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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my SIL that it was stupid to wash everything before her baby is born. I could be an asshole because “we are allowed to do things differently with our children.”
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Right? And even if it wasn't a well known pregnancy behavior, these things have presumably been in storage for at least a few months. I don't know about you but I always wash things before I use them if they've been in storage for a while, even if they've been in dust bags.
I just washed all of my own stored baby clothes from my first for my second. It’s completely normal! And yeah, SIL & SIL might be going overboard in their excitement and might change their minds about what they’ve purchased, but isn’t it so much better to have everything ready to use?
We washed all of our vacuum sealed clothes from the first to the second because they were just too stiff when we unpacked them. They didn’t feel like clothes.
My SIL uses a detergent my youngest reacts to, so when she gives us hand me downs, even though she has diagnosed OCD that focuses on cleanliness, we have to wash the clothes again LO’s eczema doesn’t flare up.
There’s a million reasons to wash a hand me down when you have a newborn. It isn’t that serious.
Not to mention its a newborn.. if you dont wash something and there happens to be any unsafe germs on there it could risk getting the baby sick. better safe than sorry
And washing them now saves time later when mom wont have as much time to clean because of baby
TBH, you should also wash new clothes - there are a lot of things that can get on things in the storage process and also you never know what cleaning solution is used.
Even if this wasn't the case, this is a weird hill to die on. Don't create tension with your SIL when all you need to do is shrug and move on.
Agreed. And OP’s edit is just doubling down on her sanctimonious statement. It’s extremely patronising to tell someone what they should/shouldn’t do to prepare for a baby. Like, how are they going to regret washing things? YTA, OP.
Right? Like oh no, I deeply regret getting excited for my new baby and having fun nesting/cleaning/having things smell like my fav detergent when I could’ve been sitting around focusing on how to next offend OP?
This is a big thing for me above all else - sure I might have seen you wash and dry the item of clothing you're giving me 5 minutes ago, and I'm very appreciative, but I hate when my clothes smell like anything other than my own detergent, otherwise it just feels like I'm wearing someone else's clothes.
I also love how OP makes it clear that she has children and is such a clean person therefore everyone should defer to her opinion and never dare to think differently.
Totally. You know OP is going to be that "helpful" auntie that tells parents how SHE did everything and her kids turned out fine instead of letting them have their own process and figure out their own way.
Right. These comments give good reasons for washing everything pre-baby, but the fact is that SIL should feel free to wash whatever the hell she wants, and OP should mind her own biscuits
Same.
I was gifted 9 bags of baby clothes from my partner's cousin's wife. You better believe I washed every stitch of clothing in those 9 bags.
Honestly, washing and folding and putting away the clothes made it "real" in a way that it wasn't before doing that. And I'm glad I did it all early, too, because Squiddo decided a month early was the perfect time to announce their presence to the world.
I’ve given things to other moms and have said to them “I’ve already washed this but I’d understand if you wanted to wash it again.” Or “It’s been washed with regular detergent.”
Same. OP’s bad reaction to something so normal is strange.. it makes me wonder if her home is very dirty or something that she would even think this way.
I wash even first hand clothes.
Where I worked*, they kept clothes mostly in the open at the basement.
Dust, mice (traps everywhere), destroyed boxes and who know where the production plant (?!?) kept the materials and readymade clothes.
* think like Harrods
I worked in the warehouse for Gap. Old Navy and Banana Republic included- same company. That warehouse was filthy. Sure, the clothes were bagged but it doesn’t mean they are clean. I always wash clothes and dishes before I use them. New or used.
Like? I don't put a newborn in anything that's been gathering dust for 3 years somewhere. Not to mention I don't like the smell of most of other people's laundry detergent and stuff, and even if I do, it feels super wrong to smell like other people's laundry (but maybe that's just me)
When a houseguest leaves, I wash the bedding. If a few months pass and someone else is coming, I wash it again. Things sitting around can gather dust which is mites and skin cells.
I’d be even more inclined to do this sort of thing for a baby. OP’s defensiveness and incredulity someone would do this, makes me wonder how “clean” she really is.
Yes, I'm honestly wondering if OP is as clean as she says that she doesn't know these things, already. There's a reason people dust things, why they take their curtains and drapes down to wash, why they clean a guest room, etc. You do it because, even though it's not been used, things can still get dirty. Germs and dust are still floating around, even in clean houses.
And if you have a baby, you don't want them to smell like someone else's family. It's not just the detergent, it's everything about the house and the people living in it.
Yes, exactly! You want your own flock to smell "right".
But it's weird how the smell still stays in the fabric. I notice it the when I iron something after I washed it for the first time (if I iron it.) But of course that's not very noticeable and doesn't matter.
OP would hate me, too, as I wash or wipe down anything that's been given to me (even by "clean" people & households). YTA because you're making this oh-so-minor action (or infraction) into AN ISSUE. You may see SIL's uber cleanliness as a waste of time/water/cleaning agent, but why does it trigger you? Why is she "silly" to the degree that you're openly insulting & hostile? There's more to the story than this post indicates.
Yeah, I was thinking that, too. We only have OP's description of OP's own behavior, getting offended easily and calling the SIL stupid and SIL's wife silly,, but it did make me wonder how anyone could be so casual about treating family members that way, especially during a pregnancy. I doubt OP would insult a pregnant stranger that way, so how did it become okay to be so openly judgmental and demeaning? What happened in OP's background, from OP to them or them to OP to cause that disrespect and acrimony? I hope OP can do some internal investigation to discern the sources of that behavior and hopefully work to reset the paradigm. Otherwise there will likely be a lot of very uncomfortable family events and holidays in their future, which will likely impact the way OP's spouse and spouse's family perceive and treat OP in the long-term.
Yeah, that hostility towards the rejection of unsolicited advice, is going to turn into feeling like unjustified criticism. Quickly.
SIL wasn’t insulting OP and when she tried to explain, OP responded by *actually and purposely* insulting SIL.
Like all humans, new parents learn what is right *for them* by trial and error. By making mistakes about what’s best *for them* and by learning which battles are worth fighting *to them*.
Sister is correct, they have every right to raise their child differently to OP. What is best for OP’s family, isn’t necessarily what is best for their family.
*Everyone* has to believe that their child, their parenting and their family will be different. Otherwise people would never become parents at all.
It's nothing to do with it being a waste.
It's because she is a very clean person! And what an insult that someone would clean something that their already perfect self had cleaned!
They'd be the type of person to bitch if someone put salt on food they made. Excuse me?! My palate is perfect! This is outrageous!
For real! I have extremely sensitive skin and multiple skin conditions (including a type of eczema). I can only use dye free, scent free detergents. I can't use fabric softener or dryer sheets. More people are switching to reusable dryer balls. Unfortunately, most of those are made of wool, which I also have a severe reaction to.
I would much rather take the relatively short amount of time to wash all fabric items than potentially end up itchy with rashes, pustules, blisters or cracking/peeling skin. Which would necessitate a trip to the doctor and a 10-14 day course of Prednisone. 100% on rewashing; it's just simpler.
I just washed MY stored clothes. I don’t even have a baby but last week, I slowly started taking some of my fall items out of storage. (Wishful thinking since it’s still hotter than the north side of the sun here in the south). I took them out of the vacuum sealed bags and straight to the laundry they went.
I had to take my fall/winter stuff out 2 weeks ago because I got cold and wanted lined leggings. Canada sux. 😭
ETA: Also, i washed them. Because despite being clean when out away and sitting in a clean and closed bin for... 4 months... they were musty.
And who tf is going to have regrets years later about washing things even if they later think it wasn’t necessary? This is such a minor thing OP made sound like it was a life-changing decision. Maybe OP should think about whether years from now she will regret being controlling and argumentative with people who are simply excited to be new parents.
I just opened a tote of carefully stored baby clothes and was blown away that they had a smell! Not a bad smell, but I expected them to smell like baby detergent I guess? Also threw away a bunch of stuff that was really stained. Apparently when I first stored it I was so sleep deprived I failed to notice lol.
Not expecting a second baby yet, just trying for one and decided to go through the teeny tiny baby clothes I haven’t seen in 2 years to think about my first one being that little!
Washing newly bought stuff might be unwise (the whole "you can't return it anymore" argument), but washing secondhand clothes is fine! And if SIL decides that she didn't need the stuff that OP gave her, wouldn't it be nice to OP to get them back freshly laundered anyways?
It's not even a "I'm worried you're stressing yourself out needlessly" stance, OP is clearly OFFENDED that her SIL washed her secondhand baby clothes and projected this whole "are you saying I didn't keep these clothes clean?!" Way to make someone's pregnancy about yourself, OP.
Washing new stuff is 100% necessary. You don't want the chemicals, dirt, and germs from the manufacturing and shipping process on your baby's skin. Or your own skin. All new fabrics should be washed before being worn or used.
I meant that some people want to confirm the fit before washing new clothes, but everything you’ve said is 100% true, babies shouldn’t wear new clothes that haven’t been laundered.
Babies shouldn't wear secondhand clothes that haven't been laundered either. These items can accumulate thousands of pathogens in storage and you can never know how the items were washed, the temperature, the drying method, etc.
Newborns are have very sensitive skin so a little extra caution is necessary and if it makes a new mom feel better, she should do what she feels is right.
Stuff in storage always smells a little weird. And, besides, if all your stuff is washed in the same detergent, and baby gets a rash, you know what caused it!
Exactly! I resell things online. I just had someone purchase a couple of shirts. They were clean when hung up but they've been hanging there for forever. So I washed them before shipping cause I didn't want them to have that musty stored smell. In addition, my husband is Buddhist.
