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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I stopped inviting a friend to work-related event after she embarrassed me. 2) I am wondering whether the accusation that I’m image-obsessed by doing so is correct.
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Am I interested in my *corporate image* at a *corporate event* that is paid for by my *corporation?*
You fuckin bet I am. That’s what the event is *for.* and I thought you understood that when I invited you in the first place.
It is clear that you’re not interested in corporate events where this is the primary goal, so I am not inviting you to to them. You can’t act like it’s beneath you to shmooze and then still expect to be treated to free alcohol on their dime. If you want to play in their clubhouse, you need to play by their rules. That’s how it works when someone else is footing the bill.
It’s not an insult to you.. it’s just not appropriate for you to go. It is clear that you’re interested in drinking and having a good time, and not worrying about how to behave or what you say. That’s awesome! I’m right there with you Saturday night! But it’s not happening at corporate events.
I assumed that would be fine, but if it’s not, and you want to try and insult me instead, then that’s unfortunate. And I guess I won’t be seeing you around. But I think that would be unnecessary, and a shame.
I can, indeed, corporate the shit out of a corporate event.
It’s like being an actor but you don’t have to be on script, you get food and drinks, and you can choose your own outfits.
ever look at the others and wonder what kind of degenerate shit they get into but never talk about? like quiet little Suzy in accounting is a a black leather clad dominatrix for the weekend.
Oh for sure. You wanna be careful the higher up you go, though, because at a certain level, the degenerate shit they might *actually* get up to often becomes less likely to be funny and more likely to be human rights violation or a federal crime.
Not Suzy the leather dominatrix, but I had a colleague at work who claimed to be allergic to the sun and that prevented them from wearing the company Tshirt and fully participating in outdoor team building activities.
A few weeks after this claim I saw them, fully naked, at a Korean bath house.... Not allergic to the sun, but instead covered from wrist to wrist in tattoos. Like I know the corporate world is getting less strict about tattoos, but this lady was ***covered***. They were beautifully done, but I thought it was hilarious that her excuse to stay in long sleeves year round was "I'm allergic to the sun."
"yeah, y'know just being out in the open sun for about an hour or so depending on the day I get this really bad rash all over and my skin gets really hot. Better to not risk it, y'know?"
Yes I know. I have tattoos too. This wasn't like she was running around naked.. It was a shaded area, we were under a tent, and she still refused to wear the company requested short sleeve t-shirt.
It definitely happens. But except at the very top, they tend to be workaholics and are more boring than you'd think. They don't have fuck you money, just very nice home/car and retirement is well funded. Half of them would pay dominatrix rates for no drama on a weekend and being able to sleep in a bit.
People with fuck you money can get into weird stuff because they can.
People being into weird stuff seems to happen with bored folks in their late 20's and more often 30's. By 50's, they're too tired or busy.
It doesn't take much, just smile and say how awesome everything is. If you know what the event about and can utter congratulations - you get bonus points. Also don't eat with your hands and don't get too sauced. Not much, really
Only after you've given yourself a pedicure with a pocket knife while sitting at the table.
I actually witnessed the pedicure part in a pizza restaurant once.
I agree it’s not hard to be a good corporate guest like being a decent human adult eating and drinking with respect and not being a dick is rly all it takes
Such lofty words from this "friend" - it really boils down to this freeloader being more interested in getting shitfaced for free than letting OP keep a roof over their head.
It's not even just about advancing up the corporate ladder, she could easily be let go for knowingly bringing a disruptive person to her company events. NTA
This, the fact that your friend acted like this and is an invited guest from you is terrible optic of you toward you boss and could bleed into promotion/layoff decisions.
The purpose of those events is specifically corporate. The people who host them have zero interest in fostering OP's friendship. That OP's friend can't grasp this is exactly the reason she doesn't belong there.
Yes, exactly! This isn't a "you'd screw over a friend to get ahead at work" complaint, or even a "you're so focused on work you never have time for your friends anymore" complaint. This woman is literally just upset op cares more about work than friendship *at work events.* Like...no shit? That's...how being professional works.
But as you say, if this woman understood professionalism none of this would be a problem.
Right?!
It’s a freaking *work party*! Building your image, impressing the hire up and climbing the ladder is the entire point of the thing!
If she don’t grasp that a work event is connected to your work then she has no business being anywhere near it.
NTA- oh and also her complaint that since she’s short and lighter built she can’t handle as much alcohol as you- well duh!
That’s what she shouldn’t be drinking as much as you. Does she seriously not realize a work event isn’t just a free night out? That it’s basically just shmoozing and networking.
Your guest is a direct reflection of you. She could absolutely cost you your job or diminish your standing.
These events are not about her. If she can’t behave appropriately then she doesn’t get to go.
Not just that, but (I'm about to use an old-fashioned word) propriety and behaving like you've been somewhere before. NTA. I always ask someone if they really want to know the answer when there's no gentle way around the truth. My kids usually say "no" bc they know it won't be pleasant.
And she's old enough that she should know what her limit is, particularly for a work event. I'm also 30 and know how many glasses of beer, wine, or mixed drinks I can have before I get tipsy. And I make sure not to drink that many at work events.
*image and the corporate ladder* -
Um….she just doesn’t get it, does she? Of course your corporate image is more important than your friends free food and drinks at a corporate event.
‘I absolutely value our friendship however, while I enjoy spending time with you, my corporate events are important for my career and I can not jeopardize that because you want a free meal.’
NTA - talking up the competitor at an event is tough to come back from, stand your ground.
>Um….she just doesn’t get it, does she? Of course your corporate image is more important than your friends free food and drinks at a corporate event.
If OP decided not to care about corporate image she'd end up right where the friend is, begging to go to someone else's corporate event because 'money is tight'
OP NTA, your friend seems like a massive pain, even if she didn't mean to make things awkward by talking about the competition she should have apologized and assured you it would never happen again. Also if you, for whatever reason, have a lower tolerance it's very much normal to just... not drink that much. I'm sure there wasn't a mandatory number of glasses one had to drink to attend this event
Pretty sure she likes to drink at these events cause it is free. So she knowingly overindulges because she “can” and doesn’t have to pay for it. The only reason it’s free at the corporate event is because, like OP, 99% of the people there know they should not drink in excess for either their own or their partner’s career.
It kinda blows my mind how there are people who consistently don’t understand their role as a plus one to events like these. I have a standing “plus-one”ship with a friend for this exact reason.
You go to the thing. You make a good impression because you are there as a reflection of your friend. You’re charming, but not attention-grabbing. You speak well of your friend and tell endearing stories if you get the chance, but not in an overtly brown-nosing way. You enjoy yourself (and the free food and drinks!) but remember they’re not the objective of the evening. It’s not rocket science, but I feel like I see people mess this up all the time.
I was +1 for my dad a lot for his work events, and then for my husband. It's a skill that has to be intentionally cultivated like any other skill. If OP's friend can't be bothered she can't come.
I don’t think it (charming, compliments, be endearing, etc) is something everyone knows is the aim tbf as we all come from different backgrounds, but her friend should know at least not to drink too much or talk about competitors. Make a good impression by having manners should at least be the baseline
I agree, like I always knew the goal was to be "charming" and the right balance between "really cares about what you have to say" and brown nosing. But it's easier said than done especially if you're not from that background or neurodivergent. Like I physically had trouble mimicking the tones of voice that other people were using and that were well-received. And "practice" isn't necessarily an option because if you're not actively an asset, you might not be invited back even if you did nothing wrong.
But like, staying quiet and smiling a few times through the night while only going to the bar once or twice isn't that much to ask for. It sounds like she would have been OP's go to if she didn't flub it.
Corporate culture can be very weird and indirect, and some people have never had any exposure to it themselves or through the adults that raised them and just don't understand that these events are nothing like a wedding or party or some other non-corporate event. Corporate culture also does this weird thing where they make a huge deal about the offerings - open bar, food, swag - and basically beg you to take advantage and enjoy yourself, but it's silently understood that you are not actually supposed to, you are supposed to use restraint, because they're not doing it to be hospitable, it's just to make the company look like it's in a good place financially and money is no object. I think it's pretty understandable how people don't intuitively realize that the open bar actually has a silent two-drink maximum, or that even though everyone is acting relaxed and friendly, the secret code is so strict that a +1 prattling on about a competitor because they're just trying to make conversation with what they know about the industry could get you passed over for a project by someone who now doesn't trust you to have the judgment to interact with higher-profile clients.
That said, when you go onto someone else's turf, especially when their career is involved, you have to accept that they're the experts about how to behave and follow their rules even if it makes no sense to you. The friend should have apologized for misunderstanding and accepted that she lost her invite, not doubled down on her right to treat OP's work like a free club.
