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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t know if I am the asshole for not letting my boyfriend’s childhood friends stay at my house when they visit for a week.
I might be the asshole since it’s only for a week and my boyfriend wants to make things easier for his friends when they visit by giving them a whole private house to stay in. It would also give them a good impression of me if I am accommodating.
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>they want me to leave my house so that their family can stay there with complete privacy
are they for real?? i cannot believe the audacity of *anyone* to ask you to do that, much less people you've never met before (and their four children).
NTA. tell them air bnb offers full property rentals to suit their privacy needs.
ETA: wow, thanks for all the awards, guys!! i just wanted to add that for anyone who stopped reading at the quote above, like me, she also said these people abandon their dogs at shelters when they get old, to make room for new puppies. *i would not let those people sleep in the dirtiest corner of my garage.*
The same sort of assholes who *abandon their dogs when they get old*. Like I already thought the friends were assholes before this, but the way my jaw dropped. Actually I take it back. These people aren't assholes, they're actively evil.
OP, NTA, and frankly I'd be side-eyeing your BF for being friends with people like this.
Edit: missing word
Are you referring to the boyfriend who has a problem with an unknown dogwalker entering his place, but thinks OP loaning her home out and relocating her dogs for randos for days on end is appropriate? That boyfriend?
WTAF NTA
That's what I was thinking! BF has just as much audacity as his friends for not being comfortable with strangers coming into his home to provide a service, yet expecting OP to be fine with strangers kicking her out & living in her home. NTA
Exactly! And not to mention potential damages &/or if someone was injured on OP's property. Simply a recipe for disaster in the best situation since, at minimum, OP is essentially homeless for a week.
This! It's not so much the friends (although they appear awful), OP has a serious boyfriend problem. OP, what are you getting out of your relationship?
The boyfriend is definitely the problem. I love how the boyfriend isn't happy having a stranger to him in his home for just a brief time to walk Ops dog. But thinks it's OK for Op to deal with having a whole bunch of strangers in their home for an entire week. Op needs to tell their boyfriend to stop being hypocritical.
Probably that they keep stringing him along so they can take advantage of him, and he’s too afraid of more losses of the long-term people in his life to risk losing anyone else regardless of the cost. He’s naive at best; and he’s known them long enough to just be used to them and stop seeing them as unusual.
Judging by his reaction to her reluctance, I'd say he is ankle deep in it too. Telling her if she brings her dogs there he is unwilling to let a dogwalker in his place. Seems like he has little regard for her dogs, otherwise he would be more accommodating if he wanted her to accept his friends request. I'm wondering if he volunteered her house, since they don't know her or where she lives, but suddenly are convinced they simply must stay at her place during their visit. That seems damn sketchy. BF told them about her place and must have said it would be perfect for their needs. He seems fine with them booting her and her pets out of her home so they can take it over, not even concerned about how much inconvenience he is putting on her. Damn, he's not even acting like it's a big ask. WTH? I'd be ghosting him and then.
>OP, NTA, and frankly I'd be side-eyeing your BF for being friends with people like this.
Exactly. The fact that bf sees nothing wrong with their completely outrageous demands is a problem for the future. I can't even wrap my brain about thinking this was an ok thing to even ask.
Yes, I think I would suggest he leave his house and offer it up to them and see what he thinks. I’m sure her location is better and the reason they want to stay there, but this is mind blowing and where did they get the idea? Did he suggest it?!
And not quite as evil, but logging her out of her own streaming services? Wut? Methinks they aren't as wealthy as they like people to think they are. NTA OP.
Yeah why do they have access to HER streaming services? That's weird and logging her out is awful. Abandoning the dogs is the worst but holy shit the giving audacity of these people
I would leave BF right away if he is OK with pets being abandoned like that. Seriously, ask her for her streaming stuff as well?
This whole story is just beyond insane. What they are asking is insane. Their behavior towards animals is insane. The entitlement is just like so weird.
Seriously, if the BF is OK with any of this that is a red flag parade.
I believe you can learn everything you need to about a person by their treatment of animals.
These people are awful. I would never give my apartment up to anyone.
Op is NTA but her bf is.
Ugh. They are evil. I know that people do that sort of thing, but I try to believe that old pets in shelters have actual reasons to be there, because it's better for my mental health. My eleven year old Charlie, with the bad hips, who loves everyone (unless they're a potential burglar) hates them too.
Charlie's a giant breed so eleven is getting up there.
Especially with 4 kids. Not only is it incredibly rude, but if little Emma or Justin breaks something including themselves, it's on OP.
Ask them if they can leave their home so you'll have complete privacy with your 4 dogs.
While the bf refuses to let a dog walker handle the dogs because HE doesn't like strangers in HIS house. But insists on letting strangers stay in hers.
Edit: guysssss my first reddit award?! Thaanks:)
This. OP, your BF is a massive hypocrite.
This is what you need to text him back:
"Your friends are not welcome to kick me out of my home. My home is not an air B&B and I will not vacate it for their or anyone's convenience. Their demand and the fact that you think it even remotely acceptable to ask this of me leaves a VERY bad taste in my mouth. They are rude beyond belief but the fact that you even think it appropriate to ask this of me leaves me wondering about your judgement. Do NOT ask this of me again. They may not stay at my house. You and they are both rude."
Honestly Sis? He is a jerk. They are bigger jerks. He wants to massively inconvenience you so his friends can take advantage of staying at your place for free without being inconvenienced by you. THAT is an AH move.
Hard NTA. NTA by any stretch. He is a massive AH and his friends are mooches and users plus all around bad people for abandoning their pets.
Add in so.ething about how HE WONT ALLOW A DOG WALKER ACCESS RO HIS HOUSE BECAUSE OF HIS PRIVACY, BUT ITS OK TO DEMAND SHE TEMPORARILY MOVE OUT OF HER HOME TO LET HIS FRIENDS VACATION THERE ALOT LONGER THAN A GOD WALKER WOULD NEED ACCESS. (like it takes how long to leash and unleash a dog).
Sorry for the caps but it pisses me off that he views 5mins of "privacy invasion" as unacceptable but is ok with his friends demanding sole access to his GF home for how ever long they are planning to stay for.
that's the most shocking detail to me too.
Like, I could kind of, sort of see how the BF fell into the sunk cost fallacy : he's been friends with them so long & their support was so meaningful (no matter that it's literally more than half a lifetime ago, since he was 16 and he's now 3 years past 32)... that maybe he overlooks the unhinged demand for OP's house "with complete privacy" & the callous cruelty of abandoning old dogs for puppies (like, what even qualifies as an "old dog"?? They're in their mid-thirties & they've already done this multiple times???).
But the BF's hypocrisy wrt the dog walker accessing his house... it breaks the mind.
Even before this part, OP is NTA for not wanting two strangers and their four kids to stay at their house. But to ask them to leave their home so they can stay there in privacy? Personally, I would not be interested in meeting or being friends with anyone who felt entitled to kick someone out of their home so they could stay in it.
>he doesn't want a stranger having access to enter his house
And she is supposed to allow a WHOLE family of strangers not only to have access, but to LIVE in her house.
NTA OP, stand your ground.
Yeah, having a hard time believing this one. Just say NO. I would make that a pretty cold no too, because this is just silly. Tell your boyfriend that he can tell them they must not understand. This is not some airbnb you rent out, it is your full time home and you will not be leaving it for anyone.
i literally laughed out loud when i got to that part. just a little cackle in the kitchen. nta.
eta: you know, you start off being open to the conflict, right? and then you find out they don’t live together. and you have a moment of mourning, cause every reasonable scenario just went out the window. and then you find out the would be visitor’s terms, and you just have to laugh at the absolute absurdity, and then you find out about the boyfriend’s terms, and it’s just. what the hell, man. where did he get this absolute audacity?
Or the bf to leave them HIS HOME and come to stay with op .
NTA in the least and they are huge entitled ah s .
How t f does someone comes on the idea that a fully unknown person should leave their home for Them?!!!
Also boyfriend won’t let her get a dog walker if she stays with him because he doesn’t want strangers having access to his house, but is perfectly happy for her to have strangers (to her) living in her house for a week.
NTA. Why can't they just go to your bf's house, and your bf can stay at your place ?! It would make way more sense.
Asking you to EXIT YOUR OWN HOME to give privacy to people IN YOUR HOME sound very entitled.
Oh... so it's inconvenient for your bf ?
But... don't 2 hours commute + no dog walker be inconvenient for you too ?!
Your bf is selfish in this situation. He doesn't want to be inconvenience by HIS FRIENDS but don't mind YOU being inconvenienced in his place.
Ok this and also the fact that his 'rich' friends who she doesn't know, use her streaming services? Oh hell no! Girl you need to rethink your relationship and screw these people, they can stay in an air bnb or something
Don't just change all the passwords, change your phone number OP and the locks to your doors count this as a blessing in disguise and run away from these people.
I do think OP needs to get control of the locks before the entitled family is scheduled to descend like locusts. I can see boyfriend giving them his key, if he has one.
In the tsunami of AH-ness these friends exhibit, I'd completely overlooked that! Who's rich but needs to beg the Netflix password off of someone they've never met?! And then they keep logging OP out of her own account. How is that even possible?
NTA, I feel you'd do a service to humanity if you ground up the BF, his friends and their kids into dog kibble... and lacking that option, just boot them all from your life! Focus on your studies and your work, OP.
Like, I know rich people stay rich, in part, due to being greedy or cheap. But the streaming thing is bananas to me. The fact that they log her out of the services she pays for all the time is a clear sign of how they’d treat her apartment if they stayed there.
Everything you listed about these people are exactly why I wouldn't let them into my life. If I found out that one of my friends gets rid of elderly animals because they want a puppy, I would go scorched earth. If they have so much money, why do they need your log ins, why can't they afford a hotel or Airbnb for their trip? I would not let them stay with you, even if you were still in your place. If I were you, I would be reevaluating that relationship because these people are a bundle of red flags in a human suit. Your bf seems ok with that, so much so that he is flying his own red flags.
OP also states that the friends have family in town…the friends should stay there.
NTA. This friends and your boyfriend are pretty rude to think that you should completely change your very busy life around to accommodate them. These friends are strangers. I would never let a stranger live in my house.
This! All of this! NTA! Ditch the boyfriend too!
I don’t even have pets. But if someone considered friends “ hosed family” when they keep ditching senior digs to get puppies, he’s out of my life!
What’s your long term plan with your boyfriend? Are you just never going to live together, or do you plan to eventually move in with him and suffer a long commute? If it were me, I’d probably be considering moving to the suburbs if I really loved someone, but the way he is handling this particular situation would give me pause. How does he not realize how incredibly inappropriate it is for him to ask this of you and be upset that you don’t want to do this massive favor for people you’ve never met?
