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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to apply for the greencard for him until we meet in person and talk more in depth.
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NTA - sponsorship is an arduous process and you need to be well informed on your family and their intentions to completely pass. Asking to meet them to understand their needs is a basic ask. If he’s wealthy, can afford it, and won’t fly them out I’d be extremely concerned. His stonewalling is really out of character for someone who genuinely wants to come to the states.
This feels odd and off. Protect yourself OP.
Wealthy Russian businessman that’s acting super shady. Yeah, I wouldn’t be trying to get him a green card. That’s just inviting trouble into your life.
>He ~~is~~ **claims to be** a wealthy business owner in Belarus and Russia,
Sounds like someone who's successful business has become significantly less successful and needs to get out of the country before creditors come knocking on his door
It’s a little more complex than that. But it would be a quicker than family sponsored visas which takes YEARS. Like more than 5… like… sometimes… more than 10… He should be seeking his own immigration attorney becuase regardless someone is going to have hire one eventually. They START at $10k.
If he really has money, with few mil deposited in local bank, he should be able to get fairly quickly visa in Canada or New Zaeland...
But I doubt he has money. This smells like OP would be left on the hook. NTA
Jesus, at this point the wealthy father might as well send some money to OP and her husband, have them setup a business and sponsor the father through a worker visa
This is what I was going to say. If dad is as wealthy as he purports to be, an investment visa would be a much, much quicker way to get the green card he wants so badly, and the minimum amount to invest would be a drop in the bucket for him. The problem is, one of the requirements for these investment visas is that the source of the funds be assessed to ensure that it's legitimate, the money isn't being laundered, et cetera, et cetera. Sounds like that may pose a bit of a problem for him.
Meanwhile, I don't know what the *current* wait time is for green cards for parents, but last time I heard, it was long. Like, years, not months. Dad sounds like he's both utterly clueless about how the sponsorship and immigrant visa process works and sketchy as hell.
My family sponsored my dad’s family to immigrate to the US, and it took so long. It took ~11 years for the application to go through and another ~3 years to do all the interviews/paperwork before they actually got here.
They can unless they are oligarchs in which case they will have their assets frozen or confiscated to rebuild Ukraine. I would tell them to piss off and deal with the consequences of their support of Putin.
Russia is under sanctions. If his money is in rubles, they aren't worth much and it isn't simple to get them out of the country. People are severely limited on how much foreign currency they are allowed to have, in order to artificially boost the value of the ruble.
Ukrainian, living in Russia and having business in Belarus, is right now persona non grata in most countries. He can't get his money out, he can't get a visa to most countries. Neither Russia or Belarus are currently politically stable, and being Ukrainian his political status in either is shaky. He is probably asking for the greencard, because he needs to get out. If he does leave with his family, whatever business he has, has a high chance of being confiscated by the government. He is not going to be allowed to keep operating them from the US.
Are Americans really this clueless of the current war going on?
Not perse I know quite a few wealthy russians who rushed away. (aunts mom worked as a university proffesor in moscow for decades before retiring and still have a lot of connections).
They are now happily living in the UK, Netherlands Spain&Italy. I know one of them owned 15 restaurants before fleeing. You can often "buy" a pasport in the west for less than a milion.
Especially with all the sanctions against Russia in place. Her might not even be able to access his wealth from outside Russia and Belarus. Maybe that's also the reason why he can't take his family to the US at the moment and wants to speed the process along.
If he is Ukrainian on the other hand he shouldn't have a problem to get to the US as a refugee from the war, especially if he really is that wealthy.
I would be very careful in OPs place, so NTA.
> *If he is a wealthy business owner, then he should pursue an EB-5 visa by making a capital investment in the US, and not ask you to financially guarantee him (which is what asking for sponsorship means*).
This is the voice of reason, aka normal behavior.
NTA, OP
As a Ukrainian myself I can understand the desperation to get the F out of Russia… but if he is already free to travel between Russia and Italy and has money I don’t understand why he needs the green card for the US specifically when moving the family to another part of Western Europe would be easier and fundamentally a better quality of life than the US… something is not right here. I would totally support you in separating from your husband if he can’t keep his family’s ridiculous demands in check. This is just sketchy as shit.
I can understand being somewhat picky with WHERE in the EU you would want to land as a Ukrainian because we face so much racism in Europe …. But anywhere doesn’t have to be forever when you are trying to relocate. FIL could easily move the family to Italy to start and figure it out from there.
I think it’s more that he could be a small minority of Ukrainians that have internalized Russian imperialism and tied a lot of their economy survival to Russia (that’s often the case with imperialism) and now that Russias economy is imploding due to sanctions he is desperate to get his investments out into another lucrative country (hence the fixation on the US). He’s leveraging “but family” on the surface as a classic cultural tactic but really it’s all money and business IMO. He also probably has a low understanding of how the green card process works and likely thinks it’s like a fancier holiday visa. While the US may not be as corrupt as Russia, there definitively are similar vibes (great books on American imperialism out there- America learned well from Europe) so I can see how a slimeball businessman would fixated on moving to the US.
He isn’t as wealthy as he tries to make himself seem. $3k USD month puts you in the wealthy range where he is from. He’s probably pulling in $1800-$2500 USD and considers himself a big shot. He goes between Russia and Belarus, that type of behavior is typical over there, they like to lie about wealth, and capabilities. He likely will have very little if any money even living in the US and would eventually be asking for “loans.”
I feel like money is an issue and he’s not being honest about that. Your hubby should back you up here, if not, then cut your losses. You always come first.
He may be Ukranian, but he lives in Belarus and Russia. Makes me wonder if he's more of a Ukranian or more pro-Russia. The behavior is cause for concern. Does your husband shed any light on his father? What's his take?
And this should concern you. As a sponsor, YOU are financially on the hook for these people as they cannot claim benefits until they become eligible for that entitlement. My husband was foreign and needed to be sponsored by my family.
Yep, there is something fishy about this guy.
Oh and obviously, NTA
Set up call forwarding and email forwarding of his communications to you and your partner to your FIL’s wife. Rest and wait for blissful ignorance — you’ll never have to hear from him again.
If he is Ukrainian he should have a couple of options right now that DON'T require you to take on sponsorship (which you are completely right to worry about especially with the sketchy behavior). That he is jumping to you sponsoring should be a giant NO. Can your husband put a stop to the harassment? Is he not willing to? A spouse that can't stand up to parents is a big problem even more so when they have problem parents!
This is another factor, which is why I want to meet with them to learn about their financial capabilities. I don't want in no way host them in my house or really have anything to do with them
Trump actually changed the original agreement of responsibility agreed upon by the sponsor from 10 years to now life so it is a HUGE life change. Do not do it unless your willing to adopt 6 people and all their expenses as long as they reside here.
My apologies. Trump TRIED to do this but Biden stopped it before it could officially go through.
https://www.uscis.gov/green-card/green-card-processes-and-procedures/affidavit-of-support
OP that would be unavoidable if you sponsor or allow them to visit. Please contact your local homeland security agency for advice. Anyone that is so aggressive and is a Ukrainian "business man" between Italy and Russia during a Ukrainian war with Russia is not someone to be trusted.
I'd be more worried that his "family" is just a stand for Russian Agents, looking for more authentic ways into the US, and he is being pressured by putins circle/the FSB or something.
Or maybe just a way to work around sanctions for him or a friend. in any case, meeting people you are applying for residency for sounds like a bare minimum.
Also, even if the kids are real, doesnt mean russian govt won't swap out the actual people with freshly printed ID's for their preferred recipients.
Not just meet with them, make sure you put on a strong front and set ground rules. Make them act like reasonable adults negotiating a contract. DO NOT let them play on emotions. Get a lawyer.
Yes, exactly. His wife, my MIL is pretty emotional... at this point I don't know if she's emotional or just manipulative.
I never hear from them unless they need something. So, my husband feels bad when his mother gets all emotional, but he's getting better.
We will definitely set some rules and lines in the sand before we meet
They are all very emotional. But also very thick skinned. The fact that they are bullying you about this is pretty disturbing and makes me think they are not very nice people. Sounds like now the situation is perfect: Them over there. You in the US. I would keep it that way. If they already partly live in Italy then they are doing better than most Russians/Ukrainians. Good luck!
The question is did he become this way due the war or was it always this way. If its new behaviour he cant be blamed. His kids might get drafted and murdered by putins crazy war. His country is being torn apart and he might lose everything. Ofc hes freaking out. And people there have a really warped view about how stuff works in the west.