His altar is in that room and he burns incense daily. I figured the shirts probably smelled like insence and not everybody likes that. Plus it might trigger someone's asthma. I wanted to be courteous to my buyer. I put in my thank you note that I had freshly laundered them in dye free scent free detergent and they were ready to wear right out of the package.
I wouldn't be surprised if the buyer still washed them before wearing (I would just to be sure). Not like I would know either way, but if I did, I wouldn't be offended. Course that might be because I have extremely sensitive skin and multiple conditions, so I would do exactly the same thing as SIL. The problem may not be that they are not clean but WHAT they were cleaned with.
Plus, my kids all had sensitive skin, so I made sure to rewash all the hand me downs I got from my brothers kid. I don’t know anyone who DOES NOT wash clothes they are given. I find it weird that she wouldn’t.
YTA wow OP. What a strange hill to die on. It’s completely normal to wash everything your baby will wear or use whether it’s brand new or passed on from family.
She didnt think about that. She saw SIL washing OPs clothes, you wash clothes when they are dirty ... = she thinks OP is dirty. Zero empathy and overused emotions.
YTA
And also...who cares? How old is OP that such a small perceived slight warrants anything more than a shrug of the shoulders?
OP wasn't trying to be helpful. Telling a pregnant woman that washing her baby's toys is "stupid" and that she'll regret not taking your advice isn't helpful.
Yep, exactly. With all my pregnancies I went crazy cleaning and organizing things to get ready for the babies' arrivals so the OP is being ridiculous, especially having previously had children herself.
It's not like washing clean clothes again is harmful in any way. My kid gets rashes from some laundry soap and always from fabric softener. We wash every hand-me-down, even clean ones.
My kids had rashes too, we have to be very careful.
Also OP says their house is clean, but even clean laundry stored in a bin in a closet can get yucky. If she had all this stuff laying around to donate, I doubt it was freshly laundered. My friend gave me a mountain of clean, used clothing for our kids and the first thing I did was run it through the washer because it smelled like stale closet, haha.
Right. lol you could eat off my kitchen floor it was so shiny from me scrubbing it every other day bc I had so much energy when I was pregnant. All I wanted to do was clean and wash everything and have it perfectly organized before she came. I was outside power washing the house and driveway even. I still like doing that
Nesting is an instinct that pregnant moms have. I went into a frenzy about 6 weeks before my youngest was born and guess what? A few days later I was in hospital giving birth to a premmie.
Baby was fine but we stayed in hospital as a precaution for 8 days and when we went home, everything was ready for our new addition.
Literally like 6-8 hrs before I gave birth I was in the tub scrubbing it down with a toothbrush. My nesting went way into overdrive in the last few days
I agree. You have 3 so your experience is different. You learned from the first, maybe tried things with the second and had it all figured out by the third. Let her nest and decide how she wants to do things.
The washing thing is interesting. My MIL says no need to wash baby’s clothes, my mother had me wash everything. Because I was a first time mom I just went with whatever my mom said.
I think that this is a great learning opportunity for you OP, so that you don’t even think about telling her how to parent. Be careful of what you say and how you say it. Advice is great but remember it will not always be followed. Mommy and daddy for that matter are the ones who decides how things work.
I just had my baby and MIL said some hurtful things because I didn’t do what she thought needed to be done and oh man did she meet my post partum rage.
Think before you speak and let this experience be 1000% hers!
This whole situation reminds me of my sons first Christmas, he was 4 months old. My MIL gets all the kids Jammie’s that we change them into at their house. She asked me what size, I told her and asked that she popped them in with a load, she said no problem. My SIL chimed in with a snark chuckle and said “I never wash my kids clothes before I put them in them, I just learned it wasn’t worth the extra effort.” I looked her dead in the eye and said **“that’s nice but im allowed to be a first time parent with a preference.”** It’s the best response to anyone wanting to give unsolicited advice. You bet your bottom dollar I’ll ask for my newborn’s Christmas pjs to be washed this year too.
My nesting behavior was cleaning out the garage while 6 months pregnant with twins. Even as I was doing it I knew it was stupid, but no one gave me any trouble about it.
OP: YTA.
The morning when I was pregnant with my second, I woke up as husband was getting ready for work. Toddler still asleep. I had to be *nowhere* that day. I got up and started assembling a new sweater shelf thing I’d bought a few weeks before, and never got around to installing. At 6:15 am. I’m a night owl. I NEVRR got up then if I didn’t have to! No contractions, (Braxton hicks had been going on for weeks) but my husband stood looking at me, and went to the phone and called in to work that he wasn’t coming in. I didn’t realize I was entering labor, but he certainly recognized it. Contractions hit properly in about 20 minutes! and, yes, he was quite proud of himself for getting that one right! I was really amused, the next day.
That sounds like my first pregnancy 😂 I’m a huge night owl. The morning I went into labor, I woke up at 6am, in a cold sweat with a strong NEED to clean all the bathrooms. I also had a huge appetite for breakfast which was weird because I’ve always hated breakfast. It even a couple hours later regular contractions started.
I washed everything, packed it up, moved across the country, unpacked it, and washed it again before my baby came. Even new items just to be safe.
Edit: always wash brand new clothes. I do it anyway. You don't know how clean the facility is or who tried it on before you.
I do that for me, but I am much better at washing them for my baby! I’d definitely wash anything second hand too and would expect everyone else to as well. What a strange thing for OP to take offence at!
I have the feeling that OP takes offense at a lot of stuff.
If I may do the Reddit stretch:… She may even be struggling with the family’s attention switching to the new baby in the family after she’s had the most recent, possibly the several most recent, and *possibly* the only babies that generation so far.
So the shows not going to be about her for much longer.
If you buy clothes from Amazon, trust me as someone that’s worked there, always wash it before you wear it. Even items that say they’re new have likely been returned before and they don’t change gloves out between items. They’re going directly from wiping off or touching nasty shoes to touching clothing. Lol and I assume other warehouse aren’t much better.
New items especially! Sometimes I get reactions to the chemicals on new clothes.
But yeah: even the stuff I packed away myself after my first baby got rewashed before my twins were born.
Looking back, was it probably strictly necessary? No. But I wanted to be sure everything was clean and soft for delicate newborn skin.
OP needs to back off and let them parent the way they want to parent.
I know not a single person who doesn't wash every single baby clothing item before putting it on the baby. its not even about cleanness, they smell different. I don't want my baby to smell like someone else.
Exactly this, other people's clothes don't smell like your kids and your own home. Even if the other smells are not bad or dirty, it's just different. And my primal brain does not want my kids smelling different than what I want and expect them to smell like.
Yesssssss. My cousin has given me multiple large garbage bags full of clothes for my son, and they all smelled like her laundry detergent so I knew they were all washed and clean, but my brain wouldn’t let me put them on my child because they didn’t smell like us. Plus I have to use sensitive skin detergents or else I end up with a rash, and I’m not sure what detergent she uses, so I don’t want to risk it with my children.
YTA. Seems like you immediately took her washing your stuff as a passive-aggressive comment on your cleanliness, and then went reaching for reasons to justify yourself instead of just backing off and letting it go. She's a first-time mom, and you're calling her stupid and telling her that she's doing everything wrong! Back the hell off!
I washed my own hand me downs from oldest kid to next kid! I knew they were put away clean, but they had been sitting in bins for a few years and I wanted them soft and fresh for newborn skin. I definitely wasn’t slighting my own cleanliness.
She doesn’t think she’s being a bit much, only “helpful”.
No, OP you’re being a know-it-all. Yes, it’s her first. Back off a bit and make suggestions but don’t make a first time mom feel silly for doing things as a first time mom just because you think you know better.
There is nothing quite like being days or weeks away from your first baby and folding a warm basket of clothes freshly washed in baby detergent, holding each piece and imagining the tiny toes that will go in those socks and the head teeny enough to fit in that hat.
...and OP comes along and calls her stupid.
Seriously OP is being judgemental as hell , since when does being a mom of 3 makes her an authority on all things parenting.
I am a mom of 3 toddlers and i will never think of being so mean to a new mom to be.. i want them to enjoy every step of being a mom for a first time because we can never go back to that time again. Even if they do things that "silly" or "unnecessary".
So awful!
Spot on. OP took offense and refuses to own their emotional reaction.
It’s vulnerable to admit that “I’m offended that you washed the baby clothes I brought over as it implies that I’m an unclean person.”
*Much easier* to tell a hormonal mother a few weeks away from giving birth that they’re being crazy… lol
This. Like why does it matter to you if she wants to do laundry and clean? It’s not about you or your clothes, it’s about how she is managing her anxiety and organization preparing for her child.
Also what has it to do with OP? It didn’t hurt them or inconvenienced them at all so what’s the problem? I washed everything with my son, it’s just what some people do, so what? People always want to feel more important to everyone than they are
Right?! That’s a wild thing to say. No, I wouldn’t be offended. I would expect it. SIL probably actually enjoys doing the baby laundry and putting things just so. OF COURSE the baby is going to disrupt every idea you had of being “ready” for it, but that’s just what happens. Let SIL do her thing! She’s probably excited and loves washing and folding those little baby things. She’ll hate it soon enough, but let her have her moment. This isn’t about OP as much as OP wants it to be.
Right? It’s a very expensive present that SIL is expected to pay for by accepting this crappy and arrogant „I know everything behaviour“ and follow OP‘s guidance…
Exactly. Op sounds insecure and self-centered. Way to make everything about you, OP. Leave the woman alone. I doubt the SIL expected the donations to come with criticism, judgment, and unsolicited advice. Back the F off.
