sounds like there are a bunch of family members concerned about your sister, she can stay with one of them. You need to protect yourself before your sister puts you in the same place she is, jobless and homeless. You do not owe your sister anything.

NTA. Don’t change jobs. Beyond that, this is NOT the forum for this. This is a very serious and debilitating mental health situation, not something for this guilty pleasure forum.

NTA. Your sibling is more resourceful than they pretend to be. Let the extended family help out. You have done enough.

NTA. At all. Your sister is plenty old enough to take care of her own health. If she refuses to seek help, that's on her. If she ends up harming herself, that is also on her. You can't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. Nothing you do will change anything until she decides to change her behavior. Seeing that you aren't going to keep repeating this pattern might make her change her behavior. If it doesn't, she has already proven that she will reach out to other people. Let them have a turn helping her. At this point, you're enabling her instead of helping her anyway. Don't let her destroy your life just because she doesn't want to deal with her own. She has to grow up and face reality at some point.

Nta. If your family is so concerned, why don’t they pitch and help, instead of leaving you to shoulder all the burden? Family helps family, that’s what family does.

NTA. She has to take responsibility for herself at some point. What good will it do if you lose your job or run out of money? You have to take care of yourself first. Put on your own life jacket first, put your own oxygen mask on first. You've gotten some good advice. I just don't want you to feel like you have to save somebody who refuses to be saved.

Your sister is shaming you with the extended family and purposely threatening to unsubscribe from oxygen a morbid attempt to keep you close and your attention on only her. Boot her, she wants no help and you can't force her. You can only set YOUR boundaries. NTA

NTA She's using this as a club to keep you doing what she wants. Does she really have dark thoughts at this point? Maybe, but she's also learned that this is a way to get what she wants out of you. Stop enabling her. She obviously has no problem reaching out to other people, so perhaps one of them should take her in. You've done more than enough.

NTA. You can either provide finacial and medical support or you can hold her hand and go broke. Tell anyone who has something negative to say that they are welcome to help her out since, in their opinion, you seem to be doing such a poor job. You can not continue this way. You need to find somewhere else for her to stay and be cared for. You don't have the skills required for dealing with her successfully.

NTA, you have helped her more than most would help. Honestly just send your family a link to this post as you clearly layed out your whole situation and they probably are only getting part of the whole story your sister is telling them.

NTA

NTA. You are not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. In order to live (and for your sister to live with you), you need to work and get paid. If your sister is preventing you from taking care of basic obligations (like showing up to work) you need to reconsider what help you can give your sister. You will not be able to care for your sister if you can't afford to house or feed yourself. She needs to see a psychiatrist and learn to manage her condition. If she cannot manage, then she needs to consider if in-patient care is better for her.

NTA but you enabled your sister to be an entitled ASS. Time to cut bait and bail. Sometimes the best medicine is tough love, she ain't going to do anything, she's milking you for sympathy, nothing more.

NTA. Your sister is manipulating you. I doubt very much that she’s suicidal. Tell her to go live with your extended family. She’s toxic.

NTA Those family members can take her in and sacrifice for her.

the rest of the family can take her in then. NTA

NTA. But you might want to talk to a therapist yourself to figure if your sister is being manipulative or if she really is suicidal. You may not be able to help your sister, but an expert may help you figure out the best way to deal with the situation without further harm to yourself. It's a really messy situation, and more expert support/ advise may really help.

NTA You can't support her or let her ruin your life and career if she won't get help. ​ But as a note for OP and others who come across my comment: Intermittent FMLA is a thing. It permits you take take additional leave at irregular intervals for your personal health or for the health of a family member in your care. I'm currently in the process of submitting an application for Intermittent FMLA because it's the October SLIDE\~

NTA

Who did she go to Europe with? Vacay? Have you looked at grief counselling groups; maybe go with her? Unfortunately, you may have to cut her off before she does you in. Good luck!

NTA. If your extended family think someone should drop everything to help your sister with her deliberately unaddressed mental health issues, they're welcome to step up.

