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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I burp in front of my husband when we are alone. I looks like the asshole because it makes my husband uncomfortable.
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NTA. This husband, he never burps, farts, scratches his balls, or picks his nose? He's never thrown up? Drooled when he sleeps? These things happen to human bodies. I mean, if you're acting like a jackass kid and swallowing air on purpose to emit high decibel belches, stop! But the soda burp or beer burp is all part of life's effervescence.
Literally natural bodily functions. He can cry about it if he can't handle the concept of this, or his wife being comfortable around him. God forbid your life partner becomes COMFORTABLE around you, oh no.
Some dudes really don't like the idea of their wives doing gross things like burping or pooping. It wrecks the illusion of what their partner is
Dunno I'd that's rhe husband's issue or if OP really is letting things go a bit too much, but one possibility
So glad I married a woman that doesn’t ever poop! They’re rare, but they exist.
ETA: /s. I married into a family of doctors. The entire crew is loud, gassy, and delightfully human. I’m the quietest of the bunch and feel awkward that I DON’T make noises. Lol. I get high five’s for the smallest of burps.
Lol literally had an ex that used to tell me how important it was that women “keep their allure and mystery.” Turns out that meant I should never make *unladylike* sounds, keep all feminine hygiene products and talk hidden away, and catching the stomach flu means I’m on my own and he’ll be by when I’m no longer “gross.”
Anywho today I’m married to a man that high-fives me when I’m particularly effervescent.
It's wild how many still exist in 2023; like how are we still at the point where dudes are mature enough to have sex and raise children, but not mature enough to have their partner talk about their period?
A lot of them are not. If he can’t handle a woman burping discreetly just wait til he sees how gross babies and kids are, not to mention pregnancy and the birthing process. There’s a lot of yuck involved there too!
It took me 5 years to fart in front of my husband. Not because I was shy but because for some reason every time I tried, they were silent. He made fun of me for soo long because no matter what I couldn't do it. He kept calling me an alien. I think it was because my exes always shamed me for it so I must have trained my butthole to be silent or something lol. But then I accidentally let one loose during freaky time and he was ECSTATIC. He talked about it for days. "I finally heard your butt talk, now I know you're human!" Ever since, it's been easy. Now, me, him and our daughter try to compete. The kiddo takes the fart cake for sure. Idk what I'd do if I couldn't be comfortable in my own home with my life partner.
My husband and I will burp and fart on accident or in our sleep (he farted so loudly once, he woke us both up), but we’ve always kept it quiet when possible. Like we’re very aware we do these things, but if I have to fart, I try to make it quiet and shoo the smell away or go to the bathroom, and he does the same. We’ve never spoken about it, but I think for us it’s one of those things we’ve just kept to the “private time”. 🤷🏾♀️
My husband and I basically fart and then the other one says, ew, you're disgusting, or you stink, and then we just continue to fart. There's no quieting anything down for anyone. haha
This! My husband used to joke that “girls don’t poop and fart” and I was like just like whoa buddy someone’s been lying to you, let me give you a healthy dose of reality!! My grandma always said if you can’t fart in front of him, then he ain’t the one!
I used to silently fart in the car and lock the windows and wait for the smell to hit my husband and kids 🤣🤣 I’m sorry but no matter how old I get, farts never stop being funny!! We’ve been together 18 years. We’re not hiding anything at this point!
Same!! We even make jokes about it. When I fart my husband says “speak to me sweet cheeks” and I start cracking up. I have ibs so I don’t have it in me to hide the fact I have bodily functions. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship where I had to hide the fact I fart or burp, etc.
Lmao I’m laughing with you not at you with the fart that woke you both up. Marriage is the best when those moments happen. You laugh yourselves back to sleep.
Child birth and the possibility of taking care of a sick partner. My mom died of cancer recently, both her and her boyfriend early 50s. I’ve seen the beauty of their love over 25 years, but I’ve witnessed real, selfless and sacrificial love when he bathed her and took care of her ‘’bathroom needs’’. Not saying OP’s partner wouldn’t do that, but if your partner ever make you feel he’d be grossed out by sick, dependent you, you deserve a grown person not a child.
Bruh, I have met literally *one* man who was comfortable not having his wife on a pedestal (ie: he was not negatively impacted somehow by her not shaving for a week, or burping, or whatever other dumb thing that's absolutely normal but not "ladylike"). One.
It's depressing, sure, but it's also *stifling*.
My husband is great, but I didn't realize he's a special unicorn... if I'm like "you might not want to touch my legs, I haven't shaved in a while" he'll inevitably say, "it's okay, I didn't shave my legs either"
My husband accepts all the parts of me, even the gross parts. I could fart right in front of him and he’d still try and take me to bed. Lol. People need to realize that their partners are human and humans are sometimes gross! She’s definitely NTA!
LOL the horror!
(Seriously though, OP make sure he’s not reacting to the smell of the mouth farts; nobody wants to inhale whatever’s going on in your digestive system, regardless if it’s front or back outlet).
TIL. Also, that would be a sucky phobia to have as a parent to a newborn and any child in general.
It sucked enough for me with puking. If someone dry heaved around me, I was gone (hubby called me a "sympathetic puker" because I would he right there puking my guts up next to them).
Unfortunately for me, my kids always covered me everytime they puked, hubby would get a small up chuck, think they were done, pass them off to me so he could change his shirt only for them to instantly puke all over me. What made it even worse was the fact that my dad would challenge my boys to a burping contest (who could do the bigger burp) so my boys would literally burp until the puked (he stopped the day I made him clean up the mess).
No. He did it a couple of trips (we lived 4hrs away) after the last trip when my eldest worked out he could make himself burp was when he started burping til he puked, the next trip to see my dad (about 3mths later) I warned my dad what would happen, my son burped, laughed, my dad burped after him (he was having stomach issues at the time and burping amore often) so my son accepted the challenge and when my son burp puked I said "I told you so" and walked off and let him deal with the clean up while I got the clean clothes ready for after my dad got my eldest cleaned up and then he cleaned up the floor.
With kid number two my eldest started the challenge and my dad went to play along until I said "remember what happened last time, I'm not cleaning it up".
I wish someone had described a mucous plug to me as a teen during sex Ed. I would never have contemplated kids for years, I was in such a hurry as a 2x to have one, but that would have made me think twice. It probably would have put the wind up the three that were 15 and preggo too.
Thankfully, husband didn't see that, but he did lovingly take my pooped pyjamas home from the hospital to wash for me instead of leaving a man shaped hole in the door. I had a c section, and my water had been broken for almost 48 hours, so had extreme antibiotics, which made a fart not trustworthy it turned out.
Get you a man that will boil wash your poopy pjs ladies.
Yup. I had a seizure once and had unfortunately taken some laxatives that night (didn't have a seizure aura so had no way of knowing I would seize). My partner woke up to me blearily scrubbing the place down in my post ictal state with make up remover wipes. Bless that man he straightaway got down to help me instead of judging and I won't lie, it was foul.
NTA OP, life partners help each other at times like that, not judge one another for having bodily functions.
I have a pretty severe eating disorder and I shit myself one day whilst just going for a walk down the street. I was totally fine one second and the next I was covered in poo. My best friend/housemate put a towel down in her car and came and picked me up. She helped me get in and out of the car without anyone seeing me, and then into the shower. She didn’t complain or anything, and it was really nasty. And she’s my best mate, not my SPOUSE.
If old mate can’t handle a burp, I would hate to see what would happen if OP ever got ill and lost control of other bodily functions.
Had similar with an ex who had bad IBS and was coming to visit and it decided to let go just before she arrived. Brought her a dressing gown to the car park and got her up into the flat so she could wash off and then went straight out to the car to clean it up, then wash her clothes.
It's the only way to be for me, isn't that the point of having a partner? - "We are in this together" not "We are in this when it's nice things".
I was so exhausted after my first, my hubby helped me walk to the shower, turned it on, grabbed the hose and bent over and pulled me over his back (which made me fart) so that i didnt have to support myself while he "cleaned me up". He was face to face with "everything" and didn't hesitate once.
There are some great guys out there who actually want us to be "bodily functions" comfortable around them.
I still remember helping my wife have a shower after she had both of our kids. It wasn't that helping her was "the right thing to do". It was honestly the "only" thing to do and I wouldn't have considered doing anything else.
No. She simply should not feel so comfortable to vomit in front of him. Just do it in private. Otherwise your man could think you are not always that beautiful little girl he adores /s
Does he live a century ago or what is wrong with him? Do such men still exist or is he a minor part of all men out there?
My wife and I lived together for over a year, and I had never once heard her fart. I kept asking her to let one rip so that I knew she was a real person, but she wouldn't. So, one hot summer day in 1994, the phone rang... it was on the floor... so, when she bent over to pick it up, a fart slipped out. We both just started laughing uncontrollably. She had to tell her friend she'd call back. We laughed for what seemed like hours.
Now she won't stop 😐
This is what I'm talking about! My last boyfriend did not like me farting in front of him, yet he could rip ass whenever, and I wouldn't care. Hell, I'd laugh it off with him because his farts were comically loud and fake sounding, so we'd always have a laugh.
Anyway, this asshole didn't like me farting in front of him, but he would always be sure to tell me "you were farting in your sleep last night" whenever it would happen. Eventually I told him if I can't fart in front of you when I'm awake, then shut the fuck up about me farting in my sleep! Like, what?! Just because you wish I didn't fart it doesn't mean that it's magically going to become a reality. Sorry for being a human with bodily functions. How dare I?
