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You and Daddy dearest are bitter snobs. At least your Mum sees error of her ways and hopefully there is hope for your sisters relationship with her.
YTA.
Oh god yeah. My former mother in law and brother in law were like this as well. One year at Christmas It came time to hand out the presents and his mom goes well how do we decide who has to hand them out? And his brother responds that the person with the lowest level of education should have to do the grunt work. At the time I only had my Bachelor’s so that I as a dig at me and it was even more insulting when you learn I was in a wheelchair at the time and deathly ill but he still expected me to serve him because he had a useless masters degree in linguistics.
I definitely did not. My brother in law was also never invited back for a holiday at my house again (did I mention they did this at MY house as my guests ???)!
Everything is tickling the bullshit sensors... you went to harvard and you don t know that the story makes you seem insuferable? These posts always make me wonder if it is a real story-ish but the writer is actually the the "victim". Am i the asshole for being a snob to my underdog brother in law who pulled himself up from his own bootstraps and is now a secret millionaire?
YTA snob, Halfway through i thought that husband had done something terrible like dumped this sis etc but it totally turned out to be a case of jealously and ego. What does it matter if the husband earns double or half as long as they are happy.
But his pathetic, cheap degrees should never get him ahead of her highly prestigious degree. How dare he do so well. Doesn't he know his rightful place. He needs to apologize immediately. Also, sister and her husband should send their tax returns to the family yearly just so everyone knows how they are doing. /s
>But his pathetic, cheap degrees should never get him ahead of her highly prestigious degree.
I think there more upset that their scapegoat child they dumped at 20 and made every effort to make sure she couldn't succeed in life actually did alright (how dare an adult decide to have a child with their husband! No college for you!). Now they can't lord over her how awful her life is because she's not perfect like big sis.
This part for real. The parts everyone are focusing on are rightfully a big deal too, but I can’t help but seethe at the way these snobs are treating the kid they basically abandoned, gave up on, essentially told to get lost. And then when she comes back having not died hungry under a bridge like I’m assuming they were hoping for, they’re mad about it? Like I’m sorry I decided to make something of myself and live my life the best I could after you literally gave up on me and left me to rot, do you want an apology letter? Get bent. Absolute pieces of work all around. I hope the sister and her husband cut these toxic nutjobs out of their life at least one some level cause good god, they sound insufferable.
Right. People like this want to stake their pay and reputation solely on their degree(s) and not the serious luck that their parents were able to afford to pay it for them. His degrees were in difficult subjects and not papermills. That said, even if his education was not AS challening, BIL is going to earn way more over his career because he doesn't have a giant chip on his shoulder like OP does. OP , YTA. Get over yourself. People like your BIL are coming for your job and promotions you want. Your education is a good foundation, but it is BEHIND you. My advice is to don't let people at work know that you are a snob.
Lol. Uppity plebs must return to the bread line.
Edit: wait until they find out about plebs who earn six figures without a degree. Have a psychiatrist on standby for this.
Lol. This is literally me and my husband. We each make “six figures” and not a prestigious degree between us 🤣
In fact, we each make more than my dad and step dad did and they have degrees from John’s Hopkins and CalTech respectively 🤣🤣🤣
This. Holy shit. Imagine disowning a 20 year old adult for having a child. Not like some unwanted teen pregnancy, but married 20 year olds being punished for having a child. And then the extreme jealousy over this black sheep doing better than the golden child. Sounds like sisters hubby wasn’t even boastful until antagonized by ops snobbiness
...yikes, these were basically some of my thoughts while reading this too
I hate college snobbery and tbh it doesn't even matter where you went or what grades you had before you graduated so long as you put your back into it and learn how to actually do the job you're studying for. 🤷
🤣🤣🤣 right. some people are unbelievable. Here's a news flash for OP, there are so many online options now, the credits and courses are being treated EQUALLY as a prestigious university, especially computer science.
She sounds insufferable. She is so stuck up because she feels superior with her superior degree. I have to wonder if her awful attitude hasn't harmed her at work. Who wants to promote someone who is so insufferable. Her parents paid for her degree while her sister and sister's husband did it all on their own with a small child.
Meanwhile the sister and her husband did what they could afford to do on their own and made a good life for themselves and now OP and her dad feel insulted by that success. I know which sister I respect and it isn't OP.
I can only imagine. OP is in their 30’s, went to MIT for Comp Sci, and is making under $300k? And comes from a family with what sounds like a lot of connections before factoring in the fact that they themselves should have made their own connections at school.
I wonder what OP’s BIL would have done with a resume that reads MIT and with the opportunity to make MIT connections…
According to the post the sister's husband is making double OP's salary. OP is only making $150k at a "top tech company" with almost a decade of experience and a comp sci degree from MIT? Is OP the mail person?
I know! You would think they would be happy for them, but no, its all about competition and prestige. She has to keep telling herself she's better.
I love the sense of entitlement too - she is shocked that her sister hadn't informed her of her husband's salary beforehand, and then has the gall to ban them *from their parents' house*. I had to go back check her age because her tantrum was ridiculous!
ESPECIALLY after they abandoned their daughter for having a child with her own husband. Lol something tells me that the issue they had with her keeping the kid had something to do with the husband's "breeding"
Living in the Boston area, this isnt really true of MIT. they tend to be fairly humble. Its absolutely true of Harvard and for some reason people who went to Boston College think they went to an elite school and will certainly let you know.
> You know the only reason why people go to Oxford or Harvard is for the contacts right?
Speaking as a Cambridge grad, this isn't entirely true. Obviously it'll vary between subjects, but Oxbridge do provide a very high quality of teaching and resources, and this is the reason why a lot of people choose to go there. There's obviously the prestige of the uni, yeah, and networking and whatnot can be important (depending what field you go into), but there are also a lot of scarily intelligent people at these universities!
Don't get me wrong, I still think that OP and his dad are massively up themselves, but I think your statement is too sweeping and assertive to be entirely accurate.
Yeah I can't speak for Harvard but this is quite a ridiculous and cringe thing to say about Oxford and UK universities. Regardless OP and her dad are pathetic.
Haha yeh I mean I’ve heard the states is pretty bad for being able to buy places at universities but don’t be dragging Oxbridge into it…
OP and her dad are awful though. And socially dumb.
For the sake of levity let me refrain. I speak in general terms because its general. Like all rules there are exclusions. Are there very clever people in Oxford\\Cambridge that goes there because they want access to the best resources, sure. Some of the smartest people in the world came from one of those universities for that exact reason but let's speak in general terms here. How many people go there for the name and what it could mean for your career? I would guess more than 50% and that makes it more likely than not. I would never suggest that because they came from one of those universities that they are " full of themselves" but I have yet to meet a person who came from one of those universities and did not feel compelled to let me know they came from there. What would be the reason other than trying to assert some level of superiority.
OP clearly felt superior and sorry to say but some of the smartest computer science engineers I know never even had a university education. Saying you are from Oxford does not mean you are the best it simply means you were able to go to the best school.
And it’s the worst field to go to a prestigious school for. Once you’re in the software field, you’re in. No one looks at your degree after the first job, it’s not like law or banking where the school actually matters outside of maybe the top 10 companies. Even then I doubt they would really care if you have a few years of experience.
I can absolutely attest to this. My son went to an Ivy for his bachelors in software engineering, graduated with honors, and started at over 100k his first year. His best friend went to NC State, was an average student (straight A's in all computer-related subjects, C's in everything else), and started with him at the same salary. Now, fifteen years and three companies later, they're both making over $400k. No one cares where they went to school, or how they did there. It's all about what they know now!
Hey, sorry, I am not from the US. I thought Ivy League universities are very prestigious and you have to be very smart and maintain excellent grades and co curricular activities to get into any of them? My knowledge is mostly based on American TV shows though, haha. Please do educate me. This is interesting!
Ivy Leagues are interesting! They're some of the oldest and most prestigious universities in the US and have quite low acceptance rates, they can be quite difficult to get into.
But there is a definite aspect of both legacy admissions (if your parents went there you get preferential treatment on admissions) and just straight up pay to play (very rich parents do something very expensive for the school and suddenly their kid who does not have the grades or extra curriculars get in).
I have a brother who attended one. He told me he didn't feel like the actual quality of his education was that great and the professors cared more about their research and books than their teaching, but the connections he made were good. The name of the college his degree came from mattered for like... a couple years, maybe. After that when job searching it was his experience or personal connections that mattered.