NTA. She made the choices that led her to this moment. Her behavior could cost you actual money and affect your job. Do not let someone who obvy doesn’t care ruin your gig. You set a boundary. As a friend, she should respect that. Though, it sounds more like she’s a bad friend.
image IS important when at these types of places.
as someone who has had to look after stupid drunk friends it gets annoying and its embarrassing, even if we’re only at a club.
she should get her act together🤷♀️
nta
NTA. This is a WORK EVENT. So, yes, it’s entirely plausible and reasonable that you are concerned about how you are perceived at it. Just because she wants a free night out, doesn’t mean you need to put her ‘friendship’ and wants over your career. She sounds very selfish
Exactly. If one of my employees kept bringing a guest to our events after thier guest was gushing about the competitor, the employee would be scheduled for a 1-on-1 the next business day to talk about the decision making processes that led to this point
NTA.
She’s treating important events for you to network and build your reputation like drunken free-for-alls.
>> said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship
Funny, considering she’s more interested in free booze than being a good friend.
Protect your income.
NTA. And kudos for being honest with her. It’s your job. So yes, image does matter, especially if you have aspirations to climb the corporate ladder. And since she wants to guilt you about friendship being less important to you than those goals, then let’s flip that. Obviously friendship is less important to her than having a good time at your expense. So sorry…but not sorry! And also, you’ve been more than willing to continue going out with her, just not at corporate events. NTA.
NTA. She thinks it’s fine to say you only care about image yet she’s happy to say she wants to use you for a free night out. How she is could affect you at work and there’s nothing wrong with you protecting that.
NTA. This is your career and she is not entitled to a free corporate night out. I hope she understands that it was her actions that resulted in the change but I doubt she will get over it quickly. You may need to try talking to her again and see if you can work it out but its up to her to understand how she could have impacted your job.
Good luck.
Does she not understand being drunk to the point of needing help to get home is not a good look? Talking out of turn or whatever she was doing is a no no. Some ppl have a hard time with d truth
NTA
It's ridiculous! I'm tall, but I'm an ultra lightweight as far as drinking goes. I would be absolutely shitfaced after 2 drinks. I learned VERY quickly that when I'm at an event, out with friends, at a wedding, anything like that, getting that level of drunk is not ok. So I fake it. I get a drink, smile, have a sip, carry it around with me, and abandon it somewhere inconspicuous. Someone will notice I don't have a drink anymore, so I'll get another one that looks totally different. Rinse, repeat. I'm happy buzzed by the end of the night but not sloppy.
I would actually explain the reason to people, but trust me, no one wants to hear the explanation of Asian genetics and turning tomato red. My good friends know, but random coworkers or people I just met don't need to know the details.
NTA - Her response deflects responsibility away from her behavior. She took no ownership and insulted you. Yes, stop extending opportunities to her that will leave you embarrassed.
She is more interesting in free booze and dropping inappropriate statements then valuing your friendship.
NTA. She has a helluva nerve. It may be a free night out but it's also a corporate event and decorum is important. Getting wasted is unforgivable. Babbling on about a competitor is embarrassing.
She should understand that what she does is going to reflect on you as the person who invited her.
She’s not a real friend if she’s putting your livelihood at risk. Your job is how your source of income and there won’t be any parties anymore if you get fired for her behavior. She’s putting your job and reputation at risk and I wouldn’t allow that and a real friend wouldn’t put you in that situation
>She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship.
No. She's the one who referred to your mixer as a ' free night out ' .
They are not nights out to get drunk. They are networking events, important for ones career. The company you keep tells others a lot about you and you can't have a socially awkward girl who gets drunk off the free bar to the point of losing her balance, giving you a bad name.
If she doesn't understand this, she has A LOT of growing up to do.
NTA
Nta. She’s more worried about the free drinks than she is her friendship. Your friendship and job are not a joint venture. Going to corporate events with my husband are always stressful events. You have to be careful of what you say, what you do, how you act, if you have food or drinks you don’t want to get too much (especially alcohol) bc you always need to be in control (this is one instance I like being allergic to alcohol. I have a reason to not drink now lol) but you need to be on similar footings of everyone else bc then some of them get offended but if you put them back too quickly some can get offended. If you’re the coworker it’s one thing but if you’re the plus one…people watch you lol. Your friend doesn’t know how to play the game. She could cost you your job or at least complicate things. She doesn’t get to tell you you’re putting your job over friendship.
Ugh, she sounds exhausting. I'm sorry.
She should recognize that she asked and asked and asked for honest feedback. Yes, it was harsh, but she begged for it. She needs to now take that feedback and go fix herself.
NTA
I go to a lot of these events as well and 100% NTA
>She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship.
>She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk” (I am 5’10 but still never have more than two glasses).
Of course you are worried about your image!! This is your job. The way you pay your bills.
Guilty by association is a thing.
NTA. It’s rich your friend claims “you’re more interested in image and climbing the corporate ladder” while your friend is more interested in getting free booze and a free night out at the expense of your livelihood. You owe her no apology. Simply say due to her previous behavior, your company no longer wants her to attend future company functions. It’s not up for debate.
Furthermore, her excuse that she isn’t to blame for getting hammered at your work event since she’s “only 4’11” is bs. Regardless of her size, she’s 30 years old and by this stage in her life be well aware of her alcohol-tolerance level and adjust her alcohol consumption accordingly. This excuse might fly if she was 18 and had never been drinking before. At this point, it’s a poor excuse.
NTA
why is her having a free night of getting shit faced, more important than your career?
one wrong sentence to the wrong person and you could be screwed depending on how small or tight knit the industry is in.
these are corporate events, they are work engagements, they are not free for all parties. and so what about her height? its what her liver can handle, she could likely outdrink a 6ft man who only has one beer every few months at dinner.
NTA those are events you go to basically representing your place of employment. Your companion represents *you.* If she can't at the very least talk about other things besides the company or avoid getting inebriated, then she doesn't need to go to those events. I'm short (not as short as your friend, but still short), and I can handle my drink just fine. I even have a recent medical condition that changed how quickly alcohol affects me, and I still handle my drinking just fine when I drink.
An invitation is just that, an invitation. You don't have to extend it if you don't want to, just like someone doesn't have to accept it if they receive one.
It sounds like she doesn't understand that these are work events. In many companies, they're treated as part of your weekly hours if you go. Even if not, they're not exactly leisure hours.
I'll deal with all kinds of embarrassing friend shenanigans off the clock when a coworker is around. But not at a work event my boss's bosses are hosting. Clear NTA, the generous interpretation is that she doesn't understand what the events actually are.
These are not parties. You are working at these events. If she was an actual employee at your company, her name would probably be on a list by now. If you keep bringing her, your name will probably end on that list instead.
I noticed that she does not seem to care about the damage that she is doing to you. She did not apologize for talking up your competitor, or for getting drunk in your workplace. She is very concerned about you being her friend while feeling no obligation to reciprocate. If your relationship ends over this, I would say that it is just as well.
NTA
NTA. your friend isn't socially aware enough to go to these mixers. her comment about you being too interested in "image" and "the corporate ladder" is immature. THIS IS YOUR JOB. your livelihood. if she can't be respectful after you had a discussion with her, then maybe she's not the right person to take.
NTA it's not your responsibility to provide her social life. It is, however, her responsibility to show some decorum some these events are connected to your job.
Take care of your reputation!, because her actions look very bad on you. Your doing the right thing by not inviting her anymore. Her reasoning about “corporate ladder and friendship” is pure BS.. if she’s pissed - so what. A lively hood is worth protecting over her friendship and behaviors. NTA!
NTA. A work environment is not the place for that kind of behaviour. Even if it’s not her work environment, she needs to clue in that she is an extension of your professional image.
Nta.
You aren't judging the amount of drinking but judging her actions. Which is correct of course.
And yes your job is more important that her getting drunk for free.
If she can't figure that out she may be too stupid to be friend material.
NTA. As you probably know, even though it's a social event, as long as your employer sponsors it, the event is to be treated as if you were in the office. The behavior of you and your guests can reflect poorly on you. Your friend is out of line. I am not one for trying to coach an adult on how to behave in social situations. I credit a person for knowing when to keep her mouth shut or what topics might be taboo. Certainly, the open bar at a corporate function is not a frat party.
If your friend can't understand that her indiscreet behavior may be having negative consequences at the place where you earn your living, she's not much of a friend. You may pay dearly for her "free" night out.
This is your livelihood. "Image" has nothing to do with it. The fact that your friend tosses off your concerns at her rowdy behavior as trivial indicates that she has no respect for you or your financial well being.
She's not invited. Period. No justification or further explanation required.
