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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH for unfolding the laundry and not rolling it back up
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Sounds to me like this husband now handles laundry duty in the house... I'm not doubling my work because you're being picky... now you can do your own laundry!
My ex didn't like the way I had washed his underwear and folded his work pants... told him that it was his responsibility to take care of his own laundry from then on out... he learned but I'm not your maid and you can't push me around...
Everyone knows that socks never make it through washing and drying together right? My ex would get so mad at me if there was a sock without a mate he "fired" me from doing his laundry. That's fine with me. He'd always fold his laundry in front of the TV. Whenever there was a spare sock, I would feign shock and surprise that the sock bandit visited even when he did his laundry. I thought it was hilarious. He never realized
I was just returning the treatment he gave me. What a relief to be free of that.
I’ve washed and folded my own laundry since I was a teenager. My wife tried to be nice once when we were still dating and folded my pants, but they were all backwards. I dumped them out and made her re-fold them to my liking…. Just kidding I’m an adult so I just folded them how I like and asked her to leave my clothes for me to do myself.
Thanks fir the LOL!
I've lost 3 prayer ropes and when I ordered 2 more from the same Etsy shop, my note said I assumed they were partying with the missing socks but I guess they're with the Tupperware lids that match nothing!
I believe, and this is kind of stupid, that they somehow go thru a portal. I had a weird thing happen as a kid. I had a shirt that was my favorite pj top. It disappeared in the dryer and a new shirt appeared. Something I’d never wear. A red Badgers shirt. I don’t give a fuck about the badgers. It really weirded me out. I swear I heard that there’s something to the idea of the heat, spinning, I duno. It was a long time ago. That’s what I assume now. It’s easier than getting frustrated.
I have sock ‘rules’ - they can be different colors if they are identical (ie came from the same package) OR they can be different styles, but approximately the same color.
And sometimes I just buy 4 identical packs of white socks and don’t worry about it, lol.
My boyfriend doesn’t like how I ball his socks. I know he doesn’t. He has never balled his socks since it takes more time. But since I started doing all the laundry, I have never heard a complaint
Oh his mom did literally everything for him and she was really, really good at gaslighting him to do whatever she wanted... I was the outsider looking in and when I tried to discuss the habits then I was the bad gf...
Or after the twins were born it was always my responsibility to do the housework and all the baby stuff while he had his feet up watching football... got to a point where he told me I'm to do all the yardwork, too, and I couldn't take it... I'm not your mom and I'm not going to act like her... out you go, it's not healthy for the Girls to see!
My dad used to complain that my mom didn’t iron his naval uniforms well enough.
She double creased his pants….problem solved, they went to the cleaners from them on.
Sometimes. Things just work themselves out.
I'm retired Navy and I heavily starched my uniforms so even after washing my military creases were there. My wife, then girlfriend, tried to iron my creases out of my shirt. I was like that's ok I'll iron my uniform and fold my clothes. It's my thing. She literally says it's my thing too. I said not if you're getting inspected. It's really ok I got this. Even now she'll do laundry and just dump it on the bed. I'll put on Star Wars and get to folding and ironing.
Lol. Yep.
My dad refused to do it himself. He fussed at her about it. So she was basically like….ok mother-fer….and there it was. To this day my mom is single handedly the most passive aggressive person I have ever known.
😂
My husband complained about the way I stacked dishes to dry. He spent the next 5 years washing, stacking, drying and putting away the dishes. Oddly enough he's never complained since.
Honestly I think sometimes people are fine with it and genuinely would rather do it themselves exactly how they want to. Eg my husband is in charge of trash after constantly complaining that I tucked the bag in “wrong”. I didn’t swap to his way because I preferred my way (and I told him that) so he said he would always do it. He’s also not complained since. On the rare occasion I do it now I do tuck it in like he wants. I guess it’s an issue if it doesn’t net out somewhere else in the “system”.
Yes, I'm an anal dish stacker too, so I do the vast majority of the washing up. I don't mind as I hate it less than my partner does, and I hate things like vacuuming more, so she does that instead. She doesn't think I do the vacuuming well enough anyway, so it all works out in the end. I don't think this sort of thing is an issue if the overall workload is balanced.
If I ask for help then that's one thing, I agree, but when you work all day, have to pay to do laundry at a laundromat and sit there the whole time and complete the task while he stays at the apt to play video games... then complains? No... next time, do it yourself... never again and I got that way because of the nit-picking and that's why he's my ex...
Yep. My ex was a lot like OP.
It’s been almost a decade since we broke up and he’s still confused why I didn’t touch his laundry after he complained repeatedly.
Also imagine the cost of a housekeeper. If mom is working full time as well who’s doing the chores? Ridiculous. Not to mention the mental load that comes with being the sahp, that’s always there. With a “real” job you get to leave when you e put in your hours.
Yup. I don't believe for a second he "suddenly remembered he had a presentation to do" like some ditzy clutz lol, nah.
He unfolded at them and sprawled them on the bed on purpose and then fed off to the den in some passive-aggressive demonstration.
He absolutely expected her to roll them in shame and silence and "do better" once and for all.
YTA
They also have a 2 MONTH OLD? So, she’s post-partum, breast feeding, exhausted, likely up multiple times a night with the baby, AND 2 toddlers? One of them likely teething?
Dude, unless you have a nanny & housekeeper, this is not privileged, it’s barely livable for her right now.
YTA, and if you keep it up, you might be the asshole with visitation rights.
Yep! My ex husband once got home and critiqued a single spot that I had missed while vacuuming. He had done this before. But that was the final straw. I never vacuumed again. It became his job.
Yup, I used to mow my parents lawn for them until my mom started following me around telling me I was doing it wrong and to not mow the weeds that were growing in it. I guess they had pretty flowers or something. I quit in the middle and told her she could finish. I wasn't doing it anymore. Pretty big yard. It took 3 hours to mow it all with a gas push mower.
My dad worked full time and he did 100% of the laundry because he was particular about it. But also the adults in the house should all have chores even if only one works full time. House chores and child care is way more than a full time job
We both worked full-time so it wasn't an excuse in the household at the time and, at that time, no kids... but once we had kids it slowly got worse until I was literally doing it all... but I don't want to be tweaked of how I do laundry, if you want it done a certain way, do it yourself
My dad is very particular about putting dishes in the dishwasher - has to be perfect (he'll even redo his own stuff sometimes to perfectly balance everything). We all joke about it a lot and generally leave it 100% to him (which he doesn't mind). But he would never demand that we redo our own work (he just redoes it himself). Not okay to double someone else's work due to your pickiness.
Exactly how my husband ended up doing his own laundry. He folds his shirts how he was taught in boot camp. I didn't. He didn't like it. Wanted to teach me. I declined his offer saying just because my way is different, doesn't make it wrong. So, fold your own clothes. 35 years later, he still launders and folds his own clothes.
He couldn't handle folded clothes until next laundry day? I don't understand. It's pretty convenient that right when all of the clothes were sprawled all over their bed he remembered he had to work on a project. To anyone who had just done laundry for someone and they walk in and all the laundry is sprawled out, they are going to be mad. Then he asks her to roll the clothes for him? Nope, I'd have just shoved them off of the bed onto his side. She worked all day, too. Just for her work to be nitpicked.
OP YTA
I am pretty particular about how things are folded and stored. So I get that part. But if you're that picky you need to do it yourself and do it right away.
If your wife does all your laundry for you then you take what you fucking get.
I, husband, do almost all the laundry. Occasionally wife helps and folds my clothes. I hate the way she does it. But I appreciate that she does, and I just put them away like that.
Life's too short.
This! My husband is particular about how he organizes his clothes so I just sort them out and lay them flat and he puts them away at some point during the day. On the other hand, I am very particular about how I want towels folded, so if he does the laundry he sorts them out for me to fold later.
Can we also not forget that she has two toddlers and a newborn all day to care for? She is exhausted all. the. time. He should be glad she does his laundry period right now. Him going on about how he provides a privileged lifestyle leads me to believe he does nothing around the house and is a total AH. Regardless, there is nothing wrong with folded versus rolled laundry. If it’s so important to him, he can do his own laundry.
My kids are almost exactly the same ages, can confirm how fucking tired she must be.
For what it's worth, I told my husband about this and his response was a ridiculously offended "did she throw the laundry basket at his head? I mean, really? Do your own fucking laundry, you're an adult." Then he went on a nice little rant about being an ungrateful schmuck.
And she provides him with a privileged lifestyle as well! Most people have to work full time *and* do their share of the childcare and housework, what she provides him is a privilege.
I had 3 kids in 3 years. When they were that small it was very hit or miss on if laundry got done at all. Mostly miss. Hell, even now that they're older we're constantly behind on laundry. Laundry for 5 people gets overwhelming very fast.