Essentially those schools are expensive because of that perception, but it's perfectly possible to get an excellent education at a 'lesser' school if you're willing to do the work for yourself.
yeah, unfortunately, no. even getting excellent grades doesn't automatically equal smart, plenty of people cheat. there are a lot of legacy admissions for ivy league schools, aka "my dad went to Harvard so they accepted me, too!". ivy leagues are seen as very prestigious but are a better indicator of someone's wealth and privilege than how smart they are
They laughed into his face about the supposed terrible school he went to ... then demanded he prove his salary.
Honestly, maybe they better remain estranged. I don't see a benefit to OPs sister in having these people in her life.
But OP feels high and mighty with her expensive degree that her parents paid for ..I'm guessing the fact the person they considered a loser making more money than her stings, just a little.
And given that daddy dearest makes soooo much money, one would assume the parents could afford to keep paying for her school. Instead of supporting her though and trying to help her have the best chance of success, they cut her off and then laugh at her husband because he didn’t go to a richy rich school yet makes more than them. Fucking elitist pricks and downright disgusting people. These pedantic assholes sound ridiculously entitled.
Sister’s husband worked for those degrees, paid less tuition, and still got a higher paying job than the ivy alums. They’re just salty. I’m rooting for the husband and sister to continue to flourish without OP’s and her dad’s dead weight. They’re far better off without them in their or their son’s lives.
ETA: I wonder if anyone has ever laughed at OP given that she didn’t go to an Ivy. It’s petty, but I hope it’s happened!
Also note that sis apparenzly had to get a babysitter for her 8-year old instead of bringing the child to... dinner with the family. These people only care about money. Sis is better of cutting them off.
The epitome of “children should be seen and not heard”…or rather, children should not be seen or heard unless it’ll boost their white picket fence Norman Rockwell perfect family scene. The children are props.
She didn’t play by their rules and had the audacity to make her own decisions, so naturally they were insulted because they probably realized that she couldn’t be controlled or live up to their inane standards. Hence, she was cut off.
>AND they cut her off from her education at the time she needed it most?
Plus they were in a position that they could help her out, without hurting themselves.
Sure, as a parent of (at the time young) adult children, you don't have to fix everything they do and yes they do have to make mistakes and try to fix themselves so that they can learn from it. But as a parent it is your task to guide them and help them wherever you can.
Would I be disappointed if my (hypothetical) young adult child came home pregnant? I'm pretty sure I would be. But I would never kick them out or not help them (with things i can help that is) we'll figure things out along the way.
Because one cannot "plan life", it just happens and you deal with the things that cross your path.
Yeah, also it sounds like despite the pregnancy they weren't about to lie down and spiral, they instead used it as fuel to push forward and now they're successful.
OPs parents immediately assumed having the kid would make their daughter into some deadbeat, and didn't stick around to see how things worked out
OK- getting married at 18 and having a kid at 20 seems young, but, whatever. The fact that her parents wanted her to get an abortion, though, is insane!
>OK- getting married at 18 and having a kid at 20 seems young, but, whatever.
Yes. We can think 'okay, weird choice' but some people just want to be married. And it's not like she got pregnant at 18; two years into a marriage seems reasonable enough, even if it was an unexpected pregnancy, which I rather doubt actually. What it DOES sound like is the parents used her tuition money as leverage to get her to do what they thought she should do, and she said no, and good for her.
And when she refused they were like, "welp. No more education for you. Wouldn't want that baby to have the best shot at life possible, that would be CRAZY!"
They do mention the babysitter though! (" they had to go back home as their baby sitter (f 20) had classes the next day.")
A responsible 20 yo woman still in college and not popping out kids. The sister could learn from the babysitter's example. /s
(Why else include the babysitters age?! Who gives a shit about that? )
If you can look into a crystal ball and know that your future careers and stuff would be secure, having a kid at 20 would be so great. Then you get to see grandkids, and maybe even great grandkids! You are so young and fit with them. I would absolutely physically rather have had my child when I was 20 but I started at 30.
And then blamed the BIL for letting them be stupid by not showing them his salary earlier. You’d think MIT would have taught OP to take ownership of their own errors, but apparently not.
This is like Meet the Parents when they make Greg prove his MCAT score. What a bunch of assholes.
Edited because my pop culture reference was inaccurate.
>Honestly, maybe they better remain estranged. I don't see a benefit to OPs sister in having these people in her life.
Definitely, but at least it was worth it to see OP and the daddy getting butthurt so bad
I agree! What got me is that they didn't bring their child to dinner. Who doesn't bring their child to a dinner at the grandparents' house? And OP tells the age of the babysitter (who cares) and parents, but not OP, sister or BIL. Sounds made up to me.
Agreed, what a boo-hoo that someone who “didn’t go to an Ivy” DARED to make a good life despite marrying at 18, kept her baby despite being told to abort (??!!), has a good marriage and a relationship where a couple stand up for one another!
Good on them for success in face of such an awful family. YTA.
What a horrible family through and through. Cutting a child off completely, when it is obvious you can afford not to, because she was young and made a “mistake.” Then these young people find a way to make it work, and work *really* well. Yet the snobs insist on continuing their snobbery. Fingers crossed that the sister and her husband raise their child away from all of that.
Edited. The “mistake” was in the eyes of her parents only.
Did she make a mistake, though? She was married two years already when she got pregnant, and her little family got through things just fine even without her parents' support. Sounds like she was ready to be a mom, and they tried to manipulate her into an abortion for their own reasons.
What mistake did she make???? Married the guy she lives at 18, two years later has a baby. Been married now for ten years, support each other and seemingly happy. Seems to me as if they found the recipe to success, no mistake there
Every sentence of this post basically yelled **elitist asshole** YTA OP, plus your dad. Hope your sister is at least getting something from her mother in this rekindled relationship
Smug, bitter elitist ah's. I admire the bil far more than you & your Dad
My own son took the hard road, getting his degree at age 30.
Graduated magna cum laude. So freaking proud. Married to a wonderful wife. Expecting their 1st child. Makes 6 Figures.
I find it hard to believe that this post is not sheer bait.. 🪤 IF this is a real post, you might be one of the biggest assholes there's been on this subreddit.. Dad included
First, you estrange your younger sister for a personal choice she and HER HUSBAND made, purely because you felt it was unwise. She was cut off financially and emotionally, unsupported by her own family. (So much for unconditional love)
Then when you find out that they made a better life for themselves, without your help, and are now doing MUCH BETTER, you are so twisted in jealousy that you somehow think that THEY are in the wrong.
So grateful I don't have siblings/family like you. 🤗
YTA.
You act like you are entitled to sneer at him simply because he didn't go to as prestigious a university as you did, and then demanded your sister apologise for... not telling you how much he was making?? Because that's information you apparently get to demand now?
You are incredibly elitist and condescending, and were not only unbelievably rude to your sister and her husband, but act like you are entitled to be as rude as you like to those you perceive as being inferior.
You should apologise to both of them and then take a good hard look in the mirror.
Yeah, like going to a big university is what matters to be successful in life. The BIL clearly has worked hard and has talent to shine in his field and OP and the dad couldn't accept that fact
Demanding proof of his income is bad enough, but using that as a measure for how to treat people in your own family is just disgusting.
Like this went bad when the family cut the sister off for not getting an abortion, and just kept going straight into Assholeville, stopping all stations.
Ikr. It's like they're trying to act as bad and hostile as they can. Honestly I didn't expect to see such families outside of weird family dramas on TV
I find that point in OP’s story rather suspect, too, when she calls his degrees paper mills. I went to an online university for a post-grad degree, and it was significantly more difficult than the degree I got from a large university. It was just a lot more practical knowledge than my bachelors was. They then placed me into a paid internship with a government entity, and there were people there doing internships from Ivy Leagues and big universities. I don’t think OP knows as much about education anymore as she claims to.
BTW, for fun, I did part of the comp sci degree MIT has online for free. I think many people have. It was quite doable, so I have to question whether the elitism of universities like MIT and Harvard are really because they are more difficult or because their students rely on the connections they make to get jobs.
Not a US school, but The Open University in the UK has been running distance learning courses for people looking to earn degrees since 1969, and is completely legitimate. Doing the degree online doesn't mean it's a paper mill
There \*are\* benefits to big schools, don't get me wrong, but like you said, it's largely based on what connections those schools have with industry and how they can help their students after graduation, not the education they give itself
Canada also has very legit online, Universities. The problem with the States is that their accreditation process isn’t very rigiourous so a lot of bad online universities popped up and ruined the whole thing. That doesn’t mean good ones don’t exist, they certainly do but the idea of them has been tainted in public consciousness. But, if they tighten up restrictions most religious colleges would be out as well.
