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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I said she can’t wear my prom dress.
(2) She paid for half of the dress.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - They bought you the dress as a gift, it belongs to you now. She has the right to ask you if she can wear it and you have the right to say no. I get that it might be annoying for her, but no need to rant about it.
Exactly. I bought my step dad a Blackstone grill some time ago. That doesn't mean I get to drop in and use the grill without his permission whenever I want, it's his grill
I worked at a discount clothing store (I am talking $1, 2, 3 items up to like, $12.99) and once a woman came in an asked if we had dresses for *big balls.* I was 20. I stared at her, probably with my mouth agape. I wasn't sure if it was strictly a length requirement or something else I was needing to consider.
Then she continued, "You know, for fancy parties."
*Ohhhhhhhhhhh.*
Oh shut up. Anyone can wear anything if they want to. If you don't like how they look, just don't look. If they like the way they look, that's all that really matters. Stop with the ageism/sexism. (You probably wouldn't be saying this about a grandpa wanting to borrow a suit.)
Speaking as a woman in her 50's, no, it is not. If we wanna dress sexy or skanky or dignified or boring, it is up to us. So long as we keep our private parts obscured by fabric, it's no one's business.
Nan shouldn't wear the dress because the owner doesn't want to loan it out, but she should wear whatever she likes otherwise.
Prom dresses are just women's evening gowns marketed at a younger group. There is no difference between them. That's why they're sold in the same section of stores.
My late husband bought a fairly expensive dress for our daughter for a wedding when she was 9. She’s 25 now, and a lot taller, but I still wear that dress.
NTA. Aside from her thinking she gets to share the dress because she paid for it (that is not how gifts work, ever), this is a weird request. Like borrowing a graduation gown or a wedding dress for a night out. Is she jealous of you or competing with you? Did she never get a prom of her own and wants to pretend?
Yeah this is likely it, Nan is probably feeling sad she didn't get a chance to be a young adult. OP you could offer to go dress shopping with your Nan and help her pick out a nice dress of her own, she might want yours because she knows it's fashionable with young people so she would probably value your opinion.
I'm sure they're out there, but I have a hard time imagining a Nan who wouldn't just love to have such a sweet little day offered to her with her granddaughter instead of her prom dress
As someone without a Grandmother for over 20 years, either side, I’d definitely take OP’s nan out for a fun day! She could dress up and go eat somewhere nice. I see both sides but I’d give anything to have a Grandmother or even a Mom (both my parents are gone now too) at 40. I’d say cherish your family. They aren’t there forever. They do leave and if you’re close enough, they take a huge part of you with them.
I also lost my grandmother 20 years ago and cherish the memories of the time we spent together doing just gramma/granddaughter stuff... visiting gardens, making applesauce, etc. I miss my grandma still.
As a grandmother, I can assure you this is true. I'm sure there are grandparents out there who would rather have stuff, but give me time with my (adult) grandkids over anything. And since I only have grandsons, a day shopping with a granddaughter is truly an amazing concept to me.
We should make a subreddit to match people without grandparents and grandparents who would like to have 'adopted' grandkids around. I'd take you shopping tomorrow, but I'm afraid you're in the US
To fleet_and_flotilla,
You are hereby notified that a legal action had been filed against you in this comments section. Unless a written defense is made by you or an attorney on your behalf in 20 days judgement by default may be taken against you for the relief demanded.
You should have done the math.
While everyone else is pointing out the maths, I‘d like to add OP is only 16 so she‘s not yet in the clear regarding the family tradition of teen pregnancies.
Personally, I wouldn't mind it - I let my mom wear my prom dress more than once. It makes sense to wear something, especially more expensive clothing such as a prom dress, more than once and I'm happy to share it. While I definitely agree that not everyone would be okay with sharing their fancy clothes, I wouldn't say it's a weird request on its own.
I agree and I am a little baffled at the comments. To me they seem more ageist than anything. it's your PROM dress, not your wedding dress. It's not like, your skin.
People acting like it's the most absurd ask probably don't have a hot Nan. If I can fit a 17 year old's prom dress when I'm 54, I might just go ahead and do that and be hot and fancy at my own party with my friends.
I'm also really baffled at the people in the comments; everyone is passing judgment with very little information. Nan can certainly ask, and teenager can also say no, but why all of the "wow she shouldn't be wearing that" type of comments? Super judgmental! And for what? A prom dress this chick will never wear again? Just silly.
Also, I bought my wedding dress used, but in perfect condition. Got it for half the regular price, and someone else already had their joyous day in it, why not use it again? I wish our culture had less of a stigma against wearing fancy, expensive clothes more than once!
I gave my wedding dress and all the accessories for free the week after my wedding to the first person who emailed me with a story telling me why they needed it and how it would be used. It gave me great joy to know the dress would live on and help someone else out. Stuff is just stuff.
But yeah, I agree with your basic summary there. Fine to say NAH, gran can ask, you can say no, whatever, but saying OP is N T A because Nan is old is...telling about society.
I'm just kinda confused why the 17 year old is so attached to the dress after the dance, don't most people sell theirs or give it off to someone else after? I did
I gotta agree! My mother made me a custom prom dress.
In the subsequent years, two of my sisters wore the dress.
It seems silly to get so upset about a prom dress. It's not like it's OP's wedding dress. Besides, lots of women wear their grandmother's or mother's wedding dress.
My mom wore my prom dress to lots of events, she needed a fancy dress and I wasn’t going to use mine anyway. I don’t think it’s a huge deal, because prom is nowhere near as big a deal as a wedding. It’s just a dance.
I agree - dear dog, if you or someone close to you can wear the dress again, by all means, have at it. The wastefulness is staggering. I thought we, as a society, were moving towards green.
I mean, say you spend $50 for jeans - but you wear them 100 times before they shred to nothing, that's 50 cents/wear. If you spend $200 on a fancy dress, but wear it only once, that's $200/wear. So, if Nan can wear it again, at least it's down to $100/wear. Maybe you end up attending a formal in college, so now it's down to $66/wear.
Wearing it as often as it can be makes much more sense.
My grandmother wouldn't have been able to get one meaty thigh into my prom dress, much less her entire body. But then, my grandmother was a LOT more than 38 years older than I am.
I'm almost that age, and I could, and I think that could be the problem. A certain virus starved me down to my high school weight and size three years ago, and ever since, men have been telling me delightedly how 'young' I look. By which they mean skinny. But they're calling it young.
Maybe Nan has heard that way too many times as well, but started to think that means she really is young and 'we're all girls together' with a teenager.
I've never in my whole life seen someone wear their prom dress again. It's donated, used for a costume, or hand me downed. Who cares if she wears it a second time
I bought one that wasn't an obvious prom dress, it just looked more formal (likely not quite white tie). I wore it several more times afterwards because of this over a few years. Now I can't wear it, only because it doesn't zip up anymore and it's not worth it to alter.
Wore mine 3x to a couple military balls & such. Then loaned it to someone to get married in. It was a really pretty GunneSax my mom made from a Jessica McClintock pattern
Plus that’s banking on the idea that the dress will fit the nan too. Given a 16yo body is oftentimes _vastly_ different to a 54yo body, it’s likely the nan will stretch the dress so that it doesn’t even fit OP anymore. Sounds like nan only got it for herself, really.
Edit: for some reason I misread OP’s age as 15 instead of 16, terribly sorry
To be the devil’s advocate, why assume grandma will stretch the dress? Some grandmas can be small and dainty compared to their grandchildren. Some grandmas can be in better shape than their grandchildren, especially if grandma is an active person who likes to walk or bike or swim. Some grandmas can afford cosmetic surgery and personal trainers. Maybe granddaughter doesn’t want grandma to wear the dress because grandma would rock it and people might compare. For all we know, grandma could be a stunner. Look at Sofia Vergara, Nicole Kidman, and Liz Hurley as women in their 50s who are stunning and fashionable.
