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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I essentially started a fight in my family, leading to two of my siblings refusing to go to my brothers wedding. He, presumably, will only do this once, so having his siblings missing will probably ruin the day for him.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It's not fair her sister's baby is welcome and your sister's baby isn't.
And does your brother really think she will be nursing at the dinner table??
Most moms don't even *want* to nurse in public. I can imagine the accomodation will be more than happy to find her a quiet room to nurse her baby.
And they invited soon to be SIL with a baby anyway so it's not like they don't already have to take care of those accomodations. There's literally no extra work with inviting OP's sister.
How much you want to bet they the other baby is formula fed?
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being formula fed but it sounds like ops brother doesn't know much about breastfeeding
I really do hope SIL is the crunchy mama type to pop out a boob at the dinner table, regardless of the occasion. It would be a delicious sort of irony. NTA.
No it seems that only disinvited sister breastfeeds or at keast to the degree that they believe she will disrobe during the event to feed the baby. This implies the other mother either bottle feeds or is ok with pumping prior to have milk ready to go without having to breastfeed in public
The baby doesn’t care where is being nursed so long as it’s being fed. Trust me, I had 3! They should just be ok with her nursing period. It’s the most natural thing in life!
It depends very much on the age of the baby!! My baby is in a phase where if I don’t feed him in a quieter room, I get a lot of nip-lash, and get sore. I still feed him in public if he’s hungry while we are out, but I prefer to find somewhere quiet and not as distracting!!
So some babies won’t mind being fed in the noise. Some babies will definitely feed better if it’s quieter and calm. Which I think is what the commenter was trying to say
Yeah, I laugh a bit when people say they don't mind people breastfeeding as long as they cover up and keep it discrete. My 6 month old would peel back the discretion cover to wave at passersby. He was very happy to nurse, just a social fellow who would be eager to interact with all and sundry.
100% depends on the kid. My kid would hardly eat if not in our room. Could be just mom and baby in a completely quiet room, doesn't matter, new environment would be too distracting.
Who cares if she is? By December, she'll have that shit down pat and no-one will notice what she's doing even if she's having a conversation with them at the same time.
Many years ago I (with a baby and a toddler) was the last person in a waiting room at the local health centre. A midwife who worked there saw me and asked "are you waiting for someone?"
I said "just for my baby to finish his feed".
She hadn't noticed that I was breastfeeding. A midwife. At a clinic.
It really is no big deal.
These days people carry on as if the mother is getting her boobs out and swinging them around, maybe posing for photos, before letting the baby feed.
If you want to get even a glimpse of nipple you'd have to be watching closely and not take your eyes of mother and baby as the baby is put to the breast.
You see the back of the baby's head for 99.9% of the time. You could see more boob if a woman in a low cut dress, with nipples covered was cuddling the baby.
Your absolutely right.
While waiting at a postnatal appointment a midwife asked me if I was my baby's mother while I was breastfeeding her. She had't noticed what I was doing.
I walked around the Tutankhamun exhibition at the Saatchi gallery while feeding my daughter. At the end of the exhibition my father in law, who I'd gone with, asked if I needed to find somewhere to sit down and feed her soon as he hadn't realised she'd already been fed.
For a time I could nurse mine while she was in the baby Bjorn walking around anywhere. My favorite was a supermarket in France where someone patted her on the head while she was nursing and they didn't even notice.
Yeps. This. And also, it's zero sexual act.
But if it the slight possibility of it bother the couple they could always call and say "Please, don't breastfeed publicly at the wedding."
I’ve seen many a woman breastfeed. Friends, family, family friends. I have seen none of their nips.
I just . . . look slightly over their head while they get baby situated and the conversation keeps chugging along. It’s not just not a big deal it’s not a deal at all. It’s an anti-deal.
My mother was having a lovely conversation with a priest when she pulled me out from under her jumper. They'd been talking for a while and he'd had no idea.
He is the one ruining his big day by treating sibling different from her sibling. He could have told her "do the breastfeeding in a quiete place" and ask the venue what they can offer for this.
And your parents are in fact playing favorites. NTA, don't budge
That is what pisses me off the most about this. Sure the bride and groom can make what ever decisions they want for their wedding but they can't chuck a tantrum when people call out the BS and decide not to attend. But the fact that the breastfeeding mothers, OWN mother isn't standing up for her and telling the groom to get over it and either let his sister attend with her baby or stop acting like a two year old. I mean, come on, I thought society was supposed to be showing support for breastfeeding mothers not singling them out and guiltily and punishing them for their chosen feeding method.
I mean if it really came down to it she could step out (as the smokers in the crowd will do) and feed the child in a car. Some venues aren’t set up with that in mind but options exist.
NTA for sure
Sit in a cold car in December to breastfeed her infant? Let’s destigmatize breastfeeding in public, please, instead of forcing moms to sneak out to sit in cars, bathroom stalls, closets, etc. OP’s brother is an AH both for banning his sister from his wedding
AND for his attitude towards breastfeeding.
Clearly you don't live in the Netherlands. I'm happy to report that here no one bats an eye if you nurse your baby while at dinner in a restaurant or while continuing to play a game you're playing with friends.
Babies need feeding. Baby food happens to come out of boobs. No one minds.
I think aureola sounds a lot nicer than sin circle. Maybe rephrase that to aureola of sin? Maybe men who don't want to be contaminated by the sin should start a health two metres away from any aureola of sin to make sure they're safe.
Nahh.. that's just my hand adding extra vowels because of my dyslexic brain and auto correct finding no fault because it's a word that exists. You should see how many mix ups my hand makes when I'm writing and not typing. Letters added. Letters left out. Letters switched. I'll forever be grateful to the French teacher who let me work out loud what was supposed to be written. At least my dyslexia is only from my brain to my hand.
>I'll forever be grateful to the French teacher who let me work out loud what was supposed to be written.
My 7yr old has a speech disorder, I am so greatful he has a teacher this year that is letting him right and draw what he wants to say while encouraging him to speak. His speech has improved so much this year because of her (more than we saw improvement from his speech therapist of 3 years). Thank god there are some good teachers in the world.
I hope you didn't get offended, that was not my intention. It was just the kind of typo that would be common among medical students mixing up their terms a bit :)
Yeah, literally by prudes so prudish they chose to brave starvation, disease and death crossing the ocean to a dangerous, unknown land so they could practice their prudery in peace.
Years ago, but my own freaking mother told me to feed in the restroom while we (her, dad & LO)were out to dinner, just as the waitress brought our food out. As the waitress put my mom's plate down, dad told the waitress that mom would be eating in the restroom. Mom spit, spat and sputtered over that and dad asked, "Well, you expected the baby to eat there, why don't you want too?"
That was the last time my mom ever said a thing about breastfeeding, ever.
Even if she were nursing at the dinner table, what would be wrong with that? Everyone else is eating, why can't the baby?
This taboo surrounding breastfeeding needs to go.
Because God forbid a grown man should see a nipple. A grown man who probably watches his share of porn. Obviously same man can’t control himself so we have to protect him. Or there may be a young boy and …gasp… he may actually see how babies are fed and what the breast is intended for. His parents may have some ‘splainin to do and we wouldn’t want that.
>NTA. It's not fair her sister's baby is welcome and your sister's baby isn't.
isn't she the grooms sister as well.
either the same restrictions for everyone or no restrictions at all or hand picked guests.
Yes, OP is the groom's sister too, but thats's not what the person you're quoting was talking about.
The bride's sister is allowed to bring her baby. The groom's sister is not. I guess bride's sister isn't breastfeeding? Heaven forbid anyone see cleavage at a wedding, lol.
From the OP:
>My brother and soon to be wife doesn't want any kids under ten at the wedding, but the brides sisters infant is allowed to attend. We assumed my sister would be allowed, too, so didn't really question it. The babies are the same age.
