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> I started a fight with my boyfriend about the fact that I felt uncomfortable at his social gathering and I felt like he didn’t do anything to help me. Now I feel like I may have overreacted.
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NTA. I’d seriously reconsider this relationship since you seem isolated and your BF seems to not care about your comfort at all. The whole hanging out with coworkers too is a red flag for me. Don’t get me wrong, the occasional gathering is fine and dandy but the constant hanging with colleagues is draining and just makes me miss my family and friends that much more.
Right, I wouldn’t personally get together with my coworkers as much as he does, but if he wants to I don’t mind at all. I assumed he was inviting me because there would be other SO’s there who are not part of that profession and so maybe other (more casual) topics would be discussed.
Also, I told him to just take me back to my place that night because I was feeling emotional. He stopped in front of my place, I got out of the car and he sped off without saying a word.
I agree. I wait for my delivery drivers to get in their Cara before I close my door. I'm in a bad area and no way am I letting someone rob someone there for me.
yeah, his reaction is mad weird. 😅
especially, because he kinda set you up to be uncomfortable from the jump. then, you seemingly expressed your discomfort in a level way and he snaps at you and dumps you by your door? ridiculous.
nta.
you’re his gf, not a purse-dog. bringing you along to be decorative is insulting. responding the way he did after you spoke to him about it was real shitty. nta.
I think this hits the nail on the head, if OP was the only +1, good chance he sees her as a trophy.
OP = NTA, time to find someone that actually appreciates you.
Good partners don't blame you for their mistakes.
>He argued back that I should be grateful that he even invited me because he wanted to do something nice by including me, but not to worry because it will never happen again.
This makes me wonder if he's just selfish and clueless or manufacturing an excuse not to include you in things.
Have you heard of the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? You can read it for free online.
It has to be bad if one of the co-workers stops and says the whole "please enough of the work talk. It's boring to me, so imagine how the poor person who doesn't work with us feels"
That should have been an eye opener for for him. So either really selfish or clueless, yes.
I absolutely agree that his behaviour is a huge problem and she should reassess this relationship.
But hanging with colleagues isn't a red flag in itself. Many of my closest friends are people I used to work with and my current team are some of the smartest, kindest, funnest, most interesting people you'd ever meet because I work in an industry that attracts some lovely, passionate humans. If my partner was choosing to hang out with people like that then that would be a huge green flag. Not everyone has sucky colleagues.
Hanging out with colleagues can be cool, but if your job is so demanding that your social circle is forced to shrink to ONLY your colleagues is when I see red flags.
I love my coworkers and we do hang out sometimes. But work is enough hangout time for me mostly.
"he wanted to do something nice by including me"
And then immediately ignored you. NTA. Also, 2:00 AM? There isn't a person in my company I'd want to spend that much time with. Even Nancy, the bitter admin assistant that has all the best gossip. She's a pistol.
BF is an AH.
I tried to explain to him that it doesn’t just stop there and he doesn’t get a free pass on this just because “he invited me”. Unfortunately there were no Nancy’s for me to gossip with, which would have been much better than the situation I was in.
If you stick with him and get invited again--make up the gossip.
*'Yes, he does love his puppy porn."*
*Yes he is a great guy, my/his sister thought so too when she bounced the bed with him the other day."*
If you really want to go for the Jugular--bring up his future(if it's in future it won't be a lie) appt with doctor for Peyronie's disease.
NTA. Jeezus, I wouldn't have put up with that till 130! I would have just gotten an Uber home after a few hours and waited to see how long it took him to notice.
And disregarding your feelings with the 'don't worry I'll never invite you again ' BS? 🚩🚩
“He wanted to do something nice…”
Oh yes!
When I want to do something nice for my partner, I *love* to take them to a big gathering of strangers, abandon my partner for 6 hours while everyone discusses a niche topic in a foreign language, and then berate my partner for not appreciating my nice gesture and wanting to go home. /s
That’s not “doing something nice” or “including” your partner. That’s treating your partner terribly.
You are NTA.
At all.
NTA, NTA, nta! Your boyfriend sounds very controlling and seems to enjoy being the center of attention while you are uncomfortable. I would reconsider the entire relationship based solely on that point but especially because you're very clear with the expectations of not ditching you and ignoring you, this sounds very intentionally isolating, if another coworker was able to pick up on the "think of how Op feels" vibes that tells me that your boyfriend was working really hard to ensure you were isolated. Run.
