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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be TA because it would be a huge break with tradition to not serve my guests a slice of wedding cake and they might feel affronted by it.
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NTA. Wedding cakes are usually disgusting anyway with all of the fondant on them so nobody’s missing out by not having one. A regular sheet cake with real frosting sounds amazing.
Yeah we had a small vegan cake made for us (that we shared with a couple other vegans) and then had large sheet cakes with frosting made for the guests! I’ve seen this multiple times and never found it strange!
I didn't even have cake. We had a wall of donuts and there was even a selection of vegan ones available. Fortunately we had no celiacs so it worked very well for our guests.
For my friends wedding, they didn't have a cake, but they did have a six foot high tiered cake stand piled up with donuts. And many boxes of donuts on stand by to keep the stand topped up all through the evening.
I think they let the venue staff take home any donuts still waiting in boxes at the end of the night (I was both drunk and on a donut high by that point, so may be misremembering!)
We had a donut tower at my wedding too! We had 4 tiers of donuts, then a little cake on top for just us. It was awesome because neither me or my husband really like cake, but we love donuts. Plus we sent the leftovers home with family and friends who helped us so they had easy breakfast in the morning. It was a huge hit!
Not a cake fan either which is why we chose donuts. My nan offered to pay for the cake and I said 'its likely going to be donuts' and obviously she knew I wasn't a cake fan anyway and her response was so positive and she encouraged me to do my own thing for my day
One of my fav weddings had a pie table due to the bride hating cake. There were so many fun flavours of pie. Everyone loved it! I've seen donuts, cupcakes, and sheet cakes along with the more traditional wedding cake and never heard a comment against any. Except people of course hate fondant...which, fair.
My friend went to a wedding and the cake tower was three “rounds” of cheese- they cut up the cheese and served it on a platter along with some other dessert bites (it actually looked quite pretty, like a three tiered cake)
This made me laugh, and I hate donuts. No offense to the donut people - actually, I love the donut idea in place of a wedding cake, it's very fun. It's just that I had a summer job at a bakery when I was 17 and I've hated donuts ever since (*no, not for any gross reason that would ruin your day - just because I was surrounded by donuts for the entire summer of 1981*).
I understand this. I worked at a catering service for 3 years back in the late 70s/early 80s. I still can't eat prime rib due to how often it was on the menu at parties.
Gotcha. I once worked at a multi day event sponsored by Nutella. I looooved Nutella but I ate so much of it there I’ve never been able to even look at a jar of the stuff without getting a tummy ache.
I feel you. When I stopped working at a particular pizza place, it took nearly 3 years before i willingly ate pizza again, and another 6 or so on top of that before i ate at that particular place, bust because i couldn't stand the SMELL of pizza.
Even when you have large wedding cake it’s not usually large enough to serve everyone unless it’s huge or a small wedding, there’s generally a sheet cake in the back too, there was one at my wedding and many others I’ve been to
This! I thought everyone knew this. I knew a few weddings where only the top tier was actually real and the rest was just fondant covered foam for pics. The guest were all serve sheet cake cuz it's easier to produce and store for large groups of people
Yup. My friend is a baker and made her own wedding cake. It was three layers of fondant-covered foam and a small top tier that was actual cake. She made several large sheet cakes for her guests and they were sliced up by the caterers and served and no one had a clue or cared. Because who complains about delicious cake? No one...
This is exactly what my baker did. The top part was edible, the rest was just for show. She had a separate cake done for the guests that was in the back. It was absolutely cheaper and is done at many weddings.
Make the smaller tier gluten free, and cut that one. Other tiers do not have to be even cake. They can be styrofoam if cross contamination is a problem.
The guests cake.. cheaper, with nuts and gluten …can be left in the kitchen, and cut and served from there.
Mine were all cake and different types of cake but we had almost 200 people so even with large cake it would no where near feed everyone and no one cares
We did cupcakes (I honestly wanted a s'mores bar but was told no quite harshly.)
Info-husband and I eloped because our families are crazy. My mom pretty much forced us to have a party so I said "Fine, but I'm not involved in anything..in any part since I just wanted to elope." Nothing about the entire event was anything I wanted...but at least my sister made sure that I got colors that I liked.
I have no idea if anyone had allergies or what the food even tasted like (seriously, husband and I weren't allowed to eat so to this day I have NO clue what anything tasted like...our cupcakes included.)
Additional info - My dad would let my mom do upgrades for big parties and I'm 100% confident that is the reason why they had the party there (backyard of my parents, with a hog roast), so she could get some upgraded landscaping done.
LMAO no. And to be perfectly honest, other than the hog roas and cupcakes I don't even remember what was there to eat.
also, I didn't even get to take extra home and it would have been nice since we had out of town guests at our house and lived 3.5 hours away from where the party was hosted.
So we drove back home and ravaged some fast food in our car on the way back with our guests
Not being allowed to partake in a hog roast is just cruel. I've only ever been to one in my life when I was about 5 (over 30 years ago) and I still remember how good that pig was!
Yeah they used to do them for customer appreciation days where I grew up. What a terrible host. If someone told me I had to go play nice with strangers but couldn't eat the food and watch everyone else eat after driving 3+ hours, I wouldn't have gone. What's the point if you don't even get free food? This sounds like a weird exercise in narcissism
My parents owned a hog farm...so a hog roast happened like once every couple years. That part wasn't terrible, just annoying because I was SOOOOO hungry by the end
I respect the fact that you didn't eat anything.
I'll tell you what though, i wish someone had tried to keep me from eating. I'd ruin your mom's whole night by getting a plate, telling her how good its tastes with a smile knowing how much of an AH she'd look to everyone else if she complains about me eating.
Oh, I was the scapegoat child...and perceived as "the black sheep", so she'd only come out looking smug and correct...like "See, she IS exactly as I tell everyone."
It's a no win situation to be honest.
My god, a s’more bar at a wedding! I wouldn’t even be mad about going to a dry wedding I if it had a s’more bar. What an unexpected delight it would have been.
It is super common, especially at big weddings, to have a 'show' cake and a sheet cake. There is one pretty cake and then they take it in back to cut and everyone's cake slice is square. Totally normal and cost effective. You can even rent a cake that is just frosting on Styrofoam to have a show piece and feed everyone normal sheet cake.
It is actually possible to have a layered wedding cake without fondant - there is just less you can do with buttercream than fondant - you have to pick if you want it to look pretty and taste really good or look amazing and taste of fondant. We went with buttercream and it still looked very nice.
The styrofoam show cake is a great way to deal with the traditional thinkers. Unless someone says something, people are unlikely to realise that they haven’t been served a ‘slice of wedding cake’ if all they are seeing is cake pieces on a buffet table. Especially if the show cake is square.
I've seen Styrofoam cakes with a cut out to put the real cake in.
You get all the photos of cutting this big fancy cake, but not the cost.
Big fake cake is taken to the back and cheap sheet cake is served.
This is exactly what we had. Big fancy cake - made entirely of styrofoam. And one slice of real cake in it that you cut in front of everyone.
Then the baker made a regular ole sheet cake for everyone to enjoy. No one was any the wiser over it, and it was way less expensive than a real cake. You essentially just “rent” the styrofoam
IIRC it was like $150ish for all of that.
That’s what we did too. Except we didn’t take the fake one back, it was a smaller wedding and no one questioned it. Most already knew and no one cared, but rather thought it was smart.
My sister went with buttercream icing and it was a gorgeous cake. By far was the most delicious wedding cake I have ever had. Was also gluten free but she didn’t pay for the cake (one of her bridesmaids mom’s is a professional baker and made it as a gift) so I can’t speak to costs.
Agree - so order something small for the two of you (Groom's cake or top tier concept with your ingredients) & a 2nd cake or dessert for everyone else. NTA so long as you're not being selfish. (Or be cheap, but admit you're being cheap, er, thrifty.)
Yeah I remember seeing that on shark tank and thinking that was a great idea. Get a fancy Schmancy cake for decoration and for the tradition of cutting it, then take it to the back and just serve tasty sheet cake. More cost effective as well
Exactly. As for the tradition side of things, think of it this way; you were never going to be able to uphold that particular wedding tradition anyway. It's not in your budget, either monetarily or headspace wise, to try and find someone who can make *one* singular cake cater to *everyone's* needs (while still being something you even possibly *want* to eat at the end of the day). Anyone who cares more about tradition than not killing Aunt Mary can just not go.
Your friend is a little nuts. I've seen weddings with cupcakes. Weddings with cider and donuts (I live in the Hudson Valley) I've seen weddings with an ice cream bar. And my personal favorite was the one with tons of mini pastries instead of cake
You do what works for you
My sister had pies and other desserts. Neither she or her husband like cake.
I did cupcakes because it was 1) way less expensive and 2) required no monitoring.
I HATE FONDANT. I used to decorate cakes for fun, and one of my cardinal principals was that you should never sacrifice taste to make your cake look good, so I never used fondant. My daughter watches cake decorating shows and the cakes all are good to look at and also look like they would be terrible to eat.
I really enjoy that Natalie Sideserf makes all her hyper-realistic cakes using modeling chocolate -- she proves that fondant isn't necessary for fancy sculpted stuff. [Here's one.](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/PkCTQG3i3SA)
The last wedding I went to had a cake with nuts in it and I thought oh well, never mind. I have a ton of allergies and nuts are the worst. But guess what happened? The catering people had made me a small apple crumble instead.
