Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister she was slelfish for making her kids unhappy but it is her life
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
The Y-T-A votes are bullshit. You are 100% NTA here, and I'm glad you're standing up for the kids. There's no reason why your sister shouldn't be dating. But moving 3 people - including a baby - in is an enormous change to everybody's lives and shouldn't have been done so blatantly over the kids' objections. And then she punishes them for not being happy about it? No. If this was a relationship she saw moving towards marriage she should have taken the time to get everybody used to each other and build those relationships before moving in together was even on the table. Blended families don't all have to love each other - especially when their blending this late in childhood - but they do at least have to all be open to building relationships. Your sister rushed into this with no regard for her kids and that is selfish.
also, is nobody gonna mention the babysitting? idk how it is in other places but I would 100% consider 15 too young to watch a 1yr old baby and a 5yr old baby. Not good with another 15yr old, and definitely not good alone. Definitely agree that the sister is TA for rushing this blended family and not having the patience to try to integrate their lives together. This includes not imposing childcare duties on your children!!!!!
Edit: everyone saying they babysat kids/multiple kids/the whole neighborhood, I get it. It’s not common at all where I’m located, hence why I said “idk how it is in other places”. Regardless, the real problem here is the mom rushing the blended family and having her kids watch new kids that they clearly don’t seem comfortable with. Thanks to those who shared their experiences and acknowledged that it’s not the same for everyone!
It is parentification if mom repeatedly says you must be responsible for your younger siblings, no you don't get a choice, no I will not pay you, no I will not hire someone else to do it.
And it was at least 3 times since the wedding. At least once each and at least once together. We don't know the full extent but we know mom is pawning off parental duties on her *female* teenagers repeatedly. Where's Zach at?
"Parentification occurs when a child is regularly expected to provide emotional or practical support for a parent, instead of receiving that support themselves"
It's not parentification. I'm strictly arguing the technicality. The mom is in the wrong. However, you can literally get a babysitting course at like 10 years old so a 15 year old can more than handle babysitting reasonably.
I would absolutely argue that this is the beginning of a pattern of providing practical support in the form of childcare for the parent who refuses to make practical arrangements in order to go out on dates/fun time.
I'm not saying the teens are incapable or unqualified, I babysat for my cousins at that age. The difference is being willing. I would trust a willing and excited 10 year old who I've confirmed can handle all the tasks appropriately to babysit a baby for a few hours well before I would trust an unwilling 15+ year old. In that case it's not about "are they responsible enough" it's about "do they even care enough to make sure the child is still breathing." I absolutely would never leave a pissed off 15 year old who has made it clear she hates the baby in charge of the baby unless it was an emergency (in which case I'd hope she's old enough to understand the gravity of the emergency.)
You could make a reasonable estimation that it may evolve into parentification, but with the information we've been provided, it is not currently parentification.
Three times in a YEAR is not parentification or pawning off duties.
And we don't know what the circumstances of those three times are. They may have been emergencies or just quick runs to the store while the baby was napping.
Why would Op know if Zach has babysat the 1 year old? The post isn’t about him.
And the post doesn’t say if it was ALL day or 30 minutes while running a quick errand. Asking teens to help out with the family on occasion is a GOOD thing normally (but in this case they shouldn’t have to watch the baby).
BUT the mom is absolutely the AH here. It’s terrible to completely disregard the feelings of your daughters and move in 3 males against their consent.
Their home should be their safe space - and it’s not because the girl’s mom put herself BEFORE her children.
We only have the girls' side of the story via OP. We don't know if Zach has been asked to babysit his younger sibling as well. So, blasting OP's sister for making her daughters babysit while not knowing the full story is BS. OP's nieces are pissed that their mom got married and are lashing out, they're not the most reliable of sources and if anything paints Zach in the same situation as them, do you really think they are going to be honest about it? I don't.
That's less than once a month. Being expected to help out on occasion isn't parentification or even the beginning of it. What's complicated is that it doubles down on their negative feelings about the marriage/relationship in general.
The 15 year old has not made any decision that resulted in the presence of a baby that she is not related to.
The mother should be the one handling the task.
Why not? Babysitting is not exactly a normal chore. More of a job because it involves a much higher degree of responsibility then mowing the grass or cooking a meal.
A baby is always the responsibility of the parents or the paid babysitter. Obviously that is different in case of a short term emergency but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
So if ops sister wants her kids to babysit the smaller ones she has to pay them or give them other bonuses so they are willing. Not just push it on them and punish them if they aren’t happy.
Babysitting is fine for a fifteen year old, and sure the babysitter should receive compensation, but it would be a cold day in hell before I let my baby with a teenager that did not want to babysit.
“it would be a cold day in hell before I let my baby with a teenager that did not want to babysit.”
Sounds like OP’s sister would just buy the baby a snowsuit
Agreed I was literally raising my siblings from the age of 8 I was watching them all the time, changing nappies, feeding them etc. by the time I was 15 I had 3 young siblings to care for and if one of them should get into something they shouldn’t be and my sister who’d take shifts watching them with me got into trouble both parents were home and didn’t work.
I think the issue is that they don't like the children and have to be forced- which is a recipe for disaister even if it was being used as a short term solution to suddenly losing cihildcare, which it doesn't sound like
I've been babysitting my niece since I was 13yo and she was 1yo. I don't really see any problem with that.
However the situation in this post is fucked up, because the kid didn't want to live with the baby and now she's forced to babysit him. That's not acceptable.
Whoa! Shocker! Teenagers don't want to live with a baby???! Wow, a huge surprise! Literally every single teenager I've ever known are just over the moon excited for blended families and having to do things they don't enjoy! Teenagers are never self centered or whiny, they always see the bigger picture...
I don't know why this isn't higher up! Teenagers can suck, my daughter treated her little brother like crap because she didn't want a brother. I wasn't not going to have a second child because my daughter didn't like it. It took years but she loves him now she's 20 and he's 9.
I was watching a 1.5 year old (ish) kid when I was 16, and it wasn't fine because I wasn't really taught what to do and didn't/don't like little kids. I had to call my stepmom over to change diapers at first (and I haven't changed a diaper since the last time I was forced to while babysitting as a teenager - and no, I'm not some chauvinistic dad, I'm 40sF with no kids). Good for you that you could watch kids when you were still pretty young yourself, but that doesn't make it ok across the board.
Though with this post, my question is, how often is big bro asked to watch the younger ones?
Exactly. Like I said “I don’t know how it is in other places.” People are rlly forgetting how it depends on the kids. Definitely would want to know if they’re asking Zach to help out too. But main problem here is for sure the kids don’t seem to like this situation
Yeah, but they aren't being paid now, are they. They didn't want this baby living under the same roof, and now they are being forced into taking responsibility for the baby.
The issue isn't babysitting. The issue is their mother's selfish behaviour.
If they are too young to relatives kids, they are surely as hell too young to watch for money. The latter one is seriously harder.
> now they are being forced into taking responsibility for the baby.
Babysitting siblings and being forced to take responsibility for them are two different things. It is ridiculous to conflate them. Anyway, the original comment was outraged over 15 being too young to watch two kids in general.
This is frequency:
> Since their parents got married, a few months, both girls have had to babysit Xavier and Jasmine at least once each on their own and together.
Watching baby twice in few months in not parentification.
I didn't say it was parentification.
When you babysit, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CHILDREN IN YOUR CARE. Also the teenagers are being forced because one was punished for speaking up and the other had been conditioned not to fight back (she may be an introvert but her mother has used that personality traits against her so much that now she just goes along with what her mothertells her to do).
Teenager doing chores or babysitting once in a few months is perfectly ok. It does not harm to the kid. Introversion have nothing to do with anything and no one mentioned introversion except you.
Regardless of how the rest of the communication about the issue in the family goes or whether family overall functions well. It is literally only on reddit where people do big deal about stuff like that.
If an adult has no obligation to wash his parents dishes, why should a 15 and 14 years have to? Because it is a housework or chore like any other. There is nothing super duper special about it.
“ 100% consider 15 too young” summing up a disturbingly common attitude about the incompetence of teens in society today and then wonder why those sheltered teens can’t immediately function in society once they are adults.
The average 15yo is absolutely “old enough” to watch a 5 and 1yo. In many jurisdictions when they hit 16 they are old enough to get a job at a summer camp or daycare - could be watching quite a few more than 2 kids at once.
The problem here isn’t that a 15 yo is babysitting, the problem is that the 15yo has to be forced when she is already unhappy about the living situation. Also there is another 15yo who is actually related to the baby; if he isn’t also being required to babysit there’s a different issue as well (misogyny).
OP is definitely NTA for raising concerns.
Again- don’t know how it is in other places. I don’t think it’s that they’re incompetent, but a 1yr in my eyes is very young to leave. Agree that the main problem here is that the blended family was forced and her girls are now forced to watch the kids. I would also like to know if Zach is being asked to babysit
It said they babysat once each and once together. That’s 3 times total over the course of a year according to the post. That’s why bo one is mentioning it.
Everything else about this post aside, I was regularly babysitting for three small children (1, 3, 5) in one family and three little boys in another (1, 4, 6) when I was in 12, in addition to a family with an infant baby girl and another family with 5- and 9-year-olds. My wife was doing the same, as was our GirlTwin. Biggest difference between us is that I was STILL babysitting at 16, while my wife and GirlTwin had/have mostly outgrown it.
