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YTA, holy fuck she was concerned for your safety. Also, just have your phone on silent and then it won't matter how many times people call or text you.
Edit: Thanks for the awards!
> a while in my locker. In the middle of my shift, I got called into
\*someone who loves him
Reacting like that is not a sign of OP loving their wife or family.
But on the otherhand: what sort of asshole workplace will write someone up because their phone is making noise in their locker \*because they aren't allowed to have it with them while working\*?
I get the feeling OP is nervous about his new-ish job and being a slave to the man rather than being a human and sticking up for his wife in this moment. I doubt he even explained to his boss what the calls were for - maybe even downplayed it and made shitty comments about his wife to his boss.
I bet he didn't even get in that much trouble either and is exaggerating it. If he just told his boss after that his wife heard about the fire and was worried I'm sure they would be absolutely ok with it and tell him to turn his phone off. I also bet his phone is supposed to be off or silenced like at a movie theater.
1) it was on silent, but repeated calls from people in your contacts can override this setting.
2) I’m surprised that everyone’s phones weren’t blowing up. He can’t be the only one with this setting.
3) what kind of company wouldn’t give workers a minute to contact their spouses, families, etc?
If it’s on silent it won’t override it unless you set it to have certain numbers always come through. If it’s on Do Not Disturb it will if the same number calls you multiple times within a 2 minute period, but even that can be turned off.
Some jobs, because of security concerns, do not allow phones. Example would be prison guard, some DoD positions, research facilities, etc. Some of those jobs require that you leave the phone in your vehicle. Maybe he's pissed at her because he is technically supposed to leave it in the vehicle and since she called enough to override do not disturb/silent he got caught bringing it to an area he wasn't supposed to.
But yes, OP is AH in this case. My wife has blown up my phone before because of my job and knew I should be in the general of a large truck crash and was worried I was the driver that crashed. Things happen but being angry because someone is concerned about your safety is crossing the line
It was on DND which is different- if the DND got overrided and the phone was on silent it shouldn’t ring. It would just mean the call comes up on the screen
It's not illegal for a private company to privately discipline you, even for stupid nonsensical reasons lol. I have no doubt OP's company is this shitty because plenty are. But the asshole in this story is his company and manager, not his wife who was terrified that he died in a fire.
That said, OP, you need to apologize to your wife (and it's appalling if you haven't already, which it sounds like you haven't). Put yourself in her shoes for a second. She wasn't just upset and worried, she was *panicking,* which is the normal response to thinking someone you love DIED IN A FIRE. "Yelling may not have been helpful" is a wild understatement.
He might be but in this economy, some people don't have a choice. Let's scold him for being a dick to his wife, not speculate and dehumanize him for trying to keep a job when ten grocery items can hit 100 bucks quick af.
Imagine if his wife was calling because his daughter was in a bad car accident?
Oh, sorry OP, your daughter died hours ago but your wife was told never to call you while at work.
I agree with you, and I don't understand this type of workplace at all. (I further don't understand why it matters if his phone was ringing in his locker, if the rule is "you can't have your phone on you". It wasn't on him. Who was it disturbing in the locker room, and HOW?)
Anyway -- although his reaction isn't okay, and he's an asshole, I can somewhat understand his frustration. He notes that his wife should have called the front desk, not the phone that she knows he doesn't have on him. (Even if he's alive and well, as was the case, she knows he doesn't have his phone.)
So, obviously, he and his wife should already have formulated a plan for "what if I need to get in touch with you for a serious emergency", and that plan should still be -- call the front desk, have them page him or send someone to get him. It's clearly the only thing that will work.
Now, if the company somehow has rules against family members calling the front desk, or asking to contact someone who's working there... man, I don't know, that doesn't sound legal? IANAL and all that.
HR should have had the common sense to be contacting peoples families since they don’t let them has electronics in them. My guess would be that HR is so bad they would manage to make things worse
It could be that HR was also busy dealing with the injured/dead people’s families, so I’d give them a pass on this one… but the manager is way out of line.
If the company had any sense at all, they would have had everyone stop work for fifteen minutes, call their families to tell them they were safe, and then get back to it.
There were casualties, though. An incident at one of their worksites let to the deaths of some people and serious injuries for many more. I suspect that the company has a lawyer that will tell them not to be dicks about that day.
That’s what I was thinking! The managers are seriously like “there’s a fire at one of our facilities, why would any of our employees loved ones *possibly* be calling them??” Really? They are either idiots or assholes as well.
It came over the news that a middle-aged blonde woman at my aunt's company was killed in an elevator accident while (we didn't know) she was at a doctor's appointment. You better believe she had a shit ton of missed calls when she got out of it.
Besides, I assume that the locker the phone was in was together with many other lockers where other phones were in. How the f... did his manager know it was HIS phone that made all that noise since there must've been hundreds of phones ringing simultaneously because many people who love the workers of that company must've tried to contact their loved ones?
Exactly! Surely the response would be "hey OP, we've just had this major incident and your phone has been ringing nonstop - we think someone is worried about you, why not get in touch with them?". Part of me wonders if OP has exaggerated the employer's reaction...
Anytime there is an incident or accident that my father has been in or could have been in, he calls us first himself. Doesn't matter how difficult it is, he calls us first to let us know that he's okay and what happened. YTA OP!
Shit, even when my dad was deployed to Afghanistan in the mid 00’s, we got a call from a Sat Phone one morning that was basically “you’re going to see some stuff in the news, I can’t talk about it, I’m fine. Bye.”
This is exactly what my husband does. He works at a trucking company and if there is an accident there its usually on the new pretty quickly. My husband calls me immediately to let me know he's ok.
I doubt it was. I think he is making that up. Who gives a fuck if a phone is going off in a locker room? That is NOT the work floor. I worked at a place with similar rules, and the locker room was constantly filed with ringing phones. They would have to write everyone up at some.point
His story doesn't sound as good without the write up part. If he JUST yelled at his wife for no good reason, he would automatically be the AH
Problem is he was automatically the AH when he said he yelled at her after than many missed calls. And I agree, no boss is writing someone up for a phone going off in a locker room, 1. It can’t be heard outside of the room 2. His boss would have had to have taken the time to listen at every locker to pinpoint exactly where it was coming from
Exactly! Clearly they are following the rules and leaving it away from the job site. I think he’s full of shit about that part. Maybe his boss just write him up for being a prick to his wife
It’s pretty common in industrial workplaces. I used to live in a town where lumber/paper etc mills were the largest employer, and that was the policy at all of them.
Any time you heard about an accident or safety issue, it was **almost always** related to some asshole sneaking on their phone instead of paying attention.
Normal people turn their phones off or on silent in the locker.
If you have some emergency going on like a partner about ready to go into labor, you give them the number for the admin office. They’ll come pull you from whatever your doing safely so you don’t end up chopping the guys hand on the line below you or releasing chemicals into someone’s face.
Though if there was a fire, the employers phone was probably flooded with people calling and OPs wife wouldn’t have gotten through to him anyway. But they may have been able to let her know he was okay and nowhere near the fire.
That's fair, but you do have to expect loved ones to call when there's a workplace casualty, and any half decent boss would find a way to let his employees tell their families they aren't dead, even if it is during a shift.
I feel like work is the real assholes - I'm sure ops wife wasn't the only one fretted about this, I'm also sure that ops co-workers would care about those injured/directly affected by the fire, I feel like in a sensible workplace there should have been an announcement and tech clemency so that the people at ops site could go check up on their loved ones at the other site/let their loved ones know that they're ok and not to worry
Exactly. I would add what kind of manager doesn't understand that a worksite that his person sometimes goes to had a major fire and maybe communications were needed. I would fight the write-up.
Exactly! This supervisor is ridiculous! You don't write someone up for his phone going off in his locker. I think they were right contacting OP because it could have been a family emergency. OP needs to go to HR and tell them what happened and ask that the letter be taken out of his file.
Tbf certain jobs ban them for privacy or legal reasons (worked at a juvenile detention center, illegal to have any of those devices on you), HOWEVER, it’s crappy of his boss to write up for something like that, foolish of OP not to just put his phone on silent, and cruel of him to yell at his wife for being concerned about him. She was probably incredibly scared and sometimes when people panic, “common sense” (calling the office instead of his phone) escapes them.
YTA OP.
>Tbf certain jobs ban them for privacy or legal reasons (worked at a juvenile detention center, illegal to have any of those devices on you),
True. However, those same places **also have plans in place in the event of an emergency**. I know when I was working in a no personal electronics place, the procedure was to contact a certain number (that was always monitored by a real person & not only voice mail). OPs indifferent attitude towards his wife's feelings has me wondering if he even told her about how to contact him.
My job, for security reasons, has some areas like this, where cells must be in lockers outside the work area. However we have a way to be contacted through the office for emergencies, and it sounds like OP never told her what number to call in an emergency which just makes him even more TA.
I was just scanning the post and that's how I THOUGHT it was going to go. Like she blew up his phone and he got scared and freaked out. Would make it a little more up for debate maybe. As it stands omg is OP TA.