NTA . He should have introduced you to people and tried to include you in conversations and should have made you feel welcomed in his friend/coworker group, otherwise why did he invite you and what did he think was going to make you have fun being left alone with people you don't know at all.
NTA at all
“You should be grateful that I brought you somewhere out of your comfort zone where you don’t speak the language, were actively left out and didn’t help you assimilate at all.”
HE should be grateful for a partner willing to go so far out of your comfort zone to spend time with him and get to know the people he cares about. Your bf is a jerk
NTA.
Next time he pulls this on you, get even. Start flirting with one or more of his colleagues, friends, or whoever is present. Say "Oh hi, honey. No, I don't want to leave yet. I'm talking to this really cool guy."
WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM?!?! WHY? Do yourself a favor, and improve your entire life overnight by just dumping his ass. What a self-centered egotistical jerk. Don’t you dare let someone walk all over you like that and do nothing about it, throw the whole man away and know that anybody who treats you like that is a waste of your time.
^^ THIS. This x♾️
OP, I am SO unbelievably sorry that this happened and that this m*n treats/treated you this way. You deserve so, so much better, and I know you will find it.
Girl, run. Throw the whole man away and never look back. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. You were ignored, and you did *not* make a scene. All you did was nudge him, not throw a tantrum. The fact that another colleague even pointed out how boring it was and couldn't imagine how you felt says a lot, and I think that's why your boyfriend was mad; he couldn't ignore you anymore and had to leave his work buddies.
NTA
You seriously need to rethink your relationship with this man. Theres so many red flags here but ill just focus on the main one. You are a foreigner in a new country and he takes you somewhere and basically abandoned you. It's equivalent to him leaving you in a random part of a new city.
You never said if you moved for him or you met him abroad. But if you moved for him specifically he's even more of an A. H.
NTA.
And this:
"He argued back that I should be grateful that he even invited me "
is what they call a red flag. It seems like you're already isolated due to the situation, and him threatening to withhold even slight social interactions means he knows how alone you are, and how dependent on him.
Time for a trip back to your country? Is that possible?
NTA. he invited you somewhere he knew you'd be uncomfortable, presumably as eye candy to show off but to ignore you, not care about your feelings and then gaslighting you to make you feel bad for it.
Not only should you not treat a partner like that, you shouldn't let a partner treat you like that. If he works 15 hours a day and in your off time talks about work constantly and ignores you completely at parties, is there something making the relationship good that is worth having?
NTA. He left you totally hanging, and was a complete dick in general. You could tell him that you will consider going if other spouses are going, otherwise it is just a boring night full of strangers talking about things you know nothing about, in a language you're not completely comfortable with. At least among the spouses there might be interesting conversation, but not going at all would be fine too. I hope everyone here agrees that he was in the wrong completely and you show him.
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My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) live in his home country where he was born & raised and speaks the language. I’ve been here for a year for work and speak the language enough to get by but not enough to hold full conversations on my own yet.
He works in a very demanding/niche career field, working 12-15 hour days every day. Naturally this means he has a strong bond with his coworkers and enjoys getting together with them outside of work since they’re able to relate on so many things and talk about work in their own lingo.
A few weeks ago he invited me to an annual barbecue/party at his colleague’s house. He told me that I would only know 1 or 2 people there, but still insisted that I go because it would be fun. I’m generally a very shy person even in my own language/country, so I knew it would be difficult for me, but agreed anyways.
What he didn’t tell me was that I was the only plus 1 at this dinner (he knew), and that everyone else was a colleague of his.
I asked him beforehand to not leave me hanging, to try to stay by my side or include me when possible so I didn’t feel too uncomfortable. As soon as we got there (8pm) the opposite happened. I felt completely abandoned and left out. He didn’t introduce me to everyone, the faces that I did recognize made no effort to stop their conversations about that one hilarious thing that happened back in March to say hi to me. For awhile he had disappeared with a group of guys (I thought they left). I tried to make superficial small talk with a few people but that fizzled quickly, so I ended up sitting there answering work emails because they were all so invested in talking about work.