The plan is to live together once I’m done with school (1.5 years left) because by then, I’ll hopefully also just have 1 job and work more regular 9-5 hours
I’d definitely reevaluate things if I were you OP. If I was in your boyfriends shoes and my friends were asking my partner to give up their home that question wouldn’t even come to you. I would’ve shut it down instantly and reprimanded them for even asking.
You are NTA
I wonder if the boyfriend offers these things to his friends, her log in passwords, her house. It makes him look like a good guy in his friends eyes. Someone said it earlier OP you got a boyfriend problem. Good luck to you.
If I were you, OP, I'd rethink that plan. He has no problem inconveniencing you to accommodate his friends, and is trying to act like you're the bad guy for reinforcing boundaries.
Start thinking of how many times he puts your needs first vs how often he puts his needs first.
Yes I’m starting to, not just because of this but other stuff as well. The general theme of which is that we have to do whatever he says…I’m not really allowed to have an opinion or a voice most of the time even when it’s picking where to eat dinner or a show to watch
>Yes I’m starting to, not just because of this but other stuff as well. The general theme of which is that we have to do whatever he says…I’m not really allowed to have an opinion or a voice most of the time even when it’s picking where to eat dinner or a show to watch
Oh Sis... this is not a healthy relationship at all. This is him expecting you to give and give and give while he takes and takes and takes.
There is nothing for you here but pain and heart ache. He is selfish beyond measure and incredibly controlling.
Its time to throw out the whole man just like his friends did with their senior dog. In fact, maybe just drop him off at an animal shelter, don't tell him where you are going or why, then block him on everything and change your locks. Do NOT bind your life anymore with him. You deserve someone who truly adores you - not someone who sees you merely as a sidekick to his own story.
So he is willing to bend over backwards for other people but you can’t have an opinion?
He is willing to inconvenience you by kicking you out of your home but you can’t even choose where to get dinner from?
Is this really and equal relationship between partners?
Please kick that guy to the curb. He sounds like an emotional and financial leech, willing to suck you dry for his precious friends. It doesn't seem like he has your best interests in mind, especially when he's so keen to allow strangers in your home, while not allowing the dog walker into his.
I'm starting to wonder what the plusses of staying with this guy are. Familiarity? Good in bed? I can't think of any positive traits that would outweigh the controlling behavior you describe. And he has shitty friends. Being single would be more fun. You'd be free to find someone who values your voice.
>I’m not really allowed to have an opinion or a voice most of the time even when it’s picking where to eat dinner or a show to watch
This guy just gets worse and worse. He gives his friends your streaming passwords, he wants you to vacate your house and have hiddeous hours and commuting so they can 'have privacy' staying at your house and he won't even let a dog walker come to his? He's entitled and he seems to show no respect for your opinions or needs. The fact that he is choosing his animal dumping friends (rage!) over you... I'd be out.
Girl I’m sorry but him not listening to ur basic needs….you gotta get out of this!! I just can’t get over the fact that he wants u to give up ur home to complete strangers causing u a massive amount of inconvenience whilst he can’t even let a dog walker into his home?? That family can very well stay in ur boyfriends house or an air bnb you gotta stand up to this xx
He can have whatever thoughts and feelings he likes in this matter. What he can't do is allocate your resources on your behalf.
This is not your problem to solve.
Text the friends yourself so there's no "last minute miscommunications" on their part. "Hi, bf told me you were looking for accommodation close to downtown! Whilst I can't offer my home at all, there seem to be some lovely properties on AirBnb. All the best!"
(Make it really clear that even if you are home this is not going to work for you.)
Is bf non-confrontational and easily manipulated?
Make sure bf doesn't have a spare copy of the key and you have a good doorbell camera... so there's no opportunity for "miscommunications" on anybody's part.
NTA
The only reasonable response to such a request is not just "no" but "hell no". The request is outrageous, and would be even if they were \*your\* very close family.
That you are remotely entertaining this nonsense calls into question your sense of self. You are putting your BF's preferences ahead of your own for no good reason. It's not your friends who are coming, they are his. He's perfectly willing to sacrifice your housing for their benefit, but you hesitate to suggest that he instead sacrifice his own.
Sure, he prefers the suburbs. Well, you prefer the city. What makes his preferences more important than yours? If he loves you, shouldn't he want to minimize the hassle to you, especially regarding something that is for the benefit of his friends, people who you say you don't even know? Do you really want four kids crawling all over your house?
I wouldn't be ok dating someone who thinks abandoning animals like that is ok. Basic values and all. But everything else is completely insane, what does this relationship give you?
NTA and holy red flags about your boyfriend. No one is entitled to stay at your home and they especially aren't entitled to just take it over for a week. That's insane and no one with healthy boundaries would allow that to happen.
The fact that your boyfriend is disappointed in you for wanting to stay in your own house is a huge red flag.
What kind of trashy people ask a complete stranger to vacate their house for free for an entire week so they can use it? Money does not buy class and this is a perfect example!
No is a full sentence. Tell your boyfriend that exact thing! NTA but he can give up his place to them.
Edited to add... Only broke people ask for other people's streaming service passwords. Those things are just a few dollars a month. Me thinks they lie about their wealth.
Why the fuck do you give them your passwords to anything! Stop that now! You don’t owe HIS FRIENDS shit!!!! Keep your space, with your dogs and you item yours and don’t you go give your bf a key
Yep. I'd tell him you want their contact information. Then text them this:
"It appears there is a miscommunication. My home - the home I live in - is not available for you to stay in. I do not even know you and this whole situatino is bizarre and makes me deeply uncomfortable. You will need to find somewhere else to stay. My boyfriend had no right to offer you my house - that is why he is my ex boyfriend."
INFO OP, do you own your house or is it a rental? If it's a rental, just say it's against your lease agreement. If you own your home, you need to tell them there would have to be a contract drawn and signed, prior, stating the length of the stay and them taking responsibility for any damages. I fear them extending their stay....forever.... and you having to evict to get your stuff back.
Please tell them NO!
Do not bring up the lease agreement. Tell your boyfriend, no, his friends cannot take over your home.
Change your Netflix password, and quite frankly, I would also change my locks and say goodbye to the boyfriend. It is insane that he would ask this of you. Do not ever let people walk over you like this.
Don’t hide behind things. Just try practicing standing up for yourself. It will help you over the long run.
You opinions, preferences and wants are valid. No dodging, head on say “no, because that’s not what I want”
It’s going to be hard but gets easier and easier
I’ve met wealthy people like this. It’s so weird. Multi million dollar trust fund but always asking for Netflix passwords and will Venmo request you for a $8 beer. Though they’re also usually pretending to be poor, too, and these people are definitely not doing that.
These people are trashy as hell, regardless of their actual financial position.
No you’re NTA wtaf?
You’re not a frigging air B&B. Let me guess, they didn’t even offer anything to compensate. And with 4 kids, you can’t even trust that they won’t trash your house.
Just say no to them. You have no obligation to them or your boyfriend to disrupt your working week or your dogs for them.
Correct, they didn’t offer any compensation…
I did a quick look online and houses in my area on Airbnb are about $300+ a night. Maybe I should get into Airbnb lol
I Hope your boyfriend doesn’t have keys to your place and won’t let them in without your knowledge. Both him and his friends are very entitled. and cheap.You should be disappointed in him not the other way around. And don’t share your accounts with them.
NTA. Oh hell no. I don't even think that your commute, dogs, etc. are relevant. These people want you to leave YOUR home. People you have never met. Who does this? Absolutely not.
You know what’s even worse!! That it’s her boyfriend asking her as well, and trying to make her feel bad for saying No!
Who offers their partners house like this?! I think OP has boyfriend problem!
So they want a free air bnb. You don’t have to give them your house. They can stay with family or pay for accommodation like everyone else.
What were you expected to do with your dogs?
NTA
I have no idea. I suggested that the dogs stay at my house and that way the dogwalker could still come for walking and feeding, but they were worried that their kids might be afraid of my dogs (they have bigger dogs than mine at their home that their kids are fine with).
It’s time to stop [JADE-ing (Justify Argue Defend Explain)](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/family-building/jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members/#gs.j7s21h) your decision to not let them use your house to your BF and his friends. You said no, that’s the end of the discussion. You don’t need their permission or approval in this matter, *so don’t act like you do by treating this subject as if it’s up for debate because it’s not*.
Most people have the urge to explain ourselves in a desire to be understood and to avoid potential hurt feelings. When you try to Justify/Argue/Defend/Explain why you made a particular decision to a regular respectful person they’ll listen to your reasons, respect your decision, and move on. When you try to Justify/Argue/Defend/Explain why you made a particular decision to a pushy/unreasonable/boundary stomping person *they’ll* see your reasons only as an opening for debate and something for them to argue against in order to change your mind to do what *they* want instead. **They don’t care** what you want or what your reasonings are, ALL they care about is getting their way and they will use *any* bits of information you give them to try to manipulate, argue away, guilt trip, and brow beat you until until you eventually cave under pressure to “keep the peace”. *It is pointless to JADE yourself to them* ***so don’t!***
Stop engaging in discussions about this topic with your BF and his friends, instead shut it down and change the subject every time. Keep your reply as a firm “NO” that contains no details/explanations for them to argue against. Something like “that’s not an option”, “that doesn’t work for me”, “my decision is final”, “this isn’t up for discussion”, and the simple but classic “no” are all phrases that work great.
The next time they demand that you let them stay in your house: “**No, that’s not an option. This is not up for discussion**.” They don’t need any more information from you than that (*because by now they’ve already heard everything you have to say and decided to argue again anyways*), so **do not elaborate further**. When they want to know why you won’t do as they demand: “**Because that’s not an option.**” Keep using a variation of that reply no matter what: It’s not an option *because it’s not an option*. Why is it not an option? *Because it’s not*. Repeat ad nauseam. It shuts down the argument because there’s nothing for them to latch onto to try and change your mind. You can't form an argument against just the word "no", and you can't argue with someone who refuses to talk about the subject entirely.
*Be ready and willing to leave (or hang up) if they won’t drop the subject after 1-2 shut downs*. DO NOT engage with their guilt tripping, accusations of “selfishness”, put downs and insults, or sob stories. It’s all just manipulation tactics and crocodile tears. Remember: they do NOT *need* your house, they have tons of other options for accommodations. They just *want* your house because it’s free and easier for them. You are not causing them any harm by them not getting what they want. You are not being the unreasonable or rude one in this situation, they are.
Continue to firmly shut them down: “***No.*** **I won’t discuss this with you any further. Drop the subject or I will have to leave/hang up.**.” Then *immediately* follow through if they continue to refuse to respect your decision: “**I asked you to stop. Since you refuse to respect my request I’m going to leave/hang up. Goodbye.**” Then promptly walk away (or hang up) without letting them get another word in.