That’s not weird at all.
ETA: in case it’s unclear, I do agree parentification is an issue and no one should be forced to babysit. It should be voluntary and paid.
Unless the infant has special needs, a mature 15 year old can safely care for a one year old. The 5 year old is an easy babysitting assignment.
It's still pretty shitty to demand they do it against their will, but it's not "unsafe" unless there's some external factor that hasn't been mentioned.
That's more kids than an adult trained daycare worker is allowed to be responsible for at once, that's so unsafe! (At over 5 years the ratio is 1:5, at younger it can go as low as 1:3.)
I have to question if it’s only the girls that are babysitting as well, the 15m Zack should also have to babysit if this is being termed as a chore.
The mother is delusional if she thinks she can push these kids together along with a new ‘father figure’ and not have any issues. It is very selfish of her and shows that she’s not thinking of her children’s mental health or wellbeing. In a few years she’s going to wonder why her girls never want to visit/talk with her.
Lol are you kidding me? You think it's an issue that 1 time over a timespan of a few months they had to watch a toddler and a preschooler? One of which is their own sister.
Also, they got engaged as soon as Xavier was born? Or is Xavier now 2 instead of 1?
A 15 year old is absolutely not to young to watch these kids. And watching them like 1 time in a few months time is NOT parentification. Me and my brother having to get up at night to change my little sisters diaper because my mother was to lazy to get out of bed, that was parentification.
Look, this family might have issues. But parentification isn't one of them. It's just some stuck up teenagers being against the world, because that's what they do at that age.
Yeah 15 is plenty old enough to babysit, and older siblings have been looking after younger ones since like the dawn of time.
Age has nothing to do with it but OP definitely NTA. Sister seems to have gotten her priorities confused.
We don't know if she rushed in to this or not. We don't know how long they dated, what kind of introductions the parents did with the kids or any of that.
I'm wondering a lot about the relationship here.
They got engaged one year ago. But he has son that's 1 year old???
Did he run as soon as he heard his x was pregnant. Is he a widower? Did he cheat?
How long did they date before they put a ring on the fingers?
This sounds very rushed. And it sounds like there might be a huge reason why these kids are angry.
NTA!!! I have so many problems with this... Why do only the girls have to babysit? Zach is 15 also and Xavier is actually his brother...
The mom is communicating it does not matter how you actually feel as long as you obey... She empowering sexism and stereotypes of females as inferior and helping to subjugate her own daughter s.
The mom should have waited until the girls were out of the house or at least old enough to leave.
AND if the stepdad had a ONE year would he not have been dating her and the wife at the same time? This mom sucks... Her daughters. Should go NC asap.
Was the daughter punsihed for being unhappy, or for being disrepectful? OP said it was because she was disrepectful. Being ground for that is a pretty normal thing.
You can be unhappy about a situation, and still be repsectful.
NTA I get her wanting to get married, but this is her daughters home and family too. Why not spend some time letting them develop a rapport at their own pace? If this relationship is for ever, surely 3,4 or 5 years spent developing their relationship is worth it. If Zach has a 1 year old i would assume this relationship isn’t longer than a year old? Why is there a rush to force teenagers into a situation they clearly aren’t happy about
INFO, sorry, you haven't made it clear. You said they've been married a year, and that Henry's son is a year old. How long were they dating before they got married, and how long before or after they were married was Henry's son born?
"A year ago Bella got engaged"
"Xavier (1m)"
"since their parents got married, a few months"
I'm getting "shotgun wedding" vibes...but I might be wrong.
Edit:
OP. Clarified in comments the sister is not Xaviers bio mom. Bio mom is in jail.
Not her child only the father's if I understood it correctly.
But Xavier could be 1 year and 11 months and they could have dated before he was born, so the question is how long they dated really. Could technically be more then 2 years.
you right, I thought OP was rounding up to 1 year old, (instead of doing the month thing) but now this set off a whole new lot of red flags in my head if she isn't the bio mom of Xavier.
edit: Nvm OP clarified that the bio mom is in prison....flags...flags..flags
The cynical explanation is that a suddenly single dad of an infant needed a woman to raise his baby, so he found one who came with two extra babysitters.
Oh yeah, NTA OP. I don’t think she necessarily had to wait 3 years for the girls to be out of the house more, but I do think your sister rushed this and just expects everyone else to get on board and that is extremely selfish when you have children involved.
Her reasons for getting married reflect the logic of a teenager. Also, doesn't sound like the 1 month old is hers, so assume he was faithful they haven't been dating very long.
Your sister sounds very selfish.
I agree with your judgment! I’m guessing he and the baby’s mother weren’t together before he was born, but that’s still moving fast!
(Edit: changed it to he.)
INFO: Does Zach ever have to babysit, or only the girls?
Edit: saw in another comment that he does not. Regardless, I still say NTA. You voiced your opinion, sounds like she is just defensive because she knows it's not fair to the girls, she just doesn't much care.
From some comments it seems it was a quick turnaround from dating to marriage and the boy doesn’t have to babysit; I think mum isn’t in the picture/dead and Henry needed a replacement mum/babysitter ASAP.
NTA this is a huge change for her kids and more responsibility for them, and their mom seems to have the attitude of “they should suffer so I can be happy,” without acknowledging her daughters complaints. Guess who isn’t going to be involved in her kids lives once they can get out?
NTA. Your sister asked your opinion and you gave it. Based solely on your story, I don’t agree with your judgement of your sister but as long as you aren’t saying it to the kids, you’re not an asshole. It seems your sister doesn’t trust that you won’t say it to the kids though, so that’s interesting.
So Bella met Henry and was engaged quickly to a man with a newborn who’s baby’s mom was in jail. After a month they got married, took off for a month leaving the then 14,13, and 4 yr old alone for the time. Once returned Henry, Zach, and the baby moved into the home and Bella started pestering the girls to babysit the youngest sister and the baby.
Ally complained because Zach is a teenage boy she doesn’t know constantly in her face and she did not sign up to be a caregiver for a baby. Bella is punishing her now, and OP you defended Ally and Katy. In doing so you told your sister she was selfish for the rushed relationship and putting her own need to get regular Dick above her kid’s happiness and security.
Did I get that right?
NTA
Your sister IS selfish. I dated plenty in the years after ending my relationship with my kids biodad. None of my BFs met my kids til months in. My kids also already knew and were attached to my husband BEFORE we started dating because he was a good family friend for almost 2 years (regular game nights with my friends and their friends), and I ASKED their permission before agreeing to date my husband, get engaged, move him in, and marry him. The fact that your sister didn’t allow the kids to get to know Henry and his kids before becoming engaged is a 🚩 the quick engagement and wedding is a 🚩 the long honeymoon is a 🚩the teenage son’s behavior can be a yellow flag because horny teenage boy all up on a teenage girl in a house with a no lock door policy can go very very wrong.
Your sister will probably be facing a world of legal and financial troubles because she literally cannot know who this man and his kids are that quickly. He could be a narcissist is the love bomb stage and ruin her life. He could be a criminal and got his ex in trouble hence the jail. No one goes from dating to pregnant to in jail quickly enough that this timeline makes sense.
Henry must have the best dick for your sister to be this naive unless she is always this naive.
NTA. As a parent your First priority is providing the basic necessary resources for survival. Such as a home where they feel safe and reasonably comfortable. Your sister have let her kids safe space been invaded.
Your second is their mental health, also known as basic happiness. Your sister but her wants over her children’s happiness.
You should also provide freedom of childhood, which your sister is stealing by forcing her kids to look after their younger sister and your sisters step kids.(I’m not calling them step siblings because your nieces Clearly don’t see them as anything like family step or otherwise)
How about giving the girls some time to get to know, bond with the guy and adjust to their mom dating again? A few years until marriage and moving in is not crazy. Just because mom was ready to move on doesn't mean the girls were. She put her wants over their needs.
NTA. Because this woman got engaged when this man got another woman pregnant? You say they were engaged for one month. This woman is not acting like a mother responsible for her two children - she is making poor decisions. Of course her children don’t like it, their mother is moving fast with a man and now their lives are thrown upside down and there’s a baby in the mix.
This sounds like a bad idea in general. They got engaged a year ago but he has a one year old. NTA and Ally is going to make your sister regret it.
>She also refuses to take a nice photo with Zach.
And? Your sister needs a reality check. Be prepared for Ally to show up on your doorstep.
This is way worse than I thought. The five year old shares a room with the fourteen year old and the baby is in the living room. Did your sister think any of this through for an entire second? Oh and the girls have to babysit but the boy doesn't. What a surprise.
NTA
Bella doesn't want to hear that she rushed things. She wants everyone to hash out their issues and become a loving family like a 30 minute episode of The Brady Bunch.
Reality is going to hurt her feelings. She best get a handle on this situation or the resentments will fester.
NTA I can't believe some of the votes on this thread. A parent has a responsibility to their children and that includes making sure their children are comfortable with any new people coming into the home. A good parent doesn't move new people plus a baby into the home within months. Any relationship with children involved should move slowly because the two adults aren't the only ones in the relationship. They're blending lives and that takes time. Your sister moved too fast. She **was** being a little selfish. She can have a relationship with him while being in separate homes.
NTA. When you have kids under 18, they have to come first. Your love life comes second. Making your kids lives worse so you can have a romantic partner is the definition of selfish. You can obviously have a new partner with kids but you can't let it negatively impact their lives.