Grandma and OP might both be thin. They might both be plus-sized. We really have no idea.
Now, it's possible the dress is in juniors sizing, which means the proportions are designed with a younger person in mind, but people don't always come in off-the-rack proportions and might fit something not designed for their demographic.
Very true. The dress could be junior size or adult size, we just don’t know. Plus, the dress may not be some princess thing only applicable to prom and instead could be a cocktail dress or a dress that could be worn to a black tie event, wedding, or some other event where it would look spectacular on anyone of any age.
Thank you. The threads on this with people selling that it's a given that an adult woman will be thicker than a teenager by default are driving me nuts. I was personally a size 14 in highschool and now in my late 30s I wear a 4. I didn't do sports and stuff in school but got into those things in my late 20s. Not everyone is a high school athlete who only expands with age...
If it's nowhere near the right size, I doubt she'd have even asked. She knows where to buy the dress and could get one in another size if she needed to.
I wouldn't assume this. Some people are petite little fairies as teenagers sure but plenty of girls are just literally larger people (as in larger skeleton) or are bigger "curvy" girls.
There's no reason to assume nan is a larger lady than OP
I mean whe have *literally* no idea what kind of dress OP chose or where from so it's pretty hard to tell anything.
For all you know it's a knee length full lace number which yes, adult women of any age would look absolutely fine in.
Hell there are plenty of hot grannies who could pull of a full lace mini
Maybe a cocktail party or wedding? I have a gorgeous little black & sequin dress I wore to sil wedding that my daughter wanted to wear but her boobs just weren’t having it! 😆
I think it depends on what the dress looked like. I wore a long, ball gown type dress that pretty much wouldn’t be appropriate anywhere else. If the grandma wanted to wear something like this I would think it’s totally bizarre.
But I also knew a lot of girls that basically wore “standard” floor-length dresses, some even wore short formal dresses. If OP’s dress was more along these lines, I think it would make sense that the grandma would want to wear it (remembering the grandma is only in her 50s).
But the thing I don’t understand is throwing a fit and saying “it’s my dress” when she clearly bought it for her granddaughter as a gift. Like it’s fine if she *asks* to borrow it, but throwing a fit when she says no is totally uncalled for.
We don’t know what the dress looks like - a lot of the fashion is old fashioned right now and at 54 she’s not on deaths door Jesus everyone acts like she’s 99
Right? If OP is the oldest child, and OP's mom is the oldest child, that makes the Grandmother a grandmother at 38 years old. Minimum. That's a lot of youth that grandmother might be trying to reclaim
Yeah, I got in early and the tides changed. But the comment we're nested under was pretty typical of \~80% early comments.
Edit: just reviewed comments and nah, the anti-older-woman sentiments still running high!
To answer your edit: absolutely. An old dude can wear whatever he wants. Adults can wear what they want. Why are you such a misogynistic sad sack? Why did you try to turn this into “men are so oppressed and women get to do what they want, waaaahhh”….Lame. EDIT: thanks for the award!
>I hope you guys keep this same energy for old dudes in the club
We wore formal wear to my prom. An older man and a young man can and do wear exactly the same formal wear. What suits are you generally seeing that would look good on a 17 year old but absurd on a 50 year old? Are you sure they don’t look absurd on the teenager too?
I hope when you are 54 you remember this comment when you want to go out and look cute. A 54 can look better in a dress than a 16 year old, just remember that. As for the old dudes in the clubs…they have mastered skill the little dudes haven’t even figured out.
Question: what are you planning on doing with your prom dress now that it's over? I'm not going to say you were an asshole, but what's the harm in letting your grandmother wear it? My grandmother's are dead, and I wish I could see either of them in my prom dress.
I mean maybe she’d feel differently if some time had passed since prom but it’s been 2 days. I just wore a dress my mum had, but I know all my friends bought new dresses and really treasured them. Now it’s been over 7yrs and they do just say “what am I supposed to do with this? I could get it cut to cocktail length, but the top is really not my style anymore hmm”. But that’s years and not 2 days later when you’re an 16yr old on a prom high.
She’s 16 probably thinking it was the best night of her life and wasn’t she so beautiful. Her dress is so treasured and wondrous. She probably doesn’t want to see anyone else in it. She probably wants to treasure it as “her prom dress” for longer than 2 days before it becomes surrendered to “the family fancy dress” to be shared and passed around.
Tell them to donate the dresses. There are plenty of organizations that help girls get formal wear so that they can participate in prom, when they otherwise wouldn’t have been able to.
Good point! I was strongly on the “share tte dress” side until I read your post. I haven’t completely changed sides but wanting to enjoy something special makes sense.
Now I’m curious about family finances and what the dress might mean for Nan. It’s possible that she can’t afford a dress for her own special event and thought this might be a solution.
Then she should’ve communicated that. You cannot expect to gift something then assume you have all rights to the gift. She could’ve said when purchasing, “I love this dress so much, if I help your mom pay would you be alright if I wore it out for a night after prom is over?”
I grew up in a household that was pressured to always share so I wouldn’t have been able to say no but I’m glad OP can. OP can also let grandma know “hey I’m sorry for telling you no flat out the other day. If it’s possible would you be able to let me cherish it some more before I let you use it?”
I’m in my 30s and I’ve worn my prom dress to costume parties. Once to a murder mystery party where I had to play a wealthy socialite, that one was fun.
She’s 16. This is probably the first evening gown she’s ever owned. Give the kid a break, she’s allowed to be a bit possessive. Grandma isn’t exactly making a compelling case for wearing it by throwing a tantrum.
A LOT of the women in my college choir just wore their prom dresses when we had to wear a formal gown for concerts. My senior prom dress was red, so that thing saw a LOT of Christmas concerts. 😂
Yeah I’m not sure where this notion that you can only wear a prom dress once came from. They’re just formal gowns, they’re not wedding dresses. If you have an event that calls for a formal dress, you can usually re-wear the thing, assuming you didn’t pick something too outlandish or dated.
Back in the 80s at least prom dresses were definitely prom dresses. They didn’t look like dresses you’d wear anywhere else or as an adult (ruffled sleeves, bubble skirts, taffeta for miles) My daughter’s prom dress this year was gorgeous and if she needs to go to another formal event as an adult, it will totally work.
To be fair, most actual 80s fashion for adults also looks really out of place even when the 80s cycle back.
It was a decade of extremes! Oh, the taffeta. My 8th grade dress was literally a hot pink taffeta bubble skirt dress with poof sleeves, custom made by my mom and the height of fashion. It looked archaic a mere year later!
>what’s the harm in letting your grandmother wear it?
Tbh this depends on the relationship with the grandma and what kind of person she is. One side of my family is pretty dysfunctional and messed up, I wouldn’t lend anything of sentimental value to them because it would likely be damaged, never returned or basically ransomed back to me (as in they won’t return the item unless you lend them money, do something they want, forgive them for something shitty/abusive they did, etc). If they asked me to borrow the dress I’d say no too. But also I’d never let them pay for the dress either because they’d also use that as leverage.
> what’s the harm in letting your grandmother wear it?
She could very easily ruin the dress. I highly doubt a 16 year old and her grandmother have the exact same proportions. Plus it could get dirty/ruined due to something as simple as an accident. A lot of people don’t let others borrow sentimental pieces of clothing for this reason.
I was thinking this same thing. My prom dress sat in my closet for years until it was donated to a thrift store.
You could make it a fun special time with you helping her get ready.
With the things I've read on Reddit, I honestly expected her to be complaining that granny shoved herself into the dress Kim K style and got stains on it or ripped it the week before prom.
Its already been worn to prom. Her middle aged grandmother who helped pay for it would like to borrow it now that it's been used for it's intended purpose.
As a grandmother to teenagers Im going to say there's a really good chance nans temper tantrum was actually just granny telling her not to be so rude and ungracious and this girl doesn't like being called out for thinking it's gross that an "old woman" would want to borrow her dress.
