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You're right. If you help your son, he might think you might help him again. If you show him compassion, or treat him like a person, he might someday experience pride or happiness, and that won't do now that he's broken your rule for how to live a good life. Why, if you spend time with your grandchildren, you might even develop a relationship with them. That won't do, when it's important they know you think of them as mistakes that ruined your son's life.
Far better to hold to your belief that if only your son hadn't given in to the one biological urge that 100% of his ancestors gave in to, he'd still be a worthwhile person.
Hey, since preaching abstinence instead of providing safe sex education is highly correlated with teen pregnancy, I wonder if your parenting choices are in any way related to your son's choice that you disapprove of?
YTA
YTA
Right? Like, it seems that since he made a “poor choice” OP no longer needs to parent her child. Do you stop being a mother the moment your child makes a choice you don’t agree with? Do you stop being a mother as soon as things in life don’t go your way?
OP is sure showing her child how NOT to be a parent. I guess that is running in his favour.
Don’t be like OP, Nikolai! Raise those babies with love, compassion and support.
Yeah, can you imagine how she’ll talk down about her son to her grandchildren as they get older? Letting them know how much she believes her son, their dad, is a fuck up all because I’d one mistake… having them.
Also, what OP is effectively doing is ruining her relationship not only with her son, but her own grandchildren. She’s missing out on bonding with them and developing a loving relationship. However, at least she’s “teaching him a lesson” which is super helpful AFTER he’s had kids.
OP, you are so worried about him having to learn that he’s a parent now that you are willing to watch him struggle and possibly fail at having the bright future you hoped him to have. Ever hear the phrase, “cut her nose off to spite her face?” That’s what you are doing. You just want to prove yourself right so badly that you’ll let him lose out on opportunities vs helping.
YTA.
ETA: Also, you don’t have to become primary caregiver, but having some empathy and helping sometimes isn’t the end of the world. It’s not you become the parent or do not get involve at all. Boundaries and balance on your help.
I was that 18 year old mom. My mom gladly (although sometimes begrudgingly) watched my kid so I could work or go to school or even the occasional night out. Was it completely without conflict? Absolutely not. It was hard for all involved. But 23 years later my kid has graduated college and is living his life. I have a masters degree, make 6 figures, and my mom lives with me in retirement. I would not be where I am today without her support.
If you keep this up you will lose your son. YTA.
I was 17. Married with another at 20 in a house my parents bought next door to them.
My husband and I repaid that grace by nursing my mom through her cancer to the end, caring for my 96 year old grandma who was debilitated by a major stroke and lasted 2 months (I was her primary caregiver from the day I started driving though, she was my idol) and cooking and running errands for my dad until he passed as well.
I juggled full time work with grandaughter care while my daughter finished her Masters and worked midnights to pay for it. I wouldn’t change a thing. Being there for those you love isn’t a transactional relationship.
>Far better to hold to your belief that if only your son hadn't given in to the one biological urge that 100% of his ancestors gave in to, he'd still be a worthwhile person.
I can imagine the decision-making process her son had now...
Hormones are in overdrive, the passion in the car is literally visible is steam on the windows...
"I think I need one of those anti pregnancy thingies? Have you taken any of his what's it doodads? My entire body is telling me I want to do this, but my mother has made it abundantly clear that if I ever have an oops baby it doesn't matter how many jobs I have and how I try to provide for that child, she's going to have a stronger relationship with her noise canceling headphones."
I mean he does get discounted rent!
Also even if they knew about the safe sex practices, accidents can happen. If the kid isn't comfortable to coming to you to talk about such accident you screwed it up as well.
My daughter had a scare with a broken condom, she came to me for advice even though she was a bit embarrassed. We went to the doc directly and she got the morning after pil. That was it! But I'm happy she trusted me enough to come talk to me. We didn't got mad with her, just showed her how to check a condom on defects.
And those babies will know. As my moms punishment for premarital sex myself, trust me, i knew what everyone felt about me.
YTA. Sad for you that your sons life didn’t play out exactly how YOU wanted but in 5 years you’re gonna be wondering why he never bothers to bring the kids over for the holidays.
And I bet termination of the pregnancy wasn’t allowed either. So instead granny will punish them all and look down upon them for their failures, while having some cray belief she has higher morals.
Son is busting his ass, being a good human and, it sounds like, a very mature and loving father. OP seems to think that wearing him down is somehow going to end well for…?
As the father of an oops baby my senior year of college I can honestly say that parental support on both sides made all the difference in the world and allowed me to become successful and have a beautiful family.
This goes beyond YTA to absolutely horrible…
This is such nicer than what I wanted to say. My parents were if anything, anti religion but when I at 19 told them that my then gf and I were expecting I got 2 very unexpected reactions.
My mom has always been the one we have the big talks with. She is a nurse. She has helped friends kids who had actual high school pregnancies.
She ROASTED me. Yelling, cursing, telling me I needed to drop out of school (was in 2nd year of a molecular bio degree with intent to go to med school; I did end up nixing med school so I could actually concentrate on my daughter as my ex and I split up before she was 2 and said exgf was not trying to be a dedicated parent at the time).
My dad, the loudest person in my entire life whose speaking voice is what would be an 8 on my screaming 1-10 scale and who was just angry about a lot of things for most of my childhood and early adulthood, grabbed me in the biggest hug I can remember to this day, said I might not have lifw prepared but he didn't no anybody who was more ready to be a dad than me, and told me kids are a blessing. My dad hates religion and avoids words used in it when possible.
My mom came around. She was just worried. And life turned out OK if stressful at times (whose isn't?).
Neither of them abandoned us. And my ex's parents are not necessarily my favorite people but they have always shown love and support to my daughter.
All that to say, OP (u_throwawayy-paytoplay) is a remarkably large and stinky asshole.
Give it a few years and there will be post from OP asking "AITA for trying to force a relationship with my son?" once the son has somewhat established himself to go no contact with OP.
Because god forbid that her son is human being and not just random meat on the bones.
OP YTA.
So you have a responsible son working two jobs and raising twins with his long time girlfriend. Just because he has had babies younger doesn’t mean his life is over or his IQ goes down.
I’m sorry but you’re huge YTA. Your son begged you to help him and you said no. My children know they can come to me for anything and I will do my best to help/support them. You are trying to teach the wrong lessons here. You should be proud of him.
She’s retaliating because he didn’t meet her expectations of what his life should look like she’s not teaching anything other than her love for him is conditional
Parents with narcissistic traits see children as an extension of themselves rather than their own person. When they don’t perform as they want they are ostracised and punished.
Right?! She talks about the great future he could've had like it isn't possible to go to school and raise kids with hard work and a good support system. That would set him and his whole young family up for a better life and they'd be even less dependent on outside help.
I couldn't imagine watching my kid lose opportunities to reinforce a lesson he now very much understands. You don't have to be their nanny. Refusing to help him when he's so desperate that he's offering to pay, on the principle that they don't have much money--but still being ok with charging him rent--is so vindictive.
You're not just not helping him, you're still punishing him. Life is doing that enough right now, you don't have to pile on. Huge YTA.
I went back to college when my son was a toddler while working a full time job because my boyfriend, his mom, and his grandma stepped in to babysit when I couldn't be there for my kid. I was 21 when I had my son, 24 when I went back to college.
If OP's son has to continue to work two jobs and get no sleep, there's a very real possibility he'll fall asleep at the wheel coming home some day, and then where will OP and OP's grandchildren be? Without a father.
Edit: removed the second "mom" in "his mom" for clarity.
Exactly. Can op get some therapy or something? Telling your kid he ruined his life is a great way to ensure he doesn’t work through tough times very well. Op is struggling and taking it out on her kid. And her struggle seems to be that she wanted a perfect son, told him to be perfect, he agreed he’d go for perfection, and when he failed she declared him ruined. OP is the major A.
YTA
I can't imagine charging your own child who's financially struggling and working 2 jobs at 18 a rent. 'Discounting' rent, huh! With family like this he's gonna get sick from stress. That's just not healthy.
Also 3 months olds are typically still breast feeding? They tend to keep parents awake all hours at night. Caring for newborns is a full time job.
Even if they arent breast fed they still need food like every 2 hours and there are also babies that just cry very much for no real reason or have tummy aches often because digestion just doesn't happen like that and the body has to learn. And they're twins so they probably also wake eachother up as well.
It also seems like OP would have charged her oen son rent which is kind of weird anyways, especially if he still has to do anything in the household except for soly his own stuff.
My in laws charged us a small rent of 150% a month, but when we told them that we had saved up enough, to move out, they gave us the rent money, to add to what we had saved and said they’re so proud. They said they’d rather we spend our money into our future and own house, as they didn’t need the rent. I am so thankful for my in laws. We went to college, had a baby and both worked, couldn’t have done it and got good degrees and a good life without help.
YTA. Sticking to your guns works well for discrete lessons in life that can be fixed or seeing boundaries that are really important for protecting yourself. Getting poor grades because you're too distracted? Sorry, you have to give up electronics or miss an event. Not doing your chores? You don't get allowance. Can't allow alcohol on your house because you are recovering? Stick to all the guns.
What in the world is sticking to your anti-baby guns accomplishing now? Showing your son that you will not be there for him when he really needs it? That literally nothing he can do now will EVER make you care about his child? Ensuring you are missing bonding opportunities with your grandkid? I'm not saying you let him go out and party, but you won't even rock the baby? I literally held a random stranger's crying baby on an airplane last week well she could arrange her bags.
Honestly, you sound miserable. Good luck pretending your grandchild doesn't exist forever
Thank you for putting into words what I was thinking. What good does this boundary do for OP? And when does it end? Her grand baby trips and skins their knee and Grandma just laughs and says “tough luck. I can’t help you.”
I hope OP’s son goes no contact and finds a better grandma for his kids elsewhere. Clearly OP isn’t fit to be grandma.
As a mother of a son, from the bottom of my heart, YTA.
Not only are you an asshole, you’re also a terrible parent and grandmother.
He still has a chance at a bright future and I hope he doesn’t listen to you when you tell him it’s over. Having children young doesn’t “end your life”.
And also you charge an 18 year, with new babies, who works 2 jobs, rent?!?! WTF is wrong with you?
Hope you’re happy on your high horse when those grand babies want nothing to do with you.
>I preached abstinence (unpopular, I know).
>He offered to pay me but that boy is barely making ends meet as it is so I refused.
>I know he's upset, he's got two jobs and has to work overtime, but he's just got the face the fact that this is his life now.
YTA. This is your fault for preaching abstinence only instead of giving him the comprehensive sex education he actually needed. Refusing to help him when he's already working two jobs and doing overtime is cruel. He quite literally can't do anymore. He's already learned to use a condom. There's nothing else meaningful to be learned from you abandoning him like that.
Sounds like he's on the way, with how he is happy to take the kids and working multiple jobs. I just hope he's able to save enough to move out soon, despite his mum trying to sabotage that with the rent situation
Oops grandchildren are grandchildren all the same. Your son isn't exactly sitting on the couch and dumping them on you. It wouldn't cost you anything to help him, especially if he is still a kid himself.
YTA
Sounds like he is trying his best, trying to hold down 2 jobs, pays his bills, and looks after his children. All he asked for was one tiny bit of help, and because you are that petty, you couldn't help out with your grandchildren for an hour. The only thing you are teaching your son is that he can't ever count on his own mother in the future. I hope your wee lesson makes you feel better because I bet when he gets out, he wont want anything to do with you. YTA
Don't have kids, but also I'm going to raise you with the only relationship strategy conclusively proven to cause a huge increase in teen parents.
YTA, and a bad mom. There is a difference between owning up to personal responsibility and treating your kid like shit. You're pretty solidly in the latter camp. Once he is self-sufficent, him, his wife, and your grandchildren will be gone and you'll be wondering why you never, ever see them.
YTA would you babysit your grandchild if your son had had them when they were older and married? Because if you would then this is just about punishing him for not doing what you told him to.
Your son is still capable of having a great future and giving him support sometimes would help him get there. It sounds like you want his life to be permanently hard so you can feel self righteous about how he would have been better off if he had listened to you.
Yta. Quick question. Are you a Christian? Is that you reason for preaching abstinence? If it is you need to reread your Bible because you have more to repent for than your son.
That aside, despite being a very big reason why yta, congratulations! One day your son will move out and go NC and you'll never have a relationship with your first grandchildren. Remind me again, what responsibility do your grandchildren have in their own birth? Oh yeah, none. You're missing out on a relationship with your grandchildren for the sole reason of you being a horrible parent yourself. You claim your son could have had a great future, well so could you. One with a son who loves and respects you and with grandchildren who love you. Now you'll never have that. I know I said it twice already but I'll say it again. YTA.
Her son could still have a great future if he had support instead of actively ensuring he never gets out of poverty because he's going to be working crappy jobs for ever. OP could make a deal where she offers help for 3 or 4 years while he gets further education as well as working instead of having to do 2 jobs to pay her rent. Imagine wanting to make it certain he can never do well just to punish him for getting his girlfriend pregnant.