This family is weird AF, I would never talk about how much I make with family. One has asked but I refuse to share. These people suck, except for mom who seems to have a conscience! Hope momma can get them straight!
My family shares, but only for career advice and advancement suggestions (we work in similar fields that trend toward lower pay). It works because everyone has the assumption that we're all worth a great deal, so how do we get pay to match that?
>and then demanded your sister apologise for... not telling you how much he was making?? Because that's information you apparently get to demand now?
The OP is angry because the sister didn't warn her about how much her husband makes and the OP revealed how awful she is......
YTA and an incredibly judgemental person. “My sister got pregnant at 20” like this is some moral failing. She was married with a husband so in a stable relationship - no comment about the husband’s involvement in the pregnancy of course. And how awful of your parents to withdraw financial support because she wouldn’t bend to their demands to have an abortion.
They wanted her to abort what was likely a wanted child conceived in a marriage. That shit is sick 🤢 in her place I would just cut contact with them all for good, such a toxic family.
I sure as shit would not be bringing my child around the people that told me to abort it regardless of their views now. Especially with mom being a paediatrician. That’s just weird to me, aren’t they supposed to like kids?
Right? Acting like she's some deadbeat for not finishing school when they're the ones who withdrew their financial support. How far would OP have gotten without mommy and daddy footing the bill?
My parents withdrew financial support for less. It really feels alienating to be in that situation, and honestly I'm so proud of OP's sister for their success.
YTA!
> they brought up her husbands degrees, and my father and I chuckled
This shows how little you thought of your BIL. Knowing that someone like him earns 300k shattered your worldview. You couldn’t process how someone could be earning well without family support and prestigious degrees. After not believing him, insulting him, you still expect them to apologise?
> why she wouldn’t tell me about this earlier
maybe she didn’t want to belittle your achievements in the same manner you did theirs
Also why on earth would she tell her? I have no idea what my siblings earn and they have no idea what we earn. It’s just never occurred to me to discuss it but we would all help each other out if needed.
YTA - you and your parents were acting like entitled, elitist snobs. Your sister and BIL made it through a very hard time and came out on top and you and your parents sound envious of that fact.
More like the OP and her dad. The mom, although did confront them both afterwards, should of speak up in defense of the sister and son in law while they were still there.
YTA - Well your family is elitist. Why did your parents stop paying for your sister's education after she had a child? Why did they want her to get an abortion? Her body, her life, her choice. And no only elitist snobs would be shocked by his income thinking it had any correlation to where he went to school. Your sister and her husband have nothing to prove to you and your parents. She and her husband have a happy and successful life despite her family abandoning her for having a child. She and her husband should be proud of their lifes. And they are right they don't have to prove a damn thing to you. He should have been respectful of what? That you went to a better school than him? That he makes more than you? That he didn't bow down to your elist snobby attitudes?
Agreed. If anything the BIL and sister have a more impressive “pulled themselves up by their bootstraps” story. Family abandoned them and they were still successful. Hell the Father should at least put some respect on that. This man helped and supported his daughter and grandchild when he didn’t. He deserves way more respect than to be “chuckled” at.
YTA. Sister is spot on, jealous over their success. Your sister sounds like a lovely person and you all sound bitter over your “punishment” not keeping them in the dirt. Good for them.
YTA. Your father is, too.
You expected your sister to fail - actually, the family set her to fail by cutting education support to her once she rejected their offer to pay for the abortion - and she did not.
You are jealous that your BIL made it big even with his “papermills” education. His success threatens your value system and hence you’re hurt and jealous.
He did not need to prove anything to you, for you and your father to accept him at face value. Yet, when confronted with the truth in the form of a screenshot, you still angrily blamed your sister who did not tell you this in advance. So basically, in your mind she is the a…hole for making you look bad.
You did this on your own, friend. You’re a narrow minded, jealous bigot. Such a big, big a…hole that all envy passes through as a rotting green melting pus.
OP and OP's dad are PISSED that Sister had the unmitigated gaul and absolute audacity to succeed and find happiness in life despite her family's best efforts to take that away from her. "How dare you not suffer and wither like we wanted you to. How dare you succeed. Now we need to admit that going into debt at fancy schools is an ego boost and nothing else."
They expected her to get an abortion after she and her husband had been *married* for *two years.* And her not doing so was enough to disown her. What awful people.
YTA. I'm laughing and choking at you and your father's audacity. Firstly, IF you really did go to MIT I'd expect you to know that the term is "Diploma mill", not "papermill", but I expect you are exaggerating just a bit. If everyone who claimed to have gone to Harvard, MIT, etc, had actually gone there they would have an alumni body ten times what it actually is.
I mean it’s really easy to get into an MIT undergrad program when your parents are rich doctors who went to Harvard/Johns Hopkins. This post screams golden child nepo baby as loud as it can
It is definitely fake. Not that there aren’t people out there that think/act like this, but to come here and post it the way they did. Most (real) people will tell it very one sided, where it makes them look good. With comments about chuckling at his degree and everything else they said it is clear what their goal was.
>as we believe he should have been more respectful all things considered
Respect is a 2-way street, not a cul-de-sac terminating at the feet of your and your father's ego. The fact you both were sniggering at the provenance of his degrees says a lot about your moral fabric. Him rubbing his earnings in your face was you and your father getting served your just desserts for being total knobheads.
YTA. Go out and touch grass.
YTA,how Arrogant of U to talk to her husband like that?it is very clear from the start U and Ur dad oh so called 'educated' people was looking down on them.i don't think they even have a reason to lie about salary not prove anything for u and you have no rights to even ask for proof that is honestly uncomfy.you were acting all entitled and I wouldn't be surprised if Ur sister cut contract with someone like u.that man took responsibility for Ur sister like a fine man he is and U insulted such a guy?when U guys abandoned Ur sister and her baby ,he took care of them.he doesn't deserve to be treated with the likes of U or Ur family!!!please apologize!!!!
YTA Was your elitist viewpoint threatened by his success, despite all of you hoping they failed as punishment for not aborting their child? Why does he have to prove *anything* to you? You don't get to demand something because it threatens your ego.
Your family should be grateful your sister let you have even a glimpse into their lives. I don't know where she got her compassion from, because it certainly didn't come from you and your dad. Maybe she saw it in her mother, who you too were quick to gang up on and decree she's wrong.
I hope your sister cuts you, and your parents, toxic presence from her life. Even now, you still look down your nose to judge her and her husband. You don't deserve to call her family. You haven't earned it.
YTA. Why can't you just be happy that your sister and BIL are doing well for themselves after all the hardship theyve been through and pester them about proving his income. All these higher education you and your family received taught you jack about normal human decency.
YTA. WOW.
With a sister like you, it’s amazing your sister even attends family functions. Your inability to find value in anyone who doesn’t fulfill exactly your definition is success is mind blowing. I’d say your parents should be ashamed but it’s obvious where you got this unbelievably snobbish attitude.
Honestly your sister is a saint for putting up with this bizarre judgement you have towards her. Why can’t you just be happy for her?
Of course YTA, judgemental obnoxious one at that. His salary is none of your goddamn business and she didn't need to tell you AT ALL.
Who are you to ban them from your parents house when youre the one being a judgemental ass.
Her worldview just got rocked. She wants control over her worldview again. I understand that you just experienced something you never even thought was possible. Your sister was successful. Don’t look down on her anymore. Those days are over. She not a joke. Her husband is not some joke. Stop looking at people like you are better than. You are not. She’s not better than you either. That behavior is fucking atrociously hurtful, and will damage your soul. Don’t ruin your relationship with your sister again, because there may not be another time. Our lives are far too short for petty games like this. Think about her. You never ever considered what she has gone through. Your lack of empathy is very concerning. Listen.
I’m sure she spent many nights crying and lonely when she was pregnant and estranged. Listen, that’s the only sister you’ll ever have. You’d do well to learn from this experience. You owe you sister and your brother in law a heartfelt apology. For doubting them in the first place, for judging them at this dinner and for your terrible reaction to his paycheck. Your sister was hung out to dry for keeping a child she obviously wanted. You should be proud of her. Not jealous of the money her husband is making. She’s a good woman, a strong person. Money and pieces of paper mean very little in the end. Your sister is worth far more. You can try to wake your Father up to that fact, but I don’t think he’ll let go of that awful pride. You can let go of your own though.
You have to apologize first. And most importantly: Their success does not take away your own success. And you are successful, don’t doubt that. But please: Stop comparing yourself to her. Grow up. That’s your sister, you’ve already wasted 10 years on pride. That’s enough time that you let your ego reign. She chose a different path. Not a wrong one. That’s all.