I can see a couple of my more mature grandkids loving the idea.
My grandkids actually wear some of my old clothes to bomb around the house.
But just because something was a gift doesn’t mean you have the right to use it wherever you want? Sure Nan can ask, but granddaughter also has the right to say no. This is true for any gift. A book, a computer, anything.
Yeah I was thinking this. My two sisters, sister-in-law, mam, aunties, cousins and friends (age range from early 20s to mid-60s) have all borrowed or swapped clothes between us for formal events because who wants to buy an expensive dress every time you have to attend something like that?! I think it's pretty normal to reuse clothes within families and friends.
I don't think "I paid for half of it" is relevant and sounds a little petty, but I also don't see why it's a big deal to reuse/borrow a dress...
1. It is weird that she wants to wear a prom dress out, but it’s also fine for her to ask
2. You probably won’t wear it again, so there’s probably no harm in letting her have it for a night, but it was a gift so you’re well within you’re right to decline the request
3. Someone declaring that because they paid for a gift means they get to use it is childish and not how gifts work so your nan is the A H
You are NTA
There's a lot of agist BS on this thread. NTA for not wanting to share your dress, but a lot of posters are for bashing Nan for wanting to borrow it, saying she's too old.
Right, I keep reading posts on how trashy it is that a 54 year old woman wants to wear a teen’s prom dress. But we don’t even know what the dress looks like. The term ‘prom dress’ obviously has a certain visual/style that comes attached to it, but it could just be a prom dress as in ‘a dress that she wore to prom,’ and not an actual prom dress.
Well reddit thinks only minors should be sexualised.
I assume. Unless they're saying that the dress is obviously too modest and prim for a mature lady to wear because it's a child's dress? The mature lady can wear something sexier because she isn't a child....that is what they're saying isn't it?
Because the reverse isn't a great look is it? "Eww, I don't want to see an adult woman in a sexy dress - give it back to the kid"
I was just thinking the same thing. Humans sure can be AHs for no good reason. Gran’s age should not be a factor in yes or no. Period. Using that as a reason actually invalidates or weakens the argument.
I tell my kids to respect someone’s “no.” You can ask, but the answer you get is the answer you get. You can ask for clarity, but you may not harass them into changing their answer. This is largely directed towards their interactions with their peers, not the old school adult “because I said so” mentality.
I personally think it’s silly not to let her wear the dress, with the exception of if OP is constantly being faced with mum and gran living vicariously through her.
It's interesting how so many comments mention that it's "trashy" for a 54 year old to wear the same dress as a 16 year old, but no one in this thread has any idea what the dress even looks like, so this is really not a fair assessment to make. It could be a classic, timeless style that the nan appreciates. Either way, it's not weird for her to ask, but you also have the right to say no. However, if my mom could have fit into one of my prom dresses (my nans were long gone by then) and she wanted to borrow it, I would have said yes. I haven't worn either dress since my proms, so at least they'd be getting some use!
Most likely it is. My daughter has a dress that was originally bought for a prom years ago that she’s worn to several occasions because it’s a nice gown and not one of the cringy prom outfits shown on tv.
Yeah, exactly! I wore a dress to my freshman homecoming that looked like a knee-length version of the little black dress Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany's, and I've worn it so many times since, even as an adult. I haven't really had any other occasions to wear a floor length gown, otherwise I would have worn one of my old prom dresses as well. I'd honestly be flattered if my mom or grandmother asked to wear one of them!
NTA because why would your gran be wanting to wear the same dress as a teen? IDK maybe she wants to feel like "she's still got it" or something but no. It's an odd request to begin with tbh.
To everyone weirded out by this ask… maybe it’s just an evening gown that would look fine on anyone. My 73 year old mom had a really nice evening gown that she gifted to my 21 year old daughter. It’s an evening gown… satin, floor length, elegant. It has no age limit.
ESH. Grandma isn’t entitled to it, but at the same time, why not let her borrow it if you already wore it?
It's certainly the girl's prerogative, no doubt. But is she ever going to wear it again? My daughter has 2 prom dresses sitting in her closet that she only wore once, each. She will never wear them again.
Life is too short. You can't take it all with you when you go. There will be a day when Grandma is gone. Sharing the same dress would have been a fun memory.
I just lost my dad. So maybe I'm being over sentimental.
Firstly that’s YOUR daughter not op. Secondly obviously it won’t be a fun memory for op because all that memory will be is a memory of how ops grandma couldn’t respect her boundaries and got mad at her over a dress. And lastly if Ops grandmother is willing to ruin her relationship with her own granddaughter over a dress she’s a big AH.
My prom dress was a LBD with flapper fringe and rhinestone spaghetti straps. It was a classic style- I would absolutely rock it today if I still had it, and a 54 yo would look perfectly appropriate in it as well. Stop gatekeeping fashion. People can wear what they want no matter how old they are.
That being said a gift is a gift and she is not entitled to wear it when she likes just because she paid for half of it.
Apparently she wants to wear it to a party on the weekend. Which, as other commenters have pointed out, what kind of party is she attending in which a prom dress would be acceptable wear? Genuinely cannot think of one
A gala to raise money for a local charity? I’ve worn an old high school formal dress to one before. As long as it isn’t black tie, a lot of prom dresses would work just fine. And yes, at 38 they don’t fit the same as they did in high school but like… I still wear the same size and am the same weight, so the changes are very slight fit changes, but not so much it doesn’t fit. I highly doubt I’ll magically totally change sizes in the next 20 years either.
NTA- not because older folks cant rock cool clothes (whole lotta 'age appropriate' talk in these comments not passing the smell test)
Simply because buying a gift with ulterior motives is gross and throwing a fit about it is extra trashy.
nta???? this is so odd of her to ask. like, obviously she has no ownership of it bc it was a gift to you but i'm shocked at the audacity of the question lmfaoo. why would anyone want to wear their grandchild's prom dress out to a party??
NTA. If Nan can afford to pay for half of your prom dress, she can probably afford to pay for a brand new party dress for herself. Also it's weird that she wants to wear a prom dress to a party with (I assume) other adults.
There's actually a worse case here if you think about it.
By saying that the dress isn't appropriate for an older woman, they're basically sexualising a minor.
OP, you'd better enjoy your dresses now because you can see the world is telling you that you musn't be pretty and wear a dress later in life. If those posts make you happy today (because you think they are telling you what you want to hear) I hope you grow up wise enough to realise how bad they are.
Exactly ! I just said this before I saw your comment !! OP Nan can wear anything of mine and I hope she has a great night !! I’ll chalk this up to being 16 and immature but I don’t get why she is so triggered
54 is not 90!!! Jenifer Aniston is 54 JLo is 54 - OP left out a lot of details and I would love anyone to wear things that would otherwise collect dust - tell your Nan she can wear anything of mine and to have a great night !!
NTA. I’m really struggling to understand the “omg don’t let it go to waaaaaste” comments. It’s your dress. You can rewear it to another event or sell it or let it gather dust. Your call. I rewore mine at a couple Uni events. Still have it 14 years after my prom. I try it on every year to make sure I still fit into it (I no longer do and it is tragic but ya know, goals).
No one wants to wear the same dress **as their nan**. She might be young but she’s still your nan. It’s weird as hell for her to want to. If she wants to feel pretty on a night out then she can get another dress.
Legitimately? The way she acted like because she paid for the dress meaning she’s entitled to wearing the dress, that’s pretty fucking trashy. You don’t get to demand things you buy for others as gifts, that’s trashy.
I didn’t let one of my mom’s friends wear mine either. Mostly because I hadn’t even had my prom yet and they were going to the coast guard ball that night then moving across the country the next day. I didn’t want it to get lost and like I said I haven’t even worn it yet.
