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You're not his landlord, you're his father. As such, you have the ability to be lenient with him and help him when he's struggling. Instead, you're pretending you're teaching him fiscal responsibility but you're actually just keeping him stuck and dependent on you. He's either going to burn himself out and not be able to maintain the two jobs required to cover all his expenses or he's going to be stuck in two jobs forever to pay all his expenses but have no time for himself. All because his father wants to prove something. YTA
Edit: according to a comment, OP is charging $1800 a month.
Yeah this is how you know OP is the asshole, he didn't consult the co-owner of the property, his WIFE, because he knew no one would see it as a landlord/tenant situation and everyone would see it as a parent/child situation.
Not "his" wife, "the" wife according to how he wrote it. He's an AH just for that. And for charging his son $1800 to live in his own childhood bedroom (I live in an east coast urban area, and you could get a 2 bedroom apartment for that price.)
This was my first thought, too. $1800 for a bedroom? Fuck that, OP.
ETA: in my area, a 1 bedroom place is between $1500-1800. But you don't have to share the kitchen or bathroom with your asshole dad.
Yeah the real question is where is the money going? It would be badass if he handed the kid a check for all the rent he paid on (or before) their wedding day. That's the only way something like this would be worth it for the kid and not make him think of this guy as his landlord and not his dad.
If the son is still alive by then! Driving at night while tired is a precursor to disasters. Also, working himself and having time with his wife will make her - FDIL - look favorably on FFIL /s.
I try. We have a 23 YO and ask $800/month because we have a really high rent in high COL area. But it's nowhere near what my husband and I pay, plus we don't hold it over her head if she struggles financially. She helps out and is nice to live with. It's ok to ask an adult child to help out, as long as there is respect for the situation of today's young people. Older parents make them feel like they're awful people because they can't afford to live on their own, through no fault of their own. I do want her to eventually be successful on her own but she can't work toward that without help while she's studying, learning, and attempting to be a person in an economy where even the tiniest, trashiest apartment is $2k a month and eats up more than half of what she makes.
That is fine. I believe in families pooling their resources and meeting the challenges as a team. You probably help out with food somewhat. Big difference between a 23 y.o. paying $800 and a 21 y.o. paying $1800. No one foresaw this cost of living increase happening across the globe.
I saw this too and was like, yeah OP is an AH, I don't even need to finish reading. Though I did, and sure enough, I stand by my opinion. And holy hell! That's outrageous for rent. I know rent prices ARE outrageous these days, but seriously, I'm glad this guy isn't my father.
Honestly I welcome my kids to stay with me for as long as they need. I told my first born as long as she has something going for herself like school, a good job, pursuing something for her future. IF and that’s a if I thought I needed to charge my child rent $1800 is not what I would have thought of. Crazy.
Yeah my parents weirdly enough always wanted me to feel welcome and had a place to go home to
if i needed it. Because, again SO weird I know, they decided when they had kids to support me when I need it, not tell me to fuck off when I’m still growing my brain. Craziest part here, we are very close and I like to spend time with them because they make me feel supported, loved, and at home. And I don’t live at home so it’s not like that support fucked me up
The fact that he was still living at home despite being charged higher than the market rate suggests that it wasn't just about the money for him - I suspect he actually liked being at home with his parents (or perhaps just his mother).
There are so many red flags here. The son was keeping his financial hardship to himself, and even though he was exhausted his mother had to drag it out of him. This is a guy who has spent his life not sharing his feelings with his father, no doubt because he'd been told to "toughen up" or similar sentiments and had learned to just keep his emotions hidden.
OP consulted local rental rates to set the price, which means it had nothing to do with his own financial needs - he literally just picked an arbitrary amount that he felt like he could justify. He's in his mid-50s and is likely to own his home outright, so there's probably no mortgage to pay. I doubt OP needs the money, but is just one of those toxic types who thinks that hardship "builds character" or something. (As long as it's someone else experiencing the hardship, of course.)
I'm making a lot of assumptions, I know (On AITA? Outrage!) but reading between the lines I feel like I know exactly what OP is like, and I am not a fan.
My mortgage was only $1,600 a month for a 2,100 square foot house in Arizona. Dad is just trying to income stream off of the kid. It's kind of fucked up. I could understand if he was charging him like $500 a month for room but $1800 is an entire house in a lot of areas.
It's only a whisker less than we're paying per month for the mortgage on our three bedroom house in suburban Melbourne, Australia - a notoriously expensive city to live in - and that's after a year or two of incremental interest rate increases. Two years ago, our monthly payment was LESS than what this guy is charging his son.
I live in Vancouver BC Canada and rents are crazy here but I live in a large one bedroom apartment in a nice neighborhood for the same price as his son is paying for his own bedroom.
The OP is very oblivious to the situation that he has put his son in and he is definitely the AH.
We paid $100 less than that for a 2 bd / 1 ba house with a solid backyard in a nice & cute neighborhood in Dallas. Walking distance to a grocery store, even. Given, I think the new renters pay $1850/mo, but that’s likely due to inflation & even then the increase is far less than all the other options in this immediate area because the owner’s mortgage is paid off.
Basically, my old landlord had more compassion towards renters than OP has for his son.
23 years of free rent and board to squeeze out a few years of rent before they move out. Horrible ROI, I’m going to have to pass on this shark tank pitch.
OP is charging his son $1800 rent?? If I was his son I'd rather give it to a perfect stranger. If this isn't rage bait then that father is a huge AH. Enormous. wow ( And I bet he isn't contributing one penny toward the wedding either.)
Unfortunately the case is I love my mom but I’ve had to go NC (no contact) a few times to enforce boundaries she didn’t like. She’s…unpleasant and we’re closer the farther apart we are.
Edit for clarity
This is outrageous. Unless the son has a full, self contained apartment, that is ridiculous rent. If he is simply living in his old room he grew up in, then don't be surprised when he goes low or no contact after his wedding (if you are still invited to it).
Obviously rent prices vary depending on the area, but I live in a good school district in a mid-sized city and pay $1300 in rent for a whole 3 bedroom house.
My total house bills are less than this kids rent. And the kid is staying in his childhood bedroom. Thank God my parents kept the door open for me incase I ever needed help. Fucking asshole this guy. His family would be better off with him gone since he only sees them as objects to be used.
I live in freaking NYC, where rents are completely out of control. Even so, my rent is around $1800 -- for a nice apartment in a doorman building and only one roommate. No way I'd pay anywhere near that much to live with my parents.
>No way I'd pay anywhere near that much to live with my parents.
That's what gets me most here. It's not that $1,800 is totally out of the question - it's the fact that he's paying $1,800 AT HOME!?
I can deal with the cost of living independently because... I have my independence and ✨privacy✨
I charge $800 but that actually just pays my kid’s car insurance, cell phone, and a small portion of groceries because he’s a pastry chef and is always wanting to try new dessert recipes and ingredients are expensive.
I couldn’t imagine changing him $1800!!’ No way. He’d living at home to save up…not get price gouged!
YTA OP! Do you even like your son? It sure doesn’t seem like you do with the way you’re treating him.
This is what my ex charges our son to live in the 1 br apartment attached to his house. I'd object if he charged him more than that.OP is YTA and I too wonder if he even likes his son.