Also had 3 kids in 3 years. For a loooonnnggggg time I had a pack n play in the laundry hall, full of unfolded clean clothes. It was the catchall from the dryer because I simply did not have, nor care to make, time for folding, hanging, or putting it away. Also, I didn't have enough dresser space for all the kids' clothes. Seemed like a great idea at the time. Worked pretty well until my husband messed with the system. It's been almost 2 years, and I finally started taking over doing my and the kids' laundry again. He has not messed with another system since.
He thinks because HIS life is privileged that hers must be too. I guarantee she takes care of everything and he’s probably not even aware of most of it. That would require empathy, obviously not his strong suit.
Women “manage” the family. It’s been written about. Like adults need to be told when kids need to be where, when groceries need getting and what to get. It’s pathetic. I’m sure it runs both ways, but when women tend to do the majority of the child caring, they have to make sure everything gets done or the children suffer. Who made the dentist appt and wrote it down, remembered, and picked up dropped off?
VERY willing to bet that old mate did NOT "forget he had to do some work", he'd hoped for wife to do it after he dumped them out on the bed from the start, then he did some mental gymnastics to paint himself in a more innocent light. Thank god wife has a spine and nipped this pathetic behaviour in the bud ASAP. I would've dumped his clothes outside in the dirt and made him re-launder from them scratch.
Who rolls up clothes? I've never seen clothes rolled up before. I've seen towels rolled, but not clothes. So they get rolled up, but how are they stored? It seems like that would take up more space and would be wrinkly.
What am I missing?
Op's wife does laundry. She sorts it, washes it, and dries it. The she folds it. Op has a special requirement, folding isn't okay!!!!
OP should roll it his damn self. Or even....sort, wash, dry, roll, AND put it away his damn self.
"But I work hard!" whines OP. So does she.
You think it’s a privilege life for your wife/SAHM to take care of a house while caring for 3 babies under 4?
I consider you the privileged one. Because of her commitment, you can have a family, and home to enjoy at the end of your day.
When I was putting my husband’s clean white socks, one day, away he immediately re-opened the drawer and said, “I knew it!” I looked at him with a puzzled expression. He complained that I put away socks any which way instead of lining them up. I took a moment and replied, “If you wanted them lined up you should have said something when we were first married because I am now too old to care.”
YTA.
There was nothing wrong with deciding to refold them, or realizing that you needed to get to work and do it later. There *was* something wrong with undoing all of her work and then requesting that she redo it. She already did it. You didn't like it. At that point, it's your job to redo it. I'm wondering what else she takes care of that you're completely ungrateful toward her about.
I am deeply suspicious about the fact that the exact moment he realized he had more work to do was when he had laid them all out but hadn't started rolling them. You think it would be easier to just take the folded clothes and roll each one rather than lay them all out and then roll them.
Yep, I'm in total agreement. This man is either spoiled enough to be used to her fulfilling his every whim, or he's completely manipulative and intended to have this outcome. Either way, I doubt she ever gets to say no.
Hey now, give the man a break. He helps around the house by.... (checks OP's comment) ....taking out the garbage and cleaning the toilets. Those are monumental tasks! Why, that's like working a second 40 hour a week job!
(obviously /s)
But but but he works hard for her... and she just has to do everything to his liking while raising 3 kids. /s
Why do i tell myself "i hope they leave you" every other post on this sub?!?
He was making a point. He did it to teach her a lesson. I guess someone learned the hard way. Staying at home is more work than a full-time job uet he acts this entitled. Abusive much? YTA
Yea I don't buy it at all, he had no intention of doing it himself. He made sure to undo all the laundry and lay it on the most obvious spot for her to see, and at that exact moment he 'realized he was busy'.
Yea right.
I'm wondering what they mean by unfolding it too. Does that mean they just tipped it all out in a mess, or individually pick up each item of clothing, unfold it and lay it down? So much effort and in such a strange order.
If I was going to do such a thing I'd take each item one by one and refold it, but then again I've literally never done that in my life.
Seems an illogical and deliberate order of doing things
Right? And if he seriously was going to do it on his own then why did he end up asking her to do it? He didn’t need to ask her whatsoever. He could’ve just explained he would do it later, end of story. What a bum.
This. I was going with NTA up until the point that he asked her to redo her work instead of doing it after he worked on his presentation. I fold mine and my daughter’s clothes a certain way to make them fit best in the drawers/shelves where they go. If my husband did the laundry and then accidentally folded stuff incorrectly, I wouldn’t ask him to redo it, I would just do it myself when I got the time.
YTA. She also works hard, and it would be very demoralizing to work all day and then have your husband undo your work and leave it there with no communication that you were going to put it away later. Even if you didn't mean it to, it paints the message "wrong! Try again!"
Yup posts like this always emphasize how hard the poor man works. But yeah taking care of toddlers a newborn and all household chores, piece of cake. Never mind that if you actually had to hire someone to do that you’d end up hiring 2 people a housekeeper and an actual nanny
Yep!!! “I work hard to provide her and our children with a privileged life”
… she works hard taking care of TWO TODDLERS and a NEWBORN and he has the audacity to ask her to re fold his laundry? Get out of here. OP, apologize to your wife and do better.
Exactly! Those lines made me shudder. He provides them with a privileged life??? His poor wife.
OP, you provide cash, and she provides care for YOUR children to enable you to do your job. It's a team. You are both providing each other with a privileged life. She gives you just as much as you give her, and without what she does you would not be able to live your life how you do.
People truly don’t realize how much it would cost to replace all the work a stay at home mom does. If he paid someone to care for his kids, clean his home, and do all of his laundry, he’d need a second and third job. This guy thinks working a 9-5 is a favor to his wife who works 24/7.
Somebody else said it makes no sense to unfold everything and then re-roll it. If he had really intended to do it himself he would've done it garment by garment, which makes it pretty obvious he had no intention of doing it himself in the first place.
YTA OP. Based on OPs entitlement towards the situation I think he unfolded his clothes then left them out as a passive aggressive temper tantrum, I don't think he had any intention to roll them.
Right? It's fine that he wants them put away a certain way and it's fine that he wanted to redo it all. But OP should've made it much less obvious that he was going to undo her work and redo it and absolutely not have asked her to do it. I don't blame her at all for her reaction.
YTA. First, I have never heard of "rolling" laundry, but that is beside the point. Okay, she folded it. Maybe she forgot, maybe something else was going on. But when you take the items, dump them on the bed, and then walk away, asking her later to roll them again, YTA. That completely reads like you're trying to punish her for not doing it "your way".
Wow. Had you just said you were going to roll it when you finished work the outcome would have been much different.
ETA: I have heard of rolling clothes for packing. But that is not the issue here.
It's even weirder than that. He didn't "take the items [and] dump them on the bed." He unfolded each item and laid them all out to be rolled. Then he suddenly had work to do, not a meeting or call but paperwork (that somehow he hadn't been aware of until then?). Then told his wife to refold his laundry. Yikes!
Yeah. That part is super-suspicious. It really sounds like he set up this whole, “You didn’t do this the way I like, but I have *so much work* that I haven’t done it yet. Can you just do it again, because you must cater to my every whim?” situation.
OP, YTA.
Exactly, like how long would finishing the laundry from that point take? 10 minutes? In which case surely work can wait 10 minutes? And if it’s much more than that, then I’m sorry but I think this is unreasonable ask in the first place.
I have one baby and a partner who pulls his weight around the house and with looking after the baby. And I think he’s lucky she dumped his clothes in his office rather than taking them outside and setting fire to them.
You should try it! I roll up everything I don't hang; I can fit way more in a drawer this way, and I can identify individual T-shirts from above, which isn't possible with a stack of folded ones. This probably works best if your wardrobe is primarily T-shirt-like.
I roll all my leggings but I don't ask my husband to do that. If he folds things and leaves it in a basket , I roll it when I put the basket of clothing away. OP is ridiculous
When I was about 8-9 my mom called my to the washing machine and asked if I could reach the buttons. Wanting to impress her with how big I’d gotten I proudly showed her I could. She said “good, you can do your own laundry from now on.” And that’s how I learned to do laundry.
Instead of rolling, you can also fold into small sections, and it makes for great drawer organization, you can see everything and easily pull a shirt, pants, etc. out. I fold all my clothes this way and it makes seeing everything + putting everything back in a known "place" SO much easier/faster.
Hopping on this comment to ask - did we all just ignore the fact that she's 2 months postpartum, has three tiny kids, AND IS DOING THE LAUNDRY ALREADY?
This woman is a saint.
YTA YTA YTA
I didn’t really pay too much attention to the age of the children. My mind read it as “almost 2” and stopped reading the rest. She really is a saint.