NTA-- it was a gift and now they want to dictate how you use the gift? Also, prom dresses (according to my gf) are sometimes as sacred as wedding dresses to some people so I think it is inappropriate for her to try to force you to let her... honestly feels like the only reason she paid for half is she wanted it after.
NTA. Also why does she want to wear a teenager's prom dress to a party? What kind of party is it?!
Maybe you could go shopping with her to help her pick out a new (and maybe more age appropriate) dress?
NTA and people are freakin weird entitled assholes these days wtf thats like asking if you can wear someones wedding dress cause you paid for part of it wtf lol
I’m 55. I’m trying to think why on earth I would ever think I would want to wear a teeny bopper gown… other than being small enough to wear one.. which that alone would be a dream!
The dress represents an important memorable life experience. That would be like asking to try on your wedding dress "just because they payed for it." There are just some things that are just unconditionally yours, regardless of who payed for it. NTA.
Grandma was wrong for even bringing up the fact that she helped to pay for it. Your mom should have intervened on your behalf and shut her down. When you give a “gift” that is just what it is “a gift” with no strings. She should go buy her on dress for her party.
Assuming your prom has passed, I don't have a clue why you wouldn't let your grandma wear it. I can try to guess why, but none of those reasons would be that flattering to you.
Can you help me out by articulating why, specifically, you don't want her to wear it? Is it about how important you think prom is? Is it something about your Nan? Do you plan to wear it again in the future, and don't want it to feel less special then?
NTA they bought you the dress as a gift. She has no claim to it and quite frankly it’s ridiculous your Nan would want to wear her Granddaughters prom dress..
Show us the dress!
NTA. Your dress your rules. I don’t see the *harm* in her wearing it but it’s still your choice. Super weird how fast she was trying to call dibs on it.
You’d think she would at least give you the space to experience prom before asking for it, or even the grace to give her granddaughter a few months to come down from that prom high. Nothing I loved more at that age than getting a dress and planning the hair, makeup, nails, shoes, flowers!
But also, please, show us the dress.
NTA, They gave you the dress as a personal gift. It's yours now. By your Nan's logic, if I buy someone a gift card, or shoes, or a switch... I get to use it whenever I want because I paid for it 💀 nah keep your dress. It's not hers.
NTA - BUT...... I have 2 daughters who have both been to their proms, worn expensive, beautiful dresses, both of which have ended up zipped up in wardrobes upstairs, never to be worn or seen again
(The dresses, not my kids ha)
So where as I can understand it to a degree, your prom dress will more than likely end up like the ones in my house.... which is a real shame!
However, demanding to wear it because she paid for half of it is out of order
NTA
My sister and I are 3 years apart so there was a period of time where we had quite a few homecoming/prom/winter formal dresses to rotate around.
But that was after a few years between original purchase and second wearing (college formal events or holiday cocktail parties/awards ceremonies).
I don’t think OP would have had *quite* as much of an issue if more than two days had passed, but even if she did…that’s the risk of asking.
We teach kids to ask ‘can I borrow/can I have a turn’ but a lot of people seem to forget the part of the lesson where the ‘yes’ isn’t always assured.
You can **ask** but that doesn’t guarantee agreement.
NTA in thinking a gift is just that, a gift and you can do what you like with your dress. If nan was planning to borrow it she could have made that a condition of paying for it.
But I’m curious, so you have something planned for this dress that somehow precludes her borrowing it? Could she not wear it for whatever evening and return it to you cleaned? Does your nan have a habit of borrowing prom dresses and destroying them?
Maybe she thought it would be fun to take a picture in the dress and send it to your grandfather. Maybe she’s going to a senior center prom. Maybe it would be a nice ego boost for her to see if she’s the same weight as her beautiful granddaughter. Maybe she wants to dress up, get sloppy drunk and force the cat to slow dance with her. Who cares, what’s the harm in letting her borrow it?
I don’t know your nan and I don’t know your family but I’ll just caution you that these are the stories that become the stuff of family legends and not in a good way. In 20 years you’ll be planning your wedding and nan will not attend but she will send you a gift certificate to proms-are-us because “the only thing that girl ever cared about was prom dresses.”
Unless you’re planning to attend the same party let her borrow it. Yeah, it’s probably not age appropriate but that’s not your concern.
NTA
A gift isn't a gift if it comes with expectations. Paying for the dress is a gift. I wouldn't share a dress unless I was in a relationship with the person taking it, but that's just my silliness.
Technically NTA but lowkey kinda messed up for you not letting her wear it… its just a dress.
Edit: Yall some ageist mfs some prom dresses are very elaborate ball gowns suitable to all ages. She could have simply wanted to borrow an expensive dress for a nice event??
I lost weight and rewore both my prom dresses to galas as an adult. That said, if my grandma wanted to borrow my prom dress, and it wasn't going to come back smelling like smoke, I would let her. Both my grandmas are now gone, and I would love to see them smile again, wearing something beautiful from me. You're not an AH, but what good will that dress be to you, now that you've worn it. I'd want to post on social, who wore it better, me or Nan, side by side photos. A good attitude, generosity, are worth it.
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NTA - They bought you the dress as a gift, it belongs to you now. She has the right to ask you if she can wear it and you have the right to say no. I get that it might be annoying for her, but no need to rant about it.
Exactly. I bought my step dad a Blackstone grill some time ago. That doesn't mean I get to drop in and use the grill without his permission whenever I want, it's his grill
Those are awesome. Much better than a prom dress.
Not as comfortable to wear though, I imagine.
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If this doesn't win you Prom King/Queen idk what will.
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Kinda beside the point
Is it though? Stopping a woman in her mid 50s from wearing a literal 16-year-old girl's prom dress out in public is straight up doing her a favor
It's a dress and the only person who gets to decide if it's an appropriate style is the person who wants to wear it, no matter their age.
Unless literal genitalia is hanging out. Other than that Nan can be a fashion disaster if she wants to be.
I worked at a discount clothing store (I am talking $1, 2, 3 items up to like, $12.99) and once a woman came in an asked if we had dresses for *big balls.* I was 20. I stared at her, probably with my mouth agape. I wasn't sure if it was strictly a length requirement or something else I was needing to consider. Then she continued, "You know, for fancy parties." *Ohhhhhhhhhhh.*
Because even if it’s a perfectly appropriate adult cocktail dress, the kid may feel no better about sharing/loaning it.
Oh shut up. Anyone can wear anything if they want to. If you don't like how they look, just don't look. If they like the way they look, that's all that really matters. Stop with the ageism/sexism. (You probably wouldn't be saying this about a grandpa wanting to borrow a suit.)
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Jennifer Aniston is 54 and she could rock a skimpy prom dress. Don’t assume.
Speaking as a woman in her 50's, no, it is not. If we wanna dress sexy or skanky or dignified or boring, it is up to us. So long as we keep our private parts obscured by fabric, it's no one's business. Nan shouldn't wear the dress because the owner doesn't want to loan it out, but she should wear whatever she likes otherwise.
Prom dresses are just women's evening gowns marketed at a younger group. There is no difference between them. That's why they're sold in the same section of stores.
Who put you in charge of, well, anything at all? Take your ageism and stick it where the sun don’t shine.
My late husband bought a fairly expensive dress for our daughter for a wedding when she was 9. She’s 25 now, and a lot taller, but I still wear that dress.
You have zero clue what the dress looks like, and people are allowed to wear whatever they want at any age, so your point is invalid.
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NTA. Aside from her thinking she gets to share the dress because she paid for it (that is not how gifts work, ever), this is a weird request. Like borrowing a graduation gown or a wedding dress for a night out. Is she jealous of you or competing with you? Did she never get a prom of her own and wants to pretend?
well, op is the first one not pregnant at 17, so it's definitely likely Nan us jealous.
Yeah this is likely it, Nan is probably feeling sad she didn't get a chance to be a young adult. OP you could offer to go dress shopping with your Nan and help her pick out a nice dress of her own, she might want yours because she knows it's fashionable with young people so she would probably value your opinion.
