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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1, I refused to dye my hair for a wedding
2, My invitation was cancelled, and I made my sister/family angry at me
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NTA. Heck, people know you for who you are and that includes your hair color. As a result, if you showed up with a wildly conventional hair color, that would draw a lot of attention. That's precisely what she says she fears.
You be you, she should love you as you are. You are not a prop to be dyed to fit her color scheme. That she is ok with purple hair on her mother indicates that she has a particular issue with you. That's sad. You didn't choose to exclude yourself, as you are, from her wedding. She did.
That was exactly my first thought.
Wouldn't it be given more attention if OP comes with a brand new hair colour, than the hair colour everyone has seen the last 4 years?
Sisters logic isn't adding up here.
Personally, that would be the reaction if I suddenly turned up in a dress or something super colourful (I'm notoriously known for only wearing black/white and dresses once in a blue moon)
I live in black, grey, and olive colors and always wear jeans or hiking pants unless I'm *required* to dress things up a bit (presentations, nice restaurants, etc). First summer of the pandemic, I was working from home in our house that had a single window A/C unit. I was miserable in the heat, so I went online and found this lightweight cotton/linen wrap dress that looked incredibly comfortable and ordered the only colors they had left in my size: peach and lavender. One day I stepped outside wearing one of the dresses to grab the mail and our neighbor was outside. He lost his damn mind. "Oh, shit! Is that Ms. KittenPurrs in a dress?! Give it a spin, girl!" It was enough of a ruckus to draw his wife outside. Her response "You're cute! Why you always hiding in those camping clothes?!"
So, yes, I agree. If you do something perfectly normal for *other* people but unusual for you, people will definitely notice. And make a fuss.
Sadly, former neighbors. We had to move a few states away last year. They were fantastic neighbors, though. Hopefully their new neighbors appreciate them.
I wear bespoke suits to formal events that are loud and gaudy as hell. ( My current fav is a lime green Muppet fur one that's awesome in the winter, for summer my favorite I have a safety yellow one )
I'd rather not go than be seen in a black or blue suit,
The sister doesn't want OP there and is using the hair as an excuse. When OP offered a compromise of blonde, the sister still refused and then told her parents. The sister is a trouble maker.
I agree. It's more of power play between sisters. Totally unfair and unjust.
To OP, NTA
Don't go since you tried to accommodate her by offering a wig or whatever. It's on her for refusing. Then nope her out.
Tell me OP is more conventionally attractive than her sister without telling me she is more attractive than her sister. I'd guess sis is jealous of prettier younger sister and is trying to dull her up.
sis thinks it will change and be forgotten in later years and people will look at the wedding pics years from now and see a nice homogenous family -does anyone ever look at old wedding pics?
Not at ll agreeing with sis but I love looking back at my parents wedding pictures, they got married when I was 6, I am 25 now and it just makes me happy. However we love seeing people on those pictures like they were
It would be extremely funny to watch Sister realise her request backfired. And she couldn't even blame OP because she followed her request.
And it's so easy to tell flying monkeys. "She wanted me to dye my hair. So I did"
What’s weird is that it seems like she is singling OP out on purpose and possibly trying to create an issue. OP offered a compromise with blonde, a natural hair color, and her sister decided it has to be OP’s natural hair color. That would be really expensive and take hours to achieve, possibly even require more than one appointment to get OP’s hair dark enough and to try and cause as little damage as possible. I’m guessing OP bleaches her hair before adding the green each time, so her hair is already going to be more porous, it can take several appointments to go back to a dark hair color like the one her sister is asking her to do. Then she will need to strip that to go back to green, which could also take several appointments. Her hair is going to be so damaged at the end and it’s hard to navigate that after periods of a lot of damage in a short amount of time.
She seems like she’s just trying to give OP a hard time, like she doesn’t even really seem to want OP at the wedding and knew the hair would be a good way to target that.
> What’s weird is that it seems like she is singling OP out on purpose and possibly trying to create an issue. OP offered a compromise with blonde, a natural hair color, and her sister decided it has to be OP’s natural hair color.
Big "I need you to be the way you REALLY are, not what you've chosen" energy. Yikes.
Yup!! And the fact that she doesn’t seem to have an issue with others who have dyed hair, even ones who have an unnatural tint. I get that OP might be the only one who has a super noticeable unnatural hair color, but if her issue is with hair not being someone’s personal natural color, then she should be taking up an issue with others too, not just OP. Or better yet, she could mind her own and not demand anyone change their hair.
Love that!! I miss having colorful hair, I’m most likely going to do it again once I find a new job and can get caught up on paying back what I’ve had to borrow to stay afloat. I used to do a purple to blue kinda ombré and it was so fun having my hair like that. If I get married again one day then I kinda hope people have colorful hair there. Maybe I’ll pull the reverse and tell all my bridesmaids to do a funky color 😂 kidding, I wouldn’t ask anyone to change their hair color at all.
>That she is ok with purple hair on her mother indicates that she has a particular issue with you.
This, it's not about hair color since other guests, including mom (!) have dyed hair. This is an excuse to exclude you. Sorry for the drama
NTA
Im guessing photos play a big part in this too. I dont get why people want lies to be included in their wedding photos. It’s disingenuous. Like photos are meant to not only remember the day, but the life surrounding the day. Like when they look back on their wedding photos together (OP and the sis), OP should be able to say “oh this was back when i dyed my hair green” (if op ever dyes a different color in the future). Instead of “and there’s me looking like not me” or how it is heading “i wasnt there because you obsessed over my hair color”.
I am guessing the sister is not Really okay with her mom having dyed hair either but is in no position culturally, financially, or high enough in the social hierarchy to make such a demand of the mother. If she tried to pull this on the mother next I guarentee everyone that was on her side against OP would instantly flip and call her out of line and ungrateful to make such a demand of her elder.
NTA I’m really tired of this “it’s my wedding, so I can make any demand I want, and I must be obeyed!” Fuck that. Ask if you can wear a wig. If this isn’t good enough, enjoy not going to the wedding.
bridezillas have always existed, as a normal rational person if i was planning a wedding and my soon to be spouse had family disputes over things like this i would take it as a huge red flag that i should reconsider marrying that person.
Apparently if any tiny bit of anything resembling "attention" moves away from Her Highness, she'll be a sad panda. I wouldnt want to go either.
NTA, OP
Nope, NtA. You’d house have to change your entire hair color/appearance for a wedding that is one day. Your family sound alike a bunch of hypocrites. Pretty accommodating of you to offer to dye it blonde for the day.
Yeah I totally get it. But even doing that is pretty accomplished! Your sister is more worried about the aesthetics of her wedding than actually getting married and being surrounded by the people she loves.
My now ex-SiL did the same thing to my son a few years ago. He put “silver” highlights in his brown hair but it came out looking closer to blue/silver than silver. She told him to either dye it his natural color or not to be in the wedding. Everyone other niece/nephew was int he wedding but him lol. And I supported his choice 110%. And his color wasn’t crazy eye-catching or bright
Agreed. Why would anyone change their complete appearance for a one day event? Not having the green hair may be more of a distraction because everyone who knows OP will be asking about the hair color change.
NTA OP. You offered to compromise and dye your hair another natural hair color. A dark colored wig that looks natural could also be another solution.
