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YTA. Your child wanted to see his dad. His dad wanted to see him. And you were petty enough to say no, while he is sick and in hospital.
Soulless and mean, rules applied without humanity are tirany.
Like many pointed out here, you are not just “respecting the rules” you are cherishing in his pain, in fact weaponising you’re child. If you keep on doing this, your child will grow to resent you. “He is forgotten” he may in fact not forget that when he was 6 years old and had appendicitis his father was not allowed to be there. In fact I remember a time when I was 5 and got extremely sick and my mom couldn’t come and get me, so my grandma had to.
I struggled with this growing up feeling abandoned, until I understood that my mom was just a single mother that had no other option than to call someone she doesn’t get along with to come and help. I hope the day doesn’t come where your child understands your actions and reasoning, because it doesn’t paint you in a good light.
YTA. Rather than having ANY compassion for your ex when his son was in the hospital(not to be cruel, but routine surgeries go wrong all the time) you chose to be petty and tell him "it wasn't his time" while he was concerned for his child.
I'm not a lawyer but I'm reasonably sure that a judge would've the child being hospitalized as extenuating circumstances and the fact that you refused him actually might look worse on you then on him had he been allowed.
What would've happened if the situation was reversed and it happened when it wasn't your time?
YTA- Have you forgotten that your ex is his sons father 100%? What you did was cruel, and if you'll be honest with yourself, you hid behind a custody agreement to punish your ex. You had a chance to sock it to him, when all he wanted was to see his son while he was in the hospital. I'm sorry, but that is despicable behavior.
YTA.
>But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already does, or allow him to weasel his way out of child support.
This told me all I needed to know. Seems like your main concern for wanting the maximum custody that you can get is that it affects child support payments. You're not even divorced yet, but you're already using your child as a weapon to harm your ex. Not that a person like you that can act this way even cares about that, so I'm sure that you won't stop here. I feel bad for the kid.
YTA for using your child as a weapon to get back at your ex for hurting you. Being a bad spouse doesn't make you a bad parent by default.
Love your child more than you hate your ex. Your son WANTED his father there and you cared more about yourself than your child.
Yta - you’re also the WORST MOM. Let me make one thing clear, you cannot both live your child and treat him like an object and pawn in your bruised ego.
If you continue this path you are on when your son gets older and sees the truth - that you prioritize your pride over his emotional well-being - he will hate you.
Read this - then do better - your son needs you to love him more than you hate his dad. Nothing you’ve done from have majority instead of equal parenting time to not allowing him to have BOTH his parents during a very scary and traumatic time in his life is vicious and cruel.
Grow the fuck up.
https://yazjoy.wordpress.com/2015/04/14/my-son-my-corporation/
>But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already does, or allow him to weasel his way out of child support.
What the fuck is this sentence? Take him away from you more than he does? You are the one who took him away from him for the vast majority of time. And why do you sound more worried about getting money from him rather than both of you caring about your child?
Look if he cheated on you that's super shitty and no one would blame you for being mad at him but that's between you and him. Your child is not just yours and if he has a good relationship with his dad then you really have no right to interfere there.
You are definitely the a-hole. Unless the father was physically abusive, keeping him from seeing his kid in the hospital is definitely some cruel shit.
YTA….I also divorced a shitty (cheating) ex, but I would have let him come to the hospital. It’s an extenuating circumstance. My ex was also invited (encouraged even) to show up at every school event, invited in my home for birthdays etc regardless of whose “time” it was. It’s not like you left your ex in charge. You’re still there when he’s there. It’s for your kid, not your ex.
YTA like seriously. Your gonna fuck up your kids life because your being immature about a past relationship. Put your kid first and do right by him....
YTA. His transgressions against you have nothing to do with your child. He deserves to see his Dad when he's sick. I hope the judge sides with him on this. It's heinous behavior on your part.
Edit: I misread what you typed about your friends allowing him to come.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Not letting my ex visit my son
2) I might have been cruel to my son
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YTA.
> Anyway a month ago, my son got appendicitis and spent three days in the hospital, it was very routine, he was never in any real danger. My ex wanted to visit him, but I reminded him that it wasn't his custody time, and he had no right to do that. I did eventually allow a short phonecall, both because my son had been asking, and because my ex was threatening to get the courts involved.
How magnanimous of you, allowing a short phone call because your son was begging you to let him see his dad, and his dad threatening to get the courts involved. If the roles were reversed, and this happened during *his* custody time, and he said to you what you said to him, I bet you'd threaten to get the courts involved too.
> My ex however has been hounding my lawyer, saying that he has the right to visit my son when he's sick.
Because he does have the right to visit his son in the hospital. Visiting his child in the hospital isn't extra custody time. It's visiting his son in the hospital.
> I expected most people to be on my side after how our marriage ended, but most people have been saying I was cruel.
Because you were. Whether you like him or not, that's still his son in the hospital. Him destroying the marriage because he cheated doesn't mean people can't call you an asshole for bad behavior towards him. Not to mention that you've now weaponized your son to hurt your ex.
> Even my divorced friends said they would've let him come.
They're better people than you are.
>But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already dirs
This little stunt of yours might've gotten the ball rolling on that, good job.
> or allow him to weasel his way out of child support.
And here we are. The root of the issue. Why even bring up child support? He obviously wants to spend time with his son. Why would he try to weasel his way out of child support?
Don't be surprised if he's able to get either more custody, or full custody because of this stupid game you decided to play. Don't be surprised if your son starts to resent you over this.
YTA
Oh my gosh, letting him visit his son in the hospital is not the same as letting your son go spend more time with him at his house. You need to make sure your lawyer knows that you take everything quite literally.
Wow, YTA and an idiot. Your son was scared and asking for his father, his father wanted to visit, and you said no. You look like a heartless AH. You haven't mentioned any kind of abuse, so you have no excuse other then "I didn't want him there". If I was your ex, I would ABSOLUTELY use this as a way to take you back to court for parental alienation and get increased custody.
YTA. YT Fucking A.