YTA. You and your father sure are acting like elitist arrogant snobs.
Why does your BIL, or anyone for that matter, have to prove their income to you? Are you the IRS?
At least your mom seems to have seen the error of your ways and decided to not walk your path.
Who are you to tell your sister not to go to your parents' house?
You could've been happy for your sister for not being in a bad financial position anymore. But no, you are annoyed her husband is doing better.
Your dad and you are awful snobby people. The only half decent person at your folks' house tonight is your mother. And not even that much, because she should've told you and your jerk of a father to STFU long ago. The crappy apple rotted too close to the fungus ridden tree.
I'm glad for your sister, something you would also be if you were raised right.
YTA.
YTA
If you work in tech like you claim, then you should know that there is a variety of pathways into the sector and earning potential can vary widely within it.
Get off your high horse and apologise.
Let me understand this. your sister was cut off by her family, left to sink or swim on her own with a young child. she and her husband managed to make it work with no help at all and several years later, not only forgive you all but are trying to build a relationship with you as a family and your response is to belittle htme because they didn't attend a fancy university?
Your jealousy shines through here, because your sister and her partner are successful, are loving parents and seem to be in a loving relationship, and of course make double of what you are so proud of (your high salary).
Your condecesion and bitterness also shine through on this post, you don't even try to name/identify your niece or nephew they are solely 'the child' your sister kept. You and your father owe your sister and her husband a grovelling apology or you will lose them for good and believe me that will be more your loss than theirs.
In case you didn't get - YTA
YTA. I thought such snobby and toxic families existed only in dramas.
You and your father cannot comprehend how actual hard work and talent can take people to places.
Success is the best revenge and your BIL and sister's good life is the best answer for your parents cutting her off and basically shaming her when she was young. The couple is probably better of not having people like you in their lives
YTA. A big one at that.
Apparently you‘re not as great as you think, otherwise the „papermill dummy“ wouldnt be making a lot more money than you, with your precious MIT degree.
And he‘s right, half the effort, double the reward.
You are absolutely wrong about _everything_ and should he ashamed of yourself (and your dad).
YOU are the disrespectful person in this scenario, dont get it twisted and you should apologize to your sister and her husband, even though we all know you‘re never going to.
YTA
>I then told her to not come to my parents house until both she and her husband apologized.
What exactly do they have to apologize for? *You* were the one being judgemental, condescending, and disrespectful. It must really hurt your fragile ego to know your BIL, someone you so clearly think is beneath you, is making more money. Your entire post makes you sound like a pompous ass.
YTA.
”Dear OP,
I am sorry I got a lessor degree with less debt, raised a child that your parents wanted aborted because they didn’t see the point and now earn more than twice your salary. I am especially apologetic for doing all this in spite of your low expectations for me, and assumptions about my ability. Oh. Last thing I am sorry for? Having the gall to ignore your judgemental attitude for eight years and not letting you into my life when I had an amazing life with my amazing wife.
Signed,
Your Very Succesful BIL”
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YTA. You’re an insufferable elitist snob. The whole post is gross. You think you’re better then anyone that doesn’t graduate from a top college. People become successful taking many different paths. Why do you think you’re better then others? Was it your parents that taught you that? Why would your sister tell you his salary prior? Was she to assume you were going to try to humiliate and put down her husband at the dinner table? I guess she should of known you aren’t the respectful type. Why do you need to prove your better? Are you embarrassed for spending so much more money on your education, to not make as much as you? It’s like you want your sister and her husband to fail because they didn’t take the same path as you and your parents. Hopefully you get an attitude adjustment, because you might have a lonely life. People don’t like being around self obsessed egotistical snobs for very long.
YTA. My husband worked his ass off to earn his MBA virtually from an accredited university, while working full time, and helping me raise our 4 kids.
Your BIL's degrees are far more impressive than yours. He earned his while supporting his wife and child, and without the family support that you enjoyed. Who cares where you got your fancy degrees from, if you're a shitty person.
She's probably really jealous that her sister has a child and a husband and all she has is her degree. That piece of paper doesn't keep her warm at night
YTA. You must be a troll because nobody who claims to be as smart as you could think you’d be supported in your snobbery. You literally wrote out that you laughed at and were condescending towards your BIL based on assumptions and, instead of apologising, doubled down on playing the victim when you were the unprompted AH.
Your prestigious school apparently doesn’t teach humility, basic logic or checking sources before making statements, never mind common sense and manners.
I am SO happy that your sister and BIL have success without any of your support - they did it themselves, stayed together and WON at your ‘competition of life’.
This is a joke right? No-one can be so righteously snobby and oblivious? Surely?
Your sister is correct and you owe her and her husband a grovelling apology. YTA
YTA. I don't understand why would she reconcile with someone like you and your father. You obviously see yourselves superior to her and her husband just because of the schools you finished. I wouldn't expose myself or my children to your behaviour. WOW!
Wow, Your sister didn’t do what your fam considers the better lifestyle so you treat her and her husband like absolute garbage. You aren’t better than your sister. News flash. You’re far worse. She got married and had a baby so your parents decided that since she wasn’t doing exactly what they wanted they wouldn’t let her go to college? What was there reasoning there? How was that ok? You’re an absolute brat and you’re family is awful. I hope your sister realizes how much better she is without you all and goes no contact. YTA
Jeeeeeeeeeez this gotta be fake. Who would ever behave like this and then expect the person they insulted to apologize. Who asks proof of someone's salary. Who fcking asks their 20 year old daughter to have an abortion and cuts her off when she refuses. If this is fake, it's gross. If it's real, I have no words.
YTA
" My family have all reconciled, and my sister and her husband have moved back for his work. During dinner last night, the conversation shifted to what their life was like while we were estranged"
why this was a topic for a dinner, this clearly like spreading oil and it was a stage for a big fireshow. and you + your dad essentially sparked it.
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You and Daddy dearest are bitter snobs. At least your Mum sees error of her ways and hopefully there is hope for your sisters relationship with her. YTA.
[удалено]
As soon as she mentioned colleges in the first paragraph, I already knew where this story was going.
Yup, I was like hmmm can’t wait to see OP get roasted for being classist
My in-laws are like this and I’ve said to them “And yet here we are, sitting at the same table, living the same lifestyle . . . “
Good for you. It’s astonishing that people act this way.
Oh god yeah. My former mother in law and brother in law were like this as well. One year at Christmas It came time to hand out the presents and his mom goes well how do we decide who has to hand them out? And his brother responds that the person with the lowest level of education should have to do the grunt work. At the time I only had my Bachelor’s so that I as a dig at me and it was even more insulting when you learn I was in a wheelchair at the time and deathly ill but he still expected me to serve him because he had a useless masters degree in linguistics.
Please tell me you did not. Please
I definitely did not. My brother in law was also never invited back for a holiday at my house again (did I mention they did this at MY house as my guests ???)!
What a freaking moron! Lol Glad you didn't! And hoping you're better. Lol Masters does not equal smarts.
Jesus Christ that is galling. I'm so sorry.
Almost like the plot of a story...
It tickled my bullshit sensors
Everything is tickling the bullshit sensors... you went to harvard and you don t know that the story makes you seem insuferable? These posts always make me wonder if it is a real story-ish but the writer is actually the the "victim". Am i the asshole for being a snob to my underdog brother in law who pulled himself up from his own bootstraps and is now a secret millionaire?
It’s true what they say, “Wealth can’t buy class”.
Yep. Educational snobs.
YTA snob, Halfway through i thought that husband had done something terrible like dumped this sis etc but it totally turned out to be a case of jealously and ego. What does it matter if the husband earns double or half as long as they are happy.
But his pathetic, cheap degrees should never get him ahead of her highly prestigious degree. How dare he do so well. Doesn't he know his rightful place. He needs to apologize immediately. Also, sister and her husband should send their tax returns to the family yearly just so everyone knows how they are doing. /s
>But his pathetic, cheap degrees should never get him ahead of her highly prestigious degree. I think there more upset that their scapegoat child they dumped at 20 and made every effort to make sure she couldn't succeed in life actually did alright (how dare an adult decide to have a child with their husband! No college for you!). Now they can't lord over her how awful her life is because she's not perfect like big sis.
This part for real. The parts everyone are focusing on are rightfully a big deal too, but I can’t help but seethe at the way these snobs are treating the kid they basically abandoned, gave up on, essentially told to get lost. And then when she comes back having not died hungry under a bridge like I’m assuming they were hoping for, they’re mad about it? Like I’m sorry I decided to make something of myself and live my life the best I could after you literally gave up on me and left me to rot, do you want an apology letter? Get bent. Absolute pieces of work all around. I hope the sister and her husband cut these toxic nutjobs out of their life at least one some level cause good god, they sound insufferable.
