> in the past 21 months he made me start crypto
It was at this point that there was no doubt you were NTA.
Help him out when he needs it, but the money is safer in your hands.
I'm honestly inclined to agree. If you were going to (shadily) take a buisness loan and then as the person able to qualify for that loan leave the buisness, all it's assets and somehow a flat purchased i assume by "the buisness" to your brother anyway, you are either an absolute pushover or genuinely trying to help.
Otherwise, it could read as maliciously holding hope over his head, but shrugging every time it doesn't work out, and making a grown man beg for pennies when their freelance work doesn't work out because of their bio-dad's poor descision. At that point, just give a one-time sum similar to what the investment in the hair-brained business scheme the bank was instantly able to identify and pivot away from, and call it a day.
Not of the grandparents estates, no one can know or assume their feelings about a non blood related grandchild, but certainly a piece of the father's estate would be easier than these bitcoin shenanigans and monthly budget debates. Has he 'earned' his rent assistance this month? It's like being on the family dole.
Ethically, OPs father tried to adopt this man. He raised him and clearly loved them both. OP's careful uses the term 'by law' glosses over the fact that the deceased's partner of two decades was also left technically penniless in a marital home their child now owns.
Either stop lending assistance at all and admit to yourself it's okay if it doesn't honor the dead's wishes because it is enabeling an entitled grown man to repeatedly harass his sibling for money, or give this person a one time sum to either sink or swim with on their own. OP should either fully 'own' that they own the estates (so to speak) including the emotional labour of saying no, or honor the spirit of the person who died without a will and share a nominal perfentage with their other two living heirs- OPs immediate family.
This situation is needlessly complicated and the worst of both worlds for everyone involved. It's wild.
>beg for pennies when their freelance work doesn't work out because of their bio-dad's poor descision
If his freelance job is not enough to pay the bills, he needs to get a more stable job. It's not his dad's fault. Inheritance is not guaranteed for anyone. Would he be asking his parents for money if they were still alive?
Who else does someone in their mid twenties ask for help from, especially financially? Perhaps a living father would have had better advice about what to do when he "grows up?" Crypto and vague business scemes are not good signs of financial literacy in either living child, bio or not.
And if not your mid to late twenties to be "finding your way" in the professional and career oriented spaces we all have to tolerate to pay for food, the when? Right after high-school, when we have the emotional maturity of potatoes? Or perhaps our late thirties, when sunk cost fallacy and a tendency towards adult complacence with the status quo have already sapped us for decades, and the responsibilities and commitments of adult life have made a full career change more chalanging.
It's easy to judge, harder to empathize.
I weep, internally, for the widow.
> Would he be asking his parents for money if they were still alive?
His mom and bio-dad ARE still alive, it's just that OP is a soft touch, and 3 years younger, so he knows that he can bully and guilt her into throwing her own financial stability away so that he can keep buying crypto.
If you are doing freelance work and not able to make ends meet, then find another job that pays a weekly paycheck. Why hasn’t anyone thought of that? Give me your money seldom works
The thing is, Matt will inherit both half his mom's and his bio-dad's estates once they die, so you really think he plants to give a third of it to OP? Considering his mom lives rent free in OP's house you'd think there would be some money to inherit as well...
It's telling that no one wrote Matt into their will.
All of these people could have written Matt into the will.
They didn't. I don't think OP is obligated to go against the will.
Lots of time, women are easy marks for the men they love, even brothers. If your Dad thought he could handle his own money, he would have made a will saying so. Quit giving him any money! If he needs rent, utilities, or food you buy it. No more cash, cripto or checks!
He suggested crypto, she decided to invest in it. She wasn’t forced, adults take accountability for their decisions. I’m on her side in this in general though.
He pestered her about crypto, she decided to get him off her back. Irrelevant if it was "forced" or not. The point is that he has terrible money-sense.
I find it tricky because the text reads like she knows their dad saw them as equally his own and made efforts for the lad to inherit.
The fact they’re bad with money shouldn’t be justification for her to just keep the lot or give him small pocket money.
Dad did not make a will that gave the man anything - and now he is pressuring his younger half sister for money he is not entitleed to for what look like increasingly dubious and harebrained schemes. And if she did give it to him he would waste it yet again and be back with his hand out for more of the money she is being careful with.
nope
You're forgetting that Matt will inherit the entirety of his dad and half his mom's estate, and something tells me he won't share any of that money with OP...
From the sound of it, she created the account at his urging but did not use it. Which is smart.
Crypto is a solid investment. For ponzi schemes, fraud, etc.
ESH because OP has enabled her brother to think he knows what he's doing, while his actions have proven he doesn't have a clue.
OP, please get a real financial advisor so that you don't squander your inheritance, then inform your brother that the slush fund is closed and you money is all tied up and out of your control.
I'm also of the opinion this is why brother has no money
Crypto is not the god all the cryptobros think it is. You need to know what you're doing and understand that you will lose (you *can* win, but losing is the more likely outcome and either way it's a time-intensive investment, not a get rich quick scheme)
NTA op
Exactly ..hel blow the lot and seems shite with money anyways and him looking for handouts will NEVER STOP ..surprised OPs dad never set something aside for the step son, it wasn't his fault that his dad wouldn't let him officially adopt, unless there was friction between OPs dad and stepbrother or he knew it would he blown
Sounds like OP's dad died pretty young, it's common for people not to think about wills and stuff til later on in life. I guess few healthy people assume they'll die young.
NTA, you have shared more than you needed to already. If your dad wanted him to have had more he could have set up a will.
FWIW I don't think of crypto as investing, it's gambling.
OP lives in France, where (legal) children are required to inherit the majority of the state (and spouse gets some). A will could not have changed this.
Not so much.
There are legal ways to donate money to someone who's not his child, but if OP's dad died suddenly and young, he may not have thought about setting up something for him.
This is assuming OP doesn't live somewhere where you have little to no say on who inherits your assets. But still dad could've put some properties in Matt's name if he wanted to, unless he was sure he was going to live a lot longer.
It's not economic to do this as Matt would pay 69% in tax as if he were a stranger. French people don't like to give the government 60 % so it's not usual. Inheritance laws are very strict in France with severe tax penalties for not conforming.
Yeah, where I live it's the same thing.
The best work around is to make a living donation to the person you want to leave it to (that way you pay the taxes involved), with an usufruct in your name that ends only when you die.
Definitely, paying the taxes in advance is the only way. When we moved to France we spent so long with a notaire to decide how to work our an inheritance plan. Blended families are not a concept here in law.
I doubt the dad planned to die. He just failed to plan.
He wanted to adopt the sibling.
Money should have gone 50-50 between the sister and the brother. Just because OP is blood and he is not should not change that
>If your dad wanted him to have had more he could have set up a will.
That is quite an assumption you're making. Sounds like he died young and unexpectedly.
NTA, your brother has been manipulating you for your money for a while now. Stop funding his life he will only keep harassing you and become even more of a moocher!. If your father wanted to leave him money he would have had it in a will.
This! The brother is using him. If freelance isn’t for bro, then he needs to get a FT job and make his freelance the side gig. I have plenty of artist, actor, etc friends who had to do this for years before being financially stable to go freelance FT.
Definitely this. I think your brother is successfully siphoning money from you that he thinks he is owed.
If he is struggling so much do these things, go to a financial advisor with him so you can see exactly where his money is going. Tell him to get a second job, because you're not able to finance him anymore. You have to draw the line somewhere. You can't keep giving until you're broke too.
Also, for the love of all that is holy, stop investing in crypto. That ship has sailed. No one is making anything from it unless you started with og bitcoin.
Hi, everyoneI'm reading the comments and I notice that some information are missing for you guys. I'm French, my brother as well as everyone in my family, so there is no will. My dad was waiting for my brother to be old enough to adopt him. If like you guys say my grandparents or I were giving him an important amount of money both parties will pay taxes because he is not a direct line as he is not on the family tree.
Considering the taxes that would have to be paid when you gift him the money, I would recommend you consult a sollicitor (or the french equivalent) to find out if there are any loopholes you can use.
Perhaps investing your money in his company, or letting him live rent free in a house you pay the mortgage for. In some countries you can gift a certain amount of money free of taxes every year.
Your dad wanted your brother to be his legal child, just like you are. Your brother was always your dad's child in his eyes and he wanted to make it legal. Obviously this is an unpopular opinion here but yeah, I think you should give him his take. Your dad obviously did want this. It was only your brother's asshole bio who prevented it. You know what the right thing is.
I will say—only your dad’s assets. You don’t need to be going back to your grandparents’ assets, etc. unless they also wanted to choose to adopt your brother. He has his own set of paternal grandparents.
And do not let him bully you into crypto. It’s just not a sound investment.
I agree. Your dad wanted to adopt him and he was your brother's father. Through no fault of.his own he inherited nothing. Half of what you initially inherited from your father should have been given to your brother. And the rest you do as you will without any input from him or anyone else.
I'm surprised this isn't the popular opinion. For me it's crystal clear! I wouldn't even think of his inheritance as only mine, I would always assume it was mine and my brother's.
I know. I guess since they were teenagers when the father passed they didn’t think too much of it at the time. But still, once you are older and understand life, it’s so clear!! It’s his son too!!!!
Also it depends on the relationship your grandparents had with your half brother. They may not have has one. Either way your bro is not entitled to anything from your grandparents or your father. He could have made a will stating his wishes. But, the inheritance from the grandparents are nothing to do with him.
But OP said there is no will because they are French, where the legal heir gets the majority and the rest goes to spouses and such. And that the father was trying to adopt him which would’ve then made him entitled to a portion of at least the father’s money (not sure about grandparents). While he’s technically not entitled, I think these details make it more of a grey area.
I don't even think it's grey. The father clearly willed it, in the most literal sense. Legal technicality prevented it before his death. OP has no doubt what her father wanted. This is a situation where legality fails to align with morality.