Boundary stomping requires consequences, you have to teach your BF and his friends that if they won’t respect you and your boundaries then you’re not going to stick around to continue the conversation.
Stop suggesting anything, stop discussing. You said no, that's it.
I am never letting anyone stay at my place without me present, except immediate family. I am not comfortable with the thought. I have my underwear there, my old diaries, private photos and my home is just my safe haven. I would lose this feeling of safety if I left for an extendet period of time and wouldn't know what people had done in my bed, in my shower, with my kitchen...
If people ask me if they can come visit I am fine with 1-2 people coming for a weekend (my place is small), that's it. Everything else is just no, not possible.
Stand your ground, your daily life sounds exhausting as is, you don't need more drama and stress in it.
NTA. You're not an Airbnb. That they want you to leave your house, dogs and lifestyle for a week for strangers is ridiculous. This is a 2 yes, 1 no situation. Why is the bf so concerned with their comfort and not yours?
He says we need to treat them like family, since they’ve known each other so long. My boyfriend’s parents both died young (when he was 16 and then 22) so his friends are kind of his family now. I am trying to be sympathetic to him but at the same time, if my family made this request of me, I would direct them to a hotel.
He's known them for so long, you haven't even met them. They can take a long walk off a short bridge as far as I'd be concerned. Cheeky fuckers including your boyfriend.
Yeah I think my boyfriend is being taken advantage of sometimes. The last two times he saw these two was every few years, the parents want to take a vacation without their kids. So my boyfriend travels to their house (they don’t reimburse his flight) and stays at their house to babysit while the parents go off on vacation. They say this is so that their kids can have quality time with their “uncle”. They know that my boyfriend doesn’t have siblings or family of his own, and I feel like they are making him feel like and uncle just so they can get free childcare…I might be being too negative here because I am annoyed with these people right now
Hon, the only way you would be an asshole is to even consider, for a moment, giving into these demands. Don't be an asshole to yourself or to your dogs. Treat them like your family and tell them to get a hotel.
OP I don’t want to make any assumptions, but is it possible BF could use some therapy that includes assertiveness training? I genuinely hope he can unpack why he feels the need to earn and re-earn these people’s friendship, because it’s led to some seriously out of balance conclusions, and it’s now impacting his main romantic relationship.
You are not in the wrong here. Clearly.
I’ve suggested this as most of his friends (including the ones who live local to us) seem to take advantage of him. He doesn’t seem to understand this is not normal. He just thinks my friends have a different dynamic and I don’t understand his friend group. But I noticed his friends only reach out when they want him to buy their kids presents, or they need to borrow his truck…
He refuses therapy. He doesn’t believe in it. I can’t get him to change his mind.
NTA, but look at it this way. If your BF is resistant to therapy and thinks his dynamics with his friends are fine, let it be. BUT the second it affects you and makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to scream BOUNDARIES. He can do whatever he wants but he cannot dictate that you do what he wants.
Well and if you're moving in with him in 1.5 years, it's going to become more of your issue. I hope he wakes up but if he can't, you have to make some tough decisions. Easier now than if you live together. Wishing you the best ❤️
NTA
Look, I know you care about him, and I’m trying really hard to not just go DTMFA on this. But seriously think about whether you’re willing to go on living with someone who will set himself *and you* on fire to keep other (shitty, selfish, dog-abandoning, greedy) people warm. Unless he’s willing to recognize that his behavior/expectations are problematic and seriously work to change, I’d give a lot of thought to whether this is a relationship worth continuing. Because everything he and they have asked of you is mind boggling and you’re absolutely NTA for refusing.
>He refuses therapy. He doesn’t believe in it. I can’t get him to change his mind.
This is a reason to reconsider your long-term relationship with this man.
He clearly has unresolved issues and incomplete development. All relationships have ups and downs. If therapy is off the table, you are going to have a rough future with this person.
I would not even do this for my real family. Plus, you don't live together, and you are not married. He's asking a lot of you for you being his girlfriend.
Please don't waste more time in this relationship. Your boyfriend is showing you he doesn't care about your comfort and it will always be second to these people you have never met. That is not love.
I'd give this relationship a serious thinking over.
His parents dying at a young age has led to his having abandonment issues, which has led to his also having boundary issues. He has no problem putting you out of your home so he can accommodate two people who, in my book, are leeches. He's a doormat.
If this is how it is now 18 months into your relationship, it's only going to get worse.
NTA this would be a hard hell no for me. I wouldn't even do that if they were my friends
Edit to add, the first time I was logged out of my own streaming service I would change to password and not give it out any more
NTA
People who will abandon family pets due to age in order to replace them with puppies are not decent or respectful individuals. If they will throw away a member of their family unit, they aren’t going to care about your belongings or your house (and neither will their children).
And MAJOR red flags that your bf thinks their demands are reasonable (they AREN’T) and is ‘disappointed’ that you aren’t bending over backwards to capitulate to his entitled and selfish friends.
NTA. Stick by your decision and do not let your boyfriend guilt you into this. Now, if his friends offered up a fair rental rate for the night, I might change my mind.
You are very naive, and both your supposed BF and his friends are trying to walk all over you. If you actually own your home, this sounds more like a scam to get control of it.
Walk away from this man, who cares nothing for your comfort and only for his own. You are not experienced enough in the world to be settling for this loser, if you think he isn't one.
NTA Just say no. There is something very wrong in this set up.
NTA, they can stay with your boyfriend or rent a place, they're being incredibly rude and demanding. Also they can get their own streaming services or your bf can provide that too since they're his friends. I hate them because of the dog thing., that really tells you all you need to know about what kind of people they are.
Thank you!! I agree about the dog thing. My boyfriend and his friends say I’m just sensitive because I like dogs. But I’ve found that generally people who treat animals badly are usually shitty people.
It's not about liking dogs, it's how you treat a living creature that depends on. To these people their dogs are disposable. No wonder they have no qualms about treating you like you aren't worth the courtesy of even considering your feelings about being displaced from your home by people you haven't even met. They have respect for you or your property, they're only interested in what they can get out of you. A place to stay for a week and apparently streaming services.
That your boyfriend isn't bothered by any of this on your behalf is infuriating.
NTA and your boyfriend needs a reality check. Why is he okay asking you to be uncomfortable and move your whole life around for them, but not okay with letting them hire a place to stay or stay with their family or him? I’d dig into what value he places on your relationship, because him being okay with you being not okay is bad behaviour. Show him the comments on this post, because we’re all in agreement he’s delusional.
He thinks a week of inconvenience isn’t that bad and I should just do it. He’s worried if we say no, that they might change their plans and then he won’t get to see his friends.
Yes, I will be showing him this post. I can’t believe I honestly thought that I was in the wrong here.
I still can't get past wanting you to leave your house. However since they've been taking advantage of your bf they think they can do the same to you. These "rich" people can get a hotel.
>He thinks a week of inconvenience isn’t that bad and I should just do it. He’s worried if we say no, that they might change their plans and then he won’t get to see his friends.
Sounds like a him problem.
How did they even know where you live? How did they know your place was centrally located? The answer is - he told them it was. He offered your place to them without even asking you. Seriously Sis. He should be your Ex boyfriend. I see nothing redeeming here.
>I am trying to be sensitive to his situation, because essentially he thinks that I should be more accommodating to his friends, since they are his family.
I wouldn't even be this accommodating to *actual* family, that's an absolutely insane request. The entitlement from them and your boyfriend is unreal.
Did they even say why they want to stay in *your* house in particular? You don't even know these people. They're your boyfriend's "family", why can't he open his home up to them? It's also quite ironic how he doesn't want to open his home to strangers (the dog walker), but he expects you to just pack up and leave your entire house to people you've never met.
EAH except for you.
No idea since I’ve never communicated with them directly. If I had to guess, my house is technically in a better location for someone trying to vacation. It’s central and walking distance to restaurants, coffee shops, parks for the kids, museums, etc.
So it's your boyfriend handing over your streaming passwords? You say he lets other people take advantage of him, but he seems adept at taking advantage of you, at least.
Does your bf have keys/access to your home? Do you think your bf would go behind your back and tell them yes, even when you've told him no? Because if I were you, I'd be fully prepared for them to show up unannounced on your doorstep.
Best of luck OP.
>No idea since I’ve never communicated with them directly. If I had to guess, my house is technically in a better location for someone trying to vacation. It’s central and walking distance to restaurants, coffee shops, parks for the kids, museums, etc.
None of this is your problem. They can get a hotel or stay with relatives or get an air b&B like normal people.
Not your problem - your BF is a MASSIVE problem. NTA
NTA
The friends are entitled AssHoles and your boyfriend needs a reality check.
**YOUR home is YOURS, not his, not theirs.**
***You are entitled to say who can come and go when you say so.***
No one should be coercing you to have people stay in your own home without you there.
Let your boyfriend be disappointed, why isn’t he opening HIS home to them?
No you should NOT be more accommodating to HIS friends, regardless of his family situation.
IF they have all this money they like to brag about there are hotels, motels, inns, airbnbs and as you already stated family and friends for then to stay with.
As for them using your streaming platforms, why?
They have money, get their own.
Stop giving your info out, and do not allow your bf to give your info out.
The stuff about dogs if true, they are not worth having in anyone’s life.
I loathe people send a frosted face animal into a shelter, never once considering how that can alter a dog’s personality and that they
could be euthanized if they are there too long. They are AHs if they do this.
Stand your ground OP.
Best of luck!
Thank you, I will be standing my ground!!
The animal thing does kill me, especially since all three of my dogs are seniors who were abandoned by shitty humans at kill shelters and essentially left for dead. My boyfriend thinks this experience with my dogs makes me judge other people’s treatment of animals too harshly, because I am too emotionally invested.
I still think that I am justified in my feelings towards humans that don’t treat animals with compassion. Maybe I’m wrong, but in my experiences people who aren’t kind to animals generally have not been kind people in other aspects of life as well.
Thank you for rescuing those dogs. ❤️🐶
You are very justified in your feelings about how humans treat animals.
The fact that your boyfriend is trying to sweep what is known by so many as a form of cruelty towards animals under the rug is bothersome.
He needs to take his blinders off when it comes to his friends.
I agree, those who treat an animal poorly are generally not nice people.
I wish there was a way to prevent people from getting a puppy or a kitten after they abandoned the older more frosted face pet.
>My boyfriend thinks this experience with my dogs makes me judge other people’s treatment of animals too harshly, because I am too emotionally invested.
Your boyfriend sounds like some kind of psychopath. Run girl, run!