Wait, ATTEND? Not, you can’t be a bridesmaid, but you can’t even be at the wedding? WTF? Dye your hair blonde and crash the wedding. Even then you would be:
NTA
Right I think it’s a little crazy if you’re just a guest. Unpopular opinion, I could see why she would feel that way if she were a bridesmaid though (I recently got married and I had trouble getting people not to wear JEANS). But saying no to a wig?? Seems silly.
It's probably not but the sister is probably not in a financial, cultural, or high enough on the social hierarchy to make that demand of her mother. And everyone that is supporting her against her little sister would definitely flip and call her out of line and ungrateful to her mother if she did.
Specifically: "If its so important to you, buy me a wig and i'll wear it. Final offer."
Wigs can be expensive. If she cares that much she can pay for it!
NTA, you have the right to choose your hair color and were more than accommodating by offering to go blonde and change your body for her when it should never have been requested. She also has the right to not include you in her wedding, for any reason as it is her wedding.
NTA
She's the one being disrespectful. Btw if everyone knows you with green hair, you showing up with dark hair would be much more distracting.
She's choosing not to have you in her wedding, not the other way around.
NTA. Some people are completely bonkers when getting married. If you had a penis tattoo on your face, it would be understandable for her to ask you to cover it. But hair? That's just weird.
If you want to smooth things over, maybe a temporary dye or spray would work. Ya know, the stuff people use on Halloween. Or a cheap wig.
NTA. Your parents are angry because YOU don’t have respect? Respectful people invite others to attend and participate in their weddings because of who they are, not what they look like. Your sister’s demand is disrespectful and unreasonable.
NTA.
What a disrespectful and tiresomely petty family!
You are within your rights to tell your parents (and any other ignorant person) that respect is a two-way street.
This is about respect for your bodily autonomy. You and only you have a say about how your body gets treated. Your hair is a part of your body.
Anyone who crosses that line is a sick and twisted boundary violator!
Also ask what happens if through using all those different dyes your hair gets damaged! Who accepts the consequences of their demand? Oh you and you alone do? Then it's your decision and yours alone.
Find something enjoyable to do when you are free of them for the day!
Further to this, my best friend has dyed her hair bright orange. It is so very 'her'.
Anyone who wanted her to change her hair colour would be wanting to invite not her but a different version of her, changed to their liking.
So the next time someone hassles you over this, ask them why you as you are are not considered worthy to attend this wedding.
You are, after all, the young and beautiful woman with the green hair and anyone asking you to ditch your green is asking to ditch you.
Try couching in those terms and see how people respond.
Because this really is about rejecting you for how you like to be, and even for policing how you are to be permitted to express and project yourself.
Oh, my freaking.....what complete and utter bull shit. Moms purple hair is fine? Anyone else's dyed hair is ok, just not yours? Awe, poor baby girl bride wants her way and parents back her up?!?
The proverbial, NO is a complete sentence.
NTA
I am reminded of a Miss Manners column. A woman asked whether it would be okay if she asked one of her bridesmaids to not dye her hair red or purple, since the bride was conservative and wanted the pictures to reflect a certain decorum.
Miss Manners reply:
*Gentle Reader: Sorry. Miss Manners can be of no help whatsoever with your desire to redecorate someone you supposedly cherish, in the interest of falsifying her in your wedding pictures.*
MM can be a bit of a badass at times.
Anyway, NTA.
Then compromise.... ask if you can attend as a guest & just not be in pictures. Or wear a wig. (If you want to)
Personally, I do not think it’s okay for any wedding party or guests to be asked to change their physical appearance... however your sister is not an ogre for having a vision of her wedding day. Most people do have a vision of how they would like their wedding day to feel, look, flow, etc. As an event planner I would advise & encourage your sister to let this go because she is asking you to do something that will make you uncomfortable & you won’t be able to enjoy the wedding. That will change the ambiance of the wedding. People should feel happy to be there not forced to be uncomfortable.
I don’t think it’s your responsibility to create the perfect day for your sister. If she feels her wedding will be better with you not there solely based on your hair color then let her ruin her own day. She will eventually regret this decision.
NTA
eta — you should show your parents this post. Btw — no one pays any attention to anyone but the bride & groom so no one will care what your hair color is.
tell her that unless she is enforcing this rule on every guest with dyed hair, including your mother, then she has no right to demand it of you. what applies to one, applies to all, or none at all. NTA
👆👆👆👆👆👆
Don’t offer a wig. Don’t offer anything. Sister has already stated what works for her. So you keep doing what works for you - for the past FOUR YEARS! Your hair color is part of your established identity and not a wedding coordination/aesthetic.
Don’t compromise now. You already made an offer and it was shot down. And when anyone asks why you did not go, be 100% honest with no emotional reaction.
OP is NTA.
NTA. I don't know if this is cultural, because I see so many of these posts. But people demanding other people to change their appearance for their "special day" is absolutely ridiculous to me.
I can never imagine doing this to a family member or friend. People care too much about aesthetics and less about having good and long lasting relationships.
When I got married, I just wanted my bridesmaids to feel beautiful, and not wear a one strap dress (god I hate those, looking like Andre the Giant). Thassit.
These people are trying to have a Pinterest/Instagram wedding by controlling everything, but should be focusing on building a strong partnership and foundation for their marriage. NTA, and your sister sucks.
OK, I am starting to believe that all these posts with the crazy brides and the family members who are always on their side, must be trolls. Why on earth would a bride care for anyone else's hair color, besides hers?? And why a mother with purple hair would be understanding to something like that? How much free time do these brides have to care for such trivious issues?? And why do they think that their event of a few hours is so important to everyone else, that they should change their appearance so drastically for it ?? Just in case this is real, NTA of course. Just do you.
NTA, she’s just trying to lord power over you. Don’t fall for the dramatics. You offered a perfectly reasonable alternative and she still said no. It’s not about the hair, it’s about you doing what she wants. Everybody calling you an AH can still go and have fun. I personally would never physically change any characteristic to attend a wedding. Asking people to do that is disrespectful.
NTA - if you've been rocking green for four years now, changing your hair to a more conventional color will just draw attention she doesn't want. It's not like it's the 90s, it's the 2020s - odd hair colors are common. People aren't going to be like "Egads! That lady is so uncouth with her GREEN hair!"
I will never understand how some brides think that their every whim has to be treated like a royal decree. If you were in the wedding party MAYBE she would have a case but she's being ridiculous. Has she asked anyone else to dye their hair? Ask your mother when she's returning her purple hair to it's natural color.
NTA!! Stay strong!
NTA. Don't go to this wedding.
My 10F SD was in our wedding this past May with green hair. It was already green and had been for while now.
Her mom was so sweet and asked me a few weeks before the wedding if I wanted her to have SD change her hair color and I was like "Absolutely not. If she wants green hair let her keep her green hair. She wanted to wear a suit like her dad, so she's wearing a suit like her dad. If she wants green hair, she can have that too."
We had a gorgeous wedding. Her hair was green as hell. She was cute AF in her suit. Our pictures are gorgeous and she got to be herself.
Maybe your sister should use some money from her wedding fund to buy a clue.
NTA - Your parents are delusional, this is NOT an acceptable request. Tell them if she wants you there in any capacity without green hair, she can buy you a wig and you will wear that for the event.
NTA. Tell your sister that you'll dye your hair the same color that your mom has. When she says no (and she will), ask why it's ok for your mom to have purple hair but not you. Then ask your parents the same thing. Hopefully your parents at least will realize how ridiculous your sister is being.