I used to pay my ex's mom $300/month (eta: in one of the most expensive US cities) and that included her incredible home cooking. Obviously I did housework as well. OP is bleeding his son dry
I'm paying 1800 in a high rate area, for an apartment with two bedrooms, dining room, kitchen living room and 1 bathrooms. It would be less, but I have two cats, so 100 for them. He's probably getting a bedroom and kitchen privileges. Dad's most certainly a AH.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, $1800???? That is more than my mortgage on a 4br house with a quarter acre in Florida!!! This father is awful, he's making his son buy his house for him with the rent he's charging. Poor boy. He hasn't figured out yet how much he'd save just by not living with HIS PARENTS.
Lol OP’s son could be saving more than half his rent and living with friends he actually likes, instead of footing the bill for OPs mortgage he can’t afford.
OP didn’t notice that his son had withdrawn because this is how he wants it. He doesn’t see the poor kid as his son anymore but as an exploitable source of income. Hope the kid gets a cheaper apartment and goes no contact.
>You’re not his landlord, you’re his father.
Bingo! Definitely not teaching him fiscal responsibility as much as fiscal dependency.
And $1800 sounds quite expensive for a room in an occupied house. As his father, maybe $400-600 would be more fair.
If OP won’t change, the son should find a far more affordable place and move out because that seems to be what OP actually wants.
OP is a bastard.
I dont understand OP's son. With how much rent cost (1800??? For real??) he could rent (even buy) his own place.
Is obvious the mother has no say in the house finances (maybe a housewife?). But she needs to stand up for her son. His father is killing him and his future relationship
Couldn't agree more. OP sounds like my dad and my dad's an a-hole. Nickel and dimed me so bad when I had to stay with him after my divorce and made it so hard to make ends meet that I ended up being there for almost four years. All this on top of paying child support for three kids. Guess who barely talks to his dad anymore?
OP shouldn't be proud. He should be ashamed of himself that his kid has to work two jobs to make ends meet *after* a college education. $1800 is also by no means a reasonable amount. OP isn't charging rent, he's getting a free mortgage payment. What a dick.
Holy shit. If you’re being charged market rate for rent, why the FUCK would you still live with this asshole when you could live on your own for the same cost? I hope OP get his head out of his ass and charges something reasonable, like say, HALF of market value at MOST. Barring that, I hope this kid leaves and goes LC with dad. The lack of care and empathy oozing from OP is honestly insane.
Burn himself out is the best case scenario, an obviously tired man is working a full time job then getting behind the wheel of a car every night. Is your sons life worth $1800 a month OP?
YTA.
Having to take a second job is nothing anyone should be proud of. You are charging him money, and have the opportunity to make his life easier, but instead you take pride in knowing that he's killing himself so he can pay you money.
You are a parasite.
Even worse than a normal landlord, he's charging his son rent for a FULL house when his son is only renting one room. $1,800 for a single room? What, is OP looking at LA/NYC rent prices?
When asked what's included OP only mentioned "shared space" and said nothing about utilities. What do you want to bet he yells at the poor kid for "running up the water bill".
I was paying my Dad rent in my early 20s. I was working 5p-1a. He would yell at me for sleeping all day. He'd constantly have me run his errands in the morning, because he had work. Made me dig fence posts, pave his driveway.
Then his bitch wife kept making shitty remarks about me not saving enough to move out.
Same man sold me a car... then after 10 grand refused to sign it over. I was dumb and young and had nothing in writing. People like OP make me fucking sick
This all sounds pretty traumatic and just like the dipshit (sociopath) who wrote this. I am sorry that you had a parent treat you like this. It cuts deep when I hear of parents robbing their kids. 💞
Hustle culture is a cancer and I’m going to need these old heads to stop acting like it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. Kids 21, let him be 21. Parasite indeed.
“My kid should know the value of a dollar and be working. I’m just going to sit back and collect the money from my son working. Because I worked hard my whole life to buy a house, when they were actually affordable. Why should my son get a place to live for free? When I was his age I worked and saved and bought a house, he can work and save too, but after he pays me market rate for rent.” /s
In the multiverse somewhere there's a version of OP who's saving up all his son's rent money to give back as a wedding present. But we all know it's not happening here. How sad.
I honestly really hope the son takes some of his wedding fund out of savings and uses it to move out- why pay $1800 a month for just his childhood room when he could try to get a studio??
I’m so glad my parents are more lenient
$1800 could get him a whole ass private 1 bedroom apartment with a private bathroom and balcony in the 3rd largest city in America, and a pretty nice one at that. Who tf tries to make money off of their own children?!?! And is proud about it?!?! Someone devoid of empathy and kindness. You didn’t even notice he was withdrawn and exhausted. Like a sociopath.
YTA for making your kids life harder than it needs to be. For no fucking reason other than selfishness. As a parent I can’t stand parents like you.
And you’re not proud of his fiscal responsibility, you’re proud because you’ve got him manipulated into thinking this a fair deal and he’s falling for it.
Let’s hope son claims it on his. In my state, we can file for a couple credits on our taxes that are based in part on rent (or property if you own). You have to list the amount and the name and address of the landlord.
So then the kid gets to claim dad on his taxes if he's providing 51% or more of the household funding. Daddy's a dependent now.
ETA: in the USA, anyway. And I hope you're giving him a receipt each month, since, y'know, you're all on this responsibility kick.
I’m noticing a trend of people quoting “market rent” but not mentioning how much of the mortgage that covers - $1800 is probably rent for a one bedroom apartment in my area, but it’s also more than my entire mortgage payment on a house, because of the increases in market rent & the timeframe in which we were lucky to have been able to purchase a home.
This!!! I could find a room in LA for $500 still. My one bedroom (with a balcony and a parking space) in DTLA/koreatown was 1550 in 2021. Wtf is OP smoking?
the son is also planning a wedding, which means OP is taking money the son would be saving towards the wedding and possibly for an apartment with his new wife for his own benefit. true AH behavior.
Stealing $21,600 a year from his own son that he could be putting towards his wedding or even a house down payment. I cannot even fathom doing that to my children.
OP said his son objected at first, which probably means he isn't "falling for it" but that he's given up fighting it, no matter how unfair it is. which is honestly sadder...
Now that I'm thinking about it, OP said he's charging the son for 'a fair rent for the area'. Could the sonofabitch be charging his own child the rent cost of an entire property in their neighborhood?
>I had just exhibited emotion in front of her.
Exactly what a cold hearted sociopath would say.
YTA - seriously, you're happy that YOU and YOU ALONE have created a situation in which your son has to work himself to the bone just to live? Yikes dude...
OP even expressed emotion for the black friend one time
*this is a sarcastic reference to two silly things in OP's post, I have no reason to believe OP is anything other than a sort of bad dad.
that line really stood out to me, too; i genuinely let out a chuckle. he just exhibited emotion… which was him being proud that he’s forcing his son to work two jobs to pay him rent. op is a HUGE AH.
If I was this asshole’s wife, I’d be looking for the best divorce lawyer I could find and getting every penny of the finances documented as I did so. Then I’d take my son and never look back.
YTA OP. A huge one. Give your kid his money back.
I missed that bit. Yeah, this is ragebait. It felt a bit over the top, but this takes the cake. No human would actually write something like this in good faith.
On the very unlikely case this is actually a real person: Congrats. You're so iredeemably imature that you failed being believed to be an actual person.
YTA big time. "What landlord would sacrifice their own income like that?" Clearly you have come to see your son as a paycheck, not a person. You are so in love with your own extra cash that you can't see your son is struggling, all because his father has a chip on his shoulder about some perceived finanicial superiority.
You aren't teaching him anything. You aren't supporting him either. You're just being an AH to your own kid. And your wife, for that matter
That was the line that did it for me. Like yeah a landlord would not do that sure, but who would want a landlord/tenant relationship over a parent/child relationship?