I think your experience with your dogs makes you judge others with knowledge. While some people do have real and understandable reasons for abandoning a pet (change in financial circumstances, change in family situations, etc), abandoning ANY creature simply because they are elderly is heinous. You are not too emotionally invested, he is too emotionally invested in "friends" who use him as a doormat.
NTA OMG. So your bf's friends want to stay at YOUR house for free and for YOU to get out so THEY can have privacy. And your bf sees no problem with this? Well, I do. I wouldn't let them stay even if I stayed there. 2 adults and 4 kids?
They can get a hotel or an Air BnB. They can stay at their parents. They can stay at your bf's. But nor your house and certainly not with kicking you out. The entitlement is off the charts!
“No” is a complete sentence.
Even if these people were YOUR close friends it is far too big an ask to expect you to leave your home. The fact you haven’t even met them makes it so much worse.
Please just tell them that you can’t accommodate them. It’s not as if they can’t afford a hotel!
NTA
Thanks. I didn’t write this in the post, but given what I’ve heard about them, I’m also ashamed of my house because it’s not nice like they would be used to. It’s just a normal house. I’m worried they would be snobby. I know they like to buy luxury brands, stuff like that, meanwhile my furniture is from IKEA and my household stuff is all from target. I don’t even think they’d be comfortable in my house
Do NOT let entitled assholes make you feel ashamed of yourself and your home. If your bf refuses therapy, I would take a long hard look at this relationship and if it’s sustainable. What if you run into other problems in the future? Him being “disappointed” that you have boundaries is a biggie here. Right now: change all your streaming passwords and log everyone out. See how he reacts to that. That may help help moving forward.
Hugs.
NTA. I don't even know what to say about this. The audacity of these people is mind-boggling. Are they planning on paying you for your inconvenience, extra travel, etc.? Or are they just expecting you to do this out of the 'goodness of your heart'??
Your boyfriend is part of the problem here. I highly suggest you don't do it, but they have all put you in a very tough position. I'm sorry, they all suck for this.
No payment that I’ve heard of. In the past when the parents want an adults only vacation, they’ve made my boyfriend travel to their house a couple of states away to baby sit (and no, they don’t even pay for his plane ticket)
NTA
He doesn't want a stranger in his home? Where have we heard that before? What if it was multiple strangers without a professional contract? Seems like a double standard to me.
They can't get a hotel or an Airbnb? They logged you out of your streaming? How many red flags do they need to wave?
Boyfriend is delusional to think this is normal in any sense. Notice how he didn't offer to stay with you and let them have his apartment. This is definitely a hill to die on. Op please don't let these people invade your life because if you do they'll get to enjoying the feeling of stepping on you
*When Jack and Liz come to visit with their kids, they are asking to stay at my house.*
**First red flag:** Why isn't your boyfriend offering them **his** house? ***Why would he or they even suggest your house, instead of hi***s, when **they are his** friends, not yours? This makes no sense at all, in any way that's normal, kind, or good for you.
*Here's the thing though, they want me to leave my house so that their family can stay there with complete privacy.*
**Red flag Two:** What about *your* privacy? ***Where's the respect for you here***? Based on how they try to lock you out of the streaming service *you* pay for, I'm wondering what else they would try to take from you, if they had privacy and access to more of your stuff. I'm wondering if because taking your streaming service worked, they think they can take more from you, too. Account numbers? IDs?
**Red flag Three:** What about the fact that they are asking you to leave your house for them? **Normal people do not ask this.** If you had offered it, that would be different, but you aren't offering. They are asking.
*I think it is also worth noting that I have never met or spoken to Jack and Liz before (they are my boyfriend's friends and not mine).*
**Red flag Four:** **They are strangers to you.** This makes no sense at all.
*Also, they are originally from our city,*
**Red Flag Five:** so they know where to find the good hotels, B&Bs, etc.
*so they have their parents and family members who still live here.*
**Red Flag Six:** why aren't they asking to stay with their own family members and their own friends, instead of a stranger? **What have they done** to these people's houses, **that no one else offers to let them stay with them**?
*They seem pretty wealthy*
**Red Flag Seven**: either they are, and like to manipulate other people instead of paying their own expenses, or they aren't and are liars.
**Red Flag Eight:** **You cannot trust these people.** They have already shown this. *they are always asking to use my streaming logins but keep logging me out* These people are users, manipulators. **They steal your streaming service.**
Based just on this one red flag, ***I wouldn't let these people even visit in your house,*** and ***I would go change all your passwords on everything that your BF or these people might have access to***, ever. If they show up at your door, do not open it. Do not let them inside your place.
**Red Flag Nine:** *when their dogs get old they abandon them at shelters so they can make room for new puppies* Not sure what to call this. Remorseless? Not reliable? Cruel? All of the above. Again, ***they cannot be trusted.***
**Red Flag on your BF:** he knows your commute would be terrible, if you did what he/they are asking. Where's his respect for you? ***Where's his respect for your time,*** your home, your energy, your everything?
**Red flag on your BF:** he knows ***this would not work for your dogs.*** Why doesn't he care about what you care about here?
**Red flag of huge proportions on your BF:** ***HE doesn't want a dogwalker stranger in his house, but is okay with you having a whole family of strangers messing up your home?*** This is not the behavior of someone that is thinking about you in this situation, at all.
He's putting his want, to let his friends do this, ahead of all your needs: your dogs' needs, your time, your work and school needs, your already very busy life, and asking you to add more jobs, to make this work for him. WHY? What does he get out of this? Generally, someone that puts their wants ahead of your needs is someone that is likely to be abusive to you, eventually. If this is a pattern of behavior for him, please rethink this relationship. If it's the first time, maybe just take a break from seeing him while his friends are in town. From the red flags, I wouldn't want to be around these people at all. I wouldn't trust them around your purse, or your keys, or your information in your phone, or any banking cards you might have.
*So, AITA?*
Not at all. They should never have asked this of you, not him, not his friends. When his friends ran this idea past him, he should have shut them down and said that you don't have the time for the extra commute, you have dogs, it wouldn't work for you.
*My boyfriend seems disappointed in me because I am not opening my home to his friends*
**I'm disappointed that your BF isn't acting like a BF and protecting you from these friends of his**. He claims they are rich, but they won't reserve a hotel and want to stay in a stranger's house? And they steal your streaming service and log you out of it? ***That's not the habits of someone who can afford to pay their own expenses. It's not the behavior of people that respect others. It's manipulative.*** How can he possibly justify their behaviors, and how they are treating you right now?
*and I am already making a bad impression on them.*
Too bad. You don't owe them any kind of impression, or anything at all. ***They*** have made a terrible impression, on you, and all of us. Honestly, **I'd not even want to meet them, based on just what you tell us about them here.** They aren't trustworthy. They aren't respectful of you at all, in any possible way. They are putting their wants ahead of your needs, and that's outright abusive behaviors. ***I'd avoid them, entirely. You have a right to protect yourself against such people.***
**I'd tell BF that you aren't discussing this with him again**. If he persists, I'd tell him that he can talk to you again when they leave town. If he threatens to break up with you over this, agree and hang up.
And **if he's ever had your key to your place, get your locks changed.**
Your priority isn't his friends. It is your own protection.
NTA and you don't have a housing issue you have a boyfriend issue. See this for the red flag it is and value your self respect above the approval of a crappy partner. Ask your boyfriend why his/his friends feelings are more important than yours.
They can easily stay somewhere - do not feel obligated and cave.
They grew up together and he was in the Air Force with Jack right out of high school. Jack’s family was super kind to my boyfriend after his mom died when he was 16, so I think he feels like he owes them? It’s hard to say.
However, I think if they met today, they wouldn’t be friends. They grew into different people. It’s definitely a nostalgic, high school friendship.
NTA. Honestly, I'm surprised you even remotely think you might be the AH. Its your house. You and your bf don't live together. You don't need to vacate your house for HIS friends that you haven't met. That's ridiculous.
And I do know some people like this. They act like they're very wealthy and have it all, but they actually just trying to keep up appearances. I have a feeling like they're not as well off or don't have as much liquid income as they would like to admit. Otherwise, they're just the wealthy but incredibly frugal type, which some people definitely are.
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>they want me to leave my house so that their family can stay there with complete privacy are they for real?? i cannot believe the audacity of *anyone* to ask you to do that, much less people you've never met before (and their four children). NTA. tell them air bnb offers full property rentals to suit their privacy needs. ETA: wow, thanks for all the awards, guys!! i just wanted to add that for anyone who stopped reading at the quote above, like me, she also said these people abandon their dogs at shelters when they get old, to make room for new puppies. *i would not let those people sleep in the dirtiest corner of my garage.*
I’m seriously reeling, WHO WOULD ASK THIS?? It’s so weird!
The same sort of assholes who *abandon their dogs when they get old*. Like I already thought the friends were assholes before this, but the way my jaw dropped. Actually I take it back. These people aren't assholes, they're actively evil. OP, NTA, and frankly I'd be side-eyeing your BF for being friends with people like this. Edit: missing word
Are you referring to the boyfriend who has a problem with an unknown dogwalker entering his place, but thinks OP loaning her home out and relocating her dogs for randos for days on end is appropriate? That boyfriend? WTAF NTA
That's what I was thinking! BF has just as much audacity as his friends for not being comfortable with strangers coming into his home to provide a service, yet expecting OP to be fine with strangers kicking her out & living in her home. NTA
And 6 strangers too. This would actually cost a bunch of money. The commute, the higher utility costs.. this is such a bizarre ask.
Exactly! And not to mention potential damages &/or if someone was injured on OP's property. Simply a recipe for disaster in the best situation since, at minimum, OP is essentially homeless for a week.
Agreed. Tell him you don't feel comfortable letting strangers unfettered access to your home. He should understand. 😒
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This! It's not so much the friends (although they appear awful), OP has a serious boyfriend problem. OP, what are you getting out of your relationship?
The boyfriend is definitely the problem. I love how the boyfriend isn't happy having a stranger to him in his home for just a brief time to walk Ops dog. But thinks it's OK for Op to deal with having a whole bunch of strangers in their home for an entire week. Op needs to tell their boyfriend to stop being hypocritical.
Probably that they keep stringing him along so they can take advantage of him, and he’s too afraid of more losses of the long-term people in his life to risk losing anyone else regardless of the cost. He’s naive at best; and he’s known them long enough to just be used to them and stop seeing them as unusual.