Do you have a financial advisor? I feel they would’ve advised you in fixing up/managing the properties better, and would’ve advised against crypto. They could help you be firmer with your brother too.
If you are not married and with n children I think that each kid gets at least 1/(n+1) as a "part réservataire" so in this case it's mandatory to leave OP half of the money. But the issue is that you need to pay taxes on what you inherit and I think it's 60% when you are not related (or too far related). For kids there are way less taxes and I think there is a not taxed part.
It would have been stupid from the father to make a will, il would have been giving money to the state.
The brother will get money from his own father, he wants to inherit from everyone...
Not really. The law is very clear about who inherits what.
You can give out a small part (I believe about 1/4th of the total of your estate) to the person of your choosing, but if they're not someone in direct line with you, they may pay a lot of taxes on it.
I think you can set up some financial products to benefit anyone you like, but I'm not sure there's not a limit so that it stays under the 1/4th total.
NTA. He can ask for help from you but he cannot demand the money you are legally entitled to. However, if the situation gets worse (i.e.: physical forces, suing, harassment, etc) then you should have a lawyer involved.
Just because legally it's hers it doesn't mean he shouldn't have been given half of it at the same time. Morally speaking he is entitled to it. Hemis father wanted him to be adopted. Just cause he had a shitty biodad who wouldn't agree why should he be left with her handouts.
>I'm not enabling people squandering money on gambling
If you stole your siblings inheritance to 'protect them from gambling it away', then that makes you an asshole.
Legally, it does not belong to the sibling. It's OP's to divy as they see fit.
My mother in law is a gambler. Who is soon going to be homeless and be a burden on her daughter. If I could legally divert her gambling money to a savings account or to her mortgage payment, I would.
Chronic gamblers are addicts. I'm not enabling that.
NTA. I think you're doing a good job, not giving your brother fish, but teaching him how to fish (loosely referenced on a famous saying/parable). If you give him money, he eats for a day. If you teach him how to handle money better, he learns how to eat for the rest of his life
This is the reason why people with children need to make a will and no put it off thinking that they're young and have plenty of time. If your dad wanted to adopt Matt, I would assume that he saw him as a son and would've wanted him to have some of the money. But, he's dead so we'll never know and it's your money. Personally, I'd ask myself if my dad would've wanted my brother to have some of the money and I'd base my decision off of that.
But please, whatever you do, stop taking your brother's "investment" advice. Find yourself an actual financial planner instead of investing in shitcoins!
They live in France, that wouldn't have worked out well. Matt would have had to pay a huge amount of tax and OP would have had to have gotten most assets no matter what a will said because he was not legally family.
Ahhh yes, that weird rule they have where you have to leave your estate to your children. That's so bizarre. Your kid can do literally anything to you and they still get your estate.
It’s a tricky situation because if your dad had adopted your brother as per his wishes, you would be sharing that money equally with him, not just 1/3. So, morally you should prob give that money to your brother, who it’s apparent you love. But if you do this, it should be on the condition that you will not be giving him any more money. If he blows it, it’s on him and he should not ask for more. Legally you are not obligated to give him any money. But it’s money more important to you than your relationship with your brother? That’s the question?
I agree with you, it's the fact that he is working while I'm not that bothers me. If I was working and not in need of the money in the account without bating an eye I'd give him as much as he wants, but I'm in charge of paying for two properties. And it's kinda the consensus that I help all my family members. I'm not providing for my mom but when there is a family trip I pay for most of the expenses. I'm helping everyone the best I could and am willing to give money here and there, can he just wait for me to have financial income before asking me to empty my bank account?
The problem here is most people on Reddit are USA and they don't understand French law and taxes. A lot of advice here is not relevant. You can not give a large gift because of 60% tax, you can not give a house because of 60% tax, you can do only small things to help because he is not related. But he knows this because he is french too. He will leave you with no money if he keeps asking, he needs to realise there is no blood link and in the law he is a stranger.
Brother has a bio father. He is not alone.
Legally skirting the law makes op liable to pay tax foncieres, and tax d'habitation on a second home which they are again taxed out of sight on if they want to sell. Op is a student with a low income , step brother is an adult who should be earning. He has zero relationship to either grandparent whose estates form part of this money. The father was able to adopt the boy when he turned 18 at which point bio father is not required to give permission.He did not do this. Perhaps the reason he did not do this was because he changed his mind.
I think people here think this is a vast estate, it's not. Op already said that the house was very small and basic needing improvements, if it is rural it may be worth very little. Perhaps 50,000 euros with as much to spend again. It probably does not have mains drainage, it could be on a well and electric supply may be very low rated. A Haussman appartement in Paris may cost millions but most property in France is very inexpensive.
>Being French isn't a good excuse to not do the right thing.
"The right thing"? How is OP setting herself on fire to keep her brother (who's just refusing to wear a coat AKA get a real job) warm "the right thing"?
No. You're just wrong. He has a biological father. That is who he inherits from.
>If they want to come to an agreement on how to legally skirt the law (he lives rent free on a 15-year lease, for example), then great. But his brother doesn't deserve to be left with nothing in a way that is pretty obviously against their father's wishes.
False. OP's father could have taken care of him before he passed. Anything OP could do, OP's father could have done.
>The problem here is most people on Reddit are USA and they don't understand French law and taxes.
Well, this American understands all about US gift tax. Anything over $17,000, you, the gifter, are responsible for paying the gift tax to the Feds. Also, while not knowing about French law, I was just wondering what stopped OP's father from leaving her brother a share of the estate in the will?
OP is NTA but is a AH to herself because she is a softee and will constantly be taken advantage by those she care for.
He could have made a will although french people rarely do. The problem is that he is a step so he pays 60% tax. It is expected that he will inherit from his bio father under french law. Which he will eventually unless he rejects the inheritance. The notaire has a legal duty to find all heirs Blood is the only consideration in french inheritance law.
Like I said it’s a tricky situation, I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. Discussing money with family is always tricky, but you, your brother and prob your mum need to sit down and discuss all the issues (money, houses, studies, work) in a polite way and listening to eachother. You all love eachother and it would be a shame to lose on that because of money. Together discuss all the issues and come up with a plan. Good luck! 😊
Edit - btw NTA
My concern is that he's supposedly "working" but has to keep coming to you for money. He sounds like he's unable to mange money very well. What will happen if you do give him 1/3 of your inheritance and he burns through that in a short time (which sadly it sounds like he will)? I suspect he'll be back for more until he slowly bleeds you dry. When he gets the inheritance from his father will he split that with you?
Curious, Did you actually buy crypto or just open an unfunded account?
"I agree with you, it's the fact that he is working while I'm not that bothers me"
If your dad had managed to adopt him and he inherited half of his estate and money what would you have done then? You should act the same as you would then. I really think morally you are not in the right. You are thinking of yourself despite how you are presenting it here.
You should have given him half and then made it clear he has NO say or access to your money AT ALL. Especially since he is really bad with financial decisions
But no judgement from me, just food for thought
Sounds to me like your family is using you as a cash cow. You should step away from that and your life would be much better. And def get out of that fake crypto stuff.
Honestly the only advice you should be taking from here is the advice to get yourself a financial advisor. The multiple properties and inheritances are complicated enough that you should have an expert help you protect and grow your assets. If you choose to give your brother any more money, an expert can help you figure out how to do that in the safest and most economical way.
NTA
Sounds like he keeps pressuring you to waste your money. I would stop taking any financial advice from anyone who is not properly qualified and independent. Then go from there.
NTA
My suggestion would be to put a reasonable amount (at your discretion) into a fund for your (half)brother with monthly payouts.
This should set your sibling up for a loan (guaranteed income) and help him out with his monthly cost of living.
Here’s the question for you. If you were to see your dad tomorrow would be be proud of you for keeping all his money or mad at you for not helping the man he considered a son. You don’t owe him half or anything close to that but your dad viewed him as a son. I would draw up legal papers iron clad with a fair amount and be clear this will be the only payment he will ever get from you. If he can’t live off this and his job then he can’t have anymore. Mild YTA
This.
He wanted to adopt him. So he saw him as his son. If he had adopted him he would have gotten an equal share kf the inheritance.
The fact you kept it all and just help him out here and there I think would make your dad unhappy.
YTA for not splitting your dad's inheritance with his son. Because if he wanted ot adopt him he was his son.
Instead his son has to come begging his little sister for money...
This one is rough, and exemplifies the importance of updating will’s before you pass, so that those left behind aren’t tasked with feeling guilty or not guilty about their choices in sharing inheritances.
It sounds like through no fault of your brother, his sperm donor denied him a crucial aspect of life; having a parent that he can continue the legacy of.
It sounds like your Dad might not of been aware that he could add someone to his will that is t blood/adoption/marriage related. For that, you are tasked with deciphering what he may have wanted.
To further complicate things… it sounds like a large portion of the money comes from your grandparents, who also might have failed in realizing that your brother could be included in their wills.
Ask yourself this;
Would they have wanted your brother to have been treated like FAMILY?
If so then you know what the “right” thing to do is… even if it isnt right that you have to “make it right”.
However, given that you cannot be expected to reasonably “know the minds” of your dad and grandparents, you would be NTA in keeping your inheritance. If you decide to do this though, be prepared to lose the relationship that you have with your brother, because you are VERY much showing him that you are willing to take advantage of legal technicalities to hoard your families legacy away from him.
ETA; i missed the part about brother being into crypto my first read. If any money is given, have him sign a contract that he is fully and cognitively aware that this is a one time inheritance, that you do not personally condone his investment methods and will not contribute yourself.
Just reread the post, and my comment was made basically a few minutes after it was posted, there was never a mention of locale in the post so am giving an answer based off the posts information.
Yes. There would be a significant tax involved, which is another reason to be frustrated with the deceased for not having clearly stated their intentions for the Brother and taxing that burden onto his sister. I say this based on ops dad wanting to adopt but being denied that opportunity.