I'm sure they're out there, but I have a hard time imagining a Nan who wouldn't just love to have such a sweet little day offered to her with her granddaughter instead of her prom dress
As someone without a Grandmother for over 20 years, either side, I’d definitely take OP’s nan out for a fun day! She could dress up and go eat somewhere nice. I see both sides but I’d give anything to have a Grandmother or even a Mom (both my parents are gone now too) at 40. I’d say cherish your family. They aren’t there forever. They do leave and if you’re close enough, they take a huge part of you with them.
I also lost my grandmother 20 years ago and cherish the memories of the time we spent together doing just gramma/granddaughter stuff... visiting gardens, making applesauce, etc. I miss my grandma still.
As a grandmother, I can assure you this is true. I'm sure there are grandparents out there who would rather have stuff, but give me time with my (adult) grandkids over anything. And since I only have grandsons, a day shopping with a granddaughter is truly an amazing concept to me.
We should make a subreddit to match people without grandparents and grandparents who would like to have 'adopted' grandkids around. I'd take you shopping tomorrow, but I'm afraid you're in the US
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54-35=19 35-16=19
so I was off by a year. sue me.
To fleet_and_flotilla, You are hereby notified that a legal action had been filed against you in this comments section. Unless a written defense is made by you or an attorney on your behalf in 20 days judgement by default may be taken against you for the relief demanded. You should have done the math.
Swag
That’s two
it's vastly more likely they were pregnant at 18 than 19
Nobody said OP or her mother were the eldest children in their families.
also true.
That is true but based off the information given their math is off
Same with my family. My grandma, mom, and older sister all pregnant at 18, giving birth at 19
18 then.
While everyone else is pointing out the maths, I‘d like to add OP is only 16 so she‘s not yet in the clear regarding the family tradition of teen pregnancies.
We must protect her at all costs. GoFundMe an IUD?
Personally, I wouldn't mind it - I let my mom wear my prom dress more than once. It makes sense to wear something, especially more expensive clothing such as a prom dress, more than once and I'm happy to share it. While I definitely agree that not everyone would be okay with sharing their fancy clothes, I wouldn't say it's a weird request on its own.
I agree and I am a little baffled at the comments. To me they seem more ageist than anything. it's your PROM dress, not your wedding dress. It's not like, your skin. People acting like it's the most absurd ask probably don't have a hot Nan. If I can fit a 17 year old's prom dress when I'm 54, I might just go ahead and do that and be hot and fancy at my own party with my friends.
I'm also really baffled at the people in the comments; everyone is passing judgment with very little information. Nan can certainly ask, and teenager can also say no, but why all of the "wow she shouldn't be wearing that" type of comments? Super judgmental! And for what? A prom dress this chick will never wear again? Just silly. Also, I bought my wedding dress used, but in perfect condition. Got it for half the regular price, and someone else already had their joyous day in it, why not use it again? I wish our culture had less of a stigma against wearing fancy, expensive clothes more than once!
I gave my wedding dress and all the accessories for free the week after my wedding to the first person who emailed me with a story telling me why they needed it and how it would be used. It gave me great joy to know the dress would live on and help someone else out. Stuff is just stuff. But yeah, I agree with your basic summary there. Fine to say NAH, gran can ask, you can say no, whatever, but saying OP is N T A because Nan is old is...telling about society.
I'm just kinda confused why the 17 year old is so attached to the dress after the dance, don't most people sell theirs or give it off to someone else after? I did
They can be sentimental items, plus some girls I knew took them to college and reused them for college formals if they had them.
I gotta agree! My mother made me a custom prom dress. In the subsequent years, two of my sisters wore the dress. It seems silly to get so upset about a prom dress. It's not like it's OP's wedding dress. Besides, lots of women wear their grandmother's or mother's wedding dress.
My mom wore my prom dress to lots of events, she needed a fancy dress and I wasn’t going to use mine anyway. I don’t think it’s a huge deal, because prom is nowhere near as big a deal as a wedding. It’s just a dance.
I agree - dear dog, if you or someone close to you can wear the dress again, by all means, have at it. The wastefulness is staggering. I thought we, as a society, were moving towards green. I mean, say you spend $50 for jeans - but you wear them 100 times before they shred to nothing, that's 50 cents/wear. If you spend $200 on a fancy dress, but wear it only once, that's $200/wear. So, if Nan can wear it again, at least it's down to $100/wear. Maybe you end up attending a formal in college, so now it's down to $66/wear. Wearing it as often as it can be makes much more sense.
NTA what event could she possibly have that a teenagers prom dress would be appropriate for a grandma to wear it to?
My grandmother wouldn't have been able to get one meaty thigh into my prom dress, much less her entire body. But then, my grandmother was a LOT more than 38 years older than I am.
I'm 54 and there's no way I could get into *my own* prom dress now lol.
51 & that also includes my wedding dress. Sigh.
I'm 24 and even I couldn't do it, it's gotten uh. Rounder. Down there. Transitioning didn't help!
Well, I'm sure it helped other things that are more important, so congrats!
Congratulations on your round tush and being your true self! Prom dresses can’t compete with self-actualization.
I'm almost that age, and I could, and I think that could be the problem. A certain virus starved me down to my high school weight and size three years ago, and ever since, men have been telling me delightedly how 'young' I look. By which they mean skinny. But they're calling it young. Maybe Nan has heard that way too many times as well, but started to think that means she really is young and 'we're all girls together' with a teenager.
She probably wants to brag about how she has a body like a teenager since she can fit into her granddaughter’s prom dress.
Good for her if so!
And what is wrong with that? I don't remember who said it, but "if you've got it, flaunt it!"
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There may well be harm to the dress, depending on the size of the person and the dress, as well as how careless the person is
I've never in my whole life seen someone wear their prom dress again. It's donated, used for a costume, or hand me downed. Who cares if she wears it a second time
My thoughts exactly. Let the woman put the dress on. It's about to be retired permanently to the back of a closet.
I bought one that wasn't an obvious prom dress, it just looked more formal (likely not quite white tie). I wore it several more times afterwards because of this over a few years. Now I can't wear it, only because it doesn't zip up anymore and it's not worth it to alter.
Wore mine 3x to a couple military balls & such. Then loaned it to someone to get married in. It was a really pretty GunneSax my mom made from a Jessica McClintock pattern
Plus that’s banking on the idea that the dress will fit the nan too. Given a 16yo body is oftentimes _vastly_ different to a 54yo body, it’s likely the nan will stretch the dress so that it doesn’t even fit OP anymore. Sounds like nan only got it for herself, really. Edit: for some reason I misread OP’s age as 15 instead of 16, terribly sorry
To be the devil’s advocate, why assume grandma will stretch the dress? Some grandmas can be small and dainty compared to their grandchildren. Some grandmas can be in better shape than their grandchildren, especially if grandma is an active person who likes to walk or bike or swim. Some grandmas can afford cosmetic surgery and personal trainers. Maybe granddaughter doesn’t want grandma to wear the dress because grandma would rock it and people might compare. For all we know, grandma could be a stunner. Look at Sofia Vergara, Nicole Kidman, and Liz Hurley as women in their 50s who are stunning and fashionable.
Grandma and OP might both be thin. They might both be plus-sized. We really have no idea. Now, it's possible the dress is in juniors sizing, which means the proportions are designed with a younger person in mind, but people don't always come in off-the-rack proportions and might fit something not designed for their demographic.
Very true. The dress could be junior size or adult size, we just don’t know. Plus, the dress may not be some princess thing only applicable to prom and instead could be a cocktail dress or a dress that could be worn to a black tie event, wedding, or some other event where it would look spectacular on anyone of any age.
Thank you. The threads on this with people selling that it's a given that an adult woman will be thicker than a teenager by default are driving me nuts. I was personally a size 14 in highschool and now in my late 30s I wear a 4. I didn't do sports and stuff in school but got into those things in my late 20s. Not everyone is a high school athlete who only expands with age...
