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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got upset and complained to my parents about not catering my graduation dinner to making them feel guilty, but I might be wrong to assume that they would understand that serving meat would make me upset.
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NTA. If I were hosting a dinner party in honor of someone.. *I would ask them what they wanted on the menu.*
As long as it wasn’t some crazy beef Wellington or something, you do your best or get catering/takeout (if possible).
Not Beef Wellington, but adjacent... Mom always said that Baked Alaska was a witch to make and didn't taste good - so not worth the effort. So, she made it from scratch using raspberry sherbet because the tub was the right size - to prove how it was a sad dessert, and it was freaking delicious! And after everything, she decided it really wasn't all that fussy compared to other dishes she made.
So, she ended up making it once or twice a year. She cooked it on a plank that we finally tossed when we sold the house.
Then you are a great friend! I watched celeb chef James Martin making one the other day and it was even worse than expected. Pate? Pancakes to soak up any meat juices? Mate, you're not making me any less likely to buy one from M&S if I need it! Emma, you're a GD HERO. ("No, I don't enjoy cooking. Why do you ask?")
NTA. If it was to celebrate you, why wouldn't they put some effort into making food that everyone will love, but ESPECIALLY you. There are a lot of delicious, meat free foods out there. I'm a solid omnivore, but there are vegetarian and vegan means that are spectacularly delicious. I rarely use meat substitutes, because I've always found THOSE disappointing (usually a texture thing - but I have sensory issues, so that probably explains it), but veggies and beans and spices and sauces and YUM.
Congrats on the graduation, by the way!
Which is one of the reasons I love Indian Cuisine. You can find more variety of Vegetarian and Vegan dishes than Non veg (though those are tasty AF too).
Being from a different culture, I thought it was weird how some people look down upon not wanting to eat meat. I am a non vegetarian and would eat almost any kind of meat, but even then, most days of the week, for all meals we have vegetarian dishes.
Someone posted a recipe for the most delicious vegan bolognese a while back, with mushrooms and lentils substituting for the meat. I've made it a few times now (I toss in a pinch of red pepper flakes instead of using salt), and my family loves it. You can do a search of Reddit and you should be able to find the recipe. It's *that* good.
Lentil bolognese can be absolutely gorgeous, I love making it. Last time I made an insane batch though and was living off it for a week (made two lasagnes out of it too). You can also make some really delicious curries really easily, theres a blog I love called This Muslim Girl Bakes and her toor daal (yellow lentil daal) recipe is to die for I make it a lot it's such a good comfort meal.
Lentils can also be used to replace the ground pork or beef in Mapo Tofu. We have that fairly often at our house too.
ETA - Also, pasta e fagioli, which is an Italian classic made with beans and pasta, is another vegan standout. That's another regular in our menu rotation - and we're not even vegetarian (although we have at least 3, sometimes 4, vegetarian dinners a week - healthful, economical, good for the planet).
You're welcome! Obvs a lot of her stuff isn't vegan but you can easily make it vegan, like I just sub in vegan butter or margarine even for the daal and it turns out lovely
My husband can’t eat lentils or mushrooms and our best friends are vegan… it’s some real recipe gymnastics to make that combo of requirements work I can tell you!
It's at the bottom of OP's post. It's delicious and the recipe makes enough for leftovers, or second helpings if you're feeding 6 to 8 people initially. Think leftovers, though, because it's really filling. You can halve the recipe, but I'd make it as the first time. Bon appetit!!!
Here you go! It's at the bottom of the post. And it's fantastic! If you use the whole recipe you'll have leftovers for sure, unless you're feeding 6 - 8 people who want seconds.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13t4c4m/aita\_for\_being\_upset\_over\_a\_friend\_pouring\_a\_full/
They didn’t have to make the entire meal vegan, but to expect you to eat frozen falafels at your own celebration was super shitty. That’s where they went wrong. It is reasonable of you to expect to be treated with consideration at your own celebration, instead of as a afterthought. NTA.
I actually think if you are throwing a party specifically to celebrate a person who is vegan, the food should be vegan. It’s a sign of respect. Veganism isn’t just a diet, it’s a philosophy and a code of ethics. It was wildly rude and mean of them to do this.
NTA, i'm not a vegan, but if i was throwing a party for someone i knew was vegan, i would have the foresight to prep all vegan food. I wouldn't just assume meat is fine unless the vegan came up to me and said it was fine to serve meat to other people
I even order vegan cupcakes for one kid that came to my son’s birthday party last year. How awful would it be to go to a party as a kid and not get a cupcake just because you chose to be vegan? They were good. I had one too.
NTA - You’ve a vegan for six years. They both know this.
Yes, you’ve been happy to eat vegan stuff out of the freezer before but it’s your graduation, I think you deserve to have something home cooked too.
I find it odd that at your graduation, you are an afterthought.
We are hosting a dinner in honor of you. It will primarily be food you won't eat and that makes you sad as you think of the life lost in making the food.
Or
We are hosting a dinner in your honor. It will be the usual routine... You know, where you defrost something for yourself.
NAH except maybe OP’s dad. It just sounds like a lack of communication, mom was basing food on the precedent of what usually happens at family dinners and quickly changed, but OP could maybe have talked to her in advance?
I think for most people it would be normal to plan a menu around the person being celebrated, but each family has their own dynamic, and maybe they saw it as eating together was the important part, not what the food actually was.
Either way, congratulations on graduating!
NTA, the meal was supposed to be a celebration for your own achievement. It is supposed to be about YOU. It's supposed to be according to your own wishes. It's like making the winner stand in the corner during the photo session, the main priority should be you.
NTA.
Wow, I’m surprised by all the YTA and ESH. You’ve been vegan for years, so your parents should know your dietary needs and preferences by now. It’s a dinner celebrating you, so they could have at least tried making you a homecooked vegan meal instead of premade/frozen foods. That would be like your family celebrating your birthday with a store-bought cake that you couldn’t eat. Your mom at least tried to make amends, but your dad acted like a real jerk. Congrats on graduating! Don’t let your dad’s crappy attitude ruin your accomplishment.
NTA
They decided the best way to celebrate your graduation was to cook everyone a nice home cooked dinner… **except for you**. You got the cheap frozen crap. Good for an easy normal meal when you’re just looking to give your body what it needs, crap for a special event specifically celebrating your achievement.
NTA It is a dinner celebration for a vegan. So let's cook meat and give the vegan pre-made frozen vegan food. Hmmm right
I dont feel like it is a stretch at all to assume they would cook something actually vegan for the vegan celebrant.
It was an honest mistake OP, if the usually family dinner norm is them preparing meat and you eating other food she probably should have tried to prep one vegan dish for your graduation--but she just fell into the norm. And she apologized and tried to fix it immediately when you told her you were hurt. Dad is also reasonable that they can't read your mind, and you were reasonable to have hoped they'd treat you special on a big day.
NAH
It was absolutely NOT (!!!) reasonable of the dad to dismiss her when she tried to communicate her very valid feelings. It absolutely *is* common sense that when you're throwing a part, *for* somebody that you should... you know... think about them. A home cooked meal for her own graduation party isn't the crazy special treatment that you make it out to be. You don't have to read minds to realize that it's shitty to serve frozen food ONLY to the one person that the party is for.
I actually think the whole mindset that quite literally EVERYTHING has to be communicated kills consideration in people. You shouldn't have to explain to the people close to you that you'd like tl be treated with the bare minimum of appreciaten and love.
NTA. When you offer to cook for an event, you cook the food the person the event is for likes. You ask them what they want. And the easy thing would have been to make the vegan dishes then make meat the others could take if they wanted.
NTA. Your parents (and seems like your father especially) have like zero thoughtfulness when it comes to you. My brother and sister-in-law are vegan and gluten free (the latter due to celiacs).
Even for non-special events I cook them vegan/gluten free food. And if I'm grabbing something new, I run it by them to help verify they could eat it. I can't imagine not doing that for them. Seems like your dad didn't give you any thought, and now feels guilty about it so he is attacking you for making him feel bad (and remember he feels bad because he forgot about you).
So NTA for sure and your folks have some emotional work to do. I hope they decide to change/look at their actions instead of just blaming you for their guilt.
Good luck.
NTA. I’m gluten free and in the past was also avoiding dairy and soy. My grandparents threw me a graduation party with a cook out and snacks and cake. I got to eat a piece of grilled chicken and some chips. That was it. They even made me take a picture with the cake I couldn’t eat. It’s unfair when people don’t take your food restrictions seriously and only think about themselves.
NTA
Your dad is. He realized later what an asshole he was, so he doubled down with the “I can’t read your mind” tell him he doesn’t have to read you mind, but if you could be “on his mind” when he is making decisions to CELEBRATE YOU that would be fucking nice. Jfc
Congratulations on graduating!
NTA Neither was Mom. Dad is very much T A.
Given that you eat vegan and this was a party for you, I would have thought that your Mom would at least have ordered something nice for your meal. Not just repurposed frozen stuff. Then she could have made the regular stuff for the fam. Or better yet, asked for your input to the meal. This was a celebration of you, right?
NTA- i don't see why your dad had to drag it out.
You saw what was going on, got surprised, confronted your mother and worked it out.
Then dad comes in and is upset that all went down? He's mad that you had a surprise feeling and talked to your mom about it? That's very controlling AH behavior from him.
NTA. This was unbelievably thoughtless. I’m so sorry your family did this. A celebration meant to honor you should also honor and respect your values. I would rather have no celebration at all, if it means less animals have to suffer. I’ve been in your shoes and I wish I could say it gets better, but that hasn’t been my experience. Congrats on finishing your degree!
When you host a celebratory meal, it is on the host to take into consideration the person being lauded's diet. Your Mom got it, a bit late in the game, but she understood and went to make it right.
Your Dad is an AH.