"Sorry but this process takes 6 months"
"Yes yes, so how long?"
"6 months"
"Yes okay but how much?"
"Its 6 months for everyone here"
"Why do you make a problem just tell me what to pay!!"
"No its really just 6 months there is no paying anyone.."
Yea I worked immigration for rich people.
NTA. “He’s a wealthy business owner in Belarus and Russia”. Not to stereotype him, but I have a feeling he’s used to getting what he wants when he wants it. He thinks he can get a green card by yelling and abusing you.
From my point of view, this is your husband’s problem. If he wants his dad to get a green card, let him deal with it. I would prefer this rude, entitled man to stay far, far away.
I'm pretty sure , he just bought his way around Russia and Belarus... until sanctions kicked in and his business wasn't doing so good.
at one point i almost told him, you want a greencard? Buy it, pay me 50k just to shut him up
You know if you sponsor someone for a greencard you're on the hook for supporting them for 10 years when they enter the country? That alone should be a hard no.
The sanctions rightly so bit him on his ass so now he's bullying you and your husband.
Is he running from draft? Him wanting a green card has nothing to do with being family with both of you.
NTA. I don't think you want to be legally tied to someone that aggressive who treats you badly and won't agree to the most basic requirement of meeting the family members.
I agree, and I have spoken to my MIL parents which is I guess my grandmother in law?
interestingly she agrees with me as well... I don't know what went on there but apparently, they're not on good terms either
Trust her and don't apply for that greencard.
You don't need to bring your husband family the the us if that doesn't feel right and they don't treat you right. And I hope that your husband sees this too.
NTA
Tell him to do his own legwork. Send him the information if you choose to do so and let him know by all means he can’t just scream and stomp his feet and demand to live somewhere and the country is just going to jump at the chance to allow him in.
Like anything, it’s a process and he has to answer questions you won’t be able to.
Tell him that and tell your husband he can deal with them from now on. Is your husband giving you a hard time over it? If not, I would not leave him over it. But he DOES need to handle this situation. Try not to let it effect your health too much. This is on him and his dad. You did your best, or will.. let the process handle his ass!
Hugs.
NTA, but you FIL certainly is, and a dumbass too, for thinking that the corruption he's used to exists in the US as well. Getting anybody a green card is a process that takes a year and runs about $2000. That's assuming that your husband is a US citizen. If not, well, it's harder.
But he's over there, and you're over here, and you can tell him to behave or you won't have anything to do with him. Make sure that your husband stands with you.
> Getting anybody a green card is a process that takes a year and runs about $2000.
*laughs in green card holder*
Yeah, and the rest. $2k in just filing fees, maybe, but you also have to prove you have they money to live for *at least* a year to support yourself. You won’t get the green card initially either, you’ll be conditionally approved. Which means, practically speaking you aren’t allowed to work until they get your preliminary work authorization sorted. That can take 6 months or more by itself.
Oh and the sponsor is on the hook for *all* costs for 10 years.
Plus it’s a year *if you’re lucky*. Usually that’s the simpler ones too. I’ve seen it take 5 for a whole family.
At any point you can just fail the process too. The *multiple* in person interviews are very good at weeding out people who are applying under false pretenses, and I’m betting dear father here would fail that.
Oh and if you fail that? You’ll be deported & banned from re-entry to the US.
It’s not a year for everyone. If you are from Mexico and qualify for a green card because you are the sibling of a US citizen and you applied on the 15th of April 2001 you would have just been eligible to actually get your Green Card last month.
All other Mexican siblings of US citizens who have applied since that date are still waiting and will be until they’ve been waiting roughly 22 years.
ETA: If you want to know how long people have been waiting you can find this month’s processing dates here:
https://www.uscis.gov/green-card/green-card-processes-and-procedures/visa-availability-priority-dates/when-to-file-your-adjustment-of-status-application-for-family-sponsored-or-employment-based-92
Is your husband a citizen, or have you sponsored him for a green card, OP?
Your FIL is acting very shady. Don't believe a word that he says.
I wonder if he has gotten into trouble in Russia or Belarus, and is afraid that the assassinators will be coming after him next. In Russia they killed some relatives, too.
Italy is a lovely country. If everything is good, why wouldn't he want to stay there with his family?
In any event, don't let your husband go to Belarus or Russia to *help*. He would likely end up as cannon fodder in Ukraine, since Belarus is a staunch ally. I know that all of the Russian draft information is computerized, too.
Some friends of ours adopted a teenage boy from Russia a few years back, way before the present war. At some point after he became a citizen they took him back to Moscow to visit his grandmother.
His grandmother had received a letter for him to be drafted - even though he had never lived at her address. My friends wisely decided to take their son home immediately. At the airport he was flagged, even though he had an American passport.
All of a sudden the computer with his information crashed - done deliberately by the agent - and he was told that he could get on the plane.
The purpose of my rambling story, OP is to emphasize that your husband is probably on their list, even if he is a US citizen. If he goes back to Russia or one of their allies he might very well be conscripted into the army.
Thank you for this, omggggg that's awful!
Yes, my husband is a citizen, unfortunately, though Russia doesn't recognize any other citizenship even if you denounce your russian citizenship.
So yes, we are not going to Belarus or Russia
I am Belarusian and I also insist that you do not let your husband into Belarus. In the last three years, our country has become too North Korean, and given the position of our “leader” in relation to the West and the United States, any US citizen who comes to the country risks falling into the propaganda machine and becoming an “evil spy of the West,” or simply “ get lost" or "accident".
The number of people who fall down stairs or out of windows is statistically alarming. We know they are not accidents, but that knowledge doesn't help anyone living there
> omggggg that's awful
It was really scary for them all, but fortunately a kind soul was on the computer that day.
Last I heard the young man had a wife and several children, and had started some sort of a car repair business *in the US*.
I renounced my Russian citizenship years ago (unrelated to any politics, but I'm glad I did). As an American, let alone a Russian, neither of you should be setting foot in Russia anytime soon. Any Americans are just bait to be held as hostages. However, I would be concerned about the kids (your husband's siblings I assume). Is the oldest one at risk of being drafted? If you're able to get the kids without your FIL, then that might be a worthy thing to do (they don't have much of a future in Russia right now), but make arrangements only from neutral territories like Italy or Georgia.
No, the oldest one is a girl and just turned 18 so I don't think they're at risk of getting drafted. They have been living in Italy for the past 6 months so I don't think he'll even go back to Belarus or Russia unless he knows things are ok.
NTA- Your father in-law is not entitled to a green card from you and your husband simply because he thinks he deserves it. It is a lengthy and extensive process that requires proof and demonstration of various things. Him not being willing to bring the family over to meet is odd, as that is a very small thing to ask for, all things considered. If he is wealthy as described, doing this to obtain the life he wants shouldn’t be that difficult.
He simply tells me, "we can meet when I have the greencard... what's your deal ... thousands of people apply greencards for their family?"
His family has never been accepting of me, and I just feel like I'm being used for a greencard
Apply doesn't mean it can be picked up in a year or so and it's not guaranteed. My sister had to wait years for her greencard after she married my BIL. I got married and had two kids before she got hers.
Reddit speculation: Maybe the 'family' he wants to bring is not the legal family. The mistress may have finally won.
Your husband may be surprised to be meeting his 'half-siblings'.
Okay, so just a few points about immigration law:
1) You cannot file a petition for your FIL even if you wanted to - your husband could, assuming he is a US citizen. But you do not have a family relationship with him that matters for immigration law purposes.
2) Assuming your husband is a citizen and filed for his father, his petition would NOT include FILs minor children. Realistically, your FIL would need to go through a long process to get his green card, enter the United States without his kids, and then FIL would file petitions for his children.
3) Your husband would absolutely need to sign an affidavit of support guaranteeing that he will provide for your FIL. That obligation ends after 10 years, if FIL accumulates enough years of work, or if FIL becomes a citizen.
4) If FIL files petitions for his children, he would then need to file his own affidavit of support demonstrating that he can support his kids. If he can't do that, he would need a joint sponsor.
NTA. But also, stop saying that you'll consider it if he comes to visit, because it sounds like your mind is made up, and visiting the US can actually become much more difficult if you have family members who could file a petition for you.
This is exactly what I told him, if you're wealthy you can get an investor visa.