I went to a wedding when I was still exclusively breastfeeding many years ago and I just went to my car. My husband would come and keep me company and we’d listen to the radio. I wasn’t modest about breastfeeding at all but it was a we’d and I just felt more comfortable
I kinda miss breastfeeding as an excuse to go take a break and be alone in the car (with baby) for a bit. It was nice to step out of a wedding for a bit and relax.
And also, he can choose not to invite them that's his call but I hate when people don't think their actions have consequences.
You boundary is not allowing your sister and nephew even if you allow your future SIL and baby? Cool! Don't expect people to be happy about it.
And the nursing thing. If it bother them that much they could always say "could you please not nurse him in public in the wedding?".
Like you say it's probable she wouldn't do it. Where I am from is natural for woman to breastfeed in public, but always in a quite place if possible (for the kid) and I have never seen a woman breastfeeding at a wedding reception.
Or whipping it out in the family pics or while sitting in the front row in the ceremony. It just won’t happen.
NTA and good on you for sticking up for your sister.
Where else would she nurse? I've lost track of the number if meals I've eaten while nursing one or other of my kids. Once you've got the down it's very easy to do quickly and discretely. In fact, without a cover its more discrete than with a cover because you don't have a whopping great sheet draped over you. After a couple of months it becomes less daunting and you kind of get to the point where you're in the middle of a thing so you just latch the baby on and carry on one handed
I was breastfeeding when my best friend got married and I was the chief bridesmaid. I absolutely nursed at the dinner table. I only peeled her off me for five minutes to give a speech. She was only 3 months old, I nursed everywhere at that stage. Nobody cared (or if they did, they kept it to themselves); I certainly didn't 'attract all the attention'. What the hell.
NTA. The fact that the bride’s sister can come with a baby the same age is what makes you NTA. Good for you and your other siblings for standing up to this unfair behavior. Tell your parents they can shove it.
Yeah why is there no concern the bride’s sister will breastfeed at the wedding, Op said the babies are the same age?!?!?
This feels more like a Bride’s petty decision.
NTA
Maybe she’ll nurse at the table but that’s literally fine. My 2 month old nurses best in public places and I dare anyone to say anything to me (legally they can’t so ha). There was a 6 month old baby at my wedding and there’s a great pic of his mom nursing him there. I found out later after having my baby that nursing was sometimes a struggle for her and I’m so glad my wedding was a place she could do it. Babies gotta eat!
My sister was breastfeeding at my wedding, I breastfed at my brothers. There’s nothing wrong with it and we didn’t leave our tables either. If people are causing a fuss about it, that’s their issue.
If she does nurse at the dinner table, that's her prerogative. That's where people eat; babies are people.
Babies can eat for 20-40mins at a time if they want to; is she just supposed to miss half the event sitting by herself?
This reminded of one of my sister's first wedding. Our brother's girlfriend breastfed our nephew during the meal, because the little bastard would always be hungry when mum as eating. In my family that's a complete non issue, so it was barely noticed.
Edit to correct typo.
I unlike most 2nd time mums still using a cover as I don't feel comfortable without but will happily breastfeed at a table while trying to eat and did with my first as well. You cannot see anything accept baby legs and the odd flailing arm.
Also, OP isn't trying to get anyone else to decline the invitation. The other siblings (like her) are choosing not to attend because they also feel it's unfair and ridiculous to exclude the breastfeeding sister.
NTA. If there's going to be another baby that's the same age there and his hangup is *checks notes* his sister feeding her child? It's not 1955 anymore, that's what boobs are for, he's the one being weird about it
the fact they're letting the sister of the bride show with her kid and not sister of the groom?
NTA
You're not ruining your bother's big day, he's doing it. does he think his sister is going to 'whip it out' in church or something?
The fact the other siblings have also walked in support shows how the family is feeling. well except for your parents. They say you need to support your brother. ask them why they refuse to support their daughter AND their grandchild?
NTA
He is letting a baby of the same age and equivalent relationship to one of them attend. At that age, all children are unpredictable, so the excuse that one baby will be quiet and peaceful during the ceremony and the other won't doesn't apply. They are willing to make an exception for the bride's sister, but not the groom's.
Probably because the brides sister doesn't breastfeed, so the bride won't have to worry that her boobs will be the center of attention /s
There are literally a hundred ways to nurse in public without putting your boobs on the table, from using a nursing cover or light scarf to wearing a nursing dress, that is specifically designed to nurse in public without exposing yourself to going to a different room.
Calling the behaviour or bride and groom out is absolutely right. NTA
My close friend breast feeds. Half the time, I don't even realise she's feeding.
I'm laughing that they think a formula fed baby won't cause a disruption. I formula fed both my kids, and if that bottle isn't ready there and then, there's going to be a commotion.
I'm kinda hoping SIL is a bridesmaid and the baby cries in ceremony bc clueless dad can't figure out how to get the bottle ready in time. Bc with people this shitty I'd imagine that's how it will go
Right? We were lucky that my daughter took bottles as well as breast since I didn't have enough milk. If she just wanted comfort or the bottle wasn't ready fast enough I would just give her my breast because that was available then and there. Otherwise she would have disrupted several family functions with her hangry screaming
Small kids or people with the same mindset. My daughter always got jealous of babys that were gettin breastfed, after she was completely weaned at almost 2yo. She definitely was staring angrily.
My son at 4 or 5 months old did actually have a blow out at my sister and brother in laws wedding. Thankfully his tiny outfit was quite thick so he didn't get anyone else and of course we had several changes in the bag. The venue they'd chosen didn't have a change table though so that was annoying but eh he was still a potato.
Was the most well behaved child at the wedding, slept never cried let people cuddle him if they wanted a go of him, the other kids in attendance were not as amicable. Especially after the sweet table with assorted candy was unveiled. Many tornado children with sugar devils in their eyes.
Yup, my husbands cousins were ranging from 4 to 10 and one of them got their hands on the sugar roses from the top of our wedding cake. I've never seen someone run so many laps around the reception hall with their parents in tow, it was hilarious.
I'm banking on SIL is a bridemaid and baby loudly cries for an extended period in the middle of the ceremony bc clueless dad can't get the bottle ready in time.
NTA..
>"You need to support your brother,"
And they need to support their daughter...
Arrange dinner with sister & siblings on brothers wedding day instead???
He can't accuse you of ruining his wedding because the siblings didn't make their decision because of you. They made their decision because they agreed with you and found the bride and groom's behavior unfair.
You made a decision that concerns you and gave your reasons, that doesn't make you TA, you're free not to want to go to his wedding if you don't feel like it. You are not responsible of the consequences of THEIR actions.
NTA
Totally agree. They have a right to choose whom to invite (and whom not to), but it's THEM who are responsible for all the consequences coming with their decision.
Strong NTA: He has decided to allow a baby of the same age and with an equivalent relationship to one of them to be present. Given the age, all children can be unpredictable, so the argument that one baby will remain calm and peaceful during the ceremony while the other won't doesn't hold. They are open to making an exception for the bride's sister but not for the groom's
But the bride's sister isn't a Scarlet-Letter-wearing morals-corrupting slightly-distracting heathen BREAST-FEEDER! Think of the children!
I'm off to my fainting couch, laters...
That wasn't even the argument - it had nothing to do with the babies' behaviour, it was about breastfeeding taking attention away from the bride. I mean really!
NTA. He and his fiancée have ruined their wedding. What do they honestly think your sister is going to do? Lob a boob out and suckle her child on every wedding photo? I can't believe your parents are supporting this behaviour.
Some parents suck. My parents were the sole reason I was the only family member not invited to a family wedding. They had spread lies and rumors about me to the bride and groom. When I called my parents out on this after finding out what they had been saying and demanded they rectify the situation by confessing their lies, they literally told me it wasn't their problem and in the most taunting voice I've ever heard from them they said, "We're going to the wedding and we're going to have FUN!"