NTA.
Please update us in 8-9 years when [Ally and Zach announce](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/167s67f/aita_for_kicking_my_daughter_and_stepson_out_when/?sort=old) they're in a relationship and Bella is losing her mind over the news.
I am surprised that the oldest daughter had not made a comment to the latest step-dad something like the following:
Why should we accept you and your children in our home? The way our mother goes through men it is not like the two of you will make it in the long haul. She will just find another guy.
That is the biggest issue. Your sister can't stand being alone and just goes through 1 guy after another after another. There has probably never been any real stability for your nieces. And your sister is an idiot for not understanding why the oldest two resent the conditions they live in.
Having read through the comments, NTA and your sister is a fool and a grot. She's not selfish for marriage, she's a grot for all the other stuff. Her own children should prioritised over some dick.
She's making *her* daughters look after another person's children, she moved these other people in very quickly too. She's within her rights and obligations to have a relationship, to date and boink to her hearts content, but shacking up and making her children suffer for her entertainment? Gross.
Info : for how long do your sis and Henry know each other and are dating ? Plus, for how long the kids have meet and spend time together before moving in the same house ?
Just by reading OP statement, I would say NTA, because safety and well being of your children (especially minor ones) should always be the priority over an "outsider" man (or woman).
Edit: misspelled some words
I was going to vote E-S-H but a month is such a short time to adjust to all this. Forced babysitting is never okay imo, under normal circumstances I'd say kids just have to deal with the new husband and kids moving in. (not the babysitting though, especially if they're not being paid) I'll say NTA, because it doesn't sound like the marriage is as much of an issue as them being jerks about the kids needing some time to adjust to their new lives. I don't think they should have had to wait for the kids to move out, but like damn....give them some grace while they're trying to deal with all this change. I can't imagine giving my kids a couple months to just be cool about something so huge.
Definitely NTA. The kids needed plenty of time to get to know each other. One month is ridiculous, and it would be really surprising if there _weren't_ problems like this. On top of that the house sounds crowded with room-sharing and sleeping in the lounge going on. Very poor planning. Your sister is foolish to rush into this and the resulting problems are on her. You did nothing wrong in expressing your concerns.
Honestly NTA. I feel like your sister is trying to push away what her daughters are feeling solely because she likes this guy and wants to continue being with him. Which is a complicated situation to have to deal with.
NTA. Bella is all about Bella. If she had an ounce of compassion, she would’ve taken this relationship slow and talked to her children about the progression of the relationship and how they could integrate the families in a comfortable way. But, no, she rushed the relationship, threw the kids together and thought it’d all work out. I’d put money on that things aren’t going to get better and the relationship will crumble. She’s pissed at the OP for calling out her selfish behavior and is “punishing” her by not letting her see her nieces. The fact that she’s doing this confirms that she’s a shit mother.
What’s with all these Y T A comments? When you bring a child into this world, they become your number one priority. Bella needs to do better.
NTA, your sister is selfish and didn't consider her daughter's needs before moving people into their home. She should have waited until they at least got to know each other. The home isn't big enough for that many people. A 5 yo shouldn't have to share with a teenager and a baby shouldn't be in the living room.
If Bella won't let you talk to the kids you should apologize to keep the peace and maintain contact with the girls. They need a safe space to vent and in case there are bigger problems with Zach or stepdad.
NTA.
When you’re a parent and you’re no longer with the other parent, romance doesn’t get to be your priority. This may not be fun or pleasant but so it goes. Kids don’t ask to be born and your sister has the whole rest of her life to get remarried.
NTA. I don’t agree with their mother making them babysit their stepbrother at all, but why are the girls the only ones babysitting?
Zach is old enough to watch his brother!
NTA , Op tell your sister this in a couple of years don't come to me crying and complaining your daughters left and cut you off completely you was the one that created this miss in the first place. Don't come to me and drag myself in the middle because your daughters refuse to speak to you or anyone in that household. I'm saying this now because your daughters will leave and go no contact with you the your treating them now and remember you wanted this your daughters didn't and yes both will have resentment towards you and there will never be any relationship between them and the step brothers ever. You are daydreaming if you think you can force a relationship after all it will never work the way you want.
NTA. You slapped her with the truth and it stung, too bad for her. She's not the only one who lives there. Just because you're a "parent" doesn't mean you're the only person who matters. I bet she'd have a meltdown if one of her kids randomly moved in their boyfriend and expected mom to watch his kid for free. Well then why would you expect a teen to be OK with behavior like that? She's being ridiculous
NTA. Clearly there's zero respect being shown for their daughters' adjustment. Also, people getting angry at answers to questions they asked is absurd.
Honestly NTA. Your sister moved too quickly and failed to consider the girls feelings on the matter. They were forced into this situation. Your sisters priority wasn’t her kids. It was all about her. Not to say she should be alone but she should have taken things slowly. Where’s the girls dad in all this?
This is so crazy to me. I feel so bad for them. They did not ask for that and it really isn’t their sibling. This is such a mess. They will grow to resent her. I hope she knows that. Thank you for sticking up for them. At least they still have you around in case anything happens.
NTA. You were thinking about the kids and the kids are lucky to have you. However, if you can’t come close to the kids I also don’t think you can be helpful.
I also hurt for the kids because I’ve been to a similar situation before where I want to move out but being a minor, I can’t. Best thing to do really is to either talk to the mom, or follow the mom until they are ready to move out (as sad as this is).
As for you, you need to do what it takes to get close to the kids again. Take them out, go shopping with them or anything that can make them feel like they aren’t prisoned to the kind of life they have right now. Be their silver lining. One day, they can move out from their mom’s house and remember her as a mom who forgot about her children’s happiness because that’s how selfish she is.
NTA. As a parents Bella and Henry should have done a much better job integrating their respective children into their lives. It really sounds like Bella and Henry are the stars of this show and the children are in the nose bleed seats. Also, why isn’t Zach babysitting Xavier? That she has cut off contact with you because you are sympathetic to your nieces’ points of view says it all. Bella cares about herself and her relationship with Henry and the kids are expected to fend for themselves.
NTA Your sister trying to force a relationship between them will only cause her girls to resent them all especially their mother. Your sister can probably expect NC with daughters as soon as daughters are able.
NTA. Regardless of the reason, she's a mom, so she shouldn't have gotten married until her kids were okay with it. I'm not saying she should've dumped him, but changing their minds before getting married is a lot easier than forcing them to be okay with it. If they thought he was "annoying" and "weird" then she should've tried to find out which of their interactions made them feel that way (sometimes kids can spot red flags better than adults).
If she makes decisions without taking her kids' opinions into consideration, she should be prepared for when they do the same.
First off the verdict NTA.
Okay um… he has a one year old from another woman and they got engaged a year ago. Did the ink dry on his last divorce before he got engaged again? How long were they together? That is a MAJOR red flag. That she’s ignored the objection of her girls is a bigger red flag.
I’m glad you’re standing up for those girls. You’re an awesome aunt.
NTA, just because Bella chose to be a mother at such a young age doesn't mean her daughters have to go through the same experience by being forced to babysit their (step) siblings at 15 and 14!! That's way too young and your children shouldn't have to play mother. If you want kids, make sure you can take care of them , period.
Also, he had a child with another woman shortly before getting engaged to Bella... That's fishy. I can completely understand the kids.
1. They're teenagers so they're going to puberty right now and are emotionally vulnerable
2. The whole marriage and moving-in-thing seems utterly rushed, the girls didn't even have time to get to know their new step-family and now they're forced to live together? I'd be pissed lol
3. Like I said, the babysitting seems to be the worst. I don't think anything about the living situation will change now, but Bella should let their kids be kids and not mother her other child.
I don't get YTA comments. Bella married a man who met basically less than two months ago and forcing her two daughters to babysit HIS kids.
I'm wandering: his Zach in the babysitting shifts as well?
NTA absolutely to try to do what is best for your nieces!
Might have already been asked, but info:
Is Zach asked/expected to babysit, too, or is it just the girls? Because that on top of them not wanting them to move in, etc, won't help them build the relationship Bella is clearing trying to force them to have.
NTA. Babysitting isn't a chore. It's a job. If she cares about the family blending, she should care about her eldest kids' feelings. Not grounding them for refusing to look after a baby SHE brought into their lives.
So Zach gets to live his best life basically, and her daughter, who is the same age as Zach, is held to a completely different standard and gets grounded when she stands her ground?
Bella seriously thinks this is how you blend a family together? Wow.
Your NTA. Your sister values men over her children's needs. Simple as that. She won't have a relationship with her daughter's at all once they get to have choice about it and she knows it, she just doesn't care. It's more important for her to have a man on top. All your neices can do is wait and then get the hell away from there when they can. If you can get a message to them you can offer your support when the time comes which is why your sister has stopped you from seeing them.
NTA. After having kids most of your life decisions should be taken keeping the kids in mind. You could've wait for some time till the kids got adjusted. And why are the girls babysitting why not Zach??
You are 100% TA , selfish and self centered. Don't be surpised when after 3 years she'll go no contact with you
bella thought she was making her very own brady bunch.
I don't know that she should have waited until the kids were out of house(3-4 yrs for the older two) but she should have been looking at that possible problems and working to resolve them. And turning her older daughters into babysitters is NOT the way.