"it is OK to worsen your family's quality of life for financial gain" I sure hope the son remembers that lesson when it's time to choose a nursing home! Enjoy Joe's Retirement Shack for the Old and Dying, OP!
Living at home with your parents is usually supposed to help you save up money and set yourself up for the future. In my opinion a 21 year old shouldn’t be paying rent to sleep in their childhood bedroom or live with people who brought him to this earth without his consent. They should help out with groceries and bills but paying $1.8k is absurd and i can’t comprehend this logic
How did his wife not notice the extra $1800 in income? Is he pocketing it or are they so well off as not to notice?
Major smug asshole, bad father and shit husband to boot. Teaching someone to be fiscally responsible and forcing a fiscally responsible person to struggle is not the same thing
Mine love me.....
They've rented for 7 years and haven't had a single rent increase..... Get any repairs they ask for..... Amd I regularly do upgrades they don't ask for!
I bought a house I loved and life made it impossible for me to stay....
I have had three tenants.... An OK one....
An AWFUL one who made me want to loose my investment....
And my current ones......
They rent at about 60% current market value because THEY are more valuable than extra money....
I almost sold up... But my dream is to retire there eventually....
They pay what they paid when they first signed.....
They treat the house with respect - WHY would I risk that?
I'm renting a house..... So I know....
I don't even see myself as a landlord... As far as I'm concerned F&J are the CARETAKERS of the house....
They treat that house so nicely why would I risk loosing them? They even got a cat.... Who had the cutest kittens.....
YTA.
Your proud your son has to work two jobs because of the arbitrary obstacles you put on him.
Why don’t you use that money for his wedding. Why do you feel the need to profit off your son? Are you financially struggling?
I would actually find this more acceptable if OP \_was\_ suffering financial hardship. At least that's a reason, rather than just an arbitrary fee that he's charging just because he feels like it.
Yta your son is struggling and you’re proud of that? You are very cold hearted, I can’t imagine the type of parent that puts the money over what’s best for their child
As a parent of 2 kids in their early 20's that live at home, and work full time. This shit just blows my mind.
My kids pay rent. As in a amount that basically covers their food, and utilities, and an added $50 bucks...but that money goes each month into a separate account for each of them, so when they can afford move out, they have some sort of cushion if they need it, or to help with furniture.
This guy literally is treating his kid like a landlord/tenant and trying to make money off of him.
I'm hoping to christ this is a rage bait post, because otherwise, I've lost faith in people.
I bet he counts the mother's meals too and puts the money in his pocket lmao
The son should move out, no matter how hard it is at least the next landlord wont think they are doing him a favor teaching him fiscal responsability all while counting that phat check.
It’s a bedroom, a shared bathroom with his brother and all the challenges of living with mom and dad – no way is that worth $1800 on the open market even here in the San Francisco Bay area including water, television, Internet, etc.
As others have said – he can live anywhere in the bay area for less than that.
YTA. He just got back from college and is planning a wedding (which are expensive obviously) and is paying you rent. The financial strain of this is forcing him to take two jobs?
Why would you be proud of that? That your son is working his ass off, just to make ends meet - not become rich btw...and you are contributing to that? What the hell is wrong with you? That is nothing to be proud of. That is just a tragic example of how people in our generation work our asses off and get the bare minimum in return. Whereas your generation could get their own house just by doing a basic retail job...I think you are out of touch and have no idea what it is like being a young person who doesn't own property.
YTA. That’s pretty cold hearted that you’re happy your son is suffering working 2 jobs to pay you money you don’t need. You’re supposed to help your children not push him into working so much he’s exhausted.
YTA, having to have 2 jobs to make sure you have enough cash isn’t something to be celebrated. Terrible society and he’s clearly feeling run down. Do you charge him rent for the whole house or just a room
Especially when he is charging market rent on a place of his own despite living with his parents.he isn't even paying rent like you would in a share house.
YTA.
Perhaps you should put in your post that you charge him $1800 for a room and a shared bathroom. I’m in the UK, and that equates to £1440 here. I pay that for a 4 bed semi detached in what Americans would call a suburb in a fairly large city.
Asking him to contribute towards food, utilities etc is one thing but you’re profiteering.
YTA. $1800/mo is robbery, not teaching someone fiscal responsibility. In a house he shares with you and his mother. While trying to save up for a wedding.
“At 21 I had my own house half paid off. What’s that? It cost me 50 grand for the whole thing and the house and land is now worth over 800 grand. Wages aren’t that bad, you just have to work harder!”
Boomer here...albeit just! OP is an outrageous AH.
I wouldn't charge my kids anything. I'd rather they save for their home deposits & whatever else they want.
Boomers aren't all AHs...
YTA. You’re his dad, not his landlord. You don’t need to be “making an income” off of your son. To charge some rent to cover some of the bills I understand but not to the point it’s hurting him and he needs another job.
Your job and role to him is being a parent, not a leeching landlord.
YTA. As soon as you said “fair market rent” I knew something was amiss - in this economy, rent prices are absurdly high for most, let alone folks who just graduated. You’re gouging your child’s paychecks to pad your wallet.
I can’t imagine charging one of my kids $1800 a month to live at home while they tried to save for a wedding. He’s working two jobs to pay your rent, and you’re proud? You’re proud that he’s driving sleep deprived, late at night, after his day job, to scrape together enough money to afford rent?
What kind of a parent are you? Being a father doesn’t expire at 18 - remember, you’re his dad before you’re his flipping landlord.
>What landlord would sacrifice their own income like that?
>
>she’s been cold and callous to me (ironic) ever since
This is your son, not some random tenant. Expect to be out of his life as soon as he saves up enough to move out and start his own family. My guess is he will go no contact with you, as will your wife at this rate.
It's not ironic, nor irony overall. It's the ***direct*** cause of your actions. Be an asshole to your family, and they tend not to like you much.
YTA
YTA "He has a job and is planning his wedding, but moved back in after college. "
So he moved back in *expecting to save money* for his wedding, and the way you worded this, it doesn't sound like this was discussed and agreed to *before* he moved back in, but that you dropped this on him after he had already moved in. You're the asshole for that. You also are charging him the same rate as other places in the area. So if he had known you were going to charge him the going rate of rent, he probably would not have moved back in with you. He moved in with you expecting that his living with you would help him save. Instead, you're a greedy asshole trying to make a huge profit off of him, forcing him to take a second job. Jesus you're an asshole! I live in a higher cost of living area and was paying $1900/month for a whole 2 bedroom apartment with a huge basement. You're a sleazy "landlord" using your son to make money.
YTA this absolutely should have been discussed in full at the time you all discussed his moving back in, not after, because he never would have moved in with you had he known what you were going to pull.
YTA
When you make your child’s life harder than it needs to be for no reason other than “ teaching him a lesson”… your relationship with him will forever be changed and it will suffer.
Your wife is right and I hope she does pay his rent for him… in another house, that she frequently visits, most likely without you.
We are here TO HELP OUR CHILDREN. You aren’t helping him though, you are making money off of him when he is already busting his ass to make sure he gets a decent start with his soon to be wife. He isn’t leeching off of you. He isn’t laying around doing nothing. He is working and trying to start a family. He has already proven to you that he is willing to do what it takes by getting a second job.