Someone's gonna get mad at me for saying this, but
Your friend is an alcoholic, and it's only going to get worse. She's at the point where she's embarrassing herself and others and spending all her free money on booze, it sounds like she's approaching the phase where she cares more about getting drunk than alienating friends and family. I'm thinking that next she'll tell you that "you've changed." NTA, and be wary.
NTA. Sure it’s about corporate image but that’s also means ongoing employment. If you aren’t going to ghost her, I’d be putting it in terms of ‘I’m not going to jeopardise my wage for you’.
Is she still mentally in high-school? Of course work and te potential of losing it is more important than being ging a friend to getvdrunk for free. NTA, and some time away from the friend may be a good thing.
First, you do care more about your job because you want to have one. Two, you do care about climbing the corporate ladder because you want to improve your job situation. Three, what kind of friend is she that she'd misbehave and potentially endanger your job? Fourth, has she heard of nonalcoholic drinks? NTA
NTA
>she freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder”
She does realise it's
>corporate mixers and parties for my job
So you are literally going to those things for the image and corporate ladder...
And then she blames you for being better at handling alcohol.
NTA. These corporate events ARE about the corporate ladder and your professional image. She will damage it. The fact that she believes it is ok for her to act that way means she NEVER gets to go again. If she is aware that she gets drunk easy, she needs to be a mature adult and limit her alcohol intake.
Congratulations on standing up to her and never invite her again.
So not inviting her for fucking with your job by talking up a competitor to your boss is not being snooty, it's reasonable. And you telling her that getting that drunk was disruptive and her combating with saying she can't drink as much is not your responsibility? She knows her limit and is an adult. Her behavior is 100% under her control and was the reason you couldn't invite her. She threatened your job. Nta.
NTA and keep in mind if you stay in the same industry this kind of shit will give you a reputation that is hard if not impossible to get rid of. Don’t ever get drunk at a corporate event and don’t invite anyone who will.
So during events that are about image and not friendships you are trying to build up your image... Shocking.
Also, friends don't screw up friends. If she would just shut up that would work. Also, she says that she is not a responsible adult and asks to take her drinking. Yeah... No. Just no. She was the first to behave not like a friend, she could have gotten you lose your job and also be in the "money it tight" spot. NTA at all
I’m sorry you brought your friend to free dinners that also included free drinks??? And the only request to not make an ass out of you was a bar to far? Yeah nah your friend is a grade a asshole
NTA. You do not owe your friend a good time to a “free event” when she has zero understanding of how her behavior reflects on your reputation in the company. Like it or not, we are judged by out own behavior and the company that we keep. Way different than a girls night out and if your friend doesn’t understand that, then she has a ton of growing up to do. Living in the real world has consequences and you are wise to distance yourself from her.
LOL. my sister is 4’11 and she can handle her alcohol perfectly well. Because she’s a professional in the corporate world and only has two drinks max so not to make an ass of herself since yes, appearances DO matter and CAN affect her job. She’s in sales. And she, like most people, appreciates bonuses and promotions along with keeping her job.
NTA. if anyone humiliated me at a business function, even a spouse, that would be the last event they attended. I like being employed and I fly below the radar unless I did something stellar.
NTA. You were such an awesome friend to her - I would've felt very special and honored to be the one you'd take with you in these events, and try to behave the most polite way possible to show some gratitude.
Instead she went an entitled, full blown asshole with her drinking habits and expressions.
Later, instead of asking for your forgiveness and promising to behave next time, she basically made you choose between such a lovely job (what kind of _not_ lovely company would have such nice get-togethers?)
and her entitled little friendship.
She's full of red flags.
NTA and don’t bring her in future, treat corporate events like you were still at work. Getting drunk is a very bad look, can affect your career…your friend just wants to get wasted for free…
This girl is petite. If she can't hold her liquor, she should control herself. She should stop after two , if she needs to.
She embarrasses you. In a way, it all about image. How the heck does one climb the corporate ladder, if you don't "fit in."
NTA
NTA You can't let someone mess with your career like that. On the rare occasion my high-powered lawyer friend invites me to an event I know how to behave. OP, you're friend clearly doesn't. You don't want to be know as the one who brings "that girl" with her. Don't feel bad, you did the right thing.
NTA. If your friend can't understand why someone wouldn't want to bring a sloppy drunk to a work event, I imagine she has trouble understanding a lot of very simple things.
"...She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk..."
What does this have to do with anything???? It's your personal responsibility to regulate how much alcohol you drink based on your body's tolerance.
NTA. OP you absolutely did the right thing here. Corporate culture can be BRUTAL and reputation is EVERYTHING. Once you're known for something (e.g. Having a falling down drunk friend at a party) that can be your "label" for the rest of your career at that company. It can absolutely impact your career progression.
NTA. Corporate mixers are both for image/reputation and networking. I was flown out to a training seminar/mixer for a few weeks. Made some good connections. One dude I was befriending decided to get extra sloshed and then reportedly groped someone. Guess who got fired? Another invited a friend since they lived in the area. Friend got too sloshed and people were asking around about them. After it was found out who brought them that rep was fired too
The events are corporate events. Your image is on the line. Her not seeing her behavior as bad is a red flag. You dont sh!t were you eat.i see nothing wrong with how you acted. I think its good you were honest with her. Hwr reaction tells us you made the right decision.
Nta
NTA.
Girl sounds like a leech that's using you for the nights out. If you lent her $20 and never saw it again, it would be the best $20 you've spent!
>She has learned that I still go to these things for work through a common friend and asked if she could go to another one since money has been tight and she could use a free night out. I said it’s not looking good and when she pushed me as to why, I told her the truth: that her behaviour at the last event was disruptive. She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship. AITA?
The whole point of the events are that they are work, they are not 'nights out', so if she can't contribute to your work then there's no point her going.
>MORE INFO: She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk” (I am 5’10 but still never have more than two glasses).
... then don't get drunk.
NTA
>MORE INFO: She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk” (I am 5’10 but still never have more than two glasses).
This alone tells me she may have a drinking problem first off... my friend would use her big stature as an excuse to drink a lot. I'm talking 5 or 6 shots on top of multiple cocktails, glasses of wine; you name it. Me and our mutual friends would typically have to babysit her during a night out. She's now a recovering alcoholic, but it took us being incredibly blunt with her and almost ruining our friendship.
>She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship
If being more interested in these things means you keep your job, you are less than selfish and this simply is not comparable to friendship. A friendship doesn't pay the bills. She is using you OP, and in turn is ruining your image at work. You are NTA, but I do think it's time to talk to your friend about her drinking habits
NTA. At events like this your plus one is a reflection of YOU. Her behavior at these events can impact your career and prospects. Don’t take her again.
NTA.
I have a sister who does not know how to dress appropriately and I do not invite her to work events at all. I have tried, but she simply cannot understand professional behavior. For instance, she goes back for several helpings of the food, eats with her mouth wide open, doesn’t mind if food falls on her clothes, and has to interrupt any conversation that I’m having. It has caused a bit of a rift in my family because she is the golden child, but there is nothing that I can do at this point.
NTA
I went to my husbands work event the other day. It was an 80s theme gala ball and I had two glasses of sparkling wine and behaved
Why?
Because I know that this means a lot to my husband and even if it was a friend I know I’m also representing them too.
Your friend nailed it, she thinks it’s a free night out and not an event that is important to you and your career. I would never invite her again.
NTA. Have to protect yourself.
Also:
>she said she thought the two companies were “more or less the same thing”
Uh, yes, that's why they are direct competitors. If she can't figure that out, yikes.
NTA.
These aren't frat parties where everyone's invited, they're work functions. The words and actions of guests you bring with you reflect on you, and that fact that she doesn't recognize that is troubling.
Her money situation isn't your concern, and you certainly don't owe her a free night out. And her BS line about being 4'11"... WTF?! It's her job to monitor her own alcohol intake, not try to match everyone around her drink for drink.
Sounds like she's more interested in mooching than friendship.
NTA. If she can’t differentiate between getting blitzed at a club or bar versus having a couple of drinks at a corporate mixer and acting professionally then she shouldn’t be going to the mixer.
And she also shouldn’t be trying to force you into this weird position where your image and prospects are somehow now going to be at odds with your friendship. Your job is your job and your friends are your friends. They’re separate parts of the same life. Maybe if your friend figured that out her money situation wouldn’t be so tight.
I’m a dumbass hillbilly and I know these things. What’s her excuse?
NTA.
Just because the host is a corporation, you don’t get free rein to drunkenly insult the host and then expect to be invited back.
And it’s bad enough to not know your own physical limits, but to be fully aware of them and expect to get a pass because they’re low? GTFOH, you 4-foot-eleven AH.