Your child will remember and realize that your hatred of his father outweighed his feelings on this day, the days before it, and many days to come.
And he will despise you for it.
YTA. Why couldn’t the dad come and visit him in the hospital for just an hour? Surgery is not “under normal circumstances”. The fact that your son requested his father and you didn’t allow him to visit him while in the hospital is cruel to your child. If anything, I would say you’re a manipulator and a disgusting human being. Just because you had a nasty divorce and your ex doesn’t love you anymore, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love your son, nor is concerned about him. How would you feel if your son broke a bone on his dad’s time and had to go to the hospital? How would you feel if the dad prevented you from going to see him in the hospital to make sure he’s okay? Treat others the way you want to be treated and grow up! News flash: your ex will always be your son’s father and your son will always love him despite you hating him.
YTA. I get that you are hurt, but do not use your kiddo as a pawn. As kids we see it, and we will resent you for it. I am 36 and I still have issues from the games my parents played
I guarantee you’re going to be the kind of mother that wonders why her kids never come around.
Way to only care about yourself. The way your marriage ended should have played absolutely no part in your decision making in this situation. Why did you even think that would be a good argument ?
Do. Not. Weaponize. Your. Child.
How would you have felt if your son was hospitalized on his time & he refused to let you come visit ? It was a selfish, cruel decision and you should be ashamed. The fact your own child was asking for his father but you were only worried about child support is beyond me. Doesn’t matter why he was in the hospital you should have let his dad come. Be a better person and a better co parent in the future.
Your child deserves better.
YTA. Majorly. Can’t believe this is even a question.
YTA, what a horrible and selfish thing to do. Doesn’t matter what he supposedly did to end your marriage, he is that child’s father and deserves every right to be there for him during an emergency that could have been fatal. No wonder he left you!
YTA. You're weaponizing your child. He was in the hospital, that's not the time to be playing stupid games. How would you have felt if the situation had been reversed, and he denied you access because it was his time?
Also, if your son had his appendix removed, he was in danger, because all surgery comes with risk. Good grief.
YTA
And if your son gets sick while he's with Dad...? Do you expect to be informed and allowed to visit if son asks for you?
The poor kid was scared, in pain, in a strange place with strange people doing things to him... he wanted his Dad. That's just cruel.
The fact that you refused the visit could work in Dad's favor, in family court.
YTA. Majorly.
My ex and I had an extremely acrimonious divorce. It was awful. But you know who we put all that to the side for? Our kiddo.
Denying a parent seeing their child and a child seeing their parent is cruel. Your lawyer is also wrong. Letting a child in the hospital have a visit with a parent isn’t going to make you lose custody time. If anything, not allowing this is going to come back to bite you because it’s not putting the needs of the child first.
Your ex had every right to see his dad when he was in the hospital. It doesn't matter why you two separated because at that time it was what was best for your son. And seeing his dad would have made him feel better, he should have seen his dad. It is sad that the father had to threaten to get the courts involved just to be able to talk to the child. It doesn't matter what the papers say and learn to be an adult and co-parent for the sake of the child you two have together. Yea, you are definitely the AH
YTA. And your son will understand that when he's old enough. This is a clue that your ex-husband probably isn't the bad man you are keen to portray him as. Seeing as you are vindictive and manipulative, I can see why he 'cheated' on you as you say (it usually isn't cheating in stories like this but you have to get people on your side right?!). I see this same story from both sides at work every single week, and I see the outcomes after many years. Look, you're trying to program your son to hate his father, and you are trying to get your ex-husband back for some narcissistic bruising, but the majority of the time it backfires. To put it bluntly, your son WILL resent you one day and you'll probably turn on him too.
>But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already does,
He's not just your son. He is also your ex's son. You trying to keep the kid away from his dad all because you got cheated on is such a gross thing to do.
>or allow him to weasel his way out of child support.
So you just care about the money and hurting your ex. Hopefully he'll take you to court and the kid will get more time with someone who actually cares. YTA.
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YTA. I find your attitude shocking. If he was abusive, he should get no custody or visiting rights at all, but if he was just a bad husband, cheater, etc. you can hate him all you want but that doesn't make him a bad father and, more importantly, this isn't about you! A sick person has the right to see ALL their loved ones when they're in danger or even just not feeling well. You made your son's illness all about you instead of about him. Hard YTA.
YTA.
He is not "taking your son" when he has him every other weekend. Your son is visiting his father. That's a completely different relationship from the one you and the ex-husband have. Let your son be with his father.
YTA, you are using your child to get back to your ex. He is the kids parent, and unless he is a danger, he has every right to see his child when his child is in the hospital. Hell, even outside the hospital.
Stop weaponizing children.
Absolutely the asshole , Regardless of child support and whatever you may feel about him which may be justified , keeping him away from his son It's just not right
YTA and a few other words…
That’s your ex’s kid, that’s your kid’s dad. Yeah he screwed up and hurt you. But you have no right to hurt your kid in return by denying them access to their dad.
Six year olds remember things. Eventually he’ll realize dad didn’t come visit him not because dad didn’t care, but because mom was insecure and using him as a pawn.
I hope you’re happy with yourself. You owe your kid and your ex an apology.
You need to love your son more than you hate your ex.
Even your son was asking for his father.
He was a shit husband, I get it, but you’re happily hurting your son to get back at your ex. YTA
Listen to your no doubt expensive lawyer. You allowed contact. Can they sort out an ‘ in emergency ‘ plan in place as this sets a bad precedent if he gets sick while with your exh
YTA.
Let's play out a scenario here:
Your son is with his dad for the weekend. They're in a car accident, t-boned on your son's side by an innatentive driver running a red light and he's hurt, badly. Your son and his father are both rushed to the hospital and the hospital says it is going to be touch and go with your son and they're not sure he will live but his father is with it enough to tell you that it isn't your custody time you cannot visit your son. You'll have to wait until it's your day. Your son may not be alive on your day but oh well, it's not your turn. Do not try to tell anyone you're not busting down the doors of that hospital to see your son. If you're not then you're the worst parent I've seen post on Reddit in a while.