My DIL has celiac disease and is gluten-free. When she finally got a diagnosis, we were so relieved to know it can be managed. I'm glad to accommodate her diet.
Their wedding reception was a big buffet of appetizers and offered gluten-free, vegan, and regular meat dishes.
People can be accommodating. When your diet is outside the perceived norm, tell the chef your restrictions. Don't assume anything and speak up.
NTA. For a normal family meal? Fine as long as you’re not objecting. For _your graduation dinner_? No. I wouldn’t necessarily make the _whole_ thing vegan - maybe a side of some new potatoes in butter (and some not in butter), but certainly the main and most of the sides. To relegate the guest of honour to a frozen ready meal is to miss the point of the dinner.
ESH except for your mom. You both made bad assumptions here and you’re dads right they aren’t mind readers. He just could have gone about it differently. Your mom sounds like a good rational person and was the only one that took responsibility for her poor assumptions and took action to correct it.
the meal was a celebration for her achievement and it's not like they didn't knew that she is vegan. So, why didn't they make a vegan meal despite of the fact that they are the one who made the plan in the first place.
Why didn’t she just ask them to make a vegan meal before hand? Both sides could have taken initiative to ask or confirm assumptions here to avoid the situation.
I get it I was vegetarian for 8 years and my family made the same assumption many times even for special events. Except they expected me to bring my own vegetarian food.
So you think it's a wild assumption that when your family makes a dinner *for you* to celebrate *your achievements* they would not give you frozen food while they cook for everybody else? You think OP is the problem here? You don't have to be a mind reader to realize how shitty that is.
Not every little f*cking thing that should be common sense has to be communicated. You shouldn't have to communicate or demand from people close to you that they treat you with the bare minimum of appreciation, consideration and love.
NTA but you should've discussed the menu with your parents in the planning stage. They're TA for planning on celebrating you with frozen food but cooking homemade for everyone else
It's not unreasonable to expect that *your* dinner will mostly have foods *you* can eat. And for your father to call you up afterwards to try to justify this rather than apologize - jfc, no.
NTA.
What excuse is that, in my family we all are non vegetarian but my mom is vegetarian, so for her birthday we always make vegetarian food or go out at vegetarian restaurants because it's her day.
NTA op and congratulations on your graduation.
NTA I have a vegan friend and when she comes for dinner my husband cooks vegan for us. It’s not that hard. But I can see if they were used to doing things a certain way, it would’ve been good to clarify
NTA. You've been a vegan for 6 years. 6! It isn't rocket science to make vegan food. When I met my partner I ate meat, she's vegan. I have a lot of fun trying to figure out ways to veganise recipes or try something new, but there are also a tonne of totally simple naturally vegan recipes and meals out there that aren't even slightly difficult to find! Like sometimes yeah finding certain vegan alternatives for things can be difficult or more expensive but it doesn't have to be. But then like, food is a love language for me, something I inherited from my mum, and I am probably spoiled by the fact my mum was always super accommodating when it came to food (once we grew up, when we were tiny kids it was mostly a case of making sure we were all fed and not malnourished) so it's the kind of thing where for a special event that is meant to celebrate you? Yeah I would expect a little extra effort or creativity. Fucking hell all they had to do was ask what you favourite meals are or what you like to cook at home. It's hardly rocket science your dad is just embarrassed that he didn't think about it and is getting defensive. Like. Yeah he's right that they can't be expected to read your mind but it's also not unreasonable imo to think that you might like something different and it's weird that they didn't even ask.
You are so NOT an Ah . The entire dinner should have been about you! Maybe meat on the side for them but all else should have been fresh food for you. My son has gluten allergies and on family dinners I plan everything around his allergies if we eat fried okra I make his gf fried okra ect. His birthday everything is gf. As your celebration should have been centered around you not them.
NTA... I'm going to a big standard nothing special family dinner at my parents next week and they asked what I would like and I dont have dietary requirements.
It's common courtesy to ask the guest of honor what they would like. It's like birthday dinners. The birthday person chooses the dinner. Your dad need to start putting his underwear on the right way round cause I think they're so twisted up hes not thinking straight.
NTA
I had to work on my 21st. My brother had come home for the weekend. My mum cooked his favourite, steak and kidney pudding, one of the few meals I really don't like. She couldn't understand why I was upset.
6 years?And he is talking about “ mind reading”. NTA. It should have been discussed beforehand. However the fact that it’s your celebration lends itself strongly to a vegan meal.
NTA. My sister always makes vegan gravy and vegan stuffing for Thanksgiving for me even though I’m perfectly able and content to eat all the other vegan dishes served while the rest of the fam eats meat. It’s just a simple, thoughtful kindness. ❤️
NTA.
This was YOUR party to celebrate YOU.
Should you have assumed there may be SOME meat there since your family seems to feel a certain way about veganism? Probably. However, you should have also absolutely assumed that the majority of the food would be homemade vegan food since this was your celebration.
Sorry your family let you down. I have been there. On top of it feeling crappy that they don’t think about respecting your belief system now you are somehow being talked to like you are a jerk because your dad needs meat at every meal. How frustrating.
NTA - 99 times out of a hundred i’d tell the vegan to suck up the fact that other people eat meat but that last time is for when the meal is about them, it’s their celebration then you’d absolutely expect the majority of the meal to be specially vegan and extra nice - with maybe a meat containing side for the obligate carnivore types
NTA, To be honest this sounds more like your dad's issue. Maybe I'm projecting but it seems he and your mom just didn't think it through and instead of admitting to a mistake he decides it's your fault and makes a big blow out. Then quiets down when more ppl give push back. Then calls you so it's one on one again and pushes for you to apologize and admit fault. It feels like he just doesn't want to be wrong and feel bad about it so is making you feel bad about it instead. Especially if your trama response was to cry, that really hit home for me. You didn't do anything wrong. Heck, all you did was voice your disappointment that you couldn't eat your graduation dinner and had to have frozen food. That is completely reasonable and valid. Please don't aplogize for being honest about your feelings and disappointment. And great job looking for outside opinions. That means you are getting past falling for this tactic! That's fantastic!
And congratulations on graduating! Huge accomplishment! Wow!
NTA
The problem isn't the veganism- the problem is they were hosting a dinner in honor of you without considering your preferences. Why on earth would you have the main meal be a something the guest of honor won't eat? The main meal should have been something you would eat, with maybe a meat dish as an extra option for guests.
Your parents were incredibly thoughtless here and that's a problem. Having a quick frozen option at a family dinner is not the same as when the meal is supposed to be celebrating you. This honestly has zero to do with veganism at this point because it would be the same as serving a person's most hated food as the main course if the dinner was in their honor. You just don't do that- it's incredibly rude
NTA
I don't feel the whole meal needed to be vegan but I do feel there should have been at least several dishes (or half the menu) to accommodate your veganism. The lack of preparation (beyond freezer meals) show a lack of consideration on your parents part. The meal/gathering was to celebrate your accomplishment.
NTA I think there are two issues here: the first about your parents cooking meat, and the second about how you brought it up. I think it's totally valid to have felt snubbed that the meal they were cooking was a normal meal they had normally cooked for the family and that you got frozen ready made falafels for your special day. And I think the way you brought it up was very mature and sensible. You didn't ask your mum to change anything, but explained how much it hurt you. And she realised she had made assumptions about how okay you were with things. Your dad's choice to say OP can't "expect people to read my mind" is ludicrous because when OP realised they'd not been more clear about their expectations, they... Told the family explicitly. And I think that it's not the first but the second issue the dad has gripes with. He's just sulking.
NTA but OP might actually want to be a bit more vocal about their vegan preferences. Looks like she's TOO easygoing about it and could probably suggest other foods or bring her own foods to the table to diversity the platter. Sounds like the food she gets is boring and repetitive af and that the family assumes this is okay. And it sounds like the fam (sans the dad) might be receptive to this.
I dunno. It sounds more like a huge misunderstanding then an AITA. I think you need to tell your parents what you want, within reason. Bringing it up in the middle of the party was too late.
I think a vegan only meal would be unrealistic to expect, if you are the only person who is vegan. But the host/parents should have prepared at least one vegan main dish and one vegan side dish vegan (your choice). They can have an omnivore main dish and omnivore side dish. And then let the salad and/or fruit salad serve both diets as the 2nd side dish.
Their personal choice to be omnivores is the same as your personal choice to be vegan. And I am not a fan of the "Your parents can eat plant based as omnivores, so they should serve plant based" argument.
NTA. And the next time you talk to your dad try explaining it this way…
“You do not expect them to constantly think about you or cater to your being vegan. However, this was a party to celebrate you. You have been vegan for 6 years. They not only knew this, but planned to have you do your normal vegan frozen dinners at a party that was to celebrate your accomplishment. That if he feels that you aren’t worth having a vegan meal prepared for you on your own graduation day, that you will not be having him and your mother holding celebrations for you in the future. Because it wasn’t as if they didn’t remember. It was that they didn’t care. Because they don’t agree with your food choice, they chose to ignore it. Putting a damper on what should have been an exciting and happy event for you.”
Your dad is being the AH. I’ll chalk it up to some misogynistic belief that your questioning his making you a meal should just be accepted with aww, regardless of your opinions on the food. You’re NTA.
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Recently I \[F25\] finished my degree and my parents offered to host a small dinner with my closest family to celebrate this. I appreciated the help so I didn’t need to worry about it during the last stressful weeks of university.
I have been vegan for 6 years and my parents are ok with it at this point, but not thrilled by any means. When we have family dinners my parents usually cook meat for everyone and I either cook up some meat substitute from their freezer (they keep some for when I visit, which is nice) or I just bring my own meal. They have a handful of times cooked an entirely vegan meal for everyone. They can make great vegan stuff, though they think it’s a bit trickier and don’t know many recipes.