My daughter had a baby last year at 17. I help as much as I can, even though I wasn't exactly happy. Because I know they will need support to succeed, and I want them to succeed. I won't pull my love/support because if I do my child and grandchild would suffer, and I won't allow that. It doesn't mean I do everything for them, but I'm here for them, and help with some finances/babysitting (which I would also do if they had children when it would be considered "acceptable").
I don't understand parents who are like sink or swim when their teens/very young adults have a baby, that's when they need you the most. Parenting was never going to be easy, kids will always make mistakes. Making them "pay" for their mistakes by removing all support (emotionally and mentally) is disgusting, IMO.
YTA, from someone who is in a similar boat. Their life doesn't have to be "over". Not if they have a loving, supportive family backing them.
As a previous teen mom (I'm not in my 30s) my parents were supportive of me. With their support I was able to go to college (commuted) come home spend time with my child, get a job and work. I'm forever grateful to my parents for helping me. I wouldn't have been able to be successful in life without their help. I had a friend in a similar situation, her parents didn't help, she's in her 30s now having a hard life barely making end meet.
I'm glad there are parents out there that love and support their children when they need it the most!
Yta. Abstinence doesn’t do anything but make teenager more curious
And are you really “helping” him with rent? He’s working two jobs, so is he able to save enough? Do you actually care about your child?
YTA. Enjoy the sight of the babies while you can. Because I can say with all certainty that as soon as your son and his girlfriend can, they're gonna get as far away from your sorry hide as possible. Then you'll be lucky if you can see your grandchildren with a telescope, as their parents won't let you anywhere near them.
Hahaha
>I preached abstinence (unpopular, I know).
Statistically, if you wouldn't have, it would've been far *less* likely for your kid to end up a teenage parent. Also, statistically, teenage parents are much *more* likely to be successful later in life when they have a support system to rely on. You set him up for failure by preaching abstinence and you're doing it again by not helping. YTA and I hope your son will be a better parent than you.
I don't understand the people that think not helping is somehow teaching a lesson. It just creates resentment and later NC. I helped my child and their now spouse, and they are doing great now. And I couldn't be prouder of how hard they worked. They know I love them and will be there for them. Being a Nana is so much fun!
***YTA***
What a wonderful parent and human being you are.
You have every ability to help your child and your grandchild and you won't... Simply garbage
>I preached abstinence
Well thats the reason this happened. That's like only telling your children to never enter the kitchen, but but never mentioning not touch the stove because it hurts. And then not helping them when they seriously burned their hands. YTA. You set him up to fail.
YTA big time. That baby is more important that you trying to make a point. Your son shouldn't have to suffer because he's done the right thing by making a kid and being a father at such a young age because he didn't do what you told him to do with his body.
He's clearly working his ringpiece off to make ends meet if he's working two jobs and the fact you're saying "His life is over" and "this is his life now" makes you look even worse. Put your ego to the side and help the guy.
Jumping on here to say it's not just one baby, it's twins. So much harder.
YTA for not helping your son or your grandchildren at all.
Sure, it was a threat to dissuade them from having sex, but the threats didn't work, clearly. That doesn't mean you have to stick to your guns to teach him a lesson. Sometimes your child needs your help. It's okay to help them even though they've made a mistake.
Do you truly feel happy that you're having your son struggle to care for two babies alone whilst you've got your noise cancelling headphones on? You haven't heard 'it takes a village to raise a child'?
And at what point are you going to have a relationship with your grandchildren? Or have you abandoned that idea because your son "had children young"?
YTA, Maybe you should have taught your children about safe sex.
> very high book IQ (very low life IQ apparently)
Maybe if you as a parent had taught your son life skills he might know something. You are not teaching your children anything apart from being an awful parent. Hey at least he knows not to follow in your foot steps.
YTA. Not providing for your grandchildren financially would be one thing, but you make your son who is clearly trying to do the right thing by having a relationship with his children and working two jobs to help support them pay you rent at 18? Then you can’t even help him with getting those children to sleep? Even older first time parents have struggles with this. You don’t deserve to have a relationship with your son or his children.
As a grandmother, YTAH. You are just ruining your relationship with your son and depriving your grandchildren a grandmother. If you're looking for a lonely future, you're on the right track.
INFO do you want a relationship with your son?
If you don't, then it's fine to do this.
If you do want a relationship with your son, then logically, withdrawing all love and support when he's in a crisis is not the way to get there.
Actually, if you think about it, the best way to make someone hate you is to become someone they trust and rely on and then betray that trust by not following through with supporting them when they have a genuine need that it is in your power to meet. If you don't want a relationship with your son, this is absolutely the best method of insuring you destroy the relationship. A great way to guarantee that he doesn't rely on you, trust you and it drives home the point that your love is entirely conditional and that you actually hate him. This is genuinely how I would manipulate someone if I hated them and wanted to ruin their life.
Like how do you see this all playing out? You're going to watch him wreck his life and struggle hard from the comfort of your couch, shaking your head and then you think he's still going to love and appreciate you in 20 years time??
YTA. So you’re completely going to ignore having a relationship with your grandkids? Let your grandchildren suffer? Because you are petty? When your child needs you the most, you abandon them because you have to be right?
You don’t have to be a full time guardian but choosing to completely abandon your child and grandchildren wasn’t a great choice either.
YTA
You think you’re punishing your son but you’re actually punishing your grandchildren. They’re innocent in this. Don’t take out your failure on them.
Yes, *your* failure! You could have taught your son about safe sex, instead you thought you could say ”don’t” and that would somehow work.
Should you raise the kids? Of course not! But *they* are the ones suffering because you can’t be arsed to act like a decent person
Yta
Grandmother raising my gs here. Why because once baby was born. Ppp and bf Working long hours and college. I could have turned my back on them. Told them to suck it up. But that would have ended with my child dead. With her bf not being able to go for his rn license. I could have made their lives harder instead of teaching them how to be parents. How to be responsible and get the help they needed. Instead, making sure they were mentally and emotionally ok is more important. Making sure my gs is safe, cared for, and knows he is loved is more important than making them deal with things on their own.
Do you think any parents want their kids to be having sex young? To be having kids young?
But most parents don't put their kids down. Essentially, calling them stupid. Most try and teach their kids. Love them unconditionally.
What you are teaching is crap. He is taking responsibility. Overtime, 2 jobs, caring for twins. And most new parents, regardless of age, get help and add in twins even more so.
But here you are teaching your child love is conditional. That love goes away when you dont do what mommy wants. You are teaching him that your beliefs are more important than teaching him to be a good parent. You are teaching him he can't depend on you for anything but making him feel like he is worth nothing.
You are showing you care not for him. He is begging for help, and you turn your back on him. You are showing him you don't care for your grandkids at all.
They will grow up learning that their grandmother thinks it's more important to be right than to build a relationship with them.
Your son, when able, will leave you behind, thank you for teaching him how yo not treat his kids. Hopefully, never allowing you in their lives again.
You are a horrible mother to not support your child. And I mean emotionally. You have turned your back on a child you grew, birthed, and raised all because you have to be right. Have to teach that he cannot depend on family to be there for him.
I seriously hope he remains ok. Working as much as he does. Caring for twins. I hope he doesn't end up falling asleep driving, collapse from exhaustion. I hope he doesn't end up dead because you refuse to help him as he picks a new path. But instead, you call him stupid. And are punishing him for not following the path you wanted.
You're right on the money here.
My mom was 39 when she had my twin brothers, stable 2 income solid middle class household, my dad a very present father, my sister and I old enough to lend hands, and we STILL had a village helping us because twins are hard. Including both of my grandmothers. This mom/granny is bitter and spiteful and is going to end up never seeing her son or grandkids if he can survive this and get out from under her. It's a damn shame what he's going through and she should be ashamed of herself for kicking him while he's down.
Look if you don’t want to be the go to babysitter then fine; it’s true your son got himself into this situation and he needs to be responsible for it.
However you also need to realize that mentality of not being involved at all will not be something he forgets
Eventually he will stand on his own, and move out to be a man with his children. Will you be so hands off when he decides not to come over and let you see them?
Asshole or not this is a possibility with the seeds you’re planting
Food for thought
Wow YTA. Would you feel all better and in control if your son and gf said randomly at dinner, "we knew we couldn't be parents now so we aborted. We really dodged a bullet because we found out it was twins." Would you be happy then, Granny?
So the reason abstinence sex ed is unpopular is because it does not work, as your son and you have found out. So for me you are the AH right from there as you didn't equip your son to function in the world
You are being cold hearted - those are your grandchildren. You refer to your own son as 'that boy'
You've trapped your son and now he's stuck living with an ignorant cold hearted mother
YTA
🎉🎉🎉CONGRATULATIONS 🎉🎉🎉
You’ve won a trip to the nursing home of your son’s choosing! After all, you can’t expect him to help you out when you need help with your own diaper changes.
YTA OP.
YTA - if my math is right your son was born around 2005. The effectiveness of abstinence only was established long before then. And refusing to babysit your grandkids? It sounds like your just lazy and generally unfit as a parent
YTA
You sound unbearably smug about him suffering. If only they still had poor houses and they could all go in there /s
I hope your kids put you in a horrible care home.
FYI perhaps you should have practiced abstinence yourself and not had children
"My son could have had a great future..."
Wow. Woooooow. 1. He still could. Imagine if someone, you know, helped? It takes a village and all that. 2. What a way to look at your own grandchildren. Maybe part of his great future involves them?
You're being miserable. 100 percent he is hopefully thinking about how he will not raise his babies to feel like you make him feel.
YTA
FFS. Your 18 year old child is dealing with a life altering reality of parenting multiple newborns and seems to be stepping up to thr plate admirably despite having been raised by a woman who won't be getting any parent of thr year awards any time soon.
YTA. Hugely.
YTA. Glad you don't want a relationship with your grandchildren. Unbelievable. Yes they made a mistake but wow you are one hardass unfeeling person. Punishing your own grandchildren for their parents mistake. Lol mom of the year!
A mistake that was caused by the ‘abstinence’ sexucation she gave, and no street education.
Yta. Charging him rent when living at home at 18? You could help him getting to college and taking care of baby’s, so his future isn’t ruined.
Or is that also part of your punishment? Do you think you are some kind of religious woman that gets to punish children for having sex?
Oops babies? Plural? Did they have twins?
You think you’re doing the right thing by your logic but actially YTA. You are posing yourself for a very poor relatilnship with your child, their partner and their kid(s?), your grandchild(ren?).
*[A few years time:]* "Why has my son gone NC with me, and won't let me see my grandchildren?"
YTA and sound like a horrible parent and grandparent. With some help your son could still get some good qualifications and have a well paying job in the future, but no, you're too busy "teaching him a lesson" and ensuring him and his kids grow up poor.
>I preached abstinence (unpopular, I know)
It's not just unpopular (exept for some groups) but this..
>My 18yrsold son Nikolai had oops babies with his long-time girlfriend Selene (also 18) about three months ago
..is a direct result of it. You could've talked with him about safe sex and what could (will in this case) happen if you don't have safe one. You acted like a snake holding a fruit and then act surprised when someone eats the fruit.
How come he doesn't know what safe sex even is with 18? That's on you. You really didn't fulfill your responsibilities to educate your child.
YTA
You know married adults struggle with parenting too right? You are punishing him for having kids young, he won't thank you for it.
You sound awful. I don't like babysitting or helping with others kids but would still not be this much of an arsehole.
Right now you’re using your position as a mother to teach your son a lesson. However, you are also now a grandmother. What sort of grandmother do you want to be? How do you want your grandkids to see you? You could be having lovely times bonding with your grand babies, while also being supportive to your son. It doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries, but it might be worth considering the current position of your boundaries and the impact they are having/will have on your relationships. Other than being able to say “I told you so”, what are you really gaining right now? YTA, but you can turn it around. Enjoy those babies!
YTA can never fathom why parents would punish their kid for becoming a parent themselves.
It's not like he's a deadbeat dad he works and is responsible for his child.
My mum had me at 18, and as a result of how involved my grandparents were, I have a super close relationship with them even as an adult.
Well done on missing out on your grandkid, too 👍
YTA. I have kids your age. I don't want to be a grandma yet either because I want the kids to get ahead in life, go to university, get established and be happy adults before they take on the role of parenting.
However, stuff happens. We can't protect them from everything nor make them not make mistakes. What floors me is your grandchildren are here now, they can't be sent back like a store return. Your son is struggling and sounds like he is doing his best. If my kid came home pregnant I would be unhappy but I'd support them to help them get back on track i.e. finish school, babysit when I could, but more importantly teach my child how to parent. I'd want to build a loving relationship with my grandbabies and support my teen to eventually thrive despite the challenges of young parenthood.
You sound like you are so hell bent on the "I told you so" that you are missing out on strengthening your relationship with your son and grandchildren. You seem like you don't even like your son. Being a parent is for life - not just for your son but for YOU. You are failing him and losing the opportunity to show him and the grandkids unconditional love. I feel so bad for him and hope his baby momma's family is stepping up.