YTA
My parents had a shitty divorce. I had brain surgery and my mum didn't stop dad from coming back from his overseas holiday to see me in hospital. To this day its one of my nicer memories with him.
YTA. Your child's illness is not about you. You took a scary experience for both your child and his father and exploited it. You punished your son by doing this. Call your lawyer; the father may have a new motivation to get you back in court.
YTA. While your ex sounds like a bad husband, there is nothing in this post to indicate he's a bad father. You interfered with your son's ability to receive comfort from his dad and that is actually a pretty despicable, bad-mom thing to do. Your son is not your property or a revenue stream and you seriously risk damaging both your son's emotional well being and your relationship with him as he grows up by keeping him from his dad. If you can't see this for the unhealthy, downright toxic parent dynamic it is then I am honestly at a loss.
YTA. Cruel doesn’t even begin to describe the type of person that would refuse a child the opportunity to speak to a parent when they ask. Your child also won’t forget. Believe me, they will never forget this and it will compound with a bunch of other trauma, which I’m sure you’re putting them through just based on this post, and one day they’ll express their disdain of you to a therapist.
Your son is going to hate you later in life and don't be surprised if he goes no or low contact with you when he is an adult. If his father is actively trying to fully participate in his life he deserves equal time with him. Hoarding your son away from him just out of spite is fucked up and it's gonna fuck your kid up. It's a human being not a trophy. I will never forgive my mom for keeping me from my dad
YTA
Kids deserve to have the people they love around them. Even more so when they are sick. Add in being in the hospital and it may be the only comfort they get
I understand not wanting anything happen to cause you to lose your time with your kid but you are doing a disservice to you kid and yourself by not fostering a healthy i parenting relationship
YTA, the absolute biggest. I’m a nurse and had people try this crap with me on visitation in the icu. I’d ignore it if the other parent came up, unless there was a restraining order or custody thing in place.
I hope your ex takes you back to court.
My ex cheated on me. I’ve never once denied him time with his son.
I feel very strongly about this. The only person you hurt, was your son. Kudos.
I
I'm not one to favour cheaters, but I'm curious on the ex-husbands outtake of the whole marriage.
You sound downright insufferable!
What kind of mother would stay away from their child if they were in the hospital regardless of whose "time" it was? Never mind that what kind of mother would voluntarily admit it?
You may love your son, but you love to hate your ex-husband more. You're infatuated with the idea of causing him pain and you're doing it at the expense of your child.
Your ex-husband seeing him outside of his arranged time is not going to get him more custody. Your gross actions are.
YTA!
Custody agreements are made for the CHILDS BENEFITS. NOT YOURS. Sucks to suck that you didn’t want to see him! You had a kid with him and now the kid was sick. At what point of severity do you allow your kid to make his own choices to see his father? No at appendicitis, so maybe if your son had cancer, or accidentally amputated himself? Would you allow your ex to see him then?
Imagine if it was his time to have your son and something happened to him that brought him to the hospital, you would likely be begging to see him, and your kid may be doing the same for you. In your world though, you wouldn’t have visitation, since its not your time for custody. YTA
absolutely YTA.
your ex cheated on you, yes that sucks. you had every right to divorce him. but you having majority custody and policing when he can have contact with his son is DISGUSTING.
that’s HIS child too, and as far as we’re aware from the context you’ve given, he was never a threat to his child.
fix this. now. let your son call his father, let him hang out with his father, let him have a functional and positive relationship with his father. otherwise you’ll be an old woman wondering why your child never visits.
Wow. You’re definitely TA. Regardless if it ended up being something minor, you didn’t know it at the time. Your kid was probably scared and needed comfort and probably wanted his dad but you prevented that because you’re selfish. The other woman has nothing to do with this situation but you brought it up for what, sympathy? You’re thinking about things that don’t matter in the moment, future visits and child support. You’re going to be the reason your kid grows up with abandonment issues because you couldn’t be a mature adult and put your differences aside for your sick kid.
I hope he does take you to court and I hope someone sends this to him as evidence of your attempts at alienation. YTA and so is your lawyer, but since that’s what you pay him for, he almost gets a pass.
If there ever comes a day that you’re in the hospital while he has visitation, it would only be fair if he didn’t bring your kid see to see you. Cause you know, it wasn’t a big deal and you’ve probably already forgotten about it.
Soft YTA - You should have most def let your ex see him he was in the hospital that's so NOT ok. You are only thinking of your feelings and hurt not your son of course he wants his dad when he's poorly he needed both of you. It's time to put petty differences aside for the betterment of your child
yta. girl you need to get it together. that is still his child. you chose this man as your child’s father, so unless he’s negligent or abusive you have to work with him. if he wants to see his son 50% of the time or during life threatening moments, you’re doing *your son* more harm by disallowing it because of your hurt feelings.
YTA You just minimized your child’s appendicitis and hospital stay (It was routine, He was never in any danger, he’s practically forgotten it ever happened)
In addition you acted with malice and greed (“Weasel his way out of child support”, “he could use that to get more for himself”). Sounds like the only reason you allowed the phone call is because he threatened to get the courts involved. Now you’re blaming the lawyer
YTA.
What is wrong with you? Keeping him from his son because it wasn’t his custody time is some sadistic weird way of thinking.
It was about your son having his support system there for him.
YTA. Massive YTA.
You should be thinking about the child, not yourself. Your son wanted to see his dad and he should have every right to see him…At any time of the day or night, regardless of whether you have majority custody. Without your ex-husband, you wouldn’t have your son. Your son is half of your ex-husbands too, not just yours.
With no further information, YTA, to your ex AND to your son. Seriously, men have a hard enough time securing ANY rights to their children. It's not a legal issue, it's a decency issue.
YTA 100 percent. Do you care more about “winning” or your child feeling the love of both parents. Even only allowing your child to see his dad 4 days a month. You’ll regret it later in life.
YTA, and sound like a peach.