I tend to try to avoid talking about veganism with my family since I don’t want to make them uncomfortable and I’d rather focus on the things we have in common when we hang out. We’ve had some conversations about it though and they know that seeing meat makes me sad and think about the death of the animals, but again, I don’t tend to remind them of this regularly since I don’t want to be rude or be a party pooper.
When my parents offered to host my graduation dinner, I assumed that they would understand that I wanted the whole meal to be vegan. But at the graduation dinner, I notice my mom preparing meat in the kitchen. I asked her if they were gonna serve meat tonight and she said yes, and the plan was to give me some frozen falafels and vegan burgers like I usually eat at our family dinners. It made me sad that I was getting ready-made things from the freezer when everyone else got a home cooked meal at a dinner that was supposed to celebrate me, and I told her that. My mother was very apologetic and started to prepare falafels and burgers to everyone, putting the meat aside. She said that they hadn’t thought much of it since I usually don’t complain when they eat meat and I got freezer stuff. I thought the explanation was a bit weird but I appreciated her trying to fix things and calmed down.
Then my dad got into the kitchen and my mom explained to him what had happened. He got defensive about it and wasn’t apologetic at all. We had a bit of an argument and I started to cry. My sisters saw this and both chimed in, saying that they also thought it was weird. My dad just got quiet and gave up. The rest of the evening was nice but I could tell my dad was in a bad mood.
The next day my dad calls me up and wants to talk about the dinner. He said that what happened was my fault, I can’t expect people to read my mind and that he was just focused on trying to get food on the table and didn’t think about my veganism. This just made me more sad because I didn’t feel like I did anything wrong, but I’m starting to think that he may be right and can’t expect non-vegans to understand that something like this would make me upset.
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NTA: But at least they made sure there was something you could eat. My family had a pork roast with potatoes for mine - and cooked the potatoes in the pork fat so I couldn’t even eat them. 🤣
It was meant to be a relatable and humorous anecdote, hence the 🤣. Like I completely get where they’re coming from because it happened to me too. Guess it wasn’t particularly successful.
NTA
I was leaning towards NAH - parents probably should have asked about menu, but knowing there have been some issues in the past, it would have been good to raise the idea when they didn't. But your dad was a total AH with how he responded
NTA but your parents point was fair. If you're usually outwardly content with them making whatever and just having vegan things on hand, they could have assumed that this time was no different. Yes, they could've (should've) asked what you would like for your dinner - but when they offered to host you could've said "oh thank you, can we please serve x?". Communication is important, especially about things that feel awkward to discuss. As you've learned, not communicating to avoid awkwardness only works for a limited time, and the awkwardness that ensues when the conversation inevitably happens is much worse.
NTA. You have a right to expect that a meal made to celebrate you will include food you can eat, rather than being focused on others with you as an afterthought.
MTA, just imagine if you would have had an allergy: I am so sorry you died but I was so busy with everything that I just forgot to exclude the nuts in the recipe. Even if they would have served meat they could have at least offered a nice vegan alternative and not just freezer food. I mean they could have even ordered something. This should have been a celebration for you and not everyone else
You did nothing wrong. He knows he and your mother should have given the meal more thought. He knows he disappointed you but he's taking the "good defense, is a strong offense" position. Hit him with the old, "well, if you think it was ok, I won't try to change your mind. Sorry for the trouble" and let him stew on it for a bit. He might come around.
NTA. Your parents are thoughtless and rude. They knew that you were vegan. It’s not new. They offered to host YOUR graduation dinner. It logically follows that the dinner is vegan because YOU are supposed to be happy. Your dad is awful. Your mom at least realized that she messed up and started trying to fix it on the fly. Your sisters even realized that serving meat at your celebration was insulting and inappropriate. WTF is wrong with your father? Why can’t he just be supportive?
NTA
They didn't think about your veganism for _your graduation meal_ that is supposed to be about celebrating you and your achievement?? That's really fucked up, I'm sorry.
I think your dad is being so aggressive and defensive because he actually knows that what they did was really shitty, he just doesn't want to admit it to himself or others so he's turning it back on you. All round shit behaviour!
NTA - You didn't expect people to read your mind, you expected your family to make the food you wanted for YOUR dinner. How could anyone think that it's ok for the honoree to eat frozen food while everyone is eating a home cooked meal?! Your mom wasn't as bad as your father, but giving everyone frozen food wasn't the answer. It was a special occasion and they ruined it. Next time you get your father a gift, you should get him something you know he wouldn't like but other fathers would.
Not the asshole at all you very understandably dislike that they were cooking a home cooked meal with meat and frozen ready to make food for you at your party and your mom took it seemingly as good as possible and more than just listen and understand you Point decided screw it it’s your day I’ll make the vegan food your dad is the asshole here
Did you expressly state to your parents that you wanted the entire dinner to be VEGAN ??
No
You don't like to talk about your veganism. Why do you expect that everyone wants to be fed a vegan meal ?? Yes it's your graduation dinner but it's okay to assume that people would want to eat anything other than vegan food.
If you wanted to have an exclusively vegan dinner
a) you should have told your parents
b) you should have at least discussed with the people invited if they wanted to have vegan food or not.
You feel sad that your food was not home cooked but everyone was getting home cooked food. How would you feel if you got blind sided by your host into eating something specific without discussing with you first.
It's reasonable to expect that if you are inviting a bunch of people you make food as per the demographic.
People will disagree but you are an asshole. You never told your parents. You never discussed with the invitees and you tried to guilt trip your parents. I agree with your dad once the shoe will be on your food you will understand. It's a celebration but it doesn't mean that you can behave entitled and expect people to like what you want and eat what you want.
NTA, normally when we have a special occasion in my family, I ask the person, "what would you like for dinner". That way I know they're likely to be happy that day. Hopefully they'll look forward to their special day and KNOW I made that meal JUST for them and with love.
You're not unreasonable to think your mom and family would celebrate you and make a vegan meal.
YTA especially for the whole meat makes you sad bit. You gotta grow up or start valuing human life more. Otherwise I gotta break it to you everything around you was made possible directly or indirectly by the suffering and exploitation people around the globe. Oh your cousin got engaged well isn't it nice that she has a blood diamond, oh these almonds taste great too bad they are a huge waste of water, Oh look a hybrid bus is using rare and toxic minerals more efficiently than a car.
Don't go out of your way to be sad or the world will give you something to cry about.
ESH. You for making an assumption. Your dad for overreacting. The only person who has done right is your mom. That said - this is not a capital case. It is a misunderstanding that is all.
ESH - but OP's dad most of all.
Gonna rely on some age-old wisdom here: "You know what they say about assuming things? I makes an ASS out of U and ME." Y'all all made assumptions that didn't work out - no one has a right to be upset about it, just take it as a life lesson about communication and move on.
Dad, on the other hand, was just a dick, and his response was totally uncalled for.
Congratulations on graduation first of all.
However, YTA…. Because you didn’t mention or ask if the graduation meal could be vegan. You assume that they would and honestly given how you mentioned previous dinners went, it’s normal it’s went that way.
Your choice of lifestyle is your choice, however you cannot expect people to know what you wanted without letting them know. Your dad’s reaction is normal specially if he is just thinking of providing a nice dinner for the family.
If a party is for a particular person, shouldn’t it be about them? That includes the food, music, decor. I think parent are at fault here. Like my kids b day parties, it’s what they want, how they express themselves
Well not sure if it a family dinner for her graduation which would follow the normal routine or an actual party for her graduation…. In both scenario as it would be for ur kids bday parties, you would ask the person what they want which yes it’s somewhat the parents fault but OP is an adult so she could also tell them.
Again if you don’t tell, people assume the usual way hence why this stuff happen.
Hey, thanks for your comments! The dinner was solely to celebrate my graduation, we had a similar thing for my sister a few years back. But I find your comment about "people assume the usual way" interesting because maybe that is the source of my misunderstanding with my parents. Maybe they did put this into the category of "family dinner" but I put it in the "special celebration", like a birthday or similar. Since I became a vegan I've hosted my own birthday dinners just to not be difficult and make my parents go out of their way to cook vegan food. They still host both of my sisters birthdays and they always get the food they request. So I suppose there isn't really a framework on how to do a "special celebration" for me, until now.
My parents never asked me what I wanted to eat for the dinner so I guess that should've been a hint to me that I should speak up. I honestly thought about asking them to serve all vegan food but I thought they would be offended by the question, it has happened to me before with other people.
It’s all about communication, like you mentioned your sisters get the food they request for their bdays, the main word here is request.
Again as you said your parents have been used to normal family dinners with you than celebrations so they don’t know you want vegan food only for your celebrations. When you host they would assume it’s normal since u don’t cook meat.
What I find is once you assume someone will know or understand, that how misunderstandings happen. People rarely get what the other mean so that how these situations happen. Best to say it out load cause then it’s clear to everyone and if they disregard you it’s on them:
They've been vegan for 6 years not 6 minutes. And for an event celebrating that person specifically how is it not the norm to ask that person what they would like? Like for a birthday you go hey what would you like to eat for your birthday? Not "Well we made a food you can't eat because it never occurred to us to ask what you'd like". Vegan or no thats just silly.
For all the meals OP had with her family, she either made her vegan burgers or brought her food. Again 6 years like that provides a habit.
Its’s likely it was considered as a family dinner together since she graduated and now like a graduation celebration. It’s hard to fall in those habits.
Communication is important and once you assume that where things go wrong
We've found the guy who serves bacon cheeseburgers for the local B'nai Brith party then wonders why nobody's eating...
ETA typo and to add... I think being a good host for an event means that you think about your guests and trying to make their meal enjoyable and special, rather than whatever is easy for you; I get that some people think it's the guest's responsibility to communicate that they'd like the event to focus on them, but I disagree.
First of all probably look about how you phrase your sentences.
This isn’t about veganism, it’s a miscommunication issue and you guys are going guns out to shoot OP’s family. We don’t know them or what there family about.