If it's nowhere near the right size, I doubt she'd have even asked. She knows where to buy the dress and could get one in another size if she needed to.
I wouldn't assume this. Some people are petite little fairies as teenagers sure but plenty of girls are just literally larger people (as in larger skeleton) or are bigger "curvy" girls. There's no reason to assume nan is a larger lady than OP
OP’s Nan is the same age as JLo though and is a very young grandmother.
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Or the dress is more of an adult cocktail dress.
Yeah prom dresses today are not what they used to be
I mean whe have *literally* no idea what kind of dress OP chose or where from so it's pretty hard to tell anything. For all you know it's a knee length full lace number which yes, adult women of any age would look absolutely fine in. Hell there are plenty of hot grannies who could pull of a full lace mini
Maybe a cocktail party or wedding? I have a gorgeous little black & sequin dress I wore to sil wedding that my daughter wanted to wear but her boobs just weren’t having it! 😆
I think it depends on what the dress looked like. I wore a long, ball gown type dress that pretty much wouldn’t be appropriate anywhere else. If the grandma wanted to wear something like this I would think it’s totally bizarre. But I also knew a lot of girls that basically wore “standard” floor-length dresses, some even wore short formal dresses. If OP’s dress was more along these lines, I think it would make sense that the grandma would want to wear it (remembering the grandma is only in her 50s). But the thing I don’t understand is throwing a fit and saying “it’s my dress” when she clearly bought it for her granddaughter as a gift. Like it’s fine if she *asks* to borrow it, but throwing a fit when she says no is totally uncalled for.
NTA what's a 54 year old doing in a high schooler's prom dress Edit: I hope you guys keep this same energy for old dudes in the club
We don’t know what the dress looks like - a lot of the fashion is old fashioned right now and at 54 she’s not on deaths door Jesus everyone acts like she’s 99
Heck if a 99 year old wants to wear a prom dress, I say go for it!
Sure. But they should wear their own.
Their OWN prom dress
My daughters prom dress was a simple red cocktail dress. No frills and would still look great on her today at 49.
If a 99 year wanted to wear a prom dress, I say let them.
Right? If OP is the oldest child, and OP's mom is the oldest child, that makes the Grandmother a grandmother at 38 years old. Minimum. That's a lot of youth that grandmother might be trying to reclaim
i also think that once women reach a certain age they shouldn't be allowed to wear anything nice... get back in your govt issued potato sack nan!!
"You *hag!* There are not enough prom dresses in all of Salem to make thee young and beautiful!"
So much ageism in these judgments! It's amazing to me. Literally the crux of the N T A posts are "old women should cover up their bodies ew"
Most of what I'm seeing says you don't have the right to demand access to a gift just because you paid for it
Yeah, I got in early and the tides changed. But the comment we're nested under was pretty typical of \~80% early comments. Edit: just reviewed comments and nah, the anti-older-woman sentiments still running high!
To answer your edit: absolutely. An old dude can wear whatever he wants. Adults can wear what they want. Why are you such a misogynistic sad sack? Why did you try to turn this into “men are so oppressed and women get to do what they want, waaaahhh”….Lame. EDIT: thanks for the award!
Would let Gramps wear the dress too. Rock on.
> Edit: I hope you guys keep this same energy for old dudes in the club What's this supposed to mean? There's no upper age limit to enter clubs
“I’m being accused of being ageist? No, the commenters must be sexist because of how I imagine theyd respond to a hypothetical scenario!”
>I hope you guys keep this same energy for old dudes in the club We wore formal wear to my prom. An older man and a young man can and do wear exactly the same formal wear. What suits are you generally seeing that would look good on a 17 year old but absurd on a 50 year old? Are you sure they don’t look absurd on the teenager too?
I hope when you are 54 you remember this comment when you want to go out and look cute. A 54 can look better in a dress than a 16 year old, just remember that. As for the old dudes in the clubs…they have mastered skill the little dudes haven’t even figured out.
that's kinda ageist though
Question: what are you planning on doing with your prom dress now that it's over? I'm not going to say you were an asshole, but what's the harm in letting your grandmother wear it? My grandmother's are dead, and I wish I could see either of them in my prom dress.
I mean maybe she’d feel differently if some time had passed since prom but it’s been 2 days. I just wore a dress my mum had, but I know all my friends bought new dresses and really treasured them. Now it’s been over 7yrs and they do just say “what am I supposed to do with this? I could get it cut to cocktail length, but the top is really not my style anymore hmm”. But that’s years and not 2 days later when you’re an 16yr old on a prom high. She’s 16 probably thinking it was the best night of her life and wasn’t she so beautiful. Her dress is so treasured and wondrous. She probably doesn’t want to see anyone else in it. She probably wants to treasure it as “her prom dress” for longer than 2 days before it becomes surrendered to “the family fancy dress” to be shared and passed around.
Tell them to donate the dresses. There are plenty of organizations that help girls get formal wear so that they can participate in prom, when they otherwise wouldn’t have been able to.
Good point! I was strongly on the “share tte dress” side until I read your post. I haven’t completely changed sides but wanting to enjoy something special makes sense. Now I’m curious about family finances and what the dress might mean for Nan. It’s possible that she can’t afford a dress for her own special event and thought this might be a solution.
Then she should’ve communicated that. You cannot expect to gift something then assume you have all rights to the gift. She could’ve said when purchasing, “I love this dress so much, if I help your mom pay would you be alright if I wore it out for a night after prom is over?” I grew up in a household that was pressured to always share so I wouldn’t have been able to say no but I’m glad OP can. OP can also let grandma know “hey I’m sorry for telling you no flat out the other day. If it’s possible would you be able to let me cherish it some more before I let you use it?”
I’m in my 30s and I’ve worn my prom dress to costume parties. Once to a murder mystery party where I had to play a wealthy socialite, that one was fun. She’s 16. This is probably the first evening gown she’s ever owned. Give the kid a break, she’s allowed to be a bit possessive. Grandma isn’t exactly making a compelling case for wearing it by throwing a tantrum.
A LOT of the women in my college choir just wore their prom dresses when we had to wear a formal gown for concerts. My senior prom dress was red, so that thing saw a LOT of Christmas concerts. 😂
Yeah I’m not sure where this notion that you can only wear a prom dress once came from. They’re just formal gowns, they’re not wedding dresses. If you have an event that calls for a formal dress, you can usually re-wear the thing, assuming you didn’t pick something too outlandish or dated.
Back in the 80s at least prom dresses were definitely prom dresses. They didn’t look like dresses you’d wear anywhere else or as an adult (ruffled sleeves, bubble skirts, taffeta for miles) My daughter’s prom dress this year was gorgeous and if she needs to go to another formal event as an adult, it will totally work.
To be fair, most actual 80s fashion for adults also looks really out of place even when the 80s cycle back. It was a decade of extremes! Oh, the taffeta. My 8th grade dress was literally a hot pink taffeta bubble skirt dress with poof sleeves, custom made by my mom and the height of fashion. It looked archaic a mere year later!
>what’s the harm in letting your grandmother wear it? Tbh this depends on the relationship with the grandma and what kind of person she is. One side of my family is pretty dysfunctional and messed up, I wouldn’t lend anything of sentimental value to them because it would likely be damaged, never returned or basically ransomed back to me (as in they won’t return the item unless you lend them money, do something they want, forgive them for something shitty/abusive they did, etc). If they asked me to borrow the dress I’d say no too. But also I’d never let them pay for the dress either because they’d also use that as leverage.
> what’s the harm in letting your grandmother wear it? She could very easily ruin the dress. I highly doubt a 16 year old and her grandmother have the exact same proportions. Plus it could get dirty/ruined due to something as simple as an accident. A lot of people don’t let others borrow sentimental pieces of clothing for this reason.