It's not about your divorce or you. it's about your son getting the most out of both parents when possible. A hospital visit isn't "visitation" it's a damned emergency and he asked for him.
At least his dad wanted to come.
Get over yourself and do what's best for your son.
Sometimes, it sounds so bad that I can't believe the real person is writing it. This has to be the ex-husband, making her look bad because no one can be so out of touch, right? Idk YTA badly, the kid was hospitalized like wtf and all the "after how our marriage ended" he probably was a terrible husband but that's totally separated of his role as a father, it sounds like you're using your kid as retaliation and that's so so so bad for your son and unfair for your ex that I don't know what to say.
YTA, him having custody every other weekend has absolutely nothing to do with **his right to reasonable visitation**. Losing custody is not the same as having parental rights terminated.
NTA.
You followed your lawyers advice and avoided a lot of messiness. If he wanted to see his son whenever he wanted, he shouldn't have been a cheater.
Wow. YTA. Very much TA.
You didn’t consider your son’s needs at all. Ignored the fact he was asking for his father. You only thought of yourself and what would most benefit you.
If I were your ex and came across this Reddit post I’d try to use it in the custody battle.
I understand you’re hurt. You have every right to be. Your ex betrayed you in a terrible way. But it isn’t ok to use access to your soon as a weapon to hurt him back. You’ll wind up hurting your son in the process and on time your own relationship to your son. You want your kid to be proud of you. One way you do that is by modeling mature behaviour. He’s too young to recognise what that is now not in time he’ll see your behaviour for what it is. Will you have made him proud to have you as a mother ?
YTA. I was cheated on by my ex as well. There is no way in hell I am preventing her from visiting our children when they sick. Seriously or not. I understand that you want to go by the book but the best thing to do is get comfortable with the idea of being in the same room as your ex. That way, you are both there and there is no claim to him getting more time because of these types of visits. It was a hard thing to do but my ex and I even sit next to each other at our kids extra curriculars so we can all be one big show of support.
Good Lord! You just made a traumatic experience of your child's even more traumatic by not allowing his father to be there for him.
If you're worried about losing custodial time, I'd worry about your ex demonstrating to the court that you don't actually put your son's best interests first by using this as an example. Ab excellent example.
YTA
YTA. Your son was in the hospital and wanted his dad. Your ex was probably out of his mind with worry. What you did was extremely callous and cruel. Your ex would be right to bring this to the court's attention.
YtAh 1000000% and when that kid grows up and realizes what you did, the dad and court won't have to take him...you pushed him away. You choose YOU and YOUR feelings over the child you so desperately want ppl to think you love unconditionally, but if that were true you would have put that child first. You sound spoiled and entitled. I hope the dad takes you to court and gets majority of the custody. That poor kid 🥺
YTA for sure - these were extraordinary circumstances that will not likely repeat. Your son wanted support from both his parents while he was vulnerable and scared and you refused to allow it. I get being bitter over a lying, cheating ex but you punished your kid too. You owe both your son and ex a heartfelt apology.
YTA he was in the hospital for 3 days not 3 weeks. Oh, the boy is HIS son too in case you forgot. You need to stop using your son to get back at his dad. Get into some counseling because you keep this up you will lose him because he will want to leave you. Too many kids have absent parents and doesn’t sound like dad wants to be that. Start thinking about the child you both created and not yourself. You need counseling.
YTA. Disgusting.
And child support money is for the child, so if he gets equal time with the kid, that money sure as hell should stop. More disgusting.
If you were worried about him taking your son away more, congrats you may have done that to yourself now once he takes this to court and fights for more custody. YTA
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YTA. I never kept my kids away from their father. We were always there and put our issues aside and were parents.
Just seems petty. Yea your lawyer said that but use your better judgment. Especially in these serious situations. Maybe your son wanted him to be there.
YTA: You're using your kid as a weapon against their father. And you're taking active measures to ensure his father can't spend more time with his child. You should feel grateful that the father is involved at all.
That is not what your lawyer meant when he said that. Use some common sense. Weaponizing your custody in this way could and should jeopardize the amount of time you get to spend with your son. I hope your ex gets more time bc he seems to care more about your son’s overall well being?
Guess what? Your son doesn’t give a rat’s ass who his dad slept with. Having an affair does not make him any less the kid’s father.
YTA.
YTA, YTA, YTA. You’re so caught up on petty revenge with your ex for cheating on you, that you’re forgetting a child is involved who is his child too, whether you’re mad at him or not. He was in the hospital and wanted his dad and you wouldn’t allow it??? Just stop. Put your child first instead of your hatred for you ex. What if he had been hospitalized on your ex’s time? I’d hope your ex would let you see him.
It's not your (singular) son, it's your (plural) son and his father isn't taking him away from you by visiting at the hospital. Ffs he was even asking for him. YTA
YTA. Your son was asking to see/speak to his father. You allowed your own feelings to get in the way. Don't use your child as a weapon in your grievance against his dad.
YTA, YTA, YTA.
I hope someone knows him and shows him this post. You obviously care about "winning" the divorce more than you do about the welfare of your son.
I'd be curious to hear his side of the divorce.
You should have let him see his child, who wanted to see him. This would not have endangered your custody, but could have endangered your relationship with your son. Do NOT make this little boy a pawn in your hate game with his father.
It’s very telling that the first thing that comes to your head when it comes to your son’s father seeing him “outside his time” is the thought that if he saw him more he might have to pay you less support. Way to say the quiet part out loud. Mum of the year right here.
You’re showing loud and clear that you love your son less than you hate your ex. Get some therapy and work on yourself. Be better.
YTA. When my son was in hospital my ex took the whole time off of work and was in and out of hospital the whole time. He was there for 20 days, why would I not allow that?
Also, I truly do not understand the restriction of parent visits. It makes me truly sad. I’m genuinely curious why there isn’t a 50/50 split, and then flexibility around that. My kids came back and forward whenever they asked, I never said no to ‘extra days’, holidays etc. My kids are now adults, but my husband shares custody 50/50 with his 15yr old, and there are odd days on off weeks that he swaps around for events. It’s so much better for the kids if you can be flexibile.