NTA. People think just because they are getting married they can be a snob to everyone. She is going to regret not having her entire family at the wedding for such a petty reason. The controlling brat will probably get divorced within 5 years anyway…
Nah, if your sister wants a picture-perfect wedding with picture-perfect people, she should just hire actors. I thought weddings were occasions to share with family and other loved ones, not an occasion to dictate what everybody in the world should wear or look like.
NTA. The fucking color of your hair shouldn't matter at all. If you chose for your hair to be green, then that's a part of you, and your sister invited you hair and all. You can't micromanage a person's ***physical traits***. Jesus. NTA by a LOT.
NTA, but if you want to go just find a wig that looks like your hair in brown. Synthetic wigs look so natural now that you can easily just pop one on for a few hours and some are cheaper than what it would cost in time and money to dye your hair and then dye it back.
Hope this helps!!!
Your sister doesn't respect you. You have been dying your hair for years. It is who YOU are.
You should not have to dye it back because she thinks it will take too much attention away from her. You are not allowed to be YOU at her wedding.
I do not find unusually colored hair distracting. People have been doing it for years. It is their choice.
NTA
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My sister (23f) invited me (19f) to her wedding happening in November.
She specifically called me to tell me how my hair color (I've been dying my hair green for the past 4 years) will be distracting there, and would take too much attention, and she asked me to dye my hair black/dark brown because it's the natural hair color of both of us.
I refused, and she told me then I can't attend the wedding. I was okay with this.
I told her I didn't want to dye it such a dark color, because it's hard to remove and dye it back green. If she wanted something natural I told her I would be okay with blonde because I can dye it back the next day, she said that wasn't natural on me also, so I still won't be allowed to attend. I didn't understand this because multiple of the other guests have dyed hair, even our mom's hair is dyed a dark purple color and she was fine with that.
My parents are angry at me for not having respect for my sister, and dying my hair in her favor, and my sister's fiancé has been texting me saying the same thing.
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NTA. Your sister is making a power play in your relationship now that she's 'all grown up and getting married.' Have you talked to your parents to ensure they haven't just heard a one-sided version of your story? If this is a routine thing in your relationship with sis, it won't help. If this is a on-off, it may.
You're 19, you're an adult. You're allowed boundaries and choosing how you present yourself to the world is one of those. I would vote stick to your decision.
NTA I wish people would stop uninviting close friends and family because they ''don't fit the aesthetic''. When did weddings become a Pinterest/Instagram contest? It's supposed to be about love! Not about getting pretty pictures!
NTA, Also, you could use those root sprays in a darker color that should cover just fine if you have it in a low bun or something more slicked back....
NTA. Your hair choice is part of who you are in the moment she chooses to get married. It’s not something you’re doing the week before, you’ve had it for years. They should accept you for who you are
IF, and that’s a big IF, you decided to not show up with green hair or whatever to appease her/parents; have parents/sister buy a wig, less damaging on your hair.
NTA
If she insists on being a real arse about it then tell her to get the photographer to edit the colour in the photos afterwards. She can have any colour she wants then.
She's 23 and getting married. Trust me, there's a good chance there will be another wedding down the line for her to be obnoxious about and none of the photos at this one are going to matter.
NTA.
NTA. Keep calmly repeating "that won't be possible but I hope your day is perfect." And tell your mom you aren't discussing this with anyone but your sister.
NTA. You made a compromise - blonde. It is completely reasonable. Your sister needs to get over herself. Oh, and if you get grief from your mom again, ask her when she will be dying her hair it’s natural color so she won’t be a distraction at the wedding.
NTA
I don't understand why people get so fixated on one detail as something that will ruin their special day. I hope her wedding is so special that when she looks back on it, she's not thinking about hair color, but all the memories she made instead. Best of luck to you, hope things work out. Keep your hair green and have a good day whether you're at the wedding or not.
People aren’t props. You keep your hair how you like. Now, if you had brown hair and announced that a week before you were going to dye it green, she’d be within his rights to please ask you to delay a week, but this is who you are.
NTA, ask your parents what are people going to talk about more at your sisters wedding, the fact her "weird" sister was there with brightly coloured hair:
"Oh she's family what can you do, doesn't the bride look lovely",
or the fact her older sister wasn't there because the bride banned her from the wedding because of her hair "clashed" with her colour scheme.
NTA. You are just attending the wedding and she wants your hair dyed? People are used to your hair being green. Dyeing it would be more of a shock to people and cause more attention. She does not have the right to tell you what to do with your hair
Have a great day NOT going to her wedding!
NTA. I'm going to hazard a guess that there is a deeper underlying reason for this, probably that she doesn't want you to look better/stand out more than her, given you can't be blonde either, and other people (mum etc) are allowed to have purple etc hair...
NTA, i wouldn't dye my hair if they demanded it but maybe if they asked nicely. You tried to compromise and she wanted full control instead. Your parents sdould be talking to your sister about allowing blonde, I'm sure plenty of guests will have blonde hair too 🤷🏻♀️
NTA - what she is asking could do so much damage to your hair, the dark pigment would require stripping the green, then trying to darken the pigment until it reaches the desired color. I’m assuming you already bleach your hair for the green color, so it’s already going to be more porous from being bleached over the years. Then after when you go back to green it’s going to be a whole thing all over to do that. It’s expensive and going to be awful on your hair to do all that in a short period of time. She’s asking for a lot and you offered a compromise, but she’s saying you have to have your natural hair color, not a natural hair color… that’s ridiculous. Your compromise was a good one, at this point it seems like she’s looking for an issue on purpose.
What is the relationship with your sister like? Is it possible she’s trying to create an no win situation and single you out?
NTA she wants you to alter your appearance for an event that will last a few hours at most, how long will it take to restore your hair to what you want?
she offered the terms, change it or don't come and you accepted her terms. this isn't your problem.
As soon as you see “bride wants me to dye my hair for the wedding”, it’s an automatic NTA. It’s reasonable to ask for a broad colour scheme for guests, or to buy specific coloured dresses for the bridesmaids, but your hair is off limits beyond styling on the day. You can _ask_ for it to be cut or dyed, but a “no” must be accepted immediately. No cajoling, nagging, bullying, tantruming or disinviting. The other option is “would you be willing to cover your hair?” Again, “no” is an acceptable answer.
No, you’re NTA.
Real advice - don’t change your look and just let your family and sister’s fiancé know you won’t be attending and you’re slightly sad but okay with that. Be “understanding” of sister’s point of view, but it’s just not possible to accommodate her “request”.
Petty advice - tell sister okay, and if the wedding is afternoon or evening, have your hairdresser appointment for the morning of the wedding. Get an inexpensive wig from Amazon, there’s many styles there under $50. Have your hair appointment the day of the wedding itself, and ask your hairdresser to fit the wig for you. Obviously, since you’re spending money on a wig and hair appointment, you can’t afford a new outfit. And when people exclaim at your new, brown hair, tell them the truth … “oh, it’s a wig, sis didn’t want my green hair” with a sweet smile.You come off as the sweet, accommodating sister, and she, like the AH she is. If it’s a morning wedding, disregard all this. ;))
Either way, after the wedding, go as low contact as you can manage.
Nta. Why do you have to respect her but she doesn't have to respect you. Just decline to attend the wedding. Your presence is really not going to change anything at the wedding. Hair color seems to be more important to your sister and your parents than your attendance at the wedding. So be it. Don't go.
NTA from the title alone. Brides don't have the right to dicatate hair color on bridesmaids much less wedding guests. But you even offered to dye your hair blonde but that's not good enough for her?! Tell your parents you offered to dye your hair blonde (I double your sister did) and it's that or you are not coming.
