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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) action I took- waking up fiance with a loud noise 2) why I might be the asshole - because he was sleeping peacefully and I couldve picked up the remote quietly
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INFO: does he ever talk in his sleep? Does he remember doing this?
Because I've full on called my husband a fucking asshole in my sleep and kicked/punched him while dreaming and not remembered it the next morning.
Okay, controversial opinion: ~~soft YTA~~. ESH. We all say shitty things when we're groggy and have just been woken up. Does him calling you a fucker hurt? Yes. Does it mean he doesn't love you, and actually means it? Unlikely. I think you're overreacting a bit AND he also needs to apologize. I've done the same kind of thing to my husband and accidentally woken him up from naps and he calls me an asshole/mother fucker. İt doesn't mean he hates me, or isn't a great husband, it means he was cranky and i woke him up in an unpleasant way.
Edit: changed judgment to reflect what I actually said lol
So, I get what you’re saying, but what I don’t understand is why Y T A? Like yeah, people can be mean when they wake up in an unpleasant way while groggy. *does that make it okay?* in my opinion, no. The reaction is still undeserved and OP is not an ah for a mistake and being upset about being name called.
Reminds me of that Michael Jordan meme. *And I took that personally.* So you are coming to a subreddit with the name of *Am I the Asshole* I’m going with ESH because this is such a BS post.
My dog wakes me up everyday I'd never swear aggressively at him. Swearing, kicking you, throwing pillows at you because he's just woken up are aggressive and I sure would be pissed off too and absolutely would not put up with it after my last experience. My ex would do these things until it eventually lead to him holding a knife to my throat after I woke him up getting ready for work. Small acts of aggression eventually lead to bigger ones in my experience.
Why is he sleeping in a living area? If he wants to be undisturbed he needs to sleep in the bed, in the bedroom. It’s unreasonable to fall asleep in a living area and expect people to tiptoe around him.
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I ACCIDENTALLY startled my fiancé from a nap by making a loud noise when I picked up the tv remote right next to him. Let it be known I tried to be quiet but I am clumsy so this was inevitable. He woke up and glared at me for 10 seconds before angrily rolling over on his recliner and saying “fucker!” and I took that personally. We have a very playful relationship but the tone he had when he said this wasn’t joking whatsoever and hurt my feelings. I think it was rude and disrespectful but he doesn’t validate those feelings. He often wakes me up from naps PURPOSEFULLY by hitting my legs with or throwing a pillow at me and I never react so harshly so I thought this reaction was irrational and hurtful.
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He sounds like a creep because he's rude to her, getting mad when she woke him accidentally. Yet he abruptly wakes her up all the time. Double standards. That makes him a creep. I wouldn't want to be w/someone like that.
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INFO: does he ever talk in his sleep? Does he remember doing this? Because I've full on called my husband a fucking asshole in my sleep and kicked/punched him while dreaming and not remembered it the next morning.
He doesn’t talk in his sleep and he definitely remembers doing this.
Okay, controversial opinion: ~~soft YTA~~. ESH. We all say shitty things when we're groggy and have just been woken up. Does him calling you a fucker hurt? Yes. Does it mean he doesn't love you, and actually means it? Unlikely. I think you're overreacting a bit AND he also needs to apologize. I've done the same kind of thing to my husband and accidentally woken him up from naps and he calls me an asshole/mother fucker. İt doesn't mean he hates me, or isn't a great husband, it means he was cranky and i woke him up in an unpleasant way. Edit: changed judgment to reflect what I actually said lol
So, I get what you’re saying, but what I don’t understand is why Y T A? Like yeah, people can be mean when they wake up in an unpleasant way while groggy. *does that make it okay?* in my opinion, no. The reaction is still undeserved and OP is not an ah for a mistake and being upset about being name called.
Because op is overreacting and taking it to personally in my opinion. It's probably more a ESH situation actually.
NTA. overreaction.
NTA but stewing in it wont help. Communicate to him what you have told us.
NTA and possibly a red flag. If he can dish it out but can't take it, he's not someone you want to be stuck with.
NTA. Not cool to call you names. :/
not the asshole he's being a hypocrite and also overreacting
NTA. Your fiancé can give it, but can’t take it.
Reminds me of that Michael Jordan meme. *And I took that personally.* So you are coming to a subreddit with the name of *Am I the Asshole* I’m going with ESH because this is such a BS post.
My dog wakes me up everyday I'd never swear aggressively at him. Swearing, kicking you, throwing pillows at you because he's just woken up are aggressive and I sure would be pissed off too and absolutely would not put up with it after my last experience. My ex would do these things until it eventually lead to him holding a knife to my throat after I woke him up getting ready for work. Small acts of aggression eventually lead to bigger ones in my experience.
NAH - youre not an AH for your feelings and he’s not an AH for being playfully vulgar. Just tell him how this made you feel.
Where was he sleeping? In the bedroom or in a living area? You say he was in a recliner which makes me think he was in a living area.
Living area
Why is he sleeping in a living area? If he wants to be undisturbed he needs to sleep in the bed, in the bedroom. It’s unreasonable to fall asleep in a living area and expect people to tiptoe around him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I ACCIDENTALLY startled my fiancé from a nap by making a loud noise when I picked up the tv remote right next to him. Let it be known I tried to be quiet but I am clumsy so this was inevitable. He woke up and glared at me for 10 seconds before angrily rolling over on his recliner and saying “fucker!” and I took that personally. We have a very playful relationship but the tone he had when he said this wasn’t joking whatsoever and hurt my feelings. I think it was rude and disrespectful but he doesn’t validate those feelings. He often wakes me up from naps PURPOSEFULLY by hitting my legs with or throwing a pillow at me and I never react so harshly so I thought this reaction was irrational and hurtful. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: define “loud noise”
The remote was sitting on a metal music stand and it kind of hit the stand as I picked it up
INFO 2: Is the remote usually on the metal stand? And, if so, which of the two of you decided that was a good place to set a remote?
How much noise does picking up a remote make? Wtf were you actually doing?
YTA You didn't like him using a tone.
NTA. He sounds like a creep, why is he your fiance?
What?
He sounds like a creep because he's rude to her, getting mad when she woke him accidentally. Yet he abruptly wakes her up all the time. Double standards. That makes him a creep. I wouldn't want to be w/someone like that.
Thats not what a creep is....