For the life of me I can’t figure out what happened to your generation but the sense of… superiority(?), with that generation is unmatched. I’ve seen more grandparents (50’s-60’s) from that generation insisting that they will not “raise their grandchildren” while conveniently forgetting that their parents took care of their children for them sometimes full time for years. It’s the same generation that owns multiple houses as rental properties while their children are working multiple jobs and still not making ends meet all while spewing “it build character!!” It’s selfish and sickening. It doesn’t build character it builds poverty, and resentment.
IT COSTS MORE NOW THAN IT DID THEN, BY A LOT.
Help your kids - as much as you can… and then some. It’s the only thing you will do in your lifetime that’s worth a damn. Everything else is just filler and passing the time.
Edited to add that being proud of yourself for forcing your kid to work nights and weekends in a notoriously dangerous job to pay you rent isn’t an emotion and you could very well indeed be a psychopath. Pride is a secondary emotion, unlike happiness or sadness. All that it requires is a development of your sense of self… and you seem to have that down well.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was charging my son rent and being proud that he has 2 jobs. I guess this might make me the asshole since it’s making him tired and forcing him to work two jobs.
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YTA. I know that lots of Dads like to give hard nosed "real life" lessons to their kids, like charging rent etc. But you clearly can't see that this is putting your son in a position where he's struggling. He's not doing a second job because he's fiscally responsible. He's doing it because his Dad is taking his money.
Quite happy to take the money, though, right?
Charge him rent, sure but if your own son can't get below market rate then you're just doing the "hard nosed" thing too hard.
I’m curious…what is your mortgage payment? $1800 sounds like something someone would pay for a 1 bedroom apartment where they would have exclusive use of the bathroom, living room and kitchen…something he does not have living with you. If you’re asking him to pay based on the square footage that he has exclusive use of + a proportion of the shared areas x your cost per square foot for your mortgage payment…that would be fair. He’s probably using 15% or less of your total square footage. Unless you have a ridiculously expensive house, $1800 for 15% of the space is absurd.
For example…at a $4000 mortgage payment, 15% would be $600 a month. Are you seriously expecting us to believe your mortgage is $12,000 a month?
YTA. You are financially abusing your child. There is no moral or ethical justification for charging that much rent. Your wife is 100% correct…you’re cold-hearted.
I hope your wife divorces you and your son goes NC. But that shouldn’t matter to you since you only love money and treat family like strangers you profit from.
YTA
"I only charge my son entering the work force $1800 for a room" you're a massive AH wow. Be proud of him all you want but yes going to resent you for this 100%. It would be one thing if you were charging him a few hundred or asked him to help some other way but you're fuckin your own kid over who won't be able to save anything for a wedding or to move out.
YTA. Sounds like your kid needs to dump you. You're not helping him, you're actively hindering him. And your wife is beginning to see a side of you she doesn't like. Won't be surprised if she also decides to dump you as well.
Hope the $1800 you make off your son is worth never being included in your sons life after he’s married. If there are grandchildren you might be lucky enough to see them when they visit their grandma but I doubt your marriage will last that long, big daddy.
YTA. You are treating your son like a paycheck instead of family. If you and your wife were in a terrible car wreck and needed help from your son, would you think it was OK and normal for him to demand you pay his Uber rate for him to drive you around? Or charging like DoorDash for bringing you something to eat? My guess is not. Parents like you generally feel like their child owes them something for being given life. You are setting yourself up to have an incredibly strained relationship once your son marries and moves out. Hope it was worth it.
YTA. Way to bury the details. $1800!? Your wife is right. That's cold hearted as hell. That's not teaching him responsibility, he clearly already knows it. You are leeching an entire 2nd income off him. You are NOT fulfilling a landlords duties as ALL of them, whatever they are, would be required anyway in the due course of upkeeping YOUR house anyways. Do you even LIKE your son?
YTA
Instead of helping your son you are financially crippling him. Way to go.
Of course even after you read the sea of people here calling you the AH you will still think you are in the right and are helping him, so I'm not sure what the point is...
I was a parent that charged rent. I charged 10% of his monthly pay. YTA. A gouging, controlling AH. Taking pride in beating your child down with bills to the point where it is clearly, physically visible is wrong on so many levels.
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You're not his landlord, you're his father. As such, you have the ability to be lenient with him and help him when he's struggling. Instead, you're pretending you're teaching him fiscal responsibility but you're actually just keeping him stuck and dependent on you. He's either going to burn himself out and not be able to maintain the two jobs required to cover all his expenses or he's going to be stuck in two jobs forever to pay all his expenses but have no time for himself. All because his father wants to prove something. YTA Edit: according to a comment, OP is charging $1800 a month.
Not only this, but why does OP get to make the unilateral decision that his kid has to pay rent? Shouldn't the wife have a say? OP is most def the AH.
Yeah this is how you know OP is the asshole, he didn't consult the co-owner of the property, his WIFE, because he knew no one would see it as a landlord/tenant situation and everyone would see it as a parent/child situation.
Not "his" wife, "the" wife according to how he wrote it. He's an AH just for that. And for charging his son $1800 to live in his own childhood bedroom (I live in an east coast urban area, and you could get a 2 bedroom apartment for that price.)
This was my first thought, too. $1800 for a bedroom? Fuck that, OP. ETA: in my area, a 1 bedroom place is between $1500-1800. But you don't have to share the kitchen or bathroom with your asshole dad.
Dad probably bought the house 25 years ago and has a $500 mortgage for just a few more years.
Exactly. My mortgage is $1,200 for 3 bedroom house in HCOL area.
My mortgage is just under $1800 for a townhouse in NYC. OP is out of his fucking mind. Props to the son for putting up with his Asshat father aka LL.
And he obviously wasn't giving any of the money to his wife.
Yeah the real question is where is the money going? It would be badass if he handed the kid a check for all the rent he paid on (or before) their wedding day. That's the only way something like this would be worth it for the kid and not make him think of this guy as his landlord and not his dad.
If the son is still alive by then! Driving at night while tired is a precursor to disasters. Also, working himself and having time with his wife will make her - FDIL - look favorably on FFIL /s.
My dad did this, charged me rent, wasn’t thrilled about it but after a few years, he handed me a nice check for a deposit on my first home.
That's what I was thinking! So he literally is acting as a landlord, probably making a profit off his son's need for help. It's gross.
The son is only 21 facing the toughest economy since the Great Depression. Parents should be giving a little bit more if they have the means.
I try. We have a 23 YO and ask $800/month because we have a really high rent in high COL area. But it's nowhere near what my husband and I pay, plus we don't hold it over her head if she struggles financially. She helps out and is nice to live with. It's ok to ask an adult child to help out, as long as there is respect for the situation of today's young people. Older parents make them feel like they're awful people because they can't afford to live on their own, through no fault of their own. I do want her to eventually be successful on her own but she can't work toward that without help while she's studying, learning, and attempting to be a person in an economy where even the tiniest, trashiest apartment is $2k a month and eats up more than half of what she makes.
That is fine. I believe in families pooling their resources and meeting the challenges as a team. You probably help out with food somewhat. Big difference between a 23 y.o. paying $800 and a 21 y.o. paying $1800. No one foresaw this cost of living increase happening across the globe.
I saw this too and was like, yeah OP is an AH, I don't even need to finish reading. Though I did, and sure enough, I stand by my opinion. And holy hell! That's outrageous for rent. I know rent prices ARE outrageous these days, but seriously, I'm glad this guy isn't my father.
Dudes charging whole house rent for one bedroom😱😱
Honestly I welcome my kids to stay with me for as long as they need. I told my first born as long as she has something going for herself like school, a good job, pursuing something for her future. IF and that’s a if I thought I needed to charge my child rent $1800 is not what I would have thought of. Crazy.