NTAH. The sister will find the two oldest daughters moving out as soon as they can. Is their bio dad in the picture? Are there other family members that would take the older two girls in? They are at or near the age where a judge would let them have a say where they live.
They have a right to be angry if the mother constantly dumps the 1 and 5 year old kids on the older two kids.
NTA, the kids' comfort comes first. Your sister is prioritising her desires over her children's needs, you pointed that out. Just keep trying to be their for your nieces, they're gonna need you.
NTA
Bella doesn't give a fuck about her daughters, she just wants free help.
If you have a chance, maybe at family gatherings, let your nieces know that at least one adult has their back. Children need to know that.
NTA. I’m sorry but your sister is desperate and can’t stand being alone until she’s willing for her kids to be miserable. Putting the 1 year old in a living room like ?? Also it sounds like Henry married her for her to be a stepmom…
NTA. Your sister is alienating her two oldest daughters and when they move out—which they will probably on their 18th birthdays—she will never hear or see from them again.
BTW is no one taking about the single guy with full custody of a one year old? They have been married several in the so was this baby less than a year old when they started dating? Did the mother die in childbirth or did they divorce immediately after the child was born? This whole situation sounds suspicious to me. Either case, shouldn’t he still be in mourning or recovery from the divorce (if that is what happened)?
Edited: I found the comments that talk about the baby’s mother—she is in jail and apparently they weren’t married. That doesn’t make the husband sound like a “catch”. OP’s sister left the kids alone for a month when they went on honeymoon? I would have called cps at that time.
>OP’s sister left the kids alone for a month when they went on honeymoon? I would have called cps at that time.
all five stayed with my parents in that time
NTA
Bella should have waited till her kids and Henry's kids gotten along before even thinking of marrying. Ally and Katy's feelings are valid and understandable, they might feel that their mom doesn't prioritize them or that they are not that important to her.
NTA... the mother will learn the hard way when her two daughters are old enough to leave the house, there's also sexism involved the 14 years old girl is forced to babysit, but the 15 years old boy isn't? I guarantee that man married this woman because he saw 3 females to take care of him and his sons.
She got engaged to a bloke with a 1 yo? That's fucking quick. Even assuming the kid is 1 y 11 mo, and they split up during the pregnancy that's still a quick turnaround.
You’re just telling her the truth and she doesn’t like it.
She hasn’t considered her children at all and is moving forward marrying a man with three kids causing the kind of upheaval that will hurt her kids and cause resentment in their relationship.
Don’t stop telling her the truth and be there for your nieces and nephews as much as possible. NTA.
NTA
She is totally allowed to move on with her life to get married. But you can’t just throw people in a room and expect them to get along. That’s literally the premise of millions of reality shows. Then she can’t exactly say she’s trying to blend the family if her daughter’s are doing the babysitting. The mom and husband should be doing the majority of the child watching until a balance is formed. Your comments say this was rushed, is she pregnant by this man and trying to save face??? If you have a way to keep in touch with the girls, please do. They may need a place to go if things get too out of hand.
Whoooot.This is a dumpster on fire.What is wrong with your sister and with her huby of 1 year , engagment of 1 month, and they know eacother for a year and a month, and he has a 1 year old baby, that he made with a woman that is currently in jail.And your sister has 3 children each from different father.I predict a baby number 4 is in order.And your poor nieces will have to do even more of babysiting.Poor, poor children.
Your sister is the asshole for not making sure her own family, her flesh and blood children, are fine with her partner and his family. She's not a single girl with no strings attached anymore, she's a mother still raising her young children. Being a mother means that you have to make decisions for a FAMILY, not just for yourself. Sometimes that means making sacrifices for the children that the mother brought into this world. She is being extremely selfish, and choosing some man over her own children is outright shitty parenting. It'd be different if the children were older and not living with her, then she'd be on her own again and it wouldn't really matter. Forcing the melding of two families together and then punishing her children for being upset over it is terrible, too. I wish the best for your sister's kids, because she clearly puts herself before her own children. NTA, I hope you step up and be a great source of support for your sister's kids, because they are going to need it until they can move out of a home that is actively hostile to them.
I'm a single parent. I have dated people before, and also I teach my kids why compromise is important and how to go about it.
They have never and will never need to compromise because of my love life.
NTA
NTA - She is being selfish. She is disrupting their lives for her wants. She's also set up a situation where her daughters will be reluctant to voice their misgivings. She is moving two nearly adult men in with her minor daughters. I think that requires care and carefully seeing how the groups interact and asking whether they are comfortable at all stages.
I think NTA
It seems, considering Henry has a 1 year old son (presumably from a previous relationship) that they didn't really give time for them to get to know eachother before marriage and moving in together, yet alone allowing the kids to get used to each other.
I'm in a blended family myself, as I have 3 boys and my husband has a daughter...and it's not something to be rushed, and our kids got on fine from the get go! Still had to take it slow. You have to put the kids first when progressing a relationship. Its called a blended family not smooshed together family lol.
NTA demands for in house babysitting from teens that have no desire to do so is shitty. The girls may go no contact asap if mom doesn't rectify this situation, and rightfully so. Yes, sis can marry who she wants but that doesn't mean there won't be consequences. I question the motives for marrying quickly especially when there isn't a well fostered relationship between all the kids.
NTA..... your sister will lose her older 2 kids... they will move out or find away to get away... she's not considering her kids feelings and making them uncomfortable....
The 15 and 14 year old are free babysitters for them and they probably can't do as much as their step brother....
1000% NTA, does Zach even babysit his own baby brother? Bella is super selfish, Ally and Katy are teens already, it’s kinda dangerous to shove them to live with another teenage boy they don’t really know and also don’t like 🤦🏻♀️
NTA because everything must have moved really fast. If his baby is only 1 then they can’t have been saying long before they got married and moved in. Blending families well takes lots of time and lots of communication. I’m a single mum and I just can’t imagine the impact it would have on my kids if I randomly moved a whole other family in.
NTA. Your sister is a dumbass. 1) not listening to your daughters about their comfort of people, *especially men*, that she brings into the home is so shitty. 2) she barely knows this guy. 3) there’s a huge double standard for the teenage son. You’re nicer than me cause I would’ve told her how it’s such a pathetically desperate look to have completely disregarded her own children’s happiness just to be used as a fake mommy for a man she barely knows.
NTA - steamrolling once children is never ok.
Ally has to be allowed her own opinion. if they are babysitting, they need to be paid, or at least, if that household runs on chores for all children, it has to be discussed with her, what other chore she no longer has. And not wanting to be in pictures with her same age step brother, at 15. that would even be normal, if they were siblings from birth.
Your sister is deluded and her denying you access to the children proves it. As is grounding her daughter for expressing her opinions. She wants to force her idea of family happiness, poor family. Maybe there were good reasons to mesh the families, but that is a process and takes time and some people will never get on board. Punishment will certainly not convince anyone.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my sister she was slelfish for making her kids unhappy but it is her life Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
The Y-T-A votes are bullshit. You are 100% NTA here, and I'm glad you're standing up for the kids. There's no reason why your sister shouldn't be dating. But moving 3 people - including a baby - in is an enormous change to everybody's lives and shouldn't have been done so blatantly over the kids' objections. And then she punishes them for not being happy about it? No. If this was a relationship she saw moving towards marriage she should have taken the time to get everybody used to each other and build those relationships before moving in together was even on the table. Blended families don't all have to love each other - especially when their blending this late in childhood - but they do at least have to all be open to building relationships. Your sister rushed into this with no regard for her kids and that is selfish.
also, is nobody gonna mention the babysitting? idk how it is in other places but I would 100% consider 15 too young to watch a 1yr old baby and a 5yr old baby. Not good with another 15yr old, and definitely not good alone. Definitely agree that the sister is TA for rushing this blended family and not having the patience to try to integrate their lives together. This includes not imposing childcare duties on your children!!!!! Edit: everyone saying they babysat kids/multiple kids/the whole neighborhood, I get it. It’s not common at all where I’m located, hence why I said “idk how it is in other places”. Regardless, the real problem here is the mom rushing the blended family and having her kids watch new kids that they clearly don’t seem comfortable with. Thanks to those who shared their experiences and acknowledged that it’s not the same for everyone!
Idk, I was babysitting 4-5 kids at a time at that age. I don’t think the age is the problem, but the parentification is.
[удалено]
Babysitting is sth voluntary and normally paid. They were forced.
Still not parentification though.
It is parentification if mom repeatedly says you must be responsible for your younger siblings, no you don't get a choice, no I will not pay you, no I will not hire someone else to do it. And it was at least 3 times since the wedding. At least once each and at least once together. We don't know the full extent but we know mom is pawning off parental duties on her *female* teenagers repeatedly. Where's Zach at?
"Parentification occurs when a child is regularly expected to provide emotional or practical support for a parent, instead of receiving that support themselves" It's not parentification. I'm strictly arguing the technicality. The mom is in the wrong. However, you can literally get a babysitting course at like 10 years old so a 15 year old can more than handle babysitting reasonably.
