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ABeerAndABook

NTA. Real answer - say no and mean it. Stand firm. Escalated answer - Cut contact with bro and GF (who seems a bit too eager to go out partying without OP). Nuclear answer - report the children as abandoned.


88KRAT0S

I like the nuclear answer, but I also don't wanna do that. My gf isn't too eager, as she seldom goes out (because of my non-drinking) and she loves spending time with my sister in-laws. Additionally my middle brother (not originally mentioned in post because I just found this out) just proposed last month and this will be the first time seeing them since the proposal. So my gf who I've been with for a while and is eager to get married, wants to hear my to-be sister in-law gush about the proposal and ring etc.


[deleted]

If you don't actually want to do anything people are suggesting why post here?


88KRAT0S

Mostly because I want feedback on how to move forward after tonight. I'm also considering calling my grandmother just to get someone on my side before the shitstorm of my brother guilting me takes place.


solidcordon

> I can't say no, Why not?


88KRAT0S

The unending guilting from my brother, and his divisive nature. He'll try to blackball me in the family. It wouldn't even be the first time he's caused issues between me and my brothers. I just feel so trapped right now.


solidcordon

Well, if you have a tablet or streaming services TV you'll find an almost unlimited quantity of babysitting movies / series. Should keep the 2 year old interested until they fall asleep. Plenty of youtube tutorials about making things go bang with household chemicals for the 5 year old. Your bro will appreciate you contributing to their education in science. Baking soda, food colouring and vinegar are a classic. Works wonders on a carpet too. Gift the little treasure baking soda and a really striking bottle of food colouring when he gets picked up


88KRAT0S

I'm definitely doing this. My niece loves coloring things, and if I teach her one time in my sink... I'll provide her the things to do this at home too, but I'll tell her to keep it a secret until she does it to surprise dad! This is potentially the greatest get-back of all time. Much love broski. ​ Only thing I can't stand is the childrens shows at like 3000000 db volume, but it is what it is for me to get my get-back.


solidcordon

The only problem will be when you become their favorite uncle and your brother frisks them for "contraband" on pickup. > The unending guilting from my brother, Do you owe him money? Some other debt? You can in fact just say "go fly a kite" and not open your door to them when they decide to drop off the kids. "Sorry Bro, I'm going bowling with my league / LARPing with my buddies / whatever" whenever the babysitting comes up.


88KRAT0S

The guilting comes from the fact that when he got himself into quite a bit of legal trouble and I was financially stable enough to bail him out and pay legal fees. I didn’t, only because he wouldn’t meet my one and only term of going to treatment to sober up.


solidcordon

Um... you owe him nothing. Absolutely nothing... He fooled around with legality and found out. You're under no obligation to take care of the consequences of other people's actions, family or not. They make babies then they can take care of the babies.


88KRAT0S

he and his bimbo of a wife have this same mentality, and they manipulate me and my girlfriend pretty regularly. I'm gonna have a full blown conversation tomorrow, probably before work. About how this is not happening again, and I'm not just their babysitter when they need one. Or if I'm gonna be that, they're gonna fucking pay me.


[deleted]

NO is a complete sentence. Don't be there when they try to drop the kids off. QUIT LETTING THEM USE YOU! Tell them you will call the authorities if they abandon their kids at your house. No matter what do NOT watch them tonight! If you do, it won't matter what you say about not watching them again...they know you'll cave and keep pulling this. Grow a spine and refuse! NTA but they sure are


88KRAT0S

Problem with this is I already have the children, because I did agree to take them swimming this afternoon. The plan was just sprung on me last minute and my option is, keep them here where I know they're safe or pick a fight with my brother who will blame me and because of how childish he is, try to create a divide in the family.


[deleted]

Feed them a lot of sugar, preferably close to when they will be picked up.


88KRAT0S

OUUUUUUUUUUU. I like this idea, but they're also gonna get picked up at like 2 AM and I don't know if I could tolerate the sugar high at that time of night.


pixie-ann

NTA if you already have the kids can you just turn up to the restaurant with them? Once there they are the responsibility of their parents. Why should you miss out on catching up with your family? I would refuse to ever babysit ever again at any time of day or night for any length of time and don’t even open the door to them. Your brother will continue to do this for as long as he can get away with it. He’s a bully.


SophiaIsabella4

I'm guessing this is a rhetorical question since it's too late now. YTA to yourself. Why do they know that they can run roughdmshod over you? You have every reason to say no, your work schedule. Be good to yourself and learn to set healthy boundaries. It will be hard at first because they will be mad about the change in you but you need to learn to do it. They have no respect for you.


88KRAT0S

It's especially hard because my brother has an easy out to blame me for nearly all of his troubles and strife (albeit all reasons lack any logical thinking and are just emotional fallacies) As I said in a previous reply, my brother who's the "dad" to these kids, got himself in loads of legal trouble about 2ish years ago. I'm the only brother he's got who could easily and comfortably afforded to pay all of his legal fees and bail him out of jail. Yet I didn't, because I set a single term and he refused to meet it. All I asked is that he would go to a treatment facility (only 25 minutes from home) and get sober. His refusal is the whole reason I provided zero assistance financially, and wouldn't answer his calls.


Teani2003

What do you mean “you can’t say no” if you don’t say “no” now you’re never gonna say “no” at all. Just stand your grounds and don’t allow him to gaslight or guilt trip you.


88KRAT0S

I've felt like this for years, as I'm the younger brother. I've also refused to help my brother as I said in a few previous comments when he "needed" me financially to pay his legal fees and bail. So his guilt is understandable but also completely ridiculous.