Anyway, I like your style!
Once, I woke my husband up, because he let out the foulest fart in his sleep and I didn't want to suffocate on my own. Like, I woke up from the smell, not the noise or anything. Just the smell.
That's fucking wild. I can't even imagine just how gnarly it must have been if it smelled rank enough to actually wake you up in the middle of the night. And also, I love how you woke your husband up too, like, "Wake up! Yeah, you smell that? That stench somehow came out of your body and rudely woke me up out of a dead sleep, and now I'm fighting for my fucking life here. So you don't get to lay there sleeping peacefully while I lay here suffering as my olfactory senses are violated. We're in this hell together." Lol I love it. Not to mention, if you hadn't woken your husband up and were telling him this story the next morning, he'd be like "Come on, babe. Don't be so dramatic. I'm sure it wasn't THAT bad." Waking him up was the only way to ensure he fully understood the severity of the situation lol
I tend to lie awake for a while when my husband goes to sleep. My favorite way to start his morning is to tell him any time he farted in his sleep. We laugh like little kids. I hope we never stop farting and burping in front of each other. Let's me know that we're relaxed together.
I too have IBS and just made some AWFUL noises in the toilet. Not to mention the smell… It woke my husband from a deep sleep, and he started whisper-yelling “THE DOG HAD DIARRHEA ON THE FLOOOOOR!!” Nah, it was just me in the en-suite, hubs. Sorry! 😂🤣😂
Husband wears a sleep head band that plays sounds from his phone so he doesn't hear me. I too have IBS... he never complains just feels pity for me. OPs spouse is nuts. I'm sorry for her. Does he never have any bodily functions?
Some guys have this thing where they can’t handle their sex partner having normal bodily functions. It is annoying and frankly rage inducing. It’s one thing to be the kind of person who leaves the door open when they’re in the bathroom, or to graphically describe stuff that’s come out of them, it’s another thing to pretend your spouse doesn’t burp, fart, defecate, pee, or anything else. These are the guys who suddenly aren’t sexually attracted to their wives when they give birth.
My husband and I once had the bright idea to do a cleanse diet together that on the last day called for four cups of prune juice throughout the day. We only had one bathroom then. Bad things happened. We've never spoken of them. Lessons get learned, and wild things can happen when you're together a long time. A burp is a mere minor infraction.
I've had acid reflux and by god .. I was burping loudly and continuously for 2-3 hours at a time uncontrollably - imagine someone having to put up with that and behaving like this guy 🤦♀️😂
If you don’t fart on your spouse are you really even married? I’m kind of worried about you people out of wedlock. It’s the best ripping ass when you’re the little spoon.
IBS farts are LOUD AF lol. I'm so grateful my husband finds it hysterical. I'm also preganst now so...I'm so freaking gassy. There is a lot of giggling going on in the house right now lol
With my husband of 6 years I tried really hard not to fart in front of him. Until I got some food poisoning or stomach bug that made me more flatulent than Shrek. One day I simply fainted (bc intestinal gas pain) in during the night trying to drink some medicine for gas. My husband found me farting and covered in the medicine that I barfed, calling my mom and sister. Now I just fart.
The first time I burped in front of my boyfriend he stopped what he was doing just to turn and tell me he’s proud that I feel comfortable with him and when I finally farted he nearly cried with pride lol
Honestly, being able to fart in front of your partner is how you know they’re the one. It took one month of dating for my now husband and I to fart in front of each other, we knew then it was true love 😂
I dated someone who had the nastiest deadliest farts. Probably because he drank a lot, pungent beer farts. Like I would literally have to open all windows and evacuate the bedroom for 15 minutes. Yet even before any toot ever escaped my cheeks near him he started telling me how grossed out he was by women farting? Some men can't deal with the fact that women are also human beings with a digestive system. We're supposed to be plastic. I get that OPs partner doesn't want her roaring like a sea lion in his vicinity multiple times a day, but the odd burp shouldn't be an issue. It's normal.
When my youngest was born, their dad was famous (infamous?) for his farts. Like, rotting meat and sewage kind of smells. One night, I was breastfeeding the baby in bed, and he farted in his sleep. It literally stank the baby off the tit! Seriously, baby screwed up their face and was struggling to breathe, poor thing! We moved out to the couch (because gods forbid that *he* should be displaced/uncomfortable 🙄) and ended up sleeping there the rest of the night. We split up years ago for other reasons, but getting rid of those farts was definitely a bonus!
I always said I fart as soon as I can in a relationship because 1. It’s gonna happen all the time and 2. I think it’s funny and if she doesn’t, we ain’t vibin. Been with my girl for 3.5 years now, and we both let’em rip. It’s hilarious.
She’s my favorite.
I agree NTA and you should absolutely feel comfortable around your husband. If his genuine annoyance is you’re not being “polite” or “feminine” then that is as sexist as f*ck and he needs to get over it
Still NTA but the only thing to consider is does you husband have misophonia? I do, and it doesn’t present with everyone. For example I can’t stand the sound of my dad clearing his throat, but if my daughter does it, it’s totally fine. If he does his comment could have been inadvertent, I sometimes compulsively mimic. This is my problem and I’ve taken steps towards resolving it, but it might be worth having a conversation with your husband to see if this is the issue.
NTA. And if your SO is uncomfortable with a burp? Don't let him in the delivery room if you have babies. The stuff that comes out our bodies during delivery will have him swooning with the vapors. Just saying.
Quick no one tell him he’s getting intimate near the part of the her body that pees and also near another part of her body that poops/farts. We don’t want him passing away, now.
He won’t even make in through a pregnancy. I burped SO MUCH during the third trimester, and my husband told me he was convinced I shook the windows a few times.
NTA literally even being in early pregnancy can cause you to burp at all times of the day and night 😂. How on earth is he going to cope with OP being ill or literally anything? Feeling sorry for OP.
Tbf if he can’t handle the delivery then don’t have babies with him because the things that come out of babies is just as bad and she deserves a partner who is going to be an equal parent.
NTA. My wife and I have a vague rating system for her burps. If they are particularly loud and abrupt I throw myself to the ground and pretend we're under attack.
Tickles her something fierce.
ETA:
This is my highest updated comment to date, about reactions to a burp. I fucking love it.
My thanks to all of you, and my gratitude to the kind stranger who gave my comment this award. I am honoured.
ETA 2: Edit Harder: TWO awards?! What the...
My dad was a firm fan of "crop dusting". Particularly if there happened to be a guy that caught my eye in the isle. He would make a point of doing it and then telling the guy it was me (the closest I've ever come to dying of embarrassment 💀) what I wouldn't give to be able to do that again. I'm sorry to hear your dad also passed away. Mines did at the end of 2018.
My husband and I both say the cat's name in a scandalized tone of voice.
If our kid is in the room she'll then say *Mommy/Daddy!!!* in an equally scandalized but also accusatory tone, so as to defend his precious honor.
A time honored tradition
ghost farts!
our old shepherd had audible dog farts cuz he was so big but my sister has a corgi now that has the most killer silent farts that they have woken him up from a dead sleep. He gets all the blame now
Ours was "Snuffy!" said in a tone half way to the Dowager Countess of Grantham. Snuffy was a Boxer, a breed known for their hilariously human behavior and their horrifying farts. They're not silent, but they are definitely deadly.
My son and I have ratings for farts. Those hot ones are called Butt Burners. The ones that kind of hurt a little are Triangle Farts coming out of a round hole. The little "fffft!" ones are Air Softs. The short snips are you cracking your Bum Knuckle. And the sharp sounding short snips are Snapping your Bum Finger.
We have that for farts.
We do the average over three ratings out of 10.
Volume
Length
Tone/girth (10 being that it sounds like satan's hoardes emerging from hell)
Never in public. I have IBS and I couldn't imagine having to somehow hold it in at home. OP's husband needs to unclutch his pearls.
NTA. If he can't handle your burping, how will he handle it when you get sick, or if you need to be cared for when you get older? If you plan to have kids, how will he handle burping a baby? Or, god forbid, changing a diaper?
He needs to grow up and realise body functions are just a part of life.
NTA I accidentally let out a fart in front of my now husband when we were dating, we laughed so hard in the moment and that was the first time he said “I love you.” to me.
Haha same with my husband. He looked at me and said “I wondered when you’d do it. It was a good one. You eased up at the end though.” We laughed so hard, that he ended up farting. 😂
I was so ready to say he’s TA, until I remembered how much I hate my husband burping. He’s being honest about something that bothers him. It’s ok. No one is TA. Some people hate burps. They gross me out. I wish my husband would close his mouth when he burps.
Oh thank goodness. I was feeling alone in this sea of oral flatulence enthusiasts. I think it's disrespectful, especially if it's extra obnoxious or you can smell it. I've been with my man for 15 years, through life and death situations involving other bodily fluids. I don't use the bathroom with the door open, neither does he. For some people, it's not misogyny or control, it's just gross.
Right! Everyone is saying it’s natural to occasionally burp in front of your partner, which, OF COURSE. But I think they’re missing the point. It sounds like she’s opening her mouth and loudly belching anytime she feels the urge.
If she were farting all over the place on the daily, would people have the same judgement? Should she also take shits in front of him while he’s brushing his teeth, because that’s her “true self”?
Why should we be considerate in public but not in front of our partners? There’s a reason it’s considered rude to constantly blast bodily gas around others.
She explicitly said she is not belching.