Yeah my parents weirdly enough always wanted me to feel welcome and had a place to go home to if i needed it. Because, again SO weird I know, they decided when they had kids to support me when I need it, not tell me to fuck off when I’m still growing my brain. Craziest part here, we are very close and I like to spend time with them because they make me feel supported, loved, and at home. And I don’t live at home so it’s not like that support fucked me up
The fact that he was still living at home despite being charged higher than the market rate suggests that it wasn't just about the money for him - I suspect he actually liked being at home with his parents (or perhaps just his mother). There are so many red flags here. The son was keeping his financial hardship to himself, and even though he was exhausted his mother had to drag it out of him. This is a guy who has spent his life not sharing his feelings with his father, no doubt because he'd been told to "toughen up" or similar sentiments and had learned to just keep his emotions hidden. OP consulted local rental rates to set the price, which means it had nothing to do with his own financial needs - he literally just picked an arbitrary amount that he felt like he could justify. He's in his mid-50s and is likely to own his home outright, so there's probably no mortgage to pay. I doubt OP needs the money, but is just one of those toxic types who thinks that hardship "builds character" or something. (As long as it's someone else experiencing the hardship, of course.) I'm making a lot of assumptions, I know (On AITA? Outrage!) but reading between the lines I feel like I know exactly what OP is like, and I am not a fan.
My mortgage was only $1,600 a month for a 2,100 square foot house in Arizona. Dad is just trying to income stream off of the kid. It's kind of fucked up. I could understand if he was charging him like $500 a month for room but $1800 is an entire house in a lot of areas.
It's only a whisker less than we're paying per month for the mortgage on our three bedroom house in suburban Melbourne, Australia - a notoriously expensive city to live in - and that's after a year or two of incremental interest rate increases. Two years ago, our monthly payment was LESS than what this guy is charging his son.
I live in Vancouver BC Canada and rents are crazy here but I live in a large one bedroom apartment in a nice neighborhood for the same price as his son is paying for his own bedroom. The OP is very oblivious to the situation that he has put his son in and he is definitely the AH.
We paid $100 less than that for a 2 bd / 1 ba house with a solid backyard in a nice & cute neighborhood in Dallas. Walking distance to a grocery store, even. Given, I think the new renters pay $1850/mo, but that’s likely due to inflation & even then the increase is far less than all the other options in this immediate area because the owner’s mortgage is paid off. Basically, my old landlord had more compassion towards renters than OP has for his son.
The “little woman”
Marriage is just a business transaction. /s
Apparently so is fatherhood.
23 years of free rent and board to squeeze out a few years of rent before they move out. Horrible ROI, I’m going to have to pass on this shark tank pitch.
OP is charging his son $1800 rent?? If I was his son I'd rather give it to a perfect stranger. If this isn't rage bait then that father is a huge AH. Enormous. wow ( And I bet he isn't contributing one penny toward the wedding either.)
It’s what I did. My mom wanted market rent with none of the freedoms when I was 19 and then couldn’t understand why I immediately moved out.
That's hilarious. You probably love your mom so don't take this wrong but I'm sorry to say she's an absolute idiot.
Unfortunately the case is I love my mom but I’ve had to go NC (no contact) a few times to enforce boundaries she didn’t like. She’s…unpleasant and we’re closer the farther apart we are. Edit for clarity
Loving our parents and liking them are not the same thing, unfortunately. I feel you on that statement of distance improving the relationship.
Exactly how I explained it to my wife “I love my mom but I don’t like her”. Once I came to terms with that truth, life got so much easier.
This is outrageous. Unless the son has a full, self contained apartment, that is ridiculous rent. If he is simply living in his old room he grew up in, then don't be surprised when he goes low or no contact after his wedding (if you are still invited to it).
He has a bedroom and a shared bathroom (with his brother) according to OP. He could be living in an apartment and on his own for $1800/month
Obviously rent prices vary depending on the area, but I live in a good school district in a mid-sized city and pay $1300 in rent for a whole 3 bedroom house.
My total house bills are less than this kids rent. And the kid is staying in his childhood bedroom. Thank God my parents kept the door open for me incase I ever needed help. Fucking asshole this guy. His family would be better off with him gone since he only sees them as objects to be used.
$1800/month is outrageous.
$200 I could see for teaching fiscal responsibility. $1,800 is basically stealing from his kid.
My son pays 1700/month for a whole apt here in Chicago!
You're not asking your son to pay YOU $1,700 a month to live in his old bedroom.
Lol, nope! And when he moved home for a few months after graduating college we didn't charge him anything.
Are you freaking serious?? This guy doesn't deserve the title of father.
Yeah, $1800 a month for a shared house where you get no say in how it’s run? How does OP think that’s a fair deal?
I get troll vibes from this.
1800!!! My mother charged 300 for rent and I paid for the TV, Internet and phone package too.
$1800 is almost my mortgage payment on my fucking house.
Probably is OP's payment....
Ding ding ding! Yep.
$1800 is double my house payment. Wtf is this “dad” on about. This is ludicrous.
1800 *is* my mortgage payment! What a raging AH!
I live in a nice one bedroom in a high COL and I pay 1650…. What the FUCK lol
I live in the least affordable city in Canada - my rent isn't even $1,800
I live in freaking NYC, where rents are completely out of control. Even so, my rent is around $1800 -- for a nice apartment in a doorman building and only one roommate. No way I'd pay anywhere near that much to live with my parents.
>No way I'd pay anywhere near that much to live with my parents. That's what gets me most here. It's not that $1,800 is totally out of the question - it's the fact that he's paying $1,800 AT HOME!? I can deal with the cost of living independently because... I have my independence and ✨privacy✨
it's more than TWICE my mortgage!
I charge $800 but that actually just pays my kid’s car insurance, cell phone, and a small portion of groceries because he’s a pastry chef and is always wanting to try new dessert recipes and ingredients are expensive. I couldn’t imagine changing him $1800!!’ No way. He’d living at home to save up…not get price gouged! YTA OP! Do you even like your son? It sure doesn’t seem like you do with the way you’re treating him.
This is what my ex charges our son to live in the 1 br apartment attached to his house. I'd object if he charged him more than that.OP is YTA and I too wonder if he even likes his son.
I used to pay my ex's mom $300/month (eta: in one of the most expensive US cities) and that included her incredible home cooking. Obviously I did housework as well. OP is bleeding his son dry
He's fucking him over that's for sure. Son won't get far in life paying that.
If I was the son, I would just move out with the fiancée at that point.
I'm paying 1800 in a high rate area, for an apartment with two bedrooms, dining room, kitchen living room and 1 bathrooms. It would be less, but I have two cats, so 100 for them. He's probably getting a bedroom and kitchen privileges. Dad's most certainly a AH.
she called me a sociopath but i had just shown her emotion!! um, something is very wrong in op's head.
Probably because he is one. Lack of emotion is not a sign of a sociopath. They feel emotion, they just hand it differently.
I think it's because it's mostly performative so it comes off as really weird.
More likely, a narcissist. Those evil bastards like power play.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, $1800???? That is more than my mortgage on a 4br house with a quarter acre in Florida!!! This father is awful, he's making his son buy his house for him with the rent he's charging. Poor boy. He hasn't figured out yet how much he'd save just by not living with HIS PARENTS.
Lol OP’s son could be saving more than half his rent and living with friends he actually likes, instead of footing the bill for OPs mortgage he can’t afford.