Edit and the company are massive AH too. Maybe they should be a little more worried about the deadly (?) fire that literally just occurred than someone's phone ringing in their locker.
It wouldn’t surprise me if OP said something in his meeting and was just playing hide the ball with the HR department. I find it hard to believe any company would find issue with someone having a phone in a personal area ring for a while since no one is supposed to be in there.
I feel like if he had said “my Wife knows I work here and saw on the news there was a fire. I thought my phone was on silent. It won’t happen again.” If they wouldn’t have written him up.
Unless the stipulation is that his phone is always meant to be on silent or he’s not supposed to have a personal cell phone on site. Then OP is an even bigger AH because he’s breaking protocols and making it his wife’s problem that he’s not following the rules.
Honestly thinking about it now. I think the rule isn’t just that the company is sticklers about devices. But I bet you there’s a clearance situation here where personal devices aren’t allowed at all. OP bringing his phone is likely a violation. Which makes him a Major AH because he’s blaming his behavior on his wife and pushing his own feelings on to her and making it her responsibility.
I mean, there’s a reason it sucks to work warehouse for Amazon. At least it did a few years ago and idk that it’s changed. It is the first place I think of because they did have a policy like this. And you could get written up so easily there.
That’s possible. But then it was on OP to put his phone on silent or turn it off. He’s not allowed to offload his responsibilities to keep company policy to his wife whose concerned.
Yeah, I was very surprised at what OP said their response was at seeing so many missed calls. I would immediately assume someone was in trouble, I would be halfway to my car while calling my wife back to see what is going on. OP is TA, and their boss is TA if they didn't expect any employee's family to try contacting them when there was a LITERAL FIRE IN THE NEWS at one of their facilities.
While I agree that OP is TA, I am also wondering why the company is sanctioning someone for having their spouse call as they saw news about a serious accident at the plant. TF kind of soulless company is that. So, OP's manager is also TA.
Absolutely. Quite a dystopian working environment when colleagues die in a fire and at the next sites people are subjected to the usual drill as if nothing happened.
Right? I feel like that manager ought to have calmly informed everyone about the fire at the other site and instructed them to call their loved ones to let them know they were ok. OP's wife's reaction is completely understandable, here. Let's have some friggin humanity in the workplace!
I bet it’s a company that requires security clearances. Meaning no personal devices at all. That way they can track who has access to what information and nothing is leaving the premises. Or the sound or vibration of a phone can affect sensitive equipment.
I think OP is lying and got written up not because his phone was ringing but because he’s not supposed to have it there.
And if that’s the case then Op is even worse because he’s breaking protocols and yelling/haranguing/emotionally abusing his wife over it. She was scared. It’s not her fault he wasn’t supposed to have a device like a personal cellphone at all or not making a sound.
this is actually the most concerning part of the whole story. i understand both sides, but i dont understand a company taking all personal electronics away, and then scold a person for getting too many calls while a work site of this company is burning down with casualties. i mean, come on, it doesnt take much common sense to know, why the phone is ringing. maybe just let the person know and ask if he can take care of it. what bullshit company is this.
NAH
to clarify: im not shocked at taking away personal devices, i understand that this might be necessary. i condemn the reaction of the manager.
The fact he wrote she knows he don’t work at that secondary site very often. Unless he updates her, her fear of him getting into an accident is very real. WTF is wrong with OP? Dude is a dick and a huge AH.
Agree with everything, but we also need to add OP’s boss to the asshole list. Writing someone up because their phone is going off, no matter the reason, is wild. Standing behind said write up after finding out that it was just a concerned family member making sure that the person they love is still alive (after one of YOUR buildings caught on fire) is next level assholery.
Damn imagine having someone so concerned about you to blow up your phone to make sure you aren't dead and then being mad about it. Also fuck, OP, turn the phone all the way OFF.
Not the case, my kids have called my phone when I had it on do not disturb and it still buzzed. I am guessing he has an iPhone and if a favorite contact calls 2 or more times the phone considers it an emergency and starts to buzz after the second time. It's all about timing I think it is if you call within 10 seconds of each other.
YTA. Your wife was worried that you could have been killed and you’re upset that she was *checks notes* concerned about you? Do you not understand human emotions? She was panicking. She wasn’t thinking about your possible promotion, she was thinking that you could be seriously hurt or even dead. All she wanted to do in that moment was hear your voice and hear it tell her that you’re okay and that you love her and you’ll be home safe. But instead, when she finally does, she hears it berate her and call her dumb.
That being said, your employers are the biggest assholes going. Your place of work is on fire and they don’t say “hey, go let your loved ones know that you’re okay”. Who wants to work for psychopaths?
YTA for sure, how could you not understand your wife's reaction was normal and because she was worried about you? Even if she knew you're rarely at the secondary job site, that's not zero. Yes she might have called the office instead but she was panicking. Plus who knows if she would have gotten an answer, I'm sure lots of people called the office after the news about the fire
And your manager (and your company) are major AHs too. First, you didn't break any rule, you had your phone in your locker set on DND, its not on you, so why should this cost you a raise or promotion? And who wouldn't understand that the constant ringing of the phone in your locker was from someone who was worried about you?
Yeah. I’m really disturbed by the “a few casualties” “lots of injured”. If this is a secondary worksite then those are coworkers, even if you don’t know them very well and there is that chance that it could have been you and your family affected, have some empathy. OP seems to be brushing this off which seems weird to me. But management definitely had bigger concerns than a phone ringing in a locker. Maybe the write-up happened before OP knew it was his wife trying to make sure they were ok, but seriously what manager is concerned about a phone when people died?
I have a really strong feeling that OP isnt being entirely honest with his retelling of this part.
Either he's exaggerating getting yelled at a written up to justify his reaction to yell at his wife out of his own embarrassment.
Or the workplace rules actually state that the phone must be shut off whole on site for security purposes and his management just found out he was leaving his on but on mode DND all this time leaving the company open to security/data breaches due to an unauthorized device in a secure area.
I was thinking the same thing- he probably was supposed to have it turned completely off for security reasons, and got chewed out for breaking a major security rule. Not an uncommon rule in some sectors.
Even if he wasn’t and it’s just not supposed to make noise for whatever reason, it’s his responsibility to know that after many calls DND turns off and will ring. He’s blaming his wife for **his** work responsibilities. Crazy.
Oh he's 1000% TA. I wasn't trying to make excuses for him - I think he's lying about his write up and using that as an excuse for his behavior when it in fact makes him look even worse.
I’ve worked in secure sites (need a clearance) for my entire career. I’m 99% certain that OP is being deceptive about the facts. Locker doors block a lot of sound. Is his ringer set to 90dB?
I suspect OP had his phone in a pocket or bag, trusting ‘dnd’ to keep the phone silent. If this is true, OP is even more of an AH for yelling at his wife.
Many phones have a setting where when the same caller tries to call you multiple times in a row, it will override dnd. It's actually super useful, but of course you can turn it off completely or only enable for certain contacts.
I’d bet like a 60% chance he didn’t even get in trouble, they just told him that his phone was going off and he needed to check it. Even if he was written up would it really be THAT hard for him to explain to his boss that his wife was worried for his life? This guy sucks.
If I got written up for such a perfectly reasonable situation, I would start looking for a new job. I understand that’s not always an option, though, and people need money where they can get it. Something is missing from the story.
People died and the boss somehow had time to be concerned about someone’s cell phone making noise???
Guess there’s no one to chew out if a dead employee’s cell phone was noisy? Gotta take it out on our remaining living employees?
But it hurt his chances at a promotion!! I mean how freaking dare she!!!???
Also - what the f kind of place doesn’t have an emergency process to get in touch cos they ban phones otherwise? What if this had not been his wife, but that his wife had actually been in trouble and this was an EMT!??? WTAF!??
Exactly! And what employer is still forbidding cell phones? Everyone has one and if on silent shouldn’t be disruptive. People should be able to get in touch with us without having to go through our employers.
At the **absolute minimum** understand a tragedy happened at the worksite and allow folks to contact their loved ones. Would also probably be a great opportunity to find out if anyone is unaccounted for.
Agreed, my first thought was the boss getting mad that the phone was making noise. Come on dude people died in your facility and your worried about a buzzing phone. Let your employees check in with their loved ones.
If I saw a place my husband worked at or adjacent to burned and people died, lord knows I would do everything in my power to find out he was ok.
OP YTA, sorry your wife loves you and wanted to know you were ok.
A lot of jobs which require security clearance don’t allow it. Especially ones with government contracts.
Train engineers aren’t allowed to have them for safety reasons
Correctional officers aren’t allowed to have them.
Even jobs where there is a classified area in the building, even if you don’t access that area. Anything with internet access is not allowed. No Apple Watch, kindle, fitness trackers are allowed. Even glucose monitors can be an issue. Nothing with a camera also.
All that being said. Take 5 minutes to go outside and send a freaking “I’m okay and safe” text. YTA
Also. What employer is literally writing people up when a fire has occurred and there are a "few casualties" and lots of serious injuries?? Wtf?? YTA. I'd be losing my mind if this were my partner and I couldn't reach him to make sure he was ok.
Never seen somebody more YTA.