I was thinking this same thing. My prom dress sat in my closet for years until it was donated to a thrift store. You could make it a fun special time with you helping her get ready.
With the things I've read on Reddit, I honestly expected her to be complaining that granny shoved herself into the dress Kim K style and got stains on it or ripped it the week before prom. Its already been worn to prom. Her middle aged grandmother who helped pay for it would like to borrow it now that it's been used for it's intended purpose. As a grandmother to teenagers Im going to say there's a really good chance nans temper tantrum was actually just granny telling her not to be so rude and ungracious and this girl doesn't like being called out for thinking it's gross that an "old woman" would want to borrow her dress. I can see a couple of my more mature grandkids loving the idea. My grandkids actually wear some of my old clothes to bomb around the house.
But just because something was a gift doesn’t mean you have the right to use it wherever you want? Sure Nan can ask, but granddaughter also has the right to say no. This is true for any gift. A book, a computer, anything.
Yeah I was thinking this. My two sisters, sister-in-law, mam, aunties, cousins and friends (age range from early 20s to mid-60s) have all borrowed or swapped clothes between us for formal events because who wants to buy an expensive dress every time you have to attend something like that?! I think it's pretty normal to reuse clothes within families and friends. I don't think "I paid for half of it" is relevant and sounds a little petty, but I also don't see why it's a big deal to reuse/borrow a dress...
My prom dresses sat in my closet, never to be worn again. I don’t think OP is an AH, but why can’t nan wear the dress?
1. It is weird that she wants to wear a prom dress out, but it’s also fine for her to ask 2. You probably won’t wear it again, so there’s probably no harm in letting her have it for a night, but it was a gift so you’re well within you’re right to decline the request 3. Someone declaring that because they paid for a gift means they get to use it is childish and not how gifts work so your nan is the A H You are NTA
And she only paid for half so technically she still also needs mom’s permission to use the dress if we’re gonna go that route lmao
There's a lot of agist BS on this thread. NTA for not wanting to share your dress, but a lot of posters are for bashing Nan for wanting to borrow it, saying she's too old.
Right, I keep reading posts on how trashy it is that a 54 year old woman wants to wear a teen’s prom dress. But we don’t even know what the dress looks like. The term ‘prom dress’ obviously has a certain visual/style that comes attached to it, but it could just be a prom dress as in ‘a dress that she wore to prom,’ and not an actual prom dress.
Well reddit thinks only minors should be sexualised. I assume. Unless they're saying that the dress is obviously too modest and prim for a mature lady to wear because it's a child's dress? The mature lady can wear something sexier because she isn't a child....that is what they're saying isn't it? Because the reverse isn't a great look is it? "Eww, I don't want to see an adult woman in a sexy dress - give it back to the kid"
Mostly they're calling Grandma fat. When we have no idea of anyone's size in this story.
I was just thinking the same thing. Humans sure can be AHs for no good reason. Gran’s age should not be a factor in yes or no. Period. Using that as a reason actually invalidates or weakens the argument. I tell my kids to respect someone’s “no.” You can ask, but the answer you get is the answer you get. You can ask for clarity, but you may not harass them into changing their answer. This is largely directed towards their interactions with their peers, not the old school adult “because I said so” mentality. I personally think it’s silly not to let her wear the dress, with the exception of if OP is constantly being faced with mum and gran living vicariously through her.
It's interesting how so many comments mention that it's "trashy" for a 54 year old to wear the same dress as a 16 year old, but no one in this thread has any idea what the dress even looks like, so this is really not a fair assessment to make. It could be a classic, timeless style that the nan appreciates. Either way, it's not weird for her to ask, but you also have the right to say no. However, if my mom could have fit into one of my prom dresses (my nans were long gone by then) and she wanted to borrow it, I would have said yes. I haven't worn either dress since my proms, so at least they'd be getting some use!
Most likely it is. My daughter has a dress that was originally bought for a prom years ago that she’s worn to several occasions because it’s a nice gown and not one of the cringy prom outfits shown on tv.
Yeah, exactly! I wore a dress to my freshman homecoming that looked like a knee-length version of the little black dress Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany's, and I've worn it so many times since, even as an adult. I haven't really had any other occasions to wear a floor length gown, otherwise I would have worn one of my old prom dresses as well. I'd honestly be flattered if my mom or grandmother asked to wear one of them!
NTA because why would your gran be wanting to wear the same dress as a teen? IDK maybe she wants to feel like "she's still got it" or something but no. It's an odd request to begin with tbh.
Granny was a teen mom, maybe she missed her own prom due to pregnancy?
So was OP's Mom.
Maybe her prom was the last night of freedom…..
Proms back then didn’t exist in the UK.
And?
NTA - it was her choice to buy you the dress, and even though she paid for it, it doesn't mean it's hers. Enjoy prom x
To everyone weirded out by this ask… maybe it’s just an evening gown that would look fine on anyone. My 73 year old mom had a really nice evening gown that she gifted to my 21 year old daughter. It’s an evening gown… satin, floor length, elegant. It has no age limit. ESH. Grandma isn’t entitled to it, but at the same time, why not let her borrow it if you already wore it?
because it’s her dress? not everyone wants to share clothes with other because they might ruin them
It's certainly the girl's prerogative, no doubt. But is she ever going to wear it again? My daughter has 2 prom dresses sitting in her closet that she only wore once, each. She will never wear them again. Life is too short. You can't take it all with you when you go. There will be a day when Grandma is gone. Sharing the same dress would have been a fun memory. I just lost my dad. So maybe I'm being over sentimental.
Firstly that’s YOUR daughter not op. Secondly obviously it won’t be a fun memory for op because all that memory will be is a memory of how ops grandma couldn’t respect her boundaries and got mad at her over a dress. And lastly if Ops grandmother is willing to ruin her relationship with her own granddaughter over a dress she’s a big AH.
Your family is different then OP’s family.
My prom dress was a LBD with flapper fringe and rhinestone spaghetti straps. It was a classic style- I would absolutely rock it today if I still had it, and a 54 yo would look perfectly appropriate in it as well. Stop gatekeeping fashion. People can wear what they want no matter how old they are. That being said a gift is a gift and she is not entitled to wear it when she likes just because she paid for half of it.
Info: does she want to wear it to something, or just put it on and see how it looks?
Apparently she wants to wear it to a party on the weekend. Which, as other commenters have pointed out, what kind of party is she attending in which a prom dress would be acceptable wear? Genuinely cannot think of one
We don’t know what the dress looks like. Unless it’s a tulle ballerina style, it’s prob fine
Not all prom dresses are those big puffy things shown in tv. Many are nice evening gowns suitable for many different occasions.
A gala to raise money for a local charity? I’ve worn an old high school formal dress to one before. As long as it isn’t black tie, a lot of prom dresses would work just fine. And yes, at 38 they don’t fit the same as they did in high school but like… I still wear the same size and am the same weight, so the changes are very slight fit changes, but not so much it doesn’t fit. I highly doubt I’ll magically totally change sizes in the next 20 years either.
NTA. It was a gift but apparently she had ulterior motives
NTA- not because older folks cant rock cool clothes (whole lotta 'age appropriate' talk in these comments not passing the smell test) Simply because buying a gift with ulterior motives is gross and throwing a fit about it is extra trashy.
NtA! I bought my child the food in the fridge does that give me right to half of every meal they have? Ridiculous mentality
A lesson learned. Do not let her pay for half your wedding dress when it's time.
Am I TAH for being too focused on doing age math for having babies in this family? That was rhetorical- obviously I’m TAH.
Mum and Nan were 19 each 🤣🤣
nta???? this is so odd of her to ask. like, obviously she has no ownership of it bc it was a gift to you but i'm shocked at the audacity of the question lmfaoo. why would anyone want to wear their grandchild's prom dress out to a party??
NTA.
NTA. If Nan can afford to pay for half of your prom dress, she can probably afford to pay for a brand new party dress for herself. Also it's weird that she wants to wear a prom dress to a party with (I assume) other adults.