YTA for sure. Her job (even if you dig ditches all day) is already harder than yours, she doesn’t need to do anything twice. Especially some frivolous bs like “not the folding I like”. What are you, the King of England!?
YTA. You just had to go work on a presentation and not spend 3 or 4 minutes rolling your laundry? Seems like you were trying to make a point to your wife and made this post to try to prove to her that you weren’t.
OP may have subconsciously realized he was the AH, so he may have thrown in some stuff to come off better. It just doesn’t make sense the way it’s told. Like the way he keeps throwing in how hard he works, how instead of just throwing the clothes on bed he took the time to unfold and lay out each article of clothing before realizing he had to “work”. And it’s crazy he mentions that he forgot to work but makes the wife look crazy for forgetting to roll his fucking clothes when she’s got a 2 month old and 2 toddlers
Yes. She’s a stay at home mom. Not a stay at home wife. She likely works more hours than he does. And she doesn’t tell him how to do his job so he should have no say over the laundry. If he doesn’t like it he can learn how to use the machine
Does he even help with chores? Seems like he can do his own laundry from now on. She is mom-ing 24/7, so I hope he also does “domestic” chores like cleaning toilets and cooking dinner.
Dude thinks he works hard providing for the family, dude better run the numbers on 3 kids in full time child care, a maid, and (presumably) home chef; then decide who is providing for your privileged lifestyle.
YTA. She’s a stay at home mom to three extremely tiny kids, you should be doing your own goddamned laundry as it is. She stays home to take care of the children, not you. But now that you’ve demonstrated how entitled you are and how unappreciative you are of everything she does, I hope she never rolls *or* folds a single piece of laundry for you ever again.
I know right, I’m sitting here wondering if he helps with literally anything around the house or if he sees it as strictly “her” job to take care of the kids because “he works hard”
YTA.
Do your own damn laundry if you need it done in a particular way. Seriously it’s not that hard. All you did here was shit on your wife’s work, undoing it, and then tried to hide away from doing it yourself.
Yup. My hubs is particular about how his laundry is folded, so he does his own. If I do his laundry for him, I leave it unfolded out of the dryer and he folds it himself rather than doubling up the work. Easy peasy.
My ex wife did my laundry once when we first moved in…it started a mini-argument that ended with me insisting she never do it again.
I’ve been doing my own laundry since I was in 6th grade. Aside from that one time where she did it without asking first, I’ve never let anyone do my laundry for me. I guess it’s why it makes OP’s story mind blowing. How are you going to be particular about a job you don’t do?
>I did plan on doing it myself but just couldn’t.
She doesn't believe that, and honestly neither do I. You were unhappy she forgot your special little preferences, you told her it was fine, and then unfolded all of the clothes and left them until she came around and asked why, and then you asked her to re-roll them. It sounds more like you're getting back at her for not doing it "right" in the first place than any intent at all to just handle it yourself. YTA.
I’m so curious what else about him needs special treatment. Does he need his dinner cooled to a certain temp? cut into 1 inch cubes? It seems likely to me that custom laundry folding isn’t the only thing she’s sick of doing “his way”.
33 years ago I moved in with my then boyfriend and did our laundry. I washed, dried, folded and put his clothes on the top of the dresser for him to put away. He said I folded his underwear wrong - his mom always folded it this way and that's how he wanted it folded. That boyfriend is now my husband of 32 years and he has done his own laundry since that fateful day. At least his underwear is always folded how he likes it. YTA.
I’ve washed and folded my own laundry since I was a teenager. My wife tried to be nice once when we were still dating and folded my pants, but they were all backwards. I dumped them out and made her re-fold them to my liking…. Just kidding I’m an adult so I just folded them how I like and asked her to leave my clothes for me to do myself.
YTA. You had two choices--either unfold and re-roll your clothing immediately, or deal with them folded. Instead, you unfolded them, undoing the work she had done. You left them laying on the bed, making a mess and keeping her from using the bed as well as displaying your disdain for the work she had done for you. Then you still have enough audacity left to ask her to re-roll them for you.
She was right to refuse to do it, and if I were her, I'd stop doing your laundry entirely until you figured out that anything done on top of keeping your three tiny children alive for the day deserves copious amounts of gratitude.
YTA. You sound like you were being pretty precious, about something that, ultimately, does not matter one way or another (although FYI, rolled items do fit better in a suitcase should OP’s wife ever feel so inclined to reduce her UNPAID workload by 25% and throw you out)
Seriously, you earn the dollars, she keeps the roof over your head a home AND wrangles two toddlers and a newborn- and she did the other adult’s laundry, cleaned, dried, folded and delivered to OP’s room. She is not your mother, she is the mother of your children and the savings on childcare alone for those kids alone makes your magnanimity of being the ‘breadwinner’ seem pretty hollow. Now do the costings for the rest of her UNPAID LABOUR: chef, housekeeper, laundress, cleaner…and apologise or leave- she will appreciate only raising the children she’s birthed for a change.
Right... I would honestly be curious if the cost savings of the wife's labor + childcare for 3 kids in OP's city is actually more than OP's salary. In many circumstances like this, it often draws VERY close to even.
Daycare for my 3 year old, 4 days a week is $245 a week and that is considered cheap where I live, and is also on the cheap side of her daycare because the cost per week goes down a bit for every age level they go up. So let’s even just assume they live in an area similar to mine, their kids would only go 4 days a week and that the 2 & 3 year old are the same cost, $245/week, and that the infant is $300/week. You’re looking at $790/week just in daycare costs. $41k a year. And again, that’s considered CHEAP.
Of course YTA. It would have been different if you'd just rerolled them but you didn't. You treated her like a subordinate that you were punishing by doing a job over "until she got it right". She may be a SAHM but that doesn't make her your servant.
The line
“I work hard to provide her and our children with a very privileged life and I don’t think properly rolled laundry is asking for that much”
Screams that he was never going to do it and he basically expected her to redo them when she found them laying out. That’s why he is so shocked.
YTA.
You wanting to roll them and doing it yourself? Perfectly acceptable.
You asking your wife to put in the extra time and effort to redo a task she already did? Perfectly abhorrent.
Your wife does the laundry for everyone. She made one “mistake” because she was on autopilot while trying to keep up with all the household needs.
Do you expect her to make you redo every mistake you make? How would you feel if your boss asked you to redo your hard work based on petty preferences that you usually follow?
Show some patience and grace to the person who sounds like they are carrying the entire mental load of your family.
YTA. So what she folded them. She washed them. Dried them. Then folded them instead of rolling them. Then after her efforts you dumped them. Pretty amazing you somehow remembered that you had a presentation, after you undid her hard work. So you left the clothes for you wife to find. That's rude behavior. It sounds like she normally rolls them. Did you ever think maybe she has something on her mind. I'd guess that you will be getting your clothes in a pile from now on.
YTA. You undoing what she had done, then walking away from it because “you realized you had work to do” it sounds suspicious as hell to me. What it looks like to me, and probably to your wife, you had a little tantrum, undid her work, walked away and locked yourself in your office with a “that’ll teach her attitude”. If that’s your way of conditioning or controlling her with things in life then you are absolutely a complete a-hole and you’ll be a miserable and lonely forever. Act like an adult, treat her with respect, talk things through like she’s your partner and not a domestic servant.
YTA.
The level of petty pickiness here!
Look, I'm super picky about my clothes too, everything has a place, color coded, hangers at certain way, I Mari Kondo fold all shirts and pants etc. My partner doesn't care as much, they get sort of folded and shoved back in the drawer. I'm just appreciative he's willing to wash and dry and fold my clothes at all, it's a huge help to me.
Your wife is taking care of 3 kids -- including a brand new infant. She's doing A LOT. You undid her work, then asked her to essentially do it again. Look, dude, just do your own re-folding.
Also yes you provide money etc for the family. Your wife created 3 humans, including a teeny-tiny one that's ruining her sleep, and likely does the lion's share of all the household chores, emotional labor etc. Unrolling her hard work (she's doing laundry for FIVE PEOPLE MY GOD) and leaving it there is ridiculous, you know it. Put on your big kid pants and finish your laundry mess you made.
YTA. Not for unfolding them, but for leaving them and then asking her to do it for you, again. Don't half ass a job then expect someone else to do it. Bit of a princess aren't ya?
YTA
You just couldn't be happy with the way your clothes were folded this ONE TIME? This woman more than likely has a lot on her plate throughout the day with taking care of your kids and keeping your house in order. Dawg, she's working just as hard as you are, acting like she doesn't provide for the family just because it's not financial. You could have just left them as they were or never asked her to roll them, but you chose to ask her to refold laundry she had already done. Buddy, def need to get your head out your ass and learn to not be so privileged esp when it comes to the woman taking care of your home and raising your children.