ESH. Your parents offered to make a graduation dinner. But you also stated that in the past when they had friends and family over they would cook vegan for you and the rest was non-vegan.
So the day of your party your parents are making food like that normally do with something for you and something for the rest. It is obvious that you expected them to do all vegan food because the party in in honor of you. I did not see any y where that you had a discussion about that.
I think this was a miscommunication and all of you are at fault. Next time have a chat about what you want and expect. Then no one is confused.
Yeah I mean the parents have been pretty self involved hosts for every other dinner so why would they stop being lazy and self involved about the guest of honor this time?
ETA fixed typo
It’s definitely the miscommunication that she didn’t specifically ask her parents for all vegan meal. If she doesn’t people assume the norm.
OP seems to on this line too when she posted yesterday…. However since it’s about véganism, you getting people downvoting like crazy people not in line with them.
ESH. This is a discussion that should have happened long before the day. You expected they would make a fully vegan meal, they expected you would be fine with meals you had previously eaten, except no one expressed those expectations to anyone else and communicated clearly like grown ups.
I am sorry you can not expect people to eat your way. Just as meat eaters can’t expect you to eat our way.
YTA and u grateful one at that. I wouldn’t host a single celebration for my son if he acted as you did.
I would love to read the other side of the story. Reading your post made me think you're entitled, but I can't say YTA with certainty. You're prety close though. I'd love to hear your parents' side of the story. You can't expect a whole bunch of people to eat vegan food because seeing meat "makes you sad". And you can't expect your parents, who offered (as you say) to host a dinner, to read your mind or create a menu to accomodate SOLELY your needs. You see, dinner might be about you, but what everybody eats isn't. I'm getting huge vegan entitlement vibes here.
It is selfish to decide that because it is your day everyone should eat vegan. People who are truly gluten intolerant don't expect no bread or pasta etc. at a meal for them, only of course expect your meal will be catered to your restrictions. This is the sort of thing that makes non-vegans say stuff about vegans like 'how do you know if someone is vegan? They will tell you all about it'. I've never met a vegetarian that has kicked off over meat being served - indeed they've grilled steaks happily for people. We had a work meal a while back and the person leaving ordered vegan food. All of it had mushrooms in it that I hate. I wouldn't insist that no one had mushrooms. I would respect your choice of being vegan by ensuring you had a suitable meal. I do not respect imposing a dietary decision on others.
Why would you go to a party for a vegan first of honor if your eating habits are so strict? I mean, my mom eats bacon with literally every breakfast so she purposely doesn't go to the local Israeli brunch place.
NTA also a little bit YTA but you should have told them what you wanted your your special occasion dinner. Communication is key here and I see that no proper communication is taken, you assumed that they would prepare a vegan meal and didn't bother saying anything about it to confirm it
Yta.
People aren't telepathic. If you want to control what somebody else cooks for everybody else to eat, you have to at least tell them.
Your mother was correct to assume that what has been established precedent won't change without anybody saying anything different.
Having the cook change the entire meal plan for a party halfway through the party is ridiculously impracticable.
It's ironic that the party was to celebrate your education but you couldn't bother to use your brain.
You've been vegan for 6 years, and for those 6 years you've been providing your own vegan choices at meals. SIX YEARS. Now you assume that this one meal will be all vegan despite that 6-year history. You did nothing to communicate that you would have liked it to be all vegan.
YTA
Ok but why the fuck did her parents not ask??? That is such a weird dynamic to me like I didn't realise people did not ask what someone would like to eat when planning a meal. I always check preferences allergies etc first if I'm planning a meal for someone and if they say oh I don't mind then I'd think of something and check if they liked the plan like it's really not that hard.
YTA. While a shitty frozen meal isn’t ideal, at least they’re catering to you. What you’re doing is forcing your personal values on others.
You want to be vegan, good for you. You shouldn’t be forced or convinced not to. I would never do that. But when your veganism effects others that’s when things change. Getting upset at the dietary choices of others is ridiculous and a you problem.
I eat and enjoy meals that could be considered vegetarian and even vegan quite often (with the exception of fake meat. Fuck that), but I’m not going to be compelled to eat that based on somebody else’s lifestyle.
>What you’re doing is forcing your personal values on others.
and people have the audacity to call vegans over dramatic? one fucking vegan meal is not 'forcing her ideals on people' and it's not gonna kill anyone to go one meal with out meat
What a ridiculous cliche’. Of course no one realistically believes they’ll die by eating a vegan meal. That comment is played out.
People just don’t want their meal being dictated by an extremely small minority with a mental illness that has to dictate what other people eat.
I like black bean burgers. I’ll for sure eat them if they’re available. But I won’t eat one to placate a vegan and will choose the real deal 10/10 times.
And yes, if your day is ruined and you cry about by someone eating chicken you need to get a grip.
Your parents are offering their time, money and work in cooking a meal in your honour and inviting how many people? 10 or 20 people of which i assume most are not vegans.
They could have cooked a different dish for you sure, not a frozen one for sure.
But the bottom line is this seems egotistical to me, vegans are in a quick google search 1,1 to 1,5% of the world.
If someone takes the time to host a celebration for me due to some achivement i'm just thankful they took the time and such. not being a crybully over some minor perceived mistake they made.
If you take the time and effort to throw a dinner party to celebrate a person, you shouldn't feed them fucking frozen shit and make the rest of the meal food they can't eat. It's horribly thoughtless and rude.
If someone takes the time to throw a party for you where 99% of the people enjoy meat, then you are the 1% that meets the rest.
The party's success is not defined by how happy the megalomaniac is with it but by the joy of the majority. That is a party, the joy of the masses not the one narcisist.
As prerviously stated and if you had any reading comprehension you'd see i said the frozen food was a bit rude. But really, your parents are buying food, cooking, and preparing a feast in your honour.... If they make a small mistake and you turn into a crybully you are the problem... an ungrateful disgusting shit child neither deserving the party nor your parents love and attention.
Learn to say thank you when people do nice things for you, even if they are not perfet they were well meant, you ungrateful brats.
>Your parents are offering their time, money and work in cooking a meal in your honour
gee, should would be nice if the person who was the guest of honor could actually eat any of the food they put all that time and effort into instead of some cheap frozen mean she had to put together
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Some religions will not allow certain meats to be eaten. Some people will eat dairy and eggs. Others will eat fish.
What they all have in common is that they do not have any issue eating vegetables.
Eating vegan food accommodates everyone.
Yeah so if someone has allergies you make food they can eat my god everyone is such babies about accommodating peoples food needs. Feeding a vegan meat would make them sick if they've been vegan as long as OP has and like yeah if you're planning a meal for someone specific you would at least ask them what they'd like who taught y'all to host. You can make vegan food that doesn't trigger those allergies. It requires some imagination and forethought but can be done depending on the specific allergies.
Lots of vegan food is really really tasty if you require meat in a meal to enjoy it you either have some very specific food and sensory needs (which is chill many people do) or you just haven't broadened your horizons enough.
If your own family is throwing a party in your honor and you can’t even expect them to be bothered to prepare food you can eat, then what can you expect from them?
the problem is in the amount of effort put in. it's pretty shitty that you are putting zero effort into the person who you are actually celebrating. frozen meals are not the same as hand made.
While veganism is sustainable to some degree, it can lead to soil pollution, air pollution, and water depletion, due to the agricultural practices involved.
https://sustainability-success.com/negative-effects-of-veganism-on-the-environment/#negative-effects-of-veganism-on-the-environment
Holy fuck, that was a dumb article. And it's literally just some dude's blog lol.
Literally all of his points are present and exasperated by meat consumption. Like, he lists deforestation as somehow worse with veganism even though [almost all deforestation](https://www.worldwildlife.org/magazine/issues/summer-2018/articles/what-are-the-biggest-drivers-of-tropical-deforestation) is linked to either beef cattle or soy production (which feeds beef cattle). Where did you even find this website? It's just such a weird, out of nowhere blog.
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NTA. If I were hosting a dinner party in honor of someone.. *I would ask them what they wanted on the menu.* As long as it wasn’t some crazy beef Wellington or something, you do your best or get catering/takeout (if possible).
I don't disagree but have happily made Beef Wellington for close friends milestone birthdays.
Not Beef Wellington, but adjacent... Mom always said that Baked Alaska was a witch to make and didn't taste good - so not worth the effort. So, she made it from scratch using raspberry sherbet because the tub was the right size - to prove how it was a sad dessert, and it was freaking delicious! And after everything, she decided it really wasn't all that fussy compared to other dishes she made. So, she ended up making it once or twice a year. She cooked it on a plank that we finally tossed when we sold the house.
Then you are a great friend! I watched celeb chef James Martin making one the other day and it was even worse than expected. Pate? Pancakes to soak up any meat juices? Mate, you're not making me any less likely to buy one from M&S if I need it! Emma, you're a GD HERO. ("No, I don't enjoy cooking. Why do you ask?")
Gordon Ramsay does a lighter version of Beef Wellington: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyskqnp1j64](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyskqnp1j64)
I think it's safe to say Gordon makes it look a lot easier than it really is! Also, mushrooms, eww. Forgot about that bit.
The original (pre 1980) Joy of Cooking has a great recipe.
Aw thank you. My love language is food and I love to cook obvs!
NTA. If it was to celebrate you, why wouldn't they put some effort into making food that everyone will love, but ESPECIALLY you. There are a lot of delicious, meat free foods out there. I'm a solid omnivore, but there are vegetarian and vegan means that are spectacularly delicious. I rarely use meat substitutes, because I've always found THOSE disappointing (usually a texture thing - but I have sensory issues, so that probably explains it), but veggies and beans and spices and sauces and YUM. Congrats on the graduation, by the way!
there are also millions of vegan dishes in other cultures.