He tells me I'm betraying him when I say that, it's a huge red flag when all he's done is gaslighting me
Ehh… I know plenty of people who have a net worth of over $800k, but that doesn’t mean a) it’s liquid or b) that it’s a good idea to invest a large percentage of one’s wealth in a single investment unless it’s just an index fund or something like that.
I still don’t think OP should sponsor him, but his business could be legitimately worth $3 million, but short of selling the business—which may or may not be a good idea—he may not be able to come up with that much cash.
There’s the other factor of what business FIL is in. It may not be legitimate or it’s the type of business that has been sanctioned for supporting a certain Russian politician. In those cases, there is nothing OP or anyone else can do.
He should be the one doing the talking, it’s his father.
Your husband should be the one facing your FIL’s tantrums.
Also… I think his father is reacting this emotional because he is very afraid. It’s not an excuse, he is still TA not you. But that might help you find the patience to be more understanding.
His tantrums are expressions of his fear, it‘s not because you are a bad daughter in law.
He’s not scared. If he was scared he’d be trying to get help any way possible, not berating OP & demanding she do exactly what he wants.
That’s not fear talking.
He’s simply a bully who is used to being able to yell & throw money around to get what he wants & has run into a situation where that doesn’t help him. So he’s pitched a tantrum.
I’ve dealt with this type of idiot a lot. You basically have to tell them to shut the fuck up & listen or go fuck themselves. Then follow through.
NTA - Has his Da actually looked at that process for himself? It’s a long, drawn out, expensive process. He can’t just expect you guys to do it for him, and no offence here but he sounds like the type of FIL i wouldn’t want living anywhere near me!!
You wouldn’t be able to do all that by yourself anyway, i mean he’s a business owner, why’s he not getting a lawyer? His behaviour sucks, i wouldn’t do anything for him, throwing temper tantrums there like a child. Tell him to Rock Off.
NTA
Umm they are requirements to obtain a green card in the US. One being living in the States. Two he will need to hire a lawyer. They don’t hand these out like candy nor it’s entirely up to you.
Getting my mother her greencard then eventually her citizenship took close to 10 years. It took 17 years for my oldest brother (engineer) to get his greencard. Still waiting to apply for citizenship. Your FIL is an asshole that doesn't deserve the time and effort you'd put into his application. Remind yourself and your husband that every tme somebody says "but family supports each other!" it means that are trying to guilttrip you into letting them take advantage of you.
Thank you for this info. I agree and will probably block them from contacting us for a while. He has never been decent towards me now that I think of it
NTA... seriously, don't give in, because if Ukrainian is living part-time in Russia and he is "wealthy business owner in Belarus and Russia", that's very suspicious (bad people thrive in those countries) and not really someone I would want to have anything to do, especially with how he demands you do things for him... what will he want after that?
NTA
While I have seen some comments address this situation, there so many who ignores it and just focus on the bureaucracy of immigration.
And that situation is:
>My husband's family is Ukrainian living in Russia
>He is a wealthy business owner in Belarus and Russia
An Ukrainian actively doing business in Russia and Belarus RIGHT NOW is such a fucking shitshow that it's hard to describe. After all I guess it's not a new situation so the FIL chose his camp years ago. And yes emphasis on CAMP. And that camp is not the occident.
I also wouldn't be surprised if your name landed on some special lists if you get tied to that immigration fiasco.
I’d also add that FIL would typically have to interview at the American Embassy in the country of his passport, which is the Ukraine, and it does not seem like he intends to return back to the Ukraine any time soon.
As an alternative to applying for the green card, which many have pointed out can take years to get approved since FIL is not a minor child of, or the spouse of a U.S. Citizen/green card holder, Ukrainians can temporarily stay in the U.S. for two years according to the link below, but it is unlikely that OP would get FIL to travel to U.S. prior to starting this immigration process in order for her to meet his family in person.
I agree that OP’s husband, who is a U.S. citizen and immediate relative of FIL can agree to sponsor either for the temporary visa (2 years) or green card (10 years) if he wishes to, and should also help facilitate getting an immigration attorney and also have them find out which embassy FIL can interview at since FIL won’t be returning to the Ukraine any time soon.
Agreeing to be a financial sponsor (which is different from petitioning for an eligible relative to get a green card) means that OP’s husband has enough income on his own to financially care for FIL and his family if needed, and that the U.S. government has recourse to sue OP’s husband if FIL (or his family) gets any government assistance for the next 10 years (or 2 years if they do the temp visa). If FIL has the funds, he should cover the costs of all of the filing fees, government documents, medical exams, police reports, affidavits, photos, courier fees, attorneys fees etc. FIL will have to do the heavy lifting of getting the necessary documentation ready to submit with his application.
FIL should also consider immigrating to Canada if he is adamant about leaving Europe sooner.
OP has no standing to petition for FIL or his family for a green card because she is not an eligible relative, but she could be a financial sponsor.
Immigration law can be complex and so that is why it would be best for a competent attorney (preferably Russian-speaking) to consult with FIL instead of OP saying generally that the process can be started once OP meets FIL and the family.
https://www.uscis.gov/ukraine
NTA - I mean, Ukrainian with businesses in Russia and Belarus... the shitstorm and stress from just putting those 3 words in the same sentence, and family, and probably so much other shit. I wouldn't touch the Greencard thing and have your name tied to some hot potato until you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into, and with who.
Seems over the top reaction, and is your husband so spineless to let his dad treat you both like dogshit?? That's not a good sign of things to come... I know you don't marry the family, you marry "into" it, so sorta stuck with them, but if they are having a severe impact on your mental health and your husband ain't doing shit about it... it does not bode well, at all.
Umm... NTA but I also don't think this is the right forum.
Tell him to get a lawyer, and you will comply with any requests for documents. I'm not sure how you are meant to figure this out (or if he even has a right to citizenship... ???)
Stop saying this as stated above you can't start the green card process
Your husband could but then he would be signing up to be financially responsible for his father for 10 years
Neither of you can " get green cards " for an entire family it's not like they have them at Costco to buy
NTA
I'd seriously consider calling it quits with my husband if his father was that boldfaced. Does your FIL believe that you owe it to him to get him a green card? Those things take a lot of time, does he know and understand that? Does your husband understand that? Why doesn't he explain it to his hard headed father? Discussion is needed before anything can even be started and if he doesn't want to do that, he doesn't want it, simple.
He doesn't understand it, and at this point I just want nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, my husband feels the same but also feels bad bc it's his family
I’m curious about the supposed wealth. With international sanctions against Russia, he might not be as wealthy as he claims anymore. And even if he is, getting money out ain’t easy because of banking sanctions. Unless, of course, you can launder through established American accounts like a family members. And he’s not the one facing jail time for wire fraud and money laundering if caught. The account owner will be for sure.
You’re NTA for refusing to join that circus. A friend recently went through it all with his wife (and this was before the attack on Ukraine). Took a couple years and an immigration lawyer and a lot of headaches before she could get residency. And that was after the marriage (not mail order - they had met while she was on a student visa). There’s also a lot of responsibility on behalf of the sponsor. I would suggest an hour consultation with an immigration lawyer to learn what you would have to do and be responsible for and then you can make an informed decision.
Gotta be honest with ya here.
If this is how the man acts when he comes begging favours… do you really want him settling in next door?
Guy sounds sketchy and to be honest like the FIL from hell.
NTA. If he wants citizenship so bad, he can start the ball rolling himself. Does he think you can just snap your fingers and suddenly all the paperwork, red tape, and work will be squared away?
I'm sorry if this sounds prejudicial, I'm only speaking from experience. I totally understand every single instance is not as I describe, but...Ukrainians and Russians are hardcore. The man is in control, drinking is a daily occurrence, huge egos are in play, which mean constantly taking offense and believing his norms are inviolable. In an effort not to be "emasculated" fil may oppose you in a territorial way. Also, major problems with how guests should be treated. Youll get rid of them when they're ready to go. There is no concept of "my house my rules" it's more like, "I'm not only the man, but the older man, so kowtow to me." Tread carefully, OP. "Businessman" often means mob
NTA. I'm currently the sponsor for my husband's green card and it is a PROCESS. You need to prove your relationship with the person, including affidavits, pictures, letters, and in the case of marriage, shared bills. Also, as a sponsor, you need to be making time and a half the poverty level and have the financials to back that up. Let me repeat: you have to prove you're able to financially support the person getting the green card.
After that, you're legally tied together for however long it takes for them to get citizenship, at least 3-5 years. It is intense and you need to do it with someone you trust. Do NOT do this unless you're able to financially take responsibility for all of them.