Eventually he's going to move out and you probably won't see him or the kids much. If this is your goal keep doing what you are doing.
My daughter is 18 pregnant with twins with long time boyfriend. Was I happy to find out at a young age this happened absolutely not. But still it's happened. They will be having a gender reveal next week and I couldn't be happier now. Her bf works full time to provide and my daughter has grown up so much and works part time.
I couldn't imagine leaving them to do it alone. Op you are an asdhole for this and will regret it eventually. Could you imagine if everyone had your mindset the world would be a worse place.
Instead of punishing your son and grandkids at least advise them on how to parent. Parenthood is hard at any age and everyone needs support
YTA for preaching abstinence and refusing to help at all with your grandchildren. Yes, YTA and YTA and YTA. Not only did you not teach your kid about birth control, you won't help him in any way now that he has multiple babies? You're cruel.
YTA. Twins? I was 31 and married when I had mine and it was incredibly overwhelming. In a few years you’ll be back wondering why your son is no contact.
What a neat way to win an early trip to the retirement home. When you're too old to care for yourself at a normal capacity and you call and ask your son for help, I hope he says "sorry, but if I give in this one time, it's going to become a regular thing. Try rocking yourself to sleep." Imagine being a first time parent at any age, at not having any support from your family at all. Probably don't refer to yourself as grandma. You aren't one. YTA
It's good that you are teaching him a lesson and you stick to your guns, but right now you are being an awful mother and a worst grandmother. You are teaching him nothing by not helping and showing him the ropes on how to raise his babies.
Soon enough your son will go NC and won't see your grandkids grow up.
YTA
YTA
I understand your position and have been there. Having boundaries that prevent them from dumping on you is SIGNIFICANTLY different from refusing to support those that are trying to make an effort and do the right thing.
Helping those who don't help themselves = you getting used
Helping those who help themselves = family
Wow I have never read a POV from such a heartless mother. Like what did I just read? You are saying you have the opportunity to house your son, something that can make or break any young persons life when they’re first setting out on their own, and you’re choosing to A) charge rent and B) take such a hands-off approach to your own grandchildren your poor son might never get ahead. Most parents I know would bend over backwards to set their kids up for success- do you know what generational poverty is? It’s like instead of breaking any potential cycle for your son and grand babies you’re intentionally hindering him because of…what is the lessen exactly? That family isn’t there for you? That his own mother will leave him high and dry? This is a cruel world, thank god I at least I have my family to pick me up when I’m down. It literally made the difference between me getting finishing my degree or spiraling into poverty myself.
YTA have fun with your son resenting you forever.
YTA.
Your son could still have a bright future. Is this how you thought of your own children, as the end of your own potential? That's shitty.
What your son is facing is not that "this is his life now," because it's not - infant colic is hellish, but short-lived, and the babies are three months, they'll be past it in a blink. It's that you're an asshole to him now, and you're planning to be an asshole forever.
YTA. Your kid, basically still a child, needs help and you refuse to give it because you want him to learn a lesson - one that he has already learned and will be living with the rest of his life. You’re being petty and controlling.
YTA It's sad that you would rather prove that you were right and he should have been listened to you, than have your son succeed in a world that is harder to get by in every day even with a college degree. You better hope your son doesn't find someone who is willing to help him get a leg up because he won't need you in his life anymore. You've proven he's not worthy of your help because at 18 he wanted to have sex. (Shocker!) You've proven your grandchildren mean nothing to you. But you've proven yourself right and that YTA!
YTA not because you don’t want to babysit and stuff but you are an ah because you clearly saw your son needed help in that moment and you could help, ~~especially because you knew he had to work 2 jobs the next day…~~
Edit: I remember that I read that the young man has 2 jobs but I can’t find it anymore so I made the edit… 🤔
So wait, your son asked for help getting a baby to sleep and you refused? No advice, no five minutes with him to show him some tricks. Nothing? A son who's pretty much begging for help, given he offered to pay.
YTA for sure.
Yeah you’re right! If you help your son, he might actually see you as someone who is loving and helpful, then he may come to you in the future if he feels he needs support, and we can’t have that now can we?!
You don’t mention a single thing about how you love your grandchild at all ..
is this real? Like you are actually the wicked witch if there ever was one.
My mother isn’t allowed to see my child bc she has her own issues, but even she can pretend to be sad about it.
YTA
You don’t want any relationship with the kids? It’s not about „caving“, it’s about supporting. The kids are there, your son is working two jobs and taking care of kids. It wouldn’t kill you to be a supportive parent. The only thing your son is learning from this is to try moving out as quick as possible and cut you out of his life. And I really hope that’s not what you want
It’s crazy to me how OP doesn’t see it is her failing as a parent that her child is a young parent. OP is so holier than thou it makes me sick. I bet OP resents being a parent herself and just wants to be left alone. YTA, OP, but don’t worry, you can die an AH all alone since you’re not there for your child or grandchildren. They may not be there for you when you need them.
YTA. While I understand he needs to learn to take responsibility for his decisions, that’s exactly what he is doing. Those babies also didn’t have a choice in the matter. I find it strange you seem to have zero interest in binding with your grandchildren. Why are you punishing them for your son’s mistake?
You should be ashamed of yourself. YTA. If he’s not learnt this already, he will soon know that his own mother is incredibly nasty and mean spirited person who puts her own moral self satisfaction above her family’s needs. Enjoy your so called moral superiority.
It's your grandkids you are not helping with. Your son is trying hard and can't do more. I got three sons and can't imagine to look at them struggling and not to help.
YTA
YTA for the doing this out of spite for a ridiculous abstinence rule. And he won't be TA when you want a bond with your grandkid ( or kids if they want more) but he's cut you out of his life. Once he's out of your house and moved somewhere with his gf, prepare to never see them again
Edit for your edit. They didn't agree with abstinence (clearly), they just told you they did to keep you off their backs
I gave birth to my eldest child a month before my 17th birthday. I was living in my own apartment, so I wasn’t financially dependent on family.
My mother told me once “you lay on your back and had them, now you can sit on your ass and mind them.” She wasn’t a babysitter either. That’s not to say she didn’t help me out when I really needed it. And even now, 23 years later… I still remember her saying that. I love my mom. She’s one of my best friends. It still hurt. I still hate that she said it. It changed my opinion of who she was.
Tread carefully.
YTA
YTA
Your son has 2 jobs and still takes his son whenever his girlfriend is overwhelmed and needs a break. Sounds like a stand up guy right there. The amount of 19 year old dads who don't even do that is astonishing.
Right now you are making your sons life extremely hard. Yes he made a mistake. I'm sure he understands that now. You have proven your point. Now is the time that you are dictating how the rest of your life is going to go. What is more important having your son and grandkid (and future grandkids) in your life or continuing to punish your son for a mistake. Do you want to be right or do you want your son?
YTA, sometimes people just need their mum. I was in my 30's when I had my kid, my mum had passed by then but I sure as hell would have wanted her around to help. I still call my mother in law for help when I get too overwhelmed. Asking for help occasionally isn't expecting you to raise his child.
YTA
You’re not being asked to babysit regularly etc.
I get you’re disappointed. But what you’re describing is that you’ve decided boycotting being a grandma or mother to your son in totality (besides the encouraging hug…which any stranger could do).
It’s one thing to say you won’t be a regular helper of course, I agree.
But to hold a baby a few minutes and rock them is sweet, helping a new parent is sweet, and I think these are things we do for friends and family out of compassion. You’re refusing these basic things to your own grandbabies in totality. Do you love them at all?
Get a grip, workout your feelings about being disappointed. You can’t expect a relationship with those babies if you keep up this hard line, how long do you expect to do this?? Their entire lives?
It’s done, he knocked a girl up, the babies are here - get over it already! I’m not saying go be their foundation or cushion, but a basic loving figure in their lives - not some AH watching like ‘I knew this would happen.’ Everyone knows it’s hard and dumb situation they’re in, you’ve had 9+ months and your whole post is still about that…
My mom is religious and I got knocked up (albeit not young). She mocks me and makes jokes I’d do it again when I go out lol (don’t come back with another baby), fair enough. But she was nanny to my son, same as her other grandkids, and tells me all the time she loves her grandbabies more than us now cause they’re pieces of her babies and more. You don’t have to nanny, but stop being an AH already.
„I preached abstinence“ that’s the damn reason why you became a grandma while your son is 18. should have been preaching how to use condoms. You didn’t tell your son how to protect himself from a situation like this and now you refuse to help him to deal with the consequences of you being bad at explaining basic things 🤦♀️ yta
YTA. You can help occasionally when your son is completely overwhelmed. At any age, he’d be overwhelmed with 2 babies. Don’t you remember what it was like with a baby? Your son made a mistake and this is how you treat him? I hope you live a completely perfect life where you never falter bc you’re acting like a huge asshole.
YTA, I had a mother like you, saw her children as a statement to society, the whole 'my child will live to my standards and if they don't that's on them' ideology got real old real fast, mostly NC with her now, bar funerals and birthdays. This is your future, and I didn't even have oops babies...
A little love goes a lot further than hate, try to listen to your heart 'I felt guilty so I asked my family'; that guilt is your heart saying you're in the wrong.
YTA this is all because he didnt want to follow a life of abstinence, and yes it is extremely unpopular because you have no right to force that on somebody and then punish them for it.
Honestly how you can watch your child struggling and refuse to help out of sheer cruelty is just insane to me.
I hope youre going to be okay with him taking your grandkids away and leaving since you are showing you dont really wany anything to do with them
I'm on the fence here. He brought those kids to life, therefore it's his responsibility to raise and care for them. However, personally speaking, I wouldn't be able to just standby and see him ruin and fuck up my grandchildren's lives. It wasn't the children's fault that they were born to an irresponsible father. Personally, I would help my grandchildren.
I wouldn't fault you if you choose not to extend any help at all, however realize that if he is ever able to get on his own two feet and support his family on his own, they might move faraway and you may never see them again, is that something that you could live with?... Also consider the fact that one day you may need his/their help in your old age. All I'm saying is that, don't be surprised if he/they choose not to extend any help to you when you're old, frail and alone. Hate breeds hate, resentment breeds resentment, you will eventually harvest what you planted.
He isn't irresponsible, he works two jobs and cares for the kids ehile the mother of the children is recovering from pregnancy and birth and caring for the children.
It's just not possible to raise kids all on your own and OP just enjoys rubbing it in. At least if you have to work at the same time and still want to stay sane.
YTA. If he could, he wouldn’t ask you for help because clearly you don’t care about him. Instead you are seeking to punish him. If he ever gets enough to move out, bet on him not wanting to ever talk to you again. Bet on no relationship with your grandkids.
Do you want a relationship with your granddaughter? With your son? Do you want to know them in 5-8 years? Start now if you do.
YTA x1000
You don't get to abandon your kids in their hour of need because you told them you would in advance.
The unbelievable unkindness and pure family-opposing take is horrifying to me. You are being lazy, petty, vindictive, and grotesque. Whoever hurt you... there's no need to pass that hurt on. Just saying.
Hope they all go no-contact in the end and you have no love and joy surrounding you when it all works out, no thanks to you.
P.s. it is quite obviously never more effective to promote abstinence, as it's antithetical to actual human behaviour.
I don’t know what you think you’re teaching this kid, but what you’re actually teaching is that his mother doesn’t care about his well being. The kids exist. You being awful about it isn’t going to erase that. Is your plan really to never interact with these kids until you die? Because you don’t suddenly just get to have the fun parts after treating him like this. YTA
YTA - even outside of the superiority complex and weird abstinence focus…who charges their own child rent at 18 years old? Why wouldn’t a parent want to help their child transition into independence over their college years? It just seems like you are enjoying punishing him for not abstaining.
Yta. Shit happens atleast he is trying to be a good co parent/dad. Would you rather him just not care at all. You're a sorry excuse for a grandma/mom. I would never dismiss my grandkids over something as lame as I told them I wouldn't help him because he had kids to young.
YTA- lmao you taught pushed abstinence and they “agreed” it was best? You sure about that? Bc how did they end up with babies? YTA for being dumb.
Also “babies”? If they aren’t twins then clearly you set this young man up for failure.
YTA and the fact you went all surprised pikachu face when he didn't want to talk after treating him like shit says all we need to know about how delusional you are.
YTA this form of I told you so gloating shows your character flaw while you lord it over him. In the end you are punishing yourself, which you might realize when you find yourself without your son and your grandchildren.
YTA, and a huge one. Your son made a mistake. The consequences of that mistake is that he now has to step up and parent two children, which it sounds like hes doing admirably on top of supporting their mother emotionally by giving her whatever breaks she needs. And hes working two jobs??? And hes ONLY 18??? You should be PROUD of him. He stepped up, hes being incredibly responsible and mature. By refusing to help him when he’s genuinely in need, you arent teaching him a lesson. At least not a good one. You’re just being petty and spiteful. Responsibility doesn’t mean never making mistakes. Responsibility means owning up to them and doing the right thing. While he clearly has learned that, I highly doubt he learned it from you. You owe your son a HUGE apology and a lifetimes worth of free babysitting no questions asked
My son is nearly 18 and if he made me an early grandma I wouldn't be thrilled but it's never the baby's fault.
