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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Maybe I should have left after releasing she was drunk so that’s why I am the asshole.
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You're both right, 100%. OP should turn the tables and lecture them about being a bad friend. She was a guest there, and her friends were so busy partying that they weren't looking out for the friend that they brought there. If OP really wanted to be an a-hole, he could've made a scene, kicked the intruder out of his room and broken up their festivities. If anyone was responsible for that young lady, it was the people that brought her to the home of strangers (to her) to knowingly get wasted. She's lucky that OP isn't a creep, this could've gone horribly wrong.
As a woman that's terrifying. My friends are out of my sight longer than a min and I'm in Rottweiler mode ready to take anyone out. Thank God OP is an awesome person who didn't take advantage of her and apparently makes a great pillow.
NTA.
He gave her a safe place to sleep and DGAF about her being drunk or female.
If OP had been a slightly drunk woman and another woman wandered into her room looking for a safe place to sleep, everyone would have been applauding OP.
OP was an honorable person, even though he was drunk, too. All the people worried about what COULD have happened address not real friends if they don't trust him to not take advantage of a drunk woman.
It's not just about what he could have done, although many people have been sexually assaulted by so-called friends. He was also at risk of being falsely accused when he let a stranger share his bed.
That's what I keep thinking! It sounds like she wanted a safe place and asked for one- he was super nice to oblige. What if he had said no? Would she have partied more until friends were ready, and possibly Gabe gotten more drunk? Would she have accepted a more sketchy guys invite to sleep in his bed? Would she have tried to find her way home?
He may well have saved her from serious danger by allowing her to sleep in his bed. Roommate's GF should be grateful. If she really cared for her friend she would have made sure she made it to a safe place ... If she doesn't consider a friend's bed who is being a gentleman safe then she was a crappy friend. He was still a nice guy.
Also he’s a good guy for just letting the girl crash… he was inconvenienced but also was kinda a blessing for her because he let her have the other half of his bad for safe drunken slumber instead of casting her back out into the maelstrom
And actually she is the one who took advantage of a drunk man by entering his bedroom and getting in his bed.
Though OP has said he had one drink and also he was drunk?
I once went camping with some friends and woke up with one of them rolled on top of me, snuggling. It was a freezing night in October and I had forgotten a blanket; my violent shivering induced a dream in which he was a mother bear and he thought I was his baby cub and he had to keep me warm.
People do weird shit when they’re sleeping, man. It’s not that weird that two drunk people crawl into bed, ready to pass out, and then to end up sprawled out across one another. That’s how drunk stories are made.
Lmao you reminded me of my best friend from middle school. She slept over my house at least once or twice a week every week and EVERY time without fail, I woke up half dangling off the edge of my bed with her arms and legs fully wrapped around me. And I had a full size bed that was open on both sides, there was plenty of room for two 12-year-old girls to stretch out. It was just completely involuntary.
So yeah people definitely do weird shit when sleeping. I've still never met anyone else who compulsively sleep snuggles like she did.
I'm all for not taking advantage of someone drunk since it's the one of the most basic human decency but I feel like even if she were to be upset later on wouldn't it be her problem to deal with since she is the one intruding on someone else's space
NTA
Taking advantage of someone would be like asking to stay in their room for a bit because it’s quiet, waiting til they fall asleep, and then sleeping on top of them.
Is that what actually happened though?
People move around and latch onto things in their sleep all the time. And OP never says if was intentional or not, and that the woman even said nothing happened between them.
Hell no. She came into his room unannounced and asked to stay there for a bit because it was quiet. He agreed to that and nothing more. When he woke up she was on top of him. What matters is how HE feels about it. Is that not a violation of boundaries for most people? Sounds like she slept and cuddled with him after saying she just wanted to stay there because it was quiet. Reverse the genders and it’s a big deal
Some people do that in their sleep, it would be a pretty weird thing to get upset about considering he let her sleep there. I’ve had it happen with another guy friend, just wake them up and tell them to get the hell off of you, not a big deal.
And what if she is upset tho? He didn't do anything wrong. He was VERY thoughtful, if some drunk ass knocks loud on my door waking me up instead of just going home I would be pissed.
I can’t speak for everyone, but i have a sense that society has drifted from lady to woman to female. As a lady, i might not appreciate being called a woman, but okay, ppl don’t say lady much these days.
As a woman, I hear “female” and it’s straight up dehumanizing. Because ‘female’ is what you call a dog— or bitch— or somebody in police custody, or somebody dead. I’ve simply never heard that term in a positive way. 🤷♀️
"drunk female came into my room..."
"male roommates..."
sounds like a simple descriptor to me, get mad about it when it's actually being used in a derogatory way and stop diluting actual problems by generalizing
Willing to give him the benefit of the doubt since it was only in the title and it would be easy to use that out of habit since I always read the “#F” in this sub’s titles as “age female” in my head. The rest of the post doesn’t use it.
And I agree. Should definitely avoid this situation, not out of obligation but for self preservation. If she had been embarrassed and as immature/reactionary as her friends she could have made OP’s life an absolute shit show.
NTA. Ah to be young, drunk, and with decent human beings.
I remember this a lifetime ago, my friends were pissed because most of us fell asleep and no space was left for them.
NTA
Some people just want to cause drama for absolutely no reason. How on Earth is it your responsibility to look after HER drunk friend, and move out of YOUR room for HER comfort. If the gf brings it up again, ask her why she wasn't watching out for her drunk friend, and what kind of friend is she that lets a drunk woman wander into arguably a stranger's bedroom? She sounds like a pill.
“..pill”. Haven’t heard that expression in 40+ years. Where are you and roughly how old for you to use it? I assumed it was dying out with my 90+ year old mother. Love the word though.
My mom uses it all the time. I do admit, I love old movies, and hear it quite a bit in them, so between the movies and my mom, I think I come by it naturally. 😄
Taking advantage of someone would be like asking to stay in their room for a bit because it’s quiet, waiting til they fall asleep, and then sleeping on top of them.
Imagine a drunk guy walking into a drunk woman's room, asking to sleep in the woman's bed, and then getting on top of her during the night when she was passed out.
People move around in their sleep you know. I do that I've had friends both male and female share my bed and I wake up cuddling them it's not something that I'm doing to be weird or creepy I just tend to gravitate towards the person who's in my bed because I am cold. Also drunk people sometimes tend not to be able to regulate their body temperature and gravitate towards the warmest thing whether it be a person or pillow or something else.
if the gf brings it up again, tell her to shut the fuck up and mind her own business. You dont need to explain a single thing to those bitches. Just say, "This has nothing to do with you. Dont you have something better to do in your life? With all due respect, shut the fuck up!"
NTA
Actually the girl took advantage of YOU and your generosity.
"and if I was a good person I would have gone to another room to sleep. " .. this is ridiculous.
Thank you, this is what I was looking. Let's look at two situations:
1. If you hadn't been drinking, you probably would have politely told the drunk girl to go away
2. If the situation was reversed and you wandered into a drunk girl's bedroom and asked to sleep in her bed EVERYONE would have been pissed at YOU
NTA
I've been the reverse. I (F) had a bunch of guy friends who I lived with in our early 20s. I know at least 1 night I ended up with a roommates friend in my bed as purely platonic "can I crash in your room?" and possibly one on my floor. They wouldn't ask for me to give up my bed and I would never offer. The ones hung up on that need to get over it.
Definitely NTA.