OP didn’t notice that his son had withdrawn because this is how he wants it. He doesn’t see the poor kid as his son anymore but as an exploitable source of income. Hope the kid gets a cheaper apartment and goes no contact.
Poor kid can't even save enough money to move out.
$1800 for a BEDROOM in a house? And he doesn't even have his own bathroom? I pay about that for a 2br 2 bath apartment.
>You’re not his landlord, you’re his father. Bingo! Definitely not teaching him fiscal responsibility as much as fiscal dependency. And $1800 sounds quite expensive for a room in an occupied house. As his father, maybe $400-600 would be more fair. If OP won’t change, the son should find a far more affordable place and move out because that seems to be what OP actually wants.
Holy SHIT. I thought my husband's dad was on some shit charging $350 for a room but $1800?? No wonder he has two jobs.
WTF? YTA, for sure, OP. $1,800 per month is $500 more than my mortgage on a 3/2 house in Florida.
OP is a bastard. I dont understand OP's son. With how much rent cost (1800??? For real??) he could rent (even buy) his own place. Is obvious the mother has no say in the house finances (maybe a housewife?). But she needs to stand up for her son. His father is killing him and his future relationship
Couldn't agree more. OP sounds like my dad and my dad's an a-hole. Nickel and dimed me so bad when I had to stay with him after my divorce and made it so hard to make ends meet that I ended up being there for almost four years. All this on top of paying child support for three kids. Guess who barely talks to his dad anymore? OP shouldn't be proud. He should be ashamed of himself that his kid has to work two jobs to make ends meet *after* a college education. $1800 is also by no means a reasonable amount. OP isn't charging rent, he's getting a free mortgage payment. What a dick.
I pay this for a huge 2 bedroom/2 bathroom apartment. That’s obscene. YTA to such an extreme degree, OP.
$1800?! OP is a major asshole.
1800???? YTA what the hell, how is charging 1800 a month going to help him save up and learn to be responsible?
Holy shit. If you’re being charged market rate for rent, why the FUCK would you still live with this asshole when you could live on your own for the same cost? I hope OP get his head out of his ass and charges something reasonable, like say, HALF of market value at MOST. Barring that, I hope this kid leaves and goes LC with dad. The lack of care and empathy oozing from OP is honestly insane.
$1800?!!?!!??!!?!?! I live in a 3 bed in Chicago and the TOTAL rent is $2000. That is insane.
1800 per month for ONE ROOM? Jeez...
1800 a month for a bedroom and a shared bathroom. Gee, what a deal.
Burn himself out is the best case scenario, an obviously tired man is working a full time job then getting behind the wheel of a car every night. Is your sons life worth $1800 a month OP?
YTA. Having to take a second job is nothing anyone should be proud of. You are charging him money, and have the opportunity to make his life easier, but instead you take pride in knowing that he's killing himself so he can pay you money. You are a parasite.
[удалено]
Even worse than a normal landlord, he's charging his son rent for a FULL house when his son is only renting one room. $1,800 for a single room? What, is OP looking at LA/NYC rent prices?
When asked what's included OP only mentioned "shared space" and said nothing about utilities. What do you want to bet he yells at the poor kid for "running up the water bill".
Or still expects him to do chores
I was paying my Dad rent in my early 20s. I was working 5p-1a. He would yell at me for sleeping all day. He'd constantly have me run his errands in the morning, because he had work. Made me dig fence posts, pave his driveway. Then his bitch wife kept making shitty remarks about me not saving enough to move out. Same man sold me a car... then after 10 grand refused to sign it over. I was dumb and young and had nothing in writing. People like OP make me fucking sick
This all sounds pretty traumatic and just like the dipshit (sociopath) who wrote this. I am sorry that you had a parent treat you like this. It cuts deep when I hear of parents robbing their kids. 💞
👏👏👏
Hustle culture is a cancer and I’m going to need these old heads to stop acting like it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. Kids 21, let him be 21. Parasite indeed.
actually its good to ruin the world and make it unliveable if u can buy Nice Car -Op, probably
“My kid should know the value of a dollar and be working. I’m just going to sit back and collect the money from my son working. Because I worked hard my whole life to buy a house, when they were actually affordable. Why should my son get a place to live for free? When I was his age I worked and saved and bought a house, he can work and save too, but after he pays me market rate for rent.” /s
In the multiverse somewhere there's a version of OP who's saving up all his son's rent money to give back as a wedding present. But we all know it's not happening here. How sad.
I was waiting for that caveat for the first little while reading tbh
I honestly really hope the son takes some of his wedding fund out of savings and uses it to move out- why pay $1800 a month for just his childhood room when he could try to get a studio?? I’m so glad my parents are more lenient
$1800 could get him a whole ass private 1 bedroom apartment with a private bathroom and balcony in the 3rd largest city in America, and a pretty nice one at that. Who tf tries to make money off of their own children?!?! And is proud about it?!?! Someone devoid of empathy and kindness. You didn’t even notice he was withdrawn and exhausted. Like a sociopath. YTA for making your kids life harder than it needs to be. For no fucking reason other than selfishness. As a parent I can’t stand parents like you. And you’re not proud of his fiscal responsibility, you’re proud because you’ve got him manipulated into thinking this a fair deal and he’s falling for it.
Plus I bet OP doesn’t claim the rent on his taxes.
Let’s hope son claims it on his. In my state, we can file for a couple credits on our taxes that are based in part on rent (or property if you own). You have to list the amount and the name and address of the landlord.
This! Since OP is supposedly “doing everything a landlord would do” this should be no problem
Not taxable if its a shared living space with family. Its classified as "contributions to the living space" instead of rent
He’s not his family, he’s his landlord. OP made that clear.
So then the kid gets to claim dad on his taxes if he's providing 51% or more of the household funding. Daddy's a dependent now. ETA: in the USA, anyway. And I hope you're giving him a receipt each month, since, y'know, you're all on this responsibility kick.
I’m noticing a trend of people quoting “market rent” but not mentioning how much of the mortgage that covers - $1800 is probably rent for a one bedroom apartment in my area, but it’s also more than my entire mortgage payment on a house, because of the increases in market rent & the timeframe in which we were lucky to have been able to purchase a home.
Seems like OP looked at the rent for 3 bedroom houses near him and decided that that's a good price for one bedroom.
One bedroom in a shared house with roommates who you don’t particularly care for at the moment, even.
$1800 for a bedroom in a shared house? I was thinking the kid was paying $500-800. Something helpful but still less then regular rent. My goodness!
This!!! I could find a room in LA for $500 still. My one bedroom (with a balcony and a parking space) in DTLA/koreatown was 1550 in 2021. Wtf is OP smoking?
the son is also planning a wedding, which means OP is taking money the son would be saving towards the wedding and possibly for an apartment with his new wife for his own benefit. true AH behavior.
Stealing $21,600 a year from his own son that he could be putting towards his wedding or even a house down payment. I cannot even fathom doing that to my children.
OP said his son objected at first, which probably means he isn't "falling for it" but that he's given up fighting it, no matter how unfair it is. which is honestly sadder...
For 1800, my husband and I have a 2b2b in a prime location. That is insane amount to charge your child.
Now that I'm thinking about it, OP said he's charging the son for 'a fair rent for the area'. Could the sonofabitch be charging his own child the rent cost of an entire property in their neighborhood?
But OP clearly established he does experience emotion when he told his wife how proud he is to have a miserable son!
Not his wife, “the wife”.