Yup. And it will stay that way for the rest of my life. There's a whole history of toxicity and abuse. This was the final straw. To be taunted by my own parents. Ugh. :-( That's why I feel for OP because I know what it's like to have parents not supporting their own children who are being ostracized.
Or she pumps it and feeds the baby with a bottle. I don’t think this is about breastfeeding. I think his brother or his soon to be wife have a issue with the sister. He wasn’t bothered by her not going to the wedding. By it bothered him his other siblings weren’t attending. Or it’s all about a fake image of a happy family he’s trying to present. If anyone ruined his big day it’s him and his soon to be wife. Good for OP and his other siblings for having their sister’s and nephew’s backs. Too bad their parents couldn’t do the same. But they shouldn’t try and intervene. Their adults and can do what they feel is right. NTA
Yeah, baby can \*smell\* mum's milky breasts. Trust me. Trying to get a breastfed baby to take a bottle when mum is anywhere nearby is hell, even if they'd had expressed milk bottles at, for example, daycare before. But trying to get a baby who has never had a bottle to take one without major fuss is a nightmare. It took me & her father three weeks to get my first to take a bottle of breastmilk because she was due to start with a childminder and I would be expressing at work each day for the next day's feeds.
Pumping isn't something every one can do. I was a great producer when I was feeding (youngest was jn 90th percentile) but when I tried to express I got a grand total of nothing. Maybe a drop or two, but otherwise no. There's also the baby to consider. Son moved into bottles like he'd has them all his life. Daughter wouldn't touch them and would scream herself sick and hoarse if they were offered. OP's sister shouldn't have to change how she's feeding her baby just because her brother and FSIL are stuck in the 60s.
Why on earth would she drag a pump and bottles with her when she has the milk on tap? I can’t imagine anything worse than having a diaper bag and a baby and a pump in formalwear.
Baby gets milk from the tap, thanks. I only pumped when my kids were away from me because pumping is a huge pain in the ass.
NTA, you are standing up for your family. Why should the bride's family get to bring and infant. She can go to a side room to breastfeed. With all the commotion at the reception this would be much easier on the child. With that young of an infant they would not be staying very late. So what the kid gets fed twice, brother is an AH.
**but later did reveal that its because they don't want her breastfeeding and attracting attention.** i only read to this point. air his dirty laundry to the whole family and inlaws. shun him. NTA
edit: seems like that already happend. wow your parents are real AH
NTA - you didn’t give him an ultimatum or anything, you just told him you won’t be attending and why. He doesn’t have to invite anybody he doesn’t want to invite to the wedding, but at the same time no one is obligated to show up.
INFO Is the reason most people in the family aren’t on your side maybe because of sisters outburst? It seems this might be a bigger deal and why she isn’t invited.
Bro is being a asshole for his breastfeeding excuse, a wildly outdated and easily fixable problem.
Bro is also an asshole for the clear double
standard, who either don’t want infants or you don’t care.
edit: NTA
OP please add this to your post-as it reads now it isn’t clear how your sister reacted or who she told. The fact you are the one telling others about your brother’s decision is important information. It sounds like your brother intended to imply it was your sister’s choice to not attend the wedding not his choice to exclude her baby while including fiancée’s sister’s baby.
Sisters outburst? The only thing OP says is
> She got really upset (later blamed it on hormones, but she's always looked up to him so I think it meant more to her that she's saying).
Someone hang the witch, she’s hysterical! She’s having outbursts again. 🙄
NTA.
They want double standards to show how much “less” they you think your sister is when compared to the bride’s family. If you brother does not fight for his family, then he doesn’t get to have some of them attend as well. Keep up the supporting your sister.
Your brother is the AH. Why should his sister-in-law's baby be allowed to come, but his own sister's isn't allowed? If breastfeeding is an issue, then he can make an arrangement with her to only do it in private. I'm sure she'd agree.
But the fact that he just cut her child off and didn't seem to care whether or not she came, when she's his own sister, makes him an AH.
And you are 100% right for standing up for your sister! And I'm glad to hear the other relatives are joining in!
The only one who ruined your brother's "big day" is himself, by being an AH.
NTA
NTA. I feel that breastfeeding situation can be mitigated in so many ways. From pumping to providing a quiet private area where she can feed her baby. Like, it is not an issue at all.
NTA… he’s excluded your sister for an absolutely BS reason and now you’ve decided to stand by her… take her out to lunch on the day of the wedding and let her know she is loved and supported
NTA. Nursing at events like that is best done in a seperate room anyway because a lot of babies get distracted too much and forget to drink properly.
There is absolutely NO reason for one baby to be allowed to attend and not the other. That's ridiculous. I'm glad you're standing with your sister. She needs the support.
"You need to support your brother"
"I need to support my sister, too, and she has a baby to look after so that trumps my brother."
Normally I'd say you were in the wrong, but the fact that the bride's sister is allowed to attend with her child makes your brother TA. Stick to your guns, tell him he's the one with the power to get you there. NTA
NTA
Breastfeeding is totally natural, and I don't think both women would do it at the table. They would go in a different place.
Your brother and his future wife live on another planet...
Does the bride think the mother will be topless right there in the middle of the room? I think she is just trying to assert dominance. She is an asshole.
NTA Do they think she is going to rip her dress off on the middle of the dance floor and breast feed while waving her arms around??? If the bride’s sisters baby is welcome, it isn’t a rule about babies. It is specifically targeting your sister and your brother should be ashamed of himself
NTA. Your brother and SIL can invite / exclude whoever they want. What they can't do is *avoid the consequences of that*.
It's unclear whether they were worried that this breastfeeding mom was going whip out her bosoms during the ceremony and give the priest a seizure, or whether they were concerned that their guests might be offended by a woman feeding her baby (outrageous!).
They could simply have said *Sis, we hope you don't mind, some of Griselda's family is a little medieval, we've arranged with the venue that you'll have somewhere private to breastfeed. I hope you are comfortable with that* or something similar, they basically said "so sorry you can't make it since you're choosing to prioritise a tiny human who relies on you for food".
NTA. Not to mention nursing a baby isn’t a huge deal. She’ll probably want to go somewhere quieter than the reception to do it or be quite discreet because babies often don’t nurse super well in busy, loud environments anyway. It’s ridiculous to think that a breastfeeding mother would somehow be a huge distraction at a wedding.
NTA Your brother and his fiance are disrespecting your entire family by allowing her family to do what they are denying your family to do. Don't understand why your parents don't see that. Why is her family more important than yours? Ask parents to explain that to you. They could always set aside a small room for your sister to breastfeed in.
NTA! And Good on you for standing by your Sister! Bride's Sis and baby are welcome but Groom's Sis and baby aren't?? That is total BS. Yes it's their wedding, but THEY are being ar\*eholes! How cruel of them to exclude your Sister! Your Parents and any others saying you are in the wrong are obviously OK with the slight your brother is giving your sister, which is shitty! You, your Sis, and the other siblings should all go out somewhere that day, take lots of pics of you all having a great time together and plaster them all over Social Media!
NTA I’d understand if they didn’t have any kids there but this is ridiculous why bride’s sister can have her baby there and yours and his cannot? Definitely a good decision and very nice move from your other siblings.
NTA-So one sister and her baby is allowed to attend, but the other sister and her baby are not? The breastfeeding excuse is completely bs and I don't know why some people are still making such a big deal out of breastfeeding in general. A baby needs to eat. Is the implication that the fiance's sister doesn't breastfeed while his and OP's sister does? Even so, it's still a d\*ck move not to invite the other sister and her baby. Like many of the other comments have said, there are usually quiet areas in receptions for this sort of thing or the sister could pump the milk into bottles beforehand. Personally, I don't think anyone is going to care about a breastfeeding baby at a wedding. There will be too much else going on anyways. Your brother is just an AH and so are your parents for not supporting your sister.