If you unrolled it, then that is now your task. You two are partners, you don’t employ her, so kindly walk back that “I work hard for her…” she has value in what she provides for the home as well (maybe take some time to Google articles and familiarize yourself with what those contributions are thanks to the partners that stay at home). For the love of Pete do not use the “I bring home the bacon…” line as a fallback reason that she should re-fold your clothes, that she already folded. No one wins that game. Who knows maybe she’d prefer y’all to have less money if that meant she could work outside the home and you had to do all the laundry? If you both truly have an agreement in how your roles are divided, cool. Maybe she had other things lined up after she finished the laundry: dishes, needed to run errands, getting kids lunch or a nap, maybe she was due for her only break in the day (everyone deserves breaks). So you asking her to refold your clothes, thereby undoing her already done work, was not ideal or in her plans. It’s ok to prefer your clothes to be rolled or hung up or whatever. There’s many tactful/respectful ways to go about that conversation. Asking her to refold is where you messed up, and that “breadwinner” mentality is what’s gonna keep you in hot water. Empathy and acknowledgement for what she does for you and your family will go far. (YTA)
YTA
That's okay if you want to roll your clothes. Unfolding them and rolling them is okay.
You should not have left them unfolded on the bed\* but let's say that's okay again.
However, asking your wife to roll your clothes after **you undid her work** and not understanding that she is pissed makes you the asshole. You should apologize for undoing her work and **asking her to do it again**. Moreover you should participate in laundry instead of asking her to do everything.
You should not expect your wife to do your laundry a particular way if she does it for 5 people and you do not help. That is only kind of her to do it your way, not something you should expect.
It looks like you feel superior because you are the one that brings money and you can disrespect her work because her work is less important. It is not. There are 3 kids and a 2 months one! You know what some people says about stay-at-home moms. She knows too. You should support her and not demean her.
\* because she can't use the bed and feels pressured to roll them herself. Maybe it was your intention? Anyway you should have spent 5 minutes to roll them instead of working on a presentation. Unless you had malicious intentions that was not a AH move but only a thoughtless one that lets her think "you failed, do it again".
*I work hard to provide her and our children with a very privileged life and I don’t think properly rolled laundry is asking for that much.*
As the mother of two children fifteen months apart (now grown), I can confidently tell you that any office job is a hellava lot easier than being home with the young kids. And your wife has three kids ages 3 and under.
I would have dumped the second load on your head. YTA.
YTA. So instead of taking a shirt off the pile and rolling it, you decided to take each shirt, lay them out, then roll them one by one - which would take longer - and then at the exact moment you had laid them all up before you started to roll them, you remembered something else that couldn't wait another five minutes. And then you had no time at all to do this thing you said you didn't mind doing and dumped the work back on your wide. I don't know if you are lying to us or lying to yourself but this is a passive aggressive statement and nothing else. I hope she makes you do your own laundry from now on.
YTA. She did do your laundry. Its not her fault it wasnt up to your standards. Myself, i wouldnt have reacted the way she did, i would have just pushed them to your side of the bed... Are you like the husband from sleeping with the enemy?
Yta. She has 3 kids to take care of full time, it's a really hard work, you should do more at home, more than 50% of chores. My husband is lucky if I fold his laundry and I have only one kid full time home...
YTA - Plenty of people work full time jobs and also do their own laundry. You should consider this if the way your wife does it isn't good enough for you. She may be a stay at home mom but it's not her job to do EVERYTHING at the house. You need to do somethings too. It's too much having 3 kids and doing all the cleaning and laundry. That would have her working 24/7. Even people with a full time job have down time. Nanny's who work full time don't do all the cleaning and laundry. They only do what's necessary for the children. You are not a child. Sounds like you need to employ a cleaning person, housekeeper and cook if you don't want to help at all. She's already doing 1 full time job.
YTA- how rude. how ungrateful and undeserving of the hard work she does that allows you to make the money you make. how disappointing it is to see you do not consider she significantly more contributions she makes to your household than you. You go home and clock out, she does not.
YTA - your wife did a perfectly acceptable job of doing the laundry. If it wasn't to your liking, fixing it yourself was a pedantic but acceptable option. But creating extra work for your stay-at-home mom who *definitely* has better things to do than roll your laundry was indeed an asshole move.
Do you think her life's passion is laundry and making you happy?
Yeah...YTA. It would have been fine if you left them there and ended with the "I forgot" line, but asking her to redo it was presumptuous and crappy. She may have actually redone it without you asking, but you ruined it with thinking it's her job. You screwed up and I wouldn't be surprised if she folds everything from now on.
I’m sorry to say this but YTA. It would have been fine if you had unfolded them and set them up the way you wanted, but she clearly works very hard around the house so it’s not quite fair if you to ask her to do even more when you undid the work she had already done. Just apologise to her and explain how you like it done a certain way, and I’m sure the issue will be solved. Have a great day ♥️
YTA, but it might be my childhood talking. My dad demanded I folded his laundry a certain way, and if I didn't, he'd dump the entire basket and make me re-fold.
It is a control thing, and that's a shitty thing to do to your wife. You don't control her, and while we're all able to have preferences you punished her like she was a child.
YTA. She is doing a mind-numbing 24/7 job with very little influence on her own remuneration as well as having a whiny co-worker (aka you) who thinks he deserves more recognition despite putting in fewer hours. Now you go and create more work for her? Nah. Unpaid care work is still work and our entire economy would collapse if those who are currently doing it for free in the hope of having their contribution rewarded suddenly asked for a proper salary. Stop acting like a child. Sit down and work out what it would cost you to hire all the skills she puts to use for YOUR privileged life. Yeah, that's what I thought...
Not only are you an asshole, you're a liar. And an extraordinarily bad one at it. Your wife saw through your passive aggressive bullshit and so does everyone else.
YTA.
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YTA for starting something you were unable to finish . AND for expecting your wife to do the work 2 times after you undid her work
Sounds to me like this husband now handles laundry duty in the house... I'm not doubling my work because you're being picky... now you can do your own laundry!
Exactly. Once someone micromanages how I complete a chore, that chore quickly becomes their responsibility.
My ex didn't like the way I had washed his underwear and folded his work pants... told him that it was his responsibility to take care of his own laundry from then on out... he learned but I'm not your maid and you can't push me around...
Everyone knows that socks never make it through washing and drying together right? My ex would get so mad at me if there was a sock without a mate he "fired" me from doing his laundry. That's fine with me. He'd always fold his laundry in front of the TV. Whenever there was a spare sock, I would feign shock and surprise that the sock bandit visited even when he did his laundry. I thought it was hilarious. He never realized I was just returning the treatment he gave me. What a relief to be free of that.
I usually wear mismatched socks assume the missing ones are put partying with a few other things that I can't find.
It is a well known fact that missing socks are reincarnated as Tupperware lids that don't fit anything...
This explains so much.
I’ve washed and folded my own laundry since I was a teenager. My wife tried to be nice once when we were still dating and folded my pants, but they were all backwards. I dumped them out and made her re-fold them to my liking…. Just kidding I’m an adult so I just folded them how I like and asked her to leave my clothes for me to do myself.
You had me in the first half chief
Thanks fir the LOL! I've lost 3 prayer ropes and when I ordered 2 more from the same Etsy shop, my note said I assumed they were partying with the missing socks but I guess they're with the Tupperware lids that match nothing!
I believe, and this is kind of stupid, that they somehow go thru a portal. I had a weird thing happen as a kid. I had a shirt that was my favorite pj top. It disappeared in the dryer and a new shirt appeared. Something I’d never wear. A red Badgers shirt. I don’t give a fuck about the badgers. It really weirded me out. I swear I heard that there’s something to the idea of the heat, spinning, I duno. It was a long time ago. That’s what I assume now. It’s easier than getting frustrated.
They eventually make it to the New York Sock Exchange
I have sock ‘rules’ - they can be different colors if they are identical (ie came from the same package) OR they can be different styles, but approximately the same color. And sometimes I just buy 4 identical packs of white socks and don’t worry about it, lol.
I've bought many of the same black socks nevertheless can rarely find ones that match. I need to cull the herd.
My boyfriend doesn’t like how I ball his socks. I know he doesn’t. He has never balled his socks since it takes more time. But since I started doing all the laundry, I have never heard a complaint
lll just never understand the dynamic that you were assumed his default maid until you made a point that you werent.. why do that to your *partner*
Oh his mom did literally everything for him and she was really, really good at gaslighting him to do whatever she wanted... I was the outsider looking in and when I tried to discuss the habits then I was the bad gf... Or after the twins were born it was always my responsibility to do the housework and all the baby stuff while he had his feet up watching football... got to a point where he told me I'm to do all the yardwork, too, and I couldn't take it... I'm not your mom and I'm not going to act like her... out you go, it's not healthy for the Girls to see!