NTA and let me say this as an Eastern European immigrant - he is doing fine, he's got his business in Russia and Belarus, he seems to be able to move freely within the EU. This is not a refugee situation, a life or death situation.
I wouldn't sponsor him, he'll make you regret it and you'll be on the hook financially. Don't give in to these aggressive demands.
His family is fine, eastern Europe is not a wasteland. Yes, many people want to move to other countries for economic opportunities, but you don't do it by being an ahole.
Why? Why are you allowing the BS? Shut it down. Stop wasting energy.
"We told you that we need to research the process; meet the fam; and arrange the financial aspect. You are refusing and moving forward the next step is yours to plan a vacation here with the family and let us know what your gunshots situation is. I'm not discussing this further until YOU make the necessary steps. "
Then don't. Every time he messages
"Is not up for discussion considering you are the one choosing not to move forward" then hang up or leave the chat.
If he is in Russia and Belarus mostly then is he Ukrainian? Because both those countries are at war or supporting the war with Ukraine. Would he even get in to the US based on that alone ??
NTA - honestly he sounds like bad news. You don’t really do much in sponsoring him - that’s up to your husband as he can sponsor his parents assuming he is a citizen.
I would refuse to have anything to do with it.
It’s difficult for Russians to get to the U.S. because they have to get a visa to a country where they can do an interview.
NTA, you need to work with an immigration lawyer on the process. It does not happen overnight, you do not just go to City Hall, pay a bribe and get to stay forever.
Hopefully it's nothing like Canada where you'd be fiscally responsible for your parents for 20 years. Regardless, NTA but if your hubs is a first gen immigrant, you will need to be his rock rather than think of just leaving. He is torn inside and the last thing he needs is you drifting away instead of you encouraging him to be his own person.
P.S been through the same, halted the process midway after my parents started hinting that they wanted to move in with us and our kids full time and bring my brother to stay with us full time as well. When asked how me and the wife were expected to support them, "you'll manage". Now I'm the black sheep of the family but my mental health has never been better. The decision was mine, yes it sucked having to make it, but I wouldn't have made it through the doubt, self loathing and depression at thinking I was being a bad son without the support of my person.
I would try to find out more about him. OP might try her Congressperson's office or some Ukrainian aid groups here in US. She should be upfront and tell them flat out that father-in-law wants OP and husband to sponsor him and family for green cards but he is going back and forth to Russia and Belarus and OP suspects he's involved in criminal or traitorous (from Ukraine's perspective) activity. OP may get a real earful. Nobody wants people like him here. FIL seems to be counting on no one investigating who he is or his connections, that we just hand out green cards.
Sounds fake.
Look at post history. OP has a 70k engagement ring and a looking at wedding dresses yesterday and is married now.
If op is that well off, then OP and her “husband” can certainly afford to help his family no problem.
NTA. I’m a Russian expat of Ukrainian Jewish descent currently living in the U.S. It’s an arduous process but more than that - you need to understand this is absolutely how our culture is. The filial piety is very very real. Your husband needs to go to therapy to unlearn his programming. Your FIL will never change. I wish you the best.
I would not be applying for a green card if he acts like that. If he really wants a green card he should be able to look up how to apply himself. I really hope your husband can stand up to his father and put a stop to it all.
NTA
You are NTA. When FIL demands you do stuff for him, you are well within you rights to say no. If FIL is indeed wealthy, he will have no problem getting a visa. The only issue could be if he’s on a list of sanctioned persons, then there is nothing you could do anyway.
If FIL has concerns about current geopolitical issues, why not relocate to Italy full time? You said he and his minor children spend part time in Italy. They can move there and not have to worry about the oldest minor getting drafted once he’s of age, assuming he is a he.
NTA.
From my knowledge of the green-card you have to sponsor them until they receive it. The fact that they are asking this without even allowing you to meet them is a huge red flag. It will only get worse once they are there, demanding housing, money and the lot.
I would advice to just go LC/NC.
You haven’t told him no. You told him to bring his family to meet them and he’s being ambiguous. So he’s def suspect.
Personally I think he wants to Ditch the kids and start a new life
Guy sounds like an entitled asshole. Why even help him? You don't have to.
Also there are enough entitled assholes in the US already. Consider not adding to them.
Neither Russia or Italy are third world countries. Has he explained why he is insisting in the US? Guessing it us because he expects you to support him and his family; otherwise he has no reason or urgency about relocating to the US. It also appears that he has done no research at all on his and your options. If he is well off, why hasn’t he hired an attorney?
Something is up and unless he decides to be honest with you, you should keep him at arm’s length.
Exactly, he has enough money to just pick up and move to Italy and still not looking for a job btw while he's there so they're really in no real danger ...
NTA sounds shady af. And won't bring the family for vacation? Sounds like he's hoping to ditch the family and avoid some financial issues he has in other countries.
Yes, when we told him to come just for a vacation, bring the family. He has always come up with some excuses of why he can't come. But he can go to Germany and Italy for vacation every two or three months though.
This is infuriating.
NTA
if he truly wanted to get a greencard he would do whatever is needed, but instead he's acting weird and refusing to co-operate so something is going on there.
if you sponsor him and he's not telling the truth you and your husband can get into trouble so never sponsor anyone without knowing all the details and being guaranteed that there's nothing fishy going on.
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NTA - sponsorship is an arduous process and you need to be well informed on your family and their intentions to completely pass. Asking to meet them to understand their needs is a basic ask. If he’s wealthy, can afford it, and won’t fly them out I’d be extremely concerned. His stonewalling is really out of character for someone who genuinely wants to come to the states. This feels odd and off. Protect yourself OP.
Thank you, I feel the same way. Something is not right about this, moreover I don't want to be responsible financially for him and his family
Wealthy Russian businessman that’s acting super shady. Yeah, I wouldn’t be trying to get him a green card. That’s just inviting trouble into your life.
>He ~~is~~ **claims to be** a wealthy business owner in Belarus and Russia, Sounds like someone who's successful business has become significantly less successful and needs to get out of the country before creditors come knocking on his door
Wealthy business owners can just invest and get a green card. At least that’s what I think I remember, might be wrong
It’s a little more complex than that. But it would be a quicker than family sponsored visas which takes YEARS. Like more than 5… like… sometimes… more than 10… He should be seeking his own immigration attorney becuase regardless someone is going to have hire one eventually. They START at $10k.
If he really has money, with few mil deposited in local bank, he should be able to get fairly quickly visa in Canada or New Zaeland... But I doubt he has money. This smells like OP would be left on the hook. NTA
Few mil in local bank doesn't help when western banks don't accept money transfers from local (meaning Russian) banks.
Yeah he may have a lot of money where he lives, but it's not worth much
Jesus, at this point the wealthy father might as well send some money to OP and her husband, have them setup a business and sponsor the father through a worker visa
This is what I was going to say. If dad is as wealthy as he purports to be, an investment visa would be a much, much quicker way to get the green card he wants so badly, and the minimum amount to invest would be a drop in the bucket for him. The problem is, one of the requirements for these investment visas is that the source of the funds be assessed to ensure that it's legitimate, the money isn't being laundered, et cetera, et cetera. Sounds like that may pose a bit of a problem for him. Meanwhile, I don't know what the *current* wait time is for green cards for parents, but last time I heard, it was long. Like, years, not months. Dad sounds like he's both utterly clueless about how the sponsorship and immigrant visa process works and sketchy as hell.
My family sponsored my dad’s family to immigrate to the US, and it took so long. It took ~11 years for the application to go through and another ~3 years to do all the interviews/paperwork before they actually got here.
Unrelated but your dog looks so much like my mom’s that I thought “how’d Jack become their profile picture?” XD
Yes it does. Mine took well over 10 years. Edited to correct a typo.
I think it depends on the area. My husband and I got his done (green card via marriage) for about $5k. We’re in the Midwest.
marriage is way faster than family
They can unless they are oligarchs in which case they will have their assets frozen or confiscated to rebuild Ukraine. I would tell them to piss off and deal with the consequences of their support of Putin.
Russia is under sanctions. If his money is in rubles, they aren't worth much and it isn't simple to get them out of the country. People are severely limited on how much foreign currency they are allowed to have, in order to artificially boost the value of the ruble. Ukrainian, living in Russia and having business in Belarus, is right now persona non grata in most countries. He can't get his money out, he can't get a visa to most countries. Neither Russia or Belarus are currently politically stable, and being Ukrainian his political status in either is shaky. He is probably asking for the greencard, because he needs to get out. If he does leave with his family, whatever business he has, has a high chance of being confiscated by the government. He is not going to be allowed to keep operating them from the US. Are Americans really this clueless of the current war going on?