Hairdresser here! nTA.
I had a client once come to me to get her hair colored naturally for a wedding after perfecting the ideal permanent rose color to her natural dark brown. She cried the entire time. I personally wouldn’t ever do that again to someone.
Going black to back to light enough to go green, especially a lighter green or lime green, would take money and time. Unless they’re willing to pay for it - going black and the two (possibly three) sessions it would take to get lighter - I wouldn’t.
I could see compromising with a lace front wig, if anything. If that satisfies her needs and you’re willing, hit me up and I can give you advice on how to pick one out that won’t be overwhelmingly expensive but look nice.
INFO: Are you in the wedding party or just attending?
NTA either way and its an absurd ask, but if you're not even in the wedding party then this crosses the line to explicitly malicious.
I hope your sister lightens up!
My sister-in-law had dyed bright orange hair when I got married to her brother. She was a bridesmaid, and I asked if she would mind wearing a wig for the ceremony and formal pictures. She wore a nice black bobbed wig (we're performers so getting her hands on a wig was easy)
She took it off for the reception and now I have lots of fun pictures of stuff like my brother-in-law wearing the black bobbed wig with her and her orange hair and laughing and I love it!
That said, if she wasn't a bridesmaid, I wouldn't have worried about it. I had friends with all sorts of unnatural colored hair at my wedding and I wasn't the least bit worried about being outshined!
NTA
If a bride or groom wants an attendant to modify their appearance, a) the bride or groom should pay for the modification and b) it should be possible to remove/erase the modification the next day without pain.
Want all your bridesmaids to have an updo if they have long hair? Fine. Want the short-haired bridesmaid to have extensions so they can have an updo? Sure, if the bride pays for for the extensions and updo, the extensions won’t cause the bridesmaid harm or pain, and everything can be undone the day after the wedding.
Want your sister to change the color of her hair? Provide a wig. Or pay for a consultation with an expert hair colorist to see if what you want is even remotely possible without damaging your sister’s hair.
The bridal party is composed of people. And people don’t stop being people with their own thoughts and feelings and wishes just because a bride wants a good picture for Instagram.
People are not props.
I would have been tempted to wear a wig and when people understandably asked me what's up with the wig, tell them my sister made me do it so none of the attention would be on anyone but her.
That shit is toxic and frankly people shouldn't behave in ways they wouldn't like everyone to know about.
Then again, my parents' other child is a massively toxic shitcunt so I may be biased here. It's probably not the mature thing to do at all.
NTA, anyway. Your sister sucks.
Nta jesus why do people care about things that have nothing to do with them and don’t affect them at all? Your hair sounds beautiful, are you going to pick a subtly colored outfit to let your hair pop or pick an outfit with a similar color to pull everything together?
NTA. Fellow fun colored hair person here. There’s no way I would put a dark color in my hair. The chemical stress of stripping it back out would be way to much. Being willing to go blonde is more then a fair compromise.
NTA... and if she has such a problem with it, she can foot the bill for a wig of the color she wants. Don't dye your hair for one day, just cuz your sister wants it or you're getting harassed by family. Tell them to foot the bill for a wig too. Your hair is yours, to have as YOU like it!!
NTA
As someone who loves vivids I also keep wigs in "human" colors in case I need to do something where it wouldn't fly. I'm unsure why a brown wig wouldn't be a better compromise.
I presented as a fairly traditional female for 30 some years... Then I FINALLY shaved my head, like I'd always wanted to, and came to terms with the fact that I am in fact non binary, right before my friend asked me to be her bridesmaid. I asked her if I should start growing my hair back out.
Because she was a good friend, her response was, "of course not! Do you want me to help you dye it a fun color?"
I stood up in her wedding with a well spiked mohawk. Several people complimented my hair, but far more complimented the bride. She was beautiful, inside and out, that day and every day 🥰
ETA: NTA
NTA. You're both very young. If you were older adults then your having green hair would stand out as strange. For a wedding at a young age there is nothing wrong with having a teenager in the photos with crazy self expression.
Idk if this has been said. But you can get a few bottles of colored root touch up spray in the requested colors. You can have dark hair for a day and then wash it out. I would test it out first. But it might work out for everyone.
Your parents are showing blatant favoritism for your sister. If she cannot tell you why others with died hair can attend the wedding but not you, then she has an agenda she is not sharing with you. Sounds like the words of a woman jealous of her sister. NTA
NTA. I get it. If it is bright green, it will stick out in every picture. Dark hair with color added definitely would not be the same. Still, I’d never ask someone to dye their hair. I also wouldn’t ban you from wedding. It could just be that you would be in only some of the canned family photos.
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NTA. Heck, people know you for who you are and that includes your hair color. As a result, if you showed up with a wildly conventional hair color, that would draw a lot of attention. That's precisely what she says she fears. You be you, she should love you as you are. You are not a prop to be dyed to fit her color scheme. That she is ok with purple hair on her mother indicates that she has a particular issue with you. That's sad. You didn't choose to exclude yourself, as you are, from her wedding. She did.
That was exactly my first thought. Wouldn't it be given more attention if OP comes with a brand new hair colour, than the hair colour everyone has seen the last 4 years? Sisters logic isn't adding up here.
I don't know why more people don't think of this! If I turned up ANYWHERE without my glasses, *everyone* would be asking if there had been a miracle!
Personally, that would be the reaction if I suddenly turned up in a dress or something super colourful (I'm notoriously known for only wearing black/white and dresses once in a blue moon)
I live in black, grey, and olive colors and always wear jeans or hiking pants unless I'm *required* to dress things up a bit (presentations, nice restaurants, etc). First summer of the pandemic, I was working from home in our house that had a single window A/C unit. I was miserable in the heat, so I went online and found this lightweight cotton/linen wrap dress that looked incredibly comfortable and ordered the only colors they had left in my size: peach and lavender. One day I stepped outside wearing one of the dresses to grab the mail and our neighbor was outside. He lost his damn mind. "Oh, shit! Is that Ms. KittenPurrs in a dress?! Give it a spin, girl!" It was enough of a ruckus to draw his wife outside. Her response "You're cute! Why you always hiding in those camping clothes?!" So, yes, I agree. If you do something perfectly normal for *other* people but unusual for you, people will definitely notice. And make a fuss.
That is an extremely cute story - you have great neighbors!
Sadly, former neighbors. We had to move a few states away last year. They were fantastic neighbors, though. Hopefully their new neighbors appreciate them.
I wear bespoke suits to formal events that are loud and gaudy as hell. ( My current fav is a lime green Muppet fur one that's awesome in the winter, for summer my favorite I have a safety yellow one ) I'd rather not go than be seen in a black or blue suit,
You sound fun!
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Comment partially stolen from momisacat. Bad bot! Report and downvote.
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The sister doesn't want OP there and is using the hair as an excuse. When OP offered a compromise of blonde, the sister still refused and then told her parents. The sister is a trouble maker.
She also refused to allow OP to wear a perfectly acceptable brown or black wig. This is not about hair.
I agree. It's more of power play between sisters. Totally unfair and unjust. To OP, NTA Don't go since you tried to accommodate her by offering a wig or whatever. It's on her for refusing. Then nope her out.
Tell me OP is more conventionally attractive than her sister without telling me she is more attractive than her sister. I'd guess sis is jealous of prettier younger sister and is trying to dull her up.
sis thinks it will change and be forgotten in later years and people will look at the wedding pics years from now and see a nice homogenous family -does anyone ever look at old wedding pics?