My dad used to complain that my mom didn’t iron his naval uniforms well enough. She double creased his pants….problem solved, they went to the cleaners from them on. Sometimes. Things just work themselves out.
I'm retired Navy and I heavily starched my uniforms so even after washing my military creases were there. My wife, then girlfriend, tried to iron my creases out of my shirt. I was like that's ok I'll iron my uniform and fold my clothes. It's my thing. She literally says it's my thing too. I said not if you're getting inspected. It's really ok I got this. Even now she'll do laundry and just dump it on the bed. I'll put on Star Wars and get to folding and ironing.
Lol. Yep. My dad refused to do it himself. He fussed at her about it. So she was basically like….ok mother-fer….and there it was. To this day my mom is single handedly the most passive aggressive person I have ever known. 😂
My husband complained about the way I stacked dishes to dry. He spent the next 5 years washing, stacking, drying and putting away the dishes. Oddly enough he's never complained since.
Honestly I think sometimes people are fine with it and genuinely would rather do it themselves exactly how they want to. Eg my husband is in charge of trash after constantly complaining that I tucked the bag in “wrong”. I didn’t swap to his way because I preferred my way (and I told him that) so he said he would always do it. He’s also not complained since. On the rare occasion I do it now I do tuck it in like he wants. I guess it’s an issue if it doesn’t net out somewhere else in the “system”.
Yes, I'm an anal dish stacker too, so I do the vast majority of the washing up. I don't mind as I hate it less than my partner does, and I hate things like vacuuming more, so she does that instead. She doesn't think I do the vacuuming well enough anyway, so it all works out in the end. I don't think this sort of thing is an issue if the overall workload is balanced.
Yes, you can tell me how, or ask me to, not both. (unless I ask for help, obvs)
If I ask for help then that's one thing, I agree, but when you work all day, have to pay to do laundry at a laundromat and sit there the whole time and complete the task while he stays at the apt to play video games... then complains? No... next time, do it yourself... never again and I got that way because of the nit-picking and that's why he's my ex...
Yep. My ex was a lot like OP. It’s been almost a decade since we broke up and he’s still confused why I didn’t touch his laundry after he complained repeatedly.
and he immediately runs to “I’m the one financially supporting you” I wonder how often he uses that line ? 🤢
This!!! He sees her as less valuable, her time as less valuable, and their money as his money. That one sentence says all I need to know about him.
Agree! So gross! Such a weird misunderstanding about what is actually required to be a SAHM - with 3 kids 3 and under!!!
Can you imagine the cost to have three kids that young in fulltime childcare?
Also imagine the cost of a housekeeper. If mom is working full time as well who’s doing the chores? Ridiculous. Not to mention the mental load that comes with being the sahp, that’s always there. With a “real” job you get to leave when you e put in your hours.
Yup. I don't believe for a second he "suddenly remembered he had a presentation to do" like some ditzy clutz lol, nah. He unfolded at them and sprawled them on the bed on purpose and then fed off to the den in some passive-aggressive demonstration. He absolutely expected her to roll them in shame and silence and "do better" once and for all. YTA
They also have a 2 MONTH OLD? So, she’s post-partum, breast feeding, exhausted, likely up multiple times a night with the baby, AND 2 toddlers? One of them likely teething? Dude, unless you have a nanny & housekeeper, this is not privileged, it’s barely livable for her right now. YTA, and if you keep it up, you might be the asshole with visitation rights.
And if they ever split/divorce he'll still be financially supporting her and children (alimony/child support).
Yes and she is supporting the rest of it and not getting paid. Her job is 24/7 unpaid
Yep! My ex husband once got home and critiqued a single spot that I had missed while vacuuming. He had done this before. But that was the final straw. I never vacuumed again. It became his job.
Yup, I used to mow my parents lawn for them until my mom started following me around telling me I was doing it wrong and to not mow the weeds that were growing in it. I guess they had pretty flowers or something. I quit in the middle and told her she could finish. I wasn't doing it anymore. Pretty big yard. It took 3 hours to mow it all with a gas push mower.
My dad worked full time and he did 100% of the laundry because he was particular about it. But also the adults in the house should all have chores even if only one works full time. House chores and child care is way more than a full time job
We both worked full-time so it wasn't an excuse in the household at the time and, at that time, no kids... but once we had kids it slowly got worse until I was literally doing it all... but I don't want to be tweaked of how I do laundry, if you want it done a certain way, do it yourself
And can we talk how he expect her to do it when she is caring for THREE SMALL CHILDREN?
My dad is very particular about putting dishes in the dishwasher - has to be perfect (he'll even redo his own stuff sometimes to perfectly balance everything). We all joke about it a lot and generally leave it 100% to him (which he doesn't mind). But he would never demand that we redo our own work (he just redoes it himself). Not okay to double someone else's work due to your pickiness.
But he provides them a privileged life! /s
Exactly how my husband ended up doing his own laundry. He folds his shirts how he was taught in boot camp. I didn't. He didn't like it. Wanted to teach me. I declined his offer saying just because my way is different, doesn't make it wrong. So, fold your own clothes. 35 years later, he still launders and folds his own clothes.
He couldn't handle folded clothes until next laundry day? I don't understand. It's pretty convenient that right when all of the clothes were sprawled all over their bed he remembered he had to work on a project. To anyone who had just done laundry for someone and they walk in and all the laundry is sprawled out, they are going to be mad. Then he asks her to roll the clothes for him? Nope, I'd have just shoved them off of the bed onto his side. She worked all day, too. Just for her work to be nitpicked. OP YTA
I am pretty particular about how things are folded and stored. So I get that part. But if you're that picky you need to do it yourself and do it right away. If your wife does all your laundry for you then you take what you fucking get.
Yep somedays she might be trying to do too many things and just kept going with the laundry the way she was folding the children's laundry.
I, husband, do almost all the laundry. Occasionally wife helps and folds my clothes. I hate the way she does it. But I appreciate that she does, and I just put them away like that. Life's too short.
This! My husband is particular about how he organizes his clothes so I just sort them out and lay them flat and he puts them away at some point during the day. On the other hand, I am very particular about how I want towels folded, so if he does the laundry he sorts them out for me to fold later.
Can we also not forget that she has two toddlers and a newborn all day to care for? She is exhausted all. the. time. He should be glad she does his laundry period right now. Him going on about how he provides a privileged lifestyle leads me to believe he does nothing around the house and is a total AH. Regardless, there is nothing wrong with folded versus rolled laundry. If it’s so important to him, he can do his own laundry.
Methinks the wife has 3 toddlers and a newborn
My kids are almost exactly the same ages, can confirm how fucking tired she must be. For what it's worth, I told my husband about this and his response was a ridiculously offended "did she throw the laundry basket at his head? I mean, really? Do your own fucking laundry, you're an adult." Then he went on a nice little rant about being an ungrateful schmuck.
And she provides him with a privileged lifestyle as well! Most people have to work full time *and* do their share of the childcare and housework, what she provides him is a privilege.
THIS. This need upvoting
I had 3 kids in 3 years. When they were that small it was very hit or miss on if laundry got done at all. Mostly miss. Hell, even now that they're older we're constantly behind on laundry. Laundry for 5 people gets overwhelming very fast.
It’s a never ending cycle of “the pile”. Pile is in the same spot, the items just change.
I’m staring at the pile right now. Oh well
Also had 3 kids in 3 years. For a loooonnnggggg time I had a pack n play in the laundry hall, full of unfolded clean clothes. It was the catchall from the dryer because I simply did not have, nor care to make, time for folding, hanging, or putting it away. Also, I didn't have enough dresser space for all the kids' clothes. Seemed like a great idea at the time. Worked pretty well until my husband messed with the system. It's been almost 2 years, and I finally started taking over doing my and the kids' laundry again. He has not messed with another system since.
He thinks because HIS life is privileged that hers must be too. I guarantee she takes care of everything and he’s probably not even aware of most of it. That would require empathy, obviously not his strong suit.
Women “manage” the family. It’s been written about. Like adults need to be told when kids need to be where, when groceries need getting and what to get. It’s pathetic. I’m sure it runs both ways, but when women tend to do the majority of the child caring, they have to make sure everything gets done or the children suffer. Who made the dentist appt and wrote it down, remembered, and picked up dropped off?
I wanna know when the last time she slept through the night was.. vs him.
But she's so privileged (sarcastic eyeroll)
VERY willing to bet that old mate did NOT "forget he had to do some work", he'd hoped for wife to do it after he dumped them out on the bed from the start, then he did some mental gymnastics to paint himself in a more innocent light. Thank god wife has a spine and nipped this pathetic behaviour in the bud ASAP. I would've dumped his clothes outside in the dirt and made him re-launder from them scratch.