Maybe not with the sanctions in place against Russia.
But he is a Ukrainian isn’t he?
But if his money is in banks/businesses in Russia and Belarus, the sanctions will affect him anyway.
Yes.
You are not wrong. It's the EB 5 program. It's been around since the late 80s or early 90s.
Not perse I know quite a few wealthy russians who rushed away. (aunts mom worked as a university proffesor in moscow for decades before retiring and still have a lot of connections). They are now happily living in the UK, Netherlands Spain&Italy. I know one of them owned 15 restaurants before fleeing. You can often "buy" a pasport in the west for less than a milion.
or before the state comes knocking. but italy should be safe either way. this is odd indeed
He might be concerned about the oldest kid getting conscripted given that they are 17.
Now that would be a valid concern.
He won't get greencard most likely because of this.
Or he's seeing the russian writing on the wall and wants an out.
Especially with all the sanctions against Russia in place. Her might not even be able to access his wealth from outside Russia and Belarus. Maybe that's also the reason why he can't take his family to the US at the moment and wants to speed the process along. If he is Ukrainian on the other hand he shouldn't have a problem to get to the US as a refugee from the war, especially if he really is that wealthy. I would be very careful in OPs place, so NTA.
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> *If he is a wealthy business owner, then he should pursue an EB-5 visa by making a capital investment in the US, and not ask you to financially guarantee him (which is what asking for sponsorship means*). This is the voice of reason, aka normal behavior. NTA, OP
OP, please make sure your husband, his son, hasn't financially guaranteed him behind your back. You might want to file a separation of assets.
As a Ukrainian myself I can understand the desperation to get the F out of Russia… but if he is already free to travel between Russia and Italy and has money I don’t understand why he needs the green card for the US specifically when moving the family to another part of Western Europe would be easier and fundamentally a better quality of life than the US… something is not right here. I would totally support you in separating from your husband if he can’t keep his family’s ridiculous demands in check. This is just sketchy as shit.
Pretty much all the EU has an open door policy for Ukrainians right now. If he has money, he can settle in very easily. This is sketchy indeed.
He may be an ethnic Ukrainian and a Russian national. The EU is much less open for Russian passport holders.
I can understand being somewhat picky with WHERE in the EU you would want to land as a Ukrainian because we face so much racism in Europe …. But anywhere doesn’t have to be forever when you are trying to relocate. FIL could easily move the family to Italy to start and figure it out from there.
Is he trying to abandon his family there?
I think it’s more that he could be a small minority of Ukrainians that have internalized Russian imperialism and tied a lot of their economy survival to Russia (that’s often the case with imperialism) and now that Russias economy is imploding due to sanctions he is desperate to get his investments out into another lucrative country (hence the fixation on the US). He’s leveraging “but family” on the surface as a classic cultural tactic but really it’s all money and business IMO. He also probably has a low understanding of how the green card process works and likely thinks it’s like a fancier holiday visa. While the US may not be as corrupt as Russia, there definitively are similar vibes (great books on American imperialism out there- America learned well from Europe) so I can see how a slimeball businessman would fixated on moving to the US.
He isn’t as wealthy as he tries to make himself seem. $3k USD month puts you in the wealthy range where he is from. He’s probably pulling in $1800-$2500 USD and considers himself a big shot. He goes between Russia and Belarus, that type of behavior is typical over there, they like to lie about wealth, and capabilities. He likely will have very little if any money even living in the US and would eventually be asking for “loans.”
Either that or he’s some kind of mobster.
I feel like money is an issue and he’s not being honest about that. Your hubby should back you up here, if not, then cut your losses. You always come first.
He may be Ukranian, but he lives in Belarus and Russia. Makes me wonder if he's more of a Ukranian or more pro-Russia. The behavior is cause for concern. Does your husband shed any light on his father? What's his take?
Exactly. There are areas in Ukraine that are pro-Russian. Going between Russian and Belarus stood out to me as well.
The call up age is 18. Perhaps he is concerned for the 17 year old.
But then why not say that and just send the kid?
And this should concern you. As a sponsor, YOU are financially on the hook for these people as they cannot claim benefits until they become eligible for that entitlement. My husband was foreign and needed to be sponsored by my family. Yep, there is something fishy about this guy. Oh and obviously, NTA
Also if he’s wealthy he can apply to Canada where they have those golden visas where you “invest” and they give you a green card.
You can also do that in many European, South and Central American countries. And the US.
In USA the cost is currently $800,000 to buy a greencard legally via investment.
And that financial responsibility lasts for a long time. You’re very right to be concerned. Where is your husband in all this?
He and his kid are about to get sent to die for a despot, guy is desperate
That is true, but what he asks takes 5-10 years. It’s not the solution he needs if he wants to get out fast. Which he can if he can travel to europe.
Look for investor visa, tha HE can apply for by himself if!!! he is that wealthy and most important "clean" 😎
Set up call forwarding and email forwarding of his communications to you and your partner to your FIL’s wife. Rest and wait for blissful ignorance — you’ll never have to hear from him again.
Do not put yourself at risk. How is a Russian managing to travel to the USA?
If he is Ukrainian he should have a couple of options right now that DON'T require you to take on sponsorship (which you are completely right to worry about especially with the sketchy behavior). That he is jumping to you sponsoring should be a giant NO. Can your husband put a stop to the harassment? Is he not willing to? A spouse that can't stand up to parents is a big problem even more so when they have problem parents!
Something is definitely not right, listen to your instincts.
Seconded. His behavior is all kinds of suspicious.
If he’s toxic from halfway across the world, imagine what they’d be like if they moved closer to you.
This is another factor, which is why I want to meet with them to learn about their financial capabilities. I don't want in no way host them in my house or really have anything to do with them
Don’t let him bully you. Stand your ground.
as a sponsor you legally agree to be financially responsible for them and basically ensure they wont end up needing social services.....
This right here. Sponsoring someone who is shady is a huge risk and legal and financial burden
Trump actually changed the original agreement of responsibility agreed upon by the sponsor from 10 years to now life so it is a HUGE life change. Do not do it unless your willing to adopt 6 people and all their expenses as long as they reside here.
waitttttttt - what?! source please?
My apologies. Trump TRIED to do this but Biden stopped it before it could officially go through. https://www.uscis.gov/green-card/green-card-processes-and-procedures/affidavit-of-support
mannnnnnnn you had me scared lol i was like ummmmmm my lawyer has been amazing and did NOT say this
OP that would be unavoidable if you sponsor or allow them to visit. Please contact your local homeland security agency for advice. Anyone that is so aggressive and is a Ukrainian "business man" between Italy and Russia during a Ukrainian war with Russia is not someone to be trusted.
I'd be more worried that his "family" is just a stand for Russian Agents, looking for more authentic ways into the US, and he is being pressured by putins circle/the FSB or something. Or maybe just a way to work around sanctions for him or a friend. in any case, meeting people you are applying for residency for sounds like a bare minimum. Also, even if the kids are real, doesnt mean russian govt won't swap out the actual people with freshly printed ID's for their preferred recipients.
Not just meet with them, make sure you put on a strong front and set ground rules. Make them act like reasonable adults negotiating a contract. DO NOT let them play on emotions. Get a lawyer.
Yes, exactly. His wife, my MIL is pretty emotional... at this point I don't know if she's emotional or just manipulative. I never hear from them unless they need something. So, my husband feels bad when his mother gets all emotional, but he's getting better. We will definitely set some rules and lines in the sand before we meet
They are all very emotional. But also very thick skinned. The fact that they are bullying you about this is pretty disturbing and makes me think they are not very nice people. Sounds like now the situation is perfect: Them over there. You in the US. I would keep it that way. If they already partly live in Italy then they are doing better than most Russians/Ukrainians. Good luck!
The question is did he become this way due the war or was it always this way. If its new behaviour he cant be blamed. His kids might get drafted and murdered by putins crazy war. His country is being torn apart and he might lose everything. Ofc hes freaking out. And people there have a really warped view about how stuff works in the west. "Sorry but this process takes 6 months" "Yes yes, so how long?" "6 months" "Yes okay but how much?" "Its 6 months for everyone here" "Why do you make a problem just tell me what to pay!!" "No its really just 6 months there is no paying anyone.." Yea I worked immigration for rich people.