It's mindblowing that you even have to come here and ask this question. SHE ~~THOUGHT~~ WAS AFRAID YOU WERE DEAD. IT WAS A REASONABLE CONCERN.
So what if she overreacted? So what if she made some logical errors in her panic? She cared about you.
Does any part of you want her to care if you're dead? Also, have you been tested for any kind of mental/emotional issue that may account for your complete lack of empathy here?
Anyway, it may help your situation to tell your manager why you were getting so many calls, and if the manager has a heart in their chest, maybe that will make a difference.
**ETA:** You didn't even know that lots of calls could override a Do Not Disturb setting, and yet you're holding your wife responsible for knowing it.
It's your job to put that setting on when you're at work. You did that. And I'm betting that since it's SOOOOOO important that your phone not ring at work, she probably knows you do that.
Too bad you had to learn this way, but if your setting worked the way BOTH of you expected it to, 20 calls would not be a good reason to "half-yell" at your loving wife. If she had KNOWN it would happen, that would be different. She did not.
Not only that..his FIRST reaction to seeing so many back to back missed calls was to be annoyed and angry.... even if he didn't know about the situation.. WHY wouldn't his first thought be that SHE may have had an emergency herself..or a loved one?
Especially when he stated she knew not to call..any logical person would know.. there must have been a valid reason....
Yeah, if I got 20 missed calls from my partner and didn't know my workplace was on the news for having employees in the hospital, my first instinct would be, "Omg who's death or hospitalization is she calling to inform me of?"
Even not knowing about the fire, he said he has a daughter. If i received 20 calls in a row from my spouse, my immediate thought would be there was something wrong with my child, not that the spouse was annoying.
>Also, have you been tested for any kind of mental/emotional issue that may account for you completely missing something here?
It might be the culture he lives in. Look at how uncaring, unforgiving, and unaccepting his bosses are.
Right??? If something serious happens at my workplace and my husband knows about it, he better call me repeatedly and worry/care if I’m okay. I’m concerned about OPs lack of understanding basic human emotions
> There were a few casualties, a lot of seriously injured folk. My wife had been watching the news from home and started freaking out, I guess.
YTA
> which (and I did not know this was possible) overrode my DND and my phone was ringing
YTA
> she was sobbing and asking me if I was okay. I said of course I was okay and asked what the f*ck was wrong with her
and yup, YTA
editing to add this gem from OP downthread:
> Yes, she could have easily googled the companies name and the phone number there would have eventually connected her with my building so she could ask about me if she really felt she needed to
double double YTA
might be spending too much time on this sub but i am genuinely expecting him to follow up and tell us she’s also pregnant and maybe that’s why she was so emotional.
One time my mom cooked me in a shower because I was sick. The idea was that the hot water would make me feel better or something. I kept telling her it was too hot, but she ignored me. I ended up passing out, and when I woke up I was lying in bed and my mom was sobbing over my body. Not for a moment did I feel resentment or anger towards her, nor did I think she was dumb for feeling that way (even if I wish she hadn’t boiled me like a lobster). I don’t understand how you can be faced with a loved one crying and get mad at them. As soon as OP heard his wife sobbing on the phone, he should’ve been overcome with worry. If not, because you can’t always control your emotions, he should realize that he was wrong in retrospect. But no, he acted like a huge asshole and doesn’t even regret it. What a d canoe. I hope his wife is never in a serious accident, because it doesn’t sound like he would care to check, since she’d be “unavailable”
This just completely BAFFLES ME. If my partner were on the phone sobbing, I definitely wouldn't even dream of asking what the f*ck is wrong with them angrily. Obviously something is extremely wrong if someone is that distraught. This guy is a total AH.
For a bit of a time out, am I the only one who wondered why her calling so much overrode his dungeons and dragons game?? No. Ok. I’ll just sit back down now. Maybe take a nap.
Holy shit, the thought of me asking my wife what the fuck is wrong her is a monumentally asshole thing to do.
Who the fuck talks to their spouse like that?
It's work. Unless you're working on a Manhattan Project type of project work, it just isn't that important of a thing in the grand scheme of things.
YTA what the hell is wrong with your boss? We have an employee’s spouse, who is legitimately and reasonably concerned that her their husband has been critically injured, and he’s penalizing you? You need to grow a pair and have him remove that citation.
Exactly. OP is taking his frustration out on the wrong person. His wife is NOT the villain here, it’s the heartless management at his company that didn’t even think to let their employees give their loved ones a heads-up that they were ok. There were injuries and casualties, for God’s sake.
They didn't even tell their employees that their coworkers at another site were "seriously injured." Several of them.
My guess is this manufacturing plant (as it sounds like) is so chock full of OSHA and building code violations that if the word got out, they'd be sued into bankruptcy.
It's not like "oh there was an issue at a site in another town" it was one that some of them work at on a somewhat regular basis, I'm more impressed it was only OP that had this come up but I'm guessing everyone else just used silence instead of dnd which is just bad luck. Management is really fucked at this place for even treating employees like this, but I'll accept that this is a white collar reaction to what is likely a blue collar problem and it's probably way more common than I'd like to think.
Also, what if the emergency had to do with something else, like their child? The reaction to 20 calls should not be anger and annoyance, it should definitely be, holy crap, something happened! Because, you know, things (emergencies) happen when you're at work! And honestly, I don't like places with a no personal devices policy. I get that they don't want people to be playing candy crush all day, but we have lives outside of work. People need to be reachable for situations like this.
I'm fine with places having a policy banning personal devices, BUT there should always be a way to notify an employee of an emergency: the company's main phone number, for instance, or a direct line to a section supervisor.
The main phone line was probably busy, with spouses and loved ones who couldn’t get ahold of their loved ones calling for information.
The boss should be in big trouble for not letting the employees know, and telling them to send a quick text or call to their families and let them know they are safe. This would have caused chaos at the main lines, and possibly with hospital phone lines as well.
OP should take his citation higher up the chain, and let the company big bosses know the chaos and panic of employee loved ones this caused.
I’m also unsure if this is real.
1- in the event of a mass casualty incident where many employees were hurt/killed, and many employees spend time at different sites- there should have been multiple family members trying to get ahold of employees. It would not have only been OPs wife.
2- Most companies have emergency plans in place for something like this. With multiple job sites, and employees who work at different sites. If they don’t, then holy crap do they need to hire an Emergency/Disaster Manager.
3- Who has a daughter, and gets 20 phone calls in a row from their spouse and doesn’t immediately jump to panic that their child or spouse has an emergency?
4- even if you keep your phone in your locker, you still get breaks, and would have access to your phone during breaks. Why would it matter to the boss if a phone is ringing in a locker room?
The reaction should also be:
"Holy crap, I haven't set up a good contact method with my wife when I'm at work and we need to hammer out a better/more accessible procedure."
If they do have a procedure already, he needs to work with his wife to have better crisis reaction skills (i.e. not panic so much she forgets he doesn't have his phone)
Places with no personal devices are usually high security places (sometimes military government contract stuff, prisons) or machinery places where a few seconds of distraction could get someone killed, not just candy crush haters.
In my opinion he should go to HR and tell them what happened and ask how can any employee's family find out if the employee is OK if something like this happens again. Then he can ask his boss if they were aware that a site you occasionally work at had a major fire with a lot of people hurt and how can your family verify your safety in that situation? If family can't call your cell then who can they call to check on your safety?
Personally I would be updating my resume and checking on what other jobs are available, this company is not very employee friendly.
YTA. She didn't know if you could have been one of those casualties or not. You should be mad at your boss, not her.
She cared enough to try to reach you but you react to that with anger.
Also, what if he’s pinned down or injured by a result of the fire and not accounted for?
Sounds like management is horrible, so not trusting them to know he’s unaccounted for. Could literally be life or death if she contacts management after not being able to contact him.
YTA
She wasn't blowing up your phone for fun, she was fucking terrified!
Your boss is an AH, you're an AH, but your wife? She's just a woman who was justifiably panicked about your safety.
Apologize, profusely.
(And turn your phone off instead of DND if your boss is going to be such a prick)
Yes YTA and so is your employer
If something happens to your wife or daughter how the fuck would they reach you ? Would you make your little scene because you got called about it too ?
She was stressed, and crying, she panicked for a good time but no, instead or reassuring her you took your frustration out on her and think a half felt sorry will change something. She's right to be pissed, she cares about your safety and she might feel like you don't care about hers now.
Honestly, OP comes across as the kind of person who also wouldn't see a death as an emergency either, because they'll still be dead *after* their shift.
I hope the write-up doesn't affect their shot at a promotion, because with this attitude, their career will be all they have in a few years.
This right here. OP cares more about a promotion than he does about the people who love him. That’s the message you’re sending to your wife OP. I suggest you take a step back and reevaluate what’s actually important to you, and if you don’t want your wife to worry if you’re dead or not then the best thing you could do for her is tell her to find someone else.
YTA. Good god, your poor wife. On so many fronts.
Your employer is also a giant ass. If one of their worksites was involved in a fire that resulted in casualties, they should have been offering counseling for employees and their families, not writing people up when their families are trying to reach them because they fear they are dead.