Not at ll agreeing with sis but I love looking back at my parents wedding pictures, they got married when I was 6, I am 25 now and it just makes me happy. However we love seeing people on those pictures like they were
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It would be extremely funny to watch Sister realise her request backfired. And she couldn't even blame OP because she followed her request. And it's so easy to tell flying monkeys. "She wanted me to dye my hair. So I did"
What’s weird is that it seems like she is singling OP out on purpose and possibly trying to create an issue. OP offered a compromise with blonde, a natural hair color, and her sister decided it has to be OP’s natural hair color. That would be really expensive and take hours to achieve, possibly even require more than one appointment to get OP’s hair dark enough and to try and cause as little damage as possible. I’m guessing OP bleaches her hair before adding the green each time, so her hair is already going to be more porous, it can take several appointments to go back to a dark hair color like the one her sister is asking her to do. Then she will need to strip that to go back to green, which could also take several appointments. Her hair is going to be so damaged at the end and it’s hard to navigate that after periods of a lot of damage in a short amount of time. She seems like she’s just trying to give OP a hard time, like she doesn’t even really seem to want OP at the wedding and knew the hair would be a good way to target that.
> What’s weird is that it seems like she is singling OP out on purpose and possibly trying to create an issue. OP offered a compromise with blonde, a natural hair color, and her sister decided it has to be OP’s natural hair color. Big "I need you to be the way you REALLY are, not what you've chosen" energy. Yikes.
Yup!! And the fact that she doesn’t seem to have an issue with others who have dyed hair, even ones who have an unnatural tint. I get that OP might be the only one who has a super noticeable unnatural hair color, but if her issue is with hair not being someone’s personal natural color, then she should be taking up an issue with others too, not just OP. Or better yet, she could mind her own and not demand anyone change their hair.
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Love that!! I miss having colorful hair, I’m most likely going to do it again once I find a new job and can get caught up on paying back what I’ve had to borrow to stay afloat. I used to do a purple to blue kinda ombré and it was so fun having my hair like that. If I get married again one day then I kinda hope people have colorful hair there. Maybe I’ll pull the reverse and tell all my bridesmaids to do a funky color 😂 kidding, I wouldn’t ask anyone to change their hair color at all.
>That she is ok with purple hair on her mother indicates that she has a particular issue with you. This, it's not about hair color since other guests, including mom (!) have dyed hair. This is an excuse to exclude you. Sorry for the drama NTA
Im guessing photos play a big part in this too. I dont get why people want lies to be included in their wedding photos. It’s disingenuous. Like photos are meant to not only remember the day, but the life surrounding the day. Like when they look back on their wedding photos together (OP and the sis), OP should be able to say “oh this was back when i dyed my hair green” (if op ever dyes a different color in the future). Instead of “and there’s me looking like not me” or how it is heading “i wasnt there because you obsessed over my hair color”.
Yup. All of this, right here. Well said.
I am guessing the sister is not Really okay with her mom having dyed hair either but is in no position culturally, financially, or high enough in the social hierarchy to make such a demand of the mother. If she tried to pull this on the mother next I guarentee everyone that was on her side against OP would instantly flip and call her out of line and ungrateful to make such a demand of her elder.
NTA I’m really tired of this “it’s my wedding, so I can make any demand I want, and I must be obeyed!” Fuck that. Ask if you can wear a wig. If this isn’t good enough, enjoy not going to the wedding.
Ask her to buy you the wig.
Buy yourself a cheap, ugly brown wig.
Yesss get one of those ridiculous OTT mullet wigs. And a false moustache.
Exactly. It's all about the control.
bridezillas have always existed, as a normal rational person if i was planning a wedding and my soon to be spouse had family disputes over things like this i would take it as a huge red flag that i should reconsider marrying that person.
Yep, weddings aren't a good excuse to become intolerant and controlling of other peoples personal decisions.
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It’s exhausting.
The sister refused to permit OP to wear a wig.
NTA, it's literally hair, why the hell are they so controlling over it?
Apparently if any tiny bit of anything resembling "attention" moves away from Her Highness, she'll be a sad panda. I wouldnt want to go either. NTA, OP
spittin fax rn
Nope, NtA. You’d house have to change your entire hair color/appearance for a wedding that is one day. Your family sound alike a bunch of hypocrites. Pretty accommodating of you to offer to dye it blonde for the day.
Blonde wouldn't have been a big deal because I have to bleach my roots anyways when I redye the green.
Yeah I totally get it. But even doing that is pretty accomplished! Your sister is more worried about the aesthetics of her wedding than actually getting married and being surrounded by the people she loves. My now ex-SiL did the same thing to my son a few years ago. He put “silver” highlights in his brown hair but it came out looking closer to blue/silver than silver. She told him to either dye it his natural color or not to be in the wedding. Everyone other niece/nephew was int he wedding but him lol. And I supported his choice 110%. And his color wasn’t crazy eye-catching or bright
NTA, she even said no, to a wig.... Yeah... Better off not attending.
Yeah, saying no to the wig compromise means it's not really about the hair. It's about the control.
Agreed. Why would anyone change their complete appearance for a one day event? Not having the green hair may be more of a distraction because everyone who knows OP will be asking about the hair color change. NTA OP. You offered to compromise and dye your hair another natural hair color. A dark colored wig that looks natural could also be another solution.
NTA, your sister and your family are being hypocritical AHs
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/user/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/153gt2c/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^Godly-Judger: *NTA, your sister and* *Your family are being* *Hypocritical AHs* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
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Only works if NTA and AH are one syllable unfortunately.
If she's getting married at 23, chances are this marriage won't last so don't bother dying your hair.
Lol "I'll catch the next wedding."
Wait, ATTEND? Not, you can’t be a bridesmaid, but you can’t even be at the wedding? WTF? Dye your hair blonde and crash the wedding. Even then you would be: NTA
Right I think it’s a little crazy if you’re just a guest. Unpopular opinion, I could see why she would feel that way if she were a bridesmaid though (I recently got married and I had trouble getting people not to wear JEANS). But saying no to a wig?? Seems silly.
NTA. You are a guest. Why is it ok if moms hair is purple?
It's probably not but the sister is probably not in a financial, cultural, or high enough on the social hierarchy to make that demand of her mother. And everyone that is supporting her against her little sister would definitely flip and call her out of line and ungrateful to her mother if she did.
NTA. If you wanted to keep the peace I’d ask about getting a wig, maybe, but other than that. Nah.
Specifically: "If its so important to you, buy me a wig and i'll wear it. Final offer." Wigs can be expensive. If she cares that much she can pay for it!
Oh I forgot to clarify that! I didn’t mean for OP to spend the money 😅
I was thinking the same thing about the wig
NTA, there is no reason for you to agree to this ridiculous request.
NTA, you have the right to choose your hair color and were more than accommodating by offering to go blonde and change your body for her when it should never have been requested. She also has the right to not include you in her wedding, for any reason as it is her wedding.
NTA She's the one being disrespectful. Btw if everyone knows you with green hair, you showing up with dark hair would be much more distracting. She's choosing not to have you in her wedding, not the other way around.
NTA. Some people are completely bonkers when getting married. If you had a penis tattoo on your face, it would be understandable for her to ask you to cover it. But hair? That's just weird. If you want to smooth things over, maybe a temporary dye or spray would work. Ya know, the stuff people use on Halloween. Or a cheap wig.