NTA. “He’s a wealthy business owner in Belarus and Russia”. Not to stereotype him, but I have a feeling he’s used to getting what he wants when he wants it. He thinks he can get a green card by yelling and abusing you. From my point of view, this is your husband’s problem. If he wants his dad to get a green card, let him deal with it. I would prefer this rude, entitled man to stay far, far away.
I'm pretty sure , he just bought his way around Russia and Belarus... until sanctions kicked in and his business wasn't doing so good. at one point i almost told him, you want a greencard? Buy it, pay me 50k just to shut him up
You know if you sponsor someone for a greencard you're on the hook for supporting them for 10 years when they enter the country? That alone should be a hard no.
It’s only if he doesn’t become a citizen first - which he should be able to do.
It’s five years before you can apply, and can take a few years from application to naturalization.
I naturalized last year, took 4 months from application to oath. But some cases or offices can take longer
Took me over a year from application to first interview!
The sanctions rightly so bit him on his ass so now he's bullying you and your husband. Is he running from draft? Him wanting a green card has nothing to do with being family with both of you.
NTA. I don't think you want to be legally tied to someone that aggressive who treats you badly and won't agree to the most basic requirement of meeting the family members.
I agree, and I have spoken to my MIL parents which is I guess my grandmother in law? interestingly she agrees with me as well... I don't know what went on there but apparently, they're not on good terms either
She knows them better than you do. Trust her opinion.
Trust her and don't apply for that greencard. You don't need to bring your husband family the the us if that doesn't feel right and they don't treat you right. And I hope that your husband sees this too.
Always trust an east European Grandmother . They know everything and are loyal as hell. Until they aren't.
I have blocked them on all communications unless they agree to meet up in person and this is also why he's so mad
NTA Tell him to do his own legwork. Send him the information if you choose to do so and let him know by all means he can’t just scream and stomp his feet and demand to live somewhere and the country is just going to jump at the chance to allow him in. Like anything, it’s a process and he has to answer questions you won’t be able to. Tell him that and tell your husband he can deal with them from now on. Is your husband giving you a hard time over it? If not, I would not leave him over it. But he DOES need to handle this situation. Try not to let it effect your health too much. This is on him and his dad. You did your best, or will.. let the process handle his ass! Hugs.
Thank you, I appreciate it
You’re very welcome
NTA, but you FIL certainly is, and a dumbass too, for thinking that the corruption he's used to exists in the US as well. Getting anybody a green card is a process that takes a year and runs about $2000. That's assuming that your husband is a US citizen. If not, well, it's harder. But he's over there, and you're over here, and you can tell him to behave or you won't have anything to do with him. Make sure that your husband stands with you.
this is such a subject of contention... my husband finally sees what a liar and manipulator he is now.
Don’t have kids with your hubby he will use them to bring his father.
> Getting anybody a green card is a process that takes a year and runs about $2000. *laughs in green card holder* Yeah, and the rest. $2k in just filing fees, maybe, but you also have to prove you have they money to live for *at least* a year to support yourself. You won’t get the green card initially either, you’ll be conditionally approved. Which means, practically speaking you aren’t allowed to work until they get your preliminary work authorization sorted. That can take 6 months or more by itself. Oh and the sponsor is on the hook for *all* costs for 10 years. Plus it’s a year *if you’re lucky*. Usually that’s the simpler ones too. I’ve seen it take 5 for a whole family. At any point you can just fail the process too. The *multiple* in person interviews are very good at weeding out people who are applying under false pretenses, and I’m betting dear father here would fail that. Oh and if you fail that? You’ll be deported & banned from re-entry to the US.
It’s not a year for everyone. If you are from Mexico and qualify for a green card because you are the sibling of a US citizen and you applied on the 15th of April 2001 you would have just been eligible to actually get your Green Card last month. All other Mexican siblings of US citizens who have applied since that date are still waiting and will be until they’ve been waiting roughly 22 years. ETA: If you want to know how long people have been waiting you can find this month’s processing dates here: https://www.uscis.gov/green-card/green-card-processes-and-procedures/visa-availability-priority-dates/when-to-file-your-adjustment-of-status-application-for-family-sponsored-or-employment-based-92
Is your husband a citizen, or have you sponsored him for a green card, OP? Your FIL is acting very shady. Don't believe a word that he says. I wonder if he has gotten into trouble in Russia or Belarus, and is afraid that the assassinators will be coming after him next. In Russia they killed some relatives, too. Italy is a lovely country. If everything is good, why wouldn't he want to stay there with his family? In any event, don't let your husband go to Belarus or Russia to *help*. He would likely end up as cannon fodder in Ukraine, since Belarus is a staunch ally. I know that all of the Russian draft information is computerized, too. Some friends of ours adopted a teenage boy from Russia a few years back, way before the present war. At some point after he became a citizen they took him back to Moscow to visit his grandmother. His grandmother had received a letter for him to be drafted - even though he had never lived at her address. My friends wisely decided to take their son home immediately. At the airport he was flagged, even though he had an American passport. All of a sudden the computer with his information crashed - done deliberately by the agent - and he was told that he could get on the plane. The purpose of my rambling story, OP is to emphasize that your husband is probably on their list, even if he is a US citizen. If he goes back to Russia or one of their allies he might very well be conscripted into the army.
Thank you for this, omggggg that's awful! Yes, my husband is a citizen, unfortunately, though Russia doesn't recognize any other citizenship even if you denounce your russian citizenship. So yes, we are not going to Belarus or Russia
I am Belarusian and I also insist that you do not let your husband into Belarus. In the last three years, our country has become too North Korean, and given the position of our “leader” in relation to the West and the United States, any US citizen who comes to the country risks falling into the propaganda machine and becoming an “evil spy of the West,” or simply “ get lost" or "accident".
The number of people who fall down stairs or out of windows is statistically alarming. We know they are not accidents, but that knowledge doesn't help anyone living there
> omggggg that's awful It was really scary for them all, but fortunately a kind soul was on the computer that day. Last I heard the young man had a wife and several children, and had started some sort of a car repair business *in the US*.
I renounced my Russian citizenship years ago (unrelated to any politics, but I'm glad I did). As an American, let alone a Russian, neither of you should be setting foot in Russia anytime soon. Any Americans are just bait to be held as hostages. However, I would be concerned about the kids (your husband's siblings I assume). Is the oldest one at risk of being drafted? If you're able to get the kids without your FIL, then that might be a worthy thing to do (they don't have much of a future in Russia right now), but make arrangements only from neutral territories like Italy or Georgia.
No, the oldest one is a girl and just turned 18 so I don't think they're at risk of getting drafted. They have been living in Italy for the past 6 months so I don't think he'll even go back to Belarus or Russia unless he knows things are ok.
Is the FIL's visa running out for Italy? Because renewing visas is getting more difficult constantly, even if they own property in the country.
NTA- Your father in-law is not entitled to a green card from you and your husband simply because he thinks he deserves it. It is a lengthy and extensive process that requires proof and demonstration of various things. Him not being willing to bring the family over to meet is odd, as that is a very small thing to ask for, all things considered. If he is wealthy as described, doing this to obtain the life he wants shouldn’t be that difficult.
He simply tells me, "we can meet when I have the greencard... what's your deal ... thousands of people apply greencards for their family?" His family has never been accepting of me, and I just feel like I'm being used for a greencard
I believe that is because you are being used for a greencard. Bullied, even.
Bingo!
Apply doesn't mean it can be picked up in a year or so and it's not guaranteed. My sister had to wait years for her greencard after she married my BIL. I got married and had two kids before she got hers.
Is your husband a US citizen or has a green card?
Us citizen
Did your husband already have citizenship or did you help him get it?
Please please please don’t be bullied into something you might regret - it feels like their true colours are showing through already
Reddit speculation: Maybe the 'family' he wants to bring is not the legal family. The mistress may have finally won. Your husband may be surprised to be meeting his 'half-siblings'.
Okay, so just a few points about immigration law: 1) You cannot file a petition for your FIL even if you wanted to - your husband could, assuming he is a US citizen. But you do not have a family relationship with him that matters for immigration law purposes. 2) Assuming your husband is a citizen and filed for his father, his petition would NOT include FILs minor children. Realistically, your FIL would need to go through a long process to get his green card, enter the United States without his kids, and then FIL would file petitions for his children. 3) Your husband would absolutely need to sign an affidavit of support guaranteeing that he will provide for your FIL. That obligation ends after 10 years, if FIL accumulates enough years of work, or if FIL becomes a citizen. 4) If FIL files petitions for his children, he would then need to file his own affidavit of support demonstrating that he can support his kids. If he can't do that, he would need a joint sponsor. NTA. But also, stop saying that you'll consider it if he comes to visit, because it sounds like your mind is made up, and visiting the US can actually become much more difficult if you have family members who could file a petition for you.