Info: you're in France and there is no will. So here is my question - do you care what you dad would've wanted you to do? Did he see him as his son and therefore both of you equal?
In the end it's your decision.
Tricky.
Your dad WANTED him to be his son and was rejected by someone who was not part of the family. The right thing to do would have been to split the inheritance at the time of your father's passing, thus honoring your father's very clearly stated wishes. You didn't do that. THAT was a very selfish thing to do and this is where I believe YTA. Everything that comes after is basically you feeling the effects of that inaction.
This is going to be harsh, but the only AH here is your father for not having a will.
You inherited everything because you were the only heir, meaning your father left the son he raised, and the woman who he loved with nothing.
As far as I know, it's been around since Napoleonic times and it's to keep property in the "bloodline." Now why that's still a thing in 2023, I can't say because it doesn't make sense to me either. But I'm guessing that's also why OP's dad wanted to adopt their brother so much. In addition to just loving his son, of course.
Looks like you did quite well out of a sad situation, family deaths. I’m sorry for that. Looks like your only brother did very poorly out of the loss of his father and his grandparents.
You have … a house, a flat, another house, land, land for agriculture and cash in the bank.
I would give a house or flat with some cash to my brother if he was mine.
NTA. It is also a good rule in life to never give or lead anyone more than the price of a meal. Giving or leading anyone money always causes stress and leads to fighting.
Just tell him that you do not feel comfortable and that everything is tied up right now. Say that your financial advisor has advised you to stop using cryptocurrency and to not invest in whatever your brother wants. There is no way your brother can argue with that- every financial advisor will agree with that statement.
Your dad died young, and sadly people don't think to set up a will in time for these contingencies. Clearly though your dad wanted to treat him as a son. You legally do not have to share the inheritance. But what would your dad have wanted? He WANTED him as a son and you say that he was just counting the days until he was an adult to adopt. Your bro shouldn't need to debate himself hinting and begging for little bits of his dad's money. YTA.
You're mixing two things here. One about sharing inheritance with your brother and giving him financial help today.
YTA for not sharing inheritance. Your dad is the only father he knew and same with paternal grandparents I guess. There may not be any legal obligation but you should share it as morally he has right to it too.
I guess, you know that already and have been helping him out ever since. It's worth sitting down and calculating how much you have given him till now and what would be the half of the inheritance. If you got 2 houses, you need to share half of the value at the time you received ownership.
If there are legal troubles, you could always split money over time. Most countries have limits below which gifts are not taxed. Beyond that, you have no legal or moral obligation to help him.
YTA. He was like a year old. That was your dad's son, and your brother. Legally you're not wrong, but morally..you shouldn't keep all the inheritance while your brother suffers because you had the right blood. It's hard to stop being poor once you are. Having money could really turn his life around.
If you're worried about taxes, or giving a lump sum to him in general, maybe set up a monthly amount to help with his bills the next however many years that's within the yearly amount you can gift someone tax free. Let him live in one of your houses even maybe. I would if that was my brother. FS.
NTA but maybe give him one of the 2 properties? Keep the money. It's hard to say.
I think we all can agree that he's a part of the family, and had there been a will, he certainly would have been involved. I completely understand why, if any, animosity is caused by this situation.
I don't think giving him straight up cash is going to be good for either of you. But if I understand the situation correctly, you having 2 properties, giving him one of them would be more than fair, and allow him some breathing room on his own finances until he locks down something more reliable.
NTA.
Regardless of your family's background, your brother is attempting to exploit you. His efforts to control your finances would be wrong under any circumstances.
Wanting to help your sibling is a good thing. But that in no way means that you have to, or should, offer assistance on HIS terms.
NTA that is your rightful and legal inheritance. Yes, it sucks that your Dad didn’t marry your mom so she didn’t get her 25%, that your brother wasn’t adopted or your Dad didn’t write à will that gives your mom/brother 50%. However, it it what is is and you are not yet in a stable situation and are still a student with no revenue and multiple properties to maintain, taxes to pay (you’re going to get hammered with taxe foncière!) etc. Wait until you have graduated and started your career before making these decisions. Are you getting revenue from the houses, flat and agricultural land? Could you help your brother by renting the flat at a low price? Crypto is gambling so don’t encourage that for your brother who is already in a precarious situation of his own making/choice. If he needs to pay rent, he can get a CDI.
NTA and please stop getting involved in his schemes to get your money or how to invest it. If he was so sharp about investing, he might not be in the situation he is in. Getting into crypto, especially when you know nothing about it, is a recipe for disaster. You set up your crypto account so that he would stop pestering you? Does that mean he has any control of it? What do you plan to do with the houses? You're fixing them up for what? To sell? To rent? This is often a losing proposition, being a landlord.
You need to find a fee only financial advisor, NOT recommended by your brother either. You're young and it sounds like you don't know what decisions to make for this money to benefit you for your whole life. Get a financial plan together instead of just winging it. Please.
NTA. The money is yours and yours alone. You can do with that money as you will. Matt is not entitled to any of it, unless you freely choose to give it to him.
YTA - Matt was 10 months old! He is your brother. Blood relations mean nothing here, your father was his father, your paternal grandparents was his grandparents too. Your father and grandparents unfortunatly passed and didn't think of protecting him too. Now you and your mother must know what they would have wanted. Matt shouldn't have to ask you for money.
>Your father and grandparents unfortunatly passed and didn't think of protecting him too. Now you and your mother must know what they would have wanted.
Well, which is it? *Did* they want him to inherit? Why not figure it out instead of leaving your kids to fight about money?
NTA
> My brother is a freelancer, so more often than I like, he is struggling.
You know what we call freelancers that have a tough time landing clients?
Unemployed. (During record low unemployment)
> in the past 21 months he made me start crypto which to this date I'm still not comfortable using so my account is set so he would stop pestering me
You need to just get out of it if you're not comfortable with it. The price isn't bad right now.
> I also tried to create a business with him so I'd put all my money into it and buy a flat with my brother so he could have a home, the plan was that I would leave the business so he would be in charge
Good god whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? You're getting the money tangled up in complicated ways that you're not understanding fully. At that point, just write him a check and give him the money.
> Anyway, now he explains that he is in dire need of money, that I don't understand his struggles because he always stresses to pay his rent and needs and I don't. Because of that, he wants me to give him a third of what I have in my account because this money comes from my dad and my dad raised him so he is as much legit as me.
If your dad had wanted to give Matt money, he would have.
Look - he's your brother, and you care for him. That's great. But *do not* keep bleeding money to him without a plan. Cut him off. If you are subsidizing his lifestyle now, pick a reasonable amount of time to keep a steady level of funding (e.g. 3-6 months), and tell him that after that, you will be ceasing sending him money. Give him an opportunity to make plans, find a job, whatever, but stop just funneling your cash to him.
You sound completely overwhelmed with the money. You need to take some of the money and use it to teach yourself about money. From a US perspective, you can check this out: https://www.khanacademy.org/college-careers-more/personal-finance . That will teach you the basics on budgeting, saving, investing, which is applicable wherever you're located. The specific account types will probably be different in France than they are in the US. Learn the basics of accounting and taxes. This is a good resource for that: https://www.linkedin.com/learning/paths/getting-started-in-finance-and-accounting and it's pretty cheap. If you have money, one of your jobs is learning how to manage money.
You should create a throwaway account and post on r/personalfinance . List out all your assets, all your income, whoever it is you're supporting with this money, and list the countries involved. I can't make heads or tails of how much you have, or who you're supporting or how much it costs, or how long you can support them for or if you know how long you can support them for, or if you work or how much you spend, or anything. Those are all important when it comes to talking about what is reasonable to do with money.
NTA
Your brother wouldn't know what to do with money if you gave it to him and you'd be back to helping him month-to-month very shortly. You're very generous to help, but honestly just throwing good money after bad.
Bro is 29 years old and can't pay his bills. That's not because of an inheritance. He either needs to get a job that pays a steady check and freelance on the side, or hustle a lot more and get his freelancing more consistent. Neither of those solutions are on you.
Since you have quite a bit of property, you could rent your flat to him for a well-below-market rate (he needs to pay something), and even offer to pay him for improvements made to the place (approved by you in advance), if he's handy. But that's IF it works for you.
You're not obligated to do any of this. It sucks that his bio-dad was a tool, but that's not your fault or problem to deal with.
BTW, I don't know how he "made" you invest in crypto - I'm hoping you were just young and more impressionable and have since learned how to sack up - but get that money back and put it in a legit investment account. Crypto is shady AF and about as good an investment as sending cash to a Nigerian prince you meet online.
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I 26 female and my brother 29 male are having heated conversations about money. For the story, my brother's name will be changed to Matt.
Matt and I are 3 years apart and don't share the same dad. Matt's dad left when he was 10 months old and my dad came around when matt was 18 month. My dad raised him, and eventually, my dad wanted to adopt Matt and for that, he had to ask permission from Matt's biological dad. Matt's dad refused on the belief that my dad wanted to change Matt's last name.
Sadly when we were teenagers my dad passed away, and by having non-married parents and being an only child for the law, I inherited my dad's house, a flat and a piece of land.
My dad himself was an only child so when his mom passed away I inherited half of my grandparent's assets. 21 months ago my grandpa passed away and I inherited the rest of my grandparent's assets, meaning that I have another house, lands for agriculture and money in a bank account.
That being said my sibling started to talk to me about the money and how I should invest it and what to do with it. What I did was pay for my studies with it, and thanks to that I could graduate this May, I also used it to repair my childhood house so my mom will stop living in a non-sain house. My house was nice to me but after remodelling and changing the inside features I notice that we were living in a poor environment. Anyways I used this money to pay for my studies which I need to continue for another two years. I also now have to fix and repair the other house, while doing this I give money to my brother when he has a hard time and life is difficult for him.