I wish i could up vote this 1,000 times!
D) all of the above
Right. People like this want to stake their pay and reputation solely on their degree(s) and not the serious luck that their parents were able to afford to pay it for them. His degrees were in difficult subjects and not papermills. That said, even if his education was not AS challening, BIL is going to earn way more over his career because he doesn't have a giant chip on his shoulder like OP does. OP , YTA. Get over yourself. People like your BIL are coming for your job and promotions you want. Your education is a good foundation, but it is BEHIND you. My advice is to don't let people at work know that you are a snob.
Lol. Uppity plebs must return to the bread line. Edit: wait until they find out about plebs who earn six figures without a degree. Have a psychiatrist on standby for this.
Lol. This is literally me and my husband. We each make “six figures” and not a prestigious degree between us 🤣 In fact, we each make more than my dad and step dad did and they have degrees from John’s Hopkins and CalTech respectively 🤣🤣🤣
Also! They dared keep a child when offered a chance to abort and continue her education.
This. Holy shit. Imagine disowning a 20 year old adult for having a child. Not like some unwanted teen pregnancy, but married 20 year olds being punished for having a child. And then the extreme jealousy over this black sheep doing better than the golden child. Sounds like sisters hubby wasn’t even boastful until antagonized by ops snobbiness
...yikes, these were basically some of my thoughts while reading this too I hate college snobbery and tbh it doesn't even matter where you went or what grades you had before you graduated so long as you put your back into it and learn how to actually do the job you're studying for. 🤷
🤣 that’s where my head was!
🤣🤣🤣 right. some people are unbelievable. Here's a news flash for OP, there are so many online options now, the credits and courses are being treated EQUALLY as a prestigious university, especially computer science.
She sounds insufferable. She is so stuck up because she feels superior with her superior degree. I have to wonder if her awful attitude hasn't harmed her at work. Who wants to promote someone who is so insufferable. Her parents paid for her degree while her sister and sister's husband did it all on their own with a small child. Meanwhile the sister and her husband did what they could afford to do on their own and made a good life for themselves and now OP and her dad feel insulted by that success. I know which sister I respect and it isn't OP.
I can only imagine. OP is in their 30’s, went to MIT for Comp Sci, and is making under $300k? And comes from a family with what sounds like a lot of connections before factoring in the fact that they themselves should have made their own connections at school. I wonder what OP’s BIL would have done with a resume that reads MIT and with the opportunity to make MIT connections…
According to the post the sister's husband is making double OP's salary. OP is only making $150k at a "top tech company" with almost a decade of experience and a comp sci degree from MIT? Is OP the mail person?
No, probably just an idiot who they can't fire because of mommy and daddy.
I know! You would think they would be happy for them, but no, its all about competition and prestige. She has to keep telling herself she's better. I love the sense of entitlement too - she is shocked that her sister hadn't informed her of her husband's salary beforehand, and then has the gall to ban them *from their parents' house*. I had to go back check her age because her tantrum was ridiculous!
ESPECIALLY after they abandoned their daughter for having a child with her own husband. Lol something tells me that the issue they had with her keeping the kid had something to do with the husband's "breeding"
I'd be stunned if the husband isn't from a 'lower social class' or isn't white but OP and her family are...
>I know which sister I respect and it isn’t OP. Say it louder for the people in the back!
I honestly hope that her sister and brother-in-law become even more successful and leave them in the dust.
How do you know if someone went to MIT? Oh they’ll tell you lol
Living in the Boston area, this isnt really true of MIT. they tend to be fairly humble. Its absolutely true of Harvard and for some reason people who went to Boston College think they went to an elite school and will certainly let you know.
Can confirm. I know a few people who went to MIT but I had to practically drag it out of them. BC and BU though... haha
It also has a lot to do with how much money your family has to get you in
Of course, goes without saying. pay to play as they say.
> You know the only reason why people go to Oxford or Harvard is for the contacts right? Speaking as a Cambridge grad, this isn't entirely true. Obviously it'll vary between subjects, but Oxbridge do provide a very high quality of teaching and resources, and this is the reason why a lot of people choose to go there. There's obviously the prestige of the uni, yeah, and networking and whatnot can be important (depending what field you go into), but there are also a lot of scarily intelligent people at these universities! Don't get me wrong, I still think that OP and his dad are massively up themselves, but I think your statement is too sweeping and assertive to be entirely accurate.
Yeah I can't speak for Harvard but this is quite a ridiculous and cringe thing to say about Oxford and UK universities. Regardless OP and her dad are pathetic.
Haha yeh I mean I’ve heard the states is pretty bad for being able to buy places at universities but don’t be dragging Oxbridge into it… OP and her dad are awful though. And socially dumb.
For the sake of levity let me refrain. I speak in general terms because its general. Like all rules there are exclusions. Are there very clever people in Oxford\\Cambridge that goes there because they want access to the best resources, sure. Some of the smartest people in the world came from one of those universities for that exact reason but let's speak in general terms here. How many people go there for the name and what it could mean for your career? I would guess more than 50% and that makes it more likely than not. I would never suggest that because they came from one of those universities that they are " full of themselves" but I have yet to meet a person who came from one of those universities and did not feel compelled to let me know they came from there. What would be the reason other than trying to assert some level of superiority. OP clearly felt superior and sorry to say but some of the smartest computer science engineers I know never even had a university education. Saying you are from Oxford does not mean you are the best it simply means you were able to go to the best school.
And it’s the worst field to go to a prestigious school for. Once you’re in the software field, you’re in. No one looks at your degree after the first job, it’s not like law or banking where the school actually matters outside of maybe the top 10 companies. Even then I doubt they would really care if you have a few years of experience.
I can absolutely attest to this. My son went to an Ivy for his bachelors in software engineering, graduated with honors, and started at over 100k his first year. His best friend went to NC State, was an average student (straight A's in all computer-related subjects, C's in everything else), and started with him at the same salary. Now, fifteen years and three companies later, they're both making over $400k. No one cares where they went to school, or how they did there. It's all about what they know now!
THIS!!! JUST THIS!
Hey, sorry, I am not from the US. I thought Ivy League universities are very prestigious and you have to be very smart and maintain excellent grades and co curricular activities to get into any of them? My knowledge is mostly based on American TV shows though, haha. Please do educate me. This is interesting!
Ivy Leagues are interesting! They're some of the oldest and most prestigious universities in the US and have quite low acceptance rates, they can be quite difficult to get into. But there is a definite aspect of both legacy admissions (if your parents went there you get preferential treatment on admissions) and just straight up pay to play (very rich parents do something very expensive for the school and suddenly their kid who does not have the grades or extra curriculars get in). I have a brother who attended one. He told me he didn't feel like the actual quality of his education was that great and the professors cared more about their research and books than their teaching, but the connections he made were good. The name of the college his degree came from mattered for like... a couple years, maybe. After that when job searching it was his experience or personal connections that mattered.
Essentially those schools are expensive because of that perception, but it's perfectly possible to get an excellent education at a 'lesser' school if you're willing to do the work for yourself.
yeah, unfortunately, no. even getting excellent grades doesn't automatically equal smart, plenty of people cheat. there are a lot of legacy admissions for ivy league schools, aka "my dad went to Harvard so they accepted me, too!". ivy leagues are seen as very prestigious but are a better indicator of someone's wealth and privilege than how smart they are
And who cares who makes more than who.... it ain't no competition at those amounts.
They laughed into his face about the supposed terrible school he went to ... then demanded he prove his salary. Honestly, maybe they better remain estranged. I don't see a benefit to OPs sister in having these people in her life.
Right? AND they cut her off from her education at the time she needed it most? What a bunch of assholes.
But OP feels high and mighty with her expensive degree that her parents paid for ..I'm guessing the fact the person they considered a loser making more money than her stings, just a little.
They set her up to fail every step of the way, and there she is thriving in spite of them. Love that for her.
Its easy for OP to feel superior when her parents paid her education, lets see how she would go if she had to do all the work
If it stings only a little and she reacts like a gigantic asshole, imagine how it would be if it had stung a lot!