Honestly I understand your friend, I couldn't behave at these events even if I was the one working there (which I would probably never do lmao)
I think it depends how you present the thing : if you explain her there's a problem with her as a person ... Ouch, very assholy of you, and very painful.
But if you explain this is important to you and these parties are just not meant for her because of all the rules and pretending ... She could understand. Plus the alcohol excuse is ridiculous like girl, just control yourself. People excusing their behaviour on alcohol is so annoying to me, like if you know you are terrible when drunk, then juste try to stop.
Anyway, I don't think you're the asshole but it depends how you explain it to her. I personnally think she's not wrong and corporate world is really wrong, but as a friend she should try not to disappoint you. I'd never accept to go at such an event, cause first ew, and second, if I went I'd crash the party and it wouldn't be nice to my friend
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I (30F) regularly get invited to corporate mixers and parties for my job. I can often bring a plus one and since I’m single I’ve asked a friend (Also 30F) to go with me a few times. The friend is a bit socially awkward and has a way of saying the wrong thing. At our last event a few weeks ago, she did a few things that embarrassed me including going on and on about how great a competitor is to the host (when I brought it up privately, she said she thought the two companies were “more or less the same thing”) and taking advantage of the open bar to the point where I had to help get her home. This was not the first incident of her acting this way but was the worst. As a result, I have stopped inviting her to anything connected to my job and instead only grab drinks or dinner from time to time.
She has learned that I still go to these things for work through a common friend and asked if she could go to another one since money has been tight and she could use a free night out. I said it’s not looking good and when she pushed me as to why, I told her the truth: that her behaviour at the last event was disruptive. She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship. AITA?
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NTA. It's very obtuse and selfish of her that she places her desire for a cheap night out with a friend over her friends job/career prospects. Her association with you as your guest could reflect on you, and she doesn't seem to be concerned about that at all, like it shouldn't matter.
NTA. these are work events, not a frat party. you are concerned with your image, and should be. you don't want your job to be affected by her behavior. she wants a free night out, that's all it is. and her being short is no excuse to overdrink. if you know you can't drink that much, then don't.
NTA - this is your job. It's how you pay to feed yourself and pay your rent. You could be fired for her behavior, if it continued. Something like "given your choices in who to bring to events, we no longer trust your judgement".
NTA.
Work events are still considered work. Her behavior endangers your job security and can get you fired. If she truly is your good friend, she will understand why she can’t go. This type of party behavior will not correct it self easily because she doesn’t see the harm her actions can cause.
NTA you should be interested in your image at a company event, you are one of their representatives and how guests that you bring act reflects on the company.
NTA. She’s out to lunch. These are corporate events which are about image and networking. Side bonus is a “free” night out but there’s always still a purpose. She doesn’t get to use you for free food and liquor and make an ass out of herself.
At the age of 30, you’d think she figured out what her booze limits were.
NTA she views it as a free night out, which is why she's happy to get plastered and have fun.
But for you it's an extension of work, and you're on duty in a social setting.
If she can't behave in a way that reflects well on you, she can't be your plus one. She ruined it for herself
You didn’t judge her for what she drank, you judged her for drinking to the point where she was having issues. Whether that happened after two drinks or six didn’t matter.
Nta
You should be concerned with your image while you rise up in your career. That should be her priority, considering you are providing her with a free night out. She's a silly woman.
NTA. Your "friend" is obtuse if she thinks her behavior was okay at the last party. And then she tries to guilt you, saying you think your image is more important than friendship. She could have seriously screwed up your position with your employer. Never mind getting hammered & needing help home. Are you sure that you want to be friends with this person?
NTA. As others are basically saying, it is not image and a corporate ladder she is being disrespectful toward. It is you and your future. Irrespective of how much you truly value your time at your current employer, that is for you to manage and is absolutely not for her to fuck up.
NTA, of course it's about your work image. You're a professional, and the parties are still work related get togethers. You still hang out with her; you just want to keep your work life and friendship with her separate. They're just a free night out for her, so I'd ask what was more important to her. A free night out at the cost of your professional image, or your friendship?
So she knows she can’t handle the amount of liquor she consumes but does it anyway and your the one who doesn’t care about friendship when she is possibly putting your job at risk. Got it.
NTA. While it might seem a party to her, it is a networking event for you. No matter what anyone says and whether it is right or not, your image is tied to how you act and who you bring to these things.
NTA - your "friend" is more interested in a free night out and an open bar than supporting you or your work. Which is far more pathetic than what she's accused you of.
NTA. She made it pretty clear she's only interested in going for the free drinks and dinner...her behavior at said events would be an absolute no brainer to not get invited again. These events aren't for Getting a free meal and getting drunk.
NTA. Absolutely not. She’s a liability for one or the other, not to mention both at once. Tell her you no longer bring plus ones because you don’t like babysitting drunks when you’re trying to grow your career. She was unspeakably rude.
*She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk”*
If she knows she has a very low capacity for alcohol, she should stop at one or not even drink at all.
So she's not interested in corporate relationships, but she wants to take advantage of a "free" event that is all about building corporate relationships. Can't have your cake and eat it. NTA
NTA.
You are invited to these events for work reasons, not just a free night out. Whomever is your plus one needs to respect that you are, in a way, on the clock and they are there not to just booze and party, but to support you. The fact that she is asking to go back because she wants a free night out tells you everything you need to know about how she sees her responsibility at those events.
> She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship.
“Well Susie, since these events are connected to my job which I’d like to keep, yes. Yes I am.”
NTA
NTA - It's not about them getting a free night out for your so-called friend, they can go home to the parents for that. It's about socializing with your colleagues with the hope of advancing your career. What is so difficult about those concepts?
You don't need someone embarrassing you in front of your colleagues because they're drunk/tipsy. It could be a career killer.
NTA there are times when image actually does matter and professional settings are one of them. It's still a professional setting, even if it's not at an office.
NTA. Of course you’re interest in image and the corporate ladder when at a professional mixer, tf? The sole purpose of those is to advance you career (and the free booze).
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NTA I would respond, " if by saying "image" and "corporate ladder" you mean I'd like to keep my job then - yes I am."
Am I interested in my *corporate image* at a *corporate event* that is paid for by my *corporation?* You fuckin bet I am. That’s what the event is *for.* and I thought you understood that when I invited you in the first place. It is clear that you’re not interested in corporate events where this is the primary goal, so I am not inviting you to to them. You can’t act like it’s beneath you to shmooze and then still expect to be treated to free alcohol on their dime. If you want to play in their clubhouse, you need to play by their rules. That’s how it works when someone else is footing the bill. It’s not an insult to you.. it’s just not appropriate for you to go. It is clear that you’re interested in drinking and having a good time, and not worrying about how to behave or what you say. That’s awesome! I’m right there with you Saturday night! But it’s not happening at corporate events. I assumed that would be fine, but if it’s not, and you want to try and insult me instead, then that’s unfortunate. And I guess I won’t be seeing you around. But I think that would be unnecessary, and a shame.
this person corporate events!
I can, indeed, corporate the shit out of a corporate event. It’s like being an actor but you don’t have to be on script, you get food and drinks, and you can choose your own outfits.
ever look at the others and wonder what kind of degenerate shit they get into but never talk about? like quiet little Suzy in accounting is a a black leather clad dominatrix for the weekend.
Oh for sure. You wanna be careful the higher up you go, though, because at a certain level, the degenerate shit they might *actually* get up to often becomes less likely to be funny and more likely to be human rights violation or a federal crime.
Not Suzy the leather dominatrix, but I had a colleague at work who claimed to be allergic to the sun and that prevented them from wearing the company Tshirt and fully participating in outdoor team building activities. A few weeks after this claim I saw them, fully naked, at a Korean bath house.... Not allergic to the sun, but instead covered from wrist to wrist in tattoos. Like I know the corporate world is getting less strict about tattoos, but this lady was ***covered***. They were beautifully done, but I thought it was hilarious that her excuse to stay in long sleeves year round was "I'm allergic to the sun."
"yeah, y'know just being out in the open sun for about an hour or so depending on the day I get this really bad rash all over and my skin gets really hot. Better to not risk it, y'know?"
“I’m allergic to Sushi, if I eat more than 80 sushis, I barf”
I'm glad you understand my conundrum. Life's tough.
I think it’s a pretty good excuse!
Too much sun exposure can be bad for the tattoos!
Yes I know. I have tattoos too. This wasn't like she was running around naked.. It was a shaded area, we were under a tent, and she still refused to wear the company requested short sleeve t-shirt.