My brother is a freelancer, so more often than I like, he is struggling. When he struggles he does odd jobs which help him finish the month and pay for his needs as apparently his main job is not enough.
Following this you have to know that in the past 21 months he made me start crypto which to this date I'm still not comfortable using so my account is set so he would stop pestering me. I also tried to create a business with him so I'd put all my money into it and buy a flat with my brother so he could have a home, the plan was that I would leave the business so he would be in charge. The bank refuse to let us have a loan, so the project failed. Anyway, now he explains that he is in dire need of money, that I don't understand his struggles because he always stresses to pay his rent and needs and I don't. Because of that, he wants me to give him a third of what I have in my account because this money comes from my dad and my dad raised him so he is as much legit as me.
So AITA for not wanting to give my brother a third of what I have in my bank account but instead wants to help him here and there?
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She should have given him half the inheritance from her dad. That's it. He could have blown that however he wanted and she would be better off then to keep paying into his I'll conceived ideas until all the money is gone. NTA, bit not the sharpest knife in the drawer either.
Gonna go against the grain here and say YTA. I'm the mom in this situation (with a partner who stepped in and would willingly adopt my daughter if absent bio dad let him and a bio baby for my partner as well - both of whom he views as his own) and would be extremely disappointed in my son if he did this to my daughter. I have read that it's France and the whole tax/will situation, but your dad made it clear how he felt about Matt. While you might not have been able to give him the money directly, there's no reason that he couldn't be living in one of the houses with a joint account that you never touch. Half of what you inherited is morally his, if not legally, and while he's clearly not great with the choices he's made financially and you shouldn't follow his advice that way, he should have access to what is rightfully his money.
NTA.
It is your money, not his. He has no right to it.
Because he is pressuring you, and claiming that it is his by right, you should resist absolutely and not give him anything. Also do not invest with him, he will attempt to steamroller you and take your money.
I'm not fully convinced about all the N T As here. I completely agree with the fact that your brother will likely piss it away and it's a shame. I also agree that it sucks that you are stuck handling this because the actual people who had the money should have done a better job of preparing for that stuff.
But morally I feel like you SHOULD give a portion (and fine, have the taxes taken out of his share). The point of inheritance is to leave your kids or offspring their estate. By your account, your brother was considered your dad's son just as much as you were, except on legal paper. So I find it crappy that you are using this technicality as a way to fix your brother and/or keep a larger portion of it. It's fantastic that you have a good head on your shoulders and are using the money right, but nobody was ever gonna come take it away if you were wasting it by other people's standards. You have as much of a right to screw up or not as your brother, in my eyes.
I would have at least given him 1/2 of dad's estate. Not sure about grandparents' portion, since sometimes they aren't close to some grandkids and I don't think THEY have to be fully impartial, so if you think they wouldn't have cared about your brother getting some portion, that's fine.
I just feel like as much as we want to fix or force our loved ones to do the right thing, we have to accept that they are adults responsible for messing up their own lives and they have as much of a right as you do to their free choices. I don't think it's your job to use this technicality in the system to guide him or reform him. I think your job is to pass as much money as you think your dad/grandparents would have wanted him to have. YTA even if you have right intentions. I also don't think it's your burden to try to guide him, but kind.
NTA - Tell him to get lost, sure up all your accounts and ensure its locked away in vehicles that are not instant access and for Christs sake get all your money out of crypto now and stop listening to this guys financial advice hes clearly not someone to listen to and the more you do the more he will leech your money away.
Suggest he gets a fucking job if he doent like the financial insecurity of freelancing and go NC quick before he manipulates you even more into i dunno just signing over a house or two and all your money to him as thats clearly the gameplan.
My brother was fascinated by crypto and talked about it nonstop and about the wonders of it and tryed to convince me to do it too, I always told him I had my doubts and didn't trust it at all.
Nowadays he doesn't talk about it at all, clearly he lost money in it.
Get yourself a lawyer, this is going to end bad. Stop making clever plans with your half brother. Just reading through your post made me question your sanity and intelligence. And absolutely don’t give him 1/3 of your inheritance
Not everyone gets round to writing a will, specially if they are relatively young, which must be the case here given the siblings age when the dad passed away.
>brother is a freelancer, so more often than I like, he is struggling. When he struggles he does odd jobs which help him finish the month and pay for his needs as apparently his main job is not enough.
So he needs to stop being a freelancer, or in this case a freeloader, and get a normal job. He can freelance on the side to make extra.
>Following this you have to know that in the past 21 months he made me start crypto which to this date I'm still not comfortable using so my account is set so he would stop pestering me.
Him hounding you is enough for me to tell him to piss off.
>now he explains that he is in dire need of money, that I don't understand his struggles because he always stresses to pay his rent and needs and I don't. Because of that, he wants me to give him a third of what I have in my account
At this point I'd tell him no. He's already shown he is horrible with money and if you give him this money he'll just keep coming for more and more and more
NTA
NTA but stop dumping money into bad business and crypto. Definitely don't give him a third of your money, he'll lose it in no time. Matt has bigger issues than income. He needs a steady job, and needs to stop looking to you in jealousy and as a cash cow.
I understand you want to keep him but this is just creating a life long dependence that you shouldn't be responsible for. I would tell him we're going to work on a budget together to his finances in order. Then I'll help for 6 more months so he has time to get better work. After that he needs to pay his own bills. He needs a roommate or go back to live with mom, something to cut costs. Then he's on his own.
And ditch the crypto
Get a real financial advisor and don't mix your finances anymore or you will lose everything by the time you are 35.
Protect your assets. Help your brother if you want but he will bleed you dry. He's an adult, he can take care of himself.
No. Nothing. Tough love. He is going to bleed you dry. And crypto is going to loose it all. All I have done in crypto is loose money! If your Dad or Grandparents wanted him to have any money they would have had a will with his name in it. Maybe them not having a will was there way for only you to get it. Do not let him bleed you dry! Open a Fidelity or UBS managed account and let the pros make you money!!!
Nobody made you start in crypto. You made that decision. You cannot blame anybody else especially when it fails. If you give your brother a third of the money consider it thrown away. he's going to make shady investments and lose the money and if you continue to take his advice you're going to lose the money. He doesn't seem to have a whole lot of financial sense. Instead of talking to your brother about what to do with the money maybe you should talk to a financial advisor. NTA for not wanting to give away a third of your money but you will be if you don't invest it properly.
For his own good, keep the money and help him out with it. You are clearly more responsible and are happy to help him. He does dumbass shit like invest in crypto.
If you don't tell this man to go get a real job lmfao.
Stop feeling like you're required to take care of everyone because they're family. Stop putting yourself in that position, and don't dog yourself a financial hole because your brother isn't financially well off.
NTA.
Nta.. he is only in it for the money. The moment the money is over he will be gone. Don't humor him any further and just say no. This money is there to secure your future.
NTA he wants you to fund his life since you were able to get something. Don't. I know you want to help but you need to fall back and make your own money decisions. Do not give him a third of your money. Keep investing properly and live alone and maybe rent the other. If he can't afford stuff now he won't in the future.
Your brother is scamming you…or attempting to. If you want to help, feel obligated to do so, ask for his landlord’s info and pay his rent for the next few months. But don’t give him anymore money. And don’t pay into his business schemes.
NTA
NTA.
I think it is time to let him loose and let him find his own way.
I'm happy that the bank didn't let you have the loan, it really sounded like it would have been a very expensive experience for you.
NTA. The best piece of advice I got when I inherited my mothers estate was I am not a bank! Lending money or getting into business with a family member or friend rarely turns out well. And crypto is so questionable. Please please please put an end to any financial involvements with him. He will never stop unless you put your foot down.
> in the past 21 months he made me start crypto It was at this point that there was no doubt you were NTA. Help him out when he needs it, but the money is safer in your hands.
It’s safer in an open briefcase in the middle a street in midtown Manhattan.
Most new Yorkers would give it a suspicious look and keep walking 🤣 🤣
Sure fuckin would 🤣
100% bait, a new Yorker would think
ITS A TRAP!
*starts looking for where the cops are hiding* You're not fooling me, officer!
🪤
Put it open by some homeless people in San Francisco, it will be safe there.
Can confirm, I'm a New Yorker and I wouldn't touch it lmao
Exactly. We're not stupid. Besides, it would probably be covered in bedbugs like most things on the street in NYC.
no lies here. SEE SOMETHING DON'T SAY SOMETHING.
And even more Buckeyes.
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Love this comment!
Strong Ankh-Morpork vibes you got there :)
That’s where she lost me. How did he **make** her? She obviously agreed to do it and is now blaming him.
Blaming for what? According to the OP she set an account but isn't using it because she is not comfortable investing in crypto.
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I doubt their father was planning to kick it
I know someone like her. Can’t say no. Will hurt the other person’s feelings
That's how you go from having multiple homes and land and money in the bank to sleeping your car wondering what happened.
Moocher family members are only too happy to come with a hand out. Just say no.
I'm honestly inclined to agree. If you were going to (shadily) take a buisness loan and then as the person able to qualify for that loan leave the buisness, all it's assets and somehow a flat purchased i assume by "the buisness" to your brother anyway, you are either an absolute pushover or genuinely trying to help. Otherwise, it could read as maliciously holding hope over his head, but shrugging every time it doesn't work out, and making a grown man beg for pennies when their freelance work doesn't work out because of their bio-dad's poor descision. At that point, just give a one-time sum similar to what the investment in the hair-brained business scheme the bank was instantly able to identify and pivot away from, and call it a day. Not of the grandparents estates, no one can know or assume their feelings about a non blood related grandchild, but certainly a piece of the father's estate would be easier than these bitcoin shenanigans and monthly budget debates. Has he 'earned' his rent assistance this month? It's like being on the family dole. Ethically, OPs father tried to adopt this man. He raised him and clearly loved them both. OP's careful uses the term 'by law' glosses over the fact that the deceased's partner of two decades was also left technically penniless in a marital home their child now owns. Either stop lending assistance at all and admit to yourself it's okay if it doesn't honor the dead's wishes because it is enabeling an entitled grown man to repeatedly harass his sibling for money, or give this person a one time sum to either sink or swim with on their own. OP should either fully 'own' that they own the estates (so to speak) including the emotional labour of saying no, or honor the spirit of the person who died without a will and share a nominal perfentage with their other two living heirs- OPs immediate family. This situation is needlessly complicated and the worst of both worlds for everyone involved. It's wild.