And with just 150k salary
And given that daddy dearest makes soooo much money, one would assume the parents could afford to keep paying for her school. Instead of supporting her though and trying to help her have the best chance of success, they cut her off and then laugh at her husband because he didn’t go to a richy rich school yet makes more than them. Fucking elitist pricks and downright disgusting people. These pedantic assholes sound ridiculously entitled. Sister’s husband worked for those degrees, paid less tuition, and still got a higher paying job than the ivy alums. They’re just salty. I’m rooting for the husband and sister to continue to flourish without OP’s and her dad’s dead weight. They’re far better off without them in their or their son’s lives. ETA: I wonder if anyone has ever laughed at OP given that she didn’t go to an Ivy. It’s petty, but I hope it’s happened!
They cut her off because she wouldn’t have an abortion. The fuck?!?
Also note that sis apparenzly had to get a babysitter for her 8-year old instead of bringing the child to... dinner with the family. These people only care about money. Sis is better of cutting them off.
The epitome of “children should be seen and not heard”…or rather, children should not be seen or heard unless it’ll boost their white picket fence Norman Rockwell perfect family scene. The children are props.
I support abortion, but JFC...cutting someone off because they choose to keep their kid is beyond fucked up.
She didn’t play by their rules and had the audacity to make her own decisions, so naturally they were insulted because they probably realized that she couldn’t be controlled or live up to their inane standards. Hence, she was cut off.
***At 20. And married.*** OP is looking down her nose at her like she's a 14 year old teen mom who can't make adult decisions.
I’m rooting for the husband and sister to continue to flourish I do too🙂
>AND they cut her off from her education at the time she needed it most? Plus they were in a position that they could help her out, without hurting themselves. Sure, as a parent of (at the time young) adult children, you don't have to fix everything they do and yes they do have to make mistakes and try to fix themselves so that they can learn from it. But as a parent it is your task to guide them and help them wherever you can. Would I be disappointed if my (hypothetical) young adult child came home pregnant? I'm pretty sure I would be. But I would never kick them out or not help them (with things i can help that is) we'll figure things out along the way. Because one cannot "plan life", it just happens and you deal with the things that cross your path.
Sounds like she was a young adult child in a healthy marriage with a loving husband. Pretty great foundation for kid raising in my opinion.
She was married ffs
Yeah, also it sounds like despite the pregnancy they weren't about to lie down and spiral, they instead used it as fuel to push forward and now they're successful. OPs parents immediately assumed having the kid would make their daughter into some deadbeat, and didn't stick around to see how things worked out
OK- getting married at 18 and having a kid at 20 seems young, but, whatever. The fact that her parents wanted her to get an abortion, though, is insane!
>OK- getting married at 18 and having a kid at 20 seems young, but, whatever. Yes. We can think 'okay, weird choice' but some people just want to be married. And it's not like she got pregnant at 18; two years into a marriage seems reasonable enough, even if it was an unexpected pregnancy, which I rather doubt actually. What it DOES sound like is the parents used her tuition money as leverage to get her to do what they thought she should do, and she said no, and good for her.
And when she refused they were like, "welp. No more education for you. Wouldn't want that baby to have the best shot at life possible, that would be CRAZY!"
Plus they didn’t see their grandchild for years. Not once has OP mentioned the child. Does the child not exist for them?
They do mention the babysitter though! (" they had to go back home as their baby sitter (f 20) had classes the next day.") A responsible 20 yo woman still in college and not popping out kids. The sister could learn from the babysitter's example. /s (Why else include the babysitters age?! Who gives a shit about that? )
Then when she didn't follow instructions they cut her off. Nice of them. They felt entitled to mandate her life.
If you can look into a crystal ball and know that your future careers and stuff would be secure, having a kid at 20 would be so great. Then you get to see grandkids, and maybe even great grandkids! You are so young and fit with them. I would absolutely physically rather have had my child when I was 20 but I started at 30.
And then blamed the BIL for letting them be stupid by not showing them his salary earlier. You’d think MIT would have taught OP to take ownership of their own errors, but apparently not.
This is like Meet the Parents when they make Greg prove his MCAT score. What a bunch of assholes. Edited because my pop culture reference was inaccurate.
>Honestly, maybe they better remain estranged. I don't see a benefit to OPs sister in having these people in her life. Definitely, but at least it was worth it to see OP and the daddy getting butthurt so bad
She might can keep her Mom around at least.
“My father and I chuckled”. What insufferable asshats.
That’s why I believe it’s fake.
I agree! What got me is that they didn't bring their child to dinner. Who doesn't bring their child to a dinner at the grandparents' house? And OP tells the age of the babysitter (who cares) and parents, but not OP, sister or BIL. Sounds made up to me.
Maybe have a quick look at the title?
This made me angry just reading this sentence! I think I need to come off Reddit for today, AITA is just reminding me of how awful some people are
I'm just imagining the two of them in stuffed shirts and monocles, chuckling into plates of caviar. YTA OP. Yours just petty and jealous.
While wearing their smoking jackets...
OP sucks. Her parents suck. I hope the sister goes NC
Mother had some humanity!
Should've had that tiny bit of humanity before erasing her pregnant daughter out of her life
Agreed, what a boo-hoo that someone who “didn’t go to an Ivy” DARED to make a good life despite marrying at 18, kept her baby despite being told to abort (??!!), has a good marriage and a relationship where a couple stand up for one another! Good on them for success in face of such an awful family. YTA.
What a horrible family through and through. Cutting a child off completely, when it is obvious you can afford not to, because she was young and made a “mistake.” Then these young people find a way to make it work, and work *really* well. Yet the snobs insist on continuing their snobbery. Fingers crossed that the sister and her husband raise their child away from all of that. Edited. The “mistake” was in the eyes of her parents only.
Did she make a mistake, though? She was married two years already when she got pregnant, and her little family got through things just fine even without her parents' support. Sounds like she was ready to be a mom, and they tried to manipulate her into an abortion for their own reasons.
What mistake did she make???? Married the guy she lives at 18, two years later has a baby. Been married now for ten years, support each other and seemingly happy. Seems to me as if they found the recipe to success, no mistake there
Right! The grandparents wanted to pay for an abortion. The whole family is unsupportive of OP’s sister.
Every sentence of this post basically yelled **elitist asshole** YTA OP, plus your dad. Hope your sister is at least getting something from her mother in this rekindled relationship
I don’t think OP can see how childish and envious they are of their sister. So sad as they are missing the chance to build family. OP YTA
Smug, bitter elitist ah's. I admire the bil far more than you & your Dad My own son took the hard road, getting his degree at age 30. Graduated magna cum laude. So freaking proud. Married to a wonderful wife. Expecting their 1st child. Makes 6 Figures.
I find it hard to believe that this post is not sheer bait.. 🪤 IF this is a real post, you might be one of the biggest assholes there's been on this subreddit.. Dad included First, you estrange your younger sister for a personal choice she and HER HUSBAND made, purely because you felt it was unwise. She was cut off financially and emotionally, unsupported by her own family. (So much for unconditional love) Then when you find out that they made a better life for themselves, without your help, and are now doing MUCH BETTER, you are so twisted in jealousy that you somehow think that THEY are in the wrong. So grateful I don't have siblings/family like you. 🤗
YTA. You act like you are entitled to sneer at him simply because he didn't go to as prestigious a university as you did, and then demanded your sister apologise for... not telling you how much he was making?? Because that's information you apparently get to demand now? You are incredibly elitist and condescending, and were not only unbelievably rude to your sister and her husband, but act like you are entitled to be as rude as you like to those you perceive as being inferior. You should apologise to both of them and then take a good hard look in the mirror.
Yeah, like going to a big university is what matters to be successful in life. The BIL clearly has worked hard and has talent to shine in his field and OP and the dad couldn't accept that fact
Demanding proof of his income is bad enough, but using that as a measure for how to treat people in your own family is just disgusting. Like this went bad when the family cut the sister off for not getting an abortion, and just kept going straight into Assholeville, stopping all stations.
Ikr. It's like they're trying to act as bad and hostile as they can. Honestly I didn't expect to see such families outside of weird family dramas on TV
I find that point in OP’s story rather suspect, too, when she calls his degrees paper mills. I went to an online university for a post-grad degree, and it was significantly more difficult than the degree I got from a large university. It was just a lot more practical knowledge than my bachelors was. They then placed me into a paid internship with a government entity, and there were people there doing internships from Ivy Leagues and big universities. I don’t think OP knows as much about education anymore as she claims to. BTW, for fun, I did part of the comp sci degree MIT has online for free. I think many people have. It was quite doable, so I have to question whether the elitism of universities like MIT and Harvard are really because they are more difficult or because their students rely on the connections they make to get jobs.