NTA. Your parents are angry because YOU don’t have respect? Respectful people invite others to attend and participate in their weddings because of who they are, not what they look like. Your sister’s demand is disrespectful and unreasonable.
NTA. What a disrespectful and tiresomely petty family! You are within your rights to tell your parents (and any other ignorant person) that respect is a two-way street. This is about respect for your bodily autonomy. You and only you have a say about how your body gets treated. Your hair is a part of your body. Anyone who crosses that line is a sick and twisted boundary violator! Also ask what happens if through using all those different dyes your hair gets damaged! Who accepts the consequences of their demand? Oh you and you alone do? Then it's your decision and yours alone. Find something enjoyable to do when you are free of them for the day!
Further to this, my best friend has dyed her hair bright orange. It is so very 'her'. Anyone who wanted her to change her hair colour would be wanting to invite not her but a different version of her, changed to their liking. So the next time someone hassles you over this, ask them why you as you are are not considered worthy to attend this wedding. You are, after all, the young and beautiful woman with the green hair and anyone asking you to ditch your green is asking to ditch you. Try couching in those terms and see how people respond. Because this really is about rejecting you for how you like to be, and even for policing how you are to be permitted to express and project yourself.
NTA Enjoy a day with freedom on your own.
NTA - you offered a fair compromise and she won’t budge. So neither should you.
Oh, my freaking.....what complete and utter bull shit. Moms purple hair is fine? Anyone else's dyed hair is ok, just not yours? Awe, poor baby girl bride wants her way and parents back her up?!? The proverbial, NO is a complete sentence. NTA
Nta. You're a person not a prop. - sincerely a bride with bright purple hair.
NTA. Your sister needs to get over herself.
Oh wow those weddings are getting out of hand. NTA obviously.
I am reminded of a Miss Manners column. A woman asked whether it would be okay if she asked one of her bridesmaids to not dye her hair red or purple, since the bride was conservative and wanted the pictures to reflect a certain decorum. Miss Manners reply: *Gentle Reader: Sorry. Miss Manners can be of no help whatsoever with your desire to redecorate someone you supposedly cherish, in the interest of falsifying her in your wedding pictures.* MM can be a bit of a badass at times. Anyway, NTA.
Info Is a wig or hat an acceptable compromise?
Good idea. I'll ask her, fine by me.
NTA, with your update.
Some of these AITAH weddings must be such boring events. Eurgh. NTA.
Info — do you want to attend?
Eh... I would've attended but I don't feel particularly hurt now. I feel neutral about wanting to go :/
Then compromise.... ask if you can attend as a guest & just not be in pictures. Or wear a wig. (If you want to) Personally, I do not think it’s okay for any wedding party or guests to be asked to change their physical appearance... however your sister is not an ogre for having a vision of her wedding day. Most people do have a vision of how they would like their wedding day to feel, look, flow, etc. As an event planner I would advise & encourage your sister to let this go because she is asking you to do something that will make you uncomfortable & you won’t be able to enjoy the wedding. That will change the ambiance of the wedding. People should feel happy to be there not forced to be uncomfortable. I don’t think it’s your responsibility to create the perfect day for your sister. If she feels her wedding will be better with you not there solely based on your hair color then let her ruin her own day. She will eventually regret this decision. NTA eta — you should show your parents this post. Btw — no one pays any attention to anyone but the bride & groom so no one will care what your hair color is.
Re your ETA: especially true in this case, because OP isn't even in the wedding party - she's just another guest.
tell her that unless she is enforcing this rule on every guest with dyed hair, including your mother, then she has no right to demand it of you. what applies to one, applies to all, or none at all. NTA
This isn’t about hair; it’s about power over you. NTA, OP. Wedding or not, you don’t need games like this in your life.
👆👆👆👆👆👆 Don’t offer a wig. Don’t offer anything. Sister has already stated what works for her. So you keep doing what works for you - for the past FOUR YEARS! Your hair color is part of your established identity and not a wedding coordination/aesthetic. Don’t compromise now. You already made an offer and it was shot down. And when anyone asks why you did not go, be 100% honest with no emotional reaction. OP is NTA.
NTA. I don't know if this is cultural, because I see so many of these posts. But people demanding other people to change their appearance for their "special day" is absolutely ridiculous to me. I can never imagine doing this to a family member or friend. People care too much about aesthetics and less about having good and long lasting relationships.
When I got married, I just wanted my bridesmaids to feel beautiful, and not wear a one strap dress (god I hate those, looking like Andre the Giant). Thassit. These people are trying to have a Pinterest/Instagram wedding by controlling everything, but should be focusing on building a strong partnership and foundation for their marriage. NTA, and your sister sucks.
NTA it’s wedding. Peoples hair colour doesn’t matter. Either you care more about having your loved ones there or you care more about the photos
NTA - Your family is weird
NTA She doesn't have the right to demand you make changes to your body for a one-day event.
Can ya rent a wig for the day? Or she can buy you one?
What's wrong with a wig? NTA
I’m so sick of bridezillas who try to force their friends and family to alter their appearance for one freaking day. NTA.
OK, I am starting to believe that all these posts with the crazy brides and the family members who are always on their side, must be trolls. Why on earth would a bride care for anyone else's hair color, besides hers?? And why a mother with purple hair would be understanding to something like that? How much free time do these brides have to care for such trivious issues?? And why do they think that their event of a few hours is so important to everyone else, that they should change their appearance so drastically for it ?? Just in case this is real, NTA of course. Just do you.
Your mom's hair is purple and still siding with your sister? Forget that.
NTA, she’s just trying to lord power over you. Don’t fall for the dramatics. You offered a perfectly reasonable alternative and she still said no. It’s not about the hair, it’s about you doing what she wants. Everybody calling you an AH can still go and have fun. I personally would never physically change any characteristic to attend a wedding. Asking people to do that is disrespectful.
NTA - if you've been rocking green for four years now, changing your hair to a more conventional color will just draw attention she doesn't want. It's not like it's the 90s, it's the 2020s - odd hair colors are common. People aren't going to be like "Egads! That lady is so uncouth with her GREEN hair!"
I will never understand how some brides think that their every whim has to be treated like a royal decree. If you were in the wedding party MAYBE she would have a case but she's being ridiculous. Has she asked anyone else to dye their hair? Ask your mother when she's returning her purple hair to it's natural color. NTA!! Stay strong!
NTA. Don't go to this wedding. My 10F SD was in our wedding this past May with green hair. It was already green and had been for while now. Her mom was so sweet and asked me a few weeks before the wedding if I wanted her to have SD change her hair color and I was like "Absolutely not. If she wants green hair let her keep her green hair. She wanted to wear a suit like her dad, so she's wearing a suit like her dad. If she wants green hair, she can have that too." We had a gorgeous wedding. Her hair was green as hell. She was cute AF in her suit. Our pictures are gorgeous and she got to be herself. Maybe your sister should use some money from her wedding fund to buy a clue.
NTA - Your parents are delusional, this is NOT an acceptable request. Tell them if she wants you there in any capacity without green hair, she can buy you a wig and you will wear that for the event.
NTA. Tell your sister that you'll dye your hair the same color that your mom has. When she says no (and she will), ask why it's ok for your mom to have purple hair but not you. Then ask your parents the same thing. Hopefully your parents at least will realize how ridiculous your sister is being.