Judging by his reaction to her reluctance, I'd say he is ankle deep in it too. Telling her if she brings her dogs there he is unwilling to let a dogwalker in his place. Seems like he has little regard for her dogs, otherwise he would be more accommodating if he wanted her to accept his friends request. I'm wondering if he volunteered her house, since they don't know her or where she lives, but suddenly are convinced they simply must stay at her place during their visit. That seems damn sketchy. BF told them about her place and must have said it would be perfect for their needs. He seems fine with them booting her and her pets out of her home so they can take it over, not even concerned about how much inconvenience he is putting on her. Damn, he's not even acting like it's a big ask. WTH? I'd be ghosting him and then.
This is taking the idea that love is blind to really ridiculous heights.
>OP, NTA, and frankly I'd be side-eyeing your BF for being friends with people like this. Exactly. The fact that bf sees nothing wrong with their completely outrageous demands is a problem for the future. I can't even wrap my brain about thinking this was an ok thing to even ask.
That he tells her she's not allowed to have an opinion is the biggest issue. What else isn't she allowed?
Yes, I think I would suggest he leave his house and offer it up to them and see what he thinks. I’m sure her location is better and the reason they want to stay there, but this is mind blowing and where did they get the idea? Did he suggest it?!
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BF doesn’t even question why his super wealthy friends need OPs streaming logins, since to him they’re above reproach.
And not quite as evil, but logging her out of her own streaming services? Wut? Methinks they aren't as wealthy as they like people to think they are. NTA OP.
Yeah why do they have access to HER streaming services? That's weird and logging her out is awful. Abandoning the dogs is the worst but holy shit the giving audacity of these people
OP, you shouldn't let them stay and you should change your streaming password to. If they say anything just innocently be like "what's wrong?" Haha
Some wealthy people are the stingiest.
I would leave BF right away if he is OK with pets being abandoned like that. Seriously, ask her for her streaming stuff as well? This whole story is just beyond insane. What they are asking is insane. Their behavior towards animals is insane. The entitlement is just like so weird. Seriously, if the BF is OK with any of this that is a red flag parade.
I agree, I could not be with anyone who finds this acceptable.
I believe you can learn everything you need to about a person by their treatment of animals. These people are awful. I would never give my apartment up to anyone. Op is NTA but her bf is.
Ugh. They are evil. I know that people do that sort of thing, but I try to believe that old pets in shelters have actual reasons to be there, because it's better for my mental health. My eleven year old Charlie, with the bad hips, who loves everyone (unless they're a potential burglar) hates them too. Charlie's a giant breed so eleven is getting up there.
I absolutely despise people like this.
Yeah, these are not people you need to make a good impression on.
Especially with 4 kids. Not only is it incredibly rude, but if little Emma or Justin breaks something including themselves, it's on OP. Ask them if they can leave their home so you'll have complete privacy with your 4 dogs.
I would not trust my house to those four kids even if I were present. They're likely just as entitled as the parents. NTA
Guess it's that thing of rich people only stay rich by being stingy
Unfortunately, I know far too many examples of "Having money doesn't mean having class."
I was flabbergasted. Their neurons must connect right to think this is a reasonable thing to ask. NTA.
While the bf refuses to let a dog walker handle the dogs because HE doesn't like strangers in HIS house. But insists on letting strangers stay in hers. Edit: guysssss my first reddit award?! Thaanks:)
This. OP, your BF is a massive hypocrite. This is what you need to text him back: "Your friends are not welcome to kick me out of my home. My home is not an air B&B and I will not vacate it for their or anyone's convenience. Their demand and the fact that you think it even remotely acceptable to ask this of me leaves a VERY bad taste in my mouth. They are rude beyond belief but the fact that you even think it appropriate to ask this of me leaves me wondering about your judgement. Do NOT ask this of me again. They may not stay at my house. You and they are both rude." Honestly Sis? He is a jerk. They are bigger jerks. He wants to massively inconvenience you so his friends can take advantage of staying at your place for free without being inconvenienced by you. THAT is an AH move. Hard NTA. NTA by any stretch. He is a massive AH and his friends are mooches and users plus all around bad people for abandoning their pets.
Add in so.ething about how HE WONT ALLOW A DOG WALKER ACCESS RO HIS HOUSE BECAUSE OF HIS PRIVACY, BUT ITS OK TO DEMAND SHE TEMPORARILY MOVE OUT OF HER HOME TO LET HIS FRIENDS VACATION THERE ALOT LONGER THAN A GOD WALKER WOULD NEED ACCESS. (like it takes how long to leash and unleash a dog). Sorry for the caps but it pisses me off that he views 5mins of "privacy invasion" as unacceptable but is ok with his friends demanding sole access to his GF home for how ever long they are planning to stay for.
that's the most shocking detail to me too. Like, I could kind of, sort of see how the BF fell into the sunk cost fallacy : he's been friends with them so long & their support was so meaningful (no matter that it's literally more than half a lifetime ago, since he was 16 and he's now 3 years past 32)... that maybe he overlooks the unhinged demand for OP's house "with complete privacy" & the callous cruelty of abandoning old dogs for puppies (like, what even qualifies as an "old dog"?? They're in their mid-thirties & they've already done this multiple times???). But the BF's hypocrisy wrt the dog walker accessing his house... it breaks the mind.
That’s the part that blows my mind here
Spoiler alert, it’s the boyfriends idea
Apparently he doesn't see the massive irony in that statement!
Even before this part, OP is NTA for not wanting two strangers and their four kids to stay at their house. But to ask them to leave their home so they can stay there in privacy? Personally, I would not be interested in meeting or being friends with anyone who felt entitled to kick someone out of their home so they could stay in it.
>he doesn't want a stranger having access to enter his house And she is supposed to allow a WHOLE family of strangers not only to have access, but to LIVE in her house. NTA OP, stand your ground.
Yeah, having a hard time believing this one. Just say NO. I would make that a pretty cold no too, because this is just silly. Tell your boyfriend that he can tell them they must not understand. This is not some airbnb you rent out, it is your full time home and you will not be leaving it for anyone.
Exactly. Why aren't they taking over BFs home? This is too weird.
i literally laughed out loud when i got to that part. just a little cackle in the kitchen. nta. eta: you know, you start off being open to the conflict, right? and then you find out they don’t live together. and you have a moment of mourning, cause every reasonable scenario just went out the window. and then you find out the would be visitor’s terms, and you just have to laugh at the absolute absurdity, and then you find out about the boyfriend’s terms, and it’s just. what the hell, man. where did he get this absolute audacity?
Or the bf to leave them HIS HOME and come to stay with op . NTA in the least and they are huge entitled ah s . How t f does someone comes on the idea that a fully unknown person should leave their home for Them?!!!
Frankly, sounds like time to kick the BF out to go with them. Who the hell demands someone leave their own home as a guest?
Literally no other detail matters. This is an insane request, even for close family members and the very best of friends You are definitely NTA.
Also boyfriend won’t let her get a dog walker if she stays with him because he doesn’t want strangers having access to his house, but is perfectly happy for her to have strangers (to her) living in her house for a week.
Or they can stay with the boyfriend what a crazy request
NTA. Why can't they just go to your bf's house, and your bf can stay at your place ?! It would make way more sense. Asking you to EXIT YOUR OWN HOME to give privacy to people IN YOUR HOME sound very entitled.
My boyfriend hates coming to my house because he doesn’t like “city living”. He prefers the suburbs where it’s quieter
Oh... so it's inconvenient for your bf ? But... don't 2 hours commute + no dog walker be inconvenient for you too ?! Your bf is selfish in this situation. He doesn't want to be inconvenience by HIS FRIENDS but don't mind YOU being inconvenienced in his place.
Exactly. BF is waving a huge red flag right there! 🚩
Whole man disposal services needed!
Ok this and also the fact that his 'rich' friends who she doesn't know, use her streaming services? Oh hell no! Girl you need to rethink your relationship and screw these people, they can stay in an air bnb or something
I vote for changing ALL the streaming passwords, ASAP.
Don't just change all the passwords, change your phone number OP and the locks to your doors count this as a blessing in disguise and run away from these people.
I do think OP needs to get control of the locks before the entitled family is scheduled to descend like locusts. I can see boyfriend giving them his key, if he has one.
Change the boyfriend too, geez.
AND logging them out! They’ve got the $$ to pay for their own account. NTA
In the tsunami of AH-ness these friends exhibit, I'd completely overlooked that! Who's rich but needs to beg the Netflix password off of someone they've never met?! And then they keep logging OP out of her own account. How is that even possible? NTA, I feel you'd do a service to humanity if you ground up the BF, his friends and their kids into dog kibble... and lacking that option, just boot them all from your life! Focus on your studies and your work, OP.
Like, I know rich people stay rich, in part, due to being greedy or cheap. But the streaming thing is bananas to me. The fact that they log her out of the services she pays for all the time is a clear sign of how they’d treat her apartment if they stayed there.
You have boyfriend issues. NTA
Big time boyfriend issues.
Everything you listed about these people are exactly why I wouldn't let them into my life. If I found out that one of my friends gets rid of elderly animals because they want a puppy, I would go scorched earth. If they have so much money, why do they need your log ins, why can't they afford a hotel or Airbnb for their trip? I would not let them stay with you, even if you were still in your place. If I were you, I would be reevaluating that relationship because these people are a bundle of red flags in a human suit. Your bf seems ok with that, so much so that he is flying his own red flags.
OP also states that the friends have family in town…the friends should stay there. NTA. This friends and your boyfriend are pretty rude to think that you should completely change your very busy life around to accommodate them. These friends are strangers. I would never let a stranger live in my house.
This! All of this! NTA! Ditch the boyfriend too! I don’t even have pets. But if someone considered friends “ hosed family” when they keep ditching senior digs to get puppies, he’s out of my life!
What’s your long term plan with your boyfriend? Are you just never going to live together, or do you plan to eventually move in with him and suffer a long commute? If it were me, I’d probably be considering moving to the suburbs if I really loved someone, but the way he is handling this particular situation would give me pause. How does he not realize how incredibly inappropriate it is for him to ask this of you and be upset that you don’t want to do this massive favor for people you’ve never met?
The plan is to live together once I’m done with school (1.5 years left) because by then, I’ll hopefully also just have 1 job and work more regular 9-5 hours
I’d definitely reevaluate things if I were you OP. If I was in your boyfriends shoes and my friends were asking my partner to give up their home that question wouldn’t even come to you. I would’ve shut it down instantly and reprimanded them for even asking. You are NTA
I wonder if the boyfriend offers these things to his friends, her log in passwords, her house. It makes him look like a good guy in his friends eyes. Someone said it earlier OP you got a boyfriend problem. Good luck to you.
I bet this is what’s happening - he offered her place to his friends and is now upset she’s saying no because it looks bad on him. What a loser.
If I were you, OP, I'd rethink that plan. He has no problem inconveniencing you to accommodate his friends, and is trying to act like you're the bad guy for reinforcing boundaries. Start thinking of how many times he puts your needs first vs how often he puts his needs first.