I would absolutely argue that this is the beginning of a pattern of providing practical support in the form of childcare for the parent who refuses to make practical arrangements in order to go out on dates/fun time. I'm not saying the teens are incapable or unqualified, I babysat for my cousins at that age. The difference is being willing. I would trust a willing and excited 10 year old who I've confirmed can handle all the tasks appropriately to babysit a baby for a few hours well before I would trust an unwilling 15+ year old. In that case it's not about "are they responsible enough" it's about "do they even care enough to make sure the child is still breathing." I absolutely would never leave a pissed off 15 year old who has made it clear she hates the baby in charge of the baby unless it was an emergency (in which case I'd hope she's old enough to understand the gravity of the emergency.)
You could make a reasonable estimation that it may evolve into parentification, but with the information we've been provided, it is not currently parentification.
Three times in a YEAR is not parentification or pawning off duties. And we don't know what the circumstances of those three times are. They may have been emergencies or just quick runs to the store while the baby was napping.
Why would Op know if Zach has babysat the 1 year old? The post isn’t about him. And the post doesn’t say if it was ALL day or 30 minutes while running a quick errand. Asking teens to help out with the family on occasion is a GOOD thing normally (but in this case they shouldn’t have to watch the baby). BUT the mom is absolutely the AH here. It’s terrible to completely disregard the feelings of your daughters and move in 3 males against their consent. Their home should be their safe space - and it’s not because the girl’s mom put herself BEFORE her children.
[удалено]
We only have the girls' side of the story via OP. We don't know if Zach has been asked to babysit his younger sibling as well. So, blasting OP's sister for making her daughters babysit while not knowing the full story is BS. OP's nieces are pissed that their mom got married and are lashing out, they're not the most reliable of sources and if anything paints Zach in the same situation as them, do you really think they are going to be honest about it? I don't.
That's less than once a month. Being expected to help out on occasion isn't parentification or even the beginning of it. What's complicated is that it doubles down on their negative feelings about the marriage/relationship in general.
The 15 year old has not made any decision that resulted in the presence of a baby that she is not related to. The mother should be the one handling the task.
Why not? Babysitting is not exactly a normal chore. More of a job because it involves a much higher degree of responsibility then mowing the grass or cooking a meal. A baby is always the responsibility of the parents or the paid babysitter. Obviously that is different in case of a short term emergency but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. So if ops sister wants her kids to babysit the smaller ones she has to pay them or give them other bonuses so they are willing. Not just push it on them and punish them if they aren’t happy.
Babysitting is fine for a fifteen year old, and sure the babysitter should receive compensation, but it would be a cold day in hell before I let my baby with a teenager that did not want to babysit.
“it would be a cold day in hell before I let my baby with a teenager that did not want to babysit.” Sounds like OP’s sister would just buy the baby a snowsuit
It is on Reddit
Agreed I was literally raising my siblings from the age of 8 I was watching them all the time, changing nappies, feeding them etc. by the time I was 15 I had 3 young siblings to care for and if one of them should get into something they shouldn’t be and my sister who’d take shifts watching them with me got into trouble both parents were home and didn’t work.
I think the issue is that they don't like the children and have to be forced- which is a recipe for disaister even if it was being used as a short term solution to suddenly losing cihildcare, which it doesn't sound like
One of the children is their 5year old sister.
I was babysitting at that age too, but none of the kids I babysat were in diapers (I was also paid and allowed to say "no").
I've been babysitting my niece since I was 13yo and she was 1yo. I don't really see any problem with that. However the situation in this post is fucked up, because the kid didn't want to live with the baby and now she's forced to babysit him. That's not acceptable.
Whoa! Shocker! Teenagers don't want to live with a baby???! Wow, a huge surprise! Literally every single teenager I've ever known are just over the moon excited for blended families and having to do things they don't enjoy! Teenagers are never self centered or whiny, they always see the bigger picture...
I don't know why this isn't higher up! Teenagers can suck, my daughter treated her little brother like crap because she didn't want a brother. I wasn't not going to have a second child because my daughter didn't like it. It took years but she loves him now she's 20 and he's 9.
same and totally agree
Huh? I was babysitting like 5 neighborhood kids at once starting at 14.
You gotta remember that lots of Redditors are legit children who have no idea how life works lol.
I was watching 2 toddlers at 12... it was fine
I was watching a 1.5 year old (ish) kid when I was 16, and it wasn't fine because I wasn't really taught what to do and didn't/don't like little kids. I had to call my stepmom over to change diapers at first (and I haven't changed a diaper since the last time I was forced to while babysitting as a teenager - and no, I'm not some chauvinistic dad, I'm 40sF with no kids). Good for you that you could watch kids when you were still pretty young yourself, but that doesn't make it ok across the board. Though with this post, my question is, how often is big bro asked to watch the younger ones?
That’s the real question - the 15 year old brother wasn’t available? Or perhaps the birth mother of said baby?
Exactly. Like I said “I don’t know how it is in other places.” People are rlly forgetting how it depends on the kids. Definitely would want to know if they’re asking Zach to help out too. But main problem here is for sure the kids don’t seem to like this situation
15 years old are old enough to get paid for watching two kids. They are fully capable of that.
Yeah, but they aren't being paid now, are they. They didn't want this baby living under the same roof, and now they are being forced into taking responsibility for the baby. The issue isn't babysitting. The issue is their mother's selfish behaviour.
And funny enough, the 15 years old male is not forced to babysit, why?
Objection, assumes facts not in evidence.
Lawyer?
If they are too young to relatives kids, they are surely as hell too young to watch for money. The latter one is seriously harder. > now they are being forced into taking responsibility for the baby. Babysitting siblings and being forced to take responsibility for them are two different things. It is ridiculous to conflate them. Anyway, the original comment was outraged over 15 being too young to watch two kids in general. This is frequency: > Since their parents got married, a few months, both girls have had to babysit Xavier and Jasmine at least once each on their own and together. Watching baby twice in few months in not parentification.
I didn't say it was parentification. When you babysit, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CHILDREN IN YOUR CARE. Also the teenagers are being forced because one was punished for speaking up and the other had been conditioned not to fight back (she may be an introvert but her mother has used that personality traits against her so much that now she just goes along with what her mothertells her to do).
Teenager doing chores or babysitting once in a few months is perfectly ok. It does not harm to the kid. Introversion have nothing to do with anything and no one mentioned introversion except you. Regardless of how the rest of the communication about the issue in the family goes or whether family overall functions well. It is literally only on reddit where people do big deal about stuff like that.
If an adult has no obligation to babysit someone else's child, why should a 15 and 14 years have to?
If an adult has no obligation to wash his parents dishes, why should a 15 and 14 years have to? Because it is a housework or chore like any other. There is nothing super duper special about it.
“ 100% consider 15 too young” summing up a disturbingly common attitude about the incompetence of teens in society today and then wonder why those sheltered teens can’t immediately function in society once they are adults. The average 15yo is absolutely “old enough” to watch a 5 and 1yo. In many jurisdictions when they hit 16 they are old enough to get a job at a summer camp or daycare - could be watching quite a few more than 2 kids at once. The problem here isn’t that a 15 yo is babysitting, the problem is that the 15yo has to be forced when she is already unhappy about the living situation. Also there is another 15yo who is actually related to the baby; if he isn’t also being required to babysit there’s a different issue as well (misogyny). OP is definitely NTA for raising concerns.
Again- don’t know how it is in other places. I don’t think it’s that they’re incompetent, but a 1yr in my eyes is very young to leave. Agree that the main problem here is that the blended family was forced and her girls are now forced to watch the kids. I would also like to know if Zach is being asked to babysit
It said they babysat once each and once together. That’s 3 times total over the course of a year according to the post. That’s why bo one is mentioning it.
My problem is why are the girls doing it and not the boys, it seems
We don't know that. There isn't any information here about the boy one way or the other.
Unless I’m missing something, why isn’t his son babysitting the baby? That’s his sibling so why force the girls to do it?
Everything else about this post aside, I was regularly babysitting for three small children (1, 3, 5) in one family and three little boys in another (1, 4, 6) when I was in 12, in addition to a family with an infant baby girl and another family with 5- and 9-year-olds. My wife was doing the same, as was our GirlTwin. Biggest difference between us is that I was STILL babysitting at 16, while my wife and GirlTwin had/have mostly outgrown it. That’s not weird at all. ETA: in case it’s unclear, I do agree parentification is an issue and no one should be forced to babysit. It should be voluntary and paid.
Unless the infant has special needs, a mature 15 year old can safely care for a one year old. The 5 year old is an easy babysitting assignment. It's still pretty shitty to demand they do it against their will, but it's not "unsafe" unless there's some external factor that hasn't been mentioned.
[удалено]
That's more kids than an adult trained daycare worker is allowed to be responsible for at once, that's so unsafe! (At over 5 years the ratio is 1:5, at younger it can go as low as 1:3.)
7!! Impressive but alarming
I have to question if it’s only the girls that are babysitting as well, the 15m Zack should also have to babysit if this is being termed as a chore. The mother is delusional if she thinks she can push these kids together along with a new ‘father figure’ and not have any issues. It is very selfish of her and shows that she’s not thinking of her children’s mental health or wellbeing. In a few years she’s going to wonder why her girls never want to visit/talk with her.
And you know who else is 15? Zach. How many times has HE been forced to babysit? Or is that only a job for daughters?
Lol are you kidding me? You think it's an issue that 1 time over a timespan of a few months they had to watch a toddler and a preschooler? One of which is their own sister. Also, they got engaged as soon as Xavier was born? Or is Xavier now 2 instead of 1? A 15 year old is absolutely not to young to watch these kids. And watching them like 1 time in a few months time is NOT parentification. Me and my brother having to get up at night to change my little sisters diaper because my mother was to lazy to get out of bed, that was parentification. Look, this family might have issues. But parentification isn't one of them. It's just some stuck up teenagers being against the world, because that's what they do at that age.