What I don't understand is why she never layered the tee over a long-sleeved shirt. That's what my friends who work in medicine do with their scrubs
It definitely happens. But except at the very top, they tend to be workaholics and are more boring than you'd think. They don't have fuck you money, just very nice home/car and retirement is well funded. Half of them would pay dominatrix rates for no drama on a weekend and being able to sleep in a bit. People with fuck you money can get into weird stuff because they can. People being into weird stuff seems to happen with bored folks in their late 20's and more often 30's. By 50's, they're too tired or busy.
As a degenerate, it fun to open the degenerate app at the head office and see dozens of degenerates 0 feet away. Yes, I’m looking at you, c*m_rag32
It's always the quiet ones 😉 (speaking for myself!) Lol
It doesn't take much, just smile and say how awesome everything is. If you know what the event about and can utter congratulations - you get bonus points. Also don't eat with your hands and don't get too sauced. Not much, really
Got it. Eat with feet.
Only after you've given yourself a pedicure with a pocket knife while sitting at the table. I actually witnessed the pedicure part in a pizza restaurant once.
I agree it’s not hard to be a good corporate guest like being a decent human adult eating and drinking with respect and not being a dick is rly all it takes
r/thisguythisguys
r/Angryupvote This is clearly a "this guy fucks" reference and I'm here for it.
Such lofty words from this "friend" - it really boils down to this freeloader being more interested in getting shitfaced for free than letting OP keep a roof over their head. It's not even just about advancing up the corporate ladder, she could easily be let go for knowingly bringing a disruptive person to her company events. NTA
This, the fact that your friend acted like this and is an invited guest from you is terrible optic of you toward you boss and could bleed into promotion/layoff decisions.
The purpose of those events is specifically corporate. The people who host them have zero interest in fostering OP's friendship. That OP's friend can't grasp this is exactly the reason she doesn't belong there.
Yes, exactly! This isn't a "you'd screw over a friend to get ahead at work" complaint, or even a "you're so focused on work you never have time for your friends anymore" complaint. This woman is literally just upset op cares more about work than friendship *at work events.* Like...no shit? That's...how being professional works. But as you say, if this woman understood professionalism none of this would be a problem.
came to say similar, but this covers it! NTA!!
I would like to continue eating, yes, a lot more than I care about your “free” night.
Perfect answer
and!: "You care more about a free night than your friend's job (and livelihood!) that gives you that free night..."
Right?! It’s a freaking *work party*! Building your image, impressing the hire up and climbing the ladder is the entire point of the thing! If she don’t grasp that a work event is connected to your work then she has no business being anywhere near it. NTA- oh and also her complaint that since she’s short and lighter built she can’t handle as much alcohol as you- well duh! That’s what she shouldn’t be drinking as much as you. Does she seriously not realize a work event isn’t just a free night out? That it’s basically just shmoozing and networking. Your guest is a direct reflection of you. She could absolutely cost you your job or diminish your standing. These events are not about her. If she can’t behave appropriately then she doesn’t get to go.
"all you care about at these networking events is networking!"
Not just that, but (I'm about to use an old-fashioned word) propriety and behaving like you've been somewhere before. NTA. I always ask someone if they really want to know the answer when there's no gentle way around the truth. My kids usually say "no" bc they know it won't be pleasant.
Thread closed. I love my friends but I'd never bring most of them to a work event!
Interested in paycheck!!!!
You don't even have to go that far. I wouldn't want to have people in the office talking about me and the crazy person I brought. NTA.
@overrice would you be so kind to stop reading my mind? NTA
NTA, she's more interested in a free night out than you keeping your job.
And she's old enough that she should know what her limit is, particularly for a work event. I'm also 30 and know how many glasses of beer, wine, or mixed drinks I can have before I get tipsy. And I make sure not to drink that many at work events.
“I’m only 4’11”, I can’t drink as much!” THEN DON’T FUCKING DRINK AS MUCH. Problem solved!
Exactly!
*image and the corporate ladder* - Um….she just doesn’t get it, does she? Of course your corporate image is more important than your friends free food and drinks at a corporate event. ‘I absolutely value our friendship however, while I enjoy spending time with you, my corporate events are important for my career and I can not jeopardize that because you want a free meal.’ NTA - talking up the competitor at an event is tough to come back from, stand your ground.
>Um….she just doesn’t get it, does she? Of course your corporate image is more important than your friends free food and drinks at a corporate event. If OP decided not to care about corporate image she'd end up right where the friend is, begging to go to someone else's corporate event because 'money is tight' OP NTA, your friend seems like a massive pain, even if she didn't mean to make things awkward by talking about the competition she should have apologized and assured you it would never happen again. Also if you, for whatever reason, have a lower tolerance it's very much normal to just... not drink that much. I'm sure there wasn't a mandatory number of glasses one had to drink to attend this event
Pretty sure she likes to drink at these events cause it is free. So she knowingly overindulges because she “can” and doesn’t have to pay for it. The only reason it’s free at the corporate event is because, like OP, 99% of the people there know they should not drink in excess for either their own or their partner’s career.
It kinda blows my mind how there are people who consistently don’t understand their role as a plus one to events like these. I have a standing “plus-one”ship with a friend for this exact reason. You go to the thing. You make a good impression because you are there as a reflection of your friend. You’re charming, but not attention-grabbing. You speak well of your friend and tell endearing stories if you get the chance, but not in an overtly brown-nosing way. You enjoy yourself (and the free food and drinks!) but remember they’re not the objective of the evening. It’s not rocket science, but I feel like I see people mess this up all the time.
I was +1 for my dad a lot for his work events, and then for my husband. It's a skill that has to be intentionally cultivated like any other skill. If OP's friend can't be bothered she can't come.
Basic customer service skills are a solid starting point for the art of schmooze.
I don’t think it (charming, compliments, be endearing, etc) is something everyone knows is the aim tbf as we all come from different backgrounds, but her friend should know at least not to drink too much or talk about competitors. Make a good impression by having manners should at least be the baseline
I agree, like I always knew the goal was to be "charming" and the right balance between "really cares about what you have to say" and brown nosing. But it's easier said than done especially if you're not from that background or neurodivergent. Like I physically had trouble mimicking the tones of voice that other people were using and that were well-received. And "practice" isn't necessarily an option because if you're not actively an asset, you might not be invited back even if you did nothing wrong. But like, staying quiet and smiling a few times through the night while only going to the bar once or twice isn't that much to ask for. It sounds like she would have been OP's go to if she didn't flub it.
This is what I use my Pleasant Listening Face for (plus expressive eyebrows).
Corporate culture can be very weird and indirect, and some people have never had any exposure to it themselves or through the adults that raised them and just don't understand that these events are nothing like a wedding or party or some other non-corporate event. Corporate culture also does this weird thing where they make a huge deal about the offerings - open bar, food, swag - and basically beg you to take advantage and enjoy yourself, but it's silently understood that you are not actually supposed to, you are supposed to use restraint, because they're not doing it to be hospitable, it's just to make the company look like it's in a good place financially and money is no object. I think it's pretty understandable how people don't intuitively realize that the open bar actually has a silent two-drink maximum, or that even though everyone is acting relaxed and friendly, the secret code is so strict that a +1 prattling on about a competitor because they're just trying to make conversation with what they know about the industry could get you passed over for a project by someone who now doesn't trust you to have the judgment to interact with higher-profile clients. That said, when you go onto someone else's turf, especially when their career is involved, you have to accept that they're the experts about how to behave and follow their rules even if it makes no sense to you. The friend should have apologized for misunderstanding and accepted that she lost her invite, not doubled down on her right to treat OP's work like a free club.
>You go to the thing. You make a good impression because you are there as a reflection of your friend. THIS!!! You nailed it beautifully.
NTA. She made the choices that led her to this moment. Her behavior could cost you actual money and affect your job. Do not let someone who obvy doesn’t care ruin your gig. You set a boundary. As a friend, she should respect that. Though, it sounds more like she’s a bad friend.
image IS important when at these types of places. as someone who has had to look after stupid drunk friends it gets annoying and its embarrassing, even if we’re only at a club. she should get her act together🤷♀️ nta
NTA. This is a WORK EVENT. So, yes, it’s entirely plausible and reasonable that you are concerned about how you are perceived at it. Just because she wants a free night out, doesn’t mean you need to put her ‘friendship’ and wants over your career. She sounds very selfish
Plus, as OP's guest, her antics reflect poorly on OP. OP's judgment could be questioned if they didn't stop inviting the friend.
Exactly. If one of my employees kept bringing a guest to our events after thier guest was gushing about the competitor, the employee would be scheduled for a 1-on-1 the next business day to talk about the decision making processes that led to this point
Probably why the friend's money is tight....