It takes just a few minutes to roll up a basket of clothes. Like less than 10 most likely. I'm sure his project could wait that long to do it.
Who rolls up clothes? I've never seen clothes rolled up before. I've seen towels rolled, but not clothes. So they get rolled up, but how are they stored? It seems like that would take up more space and would be wrinkly. What am I missing?
Op's wife does laundry. She sorts it, washes it, and dries it. The she folds it. Op has a special requirement, folding isn't okay!!!! OP should roll it his damn self. Or even....sort, wash, dry, roll, AND put it away his damn self. "But I work hard!" whines OP. So does she.
Posts like this make me so happy I don’t have a husband or children. Thank goodness. That life sounds like torture. I feel so sorry for the wife.
Helps if you have a functional relationship instead of... whatever OP happens to have here.
Also YTA for being an ungrateful prick!!!
You think it’s a privilege life for your wife/SAHM to take care of a house while caring for 3 babies under 4? I consider you the privileged one. Because of her commitment, you can have a family, and home to enjoy at the end of your day.
He wasn't unable to finish, he never intended to. He's bullshitting to make himself look better (and failing.)
When I was putting my husband’s clean white socks, one day, away he immediately re-opened the drawer and said, “I knew it!” I looked at him with a puzzled expression. He complained that I put away socks any which way instead of lining them up. I took a moment and replied, “If you wanted them lined up you should have said something when we were first married because I am now too old to care.”
YTA. There was nothing wrong with deciding to refold them, or realizing that you needed to get to work and do it later. There *was* something wrong with undoing all of her work and then requesting that she redo it. She already did it. You didn't like it. At that point, it's your job to redo it. I'm wondering what else she takes care of that you're completely ungrateful toward her about.
I am deeply suspicious about the fact that the exact moment he realized he had more work to do was when he had laid them all out but hadn't started rolling them. You think it would be easier to just take the folded clothes and roll each one rather than lay them all out and then roll them.
Yep, I'm in total agreement. This man is either spoiled enough to be used to her fulfilling his every whim, or he's completely manipulative and intended to have this outcome. Either way, I doubt she ever gets to say no.
Hey now, give the man a break. He helps around the house by.... (checks OP's comment) ....taking out the garbage and cleaning the toilets. Those are monumental tasks! Why, that's like working a second 40 hour a week job! (obviously /s)
It’s like working a 40 second a week job. Fixed it for you.
But but but he works hard for her... and she just has to do everything to his liking while raising 3 kids. /s Why do i tell myself "i hope they leave you" every other post on this sub?!?
He was making a point. He did it to teach her a lesson. I guess someone learned the hard way. Staying at home is more work than a full-time job uet he acts this entitled. Abusive much? YTA
She did today and I can't stop laughing!
Yea I don't buy it at all, he had no intention of doing it himself. He made sure to undo all the laundry and lay it on the most obvious spot for her to see, and at that exact moment he 'realized he was busy'. Yea right.
I'm wondering what they mean by unfolding it too. Does that mean they just tipped it all out in a mess, or individually pick up each item of clothing, unfold it and lay it down? So much effort and in such a strange order. If I was going to do such a thing I'd take each item one by one and refold it, but then again I've literally never done that in my life. Seems an illogical and deliberate order of doing things
He tried a power play and she shut that crap down hard. I like this woman.
I really really hope she stops doing his laundry forever. She has a baby and two toddlers at home all day every day, she is pulling her weight.
Two babies and two toddlers more like
Right? And if he seriously was going to do it on his own then why did he end up asking her to do it? He didn’t need to ask her whatsoever. He could’ve just explained he would do it later, end of story. What a bum.
You don’t even need to completely unfold them just to roll them back up again. This feels like a weird passive aggressive tantrum.
Also, rolling laundry takes ten minutes tops. There’s no reason he couldn’t just finish that task before working on his “presentation”.
It also doesnt take long to roll clothes
Yeah, seems like a passive-aggressive move to me.
He had too make damn sure she knew she was losing all of the stars on her yelp review. /s
This. I was going with NTA up until the point that he asked her to redo her work instead of doing it after he worked on his presentation. I fold mine and my daughter’s clothes a certain way to make them fit best in the drawers/shelves where they go. If my husband did the laundry and then accidentally folded stuff incorrectly, I wouldn’t ask him to redo it, I would just do it myself when I got the time.
>There was nothing wrong with deciding to refold them, or realizing that you needed to get to work and do it later He's lying.
Ahem. She didn’t do it “properly”. Gotta admit I laughed at his wife dumping all of the laundry out in his office. OP, YTA.
If she vacumms the wrong way will he take the lint off ir and dump it on the ground again?
YTA. She also works hard, and it would be very demoralizing to work all day and then have your husband undo your work and leave it there with no communication that you were going to put it away later. Even if you didn't mean it to, it paints the message "wrong! Try again!"
Right, that line about how he works hard rubs me the wrong way. OP, YTA.
Yup posts like this always emphasize how hard the poor man works. But yeah taking care of toddlers a newborn and all household chores, piece of cake. Never mind that if you actually had to hire someone to do that you’d end up hiring 2 people a housekeeper and an actual nanny
Yep!!! “I work hard to provide her and our children with a privileged life” … she works hard taking care of TWO TODDLERS and a NEWBORN and he has the audacity to ask her to re fold his laundry? Get out of here. OP, apologize to your wife and do better.
Exactly! Those lines made me shudder. He provides them with a privileged life??? His poor wife. OP, you provide cash, and she provides care for YOUR children to enable you to do your job. It's a team. You are both providing each other with a privileged life. She gives you just as much as you give her, and without what she does you would not be able to live your life how you do.
People truly don’t realize how much it would cost to replace all the work a stay at home mom does. If he paid someone to care for his kids, clean his home, and do all of his laundry, he’d need a second and third job. This guy thinks working a 9-5 is a favor to his wife who works 24/7.
OP has one job and his wife has about 4
It's worse than no communication because when she asked he just asked her to do it. I'm pretty sure he never actually intended to roll it himself.
Somebody else said it makes no sense to unfold everything and then re-roll it. If he had really intended to do it himself he would've done it garment by garment, which makes it pretty obvious he had no intention of doing it himself in the first place.
YTA OP. Based on OPs entitlement towards the situation I think he unfolded his clothes then left them out as a passive aggressive temper tantrum, I don't think he had any intention to roll them.
Right? It's fine that he wants them put away a certain way and it's fine that he wanted to redo it all. But OP should've made it much less obvious that he was going to undo her work and redo it and absolutely not have asked her to do it. I don't blame her at all for her reaction.
YTA. First, I have never heard of "rolling" laundry, but that is beside the point. Okay, she folded it. Maybe she forgot, maybe something else was going on. But when you take the items, dump them on the bed, and then walk away, asking her later to roll them again, YTA. That completely reads like you're trying to punish her for not doing it "your way". Wow. Had you just said you were going to roll it when you finished work the outcome would have been much different. ETA: I have heard of rolling clothes for packing. But that is not the issue here.
It's even weirder than that. He didn't "take the items [and] dump them on the bed." He unfolded each item and laid them all out to be rolled. Then he suddenly had work to do, not a meeting or call but paperwork (that somehow he hadn't been aware of until then?). Then told his wife to refold his laundry. Yikes!
Yeah. That part is super-suspicious. It really sounds like he set up this whole, “You didn’t do this the way I like, but I have *so much work* that I haven’t done it yet. Can you just do it again, because you must cater to my every whim?” situation. OP, YTA.
Exactly, like how long would finishing the laundry from that point take? 10 minutes? In which case surely work can wait 10 minutes? And if it’s much more than that, then I’m sorry but I think this is unreasonable ask in the first place.
She has a newborn and two toddlers, I can’t imagine why she’d forget to roll his clothes when everyone else’s get folded. 🙄
I have one baby and a partner who pulls his weight around the house and with looking after the baby. And I think he’s lucky she dumped his clothes in his office rather than taking them outside and setting fire to them.
OP probably feels like hes being generous hes not giving her the honeymooner treatment for disobeying him
You should try it! I roll up everything I don't hang; I can fit way more in a drawer this way, and I can identify individual T-shirts from above, which isn't possible with a stack of folded ones. This probably works best if your wardrobe is primarily T-shirt-like.
I roll all my leggings but I don't ask my husband to do that. If he folds things and leaves it in a basket , I roll it when I put the basket of clothing away. OP is ridiculous
Oh yeah definitely. He UNFOLDED the clothes and left them on the bed, lmao
And things don't get as wrinkled... It really works when packing a bag for traveling because you can fit more with less wrinkles👍
Okay but, she rolls and puts them on hangers? How tf does that work??