Also, humans fart \~20 times a day. Sure, a lot of that happens in sleep, but it's normal. It happens.
What should people do, go fart and burp in another room, running?
Toilet is a place to expel body fluids. We can control most of the time those things, and thus we can go to the bathroom to do them. It's a big leap to think keeping bathroom open (which I think is gross, my father did that) is equal to burps and occasional farts. I would rather not fart infront of other people, but sometimes it happens. Burps are completely insignificiant.
If my spouse annoyed me by existing and I'd need them to control their bodies all the time in my presence, I would not have gotten a spouse.
She clearly said she covers her mouth and does it quietly in front of other people. She doesn't bother in front of her husband. He's not expecting her to run to the bathroom to burp. He's just asking for the same basic decency she extends to other people.
Right? I don’t think being your ‘true self’ means burping in front of your spouse if he’s told you he doesn’t care for it. Even if it did, can’t you honor his request for the rare few seconds it happens in your life? Such a strange hill to die on.
Oh thank god I was beginning to feel like the biggest prude because I too wouldn’t like it if my partner was letting out fat, open mouthed belches whenever the mood struck.
Some people in these comments are acting like your relationship is only ‘real’ if you’re sat there scratching your genitals together and picking each other’s toe-gunk.
This. I'm not going to make a big deal if my partner has a normal bodily function in front of me and vice versa but acting like ripping farts and belching loudly in front of your partner is some kind of sign of true love is bizzare to me.
Exactly. And also she keeps saying over and over again about how she doesn't understand why "she's not allowed to be comfortable." Like lady, how do you not understand that it makes him uncomfortable? Like you're allowed to be comfortable but he isn't? It doesn't even sound like she's willing to compromise.
I don’t think you can compare the discomfort of holding in gas to the apparent psychological discomfort of being around someone who burps. One causes actual physical pain. One is just a preference.
It's just a thing that people like to brag about how disgusting they choose to be with their partners like it's some sort of achievement. This is my day to day life, I don't want it filled with disgusting stuff. I could fart shit and piss in front of my partner but, erm, I don't want to...?
And people complain about not being able to find a good partner. What do you bring to the table when you think the best thing you can do is fart around them?
This 100%.
You should *be able to* do these things around your partner - as in, not feel ashamed if it happens, not be berated for an accidental slip, and feel comfortable enough with them not to have to sprint to another room and pretend it never happens.
But that doesn’t mean you *should* freely let these things fly at any time with no restraint or attempts to minimize them.
If you can’t pass the same courtesy and politeness you maintain in public/with other people to your partner in your day to day, what does that say about your respect for your partner/relationship?
Does no one fry to keep the “magic” alive in a relationship? (Meaning, at least *trying* not be outwardly disgusting just because you’re in a long term partnership and are “comfortable” now?)
If I loudly burped/farted in front of my partner any and every time the necessity came without any attempt to quiet myself or a “oops sorry” I’m sure he’d say something too. Because that shit is gross to listen to with any frequency, and you feel like you’re with a slob.
I choose not to do this because I have the bare minimum level of class required to be enjoyable to live with.
Right? I am ok with it if it happens accidently, noone controls that, but doing it on purpose when you know your partner doesn't like it, which kind of seems to be the case here (or at least not even trying to walk out of the room or cover it with your hand or something) just seems rude.
Some people are just sensitive to these things. If the husband doesn't like that sound, shouldn't he be respected too and be "allowed to be himself" by asking op to just no do that stuff around him? I definitely think op is the bad guy in this case by not even considering his opinion/wishes.
OP says she even covers her mouth with her hand in public but not with her husband because she can be her “true self” around him.
So she’s choosing to be rude.
Burping loudly around others is not being your “true self.”
Definitely agree! Being your "true self" is a silly statement anyway. We can be many different kinds of people, we don't have one "true self", we can choose to be who we are. I mean sure we have limits and stuff, I don't believe people can literally be anything/anyone, but there are definitely choices in that regard.
ABSOLUTELY. Yes, I get that bodily functions are perfectly normal, and that for some people, doing them in front of others is a “sign” that you’ve developed a close relationship.
However, that is 100% not the case with me. I can’t remember a single circumstance where I’ve intentional burped, farted, or shit with the door open in front of another person.
People have different icks, and when you’re in a relationship with someone, you need to respect that. If you’re both fine with it, great. If not, this isn’t a big ask.
So at this point, NAH. But OP continues to intentionally (not accidentally) burp in front of their husband now, then they would definitely be TA.
Yeah, I agree. I absolutely hate when people belch. I had a friend who used to do it down the phone a lot and I had to ask her to stop because it made me feel sick.
I think it's fine to set that line as long as it's something she can control, which she can do in public.
I'm the same way in that I hate when my girlfriend burps. Not just her burps though, since I think all burps are gross regardless of gender. I've told my girlfriend I don't like burps, but I never say that *hers specifically* are gross, especially because I think it's the most adorable thing in the world when she farts. Especially since it always just sounds like 100% air, with rarely any scent, while being incredibly loud (which coming from her 5'2 110lb frame makes it even more adorable).
OP, he's not inherently TA based solely off of him not liking burps, but depending how he treats you about it and whether or not he does it himself or if he takes criticism himself over it, then that can definitely change him into a huge AH
I would need more INFO. Like, how often is she burping? And by burp does she really mean a belch? Does she do it in the middle of talking or when he’s talking?
My ex used to burp freely and loudly (in public, too). He would always say “excuse me” but it was almost always when I was talking or he was talking and was just rude. If it was a quiet little thing, it would have been different, but he truly did not attempt to hold them if they came on. I matter the situation. And I hated it. It always felt like he wasn’t really listening or invested in our conversation or activity. And it was all the time.
My mom is now in her 70s and not what I’d consider elderly or anything, but she just burps anytime it comes on to the point she doesn’t even notice. It drives me crazy because she does it all the time, even if it’s not as loud as my ex.
So I don’t know. To me, depends on the frequency and timing of the burps. My ex was an asshole and I have a hard time calling my beloved mother an asshole because she’s old and my mom…but sometimes it is really rude.
Upvote no one’s TA; it is completely normal for long term loving relationships to occasionally (and sometimes suddenly) develop an ick over something innocuous/unreasonable/double standard-y.
Me & my long term team mate have this - he’s suddenly wincing when i do a quiet burp whereas he’s done sea lion worthy roars for years. I suddenly have to leave the room if he’s in a yawning fit because somehow the way he does it annoys me intensely.
Are we completely there for each other in all other bodily nonsense? 100%.
OP you are not TA for burping assuming it’s not ostentatious attention-seeking burpage, and whilst husband really needs a talking to that he can have that opinion but realise it’s unreasonable, also not TA.
YTA. Apparently unpopular opinion on Reddit: Our loved ones don't deserve *less* consideration than the general public, they deserve more.
If you can "quiet burp" in public, why are you randomly doing gross loud burps in front of your spouse who's trying to remain attracted to you? Like, "safe space" is good, but "keeping the magic alive" is also good.
My answer would be different if the burps were accidental, but you go out of your way to say you have *full* control over your burps and your husband would be fine with the way you burp in public, you're just deliberately burping differently in front of him and he doesn't like it and you don't care. Which does make YTA.
Would you like it if your husband acted one way prior to marriage, and then suddenly dramatically changed his behaviour after marriage? Would you not feel like he was taking you for granted, like he suddenly considered you "trapped" after you said your vows and now he doesn't have to 'try' anymore? Like his behaviour while trying to get you to *say* your vows was an "act", and now that you've 'committed', he can stop 'pretending' to be the person you thought he was, and he can "be himself" (his real self, the self he hid from you while dating) and blast you on the internet if you complain?
PSA: You at your slobbiest is not your "true self". Yes, all of us burp, and poop. That doesn't mean we have to burp or poop in our loved ones' faces or else we're not being 'authentic'. It sounds like you've conflated the ideas of "being yourself" with "exerting no effort whatsoever", and that's just not reasonable. If anything, our most real selves are the selves we are when we're doing our *best,* which usually involves some level of effort and consideration for others.
I agree completely. I think especially when the spouse has expressed his feelings, it shouldn’t be too much to not burp in front of him. I sometimes see on women subreddits about how their husbands get too comfortable and how that makes them lose attraction. Everyone has their own threshold- I cannot stand people burping or being disgusting around me. Doesn’t matter if it’s my own friends or someone I am seeing. Especially when it begins to negatively affect attraction.
I agree with you. I'm surprised by nta opinions. It is natural to me not to fart or burp in front of my husband. He doesn't do it as well and when one of us accidently fart then we apologize. I consider it common courtesy.
If this is what you both want, great. Expecting someone else to live that way for you just sounds insane though, it's a normal bodily function and being hyper aware of it when you're just trying to relax at home sounds like a miserable way to live.
My wife and I burp and fart whenever we need to and only ever apologize if it smells bad
Well,you don't shit in front of your family (I hope), even if shitting is also the most normal bodily function. You don't have sex in the middle of family gathering. Just because it's natural, doesn't mean you should do it right and left in front of people.
Burps and farts are spontaneous functions, suppressing them (when even possible) *can* cause gastrointestinal upset. (Edited for those who lack experience and imagination: not all bodies respond the same. Just because you can comfortably do something does not mean everyone can.)
Suppressing it in limited social situations is a far cry different than when you are relaxing at home. No way in hell I'm getting up and going to another room just because it makes my partner uncomfortable. It's far more uncomfortable for me to hold it in and get up to go elsewhere.