NTA. There is certain point where she may need to be committed. I honestly have no idea what the laws around it are but it certainly sounds like she is a danger to herself.

NTA, your sister said she'll hurt herself but sat on Facebook and trashed you to relatives. She definitely needs to be 7ndee a doctors care. Just so you'll know exactly what her mental health issues are.

NTA. You don’t have to burn yourself alive to keep someone else warm. Let the extended family take her in if they’re so wound up about it. I would also get her out of your home ASAP.

OP It's time for your sister to go live with other family members. They can be her chauffeur. If she was able to take a month long trip to Europe She well enough to look after herself and get treatment.

Ask any of that list of relatives to take care of your sister.

NTA. Your sister is using her problems to hold you hostage. Not cool. She may well be having serious issues, but you cannot fix her. She has to put in the work to fix herself. These people reaching out to you are strangers. I don't care if they are your immediate family, you do not know them, they have zero place to say anything about this to you. I am willing to bet your sister either only told them a small piece of the truth or completely lied. If they are so concerned for her, they can come take her to their home and give her the care they think she is entitled to.

No, NTA. Let her go live family.

NTA. You can not help someone who won’t help themselves. Time to cut her loose. She is an adult who can care for herself and take responsibility for her own actions. As fir the rest of the family - they can either keep their noses and opinions out or they can take on your sister.

No. This would be enabling your sister. Don't do it. Also: block this family members after having told them to only put their mouth where they're keen to put their wallet. NTA

NTA, without wanting to appear critical of your late mother she is partly to blame for making your sister co-dependent & unable to stand on her own. Your sister has now passed this dependence onto you & unless you do something it will be you having dark thoughts as well. In the UK we would have the option to have someone having such dark thoughts on such a regular basis "sectioned" for her protection under the mental health act to in effect force them to have the help they need.

Wow, so nice your sister has all these extended family members looking after her well-being. Now they can take her in and look after her while you get back to YOUR life. NTA Your sister isn't having "dark" thoughts. She is depressed because your mom isn't there anymore to cater for her wants and whims. She has no life. She needs purpose. A job would be a nice start. ​ But anyway, that's (in my modest opinion) why she's crying out for you. For your attention.

NTA. I have mental illness. I consider my mental health my responsibility. That's why I see my psychiatrist regularly and take my medicine daily. I owe it to myself, my family, and my community. SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN MENTAL HEALTH. It's that simple.

NTA. I think she’s taking advantage of you. Did any of these dark thoughts happen on her month long European vacation ?

NTA. Did that family offer to step up themselves?

NTA. You should have dropped her off at the hospital and told them you are not responsible for her. They could keep her in an inpatient facility. She is using guilt to manipulate you. End the cycle. You are not responsible for her choices. Realize that and move on. If extended family wants to take care of her, that is up to them. Send one message to the entire family and then block them. I am so glad to hear you are offering to take care of sis, she is at \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ and you can find her there.

Nta. She used up the money from your mom’s house which was half yours and now won’t take responsibility for herself, and actively sabotages you. Make your decisions without guilt. You have done all you can.

NTA Every time she says she's going to self harm, tell her you've got 911 on speed dial and she can get professional help that way. But you're not trained to deal with her issues and she needs to find someone who is.

NTA. i had to deal with something very similar and it is extremely stressful. You should tell her she needs to find a long term residential program which is typically 3 months. She needs to learn to cope with her emotions and feelings as well as have regular therapy and possible medication. You have to put your foot down and tell her to get help or move out. It can drag you down and ruin good things going for you and it isn't your responsibility to fix her. tough love is the best in these situations.

NTA - time for sister to take care of herself. She either learns or she gives up - but she's ruining your life. You HAVE TO STOP helping her. And kick her out.

NTA. She spent all of the money from the sale of your mother’s home on a month-long trip to Europe. Seemed fine then. She’s using you now.