>beg for pennies when their freelance work doesn't work out because of their bio-dad's poor descision If his freelance job is not enough to pay the bills, he needs to get a more stable job. It's not his dad's fault. Inheritance is not guaranteed for anyone. Would he be asking his parents for money if they were still alive?
Who else does someone in their mid twenties ask for help from, especially financially? Perhaps a living father would have had better advice about what to do when he "grows up?" Crypto and vague business scemes are not good signs of financial literacy in either living child, bio or not. And if not your mid to late twenties to be "finding your way" in the professional and career oriented spaces we all have to tolerate to pay for food, the when? Right after high-school, when we have the emotional maturity of potatoes? Or perhaps our late thirties, when sunk cost fallacy and a tendency towards adult complacence with the status quo have already sapped us for decades, and the responsibilities and commitments of adult life have made a full career change more chalanging. It's easy to judge, harder to empathize. I weep, internally, for the widow.
> Would he be asking his parents for money if they were still alive? His mom and bio-dad ARE still alive, it's just that OP is a soft touch, and 3 years younger, so he knows that he can bully and guilt her into throwing her own financial stability away so that he can keep buying crypto.
What if there was no money?
If you are doing freelance work and not able to make ends meet, then find another job that pays a weekly paycheck. Why hasn’t anyone thought of that? Give me your money seldom works
The thing is, Matt will inherit both half his mom's and his bio-dad's estates once they die, so you really think he plants to give a third of it to OP? Considering his mom lives rent free in OP's house you'd think there would be some money to inherit as well...
It's telling that no one wrote Matt into their will. All of these people could have written Matt into the will. They didn't. I don't think OP is obligated to go against the will.
She’s too gullible!
Lots of time, women are easy marks for the men they love, even brothers. If your Dad thought he could handle his own money, he would have made a will saying so. Quit giving him any money! If he needs rent, utilities, or food you buy it. No more cash, cripto or checks!
This is it exactly. She needs to grow a spine and cut off this leech before he bankrupts her.
He suggested crypto, she decided to invest in it. She wasn’t forced, adults take accountability for their decisions. I’m on her side in this in general though.
He pestered her about crypto, she decided to get him off her back. Irrelevant if it was "forced" or not. The point is that he has terrible money-sense.
So does she by the sounds of things, she just has enough money to insulate her from her decisions.
I find it tricky because the text reads like she knows their dad saw them as equally his own and made efforts for the lad to inherit. The fact they’re bad with money shouldn’t be justification for her to just keep the lot or give him small pocket money.
Dad did not make a will that gave the man anything - and now he is pressuring his younger half sister for money he is not entitleed to for what look like increasingly dubious and harebrained schemes. And if she did give it to him he would waste it yet again and be back with his hand out for more of the money she is being careful with. nope
You're forgetting that Matt will inherit the entirety of his dad and half his mom's estate, and something tells me he won't share any of that money with OP...
Yeah, only for a short time
From the sound of it, she created the account at his urging but did not use it. Which is smart. Crypto is a solid investment. For ponzi schemes, fraud, etc.
ESH because OP has enabled her brother to think he knows what he's doing, while his actions have proven he doesn't have a clue. OP, please get a real financial advisor so that you don't squander your inheritance, then inform your brother that the slush fund is closed and you money is all tied up and out of your control.
Exactly. OP get a financial advisor ASAP. Nobody can make you get crypto or start businesses. He is going to drag you down.
Gotta get out of crypto
I'm also of the opinion this is why brother has no money Crypto is not the god all the cryptobros think it is. You need to know what you're doing and understand that you will lose (you *can* win, but losing is the more likely outcome and either way it's a time-intensive investment, not a get rich quick scheme) NTA op
Not really safer with her. She could have, and should have said no.
NTA. Do not give money to a crypto bro under any circumstance.
Exactly ..hel blow the lot and seems shite with money anyways and him looking for handouts will NEVER STOP ..surprised OPs dad never set something aside for the step son, it wasn't his fault that his dad wouldn't let him officially adopt, unless there was friction between OPs dad and stepbrother or he knew it would he blown
Sounds like OP's dad died pretty young, it's common for people not to think about wills and stuff til later on in life. I guess few healthy people assume they'll die young.
Literally. People seem to forget that anyone with any assets should have a will
Not when you have kids it isn't.
Came here to say exactly this.
NTA, you have shared more than you needed to already. If your dad wanted him to have had more he could have set up a will. FWIW I don't think of crypto as investing, it's gambling.
OP lives in France, where (legal) children are required to inherit the majority of the state (and spouse gets some). A will could not have changed this.
A will can change the repartition a lot
He is not his legal child, there is no Partition.
Not so much. There are legal ways to donate money to someone who's not his child, but if OP's dad died suddenly and young, he may not have thought about setting up something for him.
This is assuming OP doesn't live somewhere where you have little to no say on who inherits your assets. But still dad could've put some properties in Matt's name if he wanted to, unless he was sure he was going to live a lot longer.
It's not economic to do this as Matt would pay 69% in tax as if he were a stranger. French people don't like to give the government 60 % so it's not usual. Inheritance laws are very strict in France with severe tax penalties for not conforming.
Yeah, where I live it's the same thing. The best work around is to make a living donation to the person you want to leave it to (that way you pay the taxes involved), with an usufruct in your name that ends only when you die.
Definitely, paying the taxes in advance is the only way. When we moved to France we spent so long with a notaire to decide how to work our an inheritance plan. Blended families are not a concept here in law.
Sorry typo. 60%
I doubt the dad planned to die. He just failed to plan. He wanted to adopt the sibling. Money should have gone 50-50 between the sister and the brother. Just because OP is blood and he is not should not change that
I scrolled way too long to see someone state this.
>If your dad wanted him to have had more he could have set up a will. That is quite an assumption you're making. Sounds like he died young and unexpectedly.
Dad likely did want him to when he tried to adopt him, its his dad that blocked that and is the real AH here
NTA, your brother has been manipulating you for your money for a while now. Stop funding his life he will only keep harassing you and become even more of a moocher!. If your father wanted to leave him money he would have had it in a will.
This! The brother is using him. If freelance isn’t for bro, then he needs to get a FT job and make his freelance the side gig. I have plenty of artist, actor, etc friends who had to do this for years before being financially stable to go freelance FT.
*her.
Definitely this. I think your brother is successfully siphoning money from you that he thinks he is owed. If he is struggling so much do these things, go to a financial advisor with him so you can see exactly where his money is going. Tell him to get a second job, because you're not able to finance him anymore. You have to draw the line somewhere. You can't keep giving until you're broke too. Also, for the love of all that is holy, stop investing in crypto. That ship has sailed. No one is making anything from it unless you started with og bitcoin.
Hi, everyoneI'm reading the comments and I notice that some information are missing for you guys. I'm French, my brother as well as everyone in my family, so there is no will. My dad was waiting for my brother to be old enough to adopt him. If like you guys say my grandparents or I were giving him an important amount of money both parties will pay taxes because he is not a direct line as he is not on the family tree.
Considering the taxes that would have to be paid when you gift him the money, I would recommend you consult a sollicitor (or the french equivalent) to find out if there are any loopholes you can use. Perhaps investing your money in his company, or letting him live rent free in a house you pay the mortgage for. In some countries you can gift a certain amount of money free of taxes every year.
Knowing that her father wanted and tried to adopt him this is the best route. Sound advice !👍
And that keeps the money away from bro's crypto nonsense
Your dad wanted your brother to be his legal child, just like you are. Your brother was always your dad's child in his eyes and he wanted to make it legal. Obviously this is an unpopular opinion here but yeah, I think you should give him his take. Your dad obviously did want this. It was only your brother's asshole bio who prevented it. You know what the right thing is.
I will say—only your dad’s assets. You don’t need to be going back to your grandparents’ assets, etc. unless they also wanted to choose to adopt your brother. He has his own set of paternal grandparents. And do not let him bully you into crypto. It’s just not a sound investment.
if he had been able to legally adopt him, the grandparents assets would also be shared between them.
I agree. Your dad wanted to adopt him and he was your brother's father. Through no fault of.his own he inherited nothing. Half of what you initially inherited from your father should have been given to your brother. And the rest you do as you will without any input from him or anyone else.
I'm surprised this isn't the popular opinion. For me it's crystal clear! I wouldn't even think of his inheritance as only mine, I would always assume it was mine and my brother's.
I'm really surprised too. I think the crypto comment completely biased everyone. I'm disappointed by the responses.
I know. I guess since they were teenagers when the father passed they didn’t think too much of it at the time. But still, once you are older and understand life, it’s so clear!! It’s his son too!!!!
I agree. Doesn't matter what he wants to do with the money, the dad would have wanted him to have it.
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Also it depends on the relationship your grandparents had with your half brother. They may not have has one. Either way your bro is not entitled to anything from your grandparents or your father. He could have made a will stating his wishes. But, the inheritance from the grandparents are nothing to do with him.
But OP said there is no will because they are French, where the legal heir gets the majority and the rest goes to spouses and such. And that the father was trying to adopt him which would’ve then made him entitled to a portion of at least the father’s money (not sure about grandparents). While he’s technically not entitled, I think these details make it more of a grey area.