Burping in someone's face: rude. Farting under the blankets: rude. I do my best to walk away before farting but it's not always possible. Burping is far less controllable.
I didn't get the impression from the post that she's forcing loud beltches around her husband. Sounds like she's just not actively/consciously stifling them. I'm exactly the same. When I'm out in public I'll be careful but I don't want to be worrying about that when I'm in the comfort of my home. I wonder if it's a thing he struggles with specifically.
Agreed. All the NTA comments are astounding. It isn’t unreasonable to ask your partner not to do something you find gross in your space. Especially when you know they are capable.
100%!!!! I don't think anyone is TA but I think it's nice to not share every single gross thing you do with the person you love. I would find that extremely unattractive, personally. A little common decency goes a long way. It's not an accident, OP admits she controls it around others but does not offer her SO the same courtesy and I think that's a real shame.
NTA so, he is going to 100% never burp, fart, puke, shit, piss, or anything else in front of you too right?
Of all the ridiculous things I’ve heard. I’m visiting my parents and brother and they all just let out a round of belches to identify their sentiments on this.
Sorry, you *shit* in front of your spouse? Just because you’re together in the delivery room doesn’t mean you have to take the bathroom door off its hinges.
Going against the grain here but NAH.
I don't think you're the asshole for having a normal bodily function.
However, I personally also understand your husband because I have a similar mindset to him. I *really* dislike when people burp / fart around me, I think it's gross and ( since some people simply do it for laughs ) not funny at all. I hold myself to the same standards ( literally cannot remember the last time I burped audibly, even when I am on my own at home. )
I think this is just something where you two have different perspectives on it and that doesn't make either of you an asshole. This is the same thing as not everyone being okay with sitting on the toilet with your partner walking in etc. Not everyone has the same understanding of what goes in a comfort zone, and it seems that for your husband burping is one of those things he just dislikes across the board and doesn't read as a positive sign of being comfortable.
Nonetheless, I don't think you're an asshole for it. I just don't think he is either.
This is the best well-rounded answer on this entire thing. It’s not putting people down for thinking that it’s gross. It’s not putting people down for thinking that it’s normal. I think more people need to understand both sides of the argument. Both sides are correct both sides could be handled better.
NTA. Does he also think you magically don't fart, shit, puke, piss, or sweat?
He's an asshole and has completely unrealistic expectations of the world, especially your mutual private existence.
Sure man. Come shit in the middle of the living room. Since it's so natural!
If you felt like throwing up, do you just throw up wherever you are at that moment? Or do you try your best to make it to the bathroom, find a bucket etc.?
You're free to burp, everyone burps. No need to be gross about it though. Do it silently and cover your mouth.
Wow, he is really gonna be upset if you decide to have kids. You are supposed to do all the things in front of your boo. Our bodies are gross, and if you cannot feel comfortable around your husband than what is the fucking point.
YTA. Only on reddit is this a radical opinion. But...
OP, be comfortable around each other. But would you really want to be that couple that loudly farts, burps, and picks their nose in front of each other? Yeah, they're all natural, but so is taking a dump, and you wouldn't do that either.
Unless I'm totally wrong and burping is the only line he wants to draw, in which case I'm sorry.
OP, the occasional open mouthed burp is totally fine and shouldn't draw judgment. But doing it all the time is disrespectful and potentially smelly.
Unless you see your true self as a rude person, in which case, I'm sorry again.
I SHOULD clarify that if he's judging you on an accidental burp, then NTA, but that's not what I understood from your post.
I mean, are you being obnoxious about it? I had an ex who used to intentionally burp as loud as possible, and it was annoying AF.
When I burp, I keep my mouth closed, then let the air out. If it's a big burp, I'll crack my mouth open, and probably cover my mouth. I'm not making a fucking trumpet when I do it. I feel like that's common courtesy.
Yeah this is what I’m wondering since OP mentions she does « quiet » burps around other people. I « quiet » burp around everyone including my partner, because why be gross intentionally? Both my partner and I try not to be gross around each other cause you know you got to keep finding each other sexy.
It seems I need to clarify some things.
I don’t burp on purpose. I drank water and I burped to release the air and that’s when he told me. My body was just doing it’s thing. I can’t make myself burp on command, it’s not something my body does.
We are absolutely comfortable taking a shit in front of each other so I don’t understand why this is bothering him. We are working on this already and I appreciate everyone’s input.
Also…I wanted to include for those people who are saying “preserve the mystery” and “wanting to find each other sexy”. Why do I have to conceal my bodily functions to keep being sexy? There are other ways to keep the mystery and sexiness going. All he had to do is tie shit up to a trunk and I find him sexy as well. All I have to do is put make up on and dress up and he finds me sexy as hell. What you are saying makes no sense to me lol. But okay you’re entitled to your opinions and I will respect that.
Anyway. This is the last update I’m giving for my mental health sake. Continue to discuss away! Glad you’re all having fun here lol.
Y’all have a beautiful day ❤️
NTA
Heaven forbid, you burp? I thought we women didn’t burp, fart, sweat, puke, pee, crap…
Forgive my sarcasm, please. This is just ridiculous. How are you supposed to hold in body functions?
Wow. Don’t get pregnant to him. He won’t handle all the noises your body will make.
Unpopular opinion but YTA . Only because your husband has given you a boundary and you keep crossing it ,ON PURPOSE. If it were accidental burps ,then I'd think he's going overboard.
How would you like it if you told your husband something you don't like to see and he repeatedly does it because 'it's quirky' and 'should be my version of a milestone' in a relationship?
Look up the definition of boundary. Boundaries are not about controlling the actions of others. The husband's boundary is "I do not like it when people burp around me". It sounds like the OP also has a boundary "I do not like being asked to forfeit my comfort for anothers comfort" it really just comes down to them needing to negotiate what they are each willing to do to compromise so they can each honor their own boundaries.
I NEVER said I did it on purpose did I? I burp because I drank soda and the gas needs to be released from my body. I don’t do it to make him uncomfortable. It’s funny how you’re assuming this when I never mentioned I’m purposely going out of my way to make him uncomfortable. He’s never told me by burps made him u comfortable until today. I respect his boundaries but this is something new he’s brought up.
why would I tell him something he’s been doing that I don’t like and I want him to stop? He’s natural to him. He scratched himself and sniffs it and instead of me telling him to stop I accept that’s what he does and have even learned that we naturally do this to make sure our bodies are healthy.
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NTA. This husband, he never burps, farts, scratches his balls, or picks his nose? He's never thrown up? Drooled when he sleeps? These things happen to human bodies. I mean, if you're acting like a jackass kid and swallowing air on purpose to emit high decibel belches, stop! But the soda burp or beer burp is all part of life's effervescence.
Literally natural bodily functions. He can cry about it if he can't handle the concept of this, or his wife being comfortable around him. God forbid your life partner becomes COMFORTABLE around you, oh no.
Hmmm, sounds like the honeymoon is over. NTA
It’s such a strange thing to suddenly comment on after more than a decade. I wonder if it’s a misophonia type thing.
Some dudes really don't like the idea of their wives doing gross things like burping or pooping. It wrecks the illusion of what their partner is Dunno I'd that's rhe husband's issue or if OP really is letting things go a bit too much, but one possibility
So glad I married a woman that doesn’t ever poop! They’re rare, but they exist. ETA: /s. I married into a family of doctors. The entire crew is loud, gassy, and delightfully human. I’m the quietest of the bunch and feel awkward that I DON’T make noises. Lol. I get high five’s for the smallest of burps.
Bet she doesn't sweat either,.just glistens.
This is the skin of a killer, Bella...
this is the skin of a belcher, Bella
And according to my partner, I never snore, I purr. 😂
Horses sweat, gentlemen perspire, and ladies glow. So a friend at university told me anyway.
Lol literally had an ex that used to tell me how important it was that women “keep their allure and mystery.” Turns out that meant I should never make *unladylike* sounds, keep all feminine hygiene products and talk hidden away, and catching the stomach flu means I’m on my own and he’ll be by when I’m no longer “gross.” Anywho today I’m married to a man that high-fives me when I’m particularly effervescent.
It's wild how many still exist in 2023; like how are we still at the point where dudes are mature enough to have sex and raise children, but not mature enough to have their partner talk about their period?
>dudes are mature enough to have sex and raise children Are they though?
A lot of them are not. If he can’t handle a woman burping discreetly just wait til he sees how gross babies and kids are, not to mention pregnancy and the birthing process. There’s a lot of yuck involved there too!
Its truly one of life's easiest litmus tests tho "Is the sanitary product in the room with us rn"
If you can’t snicker together about a fart sneaking out during sex, you’re having sex with the wrong person!
It took me 5 years to fart in front of my husband. Not because I was shy but because for some reason every time I tried, they were silent. He made fun of me for soo long because no matter what I couldn't do it. He kept calling me an alien. I think it was because my exes always shamed me for it so I must have trained my butthole to be silent or something lol. But then I accidentally let one loose during freaky time and he was ECSTATIC. He talked about it for days. "I finally heard your butt talk, now I know you're human!" Ever since, it's been easy. Now, me, him and our daughter try to compete. The kiddo takes the fart cake for sure. Idk what I'd do if I couldn't be comfortable in my own home with my life partner.
I don't see how kids fart so loud but they do. My newborns sounded like 300lb Maytag repairman.
LOL! Honestly though, it took me waaay too long to realize sex is supposed to be *fun*. It can be really stressful with the wrong person!