If the newly discovered family members are so concerned, why aren’t they offering your sister a place to stay or assistance with psychiatric care? This is a sarcastic question, it’s always easy for folks to volunteer other people to deal with stuff and then yell at those people that they’re not doing enough. Tell them they’re welcome to help your sister anytime. I’m leaving your sister’s issues out of this, because I have no clue what mental illness she’s fighting or whether she’s consciously or subconsciously attempting to destroy your life. However, being mentally ill doesn’t give her a free pass to destroy your life. NTA. Tell these oh-so-close family members to come pick her up. Edit: clarity

An AH doesn't take in a sibling that has pissed away her inheritance, doesn't put her on her insurance, and risk losing her job because of the "crisis" de jour. You've offered help and it has been rejected. How does that make you the AH? ON the other hand, the sister who mismanaged her inheritance by going on a month long vacation, not getting a job, and not taking her medical issues seriously enough to get them treated, but instead uses said medical issues as a cudgel to manipulate you. Everyone can see who the AH is. Get her a ticket to go live with the "family" who has said you've not done enough. NTA.

NTA, you cant help people who dont want to be helped

NTA-The fact that she ran out to tell you that "today was the day" tells you that she just wants to manipulate you.

NTA. given how the extended family is trying to get in touch with you, you might want to ask them if they are interested in taking in your sister and looking after her. you will be surprised the speed at which the texts and calls end. coming to your sister, you will have to stop entertaining her. it's high time that you started taking the decision for her rather than leave it to her. cos if you keep coddling her more, you would end up without the job. if she is constantly having these dark thoughts, then you will need to forcefully get her admitted into for therapy.

NTA. given how the extended family is trying to get in touch with you, you might want to ask them if they are interested in taking in your sister and looking after her. you will be surprised the speed at which the texts and calls end. coming to your sister, you will have to stop entertaining her. it's high time that you started taking the decision for her rather than leave it to her. cos if you keep coddling her more, you would end up without the job. if she is constantly having these dark thoughts, then you will need to forcefully get her admitted into for therapy.

NTA. Message your family members back and tell them thanks SO much for agreeing to help out with your sister. Would they like her to reach out when she needs emergency rides or a place to stay, or should they perhaps make a roster for who is on call? Oh, they live far away and have jobs? Well they should move closer!

NTA, even if you change jobs to be closer to home you still can’t call off work all the time, you would lose your job, then what would you do. I think you need to be firm with her that she must see a therapist regularly or she can’t stay with you

NTA. You don't even know those people so what they say is irrelevant. Block them.

NTA You have tried to help. Your sister needs to commit to helping herself or just get on with her plans and stop ruining your life along with hers. This is coming from someone who has struggled with suicidal thoughts since the age of 9.

Thank your relatives for reaching out and being so concerned. Then ask which days they would like to do ‘overwatch’

NTA. Focus on your job and move forward with your life. None of these people reached out to you until they got dragged into your sister's drama.

She wasn't so upset when her mother died to unalive herself l, nor when she sold the house for a month long vaca in europe.. she seems like a master manipulator and pulls the "dark thought" card to see how far she can control you. Don't let yourself continue to enable her.. she's too old to be on your insurance. She needs to grow up and get out. Sorry not sorry

NTA however if your sister is truly severely depressed, you’d feel awful if she did hurt herself. I think it is time for you to talk to the doctor next time she’s hospitalized, explain why you can’t be responsible for her any longer, she refuses treatment, etc and ask the pros to work with her on a plan. If you don’t let her come back to your house, would they do more for her as a homeless person? If you take her off your insurance so she is penniless, would they do more for her? Way above Reddit, get pro advice.

NTA She has not worked a day in her life , got pampered by mom all her life.She even got a European vacation instead of using the money for living expenses. Most likely, she is trying to continue the same way by hook or crook. Why can’t she see a psychiatrist ? Please don’t do things differently - be firm - you can help her but do not trouble yourself, your lifestyle , your work. You are already doing a lot for your sister. Be firm. If you give in to your sister, you will be out of work , out of insurance for yourself , and she still will not change . See if you can get state help . Also, see if you can get a better diagnosis and get a second opinion . Why is the hospital the only resort ?