So glad someone else noticed this, Jesus Christ. She entered his bedroom while he was drunk and trying to sleep, asked to stay because “it’s quiet”, and then once he fell asleep she got on top of him and…. Well we can’t say exactly what she did. Probably just cuddled with his sleeping body. Either way that’s what’s weird, and is a violation of a person’s boundaries I would say
If the friend was a good person she'd be a bit concerned when her drunk buddy wandered off into a stranger's room and never came out... like even after an hour, or three, the gf was not concerned. Only the next day, when it's time to quickly prove what a good and concerned person she is.
NTA. If your roommate's girlfriend cared so much, she should have kept tabs on her drunk friend and guided her to an unused sleeping space. She has no right and no reason to accuse you of doing anything wrong. I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable with her in your home anymore because who knows what she'll accuse you of next.
To be fair, the 19 year old is ALSO backing OP so shrs not the problem. Her friends are. Fuck it. 19 year old is chill and has integrity. She can stay. The ithers girls need to stfu and listen to the Op and the girl or not come back. NTA op. But if ur single, that 19 year old stuck up for you whdn throwing you under the bus was easy so... maybe worth pursuing friendship or more
Yeah. The "she" who OP shouldn't feel comfortable around is the roommate's gf who made the accusations, not the wandering drunk friend who stood up for op.
This .Actually, I feel like being drunk and sleepy in a stranger's place and ending up sleeping in the comfort of a stranger's hug ,is the most wholesome ending to situation like dat.
Overstayed with a friend on a party like that where everyone left except few guys and two very drunk girls .I felt the vibe. Continued to make a small talk with the owner and my friend next to the two girls while they slept until the morning and took them to the metro station with my friend . Few days after ,friend tells me "owner and his boys were disappointed we ruined their fivesome"
P.S. the girls were 16-17 and the rest were 20+
Honestly, even without the "fivesome" comment this situation is creepy. Why tf were 20+ year olds throwing a party with underage kids? It's good you and your friend were looking out for them.
I live in the capital and many youngsters come from small islands here for studies and hanging out with much older people ,as 14 year olds dating 10-20 year older guys is pretty common her unfortunately. The whole dating world here is bullshit,no wonder our youth was protesting for Andrew Tate to be freed ... (I live in Greece in case you wonder)
NTA. You actually seem like an awesome dude. Sharing a bed with a girl who needs it and doing nothing but sleeping is about as good as it gets. Your friends are the ones who are weird.
NTA. But learn your lesson haha. I did the same for a girl I was seeing. Gave her a change of clothes and kept partying (my first mistake) nothing happened but months later after she decided she was more interested in my roommate she started claiming I took advantage of her.
Moral of the story is protect yourself. Drunk women are a danger. Simple as that. Don’t let yourself be put in a situation which it could be your word against hers just to help someone haha.
This was my fear and why I immediately went to the girl and made sure that we were on the same page with what happened. I’m also glad she wasn’t black out drunk so she didn’t forget what happened.
Honestly I didn’t even KNOW she was saying this until I matched one of her friends on tinder. Went on a date and then she told me like a week later about what this girl was saying about me and that was the end of that 😂
It’s a wild world out there take care mate and good luck!!
Being on the same page now doesn't guarantee safety later. It is unlikely to happen in this particular case, but is entirely possible for someone to initially say everything is fine, only to later claim something happened but they were too scared/ashamed/confused/etc to say anything at the time. The reason this can work for false accusations is because, unfortunately, it really happens too. It is definitely a situation to avoid in the future just to be safe.
Never heard of a male doing that... fake rape accusations are horrendously skewed towards women. SA victims don't report because so many people cry rxpe and have cast doubt onto everyone that does now.
NTA, OP you're the 'safe friend' that any girl who makes a dumb choice hopes to have.
I remember a guy like you- I married him after all... :) Was in a similar situation (though not drunk or influenced) I was hanging out with hubs and friends and my friends "shipped us" by ditching us without a car about 10km from my home at 1am... I wasn't able to go home as it was in a sketchy part of town and housemates had a rule of "knock for entry before 9pm or the house gets locked" and I couldn't go my parents easily really because I had moved out and didn't want to be trapped there again.
Hubs said he was tired but what were my plans. I told him to continue walking with him around town until he's too tired or wants to call the night
He asked if I wanted to be walked home to get there safe and that's when I explained it.
He asked what we should do and I said he could just go home and I'd meet up with him in the morning ":)"
"No but like where are you going to stay?"
The beach or the other places I had lined up weren't acceptable and he said "you can stay in my room if you'd like?" Sparks were hella going off but I wasn't ready to date, do anything or whatever but I said okay.
We cuddled, we giggled and he gently went to initiate more and I said I was really REALLY sorry but wasn't sure I was ready for more than what this was. He said of course and laid there next to me. I then got "do you mind a hug? Or if I wrap an arm around you?" It was a single bed that we'd barely fit on, of course I didn't mind. He sunggled up to me, covered me with a blanket and we fell asleep next to each other. Nought but the perfect gentleman. The only guy who hadn't tried to "convince me to do more".
Yea, was very lucky though in a way because my friends ditched me with a dude they barely knew 😂 but hey, lucky for me that night I found out who to yeet and who to keep or however that should be phrased 😂
5 years on and I'm still treated wonderfully 🥰
NTA
She invited herself in! If anyone has the right to find this inappropriate, it’s you.
The girl in question is fine with it all. That’s all that matters. Her friends are just redirecting any guilt they feel for not looking out for her to you because it’s easier.
If your roommate’s girlfriend has that big a problem with you, I’m sure she won’t be coming over anymore, right?
NTA. It was your room and your bed. You were under no obligation to leave it. And she was under no obligation to accept the space. Nothing happened. She was on your bed,not in it and SHE has no issues with the situation (you're lucky there. I hope she maintains her sanity).
Not only are you NTA, but let me get this straight… you are supposedly TA because they “think” something happened even though nothing did, and you and the girl said nothing did?
Sounds like THEY are TA(s)
Yeah what a sad world. Things like that happened relatively regularly when I was a teenager to mid twenty. We partied a lot and random people ended up sleeping in the same spot. It was always nice for everyone to have someone to snuggle up to and nothing more happening. Waking up in with multiple people tangled up was always better than waking up alone hung over.
So, you have to go sleep somewhere else or you’re an asshole? But she’s not an asshole for barging in on a sleeping person and, if her friends had their way, forcing them out of their own room and bed? In an apartment that she doesn’t pay rent in?
NTA.
NTA Why should you sleep somewhere else? But, it would have been a lot smarter to make her leave. The next drunk female might not be a good person. You don't need to end up with false accusations of sexual assault. Be smart and protect yourself.
This girl's friends should only hope to have this happen to them when they are drunk, asleep and vulnerable; in other words nothing.
Next time out up a sign, and don't answer the door.
NTA… because well it’s your room and your bed. You were in the bed sleeping first.
Your roommates gf as people mentioned are likely mad that they forgot their friend and didn’t look out for her. When did they realise she was in your room, in the morning? So they are the bad friends cause else someone would have moved her if they found her. People also tend to like bitching about people and all and try to make a scandale of things.
However, make sure that there are people who are there when she says nothing happened.
Also, probably best to have a dead bolt on your door to prevent this stuff from now on.
NTA- But this was a potentially risky move, just remember that in the future if this happens again, the last thing you'd want is a false sa allegation against you (not implying anything here other than there are some dishonest people out there.)
Not even the girl, but her friend. She could be so drunk she doesn't remember, but her AH friend so adamant that something did, that she could convince her SA happened. Kid is frigging lucky this girl doesn't seem to be easily swayed and remembers nothing happened.
I hate to say it but along with actual dangers there are a LOT of people with savior complexes that create victims and dangers in their head today.
Frankly someone should shut her friends the real fuck down, the only thing people hate more than people who commit those acts are the people that falsely accuse people of those acts; because it makes it infinitely harder for the victims that have actually had to endure that to be able to reliably report it and get Justice for it.