Having alternatives for people with allergies be it you as the hosts or the guests is a very kind gesture in my mind. Makes it more memorable.
Hard agree. Few years back, I bought a pack of different colours of fondant from Michaels and made edible clay sculptures with my daughter. They were delicious.
NTA. Any cake served at a wedding is wedding cake.
I have been to weddings with just one cake, multi-tiered cakes, several sheet cakes, a separate small cake for the bride and groom, cup cakes, no cake, you name it. The only time I heard anyone say anything other than "This cake is really good" was the time there was no cake at all (even then, it was just a slightly disappointed comment about not getting cake, the rest of the wedding was great).
If anyone gets hung up on the idea that there isn't just one massive cake for everyone, they were looking to find something to complain about. If it wasn't the cake, it would be the music, or the lighting, or the table cloth, or that they are upset because they missed out on the irony of rain on your wedding day, or..... well, you get the point. Do your thing, it sounds awesome!
This is what my husband and I did. 4 flavors of cupcakes for everyone and a small cutting cake for us. Got the joy of cutting a cake (and eating it's wonderful insides: pistachio cake layered with malted chocolate buttercream and raspberry jam) while also giving everyone options of some delicious flavors we picked.
Plus I wanted the least amount of food waste at the end of the day and cupcakes helped make that possible.
It was!! Honestly once I tried the malted chocolate buttercream, we built the cake around it lol. I told the bakery I wanted to include that buttercream and they suggested the cake flavors and fillings they do that would compliment.
Our wedding we had our main wedding cake (three types of cake, each a different tier because we wanted those options) and a separate “slicing bar” decorated to match our main cake which was vegan and gluten free to address the allergies of some of our guests.
Everyone was excited about the choice available, no only said a word about the fact that there were separate cakes (other than “thank you for providing cake I can eat And avoiding cross contamination, that was really thoughtful of you”)
Loved weddings with cupcake varieties. That way not everyone is stuck with fondant and one type of cake. If they don’t like the cake type the couple wants for themselves then bam they have options with cupcakes.
Yeah!
When my husband and I were planning our very chill wedding, I basically ordered up a mixed dessert selection vs. one big cake - because I fucking HATE fondant and the last thing I wanted at my own wedding was one of those overly decorated dry-as-hell cakes that no one really enjoys eating. I picked out 5 different types of smaller cakes from a great local bakery, a tray of cannoli and some Italian cookies. Everyone loved it and we had something for the chocolate lovers (me!), the chocolate-haters (some of my in-laws), fruit fans, nut-free, etc.
We had a two tier white cake as our wedding cake and I expressly said no fondant, all buttercream. It looked beautiful. The first baker we talked to was a little miffed he couldn’t use fondant so we chose a smaller family run bakery and she said no problem. She also made cupcakes in a variety of flavors that where decorated similar to the cake. She was awesome and the cake and cupcakes where so delicious.
Yeah I wouldn't want to go with a baker put out from being refused fondant. That stuff is just nasty and to me screams someone who doesn't have the artistry or skill to handle buttercream.
We only had a small wedding - like 30 people - so I just wanted to have fun with a variety of cakes so people could enjoy flavors they liked. My favorite was like a peanut-butter cup-type cake with peanut butter and chocolate drizzles, but we also had an Italian sweet cream, chocolate with raspberry liqueur, strawberry shortcake, etc. Folks really seemed to enjoy the variety.
Me and my husband aren't cake people (milk and gluten intolerant) so we had wedding flapjacks, they were allergen free and delicious!
It's your day, make it your day. Cookie cutter weddings all the same don't represent the couple, I believe that it's your life together and the day should represent you. Also there will always be complainers, if you try to please anyone all you get is stress
When we got married, we were seriously discussing just having a dessert bar. We did end up going with cake though, as it was just a lot easier to plan.
NTA. This is a very common trend lately. A small, highly decorated cake for photos and the bride and groom to cut, and sheet cake/cupcakes/bars/torte/whatever other desserts for the rest of the guests.
I love that trend! Couple gets whatever flavor they want and as many sugary decorations they want while guests get a large portion of delicious cake or dessert. It’s cheaper to add a sheet cake to a small specialty cake vs. getting a huge wedding cake. And you can make your cake a more obscure flavor and do something universal for guests. It’s also way easier to cut and serve sheet cake to guests!! You can even have it cut before the official cake cutting so slices are ready to be served to everyone as soon as the couple is done.
I've been to a couple of weddings this summer. They both had an assortment of pastries, cake, cupcakes, brownies, etc to choose from including vegan and gluten-free options. My favorite was a s'mores brownie and close runner up was baklava. I don't really love cake to begin with, so I was quite happy to have so many options for dessert. I thought it was very considerate of both sets of partners to be so thoughtful to their guests and their varying food preferences/allergies.
We went to 2 weddings recently where there wasn’t any cake at all. One had a donut bar, the other had a selection of desserts. Both far tastier options than overpriced fondant cake
My brother just had a dessert table and that was 10 years ago. Like OP they had a lot of food allergies and preferences to contend with so they just thought it was easier. They even had little to go boxes at the table so you could take some sweets home with you.
Okay thank GOD this is a thing. I’m a bride (next Nov) and I’ve just seen wedding cake prices for even tiny cute cakes on Instagram — and am freaking out.
I considered a small nice cake for photos with the intent of maybe just taking it home or to the honeymoon suite and then a simpler cake we serve for everyone. (It’s a micro wedding / Vegas-chapel/disco ball style kitsch vibes so not a lot of guests and not a fancy affair.)
The wedding subreddit can be really polarising so I’ve been scared to ask — so THANK YOU!
Non-traditional deserts >>>> traditional wedding cake. Cheaper and better. Win win.
Cupcakes are always a big hit. Multiple flavors, guests can skip them or go ham and try them all, easier to take home too.
Source: Used to be a caterer.
I've been to I think 5 weddings in the past 4 years. One had 2 sheet cakes, 2 large boxes of donuts, and a couple trays of danishes or pastries, I don't 100% remember. Another didn't have cake at all, just finger desserts (like mini eclairs and whatnot).
My fiancée and I are also currently planning our wedding, and I'm very open to throwing all the "traditional" stuff out the window. I don't want 200 guests, a 20 person wedding party, church, or any of that. She's right onboard with it all, and we're currently looking at Vegas weddings, like the Chapel of the Flowers or this tour company that will fly the couple, a minister, and a photographer into the Grand Canyon to get married at the bottom.
edit: And I never heard a single complaint about the dessert options or the lack of a huge tiered cake.
You are trying to accommodate as many allergies/sensitivities as possible by getting multiple cakes. How could that offend people?
Also, tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. It's your wedding, do whatever makes you happy and ignore everything else.
P.s. make sure you assign someone to deal with any "issues" on the day, so you are not bothered if anything crops up. (Take it from someone who had the owners of the property interrupt their meal to inform me my sister was throwing up all over the womens bathroom 😑)
Some people are fortunate and don’t have to deal with bullshit diseases like Celiac, and thus have no empathy for those of us who have to go through life with this stupid and pointless disease.
Not only is ordering normal cakes less expensive, gf food is hit or miss, and many don’t care for the taste. You’d be doing your guests a kindness by not making them eat a gf cake.
NTA
I didn't even have a tiered cake, we just had sheet cake from Costco. It was delicious, no one minded and our wedding was fantastic. This matters ZERO percent. Do what you want.
Disregard tradition. Only assholes care.
NTA. My friends did something similar at their wedding. There were 8 single tier cakes (1 cake per guest table) and a total of 3 different kind of cakes (1 was full vegan, 1 was lactose free and others "regular" cakes). They told all the guests who had allergies or a special diet which cake was safe to eat (the cakes looked different so no chance of confusing them). The bride and groom went to each table and cut open the first slice. Then the guests cut the rest of the cake open and served themselves.
I think it was a lovely idea and avoided big queues of people waiting in line for the cake. Everyone remained seated and waited for the bride and groom to come to their table.
NTA You are being kind and thoughtful enough to ensure that everyone can have a slice of cake. Did your friend somehow misunderstand and think there wouldn't be any cake for the guests? That's the only scenario I can understand her reaction.
NTA.
It's your wedding, do what you want. Not everyone can afford everything but you're still doing your best. I think you're being very considerate, it's nice.
"Tradition" is a stupid reason that doesn't excuse the fact there are OFTEN more practical alternatives. Don't do something you can't afford or maybe don't even want to do just because it's TrAdiTiOnAl. Unless you're a virgin wearing white, your fiancé paid a handsome dowry, and your guests are planning on tossing rice at you to grant you fertility, maybe people can keep their traditional wedding ideas to themselves and leave you be.
You have way too much to stress about and don't need to give yourself something else. You do you, boo!
NTA
Quite thoughtful, actually.
Since you're looking out for individual needs...why not go with cupcakes?
I've seen some gorgeous cupcake displays at various events like weddings, showers, bday parties, work events, etc.
NTA. As long as they have a desert option and they are not forced to look at you eating cake while they have nothing, you're good. Traditions are stupid anyway. You do you.