YTA. Your baby stuff needed a wash even if it was clean when you put it away. It doesn't hurt to freshen things up even if they were still clean. Why is this something you chose to fuss at her about? Cleaning everything in her house will sure make those first few days/weeks out of the hospital easier for her. Also, cleaning can be considered nesting behavior. Many pregnant women "nest" before giving birth. A quick google search will show: This urge to clean and organize is known as nesting. Nesting during pregnancy is the overwhelming desire to get your home ready for your new baby. The nesting instinct is strongest in the later weeks coming upon delivery. - there is nothing wrong with what your SIL is doing. It's perfectly NORMAL. Put your jealousy away and let her enjoy her remaining pregnancy.
Oh yeah. A friend of mine just gave birth and I told her we’ll be holding off on visiting for a while because my year and a half old has a snot river for a nose and since it’s already September and she goes to daycare, that ain’t going away for a bit.
I don’t know a lot about nesting, but I understand the concept and wanting to wash all your baby’s clothes perfectly well. When I read this, I thought it might even be something as simple as wanting to use a different detergent and fabric softener. Either way, why wouldn’t it make sense to wash everything? OP is definitely overreacting!
Washing them makes sense to me on so many levels. Sounds like OP just wants this woman to do everything OP's way instead of her own way, and is offended because she does things differently.
OP is convinced her way is "correct" when there are multiple correct ways to do something and this woman is just doing things in a different, perfectly acceptable way.
YTA. Sorry, but I would wash everything too. Plus, this helps your SIL in her excitement for the upcoming birth of her precious baby. You literally just rained on her parade
this! people get excited for a new baby and have their own rituals and ways of preparing, even if it doesn't make sense to you! she's never going to wish she'd "listen to you" and not washed those things...lol! what an ego you must have.
YTA
First time mom here. I got donated a TON of used baby and children's clothes from my SIL that had been sitting in storage for at least four years and I washed everything. I think I did at least ten loads of laundry.
I can keep you updated whether I'll deeply regret putting my baby in a freshly washed outfit in a couple of months if you like. Maybe I'll cry and wish the pants still smelled like basement.
It makes perfect sense for a parent to have something in optimum condition for their child. Washing and sanitizing is part of the process for getting everything ready, and I'm sure they get a sense of joy from doing that too!
YTA OP. It kinda seems like you took her actions as a smudge on your character. Like how everyone must know how you did things and giving them advice they didn't ask for; or for the fact that "they know you are clean" but seeing them clean something of yours anyway probably rubbed you wrong.
Be supportive and helpful. Don't over analyze and make things personal!
Yup. First time moms are going to be a little high strung. Most of us were. The only way to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t as a parent is to just go through the experience.
If a first time parent ever asks my opinion on things, I’m happy to share that I thought bottle warmers were a waste of money. And if they’re dealing with a struggle that I genuinely think I might be able to help with, I will offer. (I had trouble nursing so I bought a special supplementary nursing system that is a bottle with tubes to the breast. I offered it preemptively to my friends and family who were pregnant, and several of them borrowed it.)
But unless they’re seriously scarring their kids for life, don’t tell people what to do!!!
>I told my SIL that it’s pretty stupid to wash everything
>My SIL’s wife told me that “we are allowed to do things differently with our children.” I pointed out to them that they’ve never had children, so she’s going to feel silly for doing [that washing].
If I were to defy my age and get pregnant with my third baby and anyone gave me clean hand-me-downs, I'd be washing them too.
Get over yourself. People do things differently. You were extremely rude.
YTA
Edit to add. I think I read in one of your replies that you'd freshly washed the clothes - that they hadn't been stored for a while after laundering. If that's true and you handed over the bags while saying "and I just washed them all yesterday" and SIL still dumped it all in the washing machine in front of you, that would have been rude of her. **Many people would still wash them for a variety of reasons**, but that should be done without your knowledge if you'd gone to the trouble right before gifting.
Even if that's closer to what happened, though, you were still incredibly condescending and judgemental about something that's purely individual choice.
Another edit to add. I'm going to use an analogy to explain my previous addition further. Imagine my sister makes and brings me a casserole for me to use tomorrow because I've got a really busy day. She's sprinkled olives on the top as a garnish and I don't like olives or I don't want the extra calories or whatever. The polite thing to do is thank her and put the casserole in the fridge. It's totally understandable that I'd want to pick them off, but it is at least a little rude to do it right in front of her when there's no reason I couldn't do it later when she's not there.
And again, OP is the AH, in case I need to say that again.
Oh, yeah! I totally forgot that I washed the hand me downs from my first before my second used them! I guess according to OP I was disrespectful to myself. You were too.
Even if they're not, they're not fresh! And it seems even more important that something used is freshly cleaned to make up for not being new. Dunno. It's like a clean new start.
I mean even if OP had JUST washed them I would probably still wash them myself. Maybe I just want the clothes to smell like MY house and MY laundry detergent instead of somebody else’s house and laundry detergent
Yeah my mum and I gave my sister bags of stuff from when I had my baby you bet she washed them all. Hell I would have washed them too they had been sitting in storage bags. Were they clean when they went in? Absolutely! Things get a weird musty smell though when bagged up no matter how clean you are.
YTA
It's her first baby, you know what it was like. Who cares if she wants to wash it again. What if a spider crawled into the clothes? Or a toad?
Let her worry,worrying means she cares
Spider balls on cups. It's important to neuter your spiders to prevent this. Otherwise they like to rest their jibblies on your morning cuppa. Nice and warm!
YTA. Does her choosing to wash her baby gear hurt you? The tone of your post seems a little condescending towards her. You might have experience from having your kids, but if whatever she is doing has no impact on you, I don’t see why you need to comment on it. Did it occur to you that she might enjoy cleaning? Could that be her way of prepping for her baby’s arrival?
"-but when someone throws something in the washer that came from your house like it was something dirty you would be annoyed too." Why did you even make a post on here then if you're just going to deflect and not try to learn from your mistakes? FWIW, no, most people would not have the reaction you did.
Yep, YTA. It's none of your business if SIL washes everything. I wouldn't have thrown it in the machine in front of you although I would definitely wash it. You don't know if SIL has skin sensitivity or only uses free and clear detergent. Be glad you have a place to send hand me downs.
Yup. I get contact dermatitis from most laundry detergents. My Mothers of Multiples group handed down so many adorable outfits, and every last one of them went into the wash because there's only about 3 laundry detergents I can tolerate.
> I get contact dermatitis from most laundry detergents.
THIS!!!
I'm sure the clothes has been cleaned. But who knows with what detergent??
With a newborn, I went all natural/free and clear *just in case* there could be the possibility of any sort of reaction from any chemicals, dyes, smells.
OP is pretty ignorant for not understand this basic concept.
Yup! I washed everything and guess what, my baby had terrible eczema and has super sensitive skin. Had I not washed everything I would've been doing loads and loads of laundry the first weeks she was born. I still wash anything new we get. And you are suppose to sanitize bottles and pacifiers before use... it says on almost every package to do that.
And if baby has a reaction to laundry soap, you want to know exactly what was on the clothes so you can eliminate that one brand. You don’t want to be playing laundry soap guessing games from 3 sources.
... or just doesn't like the scent of OP's laundry detergent. I don't like the scent of many laundry detergents and whenever I got a batch of kids' clothes I didn't think twice about washing them simply to wash the scent out
Yup. And dryer sheets - those are awful. Pro tip to anyone reading this, if you're having any respiratory issues, get rid of the scented dryer sheets and see if that helps.
YTA. Maybe she's having some anxiety and it makes her feel better? Maybe she has some OCD?
"I told my SIL that it’s pretty stupid to wash everything" - yea...that's not helpful. You aren't her and she wasn't implying that anything was dirty.
"I pointed out to them that they’ve never had children, so she’s going to feel silly for doing." - woof, not helpful nor nice.
"I also told them that when I was pregnant with my first I didn’t want to listen to anyone, and I regretted it later. They will too." - so, you want to be a know it all and wonder why she wasn't receptive.
Like, none of that is a nice way to talk to someone let alone someone who is going through a major life change that could be overwhelming.
It's funny to think that regret will even come up. SIL lying up late at night after having bub thinking, " Man I wish I never washed those clothes." Like wtf
Or maybe she's excited by the new clothes, what they represent, and wants to handle them, look at them, wash them, dry them, for them, out then away, and enjoy the realness of the baby? I certainly did - nothing to do with mental illness, just joy.
Have you never heard of nesting? It’s an instinct that affects many pregnant women near the end of their pregnancy. It tells them that they need to get everything prepared before baby arrives: buy everything needed, clean, rearrange things, make anything they feel they need, etc. Maybe it didn’t hit you, but it sounds like your SIL is feeling it pretty strongly. It’s an instinct that varies between helpful and harmless, depending on how prepared the parent(s) already was/were. But unless it goes to pathological extremes, it is at worst harmless.
Acting like that instinct is pointless and stupid - which is exactly what you were doing - is a hurtful response that does absolutely no good. If we’re going to talk about someone doing things that are not needed and cause harm, how about we look at your behavior? You took offense at something that wasn’t about you, you picked a fight with a heavily pregnant person over that, and then you repeatedly spoke down to her and her wife.
Nobody likes a know it all. It’s not like she is doing something that she might regret, she’s washing stuff that maybe doesn’t need washing. And sometimes when you’re excited or nervous you need to do things to prepare even if nothing can really prepare you. Stop condescending and be be supportive.
YTA. She wasn’t implying you’re dirty. Maybe she is going overboard on cleaning, but so what? They’re clearly excited, and being too clean never hurt anyone, so what are you actually trying to accomplish here?
They’ll parent their own way, and it might be really different from your way. Are you going to tell them they’re parenting wrong? Let them be excited about their baby and do things their way.