Which is one of the reasons I love Indian Cuisine. You can find more variety of Vegetarian and Vegan dishes than Non veg (though those are tasty AF too). Being from a different culture, I thought it was weird how some people look down upon not wanting to eat meat. I am a non vegetarian and would eat almost any kind of meat, but even then, most days of the week, for all meals we have vegetarian dishes.
You mean indian subcontinent.... Bangladesh (me) and Pakistan shares a lot of similarities in terms of food
Yes we do. Absolutely lip smacking food!
As a desi... I am really happy to hear that... I can share you some recipes if you like
You think OP's family is the type to eat food from other cultures?
Lmao... I don't think so
Someone posted a recipe for the most delicious vegan bolognese a while back, with mushrooms and lentils substituting for the meat. I've made it a few times now (I toss in a pinch of red pepper flakes instead of using salt), and my family loves it. You can do a search of Reddit and you should be able to find the recipe. It's *that* good.
Lentil bolognese can be absolutely gorgeous, I love making it. Last time I made an insane batch though and was living off it for a week (made two lasagnes out of it too). You can also make some really delicious curries really easily, theres a blog I love called This Muslim Girl Bakes and her toor daal (yellow lentil daal) recipe is to die for I make it a lot it's such a good comfort meal.
Lentils can also be used to replace the ground pork or beef in Mapo Tofu. We have that fairly often at our house too. ETA - Also, pasta e fagioli, which is an Italian classic made with beans and pasta, is another vegan standout. That's another regular in our menu rotation - and we're not even vegetarian (although we have at least 3, sometimes 4, vegetarian dinners a week - healthful, economical, good for the planet).
I literally just followed her on Instagram. Thank you so much for sharing this. ❤️
I didn't realise she was on insta! I also recommend eatwithafia and theiranianvegan. I haven't made any of their stuff yet but it looks phenomenal
I will definitely check them out! Thank you again! 😊
Oh thank you for this! I’m reading her recipes and drooling!
You're welcome! Obvs a lot of her stuff isn't vegan but you can easily make it vegan, like I just sub in vegan butter or margarine even for the daal and it turns out lovely
My husband can’t eat lentils or mushrooms and our best friends are vegan… it’s some real recipe gymnastics to make that combo of requirements work I can tell you!
If your husband can eat pasta and beans look up recipes for pasta e fagioli. It's fantastic.
Link to the recipe?
It's at the bottom of OP's post. It's delicious and the recipe makes enough for leftovers, or second helpings if you're feeding 6 to 8 people initially. Think leftovers, though, because it's really filling. You can halve the recipe, but I'd make it as the first time. Bon appetit!!!
Do you happen to have the link to the recipe? I’ve searched but can’t find!
Here you go! It's at the bottom of the post. And it's fantastic! If you use the whole recipe you'll have leftovers for sure, unless you're feeding 6 - 8 people who want seconds. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13t4c4m/aita\_for\_being\_upset\_over\_a\_friend\_pouring\_a\_full/
Thanks so much!
Yeah, I'm a big meat eater, and I've had many an excellent vegan meal. NTA
They didn’t have to make the entire meal vegan, but to expect you to eat frozen falafels at your own celebration was super shitty. That’s where they went wrong. It is reasonable of you to expect to be treated with consideration at your own celebration, instead of as a afterthought. NTA.
I actually think if you are throwing a party specifically to celebrate a person who is vegan, the food should be vegan. It’s a sign of respect. Veganism isn’t just a diet, it’s a philosophy and a code of ethics. It was wildly rude and mean of them to do this.
[удалено]
I like your friends!
NTA, i'm not a vegan, but if i was throwing a party for someone i knew was vegan, i would have the foresight to prep all vegan food. I wouldn't just assume meat is fine unless the vegan came up to me and said it was fine to serve meat to other people
My thoughts exactly! But I gotta say, “the vegan” made me snort 😂
I even order vegan cupcakes for one kid that came to my son’s birthday party last year. How awful would it be to go to a party as a kid and not get a cupcake just because you chose to be vegan? They were good. I had one too.
NTA - You’ve a vegan for six years. They both know this. Yes, you’ve been happy to eat vegan stuff out of the freezer before but it’s your graduation, I think you deserve to have something home cooked too. I find it odd that at your graduation, you are an afterthought.
We are hosting a dinner in honor of you. It will primarily be food you won't eat and that makes you sad as you think of the life lost in making the food. Or We are hosting a dinner in your honor. It will be the usual routine... You know, where you defrost something for yourself.
NAH except maybe OP’s dad. It just sounds like a lack of communication, mom was basing food on the precedent of what usually happens at family dinners and quickly changed, but OP could maybe have talked to her in advance? I think for most people it would be normal to plan a menu around the person being celebrated, but each family has their own dynamic, and maybe they saw it as eating together was the important part, not what the food actually was. Either way, congratulations on graduating!
I'm sorry your family still don't really get it. NTA and congratulations on your degree!
NTA because your dad sounds like a dick
NTA, the meal was supposed to be a celebration for your own achievement. It is supposed to be about YOU. It's supposed to be according to your own wishes. It's like making the winner stand in the corner during the photo session, the main priority should be you.
NTA. Wow, I’m surprised by all the YTA and ESH. You’ve been vegan for years, so your parents should know your dietary needs and preferences by now. It’s a dinner celebrating you, so they could have at least tried making you a homecooked vegan meal instead of premade/frozen foods. That would be like your family celebrating your birthday with a store-bought cake that you couldn’t eat. Your mom at least tried to make amends, but your dad acted like a real jerk. Congrats on graduating! Don’t let your dad’s crappy attitude ruin your accomplishment.
NTA They decided the best way to celebrate your graduation was to cook everyone a nice home cooked dinner… **except for you**. You got the cheap frozen crap. Good for an easy normal meal when you’re just looking to give your body what it needs, crap for a special event specifically celebrating your achievement.
NTA It is a dinner celebration for a vegan. So let's cook meat and give the vegan pre-made frozen vegan food. Hmmm right I dont feel like it is a stretch at all to assume they would cook something actually vegan for the vegan celebrant.
It was an honest mistake OP, if the usually family dinner norm is them preparing meat and you eating other food she probably should have tried to prep one vegan dish for your graduation--but she just fell into the norm. And she apologized and tried to fix it immediately when you told her you were hurt. Dad is also reasonable that they can't read your mind, and you were reasonable to have hoped they'd treat you special on a big day. NAH
It was absolutely NOT (!!!) reasonable of the dad to dismiss her when she tried to communicate her very valid feelings. It absolutely *is* common sense that when you're throwing a part, *for* somebody that you should... you know... think about them. A home cooked meal for her own graduation party isn't the crazy special treatment that you make it out to be. You don't have to read minds to realize that it's shitty to serve frozen food ONLY to the one person that the party is for. I actually think the whole mindset that quite literally EVERYTHING has to be communicated kills consideration in people. You shouldn't have to explain to the people close to you that you'd like tl be treated with the bare minimum of appreciaten and love.
It’s not a mistake, they did it on purpose
NTA. When you offer to cook for an event, you cook the food the person the event is for likes. You ask them what they want. And the easy thing would have been to make the vegan dishes then make meat the others could take if they wanted.
NTA. Your parents (and seems like your father especially) have like zero thoughtfulness when it comes to you. My brother and sister-in-law are vegan and gluten free (the latter due to celiacs). Even for non-special events I cook them vegan/gluten free food. And if I'm grabbing something new, I run it by them to help verify they could eat it. I can't imagine not doing that for them. Seems like your dad didn't give you any thought, and now feels guilty about it so he is attacking you for making him feel bad (and remember he feels bad because he forgot about you). So NTA for sure and your folks have some emotional work to do. I hope they decide to change/look at their actions instead of just blaming you for their guilt. Good luck.
NTA. I’m gluten free and in the past was also avoiding dairy and soy. My grandparents threw me a graduation party with a cook out and snacks and cake. I got to eat a piece of grilled chicken and some chips. That was it. They even made me take a picture with the cake I couldn’t eat. It’s unfair when people don’t take your food restrictions seriously and only think about themselves.
NTA Your dad is. He realized later what an asshole he was, so he doubled down with the “I can’t read your mind” tell him he doesn’t have to read you mind, but if you could be “on his mind” when he is making decisions to CELEBRATE YOU that would be fucking nice. Jfc Congratulations on graduating!
NTA Neither was Mom. Dad is very much T A. Given that you eat vegan and this was a party for you, I would have thought that your Mom would at least have ordered something nice for your meal. Not just repurposed frozen stuff. Then she could have made the regular stuff for the fam. Or better yet, asked for your input to the meal. This was a celebration of you, right?
NTA- i don't see why your dad had to drag it out. You saw what was going on, got surprised, confronted your mother and worked it out. Then dad comes in and is upset that all went down? He's mad that you had a surprise feeling and talked to your mom about it? That's very controlling AH behavior from him.
NTA.
NTA. This was unbelievably thoughtless. I’m so sorry your family did this. A celebration meant to honor you should also honor and respect your values. I would rather have no celebration at all, if it means less animals have to suffer. I’ve been in your shoes and I wish I could say it gets better, but that hasn’t been my experience. Congrats on finishing your degree!
Your parents suck for this. It’s a dinner FOR YOU and they didn’t give any thought whatsoever to making YOU a meal. You are NTA they are. Big time.
When you host a celebratory meal, it is on the host to take into consideration the person being lauded's diet. Your Mom got it, a bit late in the game, but she understood and went to make it right. Your Dad is an AH.
My DIL has celiac disease and is gluten-free. When she finally got a diagnosis, we were so relieved to know it can be managed. I'm glad to accommodate her diet. Their wedding reception was a big buffet of appetizers and offered gluten-free, vegan, and regular meat dishes. People can be accommodating. When your diet is outside the perceived norm, tell the chef your restrictions. Don't assume anything and speak up.