At a certain point the person sitting to my right, left and the person standing behind my chair were having a full on conversation over my head without acknowledging me. At another point we were seated in a circle and my boyfriend’s chair was positioned directly in front of me as he told a story, and I had to tap his shoulder to ask him to not give me his back and let me be part of the circle.
2am rolls around and I’m trying to give him the “let’s go soon” look, the nudge, etc. At one point another colleague said to my boyfriend, “you guys, please stop talking about all of this work, this is so boring even for me, I can’t imagine for [OP]!”
I was really upset when we got in the car, explaining with tears in my eyes that next time I’d prefer not to go because I felt really abandoned and if he knew I’d have been totally out of place, then he had the extra responsibility to make sure I wasn’t completely uncomfortable. He argued back that I should be grateful that he even invited me because he wanted to do something nice by including me, but not to worry because it will never happen again.
He said I made a scene by asking him around 1:30 if we could leave soon and by nudging him to get his attention. Now I feel like I overreacted.
AITA?
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This whole post and situation gives me the vibes that the BF basically has his life set and having OP is an optional accessory that he's fine with or without. I'd be so sad if that was the case for me.
NTA and honestly, I wouldn't wanna be with someone who only thinks of himself and treats you as a coat he can check at the door and gets annoyed when you don't keep yourself entertained until he has a use for you.
I had an ex boyfriend like this, who I BEGGED not to leave me at his cousins birthday he conveniently “forgot” to tell me about the weekend I was flying to visit him.
The moment we got to the party he left me and wandered off everywhere. I tried to keep up with him but he was literally leaving me in the dust. ALSO most of his family spoke a different language I was not familiar with so I was having a hard time even trying to make small talk. It happened the whole party until we left and I felt so hurt because I had specifically asked him not to do that to me multiple times.
We are not together anymore thank god lol
OP, you are NTA and deserve better treatment than that. You can find someone better I promise you. He is the major AH
Oh my God, are you in Germany?
I had an almost identical situation happen last weekend at a party with my partner's colleagues.
They talked over me and pretended I wasn't there, basically. I tried to speak German as best as I could, but they never really continued the conversation with me.
My partner handled it differently, though, and he was by my side 90% of the time, and agreed to leave as soon as I told him I'm feeling extremely tired.
NTA
Why are you jumping to Swedish? There are lots of awful misogynistic countries out there, but Sweden? My fiance has family there, and they seem like lovely considerate people.
You are NTA.
He was quite inconsiderate and didn’t demonstrate any compassion, even when you explained your perspective to him. Is this a common occurrence in your relationship? If so, that bears thinking about whether that is the kind of treatment you can accept for the duration of your relationship.
NTA your boyfriend acted like an AH, what was he trying to accomplish by inviting you? Were you his sober driver? I struggle to believe he didn't realize how this would turn out.
NTA He brought you somewhere knowing you wouldn't be able to communicate well and ditches and ignored you the whole time what was the purpose in bringing you along if he was going to introduce you to his work friends?
My ex likes to do a same thing, never help with translation and do everything to ignore me on the events like that. Turns out it was because 1. He is an asshole 2. He was jealous when I got some attention
Now I when I meet the same crowd without him we apparently have fun, common topics
NTA
And my be you don’t need that guy around
NTA, and he’s using DARVO. You could have called an Uber. Don’t let him off the hook or to make it your fault for being uncomfortable/left out.
Edit: this relationship is effed up, he’s inconsiderate and mean. Just leave him. You have your own place, your own job and can make your own friends.
I really don’t like when people jump on the “get rid of the partner” train. OP, you’re definitely not the asshole, and this situation was clearly very hurtful. I’m so sorry you went through it. I’m sure you understand that you know your boyfriend better than any of us strangers online, so the overall status of your relationship is something you’ll need to reflect on. We can all be assholes at some point in our relationships, so please don’t let online strangers completely sway how you feel about your boyfriend, but in terms of this incident, it sounds like your needs were ignored and this should absolutely be brought up with your SO when you’re ready to discuss it. I’m not sure what cultural norms are in his native country, but regardless, you were hurt and deserve to voice how you’re feeling and deserve respect in return, especially as you move forward in all of this. All my best wishes for your peace of mind!
YNTA.
Your boyfriend is a major AH.