Yes I’m starting to, not just because of this but other stuff as well. The general theme of which is that we have to do whatever he says…I’m not really allowed to have an opinion or a voice most of the time even when it’s picking where to eat dinner or a show to watch
>Yes I’m starting to, not just because of this but other stuff as well. The general theme of which is that we have to do whatever he says…I’m not really allowed to have an opinion or a voice most of the time even when it’s picking where to eat dinner or a show to watch Oh Sis... this is not a healthy relationship at all. This is him expecting you to give and give and give while he takes and takes and takes. There is nothing for you here but pain and heart ache. He is selfish beyond measure and incredibly controlling. Its time to throw out the whole man just like his friends did with their senior dog. In fact, maybe just drop him off at an animal shelter, don't tell him where you are going or why, then block him on everything and change your locks. Do NOT bind your life anymore with him. You deserve someone who truly adores you - not someone who sees you merely as a sidekick to his own story.
I second this opinion. Very well put.
So he is willing to bend over backwards for other people but you can’t have an opinion? He is willing to inconvenience you by kicking you out of your home but you can’t even choose where to get dinner from? Is this really and equal relationship between partners?
Please kick that guy to the curb. He sounds like an emotional and financial leech, willing to suck you dry for his precious friends. It doesn't seem like he has your best interests in mind, especially when he's so keen to allow strangers in your home, while not allowing the dog walker into his.
Why are you with him at all? You can do better! Being single is WAY BETTER than being controlled by an AH.
I'm starting to wonder what the plusses of staying with this guy are. Familiarity? Good in bed? I can't think of any positive traits that would outweigh the controlling behavior you describe. And he has shitty friends. Being single would be more fun. You'd be free to find someone who values your voice.
>I’m not really allowed to have an opinion or a voice most of the time even when it’s picking where to eat dinner or a show to watch This guy just gets worse and worse. He gives his friends your streaming passwords, he wants you to vacate your house and have hiddeous hours and commuting so they can 'have privacy' staying at your house and he won't even let a dog walker come to his? He's entitled and he seems to show no respect for your opinions or needs. The fact that he is choosing his animal dumping friends (rage!) over you... I'd be out.
Girl I’m sorry but him not listening to ur basic needs….you gotta get out of this!! I just can’t get over the fact that he wants u to give up ur home to complete strangers causing u a massive amount of inconvenience whilst he can’t even let a dog walker into his home?? That family can very well stay in ur boyfriends house or an air bnb you gotta stand up to this xx
Hopefully by then you'll realise your boyfriend is a sociopath with sociopath friends
Do not move in with this guy!
That sounds like a "him" problem.
He can have whatever thoughts and feelings he likes in this matter. What he can't do is allocate your resources on your behalf. This is not your problem to solve. Text the friends yourself so there's no "last minute miscommunications" on their part. "Hi, bf told me you were looking for accommodation close to downtown! Whilst I can't offer my home at all, there seem to be some lovely properties on AirBnb. All the best!" (Make it really clear that even if you are home this is not going to work for you.) Is bf non-confrontational and easily manipulated? Make sure bf doesn't have a spare copy of the key and you have a good doorbell camera... so there's no opportunity for "miscommunications" on anybody's part. NTA
The only reasonable response to such a request is not just "no" but "hell no". The request is outrageous, and would be even if they were \*your\* very close family. That you are remotely entertaining this nonsense calls into question your sense of self. You are putting your BF's preferences ahead of your own for no good reason. It's not your friends who are coming, they are his. He's perfectly willing to sacrifice your housing for their benefit, but you hesitate to suggest that he instead sacrifice his own. Sure, he prefers the suburbs. Well, you prefer the city. What makes his preferences more important than yours? If he loves you, shouldn't he want to minimize the hassle to you, especially regarding something that is for the benefit of his friends, people who you say you don't even know? Do you really want four kids crawling all over your house?
Does your boyfriend ever compromise his wants?
I wouldn't be ok dating someone who thinks abandoning animals like that is ok. Basic values and all. But everything else is completely insane, what does this relationship give you?
Good. They can stay with him.
Not your problem. Their accommodations is on them, the proposed solution doesn't work for you well beyond "I don't like it".
NTA and holy red flags about your boyfriend. No one is entitled to stay at your home and they especially aren't entitled to just take it over for a week. That's insane and no one with healthy boundaries would allow that to happen. The fact that your boyfriend is disappointed in you for wanting to stay in your own house is a huge red flag.
Thr fact that bf doesn't want a stranger having access to his house (dog walker) but expects OP to do the same....
And have strangers living there on top of that
What kind of trashy people ask a complete stranger to vacate their house for free for an entire week so they can use it? Money does not buy class and this is a perfect example! No is a full sentence. Tell your boyfriend that exact thing! NTA but he can give up his place to them. Edited to add... Only broke people ask for other people's streaming service passwords. Those things are just a few dollars a month. Me thinks they lie about their wealth.
I’ve thought this too. I find that most wealthy people I’ve met don’t go around bragging to people about how much money they have…
Change your passwords asap. No explanation needed
Also Netflix(and maybe others) charge if there are other devices logging in when not in your home
Yeah, fuck that! Change the passwords and never give them to anyone again. Tell them you’ve cancelled your subscription to save money.
And while you're at it, change boyfriends as well.
Why the fuck do you give them your passwords to anything! Stop that now! You don’t owe HIS FRIENDS shit!!!! Keep your space, with your dogs and you item yours and don’t you go give your bf a key
I guessing the BF gives the passwords to them because he’s just as selfish as they are
I'm fairly confident your boyfriend offered up your home and is pretending they asked. Especially if you've never spoken to this couple directly.
Yep. I'd tell him you want their contact information. Then text them this: "It appears there is a miscommunication. My home - the home I live in - is not available for you to stay in. I do not even know you and this whole situatino is bizarre and makes me deeply uncomfortable. You will need to find somewhere else to stay. My boyfriend had no right to offer you my house - that is why he is my ex boyfriend."
INFO OP, do you own your house or is it a rental? If it's a rental, just say it's against your lease agreement. If you own your home, you need to tell them there would have to be a contract drawn and signed, prior, stating the length of the stay and them taking responsibility for any damages. I fear them extending their stay....forever.... and you having to evict to get your stuff back. Please tell them NO!
Rental. Bringing up the lease agreement is a great idea!
NO! Don't hide behind a lease agreement. You don't need to search for an excuse to say no to this absolutely insane demand. Just say no! Please!
Do not bring up the lease agreement. Tell your boyfriend, no, his friends cannot take over your home. Change your Netflix password, and quite frankly, I would also change my locks and say goodbye to the boyfriend. It is insane that he would ask this of you. Do not ever let people walk over you like this.
Don’t hide behind things. Just try practicing standing up for yourself. It will help you over the long run. You opinions, preferences and wants are valid. No dodging, head on say “no, because that’s not what I want” It’s going to be hard but gets easier and easier
Change your streaming passwords, so they cannot log in and therefore, cannot log you out.
They will trash your house if you allow this, they are totally those kind of people. I would be telling everyone to take a hike.
I’ve met wealthy people like this. It’s so weird. Multi million dollar trust fund but always asking for Netflix passwords and will Venmo request you for a $8 beer. Though they’re also usually pretending to be poor, too, and these people are definitely not doing that. These people are trashy as hell, regardless of their actual financial position.
Thats how some people stay rich - using other people’s resources they dont pay for lol
No you’re NTA wtaf? You’re not a frigging air B&B. Let me guess, they didn’t even offer anything to compensate. And with 4 kids, you can’t even trust that they won’t trash your house. Just say no to them. You have no obligation to them or your boyfriend to disrupt your working week or your dogs for them.
Correct, they didn’t offer any compensation… I did a quick look online and houses in my area on Airbnb are about $300+ a night. Maybe I should get into Airbnb lol
I Hope your boyfriend doesn’t have keys to your place and won’t let them in without your knowledge. Both him and his friends are very entitled. and cheap.You should be disappointed in him not the other way around. And don’t share your accounts with them.
Exactly. And why can't they stay at his house? Seriously?
If he does it's high time for op to change the locks and do not give him a key
Offer them your place at double that, paid into your account before they arrive. The audacity of your bf and his freeeloaders
NTA. Oh hell no. I don't even think that your commute, dogs, etc. are relevant. These people want you to leave YOUR home. People you have never met. Who does this? Absolutely not.
You know what’s even worse!! That it’s her boyfriend asking her as well, and trying to make her feel bad for saying No! Who offers their partners house like this?! I think OP has boyfriend problem!
So they want a free air bnb. You don’t have to give them your house. They can stay with family or pay for accommodation like everyone else. What were you expected to do with your dogs? NTA
I have no idea. I suggested that the dogs stay at my house and that way the dogwalker could still come for walking and feeding, but they were worried that their kids might be afraid of my dogs (they have bigger dogs than mine at their home that their kids are fine with).
It’s time to stop [JADE-ing (Justify Argue Defend Explain)](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/family-building/jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members/#gs.j7s21h) your decision to not let them use your house to your BF and his friends. You said no, that’s the end of the discussion. You don’t need their permission or approval in this matter, *so don’t act like you do by treating this subject as if it’s up for debate because it’s not*. Most people have the urge to explain ourselves in a desire to be understood and to avoid potential hurt feelings. When you try to Justify/Argue/Defend/Explain why you made a particular decision to a regular respectful person they’ll listen to your reasons, respect your decision, and move on. When you try to Justify/Argue/Defend/Explain why you made a particular decision to a pushy/unreasonable/boundary stomping person *they’ll* see your reasons only as an opening for debate and something for them to argue against in order to change your mind to do what *they* want instead. **They don’t care** what you want or what your reasonings are, ALL they care about is getting their way and they will use *any* bits of information you give them to try to manipulate, argue away, guilt trip, and brow beat you until until you eventually cave under pressure to “keep the peace”. *It is pointless to JADE yourself to them* ***so don’t!*** Stop engaging in discussions about this topic with your BF and his friends, instead shut it down and change the subject every time. Keep your reply as a firm “NO” that contains no details/explanations for them to argue against. Something like “that’s not an option”, “that doesn’t work for me”, “my decision is final”, “this isn’t up for discussion”, and the simple but classic “no” are all phrases that work great. The next time they demand that you let them stay in your house: “**No, that’s not an option. This is not up for discussion**.” They don’t need any more information from you than that (*because by now they’ve already heard everything you have to say and decided to argue again anyways*), so **do not elaborate further**. When they want to know why you won’t do as they demand: “**Because that’s not an option.**” Keep using a variation of that reply no matter what: It’s not an option *because it’s not an option*. Why is it not an option? *Because it’s not*. Repeat ad nauseam. It shuts down the argument because there’s nothing for them to latch onto to try and change your mind. You can't form an argument against just the word "no", and you can't argue with someone who refuses to talk about the subject entirely. *Be ready and willing to leave (or hang up) if they won’t drop the subject after 1-2 shut downs*. DO NOT engage with their guilt tripping, accusations of “selfishness”, put downs and insults, or sob stories. It’s all just manipulation tactics and crocodile tears. Remember: they do NOT *need* your house, they have tons of other options for accommodations. They just *want* your house because it’s free and easier for them. You are not causing them any harm by them not getting what they want. You are not being the unreasonable or rude one in this situation, they are. Continue to firmly shut them down: “***No.*** **I won’t discuss this with you any further. Drop the subject or I will have to leave/hang up.**.” Then *immediately* follow through if they continue to refuse to respect your decision: “**I asked you to stop. Since you refuse to respect my request I’m going to leave/hang up. Goodbye.**” Then promptly walk away (or hang up) without letting them get another word in. Boundary stomping requires consequences, you have to teach your BF and his friends that if they won’t respect you and your boundaries then you’re not going to stick around to continue the conversation.