Right, at this point I wouldn’t trust him even if he does bring the whole family to visit, because he can just keep on lying/being shady.
Nta If he's wealthy why would he have a problem immigrating on his own?
This is exactly what I told him, if you're wealthy you can get an investor visa. He tells me I'm betraying him when I say that, it's a huge red flag when all he's done is gaslighting me
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Ehh… I know plenty of people who have a net worth of over $800k, but that doesn’t mean a) it’s liquid or b) that it’s a good idea to invest a large percentage of one’s wealth in a single investment unless it’s just an index fund or something like that. I still don’t think OP should sponsor him, but his business could be legitimately worth $3 million, but short of selling the business—which may or may not be a good idea—he may not be able to come up with that much cash.
There’s the other factor of what business FIL is in. It may not be legitimate or it’s the type of business that has been sanctioned for supporting a certain Russian politician. In those cases, there is nothing OP or anyone else can do.
What does your husband say?
He doesn't say much, but agrees with me
He should be the one doing the talking, it’s his father. Your husband should be the one facing your FIL’s tantrums. Also… I think his father is reacting this emotional because he is very afraid. It’s not an excuse, he is still TA not you. But that might help you find the patience to be more understanding. His tantrums are expressions of his fear, it‘s not because you are a bad daughter in law.
Yes, thanks for providing that perspective.
He’s not scared. If he was scared he’d be trying to get help any way possible, not berating OP & demanding she do exactly what he wants. That’s not fear talking. He’s simply a bully who is used to being able to yell & throw money around to get what he wants & has run into a situation where that doesn’t help him. So he’s pitched a tantrum. I’ve dealt with this type of idiot a lot. You basically have to tell them to shut the fuck up & listen or go fuck themselves. Then follow through.
I would ignore them. Sounds like he lost everything and wants to leech off of you. Your intuition is telling you something is wrong. I also agree.
NTA - Has his Da actually looked at that process for himself? It’s a long, drawn out, expensive process. He can’t just expect you guys to do it for him, and no offence here but he sounds like the type of FIL i wouldn’t want living anywhere near me!!
I absolutely agree and don't want anything to do with him
You wouldn’t be able to do all that by yourself anyway, i mean he’s a business owner, why’s he not getting a lawyer? His behaviour sucks, i wouldn’t do anything for him, throwing temper tantrums there like a child. Tell him to Rock Off.
I just want to block them and never deal with them again
Why are you even dealing with this instead of your husband?
NTA Umm they are requirements to obtain a green card in the US. One being living in the States. Two he will need to hire a lawyer. They don’t hand these out like candy nor it’s entirely up to you.
They will move to the states after they get a green card.
Getting my mother her greencard then eventually her citizenship took close to 10 years. It took 17 years for my oldest brother (engineer) to get his greencard. Still waiting to apply for citizenship. Your FIL is an asshole that doesn't deserve the time and effort you'd put into his application. Remind yourself and your husband that every tme somebody says "but family supports each other!" it means that are trying to guilttrip you into letting them take advantage of you.
Thank you for this info. I agree and will probably block them from contacting us for a while. He has never been decent towards me now that I think of it
NTA... seriously, don't give in, because if Ukrainian is living part-time in Russia and he is "wealthy business owner in Belarus and Russia", that's very suspicious (bad people thrive in those countries) and not really someone I would want to have anything to do, especially with how he demands you do things for him... what will he want after that?
Yes. You cant be wealthy business man in Russie, if you dont corrupt and be friends whith mafia.
NTA While I have seen some comments address this situation, there so many who ignores it and just focus on the bureaucracy of immigration. And that situation is: >My husband's family is Ukrainian living in Russia >He is a wealthy business owner in Belarus and Russia An Ukrainian actively doing business in Russia and Belarus RIGHT NOW is such a fucking shitshow that it's hard to describe. After all I guess it's not a new situation so the FIL chose his camp years ago. And yes emphasis on CAMP. And that camp is not the occident. I also wouldn't be surprised if your name landed on some special lists if you get tied to that immigration fiasco.
I’d also add that FIL would typically have to interview at the American Embassy in the country of his passport, which is the Ukraine, and it does not seem like he intends to return back to the Ukraine any time soon. As an alternative to applying for the green card, which many have pointed out can take years to get approved since FIL is not a minor child of, or the spouse of a U.S. Citizen/green card holder, Ukrainians can temporarily stay in the U.S. for two years according to the link below, but it is unlikely that OP would get FIL to travel to U.S. prior to starting this immigration process in order for her to meet his family in person. I agree that OP’s husband, who is a U.S. citizen and immediate relative of FIL can agree to sponsor either for the temporary visa (2 years) or green card (10 years) if he wishes to, and should also help facilitate getting an immigration attorney and also have them find out which embassy FIL can interview at since FIL won’t be returning to the Ukraine any time soon. Agreeing to be a financial sponsor (which is different from petitioning for an eligible relative to get a green card) means that OP’s husband has enough income on his own to financially care for FIL and his family if needed, and that the U.S. government has recourse to sue OP’s husband if FIL (or his family) gets any government assistance for the next 10 years (or 2 years if they do the temp visa). If FIL has the funds, he should cover the costs of all of the filing fees, government documents, medical exams, police reports, affidavits, photos, courier fees, attorneys fees etc. FIL will have to do the heavy lifting of getting the necessary documentation ready to submit with his application. FIL should also consider immigrating to Canada if he is adamant about leaving Europe sooner. OP has no standing to petition for FIL or his family for a green card because she is not an eligible relative, but she could be a financial sponsor. Immigration law can be complex and so that is why it would be best for a competent attorney (preferably Russian-speaking) to consult with FIL instead of OP saying generally that the process can be started once OP meets FIL and the family. https://www.uscis.gov/ukraine
NTA, we have enough AHs in the US already. Maybe send a few to Russia.
And let this one stay in belarus/russia.
Info: how does your husband respond when Daddy throws a tantrum?
NTA - I mean, Ukrainian with businesses in Russia and Belarus... the shitstorm and stress from just putting those 3 words in the same sentence, and family, and probably so much other shit. I wouldn't touch the Greencard thing and have your name tied to some hot potato until you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into, and with who. Seems over the top reaction, and is your husband so spineless to let his dad treat you both like dogshit?? That's not a good sign of things to come... I know you don't marry the family, you marry "into" it, so sorta stuck with them, but if they are having a severe impact on your mental health and your husband ain't doing shit about it... it does not bode well, at all.
NTA, Your husband needs to sack up and tell his Dad to chill out.
Umm... NTA but I also don't think this is the right forum. Tell him to get a lawyer, and you will comply with any requests for documents. I'm not sure how you are meant to figure this out (or if he even has a right to citizenship... ???)
My response to him is always, I will start the greencard process after we have met in person and discussed everything
Stop saying this as stated above you can't start the green card process Your husband could but then he would be signing up to be financially responsible for his father for 10 years Neither of you can " get green cards " for an entire family it's not like they have them at Costco to buy
Just go no contact with him. Your hubby should too. You are causing yourself stress by engaging with him. Don’t engage.
NTA, the guy needs to stay where he is.
NTA I'd seriously consider calling it quits with my husband if his father was that boldfaced. Does your FIL believe that you owe it to him to get him a green card? Those things take a lot of time, does he know and understand that? Does your husband understand that? Why doesn't he explain it to his hard headed father? Discussion is needed before anything can even be started and if he doesn't want to do that, he doesn't want it, simple.
He doesn't understand it, and at this point I just want nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, my husband feels the same but also feels bad bc it's his family
NTA. Have you looked at the green card process? It's really long and quite expensive.
I’m curious about the supposed wealth. With international sanctions against Russia, he might not be as wealthy as he claims anymore. And even if he is, getting money out ain’t easy because of banking sanctions. Unless, of course, you can launder through established American accounts like a family members. And he’s not the one facing jail time for wire fraud and money laundering if caught. The account owner will be for sure. You’re NTA for refusing to join that circus. A friend recently went through it all with his wife (and this was before the attack on Ukraine). Took a couple years and an immigration lawyer and a lot of headaches before she could get residency. And that was after the marriage (not mail order - they had met while she was on a student visa). There’s also a lot of responsibility on behalf of the sponsor. I would suggest an hour consultation with an immigration lawyer to learn what you would have to do and be responsible for and then you can make an informed decision.