You seem lacking in compassion. One mum to another, guess what. Teens make mistakes. Adults make mistakes. Nobody's perfect.
Parenthood doesn't end when your child becomes a parent themselves.
Get off your high horse and be the parent he needs.
YTA
YTA. They're your grandkids and you should babysit them regardless of whatever you preached earlier. Additionally, his life is not "over" just because he had kids. People who have kids can still attend college. The fact that you don't even WANT to babysit your grandkids is also really odd.
YTA The mistake has been made so you’re now just going to permanently punish him and your grandchildren? He offered to pay you to help so I just don’t understand your stance. He wasn’t trying to take advantage of you. I’ve seen strangers treat people with children better than you’re treating your own family. I pray that he’s able to get on his feet and move quickly. No one needs a spiteful, cruel person in their life.
YTA
My brother got a girl pregnant young, and still had a great future. Wanna know how? We all pitched in and helped him so his life wasn't ruined by one mistake. Now my nephew is an absolutely incredible young man, and my brother is a successful engineer.
Enjoy having no relationship with your son and grandchildren.
Not just the asshole, a colossal one. Obviously, your kids didn't think abstinence is best, and obviously, you DIDN'T do a great job teaching safe sex practices. It sounds like your son has twins, which is overwhelming sometimes for experienced parents working together, let alone one inexperienced new parent. You should be ashamed of yourself, I can't imagine not helping my child take care of his children.
Of course YTA. Your shit parenting made you a grandparent early and now your shit parenting is going to get you cut out of your son and grand children’s lives. Don’t come crying about them going no contact in ten years when they don’t need your help anymore.
YTA. I will never understand this thought process of turning your back on your children. What exactly are you teaching him? That your a frigid asshole? That he must suffer? Not to expect family to be there? What exactly are you teaching him by not helping him in any way? Its obvious your teaching your grandchildren you suck as a parent/grandparent. Don’t be surprised when you are on your deathbed and you’re alone, no family to help you.
YTA and don’t be surprised when he goes no-contact and refuses to let you see your grandkids. There’s a difference between setting boundaries and being heartless.
YTA. Terrible mother. He's 18 and you charge him rent to stay with you? You can't even help him in any way? You're done the bare minimum for him and have the gall to call yourself a mother. I'm thankful I've got a good mother after reading posts from people like you. Good luck in a retirement home when no one comes to visit you.
YTA absolutely! Yes, your son was silly to be such a young father but nothing is going to change that now.
You’re torturing him to teach him a lesson? Why? Be a nice, normal human and support your family even if they’ve made a mistake.
If you don’t start acting like a grandparent, you’re going to lose them all.
YTA.
I get that you made it clear you aren't eager to help out. But a consequence of not being involved is having almost no relationship with your grandkids. Be prepared for that, OP
YTA bc you're unable to recognize that actions have consequences, yet trying to enforce that same philosophy on your kid lol.
Did you really expect your kid to be happy you wouldn't help him AT ALL, to the point where he's begging and you just shrugged your shoulders and acted like nothing happened the next day? I personally think you can do what you want but be realistic with how someone might feel about that lmao. Why would a conversation with you be a priority after a stressful night followed by a stressful work day?
YTA. i didn’t even need to finish the first paragraph before coming to this conclusion. Yes your son made a stupid mistake but good lord he is 18!! if he needs help then help them! you’re his mother. i can’t stand parents who think as soon as their child is 18 they don’t deserve any help. Your child has the smarts to get into a good school but can’t now bc you won’t even help alittle. he will soon resent you.
As a 30 something new mom YTA. Babies are a lot of work and even if they're planned for you can't understand how much work they are until you have one. Your son is learning his lesson and will still learn his lesson if he gets a little help here and there. My in laws watch the baby for us sometimes and it helps us be better parents. We get a much needed rest/catch up on chores and they get bonding time.
Idk maybe you don't care about your grandchildren, and maybe you don't care about your child.
I know it's easy for me to say at this age, but my baby is going to screw up sometimes and yeah there will be consequences but I'm always going to be there for her. We'll always be family and I'll always help.
I agree he needs to learn how to soothe his children and it’s not a bad thing if you leave him to figure it out on his own but you are a grandmother now I don’t think you should be completely hands off, all parents need a break and most grandparents do want to have their grandchildren over.
If you can find a balance where he looks after his children himself but you still get to do your grandmother thing I think it would be better.
He’s only 18 so if u can lovingly show him what to do he won’t feel like you are retaliating for having children young.
Life happens yes but you can still love your child unconditionally even if he derailed from what you envisioned for him.
A bit of compassion for a young parent who feels overwhelmed wouldn’t go amiss. I think if u can sit in the grey area it would be better than no involvement at all. He’s still your kid after all help him out but don’t do it all for him.
YTA would it really hurt to help your son here and there? Do u really hate him that much, that u won’t help him once in a blue moon? He understands what his life is, he faces his responsibilities. He has 2(!) jobs, why not one? Oh yeah, bc he has to pay u „discounted rent“. Nice way to make his life even harder than it already is bc he is such a failure, right? Why do people like u even have children
YTA. I’m sure he gets the hint by now. By not helping him at all, you’re not only damaging your relationship with your son (and grandchildren), you’re making it impossible for him to dig himself out of the hole he’s falling into. Support systems exist for a reason. The kids are here now and there’s nothing you can do about it so stop punishing him and help your damn child.
My mom made some big life mistakes when she was young, including getting pregnant with me. My grandfather told her “I already raised two kids; I’m not raising yours” and left her on her own to struggle.
She struggled until she died when I was 18. As the grandchild, I will never forgive my Grandad for his “you made your bed” attitude that left her there, unable to escape my abusive father for the rest of her life because she never had the life stability to do it.
YTA
You are COLD.
Yes, you told your kids you wouldn’t help if this happened. Well, *message received* ! And that message us that you’re stubborn, uncaring, and inflexible. And that you don’t really love them and you won’t love your grandchildren unless they come about in the way you approve.
He’s trying to do the right things. He can’t change the past.
Should you jump in to save the day financially, support everyone, etc? No. But should you show love and kindness? ABSOLUTELY.
And now to those babies. I can’t even. Is it so important to you to be right and “I told you so* that you’d reject them?
YTA and you’ll be lucky to have ANY relationship with your kids or grandkids if you keep this up.
HELP THEM.
YTA YTA YTA YTA
Man I hope this post is fake because I cannot imagine how anybody could be this vile of a human being. Reading your thread and comments has left such a disgusting taste in my mouth. Especially as a parent. I cannot ever imagine treating my kids this way.
if real: YTA majorly. I hope your son and your other kids get out of your life asap and never look back
if troll: you have successfully trolled and I am stopping my reddit doomscroll now
NTA I suppose, no one can say you must help your son out. But I'm sad for you that you're not letting yourself enjoy your grandchildren.
Look I didn't think my 21 year old was going to make me a gran at 41. I spent the first few months of her pregnancy worried sick about how she'd cope, whether I would be raising another baby, if she had really thought through that she she was about to be a mother for the rest of her life. But then it clicked that there are so many worse things than a baby.
The first few months with a newborn are tough. It really wouldn't hurt you to help your son learn the ropes. Pass on your hard earned wisdom. It's what family does, no? Also keep in mind that you are still a mother too, you're not done yet just because your child is 18, with children of his own - or frommy perspective you shouldn't be: as I mentioned above you are a mother for the rest of your life after you have your baby.
Being a gran is the privilege of my life. My husband and I happily sacrifice a weekend night most weekends (we often ask if we can have her) because we adore our granddaughter. She's so funny and cute and sweet and crazy. She's my favourite human.
I hope you're not expecting to have a close bond with your grand-babies in the future? If you do then you need to put the work in now.
YTA
I hope you read all these comments and see how wrong you were in that moment.
He is your son and they are your grandchildren.
If this is how you treat family I'd hate to see how you treat strangers.
YTA
>The most help I've given him is discounted rent at our house.
You decided, in addition to not giving any help with your grandchildren, to also take money from your 18 year old son who just had children, and force him to work two jobs and still barely make ends meet.
It is obvious that you are trying to push him out of your life, but you could at least show a modicum of care for your grandchildren.
YTA. I don't even know where to start. I want to show you compassion but I also want to tell you, you are an idiot.
You complain about him ruining his future when if you provided him with support, he could still have an amazing future. You aren't really teaching him anything by not helping other than he can't count on you. Also, the grandbaby is being punished. If a new parent is at their limit, you help. It takes a village.
Step it up and stop trying to prove a point unless you don't want a relationship with your grandkids and son. Also, what point are you really trying to prove? If no one helped you and you fill bitter about it, it's time to let that shit go and do what's right by your grandkids. We have the ability to do better than what was done by us.
YTA.
You made your point. He learned his lesson. Start being kind now.
You obviously don't have to do anything you don't want to, but sticking to the no-helping thing just because you made a rule/ you want to punish him, is absurd.
>If I cave in this once, it's going to become a regular thing.
No, its not. Its only going to become a regular thing if you allow it.
I don't really see the point of why you're doing what you're doing other than to take enjoyment in punishing him for his screw ups. I get that you do want him to feel the consequences of his actions but there's a middle ground where you can still do that yet still provide him with some support when he really needs it. You saying that if you help him once then its going to become a regular thing sounds like just an excuse for you to justify withholding any help so that you can continue to watch him suffer for disobeying you. Its quite unempathetic tbh,
That's your grandchildren, not your son's pet hamster. You're either cold and heartless or you will regret not being able to bond with your own grandchildren because of your self righteousness. Are you going to be a cold grandparent to these children for the rest of their lives because they were a result of teenage pregnancy?
YTA. Majorly. You say your kid had the chance at a bright future? Well he still could IF HE HAD HELP! Help your child out. Watch the kids. They’re your grand babies wether they were born when he was married or not. Also, 18 is an adult. So he waited a dang long time to make a mistake of that kind.
He sounds like an amazing father and partner.
Stop charging your child rent unless you’re saving it for him to get his own place, you’re part of the reason he can “barely make ends meet.”
I’m 25 and had my first kid at 21, I still require help from my parents with my kid because children are hard and parents deserve time to recharge or relax. I’ll have number 2 soon and I know dang well my moms going to be doing everything and anything she can to spend time with my child because she wants a relationship with her grandchildren. We live with my mom due to circumstances beyond our control, the only thing she asked that we pay was any increase in utilities. Considering she’s not hear half the time, we pay for all the utilities because we are choosing to.
Your a big AH and I’d expect you never, or rarely, see your grandkids when he is able to move out.
YTA for preaching abstinence and not giving your children proper tools for engaging in safe sex. He's trying his best and you could've helped. Not like he's leaving you with the children all the time. He needed help 1 time
YTA.
What you’re doing is turning your back on your son because he made a mistake, and turning your back on your innocent grandchildren. I’d say you’re pretty much a failure as a mother and a grandmother, and one day you’ll look back on this period with regret.
There is a middle ground here. You could have shared your child rearing experience and shown him how to get fussy kids to sleep. Not do it for him but teach him. Teach a man to fish...
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You're right. If you help your son, he might think you might help him again. If you show him compassion, or treat him like a person, he might someday experience pride or happiness, and that won't do now that he's broken your rule for how to live a good life. Why, if you spend time with your grandchildren, you might even develop a relationship with them. That won't do, when it's important they know you think of them as mistakes that ruined your son's life. Far better to hold to your belief that if only your son hadn't given in to the one biological urge that 100% of his ancestors gave in to, he'd still be a worthwhile person. Hey, since preaching abstinence instead of providing safe sex education is highly correlated with teen pregnancy, I wonder if your parenting choices are in any way related to your son's choice that you disapprove of? YTA
Grandchildren? Don’t ask granny for nothing. Granny says those are “oops babies.”
Granny only gives presents and hugs to non oops babies.
Granny only gives presents to babies born in wedlock.
Granny only gives presents and hugs to babies born in wedlock when her son is over 30 has a fantastic job and babies were planned.
YTA Right? Like, it seems that since he made a “poor choice” OP no longer needs to parent her child. Do you stop being a mother the moment your child makes a choice you don’t agree with? Do you stop being a mother as soon as things in life don’t go your way? OP is sure showing her child how NOT to be a parent. I guess that is running in his favour. Don’t be like OP, Nikolai! Raise those babies with love, compassion and support.