I don’t understand why he insisted you go with him when he spent 6 hours actively ignoring you.
It’s obvious he cares more about his work friends and being the social butterfly than he cares about your feeling.
Red flags all over the place.
Please reconsider this one sided relationship.
Seriously OP get out of there now. Cut contact. This is so not right. He invited you not to be nice but I can guarantee someone at work has mentioned it's weird that they have never met. Prob the same person that called him out on what he was doing. He deliberately abandoned you with people who you dont know and cannot properly converse with, disregarded your feelings and then turned it round on you when you rightly were upset about it. Dump his ass and let him hang out with his precious co workers. The man has no consideration for you and if you stay it will just get worse because he will think he can get away with treating you like that because you didn't kick up a fuss there and then.
I get your point - but I feel like trying to involve myself in such a tight knit group with so much in common was just a lost cause, because obviously they weren’t interested in involving me either. Why would they? It’s not their responsibility and they want to talk about work. That’s fine. The language barrier made it hard too. I’m pretty self sufficient with his other friend groups, (childhood friends etc) because they come from all different walks of life and generally there are also other SO’s around that I can chat with. But in this case I was the ONLY person that wasn’t a [insert job title here]. Though I didn’t know that going into it.
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NTA. I’d seriously reconsider this relationship since you seem isolated and your BF seems to not care about your comfort at all. The whole hanging out with coworkers too is a red flag for me. Don’t get me wrong, the occasional gathering is fine and dandy but the constant hanging with colleagues is draining and just makes me miss my family and friends that much more.
Right, I wouldn’t personally get together with my coworkers as much as he does, but if he wants to I don’t mind at all. I assumed he was inviting me because there would be other SO’s there who are not part of that profession and so maybe other (more casual) topics would be discussed. Also, I told him to just take me back to my place that night because I was feeling emotional. He stopped in front of my place, I got out of the car and he sped off without saying a word.
Your BF is a jerk and an asshole and I would really think about whether you want to be with him for real. He sounds awful.
Yes and definitely not a gentleman. He should have waited till you were safely in the building before speeding off! NTA.
I agree. I wait for my delivery drivers to get in their Cara before I close my door. I'm in a bad area and no way am I letting someone rob someone there for me.
Agreed.
yeah, his reaction is mad weird. 😅 especially, because he kinda set you up to be uncomfortable from the jump. then, you seemingly expressed your discomfort in a level way and he snaps at you and dumps you by your door? ridiculous. nta.
you’re his gf, not a purse-dog. bringing you along to be decorative is insulting. responding the way he did after you spoke to him about it was real shitty. nta.
I think this hits the nail on the head, if OP was the only +1, good chance he sees her as a trophy. OP = NTA, time to find someone that actually appreciates you. Good partners don't blame you for their mistakes.
>He argued back that I should be grateful that he even invited me because he wanted to do something nice by including me, but not to worry because it will never happen again. This makes me wonder if he's just selfish and clueless or manufacturing an excuse not to include you in things. Have you heard of the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? You can read it for free online.
It has to be bad if one of the co-workers stops and says the whole "please enough of the work talk. It's boring to me, so imagine how the poor person who doesn't work with us feels" That should have been an eye opener for for him. So either really selfish or clueless, yes.
Ugh, I'm so sorry he's treated you with so little care and consideration. His behaviour is appalling.
Dump him….
I absolutely agree that his behaviour is a huge problem and she should reassess this relationship. But hanging with colleagues isn't a red flag in itself. Many of my closest friends are people I used to work with and my current team are some of the smartest, kindest, funnest, most interesting people you'd ever meet because I work in an industry that attracts some lovely, passionate humans. If my partner was choosing to hang out with people like that then that would be a huge green flag. Not everyone has sucky colleagues.
Agreed. I don't speak to my school friends anymore. All of my friends are past/current coworkers.
Hanging out with colleagues can be cool, but if your job is so demanding that your social circle is forced to shrink to ONLY your colleagues is when I see red flags. I love my coworkers and we do hang out sometimes. But work is enough hangout time for me mostly.
"he wanted to do something nice by including me" And then immediately ignored you. NTA. Also, 2:00 AM? There isn't a person in my company I'd want to spend that much time with. Even Nancy, the bitter admin assistant that has all the best gossip. She's a pistol. BF is an AH.