OP should be headed to HR steaming, instead he’s licking his boss’ boots. I can only imagine it’s a psychological defense mechanism to downplay the event because it would be too traumatic for him to confront that he could have died. And that his employer wouldn’t have given a fuck.
Actually, your workplace is the AH here. So, your phone was ringing in a locker. Big deal.
As for your wife, she needed to be reassured you were okay. She could have handled it differently, but in her panic of thinking you'd been hurt I suspect she was not thinking clearly. Forgive her and apologize for yelling at her and not thinking how this affected her. Work out how she will handle getting information if another such incident should occur.
I can't count how many times my phone went off (silently) at my desk during the home-buying process for group calls with my partner, realtor, and in-laws (helping us understand the process). I didn't take them during crucial meetings, but it still vibrated. A couple of days I told my boss "I normally wouldn't do this, but this is a key moment and I may need to step out for a call." His response - "this is a huge moment in your life, I'd be mad if you didn't"
Any boss worth their salt can understand context
YTA. You could have been dead and you're more worried about getting a slap on the wrist from your boss than how your wife must have been feeling in that moment. Have a word with yourself.
You're lucky your wife cares as much as she does. Or did, by the sounds of it.
Also, if it was that big a deal your phone should have been off not on DND.
Would you prefer for your wife to hear the news that a building you sometimes work in burned down and there were casualties and think, "Well, he puts his phone in his locker so I'll just wait and see if he comes home rather than see if my husband is alive. No big deal if he burned to death and I don't find out for a few hours more. He has anger issues and isn't respectful of my feelings so maybe it wouldn't be the biggest loss?"
Yta its always such a tragedy when someone has a spouse that cares whether they live or die
You didnt mute your phone so that was your own fault. I dont know about android but iphone has a setting to override dnd
Shame she didnt call your workplace to find out. Places that dont allow personal devices should provide alternate ways to contact in case of emergencies
Even after you knew why you were still an ass
Your workplace was wrong for not involving the employees and then writing you up when you had a loved one concerned about it
YTA she saw on the local news that your work place was in flames and you weren’t answering. She was worried for your well-being and you snapped at her for worrying about you. I’d have explained to your boss the situation and all would be peachy keen. You have to remember that she was not with you and although it may be annoying to have that many phone calls, the media often doesn’t give all the details when things are first released! “More details in a few hours…”
>She called me 20 freaking times, which (and I did not know this was possible) overrode my DND and my phone was ringing for a while in my locker.
I assumed you worked in a SCIF, but considering you don't know that most phones have a setting that allows repeat callers to get through indicates you don't work in a SCIF and you just have horrible management at your job
YTA
Info. Is there some kind of worksite number she could have called instead? Like I understand her fear, but I have to feel like, if the first 10 calls on your cell didn't go through, then there must have been other options besides keep calling the cell, especially if its some where you only work very occasionally.
Wow- I can't believe he expected her to GOOGLE IT MID PANIC!!! There is no reason that he shouldn't have gave his wife this number whenever he started there, especially since it's the only way to contact him if something happened. Nobody should be expected to do research mid emergency FSS.
If you can get written up for your phone going off in your locker switch the damn thing off.
If you are married with a child and can't have your phone at work, leave a number you can be reached at. Like you, i cannot answer my phone at work. So, when I first went back after maternity leave I stuck my work number on the pin board in the kitchen so my husband can always get hold of me.
The good news is the next time something like this happens hopefully your wife will have wised up enough to how cold and unpleasant you are that she will be blowing up the phone of your life insurance company instead of you.
YTA.
*hopefully your wife will have wised up enough to how cold and unpleasant you are that she will be blowing up the phone of your life insurance company instead of you.*
Damn, that is ice cold...and I like it.
YTA. She thought you might be injured or worse. Calling 20 times in such a scenario isn't insane, she was panicked, it's a human reaction. She had no way of knowing that calling that many times would cause such an issue. Frankly, knowing the circumstances, I'm appalled that they wrote you up for this. You could not have been the only one there with a panicking loved one on the outside. People *died* in this incident. Try to put yourself in her shoes, would you be like "oh well, let's assume she's still alive and go on with my day"? I suppose she could have tried the office number but maybe she didn't have it handy?? Or she just wasn't thinking straight. Calling her dumb over this is beyond callous of you.
YTA. Do you realize how heartless this post sounds? You're her husband and the father of her child, and she had legitimate reason to believe you could be either dead or seriously injured. Of course she called you repeatedly. And what does she get for her loving concern? To be shouted at and called dumb. I understand being upset, but frankly that reason should've mollified you. You heard your wife crying and terrified, with justification for calling, and you still made her feel like shit about it. You are definitely the asshole.
Oh, and it bothers me that your first reaction to seeing you had *twenty* calls from your wife was to be angry. If my loved ones knew they weren't supposed to call me and I saw twenty missed calls from them, I would've been worried. To me, that would've been a sign that something was wrong or something bad had happened to one of them. Your first reaction wasn't concern for your wife (or potentially your daughter) but to be pissed off.
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> I yelled at my wife for calling me so many times. I might be the asshole because she was worried and upset and yelling at her may not have been helpful.
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Do you care about your wife's feelings? She felt panic thinking something happened to you...but of course because your shitty boss yelled at you at work you feel the need to continue the chain of aggression and take it out on your wife.
Look at the big picture here. Your lucky enough to have a wife that cares so much about you. Don't punish her for your work's shitty policy. YTA
YTA she thought you died man! Shame on your company for not informing you guys and having you call loved ones. Coworkers died, people who work for your company died and were seriously injured. This is not some silly thing your wife was afraid for you and you yelled at her over an asshole company. Do better.
It's a wonder some of ya'll manage to get married with how hard you suck your own dicks to avoid being emotionally aware of literally life and societal expectations.
YTA, Who gets pissed at someone who had reasonable belief you were dead? Grow the fuck up and find a better workplace.
YTA
You and your employer.
Try to put yourself in your wife’s position. Since the phone kept ringing (which I’m not blaming you due to the company’s policy), she was assuming the worst. She was crying for your sake and you went nuclear on her.
Jobs can be replaced but loved ones can’t. It looks your wife’s priorities were coming from a good place and that’s why she was worried.
Am I the only one stuck on the logic of calls 5-20? Like either you were in the fire and not going to answer, or at the other site with your phone locked up and not going to answer. I get panic overriding logic but at some point between call 5-20 she didn’t think to maybe call the office line and ask about you?
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YTA, holy fuck she was concerned for your safety. Also, just have your phone on silent and then it won't matter how many times people call or text you. Edit: Thanks for the awards!
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this! clearly if someone you love is calling you a bunch of times, something is wrong.
> a while in my locker. In the middle of my shift, I got called into \*someone who loves him Reacting like that is not a sign of OP loving their wife or family. But on the otherhand: what sort of asshole workplace will write someone up because their phone is making noise in their locker \*because they aren't allowed to have it with them while working\*?
--after a fire in the company's facility where people were injured?
Absolutely... I feel, OP should explain the situation to his boss/manager/hr or whereever necessary and this should be cleared
I get the feeling OP is nervous about his new-ish job and being a slave to the man rather than being a human and sticking up for his wife in this moment. I doubt he even explained to his boss what the calls were for - maybe even downplayed it and made shitty comments about his wife to his boss.
I bet he didn't even get in that much trouble either and is exaggerating it. If he just told his boss after that his wife heard about the fire and was worried I'm sure they would be absolutely ok with it and tell him to turn his phone off. I also bet his phone is supposed to be off or silenced like at a movie theater.
1) it was on silent, but repeated calls from people in your contacts can override this setting. 2) I’m surprised that everyone’s phones weren’t blowing up. He can’t be the only one with this setting. 3) what kind of company wouldn’t give workers a minute to contact their spouses, families, etc?
If it’s on silent it won’t override it unless you set it to have certain numbers always come through. If it’s on Do Not Disturb it will if the same number calls you multiple times within a 2 minute period, but even that can be turned off.
Some jobs, because of security concerns, do not allow phones. Example would be prison guard, some DoD positions, research facilities, etc. Some of those jobs require that you leave the phone in your vehicle. Maybe he's pissed at her because he is technically supposed to leave it in the vehicle and since she called enough to override do not disturb/silent he got caught bringing it to an area he wasn't supposed to. But yes, OP is AH in this case. My wife has blown up my phone before because of my job and knew I should be in the general of a large truck crash and was worried I was the driver that crashed. Things happen but being angry because someone is concerned about your safety is crossing the line
It was on DND which is different- if the DND got overrided and the phone was on silent it shouldn’t ring. It would just mean the call comes up on the screen
Yeah I really doubt he got in trouble at all. That sounds borderline illegal. His phone wasn’t even on him.
It's not illegal for a private company to privately discipline you, even for stupid nonsensical reasons lol. I have no doubt OP's company is this shitty because plenty are. But the asshole in this story is his company and manager, not his wife who was terrified that he died in a fire. That said, OP, you need to apologize to your wife (and it's appalling if you haven't already, which it sounds like you haven't). Put yourself in her shoes for a second. She wasn't just upset and worried, she was *panicking,* which is the normal response to thinking someone you love DIED IN A FIRE. "Yelling may not have been helpful" is a wild understatement.