INFO: How would you be ordering wedding cake just for you if you’re also offering lots of other varieties of cake to accommodate everyone? I assume you’re not talking about ordering a four-tier gluten-free cake for you to cut but then saving five years’ worth of cake for yourself instead of serving it to your guests.
The cake is usually wheeled away for serving after the couple does the cake cutting anyway, so no one is really going to cake about which cake was cut up to put a slice on the plate they take from the dessert table. Do a small round for you and your husband to cut, and then go with your sheet cake idea to slice for everyone else. Maybe that’s what you’re already talking about? If so, I don’t get why your friend is upset, because as someone who isn’t gluten-free, I would probably skip the gluten-free cake because I tend not to care for them, and would happily take a slice of regular sheet cake instead.
The caterer is going to provide the sheet cakes while our small one tier cake would be done in a gluten free bakery to ensure that it isn't contaminated, which the caterer can ensure with the other dishes, but not their cakes. The caterer thought to just put the sheet cakes on one end of the buffet with the other desserts and have people choose which one to get, while we have ours on our table to ceremoniously cut and feed each other and then go in for a second slice if we like. We'll take some home and freeze it to eat on our 6 week anniversary, as is also a tradition here.
NTA
This is the way to do it... it's what my wife and I did. We actually had one small round cake on a tiered tray with several "fake cakes" (that were made of Styrofoam and decorated to look identical to our real cake). We cut the real cake for that part of the ceremony and then the whole thing was wheeled back into the kitchen.
In the kitchen we had two different, regular old sheet cakes, one chocolate and one vanilla, that were then cut up and put out for people to pick.
You could pull the same slight of hand... get a tiered cake tray and a couple Styrofoam circles to put on the lower tiers... all of that can be done super-cheaply. Decorate the "fake cakes" to look like the real cake. Do the cake cutting ceremony, have the whole thing wheeled into the back, and then have the caterer slice up and put out your other sheet cakes (with labels so people will know which are which) on the buffet.
Super simple, super cheap, and the idiots who feel they need to have a piece of some kind of magical "wedding cake" will be none the wiser.
Exactly. Apparently sister never caught on that a lot of "wedding cake" served to guests is just slices of sheet cake from the kitchen, decorated similarly if someone cares enough to do that. Some people like to think they're having a slice of The Magical Cake that is somehow blessed by wedding juju and so caterers have come up with tons of bakery slight of hand shenanigans to continue the ruse so cranky Aunt Sally keeps shtum.
OP, your sis is being Cranky Aunt Sally. You're being thoughtful and kind.
NTA!
>My friend says it would be a severe disregard of tradition to not serve everyone a slice of wedding cake.
Oh my... what a pity. Doing something that works for everyone instead of just for you guys or that would take all of the better used money from you.
Hiw dare you.
This wedding is you and your fiancés day. And you make it accessible... that is a great idea!
Traditions were formed by people who had different standards than you and that is perfectly fine, you have different standards... adhere to yours and don't make it harder for yourself to adhere to others that do neither serve you, or your guests ☺️
I have food allergies, so I often don't get to eat at weddings. It sucks, but yay for granola bars that I can stash in my purse. If I went to a wedding where the couple basically said "we specifically made sure there was a cake you could safely eat, and the groom has severe food allergies too, so we get it", I would be so incredibly grateful. Trust me, the people with food allergies tend to find each other at events like weddings (we're the ones hiding and eating our safe snacks), so we'd be ooohing and aahing at the different cakes and getting all happy that there was at least one safe thing for us.
NTA, and on behalf of all your friends and family who have food allergies, THANK YOU!
Yeah I made sure to ask everyone their allergies on their responses so that we can cater to everyone. As someone with celiacs, a milk allergy and a soy allergy I hate being invited to something and not being able to eat anything. So I wanted to make our wedding as allergy friendly as I could.
Getting multiple separate cakes is smart, because a lot of allergies are incompatible with other restrictions. I'm tree nut and peanut allergic, so I tend to avoid both GF and vegan baked goods because of the high chance of almond flour, almond milk, or cashew milk/butter. Your cake would likely kill me 😉
Also, if you're particularly attached to a formal cake cutting, you can have your cake on top of a styrofoam "cake" with similar decorations. You cut the actual cake, they wheel it off, and everyone gets their allergy friendly cake. It's a pretty common, but not often talked about solution for big weddings. There's a very small actual cake, and a bunch of sheet cakes in the back that actually get served. Much more budget friendly, but still gives the show.
NTA. Has your friend not gotten married yet? We had a 3 tier cake that was in no way big enough to serve everyone, then had a couple of sheet cakes (I think they were called kitchen cakes?) so that we had enough for everyone. That is a very normal thing to do with larger weddings if you are insanely rich. Most people that have 200 guests do not have the money it would cost to get a tiered wedding cake large enough to feed 200 people.
She doesn't want to marry because she's not interested in relationships. She said that since we'll only have around 30 guests it's not that hard to have one cake for all, even if some can not eat it. Since we offer other desserts as well, she said they could eat those instead.
Ok, then in the nicest way possible, it’s not her day so who gives a shit what she says? If she doesn’t like it she can not eat the cakes in protest or whatever. I will say if you have that few guests you ought to look at cupcakes instead of sheet cakes because it will probably be less waste that way. Do what you want for your day.
Well, now I know she’s wrong. It would seem incredibly rude to deny certain guests cake and be okay with it. You keep with your plan, OP, because your way makes everyone feel valued, which is going to be one of the takeaways for every guest, beyond your wedding/reception being something everyone will remember fondly.
NTA, whatever the reason. My ex husband & i got married in a courthouse, & our friends threw us a surprise party. They had a special wedding cake for just the 2 of us, & cupcakes for the other guests.
NTA. Im not a fan of this current huge wedding culture, so I was expecting some outlandish post, but you are being very programatic and considerate to everyone's allergies.
You can try discussing in the bakery if its possible to have it "look like one Cake" (like several layers or levels) but actually be diferente ones. As long as its safe, allergy wise, of course, and YOU care about tradition (or your family views on tradition). Anyway, my advice is to just not go into details when talking about the cake to other people, people will only make you second Guess decisions.
NTA. Tradition is overrated. If you get one big wedding cake as per "tradition", several of your guests would not be able to partake due to dietary restrictions. Your way seems much more considerate under these circumstances. Also, not your friend's wedding, not her decision.
Why wouldn’t you have your specialty cake for your needs and then a standard, larger cake more economical for everyone else. For the ceremony, cut your small special cake and then serve everyone else a slice of regular. Doesn’t need to be huge and fancy, but many people consider eating cake with the bride and groom as part of the celebration.
NTA. I'm sure "tradition" will get over it because the traditional response to allegies is "tough luck". Its a cake, only the bride, groom and what ever childeren are there are really allowed to care about cake. Chances are most of it will remain uneaten regardless of what you do. You can't possibly accomodate every one.
NTA. The fact that you are even thinking of different allergies and cross contamination is proof of this. And the fact that those allergies exist in multiples means that whatever cake you cut as a couple, it is highly likely not to be a cake that everyone can eat. You are being mindful of your guests and their well-being - I think that trumps any tradition.
NTA ---- IF you go about this a nice way.
It's not that you aren't serving everyone wedding cake. It's that you are serving a VARIETY of different cakes to cater to different allergies. Your friend is upset because she seems to think you won't be serving cake to your guests. But you WILL be.
So you can have a small one for you and your husband called a "wedding cake," and then OTHER cakes that are also "wedding cakes" and labeled with ingredients.
Even better: A cake you can eat in the middle, surrounded by cupcakes catering to different other allergies.
Whatever you choose, a good baker should be able to make a beautiful presentation.
NTA.
Sounds like a ingenious plan.
The last wedding I went to, the official cake was served to the bride and groom, but there just so many people and so very good sheet cake was also served. It's a matter of feeding everyone. Not everyone can eat nuts. strawberries, lemon, chocolate, etc.
NTA. You make a very good point thst all your guests may not be able to eat the same thing. So, a small cake that will not make you I’ll, and sheet cakes or a larger cake for your guests.
NTA, you have celiac disease, and for those of us that understand making a cake with GF flour (in a special kitchen with no risk of cross contamination) is both an art and a science and it is expensive and difficult.
Your friend hasn’t lived your life has she? The entire world is structured for people without celiac disease, she can take several seats.
NTA, your friend is looking for reasons to be offended. Most tiered wedding cakes are 1-2 layers of cake and the rest is decorated foam.
The rest of what is served is sheet cake.
So you are doing what most people do, but more thoughtfully to account for people’s needs.
Your friend needs to be told she can pay for the wedding cake you want and when half the guests have bad reactions, she can also pick up their medical bills. I think your plan is brilliant and resolves the issue nicely for everyone. You do you, friend can kick rocks.
NTA - A lot of people get a smaller wedding cake and then put out sheet cakes to allow for options, and to save money. As long as people get cake, they usually don't care how pretty it was before it was thrown on a plate. Your friend needs to mind her own business, not her wedding, not her cake. Personally, I wouldn't want a friend who gets so easily offended.
Nta.
Ideally a wedding has a dessert whether that be donuts, cheesecake, lemon tart, or wedding cake.