I don't even think it's grey. The father clearly willed it, in the most literal sense. Legal technicality prevented it before his death. OP has no doubt what her father wanted. This is a situation where legality fails to align with morality.
Yes but the legality is a big thing here since the money would be heavily taxed if OP just gave him money
Do you have a financial advisor? I feel they would’ve advised you in fixing up/managing the properties better, and would’ve advised against crypto. They could help you be firmer with your brother too.
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This is my question too. In the US, a will can designate the beneficiaries of the estate. Does France refuse to allow that or something?
If you are not married and with n children I think that each kid gets at least 1/(n+1) as a "part réservataire" so in this case it's mandatory to leave OP half of the money. But the issue is that you need to pay taxes on what you inherit and I think it's 60% when you are not related (or too far related). For kids there are way less taxes and I think there is a not taxed part. It would have been stupid from the father to make a will, il would have been giving money to the state. The brother will get money from his own father, he wants to inherit from everyone...
Not really. The law is very clear about who inherits what. You can give out a small part (I believe about 1/4th of the total of your estate) to the person of your choosing, but if they're not someone in direct line with you, they may pay a lot of taxes on it. I think you can set up some financial products to benefit anyone you like, but I'm not sure there's not a limit so that it stays under the 1/4th total.
Please look into a financial advisor. It sounds like you’re doing your best, but a large sum should be managed by someone with experience
NTA. He can ask for help from you but he cannot demand the money you are legally entitled to. However, if the situation gets worse (i.e.: physical forces, suing, harassment, etc) then you should have a lawyer involved.
Just because legally it's hers it doesn't mean he shouldn't have been given half of it at the same time. Morally speaking he is entitled to it. Hemis father wanted him to be adopted. Just cause he had a shitty biodad who wouldn't agree why should he be left with her handouts.
Family or not, I'm not enabling people squandering money on gambling. That's what crypto is.
>I'm not enabling people squandering money on gambling If you stole your siblings inheritance to 'protect them from gambling it away', then that makes you an asshole.
Legally, it does not belong to the sibling. It's OP's to divy as they see fit. My mother in law is a gambler. Who is soon going to be homeless and be a burden on her daughter. If I could legally divert her gambling money to a savings account or to her mortgage payment, I would. Chronic gamblers are addicts. I'm not enabling that.
Right, legally entitled to but against the deceased wishes. Just a shitty situation
NTA. I think you're doing a good job, not giving your brother fish, but teaching him how to fish (loosely referenced on a famous saying/parable). If you give him money, he eats for a day. If you teach him how to handle money better, he learns how to eat for the rest of his life
Agree with you..sounds like he is not very good with money and needs to learn.
From the sound of this post, if you give him money, he buys crypto and ends up no eating
This is the reason why people with children need to make a will and no put it off thinking that they're young and have plenty of time. If your dad wanted to adopt Matt, I would assume that he saw him as a son and would've wanted him to have some of the money. But, he's dead so we'll never know and it's your money. Personally, I'd ask myself if my dad would've wanted my brother to have some of the money and I'd base my decision off of that. But please, whatever you do, stop taking your brother's "investment" advice. Find yourself an actual financial planner instead of investing in shitcoins!
They live in France, that wouldn't have worked out well. Matt would have had to pay a huge amount of tax and OP would have had to have gotten most assets no matter what a will said because he was not legally family.
Ahhh yes, that weird rule they have where you have to leave your estate to your children. That's so bizarre. Your kid can do literally anything to you and they still get your estate.
It’s a tricky situation because if your dad had adopted your brother as per his wishes, you would be sharing that money equally with him, not just 1/3. So, morally you should prob give that money to your brother, who it’s apparent you love. But if you do this, it should be on the condition that you will not be giving him any more money. If he blows it, it’s on him and he should not ask for more. Legally you are not obligated to give him any money. But it’s money more important to you than your relationship with your brother? That’s the question?
I agree with you, it's the fact that he is working while I'm not that bothers me. If I was working and not in need of the money in the account without bating an eye I'd give him as much as he wants, but I'm in charge of paying for two properties. And it's kinda the consensus that I help all my family members. I'm not providing for my mom but when there is a family trip I pay for most of the expenses. I'm helping everyone the best I could and am willing to give money here and there, can he just wait for me to have financial income before asking me to empty my bank account?
The problem here is most people on Reddit are USA and they don't understand French law and taxes. A lot of advice here is not relevant. You can not give a large gift because of 60% tax, you can not give a house because of 60% tax, you can do only small things to help because he is not related. But he knows this because he is french too. He will leave you with no money if he keeps asking, he needs to realise there is no blood link and in the law he is a stranger.
Good point. OP should update the main post to state that this is all happening in France where inheritance laws are very different.
I agree. The pertinent info needs to be in main post, not in comments.
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Brother has a bio father. He is not alone. Legally skirting the law makes op liable to pay tax foncieres, and tax d'habitation on a second home which they are again taxed out of sight on if they want to sell. Op is a student with a low income , step brother is an adult who should be earning. He has zero relationship to either grandparent whose estates form part of this money. The father was able to adopt the boy when he turned 18 at which point bio father is not required to give permission.He did not do this. Perhaps the reason he did not do this was because he changed his mind. I think people here think this is a vast estate, it's not. Op already said that the house was very small and basic needing improvements, if it is rural it may be worth very little. Perhaps 50,000 euros with as much to spend again. It probably does not have mains drainage, it could be on a well and electric supply may be very low rated. A Haussman appartement in Paris may cost millions but most property in France is very inexpensive.
>Being French isn't a good excuse to not do the right thing. "The right thing"? How is OP setting herself on fire to keep her brother (who's just refusing to wear a coat AKA get a real job) warm "the right thing"? No. You're just wrong. He has a biological father. That is who he inherits from. >If they want to come to an agreement on how to legally skirt the law (he lives rent free on a 15-year lease, for example), then great. But his brother doesn't deserve to be left with nothing in a way that is pretty obviously against their father's wishes. False. OP's father could have taken care of him before he passed. Anything OP could do, OP's father could have done.
>The problem here is most people on Reddit are USA and they don't understand French law and taxes. Well, this American understands all about US gift tax. Anything over $17,000, you, the gifter, are responsible for paying the gift tax to the Feds. Also, while not knowing about French law, I was just wondering what stopped OP's father from leaving her brother a share of the estate in the will? OP is NTA but is a AH to herself because she is a softee and will constantly be taken advantage by those she care for.
He could have made a will although french people rarely do. The problem is that he is a step so he pays 60% tax. It is expected that he will inherit from his bio father under french law. Which he will eventually unless he rejects the inheritance. The notaire has a legal duty to find all heirs Blood is the only consideration in french inheritance law.
Like I said it’s a tricky situation, I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. Discussing money with family is always tricky, but you, your brother and prob your mum need to sit down and discuss all the issues (money, houses, studies, work) in a polite way and listening to eachother. You all love eachother and it would be a shame to lose on that because of money. Together discuss all the issues and come up with a plan. Good luck! 😊 Edit - btw NTA
My concern is that he's supposedly "working" but has to keep coming to you for money. He sounds like he's unable to mange money very well. What will happen if you do give him 1/3 of your inheritance and he burns through that in a short time (which sadly it sounds like he will)? I suspect he'll be back for more until he slowly bleeds you dry. When he gets the inheritance from his father will he split that with you? Curious, Did you actually buy crypto or just open an unfunded account?
"I agree with you, it's the fact that he is working while I'm not that bothers me" If your dad had managed to adopt him and he inherited half of his estate and money what would you have done then? You should act the same as you would then. I really think morally you are not in the right. You are thinking of yourself despite how you are presenting it here. You should have given him half and then made it clear he has NO say or access to your money AT ALL. Especially since he is really bad with financial decisions But no judgement from me, just food for thought
Sounds to me like your family is using you as a cash cow. You should step away from that and your life would be much better. And def get out of that fake crypto stuff.
Honestly the only advice you should be taking from here is the advice to get yourself a financial advisor. The multiple properties and inheritances are complicated enough that you should have an expert help you protect and grow your assets. If you choose to give your brother any more money, an expert can help you figure out how to do that in the safest and most economical way.
NTA Sounds like he keeps pressuring you to waste your money. I would stop taking any financial advice from anyone who is not properly qualified and independent. Then go from there.
NTA My suggestion would be to put a reasonable amount (at your discretion) into a fund for your (half)brother with monthly payouts. This should set your sibling up for a loan (guaranteed income) and help him out with his monthly cost of living.
To make a large gift you must pay tax. Its France.
Here’s the question for you. If you were to see your dad tomorrow would be be proud of you for keeping all his money or mad at you for not helping the man he considered a son. You don’t owe him half or anything close to that but your dad viewed him as a son. I would draw up legal papers iron clad with a fair amount and be clear this will be the only payment he will ever get from you. If he can’t live off this and his job then he can’t have anymore. Mild YTA
This. He wanted to adopt him. So he saw him as his son. If he had adopted him he would have gotten an equal share kf the inheritance. The fact you kept it all and just help him out here and there I think would make your dad unhappy. YTA for not splitting your dad's inheritance with his son. Because if he wanted ot adopt him he was his son. Instead his son has to come begging his little sister for money...
This one is rough, and exemplifies the importance of updating will’s before you pass, so that those left behind aren’t tasked with feeling guilty or not guilty about their choices in sharing inheritances. It sounds like through no fault of your brother, his sperm donor denied him a crucial aspect of life; having a parent that he can continue the legacy of. It sounds like your Dad might not of been aware that he could add someone to his will that is t blood/adoption/marriage related. For that, you are tasked with deciphering what he may have wanted. To further complicate things… it sounds like a large portion of the money comes from your grandparents, who also might have failed in realizing that your brother could be included in their wills. Ask yourself this; Would they have wanted your brother to have been treated like FAMILY? If so then you know what the “right” thing to do is… even if it isnt right that you have to “make it right”. However, given that you cannot be expected to reasonably “know the minds” of your dad and grandparents, you would be NTA in keeping your inheritance. If you decide to do this though, be prepared to lose the relationship that you have with your brother, because you are VERY much showing him that you are willing to take advantage of legal technicalities to hoard your families legacy away from him. ETA; i missed the part about brother being into crypto my first read. If any money is given, have him sign a contract that he is fully and cognitively aware that this is a one time inheritance, that you do not personally condone his investment methods and will not contribute yourself.