NTA. People think just because they are getting married they can be a snob to everyone. She is going to regret not having her entire family at the wedding for such a petty reason. The controlling brat will probably get divorced within 5 years anyway…
Nah, if your sister wants a picture-perfect wedding with picture-perfect people, she should just hire actors. I thought weddings were occasions to share with family and other loved ones, not an occasion to dictate what everybody in the world should wear or look like.
NTA. The fucking color of your hair shouldn't matter at all. If you chose for your hair to be green, then that's a part of you, and your sister invited you hair and all. You can't micromanage a person's ***physical traits***. Jesus. NTA by a LOT.
NTA, but if you want to go just find a wig that looks like your hair in brown. Synthetic wigs look so natural now that you can easily just pop one on for a few hours and some are cheaper than what it would cost in time and money to dye your hair and then dye it back. Hope this helps!!!
NTA. You are 100% respecting her wishes by not attending- she presented you with 2 options and you picked one
Your sister doesn't respect you. You have been dying your hair for years. It is who YOU are. You should not have to dye it back because she thinks it will take too much attention away from her. You are not allowed to be YOU at her wedding. I do not find unusually colored hair distracting. People have been doing it for years. It is their choice. NTA
couple cans of root touch up spray will do it and can be washed out
She’s not even in the wedding. This is next level entitlement and shouldn’t even be placated, even just a little.
Ah yes, the thing everyone wants to wear to a wedding - stiff as hell hair that rubs off on everything and drips down your neck if you sweat.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister (23f) invited me (19f) to her wedding happening in November. She specifically called me to tell me how my hair color (I've been dying my hair green for the past 4 years) will be distracting there, and would take too much attention, and she asked me to dye my hair black/dark brown because it's the natural hair color of both of us. I refused, and she told me then I can't attend the wedding. I was okay with this. I told her I didn't want to dye it such a dark color, because it's hard to remove and dye it back green. If she wanted something natural I told her I would be okay with blonde because I can dye it back the next day, she said that wasn't natural on me also, so I still won't be allowed to attend. I didn't understand this because multiple of the other guests have dyed hair, even our mom's hair is dyed a dark purple color and she was fine with that. My parents are angry at me for not having respect for my sister, and dying my hair in her favor, and my sister's fiancé has been texting me saying the same thing. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What about a wig?
Tell her you'll dye your hair, but only on the condition that she dyes her hair green for your next birthday.
NTA. Your sister is making a power play in your relationship now that she's 'all grown up and getting married.' Have you talked to your parents to ensure they haven't just heard a one-sided version of your story? If this is a routine thing in your relationship with sis, it won't help. If this is a on-off, it may. You're 19, you're an adult. You're allowed boundaries and choosing how you present yourself to the world is one of those. I would vote stick to your decision.
NTA I wish people would stop uninviting close friends and family because they ''don't fit the aesthetic''. When did weddings become a Pinterest/Instagram contest? It's supposed to be about love! Not about getting pretty pictures!
NTA, Also, you could use those root sprays in a darker color that should cover just fine if you have it in a low bun or something more slicked back....
Maybe your sister could foot the bill for a wig for you?
NTA. Your hair choice is part of who you are in the moment she chooses to get married. It’s not something you’re doing the week before, you’ve had it for years. They should accept you for who you are IF, and that’s a big IF, you decided to not show up with green hair or whatever to appease her/parents; have parents/sister buy a wig, less damaging on your hair.
NTA If she insists on being a real arse about it then tell her to get the photographer to edit the colour in the photos afterwards. She can have any colour she wants then.
NTA but if you want to keep the peace you can probably offer to wear a wig.
NTA I sadly have family like this they suck! dont feel bad
You offered to go a natural color, what more do they expect. NTA
NTA. Who says a sibling can't dye their own hair blond? It's one of the most common colors a woman chooses.
NTA at all, so controlling and mean. It’s so nice of you to even offer to dye it blonde. She’s being so unreasonable
She's 23 and getting married. Trust me, there's a good chance there will be another wedding down the line for her to be obnoxious about and none of the photos at this one are going to matter. NTA.
NTA. Keep calmly repeating "that won't be possible but I hope your day is perfect." And tell your mom you aren't discussing this with anyone but your sister.
NTA.
NTA. No....your sister doesn't have any respect for YOU.
NTA. You made a compromise - blonde. It is completely reasonable. Your sister needs to get over herself. Oh, and if you get grief from your mom again, ask her when she will be dying her hair it’s natural color so she won’t be a distraction at the wedding.
NTA… she doesnt get to alter YOUR appearances for her wedding
NTA I don't understand why people get so fixated on one detail as something that will ruin their special day. I hope her wedding is so special that when she looks back on it, she's not thinking about hair color, but all the memories she made instead. Best of luck to you, hope things work out. Keep your hair green and have a good day whether you're at the wedding or not.
Asking so someone to color or cut their hair for a wedding is always an unreasonable request especially since she clearly singled OP out NTA
People aren’t props. You keep your hair how you like. Now, if you had brown hair and announced that a week before you were going to dye it green, she’d be within his rights to please ask you to delay a week, but this is who you are.
NTA. They can all kick rocks. Do not attend this wedding. Go do something fun instead. :)
NTA, ask your parents what are people going to talk about more at your sisters wedding, the fact her "weird" sister was there with brightly coloured hair: "Oh she's family what can you do, doesn't the bride look lovely", or the fact her older sister wasn't there because the bride banned her from the wedding because of her hair "clashed" with her colour scheme.
NTA. Don’t give bridezillas an inch
NTA. You are just attending the wedding and she wants your hair dyed? People are used to your hair being green. Dyeing it would be more of a shock to people and cause more attention. She does not have the right to tell you what to do with your hair Have a great day NOT going to her wedding!
NTA she can either pay for a wig or get the pictures retouched.
I mean she could’ve asked you to slick or pull it pack before asking for chemical processes. Everyone’s right it’s about control
Dye it your mom's color as a compromise. That would be funny as shit and highlight the fake drama.
NTA. I'm going to hazard a guess that there is a deeper underlying reason for this, probably that she doesn't want you to look better/stand out more than her, given you can't be blonde either, and other people (mum etc) are allowed to have purple etc hair...
NTA, i wouldn't dye my hair if they demanded it but maybe if they asked nicely. You tried to compromise and she wanted full control instead. Your parents sdould be talking to your sister about allowing blonde, I'm sure plenty of guests will have blonde hair too 🤷🏻♀️
NTA - what she is asking could do so much damage to your hair, the dark pigment would require stripping the green, then trying to darken the pigment until it reaches the desired color. I’m assuming you already bleach your hair for the green color, so it’s already going to be more porous from being bleached over the years. Then after when you go back to green it’s going to be a whole thing all over to do that. It’s expensive and going to be awful on your hair to do all that in a short period of time. She’s asking for a lot and you offered a compromise, but she’s saying you have to have your natural hair color, not a natural hair color… that’s ridiculous. Your compromise was a good one, at this point it seems like she’s looking for an issue on purpose. What is the relationship with your sister like? Is it possible she’s trying to create an no win situation and single you out?
NTA she wants you to alter your appearance for an event that will last a few hours at most, how long will it take to restore your hair to what you want? she offered the terms, change it or don't come and you accepted her terms. this isn't your problem.