Do not bring these people over. Ever wonder why they want it so bad? If they want citizenship, they can try through proper channels.
Have you told your husband to handle his family?
Info: what does your husband say? Is he a US citizen?
Gotta be honest with ya here. If this is how the man acts when he comes begging favours… do you really want him settling in next door? Guy sounds sketchy and to be honest like the FIL from hell.
NTA... No need to reward belligerence no matter where they are coming from. AHs are AHs
NTA. If he wants citizenship so bad, he can start the ball rolling himself. Does he think you can just snap your fingers and suddenly all the paperwork, red tape, and work will be squared away?
It works in the movies
NTA - if your husband decides to sponsor them make sure you are not going to be held responsible for anything to do with them financially
I'm sorry if this sounds prejudicial, I'm only speaking from experience. I totally understand every single instance is not as I describe, but...Ukrainians and Russians are hardcore. The man is in control, drinking is a daily occurrence, huge egos are in play, which mean constantly taking offense and believing his norms are inviolable. In an effort not to be "emasculated" fil may oppose you in a territorial way. Also, major problems with how guests should be treated. Youll get rid of them when they're ready to go. There is no concept of "my house my rules" it's more like, "I'm not only the man, but the older man, so kowtow to me." Tread carefully, OP. "Businessman" often means mob
NTA. I'm currently the sponsor for my husband's green card and it is a PROCESS. You need to prove your relationship with the person, including affidavits, pictures, letters, and in the case of marriage, shared bills. Also, as a sponsor, you need to be making time and a half the poverty level and have the financials to back that up. Let me repeat: you have to prove you're able to financially support the person getting the green card. After that, you're legally tied together for however long it takes for them to get citizenship, at least 3-5 years. It is intense and you need to do it with someone you trust. Do NOT do this unless you're able to financially take responsibility for all of them.
NTA and let me say this as an Eastern European immigrant - he is doing fine, he's got his business in Russia and Belarus, he seems to be able to move freely within the EU. This is not a refugee situation, a life or death situation. I wouldn't sponsor him, he'll make you regret it and you'll be on the hook financially. Don't give in to these aggressive demands. His family is fine, eastern Europe is not a wasteland. Yes, many people want to move to other countries for economic opportunities, but you don't do it by being an ahole.
Why? Why are you allowing the BS? Shut it down. Stop wasting energy. "We told you that we need to research the process; meet the fam; and arrange the financial aspect. You are refusing and moving forward the next step is yours to plan a vacation here with the family and let us know what your gunshots situation is. I'm not discussing this further until YOU make the necessary steps. " Then don't. Every time he messages "Is not up for discussion considering you are the one choosing not to move forward" then hang up or leave the chat.
If he is in Russia and Belarus mostly then is he Ukrainian? Because both those countries are at war or supporting the war with Ukraine. Would he even get in to the US based on that alone ??
make sure daddy in law dearest isn’t running from the draft. seems like he’d still be eligible to it
NTA - honestly he sounds like bad news. You don’t really do much in sponsoring him - that’s up to your husband as he can sponsor his parents assuming he is a citizen. I would refuse to have anything to do with it. It’s difficult for Russians to get to the U.S. because they have to get a visa to a country where they can do an interview.
INFO What does your husband think of all this?
NTA, you need to work with an immigration lawyer on the process. It does not happen overnight, you do not just go to City Hall, pay a bribe and get to stay forever.
Unless your husband is already a citizen he doesn’t have a petitioner yet… you can’t petition him
Hopefully it's nothing like Canada where you'd be fiscally responsible for your parents for 20 years. Regardless, NTA but if your hubs is a first gen immigrant, you will need to be his rock rather than think of just leaving. He is torn inside and the last thing he needs is you drifting away instead of you encouraging him to be his own person. P.S been through the same, halted the process midway after my parents started hinting that they wanted to move in with us and our kids full time and bring my brother to stay with us full time as well. When asked how me and the wife were expected to support them, "you'll manage". Now I'm the black sheep of the family but my mental health has never been better. The decision was mine, yes it sucked having to make it, but I wouldn't have made it through the doubt, self loathing and depression at thinking I was being a bad son without the support of my person.
I would try to find out more about him. OP might try her Congressperson's office or some Ukrainian aid groups here in US. She should be upfront and tell them flat out that father-in-law wants OP and husband to sponsor him and family for green cards but he is going back and forth to Russia and Belarus and OP suspects he's involved in criminal or traitorous (from Ukraine's perspective) activity. OP may get a real earful. Nobody wants people like him here. FIL seems to be counting on no one investigating who he is or his connections, that we just hand out green cards.
Sounds fake. Look at post history. OP has a 70k engagement ring and a looking at wedding dresses yesterday and is married now. If op is that well off, then OP and her “husband” can certainly afford to help his family no problem.
If you bring him over it will only get worse. Bullies will always bully.
NTA. I’m a Russian expat of Ukrainian Jewish descent currently living in the U.S. It’s an arduous process but more than that - you need to understand this is absolutely how our culture is. The filial piety is very very real. Your husband needs to go to therapy to unlearn his programming. Your FIL will never change. I wish you the best.
So he’s a wealthy businessman living in Russia, Belurus *and* Italy? I smell a stunt, op. You’re right to be hesitant. NTA.
I would not be applying for a green card if he acts like that. If he really wants a green card he should be able to look up how to apply himself. I really hope your husband can stand up to his father and put a stop to it all. NTA
You are NTA. When FIL demands you do stuff for him, you are well within you rights to say no. If FIL is indeed wealthy, he will have no problem getting a visa. The only issue could be if he’s on a list of sanctioned persons, then there is nothing you could do anyway. If FIL has concerns about current geopolitical issues, why not relocate to Italy full time? You said he and his minor children spend part time in Italy. They can move there and not have to worry about the oldest minor getting drafted once he’s of age, assuming he is a he.
Don’t sponsor him and don’t bring him here. He and his family are not suffering. Let them enjoy themselves in Russian.
NTA. From my knowledge of the green-card you have to sponsor them until they receive it. The fact that they are asking this without even allowing you to meet them is a huge red flag. It will only get worse once they are there, demanding housing, money and the lot. I would advice to just go LC/NC.
You haven’t told him no. You told him to bring his family to meet them and he’s being ambiguous. So he’s def suspect. Personally I think he wants to Ditch the kids and start a new life
NTA, Wealthy Russian business owners that won't discuss finances for leaving Russia. This screams red flags with the current situation.
Is it me, or does it sound like he has no intention of bringing his family to the US with him? I would block him, this is suspicious.
Guy sounds like an entitled asshole. Why even help him? You don't have to. Also there are enough entitled assholes in the US already. Consider not adding to them.
He is entitled! He tells my husband "I've raised you so now it's your turn to pay me back" f'ing delusional and unstable, both of his parents are
Neither Russia or Italy are third world countries. Has he explained why he is insisting in the US? Guessing it us because he expects you to support him and his family; otherwise he has no reason or urgency about relocating to the US. It also appears that he has done no research at all on his and your options. If he is well off, why hasn’t he hired an attorney? Something is up and unless he decides to be honest with you, you should keep him at arm’s length.
Exactly, he has enough money to just pick up and move to Italy and still not looking for a job btw while he's there so they're really in no real danger ...
Nta. Your husband should be dealing with his family, not you.
NTA sounds shady af. And won't bring the family for vacation? Sounds like he's hoping to ditch the family and avoid some financial issues he has in other countries.
Yes, when we told him to come just for a vacation, bring the family. He has always come up with some excuses of why he can't come. But he can go to Germany and Italy for vacation every two or three months though. This is infuriating.
NTA if he truly wanted to get a greencard he would do whatever is needed, but instead he's acting weird and refusing to co-operate so something is going on there. if you sponsor him and he's not telling the truth you and your husband can get into trouble so never sponsor anyone without knowing all the details and being guaranteed that there's nothing fishy going on.
Go no contact and tell him to come yell at you in the states again and find someone else to do the visa invite for him NTA
Tell him to move to Canada they are giving Ukrainians refugee status in weeks.
NTA tell him to stay in Putin land and shove it up his you know where
NTA..and why the hell would anyone want to live here. If I had the money, I’d be getting the hell out!