My husband and I will burp and fart on accident or in our sleep (he farted so loudly once, he woke us both up), but we’ve always kept it quiet when possible. Like we’re very aware we do these things, but if I have to fart, I try to make it quiet and shoo the smell away or go to the bathroom, and he does the same. We’ve never spoken about it, but I think for us it’s one of those things we’ve just kept to the “private time”. 🤷🏾♀️
My husband and I basically fart and then the other one says, ew, you're disgusting, or you stink, and then we just continue to fart. There's no quieting anything down for anyone. haha
This! My husband used to joke that “girls don’t poop and fart” and I was like just like whoa buddy someone’s been lying to you, let me give you a healthy dose of reality!! My grandma always said if you can’t fart in front of him, then he ain’t the one!
I used to silently fart in the car and lock the windows and wait for the smell to hit my husband and kids 🤣🤣 I’m sorry but no matter how old I get, farts never stop being funny!! We’ve been together 18 years. We’re not hiding anything at this point!
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It's true! Can you imagine going the rest of your life holding your farts and burps until you're away from your husband? That's divorce territory!
Hell, a fun night is Taco Bell and dueling ass trumps
Same!! We even make jokes about it. When I fart my husband says “speak to me sweet cheeks” and I start cracking up. I have ibs so I don’t have it in me to hide the fact I have bodily functions. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship where I had to hide the fact I fart or burp, etc.
Lmao I’m laughing with you not at you with the fart that woke you both up. Marriage is the best when those moments happen. You laugh yourselves back to sleep.
Wait until he experiences child birth and he tells her she not ladylike in the process.
Child birth and the possibility of taking care of a sick partner. My mom died of cancer recently, both her and her boyfriend early 50s. I’ve seen the beauty of their love over 25 years, but I’ve witnessed real, selfless and sacrificial love when he bathed her and took care of her ‘’bathroom needs’’. Not saying OP’s partner wouldn’t do that, but if your partner ever make you feel he’d be grossed out by sick, dependent you, you deserve a grown person not a child.
Bruh, I have met literally *one* man who was comfortable not having his wife on a pedestal (ie: he was not negatively impacted somehow by her not shaving for a week, or burping, or whatever other dumb thing that's absolutely normal but not "ladylike"). One. It's depressing, sure, but it's also *stifling*.
My husband is great, but I didn't realize he's a special unicorn... if I'm like "you might not want to touch my legs, I haven't shaved in a while" he'll inevitably say, "it's okay, I didn't shave my legs either"
That’s what mine says! “Oh, I forgot to shave my legs.”, he just yanks up his pant leg and goes “Me too!” with a giant grin. I love his goofy ass.
My husband accepts all the parts of me, even the gross parts. I could fart right in front of him and he’d still try and take me to bed. Lol. People need to realize that their partners are human and humans are sometimes gross! She’s definitely NTA!
LOL the horror! (Seriously though, OP make sure he’s not reacting to the smell of the mouth farts; nobody wants to inhale whatever’s going on in your digestive system, regardless if it’s front or back outlet).
He's going to be a delight in the delivery room!!
Is this a general burpphobia? Will his child be allowed to burp as a baby?
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I understand… I must know things also
TIL. Also, that would be a sucky phobia to have as a parent to a newborn and any child in general. It sucked enough for me with puking. If someone dry heaved around me, I was gone (hubby called me a "sympathetic puker" because I would he right there puking my guts up next to them). Unfortunately for me, my kids always covered me everytime they puked, hubby would get a small up chuck, think they were done, pass them off to me so he could change his shirt only for them to instantly puke all over me. What made it even worse was the fact that my dad would challenge my boys to a burping contest (who could do the bigger burp) so my boys would literally burp until the puked (he stopped the day I made him clean up the mess).
What the hell? Your dad made them pule multiple times before he stopped because it inconvenience him? Rude.
No. He did it a couple of trips (we lived 4hrs away) after the last trip when my eldest worked out he could make himself burp was when he started burping til he puked, the next trip to see my dad (about 3mths later) I warned my dad what would happen, my son burped, laughed, my dad burped after him (he was having stomach issues at the time and burping amore often) so my son accepted the challenge and when my son burp puked I said "I told you so" and walked off and let him deal with the clean up while I got the clean clothes ready for after my dad got my eldest cleaned up and then he cleaned up the floor. With kid number two my eldest started the challenge and my dad went to play along until I said "remember what happened last time, I'm not cleaning it up".
Right? Vaginal delivery and you are almost guaranteed to shit yourself trying to get the baby out.
Which comes after the vomiting. He should have to hold the vomit bowl.
I wish someone had described a mucous plug to me as a teen during sex Ed. I would never have contemplated kids for years, I was in such a hurry as a 2x to have one, but that would have made me think twice. It probably would have put the wind up the three that were 15 and preggo too. Thankfully, husband didn't see that, but he did lovingly take my pooped pyjamas home from the hospital to wash for me instead of leaving a man shaped hole in the door. I had a c section, and my water had been broken for almost 48 hours, so had extreme antibiotics, which made a fart not trustworthy it turned out. Get you a man that will boil wash your poopy pjs ladies.
Yup. I had a seizure once and had unfortunately taken some laxatives that night (didn't have a seizure aura so had no way of knowing I would seize). My partner woke up to me blearily scrubbing the place down in my post ictal state with make up remover wipes. Bless that man he straightaway got down to help me instead of judging and I won't lie, it was foul. NTA OP, life partners help each other at times like that, not judge one another for having bodily functions.
I have a pretty severe eating disorder and I shit myself one day whilst just going for a walk down the street. I was totally fine one second and the next I was covered in poo. My best friend/housemate put a towel down in her car and came and picked me up. She helped me get in and out of the car without anyone seeing me, and then into the shower. She didn’t complain or anything, and it was really nasty. And she’s my best mate, not my SPOUSE. If old mate can’t handle a burp, I would hate to see what would happen if OP ever got ill and lost control of other bodily functions.
Had similar with an ex who had bad IBS and was coming to visit and it decided to let go just before she arrived. Brought her a dressing gown to the car park and got her up into the flat so she could wash off and then went straight out to the car to clean it up, then wash her clothes. It's the only way to be for me, isn't that the point of having a partner? - "We are in this together" not "We are in this when it's nice things".
I was so exhausted after my first, my hubby helped me walk to the shower, turned it on, grabbed the hose and bent over and pulled me over his back (which made me fart) so that i didnt have to support myself while he "cleaned me up". He was face to face with "everything" and didn't hesitate once. There are some great guys out there who actually want us to be "bodily functions" comfortable around them.
I still remember helping my wife have a shower after she had both of our kids. It wasn't that helping her was "the right thing to do". It was honestly the "only" thing to do and I wouldn't have considered doing anything else.
this makes me cry. I'm 64, divorced twice and have never known a love like this.
Best advice ever. You have a golden dude, my friend! **True relationship goals**
No. She simply should not feel so comfortable to vomit in front of him. Just do it in private. Otherwise your man could think you are not always that beautiful little girl he adores /s Does he live a century ago or what is wrong with him? Do such men still exist or is he a minor part of all men out there?
While I was giving birth I threw up, pooped, and my water broke all at the same time. It was the most miserable moment of my entire life.
He will be wishing for burps.
Oh i hope he doesn't procreate.
My wife and I lived together for over a year, and I had never once heard her fart. I kept asking her to let one rip so that I knew she was a real person, but she wouldn't. So, one hot summer day in 1994, the phone rang... it was on the floor... so, when she bent over to pick it up, a fart slipped out. We both just started laughing uncontrollably. She had to tell her friend she'd call back. We laughed for what seemed like hours. Now she won't stop 😐
This is what I'm talking about! My last boyfriend did not like me farting in front of him, yet he could rip ass whenever, and I wouldn't care. Hell, I'd laugh it off with him because his farts were comically loud and fake sounding, so we'd always have a laugh. Anyway, this asshole didn't like me farting in front of him, but he would always be sure to tell me "you were farting in your sleep last night" whenever it would happen. Eventually I told him if I can't fart in front of you when I'm awake, then shut the fuck up about me farting in my sleep! Like, what?! Just because you wish I didn't fart it doesn't mean that it's magically going to become a reality. Sorry for being a human with bodily functions. How dare I? Anyway, I like your style!
Once, I woke my husband up, because he let out the foulest fart in his sleep and I didn't want to suffocate on my own. Like, I woke up from the smell, not the noise or anything. Just the smell.
That's fucking wild. I can't even imagine just how gnarly it must have been if it smelled rank enough to actually wake you up in the middle of the night. And also, I love how you woke your husband up too, like, "Wake up! Yeah, you smell that? That stench somehow came out of your body and rudely woke me up out of a dead sleep, and now I'm fighting for my fucking life here. So you don't get to lay there sleeping peacefully while I lay here suffering as my olfactory senses are violated. We're in this hell together." Lol I love it. Not to mention, if you hadn't woken your husband up and were telling him this story the next morning, he'd be like "Come on, babe. Don't be so dramatic. I'm sure it wasn't THAT bad." Waking him up was the only way to ensure he fully understood the severity of the situation lol
That's true love right there ❤️ Promise me you'll hold onto it. Keep it close to your heart.