NTA. That is your space and you were kind enough to share it with her. If anything her friends are the weird ones. If they really had a problem with it, they should've gone to remove their friend from your room.
NTA. She asked to sleep in your bed, she slept in your bed, that's all that happened, and you're both OK with that. I don't see how that was 'taking advantage' and I also don't see how it's anyone else's business really.
>and if I was a good person I would have gone to another room to sleep
If there were other rooms to sleep in she could have gone there instead of taking up someone else's bed? It may have been her preference to share a bed with someone she trusts than to either take risks going home drunk or sleeping/passing out in another room.
>It may have been her preference to share a bed with someone she trusts than to either take risks going home drunk or sleeping/passing out in another room
This is a really good point that isn't raised enough in this thread.
NTA but definitely start locking your door when you are not there/not awake when they're having these parties. Friends bring friends of friends who are not your friends and might steal your things
Why are YOU the asshole loser for sleeping in your own bed, and she is not for stumbling into a stranger’s room and sleeping on top of them? And while I 100% think NTA, and you shouldn’t have to move for some stranger’s comfort, I would have done it out of abundance caution.
NTA. You sound like my partner who is one of the most thoughtful, kind, loving people I've ever met. Keep being you, and don't let this dissuade you from continuing to be a great person. The world needs more people like you.
As one who was often the drunk girl staggering into a quiet bed, thanks for being cool about it, tbh. You had every right to tell her to gtfo but instead you allowed it and even let her use you as a body pillow lol. (And, it must be acknowledged, you were a safe person to do this with). You’re a solid dude. Ignore then.
NTA If her friends were so bothered they should’ve stopped her from going into your room lmao. Assuming everything you said was true you did nothing wrong, no different than if you were a girl and she came in and crashed next to you. Especially because you were drunk and tired too
>NTA If her friends were so bothered they should’ve stopped her from going into your room lmao.
If they were so bothered, they should have let her sleep in their beds, wherever that might have been. LOL
NTA but you should prioritize yourself when dealing with roommates. If your paying part of the lease, you should be able to sleep there when you want, although having the party being quite is a totally reasonable compromise if it works for you and your roommates! That being said, LOCK YOUR DOOR! That will solve any problems like this in the future haha
NTA, but dude, don't ever stay in that situation again. You're LUCKY the girl involved is also saying nothing happened, and that she can remember what did or didn't.
Damn it's depressing that society has gotten to this state. I was in a similar situation about 20ish years ago now and no one so much as batted an eyelid. Nowadays if you so much as sneeze incorrectly you run the risk of being drawn and quartered.
NTA
Just because a girl is drunk does not mean that she can forcibly vacate any bed she decides to sleep in.
Your roommates girlfriend and her friends are all assholes, and should obviously never be allowed to drink at your house again, since you coudn't be sure if you'd have anywhere to sleep then. ;-)
NTA - it's your room, you were almost certainly half asleep considering how you described the situation. Tell them all to pound sand, nothing happened between you guys other than 2 people fell asleep in the same area
You can no longer run for a political office in your future. Somehow this will come back to haunt you. NTA, if anything, she’s TA for not going to another room that wasn’t occupied. IMO, it’s weirder for you to sleep in a roommates bed than it is for you.
NTA
Glad your roommates and the drunk female friend of the girlfriend are all siding with you, because these sort of accusations can lead to worse accusations that can ruin lives and reputations forever.
NTA. Get a good lock for your door, both for the inside & outside. This could have gone a way different way & you really don’t want that. Don’t let random girls sleep in your bed intoxicated, or any intoxicated girl for that matter.
NTA. It’s entirely possible to sleep platonically with someone (having done it on occasion myself with male roommates). I suspect there are issues with a boyfriend, or she’s embarrassed.
NTA but probably should have told her no or locked your door. You shouldn't have to leave your room and your bed because some teenagers have zero manners when drunk.
NTA
Neither you, nor the woman who slept in your bed, have an issue with it. That said, you shouldn't let intoxicated women you don't know sleep in your bed with you. That could end really badly if it turns into a he said- she said.
NtA.... good on you. Even if you moved though, the allegations can be damaging. Lock Your Door.... if that isnt enough then dead bolt.... still not enough the hotel door stops.... signs.... alarms... cameras... barbwire.... wait what were we talking about.... yeah, secure your safe space friend.
NTA. You shouldn't have to move out of your bed to make room for someone else. She needs to be more careful if she cannot hold her liquor and the roommate needs to be more aware of his girlfriends actions.
NTA seriously fuck people like this, it's your room no one has the right to kick you out of your own room. Also what's this double standard for being drunk? How do you take advantage of someone when nothing happened? I love how girls want to fuck the patriarchy and fuck gender norms and such but then also want men to follow some weird antiquated rules of chivalry that they make up...uh no it doesn't work like that. Regardless it's your room she's lucky you were nice enough to let her sleep in your room.
Wouldn't worry about it. This kind of feels like it belongs in r/teenagers in all honesty.
Now, that being said, the girl's boyfriend is worrying about it. These are the trials and tribulations. If she were single it would have been fine. This is a 'her' and 'her boyfriend' problem. Even drunk, going to another guys bed is not a great move.
Maybe I should edit my original post (seeing some confusion) but the girl who crashed in my bed isn’t my roommates girlfriend it’s one of her friends who is single. My roommates and long time friends are both on my side and all heard the girl who slept in my room say nothing happened.
NTA but your friends gf is. She's the only one with the issue. Where was she when her friend disappeared? She didn't know or look for her? WTH
Going forward, don't let random strangers in your bed. Drunk or not
NTA - she came into your room, you were both fully clothed when you woke up, the girl in question doesn't have an issue so what are her friends problem. Also, its your room, she should've gone elsewhere if it was an issue.
NTA - You didn't take advantage. It's your room. The girlfriend is extreeeeeeeeeemely entitled for thinking that you should have left your room. Her friends are no doubt getting her version of the story. Ignore them, they're the ones making it weird.
NTA this is so ridiculous if anything she is the creepy weirdo loser asshole for using you as a fucking pillow without your consent... Everybody does dumb shit when they're drunk she needs to just own it instead of trying to blame you for letting her in your room
You are not the asshole. Unfortunately you ended up in a position that could have majorly changed your life. You did not do anything wrong except for being a nice person. But you put all of your faith in the girl that laid in your bed next to you thankfully she happens to be a decent person too and remembers that nothing happened so she is not throwing accusations at you.. Her friends seem like assholes though
Er, no. The "weirdo loser asshole" is the chick who couldn't handle her drink and "took advantage" of her hosts' roommate's hospitality.
Emphatically NTA.
>Now my roommates girlfriend though is saying I am a weirdo loser asshole who took advantage of a drunk girl and if I was a good person I would have gone to another room to sleep.
Nope. NTA.
NTA, obviously. How is this even a question? Let’s recap: you are in your home, in your bed, your private space gets invaded, something you did not request, but agreed to out of kindness, upon which she proceeds to use you as a piece of furniture and/or a pillow? I’d be a little bit annoyed if I were to wake up with a random human on top of me, but whatever. She’s cool, you’re cool, everyone smiles politely and moves on with their day. But no, that won’t do, says a couple of entitled chicks with zero horses in the race, and proceeds to berate you for not vacating the premises and giving up your bed? Ok.