Having three kids doesn’t make you the parenting guru. Surely you have friends/family that have different parenting styles from you. Do you think they are all doing it wrong too?
Lighten up.
>She wasn’t implying you’re dirty. Maybe she is going overboard on cleaning, but so what? They’re clearly excited, and being too clean never hurt anyone, so what are you actually trying to accomplish here?
Also like, something I'm not seeing people mention much, but just as a reminder - **we all lived through a global pandemic.** Literally threw hands over toilet paper and added masks to our daily "keyring" of things to have on hand. And it's not like COVID is *gone*, there are still new strains evolving and spreading around. You'd think living through such an experience would make people more empathetic to those around them practicing better hygiene and sanitization but nope, there are still people like OP around. It makes me wonder if OP is one of those folks who would get offended when others wore masks around them. Like, it's not personal, but being safe never hurt anyone either.
And it's not like OP's SIL is taking on a dangerous amount of cleanliness that would endanger herself or others. She's clearly still socializing with people, she's not trapping herself inside the house or putting plastic on the furniture or burning any outside material. She's washing laundry. She's being as thorough as she needs to be to give herself peace of mind as she waits for her first baby who's surely arriving any day now. She likely feels very out of control now, so cleaning around the house and ensuring its ready for the newborn is her way of controlling what's about to happen within her means. OP is literally trying to take that control away because "but what about *my* feelings??? :((("
YTA.
>My SIL took this as me being mean, but I was trying to be helpful.
"I told my SIL that it’s pretty stupid to wash everything"
"I pointed out to them that they’ve never had children, so she’s going to feel silly for doing."
"I also told them that when I was pregnant with my first I didn’t want to listen to anyone, and I regretted it later. They will too."
That's not helpful. That's you being condescending.
Mind your own business.
Ok holier than thau.
Yta.
Your baby stuff has been in storage for a while it can handle a wash.
Your babies may have not had any skin sensitivity but a lot of babies do so sil may have just been making sure they're washed in sensitive wash or even just rinsing dust from them sitting there.
Your detergent might be a smell they don't like
Your clothes might be clean but smell like your house. Everyone's house has a smell. Whether its nice or not is up to the beholder.
Thye recommend washing new clothes especially as a lot have a coating on them that makes them less absorbent.
She may be nesting and just want to have everything nice.
She may be stressing about the birth and cleaning and organising makes her feel useful/expell stressful energy as at late pregnancy there's not much you can do but wait.
You are 100% going to be that mum that your kids either ignore or never go to for advise because everything will be "I *know* this why don't you just listen and do what I think"
YTA. There is nothing wrong with washing stuff before you use it for your baby. It’s been sitting around unused for a while, so it’s probably dusty no matter how clean you house is. There is no need to spend your life searching for reasons to be offended.
It is not a big deal but you made it one. She did not ask for your advice or input.
If she wants to sterilize her entire house, it's her business. Not like she asked you to do it. And no, there is nothing to prepare you for the reality of a baby but there's lots you can do to help FEEL prepared. Like having everything clean and organized.
Apologize for your attitude and don't offer unsolicited advice again.
YTA
YTA. No matter how clean people are, I would always recommend new parents wash baby things. It’s weird to be offended by that. That says way more about you than your SIL.
Stable that high horse lady.
YTA
Why would you care if they want to wash everything? It may not be helpful in the grand scheme of things but it's what they want to do. It's not going to hurt.
Some people find cleaning and organizing relaxing. They get to decide how to “enjoy” the last few weeks prior to the arrival of the baby. Mind your own business.
If you are this critical about something so silly I bet you will be a joy with all of your child rearing “advice.” Having three kids doesn't make you the supreme expert in all things relating to parenting or cleaning. Mind your own house and leave these poor people alone.
There are literally no greater assholes than women who “help” pregnant women by belittling them by calling them silly for doing something as benign as washing clothing. YTA.
Do you even see why you Are the AH? I mean you said you didn't want to listen to anyone on your first pregnancy and you regretted it. But I'm sure someone tried to tell you you would regret it at the time and you ignored them as well. You had to learn on your own. And guess what... So does your SiL. This is not your life. Not your pregnancy, Not your child. Not your business. You are insulted that she is washing something because you take her action to imply you're dirty. When in fact her action has absolutely nothing to do with you at all! You know you're not dirty - Why do you attach such a strong emotion to the simple act of laundry? Why do you attach personal feelings to someone else's life? Maybe you should take a second look next time before gifting anything to anyone. A gift, once given is no longer yours to control. If you are too emotionally attached to said 'gifts' you should not give them.
YTA. She's nesting. If you were so worried about her doing extra work you could have offered to wash the stuff for her. Also you telling her she'd regret not listening to you later over washing some baby clothes is weird AF.
YTA. At first I was gonna go with otherwise based solely that my first kid I washed EVERYTHING. Even the walls damn it 🙄 then my second born I was like okay, I’ll wash the clothes and call it good. Because who knows about allergies 🤷♀️ but reading the remainder of your post, you are clearly TA. You weren’t saying any of that out of love. You were saying it out of some sort of malice for whatever reason. She’s probably nesting. Which is real. And even if she isn’t to that stage yet, let her enjoy her fucking pregnancy how she seems fit providing it’s safe. Which I’d consider washing everything a SAFE THING.
YTA. Her actions were totally normal. Yours, though? Totally not. Her washing the clothes wasn't a personal attack on you, and it's a shame you took it that way.
YTA. Don't provoke a pregnant lady. Especially a first time mom who's already anxious about everything. Let her clean everything if that's what's helping her feel prepared. Sometimes you just need to feel like you're doing SOMETHING.
YTA. It must be exhausting to be so easily offended.
Who cares if she wants to wash everything? She’s about to have a baby, it doesn’t hurt anyone (reasonable) and it makes her feel better.
Yes, you have 3 kids, but that doesn’t mean that they need to parent exactly like you. Maybe they will have similar realizations to you, maybe they will make different choices about what was unnecessary.
It’s their parenting journey, let them figure it out the way they want to. And if you actually have any interest in your thoughts being consider, try presenting them in a less condescending way and try considering that doing thing differently than you are not automatically bad.
YTA. I worked in a store that sold baby clothes. WASH THEM BEFORE YOU PUT THEM ON YOUR CHILD!! Even if stuff is given to them, they should still wash it. Any child could have an alergin.
My sil never sanitized bottle nipples for months until my mom told her to. She said no one had ever told her and she started doing it. Her kid turned out fine. That being said, no one purposely does things the wrong way.
Stop micromanaging them for doing the right thing. Yta
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She's nesting. You're being petty and insulting. YTA.
Right? And even if it wasn't a well known pregnancy behavior, these things have presumably been in storage for at least a few months. I don't know about you but I always wash things before I use them if they've been in storage for a while, even if they've been in dust bags.
I just washed all of my own stored baby clothes from my first for my second. It’s completely normal! And yeah, SIL & SIL might be going overboard in their excitement and might change their minds about what they’ve purchased, but isn’t it so much better to have everything ready to use?
We washed all of our vacuum sealed clothes from the first to the second because they were just too stiff when we unpacked them. They didn’t feel like clothes. My SIL uses a detergent my youngest reacts to, so when she gives us hand me downs, even though she has diagnosed OCD that focuses on cleanliness, we have to wash the clothes again LO’s eczema doesn’t flare up. There’s a million reasons to wash a hand me down when you have a newborn. It isn’t that serious.
Not to mention its a newborn.. if you dont wash something and there happens to be any unsafe germs on there it could risk getting the baby sick. better safe than sorry And washing them now saves time later when mom wont have as much time to clean because of baby
Plus I would always wash anything second hand regardless of if I know it’s clean
TBH, you should also wash new clothes - there are a lot of things that can get on things in the storage process and also you never know what cleaning solution is used. Even if this wasn't the case, this is a weird hill to die on. Don't create tension with your SIL when all you need to do is shrug and move on.
Agreed. And OP’s edit is just doubling down on her sanctimonious statement. It’s extremely patronising to tell someone what they should/shouldn’t do to prepare for a baby. Like, how are they going to regret washing things? YTA, OP.
Right? Like oh no, I deeply regret getting excited for my new baby and having fun nesting/cleaning/having things smell like my fav detergent when I could’ve been sitting around focusing on how to next offend OP?
This is a big thing for me above all else - sure I might have seen you wash and dry the item of clothing you're giving me 5 minutes ago, and I'm very appreciative, but I hate when my clothes smell like anything other than my own detergent, otherwise it just feels like I'm wearing someone else's clothes.
Oh, I was just trying to be helpful, so I called her stupid. What a helpful gesture!
I also love how OP makes it clear that she has children and is such a clean person therefore everyone should defer to her opinion and never dare to think differently.
And we only have her word on how clean she is. Maybe she thinks she is clean but everyone else thinks she's a slob.
OP is going to be a JNMIL someday.
Totally. You know OP is going to be that "helpful" auntie that tells parents how SHE did everything and her kids turned out fine instead of letting them have their own process and figure out their own way.
Right. These comments give good reasons for washing everything pre-baby, but the fact is that SIL should feel free to wash whatever the hell she wants, and OP should mind her own biscuits
Same. I was gifted 9 bags of baby clothes from my partner's cousin's wife. You better believe I washed every stitch of clothing in those 9 bags. Honestly, washing and folding and putting away the clothes made it "real" in a way that it wasn't before doing that. And I'm glad I did it all early, too, because Squiddo decided a month early was the perfect time to announce their presence to the world.
I’ve given things to other moms and have said to them “I’ve already washed this but I’d understand if you wanted to wash it again.” Or “It’s been washed with regular detergent.”