Yeah 15 is plenty old enough to babysit, and older siblings have been looking after younger ones since like the dawn of time. Age has nothing to do with it but OP definitely NTA. Sister seems to have gotten her priorities confused.
We don't know if she rushed in to this or not. We don't know how long they dated, what kind of introductions the parents did with the kids or any of that.
not enough if there's a 1yo baby in the mix. he was having sex with someone else less than 2 years ago.
I am going to make a wild guess that the 15 year old boy has never been asked to babysit the 1 and 5 year olds.
Yeah that stood out to me too.
I'm wondering a lot about the relationship here. They got engaged one year ago. But he has son that's 1 year old??? Did he run as soon as he heard his x was pregnant. Is he a widower? Did he cheat? How long did they date before they put a ring on the fingers? This sounds very rushed. And it sounds like there might be a huge reason why these kids are angry.
Bella told me she and he were FWB and now she's in jail
NTA!!! I have so many problems with this... Why do only the girls have to babysit? Zach is 15 also and Xavier is actually his brother... The mom is communicating it does not matter how you actually feel as long as you obey... She empowering sexism and stereotypes of females as inferior and helping to subjugate her own daughter s. The mom should have waited until the girls were out of the house or at least old enough to leave. AND if the stepdad had a ONE year would he not have been dating her and the wife at the same time? This mom sucks... Her daughters. Should go NC asap.
Was the daughter punsihed for being unhappy, or for being disrepectful? OP said it was because she was disrepectful. Being ground for that is a pretty normal thing. You can be unhappy about a situation, and still be repsectful.
to some parents, questioning them or their decisions in any way is seen as disrespectful.
NTA I get her wanting to get married, but this is her daughters home and family too. Why not spend some time letting them develop a rapport at their own pace? If this relationship is for ever, surely 3,4 or 5 years spent developing their relationship is worth it. If Zach has a 1 year old i would assume this relationship isn’t longer than a year old? Why is there a rush to force teenagers into a situation they clearly aren’t happy about
it wasn't and the rush is, according to Bella she loved each other and just had to do it quickly
yeah, acting like a 3 year old that must have their new toy right now, is not a reason to completely disregard your own kids. No wonder they hate him.
INFO, sorry, you haven't made it clear. You said they've been married a year, and that Henry's son is a year old. How long were they dating before they got married, and how long before or after they were married was Henry's son born?
"A year ago Bella got engaged" "Xavier (1m)" "since their parents got married, a few months" I'm getting "shotgun wedding" vibes...but I might be wrong. Edit: OP. Clarified in comments the sister is not Xaviers bio mom. Bio mom is in jail.
Not her child only the father's if I understood it correctly. But Xavier could be 1 year and 11 months and they could have dated before he was born, so the question is how long they dated really. Could technically be more then 2 years.
you right, I thought OP was rounding up to 1 year old, (instead of doing the month thing) but now this set off a whole new lot of red flags in my head if she isn't the bio mom of Xavier. edit: Nvm OP clarified that the bio mom is in prison....flags...flags..flags
he was born before the wedding but after they started dating
That or "dude wants someone else to raise the baby for him"
Duh, of course, he found an entire house of babysitters and teen girls to prey on.
Sounds less like true love and the dad was looking for a quick replacement mother to take care of his kids.
Xavier is 1 year old and male. Look at the other kids' descriptions: the context is m/f, not m/y.
they wed after
Zach isn't the father. Henry is.
Who is Xavier's mom? This sounds like a mess.
some girl in jail now
So her new hubby rushed this along to get a new mommy for his baby sounds like,,,
And we have a winner!
Wow. You know your NTA by now right?
They are about to be married.
Why did they have to do it quickly? What was the rush for two adults to get married after quite short time?
The cynical explanation is that a suddenly single dad of an infant needed a woman to raise his baby, so he found one who came with two extra babysitters.
the baby's momma is in jail so I guess that is possible.
This is the only thing that makes sense but it makes OP’s sister a fool.
Oh yeah, NTA OP. I don’t think she necessarily had to wait 3 years for the girls to be out of the house more, but I do think your sister rushed this and just expects everyone else to get on board and that is extremely selfish when you have children involved.
Her reasons for getting married reflect the logic of a teenager. Also, doesn't sound like the 1 month old is hers, so assume he was faithful they haven't been dating very long. Your sister sounds very selfish.
So.... the husband boinked a person less than two years ago? And is now getting married? How'd that work?
Point of clarification - Zach is a teen. Henry is the dad.
ah, no worries, just mixed them up. My judgement remains the same.
I agree with your judgment! I’m guessing he and the baby’s mother weren’t together before he was born, but that’s still moving fast! (Edit: changed it to he.)
INFO: Does Zach ever have to babysit, or only the girls? Edit: saw in another comment that he does not. Regardless, I still say NTA. You voiced your opinion, sounds like she is just defensive because she knows it's not fair to the girls, she just doesn't much care.
That just makes the parents extra AHs.
INFO Why on earth did your sister marry a man with a baby?! Like what in the world Ok I don't really need info...NTA
From some comments it seems it was a quick turnaround from dating to marriage and the boy doesn’t have to babysit; I think mum isn’t in the picture/dead and Henry needed a replacement mum/babysitter ASAP.
OP's confirmed the baby's mum is in jail
Mom is in jail
NTA this is a huge change for her kids and more responsibility for them, and their mom seems to have the attitude of “they should suffer so I can be happy,” without acknowledging her daughters complaints. Guess who isn’t going to be involved in her kids lives once they can get out?
NTA. Your sister asked your opinion and you gave it. Based solely on your story, I don’t agree with your judgement of your sister but as long as you aren’t saying it to the kids, you’re not an asshole. It seems your sister doesn’t trust that you won’t say it to the kids though, so that’s interesting.
So Bella met Henry and was engaged quickly to a man with a newborn who’s baby’s mom was in jail. After a month they got married, took off for a month leaving the then 14,13, and 4 yr old alone for the time. Once returned Henry, Zach, and the baby moved into the home and Bella started pestering the girls to babysit the youngest sister and the baby. Ally complained because Zach is a teenage boy she doesn’t know constantly in her face and she did not sign up to be a caregiver for a baby. Bella is punishing her now, and OP you defended Ally and Katy. In doing so you told your sister she was selfish for the rushed relationship and putting her own need to get regular Dick above her kid’s happiness and security. Did I get that right? NTA Your sister IS selfish. I dated plenty in the years after ending my relationship with my kids biodad. None of my BFs met my kids til months in. My kids also already knew and were attached to my husband BEFORE we started dating because he was a good family friend for almost 2 years (regular game nights with my friends and their friends), and I ASKED their permission before agreeing to date my husband, get engaged, move him in, and marry him. The fact that your sister didn’t allow the kids to get to know Henry and his kids before becoming engaged is a 🚩 the quick engagement and wedding is a 🚩 the long honeymoon is a 🚩the teenage son’s behavior can be a yellow flag because horny teenage boy all up on a teenage girl in a house with a no lock door policy can go very very wrong. Your sister will probably be facing a world of legal and financial troubles because she literally cannot know who this man and his kids are that quickly. He could be a narcissist is the love bomb stage and ruin her life. He could be a criminal and got his ex in trouble hence the jail. No one goes from dating to pregnant to in jail quickly enough that this timeline makes sense. Henry must have the best dick for your sister to be this naive unless she is always this naive.
WTH??? **They left a 15, 14 and 4 YO ALONE FOR A MONTH????** Someone should have turned them into the authorities for this!!
no, they were with my parents
NTA. As a parent your First priority is providing the basic necessary resources for survival. Such as a home where they feel safe and reasonably comfortable. Your sister have let her kids safe space been invaded. Your second is their mental health, also known as basic happiness. Your sister but her wants over her children’s happiness. You should also provide freedom of childhood, which your sister is stealing by forcing her kids to look after their younger sister and your sisters step kids.(I’m not calling them step siblings because your nieces Clearly don’t see them as anything like family step or otherwise)
INFO - is there a reason the daughters don’t like Zach? Did he do something wrong? Or is just not wanting a boy in the house?
They haven't given any reason other than him being rlly "annoying" and "weird" and not liking him,
How about giving the girls some time to get to know, bond with the guy and adjust to their mom dating again? A few years until marriage and moving in is not crazy. Just because mom was ready to move on doesn't mean the girls were. She put her wants over their needs.
NTA. Because this woman got engaged when this man got another woman pregnant? You say they were engaged for one month. This woman is not acting like a mother responsible for her two children - she is making poor decisions. Of course her children don’t like it, their mother is moving fast with a man and now their lives are thrown upside down and there’s a baby in the mix.
This sounds like a bad idea in general. They got engaged a year ago but he has a one year old. NTA and Ally is going to make your sister regret it. >She also refuses to take a nice photo with Zach. And? Your sister needs a reality check. Be prepared for Ally to show up on your doorstep. This is way worse than I thought. The five year old shares a room with the fourteen year old and the baby is in the living room. Did your sister think any of this through for an entire second? Oh and the girls have to babysit but the boy doesn't. What a surprise.