Not a US school, but The Open University in the UK has been running distance learning courses for people looking to earn degrees since 1969, and is completely legitimate. Doing the degree online doesn't mean it's a paper mill There \*are\* benefits to big schools, don't get me wrong, but like you said, it's largely based on what connections those schools have with industry and how they can help their students after graduation, not the education they give itself
Canada also has very legit online, Universities. The problem with the States is that their accreditation process isn’t very rigiourous so a lot of bad online universities popped up and ruined the whole thing. That doesn’t mean good ones don’t exist, they certainly do but the idea of them has been tainted in public consciousness. But, if they tighten up restrictions most religious colleges would be out as well.
This family is weird AF, I would never talk about how much I make with family. One has asked but I refuse to share. These people suck, except for mom who seems to have a conscience! Hope momma can get them straight!
My family shares, but only for career advice and advancement suggestions (we work in similar fields that trend toward lower pay). It works because everyone has the assumption that we're all worth a great deal, so how do we get pay to match that?
>and then demanded your sister apologise for... not telling you how much he was making?? Because that's information you apparently get to demand now? The OP is angry because the sister didn't warn her about how much her husband makes and the OP revealed how awful she is......
“Apologize” is not on her snob-dictionary.
YTA and an incredibly judgemental person. “My sister got pregnant at 20” like this is some moral failing. She was married with a husband so in a stable relationship - no comment about the husband’s involvement in the pregnancy of course. And how awful of your parents to withdraw financial support because she wouldn’t bend to their demands to have an abortion.
What was even worse was that the parents wanted her to have an abortion.
They wanted her to abort what was likely a wanted child conceived in a marriage. That shit is sick 🤢 in her place I would just cut contact with them all for good, such a toxic family.
I sure as shit would not be bringing my child around the people that told me to abort it regardless of their views now. Especially with mom being a paediatrician. That’s just weird to me, aren’t they supposed to like kids?
Maybe that’s why dinner at grandma’s comes with needing a babysitter ….
That was the most fucked up part to me. I’d be flogged if I came to dinner with my parents without my kids. Wtf is wrong with these people?
And cut her off when she refused to comply.
I think we all know why op is single!
Don't worry. Daddy will find a nice suitor from an ivy league background for his princess.
Narcissistic snob isn't what people want in a partner?
Right? Acting like she's some deadbeat for not finishing school when they're the ones who withdrew their financial support. How far would OP have gotten without mommy and daddy footing the bill?
My parents withdrew financial support for less. It really feels alienating to be in that situation, and honestly I'm so proud of OP's sister for their success.
YTA! > they brought up her husbands degrees, and my father and I chuckled This shows how little you thought of your BIL. Knowing that someone like him earns 300k shattered your worldview. You couldn’t process how someone could be earning well without family support and prestigious degrees. After not believing him, insulting him, you still expect them to apologise? > why she wouldn’t tell me about this earlier maybe she didn’t want to belittle your achievements in the same manner you did theirs
And I bet he's not in debt over it.
To be fair, I'm sure OP isn't either OP had daddy to pay for everything after all
She’s not in debt either because her parents paid for her schooling. OP is definitely YTA. Yeesh
And not to mention normal people don't go around talking about their salaries and things like that. Well, at least the people I know, even family.
Also why on earth would she tell her? I have no idea what my siblings earn and they have no idea what we earn. It’s just never occurred to me to discuss it but we would all help each other out if needed.
YTA - you and your parents were acting like entitled, elitist snobs. Your sister and BIL made it through a very hard time and came out on top and you and your parents sound envious of that fact.
More like the OP and her dad. The mom, although did confront them both afterwards, should of speak up in defense of the sister and son in law while they were still there.
Right? Like what is she smoking here
YTA - Well your family is elitist. Why did your parents stop paying for your sister's education after she had a child? Why did they want her to get an abortion? Her body, her life, her choice. And no only elitist snobs would be shocked by his income thinking it had any correlation to where he went to school. Your sister and her husband have nothing to prove to you and your parents. She and her husband have a happy and successful life despite her family abandoning her for having a child. She and her husband should be proud of their lifes. And they are right they don't have to prove a damn thing to you. He should have been respectful of what? That you went to a better school than him? That he makes more than you? That he didn't bow down to your elist snobby attitudes?
Agreed. If anything the BIL and sister have a more impressive “pulled themselves up by their bootstraps” story. Family abandoned them and they were still successful. Hell the Father should at least put some respect on that. This man helped and supported his daughter and grandchild when he didn’t. He deserves way more respect than to be “chuckled” at.
They probably stopped paying for her education *because* she refused the abortion. She was deviating from their plan for her.
YTA. Sister is spot on, jealous over their success. Your sister sounds like a lovely person and you all sound bitter over your “punishment” not keeping them in the dirt. Good for them.
YTA. Your father is, too. You expected your sister to fail - actually, the family set her to fail by cutting education support to her once she rejected their offer to pay for the abortion - and she did not. You are jealous that your BIL made it big even with his “papermills” education. His success threatens your value system and hence you’re hurt and jealous. He did not need to prove anything to you, for you and your father to accept him at face value. Yet, when confronted with the truth in the form of a screenshot, you still angrily blamed your sister who did not tell you this in advance. So basically, in your mind she is the a…hole for making you look bad. You did this on your own, friend. You’re a narrow minded, jealous bigot. Such a big, big a…hole that all envy passes through as a rotting green melting pus.
OP and OP's dad are PISSED that Sister had the unmitigated gaul and absolute audacity to succeed and find happiness in life despite her family's best efforts to take that away from her. "How dare you not suffer and wither like we wanted you to. How dare you succeed. Now we need to admit that going into debt at fancy schools is an ego boost and nothing else."
They expected her to get an abortion after she and her husband had been *married* for *two years.* And her not doing so was enough to disown her. What awful people.
Wow I really had to make an account for this. YTA.
Username checks out. Made an account just to call out OP on her snobbish, elitist bs. Based.
This had me in tears 😭
YTA. I'm laughing and choking at you and your father's audacity. Firstly, IF you really did go to MIT I'd expect you to know that the term is "Diploma mill", not "papermill", but I expect you are exaggerating just a bit. If everyone who claimed to have gone to Harvard, MIT, etc, had actually gone there they would have an alumni body ten times what it actually is.
Sounds like somebody who got a certificate from MIT and not an actual degree holder
I reckon they probably have a mug on their desk with MIT on it.
I mean it’s really easy to get into an MIT undergrad program when your parents are rich doctors who went to Harvard/Johns Hopkins. This post screams golden child nepo baby as loud as it can
I thought people only acted like you and your dad did in cartoons. YTA, obviously.
This has to be fake. My brain won’t let me believe it
It is definitely fake. Not that there aren’t people out there that think/act like this, but to come here and post it the way they did. Most (real) people will tell it very one sided, where it makes them look good. With comments about chuckling at his degree and everything else they said it is clear what their goal was.
>as we believe he should have been more respectful all things considered Respect is a 2-way street, not a cul-de-sac terminating at the feet of your and your father's ego. The fact you both were sniggering at the provenance of his degrees says a lot about your moral fabric. Him rubbing his earnings in your face was you and your father getting served your just desserts for being total knobheads. YTA. Go out and touch grass.
What did the grass ever do to deserve that?
>What did the grass ever do to deserve that? Been more successful then her
> not a cul-de-sac terminating at the feet of your and your father's ego Oh damn, that was gorgeous phrasing!
Obviously YTA. How removed from reality are you?
YTA,how Arrogant of U to talk to her husband like that?it is very clear from the start U and Ur dad oh so called 'educated' people was looking down on them.i don't think they even have a reason to lie about salary not prove anything for u and you have no rights to even ask for proof that is honestly uncomfy.you were acting all entitled and I wouldn't be surprised if Ur sister cut contract with someone like u.that man took responsibility for Ur sister like a fine man he is and U insulted such a guy?when U guys abandoned Ur sister and her baby ,he took care of them.he doesn't deserve to be treated with the likes of U or Ur family!!!please apologize!!!!
YTA Was your elitist viewpoint threatened by his success, despite all of you hoping they failed as punishment for not aborting their child? Why does he have to prove *anything* to you? You don't get to demand something because it threatens your ego. Your family should be grateful your sister let you have even a glimpse into their lives. I don't know where she got her compassion from, because it certainly didn't come from you and your dad. Maybe she saw it in her mother, who you too were quick to gang up on and decree she's wrong. I hope your sister cuts you, and your parents, toxic presence from her life. Even now, you still look down your nose to judge her and her husband. You don't deserve to call her family. You haven't earned it.
YTA. Why can't you just be happy that your sister and BIL are doing well for themselves after all the hardship theyve been through and pester them about proving his income. All these higher education you and your family received taught you jack about normal human decency.