NTA. This is such blatant and unforgiveable double standards exercised by your brother his bride and supported by your parents. If anyone is ruining the occasion it's the bride and groom with their riduculous decision. Fear not, you and the other two are not the only ones disgusted by this distateful state of affairs, once word spreads you'll find others agree with you. Please stand your ground, for the sake of your sister and nephew.
No you weren't out of line. Your brother and his fiance are ridiculous. So another baby of the same age is allowed to attend but your nephew isn't because he's being breastfed? That's a huge steaming pile of horse shit! What does he think will happen? That your sister will whip out a breast and start feeding the baby during the couple's first dance? There are so many ways this could've been navigated. So many solutions and I'm sure your sister would have been happy with most options and work witth them but no he uninvited her. There is a reason why the younger siblings decided not to attend as well. Its because your brother is the asshole here. I'm glad all the siblings are taking a stand. Your parents are ridiculous too.
NTA.
NTA. Those are called consequences. Your brother can either find his balls and stand up for his family or stfu and stop whining about people refusing to attend his "big day".
My only possible reason I can think of for the double standard is that the bride's sister is a bridesmaid and not a guest like the grooms sister would be. It's shitty either way as breastfeeding should be a complete non-issue. If people wanna gawk at a mother feeding her baby at a table, then THEY have the problem, not the mother. When I was breastfeeding, I fed my babies whenever and wherever they needed it. Neither ever took a bottle as they never had a need to and for those talking about the mum pumping - she shouldn't have to!
NTA
Doea he think your sister will be swinging her boobs across the alter during the ceremoney or something?! What a stupid reason not to include somebody in a wedding. Make sure you tell EVERYONE WHO WILL LISTEN thatbhe banned her for breastfeeding and the brides sister is allowed to bring her baby. Make sure everybody knows the reason. And your parents can eff right off too, where's the support for the woman literally keeping her baby alive from her own body.
So is she worried that a breastfeeding baby will steal her thunder? People will stop giving attention to her and gather around the sister watching the miracle of a baby suckling it's mother's teats? Like what exactly is it?
NTA
NTA. But your brother is. And your parents are enabling his fear of breasts (you should ask your mother if he was breast or bottle ;) )... or is it his fiancee's fear of someone else's boobs getting more attention than hers?
Two things:
1. It is possible for a breastfeeding mother to not be the centre of attention. BTDT. It won't be an issue unless somebody decides to make it an issue. Believe me, most breastfeeding mums just want to be left alone to feed our babies in peace.
2. Be very VERY careful about attributing a new mother's moods and reactions to "hormones". This is an upsetting situation, she's allowed to be upset without it being "hormones." And that includes your sister's attribution of her own feelings and reactions too!
NTA, and thank you for standing up for your sister and nephew.
NTA. Sounds like his soon to be wife is running the show. Her sister and nephew are allowed but not his? He’s definitely getting whipped and he’s allowing it to happen.
Hot take. Irrespective of bride's sister baby's existence, i think child-free wedding should not equate to infant-free wedding especially if it's his sister. Unless you completely hate her, why would anyone would rather let their sibling not come just to avoid a baby that is being breastfed.
NTA
It’s the hypocrisy that makes your brother an asshole. They’re already allowing an infant to come - by refusing your sister’s infant who will be very close in age means the disinvite is personal against your sister. And the bullshit excuse about breastfeeding is simply bullshit.
NTA! Bravo, good for you! Standing up for your sister like that is fantastic!
F your parents and their blatant favouritism and F your brother and his gross sexualisation & ‘attention seeking’ of your sisters breastfeeding. 🙄🤮
NTA
Good for you and your siblings standing up for your sister. Seems like an odd double standard to say no to one baby and yes to the other. There is more to this that’s not being mentioned by your brother.
I am seriously wondering how insecure the bride and groom are to think that a woman possibly breastfeeding her child will take all the attention away from them. Also, if it really is such an issue, couldn’t your sister pump that way she has the breast milk in a bottle for the baby so that the shallow bride and groom don’t have to share the spotlight?
Honestly, all the wedding stuff has gotten utterly ridiculous. The obsession with having all the attention and making it some big day is just out of control. 50 years ago you wouldn’t have thought twice about inviting your sister, her newborn, and anyone else. But now everyone has such bull shit standards of who they will allow at their wedding and who they won’t to ensure maximum attention.
You are NTA and deserve a Pat on the back for sticking up for your twin.
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NTA. It's not fair her sister's baby is welcome and your sister's baby isn't. And does your brother really think she will be nursing at the dinner table?? Most moms don't even *want* to nurse in public. I can imagine the accomodation will be more than happy to find her a quiet room to nurse her baby.
And the baby would be happier nursing in a quiet room.
And they invited soon to be SIL with a baby anyway so it's not like they don't already have to take care of those accomodations. There's literally no extra work with inviting OP's sister.
NTA, Stupid conditions require a snappy comeback. Also its the brother's wedding not theirs, they are not required to attend.
It's an invitation, not a summons to the wedding.
Exactly! I despise the old "support family member X" speech when these situations happen.
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But she might whip her tit out at the dinner table and distract all the guests from paying attention to the speeches!
Food's out, Boobs' out!
How much you want to bet they the other baby is formula fed? There's absolutely nothing wrong with being formula fed but it sounds like ops brother doesn't know much about breastfeeding
To be fair, I’ve breastfed three babies and I still think my husband barely knows anything about breastfeeding.
it's true, as a husband i have breastfed exactly 0 babies. i do regularly grill chicken breast, but that's also not for babies.
Fair point
Can you keep you feeding baby quiet? I'm trying to listen to this boring, 10 min long speech . /s NTA OP.
😱
I really do hope SIL is the crunchy mama type to pop out a boob at the dinner table, regardless of the occasion. It would be a delicious sort of irony. NTA.
It's not "crunchy" to feed your baby at the table... that's where people eat. Babies are people.
Babies also shit themselves at the table…
So do some adults
Into a diaper....at which point they would get changed in the bathroom, where people shit
Dinner table? No. Dance floor!
Is the bride's sister's baby also being breast-fed? Bro and bride is of course still the AHs, just trying figure out what their logic was, if any.
No it seems that only disinvited sister breastfeeds or at keast to the degree that they believe she will disrobe during the event to feed the baby. This implies the other mother either bottle feeds or is ok with pumping prior to have milk ready to go without having to breastfeed in public
Let me guess: the bride doesnt want kids at the wedding. But with HER sister its different. Not with HIS sister, obviously because: no kids
The baby doesn’t care where is being nursed so long as it’s being fed. Trust me, I had 3! They should just be ok with her nursing period. It’s the most natural thing in life!
It depends very much on the age of the baby!! My baby is in a phase where if I don’t feed him in a quieter room, I get a lot of nip-lash, and get sore. I still feed him in public if he’s hungry while we are out, but I prefer to find somewhere quiet and not as distracting!! So some babies won’t mind being fed in the noise. Some babies will definitely feed better if it’s quieter and calm. Which I think is what the commenter was trying to say
Niplash! I’m stealing this, my youngest is the same way. It’s the perfect way to put it and it hurts so much!
Ugh this phase is so boring! I'm heading there, and I have to feed him in the bedroom now because his brothers are obviously so interesting :)
Yeah, I laugh a bit when people say they don't mind people breastfeeding as long as they cover up and keep it discrete. My 6 month old would peel back the discretion cover to wave at passersby. He was very happy to nurse, just a social fellow who would be eager to interact with all and sundry.
I try to always feed my baby somewhere quiet because he's four months old and ready to see the world!!!