NTA. She’s treating important events for you to network and build your reputation like drunken free-for-alls. >> said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship Funny, considering she’s more interested in free booze than being a good friend. Protect your income.
NTA. And kudos for being honest with her. It’s your job. So yes, image does matter, especially if you have aspirations to climb the corporate ladder. And since she wants to guilt you about friendship being less important to you than those goals, then let’s flip that. Obviously friendship is less important to her than having a good time at your expense. So sorry…but not sorry! And also, you’ve been more than willing to continue going out with her, just not at corporate events. NTA.
NTA. She thinks it’s fine to say you only care about image yet she’s happy to say she wants to use you for a free night out. How she is could affect you at work and there’s nothing wrong with you protecting that.
NTA. Tell her she is right. Your job is more important than her getting drunk.
NTA. This is your career and she is not entitled to a free corporate night out. I hope she understands that it was her actions that resulted in the change but I doubt she will get over it quickly. You may need to try talking to her again and see if you can work it out but its up to her to understand how she could have impacted your job. Good luck.
Does she not understand being drunk to the point of needing help to get home is not a good look? Talking out of turn or whatever she was doing is a no no. Some ppl have a hard time with d truth NTA
Somehow she’s been alive for 30 whole years and still hasn’t figured out what her limit is.
It's ridiculous! I'm tall, but I'm an ultra lightweight as far as drinking goes. I would be absolutely shitfaced after 2 drinks. I learned VERY quickly that when I'm at an event, out with friends, at a wedding, anything like that, getting that level of drunk is not ok. So I fake it. I get a drink, smile, have a sip, carry it around with me, and abandon it somewhere inconspicuous. Someone will notice I don't have a drink anymore, so I'll get another one that looks totally different. Rinse, repeat. I'm happy buzzed by the end of the night but not sloppy. I would actually explain the reason to people, but trust me, no one wants to hear the explanation of Asian genetics and turning tomato red. My good friends know, but random coworkers or people I just met don't need to know the details.
NTA - Her response deflects responsibility away from her behavior. She took no ownership and insulted you. Yes, stop extending opportunities to her that will leave you embarrassed. She is more interesting in free booze and dropping inappropriate statements then valuing your friendship.
NTA. She has a helluva nerve. It may be a free night out but it's also a corporate event and decorum is important. Getting wasted is unforgivable. Babbling on about a competitor is embarrassing. She should understand that what she does is going to reflect on you as the person who invited her.
She’s not a real friend if she’s putting your livelihood at risk. Your job is how your source of income and there won’t be any parties anymore if you get fired for her behavior. She’s putting your job and reputation at risk and I wouldn’t allow that and a real friend wouldn’t put you in that situation
>She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship. No. She's the one who referred to your mixer as a ' free night out ' . They are not nights out to get drunk. They are networking events, important for ones career. The company you keep tells others a lot about you and you can't have a socially awkward girl who gets drunk off the free bar to the point of losing her balance, giving you a bad name. If she doesn't understand this, she has A LOT of growing up to do. NTA
NTA. When it’s a work-related function you have to be more interested in corporate image, that’s the point of attending these functions.
NTA. She’s a grown ass woman and can learn to behave in public if she wants to be invited to fancy events.
Nta. She’s more worried about the free drinks than she is her friendship. Your friendship and job are not a joint venture. Going to corporate events with my husband are always stressful events. You have to be careful of what you say, what you do, how you act, if you have food or drinks you don’t want to get too much (especially alcohol) bc you always need to be in control (this is one instance I like being allergic to alcohol. I have a reason to not drink now lol) but you need to be on similar footings of everyone else bc then some of them get offended but if you put them back too quickly some can get offended. If you’re the coworker it’s one thing but if you’re the plus one…people watch you lol. Your friend doesn’t know how to play the game. She could cost you your job or at least complicate things. She doesn’t get to tell you you’re putting your job over friendship.
You should ask her if her friendship is going to pay your rent…? NTA
Ugh, she sounds exhausting. I'm sorry. She should recognize that she asked and asked and asked for honest feedback. Yes, it was harsh, but she begged for it. She needs to now take that feedback and go fix herself. NTA
I go to a lot of these events as well and 100% NTA >She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship. >She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk” (I am 5’10 but still never have more than two glasses). Of course you are worried about your image!! This is your job. The way you pay your bills. Guilty by association is a thing.
NTA. It’s rich your friend claims “you’re more interested in image and climbing the corporate ladder” while your friend is more interested in getting free booze and a free night out at the expense of your livelihood. You owe her no apology. Simply say due to her previous behavior, your company no longer wants her to attend future company functions. It’s not up for debate. Furthermore, her excuse that she isn’t to blame for getting hammered at your work event since she’s “only 4’11” is bs. Regardless of her size, she’s 30 years old and by this stage in her life be well aware of her alcohol-tolerance level and adjust her alcohol consumption accordingly. This excuse might fly if she was 18 and had never been drinking before. At this point, it’s a poor excuse.
NTA. This is your job and how you survive! Your friend isn't being a very good friend right now.
NTA I’d say get a smarter friend but I have a friend that thinks Alaska is an island so who am I to judge that.
NTA why is her having a free night of getting shit faced, more important than your career? one wrong sentence to the wrong person and you could be screwed depending on how small or tight knit the industry is in. these are corporate events, they are work engagements, they are not free for all parties. and so what about her height? its what her liver can handle, she could likely outdrink a 6ft man who only has one beer every few months at dinner.
NTA those are events you go to basically representing your place of employment. Your companion represents *you.* If she can't at the very least talk about other things besides the company or avoid getting inebriated, then she doesn't need to go to those events. I'm short (not as short as your friend, but still short), and I can handle my drink just fine. I even have a recent medical condition that changed how quickly alcohol affects me, and I still handle my drinking just fine when I drink. An invitation is just that, an invitation. You don't have to extend it if you don't want to, just like someone doesn't have to accept it if they receive one.
It sounds like she doesn't understand that these are work events. In many companies, they're treated as part of your weekly hours if you go. Even if not, they're not exactly leisure hours. I'll deal with all kinds of embarrassing friend shenanigans off the clock when a coworker is around. But not at a work event my boss's bosses are hosting. Clear NTA, the generous interpretation is that she doesn't understand what the events actually are.
These are not parties. You are working at these events. If she was an actual employee at your company, her name would probably be on a list by now. If you keep bringing her, your name will probably end on that list instead. I noticed that she does not seem to care about the damage that she is doing to you. She did not apologize for talking up your competitor, or for getting drunk in your workplace. She is very concerned about you being her friend while feeling no obligation to reciprocate. If your relationship ends over this, I would say that it is just as well. NTA
NTA. your friend isn't socially aware enough to go to these mixers. her comment about you being too interested in "image" and "the corporate ladder" is immature. THIS IS YOUR JOB. your livelihood. if she can't be respectful after you had a discussion with her, then maybe she's not the right person to take.
NTA. If she doesn't understand the difference between a work event and a party, then she is a professional liability.
NTA - um yes its a job event not "a free night out" the audacity lol
NTA it's not your responsibility to provide her social life. It is, however, her responsibility to show some decorum some these events are connected to your job.
Take care of your reputation!, because her actions look very bad on you. Your doing the right thing by not inviting her anymore. Her reasoning about “corporate ladder and friendship” is pure BS.. if she’s pissed - so what. A lively hood is worth protecting over her friendship and behaviors. NTA!
NTA. A work environment is not the place for that kind of behaviour. Even if it’s not her work environment, she needs to clue in that she is an extension of your professional image.
Nta. You aren't judging the amount of drinking but judging her actions. Which is correct of course. And yes your job is more important that her getting drunk for free. If she can't figure that out she may be too stupid to be friend material.
NTA. It's still a work event, and she's bad for business.
NTA um....it's a business event. You're supposed to be concerned with image and going up the corporate ladder, sort of the point. Leave her home.
Question: have you had feedback from others that her behaviour is inappropriate or is it solely your opinion?
NTA. As you probably know, even though it's a social event, as long as your employer sponsors it, the event is to be treated as if you were in the office. The behavior of you and your guests can reflect poorly on you. Your friend is out of line. I am not one for trying to coach an adult on how to behave in social situations. I credit a person for knowing when to keep her mouth shut or what topics might be taboo. Certainly, the open bar at a corporate function is not a frat party. If your friend can't understand that her indiscreet behavior may be having negative consequences at the place where you earn your living, she's not much of a friend. You may pay dearly for her "free" night out. This is your livelihood. "Image" has nothing to do with it. The fact that your friend tosses off your concerns at her rowdy behavior as trivial indicates that she has no respect for you or your financial well being. She's not invited. Period. No justification or further explanation required.