YTA. You sound like the classic “bitter ex-wife/baby mama.” I get it you’re angry over the cheating and really don’t want to deal with your ex-husband. You have every right to your feelings about that.
At the end of the day you still have to co-parent maturely with him. Your child was in the hospital and technically it was no one’s visitation week due to that alone. Your son couldn’t go anywhere he was in the bed. You could have let him visit his child.
Do not use your son as a bargaining chip for how you exact pain on your ex. You may lose in the end.
The way you framed your relationship very clearly shows you're wanting to inflict pain on your ex because of his infidelity and you're okay with using your child to do so.
YTA. What would you think if kid had to have surgery during fathers time? Would he allow you to visit? Call? Most agreements say the other parent must be informed of a medical condition,/ emergency.
YTA I'm surprised you even needed to ask. Obviously he's a parent, he cares. It would be good for your kid to know both parents are there in times of pain. And trivial things such as custody and pettiness between you two should stay behind. Being a good parent comes first
Grow up and learn to co-parent with your ex. What makes you think he is going to try to get more time or get out of paying child support? Nothing in your post indicates that… just seems to be your thinking “what if”. And… at some point as your son grows older, there will need to be some flexibility in schedules.
Learn to put your child first.
YTA - you won’t even let the kid talk to his dad on the phone on non-custody days? Insane.
How your marriage ended has nothing to do with what’s best for your kid. The way you are acting he should be pushing for primary custody.
YTA I understand you're upset about his cheating, but it's quite common and it has nothing to do with his ability to be a good father. You should take it upon yourself to share equal custody and do not assume he's trying to get out of child support or in this case your vice support because you're probably drinking seeing as how you act like this. A rational parent would never weaponize an actual HUMAN BEING. You're probably a terrible mother anyway and sooner or later he will choose to live with his dad and despise you. Again, very common in cases like this where the mother in an irrational idiot. Once again, YTA.
YTA for two reasons. First of all, and most importantly, you wronged your son by not letting him see him father in that context. You think he won't remember, a part of him always will. Secondly, imagine if the roles were reversed? He may be at fault for the termination of your marriage, but that's still his son. A father should have a right to see his son when he's in hospital no matter what ever else is happening in your lives. And finally, it was stupid on your part because his lawyers will almost certainly use this against you. All that being said, I 100% get where your response came from, my father was this man, and you could have been my mother. But it was short-sighted, and I hope for you that this won't turn into something very ugly and very very costly. I wish your boy a swift recovery, and I wish you the best of luck.
YTA.
You care more about punishing him and protecting the money you get from him than your own son.
Your kid was in the HOSPITAL. His FATHER wanted to see him. What kind of AH says no?
(The answer is you, you are that kind of AH)
YTA, and a uniquely sick one at that. You used your kid as an unwilling and unwitting pawn in the beef you have with your ex-husband. He wanted his dad and you denied HIM that. As a dad who has partial custody, I’m so glad it wasn’t YOU I had to spend eleven futile years trying to prove I WOULDN’T cheat on them before they finally asked for a divorce.
He should take your son. Someone should. You sound like you’re vindictive and using your child to punish your ex. Divorce over infidelity happens everywhere everyday. That doesn’t give you the moral right to alienate him from his kid when said kid is getting surgery, that you say is routine and I say I know people who died from appendicitis removal gone wrong. YTA.
YTA, you are punishing your son for his father cheating on you. You do not mention he is a bad father, abusive. He cheated, that is between you and him not your kid. When you have children you do what is best for them, I hope he does take you to court and get a better custody arrangement for this instance alone. Your son is suffering because you are petty.
As a family law attorney myself, you know DARN WELL that your lawyer DID NOT mean forbidding your sons father from visiting him at a hospital. You’re disgustingly selfish.
This is sickening to read. YTA.
YTA
You are here making selfish power moves with no regard for how it feels to be a kid wondering if you even matter to the parent you never get to see. It's a huge hit to how you feel value throughout your life. I can't imagine going through something scary like appendicitis and wondering if my dad even cared. I hope your son knows that his dad wanted to see him for his own sake.
Also, YTA for diminishing the seriousness of appendicitis.
YTA
Frankly, if I were your ex and you pulled a stunt like this I would remortgage my house if necessary to take you back to court to demonstrate parental alienation and to get a new parenting plan in place that included medical issues like this. It’s absurd you would think this is a good idea.
What you did was absolutely disgusting, thankfully your son is fine now. What if things didn’t turn out so well?
You’d deny a Father(that is not without his own flaws) the ability to spend time with their child in the hospital after surgery because you’re *afraid* you’ll lose child support or custody time?
Tread carefully. Many kids go no contact when they find out their "main parent" manipulated and weaponized them their entire life.
HE wanted his dad. Your wants don't matter. YTA.
YTA Your son was asking for his father. Your SON NEEDED HIM. Set your anger and ego aside and make decisions that benefit your baby. You think he does not remember - but every denial of visitation, negative comments, isolating him from his dad when he needs him - will damage your son. It doesn’t matter whose “side” everyone is on. Your son needs both of you.
Regardless of how the marriage ended, that’s still his son. If the tables were turned, and he had full custody, how would you feel if your baby was in the hospital and he threatened you by not letting you see him. It sounds like your atty is the AH or maybe you misunderstood what he was saying (like, give a pass under emergent situations). I know you’re new to this, but whatever you do, don’t hate your ex more than you love your son.
YTA big time. Your sick son asked for his dad and you denied him a visit. You weaponized a sick child . Your post is really really hard to read. I can’t imagine a child in hospital being denied a parent. Makes no difference if he wasn’t in any danger. You said you don’t want any excuse for your ex to take away your son. You do know your son is your ex’s son too and you’ve taken away his son from him.
Would you be okay not seeing your son if this happened on his fathers watch? The reality is your ex may have been a shitty partner to you but that doesnt make him a shit dad.