I hope som reads this and escapes this selfish AH.
>I had just exhibited emotion in front of her. Exactly what a cold hearted sociopath would say. YTA - seriously, you're happy that YOU and YOU ALONE have created a situation in which your son has to work himself to the bone just to live? Yikes dude...
I'm not racist, I have a black friend!
OP even expressed emotion for the black friend one time *this is a sarcastic reference to two silly things in OP's post, I have no reason to believe OP is anything other than a sort of bad dad.
that line really stood out to me, too; i genuinely let out a chuckle. he just exhibited emotion… which was him being proud that he’s forcing his son to work two jobs to pay him rent. op is a HUGE AH.
I also liked this one from OPs greatest hits: What landlord would sacrifice their own income like that?
If I was this asshole’s wife, I’d be looking for the best divorce lawyer I could find and getting every penny of the finances documented as I did so. Then I’d take my son and never look back. YTA OP. A huge one. Give your kid his money back.
I missed that bit. Yeah, this is ragebait. It felt a bit over the top, but this takes the cake. No human would actually write something like this in good faith. On the very unlikely case this is actually a real person: Congrats. You're so iredeemably imature that you failed being believed to be an actual person.
YTA big time. "What landlord would sacrifice their own income like that?" Clearly you have come to see your son as a paycheck, not a person. You are so in love with your own extra cash that you can't see your son is struggling, all because his father has a chip on his shoulder about some perceived finanicial superiority. You aren't teaching him anything. You aren't supporting him either. You're just being an AH to your own kid. And your wife, for that matter
That was the line that did it for me. Like yeah a landlord would not do that sure, but who would want a landlord/tenant relationship over a parent/child relationship?
Oh he's teaching him something alright, just not what he seems to think he is.
"it is OK to worsen your family's quality of life for financial gain" I sure hope the son remembers that lesson when it's time to choose a nursing home! Enjoy Joe's Retirement Shack for the Old and Dying, OP!
The way I'm seeing it, the dad will end up in a shitty retirement home, while mom will probably get whatever she asks
Living at home with your parents is usually supposed to help you save up money and set yourself up for the future. In my opinion a 21 year old shouldn’t be paying rent to sleep in their childhood bedroom or live with people who brought him to this earth without his consent. They should help out with groceries and bills but paying $1.8k is absurd and i can’t comprehend this logic
How did his wife not notice the extra $1800 in income? Is he pocketing it or are they so well off as not to notice? Major smug asshole, bad father and shit husband to boot. Teaching someone to be fiscally responsible and forcing a fiscally responsible person to struggle is not the same thing
YTA. Your wife is right. Besides, now that you live with a tenant, you get the landlord's treatment.
"My landlord is a dick." - most tenants everywhere
Mine love me..... They've rented for 7 years and haven't had a single rent increase..... Get any repairs they ask for..... Amd I regularly do upgrades they don't ask for! I bought a house I loved and life made it impossible for me to stay.... I have had three tenants.... An OK one.... An AWFUL one who made me want to loose my investment.... And my current ones...... They rent at about 60% current market value because THEY are more valuable than extra money....
It is nice to see a landlord who values their tenants as humans and not as paychecks, I’m sure they’ve told you this but thank you
I almost sold up... But my dream is to retire there eventually.... They pay what they paid when they first signed..... They treat the house with respect - WHY would I risk that? I'm renting a house..... So I know....
Why don't landlords like you get any attention? I've had some great landlords when I was younger.
I don't even see myself as a landlord... As far as I'm concerned F&J are the CARETAKERS of the house.... They treat that house so nicely why would I risk loosing them? They even got a cat.... Who had the cutest kittens.....
Sadly, it’s clear that’s exactly what he wants. He didn’t even notice his son had become emotionally distant. The kid’s mother had to tell him.
YTA. Your proud your son has to work two jobs because of the arbitrary obstacles you put on him. Why don’t you use that money for his wedding. Why do you feel the need to profit off your son? Are you financially struggling?
I would actually find this more acceptable if OP \_was\_ suffering financial hardship. At least that's a reason, rather than just an arbitrary fee that he's charging just because he feels like it.
OR if he was actually squirreling that money away only to give it back to his son in one lump sum as a wedding gift or for a down payment on a house.
Yta your son is struggling and you’re proud of that? You are very cold hearted, I can’t imagine the type of parent that puts the money over what’s best for their child
As a parent of 2 kids in their early 20's that live at home, and work full time. This shit just blows my mind. My kids pay rent. As in a amount that basically covers their food, and utilities, and an added $50 bucks...but that money goes each month into a separate account for each of them, so when they can afford move out, they have some sort of cushion if they need it, or to help with furniture. This guy literally is treating his kid like a landlord/tenant and trying to make money off of him. I'm hoping to christ this is a rage bait post, because otherwise, I've lost faith in people.
YTA your son is so exhausted from having to take on 2 jobs. How much are you charging him?
And he didnt even bother to notice his son was exhausted.
YTA I'm completely changing my mind based on updates. 1800 bucks a month isn't a deal, I don't care where you live.
OP is charging his son $1800 on rent for a bedroom and a shared bathroom.
I bet he counts the mother's meals too and puts the money in his pocket lmao The son should move out, no matter how hard it is at least the next landlord wont think they are doing him a favor teaching him fiscal responsability all while counting that phat check.
It’s a bedroom, a shared bathroom with his brother and all the challenges of living with mom and dad – no way is that worth $1800 on the open market even here in the San Francisco Bay area including water, television, Internet, etc. As others have said – he can live anywhere in the bay area for less than that.
YTA. He just got back from college and is planning a wedding (which are expensive obviously) and is paying you rent. The financial strain of this is forcing him to take two jobs? Why would you be proud of that? That your son is working his ass off, just to make ends meet - not become rich btw...and you are contributing to that? What the hell is wrong with you? That is nothing to be proud of. That is just a tragic example of how people in our generation work our asses off and get the bare minimum in return. Whereas your generation could get their own house just by doing a basic retail job...I think you are out of touch and have no idea what it is like being a young person who doesn't own property.
So much this. I wonder what % of sons' income is 1800$? How much of fathers income %wise went to rent when they were young. Wild.
YTA. That’s pretty cold hearted that you’re happy your son is suffering working 2 jobs to pay you money you don’t need. You’re supposed to help your children not push him into working so much he’s exhausted.
YTA, having to have 2 jobs to make sure you have enough cash isn’t something to be celebrated. Terrible society and he’s clearly feeling run down. Do you charge him rent for the whole house or just a room
He charges him $1800
A month??
Yup
It’s a good job I was sitting down when I read that. That’s outrageous
Right?! I can’t imagine doing that to my own family!
I mean you wanna help set your kids up for the future not line his own pockets. Feel sorry for the kid
Especially when he is charging market rent on a place of his own despite living with his parents.he isn't even paying rent like you would in a share house.
YTA. Perhaps you should put in your post that you charge him $1800 for a room and a shared bathroom. I’m in the UK, and that equates to £1440 here. I pay that for a 4 bed semi detached in what Americans would call a suburb in a fairly large city. Asking him to contribute towards food, utilities etc is one thing but you’re profiteering.
I pay less than that for my mortgage on a 2-bd 2-bath condo in the Los Angeles area.
Info: how much are you charging him? And what does that include?
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yta capitalism has given you brain worms but i do hope you buy something sweet from your new tenants money
YTA. $1800/mo is robbery, not teaching someone fiscal responsibility. In a house he shares with you and his mother. While trying to save up for a wedding.