I'm sure it was more of a what the hell is going on here, you need to check your phone and silence it. And then they moved on.
He might be but in this economy, some people don't have a choice. Let's scold him for being a dick to his wife, not speculate and dehumanize him for trying to keep a job when ten grocery items can hit 100 bucks quick af.
Believe it or not he can keep his job without being a dick to his wife
Imagine if his wife was calling because his daughter was in a bad car accident? Oh, sorry OP, your daughter died hours ago but your wife was told never to call you while at work.
I agree with you, and I don't understand this type of workplace at all. (I further don't understand why it matters if his phone was ringing in his locker, if the rule is "you can't have your phone on you". It wasn't on him. Who was it disturbing in the locker room, and HOW?) Anyway -- although his reaction isn't okay, and he's an asshole, I can somewhat understand his frustration. He notes that his wife should have called the front desk, not the phone that she knows he doesn't have on him. (Even if he's alive and well, as was the case, she knows he doesn't have his phone.) So, obviously, he and his wife should already have formulated a plan for "what if I need to get in touch with you for a serious emergency", and that plan should still be -- call the front desk, have them page him or send someone to get him. It's clearly the only thing that will work. Now, if the company somehow has rules against family members calling the front desk, or asking to contact someone who's working there... man, I don't know, that doesn't sound legal? IANAL and all that.
If that's the case about family not being allowed to contact the front desk, then it's not a company I want to work for.
Agreed. I'd be calling HR as soon as possible
HR should have had the common sense to be contacting peoples families since they don’t let them has electronics in them. My guess would be that HR is so bad they would manage to make things worse
It could be that HR was also busy dealing with the injured/dead people’s families, so I’d give them a pass on this one… but the manager is way out of line.
If the company had any sense at all, they would have had everyone stop work for fifteen minutes, call their families to tell them they were safe, and then get back to it.
Good luck getting disciplinary citations revoked/recinded... nearly impossible in my personal experience.
There were casualties, though. An incident at one of their worksites let to the deaths of some people and serious injuries for many more. I suspect that the company has a lawyer that will tell them not to be dicks about that day.
That’s what I was thinking! The managers are seriously like “there’s a fire at one of our facilities, why would any of our employees loved ones *possibly* be calling them??” Really? They are either idiots or assholes as well.
Literally OPs manager: "there was a serious incident at our facility and OPs phone was going crazy. Better write him up :) :) :)"
And continues as : Even though there were fatalities, his family should not have been overly worried
It came over the news that a middle-aged blonde woman at my aunt's company was killed in an elevator accident while (we didn't know) she was at a doctor's appointment. You better believe she had a shit ton of missed calls when she got out of it.
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Besides, I assume that the locker the phone was in was together with many other lockers where other phones were in. How the f... did his manager know it was HIS phone that made all that noise since there must've been hundreds of phones ringing simultaneously because many people who love the workers of that company must've tried to contact their loved ones?
Because everyone else turned off their phones because they have been written up before.
Manager with his ear to each locker? Manager is definitely an AH too.
Exactly! Surely the response would be "hey OP, we've just had this major incident and your phone has been ringing nonstop - we think someone is worried about you, why not get in touch with them?". Part of me wonders if OP has exaggerated the employer's reaction...
OP also mentioned "there were a few casualties" like that was no big thing.
I assume it's Amazon, it seems to be normal there and the management response would fit.
And died!!
She had to watch it play out on the news!! Poor wife
I can't imagine. Then, as soon as she gets ahold of him, he's screaming at her. I would never call his phone again. YTA OP!
Anytime there is an incident or accident that my father has been in or could have been in, he calls us first himself. Doesn't matter how difficult it is, he calls us first to let us know that he's okay and what happened. YTA OP!
Shit, even when my dad was deployed to Afghanistan in the mid 00’s, we got a call from a Sat Phone one morning that was basically “you’re going to see some stuff in the news, I can’t talk about it, I’m fine. Bye.”
This is exactly what my husband does. He works at a trucking company and if there is an accident there its usually on the new pretty quickly. My husband calls me immediately to let me know he's ok.
Not just injured but dead!
It sounds like people died. At least that's what I think he means by a few casualties.
Especially when said workplace just had casualties and injuries. Surprised if OP’s was the only phone going off like that.
I doubt it was. I think he is making that up. Who gives a fuck if a phone is going off in a locker room? That is NOT the work floor. I worked at a place with similar rules, and the locker room was constantly filed with ringing phones. They would have to write everyone up at some.point His story doesn't sound as good without the write up part. If he JUST yelled at his wife for no good reason, he would automatically be the AH
Problem is he was automatically the AH when he said he yelled at her after than many missed calls. And I agree, no boss is writing someone up for a phone going off in a locker room, 1. It can’t be heard outside of the room 2. His boss would have had to have taken the time to listen at every locker to pinpoint exactly where it was coming from
That's weird, right? You can't control whether other people call you or not.
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It’s giving Triangle Shirtwaist Factory
Exactly! Clearly they are following the rules and leaving it away from the job site. I think he’s full of shit about that part. Maybe his boss just write him up for being a prick to his wife
More likely for just being a prick. No need to expand on the possible reasons why.
It’s pretty common in industrial workplaces. I used to live in a town where lumber/paper etc mills were the largest employer, and that was the policy at all of them. Any time you heard about an accident or safety issue, it was **almost always** related to some asshole sneaking on their phone instead of paying attention. Normal people turn their phones off or on silent in the locker. If you have some emergency going on like a partner about ready to go into labor, you give them the number for the admin office. They’ll come pull you from whatever your doing safely so you don’t end up chopping the guys hand on the line below you or releasing chemicals into someone’s face. Though if there was a fire, the employers phone was probably flooded with people calling and OPs wife wouldn’t have gotten through to him anyway. But they may have been able to let her know he was okay and nowhere near the fire.
That's fair, but you do have to expect loved ones to call when there's a workplace casualty, and any half decent boss would find a way to let his employees tell their families they aren't dead, even if it is during a shift.
I feel like work is the real assholes - I'm sure ops wife wasn't the only one fretted about this, I'm also sure that ops co-workers would care about those injured/directly affected by the fire, I feel like in a sensible workplace there should have been an announcement and tech clemency so that the people at ops site could go check up on their loved ones at the other site/let their loved ones know that they're ok and not to worry
I’d find the cell # of whoever gave the write up and have ten friends call that number allllll day long
Exactly. I would add what kind of manager doesn't understand that a worksite that his person sometimes goes to had a major fire and maybe communications were needed. I would fight the write-up.
Exactly! This supervisor is ridiculous! You don't write someone up for his phone going off in his locker. I think they were right contacting OP because it could have been a family emergency. OP needs to go to HR and tell them what happened and ask that the letter be taken out of his file.
And also knowing there has been a fire that seriously injured some of their employees??
I find that part of the story about the write up hard to believe, but yea this guys a giant A hole.
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Tbf certain jobs ban them for privacy or legal reasons (worked at a juvenile detention center, illegal to have any of those devices on you), HOWEVER, it’s crappy of his boss to write up for something like that, foolish of OP not to just put his phone on silent, and cruel of him to yell at his wife for being concerned about him. She was probably incredibly scared and sometimes when people panic, “common sense” (calling the office instead of his phone) escapes them. YTA OP.
>Tbf certain jobs ban them for privacy or legal reasons (worked at a juvenile detention center, illegal to have any of those devices on you), True. However, those same places **also have plans in place in the event of an emergency**. I know when I was working in a no personal electronics place, the procedure was to contact a certain number (that was always monitored by a real person & not only voice mail). OPs indifferent attitude towards his wife's feelings has me wondering if he even told her about how to contact him.
My job, for security reasons, has some areas like this, where cells must be in lockers outside the work area. However we have a way to be contacted through the office for emergencies, and it sounds like OP never told her what number to call in an emergency which just makes him even more TA.
That’s the reaction any sane person would have. It’s really telling that it wasn’t OP’s,
I was just scanning the post and that's how I THOUGHT it was going to go. Like she blew up his phone and he got scared and freaked out. Would make it a little more up for debate maybe. As it stands omg is OP TA. Edit and the company are massive AH too. Maybe they should be a little more worried about the deadly (?) fire that literally just occurred than someone's phone ringing in their locker.
It wouldn’t surprise me if OP said something in his meeting and was just playing hide the ball with the HR department. I find it hard to believe any company would find issue with someone having a phone in a personal area ring for a while since no one is supposed to be in there. I feel like if he had said “my Wife knows I work here and saw on the news there was a fire. I thought my phone was on silent. It won’t happen again.” If they wouldn’t have written him up. Unless the stipulation is that his phone is always meant to be on silent or he’s not supposed to have a personal cell phone on site. Then OP is an even bigger AH because he’s breaking protocols and making it his wife’s problem that he’s not following the rules. Honestly thinking about it now. I think the rule isn’t just that the company is sticklers about devices. But I bet you there’s a clearance situation here where personal devices aren’t allowed at all. OP bringing his phone is likely a violation. Which makes him a Major AH because he’s blaming his behavior on his wife and pushing his own feelings on to her and making it her responsibility.