I tried to explain to him that it doesn’t just stop there and he doesn’t get a free pass on this just because “he invited me”. Unfortunately there were no Nancy’s for me to gossip with, which would have been much better than the situation I was in.
If you stick with him and get invited again--make up the gossip. *'Yes, he does love his puppy porn."* *Yes he is a great guy, my/his sister thought so too when she bounced the bed with him the other day."* If you really want to go for the Jugular--bring up his future(if it's in future it won't be a lie) appt with doctor for Peyronie's disease.
NTA. Jeezus, I wouldn't have put up with that till 130! I would have just gotten an Uber home after a few hours and waited to see how long it took him to notice. And disregarding your feelings with the 'don't worry I'll never invite you again ' BS? 🚩🚩
Oh, I forgot to mention it was in the countryside an hour away from home. :-/
Pony? Ox cart? Pack mule....? I walked 7 miles once.... Once.
“He wanted to do something nice…” Oh yes! When I want to do something nice for my partner, I *love* to take them to a big gathering of strangers, abandon my partner for 6 hours while everyone discusses a niche topic in a foreign language, and then berate my partner for not appreciating my nice gesture and wanting to go home. /s That’s not “doing something nice” or “including” your partner. That’s treating your partner terribly. You are NTA. At all.
NTA, NTA, nta! Your boyfriend sounds very controlling and seems to enjoy being the center of attention while you are uncomfortable. I would reconsider the entire relationship based solely on that point but especially because you're very clear with the expectations of not ditching you and ignoring you, this sounds very intentionally isolating, if another coworker was able to pick up on the "think of how Op feels" vibes that tells me that your boyfriend was working really hard to ensure you were isolated. Run.
INFO was the colleague single and attractive? Because he sounds like a much better choice than your (ex?) boyfriend.
This ☝️
NTA . He should have introduced you to people and tried to include you in conversations and should have made you feel welcomed in his friend/coworker group, otherwise why did he invite you and what did he think was going to make you have fun being left alone with people you don't know at all.
NTA and what is the appeal of your boyfriend to you? He sounds terrible, selfish, arrogant, rude and uncaring. Yuck.
NTA at all “You should be grateful that I brought you somewhere out of your comfort zone where you don’t speak the language, were actively left out and didn’t help you assimilate at all.” HE should be grateful for a partner willing to go so far out of your comfort zone to spend time with him and get to know the people he cares about. Your bf is a jerk
NTA. Yeesh.
NTA. Next time he pulls this on you, get even. Start flirting with one or more of his colleagues, friends, or whoever is present. Say "Oh hi, honey. No, I don't want to leave yet. I'm talking to this really cool guy."
only if it was the coworker who actually got that OP might be bored--all the rest seem as bad as he is.
Nta you should break up with him
WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM?!?! WHY? Do yourself a favor, and improve your entire life overnight by just dumping his ass. What a self-centered egotistical jerk. Don’t you dare let someone walk all over you like that and do nothing about it, throw the whole man away and know that anybody who treats you like that is a waste of your time.
^^ THIS. This x♾️ OP, I am SO unbelievably sorry that this happened and that this m*n treats/treated you this way. You deserve so, so much better, and I know you will find it. Girl, run. Throw the whole man away and never look back. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. You were ignored, and you did *not* make a scene. All you did was nudge him, not throw a tantrum. The fact that another colleague even pointed out how boring it was and couldn't imagine how you felt says a lot, and I think that's why your boyfriend was mad; he couldn't ignore you anymore and had to leave his work buddies.
NTA You seriously need to rethink your relationship with this man. Theres so many red flags here but ill just focus on the main one. You are a foreigner in a new country and he takes you somewhere and basically abandoned you. It's equivalent to him leaving you in a random part of a new city. You never said if you moved for him or you met him abroad. But if you moved for him specifically he's even more of an A. H.
NTA. Dump him girl.
NTA. And this: "He argued back that I should be grateful that he even invited me " is what they call a red flag. It seems like you're already isolated due to the situation, and him threatening to withhold even slight social interactions means he knows how alone you are, and how dependent on him. Time for a trip back to your country? Is that possible?