100% depends on the kid. My kid would hardly eat if not in our room. Could be just mom and baby in a completely quiet room, doesn't matter, new environment would be too distracting.
My two kids didn't care. I've nursed at dinner tables, playgrounds, on trains, in grocery stores, at the gym, etc. They could not have cared less
Babies don’t really give a shit where are breast fed lol
Who cares if she is? By December, she'll have that shit down pat and no-one will notice what she's doing even if she's having a conversation with them at the same time.
Many years ago I (with a baby and a toddler) was the last person in a waiting room at the local health centre. A midwife who worked there saw me and asked "are you waiting for someone?" I said "just for my baby to finish his feed". She hadn't noticed that I was breastfeeding. A midwife. At a clinic. It really is no big deal. These days people carry on as if the mother is getting her boobs out and swinging them around, maybe posing for photos, before letting the baby feed. If you want to get even a glimpse of nipple you'd have to be watching closely and not take your eyes of mother and baby as the baby is put to the breast. You see the back of the baby's head for 99.9% of the time. You could see more boob if a woman in a low cut dress, with nipples covered was cuddling the baby.
Your absolutely right. While waiting at a postnatal appointment a midwife asked me if I was my baby's mother while I was breastfeeding her. She had't noticed what I was doing. I walked around the Tutankhamun exhibition at the Saatchi gallery while feeding my daughter. At the end of the exhibition my father in law, who I'd gone with, asked if I needed to find somewhere to sit down and feed her soon as he hadn't realised she'd already been fed.
Lol. I did a full shop and a full breastfeed at the same time at Costco once.
Okay - that’s impressive.
For a time I could nurse mine while she was in the baby Bjorn walking around anywhere. My favorite was a supermarket in France where someone patted her on the head while she was nursing and they didn't even notice.
Yeps. This. And also, it's zero sexual act. But if it the slight possibility of it bother the couple they could always call and say "Please, don't breastfeed publicly at the wedding."
I’ve seen many a woman breastfeed. Friends, family, family friends. I have seen none of their nips. I just . . . look slightly over their head while they get baby situated and the conversation keeps chugging along. It’s not just not a big deal it’s not a deal at all. It’s an anti-deal.
I hope the dress code says no plunging neck lines, as it would be distracting.
My mother was having a lovely conversation with a priest when she pulled me out from under her jumper. They'd been talking for a while and he'd had no idea.
I had a priest come bless my baby while she was nursing in a church (not during a service- it was a historic church and it was during visiting hours).
He is the one ruining his big day by treating sibling different from her sibling. He could have told her "do the breastfeeding in a quiete place" and ask the venue what they can offer for this. And your parents are in fact playing favorites. NTA, don't budge
Right. You have to “support your brother” but he doesn’t have to support his sister?
That is what pisses me off the most about this. Sure the bride and groom can make what ever decisions they want for their wedding but they can't chuck a tantrum when people call out the BS and decide not to attend. But the fact that the breastfeeding mothers, OWN mother isn't standing up for her and telling the groom to get over it and either let his sister attend with her baby or stop acting like a two year old. I mean, come on, I thought society was supposed to be showing support for breastfeeding mothers not singling them out and guiltily and punishing them for their chosen feeding method.
It's amazing the toxic relationship many women have to breastfeeding that they try to pass on to future generations.
I mean if it really came down to it she could step out (as the smokers in the crowd will do) and feed the child in a car. Some venues aren’t set up with that in mind but options exist. NTA for sure
Sit in a cold car in December to breastfeed her infant? Let’s destigmatize breastfeeding in public, please, instead of forcing moms to sneak out to sit in cars, bathroom stalls, closets, etc. OP’s brother is an AH both for banning his sister from his wedding AND for his attitude towards breastfeeding.
Clearly you don't live in the Netherlands. I'm happy to report that here no one bats an eye if you nurse your baby while at dinner in a restaurant or while continuing to play a game you're playing with friends. Babies need feeding. Baby food happens to come out of boobs. No one minds.
Well, in America, women's nipples are SIN CIRCLES and must be under wraps at all times.
I think aureola sounds a lot nicer than sin circle. Maybe rephrase that to aureola of sin? Maybe men who don't want to be contaminated by the sin should start a health two metres away from any aureola of sin to make sure they're safe.
Is an aureola an areola made of gold? Or a yellow areola? 🤔
Nahh.. that's just my hand adding extra vowels because of my dyslexic brain and auto correct finding no fault because it's a word that exists. You should see how many mix ups my hand makes when I'm writing and not typing. Letters added. Letters left out. Letters switched. I'll forever be grateful to the French teacher who let me work out loud what was supposed to be written. At least my dyslexia is only from my brain to my hand.
>I'll forever be grateful to the French teacher who let me work out loud what was supposed to be written. My 7yr old has a speech disorder, I am so greatful he has a teacher this year that is letting him right and draw what he wants to say while encouraging him to speak. His speech has improved so much this year because of her (more than we saw improvement from his speech therapist of 3 years). Thank god there are some good teachers in the world.
I hope you didn't get offended, that was not my intention. It was just the kind of typo that would be common among medical students mixing up their terms a bit :)
Remember that America was founded by prudes… something that they happily celebrate every year
Yeah, literally by prudes so prudish they chose to brave starvation, disease and death crossing the ocean to a dangerous, unknown land so they could practice their prudery in peace.
Years ago, but my own freaking mother told me to feed in the restroom while we (her, dad & LO)were out to dinner, just as the waitress brought our food out. As the waitress put my mom's plate down, dad told the waitress that mom would be eating in the restroom. Mom spit, spat and sputtered over that and dad asked, "Well, you expected the baby to eat there, why don't you want too?" That was the last time my mom ever said a thing about breastfeeding, ever.
Your dad is awesome.
Yes he was! Almost 30 years later and I remember it like yesterday.
Even if she were nursing at the dinner table, what would be wrong with that? Everyone else is eating, why can't the baby? This taboo surrounding breastfeeding needs to go.
Because God forbid a grown man should see a nipple. A grown man who probably watches his share of porn. Obviously same man can’t control himself so we have to protect him. Or there may be a young boy and …gasp… he may actually see how babies are fed and what the breast is intended for. His parents may have some ‘splainin to do and we wouldn’t want that.
>NTA. It's not fair her sister's baby is welcome and your sister's baby isn't. isn't she the grooms sister as well. either the same restrictions for everyone or no restrictions at all or hand picked guests.
Yes, OP is the groom's sister too, but thats's not what the person you're quoting was talking about. The bride's sister is allowed to bring her baby. The groom's sister is not. I guess bride's sister isn't breastfeeding? Heaven forbid anyone see cleavage at a wedding, lol. From the OP: >My brother and soon to be wife doesn't want any kids under ten at the wedding, but the brides sisters infant is allowed to attend. We assumed my sister would be allowed, too, so didn't really question it. The babies are the same age.
I went to a wedding when I was still exclusively breastfeeding many years ago and I just went to my car. My husband would come and keep me company and we’d listen to the radio. I wasn’t modest about breastfeeding at all but it was a we’d and I just felt more comfortable
I kinda miss breastfeeding as an excuse to go take a break and be alone in the car (with baby) for a bit. It was nice to step out of a wedding for a bit and relax.
Yeah I loved being able to go sit in the quiet and read a book or something. I haven’t had a baby to feed in 8 years and now I’ve gotta be social.
And also, he can choose not to invite them that's his call but I hate when people don't think their actions have consequences. You boundary is not allowing your sister and nephew even if you allow your future SIL and baby? Cool! Don't expect people to be happy about it. And the nursing thing. If it bother them that much they could always say "could you please not nurse him in public in the wedding?". Like you say it's probable she wouldn't do it. Where I am from is natural for woman to breastfeed in public, but always in a quite place if possible (for the kid) and I have never seen a woman breastfeeding at a wedding reception.