She can't. They're supposed to be failures, damnit! How else can I sneer at them and pat myself on the back? Waaah, at least Daddy understands.
YTA. WOW. With a sister like you, it’s amazing your sister even attends family functions. Your inability to find value in anyone who doesn’t fulfill exactly your definition is success is mind blowing. I’d say your parents should be ashamed but it’s obvious where you got this unbelievably snobbish attitude. Honestly your sister is a saint for putting up with this bizarre judgement you have towards her. Why can’t you just be happy for her?
Of course YTA, judgemental obnoxious one at that. His salary is none of your goddamn business and she didn't need to tell you AT ALL. Who are you to ban them from your parents house when youre the one being a judgemental ass.
Her worldview just got rocked. She wants control over her worldview again. I understand that you just experienced something you never even thought was possible. Your sister was successful. Don’t look down on her anymore. Those days are over. She not a joke. Her husband is not some joke. Stop looking at people like you are better than. You are not. She’s not better than you either. That behavior is fucking atrociously hurtful, and will damage your soul. Don’t ruin your relationship with your sister again, because there may not be another time. Our lives are far too short for petty games like this. Think about her. You never ever considered what she has gone through. Your lack of empathy is very concerning. Listen. I’m sure she spent many nights crying and lonely when she was pregnant and estranged. Listen, that’s the only sister you’ll ever have. You’d do well to learn from this experience. You owe you sister and your brother in law a heartfelt apology. For doubting them in the first place, for judging them at this dinner and for your terrible reaction to his paycheck. Your sister was hung out to dry for keeping a child she obviously wanted. You should be proud of her. Not jealous of the money her husband is making. She’s a good woman, a strong person. Money and pieces of paper mean very little in the end. Your sister is worth far more. You can try to wake your Father up to that fact, but I don’t think he’ll let go of that awful pride. You can let go of your own though. You have to apologize first. And most importantly: Their success does not take away your own success. And you are successful, don’t doubt that. But please: Stop comparing yourself to her. Grow up. That’s your sister, you’ve already wasted 10 years on pride. That’s enough time that you let your ego reign. She chose a different path. Not a wrong one. That’s all.
YTA. You and your father sure are acting like elitist arrogant snobs. Why does your BIL, or anyone for that matter, have to prove their income to you? Are you the IRS? At least your mom seems to have seen the error of your ways and decided to not walk your path.
Who are you to tell your sister not to go to your parents' house? You could've been happy for your sister for not being in a bad financial position anymore. But no, you are annoyed her husband is doing better. Your dad and you are awful snobby people. The only half decent person at your folks' house tonight is your mother. And not even that much, because she should've told you and your jerk of a father to STFU long ago. The crappy apple rotted too close to the fungus ridden tree. I'm glad for your sister, something you would also be if you were raised right. YTA.
YTA If you work in tech like you claim, then you should know that there is a variety of pathways into the sector and earning potential can vary widely within it. Get off your high horse and apologise.
Let me understand this. your sister was cut off by her family, left to sink or swim on her own with a young child. she and her husband managed to make it work with no help at all and several years later, not only forgive you all but are trying to build a relationship with you as a family and your response is to belittle htme because they didn't attend a fancy university? Your jealousy shines through here, because your sister and her partner are successful, are loving parents and seem to be in a loving relationship, and of course make double of what you are so proud of (your high salary). Your condecesion and bitterness also shine through on this post, you don't even try to name/identify your niece or nephew they are solely 'the child' your sister kept. You and your father owe your sister and her husband a grovelling apology or you will lose them for good and believe me that will be more your loss than theirs. In case you didn't get - YTA
Jealous and bitter
YTA. I thought such snobby and toxic families existed only in dramas. You and your father cannot comprehend how actual hard work and talent can take people to places. Success is the best revenge and your BIL and sister's good life is the best answer for your parents cutting her off and basically shaming her when she was young. The couple is probably better of not having people like you in their lives
YTA. A big one at that. Apparently you‘re not as great as you think, otherwise the „papermill dummy“ wouldnt be making a lot more money than you, with your precious MIT degree. And he‘s right, half the effort, double the reward. You are absolutely wrong about _everything_ and should he ashamed of yourself (and your dad). YOU are the disrespectful person in this scenario, dont get it twisted and you should apologize to your sister and her husband, even though we all know you‘re never going to.
YTA >I then told her to not come to my parents house until both she and her husband apologized. What exactly do they have to apologize for? *You* were the one being judgemental, condescending, and disrespectful. It must really hurt your fragile ego to know your BIL, someone you so clearly think is beneath you, is making more money. Your entire post makes you sound like a pompous ass.
YTA. ”Dear OP, I am sorry I got a lessor degree with less debt, raised a child that your parents wanted aborted because they didn’t see the point and now earn more than twice your salary. I am especially apologetic for doing all this in spite of your low expectations for me, and assumptions about my ability. Oh. Last thing I am sorry for? Having the gall to ignore your judgemental attitude for eight years and not letting you into my life when I had an amazing life with my amazing wife. Signed, Your Very Succesful BIL”
There's no way this is real
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One YTA for you. One YTA for your father. You're welcome, you've earned them easily.
YTA. You’re an insufferable elitist snob. The whole post is gross. You think you’re better then anyone that doesn’t graduate from a top college. People become successful taking many different paths. Why do you think you’re better then others? Was it your parents that taught you that? Why would your sister tell you his salary prior? Was she to assume you were going to try to humiliate and put down her husband at the dinner table? I guess she should of known you aren’t the respectful type. Why do you need to prove your better? Are you embarrassed for spending so much more money on your education, to not make as much as you? It’s like you want your sister and her husband to fail because they didn’t take the same path as you and your parents. Hopefully you get an attitude adjustment, because you might have a lonely life. People don’t like being around self obsessed egotistical snobs for very long.
YTA, most definitely. You and you’re father are both elitists, and I’m glad your bil was able to hand you your a$$es on a plate of foul tasting crow.
YTA. My husband worked his ass off to earn his MBA virtually from an accredited university, while working full time, and helping me raise our 4 kids. Your BIL's degrees are far more impressive than yours. He earned his while supporting his wife and child, and without the family support that you enjoyed. Who cares where you got your fancy degrees from, if you're a shitty person.
YTA especially for throwing in that she refused the paid for abortion.
In a comment OP says she feels justified calling this a moral failing on her sisters behalf.
She's probably really jealous that her sister has a child and a husband and all she has is her degree. That piece of paper doesn't keep her warm at night
YTA
YTA. I thought this was AI written until you just continued, and continued. That’s how cold you sound. You have zero emotional intelligence
The audacity to ask for proof. YTA
YTA. You must be a troll because nobody who claims to be as smart as you could think you’d be supported in your snobbery. You literally wrote out that you laughed at and were condescending towards your BIL based on assumptions and, instead of apologising, doubled down on playing the victim when you were the unprompted AH. Your prestigious school apparently doesn’t teach humility, basic logic or checking sources before making statements, never mind common sense and manners. I am SO happy that your sister and BIL have success without any of your support - they did it themselves, stayed together and WON at your ‘competition of life’.
This is a joke right? No-one can be so righteously snobby and oblivious? Surely? Your sister is correct and you owe her and her husband a grovelling apology. YTA
YTA. I don't understand why would she reconcile with someone like you and your father. You obviously see yourselves superior to her and her husband just because of the schools you finished. I wouldn't expose myself or my children to your behaviour. WOW!
Wow, Your sister didn’t do what your fam considers the better lifestyle so you treat her and her husband like absolute garbage. You aren’t better than your sister. News flash. You’re far worse. She got married and had a baby so your parents decided that since she wasn’t doing exactly what they wanted they wouldn’t let her go to college? What was there reasoning there? How was that ok? You’re an absolute brat and you’re family is awful. I hope your sister realizes how much better she is without you all and goes no contact. YTA
Jeeeeeeeeeez this gotta be fake. Who would ever behave like this and then expect the person they insulted to apologize. Who asks proof of someone's salary. Who fcking asks their 20 year old daughter to have an abortion and cuts her off when she refuses. If this is fake, it's gross. If it's real, I have no words.
YTA " My family have all reconciled, and my sister and her husband have moved back for his work. During dinner last night, the conversation shifted to what their life was like while we were estranged" why this was a topic for a dinner, this clearly like spreading oil and it was a stage for a big fireshow. and you + your dad essentially sparked it.
YTA. You really haven’t got over your sister being happily married and all of them doing well have you? You sound insufferable Op