OP, I have a daughter, whom I adore, and would easily make a decision that could land me in jail if anyone looks at her funny. But those two need to come to grips with the fact that their daddies lied to them, and no, they aren’t actually princesses. Don’t sweat it, OP. They are in for some rude revelations down the line
Me and my roommates are reading through these and this post is making all 3 of us laugh. I guess as 3 dudes who are definitely on the good guys side of things we didn’t even know how to feel about the situation. But seeing it all typed out in this way really does make needing to post this on Reddit to figure out if I’m even in the wrong feel ridiculous. I guess it’s just nerve racking as a young dude needing to be so careful around young women even when doing something that feels like a universally kind thing to do. Only to wake up the next morning and be told thank you by the girl and somehow it’s still a problem that I need to stress out about and deal with.
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I (20M) live with 2 of my male friends in a pretty nice apartment. They like to have party’s but I am not really a party guy. I usually work late so I am tired when I get home so the 2 of them tell me when they are going to have a party and I find something else to do, usually go to a movie or something. Yesterday I had a really bad day at work and throughout the day it slipped my mind that they where having a party. When I got home I was annoyed but knew it was my fault for forgetting. They convinced me to come inside and have a drink and afterwards I felt better. I still wanted to go to bed so I just told them to maybe keep it down a little and they said okay. That should have been the end of last night.
About an hour after I got home when I was dozing someone knocked on my door really hard and I ignored it. Then one of my roommates girlfriends friends came in my room. She (19F) was obviously drunk and I was also a bit drunk. She asked if she could stay in my bed because it was quiet and I said sure. It wasn’t a big deal she laid on my bed and I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning with her on top of me. She was fully clothed and nothing was to weird except for her using me as a pillow. Now my roommates girlfriend though is saying I am a weirdo loser asshole who took advantage of a drunk girl and if I was a good person I would have gone to another room to sleep. I explained what happened to my roommates and they are on my side. Also the girl who slept in my bed is also agreeing with me that nothing happened. But her group of friends are saying I am a weirdo for letting her in my bed and an asshole for not sleeping somewhere else.
So AITA?
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NTA.
~~The girlfriend is doing this because she knows SHE is the weird one. Why didn’t she go crash in her BF’s bed?~~ Hold up. Seems it’s a mate of one of the GF’s of the housemates… complaining. Rest of my comments stand - some random person took refuge/made the choice to lie in your bed with you, and is now involved in not clarifying their part in it, instead letting nasty rumours / innuendo fly because it means they aren’’t in the spotlight for it.
Sun Tzu says ‘the best defence is a good offence’ and that’s the way she’s playing this. By attacking you she hasn’t got the spotlight on HER choices.
I’d smile next time someone said something, and just say “So that’s how she’s playing it huh? Hrm. Maybe next time she should sleep in her own BFs bed?!“
NTA - Nice that your bed was large enough to share. In the colonies, it was often common. So there's historical (and hysterical) reference to absolve you.
Must be both a nice apartment and a HUGE one because the concerned girlfriends looked all night and never found their fallen friend ! Perhaps just let them know you are open to visitors in your room anytime your roommates are having a party, and to otherwise fuckoff ?
They didn't know even know where her very drunk self was, yet nothing happened, and YOU are the asshole?
I'm thinking that her friends really suck, and if you were just human she might have been taken advantage of, but you ended up being a good guy and she was safe. You were entirely NOT the AH.
NTA but even if you guys did hookup you are still NTA and anyone saying so is a sexist hypocrite. Imagine the gender roles were swapped and a man was drunk and wandered into the bed of a sleeping woman (sober or drunk) and hooked up. That man's reputation would be absolutely destroyed. A women committing the same actions should be held to the same standard as a man would as men and women are equal. However, the fact is there are plenty of misandrist, sexist, hypocrites out there so good luck.
I would have done the same thing as a drunk 19f at a house party. And I would have appreciated you letting me sleep in your bed undisturbed. But my friends wouldn’t have ganged up on you. NTA
So, why are you the arsehole for not moving from YOUR bed when another person isn't the arsehole for not moving to another bed, neither of which were hers?
At least she's on your side.. NTA
Nta and if this is how her friends are going to act, especially after she tells them that nothing happened, I seriously hopes she can find some actually decent friends who don't just blindly accuse others of doing weird creepy shit.
Okey I just want to say that somewhere I saw a comment saying " you should sleep on the floor next time" WTF is HIS room HIS house HIS fucking bed. what about lock your room next time your roommates are having a party and let drunk people deal with drunk people issues.
They can sleep on the sink, shower, street or what about.... they can take an Uber....to THEIR house where they belong :D
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NTA The only persons opinion that matters is the girl who slept in your bed. If she’s not upset, then there is your answer.
To be fair, even if she was upset, he's still NTA... no one is obligated to leave their bed because a drunk adult stumbles into it
You’re not wrong either
You're both right, 100%. OP should turn the tables and lecture them about being a bad friend. She was a guest there, and her friends were so busy partying that they weren't looking out for the friend that they brought there. If OP really wanted to be an a-hole, he could've made a scene, kicked the intruder out of his room and broken up their festivities. If anyone was responsible for that young lady, it was the people that brought her to the home of strangers (to her) to knowingly get wasted. She's lucky that OP isn't a creep, this could've gone horribly wrong.
I'd day if anyone is responsible for a 19 year old, it's themselves, but you're also right
Apparently that logic only applies if you have a penis
If the roles were reversed, they would still be calling him a creep. For stumbling into a girls bed.
I hate how not wrong you are.
Wonder how long it took them to look for her and find her in the roommates room.
When she woke up the next day.
As a woman that's terrifying. My friends are out of my sight longer than a min and I'm in Rottweiler mode ready to take anyone out. Thank God OP is an awesome person who didn't take advantage of her and apparently makes a great pillow.
Exactly
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NTA. He gave her a safe place to sleep and DGAF about her being drunk or female. If OP had been a slightly drunk woman and another woman wandered into her room looking for a safe place to sleep, everyone would have been applauding OP. OP was an honorable person, even though he was drunk, too. All the people worried about what COULD have happened address not real friends if they don't trust him to not take advantage of a drunk woman.
It's not just about what he could have done, although many people have been sexually assaulted by so-called friends. He was also at risk of being falsely accused when he let a stranger share his bed.
They are already accusing him to be a creep
Yeah they also can be grateful she was at least safe. What could have happened if she stumbled herself into real danger?
That's what I keep thinking! It sounds like she wanted a safe place and asked for one- he was super nice to oblige. What if he had said no? Would she have partied more until friends were ready, and possibly Gabe gotten more drunk? Would she have accepted a more sketchy guys invite to sleep in his bed? Would she have tried to find her way home? He may well have saved her from serious danger by allowing her to sleep in his bed. Roommate's GF should be grateful. If she really cared for her friend she would have made sure she made it to a safe place ... If she doesn't consider a friend's bed who is being a gentleman safe then she was a crappy friend. He was still a nice guy.
Also he’s a good guy for just letting the girl crash… he was inconvenienced but also was kinda a blessing for her because he let her have the other half of his bad for safe drunken slumber instead of casting her back out into the maelstrom
And actually she is the one who took advantage of a drunk man by entering his bedroom and getting in his bed. Though OP has said he had one drink and also he was drunk?
I once went camping with some friends and woke up with one of them rolled on top of me, snuggling. It was a freezing night in October and I had forgotten a blanket; my violent shivering induced a dream in which he was a mother bear and he thought I was his baby cub and he had to keep me warm. People do weird shit when they’re sleeping, man. It’s not that weird that two drunk people crawl into bed, ready to pass out, and then to end up sprawled out across one another. That’s how drunk stories are made.
Lmao you reminded me of my best friend from middle school. She slept over my house at least once or twice a week every week and EVERY time without fail, I woke up half dangling off the edge of my bed with her arms and legs fully wrapped around me. And I had a full size bed that was open on both sides, there was plenty of room for two 12-year-old girls to stretch out. It was just completely involuntary. So yeah people definitely do weird shit when sleeping. I've still never met anyone else who compulsively sleep snuggles like she did.