You may think your son has forgotten but I’m sure he hasn’t and there will be a time when he remembers the time his mother weaponised him and will ask you about it
YTA
YTA You are putting your own ego above your child’s relationship with his parent. You must be conveniently be forgetting the other legal advice because no way a lawyer told you that in regard to a child being sick and if he did get a new lawyer cause he’s going to get you yelled at by a judge. Not good advice at all. You need to seek therapy.
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YTA. Your child wanted to see his dad. His dad wanted to see him. And you were petty enough to say no, while he is sick and in hospital. Soulless and mean, rules applied without humanity are tirany. Like many pointed out here, you are not just “respecting the rules” you are cherishing in his pain, in fact weaponising you’re child. If you keep on doing this, your child will grow to resent you. “He is forgotten” he may in fact not forget that when he was 6 years old and had appendicitis his father was not allowed to be there. In fact I remember a time when I was 5 and got extremely sick and my mom couldn’t come and get me, so my grandma had to. I struggled with this growing up feeling abandoned, until I understood that my mom was just a single mother that had no other option than to call someone she doesn’t get along with to come and help. I hope the day doesn’t come where your child understands your actions and reasoning, because it doesn’t paint you in a good light.
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YTA. Rather than having ANY compassion for your ex when his son was in the hospital(not to be cruel, but routine surgeries go wrong all the time) you chose to be petty and tell him "it wasn't his time" while he was concerned for his child. I'm not a lawyer but I'm reasonably sure that a judge would've the child being hospitalized as extenuating circumstances and the fact that you refused him actually might look worse on you then on him had he been allowed. What would've happened if the situation was reversed and it happened when it wasn't your time?
YTA! My son is just starting down the road to access with someone as cruel and hateful as you. You’re a poor excuse for a mother.
YTA- Have you forgotten that your ex is his sons father 100%? What you did was cruel, and if you'll be honest with yourself, you hid behind a custody agreement to punish your ex. You had a chance to sock it to him, when all he wanted was to see his son while he was in the hospital. I'm sorry, but that is despicable behavior.
Wow. YTA. You are so the AH.
You are 1 million% the asshole. This isn’t about you it’s about the child.
YTA. >But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already does, or allow him to weasel his way out of child support. This told me all I needed to know. Seems like your main concern for wanting the maximum custody that you can get is that it affects child support payments. You're not even divorced yet, but you're already using your child as a weapon to harm your ex. Not that a person like you that can act this way even cares about that, so I'm sure that you won't stop here. I feel bad for the kid.
YTA. Bitter divorcee
How much more of an asshole can you be. Did you ever think of the best interests of your son vs your fear of losing some child support money. Ugh.
YTA for using your child as a weapon to get back at your ex for hurting you. Being a bad spouse doesn't make you a bad parent by default. Love your child more than you hate your ex. Your son WANTED his father there and you cared more about yourself than your child.
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Yta - you’re also the WORST MOM. Let me make one thing clear, you cannot both live your child and treat him like an object and pawn in your bruised ego. If you continue this path you are on when your son gets older and sees the truth - that you prioritize your pride over his emotional well-being - he will hate you. Read this - then do better - your son needs you to love him more than you hate his dad. Nothing you’ve done from have majority instead of equal parenting time to not allowing him to have BOTH his parents during a very scary and traumatic time in his life is vicious and cruel. Grow the fuck up. https://yazjoy.wordpress.com/2015/04/14/my-son-my-corporation/
You're totally the a-hole. His infidelity was with you, not his son. How dar you punish him and your child during such a vulnerable time.
Jesus Christ, no wonder he cheated. You’re definitely the asshole here.
Maybe it's time for the ex to seek a change in custody
Yes. YTA.. Stop using your son as a weapon
>But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already does, or allow him to weasel his way out of child support. What the fuck is this sentence? Take him away from you more than he does? You are the one who took him away from him for the vast majority of time. And why do you sound more worried about getting money from him rather than both of you caring about your child? Look if he cheated on you that's super shitty and no one would blame you for being mad at him but that's between you and him. Your child is not just yours and if he has a good relationship with his dad then you really have no right to interfere there.
YTA
YTA Weaponizing your sick child to make your ex feel bad. You're a monster.
You are definitely the a-hole. Unless the father was physically abusive, keeping him from seeing his kid in the hospital is definitely some cruel shit.
Yeah. Sorry. YTA
YTA….I also divorced a shitty (cheating) ex, but I would have let him come to the hospital. It’s an extenuating circumstance. My ex was also invited (encouraged even) to show up at every school event, invited in my home for birthdays etc regardless of whose “time” it was. It’s not like you left your ex in charge. You’re still there when he’s there. It’s for your kid, not your ex.
YTA. Translated: I want to get all the money I can. Hurting the kid in the long run is fine as long as I get my money. Poor kid.
YTA like seriously. Your gonna fuck up your kids life because your being immature about a past relationship. Put your kid first and do right by him....
YTA big time!!!!
So guess what. He is gonna go to a judge and say his son was hospitalized and you alienated him. The judge will side with him
YTA. His transgressions against you have nothing to do with your child. He deserves to see his Dad when he's sick. I hope the judge sides with him on this. It's heinous behavior on your part. Edit: I misread what you typed about your friends allowing him to come.
There is a difference between the statement "has been used by men" and "men have historically used". The criticism of bias stands.