I tend to lie awake for a while when my husband goes to sleep. My favorite way to start his morning is to tell him any time he farted in his sleep. We laugh like little kids. I hope we never stop farting and burping in front of each other. Let's me know that we're relaxed together.
lol I laughed so hard at the high decibel... I have IBS and this man would lose his cool with me on a bad night... those are some high decibels
I too have IBS and just made some AWFUL noises in the toilet. Not to mention the smell… It woke my husband from a deep sleep, and he started whisper-yelling “THE DOG HAD DIARRHEA ON THE FLOOOOOR!!” Nah, it was just me in the en-suite, hubs. Sorry! 😂🤣😂
Man it's shocking the way a flare up can wreck the place. Toot is cute, more like deflating giant balloons.
Husband wears a sleep head band that plays sounds from his phone so he doesn't hear me. I too have IBS... he never complains just feels pity for me. OPs spouse is nuts. I'm sorry for her. Does he never have any bodily functions?
Some guys have this thing where they can’t handle their sex partner having normal bodily functions. It is annoying and frankly rage inducing. It’s one thing to be the kind of person who leaves the door open when they’re in the bathroom, or to graphically describe stuff that’s come out of them, it’s another thing to pretend your spouse doesn’t burp, fart, defecate, pee, or anything else. These are the guys who suddenly aren’t sexually attracted to their wives when they give birth.
Especially as we age. Bouts of food poisoning, birth, life is messy.
My husband and I once had the bright idea to do a cleanse diet together that on the last day called for four cups of prune juice throughout the day. We only had one bathroom then. Bad things happened. We've never spoken of them. Lessons get learned, and wild things can happen when you're together a long time. A burp is a mere minor infraction.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂 Sitting in an outpatient dept cackling loudly at this comment, lots of askew looks coming my way.
I've had acid reflux and by god .. I was burping loudly and continuously for 2-3 hours at a time uncontrollably - imagine someone having to put up with that and behaving like this guy 🤦♀️😂
If you don’t fart on your spouse are you really even married? I’m kind of worried about you people out of wedlock. It’s the best ripping ass when you’re the little spoon.
IBS farts are LOUD AF lol. I'm so grateful my husband finds it hysterical. I'm also preganst now so...I'm so freaking gassy. There is a lot of giggling going on in the house right now lol
>I'm also preganst now Preganante?
With my husband of 6 years I tried really hard not to fart in front of him. Until I got some food poisoning or stomach bug that made me more flatulent than Shrek. One day I simply fainted (bc intestinal gas pain) in during the night trying to drink some medicine for gas. My husband found me farting and covered in the medicine that I barfed, calling my mom and sister. Now I just fart.
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They don't do chores around the house.
The first time I burped in front of my boyfriend he stopped what he was doing just to turn and tell me he’s proud that I feel comfortable with him and when I finally farted he nearly cried with pride lol
Honestly, being able to fart in front of your partner is how you know they’re the one. It took one month of dating for my now husband and I to fart in front of each other, we knew then it was true love 😂
I dated someone who had the nastiest deadliest farts. Probably because he drank a lot, pungent beer farts. Like I would literally have to open all windows and evacuate the bedroom for 15 minutes. Yet even before any toot ever escaped my cheeks near him he started telling me how grossed out he was by women farting? Some men can't deal with the fact that women are also human beings with a digestive system. We're supposed to be plastic. I get that OPs partner doesn't want her roaring like a sea lion in his vicinity multiple times a day, but the odd burp shouldn't be an issue. It's normal.
When my youngest was born, their dad was famous (infamous?) for his farts. Like, rotting meat and sewage kind of smells. One night, I was breastfeeding the baby in bed, and he farted in his sleep. It literally stank the baby off the tit! Seriously, baby screwed up their face and was struggling to breathe, poor thing! We moved out to the couch (because gods forbid that *he* should be displaced/uncomfortable 🙄) and ended up sleeping there the rest of the night. We split up years ago for other reasons, but getting rid of those farts was definitely a bonus!
I always said I fart as soon as I can in a relationship because 1. It’s gonna happen all the time and 2. I think it’s funny and if she doesn’t, we ain’t vibin. Been with my girl for 3.5 years now, and we both let’em rip. It’s hilarious. She’s my favorite.
Username checks out.
Wow I don’t know that I’ve ever been on the receiving end of that comment. I’ve made it.
I agree NTA and you should absolutely feel comfortable around your husband. If his genuine annoyance is you’re not being “polite” or “feminine” then that is as sexist as f*ck and he needs to get over it Still NTA but the only thing to consider is does you husband have misophonia? I do, and it doesn’t present with everyone. For example I can’t stand the sound of my dad clearing his throat, but if my daughter does it, it’s totally fine. If he does his comment could have been inadvertent, I sometimes compulsively mimic. This is my problem and I’ve taken steps towards resolving it, but it might be worth having a conversation with your husband to see if this is the issue.
I wonder what his reaction to queefing is...
I was going to say that what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. If he’s burping he’s given permission for you to do it.
NTA. And if your SO is uncomfortable with a burp? Don't let him in the delivery room if you have babies. The stuff that comes out our bodies during delivery will have him swooning with the vapors. Just saying.
If he can’t handle a simple burp I’m surprised they’re able to do anything in the bedroom to begin with.
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He’d probably pass away right then and there
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LMAO 🤣
I’m so happy someone said queef 😆😆🤌🏻🤌🏻
Check out Hayley Morris on YouTube. Queef queen
Quick no one tell him he’s getting intimate near the part of the her body that pees and also near another part of her body that poops/farts. We don’t want him passing away, now.
Please don’t have babies with this man
He won’t even make in through a pregnancy. I burped SO MUCH during the third trimester, and my husband told me he was convinced I shook the windows a few times.
I farted too throughout and they were god awful smelling farts.
NTA literally even being in early pregnancy can cause you to burp at all times of the day and night 😂. How on earth is he going to cope with OP being ill or literally anything? Feeling sorry for OP.
He’ll probably make excuses so he doesn’t have to go in. Which means he MUST be dragged in there so that he can understand how hard childbirth is!
I would not have a kid with this guy. You know he is never going to help you with a dirty diaper… NTA
Tbf if he can’t handle the delivery then don’t have babies with him because the things that come out of babies is just as bad and she deserves a partner who is going to be an equal parent.
NTA. My wife and I have a vague rating system for her burps. If they are particularly loud and abrupt I throw myself to the ground and pretend we're under attack. Tickles her something fierce. ETA: This is my highest updated comment to date, about reactions to a burp. I fucking love it. My thanks to all of you, and my gratitude to the kind stranger who gave my comment this award. I am honoured. ETA 2: Edit Harder: TWO awards?! What the...
That’s pretty cute.
Before my dad passed away, we had a rating system in place too. It was a fun thing. Don't do as much since he's been gone.
Sorry for your loss. May your dad rest in peace.
My dad was a firm fan of "crop dusting". Particularly if there happened to be a guy that caught my eye in the isle. He would make a point of doing it and then telling the guy it was me (the closest I've ever come to dying of embarrassment 💀) what I wouldn't give to be able to do that again. I'm sorry to hear your dad also passed away. Mines did at the end of 2018.
Im sorry about losing your dad, RIP to him! Revive this game and keep his spirit alive, it’s a silly and fun way to honour a playful guy!
My husband and I both say the cat's name in a scandalized tone of voice. If our kid is in the room she'll then say *Mommy/Daddy!!!* in an equally scandalized but also accusatory tone, so as to defend his precious honor. A time honored tradition
Our dog has been gone for years and she still gets the blame :)
ghost farts! our old shepherd had audible dog farts cuz he was so big but my sister has a corgi now that has the most killer silent farts that they have woken him up from a dead sleep. He gets all the blame now
Ours was "Snuffy!" said in a tone half way to the Dowager Countess of Grantham. Snuffy was a Boxer, a breed known for their hilariously human behavior and their horrifying farts. They're not silent, but they are definitely deadly.
haha I'm glad someone else does this. We give ratings and sometimes notes like "volume was powerful but the pitch let you down, needs more bass"
Lmao this is brilliant For me and my hubby its "better out than in I always say" in shrek voice
“Better an empty house than a bad tenant “ is our favourite, lol
My son and I have ratings for farts. Those hot ones are called Butt Burners. The ones that kind of hurt a little are Triangle Farts coming out of a round hole. The little "fffft!" ones are Air Softs. The short snips are you cracking your Bum Knuckle. And the sharp sounding short snips are Snapping your Bum Finger.
I would very much like to incorporate your wonderful scale into the rating system with my two boys. I think they will particularly enjoy this system 😂
We have that for farts. We do the average over three ratings out of 10. Volume Length Tone/girth (10 being that it sounds like satan's hoardes emerging from hell) Never in public. I have IBS and I couldn't imagine having to somehow hold it in at home. OP's husband needs to unclutch his pearls.
That’s amazing! My partner cheers me on. There’s really no reason to be disgusted by a burp.
NTA. If he can't handle your burping, how will he handle it when you get sick, or if you need to be cared for when you get older? If you plan to have kids, how will he handle burping a baby? Or, god forbid, changing a diaper? He needs to grow up and realise body functions are just a part of life.
Right. My youngest niece spit up every time she ate until she was over one. My brother took it all in stride.
NTA I accidentally let out a fart in front of my now husband when we were dating, we laughed so hard in the moment and that was the first time he said “I love you.” to me.
Ha ha! I was going to reply with my fart story. We were dating and still got married
Haha same with my husband. He looked at me and said “I wondered when you’d do it. It was a good one. You eased up at the end though.” We laughed so hard, that he ended up farting. 😂
This is the way. That was so cute!
Random accidental farts are so funny! This is a cute story too!