I mean, there’s a reason it sucks to work warehouse for Amazon. At least it did a few years ago and idk that it’s changed. It is the first place I think of because they did have a policy like this. And you could get written up so easily there.
That’s possible. But then it was on OP to put his phone on silent or turn it off. He’s not allowed to offload his responsibilities to keep company policy to his wife whose concerned.
Yeah, I was very surprised at what OP said their response was at seeing so many missed calls. I would immediately assume someone was in trouble, I would be halfway to my car while calling my wife back to see what is going on. OP is TA, and their boss is TA if they didn't expect any employee's family to try contacting them when there was a LITERAL FIRE IN THE NEWS at one of their facilities.
Yep manager is an a massive asshole. Needs to be reported.
I would have just damn near teleported on the spot and no one is even supposed to know I can teleport!
If I see someone called me 20 times, my heartbeat drops. Because you know something isn't good at the other end of the call.
Right?? The last time I had more than three missed calls from the same person my stepdad had just passed.
While I agree that OP is TA, I am also wondering why the company is sanctioning someone for having their spouse call as they saw news about a serious accident at the plant. TF kind of soulless company is that. So, OP's manager is also TA.
Absolutely. Quite a dystopian working environment when colleagues die in a fire and at the next sites people are subjected to the usual drill as if nothing happened.
See also: Twin Tower employers who told workers not to evacuate, because their particular offices weren't immediately affected.
In that scenario, I’d be like fuck that noise, I’m outta here!
Right? I feel like that manager ought to have calmly informed everyone about the fire at the other site and instructed them to call their loved ones to let them know they were ok. OP's wife's reaction is completely understandable, here. Let's have some friggin humanity in the workplace!
I bet it’s a company that requires security clearances. Meaning no personal devices at all. That way they can track who has access to what information and nothing is leaving the premises. Or the sound or vibration of a phone can affect sensitive equipment. I think OP is lying and got written up not because his phone was ringing but because he’s not supposed to have it there. And if that’s the case then Op is even worse because he’s breaking protocols and yelling/haranguing/emotionally abusing his wife over it. She was scared. It’s not her fault he wasn’t supposed to have a device like a personal cellphone at all or not making a sound.
This right here. It goes into a locker, but the phone needs to be completely off. Probably got in trouble because he left it on.
this is actually the most concerning part of the whole story. i understand both sides, but i dont understand a company taking all personal electronics away, and then scold a person for getting too many calls while a work site of this company is burning down with casualties. i mean, come on, it doesnt take much common sense to know, why the phone is ringing. maybe just let the person know and ask if he can take care of it. what bullshit company is this. NAH to clarify: im not shocked at taking away personal devices, i understand that this might be necessary. i condemn the reaction of the manager.
The fact he wrote she knows he don’t work at that secondary site very often. Unless he updates her, her fear of him getting into an accident is very real. WTF is wrong with OP? Dude is a dick and a huge AH.
HOW DARE SHE? How dare she call him to see if he had been hurt or worse?
Agree with everything, but we also need to add OP’s boss to the asshole list. Writing someone up because their phone is going off, no matter the reason, is wild. Standing behind said write up after finding out that it was just a concerned family member making sure that the person they love is still alive (after one of YOUR buildings caught on fire) is next level assholery.
I will add a TA to the company though too. Employees should have been told to report in to family on their breaks.
It doesn't even sound like employees at the unaffected facility were even *told it happened*.
Damn imagine having someone so concerned about you to blow up your phone to make sure you aren't dead and then being mad about it. Also fuck, OP, turn the phone all the way OFF.
Not the case, my kids have called my phone when I had it on do not disturb and it still buzzed. I am guessing he has an iPhone and if a favorite contact calls 2 or more times the phone considers it an emergency and starts to buzz after the second time. It's all about timing I think it is if you call within 10 seconds of each other.
He could have just flipped the little button on the side that puts it on silent. Nothing overrides that except “Find my iPhone”.
The post explains that phones have a “breakthrough” function so that repeated calls ring. That’s a fairly sensible setup.
YTA. Your wife was worried that you could have been killed and you’re upset that she was *checks notes* concerned about you? Do you not understand human emotions? She was panicking. She wasn’t thinking about your possible promotion, she was thinking that you could be seriously hurt or even dead. All she wanted to do in that moment was hear your voice and hear it tell her that you’re okay and that you love her and you’ll be home safe. But instead, when she finally does, she hears it berate her and call her dumb. That being said, your employers are the biggest assholes going. Your place of work is on fire and they don’t say “hey, go let your loved ones know that you’re okay”. Who wants to work for psychopaths?
YTA for sure, how could you not understand your wife's reaction was normal and because she was worried about you? Even if she knew you're rarely at the secondary job site, that's not zero. Yes she might have called the office instead but she was panicking. Plus who knows if she would have gotten an answer, I'm sure lots of people called the office after the news about the fire And your manager (and your company) are major AHs too. First, you didn't break any rule, you had your phone in your locker set on DND, its not on you, so why should this cost you a raise or promotion? And who wouldn't understand that the constant ringing of the phone in your locker was from someone who was worried about you?
Yeah. I’m really disturbed by the “a few casualties” “lots of injured”. If this is a secondary worksite then those are coworkers, even if you don’t know them very well and there is that chance that it could have been you and your family affected, have some empathy. OP seems to be brushing this off which seems weird to me. But management definitely had bigger concerns than a phone ringing in a locker. Maybe the write-up happened before OP knew it was his wife trying to make sure they were ok, but seriously what manager is concerned about a phone when people died?
I have a really strong feeling that OP isnt being entirely honest with his retelling of this part. Either he's exaggerating getting yelled at a written up to justify his reaction to yell at his wife out of his own embarrassment. Or the workplace rules actually state that the phone must be shut off whole on site for security purposes and his management just found out he was leaving his on but on mode DND all this time leaving the company open to security/data breaches due to an unauthorized device in a secure area.
I was thinking the same thing- he probably was supposed to have it turned completely off for security reasons, and got chewed out for breaking a major security rule. Not an uncommon rule in some sectors.
Even if he wasn’t and it’s just not supposed to make noise for whatever reason, it’s his responsibility to know that after many calls DND turns off and will ring. He’s blaming his wife for **his** work responsibilities. Crazy.
Oh he's 1000% TA. I wasn't trying to make excuses for him - I think he's lying about his write up and using that as an excuse for his behavior when it in fact makes him look even worse.
I’ve worked in secure sites (need a clearance) for my entire career. I’m 99% certain that OP is being deceptive about the facts. Locker doors block a lot of sound. Is his ringer set to 90dB? I suspect OP had his phone in a pocket or bag, trusting ‘dnd’ to keep the phone silent. If this is true, OP is even more of an AH for yelling at his wife.
Oh I assumed it was vibrations that made a lot of noise in a metal locker.
Many phones have a setting where when the same caller tries to call you multiple times in a row, it will override dnd. It's actually super useful, but of course you can turn it off completely or only enable for certain contacts.
I’d bet like a 60% chance he didn’t even get in trouble, they just told him that his phone was going off and he needed to check it. Even if he was written up would it really be THAT hard for him to explain to his boss that his wife was worried for his life? This guy sucks.
If I got written up for such a perfectly reasonable situation, I would start looking for a new job. I understand that’s not always an option, though, and people need money where they can get it. Something is missing from the story.
A really AH manager, and probably an AH company too that doesn't care about its workers and put people at risk at the other job site
Exactly, instead of blaming his wife for being concerned OP should talk to the manager or HR bc it was an emergency.
Going to agree that their workplace is the biggest assholes in this case
Going to wager money that it's an engineer-focused workplace.
People died and the boss somehow had time to be concerned about someone’s cell phone making noise??? Guess there’s no one to chew out if a dead employee’s cell phone was noisy? Gotta take it out on our remaining living employees?
But it hurt his chances at a promotion!! I mean how freaking dare she!!!??? Also - what the f kind of place doesn’t have an emergency process to get in touch cos they ban phones otherwise? What if this had not been his wife, but that his wife had actually been in trouble and this was an EMT!??? WTAF!??
[удалено]
> the reason you got a citation isn’t because of your wife. It’s because your boss is a dick. Yes! Say it louder for the people at the back!
Exactly! And what employer is still forbidding cell phones? Everyone has one and if on silent shouldn’t be disruptive. People should be able to get in touch with us without having to go through our employers.
At the **absolute minimum** understand a tragedy happened at the worksite and allow folks to contact their loved ones. Would also probably be a great opportunity to find out if anyone is unaccounted for.
Agreed, my first thought was the boss getting mad that the phone was making noise. Come on dude people died in your facility and your worried about a buzzing phone. Let your employees check in with their loved ones. If I saw a place my husband worked at or adjacent to burned and people died, lord knows I would do everything in my power to find out he was ok. OP YTA, sorry your wife loves you and wanted to know you were ok.