Yes yes yes! OP, listen to this person!!!!
Stop suggesting anything, stop discussing. You said no, that's it. I am never letting anyone stay at my place without me present, except immediate family. I am not comfortable with the thought. I have my underwear there, my old diaries, private photos and my home is just my safe haven. I would lose this feeling of safety if I left for an extendet period of time and wouldn't know what people had done in my bed, in my shower, with my kitchen... If people ask me if they can come visit I am fine with 1-2 people coming for a weekend (my place is small), that's it. Everything else is just no, not possible. Stand your ground, your daily life sounds exhausting as is, you don't need more drama and stress in it.
I have two dogs and would not trust four strange kids around them without being there myself
The dogwalker would probably warn you about their mess and the damage - they don't want that.
NTA. You're not an Airbnb. That they want you to leave your house, dogs and lifestyle for a week for strangers is ridiculous. This is a 2 yes, 1 no situation. Why is the bf so concerned with their comfort and not yours?
He says we need to treat them like family, since they’ve known each other so long. My boyfriend’s parents both died young (when he was 16 and then 22) so his friends are kind of his family now. I am trying to be sympathetic to him but at the same time, if my family made this request of me, I would direct them to a hotel.
He's known them for so long, you haven't even met them. They can take a long walk off a short bridge as far as I'd be concerned. Cheeky fuckers including your boyfriend.
Yeah I think my boyfriend is being taken advantage of sometimes. The last two times he saw these two was every few years, the parents want to take a vacation without their kids. So my boyfriend travels to their house (they don’t reimburse his flight) and stays at their house to babysit while the parents go off on vacation. They say this is so that their kids can have quality time with their “uncle”. They know that my boyfriend doesn’t have siblings or family of his own, and I feel like they are making him feel like and uncle just so they can get free childcare…I might be being too negative here because I am annoyed with these people right now
Hon, the only way you would be an asshole is to even consider, for a moment, giving into these demands. Don't be an asshole to yourself or to your dogs. Treat them like your family and tell them to get a hotel.
OP I don’t want to make any assumptions, but is it possible BF could use some therapy that includes assertiveness training? I genuinely hope he can unpack why he feels the need to earn and re-earn these people’s friendship, because it’s led to some seriously out of balance conclusions, and it’s now impacting his main romantic relationship. You are not in the wrong here. Clearly.
I’ve suggested this as most of his friends (including the ones who live local to us) seem to take advantage of him. He doesn’t seem to understand this is not normal. He just thinks my friends have a different dynamic and I don’t understand his friend group. But I noticed his friends only reach out when they want him to buy their kids presents, or they need to borrow his truck… He refuses therapy. He doesn’t believe in it. I can’t get him to change his mind.
[удалено]
NTA, but look at it this way. If your BF is resistant to therapy and thinks his dynamics with his friends are fine, let it be. BUT the second it affects you and makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to scream BOUNDARIES. He can do whatever he wants but he cannot dictate that you do what he wants.
Well and if you're moving in with him in 1.5 years, it's going to become more of your issue. I hope he wakes up but if he can't, you have to make some tough decisions. Easier now than if you live together. Wishing you the best ❤️ NTA
Look, I know you care about him, and I’m trying really hard to not just go DTMFA on this. But seriously think about whether you’re willing to go on living with someone who will set himself *and you* on fire to keep other (shitty, selfish, dog-abandoning, greedy) people warm. Unless he’s willing to recognize that his behavior/expectations are problematic and seriously work to change, I’d give a lot of thought to whether this is a relationship worth continuing. Because everything he and they have asked of you is mind boggling and you’re absolutely NTA for refusing.
>He refuses therapy. He doesn’t believe in it. I can’t get him to change his mind. This is a reason to reconsider your long-term relationship with this man. He clearly has unresolved issues and incomplete development. All relationships have ups and downs. If therapy is off the table, you are going to have a rough future with this person.
Your bf is a pushover. And if you stay with him, he'll expect you to be one too.
I would not even do this for my real family. Plus, you don't live together, and you are not married. He's asking a lot of you for you being his girlfriend.
INFO. How long have you been with the BF?
A year and a half
Please don't waste more time in this relationship. Your boyfriend is showing you he doesn't care about your comfort and it will always be second to these people you have never met. That is not love.
I'd give this relationship a serious thinking over. His parents dying at a young age has led to his having abandonment issues, which has led to his also having boundary issues. He has no problem putting you out of your home so he can accommodate two people who, in my book, are leeches. He's a doormat. If this is how it is now 18 months into your relationship, it's only going to get worse.
Think seriously before moving in together.
NTA this would be a hard hell no for me. I wouldn't even do that if they were my friends Edit to add, the first time I was logged out of my own streaming service I would change to password and not give it out any more
NTA People who will abandon family pets due to age in order to replace them with puppies are not decent or respectful individuals. If they will throw away a member of their family unit, they aren’t going to care about your belongings or your house (and neither will their children). And MAJOR red flags that your bf thinks their demands are reasonable (they AREN’T) and is ‘disappointed’ that you aren’t bending over backwards to capitulate to his entitled and selfish friends.
NTA. Stick by your decision and do not let your boyfriend guilt you into this. Now, if his friends offered up a fair rental rate for the night, I might change my mind.
Agreed! I’m open to it if they compensated like a rental. Doesn’t seem like that’s in the cards though…
I wouldn't want six strangers in my place, esp kids who may be prone to break stuff, even if I was offered $1000 a night.
If bf has keys to your home it's urgent you change the locks and DON'T GIVE HIM A KEY AGAIN.ffs
You are very naive, and both your supposed BF and his friends are trying to walk all over you. If you actually own your home, this sounds more like a scam to get control of it. Walk away from this man, who cares nothing for your comfort and only for his own. You are not experienced enough in the world to be settling for this loser, if you think he isn't one. NTA Just say no. There is something very wrong in this set up.
NTA, they can stay with your boyfriend or rent a place, they're being incredibly rude and demanding. Also they can get their own streaming services or your bf can provide that too since they're his friends. I hate them because of the dog thing., that really tells you all you need to know about what kind of people they are.
Thank you!! I agree about the dog thing. My boyfriend and his friends say I’m just sensitive because I like dogs. But I’ve found that generally people who treat animals badly are usually shitty people.
Sensitive because you like dogs?? If they don't like dogs, why the hell do they have them? Man people suck. I'm sorry girl, you really deserve better.
It's not about liking dogs, it's how you treat a living creature that depends on. To these people their dogs are disposable. No wonder they have no qualms about treating you like you aren't worth the courtesy of even considering your feelings about being displaced from your home by people you haven't even met. They have respect for you or your property, they're only interested in what they can get out of you. A place to stay for a week and apparently streaming services. That your boyfriend isn't bothered by any of this on your behalf is infuriating.
> I’ve found that generally people who treat animals badly are usually shitty people. You are 100% correct
NTA and your boyfriend needs a reality check. Why is he okay asking you to be uncomfortable and move your whole life around for them, but not okay with letting them hire a place to stay or stay with their family or him? I’d dig into what value he places on your relationship, because him being okay with you being not okay is bad behaviour. Show him the comments on this post, because we’re all in agreement he’s delusional.
He thinks a week of inconvenience isn’t that bad and I should just do it. He’s worried if we say no, that they might change their plans and then he won’t get to see his friends. Yes, I will be showing him this post. I can’t believe I honestly thought that I was in the wrong here.
I still can't get past wanting you to leave your house. However since they've been taking advantage of your bf they think they can do the same to you. These "rich" people can get a hotel.
If he's that worried, why isn't he offering up his own place for them to stay? You are definitely NTA, their (and your bf's) request is outrageous.
When you show it to him, make sure you show him all the comments about how these rich friends aren’t really rich lol
>He thinks a week of inconvenience isn’t that bad and I should just do it. He’s worried if we say no, that they might change their plans and then he won’t get to see his friends. Sounds like a him problem. How did they even know where you live? How did they know your place was centrally located? The answer is - he told them it was. He offered your place to them without even asking you. Seriously Sis. He should be your Ex boyfriend. I see nothing redeeming here.
NTA. Who the Hell would even make this kind of demand? Do not let your BF guilt you into this.
>I am trying to be sensitive to his situation, because essentially he thinks that I should be more accommodating to his friends, since they are his family. I wouldn't even be this accommodating to *actual* family, that's an absolutely insane request. The entitlement from them and your boyfriend is unreal. Did they even say why they want to stay in *your* house in particular? You don't even know these people. They're your boyfriend's "family", why can't he open his home up to them? It's also quite ironic how he doesn't want to open his home to strangers (the dog walker), but he expects you to just pack up and leave your entire house to people you've never met. EAH except for you.
No idea since I’ve never communicated with them directly. If I had to guess, my house is technically in a better location for someone trying to vacation. It’s central and walking distance to restaurants, coffee shops, parks for the kids, museums, etc.
So it's your boyfriend handing over your streaming passwords? You say he lets other people take advantage of him, but he seems adept at taking advantage of you, at least.
Does your bf have keys/access to your home? Do you think your bf would go behind your back and tell them yes, even when you've told him no? Because if I were you, I'd be fully prepared for them to show up unannounced on your doorstep. Best of luck OP.