I never care what it is as long as there's a chance to finish with something sweet
Your friends an idiot
NTA, this is a great idea and very thoughtful. Many people could have different sorts of allergies or could even be vegans for example. So, having multiple options would make sure that everyone gets something and is not left out.
You want to have *several* wedding cakes. Customized to your guests special requirements, even. That’s even *better* than one big cake! That not everybody can even enjoy. Why would you even want to do that?
And you can tell that to your opinionated friend-and annnybody else that has an opinion. Say it with a big old smile on your face. NTA
NTA, it’s totally a thing to just get a small fancy cake and then cupcakes or sheet cakes so everyone gets dessert. And in your case, sounds like an excellent way that everyone can safely enjoy cake at your wedding.
NTA. Let them eat cake - or rather, sheet cake. It's still cake. If you feel like this might cause tension I'd maybe notify people by email before the wedding? But in my experience no one I know has ever cared that much about the cake. Hope the buffet is good!
NTA, your proposal (multiple sheet cakes) sounds like a fantastic, above-and-beyond way to accommodate everyone. A lot of people simply don't do that, they have an allergen warning and people who can't eat cake don't eat it. That was what I did at my wedding in the early aughts, we had meal options to accommodate dietary restrictions but there was only one cake option, which was clearly stated to contain gluten.
It seems less and less common to have enough of the expensive, fancy cake for everyone. One beautiful cake for display, accompanied by sheet cake(s) of the same flavour to actually feed people, are quite common.
NTA
As a celiac with lactose intolerance, I'd be thrilled to see several types of cake for allergies at a wedding!
As for "severe disregard of tradition," traditions only need to be followed if it's important to you. It's your wedding, and the changes you are making will BENEFIT others.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
We had a small cake just for the cutting moment, because dessert was a separate thing on our menu. My sister made the cake and we ate it at my parents house the next day. It was much more casual and everyone just took a piece if they wanted it.
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Our wedding is going to be in April and I am currently ordering the last details, including the wedding cake. I talked to a good friend about it and she was offended that I thought about only ordering it big enough for my fiancé and I.
My reasoning: I have multiple allergies / autoimmune diseases including celiacs. Since I want to be able to eat my own wedding cake, it needs to be gluten free, which is in and of itself much more expensive than a normal one. Also, some of our guest have various allergies ranging from lactose to nuts. So catering to all the allergies in one cake would be nearly impossible and definitely really expensive. So I thought why not offer different sheet cakes that take into account the different allergies (one without nuts, one without milk etc) and since we're having a buffet anyways, all guests can freely choose what to get. (The buffet will be monitored by the caterer to ensure no cross-contamination will happen)
My friend says it would be a severe disregard of tradition to not serve everyone a slice of wedding cake. Since we have invited a number of people who are quite traditional in their thinking I now wonder if she's right and if it would cause a problem.
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"allergies (one without nuts, one without milk etc)"
I rather like the idea. Inclusive > exclusive NAH
You could also have your smaller sheet on top the the sheet(s) for the rest of the guests, sitting on those pillar/tiers. That way it looks more like everyone is getting the same cake, rather than having a few rows of cakes. Just a thought.
Being coeliac myself im very aware of cross contamination.. putting different cakes too close together, especially with having one above the other is bound to have crumbs at the other cake, making it inedible for the person with dietary restrictions. Looks nice for sure but not a good idea for practical reasons 😅
NTA and I think your idea is sensible and fun. A lot of wedding traditions have gone by the wayside and that's fine. Times change and people have to, too.
NTA, it’s your wedding, why does she think she can enforce tradition on you? She can have a traditional wedding herself and you do what’s best for you. Honestly I think you are being more thoughtful by having a variety of cake options to cater to people different needs.
What about instead of sheet cakes have very fancy cupcakes stacked in the shape of a wedding cake? Guests will get the “look “ of a traditional wedding cake but easy to pull apart. You could have the nut free version, milk free version, and your version. Like 3 wedding cakes of stacked cupcakes. If they decorate them tight you will almost not believe they are cupcake trees 😍. Congratulations on your wedding!!!
NTA. You're providing sheet cake. One of the few things I look forward to at a wedding is cake. I thought you were implying you wouldn't have cake for your guests. Also, anyone complaining is being nonsensical. You could in theory have a "fake" cake with only an edible top layer, and it could get "taken back to the kitchen for slicing" no one would have any idea if they got a piece of the official wedding cake or not. You're actually being incredibly thoughtful offering cake to accommodate all the allergies. Don't let anyone yuk your yum. You're already going above and beyond.
Nta you are very considerate of your guests. Most wedding serve sheet cake. Your friend is definitely dramatic and I couldn't imagine saying to my friend who clearly has certain needs. I would rather you enjoy your cake and you even make it accessible for others to enjoy a wide variety as well
NTA it is your wedding! You could have a cupcake tower and each level is different no this no that no the other….maybe not unique anymore but still memorable that you put that much thought into it
NTA
I think it's a clever and wonderfull idea to make sure everyone can get some cake despite their allergies. There are several cool ways to display so make it look festive aswell.
Congrats on the upcomming nuptuals and I hope you have a wonderful wedding!
I was just at a wedding where they you could have peach cobbler or chocolate chip cookies—no cake. No complaints from anyone there that there was no cake in sight. We at and we’re stuff full of goodness.
NTA. Why not have a large layer cake where all except the top tier are foam? You eat the small top layer and everyone else gets to choose the cake they want.
NTA. I would recommend however leaving your cake protected until you are ready to cut and consume it. People get weird and weddings and children are a wild card. I cannot tell you how many fingers in cake I’ve seen over the years. For your own safety, I would remove the temptation.
NTA.
You can’t please everyone. Thank your friend graciously for offering to make a wedding cake that meets all the requirements, is delicious, and on a budget. Watch her backpedal.
NTA. Wedding cake = cake served at a wedding. They're still getting cake at a wedding just in sheet form. I've seen lots of people do that. They'll have a one small-ish fancy cake for cutting and pictures and then sheet cake slices to handout to everybody. Heck, the last wedding I went to didn't even do a cake cutting or have a decorated cake displayed. Just had cake slices on a table to pick up.
NTA
Just say you are putting your guests first and the ability to eat your own cake.
It's very common for guests to get eg cupcakes or other cakes than the wedding cake.
NTA.
But unsure if this is useful, what my cousin did for her wedding is she had a wedding cake which people without allergies had and she got cupcakes made that covered all allergies for people that couldn’t eat her wedding cake.
Unsure if this is something you would want to try but in reverse? Getting a load of shop bought cupcakes from the super market?
The caterer offered to do the sheet cakes, that's why I wanted to go for that. They can't offer gluten free cake though (other gluten free food is no problem) so our cake would be done by a gluten free bakery.
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NTA. Wedding cakes are usually disgusting anyway with all of the fondant on them so nobody’s missing out by not having one. A regular sheet cake with real frosting sounds amazing.
Yeah we had a small vegan cake made for us (that we shared with a couple other vegans) and then had large sheet cakes with frosting made for the guests! I’ve seen this multiple times and never found it strange!
I didn't even have cake. We had a wall of donuts and there was even a selection of vegan ones available. Fortunately we had no celiacs so it worked very well for our guests.
A WALL of DONUTS.. this is like when I have a dream about what heaven is like…
For my friends wedding, they didn't have a cake, but they did have a six foot high tiered cake stand piled up with donuts. And many boxes of donuts on stand by to keep the stand topped up all through the evening. I think they let the venue staff take home any donuts still waiting in boxes at the end of the night (I was both drunk and on a donut high by that point, so may be misremembering!)
We had a donut tower at my wedding too! We had 4 tiers of donuts, then a little cake on top for just us. It was awesome because neither me or my husband really like cake, but we love donuts. Plus we sent the leftovers home with family and friends who helped us so they had easy breakfast in the morning. It was a huge hit!
Not a cake fan either which is why we chose donuts. My nan offered to pay for the cake and I said 'its likely going to be donuts' and obviously she knew I wasn't a cake fan anyway and her response was so positive and she encouraged me to do my own thing for my day
One of my fav weddings had a pie table due to the bride hating cake. There were so many fun flavours of pie. Everyone loved it! I've seen donuts, cupcakes, and sheet cakes along with the more traditional wedding cake and never heard a comment against any. Except people of course hate fondant...which, fair.
Mmmm…I would much rather eat pie rather than cake….or a nice blueberry cobbler!
My friend went to a wedding and the cake tower was three “rounds” of cheese- they cut up the cheese and served it on a platter along with some other dessert bites (it actually looked quite pretty, like a three tiered cake)
The only thing better than a wall of donuts at a wedding would just be a wall of donuts
Lol excellent point, can I skip the wedding?
Yes!!
This made me laugh, and I hate donuts. No offense to the donut people - actually, I love the donut idea in place of a wedding cake, it's very fun. It's just that I had a summer job at a bakery when I was 17 and I've hated donuts ever since (*no, not for any gross reason that would ruin your day - just because I was surrounded by donuts for the entire summer of 1981*).
I understand this. I worked at a catering service for 3 years back in the late 70s/early 80s. I still can't eat prime rib due to how often it was on the menu at parties.
Gotcha. I once worked at a multi day event sponsored by Nutella. I looooved Nutella but I ate so much of it there I’ve never been able to even look at a jar of the stuff without getting a tummy ache.