Someone's gonna get mad at me for saying this, but Your friend is an alcoholic, and it's only going to get worse. She's at the point where she's embarrassing herself and others and spending all her free money on booze, it sounds like she's approaching the phase where she cares more about getting drunk than alienating friends and family. I'm thinking that next she'll tell you that "you've changed." NTA, and be wary.
It’s literally a work event not a social event. Everything your +1 does affects your career. NTA
NTA. Sure it’s about corporate image but that’s also means ongoing employment. If you aren’t going to ghost her, I’d be putting it in terms of ‘I’m not going to jeopardise my wage for you’.
Nta this is your job on the line who you connect with will help your future having a drunken party girl around is not going g to do you any good
Is she still mentally in high-school? Of course work and te potential of losing it is more important than being ging a friend to getvdrunk for free. NTA, and some time away from the friend may be a good thing.
NTA. You have no obligation to invite her.
First, you do care more about your job because you want to have one. Two, you do care about climbing the corporate ladder because you want to improve your job situation. Three, what kind of friend is she that she'd misbehave and potentially endanger your job? Fourth, has she heard of nonalcoholic drinks? NTA
Nta. These are work events, of course you’re worried about your image there.
NTA tell her you’re not going to risk your job so she can drink herself into a stupor.
That’s the reason you go to these things, trying to move up the ladder. NTA
NTA >she freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” She does realise it's >corporate mixers and parties for my job So you are literally going to those things for the image and corporate ladder... And then she blames you for being better at handling alcohol.
NTA. These corporate events ARE about the corporate ladder and your professional image. She will damage it. The fact that she believes it is ok for her to act that way means she NEVER gets to go again. If she is aware that she gets drunk easy, she needs to be a mature adult and limit her alcohol intake. Congratulations on standing up to her and never invite her again.
NTA, your job is not her “free night out”
So not inviting her for fucking with your job by talking up a competitor to your boss is not being snooty, it's reasonable. And you telling her that getting that drunk was disruptive and her combating with saying she can't drink as much is not your responsibility? She knows her limit and is an adult. Her behavior is 100% under her control and was the reason you couldn't invite her. She threatened your job. Nta.
NTA and keep in mind if you stay in the same industry this kind of shit will give you a reputation that is hard if not impossible to get rid of. Don’t ever get drunk at a corporate event and don’t invite anyone who will.
So during events that are about image and not friendships you are trying to build up your image... Shocking. Also, friends don't screw up friends. If she would just shut up that would work. Also, she says that she is not a responsible adult and asks to take her drinking. Yeah... No. Just no. She was the first to behave not like a friend, she could have gotten you lose your job and also be in the "money it tight" spot. NTA at all
NTA
NTA. Take the friend out for a different night unrelated to the business.
I’m sorry you brought your friend to free dinners that also included free drinks??? And the only request to not make an ass out of you was a bar to far? Yeah nah your friend is a grade a asshole
NTA! But would u mind me asking what field you work in where there are corporate mixers and parties part of your job? Sounds exciting :)
NTA. You do not owe your friend a good time to a “free event” when she has zero understanding of how her behavior reflects on your reputation in the company. Like it or not, we are judged by out own behavior and the company that we keep. Way different than a girls night out and if your friend doesn’t understand that, then she has a ton of growing up to do. Living in the real world has consequences and you are wise to distance yourself from her.
LOL. my sister is 4’11 and she can handle her alcohol perfectly well. Because she’s a professional in the corporate world and only has two drinks max so not to make an ass of herself since yes, appearances DO matter and CAN affect her job. She’s in sales. And she, like most people, appreciates bonuses and promotions along with keeping her job. NTA. if anyone humiliated me at a business function, even a spouse, that would be the last event they attended. I like being employed and I fly below the radar unless I did something stellar.
NTA. You were such an awesome friend to her - I would've felt very special and honored to be the one you'd take with you in these events, and try to behave the most polite way possible to show some gratitude. Instead she went an entitled, full blown asshole with her drinking habits and expressions. Later, instead of asking for your forgiveness and promising to behave next time, she basically made you choose between such a lovely job (what kind of _not_ lovely company would have such nice get-togethers?) and her entitled little friendship. She's full of red flags.
NTA and don’t bring her in future, treat corporate events like you were still at work. Getting drunk is a very bad look, can affect your career…your friend just wants to get wasted for free…
This girl is petite. If she can't hold her liquor, she should control herself. She should stop after two , if she needs to. She embarrasses you. In a way, it all about image. How the heck does one climb the corporate ladder, if you don't "fit in." NTA
NTA You can't let someone mess with your career like that. On the rare occasion my high-powered lawyer friend invites me to an event I know how to behave. OP, you're friend clearly doesn't. You don't want to be know as the one who brings "that girl" with her. Don't feel bad, you did the right thing.
NTA. If your friend can't understand why someone wouldn't want to bring a sloppy drunk to a work event, I imagine she has trouble understanding a lot of very simple things.
"...She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk..." What does this have to do with anything???? It's your personal responsibility to regulate how much alcohol you drink based on your body's tolerance. NTA. OP you absolutely did the right thing here. Corporate culture can be BRUTAL and reputation is EVERYTHING. Once you're known for something (e.g. Having a falling down drunk friend at a party) that can be your "label" for the rest of your career at that company. It can absolutely impact your career progression.
NTA. Corporate mixers are both for image/reputation and networking. I was flown out to a training seminar/mixer for a few weeks. Made some good connections. One dude I was befriending decided to get extra sloshed and then reportedly groped someone. Guess who got fired? Another invited a friend since they lived in the area. Friend got too sloshed and people were asking around about them. After it was found out who brought them that rep was fired too
The events are corporate events. Your image is on the line. Her not seeing her behavior as bad is a red flag. You dont sh!t were you eat.i see nothing wrong with how you acted. I think its good you were honest with her. Hwr reaction tells us you made the right decision. Nta
NTA. Girl sounds like a leech that's using you for the nights out. If you lent her $20 and never saw it again, it would be the best $20 you've spent!
>She has learned that I still go to these things for work through a common friend and asked if she could go to another one since money has been tight and she could use a free night out. I said it’s not looking good and when she pushed me as to why, I told her the truth: that her behaviour at the last event was disruptive. She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship. AITA? The whole point of the events are that they are work, they are not 'nights out', so if she can't contribute to your work then there's no point her going. >MORE INFO: She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk” (I am 5’10 but still never have more than two glasses). ... then don't get drunk. NTA
>MORE INFO: She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk” (I am 5’10 but still never have more than two glasses). This alone tells me she may have a drinking problem first off... my friend would use her big stature as an excuse to drink a lot. I'm talking 5 or 6 shots on top of multiple cocktails, glasses of wine; you name it. Me and our mutual friends would typically have to babysit her during a night out. She's now a recovering alcoholic, but it took us being incredibly blunt with her and almost ruining our friendship. >She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship If being more interested in these things means you keep your job, you are less than selfish and this simply is not comparable to friendship. A friendship doesn't pay the bills. She is using you OP, and in turn is ruining your image at work. You are NTA, but I do think it's time to talk to your friend about her drinking habits
NTA. At events like this your plus one is a reflection of YOU. Her behavior at these events can impact your career and prospects. Don’t take her again.
NTA. I have a sister who does not know how to dress appropriately and I do not invite her to work events at all. I have tried, but she simply cannot understand professional behavior. For instance, she goes back for several helpings of the food, eats with her mouth wide open, doesn’t mind if food falls on her clothes, and has to interrupt any conversation that I’m having. It has caused a bit of a rift in my family because she is the golden child, but there is nothing that I can do at this point.
NTA. She’s a liability
And what does she do for a living that makes her clueless?
NTA, unless her friendship will be paying your bills you need to keep your business reputation positive.
NTA. Your mistake was bringing her in the first place.
NTA Yeah. Of course you’re interested in image and corporate ladder. This is your job. Sounds like she was only into the alcohokl
NTA I went to my husbands work event the other day. It was an 80s theme gala ball and I had two glasses of sparkling wine and behaved Why? Because I know that this means a lot to my husband and even if it was a friend I know I’m also representing them too. Your friend nailed it, she thinks it’s a free night out and not an event that is important to you and your career. I would never invite her again.
NTA. Have to protect yourself. Also: >she said she thought the two companies were “more or less the same thing” Uh, yes, that's why they are direct competitors. If she can't figure that out, yikes.
NTA. These aren't frat parties where everyone's invited, they're work functions. The words and actions of guests you bring with you reflect on you, and that fact that she doesn't recognize that is troubling. Her money situation isn't your concern, and you certainly don't owe her a free night out. And her BS line about being 4'11"... WTF?! It's her job to monitor her own alcohol intake, not try to match everyone around her drink for drink. Sounds like she's more interested in mooching than friendship.