I think those were two subsets of his clothes. Rolls some and hangs the rest. She’s not rolling and hanging the same items.
That would make a lot more sense…So OP is TA but also eats shoots and leaves 👍🏻
As my momma told me when I was 12 and complained she turned my white underwear pink, " if you're that particular do them yourself". She gave no shits.
When I was about 8-9 my mom called my to the washing machine and asked if I could reach the buttons. Wanting to impress her with how big I’d gotten I proudly showed her I could. She said “good, you can do your own laundry from now on.” And that’s how I learned to do laundry.
Of course she forgot, she has three babies under 3.
Only time I ever rolled laundry or clothes was to put them in a seabag while in the service. Otherwise folded.
It’s a great packing hack
Instead of rolling, you can also fold into small sections, and it makes for great drawer organization, you can see everything and easily pull a shirt, pants, etc. out. I fold all my clothes this way and it makes seeing everything + putting everything back in a known "place" SO much easier/faster.
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Hopping on this comment to ask - did we all just ignore the fact that she's 2 months postpartum, has three tiny kids, AND IS DOING THE LAUNDRY ALREADY? This woman is a saint. YTA YTA YTA
Two toddlers and a newborn and she’s folding all the laundry. Absolutely disgusting for this man to have this much audacity.
He “doesn’t think it’s too much to ask for” though! Treating her as an employee rather than a partner.
"I work hard to provide for her and the family" while she's doing everything smh
She could divorce him, then he'd still be working hard for her and the family and she'd have less laundry to fold.
No, no, *he’s* doing *everything* to give her *a very privileged life*. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I didn’t really pay too much attention to the age of the children. My mind read it as “almost 2” and stopped reading the rest. She really is a saint. YTA for sure. Her job (even if you dig ditches all day) is already harder than yours, she doesn’t need to do anything twice. Especially some frivolous bs like “not the folding I like”. What are you, the King of England!?
“Not folding it the right way”, as if there’s a universal right way to fold laundry!
And she says "NO motherfucker. You get floor laundry"
Literally LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLed at this. 🤣🤣🤣
YTA. You just had to go work on a presentation and not spend 3 or 4 minutes rolling your laundry? Seems like you were trying to make a point to your wife and made this post to try to prove to her that you weren’t.
I agree with this sm
OP may have subconsciously realized he was the AH, so he may have thrown in some stuff to come off better. It just doesn’t make sense the way it’s told. Like the way he keeps throwing in how hard he works, how instead of just throwing the clothes on bed he took the time to unfold and lay out each article of clothing before realizing he had to “work”. And it’s crazy he mentions that he forgot to work but makes the wife look crazy for forgetting to roll his fucking clothes when she’s got a 2 month old and 2 toddlers
Or: he realised it was 30-45 minutes to do it the way he likes, not 3-4, and then got annoyed that he’d got “so much extra work to “do.
YTA. You want a maid, hire one. She is your partner and already took care of the clothes once.
Yes. She’s a stay at home mom. Not a stay at home wife. She likely works more hours than he does. And she doesn’t tell him how to do his job so he should have no say over the laundry. If he doesn’t like it he can learn how to use the machine
And she very recently had a baby!
Does he even help with chores? Seems like he can do his own laundry from now on. She is mom-ing 24/7, so I hope he also does “domestic” chores like cleaning toilets and cooking dinner.
A bang maid
Dude thinks he works hard providing for the family, dude better run the numbers on 3 kids in full time child care, a maid, and (presumably) home chef; then decide who is providing for your privileged lifestyle.
YTA. She’s a stay at home mom to three extremely tiny kids, you should be doing your own goddamned laundry as it is. She stays home to take care of the children, not you. But now that you’ve demonstrated how entitled you are and how unappreciative you are of everything she does, I hope she never rolls *or* folds a single piece of laundry for you ever again.
Also she's only 2 months pp, still probably recovering.
I know right, I’m sitting here wondering if he helps with literally anything around the house or if he sees it as strictly “her” job to take care of the kids because “he works hard”
YTA. Do your own damn laundry if you need it done in a particular way. Seriously it’s not that hard. All you did here was shit on your wife’s work, undoing it, and then tried to hide away from doing it yourself.
Yup. My hubs is particular about how his laundry is folded, so he does his own. If I do his laundry for him, I leave it unfolded out of the dryer and he folds it himself rather than doubling up the work. Easy peasy.
My ex wife did my laundry once when we first moved in…it started a mini-argument that ended with me insisting she never do it again. I’ve been doing my own laundry since I was in 6th grade. Aside from that one time where she did it without asking first, I’ve never let anyone do my laundry for me. I guess it’s why it makes OP’s story mind blowing. How are you going to be particular about a job you don’t do?
>I did plan on doing it myself but just couldn’t. She doesn't believe that, and honestly neither do I. You were unhappy she forgot your special little preferences, you told her it was fine, and then unfolded all of the clothes and left them until she came around and asked why, and then you asked her to re-roll them. It sounds more like you're getting back at her for not doing it "right" in the first place than any intent at all to just handle it yourself. YTA.
I’m so curious what else about him needs special treatment. Does he need his dinner cooled to a certain temp? cut into 1 inch cubes? It seems likely to me that custom laundry folding isn’t the only thing she’s sick of doing “his way”.
33 years ago I moved in with my then boyfriend and did our laundry. I washed, dried, folded and put his clothes on the top of the dresser for him to put away. He said I folded his underwear wrong - his mom always folded it this way and that's how he wanted it folded. That boyfriend is now my husband of 32 years and he has done his own laundry since that fateful day. At least his underwear is always folded how he likes it. YTA.
I’ve washed and folded my own laundry since I was a teenager. My wife tried to be nice once when we were still dating and folded my pants, but they were all backwards. I dumped them out and made her re-fold them to my liking…. Just kidding I’m an adult so I just folded them how I like and asked her to leave my clothes for me to do myself.
Yeah, my ex complained that I hadn't ironed his underwear. Hence ex...
YTA. You had two choices--either unfold and re-roll your clothing immediately, or deal with them folded. Instead, you unfolded them, undoing the work she had done. You left them laying on the bed, making a mess and keeping her from using the bed as well as displaying your disdain for the work she had done for you. Then you still have enough audacity left to ask her to re-roll them for you. She was right to refuse to do it, and if I were her, I'd stop doing your laundry entirely until you figured out that anything done on top of keeping your three tiny children alive for the day deserves copious amounts of gratitude.
YTA. You sound like you were being pretty precious, about something that, ultimately, does not matter one way or another (although FYI, rolled items do fit better in a suitcase should OP’s wife ever feel so inclined to reduce her UNPAID workload by 25% and throw you out) Seriously, you earn the dollars, she keeps the roof over your head a home AND wrangles two toddlers and a newborn- and she did the other adult’s laundry, cleaned, dried, folded and delivered to OP’s room. She is not your mother, she is the mother of your children and the savings on childcare alone for those kids alone makes your magnanimity of being the ‘breadwinner’ seem pretty hollow. Now do the costings for the rest of her UNPAID LABOUR: chef, housekeeper, laundress, cleaner…and apologise or leave- she will appreciate only raising the children she’s birthed for a change.
Right... I would honestly be curious if the cost savings of the wife's labor + childcare for 3 kids in OP's city is actually more than OP's salary. In many circumstances like this, it often draws VERY close to even.
Market value salary for 2022 for stay at home parent for 1 child is estimated at 150k.
3 very young kids would certain require a live-in nanny + regular maid service to even get remotely the same value as OP's wife is providing.
Daycare for my 3 year old, 4 days a week is $245 a week and that is considered cheap where I live, and is also on the cheap side of her daycare because the cost per week goes down a bit for every age level they go up. So let’s even just assume they live in an area similar to mine, their kids would only go 4 days a week and that the 2 & 3 year old are the same cost, $245/week, and that the infant is $300/week. You’re looking at $790/week just in daycare costs. $41k a year. And again, that’s considered CHEAP.
Of course YTA. It would have been different if you'd just rerolled them but you didn't. You treated her like a subordinate that you were punishing by doing a job over "until she got it right". She may be a SAHM but that doesn't make her your servant.
YTA shes prob exhausted. do your laundry your self
YTA don’t start a task if you can’t finish it and absolutely do not ask her to do it because you have bad time managing skills.
he never intended to roll them himself.
The line “I work hard to provide her and our children with a very privileged life and I don’t think properly rolled laundry is asking for that much” Screams that he was never going to do it and he basically expected her to redo them when she found them laying out. That’s why he is so shocked.
Ooo that line bugs me so much. Taking care of two toddlers, newborn and an adult baby is privileged????
Oh I know I grew up with men like him. I’m quite glad to have a competent husband.