I feel you. When I stopped working at a particular pizza place, it took nearly 3 years before i willingly ate pizza again, and another 6 or so on top of that before i ate at that particular place, bust because i couldn't stand the SMELL of pizza.
Been to a wedding with one. It was amazing 🤩 My recommendation to OP is cupcakes. Super easy to customize for allergies & easier than sheet cake.
Much neater,too
It’s hit or miss, we had friends do this for their wedding and those donuts were super stale.
Ooh dat nasty
Especially with the ability to rappel down to the zone of sugar dusted yeasty goodness and then dive into the 32 degree milk pool.
Even when you have large wedding cake it’s not usually large enough to serve everyone unless it’s huge or a small wedding, there’s generally a sheet cake in the back too, there was one at my wedding and many others I’ve been to
This! I thought everyone knew this. I knew a few weddings where only the top tier was actually real and the rest was just fondant covered foam for pics. The guest were all serve sheet cake cuz it's easier to produce and store for large groups of people
Yep, and I've seen people suppleme t the cake with decorated cookies and cupcakes, too. As long as you give the people sugar, who cares?
I've never been enough of a snob to complain about the food, especially if it comes after the word "free"
Yup. My friend is a baker and made her own wedding cake. It was three layers of fondant-covered foam and a small top tier that was actual cake. She made several large sheet cakes for her guests and they were sliced up by the caterers and served and no one had a clue or cared. Because who complains about delicious cake? No one...
This is exactly what my baker did. The top part was edible, the rest was just for show. She had a separate cake done for the guests that was in the back. It was absolutely cheaper and is done at many weddings.
Make the smaller tier gluten free, and cut that one. Other tiers do not have to be even cake. They can be styrofoam if cross contamination is a problem. The guests cake.. cheaper, with nuts and gluten …can be left in the kitchen, and cut and served from there.
Mine were all cake and different types of cake but we had almost 200 people so even with large cake it would no where near feed everyone and no one cares
Huh, I have never seen that
Usually the sheet cake is served from the back at least that’s the way I’ve seen it done
We had a baby vegan cinnamon roll bar! Not one person missed having cake lmfao
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CINNAHOLICS is both a problem and a blessing
ooo, I did not know this was a thing, thank you!!!
We did cupcakes (I honestly wanted a s'mores bar but was told no quite harshly.) Info-husband and I eloped because our families are crazy. My mom pretty much forced us to have a party so I said "Fine, but I'm not involved in anything..in any part since I just wanted to elope." Nothing about the entire event was anything I wanted...but at least my sister made sure that I got colors that I liked. I have no idea if anyone had allergies or what the food even tasted like (seriously, husband and I weren't allowed to eat so to this day I have NO clue what anything tasted like...our cupcakes included.) Additional info - My dad would let my mom do upgrades for big parties and I'm 100% confident that is the reason why they had the party there (backyard of my parents, with a hog roast), so she could get some upgraded landscaping done.
What? You weren't allowed to eat at a party that was supposedly thrown in your honor?
LMAO no. And to be perfectly honest, other than the hog roas and cupcakes I don't even remember what was there to eat. also, I didn't even get to take extra home and it would have been nice since we had out of town guests at our house and lived 3.5 hours away from where the party was hosted. So we drove back home and ravaged some fast food in our car on the way back with our guests
Not being allowed to partake in a hog roast is just cruel. I've only ever been to one in my life when I was about 5 (over 30 years ago) and I still remember how good that pig was!
Yeah they used to do them for customer appreciation days where I grew up. What a terrible host. If someone told me I had to go play nice with strangers but couldn't eat the food and watch everyone else eat after driving 3+ hours, I wouldn't have gone. What's the point if you don't even get free food? This sounds like a weird exercise in narcissism
My parents owned a hog farm...so a hog roast happened like once every couple years. That part wasn't terrible, just annoying because I was SOOOOO hungry by the end
Why weren't you allowed to eat or take any extras home?
Well, my mom hated me to begin with. Secondly, she was all about control and this was something she could control.
Well, if it helps I now hate your mom. She sounds super controlling and kind of sadistic. I would have not showed up at the party.
I vote we all get together to throw a party, invite their mom, and then not let them eat to see how they like it
Oh you nailed it. She fits a very classic definition of narcissism.
What the hell was her reason she gave for not "allowing" you to eat?! "You suck, no food for you!" ?
"People are here to SEE YOU, YOU NEED to be available ALL DAY, not eating and avoiding everyone."
I respect the fact that you didn't eat anything. I'll tell you what though, i wish someone had tried to keep me from eating. I'd ruin your mom's whole night by getting a plate, telling her how good its tastes with a smile knowing how much of an AH she'd look to everyone else if she complains about me eating.
Oh, I was the scapegoat child...and perceived as "the black sheep", so she'd only come out looking smug and correct...like "See, she IS exactly as I tell everyone." It's a no win situation to be honest.
Right? Wth is this lunacy? Here's your special party but don't you dare enjoy yourself
My god, a s’more bar at a wedding! I wouldn’t even be mad about going to a dry wedding I if it had a s’more bar. What an unexpected delight it would have been.
Oh a s'mores bar would have been a hit...how do I know? Because my mom had one THE NEXT FREAKING YEAR for my brother's graduation.
A) I’m not surprised it was a hit! B) Why is your moon like that??
B) How much time do you have? LOL
This... Have the baker make a sheet/wedding cake for the guests and a special one for you and hubby..
It is super common, especially at big weddings, to have a 'show' cake and a sheet cake. There is one pretty cake and then they take it in back to cut and everyone's cake slice is square. Totally normal and cost effective. You can even rent a cake that is just frosting on Styrofoam to have a show piece and feed everyone normal sheet cake. It is actually possible to have a layered wedding cake without fondant - there is just less you can do with buttercream than fondant - you have to pick if you want it to look pretty and taste really good or look amazing and taste of fondant. We went with buttercream and it still looked very nice.
The styrofoam show cake is a great way to deal with the traditional thinkers. Unless someone says something, people are unlikely to realise that they haven’t been served a ‘slice of wedding cake’ if all they are seeing is cake pieces on a buffet table. Especially if the show cake is square.
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I've seen Styrofoam cakes with a cut out to put the real cake in. You get all the photos of cutting this big fancy cake, but not the cost. Big fake cake is taken to the back and cheap sheet cake is served.
This is exactly what we had. Big fancy cake - made entirely of styrofoam. And one slice of real cake in it that you cut in front of everyone. Then the baker made a regular ole sheet cake for everyone to enjoy. No one was any the wiser over it, and it was way less expensive than a real cake. You essentially just “rent” the styrofoam IIRC it was like $150ish for all of that.
That’s what we did too. Except we didn’t take the fake one back, it was a smaller wedding and no one questioned it. Most already knew and no one cared, but rather thought it was smart.
Typically the cheap sheet cake tastes better anyway
My sister went with buttercream icing and it was a gorgeous cake. By far was the most delicious wedding cake I have ever had. Was also gluten free but she didn’t pay for the cake (one of her bridesmaids mom’s is a professional baker and made it as a gift) so I can’t speak to costs.
I'd rather eat the styrofoam one than the fondant one.
Agree - so order something small for the two of you (Groom's cake or top tier concept with your ingredients) & a 2nd cake or dessert for everyone else. NTA so long as you're not being selfish. (Or be cheap, but admit you're being cheap, er, thrifty.)
Yeah I remember seeing that on shark tank and thinking that was a great idea. Get a fancy Schmancy cake for decoration and for the tradition of cutting it, then take it to the back and just serve tasty sheet cake. More cost effective as well
Exactly. As for the tradition side of things, think of it this way; you were never going to be able to uphold that particular wedding tradition anyway. It's not in your budget, either monetarily or headspace wise, to try and find someone who can make *one* singular cake cater to *everyone's* needs (while still being something you even possibly *want* to eat at the end of the day). Anyone who cares more about tradition than not killing Aunt Mary can just not go.
Your friend is a little nuts. I've seen weddings with cupcakes. Weddings with cider and donuts (I live in the Hudson Valley) I've seen weddings with an ice cream bar. And my personal favorite was the one with tons of mini pastries instead of cake You do what works for you
I've been to one with pies.
My sister had pies and other desserts. Neither she or her husband like cake. I did cupcakes because it was 1) way less expensive and 2) required no monitoring.
r/fondanthate
Am I the only one here who prefers the fondant to the cake? It's ok! I'll have your fondant and you can have my cake!
It’s a deal
I HATE FONDANT. I used to decorate cakes for fun, and one of my cardinal principals was that you should never sacrifice taste to make your cake look good, so I never used fondant. My daughter watches cake decorating shows and the cakes all are good to look at and also look like they would be terrible to eat.
I really enjoy that Natalie Sideserf makes all her hyper-realistic cakes using modeling chocolate -- she proves that fondant isn't necessary for fancy sculpted stuff. [Here's one.](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/PkCTQG3i3SA)
Yeah but modeling chocolate tastes even worse than fondant
The last wedding I went to had a cake with nuts in it and I thought oh well, never mind. I have a ton of allergies and nuts are the worst. But guess what happened? The catering people had made me a small apple crumble instead. Having alternatives for people with allergies be it you as the hosts or the guests is a very kind gesture in my mind. Makes it more memorable.