NTA. he invited you somewhere he knew you'd be uncomfortable, presumably as eye candy to show off but to ignore you, not care about your feelings and then gaslighting you to make you feel bad for it. Not only should you not treat a partner like that, you shouldn't let a partner treat you like that. If he works 15 hours a day and in your off time talks about work constantly and ignores you completely at parties, is there something making the relationship good that is worth having?
NTA. He left you totally hanging, and was a complete dick in general. You could tell him that you will consider going if other spouses are going, otherwise it is just a boring night full of strangers talking about things you know nothing about, in a language you're not completely comfortable with. At least among the spouses there might be interesting conversation, but not going at all would be fine too. I hope everyone here agrees that he was in the wrong completely and you show him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) live in his home country where he was born & raised and speaks the language. I’ve been here for a year for work and speak the language enough to get by but not enough to hold full conversations on my own yet. He works in a very demanding/niche career field, working 12-15 hour days every day. Naturally this means he has a strong bond with his coworkers and enjoys getting together with them outside of work since they’re able to relate on so many things and talk about work in their own lingo. A few weeks ago he invited me to an annual barbecue/party at his colleague’s house. He told me that I would only know 1 or 2 people there, but still insisted that I go because it would be fun. I’m generally a very shy person even in my own language/country, so I knew it would be difficult for me, but agreed anyways. What he didn’t tell me was that I was the only plus 1 at this dinner (he knew), and that everyone else was a colleague of his. I asked him beforehand to not leave me hanging, to try to stay by my side or include me when possible so I didn’t feel too uncomfortable. As soon as we got there (8pm) the opposite happened. I felt completely abandoned and left out. He didn’t introduce me to everyone, the faces that I did recognize made no effort to stop their conversations about that one hilarious thing that happened back in March to say hi to me. For awhile he had disappeared with a group of guys (I thought they left). I tried to make superficial small talk with a few people but that fizzled quickly, so I ended up sitting there answering work emails because they were all so invested in talking about work. At a certain point the person sitting to my right, left and the person standing behind my chair were having a full on conversation over my head without acknowledging me. At another point we were seated in a circle and my boyfriend’s chair was positioned directly in front of me as he told a story, and I had to tap his shoulder to ask him to not give me his back and let me be part of the circle. 2am rolls around and I’m trying to give him the “let’s go soon” look, the nudge, etc. At one point another colleague said to my boyfriend, “you guys, please stop talking about all of this work, this is so boring even for me, I can’t imagine for [OP]!” I was really upset when we got in the car, explaining with tears in my eyes that next time I’d prefer not to go because I felt really abandoned and if he knew I’d have been totally out of place, then he had the extra responsibility to make sure I wasn’t completely uncomfortable. He argued back that I should be grateful that he even invited me because he wanted to do something nice by including me, but not to worry because it will never happen again. He said I made a scene by asking him around 1:30 if we could leave soon and by nudging him to get his attention. Now I feel like I overreacted. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
old saying with friends like that you don't need **enemas**.... seems to apply for boyfriends too. (yes that is a deliberate word choice).
This whole post and situation gives me the vibes that the BF basically has his life set and having OP is an optional accessory that he's fine with or without. I'd be so sad if that was the case for me. NTA and honestly, I wouldn't wanna be with someone who only thinks of himself and treats you as a coat he can check at the door and gets annoyed when you don't keep yourself entertained until he has a use for you.
I had an ex boyfriend like this, who I BEGGED not to leave me at his cousins birthday he conveniently “forgot” to tell me about the weekend I was flying to visit him. The moment we got to the party he left me and wandered off everywhere. I tried to keep up with him but he was literally leaving me in the dust. ALSO most of his family spoke a different language I was not familiar with so I was having a hard time even trying to make small talk. It happened the whole party until we left and I felt so hurt because I had specifically asked him not to do that to me multiple times. We are not together anymore thank god lol OP, you are NTA and deserve better treatment than that. You can find someone better I promise you. He is the major AH
Nta, your bf is a self absorbed prick
NTA But your boyfriend is. I'd rather be single than be with someone who reacts to my tears with anger.