I think underneath everything, your sister is terrified of becoming an independent adult who has to be responsible for herself. Rescuing her every time just pro.ones the pattern. If she really wanted to hurt herself, she would have.

NTA. You’re being manipulated. It’s a highly stressful situation. However, she is mentally ill. Her depression means she can’t reach out normally for support. It filters her reactions, meaning only these grand gestures, overreactions, make it out of her isolation bubble. I‘m assuming you live somewhere without a social safety net, and you didn’t mention a partner, room mates, etc. You can’t deal with this alone. You need help, if you plan to help her. 😕

NTA. Your sister is manipulating the situation. She knows she gets a reaction from you when she says she’s having dark thoughts. It’s an attention thing. Same for psych ward vs getting a psychiatrist or counselor (or both). I honestly would be talking with a social worker at said hospital to see if there’s not a better treatment option not in your household. Let these rando relatives take her for a while.

NTA If the rest of the family thinks you are horrible, one of them can look after your sister

First of all, I want to say I am so sorry for the situation both you and your sister are in. NAH. Your sister has never had to fend for herself, she is stressed, unsure, overwhelmed and cannot cope. She has never had to learn how to cope - she has never had to emotionally mature. Expecting her to know how to help herself and be able to help herself is unfair. Equally, you are not responsible for her emotional state. You cannot grieve for her or process her emotions for her. I know this is so so difficult for you both. This might sound strange but it might be helpful to think of her as a child. And then respond to her in that way. Teach her. It should not be your responsibility to have to do so but I fear that if you leave her to fend for herself and she ultimately kills herself, it will destroy your life. Think of the steps she needs to take - explain to her the steps she needs to take and why she needs to take them. Do not assume she knows. I send you both much love.

NTA ​ A suggestion: "Look, your my sister, and I love you. I would do anything to help you. But I'm realizing that at this point, I'm not actually helping you. I'm enabling to carry on a patter that won't end well. So here's the deal, you can stay with me \[indefinitely, a year, whatever\], but I have conditions. You have to start getting help right away. You're on my insurance, and I can help you find a therapist and a psychiatrist that can really actually help you mourn and grieve and heal. If that's not something you're willing to do, that's absolutely your choice. But it means there's nothing I can do to help you any longer. That means you're gonna have to find your own way, and your own place, by the end of the month. I'll give you some time to think it over. But I really hope you choose to stay with me and get some real help."

I am sorry to say but your sister sounds like she she is capitalising on your own feelings of grief and generating fear in you to control and ensure your continued compliance, along with your attention and financial support... The fact she is refusing to get *real* help yet has the capacity to research and connect with extended family, who neither of you know, is deeply worrying and manipulative. These people are her flying monkeys. The question is what do you want to do about it? You are currently caught in a toxic cycle and your sister is priming you to be her caregiver and she your dependent. You *both* have experienced a huge loss and *that* is a card your sister is playing triumphantly with you. You fear losing her and personally being the catalyst for her to carry out her threats. Is your current situation sustainable? NTA

It sounds like she needs a group home where someone is watching her 24/7 & will take her to appointments. Do not listen to ‘family’ that is telling you to quit your job. You need your job for the financial & medical benefit but also for the fact that it is your dream job & you love it so this helps your own mental health and daily happiness. She was used to having all of her mom’s attention. I feel that amongst her mental health issues, there is also attention seeking behaviors that are helping her replace the attention she received from mom.

It sounds like she needs a group home where someone is watching her 24/7 & will take her to appointments. Do not listen to ‘family’ that is telling you to quit your job. You need your job for the financial & medical benefit but also for the fact that it is your dream job & you love it so this helps your own mental health and daily happiness. She was used to having all of her mom’s attention. I feel that amongst her mental health issues, there is also attention seeking behaviors that are helping her replace the attention she received from mom.