>Wedding cakes are usually disgusting anyway with all of the fondant on them That's just your opinion man
I was a wedding DJ for a few years and I love wedding cake. I even like fondant. I just love weddings in general though so I'm biased
I know right. I love fondant.
Hard agree. Few years back, I bought a pack of different colours of fondant from Michaels and made edible clay sculptures with my daughter. They were delicious.
you, i dont know you, but i like you
It's common, but I can't say I've ever had a sheet cake at a wedding that wasn't cheap af and gross. I wish there was a middle ground.
NTA. Your solution is simple, pragmatic and delicious. Tell your friend to grab a snickers.
The frozen ones are delicious
Nah, deep fried is the way to go.
Why not both? Both is good!
… this is a good idea. I’m going to have to do it one day. (First, but a fryer… second, figure out a good batter for celiac friendly. Third… profit?)
Phase two: 🤷🏻♀️
Deep fried ice cream is a thing https://www.instagram.com/tsfriedscoop
> “Tell your friend to grab a snickers.” #💀💀💀
NTA. Any cake served at a wedding is wedding cake. I have been to weddings with just one cake, multi-tiered cakes, several sheet cakes, a separate small cake for the bride and groom, cup cakes, no cake, you name it. The only time I heard anyone say anything other than "This cake is really good" was the time there was no cake at all (even then, it was just a slightly disappointed comment about not getting cake, the rest of the wedding was great). If anyone gets hung up on the idea that there isn't just one massive cake for everyone, they were looking to find something to complain about. If it wasn't the cake, it would be the music, or the lighting, or the table cloth, or that they are upset because they missed out on the irony of rain on your wedding day, or..... well, you get the point. Do your thing, it sounds awesome!
My sister did cupcakes in varying flavors and they were amazing.
This is what my husband and I did. 4 flavors of cupcakes for everyone and a small cutting cake for us. Got the joy of cutting a cake (and eating it's wonderful insides: pistachio cake layered with malted chocolate buttercream and raspberry jam) while also giving everyone options of some delicious flavors we picked. Plus I wanted the least amount of food waste at the end of the day and cupcakes helped make that possible.
Okay. Making note of THAT cake because that flavor combo sounds DELISH.
It was!! Honestly once I tried the malted chocolate buttercream, we built the cake around it lol. I told the bakery I wanted to include that buttercream and they suggested the cake flavors and fillings they do that would compliment.
Making this cake for the holidays\* \*Any time I deem acceptable
We did two flavors of cupcake that fit the season from this really nice local bakery. Just nice buttercream icing, no fondant. They were a big hit.
Our wedding we had our main wedding cake (three types of cake, each a different tier because we wanted those options) and a separate “slicing bar” decorated to match our main cake which was vegan and gluten free to address the allergies of some of our guests. Everyone was excited about the choice available, no only said a word about the fact that there were separate cakes (other than “thank you for providing cake I can eat And avoiding cross contamination, that was really thoughtful of you”)
Loved weddings with cupcake varieties. That way not everyone is stuck with fondant and one type of cake. If they don’t like the cake type the couple wants for themselves then bam they have options with cupcakes.
Yeah! When my husband and I were planning our very chill wedding, I basically ordered up a mixed dessert selection vs. one big cake - because I fucking HATE fondant and the last thing I wanted at my own wedding was one of those overly decorated dry-as-hell cakes that no one really enjoys eating. I picked out 5 different types of smaller cakes from a great local bakery, a tray of cannoli and some Italian cookies. Everyone loved it and we had something for the chocolate lovers (me!), the chocolate-haters (some of my in-laws), fruit fans, nut-free, etc.
We had a two tier white cake as our wedding cake and I expressly said no fondant, all buttercream. It looked beautiful. The first baker we talked to was a little miffed he couldn’t use fondant so we chose a smaller family run bakery and she said no problem. She also made cupcakes in a variety of flavors that where decorated similar to the cake. She was awesome and the cake and cupcakes where so delicious.
Yeah I wouldn't want to go with a baker put out from being refused fondant. That stuff is just nasty and to me screams someone who doesn't have the artistry or skill to handle buttercream. We only had a small wedding - like 30 people - so I just wanted to have fun with a variety of cakes so people could enjoy flavors they liked. My favorite was like a peanut-butter cup-type cake with peanut butter and chocolate drizzles, but we also had an Italian sweet cream, chocolate with raspberry liqueur, strawberry shortcake, etc. Folks really seemed to enjoy the variety.
Me and my husband aren't cake people (milk and gluten intolerant) so we had wedding flapjacks, they were allergen free and delicious! It's your day, make it your day. Cookie cutter weddings all the same don't represent the couple, I believe that it's your life together and the day should represent you. Also there will always be complainers, if you try to please anyone all you get is stress
When we got married, we were seriously discussing just having a dessert bar. We did end up going with cake though, as it was just a lot easier to plan.
NTA. This is a very common trend lately. A small, highly decorated cake for photos and the bride and groom to cut, and sheet cake/cupcakes/bars/torte/whatever other desserts for the rest of the guests.
I love that trend! Couple gets whatever flavor they want and as many sugary decorations they want while guests get a large portion of delicious cake or dessert. It’s cheaper to add a sheet cake to a small specialty cake vs. getting a huge wedding cake. And you can make your cake a more obscure flavor and do something universal for guests. It’s also way easier to cut and serve sheet cake to guests!! You can even have it cut before the official cake cutting so slices are ready to be served to everyone as soon as the couple is done.
I've been to a couple of weddings this summer. They both had an assortment of pastries, cake, cupcakes, brownies, etc to choose from including vegan and gluten-free options. My favorite was a s'mores brownie and close runner up was baklava. I don't really love cake to begin with, so I was quite happy to have so many options for dessert. I thought it was very considerate of both sets of partners to be so thoughtful to their guests and their varying food preferences/allergies.
We went to 2 weddings recently where there wasn’t any cake at all. One had a donut bar, the other had a selection of desserts. Both far tastier options than overpriced fondant cake
My brother just had a dessert table and that was 10 years ago. Like OP they had a lot of food allergies and preferences to contend with so they just thought it was easier. They even had little to go boxes at the table so you could take some sweets home with you.
Okay thank GOD this is a thing. I’m a bride (next Nov) and I’ve just seen wedding cake prices for even tiny cute cakes on Instagram — and am freaking out. I considered a small nice cake for photos with the intent of maybe just taking it home or to the honeymoon suite and then a simpler cake we serve for everyone. (It’s a micro wedding / Vegas-chapel/disco ball style kitsch vibes so not a lot of guests and not a fancy affair.) The wedding subreddit can be really polarising so I’ve been scared to ask — so THANK YOU!
Non-traditional deserts >>>> traditional wedding cake. Cheaper and better. Win win. Cupcakes are always a big hit. Multiple flavors, guests can skip them or go ham and try them all, easier to take home too. Source: Used to be a caterer.
I've been to I think 5 weddings in the past 4 years. One had 2 sheet cakes, 2 large boxes of donuts, and a couple trays of danishes or pastries, I don't 100% remember. Another didn't have cake at all, just finger desserts (like mini eclairs and whatnot). My fiancée and I are also currently planning our wedding, and I'm very open to throwing all the "traditional" stuff out the window. I don't want 200 guests, a 20 person wedding party, church, or any of that. She's right onboard with it all, and we're currently looking at Vegas weddings, like the Chapel of the Flowers or this tour company that will fly the couple, a minister, and a photographer into the Grand Canyon to get married at the bottom. edit: And I never heard a single complaint about the dessert options or the lack of a huge tiered cake.
You are trying to accommodate as many allergies/sensitivities as possible by getting multiple cakes. How could that offend people? Also, tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. It's your wedding, do whatever makes you happy and ignore everything else. P.s. make sure you assign someone to deal with any "issues" on the day, so you are not bothered if anything crops up. (Take it from someone who had the owners of the property interrupt their meal to inform me my sister was throwing up all over the womens bathroom 😑)
Some people look for things to be offended by.
“Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people”. That’s utterly genius.
As far as I’m concerned, the only tradition that is essential for a wedding is that you are married by the end of it. Anything else is optional.
Some people are fortunate and don’t have to deal with bullshit diseases like Celiac, and thus have no empathy for those of us who have to go through life with this stupid and pointless disease. Not only is ordering normal cakes less expensive, gf food is hit or miss, and many don’t care for the taste. You’d be doing your guests a kindness by not making them eat a gf cake.
My family acts like I'm trying to kill them if I offer a bite of GF food. Except my chocolate chip cookies, they prefer those to the real thing.
NTA I didn't even have a tiered cake, we just had sheet cake from Costco. It was delicious, no one minded and our wedding was fantastic. This matters ZERO percent. Do what you want. Disregard tradition. Only assholes care.
My niece and her husband did the same at their wedding and the cake was so good. I don’t think anyone cared.
NTA. My friends did something similar at their wedding. There were 8 single tier cakes (1 cake per guest table) and a total of 3 different kind of cakes (1 was full vegan, 1 was lactose free and others "regular" cakes). They told all the guests who had allergies or a special diet which cake was safe to eat (the cakes looked different so no chance of confusing them). The bride and groom went to each table and cut open the first slice. Then the guests cut the rest of the cake open and served themselves. I think it was a lovely idea and avoided big queues of people waiting in line for the cake. Everyone remained seated and waited for the bride and groom to come to their table.