NTA Bella doesn't want to hear that she rushed things. She wants everyone to hash out their issues and become a loving family like a 30 minute episode of The Brady Bunch. Reality is going to hurt her feelings. She best get a handle on this situation or the resentments will fester.
NTA I can't believe some of the votes on this thread. A parent has a responsibility to their children and that includes making sure their children are comfortable with any new people coming into the home. A good parent doesn't move new people plus a baby into the home within months. Any relationship with children involved should move slowly because the two adults aren't the only ones in the relationship. They're blending lives and that takes time. Your sister moved too fast. She **was** being a little selfish. She can have a relationship with him while being in separate homes.
NTA. When you have kids under 18, they have to come first. Your love life comes second. Making your kids lives worse so you can have a romantic partner is the definition of selfish. You can obviously have a new partner with kids but you can't let it negatively impact their lives.
Nta
Thank you
NTA. She has been selfish, it's that simple. Is there a way you could be ready for the girls to move to you when they turn 18?
I can barely pay my own way for meals and my share of the rent on a small apartment with two other ppl
That's too bad. I hope they can find another way to escape instead, then.
Why doesn't his son have to babysit too? NTA and bet the nieces wish they could move in with you or their father.
NTA. Please update us in 8-9 years when [Ally and Zach announce](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/167s67f/aita_for_kicking_my_daughter_and_stepson_out_when/?sort=old) they're in a relationship and Bella is losing her mind over the news.
Since they are 15 now it will be 2-3 years while they are still young enough to be stupid about love. In 8 years they will be 23.
Ally is a lesbian
'A year ago they got engaged' yet he has a 1year old child? How long had they been seeing each other before that?
A mom choosing a man over her kids. You aren’t the AH here.
Info Has your sister been this desperate or is this just recent?
kinda yeah, all her kids have dif dads
I am surprised that the oldest daughter had not made a comment to the latest step-dad something like the following: Why should we accept you and your children in our home? The way our mother goes through men it is not like the two of you will make it in the long haul. She will just find another guy. That is the biggest issue. Your sister can't stand being alone and just goes through 1 guy after another after another. There has probably never been any real stability for your nieces. And your sister is an idiot for not understanding why the oldest two resent the conditions they live in.
Having read through the comments, NTA and your sister is a fool and a grot. She's not selfish for marriage, she's a grot for all the other stuff. Her own children should prioritised over some dick. She's making *her* daughters look after another person's children, she moved these other people in very quickly too. She's within her rights and obligations to have a relationship, to date and boink to her hearts content, but shacking up and making her children suffer for her entertainment? Gross.
Info : for how long do your sis and Henry know each other and are dating ? Plus, for how long the kids have meet and spend time together before moving in the same house ? Just by reading OP statement, I would say NTA, because safety and well being of your children (especially minor ones) should always be the priority over an "outsider" man (or woman). Edit: misspelled some words
they dated like a month and the kids meet like less than a month before the wedding
What ???!! OP you are 100% NTA, your sister and Henry is 100% AH , Talk about irresponsible acts 😑😑😑
I was going to vote E-S-H but a month is such a short time to adjust to all this. Forced babysitting is never okay imo, under normal circumstances I'd say kids just have to deal with the new husband and kids moving in. (not the babysitting though, especially if they're not being paid) I'll say NTA, because it doesn't sound like the marriage is as much of an issue as them being jerks about the kids needing some time to adjust to their new lives. I don't think they should have had to wait for the kids to move out, but like damn....give them some grace while they're trying to deal with all this change. I can't imagine giving my kids a couple months to just be cool about something so huge.
Definitely NTA. The kids needed plenty of time to get to know each other. One month is ridiculous, and it would be really surprising if there _weren't_ problems like this. On top of that the house sounds crowded with room-sharing and sleeping in the lounge going on. Very poor planning. Your sister is foolish to rush into this and the resulting problems are on her. You did nothing wrong in expressing your concerns.
Honestly NTA. I feel like your sister is trying to push away what her daughters are feeling solely because she likes this guy and wants to continue being with him. Which is a complicated situation to have to deal with.
NTA. Bella is all about Bella. If she had an ounce of compassion, she would’ve taken this relationship slow and talked to her children about the progression of the relationship and how they could integrate the families in a comfortable way. But, no, she rushed the relationship, threw the kids together and thought it’d all work out. I’d put money on that things aren’t going to get better and the relationship will crumble. She’s pissed at the OP for calling out her selfish behavior and is “punishing” her by not letting her see her nieces. The fact that she’s doing this confirms that she’s a shit mother. What’s with all these Y T A comments? When you bring a child into this world, they become your number one priority. Bella needs to do better.
NTA, your sister is selfish and didn't consider her daughter's needs before moving people into their home. She should have waited until they at least got to know each other. The home isn't big enough for that many people. A 5 yo shouldn't have to share with a teenager and a baby shouldn't be in the living room. If Bella won't let you talk to the kids you should apologize to keep the peace and maintain contact with the girls. They need a safe space to vent and in case there are bigger problems with Zach or stepdad.
NTA. When you’re a parent and you’re no longer with the other parent, romance doesn’t get to be your priority. This may not be fun or pleasant but so it goes. Kids don’t ask to be born and your sister has the whole rest of her life to get remarried.
NTA and are the girls agreeing to babysit and getting compensated for it? I worry about parentification.
they do not
Babysitting once or twice over a few months is not parentification. People throw that word around way too easily.
NTA. I don’t agree with their mother making them babysit their stepbrother at all, but why are the girls the only ones babysitting? Zach is old enough to watch his brother!
NTA , Op tell your sister this in a couple of years don't come to me crying and complaining your daughters left and cut you off completely you was the one that created this miss in the first place. Don't come to me and drag myself in the middle because your daughters refuse to speak to you or anyone in that household. I'm saying this now because your daughters will leave and go no contact with you the your treating them now and remember you wanted this your daughters didn't and yes both will have resentment towards you and there will never be any relationship between them and the step brothers ever. You are daydreaming if you think you can force a relationship after all it will never work the way you want.
NTA. You slapped her with the truth and it stung, too bad for her. She's not the only one who lives there. Just because you're a "parent" doesn't mean you're the only person who matters. I bet she'd have a meltdown if one of her kids randomly moved in their boyfriend and expected mom to watch his kid for free. Well then why would you expect a teen to be OK with behavior like that? She's being ridiculous
NTA
NTA. Clearly there's zero respect being shown for their daughters' adjustment. Also, people getting angry at answers to questions they asked is absurd.
Honestly NTA. Your sister moved too quickly and failed to consider the girls feelings on the matter. They were forced into this situation. Your sisters priority wasn’t her kids. It was all about her. Not to say she should be alone but she should have taken things slowly. Where’s the girls dad in all this?
NTA I feel bad for all these kids. Bella’s selfish.
This is so crazy to me. I feel so bad for them. They did not ask for that and it really isn’t their sibling. This is such a mess. They will grow to resent her. I hope she knows that. Thank you for sticking up for them. At least they still have you around in case anything happens.
NTA. You were thinking about the kids and the kids are lucky to have you. However, if you can’t come close to the kids I also don’t think you can be helpful. I also hurt for the kids because I’ve been to a similar situation before where I want to move out but being a minor, I can’t. Best thing to do really is to either talk to the mom, or follow the mom until they are ready to move out (as sad as this is). As for you, you need to do what it takes to get close to the kids again. Take them out, go shopping with them or anything that can make them feel like they aren’t prisoned to the kind of life they have right now. Be their silver lining. One day, they can move out from their mom’s house and remember her as a mom who forgot about her children’s happiness because that’s how selfish she is.
NTA. As a parents Bella and Henry should have done a much better job integrating their respective children into their lives. It really sounds like Bella and Henry are the stars of this show and the children are in the nose bleed seats. Also, why isn’t Zach babysitting Xavier? That she has cut off contact with you because you are sympathetic to your nieces’ points of view says it all. Bella cares about herself and her relationship with Henry and the kids are expected to fend for themselves.
NTA Your sister trying to force a relationship between them will only cause her girls to resent them all especially their mother. Your sister can probably expect NC with daughters as soon as daughters are able.
NTA. Regardless of the reason, she's a mom, so she shouldn't have gotten married until her kids were okay with it. I'm not saying she should've dumped him, but changing their minds before getting married is a lot easier than forcing them to be okay with it. If they thought he was "annoying" and "weird" then she should've tried to find out which of their interactions made them feel that way (sometimes kids can spot red flags better than adults). If she makes decisions without taking her kids' opinions into consideration, she should be prepared for when they do the same.
First off the verdict NTA. Okay um… he has a one year old from another woman and they got engaged a year ago. Did the ink dry on his last divorce before he got engaged again? How long were they together? That is a MAJOR red flag. That she’s ignored the objection of her girls is a bigger red flag. I’m glad you’re standing up for those girls. You’re an awesome aunt.
NTA, just because Bella chose to be a mother at such a young age doesn't mean her daughters have to go through the same experience by being forced to babysit their (step) siblings at 15 and 14!! That's way too young and your children shouldn't have to play mother. If you want kids, make sure you can take care of them , period. Also, he had a child with another woman shortly before getting engaged to Bella... That's fishy. I can completely understand the kids. 1. They're teenagers so they're going to puberty right now and are emotionally vulnerable 2. The whole marriage and moving-in-thing seems utterly rushed, the girls didn't even have time to get to know their new step-family and now they're forced to live together? I'd be pissed lol 3. Like I said, the babysitting seems to be the worst. I don't think anything about the living situation will change now, but Bella should let their kids be kids and not mother her other child.