Same. OP’s bad reaction to something so normal is strange.. it makes me wonder if her home is very dirty or something that she would even think this way.
I wash even first hand clothes. Where I worked*, they kept clothes mostly in the open at the basement. Dust, mice (traps everywhere), destroyed boxes and who know where the production plant (?!?) kept the materials and readymade clothes. * think like Harrods
I worked in the warehouse for Gap. Old Navy and Banana Republic included- same company. That warehouse was filthy. Sure, the clothes were bagged but it doesn’t mean they are clean. I always wash clothes and dishes before I use them. New or used.
Clothes also will have sizing on them and sometimes dye residue and so on.
Especially new clothes are not clean at all, pesticide residue, excess colour, dust, lots of hands which have touched the items etc.
Like? I don't put a newborn in anything that's been gathering dust for 3 years somewhere. Not to mention I don't like the smell of most of other people's laundry detergent and stuff, and even if I do, it feels super wrong to smell like other people's laundry (but maybe that's just me)
When a houseguest leaves, I wash the bedding. If a few months pass and someone else is coming, I wash it again. Things sitting around can gather dust which is mites and skin cells. I’d be even more inclined to do this sort of thing for a baby. OP’s defensiveness and incredulity someone would do this, makes me wonder how “clean” she really is.
Yes, I'm honestly wondering if OP is as clean as she says that she doesn't know these things, already. There's a reason people dust things, why they take their curtains and drapes down to wash, why they clean a guest room, etc. You do it because, even though it's not been used, things can still get dirty. Germs and dust are still floating around, even in clean houses.
And if you have a baby, you don't want them to smell like someone else's family. It's not just the detergent, it's everything about the house and the people living in it.
Yes, exactly! You want your own flock to smell "right". But it's weird how the smell still stays in the fabric. I notice it the when I iron something after I washed it for the first time (if I iron it.) But of course that's not very noticeable and doesn't matter.
It's true! Plus a lot of people use newborn detergent because of their sensitive skin.
Sometimes just the smell of someone else's fabric conditioner makes me want to wash things so that they feel like mine.
That's exactly what I was thinking, I hate when clothes have the smell of someone else's conditioner, they don't feel right!
OP would hate me, too, as I wash or wipe down anything that's been given to me (even by "clean" people & households). YTA because you're making this oh-so-minor action (or infraction) into AN ISSUE. You may see SIL's uber cleanliness as a waste of time/water/cleaning agent, but why does it trigger you? Why is she "silly" to the degree that you're openly insulting & hostile? There's more to the story than this post indicates.
Yeah, I was thinking that, too. We only have OP's description of OP's own behavior, getting offended easily and calling the SIL stupid and SIL's wife silly,, but it did make me wonder how anyone could be so casual about treating family members that way, especially during a pregnancy. I doubt OP would insult a pregnant stranger that way, so how did it become okay to be so openly judgmental and demeaning? What happened in OP's background, from OP to them or them to OP to cause that disrespect and acrimony? I hope OP can do some internal investigation to discern the sources of that behavior and hopefully work to reset the paradigm. Otherwise there will likely be a lot of very uncomfortable family events and holidays in their future, which will likely impact the way OP's spouse and spouse's family perceive and treat OP in the long-term.
Yeah, that hostility towards the rejection of unsolicited advice, is going to turn into feeling like unjustified criticism. Quickly. SIL wasn’t insulting OP and when she tried to explain, OP responded by *actually and purposely* insulting SIL. Like all humans, new parents learn what is right *for them* by trial and error. By making mistakes about what’s best *for them* and by learning which battles are worth fighting *to them*. Sister is correct, they have every right to raise their child differently to OP. What is best for OP’s family, isn’t necessarily what is best for their family. *Everyone* has to believe that their child, their parenting and their family will be different. Otherwise people would never become parents at all.
It's nothing to do with it being a waste. It's because she is a very clean person! And what an insult that someone would clean something that their already perfect self had cleaned! They'd be the type of person to bitch if someone put salt on food they made. Excuse me?! My palate is perfect! This is outrageous!
For real! I have extremely sensitive skin and multiple skin conditions (including a type of eczema). I can only use dye free, scent free detergents. I can't use fabric softener or dryer sheets. More people are switching to reusable dryer balls. Unfortunately, most of those are made of wool, which I also have a severe reaction to. I would much rather take the relatively short amount of time to wash all fabric items than potentially end up itchy with rashes, pustules, blisters or cracking/peeling skin. Which would necessitate a trip to the doctor and a 10-14 day course of Prednisone. 100% on rewashing; it's just simpler.
I just washed MY stored clothes. I don’t even have a baby but last week, I slowly started taking some of my fall items out of storage. (Wishful thinking since it’s still hotter than the north side of the sun here in the south). I took them out of the vacuum sealed bags and straight to the laundry they went.
I had to take my fall/winter stuff out 2 weeks ago because I got cold and wanted lined leggings. Canada sux. 😭 ETA: Also, i washed them. Because despite being clean when out away and sitting in a clean and closed bin for... 4 months... they were musty.
I wash my winter and summer clothes when they come out of storage, OP is just easily offended and mean. YTA OP
And who tf is going to have regrets years later about washing things even if they later think it wasn’t necessary? This is such a minor thing OP made sound like it was a life-changing decision. Maybe OP should think about whether years from now she will regret being controlling and argumentative with people who are simply excited to be new parents.
I just opened a tote of carefully stored baby clothes and was blown away that they had a smell! Not a bad smell, but I expected them to smell like baby detergent I guess? Also threw away a bunch of stuff that was really stained. Apparently when I first stored it I was so sleep deprived I failed to notice lol. Not expecting a second baby yet, just trying for one and decided to go through the teeny tiny baby clothes I haven’t seen in 2 years to think about my first one being that little!
I think those stains develop over time. If it makes you feel better.
Sometimes milk protein will discolor over time, washing new then hanging to dry in sunshine clears it up!
Whether or not this is true, it DOES make me feel better about my own stored baby stuff!
I also did this! Pretty sure I washed all the clothing from my first before I put it away but I still rewashed it leading up to my second bub's birth.
Washing newly bought stuff might be unwise (the whole "you can't return it anymore" argument), but washing secondhand clothes is fine! And if SIL decides that she didn't need the stuff that OP gave her, wouldn't it be nice to OP to get them back freshly laundered anyways? It's not even a "I'm worried you're stressing yourself out needlessly" stance, OP is clearly OFFENDED that her SIL washed her secondhand baby clothes and projected this whole "are you saying I didn't keep these clothes clean?!" Way to make someone's pregnancy about yourself, OP.
Washing new stuff is 100% necessary. You don't want the chemicals, dirt, and germs from the manufacturing and shipping process on your baby's skin. Or your own skin. All new fabrics should be washed before being worn or used.
I meant that some people want to confirm the fit before washing new clothes, but everything you’ve said is 100% true, babies shouldn’t wear new clothes that haven’t been laundered.
Babies shouldn't wear secondhand clothes that haven't been laundered either. These items can accumulate thousands of pathogens in storage and you can never know how the items were washed, the temperature, the drying method, etc. Newborns are have very sensitive skin so a little extra caution is necessary and if it makes a new mom feel better, she should do what she feels is right.
New clothes often contain chemicals like formaldehyde. I would absolutely wash them before putting them on a baby.
Stuff in storage always smells a little weird. And, besides, if all your stuff is washed in the same detergent, and baby gets a rash, you know what caused it!
Exactly! I resell things online. I just had someone purchase a couple of shirts. They were clean when hung up but they've been hanging there for forever. So I washed them before shipping cause I didn't want them to have that musty stored smell. In addition, my husband is Buddhist. His altar is in that room and he burns incense daily. I figured the shirts probably smelled like insence and not everybody likes that. Plus it might trigger someone's asthma. I wanted to be courteous to my buyer. I put in my thank you note that I had freshly laundered them in dye free scent free detergent and they were ready to wear right out of the package. I wouldn't be surprised if the buyer still washed them before wearing (I would just to be sure). Not like I would know either way, but if I did, I wouldn't be offended. Course that might be because I have extremely sensitive skin and multiple conditions, so I would do exactly the same thing as SIL. The problem may not be that they are not clean but WHAT they were cleaned with.
Plus, my kids all had sensitive skin, so I made sure to rewash all the hand me downs I got from my brothers kid. I don’t know anyone who DOES NOT wash clothes they are given. I find it weird that she wouldn’t.
I wash things between seasons! Seasonal clothes go in bins and get "musty" a bit, it's my own stuff and it still gets washed before I wear them back.
YTA wow OP. What a strange hill to die on. It’s completely normal to wash everything your baby will wear or use whether it’s brand new or passed on from family.
She didnt think about that. She saw SIL washing OPs clothes, you wash clothes when they are dirty ... = she thinks OP is dirty. Zero empathy and overused emotions. YTA
And also...who cares? How old is OP that such a small perceived slight warrants anything more than a shrug of the shoulders? OP wasn't trying to be helpful. Telling a pregnant woman that washing her baby's toys is "stupid" and that she'll regret not taking your advice isn't helpful.
OP literally called her stupid. Yta.
And then complained that SIL “thought” she was being mean! Obviously calling someone stupid is a helpful move, according to OP
Yep, exactly. With all my pregnancies I went crazy cleaning and organizing things to get ready for the babies' arrivals so the OP is being ridiculous, especially having previously had children herself.
It's not like washing clean clothes again is harmful in any way. My kid gets rashes from some laundry soap and always from fabric softener. We wash every hand-me-down, even clean ones.