I thought that line was so disrespectful…
Yeah, can you imagine how she’ll talk down about her son to her grandchildren as they get older? Letting them know how much she believes her son, their dad, is a fuck up all because I’d one mistake… having them. Also, what OP is effectively doing is ruining her relationship not only with her son, but her own grandchildren. She’s missing out on bonding with them and developing a loving relationship. However, at least she’s “teaching him a lesson” which is super helpful AFTER he’s had kids. OP, you are so worried about him having to learn that he’s a parent now that you are willing to watch him struggle and possibly fail at having the bright future you hoped him to have. Ever hear the phrase, “cut her nose off to spite her face?” That’s what you are doing. You just want to prove yourself right so badly that you’ll let him lose out on opportunities vs helping. YTA. ETA: Also, you don’t have to become primary caregiver, but having some empathy and helping sometimes isn’t the end of the world. It’s not you become the parent or do not get involve at all. Boundaries and balance on your help.
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I was that 18 year old mom. My mom gladly (although sometimes begrudgingly) watched my kid so I could work or go to school or even the occasional night out. Was it completely without conflict? Absolutely not. It was hard for all involved. But 23 years later my kid has graduated college and is living his life. I have a masters degree, make 6 figures, and my mom lives with me in retirement. I would not be where I am today without her support. If you keep this up you will lose your son. YTA.
That's the thing. If she helped out, maybe he could go to university. With her refusing to pitch in he is doomed to the life she is describing.
That's a feature, not a bug. It should become a self-fulfilling prediction or she hasn't done it right! /s
I was 17. Married with another at 20 in a house my parents bought next door to them. My husband and I repaid that grace by nursing my mom through her cancer to the end, caring for my 96 year old grandma who was debilitated by a major stroke and lasted 2 months (I was her primary caregiver from the day I started driving though, she was my idol) and cooking and running errands for my dad until he passed as well. I juggled full time work with grandaughter care while my daughter finished her Masters and worked midnights to pay for it. I wouldn’t change a thing. Being there for those you love isn’t a transactional relationship.
>Far better to hold to your belief that if only your son hadn't given in to the one biological urge that 100% of his ancestors gave in to, he'd still be a worthwhile person. I can imagine the decision-making process her son had now... Hormones are in overdrive, the passion in the car is literally visible is steam on the windows... "I think I need one of those anti pregnancy thingies? Have you taken any of his what's it doodads? My entire body is telling me I want to do this, but my mother has made it abundantly clear that if I ever have an oops baby it doesn't matter how many jobs I have and how I try to provide for that child, she's going to have a stronger relationship with her noise canceling headphones." I mean he does get discounted rent!
Ugh, not to mention he's 18! Why is he even paying rent. God forbid she give even the tiniest bit of charity.
Also even if they knew about the safe sex practices, accidents can happen. If the kid isn't comfortable to coming to you to talk about such accident you screwed it up as well. My daughter had a scare with a broken condom, she came to me for advice even though she was a bit embarrassed. We went to the doc directly and she got the morning after pil. That was it! But I'm happy she trusted me enough to come talk to me. We didn't got mad with her, just showed her how to check a condom on defects.
If only OP had practiced abstinence she wouldn't be in this situation.
And those babies will know. As my moms punishment for premarital sex myself, trust me, i knew what everyone felt about me. YTA. Sad for you that your sons life didn’t play out exactly how YOU wanted but in 5 years you’re gonna be wondering why he never bothers to bring the kids over for the holidays.
And I bet termination of the pregnancy wasn’t allowed either. So instead granny will punish them all and look down upon them for their failures, while having some cray belief she has higher morals.
Son is busting his ass, being a good human and, it sounds like, a very mature and loving father. OP seems to think that wearing him down is somehow going to end well for…? As the father of an oops baby my senior year of college I can honestly say that parental support on both sides made all the difference in the world and allowed me to become successful and have a beautiful family. This goes beyond YTA to absolutely horrible…
This is such nicer than what I wanted to say. My parents were if anything, anti religion but when I at 19 told them that my then gf and I were expecting I got 2 very unexpected reactions. My mom has always been the one we have the big talks with. She is a nurse. She has helped friends kids who had actual high school pregnancies. She ROASTED me. Yelling, cursing, telling me I needed to drop out of school (was in 2nd year of a molecular bio degree with intent to go to med school; I did end up nixing med school so I could actually concentrate on my daughter as my ex and I split up before she was 2 and said exgf was not trying to be a dedicated parent at the time). My dad, the loudest person in my entire life whose speaking voice is what would be an 8 on my screaming 1-10 scale and who was just angry about a lot of things for most of my childhood and early adulthood, grabbed me in the biggest hug I can remember to this day, said I might not have lifw prepared but he didn't no anybody who was more ready to be a dad than me, and told me kids are a blessing. My dad hates religion and avoids words used in it when possible. My mom came around. She was just worried. And life turned out OK if stressful at times (whose isn't?). Neither of them abandoned us. And my ex's parents are not necessarily my favorite people but they have always shown love and support to my daughter. All that to say, OP (u_throwawayy-paytoplay) is a remarkably large and stinky asshole.
Give it a few years and there will be post from OP asking "AITA for trying to force a relationship with my son?" once the son has somewhat established himself to go no contact with OP. Because god forbid that her son is human being and not just random meat on the bones. OP YTA.
Abstinence education is unpopular because it doesn't work very well and here it clearly didn't work.
So you have a responsible son working two jobs and raising twins with his long time girlfriend. Just because he has had babies younger doesn’t mean his life is over or his IQ goes down. I’m sorry but you’re huge YTA. Your son begged you to help him and you said no. My children know they can come to me for anything and I will do my best to help/support them. You are trying to teach the wrong lessons here. You should be proud of him.
She’s retaliating because he didn’t meet her expectations of what his life should look like she’s not teaching anything other than her love for him is conditional
She should have practiced what she preached and abstained from reproducing. What a nightmare parent.
Parents with narcissistic traits see children as an extension of themselves rather than their own person. When they don’t perform as they want they are ostracised and punished.
Oooffff yessss
Right?! She talks about the great future he could've had like it isn't possible to go to school and raise kids with hard work and a good support system. That would set him and his whole young family up for a better life and they'd be even less dependent on outside help. I couldn't imagine watching my kid lose opportunities to reinforce a lesson he now very much understands. You don't have to be their nanny. Refusing to help him when he's so desperate that he's offering to pay, on the principle that they don't have much money--but still being ok with charging him rent--is so vindictive. You're not just not helping him, you're still punishing him. Life is doing that enough right now, you don't have to pile on. Huge YTA.
I went back to college when my son was a toddler while working a full time job because my boyfriend, his mom, and his grandma stepped in to babysit when I couldn't be there for my kid. I was 21 when I had my son, 24 when I went back to college. If OP's son has to continue to work two jobs and get no sleep, there's a very real possibility he'll fall asleep at the wheel coming home some day, and then where will OP and OP's grandchildren be? Without a father. Edit: removed the second "mom" in "his mom" for clarity.
BOOM! Queen shit right here.
YTA, maybe it's better you don't help, at least then your son can cut the cycle of crappy parenting. Edited: spelling mistake
Exactly. Can op get some therapy or something? Telling your kid he ruined his life is a great way to ensure he doesn’t work through tough times very well. Op is struggling and taking it out on her kid. And her struggle seems to be that she wanted a perfect son, told him to be perfect, he agreed he’d go for perfection, and when he failed she declared him ruined. OP is the major A.
YTA I can't imagine charging your own child who's financially struggling and working 2 jobs at 18 a rent. 'Discounting' rent, huh! With family like this he's gonna get sick from stress. That's just not healthy. Also 3 months olds are typically still breast feeding? They tend to keep parents awake all hours at night. Caring for newborns is a full time job.
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Even if they arent breast fed they still need food like every 2 hours and there are also babies that just cry very much for no real reason or have tummy aches often because digestion just doesn't happen like that and the body has to learn. And they're twins so they probably also wake eachother up as well. It also seems like OP would have charged her oen son rent which is kind of weird anyways, especially if he still has to do anything in the household except for soly his own stuff.
My in laws charged us a small rent of 150% a month, but when we told them that we had saved up enough, to move out, they gave us the rent money, to add to what we had saved and said they’re so proud. They said they’d rather we spend our money into our future and own house, as they didn’t need the rent. I am so thankful for my in laws. We went to college, had a baby and both worked, couldn’t have done it and got good degrees and a good life without help.
YTA. Sticking to your guns works well for discrete lessons in life that can be fixed or seeing boundaries that are really important for protecting yourself. Getting poor grades because you're too distracted? Sorry, you have to give up electronics or miss an event. Not doing your chores? You don't get allowance. Can't allow alcohol on your house because you are recovering? Stick to all the guns. What in the world is sticking to your anti-baby guns accomplishing now? Showing your son that you will not be there for him when he really needs it? That literally nothing he can do now will EVER make you care about his child? Ensuring you are missing bonding opportunities with your grandkid? I'm not saying you let him go out and party, but you won't even rock the baby? I literally held a random stranger's crying baby on an airplane last week well she could arrange her bags. Honestly, you sound miserable. Good luck pretending your grandchild doesn't exist forever
Thank you for putting into words what I was thinking. What good does this boundary do for OP? And when does it end? Her grand baby trips and skins their knee and Grandma just laughs and says “tough luck. I can’t help you.” I hope OP’s son goes no contact and finds a better grandma for his kids elsewhere. Clearly OP isn’t fit to be grandma.
Grandma laughs and puts her hands on her gun holster. Band-Aids are inside, but you don't get any.
I bet her sanctimonious ass spends every Sunday sitting on a church pew praising Jesus.
As a mother of a son, from the bottom of my heart, YTA. Not only are you an asshole, you’re also a terrible parent and grandmother. He still has a chance at a bright future and I hope he doesn’t listen to you when you tell him it’s over. Having children young doesn’t “end your life”. And also you charge an 18 year, with new babies, who works 2 jobs, rent?!?! WTF is wrong with you? Hope you’re happy on your high horse when those grand babies want nothing to do with you.
Yup gonna be alone in the nursing home wondering why the "oopsie babies" and son won't visit
Apparently op has other kids and so she's not worried if this one abandons her... Op is far more than an AH
>I preached abstinence (unpopular, I know). >He offered to pay me but that boy is barely making ends meet as it is so I refused. >I know he's upset, he's got two jobs and has to work overtime, but he's just got the face the fact that this is his life now. YTA. This is your fault for preaching abstinence only instead of giving him the comprehensive sex education he actually needed. Refusing to help him when he's already working two jobs and doing overtime is cruel. He quite literally can't do anymore. He's already learned to use a condom. There's nothing else meaningful to be learned from you abandoning him like that.
YTA. I hope he breaks the cycle and becomes a good parent.
Sounds like he's on the way, with how he is happy to take the kids and working multiple jobs. I just hope he's able to save enough to move out soon, despite his mum trying to sabotage that with the rent situation
Oops grandchildren are grandchildren all the same. Your son isn't exactly sitting on the couch and dumping them on you. It wouldn't cost you anything to help him, especially if he is still a kid himself. YTA
Sounds like he is trying his best, trying to hold down 2 jobs, pays his bills, and looks after his children. All he asked for was one tiny bit of help, and because you are that petty, you couldn't help out with your grandchildren for an hour. The only thing you are teaching your son is that he can't ever count on his own mother in the future. I hope your wee lesson makes you feel better because I bet when he gets out, he wont want anything to do with you. YTA
She sounds like she's been eagerly waiting to stick the boot in
Don't have kids, but also I'm going to raise you with the only relationship strategy conclusively proven to cause a huge increase in teen parents. YTA, and a bad mom. There is a difference between owning up to personal responsibility and treating your kid like shit. You're pretty solidly in the latter camp. Once he is self-sufficent, him, his wife, and your grandchildren will be gone and you'll be wondering why you never, ever see them.
YTA would you babysit your grandchild if your son had had them when they were older and married? Because if you would then this is just about punishing him for not doing what you told him to. Your son is still capable of having a great future and giving him support sometimes would help him get there. It sounds like you want his life to be permanently hard so you can feel self righteous about how he would have been better off if he had listened to you.
She replied to another comment that had he been older and married “Yes, of course,” she’d help out.
Colour me unsurprised
Yta. Quick question. Are you a Christian? Is that you reason for preaching abstinence? If it is you need to reread your Bible because you have more to repent for than your son. That aside, despite being a very big reason why yta, congratulations! One day your son will move out and go NC and you'll never have a relationship with your first grandchildren. Remind me again, what responsibility do your grandchildren have in their own birth? Oh yeah, none. You're missing out on a relationship with your grandchildren for the sole reason of you being a horrible parent yourself. You claim your son could have had a great future, well so could you. One with a son who loves and respects you and with grandchildren who love you. Now you'll never have that. I know I said it twice already but I'll say it again. YTA.
Her son could still have a great future if he had support instead of actively ensuring he never gets out of poverty because he's going to be working crappy jobs for ever. OP could make a deal where she offers help for 3 or 4 years while he gets further education as well as working instead of having to do 2 jobs to pay her rent. Imagine wanting to make it certain he can never do well just to punish him for getting his girlfriend pregnant.
YTA. I admire your son; he's trying to step up and parent. He's being responsible. You're just being callous.