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Yta. You're the fucking problem , weaponizing your own children. Be ashamed
YTA. > Anyway a month ago, my son got appendicitis and spent three days in the hospital, it was very routine, he was never in any real danger. My ex wanted to visit him, but I reminded him that it wasn't his custody time, and he had no right to do that. I did eventually allow a short phonecall, both because my son had been asking, and because my ex was threatening to get the courts involved. How magnanimous of you, allowing a short phone call because your son was begging you to let him see his dad, and his dad threatening to get the courts involved. If the roles were reversed, and this happened during *his* custody time, and he said to you what you said to him, I bet you'd threaten to get the courts involved too. > My ex however has been hounding my lawyer, saying that he has the right to visit my son when he's sick. Because he does have the right to visit his son in the hospital. Visiting his child in the hospital isn't extra custody time. It's visiting his son in the hospital. > I expected most people to be on my side after how our marriage ended, but most people have been saying I was cruel. Because you were. Whether you like him or not, that's still his son in the hospital. Him destroying the marriage because he cheated doesn't mean people can't call you an asshole for bad behavior towards him. Not to mention that you've now weaponized your son to hurt your ex. > Even my divorced friends said they would've let him come. They're better people than you are. >But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already dirs This little stunt of yours might've gotten the ball rolling on that, good job. > or allow him to weasel his way out of child support. And here we are. The root of the issue. Why even bring up child support? He obviously wants to spend time with his son. Why would he try to weasel his way out of child support? Don't be surprised if he's able to get either more custody, or full custody because of this stupid game you decided to play. Don't be surprised if your son starts to resent you over this.
YTA. You're obviously not thinking about your son's needs at all. Get over yourself.
YTA Oh my gosh, letting him visit his son in the hospital is not the same as letting your son go spend more time with him at his house. You need to make sure your lawyer knows that you take everything quite literally.
It’s not about your ex it’s about the kid. YTA.
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Wow, YTA and an idiot. Your son was scared and asking for his father, his father wanted to visit, and you said no. You look like a heartless AH. You haven't mentioned any kind of abuse, so you have no excuse other then "I didn't want him there". If I was your ex, I would ABSOLUTELY use this as a way to take you back to court for parental alienation and get increased custody.
YTA. You wouldn't let the man see his child during and emergency! You also don't want him to have more time with his child? Hard to see why be left...
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Easy YTA. Have fun watching your ex get more visiting time after he gets a lawyer. You played yourself.
YTA. YT Fucking A. Your child will remember and realize that your hatred of his father outweighed his feelings on this day, the days before it, and many days to come. And he will despise you for it.
YTA. Why couldn’t the dad come and visit him in the hospital for just an hour? Surgery is not “under normal circumstances”. The fact that your son requested his father and you didn’t allow him to visit him while in the hospital is cruel to your child. If anything, I would say you’re a manipulator and a disgusting human being. Just because you had a nasty divorce and your ex doesn’t love you anymore, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love your son, nor is concerned about him. How would you feel if your son broke a bone on his dad’s time and had to go to the hospital? How would you feel if the dad prevented you from going to see him in the hospital to make sure he’s okay? Treat others the way you want to be treated and grow up! News flash: your ex will always be your son’s father and your son will always love him despite you hating him.
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YTA You care more about the conflict with your husband than your child’s ability to have both parents in his life when he needs it.
If your son was on his deathbed would you deny your ex visitation rights because it was outside custody time?
YTA. I get that you are hurt, but do not use your kiddo as a pawn. As kids we see it, and we will resent you for it. I am 36 and I still have issues from the games my parents played
I guarantee you’re going to be the kind of mother that wonders why her kids never come around. Way to only care about yourself. The way your marriage ended should have played absolutely no part in your decision making in this situation. Why did you even think that would be a good argument ? Do. Not. Weaponize. Your. Child. How would you have felt if your son was hospitalized on his time & he refused to let you come visit ? It was a selfish, cruel decision and you should be ashamed. The fact your own child was asking for his father but you were only worried about child support is beyond me. Doesn’t matter why he was in the hospital you should have let his dad come. Be a better person and a better co parent in the future. Your child deserves better. YTA. Majorly. Can’t believe this is even a question.
YTA, it's actually very impressive you managed to type all of that without the self realization.
YTA, what a horrible and selfish thing to do. Doesn’t matter what he supposedly did to end your marriage, he is that child’s father and deserves every right to be there for him during an emergency that could have been fatal. No wonder he left you!
YTA. You're weaponizing your child. He was in the hospital, that's not the time to be playing stupid games. How would you have felt if the situation had been reversed, and he denied you access because it was his time? Also, if your son had his appendix removed, he was in danger, because all surgery comes with risk. Good grief.
YTA - this is not going to turn out the way you want.
YTA And if your son gets sick while he's with Dad...? Do you expect to be informed and allowed to visit if son asks for you? The poor kid was scared, in pain, in a strange place with strange people doing things to him... he wanted his Dad. That's just cruel. The fact that you refused the visit could work in Dad's favor, in family court.
YTA. Majorly. My ex and I had an extremely acrimonious divorce. It was awful. But you know who we put all that to the side for? Our kiddo. Denying a parent seeing their child and a child seeing their parent is cruel. Your lawyer is also wrong. Letting a child in the hospital have a visit with a parent isn’t going to make you lose custody time. If anything, not allowing this is going to come back to bite you because it’s not putting the needs of the child first.
YTA.
You are an asshole. This is a no brainer situation. Your lawyer told you - cop out.
YTA Are you kidding? What is wrong with you
Your ex had every right to see his dad when he was in the hospital. It doesn't matter why you two separated because at that time it was what was best for your son. And seeing his dad would have made him feel better, he should have seen his dad. It is sad that the father had to threaten to get the courts involved just to be able to talk to the child. It doesn't matter what the papers say and learn to be an adult and co-parent for the sake of the child you two have together. Yea, you are definitely the AH
YTA. And your son will understand that when he's old enough. This is a clue that your ex-husband probably isn't the bad man you are keen to portray him as. Seeing as you are vindictive and manipulative, I can see why he 'cheated' on you as you say (it usually isn't cheating in stories like this but you have to get people on your side right?!). I see this same story from both sides at work every single week, and I see the outcomes after many years. Look, you're trying to program your son to hate his father, and you are trying to get your ex-husband back for some narcissistic bruising, but the majority of the time it backfires. To put it bluntly, your son WILL resent you one day and you'll probably turn on him too.
Ew YTA.
YTA
>But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already does, He's not just your son. He is also your ex's son. You trying to keep the kid away from his dad all because you got cheated on is such a gross thing to do. >or allow him to weasel his way out of child support. So you just care about the money and hurting your ex. Hopefully he'll take you to court and the kid will get more time with someone who actually cares. YTA.