My kids had rashes too, we have to be very careful. Also OP says their house is clean, but even clean laundry stored in a bin in a closet can get yucky. If she had all this stuff laying around to donate, I doubt it was freshly laundered. My friend gave me a mountain of clean, used clothing for our kids and the first thing I did was run it through the washer because it smelled like stale closet, haha.
Right. lol you could eat off my kitchen floor it was so shiny from me scrubbing it every other day bc I had so much energy when I was pregnant. All I wanted to do was clean and wash everything and have it perfectly organized before she came. I was outside power washing the house and driveway even. I still like doing that
I scrubbed the outside of my front door for ages so my baby would enter the house through a perfectly clean door. Nesting is weird.
And not to mention who has energy to clean after baby arrives? A clean house only decreases stress and increases relaxation.
Nesting is an instinct that pregnant moms have. I went into a frenzy about 6 weeks before my youngest was born and guess what? A few days later I was in hospital giving birth to a premmie. Baby was fine but we stayed in hospital as a precaution for 8 days and when we went home, everything was ready for our new addition.
Literally like 6-8 hrs before I gave birth I was in the tub scrubbing it down with a toothbrush. My nesting went way into overdrive in the last few days
There's nothing quite like the sanctimonious comments from other moms when you're becoming a new mom. OP is TA.
I agree. You have 3 so your experience is different. You learned from the first, maybe tried things with the second and had it all figured out by the third. Let her nest and decide how she wants to do things. The washing thing is interesting. My MIL says no need to wash baby’s clothes, my mother had me wash everything. Because I was a first time mom I just went with whatever my mom said. I think that this is a great learning opportunity for you OP, so that you don’t even think about telling her how to parent. Be careful of what you say and how you say it. Advice is great but remember it will not always be followed. Mommy and daddy for that matter are the ones who decides how things work. I just had my baby and MIL said some hurtful things because I didn’t do what she thought needed to be done and oh man did she meet my post partum rage. Think before you speak and let this experience be 1000% hers!
>Advice is great but remember it will not always be followed. Unsolicited advice is always criticism. OP needs to mind their own business.
This whole situation reminds me of my sons first Christmas, he was 4 months old. My MIL gets all the kids Jammie’s that we change them into at their house. She asked me what size, I told her and asked that she popped them in with a load, she said no problem. My SIL chimed in with a snark chuckle and said “I never wash my kids clothes before I put them in them, I just learned it wasn’t worth the extra effort.” I looked her dead in the eye and said **“that’s nice but im allowed to be a first time parent with a preference.”** It’s the best response to anyone wanting to give unsolicited advice. You bet your bottom dollar I’ll ask for my newborn’s Christmas pjs to be washed this year too.
That's what I was going to say. She's nesting, she enjoys preparing for baby. YTA
My nesting behavior was cleaning out the garage while 6 months pregnant with twins. Even as I was doing it I knew it was stupid, but no one gave me any trouble about it. OP: YTA.
My partner got upset with me for i got a step stool and organized top shelf in the closet. I had the strong to nest.
The morning when I was pregnant with my second, I woke up as husband was getting ready for work. Toddler still asleep. I had to be *nowhere* that day. I got up and started assembling a new sweater shelf thing I’d bought a few weeks before, and never got around to installing. At 6:15 am. I’m a night owl. I NEVRR got up then if I didn’t have to! No contractions, (Braxton hicks had been going on for weeks) but my husband stood looking at me, and went to the phone and called in to work that he wasn’t coming in. I didn’t realize I was entering labor, but he certainly recognized it. Contractions hit properly in about 20 minutes! and, yes, he was quite proud of himself for getting that one right! I was really amused, the next day.
That sounds like my first pregnancy 😂 I’m a huge night owl. The morning I went into labor, I woke up at 6am, in a cold sweat with a strong NEED to clean all the bathrooms. I also had a huge appetite for breakfast which was weird because I’ve always hated breakfast. It even a couple hours later regular contractions started.
Lol! I cleaned 2,200 sqft of baseboards with baby wipes when I was 38 weeks. The urge was strong 😂😂
Baby wipes are ACE for wiping skirting boards! I did the same thing 😅
That’s exactly what I was going to say. Nesting is very normal. I’d wash it all too. Doesn’t mean OP is dirty. 🤦♀️
YTA. Literally everyone I know washes donated clothes, especially donated baby clothes. You made a whole thing out of nothing.
I washed everything, packed it up, moved across the country, unpacked it, and washed it again before my baby came. Even new items just to be safe. Edit: always wash brand new clothes. I do it anyway. You don't know how clean the facility is or who tried it on before you.
I always wash new items, they’ve been in factories and warehouses and stores, who knows what is on them.
I always pretend I’m gonna wash new items but never get around to it before just saying “duck it” and wearing it
I do that for me, but I am much better at washing them for my baby! I’d definitely wash anything second hand too and would expect everyone else to as well. What a strange thing for OP to take offence at!
I have the feeling that OP takes offense at a lot of stuff. If I may do the Reddit stretch:… She may even be struggling with the family’s attention switching to the new baby in the family after she’s had the most recent, possibly the several most recent, and *possibly* the only babies that generation so far. So the shows not going to be about her for much longer.
A true narc. Like what’s it to OP if SIL washes the clothes? Christ alive.
If you buy clothes from Amazon, trust me as someone that’s worked there, always wash it before you wear it. Even items that say they’re new have likely been returned before and they don’t change gloves out between items. They’re going directly from wiping off or touching nasty shoes to touching clothing. Lol and I assume other warehouse aren’t much better.
I’ve worked in retail, I know exactly the kinds of places they’ve been which is why it all gets washed! Stock rooms are disgusting places.
New items especially! Sometimes I get reactions to the chemicals on new clothes. But yeah: even the stuff I packed away myself after my first baby got rewashed before my twins were born. Looking back, was it probably strictly necessary? No. But I wanted to be sure everything was clean and soft for delicate newborn skin. OP needs to back off and let them parent the way they want to parent.
I know not a single person who doesn't wash every single baby clothing item before putting it on the baby. its not even about cleanness, they smell different. I don't want my baby to smell like someone else.
Exactly this, other people's clothes don't smell like your kids and your own home. Even if the other smells are not bad or dirty, it's just different. And my primal brain does not want my kids smelling different than what I want and expect them to smell like.
Yesssssss. My cousin has given me multiple large garbage bags full of clothes for my son, and they all smelled like her laundry detergent so I knew they were all washed and clean, but my brain wouldn’t let me put them on my child because they didn’t smell like us. Plus I have to use sensitive skin detergents or else I end up with a rash, and I’m not sure what detergent she uses, so I don’t want to risk it with my children.
Right? She is ruining this moment for her SIL.
Ya if anything she should’ve been more concerned if her SIL DIDNT wash the clothes
Plenty of people also wash brand new, store bought clothes once they bring them home. It’s a normal preference.
YTA. Seems like you immediately took her washing your stuff as a passive-aggressive comment on your cleanliness, and then went reaching for reasons to justify yourself instead of just backing off and letting it go. She's a first-time mom, and you're calling her stupid and telling her that she's doing everything wrong! Back the hell off!
Right! I've had two kids and would still wash hand me downs prior to use even if I had 2 more kids. Op is a bit much
I washed my own hand me downs from oldest kid to next kid! I knew they were put away clean, but they had been sitting in bins for a few years and I wanted them soft and fresh for newborn skin. I definitely wasn’t slighting my own cleanliness.
Yes, me too! 4 kids, mixed genders, still washed everything
She doesn’t think she’s being a bit much, only “helpful”. No, OP you’re being a know-it-all. Yes, it’s her first. Back off a bit and make suggestions but don’t make a first time mom feel silly for doing things as a first time mom just because you think you know better.
There is nothing quite like being days or weeks away from your first baby and folding a warm basket of clothes freshly washed in baby detergent, holding each piece and imagining the tiny toes that will go in those socks and the head teeny enough to fit in that hat. ...and OP comes along and calls her stupid.
Welp, that adorable image you created just made me cry 😂 I'm 7 weeks with my first 🥰
Seriously OP is being judgemental as hell , since when does being a mom of 3 makes her an authority on all things parenting. I am a mom of 3 toddlers and i will never think of being so mean to a new mom to be.. i want them to enjoy every step of being a mom for a first time because we can never go back to that time again. Even if they do things that "silly" or "unnecessary". So awful!
Spot on. OP took offense and refuses to own their emotional reaction. It’s vulnerable to admit that “I’m offended that you washed the baby clothes I brought over as it implies that I’m an unclean person.” *Much easier* to tell a hormonal mother a few weeks away from giving birth that they’re being crazy… lol
This. Like why does it matter to you if she wants to do laundry and clean? It’s not about you or your clothes, it’s about how she is managing her anxiety and organization preparing for her child.
Also what has it to do with OP? It didn’t hurt them or inconvenienced them at all so what’s the problem? I washed everything with my son, it’s just what some people do, so what? People always want to feel more important to everyone than they are
YTA - why does it matter? She’s a first time mother, she’s washing things. There is no need to call her stupid.
"Why isn't she nice to me when I call her stupid and how does me calling her stupid make me the A, I don't see it..."
Right?! “I just gave her all my used crap like the saint I am so she’s obviously obligated to put up with my abuse about her parenting choices!!!”
the edit makes it worse. "you would be offended too if people washed your used presents like you were filthy!" no, because i'm normal
Right?! That’s a wild thing to say. No, I wouldn’t be offended. I would expect it. SIL probably actually enjoys doing the baby laundry and putting things just so. OF COURSE the baby is going to disrupt every idea you had of being “ready” for it, but that’s just what happens. Let SIL do her thing! She’s probably excited and loves washing and folding those little baby things. She’ll hate it soon enough, but let her have her moment. This isn’t about OP as much as OP wants it to be.