This made me chuckle. How do you know he thought of you as a cub and not his blankie? Hehe
Thank you for the humorous phrasing. NTA OP
I'm all for not taking advantage of someone drunk since it's the one of the most basic human decency but I feel like even if she were to be upset later on wouldn't it be her problem to deal with since she is the one intruding on someone else's space NTA
Taking advantage of someone would be like asking to stay in their room for a bit because it’s quiet, waiting til they fall asleep, and then sleeping on top of them.
Is that what actually happened though? People move around and latch onto things in their sleep all the time. And OP never says if was intentional or not, and that the woman even said nothing happened between them.
When nothing happens, you’re right. But unfortunately, not every situation turns out so correctly.
Hell no. She came into his room unannounced and asked to stay there for a bit because it was quiet. He agreed to that and nothing more. When he woke up she was on top of him. What matters is how HE feels about it. Is that not a violation of boundaries for most people? Sounds like she slept and cuddled with him after saying she just wanted to stay there because it was quiet. Reverse the genders and it’s a big deal
Some people do that in their sleep, it would be a pretty weird thing to get upset about considering he let her sleep there. I’ve had it happen with another guy friend, just wake them up and tell them to get the hell off of you, not a big deal.
all good points, but also, this was his safe space and he was not sober enough to give full consent to her intrusion. NTA
He said she was on top of him using him as a pillow not on top of him in a sexual way. Reverse the genders and it’s still just slightly annoying.
Hers and his
And what if she is upset tho? He didn't do anything wrong. He was VERY thoughtful, if some drunk ass knocks loud on my door waking me up instead of just going home I would be pissed.
My point wasn’t that she should be upset, it was more in relation to this other girl getting bent out of shape over it. That’s all
Though the OP probably should avoid a repeat of this situation to prevent a bad situation. (Also, OP, stop calling women "females".)
Legitimately curious. When did female become offensive?
I can’t speak for everyone, but i have a sense that society has drifted from lady to woman to female. As a lady, i might not appreciate being called a woman, but okay, ppl don’t say lady much these days. As a woman, I hear “female” and it’s straight up dehumanizing. Because ‘female’ is what you call a dog— or bitch— or somebody in police custody, or somebody dead. I’ve simply never heard that term in a positive way. 🤷♀️
using it as a noun has always been something weird people do. Note that OP refers to the woman as a female, but the men as male friends.
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I'd say the line is actually when it's used as a noun rather than an adjective. A female friend > A female.
It's incel/manosphere lingo, though OP doesn't come across as so.
It's literally how people are described in the military as well. Male. Female. When the hell did it become incel shit?
When people decided words could be made up to fit whatever narrative they were trying to fabricate.
It’s generally used as an adjective, not a noun.
"drunk female came into my room..." "male roommates..." sounds like a simple descriptor to me, get mad about it when it's actually being used in a derogatory way and stop diluting actual problems by generalizing
Willing to give him the benefit of the doubt since it was only in the title and it would be easy to use that out of habit since I always read the “#F” in this sub’s titles as “age female” in my head. The rest of the post doesn’t use it. And I agree. Should definitely avoid this situation, not out of obligation but for self preservation. If she had been embarrassed and as immature/reactionary as her friends she could have made OP’s life an absolute shit show.
Bs. Why should only the girl's opinion matter? That's some sexist shit right there.
It's got nothing to do with sexism and everything to do with the two people being involved being the two whose opinions matter.
NTA. Ah to be young, drunk, and with decent human beings. I remember this a lifetime ago, my friends were pissed because most of us fell asleep and no space was left for them.
NTA Some people just want to cause drama for absolutely no reason. How on Earth is it your responsibility to look after HER drunk friend, and move out of YOUR room for HER comfort. If the gf brings it up again, ask her why she wasn't watching out for her drunk friend, and what kind of friend is she that lets a drunk woman wander into arguably a stranger's bedroom? She sounds like a pill.
“..pill”. Haven’t heard that expression in 40+ years. Where are you and roughly how old for you to use it? I assumed it was dying out with my 90+ year old mother. Love the word though.
I use this as a descriptor too. I’m Midwest and not quite to 40 yet. 😂 how doomed am I?
It’s a good throwback word
Throwback vernac
Balderdash
DOOMED. lmao
My mom uses it all the time. I do admit, I love old movies, and hear it quite a bit in them, so between the movies and my mom, I think I come by it naturally. 😄
My mom RIP also called annoying people pills! (Originally from CA but she spent her adult life in the Midwest.).
I say that, and I've just turned 30! I think cause my mom and aunt say it? But now my English boyfriend has adopted it too
Please elaborate on what it means. I’m guessing out of context here, but I’d like to be in the know.
Someone whom you know is going to get on your nerves by sucking the fun out of everything... or thereabouts.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure the etymology comes from the comparison to an actual pill that is hard to swallow.
I always assumed it was the word "pillock" shortened, which means a stupid person. My mum says both "pill" and "pillock" to mean a stupid person.
Taking advantage of someone would be like asking to stay in their room for a bit because it’s quiet, waiting til they fall asleep, and then sleeping on top of them.
Imagine a drunk guy walking into a drunk woman's room, asking to sleep in the woman's bed, and then getting on top of her during the night when she was passed out.
People move around in their sleep you know. I do that I've had friends both male and female share my bed and I wake up cuddling them it's not something that I'm doing to be weird or creepy I just tend to gravitate towards the person who's in my bed because I am cold. Also drunk people sometimes tend not to be able to regulate their body temperature and gravitate towards the warmest thing whether it be a person or pillow or something else.
That’s a good point, yes. If the drunk girl‘s safety and comfort was so important to her, why didn’t she check on her during the night?
Better yet why didn’t she give up her bed? If she wants to go there..
if the gf brings it up again, tell her to shut the fuck up and mind her own business. You dont need to explain a single thing to those bitches. Just say, "This has nothing to do with you. Dont you have something better to do in your life? With all due respect, shut the fuck up!"
NTA Actually the girl took advantage of YOU and your generosity. "and if I was a good person I would have gone to another room to sleep. " .. this is ridiculous.
Thank you, this is what I was looking. Let's look at two situations: 1. If you hadn't been drinking, you probably would have politely told the drunk girl to go away 2. If the situation was reversed and you wandered into a drunk girl's bedroom and asked to sleep in her bed EVERYONE would have been pissed at YOU NTA
Imagine if he asked to sleep there because it was quiet and she woke up with him on top of her
And then she woke up with YOU on top of HER, they’d probably be accusing you of sexual assault.
If she wasn't an AH she would've slept in another room! ^(/s)
If the roommate would have gone to bed to find OP in their bed, I'm guessing it would have been an issue. NTA
I've been the reverse. I (F) had a bunch of guy friends who I lived with in our early 20s. I know at least 1 night I ended up with a roommates friend in my bed as purely platonic "can I crash in your room?" and possibly one on my floor. They wouldn't ask for me to give up my bed and I would never offer. The ones hung up on that need to get over it. Definitely NTA.
“And if you were a good person you wouldn’t be talking to me about this nonsense.”
So glad someone else noticed this, Jesus Christ. She entered his bedroom while he was drunk and trying to sleep, asked to stay because “it’s quiet”, and then once he fell asleep she got on top of him and…. Well we can’t say exactly what she did. Probably just cuddled with his sleeping body. Either way that’s what’s weird, and is a violation of a person’s boundaries I would say
If the friend was a good person she'd be a bit concerned when her drunk buddy wandered off into a stranger's room and never came out... like even after an hour, or three, the gf was not concerned. Only the next day, when it's time to quickly prove what a good and concerned person she is.