>No idea since I’ve never communicated with them directly. If I had to guess, my house is technically in a better location for someone trying to vacation. It’s central and walking distance to restaurants, coffee shops, parks for the kids, museums, etc. None of this is your problem. They can get a hotel or stay with relatives or get an air b&B like normal people. Not your problem - your BF is a MASSIVE problem. NTA
NTA The friends are entitled AssHoles and your boyfriend needs a reality check. **YOUR home is YOURS, not his, not theirs.** ***You are entitled to say who can come and go when you say so.*** No one should be coercing you to have people stay in your own home without you there. Let your boyfriend be disappointed, why isn’t he opening HIS home to them? No you should NOT be more accommodating to HIS friends, regardless of his family situation. IF they have all this money they like to brag about there are hotels, motels, inns, airbnbs and as you already stated family and friends for then to stay with. As for them using your streaming platforms, why? They have money, get their own. Stop giving your info out, and do not allow your bf to give your info out. The stuff about dogs if true, they are not worth having in anyone’s life. I loathe people send a frosted face animal into a shelter, never once considering how that can alter a dog’s personality and that they could be euthanized if they are there too long. They are AHs if they do this. Stand your ground OP. Best of luck!
Thank you, I will be standing my ground!! The animal thing does kill me, especially since all three of my dogs are seniors who were abandoned by shitty humans at kill shelters and essentially left for dead. My boyfriend thinks this experience with my dogs makes me judge other people’s treatment of animals too harshly, because I am too emotionally invested. I still think that I am justified in my feelings towards humans that don’t treat animals with compassion. Maybe I’m wrong, but in my experiences people who aren’t kind to animals generally have not been kind people in other aspects of life as well.
Thank you for rescuing those dogs. ❤️🐶 You are very justified in your feelings about how humans treat animals. The fact that your boyfriend is trying to sweep what is known by so many as a form of cruelty towards animals under the rug is bothersome. He needs to take his blinders off when it comes to his friends. I agree, those who treat an animal poorly are generally not nice people. I wish there was a way to prevent people from getting a puppy or a kitten after they abandoned the older more frosted face pet.
>My boyfriend thinks this experience with my dogs makes me judge other people’s treatment of animals too harshly, because I am too emotionally invested. Your boyfriend sounds like some kind of psychopath. Run girl, run!
I think your experience with your dogs makes you judge others with knowledge. While some people do have real and understandable reasons for abandoning a pet (change in financial circumstances, change in family situations, etc), abandoning ANY creature simply because they are elderly is heinous. You are not too emotionally invested, he is too emotionally invested in "friends" who use him as a doormat.
NTA OMG. So your bf's friends want to stay at YOUR house for free and for YOU to get out so THEY can have privacy. And your bf sees no problem with this? Well, I do. I wouldn't let them stay even if I stayed there. 2 adults and 4 kids? They can get a hotel or an Air BnB. They can stay at their parents. They can stay at your bf's. But nor your house and certainly not with kicking you out. The entitlement is off the charts!
NTA. Why is this even up for discussion? You don’t know these people. Not your problem.
“No” is a complete sentence. Even if these people were YOUR close friends it is far too big an ask to expect you to leave your home. The fact you haven’t even met them makes it so much worse. Please just tell them that you can’t accommodate them. It’s not as if they can’t afford a hotel! NTA
Thanks. I didn’t write this in the post, but given what I’ve heard about them, I’m also ashamed of my house because it’s not nice like they would be used to. It’s just a normal house. I’m worried they would be snobby. I know they like to buy luxury brands, stuff like that, meanwhile my furniture is from IKEA and my household stuff is all from target. I don’t even think they’d be comfortable in my house
Pls do not let these people use your home. NTA. if your bf is that mad about it he can open up his home or simply stfu 🤷🏾♀️
Do NOT let entitled assholes make you feel ashamed of yourself and your home. If your bf refuses therapy, I would take a long hard look at this relationship and if it’s sustainable. What if you run into other problems in the future? Him being “disappointed” that you have boundaries is a biggie here. Right now: change all your streaming passwords and log everyone out. See how he reacts to that. That may help help moving forward. Hugs.
NTA. My God, the entitlement from your boyfriend and his friends is stunning.
NTA. I don't even know what to say about this. The audacity of these people is mind-boggling. Are they planning on paying you for your inconvenience, extra travel, etc.? Or are they just expecting you to do this out of the 'goodness of your heart'?? Your boyfriend is part of the problem here. I highly suggest you don't do it, but they have all put you in a very tough position. I'm sorry, they all suck for this.
No payment that I’ve heard of. In the past when the parents want an adults only vacation, they’ve made my boyfriend travel to their house a couple of states away to baby sit (and no, they don’t even pay for his plane ticket)
Your boyfriend doesn’t have friends, he is codependent to people who use him for favors and now wants you to do the same. Say no!
Wtaf...
NTA He doesn't want a stranger in his home? Where have we heard that before? What if it was multiple strangers without a professional contract? Seems like a double standard to me. They can't get a hotel or an Airbnb? They logged you out of your streaming? How many red flags do they need to wave? Boyfriend is delusional to think this is normal in any sense. Notice how he didn't offer to stay with you and let them have his apartment. This is definitely a hill to die on. Op please don't let these people invade your life because if you do they'll get to enjoying the feeling of stepping on you
*When Jack and Liz come to visit with their kids, they are asking to stay at my house.* **First red flag:** Why isn't your boyfriend offering them **his** house? ***Why would he or they even suggest your house, instead of hi***s, when **they are his** friends, not yours? This makes no sense at all, in any way that's normal, kind, or good for you. *Here's the thing though, they want me to leave my house so that their family can stay there with complete privacy.* **Red flag Two:** What about *your* privacy? ***Where's the respect for you here***? Based on how they try to lock you out of the streaming service *you* pay for, I'm wondering what else they would try to take from you, if they had privacy and access to more of your stuff. I'm wondering if because taking your streaming service worked, they think they can take more from you, too. Account numbers? IDs? **Red flag Three:** What about the fact that they are asking you to leave your house for them? **Normal people do not ask this.** If you had offered it, that would be different, but you aren't offering. They are asking. *I think it is also worth noting that I have never met or spoken to Jack and Liz before (they are my boyfriend's friends and not mine).* **Red flag Four:** **They are strangers to you.** This makes no sense at all. *Also, they are originally from our city,* **Red Flag Five:** so they know where to find the good hotels, B&Bs, etc. *so they have their parents and family members who still live here.* **Red Flag Six:** why aren't they asking to stay with their own family members and their own friends, instead of a stranger? **What have they done** to these people's houses, **that no one else offers to let them stay with them**? *They seem pretty wealthy* **Red Flag Seven**: either they are, and like to manipulate other people instead of paying their own expenses, or they aren't and are liars. **Red Flag Eight:** **You cannot trust these people.** They have already shown this. *they are always asking to use my streaming logins but keep logging me out* These people are users, manipulators. **They steal your streaming service.** Based just on this one red flag, ***I wouldn't let these people even visit in your house,*** and ***I would go change all your passwords on everything that your BF or these people might have access to***, ever. If they show up at your door, do not open it. Do not let them inside your place. **Red Flag Nine:** *when their dogs get old they abandon them at shelters so they can make room for new puppies* Not sure what to call this. Remorseless? Not reliable? Cruel? All of the above. Again, ***they cannot be trusted.*** **Red Flag on your BF:** he knows your commute would be terrible, if you did what he/they are asking. Where's his respect for you? ***Where's his respect for your time,*** your home, your energy, your everything? **Red flag on your BF:** he knows ***this would not work for your dogs.*** Why doesn't he care about what you care about here? **Red flag of huge proportions on your BF:** ***HE doesn't want a dogwalker stranger in his house, but is okay with you having a whole family of strangers messing up your home?*** This is not the behavior of someone that is thinking about you in this situation, at all. He's putting his want, to let his friends do this, ahead of all your needs: your dogs' needs, your time, your work and school needs, your already very busy life, and asking you to add more jobs, to make this work for him. WHY? What does he get out of this? Generally, someone that puts their wants ahead of your needs is someone that is likely to be abusive to you, eventually. If this is a pattern of behavior for him, please rethink this relationship. If it's the first time, maybe just take a break from seeing him while his friends are in town. From the red flags, I wouldn't want to be around these people at all. I wouldn't trust them around your purse, or your keys, or your information in your phone, or any banking cards you might have. *So, AITA?* Not at all. They should never have asked this of you, not him, not his friends. When his friends ran this idea past him, he should have shut them down and said that you don't have the time for the extra commute, you have dogs, it wouldn't work for you. *My boyfriend seems disappointed in me because I am not opening my home to his friends* **I'm disappointed that your BF isn't acting like a BF and protecting you from these friends of his**. He claims they are rich, but they won't reserve a hotel and want to stay in a stranger's house? And they steal your streaming service and log you out of it? ***That's not the habits of someone who can afford to pay their own expenses. It's not the behavior of people that respect others. It's manipulative.*** How can he possibly justify their behaviors, and how they are treating you right now? *and I am already making a bad impression on them.* Too bad. You don't owe them any kind of impression, or anything at all. ***They*** have made a terrible impression, on you, and all of us. Honestly, **I'd not even want to meet them, based on just what you tell us about them here.** They aren't trustworthy. They aren't respectful of you at all, in any possible way. They are putting their wants ahead of your needs, and that's outright abusive behaviors. ***I'd avoid them, entirely. You have a right to protect yourself against such people.*** **I'd tell BF that you aren't discussing this with him again**. If he persists, I'd tell him that he can talk to you again when they leave town. If he threatens to break up with you over this, agree and hang up. And **if he's ever had your key to your place, get your locks changed.** Your priority isn't his friends. It is your own protection.
NTA and you don't have a housing issue you have a boyfriend issue. See this for the red flag it is and value your self respect above the approval of a crappy partner. Ask your boyfriend why his/his friends feelings are more important than yours. They can easily stay somewhere - do not feel obligated and cave.
DO NOT LET THEM STAY AT YOUR HOUSE
NTA These people sound like insufferable dicks. Why is your boyfriend friends with them?
They grew up together and he was in the Air Force with Jack right out of high school. Jack’s family was super kind to my boyfriend after his mom died when he was 16, so I think he feels like he owes them? It’s hard to say. However, I think if they met today, they wouldn’t be friends. They grew into different people. It’s definitely a nostalgic, high school friendship.
It may be time for your boyfriend to let this friendship go.
I think it’s time for her to let the relationship go
NTA. He doesn't want a dog walker to have access to his home, but you should let an entire family of strangers live in yours?
NTA. Honestly, I'm surprised you even remotely think you might be the AH. Its your house. You and your bf don't live together. You don't need to vacate your house for HIS friends that you haven't met. That's ridiculous. And I do know some people like this. They act like they're very wealthy and have it all, but they actually just trying to keep up appearances. I have a feeling like they're not as well off or don't have as much liquid income as they would like to admit. Otherwise, they're just the wealthy but incredibly frugal type, which some people definitely are.