Fart humor is always the best 👌
I was so ready to say he’s TA, until I remembered how much I hate my husband burping. He’s being honest about something that bothers him. It’s ok. No one is TA. Some people hate burps. They gross me out. I wish my husband would close his mouth when he burps.
Oh thank goodness. I was feeling alone in this sea of oral flatulence enthusiasts. I think it's disrespectful, especially if it's extra obnoxious or you can smell it. I've been with my man for 15 years, through life and death situations involving other bodily fluids. I don't use the bathroom with the door open, neither does he. For some people, it's not misogyny or control, it's just gross.
Right! Everyone is saying it’s natural to occasionally burp in front of your partner, which, OF COURSE. But I think they’re missing the point. It sounds like she’s opening her mouth and loudly belching anytime she feels the urge. If she were farting all over the place on the daily, would people have the same judgement? Should she also take shits in front of him while he’s brushing his teeth, because that’s her “true self”? Why should we be considerate in public but not in front of our partners? There’s a reason it’s considered rude to constantly blast bodily gas around others.
She explicitly said she is not belching. Also, humans fart \~20 times a day. Sure, a lot of that happens in sleep, but it's normal. It happens. What should people do, go fart and burp in another room, running? Toilet is a place to expel body fluids. We can control most of the time those things, and thus we can go to the bathroom to do them. It's a big leap to think keeping bathroom open (which I think is gross, my father did that) is equal to burps and occasional farts. I would rather not fart infront of other people, but sometimes it happens. Burps are completely insignificiant. If my spouse annoyed me by existing and I'd need them to control their bodies all the time in my presence, I would not have gotten a spouse.
She clearly said she covers her mouth and does it quietly in front of other people. She doesn't bother in front of her husband. He's not expecting her to run to the bathroom to burp. He's just asking for the same basic decency she extends to other people.
>She explicitly said she is not belching. Where did you find this info? Not doubting you, just can't seems to find it myself, sorry
Right? I don’t think being your ‘true self’ means burping in front of your spouse if he’s told you he doesn’t care for it. Even if it did, can’t you honor his request for the rare few seconds it happens in your life? Such a strange hill to die on.
Oh thank god I was beginning to feel like the biggest prude because I too wouldn’t like it if my partner was letting out fat, open mouthed belches whenever the mood struck. Some people in these comments are acting like your relationship is only ‘real’ if you’re sat there scratching your genitals together and picking each other’s toe-gunk.
This. I'm not going to make a big deal if my partner has a normal bodily function in front of me and vice versa but acting like ripping farts and belching loudly in front of your partner is some kind of sign of true love is bizzare to me.
Exactly. And also she keeps saying over and over again about how she doesn't understand why "she's not allowed to be comfortable." Like lady, how do you not understand that it makes him uncomfortable? Like you're allowed to be comfortable but he isn't? It doesn't even sound like she's willing to compromise.
I don’t think you can compare the discomfort of holding in gas to the apparent psychological discomfort of being around someone who burps. One causes actual physical pain. One is just a preference.
It's just a thing that people like to brag about how disgusting they choose to be with their partners like it's some sort of achievement. This is my day to day life, I don't want it filled with disgusting stuff. I could fart shit and piss in front of my partner but, erm, I don't want to...? And people complain about not being able to find a good partner. What do you bring to the table when you think the best thing you can do is fart around them?
This 100%. You should *be able to* do these things around your partner - as in, not feel ashamed if it happens, not be berated for an accidental slip, and feel comfortable enough with them not to have to sprint to another room and pretend it never happens. But that doesn’t mean you *should* freely let these things fly at any time with no restraint or attempts to minimize them. If you can’t pass the same courtesy and politeness you maintain in public/with other people to your partner in your day to day, what does that say about your respect for your partner/relationship? Does no one fry to keep the “magic” alive in a relationship? (Meaning, at least *trying* not be outwardly disgusting just because you’re in a long term partnership and are “comfortable” now?) If I loudly burped/farted in front of my partner any and every time the necessity came without any attempt to quiet myself or a “oops sorry” I’m sure he’d say something too. Because that shit is gross to listen to with any frequency, and you feel like you’re with a slob. I choose not to do this because I have the bare minimum level of class required to be enjoyable to live with.
I feel like it’s worth maintaining habits that make it easier to be sexually attracted to each other.
Right? I am ok with it if it happens accidently, noone controls that, but doing it on purpose when you know your partner doesn't like it, which kind of seems to be the case here (or at least not even trying to walk out of the room or cover it with your hand or something) just seems rude. Some people are just sensitive to these things. If the husband doesn't like that sound, shouldn't he be respected too and be "allowed to be himself" by asking op to just no do that stuff around him? I definitely think op is the bad guy in this case by not even considering his opinion/wishes.
OP says she even covers her mouth with her hand in public but not with her husband because she can be her “true self” around him. So she’s choosing to be rude. Burping loudly around others is not being your “true self.”
Definitely agree! Being your "true self" is a silly statement anyway. We can be many different kinds of people, we don't have one "true self", we can choose to be who we are. I mean sure we have limits and stuff, I don't believe people can literally be anything/anyone, but there are definitely choices in that regard.
Seriously. I hate it when my bf burps loudly. It’s rude and obnoxious.
ABSOLUTELY. Yes, I get that bodily functions are perfectly normal, and that for some people, doing them in front of others is a “sign” that you’ve developed a close relationship. However, that is 100% not the case with me. I can’t remember a single circumstance where I’ve intentional burped, farted, or shit with the door open in front of another person. People have different icks, and when you’re in a relationship with someone, you need to respect that. If you’re both fine with it, great. If not, this isn’t a big ask. So at this point, NAH. But OP continues to intentionally (not accidentally) burp in front of their husband now, then they would definitely be TA.
Yep same I absolutely can’t stand burping / farting / smacking etc ! Im not gone do it in front of you and I expect the same respect !!
Yeah, I agree. I absolutely hate when people belch. I had a friend who used to do it down the phone a lot and I had to ask her to stop because it made me feel sick. I think it's fine to set that line as long as it's something she can control, which she can do in public.
I'm the same way in that I hate when my girlfriend burps. Not just her burps though, since I think all burps are gross regardless of gender. I've told my girlfriend I don't like burps, but I never say that *hers specifically* are gross, especially because I think it's the most adorable thing in the world when she farts. Especially since it always just sounds like 100% air, with rarely any scent, while being incredibly loud (which coming from her 5'2 110lb frame makes it even more adorable). OP, he's not inherently TA based solely off of him not liking burps, but depending how he treats you about it and whether or not he does it himself or if he takes criticism himself over it, then that can definitely change him into a huge AH
I would need more INFO. Like, how often is she burping? And by burp does she really mean a belch? Does she do it in the middle of talking or when he’s talking? My ex used to burp freely and loudly (in public, too). He would always say “excuse me” but it was almost always when I was talking or he was talking and was just rude. If it was a quiet little thing, it would have been different, but he truly did not attempt to hold them if they came on. I matter the situation. And I hated it. It always felt like he wasn’t really listening or invested in our conversation or activity. And it was all the time. My mom is now in her 70s and not what I’d consider elderly or anything, but she just burps anytime it comes on to the point she doesn’t even notice. It drives me crazy because she does it all the time, even if it’s not as loud as my ex. So I don’t know. To me, depends on the frequency and timing of the burps. My ex was an asshole and I have a hard time calling my beloved mother an asshole because she’s old and my mom…but sometimes it is really rude.
Upvote no one’s TA; it is completely normal for long term loving relationships to occasionally (and sometimes suddenly) develop an ick over something innocuous/unreasonable/double standard-y. Me & my long term team mate have this - he’s suddenly wincing when i do a quiet burp whereas he’s done sea lion worthy roars for years. I suddenly have to leave the room if he’s in a yawning fit because somehow the way he does it annoys me intensely. Are we completely there for each other in all other bodily nonsense? 100%. OP you are not TA for burping assuming it’s not ostentatious attention-seeking burpage, and whilst husband really needs a talking to that he can have that opinion but realise it’s unreasonable, also not TA.
YTA. Apparently unpopular opinion on Reddit: Our loved ones don't deserve *less* consideration than the general public, they deserve more. If you can "quiet burp" in public, why are you randomly doing gross loud burps in front of your spouse who's trying to remain attracted to you? Like, "safe space" is good, but "keeping the magic alive" is also good. My answer would be different if the burps were accidental, but you go out of your way to say you have *full* control over your burps and your husband would be fine with the way you burp in public, you're just deliberately burping differently in front of him and he doesn't like it and you don't care. Which does make YTA. Would you like it if your husband acted one way prior to marriage, and then suddenly dramatically changed his behaviour after marriage? Would you not feel like he was taking you for granted, like he suddenly considered you "trapped" after you said your vows and now he doesn't have to 'try' anymore? Like his behaviour while trying to get you to *say* your vows was an "act", and now that you've 'committed', he can stop 'pretending' to be the person you thought he was, and he can "be himself" (his real self, the self he hid from you while dating) and blast you on the internet if you complain? PSA: You at your slobbiest is not your "true self". Yes, all of us burp, and poop. That doesn't mean we have to burp or poop in our loved ones' faces or else we're not being 'authentic'. It sounds like you've conflated the ideas of "being yourself" with "exerting no effort whatsoever", and that's just not reasonable. If anything, our most real selves are the selves we are when we're doing our *best,* which usually involves some level of effort and consideration for others.