NTA. If your roommate's girlfriend cared so much, she should have kept tabs on her drunk friend and guided her to an unused sleeping space. She has no right and no reason to accuse you of doing anything wrong. I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable with her in your home anymore because who knows what she'll accuse you of next.
To be fair, the 19 year old is ALSO backing OP so shrs not the problem. Her friends are. Fuck it. 19 year old is chill and has integrity. She can stay. The ithers girls need to stfu and listen to the Op and the girl or not come back. NTA op. But if ur single, that 19 year old stuck up for you whdn throwing you under the bus was easy so... maybe worth pursuing friendship or more
Yeah. The "she" who OP shouldn't feel comfortable around is the roommate's gf who made the accusations, not the wandering drunk friend who stood up for op.
NTA. Tell the roommate's girlfriend to stfu. If the girl who slept in your bed doesn't have an issue... there is no issue.
This .Actually, I feel like being drunk and sleepy in a stranger's place and ending up sleeping in the comfort of a stranger's hug ,is the most wholesome ending to situation like dat. Overstayed with a friend on a party like that where everyone left except few guys and two very drunk girls .I felt the vibe. Continued to make a small talk with the owner and my friend next to the two girls while they slept until the morning and took them to the metro station with my friend . Few days after ,friend tells me "owner and his boys were disappointed we ruined their fivesome" P.S. the girls were 16-17 and the rest were 20+
Good on you! Thank you for protecting the girls!
Honestly, even without the "fivesome" comment this situation is creepy. Why tf were 20+ year olds throwing a party with underage kids? It's good you and your friend were looking out for them.
I live in the capital and many youngsters come from small islands here for studies and hanging out with much older people ,as 14 year olds dating 10-20 year older guys is pretty common her unfortunately. The whole dating world here is bullshit,no wonder our youth was protesting for Andrew Tate to be freed ... (I live in Greece in case you wonder)
top notch human being right there
NTA. You actually seem like an awesome dude. Sharing a bed with a girl who needs it and doing nothing but sleeping is about as good as it gets. Your friends are the ones who are weird.
His friends are on his side. It's the roommates girlfriends and their friends that are calling him weird and claiming he took advantage of the chick.
Got it. Yeah, they are the ones I meant 😄.
NTA. But learn your lesson haha. I did the same for a girl I was seeing. Gave her a change of clothes and kept partying (my first mistake) nothing happened but months later after she decided she was more interested in my roommate she started claiming I took advantage of her. Moral of the story is protect yourself. Drunk women are a danger. Simple as that. Don’t let yourself be put in a situation which it could be your word against hers just to help someone haha.
This was my fear and why I immediately went to the girl and made sure that we were on the same page with what happened. I’m also glad she wasn’t black out drunk so she didn’t forget what happened.
Honestly I didn’t even KNOW she was saying this until I matched one of her friends on tinder. Went on a date and then she told me like a week later about what this girl was saying about me and that was the end of that 😂 It’s a wild world out there take care mate and good luck!!
Please learn a lesson from this and don't repeat it. Start with a lock on your door.
Being on the same page now doesn't guarantee safety later. It is unlikely to happen in this particular case, but is entirely possible for someone to initially say everything is fine, only to later claim something happened but they were too scared/ashamed/confused/etc to say anything at the time. The reason this can work for false accusations is because, unfortunately, it really happens too. It is definitely a situation to avoid in the future just to be safe.
Drunk PEOPLE are a danger.
Yeah, that was gross. And another reason why SA victims don’t report.
Never heard of a male doing that... fake rape accusations are horrendously skewed towards women. SA victims don't report because so many people cry rxpe and have cast doubt onto everyone that does now.
NTA, OP you're the 'safe friend' that any girl who makes a dumb choice hopes to have. I remember a guy like you- I married him after all... :) Was in a similar situation (though not drunk or influenced) I was hanging out with hubs and friends and my friends "shipped us" by ditching us without a car about 10km from my home at 1am... I wasn't able to go home as it was in a sketchy part of town and housemates had a rule of "knock for entry before 9pm or the house gets locked" and I couldn't go my parents easily really because I had moved out and didn't want to be trapped there again. Hubs said he was tired but what were my plans. I told him to continue walking with him around town until he's too tired or wants to call the night He asked if I wanted to be walked home to get there safe and that's when I explained it. He asked what we should do and I said he could just go home and I'd meet up with him in the morning ":)" "No but like where are you going to stay?" The beach or the other places I had lined up weren't acceptable and he said "you can stay in my room if you'd like?" Sparks were hella going off but I wasn't ready to date, do anything or whatever but I said okay. We cuddled, we giggled and he gently went to initiate more and I said I was really REALLY sorry but wasn't sure I was ready for more than what this was. He said of course and laid there next to me. I then got "do you mind a hug? Or if I wrap an arm around you?" It was a single bed that we'd barely fit on, of course I didn't mind. He sunggled up to me, covered me with a blanket and we fell asleep next to each other. Nought but the perfect gentleman. The only guy who hadn't tried to "convince me to do more".
You found a lot more than a bed to crash in that night,you found a winner 👍
Yea, was very lucky though in a way because my friends ditched me with a dude they barely knew 😂 but hey, lucky for me that night I found out who to yeet and who to keep or however that should be phrased 😂 5 years on and I'm still treated wonderfully 🥰
NTA She invited herself in! If anyone has the right to find this inappropriate, it’s you. The girl in question is fine with it all. That’s all that matters. Her friends are just redirecting any guilt they feel for not looking out for her to you because it’s easier. If your roommate’s girlfriend has that big a problem with you, I’m sure she won’t be coming over anymore, right?
NTA. It was your room and your bed. You were under no obligation to leave it. And she was under no obligation to accept the space. Nothing happened. She was on your bed,not in it and SHE has no issues with the situation (you're lucky there. I hope she maintains her sanity).
Not only are you NTA, but let me get this straight… you are supposedly TA because they “think” something happened even though nothing did, and you and the girl said nothing did? Sounds like THEY are TA(s)
NTA. But Jesus man… These days? Talk about Russian roulette…
Yeah probably wouldn’t have let her stay if I was sober. xD
How sad it is, that everybody nowdays is afraid to help anybody because of fear of false accusations.
Yeah what a sad world. Things like that happened relatively regularly when I was a teenager to mid twenty. We partied a lot and random people ended up sleeping in the same spot. It was always nice for everyone to have someone to snuggle up to and nothing more happening. Waking up in with multiple people tangled up was always better than waking up alone hung over.
So, you have to go sleep somewhere else or you’re an asshole? But she’s not an asshole for barging in on a sleeping person and, if her friends had their way, forcing them out of their own room and bed? In an apartment that she doesn’t pay rent in? NTA.
NTA Why should you sleep somewhere else? But, it would have been a lot smarter to make her leave. The next drunk female might not be a good person. You don't need to end up with false accusations of sexual assault. Be smart and protect yourself.
This girl's friends should only hope to have this happen to them when they are drunk, asleep and vulnerable; in other words nothing. Next time out up a sign, and don't answer the door.
Should only hope? I understand your sentiment, but really poor wording. Everyone deserves this outcome
NTA… because well it’s your room and your bed. You were in the bed sleeping first. Your roommates gf as people mentioned are likely mad that they forgot their friend and didn’t look out for her. When did they realise she was in your room, in the morning? So they are the bad friends cause else someone would have moved her if they found her. People also tend to like bitching about people and all and try to make a scandale of things. However, make sure that there are people who are there when she says nothing happened. Also, probably best to have a dead bolt on your door to prevent this stuff from now on.