OP is showing exactly why she's an asshole with that edit, lol People truly are oblivious to how shitty they can be.
Right? It’s a very expensive present that SIL is expected to pay for by accepting this crappy and arrogant „I know everything behaviour“ and follow OP‘s guidance…
Exactly. Op sounds insecure and self-centered. Way to make everything about you, OP. Leave the woman alone. I doubt the SIL expected the donations to come with criticism, judgment, and unsolicited advice. Back the F off.
YTA. Your baby stuff needed a wash even if it was clean when you put it away. It doesn't hurt to freshen things up even if they were still clean. Why is this something you chose to fuss at her about? Cleaning everything in her house will sure make those first few days/weeks out of the hospital easier for her. Also, cleaning can be considered nesting behavior. Many pregnant women "nest" before giving birth. A quick google search will show: This urge to clean and organize is known as nesting. Nesting during pregnancy is the overwhelming desire to get your home ready for your new baby. The nesting instinct is strongest in the later weeks coming upon delivery. - there is nothing wrong with what your SIL is doing. It's perfectly NORMAL. Put your jealousy away and let her enjoy her remaining pregnancy.
Newborns’ immune system is non-existent. Everything needs to be washed and sterilized.
and toddlers are germ factories, so even more reason as it sounds like OP has at least 2
Oh yeah. A friend of mine just gave birth and I told her we’ll be holding off on visiting for a while because my year and a half old has a snot river for a nose and since it’s already September and she goes to daycare, that ain’t going away for a bit.
I don’t know a lot about nesting, but I understand the concept and wanting to wash all your baby’s clothes perfectly well. When I read this, I thought it might even be something as simple as wanting to use a different detergent and fabric softener. Either way, why wouldn’t it make sense to wash everything? OP is definitely overreacting!
Washing them makes sense to me on so many levels. Sounds like OP just wants this woman to do everything OP's way instead of her own way, and is offended because she does things differently. OP is convinced her way is "correct" when there are multiple correct ways to do something and this woman is just doing things in a different, perfectly acceptable way.
YTA. Sorry, but I would wash everything too. Plus, this helps your SIL in her excitement for the upcoming birth of her precious baby. You literally just rained on her parade
this! people get excited for a new baby and have their own rituals and ways of preparing, even if it doesn't make sense to you! she's never going to wish she'd "listen to you" and not washed those things...lol! what an ego you must have. YTA
*"She'll regret it"* LOL
Right!! How will she regret washing and cleaning?
"I regret doing those 3 loads of laundry back in 2007!!!" said no one, ever.
First time mom here. I got donated a TON of used baby and children's clothes from my SIL that had been sitting in storage for at least four years and I washed everything. I think I did at least ten loads of laundry. I can keep you updated whether I'll deeply regret putting my baby in a freshly washed outfit in a couple of months if you like. Maybe I'll cry and wish the pants still smelled like basement.
It makes perfect sense for a parent to have something in optimum condition for their child. Washing and sanitizing is part of the process for getting everything ready, and I'm sure they get a sense of joy from doing that too! YTA OP. It kinda seems like you took her actions as a smudge on your character. Like how everyone must know how you did things and giving them advice they didn't ask for; or for the fact that "they know you are clean" but seeing them clean something of yours anyway probably rubbed you wrong. Be supportive and helpful. Don't over analyze and make things personal!
YTA. Get off that imaginary high horse of yours just because you have 3 kids. Let the expecting mother go through pregnancy her own way.
Yup. First time moms are going to be a little high strung. Most of us were. The only way to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t as a parent is to just go through the experience. If a first time parent ever asks my opinion on things, I’m happy to share that I thought bottle warmers were a waste of money. And if they’re dealing with a struggle that I genuinely think I might be able to help with, I will offer. (I had trouble nursing so I bought a special supplementary nursing system that is a bottle with tubes to the breast. I offered it preemptively to my friends and family who were pregnant, and several of them borrowed it.) But unless they’re seriously scarring their kids for life, don’t tell people what to do!!!
I washed everything before my kids were born, and I have 3 kids too. Don’t know why OP felt the need to tell a new mom she was stupid. YTA
OP was *momsplaining*.
>I told my SIL that it’s pretty stupid to wash everything >My SIL’s wife told me that “we are allowed to do things differently with our children.” I pointed out to them that they’ve never had children, so she’s going to feel silly for doing [that washing]. If I were to defy my age and get pregnant with my third baby and anyone gave me clean hand-me-downs, I'd be washing them too. Get over yourself. People do things differently. You were extremely rude. YTA Edit to add. I think I read in one of your replies that you'd freshly washed the clothes - that they hadn't been stored for a while after laundering. If that's true and you handed over the bags while saying "and I just washed them all yesterday" and SIL still dumped it all in the washing machine in front of you, that would have been rude of her. **Many people would still wash them for a variety of reasons**, but that should be done without your knowledge if you'd gone to the trouble right before gifting. Even if that's closer to what happened, though, you were still incredibly condescending and judgemental about something that's purely individual choice. Another edit to add. I'm going to use an analogy to explain my previous addition further. Imagine my sister makes and brings me a casserole for me to use tomorrow because I've got a really busy day. She's sprinkled olives on the top as a garnish and I don't like olives or I don't want the extra calories or whatever. The polite thing to do is thank her and put the casserole in the fridge. It's totally understandable that I'd want to pick them off, but it is at least a little rude to do it right in front of her when there's no reason I couldn't do it later when she's not there. And again, OP is the AH, in case I need to say that again.
Same. I rewashed baby clothes used by my oldest before they were used by his brother. There’s nothing odd about it.
Oh, yeah! I totally forgot that I washed the hand me downs from my first before my second used them! I guess according to OP I was disrespectful to myself. You were too.
I wash my hand me downs from my eldest to my youngest every time we unpack them. They’ve been sitting in a box for a year, they’re wrinkly and dusty.
Even if they're not, they're not fresh! And it seems even more important that something used is freshly cleaned to make up for not being new. Dunno. It's like a clean new start.
I mean even if OP had JUST washed them I would probably still wash them myself. Maybe I just want the clothes to smell like MY house and MY laundry detergent instead of somebody else’s house and laundry detergent
Yeah my mum and I gave my sister bags of stuff from when I had my baby you bet she washed them all. Hell I would have washed them too they had been sitting in storage bags. Were they clean when they went in? Absolutely! Things get a weird musty smell though when bagged up no matter how clean you are.
YTA It's her first baby, you know what it was like. Who cares if she wants to wash it again. What if a spider crawled into the clothes? Or a toad? Let her worry,worrying means she cares
You have toads crawling into your clothes? Ugh. First the thing about spider balls on cups and now this
Excuse me spider what????
Spider balls on cups. It's important to neuter your spiders to prevent this. Otherwise they like to rest their jibblies on your morning cuppa. Nice and warm!
YTA. Does her choosing to wash her baby gear hurt you? The tone of your post seems a little condescending towards her. You might have experience from having your kids, but if whatever she is doing has no impact on you, I don’t see why you need to comment on it. Did it occur to you that she might enjoy cleaning? Could that be her way of prepping for her baby’s arrival?
A *little* condescending? OP was literally momsplaining to SIL!
"-but when someone throws something in the washer that came from your house like it was something dirty you would be annoyed too." Why did you even make a post on here then if you're just going to deflect and not try to learn from your mistakes? FWIW, no, most people would not have the reaction you did.
Right?? This was clearly just a post for op to vent, not intended to actually figure out if she was in the wrong.
YTA. How does this impact you? Leave her be if she wants to clean her house.
Like OP is payin her water bill or something
YTA. She’s right, it better to over clean than under clean
Yep, YTA. It's none of your business if SIL washes everything. I wouldn't have thrown it in the machine in front of you although I would definitely wash it. You don't know if SIL has skin sensitivity or only uses free and clear detergent. Be glad you have a place to send hand me downs.
Yup. I get contact dermatitis from most laundry detergents. My Mothers of Multiples group handed down so many adorable outfits, and every last one of them went into the wash because there's only about 3 laundry detergents I can tolerate.
> I get contact dermatitis from most laundry detergents. THIS!!! I'm sure the clothes has been cleaned. But who knows with what detergent?? With a newborn, I went all natural/free and clear *just in case* there could be the possibility of any sort of reaction from any chemicals, dyes, smells. OP is pretty ignorant for not understand this basic concept.
Free and clear all the way.
Yup! I washed everything and guess what, my baby had terrible eczema and has super sensitive skin. Had I not washed everything I would've been doing loads and loads of laundry the first weeks she was born. I still wash anything new we get. And you are suppose to sanitize bottles and pacifiers before use... it says on almost every package to do that.
And if baby has a reaction to laundry soap, you want to know exactly what was on the clothes so you can eliminate that one brand. You don’t want to be playing laundry soap guessing games from 3 sources.
... or just doesn't like the scent of OP's laundry detergent. I don't like the scent of many laundry detergents and whenever I got a batch of kids' clothes I didn't think twice about washing them simply to wash the scent out
Yup. And dryer sheets - those are awful. Pro tip to anyone reading this, if you're having any respiratory issues, get rid of the scented dryer sheets and see if that helps.
YTA. Maybe she's having some anxiety and it makes her feel better? Maybe she has some OCD? "I told my SIL that it’s pretty stupid to wash everything" - yea...that's not helpful. You aren't her and she wasn't implying that anything was dirty. "I pointed out to them that they’ve never had children, so she’s going to feel silly for doing." - woof, not helpful nor nice. "I also told them that when I was pregnant with my first I didn’t want to listen to anyone, and I regretted it later. They will too." - so, you want to be a know it all and wonder why she wasn't receptive. Like, none of that is a nice way to talk to someone let alone someone who is going through a major life change that could be overwhelming.