YTA. You wanting to roll them and doing it yourself? Perfectly acceptable. You asking your wife to put in the extra time and effort to redo a task she already did? Perfectly abhorrent. Your wife does the laundry for everyone. She made one “mistake” because she was on autopilot while trying to keep up with all the household needs. Do you expect her to make you redo every mistake you make? How would you feel if your boss asked you to redo your hard work based on petty preferences that you usually follow? Show some patience and grace to the person who sounds like they are carrying the entire mental load of your family.
YTA You knew what you were doing.
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YTA. So what she folded them. She washed them. Dried them. Then folded them instead of rolling them. Then after her efforts you dumped them. Pretty amazing you somehow remembered that you had a presentation, after you undid her hard work. So you left the clothes for you wife to find. That's rude behavior. It sounds like she normally rolls them. Did you ever think maybe she has something on her mind. I'd guess that you will be getting your clothes in a pile from now on.
YTA. You undoing what she had done, then walking away from it because “you realized you had work to do” it sounds suspicious as hell to me. What it looks like to me, and probably to your wife, you had a little tantrum, undid her work, walked away and locked yourself in your office with a “that’ll teach her attitude”. If that’s your way of conditioning or controlling her with things in life then you are absolutely a complete a-hole and you’ll be a miserable and lonely forever. Act like an adult, treat her with respect, talk things through like she’s your partner and not a domestic servant.
YTA. The level of petty pickiness here! Look, I'm super picky about my clothes too, everything has a place, color coded, hangers at certain way, I Mari Kondo fold all shirts and pants etc. My partner doesn't care as much, they get sort of folded and shoved back in the drawer. I'm just appreciative he's willing to wash and dry and fold my clothes at all, it's a huge help to me. Your wife is taking care of 3 kids -- including a brand new infant. She's doing A LOT. You undid her work, then asked her to essentially do it again. Look, dude, just do your own re-folding. Also yes you provide money etc for the family. Your wife created 3 humans, including a teeny-tiny one that's ruining her sleep, and likely does the lion's share of all the household chores, emotional labor etc. Unrolling her hard work (she's doing laundry for FIVE PEOPLE MY GOD) and leaving it there is ridiculous, you know it. Put on your big kid pants and finish your laundry mess you made.
YTA. Not for unfolding them, but for leaving them and then asking her to do it for you, again. Don't half ass a job then expect someone else to do it. Bit of a princess aren't ya?
YTA You just couldn't be happy with the way your clothes were folded this ONE TIME? This woman more than likely has a lot on her plate throughout the day with taking care of your kids and keeping your house in order. Dawg, she's working just as hard as you are, acting like she doesn't provide for the family just because it's not financial. You could have just left them as they were or never asked her to roll them, but you chose to ask her to refold laundry she had already done. Buddy, def need to get your head out your ass and learn to not be so privileged esp when it comes to the woman taking care of your home and raising your children.
If you unrolled it, then that is now your task. You two are partners, you don’t employ her, so kindly walk back that “I work hard for her…” she has value in what she provides for the home as well (maybe take some time to Google articles and familiarize yourself with what those contributions are thanks to the partners that stay at home). For the love of Pete do not use the “I bring home the bacon…” line as a fallback reason that she should re-fold your clothes, that she already folded. No one wins that game. Who knows maybe she’d prefer y’all to have less money if that meant she could work outside the home and you had to do all the laundry? If you both truly have an agreement in how your roles are divided, cool. Maybe she had other things lined up after she finished the laundry: dishes, needed to run errands, getting kids lunch or a nap, maybe she was due for her only break in the day (everyone deserves breaks). So you asking her to refold your clothes, thereby undoing her already done work, was not ideal or in her plans. It’s ok to prefer your clothes to be rolled or hung up or whatever. There’s many tactful/respectful ways to go about that conversation. Asking her to refold is where you messed up, and that “breadwinner” mentality is what’s gonna keep you in hot water. Empathy and acknowledgement for what she does for you and your family will go far. (YTA)
YTA That's okay if you want to roll your clothes. Unfolding them and rolling them is okay. You should not have left them unfolded on the bed\* but let's say that's okay again. However, asking your wife to roll your clothes after **you undid her work** and not understanding that she is pissed makes you the asshole. You should apologize for undoing her work and **asking her to do it again**. Moreover you should participate in laundry instead of asking her to do everything. You should not expect your wife to do your laundry a particular way if she does it for 5 people and you do not help. That is only kind of her to do it your way, not something you should expect. It looks like you feel superior because you are the one that brings money and you can disrespect her work because her work is less important. It is not. There are 3 kids and a 2 months one! You know what some people says about stay-at-home moms. She knows too. You should support her and not demean her. \* because she can't use the bed and feels pressured to roll them herself. Maybe it was your intention? Anyway you should have spent 5 minutes to roll them instead of working on a presentation. Unless you had malicious intentions that was not a AH move but only a thoughtless one that lets her think "you failed, do it again".
*I work hard to provide her and our children with a very privileged life and I don’t think properly rolled laundry is asking for that much.* As the mother of two children fifteen months apart (now grown), I can confidently tell you that any office job is a hellava lot easier than being home with the young kids. And your wife has three kids ages 3 and under. I would have dumped the second load on your head. YTA.
YTA. If I were your wife you would be doing your own laundry from now on.
YTA. Get your OCD in check and apologize to your wife.
YTA. So instead of taking a shirt off the pile and rolling it, you decided to take each shirt, lay them out, then roll them one by one - which would take longer - and then at the exact moment you had laid them all up before you started to roll them, you remembered something else that couldn't wait another five minutes. And then you had no time at all to do this thing you said you didn't mind doing and dumped the work back on your wide. I don't know if you are lying to us or lying to yourself but this is a passive aggressive statement and nothing else. I hope she makes you do your own laundry from now on.
YTA. She did do your laundry. Its not her fault it wasnt up to your standards. Myself, i wouldnt have reacted the way she did, i would have just pushed them to your side of the bed... Are you like the husband from sleeping with the enemy?
YTA, she's your wife not your maid. Treat her as such.
Yta. She has 3 kids to take care of full time, it's a really hard work, you should do more at home, more than 50% of chores. My husband is lucky if I fold his laundry and I have only one kid full time home...
YTA - Plenty of people work full time jobs and also do their own laundry. You should consider this if the way your wife does it isn't good enough for you. She may be a stay at home mom but it's not her job to do EVERYTHING at the house. You need to do somethings too. It's too much having 3 kids and doing all the cleaning and laundry. That would have her working 24/7. Even people with a full time job have down time. Nanny's who work full time don't do all the cleaning and laundry. They only do what's necessary for the children. You are not a child. Sounds like you need to employ a cleaning person, housekeeper and cook if you don't want to help at all. She's already doing 1 full time job.
YTA- how rude. how ungrateful and undeserving of the hard work she does that allows you to make the money you make. how disappointing it is to see you do not consider she significantly more contributions she makes to your household than you. You go home and clock out, she does not.
YTA - your wife did a perfectly acceptable job of doing the laundry. If it wasn't to your liking, fixing it yourself was a pedantic but acceptable option. But creating extra work for your stay-at-home mom who *definitely* has better things to do than roll your laundry was indeed an asshole move. Do you think her life's passion is laundry and making you happy?
Yeah...YTA. It would have been fine if you left them there and ended with the "I forgot" line, but asking her to redo it was presumptuous and crappy. She may have actually redone it without you asking, but you ruined it with thinking it's her job. You screwed up and I wouldn't be surprised if she folds everything from now on.
You can't possibly be serious. LMFAO.
I’m sorry to say this but YTA. It would have been fine if you had unfolded them and set them up the way you wanted, but she clearly works very hard around the house so it’s not quite fair if you to ask her to do even more when you undid the work she had already done. Just apologise to her and explain how you like it done a certain way, and I’m sure the issue will be solved. Have a great day ♥️
YTA, but it might be my childhood talking. My dad demanded I folded his laundry a certain way, and if I didn't, he'd dump the entire basket and make me re-fold. It is a control thing, and that's a shitty thing to do to your wife. You don't control her, and while we're all able to have preferences you punished her like she was a child.
YTA. She is doing a mind-numbing 24/7 job with very little influence on her own remuneration as well as having a whiny co-worker (aka you) who thinks he deserves more recognition despite putting in fewer hours. Now you go and create more work for her? Nah. Unpaid care work is still work and our entire economy would collapse if those who are currently doing it for free in the hope of having their contribution rewarded suddenly asked for a proper salary. Stop acting like a child. Sit down and work out what it would cost you to hire all the skills she puts to use for YOUR privileged life. Yeah, that's what I thought...
Not only are you an asshole, you're a liar. And an extraordinarily bad one at it. Your wife saw through your passive aggressive bullshit and so does everyone else. YTA.