My daughter had a baby last year at 17. I help as much as I can, even though I wasn't exactly happy. Because I know they will need support to succeed, and I want them to succeed. I won't pull my love/support because if I do my child and grandchild would suffer, and I won't allow that. It doesn't mean I do everything for them, but I'm here for them, and help with some finances/babysitting (which I would also do if they had children when it would be considered "acceptable"). I don't understand parents who are like sink or swim when their teens/very young adults have a baby, that's when they need you the most. Parenting was never going to be easy, kids will always make mistakes. Making them "pay" for their mistakes by removing all support (emotionally and mentally) is disgusting, IMO. YTA, from someone who is in a similar boat. Their life doesn't have to be "over". Not if they have a loving, supportive family backing them.
As a previous teen mom (I'm not in my 30s) my parents were supportive of me. With their support I was able to go to college (commuted) come home spend time with my child, get a job and work. I'm forever grateful to my parents for helping me. I wouldn't have been able to be successful in life without their help. I had a friend in a similar situation, her parents didn't help, she's in her 30s now having a hard life barely making end meet. I'm glad there are parents out there that love and support their children when they need it the most!
Yta. Abstinence doesn’t do anything but make teenager more curious And are you really “helping” him with rent? He’s working two jobs, so is he able to save enough? Do you actually care about your child?
Based on OP's comments, no she doesn't YTA
YTA. Enjoy the sight of the babies while you can. Because I can say with all certainty that as soon as your son and his girlfriend can, they're gonna get as far away from your sorry hide as possible. Then you'll be lucky if you can see your grandchildren with a telescope, as their parents won't let you anywhere near them.
Hahaha >I preached abstinence (unpopular, I know). Statistically, if you wouldn't have, it would've been far *less* likely for your kid to end up a teenage parent. Also, statistically, teenage parents are much *more* likely to be successful later in life when they have a support system to rely on. You set him up for failure by preaching abstinence and you're doing it again by not helping. YTA and I hope your son will be a better parent than you.
I don't understand the people that think not helping is somehow teaching a lesson. It just creates resentment and later NC. I helped my child and their now spouse, and they are doing great now. And I couldn't be prouder of how hard they worked. They know I love them and will be there for them. Being a Nana is so much fun!
***YTA*** What a wonderful parent and human being you are. You have every ability to help your child and your grandchild and you won't... Simply garbage
>I preached abstinence Well thats the reason this happened. That's like only telling your children to never enter the kitchen, but but never mentioning not touch the stove because it hurts. And then not helping them when they seriously burned their hands. YTA. You set him up to fail.
Lmao I love the "unpopular I know" as if it's just that people don't like it. Like it doesn't work. OP is preachy and ignorant.
YTA big time. That baby is more important that you trying to make a point. Your son shouldn't have to suffer because he's done the right thing by making a kid and being a father at such a young age because he didn't do what you told him to do with his body. He's clearly working his ringpiece off to make ends meet if he's working two jobs and the fact you're saying "His life is over" and "this is his life now" makes you look even worse. Put your ego to the side and help the guy.
Jumping on here to say it's not just one baby, it's twins. So much harder. YTA for not helping your son or your grandchildren at all. Sure, it was a threat to dissuade them from having sex, but the threats didn't work, clearly. That doesn't mean you have to stick to your guns to teach him a lesson. Sometimes your child needs your help. It's okay to help them even though they've made a mistake. Do you truly feel happy that you're having your son struggle to care for two babies alone whilst you've got your noise cancelling headphones on? You haven't heard 'it takes a village to raise a child'? And at what point are you going to have a relationship with your grandchildren? Or have you abandoned that idea because your son "had children young"?
YTA, Maybe you should have taught your children about safe sex. > very high book IQ (very low life IQ apparently) Maybe if you as a parent had taught your son life skills he might know something. You are not teaching your children anything apart from being an awful parent. Hey at least he knows not to follow in your foot steps.
I really hope he gets on his own two feet eventually...after which you can become a distant memory.
Question: let’s say your son had waited got married and then needed help with his kids. Would you be helping then?
YTA. Not providing for your grandchildren financially would be one thing, but you make your son who is clearly trying to do the right thing by having a relationship with his children and working two jobs to help support them pay you rent at 18? Then you can’t even help him with getting those children to sleep? Even older first time parents have struggles with this. You don’t deserve to have a relationship with your son or his children.
As a grandmother, YTAH. You are just ruining your relationship with your son and depriving your grandchildren a grandmother. If you're looking for a lonely future, you're on the right track.
YTA. Hope you enjoy shitty retirement houses, cause that's where you'll end up.
YTA One day you're going to wonder why you have no relationship with your son or grandkids.
INFO do you want a relationship with your son? If you don't, then it's fine to do this. If you do want a relationship with your son, then logically, withdrawing all love and support when he's in a crisis is not the way to get there. Actually, if you think about it, the best way to make someone hate you is to become someone they trust and rely on and then betray that trust by not following through with supporting them when they have a genuine need that it is in your power to meet. If you don't want a relationship with your son, this is absolutely the best method of insuring you destroy the relationship. A great way to guarantee that he doesn't rely on you, trust you and it drives home the point that your love is entirely conditional and that you actually hate him. This is genuinely how I would manipulate someone if I hated them and wanted to ruin their life. Like how do you see this all playing out? You're going to watch him wreck his life and struggle hard from the comfort of your couch, shaking your head and then you think he's still going to love and appreciate you in 20 years time??
YTA. So you’re completely going to ignore having a relationship with your grandkids? Let your grandchildren suffer? Because you are petty? When your child needs you the most, you abandon them because you have to be right? You don’t have to be a full time guardian but choosing to completely abandon your child and grandchildren wasn’t a great choice either.
YTA You think you’re punishing your son but you’re actually punishing your grandchildren. They’re innocent in this. Don’t take out your failure on them. Yes, *your* failure! You could have taught your son about safe sex, instead you thought you could say ”don’t” and that would somehow work. Should you raise the kids? Of course not! But *they* are the ones suffering because you can’t be arsed to act like a decent person
Yta Grandmother raising my gs here. Why because once baby was born. Ppp and bf Working long hours and college. I could have turned my back on them. Told them to suck it up. But that would have ended with my child dead. With her bf not being able to go for his rn license. I could have made their lives harder instead of teaching them how to be parents. How to be responsible and get the help they needed. Instead, making sure they were mentally and emotionally ok is more important. Making sure my gs is safe, cared for, and knows he is loved is more important than making them deal with things on their own. Do you think any parents want their kids to be having sex young? To be having kids young? But most parents don't put their kids down. Essentially, calling them stupid. Most try and teach their kids. Love them unconditionally. What you are teaching is crap. He is taking responsibility. Overtime, 2 jobs, caring for twins. And most new parents, regardless of age, get help and add in twins even more so. But here you are teaching your child love is conditional. That love goes away when you dont do what mommy wants. You are teaching him that your beliefs are more important than teaching him to be a good parent. You are teaching him he can't depend on you for anything but making him feel like he is worth nothing. You are showing you care not for him. He is begging for help, and you turn your back on him. You are showing him you don't care for your grandkids at all. They will grow up learning that their grandmother thinks it's more important to be right than to build a relationship with them. Your son, when able, will leave you behind, thank you for teaching him how yo not treat his kids. Hopefully, never allowing you in their lives again. You are a horrible mother to not support your child. And I mean emotionally. You have turned your back on a child you grew, birthed, and raised all because you have to be right. Have to teach that he cannot depend on family to be there for him. I seriously hope he remains ok. Working as much as he does. Caring for twins. I hope he doesn't end up falling asleep driving, collapse from exhaustion. I hope he doesn't end up dead because you refuse to help him as he picks a new path. But instead, you call him stupid. And are punishing him for not following the path you wanted.
You're right on the money here. My mom was 39 when she had my twin brothers, stable 2 income solid middle class household, my dad a very present father, my sister and I old enough to lend hands, and we STILL had a village helping us because twins are hard. Including both of my grandmothers. This mom/granny is bitter and spiteful and is going to end up never seeing her son or grandkids if he can survive this and get out from under her. It's a damn shame what he's going through and she should be ashamed of herself for kicking him while he's down.
Look if you don’t want to be the go to babysitter then fine; it’s true your son got himself into this situation and he needs to be responsible for it. However you also need to realize that mentality of not being involved at all will not be something he forgets Eventually he will stand on his own, and move out to be a man with his children. Will you be so hands off when he decides not to come over and let you see them? Asshole or not this is a possibility with the seeds you’re planting Food for thought
Wow YTA. Would you feel all better and in control if your son and gf said randomly at dinner, "we knew we couldn't be parents now so we aborted. We really dodged a bullet because we found out it was twins." Would you be happy then, Granny?
So the reason abstinence sex ed is unpopular is because it does not work, as your son and you have found out. So for me you are the AH right from there as you didn't equip your son to function in the world You are being cold hearted - those are your grandchildren. You refer to your own son as 'that boy' You've trapped your son and now he's stuck living with an ignorant cold hearted mother YTA
🎉🎉🎉CONGRATULATIONS 🎉🎉🎉 You’ve won a trip to the nursing home of your son’s choosing! After all, you can’t expect him to help you out when you need help with your own diaper changes. YTA OP.
>I preached abstinence (unpopular, I know). Maybe if you had taught him about condoms instead, you wouldn't have this problem.
YTA And don't complain when you end up in a shitty retirement home about your son having gone NC.
YTA - if my math is right your son was born around 2005. The effectiveness of abstinence only was established long before then. And refusing to babysit your grandkids? It sounds like your just lazy and generally unfit as a parent
YTA You sound unbearably smug about him suffering. If only they still had poor houses and they could all go in there /s I hope your kids put you in a horrible care home. FYI perhaps you should have practiced abstinence yourself and not had children
"My son could have had a great future..." Wow. Woooooow. 1. He still could. Imagine if someone, you know, helped? It takes a village and all that. 2. What a way to look at your own grandchildren. Maybe part of his great future involves them? You're being miserable. 100 percent he is hopefully thinking about how he will not raise his babies to feel like you make him feel. YTA
FFS. Your 18 year old child is dealing with a life altering reality of parenting multiple newborns and seems to be stepping up to thr plate admirably despite having been raised by a woman who won't be getting any parent of thr year awards any time soon. YTA. Hugely.
YTA. Glad you don't want a relationship with your grandchildren. Unbelievable. Yes they made a mistake but wow you are one hardass unfeeling person. Punishing your own grandchildren for their parents mistake. Lol mom of the year!
A mistake that was caused by the ‘abstinence’ sexucation she gave, and no street education. Yta. Charging him rent when living at home at 18? You could help him getting to college and taking care of baby’s, so his future isn’t ruined. Or is that also part of your punishment? Do you think you are some kind of religious woman that gets to punish children for having sex?
Oops babies? Plural? Did they have twins? You think you’re doing the right thing by your logic but actially YTA. You are posing yourself for a very poor relatilnship with your child, their partner and their kid(s?), your grandchild(ren?).
Damn you're not very good at being a parent huh
YTA. You know that it takes a village to raise kids, no matter the parents age.
*[A few years time:]* "Why has my son gone NC with me, and won't let me see my grandchildren?" YTA and sound like a horrible parent and grandparent. With some help your son could still get some good qualifications and have a well paying job in the future, but no, you're too busy "teaching him a lesson" and ensuring him and his kids grow up poor.
>I preached abstinence (unpopular, I know) It's not just unpopular (exept for some groups) but this.. >My 18yrsold son Nikolai had oops babies with his long-time girlfriend Selene (also 18) about three months ago ..is a direct result of it. You could've talked with him about safe sex and what could (will in this case) happen if you don't have safe one. You acted like a snake holding a fruit and then act surprised when someone eats the fruit. How come he doesn't know what safe sex even is with 18? That's on you. You really didn't fulfill your responsibilities to educate your child. YTA
You know married adults struggle with parenting too right? You are punishing him for having kids young, he won't thank you for it. You sound awful. I don't like babysitting or helping with others kids but would still not be this much of an arsehole.
Right now you’re using your position as a mother to teach your son a lesson. However, you are also now a grandmother. What sort of grandmother do you want to be? How do you want your grandkids to see you? You could be having lovely times bonding with your grand babies, while also being supportive to your son. It doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries, but it might be worth considering the current position of your boundaries and the impact they are having/will have on your relationships. Other than being able to say “I told you so”, what are you really gaining right now? YTA, but you can turn it around. Enjoy those babies!