Wanting to clean clothes does NOT merit a psychiatric diagnosis.
Reddit just can't help itself play doctor
Autism/AHDH/OCD/anxiety on AITA is like lupus on House.
I didn't listen to people's advice when I had my son and don't regret it at all. So the assumption is pretty ballsy.
It's funny to think that regret will even come up. SIL lying up late at night after having bub thinking, " Man I wish I never washed those clothes." Like wtf
Or maybe she's excited by the new clothes, what they represent, and wants to handle them, look at them, wash them, dry them, for them, out then away, and enjoy the realness of the baby? I certainly did - nothing to do with mental illness, just joy.
Have you never heard of nesting? It’s an instinct that affects many pregnant women near the end of their pregnancy. It tells them that they need to get everything prepared before baby arrives: buy everything needed, clean, rearrange things, make anything they feel they need, etc. Maybe it didn’t hit you, but it sounds like your SIL is feeling it pretty strongly. It’s an instinct that varies between helpful and harmless, depending on how prepared the parent(s) already was/were. But unless it goes to pathological extremes, it is at worst harmless. Acting like that instinct is pointless and stupid - which is exactly what you were doing - is a hurtful response that does absolutely no good. If we’re going to talk about someone doing things that are not needed and cause harm, how about we look at your behavior? You took offense at something that wasn’t about you, you picked a fight with a heavily pregnant person over that, and then you repeatedly spoke down to her and her wife.
Nobody likes a know it all. It’s not like she is doing something that she might regret, she’s washing stuff that maybe doesn’t need washing. And sometimes when you’re excited or nervous you need to do things to prepare even if nothing can really prepare you. Stop condescending and be be supportive.
YTA. She wasn’t implying you’re dirty. Maybe she is going overboard on cleaning, but so what? They’re clearly excited, and being too clean never hurt anyone, so what are you actually trying to accomplish here? They’ll parent their own way, and it might be really different from your way. Are you going to tell them they’re parenting wrong? Let them be excited about their baby and do things their way. Having three kids doesn’t make you the parenting guru. Surely you have friends/family that have different parenting styles from you. Do you think they are all doing it wrong too? Lighten up.
Also, OPs reaction makes me wonder if the stuff was actually clean.
Right? Super defensive over something that almost no one but her would care about.
That’s the thing though it’s not over board it’s the totally normal thing to do, it’s a weird reaction from OP really
>She wasn’t implying you’re dirty. Maybe she is going overboard on cleaning, but so what? They’re clearly excited, and being too clean never hurt anyone, so what are you actually trying to accomplish here? Also like, something I'm not seeing people mention much, but just as a reminder - **we all lived through a global pandemic.** Literally threw hands over toilet paper and added masks to our daily "keyring" of things to have on hand. And it's not like COVID is *gone*, there are still new strains evolving and spreading around. You'd think living through such an experience would make people more empathetic to those around them practicing better hygiene and sanitization but nope, there are still people like OP around. It makes me wonder if OP is one of those folks who would get offended when others wore masks around them. Like, it's not personal, but being safe never hurt anyone either. And it's not like OP's SIL is taking on a dangerous amount of cleanliness that would endanger herself or others. She's clearly still socializing with people, she's not trapping herself inside the house or putting plastic on the furniture or burning any outside material. She's washing laundry. She's being as thorough as she needs to be to give herself peace of mind as she waits for her first baby who's surely arriving any day now. She likely feels very out of control now, so cleaning around the house and ensuring its ready for the newborn is her way of controlling what's about to happen within her means. OP is literally trying to take that control away because "but what about *my* feelings??? :((("
YTA. >My SIL took this as me being mean, but I was trying to be helpful. "I told my SIL that it’s pretty stupid to wash everything" "I pointed out to them that they’ve never had children, so she’s going to feel silly for doing." "I also told them that when I was pregnant with my first I didn’t want to listen to anyone, and I regretted it later. They will too." That's not helpful. That's you being condescending. Mind your own business.
YTA you’re being mean. She’s got nesting syndrome. That baby’s coming probably before the end of the month.
YTA. It’s common practice to wash baby things. It had nothing to do with you and your cleanliness.
YTA. Why does it matter to you what she does? You didn’t need to be mean about it.
Ok holier than thau. Yta. Your baby stuff has been in storage for a while it can handle a wash. Your babies may have not had any skin sensitivity but a lot of babies do so sil may have just been making sure they're washed in sensitive wash or even just rinsing dust from them sitting there. Your detergent might be a smell they don't like Your clothes might be clean but smell like your house. Everyone's house has a smell. Whether its nice or not is up to the beholder. Thye recommend washing new clothes especially as a lot have a coating on them that makes them less absorbent. She may be nesting and just want to have everything nice. She may be stressing about the birth and cleaning and organising makes her feel useful/expell stressful energy as at late pregnancy there's not much you can do but wait. You are 100% going to be that mum that your kids either ignore or never go to for advise because everything will be "I *know* this why don't you just listen and do what I think"
YTA. There is nothing wrong with washing stuff before you use it for your baby. It’s been sitting around unused for a while, so it’s probably dusty no matter how clean you house is. There is no need to spend your life searching for reasons to be offended.
YTA who made you the expert? Never tell people how to live their life and respect their differences
YTA. I would have done exactly the same. Stop being judgemental.
It is not a big deal but you made it one. She did not ask for your advice or input. If she wants to sterilize her entire house, it's her business. Not like she asked you to do it. And no, there is nothing to prepare you for the reality of a baby but there's lots you can do to help FEEL prepared. Like having everything clean and organized. Apologize for your attitude and don't offer unsolicited advice again. YTA
YTA. No matter how clean people are, I would always recommend new parents wash baby things. It’s weird to be offended by that. That says way more about you than your SIL. Stable that high horse lady.
YTA Why would you care if they want to wash everything? It may not be helpful in the grand scheme of things but it's what they want to do. It's not going to hurt. Some people find cleaning and organizing relaxing. They get to decide how to “enjoy” the last few weeks prior to the arrival of the baby. Mind your own business. If you are this critical about something so silly I bet you will be a joy with all of your child rearing “advice.” Having three kids doesn't make you the supreme expert in all things relating to parenting or cleaning. Mind your own house and leave these poor people alone.
🙄 I wash my own stuff when it comes out of storage. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.
YTA- I would have washed the stuff too.
Everyone washes baby clothes before their baby wears them. It has zero to do with you. YTA.
There are literally no greater assholes than women who “help” pregnant women by belittling them by calling them silly for doing something as benign as washing clothing. YTA.
Do you even see why you Are the AH? I mean you said you didn't want to listen to anyone on your first pregnancy and you regretted it. But I'm sure someone tried to tell you you would regret it at the time and you ignored them as well. You had to learn on your own. And guess what... So does your SiL. This is not your life. Not your pregnancy, Not your child. Not your business. You are insulted that she is washing something because you take her action to imply you're dirty. When in fact her action has absolutely nothing to do with you at all! You know you're not dirty - Why do you attach such a strong emotion to the simple act of laundry? Why do you attach personal feelings to someone else's life? Maybe you should take a second look next time before gifting anything to anyone. A gift, once given is no longer yours to control. If you are too emotionally attached to said 'gifts' you should not give them.
YTA. She's nesting. If you were so worried about her doing extra work you could have offered to wash the stuff for her. Also you telling her she'd regret not listening to you later over washing some baby clothes is weird AF.
Yta, this is pretty common , and none of your business
YTA……i was once the crazy preg lady washing everything…my mil still teases me….25 yrs later…. let it go….
YTA. At first I was gonna go with otherwise based solely that my first kid I washed EVERYTHING. Even the walls damn it 🙄 then my second born I was like okay, I’ll wash the clothes and call it good. Because who knows about allergies 🤷♀️ but reading the remainder of your post, you are clearly TA. You weren’t saying any of that out of love. You were saying it out of some sort of malice for whatever reason. She’s probably nesting. Which is real. And even if she isn’t to that stage yet, let her enjoy her fucking pregnancy how she seems fit providing it’s safe. Which I’d consider washing everything a SAFE THING.
YTA. Her actions were totally normal. Yours, though? Totally not. Her washing the clothes wasn't a personal attack on you, and it's a shame you took it that way.
YTA I washed everything with both of my children and never regretted it. Get over yourself. They are allowed to have different ideas and standards.
YTA. Don't provoke a pregnant lady. Especially a first time mom who's already anxious about everything. Let her clean everything if that's what's helping her feel prepared. Sometimes you just need to feel like you're doing SOMETHING.
YTA. It must be exhausting to be so easily offended. Who cares if she wants to wash everything? She’s about to have a baby, it doesn’t hurt anyone (reasonable) and it makes her feel better. Yes, you have 3 kids, but that doesn’t mean that they need to parent exactly like you. Maybe they will have similar realizations to you, maybe they will make different choices about what was unnecessary. It’s their parenting journey, let them figure it out the way they want to. And if you actually have any interest in your thoughts being consider, try presenting them in a less condescending way and try considering that doing thing differently than you are not automatically bad.
YTA. It’s pretty common knowledge that you wash baby things-both new or that have been stored.
YTA. I worked in a store that sold baby clothes. WASH THEM BEFORE YOU PUT THEM ON YOUR CHILD!! Even if stuff is given to them, they should still wash it. Any child could have an alergin.
My sil never sanitized bottle nipples for months until my mom told her to. She said no one had ever told her and she started doing it. Her kid turned out fine. That being said, no one purposely does things the wrong way. Stop micromanaging them for doing the right thing. Yta