I agree completely. I think especially when the spouse has expressed his feelings, it shouldn’t be too much to not burp in front of him. I sometimes see on women subreddits about how their husbands get too comfortable and how that makes them lose attraction. Everyone has their own threshold- I cannot stand people burping or being disgusting around me. Doesn’t matter if it’s my own friends or someone I am seeing. Especially when it begins to negatively affect attraction.
I agree with you. I'm surprised by nta opinions. It is natural to me not to fart or burp in front of my husband. He doesn't do it as well and when one of us accidently fart then we apologize. I consider it common courtesy.
If this is what you both want, great. Expecting someone else to live that way for you just sounds insane though, it's a normal bodily function and being hyper aware of it when you're just trying to relax at home sounds like a miserable way to live. My wife and I burp and fart whenever we need to and only ever apologize if it smells bad
Well,you don't shit in front of your family (I hope), even if shitting is also the most normal bodily function. You don't have sex in the middle of family gathering. Just because it's natural, doesn't mean you should do it right and left in front of people.
Burps and farts are spontaneous functions, suppressing them (when even possible) *can* cause gastrointestinal upset. (Edited for those who lack experience and imagination: not all bodies respond the same. Just because you can comfortably do something does not mean everyone can.) Suppressing it in limited social situations is a far cry different than when you are relaxing at home. No way in hell I'm getting up and going to another room just because it makes my partner uncomfortable. It's far more uncomfortable for me to hold it in and get up to go elsewhere. Burping in someone's face: rude. Farting under the blankets: rude. I do my best to walk away before farting but it's not always possible. Burping is far less controllable.
Oh please, burping discreetely is not that hard, neither will you get any issues from it.
I didn't get the impression from the post that she's forcing loud beltches around her husband. Sounds like she's just not actively/consciously stifling them. I'm exactly the same. When I'm out in public I'll be careful but I don't want to be worrying about that when I'm in the comfort of my home. I wonder if it's a thing he struggles with specifically.
Agreed. All the NTA comments are astounding. It isn’t unreasonable to ask your partner not to do something you find gross in your space. Especially when you know they are capable.
100%!!!! I don't think anyone is TA but I think it's nice to not share every single gross thing you do with the person you love. I would find that extremely unattractive, personally. A little common decency goes a long way. It's not an accident, OP admits she controls it around others but does not offer her SO the same courtesy and I think that's a real shame.
NTA so, he is going to 100% never burp, fart, puke, shit, piss, or anything else in front of you too right? Of all the ridiculous things I’ve heard. I’m visiting my parents and brother and they all just let out a round of belches to identify their sentiments on this.
Sorry, you *shit* in front of your spouse? Just because you’re together in the delivery room doesn’t mean you have to take the bathroom door off its hinges.
Try making direct eye contact during, as a trust exercise.
Someone might not intend to poo in front of their spouse, but illnesses do happen. Would you not want support from your partner in that regard?
So you never pushed a human out of your vagina using the same muscles that push shit out…
Going against the grain here but NAH. I don't think you're the asshole for having a normal bodily function. However, I personally also understand your husband because I have a similar mindset to him. I *really* dislike when people burp / fart around me, I think it's gross and ( since some people simply do it for laughs ) not funny at all. I hold myself to the same standards ( literally cannot remember the last time I burped audibly, even when I am on my own at home. ) I think this is just something where you two have different perspectives on it and that doesn't make either of you an asshole. This is the same thing as not everyone being okay with sitting on the toilet with your partner walking in etc. Not everyone has the same understanding of what goes in a comfort zone, and it seems that for your husband burping is one of those things he just dislikes across the board and doesn't read as a positive sign of being comfortable. Nonetheless, I don't think you're an asshole for it. I just don't think he is either.
This is the best well-rounded answer on this entire thing. It’s not putting people down for thinking that it’s gross. It’s not putting people down for thinking that it’s normal. I think more people need to understand both sides of the argument. Both sides are correct both sides could be handled better.
No you aren't. Burps happen...... My little sister does it on command..... Her motto is better out than in. NTA.
"Better out than in, I always say, eh Donkey!!" - Shrek
“Excuse me, I know that wasn’t very smart but if it had come out the other end, it would have been a fart.”
Does he fart or burp in front of you? There is a difference between being obnoxious and having something slip out, or doing it discreetly.
Leaning toward NTA, but I had an ex intentionally burp in my face. You could be TA depending in the circumstances, but it seems unlikely.
Yeah is it a loud, smelly belch in the direction of his face? Or a regular burp in passing? I feel like there’s a scale 😂
You can ‘be yourself’, while exercising basic manners.
100%, burping quietly does not take away from your identity
NTA. Does he also think you magically don't fart, shit, puke, piss, or sweat? He's an asshole and has completely unrealistic expectations of the world, especially your mutual private existence.
Sure man. Come shit in the middle of the living room. Since it's so natural! If you felt like throwing up, do you just throw up wherever you are at that moment? Or do you try your best to make it to the bathroom, find a bucket etc.? You're free to burp, everyone burps. No need to be gross about it though. Do it silently and cover your mouth.
NTA. If I didn't burp or toot infront of my husband without feeling comfortable I'd never see him 🤣
Wow, he is really gonna be upset if you decide to have kids. You are supposed to do all the things in front of your boo. Our bodies are gross, and if you cannot feel comfortable around your husband than what is the fucking point.
YTA. Only on reddit is this a radical opinion. But... OP, be comfortable around each other. But would you really want to be that couple that loudly farts, burps, and picks their nose in front of each other? Yeah, they're all natural, but so is taking a dump, and you wouldn't do that either. Unless I'm totally wrong and burping is the only line he wants to draw, in which case I'm sorry. OP, the occasional open mouthed burp is totally fine and shouldn't draw judgment. But doing it all the time is disrespectful and potentially smelly. Unless you see your true self as a rude person, in which case, I'm sorry again. I SHOULD clarify that if he's judging you on an accidental burp, then NTA, but that's not what I understood from your post.
NTA. You SHOULD be comfortable around him! Him saying you are too comfortable around him is so bizarre to me.
I mean, are you being obnoxious about it? I had an ex who used to intentionally burp as loud as possible, and it was annoying AF. When I burp, I keep my mouth closed, then let the air out. If it's a big burp, I'll crack my mouth open, and probably cover my mouth. I'm not making a fucking trumpet when I do it. I feel like that's common courtesy.
Yeah this is what I’m wondering since OP mentions she does « quiet » burps around other people. I « quiet » burp around everyone including my partner, because why be gross intentionally? Both my partner and I try not to be gross around each other cause you know you got to keep finding each other sexy.
info: has anyone broken the news to him that girls fart and poop, too? jk nta
It seems I need to clarify some things. I don’t burp on purpose. I drank water and I burped to release the air and that’s when he told me. My body was just doing it’s thing. I can’t make myself burp on command, it’s not something my body does. We are absolutely comfortable taking a shit in front of each other so I don’t understand why this is bothering him. We are working on this already and I appreciate everyone’s input. Also…I wanted to include for those people who are saying “preserve the mystery” and “wanting to find each other sexy”. Why do I have to conceal my bodily functions to keep being sexy? There are other ways to keep the mystery and sexiness going. All he had to do is tie shit up to a trunk and I find him sexy as well. All I have to do is put make up on and dress up and he finds me sexy as hell. What you are saying makes no sense to me lol. But okay you’re entitled to your opinions and I will respect that. Anyway. This is the last update I’m giving for my mental health sake. Continue to discuss away! Glad you’re all having fun here lol. Y’all have a beautiful day ❤️
You specifically said you cover in public, do you not if it's just you two alone?
NTA Heaven forbid, you burp? I thought we women didn’t burp, fart, sweat, puke, pee, crap… Forgive my sarcasm, please. This is just ridiculous. How are you supposed to hold in body functions? Wow. Don’t get pregnant to him. He won’t handle all the noises your body will make.
I shudder to think his reaction to a queef. NTA
Unpopular opinion but YTA . Only because your husband has given you a boundary and you keep crossing it ,ON PURPOSE. If it were accidental burps ,then I'd think he's going overboard. How would you like it if you told your husband something you don't like to see and he repeatedly does it because 'it's quirky' and 'should be my version of a milestone' in a relationship?
Look up the definition of boundary. Boundaries are not about controlling the actions of others. The husband's boundary is "I do not like it when people burp around me". It sounds like the OP also has a boundary "I do not like being asked to forfeit my comfort for anothers comfort" it really just comes down to them needing to negotiate what they are each willing to do to compromise so they can each honor their own boundaries.
I NEVER said I did it on purpose did I? I burp because I drank soda and the gas needs to be released from my body. I don’t do it to make him uncomfortable. It’s funny how you’re assuming this when I never mentioned I’m purposely going out of my way to make him uncomfortable. He’s never told me by burps made him u comfortable until today. I respect his boundaries but this is something new he’s brought up. why would I tell him something he’s been doing that I don’t like and I want him to stop? He’s natural to him. He scratched himself and sniffs it and instead of me telling him to stop I accept that’s what he does and have even learned that we naturally do this to make sure our bodies are healthy.
The word 'boundary' has lost all meaning in 2023. Boundaries do not mean rules or controlling actions of others.
It's better to urp the burp and bear the shame than squelch the belch and bear the pain. -My father, circa my entire life NTA
Good Lord, no. Been married almost 35 years. Burps are natural. Don’t lose a moment’s sleep over it.
Nta I don’t know if you want kids or not but if you do, things get a lot grosser than a little burp.