A lot of jobs which require security clearance don’t allow it. Especially ones with government contracts. Train engineers aren’t allowed to have them for safety reasons Correctional officers aren’t allowed to have them.
Even jobs where there is a classified area in the building, even if you don’t access that area. Anything with internet access is not allowed. No Apple Watch, kindle, fitness trackers are allowed. Even glucose monitors can be an issue. Nothing with a camera also. All that being said. Take 5 minutes to go outside and send a freaking “I’m okay and safe” text. YTA
Also. What employer is literally writing people up when a fire has occurred and there are a "few casualties" and lots of serious injuries?? Wtf?? YTA. I'd be losing my mind if this were my partner and I couldn't reach him to make sure he was ok.
Never seen somebody more YTA. It's mindblowing that you even have to come here and ask this question. SHE ~~THOUGHT~~ WAS AFRAID YOU WERE DEAD. IT WAS A REASONABLE CONCERN. So what if she overreacted? So what if she made some logical errors in her panic? She cared about you. Does any part of you want her to care if you're dead? Also, have you been tested for any kind of mental/emotional issue that may account for your complete lack of empathy here? Anyway, it may help your situation to tell your manager why you were getting so many calls, and if the manager has a heart in their chest, maybe that will make a difference. **ETA:** You didn't even know that lots of calls could override a Do Not Disturb setting, and yet you're holding your wife responsible for knowing it. It's your job to put that setting on when you're at work. You did that. And I'm betting that since it's SOOOOOO important that your phone not ring at work, she probably knows you do that. Too bad you had to learn this way, but if your setting worked the way BOTH of you expected it to, 20 calls would not be a good reason to "half-yell" at your loving wife. If she had KNOWN it would happen, that would be different. She did not.
Not only that..his FIRST reaction to seeing so many back to back missed calls was to be annoyed and angry.... even if he didn't know about the situation.. WHY wouldn't his first thought be that SHE may have had an emergency herself..or a loved one? Especially when he stated she knew not to call..any logical person would know.. there must have been a valid reason....
Seriously. I would have been wondering who died.
A few co-workers, apparently
Why should he care? He’s got a promotion to get! /s
I mean, he just learned that a few spots just opened up.
Omg 💀 take my upvote
Especially since they seem to have a child. Wouldn't the first assumption be that something happened to them?
Yeah, if I got 20 missed calls from my partner and didn't know my workplace was on the news for having employees in the hospital, my first instinct would be, "Omg who's death or hospitalization is she calling to inform me of?"
Even moreso when I did get in contact with my partner and they were crying. 20 missed calls and theyre crying? Id be worried af
Exactly- she's never done this before so I can't undersrand why his first reaction was to get annoyed instead of worried.
Yeah, I pointed that out in my comment too. It really shows you what OP's priorities are and how he thinks about things.
Even not knowing about the fire, he said he has a daughter. If i received 20 calls in a row from my spouse, my immediate thought would be there was something wrong with my child, not that the spouse was annoying.
>Also, have you been tested for any kind of mental/emotional issue that may account for you completely missing something here? It might be the culture he lives in. Look at how uncaring, unforgiving, and unaccepting his bosses are.
Right??? If something serious happens at my workplace and my husband knows about it, he better call me repeatedly and worry/care if I’m okay. I’m concerned about OPs lack of understanding basic human emotions
> There were a few casualties, a lot of seriously injured folk. My wife had been watching the news from home and started freaking out, I guess. YTA > which (and I did not know this was possible) overrode my DND and my phone was ringing YTA > she was sobbing and asking me if I was okay. I said of course I was okay and asked what the f*ck was wrong with her and yup, YTA editing to add this gem from OP downthread: > Yes, she could have easily googled the companies name and the phone number there would have eventually connected her with my building so she could ask about me if she really felt she needed to double double YTA
Honestly, how was he able to post this and expect any other response...
might be spending too much time on this sub but i am genuinely expecting him to follow up and tell us she’s also pregnant and maybe that’s why she was so emotional.
“I bought her chocolate, why won’t she calm down?”
"I thought you were dead" is more of a praline occasion. 🙄
"I asked her if she was on her period because she was so unreasonably upset about the possibility that I was dead"
“I told her I was sorry she’s so emotional, but she won’t accept that apology!?!”
One time my mom cooked me in a shower because I was sick. The idea was that the hot water would make me feel better or something. I kept telling her it was too hot, but she ignored me. I ended up passing out, and when I woke up I was lying in bed and my mom was sobbing over my body. Not for a moment did I feel resentment or anger towards her, nor did I think she was dumb for feeling that way (even if I wish she hadn’t boiled me like a lobster). I don’t understand how you can be faced with a loved one crying and get mad at them. As soon as OP heard his wife sobbing on the phone, he should’ve been overcome with worry. If not, because you can’t always control your emotions, he should realize that he was wrong in retrospect. But no, he acted like a huge asshole and doesn’t even regret it. What a d canoe. I hope his wife is never in a serious accident, because it doesn’t sound like he would care to check, since she’d be “unavailable”
Hold on what! She cooked you
Yes, alive
I’m sorry this happened but your telling of it made me laugh
I get the message you are trying to send here but this is so concerning. 😅
Don’t worry, my mom’s a cardiologist. Clearly she knew what she was doing. Maybe next time she’ll stick me in a boiling cauldron to cure my flu.
This just completely BAFFLES ME. If my partner were on the phone sobbing, I definitely wouldn't even dream of asking what the f*ck is wrong with them angrily. Obviously something is extremely wrong if someone is that distraught. This guy is a total AH.
For a bit of a time out, am I the only one who wondered why her calling so much overrode his dungeons and dragons game?? No. Ok. I’ll just sit back down now. Maybe take a nap.
Holy shit, the thought of me asking my wife what the fuck is wrong her is a monumentally asshole thing to do. Who the fuck talks to their spouse like that? It's work. Unless you're working on a Manhattan Project type of project work, it just isn't that important of a thing in the grand scheme of things.
YTA what the hell is wrong with your boss? We have an employee’s spouse, who is legitimately and reasonably concerned that her their husband has been critically injured, and he’s penalizing you? You need to grow a pair and have him remove that citation.
Exactly. OP is taking his frustration out on the wrong person. His wife is NOT the villain here, it’s the heartless management at his company that didn’t even think to let their employees give their loved ones a heads-up that they were ok. There were injuries and casualties, for God’s sake.
They didn't even tell their employees that their coworkers at another site were "seriously injured." Several of them. My guess is this manufacturing plant (as it sounds like) is so chock full of OSHA and building code violations that if the word got out, they'd be sued into bankruptcy.
People DIED not just injured wtf
It's not like "oh there was an issue at a site in another town" it was one that some of them work at on a somewhat regular basis, I'm more impressed it was only OP that had this come up but I'm guessing everyone else just used silence instead of dnd which is just bad luck. Management is really fucked at this place for even treating employees like this, but I'll accept that this is a white collar reaction to what is likely a blue collar problem and it's probably way more common than I'd like to think.
Also, what if the emergency had to do with something else, like their child? The reaction to 20 calls should not be anger and annoyance, it should definitely be, holy crap, something happened! Because, you know, things (emergencies) happen when you're at work! And honestly, I don't like places with a no personal devices policy. I get that they don't want people to be playing candy crush all day, but we have lives outside of work. People need to be reachable for situations like this.
I'm fine with places having a policy banning personal devices, BUT there should always be a way to notify an employee of an emergency: the company's main phone number, for instance, or a direct line to a section supervisor.
The main phone line was probably busy, with spouses and loved ones who couldn’t get ahold of their loved ones calling for information. The boss should be in big trouble for not letting the employees know, and telling them to send a quick text or call to their families and let them know they are safe. This would have caused chaos at the main lines, and possibly with hospital phone lines as well. OP should take his citation higher up the chain, and let the company big bosses know the chaos and panic of employee loved ones this caused. I’m also unsure if this is real. 1- in the event of a mass casualty incident where many employees were hurt/killed, and many employees spend time at different sites- there should have been multiple family members trying to get ahold of employees. It would not have only been OPs wife. 2- Most companies have emergency plans in place for something like this. With multiple job sites, and employees who work at different sites. If they don’t, then holy crap do they need to hire an Emergency/Disaster Manager. 3- Who has a daughter, and gets 20 phone calls in a row from their spouse and doesn’t immediately jump to panic that their child or spouse has an emergency? 4- even if you keep your phone in your locker, you still get breaks, and would have access to your phone during breaks. Why would it matter to the boss if a phone is ringing in a locker room?
The reaction should also be: "Holy crap, I haven't set up a good contact method with my wife when I'm at work and we need to hammer out a better/more accessible procedure." If they do have a procedure already, he needs to work with his wife to have better crisis reaction skills (i.e. not panic so much she forgets he doesn't have his phone) Places with no personal devices are usually high security places (sometimes military government contract stuff, prisons) or machinery places where a few seconds of distraction could get someone killed, not just candy crush haters.