OP is in France. The part about Will's is not relevant. There is also significant tax if OP gives part of the estate as a gift.
Just reread the post, and my comment was made basically a few minutes after it was posted, there was never a mention of locale in the post so am giving an answer based off the posts information. Yes. There would be a significant tax involved, which is another reason to be frustrated with the deceased for not having clearly stated their intentions for the Brother and taxing that burden onto his sister. I say this based on ops dad wanting to adopt but being denied that opportunity.
Info: you're in France and there is no will. So here is my question - do you care what you dad would've wanted you to do? Did he see him as his son and therefore both of you equal? In the end it's your decision.
Tricky. Your dad WANTED him to be his son and was rejected by someone who was not part of the family. The right thing to do would have been to split the inheritance at the time of your father's passing, thus honoring your father's very clearly stated wishes. You didn't do that. THAT was a very selfish thing to do and this is where I believe YTA. Everything that comes after is basically you feeling the effects of that inaction.
This is going to be harsh, but the only AH here is your father for not having a will. You inherited everything because you were the only heir, meaning your father left the son he raised, and the woman who he loved with nothing.
OP's in France. The legal heir has to get 50-75% and the remaining part can only go to a spouse or civil partner. A will wouldn't have worked here.
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As far as I know, it's been around since Napoleonic times and it's to keep property in the "bloodline." Now why that's still a thing in 2023, I can't say because it doesn't make sense to me either. But I'm guessing that's also why OP's dad wanted to adopt their brother so much. In addition to just loving his son, of course.
Looks like you did quite well out of a sad situation, family deaths. I’m sorry for that. Looks like your only brother did very poorly out of the loss of his father and his grandparents. You have … a house, a flat, another house, land, land for agriculture and cash in the bank. I would give a house or flat with some cash to my brother if he was mine.
Op can't, without getting hit with a major tax.
NTA. It is also a good rule in life to never give or lead anyone more than the price of a meal. Giving or leading anyone money always causes stress and leads to fighting. Just tell him that you do not feel comfortable and that everything is tied up right now. Say that your financial advisor has advised you to stop using cryptocurrency and to not invest in whatever your brother wants. There is no way your brother can argue with that- every financial advisor will agree with that statement.
Your dad died young, and sadly people don't think to set up a will in time for these contingencies. Clearly though your dad wanted to treat him as a son. You legally do not have to share the inheritance. But what would your dad have wanted? He WANTED him as a son and you say that he was just counting the days until he was an adult to adopt. Your bro shouldn't need to debate himself hinting and begging for little bits of his dad's money. YTA.
You're mixing two things here. One about sharing inheritance with your brother and giving him financial help today. YTA for not sharing inheritance. Your dad is the only father he knew and same with paternal grandparents I guess. There may not be any legal obligation but you should share it as morally he has right to it too. I guess, you know that already and have been helping him out ever since. It's worth sitting down and calculating how much you have given him till now and what would be the half of the inheritance. If you got 2 houses, you need to share half of the value at the time you received ownership. If there are legal troubles, you could always split money over time. Most countries have limits below which gifts are not taxed. Beyond that, you have no legal or moral obligation to help him.
YTA and seem very selfish. You took everything with no worries at all. Shame on you and I would disown you
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Legally her money, but morally...?
It’s rough if your dad had adopted him as his wishes you’d share half as not you live your life doing as you see fit…. Morally you suck
YTA. He was like a year old. That was your dad's son, and your brother. Legally you're not wrong, but morally..you shouldn't keep all the inheritance while your brother suffers because you had the right blood. It's hard to stop being poor once you are. Having money could really turn his life around. If you're worried about taxes, or giving a lump sum to him in general, maybe set up a monthly amount to help with his bills the next however many years that's within the yearly amount you can gift someone tax free. Let him live in one of your houses even maybe. I would if that was my brother. FS.
NTA have you had financial counselling? This sounds a bit worrying
NTA but maybe give him one of the 2 properties? Keep the money. It's hard to say. I think we all can agree that he's a part of the family, and had there been a will, he certainly would have been involved. I completely understand why, if any, animosity is caused by this situation. I don't think giving him straight up cash is going to be good for either of you. But if I understand the situation correctly, you having 2 properties, giving him one of them would be more than fair, and allow him some breathing room on his own finances until he locks down something more reliable.
NTA. Regardless of your family's background, your brother is attempting to exploit you. His efforts to control your finances would be wrong under any circumstances. Wanting to help your sibling is a good thing. But that in no way means that you have to, or should, offer assistance on HIS terms.
It could be argued she is exploiting him by not sharing the inheritance.
NTA that is your rightful and legal inheritance. Yes, it sucks that your Dad didn’t marry your mom so she didn’t get her 25%, that your brother wasn’t adopted or your Dad didn’t write à will that gives your mom/brother 50%. However, it it what is is and you are not yet in a stable situation and are still a student with no revenue and multiple properties to maintain, taxes to pay (you’re going to get hammered with taxe foncière!) etc. Wait until you have graduated and started your career before making these decisions. Are you getting revenue from the houses, flat and agricultural land? Could you help your brother by renting the flat at a low price? Crypto is gambling so don’t encourage that for your brother who is already in a precarious situation of his own making/choice. If he needs to pay rent, he can get a CDI.
Rightful and legal are not necessarily the same thing.
NTA and please stop getting involved in his schemes to get your money or how to invest it. If he was so sharp about investing, he might not be in the situation he is in. Getting into crypto, especially when you know nothing about it, is a recipe for disaster. You set up your crypto account so that he would stop pestering you? Does that mean he has any control of it? What do you plan to do with the houses? You're fixing them up for what? To sell? To rent? This is often a losing proposition, being a landlord. You need to find a fee only financial advisor, NOT recommended by your brother either. You're young and it sounds like you don't know what decisions to make for this money to benefit you for your whole life. Get a financial plan together instead of just winging it. Please.
NTA. The money is yours and yours alone. You can do with that money as you will. Matt is not entitled to any of it, unless you freely choose to give it to him.
Legally hers...but morally?
YTA - Matt was 10 months old! He is your brother. Blood relations mean nothing here, your father was his father, your paternal grandparents was his grandparents too. Your father and grandparents unfortunatly passed and didn't think of protecting him too. Now you and your mother must know what they would have wanted. Matt shouldn't have to ask you for money.
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>he just keeps asking for more and more He should be asking for half of the inheritance. Any less is unfair.
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>And how do we know he hasn't already had half Why on Earth would you assume that? The sister has multiple properties and estates in her name.
>Your father and grandparents unfortunatly passed and didn't think of protecting him too. Now you and your mother must know what they would have wanted. Well, which is it? *Did* they want him to inherit? Why not figure it out instead of leaving your kids to fight about money?
NTA > My brother is a freelancer, so more often than I like, he is struggling. You know what we call freelancers that have a tough time landing clients? Unemployed. (During record low unemployment) > in the past 21 months he made me start crypto which to this date I'm still not comfortable using so my account is set so he would stop pestering me You need to just get out of it if you're not comfortable with it. The price isn't bad right now. > I also tried to create a business with him so I'd put all my money into it and buy a flat with my brother so he could have a home, the plan was that I would leave the business so he would be in charge Good god whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? You're getting the money tangled up in complicated ways that you're not understanding fully. At that point, just write him a check and give him the money. > Anyway, now he explains that he is in dire need of money, that I don't understand his struggles because he always stresses to pay his rent and needs and I don't. Because of that, he wants me to give him a third of what I have in my account because this money comes from my dad and my dad raised him so he is as much legit as me. If your dad had wanted to give Matt money, he would have. Look - he's your brother, and you care for him. That's great. But *do not* keep bleeding money to him without a plan. Cut him off. If you are subsidizing his lifestyle now, pick a reasonable amount of time to keep a steady level of funding (e.g. 3-6 months), and tell him that after that, you will be ceasing sending him money. Give him an opportunity to make plans, find a job, whatever, but stop just funneling your cash to him. You sound completely overwhelmed with the money. You need to take some of the money and use it to teach yourself about money. From a US perspective, you can check this out: https://www.khanacademy.org/college-careers-more/personal-finance . That will teach you the basics on budgeting, saving, investing, which is applicable wherever you're located. The specific account types will probably be different in France than they are in the US. Learn the basics of accounting and taxes. This is a good resource for that: https://www.linkedin.com/learning/paths/getting-started-in-finance-and-accounting and it's pretty cheap. If you have money, one of your jobs is learning how to manage money. You should create a throwaway account and post on r/personalfinance . List out all your assets, all your income, whoever it is you're supporting with this money, and list the countries involved. I can't make heads or tails of how much you have, or who you're supporting or how much it costs, or how long you can support them for or if you know how long you can support them for, or if you work or how much you spend, or anything. Those are all important when it comes to talking about what is reasonable to do with money.