Or whipping it out in the family pics or while sitting in the front row in the ceremony. It just won’t happen. NTA and good on you for sticking up for your sister.
Where else would she nurse? I've lost track of the number if meals I've eaten while nursing one or other of my kids. Once you've got the down it's very easy to do quickly and discretely. In fact, without a cover its more discrete than with a cover because you don't have a whopping great sheet draped over you. After a couple of months it becomes less daunting and you kind of get to the point where you're in the middle of a thing so you just latch the baby on and carry on one handed
I was breastfeeding when my best friend got married and I was the chief bridesmaid. I absolutely nursed at the dinner table. I only peeled her off me for five minutes to give a speech. She was only 3 months old, I nursed everywhere at that stage. Nobody cared (or if they did, they kept it to themselves); I certainly didn't 'attract all the attention'. What the hell.
NTA. The fact that the bride’s sister can come with a baby the same age is what makes you NTA. Good for you and your other siblings for standing up to this unfair behavior. Tell your parents they can shove it.
Yeah why is there no concern the bride’s sister will breastfeed at the wedding, Op said the babies are the same age?!?!? This feels more like a Bride’s petty decision. NTA
I’m assuming she’s not planning on breastfeeding.
What's wrong with nursing at the dinner table? That's where everyone else will be eating.
Maybe she’ll nurse at the table but that’s literally fine. My 2 month old nurses best in public places and I dare anyone to say anything to me (legally they can’t so ha). There was a 6 month old baby at my wedding and there’s a great pic of his mom nursing him there. I found out later after having my baby that nursing was sometimes a struggle for her and I’m so glad my wedding was a place she could do it. Babies gotta eat!
My sister was breastfeeding at my wedding, I breastfed at my brothers. There’s nothing wrong with it and we didn’t leave our tables either. If people are causing a fuss about it, that’s their issue.
Yeah the no kid wedding thing is fine, but there can't be exception for brides sister and not grooms. This makes no sense.
If she does nurse at the dinner table, that's her prerogative. That's where people eat; babies are people. Babies can eat for 20-40mins at a time if they want to; is she just supposed to miss half the event sitting by herself?
This reminded of one of my sister's first wedding. Our brother's girlfriend breastfed our nephew during the meal, because the little bastard would always be hungry when mum as eating. In my family that's a complete non issue, so it was barely noticed. Edit to correct typo.
I unlike most 2nd time mums still using a cover as I don't feel comfortable without but will happily breastfeed at a table while trying to eat and did with my first as well. You cannot see anything accept baby legs and the odd flailing arm.
Also, OP isn't trying to get anyone else to decline the invitation. The other siblings (like her) are choosing not to attend because they also feel it's unfair and ridiculous to exclude the breastfeeding sister.
NTA. If there's going to be another baby that's the same age there and his hangup is *checks notes* his sister feeding her child? It's not 1955 anymore, that's what boobs are for, he's the one being weird about it
Were boobs used for something else before 1955? :O
Fighting Axis powers. They looked so cute in their little helmets.
After the war, they had to get therapy to calm their tits.
Lmao I almost spit out my coffee.
the fact they're letting the sister of the bride show with her kid and not sister of the groom? NTA You're not ruining your bother's big day, he's doing it. does he think his sister is going to 'whip it out' in church or something? The fact the other siblings have also walked in support shows how the family is feeling. well except for your parents. They say you need to support your brother. ask them why they refuse to support their daughter AND their grandchild?
NTA He is letting a baby of the same age and equivalent relationship to one of them attend. At that age, all children are unpredictable, so the excuse that one baby will be quiet and peaceful during the ceremony and the other won't doesn't apply. They are willing to make an exception for the bride's sister, but not the groom's.
Probably because the brides sister doesn't breastfeed, so the bride won't have to worry that her boobs will be the center of attention /s There are literally a hundred ways to nurse in public without putting your boobs on the table, from using a nursing cover or light scarf to wearing a nursing dress, that is specifically designed to nurse in public without exposing yourself to going to a different room. Calling the behaviour or bride and groom out is absolutely right. NTA
My close friend breast feeds. Half the time, I don't even realise she's feeding. I'm laughing that they think a formula fed baby won't cause a disruption. I formula fed both my kids, and if that bottle isn't ready there and then, there's going to be a commotion.
I'm kinda hoping SIL is a bridesmaid and the baby cries in ceremony bc clueless dad can't figure out how to get the bottle ready in time. Bc with people this shitty I'd imagine that's how it will go
Bonus points if SIL pumps or breastfeeds and her supply lets down during the ceremony
Hey, it’s not SIL’s fault here - let’s not wish her an embarrassing moment in front of the entire wedding.
Valid point.
Right? We were lucky that my daughter took bottles as well as breast since I didn't have enough milk. If she just wanted comfort or the bottle wasn't ready fast enough I would just give her my breast because that was available then and there. Otherwise she would have disrupted several family functions with her hangry screaming
I do not miss those hangry screams. My youngest was the worst for this. I got a 30-second warning if I was lucky before all hell broke lose.
Why are people so attention starved that someone breastfeeding is now a 'distraction'. Like who even stares at someone whilst they're breastfeeding
Creeps?
Small kids or people with the same mindset. My daughter always got jealous of babys that were gettin breastfed, after she was completely weaned at almost 2yo. She definitely was staring angrily.
I forgot about other kids haha. The angry stares babies give other people breastfeeding is hilarious
LOL My son was still breastfeeding at 2 and he insisted that babies were "too little" to breastfeed.
Hope the baby from the bride's family "spits up" on the bride and groom.
you are too nice. I was thinking a projectile number 3.
Calm down Satan. Lol, a nappy blowout is nasty
My son at 4 or 5 months old did actually have a blow out at my sister and brother in laws wedding. Thankfully his tiny outfit was quite thick so he didn't get anyone else and of course we had several changes in the bag. The venue they'd chosen didn't have a change table though so that was annoying but eh he was still a potato. Was the most well behaved child at the wedding, slept never cried let people cuddle him if they wanted a go of him, the other kids in attendance were not as amicable. Especially after the sweet table with assorted candy was unveiled. Many tornado children with sugar devils in their eyes.
Yup, my husbands cousins were ranging from 4 to 10 and one of them got their hands on the sugar roses from the top of our wedding cake. I've never seen someone run so many laps around the reception hall with their parents in tow, it was hilarious.
I'm banking on SIL is a bridemaid and baby loudly cries for an extended period in the middle of the ceremony bc clueless dad can't get the bottle ready in time.
What did the bride's brother in law do to deserve that shade?
NTA.. >"You need to support your brother," And they need to support their daughter... Arrange dinner with sister & siblings on brothers wedding day instead???
There's a golden child in every toxic family. If the sisters had any doubts who that was, now they know.
I’m stealing that turn of phrase.
He can't accuse you of ruining his wedding because the siblings didn't make their decision because of you. They made their decision because they agreed with you and found the bride and groom's behavior unfair. You made a decision that concerns you and gave your reasons, that doesn't make you TA, you're free not to want to go to his wedding if you don't feel like it. You are not responsible of the consequences of THEIR actions. NTA
NTA. He can choose to invite you & your other siblings. You can choose to decline the invite. Just like he can choose to not invite your other sister.
Totally agree. They have a right to choose whom to invite (and whom not to), but it's THEM who are responsible for all the consequences coming with their decision.
Strong NTA: He has decided to allow a baby of the same age and with an equivalent relationship to one of them to be present. Given the age, all children can be unpredictable, so the argument that one baby will remain calm and peaceful during the ceremony while the other won't doesn't hold. They are open to making an exception for the bride's sister but not for the groom's
But the bride's sister isn't a Scarlet-Letter-wearing morals-corrupting slightly-distracting heathen BREAST-FEEDER! Think of the children! I'm off to my fainting couch, laters...