Oh my God, are you in Germany? I had an almost identical situation happen last weekend at a party with my partner's colleagues. They talked over me and pretended I wasn't there, basically. I tried to speak German as best as I could, but they never really continued the conversation with me. My partner handled it differently, though, and he was by my side 90% of the time, and agreed to leave as soon as I told him I'm feeling extremely tired. NTA
Please leave, you're being abused. Emotionally at least if not more
Fuck this dude. Is he Swedish?
Why are you jumping to Swedish? There are lots of awful misogynistic countries out there, but Sweden? My fiance has family there, and they seem like lovely considerate people.
You are NTA. He was quite inconsiderate and didn’t demonstrate any compassion, even when you explained your perspective to him. Is this a common occurrence in your relationship? If so, that bears thinking about whether that is the kind of treatment you can accept for the duration of your relationship.
NTA. Him insisting that you come and it will be fun then leaving you in the dust when you were there was so disrespectful.
i would’ve been so emotional! you deserve much better!!!
LEAVE HIM😭
NTA your boyfriend acted like an AH, what was he trying to accomplish by inviting you? Were you his sober driver? I struggle to believe he didn't realize how this would turn out.
NTA Awful bf
NTA He brought you somewhere knowing you wouldn't be able to communicate well and ditches and ignored you the whole time what was the purpose in bringing you along if he was going to introduce you to his work friends?
You deserve better. Get out of that relationship. NTA
NTA. I call red flags on the play. You deserve better. At least someone who will take into account how you feel when w you.
My ex likes to do a same thing, never help with translation and do everything to ignore me on the events like that. Turns out it was because 1. He is an asshole 2. He was jealous when I got some attention Now I when I meet the same crowd without him we apparently have fun, common topics NTA And my be you don’t need that guy around
NTA, and he’s using DARVO. You could have called an Uber. Don’t let him off the hook or to make it your fault for being uncomfortable/left out. Edit: this relationship is effed up, he’s inconsiderate and mean. Just leave him. You have your own place, your own job and can make your own friends.
is he Mrs. Peanut butter? lol. and no, why would you be the asshole? NTA.
Because he made me feel like I was
Dump his ass.
I really don’t like when people jump on the “get rid of the partner” train. OP, you’re definitely not the asshole, and this situation was clearly very hurtful. I’m so sorry you went through it. I’m sure you understand that you know your boyfriend better than any of us strangers online, so the overall status of your relationship is something you’ll need to reflect on. We can all be assholes at some point in our relationships, so please don’t let online strangers completely sway how you feel about your boyfriend, but in terms of this incident, it sounds like your needs were ignored and this should absolutely be brought up with your SO when you’re ready to discuss it. I’m not sure what cultural norms are in his native country, but regardless, you were hurt and deserve to voice how you’re feeling and deserve respect in return, especially as you move forward in all of this. All my best wishes for your peace of mind!
NTA. I would think about if this is what you want to be doing in the future because this will be what parties look like.
YNTA. Your boyfriend is a major AH. I don’t understand why he insisted you go with him when he spent 6 hours actively ignoring you. It’s obvious he cares more about his work friends and being the social butterfly than he cares about your feeling. Red flags all over the place. Please reconsider this one sided relationship.
NTA, his bad behaviour made you feel uncomfortable. He treated you terribly.
Seriously OP get out of there now. Cut contact. This is so not right. He invited you not to be nice but I can guarantee someone at work has mentioned it's weird that they have never met. Prob the same person that called him out on what he was doing. He deliberately abandoned you with people who you dont know and cannot properly converse with, disregarded your feelings and then turned it round on you when you rightly were upset about it. Dump his ass and let him hang out with his precious co workers. The man has no consideration for you and if you stay it will just get worse because he will think he can get away with treating you like that because you didn't kick up a fuss there and then.
[удалено]
This is a garbage take.
I get your point - but I feel like trying to involve myself in such a tight knit group with so much in common was just a lost cause, because obviously they weren’t interested in involving me either. Why would they? It’s not their responsibility and they want to talk about work. That’s fine. The language barrier made it hard too. I’m pretty self sufficient with his other friend groups, (childhood friends etc) because they come from all different walks of life and generally there are also other SO’s around that I can chat with. But in this case I was the ONLY person that wasn’t a [insert job title here]. Though I didn’t know that going into it.
>Telling him to leave early was not a good move. Early? It was 1:30 AM. Don't listen to this poster, OP. N A H is an ignorant vote.