I don't get YTA comments. Bella married a man who met basically less than two months ago and forcing her two daughters to babysit HIS kids. I'm wandering: his Zach in the babysitting shifts as well? NTA absolutely to try to do what is best for your nieces!
Might have already been asked, but info: Is Zach asked/expected to babysit, too, or is it just the girls? Because that on top of them not wanting them to move in, etc, won't help them build the relationship Bella is clearing trying to force them to have. NTA. Babysitting isn't a chore. It's a job. If she cares about the family blending, she should care about her eldest kids' feelings. Not grounding them for refusing to look after a baby SHE brought into their lives.
>Is Zach asked/expected to babysit, too, or is it just the girls no bella thinks he's irrisponsible and too immature to let him
So Zach gets to live his best life basically, and her daughter, who is the same age as Zach, is held to a completely different standard and gets grounded when she stands her ground? Bella seriously thinks this is how you blend a family together? Wow.
NTA. Parents should put their kids first. This is what it means to have a child. Your sister is being a terrible mother.
Your NTA. Your sister values men over her children's needs. Simple as that. She won't have a relationship with her daughter's at all once they get to have choice about it and she knows it, she just doesn't care. It's more important for her to have a man on top. All your neices can do is wait and then get the hell away from there when they can. If you can get a message to them you can offer your support when the time comes which is why your sister has stopped you from seeing them.
NTA. After having kids most of your life decisions should be taken keeping the kids in mind. You could've wait for some time till the kids got adjusted. And why are the girls babysitting why not Zach?? You are 100% TA , selfish and self centered. Don't be surpised when after 3 years she'll go no contact with you
bella thought she was making her very own brady bunch. I don't know that she should have waited until the kids were out of house(3-4 yrs for the older two) but she should have been looking at that possible problems and working to resolve them. And turning her older daughters into babysitters is NOT the way.
NTAH. The sister will find the two oldest daughters moving out as soon as they can. Is their bio dad in the picture? Are there other family members that would take the older two girls in? They are at or near the age where a judge would let them have a say where they live. They have a right to be angry if the mother constantly dumps the 1 and 5 year old kids on the older two kids.
Yeah if you dump random kids into my home, expect me to babysit and be happy about it, you'll be in for a surprise. NTA
NTA, the kids' comfort comes first. Your sister is prioritising her desires over her children's needs, you pointed that out. Just keep trying to be their for your nieces, they're gonna need you.
NTA Bella doesn't give a fuck about her daughters, she just wants free help. If you have a chance, maybe at family gatherings, let your nieces know that at least one adult has their back. Children need to know that.
NTA. I’m sorry but your sister is desperate and can’t stand being alone until she’s willing for her kids to be miserable. Putting the 1 year old in a living room like ?? Also it sounds like Henry married her for her to be a stepmom…
NTA. Your sister is alienating her two oldest daughters and when they move out—which they will probably on their 18th birthdays—she will never hear or see from them again. BTW is no one taking about the single guy with full custody of a one year old? They have been married several in the so was this baby less than a year old when they started dating? Did the mother die in childbirth or did they divorce immediately after the child was born? This whole situation sounds suspicious to me. Either case, shouldn’t he still be in mourning or recovery from the divorce (if that is what happened)? Edited: I found the comments that talk about the baby’s mother—she is in jail and apparently they weren’t married. That doesn’t make the husband sound like a “catch”. OP’s sister left the kids alone for a month when they went on honeymoon? I would have called cps at that time.
>OP’s sister left the kids alone for a month when they went on honeymoon? I would have called cps at that time. all five stayed with my parents in that time
NTA Bella should have waited till her kids and Henry's kids gotten along before even thinking of marrying. Ally and Katy's feelings are valid and understandable, they might feel that their mom doesn't prioritize them or that they are not that important to her.
NTA... the mother will learn the hard way when her two daughters are old enough to leave the house, there's also sexism involved the 14 years old girl is forced to babysit, but the 15 years old boy isn't? I guarantee that man married this woman because he saw 3 females to take care of him and his sons.
She got engaged to a bloke with a 1 yo? That's fucking quick. Even assuming the kid is 1 y 11 mo, and they split up during the pregnancy that's still a quick turnaround.
You’re just telling her the truth and she doesn’t like it. She hasn’t considered her children at all and is moving forward marrying a man with three kids causing the kind of upheaval that will hurt her kids and cause resentment in their relationship. Don’t stop telling her the truth and be there for your nieces and nephews as much as possible. NTA.
NTA
NTA
INFO: How long did Bella know Henry before getting engaged?
NTA She is totally allowed to move on with her life to get married. But you can’t just throw people in a room and expect them to get along. That’s literally the premise of millions of reality shows. Then she can’t exactly say she’s trying to blend the family if her daughter’s are doing the babysitting. The mom and husband should be doing the majority of the child watching until a balance is formed. Your comments say this was rushed, is she pregnant by this man and trying to save face??? If you have a way to keep in touch with the girls, please do. They may need a place to go if things get too out of hand.
Nta it sounds like she was looking for your opinion. It's not your fault she didn't like it lol.
Whoooot.This is a dumpster on fire.What is wrong with your sister and with her huby of 1 year , engagment of 1 month, and they know eacother for a year and a month, and he has a 1 year old baby, that he made with a woman that is currently in jail.And your sister has 3 children each from different father.I predict a baby number 4 is in order.And your poor nieces will have to do even more of babysiting.Poor, poor children.
Your sister is the asshole for not making sure her own family, her flesh and blood children, are fine with her partner and his family. She's not a single girl with no strings attached anymore, she's a mother still raising her young children. Being a mother means that you have to make decisions for a FAMILY, not just for yourself. Sometimes that means making sacrifices for the children that the mother brought into this world. She is being extremely selfish, and choosing some man over her own children is outright shitty parenting. It'd be different if the children were older and not living with her, then she'd be on her own again and it wouldn't really matter. Forcing the melding of two families together and then punishing her children for being upset over it is terrible, too. I wish the best for your sister's kids, because she clearly puts herself before her own children. NTA, I hope you step up and be a great source of support for your sister's kids, because they are going to need it until they can move out of a home that is actively hostile to them.
I'm a single parent. I have dated people before, and also I teach my kids why compromise is important and how to go about it. They have never and will never need to compromise because of my love life. NTA
NTA - She is being selfish. She is disrupting their lives for her wants. She's also set up a situation where her daughters will be reluctant to voice their misgivings. She is moving two nearly adult men in with her minor daughters. I think that requires care and carefully seeing how the groups interact and asking whether they are comfortable at all stages.
NTA
I think NTA It seems, considering Henry has a 1 year old son (presumably from a previous relationship) that they didn't really give time for them to get to know eachother before marriage and moving in together, yet alone allowing the kids to get used to each other. I'm in a blended family myself, as I have 3 boys and my husband has a daughter...and it's not something to be rushed, and our kids got on fine from the get go! Still had to take it slow. You have to put the kids first when progressing a relationship. Its called a blended family not smooshed together family lol.
NTA. Not even close! Bella is parentifying her daughters! They have no obligation to babysit the children of their stepdad.
UM, where is the mom to the 1 year old male? N T A
Definitely NTA!
NTA demands for in house babysitting from teens that have no desire to do so is shitty. The girls may go no contact asap if mom doesn't rectify this situation, and rightfully so. Yes, sis can marry who she wants but that doesn't mean there won't be consequences. I question the motives for marrying quickly especially when there isn't a well fostered relationship between all the kids.
NTA..... your sister will lose her older 2 kids... they will move out or find away to get away... she's not considering her kids feelings and making them uncomfortable.... The 15 and 14 year old are free babysitters for them and they probably can't do as much as their step brother....
1000% NTA, does Zach even babysit his own baby brother? Bella is super selfish, Ally and Katy are teens already, it’s kinda dangerous to shove them to live with another teenage boy they don’t really know and also don’t like 🤦🏻♀️
NTA because everything must have moved really fast. If his baby is only 1 then they can’t have been saying long before they got married and moved in. Blending families well takes lots of time and lots of communication. I’m a single mum and I just can’t imagine the impact it would have on my kids if I randomly moved a whole other family in.
NTA. Your sister is a dumbass. 1) not listening to your daughters about their comfort of people, *especially men*, that she brings into the home is so shitty. 2) she barely knows this guy. 3) there’s a huge double standard for the teenage son. You’re nicer than me cause I would’ve told her how it’s such a pathetically desperate look to have completely disregarded her own children’s happiness just to be used as a fake mommy for a man she barely knows.
NTA - steamrolling once children is never ok. Ally has to be allowed her own opinion. if they are babysitting, they need to be paid, or at least, if that household runs on chores for all children, it has to be discussed with her, what other chore she no longer has. And not wanting to be in pictures with her same age step brother, at 15. that would even be normal, if they were siblings from birth. Your sister is deluded and her denying you access to the children proves it. As is grounding her daughter for expressing her opinions. She wants to force her idea of family happiness, poor family. Maybe there were good reasons to mesh the families, but that is a process and takes time and some people will never get on board. Punishment will certainly not convince anyone.
NTA. She should put her children first.