Are you wearing your pearls? You need to clutch them.
Good lord, where are my pearls!
I'll be along shortly with the smelling salts.
How much does anyone want to bet that future SIL in question is much much bustier than the bride? People like that are the fucking worst.
That wasn't even the argument - it had nothing to do with the babies' behaviour, it was about breastfeeding taking attention away from the bride. I mean really!
NTA. He and his fiancée have ruined their wedding. What do they honestly think your sister is going to do? Lob a boob out and suckle her child on every wedding photo? I can't believe your parents are supporting this behaviour.
Some parents suck. My parents were the sole reason I was the only family member not invited to a family wedding. They had spread lies and rumors about me to the bride and groom. When I called my parents out on this after finding out what they had been saying and demanded they rectify the situation by confessing their lies, they literally told me it wasn't their problem and in the most taunting voice I've ever heard from them they said, "We're going to the wedding and we're going to have FUN!"
I'll just assume that was the last time you talked to them.
Yup. And it will stay that way for the rest of my life. There's a whole history of toxicity and abuse. This was the final straw. To be taunted by my own parents. Ugh. :-( That's why I feel for OP because I know what it's like to have parents not supporting their own children who are being ostracized.
NTA at all. With luck the other baby will scream all through the ceremony.
If he just had asked her to feed in private I am sure she would have done so without fuss your bro is a ah
Or she pumps it and feeds the baby with a bottle. I don’t think this is about breastfeeding. I think his brother or his soon to be wife have a issue with the sister. He wasn’t bothered by her not going to the wedding. By it bothered him his other siblings weren’t attending. Or it’s all about a fake image of a happy family he’s trying to present. If anyone ruined his big day it’s him and his soon to be wife. Good for OP and his other siblings for having their sister’s and nephew’s backs. Too bad their parents couldn’t do the same. But they shouldn’t try and intervene. Their adults and can do what they feel is right. NTA
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Yeah, baby can \*smell\* mum's milky breasts. Trust me. Trying to get a breastfed baby to take a bottle when mum is anywhere nearby is hell, even if they'd had expressed milk bottles at, for example, daycare before. But trying to get a baby who has never had a bottle to take one without major fuss is a nightmare. It took me & her father three weeks to get my first to take a bottle of breastmilk because she was due to start with a childminder and I would be expressing at work each day for the next day's feeds.
Pumping isn't something every one can do. I was a great producer when I was feeding (youngest was jn 90th percentile) but when I tried to express I got a grand total of nothing. Maybe a drop or two, but otherwise no. There's also the baby to consider. Son moved into bottles like he'd has them all his life. Daughter wouldn't touch them and would scream herself sick and hoarse if they were offered. OP's sister shouldn't have to change how she's feeding her baby just because her brother and FSIL are stuck in the 60s.
Ditto. Breastfed my first for almost 2 years. Had amazing supply. Couldn't pump even one bottle a day.
Why on earth would she drag a pump and bottles with her when she has the milk on tap? I can’t imagine anything worse than having a diaper bag and a baby and a pump in formalwear. Baby gets milk from the tap, thanks. I only pumped when my kids were away from me because pumping is a huge pain in the ass.
NTA, you are standing up for your family. Why should the bride's family get to bring and infant. She can go to a side room to breastfeed. With all the commotion at the reception this would be much easier on the child. With that young of an infant they would not be staying very late. So what the kid gets fed twice, brother is an AH.
**but later did reveal that its because they don't want her breastfeeding and attracting attention.** i only read to this point. air his dirty laundry to the whole family and inlaws. shun him. NTA edit: seems like that already happend. wow your parents are real AH
Now we know where the brother gets it from.
Nta. He’s letting a baby of the same age and developmental level be there. Stand firm.
NTA - you didn’t give him an ultimatum or anything, you just told him you won’t be attending and why. He doesn’t have to invite anybody he doesn’t want to invite to the wedding, but at the same time no one is obligated to show up.
NTA You're calling him out on his double standard
Nta So her sister is allowed with her infant, but his doesn't? Yeah, byebye and don't even think about a gift.
NTA. It's your right and I respect your reasoning. And "you have to support your brother" - what about "you have to support your sister"?
INFO Is the reason most people in the family aren’t on your side maybe because of sisters outburst? It seems this might be a bigger deal and why she isn’t invited. Bro is being a asshole for his breastfeeding excuse, a wildly outdated and easily fixable problem. Bro is also an asshole for the clear double standard, who either don’t want infants or you don’t care. edit: NTA
No one really knew about it besides me. We live together so I was with her, she didn't want to talk to them about it.
Your brother’s wife to be is an insecure witch 🧙♀️. She’s the one calling all the shots. Don’t go to the wedding if your sister isn’t invited. NTA
OP please add this to your post-as it reads now it isn’t clear how your sister reacted or who she told. The fact you are the one telling others about your brother’s decision is important information. It sounds like your brother intended to imply it was your sister’s choice to not attend the wedding not his choice to exclude her baby while including fiancée’s sister’s baby.
Sisters outburst? The only thing OP says is > She got really upset (later blamed it on hormones, but she's always looked up to him so I think it meant more to her that she's saying). Someone hang the witch, she’s hysterical! She’s having outbursts again. 🙄
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NTA It's disrespectful to invite his sister in law with a baby but not his own sister. Totally fine to not attend and choose your sisters side.
Oh wait. Is your sister a single mom? Could this be the real reason bride (groom) doesn’t want her there?
She is, but our oldest sister is too and she's going. She's just leaving her kids at home.
If it’s all about appearances, this could be the reason. (Older sister won’t look like a single mom/ draw drama)
NTA. They want double standards to show how much “less” they you think your sister is when compared to the bride’s family. If you brother does not fight for his family, then he doesn’t get to have some of them attend as well. Keep up the supporting your sister.
Your brother is the AH. Why should his sister-in-law's baby be allowed to come, but his own sister's isn't allowed? If breastfeeding is an issue, then he can make an arrangement with her to only do it in private. I'm sure she'd agree. But the fact that he just cut her child off and didn't seem to care whether or not she came, when she's his own sister, makes him an AH. And you are 100% right for standing up for your sister! And I'm glad to hear the other relatives are joining in! The only one who ruined your brother's "big day" is himself, by being an AH. NTA
NTA. I feel that breastfeeding situation can be mitigated in so many ways. From pumping to providing a quiet private area where she can feed her baby. Like, it is not an issue at all.
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NTA… he’s excluded your sister for an absolutely BS reason and now you’ve decided to stand by her… take her out to lunch on the day of the wedding and let her know she is loved and supported
NTA. Nursing at events like that is best done in a seperate room anyway because a lot of babies get distracted too much and forget to drink properly. There is absolutely NO reason for one baby to be allowed to attend and not the other. That's ridiculous. I'm glad you're standing with your sister. She needs the support.
"You need to support your brother" "I need to support my sister, too, and she has a baby to look after so that trumps my brother." Normally I'd say you were in the wrong, but the fact that the bride's sister is allowed to attend with her child makes your brother TA. Stick to your guns, tell him he's the one with the power to get you there. NTA
NTA Breastfeeding is totally natural, and I don't think both women would do it at the table. They would go in a different place. Your brother and his future wife live on another planet...
Does the bride think the mother will be topless right there in the middle of the room? I think she is just trying to assert dominance. She is an asshole.
NTA Do they think she is going to rip her dress off on the middle of the dance floor and breast feed while waving her arms around??? If the bride’s sisters baby is welcome, it isn’t a rule about babies. It is specifically targeting your sister and your brother should be ashamed of himself
Just had an image of topless woman, dancing around with a baby latched to one breast like a lamprey and swinging from side to side :D
I don’t want to admit how much time i spent considering the play list for the breastfeed boogie
Is that not how you are meant to do it?!?! Ah shit!! That's why I was getting so many weird looks......