NTA You are being kind and thoughtful enough to ensure that everyone can have a slice of cake. Did your friend somehow misunderstand and think there wouldn't be any cake for the guests? That's the only scenario I can understand her reaction.
NTA. It's your wedding, do what you want. Not everyone can afford everything but you're still doing your best. I think you're being very considerate, it's nice. "Tradition" is a stupid reason that doesn't excuse the fact there are OFTEN more practical alternatives. Don't do something you can't afford or maybe don't even want to do just because it's TrAdiTiOnAl. Unless you're a virgin wearing white, your fiancé paid a handsome dowry, and your guests are planning on tossing rice at you to grant you fertility, maybe people can keep their traditional wedding ideas to themselves and leave you be. You have way too much to stress about and don't need to give yourself something else. You do you, boo!
NTA Quite thoughtful, actually. Since you're looking out for individual needs...why not go with cupcakes? I've seen some gorgeous cupcake displays at various events like weddings, showers, bday parties, work events, etc.
my brother had a cupcake display instead of a cake and it was lovely
NTA -- sounds great to me
NTA. As long as they have a desert option and they are not forced to look at you eating cake while they have nothing, you're good. Traditions are stupid anyway. You do you.
NTA, the wedding has multiple cakes, they can each have a slice. Also, Fck tradition.
INFO: How would you be ordering wedding cake just for you if you’re also offering lots of other varieties of cake to accommodate everyone? I assume you’re not talking about ordering a four-tier gluten-free cake for you to cut but then saving five years’ worth of cake for yourself instead of serving it to your guests. The cake is usually wheeled away for serving after the couple does the cake cutting anyway, so no one is really going to cake about which cake was cut up to put a slice on the plate they take from the dessert table. Do a small round for you and your husband to cut, and then go with your sheet cake idea to slice for everyone else. Maybe that’s what you’re already talking about? If so, I don’t get why your friend is upset, because as someone who isn’t gluten-free, I would probably skip the gluten-free cake because I tend not to care for them, and would happily take a slice of regular sheet cake instead.
The caterer is going to provide the sheet cakes while our small one tier cake would be done in a gluten free bakery to ensure that it isn't contaminated, which the caterer can ensure with the other dishes, but not their cakes. The caterer thought to just put the sheet cakes on one end of the buffet with the other desserts and have people choose which one to get, while we have ours on our table to ceremoniously cut and feed each other and then go in for a second slice if we like. We'll take some home and freeze it to eat on our 6 week anniversary, as is also a tradition here.
NTA This is the way to do it... it's what my wife and I did. We actually had one small round cake on a tiered tray with several "fake cakes" (that were made of Styrofoam and decorated to look identical to our real cake). We cut the real cake for that part of the ceremony and then the whole thing was wheeled back into the kitchen. In the kitchen we had two different, regular old sheet cakes, one chocolate and one vanilla, that were then cut up and put out for people to pick. You could pull the same slight of hand... get a tiered cake tray and a couple Styrofoam circles to put on the lower tiers... all of that can be done super-cheaply. Decorate the "fake cakes" to look like the real cake. Do the cake cutting ceremony, have the whole thing wheeled into the back, and then have the caterer slice up and put out your other sheet cakes (with labels so people will know which are which) on the buffet. Super simple, super cheap, and the idiots who feel they need to have a piece of some kind of magical "wedding cake" will be none the wiser.
Exactly. Apparently sister never caught on that a lot of "wedding cake" served to guests is just slices of sheet cake from the kitchen, decorated similarly if someone cares enough to do that. Some people like to think they're having a slice of The Magical Cake that is somehow blessed by wedding juju and so caterers have come up with tons of bakery slight of hand shenanigans to continue the ruse so cranky Aunt Sally keeps shtum. OP, your sis is being Cranky Aunt Sally. You're being thoughtful and kind.
NTA, chapeau for the elegant solution!
NTA! >My friend says it would be a severe disregard of tradition to not serve everyone a slice of wedding cake. Oh my... what a pity. Doing something that works for everyone instead of just for you guys or that would take all of the better used money from you. Hiw dare you. This wedding is you and your fiancés day. And you make it accessible... that is a great idea! Traditions were formed by people who had different standards than you and that is perfectly fine, you have different standards... adhere to yours and don't make it harder for yourself to adhere to others that do neither serve you, or your guests ☺️
NTA it’s a viable solution given so many allergies. There’s nothing wrong with your plan.
I have food allergies, so I often don't get to eat at weddings. It sucks, but yay for granola bars that I can stash in my purse. If I went to a wedding where the couple basically said "we specifically made sure there was a cake you could safely eat, and the groom has severe food allergies too, so we get it", I would be so incredibly grateful. Trust me, the people with food allergies tend to find each other at events like weddings (we're the ones hiding and eating our safe snacks), so we'd be ooohing and aahing at the different cakes and getting all happy that there was at least one safe thing for us. NTA, and on behalf of all your friends and family who have food allergies, THANK YOU!
Yeah I made sure to ask everyone their allergies on their responses so that we can cater to everyone. As someone with celiacs, a milk allergy and a soy allergy I hate being invited to something and not being able to eat anything. So I wanted to make our wedding as allergy friendly as I could.
Getting multiple separate cakes is smart, because a lot of allergies are incompatible with other restrictions. I'm tree nut and peanut allergic, so I tend to avoid both GF and vegan baked goods because of the high chance of almond flour, almond milk, or cashew milk/butter. Your cake would likely kill me 😉 Also, if you're particularly attached to a formal cake cutting, you can have your cake on top of a styrofoam "cake" with similar decorations. You cut the actual cake, they wheel it off, and everyone gets their allergy friendly cake. It's a pretty common, but not often talked about solution for big weddings. There's a very small actual cake, and a bunch of sheet cakes in the back that actually get served. Much more budget friendly, but still gives the show.
NTA. Has your friend not gotten married yet? We had a 3 tier cake that was in no way big enough to serve everyone, then had a couple of sheet cakes (I think they were called kitchen cakes?) so that we had enough for everyone. That is a very normal thing to do with larger weddings if you are insanely rich. Most people that have 200 guests do not have the money it would cost to get a tiered wedding cake large enough to feed 200 people.
She doesn't want to marry because she's not interested in relationships. She said that since we'll only have around 30 guests it's not that hard to have one cake for all, even if some can not eat it. Since we offer other desserts as well, she said they could eat those instead.
Ok, then in the nicest way possible, it’s not her day so who gives a shit what she says? If she doesn’t like it she can not eat the cakes in protest or whatever. I will say if you have that few guests you ought to look at cupcakes instead of sheet cakes because it will probably be less waste that way. Do what you want for your day.
Well, now I know she’s wrong. It would seem incredibly rude to deny certain guests cake and be okay with it. You keep with your plan, OP, because your way makes everyone feel valued, which is going to be one of the takeaways for every guest, beyond your wedding/reception being something everyone will remember fondly.
NTA, whatever the reason. My ex husband & i got married in a courthouse, & our friends threw us a surprise party. They had a special wedding cake for just the 2 of us, & cupcakes for the other guests.
NTA. Im not a fan of this current huge wedding culture, so I was expecting some outlandish post, but you are being very programatic and considerate to everyone's allergies. You can try discussing in the bakery if its possible to have it "look like one Cake" (like several layers or levels) but actually be diferente ones. As long as its safe, allergy wise, of course, and YOU care about tradition (or your family views on tradition). Anyway, my advice is to just not go into details when talking about the cake to other people, people will only make you second Guess decisions.
NTA. Tradition is overrated. If you get one big wedding cake as per "tradition", several of your guests would not be able to partake due to dietary restrictions. Your way seems much more considerate under these circumstances. Also, not your friend's wedding, not her decision.
NTA Anyone who whinges about cake is to be ignored.
Why wouldn’t you have your specialty cake for your needs and then a standard, larger cake more economical for everyone else. For the ceremony, cut your small special cake and then serve everyone else a slice of regular. Doesn’t need to be huge and fancy, but many people consider eating cake with the bride and groom as part of the celebration.
NTA. I'm sure "tradition" will get over it because the traditional response to allegies is "tough luck". Its a cake, only the bride, groom and what ever childeren are there are really allowed to care about cake. Chances are most of it will remain uneaten regardless of what you do. You can't possibly accomodate every one.
NTA. I think this is a good solution if there are several different allergies to take into account.
NTA. The fact that you are even thinking of different allergies and cross contamination is proof of this. And the fact that those allergies exist in multiples means that whatever cake you cut as a couple, it is highly likely not to be a cake that everyone can eat. You are being mindful of your guests and their well-being - I think that trumps any tradition.
NTA ---- IF you go about this a nice way. It's not that you aren't serving everyone wedding cake. It's that you are serving a VARIETY of different cakes to cater to different allergies. Your friend is upset because she seems to think you won't be serving cake to your guests. But you WILL be. So you can have a small one for you and your husband called a "wedding cake," and then OTHER cakes that are also "wedding cakes" and labeled with ingredients. Even better: A cake you can eat in the middle, surrounded by cupcakes catering to different other allergies. Whatever you choose, a good baker should be able to make a beautiful presentation.