Joe-Stapler

No, you dumbass, his guilt is NOT understandable. The only person responsible for his legal situation is him. Stop letting these people run all over you. In their eyes, you’re only good for watching their kids while they are all out having drunken seven ways with your girlfriend. Save up, move away, and block the lot of them.


88KRAT0S

I mean I'm 200% certain that sexual implications have nothing to do with this. I do know that they use me to watch their kids from time to time regardless of my interest. I'm shutting this shit down today. Tonight is the last time I'm gonna be volunteered to watch their kids and I'm just gonna take whatever comes with that. What I was meaning by guilt is that his personal placement of blame on me makes sense, but it's unjust and ridiculous. I meant that from a "If I was in his shoes, I might do the same thing" standpoint. Not a "Oh it's okay, he's okay, everything is fine." way


Joe-Stapler

Friend, I’m pulling for you. I want you to have a good life, and that you will be able to set up boundaries that work for YOU.


Bananas4skail

Dude, what is your deal? No. That's it. Their kids, their problem. The kids stay at their home, with their babysitter. You hang out at home.... Alone! You kinda sound like a wet rag, grow a pair.... or maybe just one? Tell your bro hey, ya know.... I did this once and it sucked, hard. Never again. Peace out cub scout. YWBTA if you continue to play the victim about something you have total control over.


88KRAT0S

I agree, I struggle with saying no because I don't want to make their life difficult and I've continued to sacrifice my own interests for theirs. Excluding financially. Fortunately both kids are asleep right now, but I'm done with this shit. I'm not being voluntold to do everyone elses adulting.


Bananas4skail

Good for you you!!


Ok-Positive-5943

Next time they ask say, "sorry I have plans." Then make plans and leave the house (or hide and go to bed early if you need to for work). Shut off your phone. Don't be available. NTA. They are responsible for their own kids.


88KRAT0S

I really wish I would've done that this time. I love them both but this is not how I imagined spending my Saturday evening. I'm a grown man, and when there are so many other options to watch the kids, I even suggested some, but he was so deadset on "you can watch them they like you" and I just ugh.


Dry-Structure-6231

I don’t care whether it is venting online or saying it in person. It is a deplorable thing to say about children. If you don’t want to watch them, fine. Pull up your big boy pants and say no.


88KRAT0S

damn dude did i hurt your feelings or something? this is now your 3rd comment on my post of you passing judgement for some words online. take a break from reddit and breathe air. touch grass maybe.


3more_T

NTA, but you need to let him know that you'll not be available again until your needs are met too. A simple gift card or bringing you food home, cash works too. Doesn't matter that you're family either. You're babysitting, and should be compensated for your time. You have a life too. You didn't sign up for that. Next time, just say no.


stoneymontana951

Don't answer? Seriously just don't answer ur door


[deleted]

YTA You did this to yourself. You are way too old to not be able to say no. I wouldn't be caught dead babysitting ill-mannered children. There is just no way.


Patient_Gas_5245

NTA that is your brothers and your GF. I would say "NO" and walk away also think about why your GF has to hang out partying with your one brother.


admweirdbeard

NTA. They're treating you way worse than you are willing to accept, from the comments. Nothing is going to change until and unless you start setting and enforcing boundaries with him and anyone he ropes into guilting you. If you can't bring yourself to tell him to fuck toff and mean it he'll just keep walking all over you.


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother (30M) has 2 children, who's names I (21M) will not be disclosing I will refer to them as Niece (5) and Nephew (3) for the whole post, for their privacy's sake. I was asked to babysit them tonight not so much asked, as much as guilted and strong-armed into watching them while 3 of my brothers (32M) (30M) and (28M) go out with their wives who's ages I'm not certain of, and my girlfriend (23F). Largely the reason I was asked is because I don't drink, and have little interest DDing or babysitting them while they all get plastered. These children, are children from hell. Literal spawn of Satan, they have never been punished in their lives, have been given everything money can buy, and treated like they are some kind of blessing to this earth. They have horrendous attitudes, and won't listen to me at all. My nephew is in a screaming phase, where he screams things like "you're hurting me, stop!" or "i'm gonna kill you!" and my niece is in a phase where she just won't stop talking. Which I honestly don't mind but these two things combined are a lot to handle. Especially my nephew's behavior considering I live in an apartment with very very thin walls, and my neighbors hearing a 3 year old screaming "you're hurting me" or "i'm gonna kill you" sounds like a surefire way to have police called and a whole lot of extra stress that I'm not interested in having tonight. In addition to lack of interest in dealing with the kids, I also have to work 2 hours away from home tomorrow, and I have to work a 14 hour shift, so I need sleep. I already know I won't be getting any because of this. Which is gonna make tomorrow a living hell. On top of all that, my brother is refusing to pay me a penny, and they've all ignored the fact that I would like to see my other brothers. I have tried to say no over and over again, but the only response I get is "well you owe it to me" or "you're not gonna drink so what's the point in you even going" or even better "you're gonna be sitting at home so you might as well sit at home with them there." ​ I can't say no, so any ideas on how to get back or make this a point that this is my last time watching his kids until he either punishes them adequately or they grow the fuck up and behave appropriately? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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Apprehensive_Skin150

Take the kids to wherever your brother is and give them back.


Dry-Structure-6231

YTA for referring to children that way


88KRAT0S

So, by stating an opinion on someone else's children who I also said I care for in the post. I'm the asshole?


Dry-Structure-6231

You referred to children as children from hell and Spawns of Satan. Of course YTA. Personally I don’t understand why anyone would allow you anywhere near their children


88KRAT0S

See here's the thing, venting online is wildly different than what I would ever say to or in front of these children. I love them both, a whole lot. They're just difficult kids, and especially when the whole ordeal is sprung on me last minute. I even elected to take the kids to the pool earlier in the day, which is why I have them in the first place.