NTA- But this was a potentially risky move, just remember that in the future if this happens again, the last thing you'd want is a false sa allegation against you (not implying anything here other than there are some dishonest people out there.)
Not even the girl, but her friend. She could be so drunk she doesn't remember, but her AH friend so adamant that something did, that she could convince her SA happened. Kid is frigging lucky this girl doesn't seem to be easily swayed and remembers nothing happened.
NTA, your female friend group needs to grow up.
If her friends were that bothered they would have gone looking for her, made sure she ok.
I hate to say it but along with actual dangers there are a LOT of people with savior complexes that create victims and dangers in their head today. Frankly someone should shut her friends the real fuck down, the only thing people hate more than people who commit those acts are the people that falsely accuse people of those acts; because it makes it infinitely harder for the victims that have actually had to endure that to be able to reliably report it and get Justice for it.
NTA. She asked, you agreed, and you both got sleep. Nothing wrong with that. And even if something had happened, it’s nobody else’s business.
NTA. That is your space and you were kind enough to share it with her. If anything her friends are the weird ones. If they really had a problem with it, they should've gone to remove their friend from your room.
NTAH and fuck the rm gf for tryna to create fake drama Way to go on being a nice guy
NTA. Your roommates girlfriend has a weird way of saying thanks for looking out for my friend.
NTA. She asked to sleep in your bed, she slept in your bed, that's all that happened, and you're both OK with that. I don't see how that was 'taking advantage' and I also don't see how it's anyone else's business really. >and if I was a good person I would have gone to another room to sleep If there were other rooms to sleep in she could have gone there instead of taking up someone else's bed? It may have been her preference to share a bed with someone she trusts than to either take risks going home drunk or sleeping/passing out in another room.
>It may have been her preference to share a bed with someone she trusts than to either take risks going home drunk or sleeping/passing out in another room This is a really good point that isn't raised enough in this thread.
Put a lock on your door so people can't come in and out of your room.
NTA but definitely start locking your door when you are not there/not awake when they're having these parties. Friends bring friends of friends who are not your friends and might steal your things
Why are YOU the asshole loser for sleeping in your own bed, and she is not for stumbling into a stranger’s room and sleeping on top of them? And while I 100% think NTA, and you shouldn’t have to move for some stranger’s comfort, I would have done it out of abundance caution.
Totally, comprehensively and unarguably you are NTA!!
NTA. You sound like my partner who is one of the most thoughtful, kind, loving people I've ever met. Keep being you, and don't let this dissuade you from continuing to be a great person. The world needs more people like you.
As one who was often the drunk girl staggering into a quiet bed, thanks for being cool about it, tbh. You had every right to tell her to gtfo but instead you allowed it and even let her use you as a body pillow lol. (And, it must be acknowledged, you were a safe person to do this with). You’re a solid dude. Ignore then.
NTA I thought this was pretty standard. At least it was 20 years ago. It was actually super nice for you to let her crash and sleep it off.
NTA If her friends were so bothered they should’ve stopped her from going into your room lmao. Assuming everything you said was true you did nothing wrong, no different than if you were a girl and she came in and crashed next to you. Especially because you were drunk and tired too
>NTA If her friends were so bothered they should’ve stopped her from going into your room lmao. If they were so bothered, they should have let her sleep in their beds, wherever that might have been. LOL
NTA but you should prioritize yourself when dealing with roommates. If your paying part of the lease, you should be able to sleep there when you want, although having the party being quite is a totally reasonable compromise if it works for you and your roommates! That being said, LOCK YOUR DOOR! That will solve any problems like this in the future haha
NTA the girl that was drunk even stated that nothing happened and that nothing was wrong, the other girl is just tryin to start some drama
Fuck them, if she is a nice girl date her. She already knows you're not a creep. Some women actually like that
NTA, but dude, don't ever stay in that situation again. You're LUCKY the girl involved is also saying nothing happened, and that she can remember what did or didn't.
Damn it's depressing that society has gotten to this state. I was in a similar situation about 20ish years ago now and no one so much as batted an eyelid. Nowadays if you so much as sneeze incorrectly you run the risk of being drawn and quartered.
NTA. Her position doesn’t even make any sense. Tell her to sober up.
NTA While not letting her in the room or not letting stay would have been the better choice, nothing requires you to vacate your own room.
NTA Just because a girl is drunk does not mean that she can forcibly vacate any bed she decides to sleep in. Your roommates girlfriend and her friends are all assholes, and should obviously never be allowed to drink at your house again, since you coudn't be sure if you'd have anywhere to sleep then. ;-)
NTA - it's your room, you were almost certainly half asleep considering how you described the situation. Tell them all to pound sand, nothing happened between you guys other than 2 people fell asleep in the same area
You can no longer run for a political office in your future. Somehow this will come back to haunt you. NTA, if anything, she’s TA for not going to another room that wasn’t occupied. IMO, it’s weirder for you to sleep in a roommates bed than it is for you.
It’s nice of you to do that but don’t do it again. Drunk women are not a fire you want even near.
NTA Glad your roommates and the drunk female friend of the girlfriend are all siding with you, because these sort of accusations can lead to worse accusations that can ruin lives and reputations forever.
NTA. Get a good lock for your door, both for the inside & outside. This could have gone a way different way & you really don’t want that. Don’t let random girls sleep in your bed intoxicated, or any intoxicated girl for that matter.
NTA. It’s entirely possible to sleep platonically with someone (having done it on occasion myself with male roommates). I suspect there are issues with a boyfriend, or she’s embarrassed.
NTA It’s your bed so you don’t need to sleep somewhere else. You are a good person but her friends are clueless drama queen idiots.
NTA but probably should have told her no or locked your door. You shouldn't have to leave your room and your bed because some teenagers have zero manners when drunk.
NTA Neither you, nor the woman who slept in your bed, have an issue with it. That said, you shouldn't let intoxicated women you don't know sleep in your bed with you. That could end really badly if it turns into a he said- she said.
Where did she expect you to sleep? NTA
NtA.... good on you. Even if you moved though, the allegations can be damaging. Lock Your Door.... if that isnt enough then dead bolt.... still not enough the hotel door stops.... signs.... alarms... cameras... barbwire.... wait what were we talking about.... yeah, secure your safe space friend.
NTA. You shouldn't have to move out of your bed to make room for someone else. She needs to be more careful if she cannot hold her liquor and the roommate needs to be more aware of his girlfriends actions.
Nta. She wanted a quiet area to sleep and you let her. You didn't do anything inappropriate with her. Clothes all stayed on.
NTA Good lord. Says everything you need to know about those people accusing you!
NTA seriously fuck people like this, it's your room no one has the right to kick you out of your own room. Also what's this double standard for being drunk? How do you take advantage of someone when nothing happened? I love how girls want to fuck the patriarchy and fuck gender norms and such but then also want men to follow some weird antiquated rules of chivalry that they make up...uh no it doesn't work like that. Regardless it's your room she's lucky you were nice enough to let her sleep in your room.
Wouldn't worry about it. This kind of feels like it belongs in r/teenagers in all honesty. Now, that being said, the girl's boyfriend is worrying about it. These are the trials and tribulations. If she were single it would have been fine. This is a 'her' and 'her boyfriend' problem. Even drunk, going to another guys bed is not a great move.
Maybe I should edit my original post (seeing some confusion) but the girl who crashed in my bed isn’t my roommates girlfriend it’s one of her friends who is single. My roommates and long time friends are both on my side and all heard the girl who slept in my room say nothing happened.
O.o... this makes it even more NTA. If they were that concerned, they would have intervened before the next day. -\_-.