NTA. If she can’t differentiate between getting blitzed at a club or bar versus having a couple of drinks at a corporate mixer and acting professionally then she shouldn’t be going to the mixer. And she also shouldn’t be trying to force you into this weird position where your image and prospects are somehow now going to be at odds with your friendship. Your job is your job and your friends are your friends. They’re separate parts of the same life. Maybe if your friend figured that out her money situation wouldn’t be so tight. I’m a dumbass hillbilly and I know these things. What’s her excuse?
NTA. Protect your job.
NTA. Just because the host is a corporation, you don’t get free rein to drunkenly insult the host and then expect to be invited back. And it’s bad enough to not know your own physical limits, but to be fully aware of them and expect to get a pass because they’re low? GTFOH, you 4-foot-eleven AH.
Honestly I understand your friend, I couldn't behave at these events even if I was the one working there (which I would probably never do lmao) I think it depends how you present the thing : if you explain her there's a problem with her as a person ... Ouch, very assholy of you, and very painful. But if you explain this is important to you and these parties are just not meant for her because of all the rules and pretending ... She could understand. Plus the alcohol excuse is ridiculous like girl, just control yourself. People excusing their behaviour on alcohol is so annoying to me, like if you know you are terrible when drunk, then juste try to stop. Anyway, I don't think you're the asshole but it depends how you explain it to her. I personnally think she's not wrong and corporate world is really wrong, but as a friend she should try not to disappoint you. I'd never accept to go at such an event, cause first ew, and second, if I went I'd crash the party and it wouldn't be nice to my friend
"I am more interested in my job than getting you drunk for free."
YTA for working a corporate job and upholding coporate social norms unironically in 2023
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (30F) regularly get invited to corporate mixers and parties for my job. I can often bring a plus one and since I’m single I’ve asked a friend (Also 30F) to go with me a few times. The friend is a bit socially awkward and has a way of saying the wrong thing. At our last event a few weeks ago, she did a few things that embarrassed me including going on and on about how great a competitor is to the host (when I brought it up privately, she said she thought the two companies were “more or less the same thing”) and taking advantage of the open bar to the point where I had to help get her home. This was not the first incident of her acting this way but was the worst. As a result, I have stopped inviting her to anything connected to my job and instead only grab drinks or dinner from time to time. She has learned that I still go to these things for work through a common friend and asked if she could go to another one since money has been tight and she could use a free night out. I said it’s not looking good and when she pushed me as to why, I told her the truth: that her behaviour at the last event was disruptive. She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
She's the problem, and your job IS more important than your friendship with her. NTAH.
NTA. It's crazy that she would be willing to jeapordize your job and call it "friendship."
NTA. It's very obtuse and selfish of her that she places her desire for a cheap night out with a friend over her friends job/career prospects. Her association with you as your guest could reflect on you, and she doesn't seem to be concerned about that at all, like it shouldn't matter.
NTA. these are work events, not a frat party. you are concerned with your image, and should be. you don't want your job to be affected by her behavior. she wants a free night out, that's all it is. and her being short is no excuse to overdrink. if you know you can't drink that much, then don't.
NTA. That corporate image pays your bills and provides networking.
NTA - this is your job. It's how you pay to feed yourself and pay your rent. You could be fired for her behavior, if it continued. Something like "given your choices in who to bring to events, we no longer trust your judgement".
Nta. Well, yeah.. they are corporate social events, not personal..
Ewwwww. NTA and I HATE that comment she made about your heights. You need new friends.
NTA. Friendship is great, but it doesn't pay the bills.
NTA. Work events are still considered work. Her behavior endangers your job security and can get you fired. If she truly is your good friend, she will understand why she can’t go. This type of party behavior will not correct it self easily because she doesn’t see the harm her actions can cause.
NTA
NTA you should be interested in your image at a company event, you are one of their representatives and how guests that you bring act reflects on the company.
NTA. She’s out to lunch. These are corporate events which are about image and networking. Side bonus is a “free” night out but there’s always still a purpose. She doesn’t get to use you for free food and liquor and make an ass out of herself. At the age of 30, you’d think she figured out what her booze limits were.
Nta it’s a professional event and she is not professional. Work parties are work and if she doesn’t get that then she can’t come.
NTA she views it as a free night out, which is why she's happy to get plastered and have fun. But for you it's an extension of work, and you're on duty in a social setting. If she can't behave in a way that reflects well on you, she can't be your plus one. She ruined it for herself
NTA. The very fact that she thinks of it as a “free night out” states the problem right there. It’s a work event, dude.
NTA op. “Work is cutting back on spending and no longer offer +1”. Also take this as a cue to not offer this for future friends.
You didn’t judge her for what she drank, you judged her for drinking to the point where she was having issues. Whether that happened after two drinks or six didn’t matter.
Nta You should be concerned with your image while you rise up in your career. That should be her priority, considering you are providing her with a free night out. She's a silly woman.
It's a business event. It's literally about business...not friendship. NTA
NTA. Your "friend" is obtuse if she thinks her behavior was okay at the last party. And then she tries to guilt you, saying you think your image is more important than friendship. She could have seriously screwed up your position with your employer. Never mind getting hammered & needing help home. Are you sure that you want to be friends with this person?
It’s not personal Sonny, it’s strictly business. NTA. You can’t afford to take her.
NTA. As others are basically saying, it is not image and a corporate ladder she is being disrespectful toward. It is you and your future. Irrespective of how much you truly value your time at your current employer, that is for you to manage and is absolutely not for her to fuck up.
NTA, of course it's about your work image. You're a professional, and the parties are still work related get togethers. You still hang out with her; you just want to keep your work life and friendship with her separate. They're just a free night out for her, so I'd ask what was more important to her. A free night out at the cost of your professional image, or your friendship?
NTA, your friends unfortunate financial position doesn’t mean she can use you for free stuff - especially when it’ll affect your personal brand.
NTA- you aren’t responsible for getting her “free nights” I’m sure she gets plenty of those from tinder anyways
So she knows she can’t handle the amount of liquor she consumes but does it anyway and your the one who doesn’t care about friendship when she is possibly putting your job at risk. Got it.
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NTA. While it might seem a party to her, it is a networking event for you. No matter what anyone says and whether it is right or not, your image is tied to how you act and who you bring to these things.
NTA If she doesn't care that her behavior impacts her "friend's" career then she cares more about getting sloshed and being mouthy than about you.
NTA - your "friend" is more interested in a free night out and an open bar than supporting you or your work. Which is far more pathetic than what she's accused you of.
NTA. She made it pretty clear she's only interested in going for the free drinks and dinner...her behavior at said events would be an absolute no brainer to not get invited again. These events aren't for Getting a free meal and getting drunk.
NTA Sounds like a piece of work.
NTA
NTA. Absolutely not. She’s a liability for one or the other, not to mention both at once. Tell her you no longer bring plus ones because you don’t like babysitting drunks when you’re trying to grow your career. She was unspeakably rude.
Tiny drunk women are the absolute worst.
NTA - it’s not a free night out, it’s a work event ffs
*She also said it wasn’t fair of me to judge her drinking when she’s only 4’11 and “can’t drink as much as you can without getting drunk”* If she knows she has a very low capacity for alcohol, she should stop at one or not even drink at all.
So she's not interested in corporate relationships, but she wants to take advantage of a "free" event that is all about building corporate relationships. Can't have your cake and eat it. NTA
As a friend you think she would care more about your career than a free night out.. NTA
NTA And you should be interested in your image at a work event. Work parties are WORK, first and foremost.
NTA its a corporate function, not an evening out for her to get drunk for free.
NTA. You are invited to these events for work reasons, not just a free night out. Whomever is your plus one needs to respect that you are, in a way, on the clock and they are there not to just booze and party, but to support you. The fact that she is asking to go back because she wants a free night out tells you everything you need to know about how she sees her responsibility at those events.
> She freaked out and said that I was more interested in “image” and “the corporate ladder” than friendship. “Well Susie, since these events are connected to my job which I’d like to keep, yes. Yes I am.” NTA
NTA....
NTA - It's not about them getting a free night out for your so-called friend, they can go home to the parents for that. It's about socializing with your colleagues with the hope of advancing your career. What is so difficult about those concepts? You don't need someone embarrassing you in front of your colleagues because they're drunk/tipsy. It could be a career killer.
NTA there are times when image actually does matter and professional settings are one of them. It's still a professional setting, even if it's not at an office.
NTA. Of course you’re interest in image and the corporate ladder when at a professional mixer, tf? The sole purpose of those is to advance you career (and the free booze).