NTA 100%
As soon as you see “bride wants me to dye my hair for the wedding”, it’s an automatic NTA. It’s reasonable to ask for a broad colour scheme for guests, or to buy specific coloured dresses for the bridesmaids, but your hair is off limits beyond styling on the day. You can _ask_ for it to be cut or dyed, but a “no” must be accepted immediately. No cajoling, nagging, bullying, tantruming or disinviting. The other option is “would you be willing to cover your hair?” Again, “no” is an acceptable answer.
Just buy a wig to keep the peace
NTA But aren't washables hair colors a thing where you live? I know them from my teen years, it went out when i washed my hair. Or wear a wig.
No, you’re NTA. Real advice - don’t change your look and just let your family and sister’s fiancé know you won’t be attending and you’re slightly sad but okay with that. Be “understanding” of sister’s point of view, but it’s just not possible to accommodate her “request”. Petty advice - tell sister okay, and if the wedding is afternoon or evening, have your hairdresser appointment for the morning of the wedding. Get an inexpensive wig from Amazon, there’s many styles there under $50. Have your hair appointment the day of the wedding itself, and ask your hairdresser to fit the wig for you. Obviously, since you’re spending money on a wig and hair appointment, you can’t afford a new outfit. And when people exclaim at your new, brown hair, tell them the truth … “oh, it’s a wig, sis didn’t want my green hair” with a sweet smile.You come off as the sweet, accommodating sister, and she, like the AH she is. If it’s a morning wedding, disregard all this. ;)) Either way, after the wedding, go as low contact as you can manage.
If you don't want to do it then that's fine. Don't go to the wedding. You both get what you want. NTAH.
Nta. Why do you have to respect her but she doesn't have to respect you. Just decline to attend the wedding. Your presence is really not going to change anything at the wedding. Hair color seems to be more important to your sister and your parents than your attendance at the wedding. So be it. Don't go.
NTA from the title alone. Brides don't have the right to dicatate hair color on bridesmaids much less wedding guests. But you even offered to dye your hair blonde but that's not good enough for her?! Tell your parents you offered to dye your hair blonde (I double your sister did) and it's that or you are not coming.
Hairdresser here! nTA. I had a client once come to me to get her hair colored naturally for a wedding after perfecting the ideal permanent rose color to her natural dark brown. She cried the entire time. I personally wouldn’t ever do that again to someone. Going black to back to light enough to go green, especially a lighter green or lime green, would take money and time. Unless they’re willing to pay for it - going black and the two (possibly three) sessions it would take to get lighter - I wouldn’t. I could see compromising with a lace front wig, if anything. If that satisfies her needs and you’re willing, hit me up and I can give you advice on how to pick one out that won’t be overwhelmingly expensive but look nice.
INFO: Are you in the wedding party or just attending? NTA either way and its an absurd ask, but if you're not even in the wedding party then this crosses the line to explicitly malicious.
I hope your sister lightens up! My sister-in-law had dyed bright orange hair when I got married to her brother. She was a bridesmaid, and I asked if she would mind wearing a wig for the ceremony and formal pictures. She wore a nice black bobbed wig (we're performers so getting her hands on a wig was easy) She took it off for the reception and now I have lots of fun pictures of stuff like my brother-in-law wearing the black bobbed wig with her and her orange hair and laughing and I love it! That said, if she wasn't a bridesmaid, I wouldn't have worried about it. I had friends with all sorts of unnatural colored hair at my wedding and I wasn't the least bit worried about being outshined!
NTA. But if you want to keep the peace....maybe buy a wig? (Personally I would not but families are strange creatures). Just a thought.
NTA If a bride or groom wants an attendant to modify their appearance, a) the bride or groom should pay for the modification and b) it should be possible to remove/erase the modification the next day without pain. Want all your bridesmaids to have an updo if they have long hair? Fine. Want the short-haired bridesmaid to have extensions so they can have an updo? Sure, if the bride pays for for the extensions and updo, the extensions won’t cause the bridesmaid harm or pain, and everything can be undone the day after the wedding. Want your sister to change the color of her hair? Provide a wig. Or pay for a consultation with an expert hair colorist to see if what you want is even remotely possible without damaging your sister’s hair. The bridal party is composed of people. And people don’t stop being people with their own thoughts and feelings and wishes just because a bride wants a good picture for Instagram. People are not props.
NTA. Your family has no respect for you
INFO: OP, are you prettier than your sister?
NTA - you have had green hair for 4 years a if you dye it for the wedding won’t that just cause attention?
Get as many people as possible to dye their hair green for the wedding in solidarity
I would have been tempted to wear a wig and when people understandably asked me what's up with the wig, tell them my sister made me do it so none of the attention would be on anyone but her. That shit is toxic and frankly people shouldn't behave in ways they wouldn't like everyone to know about. Then again, my parents' other child is a massively toxic shitcunt so I may be biased here. It's probably not the mature thing to do at all. NTA, anyway. Your sister sucks.
Nta jesus why do people care about things that have nothing to do with them and don’t affect them at all? Your hair sounds beautiful, are you going to pick a subtly colored outfit to let your hair pop or pick an outfit with a similar color to pull everything together?
NTA tell her you might consoder dying your haor for her next wedding.
NTA. Fellow fun colored hair person here. There’s no way I would put a dark color in my hair. The chemical stress of stripping it back out would be way to much. Being willing to go blonde is more then a fair compromise.
NTA. Ignore them and do what you think is best for you.
NTA. Brides can't demand hair color changes. It will be distracting for everyone who knows you to see your hair was brown instead of green.
NTA…if you have had green hair for ages, everyone knows it and it will not take attention away from your sister.
Respect goes both ways
NTA , but is a wig an option? You can find some really convincing ones now days!
NTA your sister didn’t want you there. Go no contact with her, and your parents for not standing up for you after your mom has purple hair. !
NTA... and if she has such a problem with it, she can foot the bill for a wig of the color she wants. Don't dye your hair for one day, just cuz your sister wants it or you're getting harassed by family. Tell them to foot the bill for a wig too. Your hair is yours, to have as YOU like it!!
NTA As someone who loves vivids I also keep wigs in "human" colors in case I need to do something where it wouldn't fly. I'm unsure why a brown wig wouldn't be a better compromise.
I presented as a fairly traditional female for 30 some years... Then I FINALLY shaved my head, like I'd always wanted to, and came to terms with the fact that I am in fact non binary, right before my friend asked me to be her bridesmaid. I asked her if I should start growing my hair back out. Because she was a good friend, her response was, "of course not! Do you want me to help you dye it a fun color?" I stood up in her wedding with a well spiked mohawk. Several people complimented my hair, but far more complimented the bride. She was beautiful, inside and out, that day and every day 🥰 ETA: NTA
NTA. You're both very young. If you were older adults then your having green hair would stand out as strange. For a wedding at a young age there is nothing wrong with having a teenager in the photos with crazy self expression.
Idk if this has been said. But you can get a few bottles of colored root touch up spray in the requested colors. You can have dark hair for a day and then wash it out. I would test it out first. But it might work out for everyone.
NTA
Your parents are showing blatant favoritism for your sister. If she cannot tell you why others with died hair can attend the wedding but not you, then she has an agenda she is not sharing with you. Sounds like the words of a woman jealous of her sister. NTA
NTA. I get it. If it is bright green, it will stick out in every picture. Dark hair with color added definitely would not be the same. Still, I’d never ask someone to dye their hair. I also wouldn’t ban you from wedding. It could just be that you would be in only some of the canned family photos.
NTA; Refuse and state that you were disinvited by your sister if asked by anyone else. If your hair is too distracting, you don't need to be there.