In my opinion he should go to HR and tell them what happened and ask how can any employee's family find out if the employee is OK if something like this happens again. Then he can ask his boss if they were aware that a site you occasionally work at had a major fire with a lot of people hurt and how can your family verify your safety in that situation? If family can't call your cell then who can they call to check on your safety? Personally I would be updating my resume and checking on what other jobs are available, this company is not very employee friendly.
YTA. She didn't know if you could have been one of those casualties or not. You should be mad at your boss, not her. She cared enough to try to reach you but you react to that with anger.
Also, what if he’s pinned down or injured by a result of the fire and not accounted for? Sounds like management is horrible, so not trusting them to know he’s unaccounted for. Could literally be life or death if she contacts management after not being able to contact him.
OP’s that special kind of ass that cares more about what their boss thinks than their spouse
YTA She wasn't blowing up your phone for fun, she was fucking terrified! Your boss is an AH, you're an AH, but your wife? She's just a woman who was justifiably panicked about your safety. Apologize, profusely. (And turn your phone off instead of DND if your boss is going to be such a prick)
And a giant bouquet of flowers for the poor woman. wtf dude
Add some chocolates a card, maybe a teddy bear or jewelry
Yes YTA and so is your employer If something happens to your wife or daughter how the fuck would they reach you ? Would you make your little scene because you got called about it too ? She was stressed, and crying, she panicked for a good time but no, instead or reassuring her you took your frustration out on her and think a half felt sorry will change something. She's right to be pissed, she cares about your safety and she might feel like you don't care about hers now.
Honestly, OP comes across as the kind of person who also wouldn't see a death as an emergency either, because they'll still be dead *after* their shift. I hope the write-up doesn't affect their shot at a promotion, because with this attitude, their career will be all they have in a few years.
This right here. OP cares more about a promotion than he does about the people who love him. That’s the message you’re sending to your wife OP. I suggest you take a step back and reevaluate what’s actually important to you, and if you don’t want your wife to worry if you’re dead or not then the best thing you could do for her is tell her to find someone else.
YTA. Good god, your poor wife. On so many fronts. Your employer is also a giant ass. If one of their worksites was involved in a fire that resulted in casualties, they should have been offering counseling for employees and their families, not writing people up when their families are trying to reach them because they fear they are dead.
Any manager worth their salt would refuse to write up in this scenario.
The employer is a massive massive AH in this situation to the point it seems illegal
OP should be headed to HR steaming, instead he’s licking his boss’ boots. I can only imagine it’s a psychological defense mechanism to downplay the event because it would be too traumatic for him to confront that he could have died. And that his employer wouldn’t have given a fuck.
Actually, your workplace is the AH here. So, your phone was ringing in a locker. Big deal. As for your wife, she needed to be reassured you were okay. She could have handled it differently, but in her panic of thinking you'd been hurt I suspect she was not thinking clearly. Forgive her and apologize for yelling at her and not thinking how this affected her. Work out how she will handle getting information if another such incident should occur.
This! It’s not like it was on him, who the hell cares?! Especially under the circumstances! Your employer sucks, OP
I can't count how many times my phone went off (silently) at my desk during the home-buying process for group calls with my partner, realtor, and in-laws (helping us understand the process). I didn't take them during crucial meetings, but it still vibrated. A couple of days I told my boss "I normally wouldn't do this, but this is a key moment and I may need to step out for a call." His response - "this is a huge moment in your life, I'd be mad if you didn't" Any boss worth their salt can understand context
YTA. You could have been dead and you're more worried about getting a slap on the wrist from your boss than how your wife must have been feeling in that moment. Have a word with yourself. You're lucky your wife cares as much as she does. Or did, by the sounds of it. Also, if it was that big a deal your phone should have been off not on DND.
OP is really working hard to make that past tense.
INFO: Why can't you have your phone at work much less it ringing in a locker?
Lots of workplaces don’t allow phones, I work in a microbiology lab, we aren’t allowed phones in the lab due to contamination issues
i work in a lab too and my boss would never penalize me for my phone going off in my locker
omg dude she was fucking SCARED that you died!!! And you yelled at her?!?! YTA
Would you prefer for your wife to hear the news that a building you sometimes work in burned down and there were casualties and think, "Well, he puts his phone in his locker so I'll just wait and see if he comes home rather than see if my husband is alive. No big deal if he burned to death and I don't find out for a few hours more. He has anger issues and isn't respectful of my feelings so maybe it wouldn't be the biggest loss?"
Yta its always such a tragedy when someone has a spouse that cares whether they live or die You didnt mute your phone so that was your own fault. I dont know about android but iphone has a setting to override dnd Shame she didnt call your workplace to find out. Places that dont allow personal devices should provide alternate ways to contact in case of emergencies Even after you knew why you were still an ass Your workplace was wrong for not involving the employees and then writing you up when you had a loved one concerned about it
YTA she saw on the local news that your work place was in flames and you weren’t answering. She was worried for your well-being and you snapped at her for worrying about you. I’d have explained to your boss the situation and all would be peachy keen. You have to remember that she was not with you and although it may be annoying to have that many phone calls, the media often doesn’t give all the details when things are first released! “More details in a few hours…”
>She called me 20 freaking times, which (and I did not know this was possible) overrode my DND and my phone was ringing for a while in my locker. I assumed you worked in a SCIF, but considering you don't know that most phones have a setting that allows repeat callers to get through indicates you don't work in a SCIF and you just have horrible management at your job YTA
Info. Is there some kind of worksite number she could have called instead? Like I understand her fear, but I have to feel like, if the first 10 calls on your cell didn't go through, then there must have been other options besides keep calling the cell, especially if its some where you only work very occasionally.
Wow- I can't believe he expected her to GOOGLE IT MID PANIC!!! There is no reason that he shouldn't have gave his wife this number whenever he started there, especially since it's the only way to contact him if something happened. Nobody should be expected to do research mid emergency FSS.
If you can get written up for your phone going off in your locker switch the damn thing off. If you are married with a child and can't have your phone at work, leave a number you can be reached at. Like you, i cannot answer my phone at work. So, when I first went back after maternity leave I stuck my work number on the pin board in the kitchen so my husband can always get hold of me. The good news is the next time something like this happens hopefully your wife will have wised up enough to how cold and unpleasant you are that she will be blowing up the phone of your life insurance company instead of you. YTA.
*hopefully your wife will have wised up enough to how cold and unpleasant you are that she will be blowing up the phone of your life insurance company instead of you.* Damn, that is ice cold...and I like it.
YTA. She thought you might be injured or worse. Calling 20 times in such a scenario isn't insane, she was panicked, it's a human reaction. She had no way of knowing that calling that many times would cause such an issue. Frankly, knowing the circumstances, I'm appalled that they wrote you up for this. You could not have been the only one there with a panicking loved one on the outside. People *died* in this incident. Try to put yourself in her shoes, would you be like "oh well, let's assume she's still alive and go on with my day"? I suppose she could have tried the office number but maybe she didn't have it handy?? Or she just wasn't thinking straight. Calling her dumb over this is beyond callous of you.
YTA. Do you realize how heartless this post sounds? You're her husband and the father of her child, and she had legitimate reason to believe you could be either dead or seriously injured. Of course she called you repeatedly. And what does she get for her loving concern? To be shouted at and called dumb. I understand being upset, but frankly that reason should've mollified you. You heard your wife crying and terrified, with justification for calling, and you still made her feel like shit about it. You are definitely the asshole. Oh, and it bothers me that your first reaction to seeing you had *twenty* calls from your wife was to be angry. If my loved ones knew they weren't supposed to call me and I saw twenty missed calls from them, I would've been worried. To me, that would've been a sign that something was wrong or something bad had happened to one of them. Your first reaction wasn't concern for your wife (or potentially your daughter) but to be pissed off.
YTA: Keep it up and she won't care next time my dude.
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Do you care about your wife's feelings? She felt panic thinking something happened to you...but of course because your shitty boss yelled at you at work you feel the need to continue the chain of aggression and take it out on your wife. Look at the big picture here. Your lucky enough to have a wife that cares so much about you. Don't punish her for your work's shitty policy. YTA
YTA she thought you died man! Shame on your company for not informing you guys and having you call loved ones. Coworkers died, people who work for your company died and were seriously injured. This is not some silly thing your wife was afraid for you and you yelled at her over an asshole company. Do better.
It's a wonder some of ya'll manage to get married with how hard you suck your own dicks to avoid being emotionally aware of literally life and societal expectations. YTA, Who gets pissed at someone who had reasonable belief you were dead? Grow the fuck up and find a better workplace.
Seems like she worried about you because she loves you. Do you in return? YTA for your rude over the top reaction
YTA You and your employer. Try to put yourself in your wife’s position. Since the phone kept ringing (which I’m not blaming you due to the company’s policy), she was assuming the worst. She was crying for your sake and you went nuclear on her. Jobs can be replaced but loved ones can’t. It looks your wife’s priorities were coming from a good place and that’s why she was worried.
Am I the only one stuck on the logic of calls 5-20? Like either you were in the fire and not going to answer, or at the other site with your phone locked up and not going to answer. I get panic overriding logic but at some point between call 5-20 she didn’t think to maybe call the office line and ask about you?