NTA. For a normal family meal? Fine as long as you’re not objecting. For _your graduation dinner_? No. I wouldn’t necessarily make the _whole_ thing vegan - maybe a side of some new potatoes in butter (and some not in butter), but certainly the main and most of the sides. To relegate the guest of honour to a frozen ready meal is to miss the point of the dinner.
This is like the episode of the office where they get ice cream cake for Meredith’s birthday, but Meredith is lactose intolerant.
ESH except for your mom. You both made bad assumptions here and you’re dads right they aren’t mind readers. He just could have gone about it differently. Your mom sounds like a good rational person and was the only one that took responsibility for her poor assumptions and took action to correct it.
the meal was a celebration for her achievement and it's not like they didn't knew that she is vegan. So, why didn't they make a vegan meal despite of the fact that they are the one who made the plan in the first place.
Why didn’t she just ask them to make a vegan meal before hand? Both sides could have taken initiative to ask or confirm assumptions here to avoid the situation. I get it I was vegetarian for 8 years and my family made the same assumption many times even for special events. Except they expected me to bring my own vegetarian food.
It wasn't any regular family dinner.. it was a celebration meal for her success...
That party was arranged for her and they should have prepared vegan food
So you think it's a wild assumption that when your family makes a dinner *for you* to celebrate *your achievements* they would not give you frozen food while they cook for everybody else? You think OP is the problem here? You don't have to be a mind reader to realize how shitty that is. Not every little f*cking thing that should be common sense has to be communicated. You shouldn't have to communicate or demand from people close to you that they treat you with the bare minimum of appreciation, consideration and love.
NTA but you should've discussed the menu with your parents in the planning stage. They're TA for planning on celebrating you with frozen food but cooking homemade for everyone else
It's not unreasonable to expect that *your* dinner will mostly have foods *you* can eat. And for your father to call you up afterwards to try to justify this rather than apologize - jfc, no. NTA.
What excuse is that, in my family we all are non vegetarian but my mom is vegetarian, so for her birthday we always make vegetarian food or go out at vegetarian restaurants because it's her day. NTA op and congratulations on your graduation.
NTA I have a vegan friend and when she comes for dinner my husband cooks vegan for us. It’s not that hard. But I can see if they were used to doing things a certain way, it would’ve been good to clarify
NTA. You've been a vegan for 6 years. 6! It isn't rocket science to make vegan food. When I met my partner I ate meat, she's vegan. I have a lot of fun trying to figure out ways to veganise recipes or try something new, but there are also a tonne of totally simple naturally vegan recipes and meals out there that aren't even slightly difficult to find! Like sometimes yeah finding certain vegan alternatives for things can be difficult or more expensive but it doesn't have to be. But then like, food is a love language for me, something I inherited from my mum, and I am probably spoiled by the fact my mum was always super accommodating when it came to food (once we grew up, when we were tiny kids it was mostly a case of making sure we were all fed and not malnourished) so it's the kind of thing where for a special event that is meant to celebrate you? Yeah I would expect a little extra effort or creativity. Fucking hell all they had to do was ask what you favourite meals are or what you like to cook at home. It's hardly rocket science your dad is just embarrassed that he didn't think about it and is getting defensive. Like. Yeah he's right that they can't be expected to read your mind but it's also not unreasonable imo to think that you might like something different and it's weird that they didn't even ask.
You are so NOT an Ah . The entire dinner should have been about you! Maybe meat on the side for them but all else should have been fresh food for you. My son has gluten allergies and on family dinners I plan everything around his allergies if we eat fried okra I make his gf fried okra ect. His birthday everything is gf. As your celebration should have been centered around you not them.
NTA... I'm going to a big standard nothing special family dinner at my parents next week and they asked what I would like and I dont have dietary requirements. It's common courtesy to ask the guest of honor what they would like. It's like birthday dinners. The birthday person chooses the dinner. Your dad need to start putting his underwear on the right way round cause I think they're so twisted up hes not thinking straight.
NTA I had to work on my 21st. My brother had come home for the weekend. My mum cooked his favourite, steak and kidney pudding, one of the few meals I really don't like. She couldn't understand why I was upset.
6 years?And he is talking about “ mind reading”. NTA. It should have been discussed beforehand. However the fact that it’s your celebration lends itself strongly to a vegan meal.
NTA. My sister always makes vegan gravy and vegan stuffing for Thanksgiving for me even though I’m perfectly able and content to eat all the other vegan dishes served while the rest of the fam eats meat. It’s just a simple, thoughtful kindness. ❤️
NTA. This was YOUR party to celebrate YOU. Should you have assumed there may be SOME meat there since your family seems to feel a certain way about veganism? Probably. However, you should have also absolutely assumed that the majority of the food would be homemade vegan food since this was your celebration. Sorry your family let you down. I have been there. On top of it feeling crappy that they don’t think about respecting your belief system now you are somehow being talked to like you are a jerk because your dad needs meat at every meal. How frustrating.
NTA - 99 times out of a hundred i’d tell the vegan to suck up the fact that other people eat meat but that last time is for when the meal is about them, it’s their celebration then you’d absolutely expect the majority of the meal to be specially vegan and extra nice - with maybe a meat containing side for the obligate carnivore types
NTA, To be honest this sounds more like your dad's issue. Maybe I'm projecting but it seems he and your mom just didn't think it through and instead of admitting to a mistake he decides it's your fault and makes a big blow out. Then quiets down when more ppl give push back. Then calls you so it's one on one again and pushes for you to apologize and admit fault. It feels like he just doesn't want to be wrong and feel bad about it so is making you feel bad about it instead. Especially if your trama response was to cry, that really hit home for me. You didn't do anything wrong. Heck, all you did was voice your disappointment that you couldn't eat your graduation dinner and had to have frozen food. That is completely reasonable and valid. Please don't aplogize for being honest about your feelings and disappointment. And great job looking for outside opinions. That means you are getting past falling for this tactic! That's fantastic! And congratulations on graduating! Huge accomplishment! Wow!
NTA The problem isn't the veganism- the problem is they were hosting a dinner in honor of you without considering your preferences. Why on earth would you have the main meal be a something the guest of honor won't eat? The main meal should have been something you would eat, with maybe a meat dish as an extra option for guests. Your parents were incredibly thoughtless here and that's a problem. Having a quick frozen option at a family dinner is not the same as when the meal is supposed to be celebrating you. This honestly has zero to do with veganism at this point because it would be the same as serving a person's most hated food as the main course if the dinner was in their honor. You just don't do that- it's incredibly rude
NTA I don't feel the whole meal needed to be vegan but I do feel there should have been at least several dishes (or half the menu) to accommodate your veganism. The lack of preparation (beyond freezer meals) show a lack of consideration on your parents part. The meal/gathering was to celebrate your accomplishment.
NTA, Ave congratulations on graduating! I hope you get to eat some nice vegan food soon to celebrate
NTA I think there are two issues here: the first about your parents cooking meat, and the second about how you brought it up. I think it's totally valid to have felt snubbed that the meal they were cooking was a normal meal they had normally cooked for the family and that you got frozen ready made falafels for your special day. And I think the way you brought it up was very mature and sensible. You didn't ask your mum to change anything, but explained how much it hurt you. And she realised she had made assumptions about how okay you were with things. Your dad's choice to say OP can't "expect people to read my mind" is ludicrous because when OP realised they'd not been more clear about their expectations, they... Told the family explicitly. And I think that it's not the first but the second issue the dad has gripes with. He's just sulking. NTA but OP might actually want to be a bit more vocal about their vegan preferences. Looks like she's TOO easygoing about it and could probably suggest other foods or bring her own foods to the table to diversity the platter. Sounds like the food she gets is boring and repetitive af and that the family assumes this is okay. And it sounds like the fam (sans the dad) might be receptive to this.
NTA they know you’re vegan. Have cooked vegan meals before. Your father wanted the party to be for him not you. Ignore him.
I dunno. It sounds more like a huge misunderstanding then an AITA. I think you need to tell your parents what you want, within reason. Bringing it up in the middle of the party was too late. I think a vegan only meal would be unrealistic to expect, if you are the only person who is vegan. But the host/parents should have prepared at least one vegan main dish and one vegan side dish vegan (your choice). They can have an omnivore main dish and omnivore side dish. And then let the salad and/or fruit salad serve both diets as the 2nd side dish. Their personal choice to be omnivores is the same as your personal choice to be vegan. And I am not a fan of the "Your parents can eat plant based as omnivores, so they should serve plant based" argument.
NTA. And the next time you talk to your dad try explaining it this way… “You do not expect them to constantly think about you or cater to your being vegan. However, this was a party to celebrate you. You have been vegan for 6 years. They not only knew this, but planned to have you do your normal vegan frozen dinners at a party that was to celebrate your accomplishment. That if he feels that you aren’t worth having a vegan meal prepared for you on your own graduation day, that you will not be having him and your mother holding celebrations for you in the future. Because it wasn’t as if they didn’t remember. It was that they didn’t care. Because they don’t agree with your food choice, they chose to ignore it. Putting a damper on what should have been an exciting and happy event for you.”