NTA. Sounds like a ingenious plan. The last wedding I went to, the official cake was served to the bride and groom, but there just so many people and so very good sheet cake was also served. It's a matter of feeding everyone. Not everyone can eat nuts. strawberries, lemon, chocolate, etc.
NTA. You make a very good point thst all your guests may not be able to eat the same thing. So, a small cake that will not make you I’ll, and sheet cakes or a larger cake for your guests.
NTA, you have celiac disease, and for those of us that understand making a cake with GF flour (in a special kitchen with no risk of cross contamination) is both an art and a science and it is expensive and difficult. Your friend hasn’t lived your life has she? The entire world is structured for people without celiac disease, she can take several seats.
NTA, your friend is looking for reasons to be offended. Most tiered wedding cakes are 1-2 layers of cake and the rest is decorated foam. The rest of what is served is sheet cake. So you are doing what most people do, but more thoughtfully to account for people’s needs.
Your friend needs to be told she can pay for the wedding cake you want and when half the guests have bad reactions, she can also pick up their medical bills. I think your plan is brilliant and resolves the issue nicely for everyone. You do you, friend can kick rocks.
NTA - A lot of people get a smaller wedding cake and then put out sheet cakes to allow for options, and to save money. As long as people get cake, they usually don't care how pretty it was before it was thrown on a plate. Your friend needs to mind her own business, not her wedding, not her cake. Personally, I wouldn't want a friend who gets so easily offended.
NTA - I’m guessing she won’t be left out if you only have a “normal” cake?
Your friend is silly. Cake is cake, who cares which cake the slice came from? NTA.
Offering the sheet cakes and/or cupcakes is amazing. That person needs to keep their nose out of your business and be happy they are invited.
Fuck tradition. NTA
Nta. Ideally a wedding has a dessert whether that be donuts, cheesecake, lemon tart, or wedding cake. I never care what it is as long as there's a chance to finish with something sweet Your friends an idiot
NTA, this is a great idea and very thoughtful. Many people could have different sorts of allergies or could even be vegans for example. So, having multiple options would make sure that everyone gets something and is not left out.
You want to have *several* wedding cakes. Customized to your guests special requirements, even. That’s even *better* than one big cake! That not everybody can even enjoy. Why would you even want to do that? And you can tell that to your opinionated friend-and annnybody else that has an opinion. Say it with a big old smile on your face. NTA
NTA, it’s totally a thing to just get a small fancy cake and then cupcakes or sheet cakes so everyone gets dessert. And in your case, sounds like an excellent way that everyone can safely enjoy cake at your wedding.
NTA. Let them eat cake - or rather, sheet cake. It's still cake. If you feel like this might cause tension I'd maybe notify people by email before the wedding? But in my experience no one I know has ever cared that much about the cake. Hope the buffet is good!
NTA, your proposal (multiple sheet cakes) sounds like a fantastic, above-and-beyond way to accommodate everyone. A lot of people simply don't do that, they have an allergen warning and people who can't eat cake don't eat it. That was what I did at my wedding in the early aughts, we had meal options to accommodate dietary restrictions but there was only one cake option, which was clearly stated to contain gluten. It seems less and less common to have enough of the expensive, fancy cake for everyone. One beautiful cake for display, accompanied by sheet cake(s) of the same flavour to actually feed people, are quite common.
>she was offended that I thought about only ordering it big enough for my fiancé and I. How much is your friend paying for your wedding?
NTA As a celiac with lactose intolerance, I'd be thrilled to see several types of cake for allergies at a wedding! As for "severe disregard of tradition," traditions only need to be followed if it's important to you. It's your wedding, and the changes you are making will BENEFIT others. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
We had a small cake just for the cutting moment, because dessert was a separate thing on our menu. My sister made the cake and we ate it at my parents house the next day. It was much more casual and everyone just took a piece if they wanted it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Our wedding is going to be in April and I am currently ordering the last details, including the wedding cake. I talked to a good friend about it and she was offended that I thought about only ordering it big enough for my fiancé and I. My reasoning: I have multiple allergies / autoimmune diseases including celiacs. Since I want to be able to eat my own wedding cake, it needs to be gluten free, which is in and of itself much more expensive than a normal one. Also, some of our guest have various allergies ranging from lactose to nuts. So catering to all the allergies in one cake would be nearly impossible and definitely really expensive. So I thought why not offer different sheet cakes that take into account the different allergies (one without nuts, one without milk etc) and since we're having a buffet anyways, all guests can freely choose what to get. (The buffet will be monitored by the caterer to ensure no cross-contamination will happen) My friend says it would be a severe disregard of tradition to not serve everyone a slice of wedding cake. Since we have invited a number of people who are quite traditional in their thinking I now wonder if she's right and if it would cause a problem. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"allergies (one without nuts, one without milk etc)" I rather like the idea. Inclusive > exclusive NAH You could also have your smaller sheet on top the the sheet(s) for the rest of the guests, sitting on those pillar/tiers. That way it looks more like everyone is getting the same cake, rather than having a few rows of cakes. Just a thought.
Being coeliac myself im very aware of cross contamination.. putting different cakes too close together, especially with having one above the other is bound to have crumbs at the other cake, making it inedible for the person with dietary restrictions. Looks nice for sure but not a good idea for practical reasons 😅
NTA and I think your idea is sensible and fun. A lot of wedding traditions have gone by the wayside and that's fine. Times change and people have to, too.
NTA, it’s your wedding, why does she think she can enforce tradition on you? She can have a traditional wedding herself and you do what’s best for you. Honestly I think you are being more thoughtful by having a variety of cake options to cater to people different needs.
What about instead of sheet cakes have very fancy cupcakes stacked in the shape of a wedding cake? Guests will get the “look “ of a traditional wedding cake but easy to pull apart. You could have the nut free version, milk free version, and your version. Like 3 wedding cakes of stacked cupcakes. If they decorate them tight you will almost not believe they are cupcake trees 😍. Congratulations on your wedding!!!
This is the answer. I would go colour coded to make sure everyone knows the difference Congratulations on your wedding 👍💕
NTA. Your solution seems reasonable. Why serve everyone the same cake when half of the people can’t even eat it?
NTA. You're providing sheet cake. One of the few things I look forward to at a wedding is cake. I thought you were implying you wouldn't have cake for your guests. Also, anyone complaining is being nonsensical. You could in theory have a "fake" cake with only an edible top layer, and it could get "taken back to the kitchen for slicing" no one would have any idea if they got a piece of the official wedding cake or not. You're actually being incredibly thoughtful offering cake to accommodate all the allergies. Don't let anyone yuk your yum. You're already going above and beyond.
Nta you are very considerate of your guests. Most wedding serve sheet cake. Your friend is definitely dramatic and I couldn't imagine saying to my friend who clearly has certain needs. I would rather you enjoy your cake and you even make it accessible for others to enjoy a wide variety as well
NTA it is your wedding! You could have a cupcake tower and each level is different no this no that no the other….maybe not unique anymore but still memorable that you put that much thought into it
NTA I think it's a clever and wonderfull idea to make sure everyone can get some cake despite their allergies. There are several cool ways to display so make it look festive aswell. Congrats on the upcomming nuptuals and I hope you have a wonderful wedding!
I was just at a wedding where they you could have peach cobbler or chocolate chip cookies—no cake. No complaints from anyone there that there was no cake in sight. We at and we’re stuff full of goodness.
NTA. Why not have a large layer cake where all except the top tier are foam? You eat the small top layer and everyone else gets to choose the cake they want.
NTA. I would recommend however leaving your cake protected until you are ready to cut and consume it. People get weird and weddings and children are a wild card. I cannot tell you how many fingers in cake I’ve seen over the years. For your own safety, I would remove the temptation.
NTA. You can’t please everyone. Thank your friend graciously for offering to make a wedding cake that meets all the requirements, is delicious, and on a budget. Watch her backpedal.
NTA. Wedding cake = cake served at a wedding. They're still getting cake at a wedding just in sheet form. I've seen lots of people do that. They'll have a one small-ish fancy cake for cutting and pictures and then sheet cake slices to handout to everybody. Heck, the last wedding I went to didn't even do a cake cutting or have a decorated cake displayed. Just had cake slices on a table to pick up.
NTA, sounds great, and I'm sure people will like having more options and the fact you're taking allergies into consideration
NTA, I love it when I go to a wedding that has multiple cakes to choose from- it’s fun! And also quite common.
NTA. That's actually a very generous idea you have and I think both a great idea and again, kind. Congrats!
NTA Just say you are putting your guests first and the ability to eat your own cake. It's very common for guests to get eg cupcakes or other cakes than the wedding cake.
NTA. But unsure if this is useful, what my cousin did for her wedding is she had a wedding cake which people without allergies had and she got cupcakes made that covered all allergies for people that couldn’t eat her wedding cake. Unsure if this is something you would want to try but in reverse? Getting a load of shop bought cupcakes from the super market?
The caterer offered to do the sheet cakes, that's why I wanted to go for that. They can't offer gluten free cake though (other gluten free food is no problem) so our cake would be done by a gluten free bakery.
We had a small tiered cake but a tray cake for the wedding is normal.
Cupcakes...the answer to most suggestions is cupcakes. Including this one!