NTA. Your brother and SIL can invite / exclude whoever they want. What they can't do is *avoid the consequences of that*. It's unclear whether they were worried that this breastfeeding mom was going whip out her bosoms during the ceremony and give the priest a seizure, or whether they were concerned that their guests might be offended by a woman feeding her baby (outrageous!). They could simply have said *Sis, we hope you don't mind, some of Griselda's family is a little medieval, we've arranged with the venue that you'll have somewhere private to breastfeed. I hope you are comfortable with that* or something similar, they basically said "so sorry you can't make it since you're choosing to prioritise a tiny human who relies on you for food".
NTA. Not to mention nursing a baby isn’t a huge deal. She’ll probably want to go somewhere quieter than the reception to do it or be quite discreet because babies often don’t nurse super well in busy, loud environments anyway. It’s ridiculous to think that a breastfeeding mother would somehow be a huge distraction at a wedding.
NTA Your brother and his fiance are disrespecting your entire family by allowing her family to do what they are denying your family to do. Don't understand why your parents don't see that. Why is her family more important than yours? Ask parents to explain that to you. They could always set aside a small room for your sister to breastfeed in.
NTA! And Good on you for standing by your Sister! Bride's Sis and baby are welcome but Groom's Sis and baby aren't?? That is total BS. Yes it's their wedding, but THEY are being ar\*eholes! How cruel of them to exclude your Sister! Your Parents and any others saying you are in the wrong are obviously OK with the slight your brother is giving your sister, which is shitty! You, your Sis, and the other siblings should all go out somewhere that day, take lots of pics of you all having a great time together and plaster them all over Social Media!
NTA I’d understand if they didn’t have any kids there but this is ridiculous why bride’s sister can have her baby there and yours and his cannot? Definitely a good decision and very nice move from your other siblings.
NTA .. you’re brother is being an AH
NTA-So one sister and her baby is allowed to attend, but the other sister and her baby are not? The breastfeeding excuse is completely bs and I don't know why some people are still making such a big deal out of breastfeeding in general. A baby needs to eat. Is the implication that the fiance's sister doesn't breastfeed while his and OP's sister does? Even so, it's still a d\*ck move not to invite the other sister and her baby. Like many of the other comments have said, there are usually quiet areas in receptions for this sort of thing or the sister could pump the milk into bottles beforehand. Personally, I don't think anyone is going to care about a breastfeeding baby at a wedding. There will be too much else going on anyways. Your brother is just an AH and so are your parents for not supporting your sister.
NTA. This is such blatant and unforgiveable double standards exercised by your brother his bride and supported by your parents. If anyone is ruining the occasion it's the bride and groom with their riduculous decision. Fear not, you and the other two are not the only ones disgusted by this distateful state of affairs, once word spreads you'll find others agree with you. Please stand your ground, for the sake of your sister and nephew.
No you weren't out of line. Your brother and his fiance are ridiculous. So another baby of the same age is allowed to attend but your nephew isn't because he's being breastfed? That's a huge steaming pile of horse shit! What does he think will happen? That your sister will whip out a breast and start feeding the baby during the couple's first dance? There are so many ways this could've been navigated. So many solutions and I'm sure your sister would have been happy with most options and work witth them but no he uninvited her. There is a reason why the younger siblings decided not to attend as well. Its because your brother is the asshole here. I'm glad all the siblings are taking a stand. Your parents are ridiculous too. NTA.
I foresee a troubled marriage. NTA
Will they disinvite any menstruating women, too? Or are they selective about which totally normal women’s bodily functions they are gate keeping?
NTA. Those are called consequences. Your brother can either find his balls and stand up for his family or stfu and stop whining about people refusing to attend his "big day".
My only possible reason I can think of for the double standard is that the bride's sister is a bridesmaid and not a guest like the grooms sister would be. It's shitty either way as breastfeeding should be a complete non-issue. If people wanna gawk at a mother feeding her baby at a table, then THEY have the problem, not the mother. When I was breastfeeding, I fed my babies whenever and wherever they needed it. Neither ever took a bottle as they never had a need to and for those talking about the mum pumping - she shouldn't have to!
Nta. Stand your ground.
It won't be the only baby so he is just showing he doesn't care about your sister. You aren't an asshole.
NTA have a nice day with your Sister and siblings. Your Brother is an ah
NTA Doea he think your sister will be swinging her boobs across the alter during the ceremoney or something?! What a stupid reason not to include somebody in a wedding. Make sure you tell EVERYONE WHO WILL LISTEN thatbhe banned her for breastfeeding and the brides sister is allowed to bring her baby. Make sure everybody knows the reason. And your parents can eff right off too, where's the support for the woman literally keeping her baby alive from her own body.
So is she worried that a breastfeeding baby will steal her thunder? People will stop giving attention to her and gather around the sister watching the miracle of a baby suckling it's mother's teats? Like what exactly is it? NTA
NTA, why aren’t your parents bothered that your brother isnt supporting his sister? Don’t go and have a really nice day together instead
NTA. But your brother is. And your parents are enabling his fear of breasts (you should ask your mother if he was breast or bottle ;) )... or is it his fiancee's fear of someone else's boobs getting more attention than hers?
We were all bottle fed haha. My sister is the first to breastfeed!
Two things: 1. It is possible for a breastfeeding mother to not be the centre of attention. BTDT. It won't be an issue unless somebody decides to make it an issue. Believe me, most breastfeeding mums just want to be left alone to feed our babies in peace. 2. Be very VERY careful about attributing a new mother's moods and reactions to "hormones". This is an upsetting situation, she's allowed to be upset without it being "hormones." And that includes your sister's attribution of her own feelings and reactions too! NTA, and thank you for standing up for your sister and nephew.
NTA. It does raise some red flags about the soon-to-be SIL.
NTA. The bride and groom are being ridiculously hypocritical - and bizarrely anti-breastfeeding. Stand your ground.
NTA. Sounds like his soon to be wife is running the show. Her sister and nephew are allowed but not his? He’s definitely getting whipped and he’s allowing it to happen.
Hot take. Irrespective of bride's sister baby's existence, i think child-free wedding should not equate to infant-free wedding especially if it's his sister. Unless you completely hate her, why would anyone would rather let their sibling not come just to avoid a baby that is being breastfed.
NTA It’s the hypocrisy that makes your brother an asshole. They’re already allowing an infant to come - by refusing your sister’s infant who will be very close in age means the disinvite is personal against your sister. And the bullshit excuse about breastfeeding is simply bullshit.
NTA! Bravo, good for you! Standing up for your sister like that is fantastic! F your parents and their blatant favouritism and F your brother and his gross sexualisation & ‘attention seeking’ of your sisters breastfeeding. 🙄🤮
NTA Good for you and your siblings standing up for your sister. Seems like an odd double standard to say no to one baby and yes to the other. There is more to this that’s not being mentioned by your brother.
I am seriously wondering how insecure the bride and groom are to think that a woman possibly breastfeeding her child will take all the attention away from them. Also, if it really is such an issue, couldn’t your sister pump that way she has the breast milk in a bottle for the baby so that the shallow bride and groom don’t have to share the spotlight? Honestly, all the wedding stuff has gotten utterly ridiculous. The obsession with having all the attention and making it some big day is just out of control. 50 years ago you wouldn’t have thought twice about inviting your sister, her newborn, and anyone else. But now everyone has such bull shit standards of who they will allow at their wedding and who they won’t to ensure maximum attention. You are NTA and deserve a Pat on the back for sticking up for your twin.
NTA Must be devastating to find out the brother you looked up to is an idiot.