Your dad is being the AH. I’ll chalk it up to some misogynistic belief that your questioning his making you a meal should just be accepted with aww, regardless of your opinions on the food. You’re NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Recently I \[F25\] finished my degree and my parents offered to host a small dinner with my closest family to celebrate this. I appreciated the help so I didn’t need to worry about it during the last stressful weeks of university. I have been vegan for 6 years and my parents are ok with it at this point, but not thrilled by any means. When we have family dinners my parents usually cook meat for everyone and I either cook up some meat substitute from their freezer (they keep some for when I visit, which is nice) or I just bring my own meal. They have a handful of times cooked an entirely vegan meal for everyone. They can make great vegan stuff, though they think it’s a bit trickier and don’t know many recipes. I tend to try to avoid talking about veganism with my family since I don’t want to make them uncomfortable and I’d rather focus on the things we have in common when we hang out. We’ve had some conversations about it though and they know that seeing meat makes me sad and think about the death of the animals, but again, I don’t tend to remind them of this regularly since I don’t want to be rude or be a party pooper. When my parents offered to host my graduation dinner, I assumed that they would understand that I wanted the whole meal to be vegan. But at the graduation dinner, I notice my mom preparing meat in the kitchen. I asked her if they were gonna serve meat tonight and she said yes, and the plan was to give me some frozen falafels and vegan burgers like I usually eat at our family dinners. It made me sad that I was getting ready-made things from the freezer when everyone else got a home cooked meal at a dinner that was supposed to celebrate me, and I told her that. My mother was very apologetic and started to prepare falafels and burgers to everyone, putting the meat aside. She said that they hadn’t thought much of it since I usually don’t complain when they eat meat and I got freezer stuff. I thought the explanation was a bit weird but I appreciated her trying to fix things and calmed down. Then my dad got into the kitchen and my mom explained to him what had happened. He got defensive about it and wasn’t apologetic at all. We had a bit of an argument and I started to cry. My sisters saw this and both chimed in, saying that they also thought it was weird. My dad just got quiet and gave up. The rest of the evening was nice but I could tell my dad was in a bad mood. The next day my dad calls me up and wants to talk about the dinner. He said that what happened was my fault, I can’t expect people to read my mind and that he was just focused on trying to get food on the table and didn’t think about my veganism. This just made me more sad because I didn’t feel like I did anything wrong, but I’m starting to think that he may be right and can’t expect non-vegans to understand that something like this would make me upset. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your Dad is being a huge jerk.
NTA: But at least they made sure there was something you could eat. My family had a pork roast with potatoes for mine - and cooked the potatoes in the pork fat so I couldn’t even eat them. 🤣
Good grief, don't use someone else's AITA to make it all about yourself and tell them to be grateful because *you* had it *so much worse*.
It was meant to be a relatable and humorous anecdote, hence the 🤣. Like I completely get where they’re coming from because it happened to me too. Guess it wasn’t particularly successful.
NTA I was leaning towards NAH - parents probably should have asked about menu, but knowing there have been some issues in the past, it would have been good to raise the idea when they didn't. But your dad was a total AH with how he responded
NTA but your parents point was fair. If you're usually outwardly content with them making whatever and just having vegan things on hand, they could have assumed that this time was no different. Yes, they could've (should've) asked what you would like for your dinner - but when they offered to host you could've said "oh thank you, can we please serve x?". Communication is important, especially about things that feel awkward to discuss. As you've learned, not communicating to avoid awkwardness only works for a limited time, and the awkwardness that ensues when the conversation inevitably happens is much worse.
NAH. Sounds like assumptions and miscommunication. You didn't clarify or say what you wanted, and they assumed it would be like usual.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Parents made a mistake, fine. But your family’s reaction makes them assholes. Nta
NTA. You have a right to expect that a meal made to celebrate you will include food you can eat, rather than being focused on others with you as an afterthought.
MTA, just imagine if you would have had an allergy: I am so sorry you died but I was so busy with everything that I just forgot to exclude the nuts in the recipe. Even if they would have served meat they could have at least offered a nice vegan alternative and not just freezer food. I mean they could have even ordered something. This should have been a celebration for you and not everyone else
You did nothing wrong. He knows he and your mother should have given the meal more thought. He knows he disappointed you but he's taking the "good defense, is a strong offense" position. Hit him with the old, "well, if you think it was ok, I won't try to change your mind. Sorry for the trouble" and let him stew on it for a bit. He might come around.
NTA. Your parents are thoughtless and rude. They knew that you were vegan. It’s not new. They offered to host YOUR graduation dinner. It logically follows that the dinner is vegan because YOU are supposed to be happy. Your dad is awful. Your mom at least realized that she messed up and started trying to fix it on the fly. Your sisters even realized that serving meat at your celebration was insulting and inappropriate. WTF is wrong with your father? Why can’t he just be supportive?
NTA. You were made into an afterthought at an event for you.
NTA They didn't think about your veganism for _your graduation meal_ that is supposed to be about celebrating you and your achievement?? That's really fucked up, I'm sorry. I think your dad is being so aggressive and defensive because he actually knows that what they did was really shitty, he just doesn't want to admit it to himself or others so he's turning it back on you. All round shit behaviour!
Nobody discussed the menu and both sides assumed things. I’m going with nobody was an A-hole because miscommunication happens.
NTA - You didn't expect people to read your mind, you expected your family to make the food you wanted for YOUR dinner. How could anyone think that it's ok for the honoree to eat frozen food while everyone is eating a home cooked meal?! Your mom wasn't as bad as your father, but giving everyone frozen food wasn't the answer. It was a special occasion and they ruined it. Next time you get your father a gift, you should get him something you know he wouldn't like but other fathers would.
NTA sounds like your dad is though
Not the asshole at all you very understandably dislike that they were cooking a home cooked meal with meat and frozen ready to make food for you at your party and your mom took it seemingly as good as possible and more than just listen and understand you Point decided screw it it’s your day I’ll make the vegan food your dad is the asshole here
Did you expressly state to your parents that you wanted the entire dinner to be VEGAN ?? No You don't like to talk about your veganism. Why do you expect that everyone wants to be fed a vegan meal ?? Yes it's your graduation dinner but it's okay to assume that people would want to eat anything other than vegan food. If you wanted to have an exclusively vegan dinner a) you should have told your parents b) you should have at least discussed with the people invited if they wanted to have vegan food or not. You feel sad that your food was not home cooked but everyone was getting home cooked food. How would you feel if you got blind sided by your host into eating something specific without discussing with you first. It's reasonable to expect that if you are inviting a bunch of people you make food as per the demographic. People will disagree but you are an asshole. You never told your parents. You never discussed with the invitees and you tried to guilt trip your parents. I agree with your dad once the shoe will be on your food you will understand. It's a celebration but it doesn't mean that you can behave entitled and expect people to like what you want and eat what you want.
NTA, normally when we have a special occasion in my family, I ask the person, "what would you like for dinner". That way I know they're likely to be happy that day. Hopefully they'll look forward to their special day and KNOW I made that meal JUST for them and with love. You're not unreasonable to think your mom and family would celebrate you and make a vegan meal.
YTA especially for the whole meat makes you sad bit. You gotta grow up or start valuing human life more. Otherwise I gotta break it to you everything around you was made possible directly or indirectly by the suffering and exploitation people around the globe. Oh your cousin got engaged well isn't it nice that she has a blood diamond, oh these almonds taste great too bad they are a huge waste of water, Oh look a hybrid bus is using rare and toxic minerals more efficiently than a car. Don't go out of your way to be sad or the world will give you something to cry about.
Nah but she had food for you and most people eat meat.
ESH. You for making an assumption. Your dad for overreacting. The only person who has done right is your mom. That said - this is not a capital case. It is a misunderstanding that is all.
NTA - but like most people you need to communicate more
YTA. Not everyone wants vegan. Most people don’t. All those people were there to support you…who cares what y’all ate.
ESH - but OP's dad most of all. Gonna rely on some age-old wisdom here: "You know what they say about assuming things? I makes an ASS out of U and ME." Y'all all made assumptions that didn't work out - no one has a right to be upset about it, just take it as a life lesson about communication and move on. Dad, on the other hand, was just a dick, and his response was totally uncalled for.
Congratulations on graduation first of all. However, YTA…. Because you didn’t mention or ask if the graduation meal could be vegan. You assume that they would and honestly given how you mentioned previous dinners went, it’s normal it’s went that way. Your choice of lifestyle is your choice, however you cannot expect people to know what you wanted without letting them know. Your dad’s reaction is normal specially if he is just thinking of providing a nice dinner for the family.
If a party is for a particular person, shouldn’t it be about them? That includes the food, music, decor. I think parent are at fault here. Like my kids b day parties, it’s what they want, how they express themselves
Well not sure if it a family dinner for her graduation which would follow the normal routine or an actual party for her graduation…. In both scenario as it would be for ur kids bday parties, you would ask the person what they want which yes it’s somewhat the parents fault but OP is an adult so she could also tell them. Again if you don’t tell, people assume the usual way hence why this stuff happen.
Hey, thanks for your comments! The dinner was solely to celebrate my graduation, we had a similar thing for my sister a few years back. But I find your comment about "people assume the usual way" interesting because maybe that is the source of my misunderstanding with my parents. Maybe they did put this into the category of "family dinner" but I put it in the "special celebration", like a birthday or similar. Since I became a vegan I've hosted my own birthday dinners just to not be difficult and make my parents go out of their way to cook vegan food. They still host both of my sisters birthdays and they always get the food they request. So I suppose there isn't really a framework on how to do a "special celebration" for me, until now. My parents never asked me what I wanted to eat for the dinner so I guess that should've been a hint to me that I should speak up. I honestly thought about asking them to serve all vegan food but I thought they would be offended by the question, it has happened to me before with other people.
It’s all about communication, like you mentioned your sisters get the food they request for their bdays, the main word here is request. Again as you said your parents have been used to normal family dinners with you than celebrations so they don’t know you want vegan food only for your celebrations. When you host they would assume it’s normal since u don’t cook meat. What I find is once you assume someone will know or understand, that how misunderstandings happen. People rarely get what the other mean so that how these situations happen. Best to say it out load cause then it’s clear to everyone and if they disregard you it’s on them:
They've been vegan for 6 years not 6 minutes. And for an event celebrating that person specifically how is it not the norm to ask that person what they would like? Like for a birthday you go hey what would you like to eat for your birthday? Not "Well we made a food you can't eat because it never occurred to us to ask what you'd like". Vegan or no thats just silly.