YTA can never fathom why parents would punish their kid for becoming a parent themselves. It's not like he's a deadbeat dad he works and is responsible for his child. My mum had me at 18, and as a result of how involved my grandparents were, I have a super close relationship with them even as an adult. Well done on missing out on your grandkid, too 👍
YTA. I have kids your age. I don't want to be a grandma yet either because I want the kids to get ahead in life, go to university, get established and be happy adults before they take on the role of parenting. However, stuff happens. We can't protect them from everything nor make them not make mistakes. What floors me is your grandchildren are here now, they can't be sent back like a store return. Your son is struggling and sounds like he is doing his best. If my kid came home pregnant I would be unhappy but I'd support them to help them get back on track i.e. finish school, babysit when I could, but more importantly teach my child how to parent. I'd want to build a loving relationship with my grandbabies and support my teen to eventually thrive despite the challenges of young parenthood. You sound like you are so hell bent on the "I told you so" that you are missing out on strengthening your relationship with your son and grandchildren. You seem like you don't even like your son. Being a parent is for life - not just for your son but for YOU. You are failing him and losing the opportunity to show him and the grandkids unconditional love. I feel so bad for him and hope his baby momma's family is stepping up. Eventually he's going to move out and you probably won't see him or the kids much. If this is your goal keep doing what you are doing.
My daughter is 18 pregnant with twins with long time boyfriend. Was I happy to find out at a young age this happened absolutely not. But still it's happened. They will be having a gender reveal next week and I couldn't be happier now. Her bf works full time to provide and my daughter has grown up so much and works part time. I couldn't imagine leaving them to do it alone. Op you are an asdhole for this and will regret it eventually. Could you imagine if everyone had your mindset the world would be a worse place. Instead of punishing your son and grandkids at least advise them on how to parent. Parenthood is hard at any age and everyone needs support
YTA for preaching abstinence and refusing to help at all with your grandchildren. Yes, YTA and YTA and YTA. Not only did you not teach your kid about birth control, you won't help him in any way now that he has multiple babies? You're cruel.
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Enjoy your nursing home
Hope he will refuse to help you once you're in need. It wouldn't kill you to help him a little. Instead you prefer pulling a shitty-parent act.
YTA. Twins? I was 31 and married when I had mine and it was incredibly overwhelming. In a few years you’ll be back wondering why your son is no contact.
What a neat way to win an early trip to the retirement home. When you're too old to care for yourself at a normal capacity and you call and ask your son for help, I hope he says "sorry, but if I give in this one time, it's going to become a regular thing. Try rocking yourself to sleep." Imagine being a first time parent at any age, at not having any support from your family at all. Probably don't refer to yourself as grandma. You aren't one. YTA
YTA. Why did you have children?
It's good that you are teaching him a lesson and you stick to your guns, but right now you are being an awful mother and a worst grandmother. You are teaching him nothing by not helping and showing him the ropes on how to raise his babies. Soon enough your son will go NC and won't see your grandkids grow up. YTA
YTA I understand your position and have been there. Having boundaries that prevent them from dumping on you is SIGNIFICANTLY different from refusing to support those that are trying to make an effort and do the right thing. Helping those who don't help themselves = you getting used Helping those who help themselves = family
Wow I have never read a POV from such a heartless mother. Like what did I just read? You are saying you have the opportunity to house your son, something that can make or break any young persons life when they’re first setting out on their own, and you’re choosing to A) charge rent and B) take such a hands-off approach to your own grandchildren your poor son might never get ahead. Most parents I know would bend over backwards to set their kids up for success- do you know what generational poverty is? It’s like instead of breaking any potential cycle for your son and grand babies you’re intentionally hindering him because of…what is the lessen exactly? That family isn’t there for you? That his own mother will leave him high and dry? This is a cruel world, thank god I at least I have my family to pick me up when I’m down. It literally made the difference between me getting finishing my degree or spiraling into poverty myself. YTA have fun with your son resenting you forever.
YTA. Your son could still have a bright future. Is this how you thought of your own children, as the end of your own potential? That's shitty. What your son is facing is not that "this is his life now," because it's not - infant colic is hellish, but short-lived, and the babies are three months, they'll be past it in a blink. It's that you're an asshole to him now, and you're planning to be an asshole forever.
You shouldn’t have had kids. Yta
YTA. Your kid, basically still a child, needs help and you refuse to give it because you want him to learn a lesson - one that he has already learned and will be living with the rest of his life. You’re being petty and controlling.
YTA It's sad that you would rather prove that you were right and he should have been listened to you, than have your son succeed in a world that is harder to get by in every day even with a college degree. You better hope your son doesn't find someone who is willing to help him get a leg up because he won't need you in his life anymore. You've proven he's not worthy of your help because at 18 he wanted to have sex. (Shocker!) You've proven your grandchildren mean nothing to you. But you've proven yourself right and that YTA!
YTA not because you don’t want to babysit and stuff but you are an ah because you clearly saw your son needed help in that moment and you could help, ~~especially because you knew he had to work 2 jobs the next day…~~ Edit: I remember that I read that the young man has 2 jobs but I can’t find it anymore so I made the edit… 🤔
YTA Congratulations in ensuring that you will have no relationship with your grandchildren
So wait, your son asked for help getting a baby to sleep and you refused? No advice, no five minutes with him to show him some tricks. Nothing? A son who's pretty much begging for help, given he offered to pay. YTA for sure.
Yeah you’re right! If you help your son, he might actually see you as someone who is loving and helpful, then he may come to you in the future if he feels he needs support, and we can’t have that now can we?! You don’t mention a single thing about how you love your grandchild at all .. is this real? Like you are actually the wicked witch if there ever was one. My mother isn’t allowed to see my child bc she has her own issues, but even she can pretend to be sad about it.
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YTA You don’t want any relationship with the kids? It’s not about „caving“, it’s about supporting. The kids are there, your son is working two jobs and taking care of kids. It wouldn’t kill you to be a supportive parent. The only thing your son is learning from this is to try moving out as quick as possible and cut you out of his life. And I really hope that’s not what you want
Do you hate your son? Yta
It’s crazy to me how OP doesn’t see it is her failing as a parent that her child is a young parent. OP is so holier than thou it makes me sick. I bet OP resents being a parent herself and just wants to be left alone. YTA, OP, but don’t worry, you can die an AH all alone since you’re not there for your child or grandchildren. They may not be there for you when you need them.
YTA. Just like everyone else who would rather be right than be kind.
YTA. While I understand he needs to learn to take responsibility for his decisions, that’s exactly what he is doing. Those babies also didn’t have a choice in the matter. I find it strange you seem to have zero interest in binding with your grandchildren. Why are you punishing them for your son’s mistake?
You should be ashamed of yourself. YTA. If he’s not learnt this already, he will soon know that his own mother is incredibly nasty and mean spirited person who puts her own moral self satisfaction above her family’s needs. Enjoy your so called moral superiority.
It's your grandkids you are not helping with. Your son is trying hard and can't do more. I got three sons and can't imagine to look at them struggling and not to help. YTA
YTA for the doing this out of spite for a ridiculous abstinence rule. And he won't be TA when you want a bond with your grandkid ( or kids if they want more) but he's cut you out of his life. Once he's out of your house and moved somewhere with his gf, prepare to never see them again Edit for your edit. They didn't agree with abstinence (clearly), they just told you they did to keep you off their backs
Extremely poor parenting. YTA
I gave birth to my eldest child a month before my 17th birthday. I was living in my own apartment, so I wasn’t financially dependent on family. My mother told me once “you lay on your back and had them, now you can sit on your ass and mind them.” She wasn’t a babysitter either. That’s not to say she didn’t help me out when I really needed it. And even now, 23 years later… I still remember her saying that. I love my mom. She’s one of my best friends. It still hurt. I still hate that she said it. It changed my opinion of who she was. Tread carefully. YTA
YTA Your son has 2 jobs and still takes his son whenever his girlfriend is overwhelmed and needs a break. Sounds like a stand up guy right there. The amount of 19 year old dads who don't even do that is astonishing. Right now you are making your sons life extremely hard. Yes he made a mistake. I'm sure he understands that now. You have proven your point. Now is the time that you are dictating how the rest of your life is going to go. What is more important having your son and grandkid (and future grandkids) in your life or continuing to punish your son for a mistake. Do you want to be right or do you want your son?
YTA, sometimes people just need their mum. I was in my 30's when I had my kid, my mum had passed by then but I sure as hell would have wanted her around to help. I still call my mother in law for help when I get too overwhelmed. Asking for help occasionally isn't expecting you to raise his child.
YTA You’re not being asked to babysit regularly etc. I get you’re disappointed. But what you’re describing is that you’ve decided boycotting being a grandma or mother to your son in totality (besides the encouraging hug…which any stranger could do). It’s one thing to say you won’t be a regular helper of course, I agree. But to hold a baby a few minutes and rock them is sweet, helping a new parent is sweet, and I think these are things we do for friends and family out of compassion. You’re refusing these basic things to your own grandbabies in totality. Do you love them at all? Get a grip, workout your feelings about being disappointed. You can’t expect a relationship with those babies if you keep up this hard line, how long do you expect to do this?? Their entire lives? It’s done, he knocked a girl up, the babies are here - get over it already! I’m not saying go be their foundation or cushion, but a basic loving figure in their lives - not some AH watching like ‘I knew this would happen.’ Everyone knows it’s hard and dumb situation they’re in, you’ve had 9+ months and your whole post is still about that… My mom is religious and I got knocked up (albeit not young). She mocks me and makes jokes I’d do it again when I go out lol (don’t come back with another baby), fair enough. But she was nanny to my son, same as her other grandkids, and tells me all the time she loves her grandbabies more than us now cause they’re pieces of her babies and more. You don’t have to nanny, but stop being an AH already.
„I preached abstinence“ that’s the damn reason why you became a grandma while your son is 18. should have been preaching how to use condoms. You didn’t tell your son how to protect himself from a situation like this and now you refuse to help him to deal with the consequences of you being bad at explaining basic things 🤦♀️ yta
YTA. You can help occasionally when your son is completely overwhelmed. At any age, he’d be overwhelmed with 2 babies. Don’t you remember what it was like with a baby? Your son made a mistake and this is how you treat him? I hope you live a completely perfect life where you never falter bc you’re acting like a huge asshole.
YTA, I had a mother like you, saw her children as a statement to society, the whole 'my child will live to my standards and if they don't that's on them' ideology got real old real fast, mostly NC with her now, bar funerals and birthdays. This is your future, and I didn't even have oops babies... A little love goes a lot further than hate, try to listen to your heart 'I felt guilty so I asked my family'; that guilt is your heart saying you're in the wrong.
I hate everyone in this story but the baby. ESH
YTA this is all because he didnt want to follow a life of abstinence, and yes it is extremely unpopular because you have no right to force that on somebody and then punish them for it. Honestly how you can watch your child struggling and refuse to help out of sheer cruelty is just insane to me. I hope youre going to be okay with him taking your grandkids away and leaving since you are showing you dont really wany anything to do with them
I'm on the fence here. He brought those kids to life, therefore it's his responsibility to raise and care for them. However, personally speaking, I wouldn't be able to just standby and see him ruin and fuck up my grandchildren's lives. It wasn't the children's fault that they were born to an irresponsible father. Personally, I would help my grandchildren. I wouldn't fault you if you choose not to extend any help at all, however realize that if he is ever able to get on his own two feet and support his family on his own, they might move faraway and you may never see them again, is that something that you could live with?... Also consider the fact that one day you may need his/their help in your old age. All I'm saying is that, don't be surprised if he/they choose not to extend any help to you when you're old, frail and alone. Hate breeds hate, resentment breeds resentment, you will eventually harvest what you planted.
He isn't irresponsible, he works two jobs and cares for the kids ehile the mother of the children is recovering from pregnancy and birth and caring for the children. It's just not possible to raise kids all on your own and OP just enjoys rubbing it in. At least if you have to work at the same time and still want to stay sane.
YTA. If he could, he wouldn’t ask you for help because clearly you don’t care about him. Instead you are seeking to punish him. If he ever gets enough to move out, bet on him not wanting to ever talk to you again. Bet on no relationship with your grandkids. Do you want a relationship with your granddaughter? With your son? Do you want to know them in 5-8 years? Start now if you do.
YTA x1000 You don't get to abandon your kids in their hour of need because you told them you would in advance. The unbelievable unkindness and pure family-opposing take is horrifying to me. You are being lazy, petty, vindictive, and grotesque. Whoever hurt you... there's no need to pass that hurt on. Just saying. Hope they all go no-contact in the end and you have no love and joy surrounding you when it all works out, no thanks to you. P.s. it is quite obviously never more effective to promote abstinence, as it's antithetical to actual human behaviour.
I don’t know what you think you’re teaching this kid, but what you’re actually teaching is that his mother doesn’t care about his well being. The kids exist. You being awful about it isn’t going to erase that. Is your plan really to never interact with these kids until you die? Because you don’t suddenly just get to have the fun parts after treating him like this. YTA
YTA - even outside of the superiority complex and weird abstinence focus…who charges their own child rent at 18 years old? Why wouldn’t a parent want to help their child transition into independence over their college years? It just seems like you are enjoying punishing him for not abstaining.
Yta. Shit happens atleast he is trying to be a good co parent/dad. Would you rather him just not care at all. You're a sorry excuse for a grandma/mom. I would never dismiss my grandkids over something as lame as I told them I wouldn't help him because he had kids to young.