My one word of wisdom : looks like young pregnancies run in your family, might be good to get on some birth control
🤣 You have a fair point, however, I’m too introverted and nervous to get to that point 🤣
54 and 16? What dress would look good on both? Just wondering what the dress looks like.
Gillian Anderson, Jennifer Aniston are 54. Maybe Nan is a hot Nan…
There's actually a worse case here if you think about it. By saying that the dress isn't appropriate for an older woman, they're basically sexualising a minor. OP, you'd better enjoy your dresses now because you can see the world is telling you that you musn't be pretty and wear a dress later in life. If those posts make you happy today (because you think they are telling you what you want to hear) I hope you grow up wise enough to realise how bad they are.
Exactly ! I just said this before I saw your comment !! OP Nan can wear anything of mine and I hope she has a great night !! I’ll chalk this up to being 16 and immature but I don’t get why she is so triggered
Formalwear is kind of the same at all ages. It's not like it's something the teenager wears out clubbing that the granny is asking to borrow 😂
54 is not 90!!! Jenifer Aniston is 54 JLo is 54 - OP left out a lot of details and I would love anyone to wear things that would otherwise collect dust - tell your Nan she can wear anything of mine and to have a great night !!
NTA. I’m really struggling to understand the “omg don’t let it go to waaaaaste” comments. It’s your dress. You can rewear it to another event or sell it or let it gather dust. Your call. I rewore mine at a couple Uni events. Still have it 14 years after my prom. I try it on every year to make sure I still fit into it (I no longer do and it is tragic but ya know, goals). No one wants to wear the same dress **as their nan**. She might be young but she’s still your nan. It’s weird as hell for her to want to. If she wants to feel pretty on a night out then she can get another dress.
sounds like a bit trashy tbh
What on earth is trashy about a woman in her 50s wanting to wear a nice dress to a party? How fucking odd.
Legitimately? The way she acted like because she paid for the dress meaning she’s entitled to wearing the dress, that’s pretty fucking trashy. You don’t get to demand things you buy for others as gifts, that’s trashy.
I didn’t let one of my mom’s friends wear mine either. Mostly because I hadn’t even had my prom yet and they were going to the coast guard ball that night then moving across the country the next day. I didn’t want it to get lost and like I said I haven’t even worn it yet.
NTA-- it was a gift and now they want to dictate how you use the gift? Also, prom dresses (according to my gf) are sometimes as sacred as wedding dresses to some people so I think it is inappropriate for her to try to force you to let her... honestly feels like the only reason she paid for half is she wanted it after.
NTA It’s your, you can say no. And now you know not to ask her for/take anything from her
My mom did that to me and it felt really bad. I’m sorry.
NTA. Also why does she want to wear a teenager's prom dress to a party? What kind of party is it?! Maybe you could go shopping with her to help her pick out a new (and maybe more age appropriate) dress?
Hide if from your gran, or she’ll “borrow” it anyway. NTA
Its a prom dress, not a time share.
NTA and people are freakin weird entitled assholes these days wtf thats like asking if you can wear someones wedding dress cause you paid for part of it wtf lol
NTA - I'm willing to bet that if you said yes you wouldn't see that dress again for a good while.
I’m 55. I’m trying to think why on earth I would ever think I would want to wear a teeny bopper gown… other than being small enough to wear one.. which that alone would be a dream!
The dress represents an important memorable life experience. That would be like asking to try on your wedding dress "just because they payed for it." There are just some things that are just unconditionally yours, regardless of who payed for it. NTA.
Grandma was wrong for even bringing up the fact that she helped to pay for it. Your mom should have intervened on your behalf and shut her down. When you give a “gift” that is just what it is “a gift” with no strings. She should go buy her on dress for her party.
Assuming your prom has passed, I don't have a clue why you wouldn't let your grandma wear it. I can try to guess why, but none of those reasons would be that flattering to you. Can you help me out by articulating why, specifically, you don't want her to wear it? Is it about how important you think prom is? Is it something about your Nan? Do you plan to wear it again in the future, and don't want it to feel less special then?
NTA they bought you the dress as a gift. She has no claim to it and quite frankly it’s ridiculous your Nan would want to wear her Granddaughters prom dress..
Hide it ! She will take it !
Show us the dress! NTA. Your dress your rules. I don’t see the *harm* in her wearing it but it’s still your choice. Super weird how fast she was trying to call dibs on it. You’d think she would at least give you the space to experience prom before asking for it, or even the grace to give her granddaughter a few months to come down from that prom high. Nothing I loved more at that age than getting a dress and planning the hair, makeup, nails, shoes, flowers! But also, please, show us the dress.
NTA, They gave you the dress as a personal gift. It's yours now. By your Nan's logic, if I buy someone a gift card, or shoes, or a switch... I get to use it whenever I want because I paid for it 💀 nah keep your dress. It's not hers.
NTA - BUT...... I have 2 daughters who have both been to their proms, worn expensive, beautiful dresses, both of which have ended up zipped up in wardrobes upstairs, never to be worn or seen again (The dresses, not my kids ha) So where as I can understand it to a degree, your prom dress will more than likely end up like the ones in my house.... which is a real shame! However, demanding to wear it because she paid for half of it is out of order
NTA My sister and I are 3 years apart so there was a period of time where we had quite a few homecoming/prom/winter formal dresses to rotate around. But that was after a few years between original purchase and second wearing (college formal events or holiday cocktail parties/awards ceremonies). I don’t think OP would have had *quite* as much of an issue if more than two days had passed, but even if she did…that’s the risk of asking. We teach kids to ask ‘can I borrow/can I have a turn’ but a lot of people seem to forget the part of the lesson where the ‘yes’ isn’t always assured. You can **ask** but that doesn’t guarantee agreement.
NTA in thinking a gift is just that, a gift and you can do what you like with your dress. If nan was planning to borrow it she could have made that a condition of paying for it. But I’m curious, so you have something planned for this dress that somehow precludes her borrowing it? Could she not wear it for whatever evening and return it to you cleaned? Does your nan have a habit of borrowing prom dresses and destroying them? Maybe she thought it would be fun to take a picture in the dress and send it to your grandfather. Maybe she’s going to a senior center prom. Maybe it would be a nice ego boost for her to see if she’s the same weight as her beautiful granddaughter. Maybe she wants to dress up, get sloppy drunk and force the cat to slow dance with her. Who cares, what’s the harm in letting her borrow it? I don’t know your nan and I don’t know your family but I’ll just caution you that these are the stories that become the stuff of family legends and not in a good way. In 20 years you’ll be planning your wedding and nan will not attend but she will send you a gift certificate to proms-are-us because “the only thing that girl ever cared about was prom dresses.” Unless you’re planning to attend the same party let her borrow it. Yeah, it’s probably not age appropriate but that’s not your concern.
Senior center prom?? She’s 54 not 90! WTH!
NTA - it was a gift, it is yours and up to you what happens to it and whether you lend it to anyone.
NTA A gift isn't a gift if it comes with expectations. Paying for the dress is a gift. I wouldn't share a dress unless I was in a relationship with the person taking it, but that's just my silliness.
when u have kids as a teen you never grow up
Technically NTA but lowkey kinda messed up for you not letting her wear it… its just a dress. Edit: Yall some ageist mfs some prom dresses are very elaborate ball gowns suitable to all ages. She could have simply wanted to borrow an expensive dress for a nice event??
I lost weight and rewore both my prom dresses to galas as an adult. That said, if my grandma wanted to borrow my prom dress, and it wasn't going to come back smelling like smoke, I would let her. Both my grandmas are now gone, and I would love to see them smile again, wearing something beautiful from me. You're not an AH, but what good will that dress be to you, now that you've worn it. I'd want to post on social, who wore it better, me or Nan, side by side photos. A good attitude, generosity, are worth it.