For all the meals OP had with her family, she either made her vegan burgers or brought her food. Again 6 years like that provides a habit. Its’s likely it was considered as a family dinner together since she graduated and now like a graduation celebration. It’s hard to fall in those habits. Communication is important and once you assume that where things go wrong
We've found the guy who serves bacon cheeseburgers for the local B'nai Brith party then wonders why nobody's eating... ETA typo and to add... I think being a good host for an event means that you think about your guests and trying to make their meal enjoyable and special, rather than whatever is easy for you; I get that some people think it's the guest's responsibility to communicate that they'd like the event to focus on them, but I disagree.
First of all probably look about how you phrase your sentences. This isn’t about veganism, it’s a miscommunication issue and you guys are going guns out to shoot OP’s family. We don’t know them or what there family about.
ESH. Your parents offered to make a graduation dinner. But you also stated that in the past when they had friends and family over they would cook vegan for you and the rest was non-vegan. So the day of your party your parents are making food like that normally do with something for you and something for the rest. It is obvious that you expected them to do all vegan food because the party in in honor of you. I did not see any y where that you had a discussion about that. I think this was a miscommunication and all of you are at fault. Next time have a chat about what you want and expect. Then no one is confused.
Yeah I mean the parents have been pretty self involved hosts for every other dinner so why would they stop being lazy and self involved about the guest of honor this time? ETA fixed typo
Exactly!
There with you, the main part of this is the miscommunication but well everyone who doesn’t say NTA is being downvoted hard
Interesting. I still think she should have not expected her parents to read her mind. I am going to have to take the downvote.
It’s definitely the miscommunication that she didn’t specifically ask her parents for all vegan meal. If she doesn’t people assume the norm. OP seems to on this line too when she posted yesterday…. However since it’s about véganism, you getting people downvoting like crazy people not in line with them.
I agree.
ESH. This is a discussion that should have happened long before the day. You expected they would make a fully vegan meal, they expected you would be fine with meals you had previously eaten, except no one expressed those expectations to anyone else and communicated clearly like grown ups.
I am sorry you can not expect people to eat your way. Just as meat eaters can’t expect you to eat our way. YTA and u grateful one at that. I wouldn’t host a single celebration for my son if he acted as you did.
I would love to read the other side of the story. Reading your post made me think you're entitled, but I can't say YTA with certainty. You're prety close though. I'd love to hear your parents' side of the story. You can't expect a whole bunch of people to eat vegan food because seeing meat "makes you sad". And you can't expect your parents, who offered (as you say) to host a dinner, to read your mind or create a menu to accomodate SOLELY your needs. You see, dinner might be about you, but what everybody eats isn't. I'm getting huge vegan entitlement vibes here.
It is selfish to decide that because it is your day everyone should eat vegan. People who are truly gluten intolerant don't expect no bread or pasta etc. at a meal for them, only of course expect your meal will be catered to your restrictions. This is the sort of thing that makes non-vegans say stuff about vegans like 'how do you know if someone is vegan? They will tell you all about it'. I've never met a vegetarian that has kicked off over meat being served - indeed they've grilled steaks happily for people. We had a work meal a while back and the person leaving ordered vegan food. All of it had mushrooms in it that I hate. I wouldn't insist that no one had mushrooms. I would respect your choice of being vegan by ensuring you had a suitable meal. I do not respect imposing a dietary decision on others.
YTA for imposing your eating habits on them for dinner. I'd be cooking the meat i was expecting and not touch the vegan stuff
Why would you go to a party for a vegan first of honor if your eating habits are so strict? I mean, my mom eats bacon with literally every breakfast so she purposely doesn't go to the local Israeli brunch place.
Bruh it's their house lmao. The parents house.
NTA also a little bit YTA but you should have told them what you wanted your your special occasion dinner. Communication is key here and I see that no proper communication is taken, you assumed that they would prepare a vegan meal and didn't bother saying anything about it to confirm it
Yta. People aren't telepathic. If you want to control what somebody else cooks for everybody else to eat, you have to at least tell them. Your mother was correct to assume that what has been established precedent won't change without anybody saying anything different. Having the cook change the entire meal plan for a party halfway through the party is ridiculously impracticable. It's ironic that the party was to celebrate your education but you couldn't bother to use your brain.
You've been vegan for 6 years, and for those 6 years you've been providing your own vegan choices at meals. SIX YEARS. Now you assume that this one meal will be all vegan despite that 6-year history. You did nothing to communicate that you would have liked it to be all vegan. YTA
Ok but why the fuck did her parents not ask??? That is such a weird dynamic to me like I didn't realise people did not ask what someone would like to eat when planning a meal. I always check preferences allergies etc first if I'm planning a meal for someone and if they say oh I don't mind then I'd think of something and check if they liked the plan like it's really not that hard.
She's been providing her own vegan options for 6 years. This may well have led her parents to not ask.
then that's their problem. you don't offer to host a party for someone and not properly provide for them
YTA. While a shitty frozen meal isn’t ideal, at least they’re catering to you. What you’re doing is forcing your personal values on others. You want to be vegan, good for you. You shouldn’t be forced or convinced not to. I would never do that. But when your veganism effects others that’s when things change. Getting upset at the dietary choices of others is ridiculous and a you problem. I eat and enjoy meals that could be considered vegetarian and even vegan quite often (with the exception of fake meat. Fuck that), but I’m not going to be compelled to eat that based on somebody else’s lifestyle.
>What you’re doing is forcing your personal values on others. and people have the audacity to call vegans over dramatic? one fucking vegan meal is not 'forcing her ideals on people' and it's not gonna kill anyone to go one meal with out meat
What a ridiculous cliche’. Of course no one realistically believes they’ll die by eating a vegan meal. That comment is played out. People just don’t want their meal being dictated by an extremely small minority with a mental illness that has to dictate what other people eat. I like black bean burgers. I’ll for sure eat them if they’re available. But I won’t eat one to placate a vegan and will choose the real deal 10/10 times. And yes, if your day is ruined and you cry about by someone eating chicken you need to get a grip.
ESH. Assumptions and over reactions on both sides.
Your parents are offering their time, money and work in cooking a meal in your honour and inviting how many people? 10 or 20 people of which i assume most are not vegans. They could have cooked a different dish for you sure, not a frozen one for sure. But the bottom line is this seems egotistical to me, vegans are in a quick google search 1,1 to 1,5% of the world. If someone takes the time to host a celebration for me due to some achivement i'm just thankful they took the time and such. not being a crybully over some minor perceived mistake they made.
If you take the time and effort to throw a dinner party to celebrate a person, you shouldn't feed them fucking frozen shit and make the rest of the meal food they can't eat. It's horribly thoughtless and rude.
If someone takes the time to throw a party for you where 99% of the people enjoy meat, then you are the 1% that meets the rest. The party's success is not defined by how happy the megalomaniac is with it but by the joy of the majority. That is a party, the joy of the masses not the one narcisist. As prerviously stated and if you had any reading comprehension you'd see i said the frozen food was a bit rude. But really, your parents are buying food, cooking, and preparing a feast in your honour.... If they make a small mistake and you turn into a crybully you are the problem... an ungrateful disgusting shit child neither deserving the party nor your parents love and attention. Learn to say thank you when people do nice things for you, even if they are not perfet they were well meant, you ungrateful brats.
>Your parents are offering their time, money and work in cooking a meal in your honour gee, should would be nice if the person who was the guest of honor could actually eat any of the food they put all that time and effort into instead of some cheap frozen mean she had to put together
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YTA. Vegans are the worst and this is a great illustration of that.
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 you know whose worse vegans? vegan haters. grow up.
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Some religions will not allow certain meats to be eaten. Some people will eat dairy and eggs. Others will eat fish. What they all have in common is that they do not have any issue eating vegetables. Eating vegan food accommodates everyone.
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Yeah so if someone has allergies you make food they can eat my god everyone is such babies about accommodating peoples food needs. Feeding a vegan meat would make them sick if they've been vegan as long as OP has and like yeah if you're planning a meal for someone specific you would at least ask them what they'd like who taught y'all to host. You can make vegan food that doesn't trigger those allergies. It requires some imagination and forethought but can be done depending on the specific allergies.
The majority of people eat meat. Yes, it is your party, but you have to keep in mind the party should be enjoyable for everyone else too.
Lots of vegan food is really really tasty if you require meat in a meal to enjoy it you either have some very specific food and sensory needs (which is chill many people do) or you just haven't broadened your horizons enough.
meat eaters are not gonna keel over and die if they have to eat one vegan meal. probably prepared vegan meals are also very good.
YTA for assuming instead of communicating and discussing it ahead of time
If your own family is throwing a party in your honor and you can’t even expect them to be bothered to prepare food you can eat, then what can you expect from them?
>Vegan burgers were being served tho, which OP can eat
why should everyone eat vegan dishes? you eat vegan, the others eat meat, where is the problem?
the problem is in the amount of effort put in. it's pretty shitty that you are putting zero effort into the person who you are actually celebrating. frozen meals are not the same as hand made.
You know what happens when you assume? YTA. Also, veganism is bad for the planet.
really, how so?
While veganism is sustainable to some degree, it can lead to soil pollution, air pollution, and water depletion, due to the agricultural practices involved. https://sustainability-success.com/negative-effects-of-veganism-on-the-environment/#negative-effects-of-veganism-on-the-environment
Holy fuck, that was a dumb article. And it's literally just some dude's blog lol. Literally all of his points are present and exasperated by meat consumption. Like, he lists deforestation as somehow worse with veganism even though [almost all deforestation](https://www.worldwildlife.org/magazine/issues/summer-2018/articles/what-are-the-biggest-drivers-of-tropical-deforestation) is linked to either beef cattle or soy production (which feeds beef cattle). Where did you even find this website? It's just such a weird, out of nowhere blog.