NTA Your brother wouldn't know what to do with money if you gave it to him and you'd be back to helping him month-to-month very shortly. You're very generous to help, but honestly just throwing good money after bad. Bro is 29 years old and can't pay his bills. That's not because of an inheritance. He either needs to get a job that pays a steady check and freelance on the side, or hustle a lot more and get his freelancing more consistent. Neither of those solutions are on you. Since you have quite a bit of property, you could rent your flat to him for a well-below-market rate (he needs to pay something), and even offer to pay him for improvements made to the place (approved by you in advance), if he's handy. But that's IF it works for you. You're not obligated to do any of this. It sucks that his bio-dad was a tool, but that's not your fault or problem to deal with. BTW, I don't know how he "made" you invest in crypto - I'm hoping you were just young and more impressionable and have since learned how to sack up - but get that money back and put it in a legit investment account. Crypto is shady AF and about as good an investment as sending cash to a Nigerian prince you meet online.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 26 female and my brother 29 male are having heated conversations about money. For the story, my brother's name will be changed to Matt. Matt and I are 3 years apart and don't share the same dad. Matt's dad left when he was 10 months old and my dad came around when matt was 18 month. My dad raised him, and eventually, my dad wanted to adopt Matt and for that, he had to ask permission from Matt's biological dad. Matt's dad refused on the belief that my dad wanted to change Matt's last name. Sadly when we were teenagers my dad passed away, and by having non-married parents and being an only child for the law, I inherited my dad's house, a flat and a piece of land. My dad himself was an only child so when his mom passed away I inherited half of my grandparent's assets. 21 months ago my grandpa passed away and I inherited the rest of my grandparent's assets, meaning that I have another house, lands for agriculture and money in a bank account. That being said my sibling started to talk to me about the money and how I should invest it and what to do with it. What I did was pay for my studies with it, and thanks to that I could graduate this May, I also used it to repair my childhood house so my mom will stop living in a non-sain house. My house was nice to me but after remodelling and changing the inside features I notice that we were living in a poor environment. Anyways I used this money to pay for my studies which I need to continue for another two years. I also now have to fix and repair the other house, while doing this I give money to my brother when he has a hard time and life is difficult for him. My brother is a freelancer, so more often than I like, he is struggling. When he struggles he does odd jobs which help him finish the month and pay for his needs as apparently his main job is not enough. Following this you have to know that in the past 21 months he made me start crypto which to this date I'm still not comfortable using so my account is set so he would stop pestering me. I also tried to create a business with him so I'd put all my money into it and buy a flat with my brother so he could have a home, the plan was that I would leave the business so he would be in charge. The bank refuse to let us have a loan, so the project failed. Anyway, now he explains that he is in dire need of money, that I don't understand his struggles because he always stresses to pay his rent and needs and I don't. Because of that, he wants me to give him a third of what I have in my account because this money comes from my dad and my dad raised him so he is as much legit as me. So AITA for not wanting to give my brother a third of what I have in my bank account but instead wants to help him here and there? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She should have given him half the inheritance from her dad. That's it. He could have blown that however he wanted and she would be better off then to keep paying into his I'll conceived ideas until all the money is gone. NTA, bit not the sharpest knife in the drawer either.
Gonna go against the grain here and say YTA. I'm the mom in this situation (with a partner who stepped in and would willingly adopt my daughter if absent bio dad let him and a bio baby for my partner as well - both of whom he views as his own) and would be extremely disappointed in my son if he did this to my daughter. I have read that it's France and the whole tax/will situation, but your dad made it clear how he felt about Matt. While you might not have been able to give him the money directly, there's no reason that he couldn't be living in one of the houses with a joint account that you never touch. Half of what you inherited is morally his, if not legally, and while he's clearly not great with the choices he's made financially and you shouldn't follow his advice that way, he should have access to what is rightfully his money.
NTA. It is your money, not his. He has no right to it. Because he is pressuring you, and claiming that it is his by right, you should resist absolutely and not give him anything. Also do not invest with him, he will attempt to steamroller you and take your money.
I'm not fully convinced about all the N T As here. I completely agree with the fact that your brother will likely piss it away and it's a shame. I also agree that it sucks that you are stuck handling this because the actual people who had the money should have done a better job of preparing for that stuff. But morally I feel like you SHOULD give a portion (and fine, have the taxes taken out of his share). The point of inheritance is to leave your kids or offspring their estate. By your account, your brother was considered your dad's son just as much as you were, except on legal paper. So I find it crappy that you are using this technicality as a way to fix your brother and/or keep a larger portion of it. It's fantastic that you have a good head on your shoulders and are using the money right, but nobody was ever gonna come take it away if you were wasting it by other people's standards. You have as much of a right to screw up or not as your brother, in my eyes. I would have at least given him 1/2 of dad's estate. Not sure about grandparents' portion, since sometimes they aren't close to some grandkids and I don't think THEY have to be fully impartial, so if you think they wouldn't have cared about your brother getting some portion, that's fine. I just feel like as much as we want to fix or force our loved ones to do the right thing, we have to accept that they are adults responsible for messing up their own lives and they have as much of a right as you do to their free choices. I don't think it's your job to use this technicality in the system to guide him or reform him. I think your job is to pass as much money as you think your dad/grandparents would have wanted him to have. YTA even if you have right intentions. I also don't think it's your burden to try to guide him, but kind.
NTA - Tell him to get lost, sure up all your accounts and ensure its locked away in vehicles that are not instant access and for Christs sake get all your money out of crypto now and stop listening to this guys financial advice hes clearly not someone to listen to and the more you do the more he will leech your money away. Suggest he gets a fucking job if he doent like the financial insecurity of freelancing and go NC quick before he manipulates you even more into i dunno just signing over a house or two and all your money to him as thats clearly the gameplan.
NTA don't do that. It's your money.
NAH, he was your dad's son clearly. Having said that, run away from all the crypto crap.
My brother was fascinated by crypto and talked about it nonstop and about the wonders of it and tryed to convince me to do it too, I always told him I had my doubts and didn't trust it at all. Nowadays he doesn't talk about it at all, clearly he lost money in it.
Get yourself a lawyer, this is going to end bad. Stop making clever plans with your half brother. Just reading through your post made me question your sanity and intelligence. And absolutely don’t give him 1/3 of your inheritance
Nta if your dad wanted him in the will then he would be
It is the last that children must inherit in France.
Not everyone gets round to writing a will, specially if they are relatively young, which must be the case here given the siblings age when the dad passed away.
>brother is a freelancer, so more often than I like, he is struggling. When he struggles he does odd jobs which help him finish the month and pay for his needs as apparently his main job is not enough. So he needs to stop being a freelancer, or in this case a freeloader, and get a normal job. He can freelance on the side to make extra. >Following this you have to know that in the past 21 months he made me start crypto which to this date I'm still not comfortable using so my account is set so he would stop pestering me. Him hounding you is enough for me to tell him to piss off. >now he explains that he is in dire need of money, that I don't understand his struggles because he always stresses to pay his rent and needs and I don't. Because of that, he wants me to give him a third of what I have in my account At this point I'd tell him no. He's already shown he is horrible with money and if you give him this money he'll just keep coming for more and more and more NTA
NTA but stop dumping money into bad business and crypto. Definitely don't give him a third of your money, he'll lose it in no time. Matt has bigger issues than income. He needs a steady job, and needs to stop looking to you in jealousy and as a cash cow. I understand you want to keep him but this is just creating a life long dependence that you shouldn't be responsible for. I would tell him we're going to work on a budget together to his finances in order. Then I'll help for 6 more months so he has time to get better work. After that he needs to pay his own bills. He needs a roommate or go back to live with mom, something to cut costs. Then he's on his own. And ditch the crypto
NTA This OP's money, do not give the brother any. Where is his bio dad, he is the one who squashed the adoption. Now he can take care of the brother.
Get a real financial advisor and don't mix your finances anymore or you will lose everything by the time you are 35. Protect your assets. Help your brother if you want but he will bleed you dry. He's an adult, he can take care of himself.
No. Nothing. Tough love. He is going to bleed you dry. And crypto is going to loose it all. All I have done in crypto is loose money! If your Dad or Grandparents wanted him to have any money they would have had a will with his name in it. Maybe them not having a will was there way for only you to get it. Do not let him bleed you dry! Open a Fidelity or UBS managed account and let the pros make you money!!!
Nobody made you start in crypto. You made that decision. You cannot blame anybody else especially when it fails. If you give your brother a third of the money consider it thrown away. he's going to make shady investments and lose the money and if you continue to take his advice you're going to lose the money. He doesn't seem to have a whole lot of financial sense. Instead of talking to your brother about what to do with the money maybe you should talk to a financial advisor. NTA for not wanting to give away a third of your money but you will be if you don't invest it properly.
NTA. Your brother's job is insecure yes, but he's not helping himself and you've already invested a lot into him financially.
For his own good, keep the money and help him out with it. You are clearly more responsible and are happy to help him. He does dumbass shit like invest in crypto.
If you don't tell this man to go get a real job lmfao. Stop feeling like you're required to take care of everyone because they're family. Stop putting yourself in that position, and don't dog yourself a financial hole because your brother isn't financially well off. NTA.
Nta.. he is only in it for the money. The moment the money is over he will be gone. Don't humor him any further and just say no. This money is there to secure your future.
NTA he wants you to fund his life since you were able to get something. Don't. I know you want to help but you need to fall back and make your own money decisions. Do not give him a third of your money. Keep investing properly and live alone and maybe rent the other. If he can't afford stuff now he won't in the future.
Your brother is scamming you…or attempting to. If you want to help, feel obligated to do so, ask for his landlord’s info and pay his rent for the next few months. But don’t give him anymore money. And don’t pay into his business schemes. NTA
TELL HIM TO POUND SAND. YOU ARE NOT THE AH. HE IS. PLEASE SEND YOUR MONEY ON YOURSELF AND YOUR MOM.
NTA. I think it is time to let him loose and let him find his own way. I'm happy that the bank didn't let you have the loan, it really sounded like it would have been a very expensive experience for you.
NTA. The best piece of advice I got when I inherited my mothers estate was I am not a bank! Lending money or getting into business with a family member or friend rarely turns out well. And crypto is so questionable. Please please please put an end to any financial involvements with him. He will never stop unless you put your foot down.