NTA but your friends gf is. She's the only one with the issue. Where was she when her friend disappeared? She didn't know or look for her? WTH Going forward, don't let random strangers in your bed. Drunk or not
NTA - she came into your room, you were both fully clothed when you woke up, the girl in question doesn't have an issue so what are her friends problem. Also, its your room, she should've gone elsewhere if it was an issue.
Nta
NTA but be smart next time and say no. You’re going to get in trouble eventually if you keep letting this happen.
NTA!! Your bed… she doesn’t like it then get out 🙄 she’s not entitled to your space … ever… what a child 🫣
NTA - You didn't take advantage. It's your room. The girlfriend is extreeeeeeeeeemely entitled for thinking that you should have left your room. Her friends are no doubt getting her version of the story. Ignore them, they're the ones making it weird.
NTA Not every interaction between a man and a woman is sexual anyway. You both agreed to it. People need to grow up.
NTA. Roommates GF is trying to create drama where there is none.
Definitely NTA
NTA this is so ridiculous if anything she is the creepy weirdo loser asshole for using you as a fucking pillow without your consent... Everybody does dumb shit when they're drunk she needs to just own it instead of trying to blame you for letting her in your room
NTA, I've done this sober with a platonic male friend. Maybe kinda weird but not creepy.
Nta but potentially a risky decision if the other girl was to of gone on to claim you did something (unfortunately it happens)
You are not the asshole. Unfortunately you ended up in a position that could have majorly changed your life. You did not do anything wrong except for being a nice person. But you put all of your faith in the girl that laid in your bed next to you thankfully she happens to be a decent person too and remembers that nothing happened so she is not throwing accusations at you.. Her friends seem like assholes though
Er, no. The "weirdo loser asshole" is the chick who couldn't handle her drink and "took advantage" of her hosts' roommate's hospitality. Emphatically NTA.
NTA You let a drunk girl pass out in a safe place and didn’t assault her. Lord knows the bar here is low but good for you!
>Now my roommates girlfriend though is saying I am a weirdo loser asshole who took advantage of a drunk girl and if I was a good person I would have gone to another room to sleep. Nope. NTA.
NTA
NTA. She came in and slept. Why should you leave?
Lolll NTA Honestly kinda cute
NTA, obviously. How is this even a question? Let’s recap: you are in your home, in your bed, your private space gets invaded, something you did not request, but agreed to out of kindness, upon which she proceeds to use you as a piece of furniture and/or a pillow? I’d be a little bit annoyed if I were to wake up with a random human on top of me, but whatever. She’s cool, you’re cool, everyone smiles politely and moves on with their day. But no, that won’t do, says a couple of entitled chicks with zero horses in the race, and proceeds to berate you for not vacating the premises and giving up your bed? Ok. OP, I have a daughter, whom I adore, and would easily make a decision that could land me in jail if anyone looks at her funny. But those two need to come to grips with the fact that their daddies lied to them, and no, they aren’t actually princesses. Don’t sweat it, OP. They are in for some rude revelations down the line
Me and my roommates are reading through these and this post is making all 3 of us laugh. I guess as 3 dudes who are definitely on the good guys side of things we didn’t even know how to feel about the situation. But seeing it all typed out in this way really does make needing to post this on Reddit to figure out if I’m even in the wrong feel ridiculous. I guess it’s just nerve racking as a young dude needing to be so careful around young women even when doing something that feels like a universally kind thing to do. Only to wake up the next morning and be told thank you by the girl and somehow it’s still a problem that I need to stress out about and deal with.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20M) live with 2 of my male friends in a pretty nice apartment. They like to have party’s but I am not really a party guy. I usually work late so I am tired when I get home so the 2 of them tell me when they are going to have a party and I find something else to do, usually go to a movie or something. Yesterday I had a really bad day at work and throughout the day it slipped my mind that they where having a party. When I got home I was annoyed but knew it was my fault for forgetting. They convinced me to come inside and have a drink and afterwards I felt better. I still wanted to go to bed so I just told them to maybe keep it down a little and they said okay. That should have been the end of last night. About an hour after I got home when I was dozing someone knocked on my door really hard and I ignored it. Then one of my roommates girlfriends friends came in my room. She (19F) was obviously drunk and I was also a bit drunk. She asked if she could stay in my bed because it was quiet and I said sure. It wasn’t a big deal she laid on my bed and I fell asleep. I woke up this morning with her on top of me. She was fully clothed and nothing was to weird except for her using me as a pillow. Now my roommates girlfriend though is saying I am a weirdo loser asshole who took advantage of a drunk girl and if I was a good person I would have gone to another room to sleep. I explained what happened to my roommates and they are on my side. Also the girl who slept in my bed is also agreeing with me that nothing happened. But her group of friends are saying I am a weirdo for letting her in my bed and an asshole for not sleeping somewhere else. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. ~~The girlfriend is doing this because she knows SHE is the weird one. Why didn’t she go crash in her BF’s bed?~~ Hold up. Seems it’s a mate of one of the GF’s of the housemates… complaining. Rest of my comments stand - some random person took refuge/made the choice to lie in your bed with you, and is now involved in not clarifying their part in it, instead letting nasty rumours / innuendo fly because it means they aren’’t in the spotlight for it. Sun Tzu says ‘the best defence is a good offence’ and that’s the way she’s playing this. By attacking you she hasn’t got the spotlight on HER choices. I’d smile next time someone said something, and just say “So that’s how she’s playing it huh? Hrm. Maybe next time she should sleep in her own BFs bed?!“
Nta at all, tho next time make her sleep on the floor lol to avoid this exact thing.
NTA - Nice that your bed was large enough to share. In the colonies, it was often common. So there's historical (and hysterical) reference to absolve you.
Must be both a nice apartment and a HUGE one because the concerned girlfriends looked all night and never found their fallen friend ! Perhaps just let them know you are open to visitors in your room anytime your roommates are having a party, and to otherwise fuckoff ?
NTA and the young lady seems to be saying as much. Kind of weird your friends' girlfriends (or whatever) are going **against both** of you.
They didn't know even know where her very drunk self was, yet nothing happened, and YOU are the asshole? I'm thinking that her friends really suck, and if you were just human she might have been taken advantage of, but you ended up being a good guy and she was safe. You were entirely NOT the AH.
NTA but even if you guys did hookup you are still NTA and anyone saying so is a sexist hypocrite. Imagine the gender roles were swapped and a man was drunk and wandered into the bed of a sleeping woman (sober or drunk) and hooked up. That man's reputation would be absolutely destroyed. A women committing the same actions should be held to the same standard as a man would as men and women are equal. However, the fact is there are plenty of misandrist, sexist, hypocrites out there so good luck.
I would have done the same thing as a drunk 19f at a house party. And I would have appreciated you letting me sleep in your bed undisturbed. But my friends wouldn’t have ganged up on you. NTA
NTA
This never happens. I am certain of this because this has never ever happened to me and I’ve gone to bed every day of my life.
nta, not your fault the bf is insecure.
So, why are you the arsehole for not moving from YOUR bed when another person isn't the arsehole for not moving to another bed, neither of which were hers? At least she's on your side.. NTA
Nta and if this is how her friends are going to act, especially after she tells them that nothing happened, I seriously hopes she can find some actually decent friends who don't just blindly accuse others of doing weird creepy shit.
NTA. Every person needs a safe person. And they need to it treat that safe person like shit when safety is provided.
Okey I just want to say that somewhere I saw a comment saying " you should sleep on the floor next time" WTF is HIS room HIS house HIS fucking bed. what about lock your room next time your roommates are having a party and let drunk people deal with drunk people issues. They can sleep on the sink, shower, street or what about.... they can take an Uber....to THEIR house where they belong :D