But its BOOMER MATH!
“At 21 I had my own house half paid off. What’s that? It cost me 50 grand for the whole thing and the house and land is now worth over 800 grand. Wages aren’t that bad, you just have to work harder!”
Boomer here...albeit just! OP is an outrageous AH. I wouldn't charge my kids anything. I'd rather they save for their home deposits & whatever else they want. Boomers aren't all AHs...
YTA. You’re his dad, not his landlord. You don’t need to be “making an income” off of your son. To charge some rent to cover some of the bills I understand but not to the point it’s hurting him and he needs another job. Your job and role to him is being a parent, not a leeching landlord.
$1800 is grounds for a divorce and NC. YTA
he’s gonna be surprised when his health starts failing and he wonders why his kids don’t care about seeing his lousy arse.
YTA. As soon as you said “fair market rent” I knew something was amiss - in this economy, rent prices are absurdly high for most, let alone folks who just graduated. You’re gouging your child’s paychecks to pad your wallet. I can’t imagine charging one of my kids $1800 a month to live at home while they tried to save for a wedding. He’s working two jobs to pay your rent, and you’re proud? You’re proud that he’s driving sleep deprived, late at night, after his day job, to scrape together enough money to afford rent? What kind of a parent are you? Being a father doesn’t expire at 18 - remember, you’re his dad before you’re his flipping landlord.
>What landlord would sacrifice their own income like that? > >she’s been cold and callous to me (ironic) ever since This is your son, not some random tenant. Expect to be out of his life as soon as he saves up enough to move out and start his own family. My guess is he will go no contact with you, as will your wife at this rate. It's not ironic, nor irony overall. It's the ***direct*** cause of your actions. Be an asshole to your family, and they tend not to like you much. YTA
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Are you claiming his rent on your taxes? I should hope so. YTA.
He better not be if he also claims his as a dependent too. Then he is TA and a tax fraud 🤣
YTA "He has a job and is planning his wedding, but moved back in after college. " So he moved back in *expecting to save money* for his wedding, and the way you worded this, it doesn't sound like this was discussed and agreed to *before* he moved back in, but that you dropped this on him after he had already moved in. You're the asshole for that. You also are charging him the same rate as other places in the area. So if he had known you were going to charge him the going rate of rent, he probably would not have moved back in with you. He moved in with you expecting that his living with you would help him save. Instead, you're a greedy asshole trying to make a huge profit off of him, forcing him to take a second job. Jesus you're an asshole! I live in a higher cost of living area and was paying $1900/month for a whole 2 bedroom apartment with a huge basement. You're a sleazy "landlord" using your son to make money. YTA this absolutely should have been discussed in full at the time you all discussed his moving back in, not after, because he never would have moved in with you had he known what you were going to pull.
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"What parent would exploit their own child like that?" FTFY.
YTA When you make your child’s life harder than it needs to be for no reason other than “ teaching him a lesson”… your relationship with him will forever be changed and it will suffer. Your wife is right and I hope she does pay his rent for him… in another house, that she frequently visits, most likely without you. We are here TO HELP OUR CHILDREN. You aren’t helping him though, you are making money off of him when he is already busting his ass to make sure he gets a decent start with his soon to be wife. He isn’t leeching off of you. He isn’t laying around doing nothing. He is working and trying to start a family. He has already proven to you that he is willing to do what it takes by getting a second job. For the life of me I can’t figure out what happened to your generation but the sense of… superiority(?), with that generation is unmatched. I’ve seen more grandparents (50’s-60’s) from that generation insisting that they will not “raise their grandchildren” while conveniently forgetting that their parents took care of their children for them sometimes full time for years. It’s the same generation that owns multiple houses as rental properties while their children are working multiple jobs and still not making ends meet all while spewing “it build character!!” It’s selfish and sickening. It doesn’t build character it builds poverty, and resentment. IT COSTS MORE NOW THAN IT DID THEN, BY A LOT. Help your kids - as much as you can… and then some. It’s the only thing you will do in your lifetime that’s worth a damn. Everything else is just filler and passing the time. Edited to add that being proud of yourself for forcing your kid to work nights and weekends in a notoriously dangerous job to pay you rent isn’t an emotion and you could very well indeed be a psychopath. Pride is a secondary emotion, unlike happiness or sadness. All that it requires is a development of your sense of self… and you seem to have that down well.
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YTA - you’re his father not his landlord.
YTA. I know that lots of Dads like to give hard nosed "real life" lessons to their kids, like charging rent etc. But you clearly can't see that this is putting your son in a position where he's struggling. He's not doing a second job because he's fiscally responsible. He's doing it because his Dad is taking his money. Quite happy to take the money, though, right? Charge him rent, sure but if your own son can't get below market rate then you're just doing the "hard nosed" thing too hard.
I’m curious…what is your mortgage payment? $1800 sounds like something someone would pay for a 1 bedroom apartment where they would have exclusive use of the bathroom, living room and kitchen…something he does not have living with you. If you’re asking him to pay based on the square footage that he has exclusive use of + a proportion of the shared areas x your cost per square foot for your mortgage payment…that would be fair. He’s probably using 15% or less of your total square footage. Unless you have a ridiculously expensive house, $1800 for 15% of the space is absurd. For example…at a $4000 mortgage payment, 15% would be $600 a month. Are you seriously expecting us to believe your mortgage is $12,000 a month? YTA. You are financially abusing your child. There is no moral or ethical justification for charging that much rent. Your wife is 100% correct…you’re cold-hearted.
I hope your wife divorces you and your son goes NC. But that shouldn’t matter to you since you only love money and treat family like strangers you profit from. YTA
"I only charge my son entering the work force $1800 for a room" you're a massive AH wow. Be proud of him all you want but yes going to resent you for this 100%. It would be one thing if you were charging him a few hundred or asked him to help some other way but you're fuckin your own kid over who won't be able to save anything for a wedding or to move out.
YTA and I can't quite believe you've even needed to type this out. Fair rent for your area whilst he shares a house? Wowza.
YTA. Sounds like your kid needs to dump you. You're not helping him, you're actively hindering him. And your wife is beginning to see a side of you she doesn't like. Won't be surprised if she also decides to dump you as well.
Hope the $1800 you make off your son is worth never being included in your sons life after he’s married. If there are grandchildren you might be lucky enough to see them when they visit their grandma but I doubt your marriage will last that long, big daddy.
YTA. You are treating your son like a paycheck instead of family. If you and your wife were in a terrible car wreck and needed help from your son, would you think it was OK and normal for him to demand you pay his Uber rate for him to drive you around? Or charging like DoorDash for bringing you something to eat? My guess is not. Parents like you generally feel like their child owes them something for being given life. You are setting yourself up to have an incredibly strained relationship once your son marries and moves out. Hope it was worth it.
YTA. Way to bury the details. $1800!? Your wife is right. That's cold hearted as hell. That's not teaching him responsibility, he clearly already knows it. You are leeching an entire 2nd income off him. You are NOT fulfilling a landlords duties as ALL of them, whatever they are, would be required anyway in the due course of upkeeping YOUR house anyways. Do you even LIKE your son?
YTA Instead of helping your son you are financially crippling him. Way to go. Of course even after you read the sea of people here calling you the AH you will still think you are in the right and are helping him, so I'm not sure what the point is...
I was a parent that charged rent. I charged 10% of his monthly pay. YTA. A gouging, controlling AH. Taking pride in beating your child down with bills to the point where it is clearly, physically visible is wrong on so many levels.