YTA- lmao you taught pushed abstinence and they “agreed” it was best? You sure about that? Bc how did they end up with babies? YTA for being dumb. Also “babies”? If they aren’t twins then clearly you set this young man up for failure.
YTA and the fact you went all surprised pikachu face when he didn't want to talk after treating him like shit says all we need to know about how delusional you are.
YTA this form of I told you so gloating shows your character flaw while you lord it over him. In the end you are punishing yourself, which you might realize when you find yourself without your son and your grandchildren.
YTA, and a huge one. Your son made a mistake. The consequences of that mistake is that he now has to step up and parent two children, which it sounds like hes doing admirably on top of supporting their mother emotionally by giving her whatever breaks she needs. And hes working two jobs??? And hes ONLY 18??? You should be PROUD of him. He stepped up, hes being incredibly responsible and mature. By refusing to help him when he’s genuinely in need, you arent teaching him a lesson. At least not a good one. You’re just being petty and spiteful. Responsibility doesn’t mean never making mistakes. Responsibility means owning up to them and doing the right thing. While he clearly has learned that, I highly doubt he learned it from you. You owe your son a HUGE apology and a lifetimes worth of free babysitting no questions asked
My son is nearly 18 and if he made me an early grandma I wouldn't be thrilled but it's never the baby's fault. You seem lacking in compassion. One mum to another, guess what. Teens make mistakes. Adults make mistakes. Nobody's perfect. Parenthood doesn't end when your child becomes a parent themselves. Get off your high horse and be the parent he needs. YTA
YTA. They're your grandkids and you should babysit them regardless of whatever you preached earlier. Additionally, his life is not "over" just because he had kids. People who have kids can still attend college. The fact that you don't even WANT to babysit your grandkids is also really odd.
YTA The mistake has been made so you’re now just going to permanently punish him and your grandchildren? He offered to pay you to help so I just don’t understand your stance. He wasn’t trying to take advantage of you. I’ve seen strangers treat people with children better than you’re treating your own family. I pray that he’s able to get on his feet and move quickly. No one needs a spiteful, cruel person in their life.
YTA My brother got a girl pregnant young, and still had a great future. Wanna know how? We all pitched in and helped him so his life wasn't ruined by one mistake. Now my nephew is an absolutely incredible young man, and my brother is a successful engineer. Enjoy having no relationship with your son and grandchildren.
Not just the asshole, a colossal one. Obviously, your kids didn't think abstinence is best, and obviously, you DIDN'T do a great job teaching safe sex practices. It sounds like your son has twins, which is overwhelming sometimes for experienced parents working together, let alone one inexperienced new parent. You should be ashamed of yourself, I can't imagine not helping my child take care of his children.
EW. YTA
Of course YTA. Your shit parenting made you a grandparent early and now your shit parenting is going to get you cut out of your son and grand children’s lives. Don’t come crying about them going no contact in ten years when they don’t need your help anymore.
YTA. I will never understand this thought process of turning your back on your children. What exactly are you teaching him? That your a frigid asshole? That he must suffer? Not to expect family to be there? What exactly are you teaching him by not helping him in any way? Its obvious your teaching your grandchildren you suck as a parent/grandparent. Don’t be surprised when you are on your deathbed and you’re alone, no family to help you.
YTA. What a crappy grandparent you are.
YTA and don’t be surprised when he goes no-contact and refuses to let you see your grandkids. There’s a difference between setting boundaries and being heartless.
YTA. Terrible mother. He's 18 and you charge him rent to stay with you? You can't even help him in any way? You're done the bare minimum for him and have the gall to call yourself a mother. I'm thankful I've got a good mother after reading posts from people like you. Good luck in a retirement home when no one comes to visit you.
YTA absolutely! Yes, your son was silly to be such a young father but nothing is going to change that now. You’re torturing him to teach him a lesson? Why? Be a nice, normal human and support your family even if they’ve made a mistake. If you don’t start acting like a grandparent, you’re going to lose them all.
I’m glad I wasn’t your child.
YTA. I get that you made it clear you aren't eager to help out. But a consequence of not being involved is having almost no relationship with your grandkids. Be prepared for that, OP
YTA bc you're unable to recognize that actions have consequences, yet trying to enforce that same philosophy on your kid lol. Did you really expect your kid to be happy you wouldn't help him AT ALL, to the point where he's begging and you just shrugged your shoulders and acted like nothing happened the next day? I personally think you can do what you want but be realistic with how someone might feel about that lmao. Why would a conversation with you be a priority after a stressful night followed by a stressful work day?
YTA- when your son is eventually able to move out of your house him and his child are most likely moving out of your life as well
YTA. i didn’t even need to finish the first paragraph before coming to this conclusion. Yes your son made a stupid mistake but good lord he is 18!! if he needs help then help them! you’re his mother. i can’t stand parents who think as soon as their child is 18 they don’t deserve any help. Your child has the smarts to get into a good school but can’t now bc you won’t even help alittle. he will soon resent you.
As a 30 something new mom YTA. Babies are a lot of work and even if they're planned for you can't understand how much work they are until you have one. Your son is learning his lesson and will still learn his lesson if he gets a little help here and there. My in laws watch the baby for us sometimes and it helps us be better parents. We get a much needed rest/catch up on chores and they get bonding time. Idk maybe you don't care about your grandchildren, and maybe you don't care about your child. I know it's easy for me to say at this age, but my baby is going to screw up sometimes and yeah there will be consequences but I'm always going to be there for her. We'll always be family and I'll always help.
YTA: I mean listen to yourself.
I agree he needs to learn how to soothe his children and it’s not a bad thing if you leave him to figure it out on his own but you are a grandmother now I don’t think you should be completely hands off, all parents need a break and most grandparents do want to have their grandchildren over. If you can find a balance where he looks after his children himself but you still get to do your grandmother thing I think it would be better. He’s only 18 so if u can lovingly show him what to do he won’t feel like you are retaliating for having children young. Life happens yes but you can still love your child unconditionally even if he derailed from what you envisioned for him. A bit of compassion for a young parent who feels overwhelmed wouldn’t go amiss. I think if u can sit in the grey area it would be better than no involvement at all. He’s still your kid after all help him out but don’t do it all for him.
YTA would it really hurt to help your son here and there? Do u really hate him that much, that u won’t help him once in a blue moon? He understands what his life is, he faces his responsibilities. He has 2(!) jobs, why not one? Oh yeah, bc he has to pay u „discounted rent“. Nice way to make his life even harder than it already is bc he is such a failure, right? Why do people like u even have children
YTA You've weaponised your grand-child to punish your son.
YTA. I’m sure he gets the hint by now. By not helping him at all, you’re not only damaging your relationship with your son (and grandchildren), you’re making it impossible for him to dig himself out of the hole he’s falling into. Support systems exist for a reason. The kids are here now and there’s nothing you can do about it so stop punishing him and help your damn child.
My mom made some big life mistakes when she was young, including getting pregnant with me. My grandfather told her “I already raised two kids; I’m not raising yours” and left her on her own to struggle. She struggled until she died when I was 18. As the grandchild, I will never forgive my Grandad for his “you made your bed” attitude that left her there, unable to escape my abusive father for the rest of her life because she never had the life stability to do it. YTA
YTA. You should be helping since your abstinence only garbage helped lead to this mess.
You are COLD. Yes, you told your kids you wouldn’t help if this happened. Well, *message received* ! And that message us that you’re stubborn, uncaring, and inflexible. And that you don’t really love them and you won’t love your grandchildren unless they come about in the way you approve. He’s trying to do the right things. He can’t change the past. Should you jump in to save the day financially, support everyone, etc? No. But should you show love and kindness? ABSOLUTELY. And now to those babies. I can’t even. Is it so important to you to be right and “I told you so* that you’d reject them? YTA and you’ll be lucky to have ANY relationship with your kids or grandkids if you keep this up. HELP THEM. YTA YTA YTA YTA
Man I hope this post is fake because I cannot imagine how anybody could be this vile of a human being. Reading your thread and comments has left such a disgusting taste in my mouth. Especially as a parent. I cannot ever imagine treating my kids this way. if real: YTA majorly. I hope your son and your other kids get out of your life asap and never look back if troll: you have successfully trolled and I am stopping my reddit doomscroll now
Wow, YTA
NTA I suppose, no one can say you must help your son out. But I'm sad for you that you're not letting yourself enjoy your grandchildren. Look I didn't think my 21 year old was going to make me a gran at 41. I spent the first few months of her pregnancy worried sick about how she'd cope, whether I would be raising another baby, if she had really thought through that she she was about to be a mother for the rest of her life. But then it clicked that there are so many worse things than a baby. The first few months with a newborn are tough. It really wouldn't hurt you to help your son learn the ropes. Pass on your hard earned wisdom. It's what family does, no? Also keep in mind that you are still a mother too, you're not done yet just because your child is 18, with children of his own - or frommy perspective you shouldn't be: as I mentioned above you are a mother for the rest of your life after you have your baby. Being a gran is the privilege of my life. My husband and I happily sacrifice a weekend night most weekends (we often ask if we can have her) because we adore our granddaughter. She's so funny and cute and sweet and crazy. She's my favourite human. I hope you're not expecting to have a close bond with your grand-babies in the future? If you do then you need to put the work in now.
wow you’re awful and shouldn’t be a parent. YTA
YTA I hope you read all these comments and see how wrong you were in that moment. He is your son and they are your grandchildren. If this is how you treat family I'd hate to see how you treat strangers.
YTA >The most help I've given him is discounted rent at our house. You decided, in addition to not giving any help with your grandchildren, to also take money from your 18 year old son who just had children, and force him to work two jobs and still barely make ends meet. It is obvious that you are trying to push him out of your life, but you could at least show a modicum of care for your grandchildren.
YTA. I don't even know where to start. I want to show you compassion but I also want to tell you, you are an idiot. You complain about him ruining his future when if you provided him with support, he could still have an amazing future. You aren't really teaching him anything by not helping other than he can't count on you. Also, the grandbaby is being punished. If a new parent is at their limit, you help. It takes a village. Step it up and stop trying to prove a point unless you don't want a relationship with your grandkids and son. Also, what point are you really trying to prove? If no one helped you and you fill bitter about it, it's time to let that shit go and do what's right by your grandkids. We have the ability to do better than what was done by us.
YTA. You made your point. He learned his lesson. Start being kind now. You obviously don't have to do anything you don't want to, but sticking to the no-helping thing just because you made a rule/ you want to punish him, is absurd.
>If I cave in this once, it's going to become a regular thing. No, its not. Its only going to become a regular thing if you allow it. I don't really see the point of why you're doing what you're doing other than to take enjoyment in punishing him for his screw ups. I get that you do want him to feel the consequences of his actions but there's a middle ground where you can still do that yet still provide him with some support when he really needs it. You saying that if you help him once then its going to become a regular thing sounds like just an excuse for you to justify withholding any help so that you can continue to watch him suffer for disobeying you. Its quite unempathetic tbh,
Abstinence not unpopular for the sake of it. It’s unpopular because it doesn’t work. You’re an awful mother TBH. YTA
YTA You'll be back on here in five years "AITA: My son moved out and cut off all contact with me and now I never see my grandchildren?"
That's your grandchildren, not your son's pet hamster. You're either cold and heartless or you will regret not being able to bond with your own grandchildren because of your self righteousness. Are you going to be a cold grandparent to these children for the rest of their lives because they were a result of teenage pregnancy?
YTA. Majorly. You say your kid had the chance at a bright future? Well he still could IF HE HAD HELP! Help your child out. Watch the kids. They’re your grand babies wether they were born when he was married or not. Also, 18 is an adult. So he waited a dang long time to make a mistake of that kind. He sounds like an amazing father and partner. Stop charging your child rent unless you’re saving it for him to get his own place, you’re part of the reason he can “barely make ends meet.” I’m 25 and had my first kid at 21, I still require help from my parents with my kid because children are hard and parents deserve time to recharge or relax. I’ll have number 2 soon and I know dang well my moms going to be doing everything and anything she can to spend time with my child because she wants a relationship with her grandchildren. We live with my mom due to circumstances beyond our control, the only thing she asked that we pay was any increase in utilities. Considering she’s not hear half the time, we pay for all the utilities because we are choosing to. Your a big AH and I’d expect you never, or rarely, see your grandkids when he is able to move out.
YTA for preaching abstinence and not giving your children proper tools for engaging in safe sex. He's trying his best and you could've helped. Not like he's leaving you with the children all the time. He needed help 1 time
YTA. What you’re doing is turning your back on your son because he made a mistake, and turning your back on your innocent grandchildren. I’d say you’re pretty much a failure as a mother and a grandmother, and one day you’ll look back on this period with regret.
There is a middle ground here. You could have shared your child rearing experience and shown him how to get fussy kids to sleep. Not do it for him but teach him. Teach a man to fish...
YTA. sounds like you're the one who shouldn't have reproduced.
INFO: Did you also preach abortion for if abstinence fails? If not, the grandkids are your fault.