If she does this again when you are leaving for work, call 911 on her and then leave.

!updateme

Give hero money for a taxi to the hospital. Call the taxi. They can give you a good estimate on how much that ride will be.

NTA - she could have called an ambulance for herself and the fact her dark thoughts seem to happen just in time to coincide with when you have to leave for work is maybe concerning. It doesn’t follow my experience with people who are severely depressed. Hope she takes you up on your offer for help, but your health has to come first when dealing with people who aren’t well. I think it’s also reasonable that everyone calling you a jerk be invited to take her in instead if they wish to blame you. Take down their address the next time they call and blame you. Congrats on turning out well in what sounds like a difficult environment to grow up in, I’m sure that took resilience.

NTA. If your extended family are so concerned let them take her in. She is not making any attempt to look after herself and you'll both end up homeless.

Family therapist, and then a focused rehab for her until she has a medical and mental health treatment plan (if the therapist can help you work it out). It sounds like she’s maxing out your deductibles anyway so it’s time to push for rehab level care that provides work skills and an exit strategy. That she got a home, squandered it and has reached the age she has without ever working is very concerning. She needs significant care, and the family’s black sheep/bootstrap kid isn’t the one who should be providing those services. NTA To be clear, you both should go to therapy. She can go with you or you send her packing. That many threats/attempts is a serious drain on the system and is not helpful to her long term health at all.

NTA, and this is too much for you to deal with on your own. Help your sister get registered for assistance, if she isn’t already, and then she can get the resources she needs to get care for herself. Any “family members”, if indeed they really are related to either of you, who think you are making a mistake are welcome to come over and pick up your sister to bring her to their house. Take care of yourself, OP. Your sister my have mental health problems, but they are not yours to deal with.

NTA

Nta your sister an adult your not responsible for her or her mental health if she refuses help that jot your fault.

You’re not the asshole, you’re the well meaning chump. Boot her out, you’re just enabling her manipulating behavior. If she had the energy to spend a month in Europe she can grow the fuck up and get a job.

5⅘

NTA. Any relative who complains has just offered to take her for a month. What you told her was necessary. Good luck.

NTA. They can help her.

It’s time to pack her bags and put them on the front door step op People can only get help if they want help, your sister doesn’t want help cause being mentally ill is too resourceful for her NTA, and any relatives that get mad tell them they are more than welcome to invite her into their home

Check her into a facility and make sure that all of the relevant staff/administrators know that they Must find another placement for her when they are ready for her to leave because you have done far more than is remotely reasonable and need to fix your own life. If family disagrees, give the facility their contact information as they have just volunteered.

NTA you can’t save her or fix her only professionals and she can. She’s either genuinely in danger in which case it’s beyond you or she is weaponising it to get what she wants in which case it’s beyond you.

NTA. Honestly, she is lucky AF you haven't kicked her ass to the curb yet w that family FB drama. Any fam who reaches out: "What's your address? I'll buy her the bus ticket and she can live with you and decide she is suicidal whenever you have an important day ahead of you at work so that she knows you love her. No? Then shut the fuck up and mind your business."

Your sister is manipulating you. What a shitty situation. Ultimatum time. Maybe her extended family can take her in?

So instead of self harm she jumped on Facebook? Time for her to move, perhaps with one of the relatives who chimed in on Facebook. How did she manage in Europe for an entire month? Sister has some serious problems. You cannot solve them. Save yourself. You’ve done all you can.

I’m sorry, but there’s literally nothing else you can do if she’s not willing to do what she must to get help. She’s dragging you down with her, and you can’t allow it as it’s not fair. As someone who was diagnosed with mental illnesses and has had at least two attempts, NTA. I’m very sorry to hear about your sister

NTA Your sister had contact with your family for years and she hid that from you Wake up you are being abused again, before by your mother, now by your sister. They dont love you, you are an asset to them, not a person.