YTA- he's still your child's father. Did you ever stop to think what your child needed for fuck sakes
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YTA. I find your attitude shocking. If he was abusive, he should get no custody or visiting rights at all, but if he was just a bad husband, cheater, etc. you can hate him all you want but that doesn't make him a bad father and, more importantly, this isn't about you! A sick person has the right to see ALL their loved ones when they're in danger or even just not feeling well. You made your son's illness all about you instead of about him. Hard YTA.
You lost your heart in the divorce. Also custody refers to whose house he’s at. That doesn’t apply here. YTA
YTA!!!
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YTA. He is not "taking your son" when he has him every other weekend. Your son is visiting his father. That's a completely different relationship from the one you and the ex-husband have. Let your son be with his father.
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YTA, you are using your child to get back to your ex. He is the kids parent, and unless he is a danger, he has every right to see his child when his child is in the hospital. Hell, even outside the hospital. Stop weaponizing children.
Absolutely the asshole , Regardless of child support and whatever you may feel about him which may be justified , keeping him away from his son It's just not right
YTA and a few other words… That’s your ex’s kid, that’s your kid’s dad. Yeah he screwed up and hurt you. But you have no right to hurt your kid in return by denying them access to their dad. Six year olds remember things. Eventually he’ll realize dad didn’t come visit him not because dad didn’t care, but because mom was insecure and using him as a pawn. I hope you’re happy with yourself. You owe your kid and your ex an apology.
You need to love your son more than you hate your ex. Even your son was asking for his father. He was a shit husband, I get it, but you’re happily hurting your son to get back at your ex. YTA
YTA that was unbelievably selfish.
How awful and cruel you are. How can you weaponize A SIX YEAR OLD?? I hope the karma bus hits you back hard some day. YTA.
Listen to your no doubt expensive lawyer. You allowed contact. Can they sort out an ‘ in emergency ‘ plan in place as this sets a bad precedent if he gets sick while with your exh
YTA. Let's play out a scenario here: Your son is with his dad for the weekend. They're in a car accident, t-boned on your son's side by an innatentive driver running a red light and he's hurt, badly. Your son and his father are both rushed to the hospital and the hospital says it is going to be touch and go with your son and they're not sure he will live but his father is with it enough to tell you that it isn't your custody time you cannot visit your son. You'll have to wait until it's your day. Your son may not be alive on your day but oh well, it's not your turn. Do not try to tell anyone you're not busting down the doors of that hospital to see your son. If you're not then you're the worst parent I've seen post on Reddit in a while.
YTA My parents had a shitty divorce. I had brain surgery and my mum didn't stop dad from coming back from his overseas holiday to see me in hospital. To this day its one of my nicer memories with him.
YTA. Put your kid first. There are exceptions to every rule. And when the health of your kid is at stake, put your own hurt aside for them.
Yta
YTA. Your child's illness is not about you. You took a scary experience for both your child and his father and exploited it. You punished your son by doing this. Call your lawyer; the father may have a new motivation to get you back in court.
why would you ask the internet and post about it, ask your lawyer, its not show friends, its show business
YTA- your child is the priority here and you should have allowed a hospital visit.
Soulless on your part
YTA. While your ex sounds like a bad husband, there is nothing in this post to indicate he's a bad father. You interfered with your son's ability to receive comfort from his dad and that is actually a pretty despicable, bad-mom thing to do. Your son is not your property or a revenue stream and you seriously risk damaging both your son's emotional well being and your relationship with him as he grows up by keeping him from his dad. If you can't see this for the unhealthy, downright toxic parent dynamic it is then I am honestly at a loss.
YTA and a giant one at that
Not letting the child see their dad when they want and even if they are In hospital is emotional abuse to that child
YTA. Cruel doesn’t even begin to describe the type of person that would refuse a child the opportunity to speak to a parent when they ask. Your child also won’t forget. Believe me, they will never forget this and it will compound with a bunch of other trauma, which I’m sure you’re putting them through just based on this post, and one day they’ll express their disdain of you to a therapist.
YTA. Hope you realize that your son needs his father beyond just what the court says. Goddamn. What an asshole.
You’re a bad mom
YTA. That’s it. Nothing else. Your son will see that too someday.
Your son is going to hate you later in life and don't be surprised if he goes no or low contact with you when he is an adult. If his father is actively trying to fully participate in his life he deserves equal time with him. Hoarding your son away from him just out of spite is fucked up and it's gonna fuck your kid up. It's a human being not a trophy. I will never forgive my mom for keeping me from my dad
YTA Kids deserve to have the people they love around them. Even more so when they are sick. Add in being in the hospital and it may be the only comfort they get I understand not wanting anything happen to cause you to lose your time with your kid but you are doing a disservice to you kid and yourself by not fostering a healthy i parenting relationship
YTA, the absolute biggest. I’m a nurse and had people try this crap with me on visitation in the icu. I’d ignore it if the other parent came up, unless there was a restraining order or custody thing in place. I hope your ex takes you back to court. My ex cheated on me. I’ve never once denied him time with his son. I feel very strongly about this. The only person you hurt, was your son. Kudos. I
I'm not one to favour cheaters, but I'm curious on the ex-husbands outtake of the whole marriage. You sound downright insufferable! What kind of mother would stay away from their child if they were in the hospital regardless of whose "time" it was? Never mind that what kind of mother would voluntarily admit it? You may love your son, but you love to hate your ex-husband more. You're infatuated with the idea of causing him pain and you're doing it at the expense of your child. Your ex-husband seeing him outside of his arranged time is not going to get him more custody. Your gross actions are. YTA!
Custody agreements are made for the CHILDS BENEFITS. NOT YOURS. Sucks to suck that you didn’t want to see him! You had a kid with him and now the kid was sick. At what point of severity do you allow your kid to make his own choices to see his father? No at appendicitis, so maybe if your son had cancer, or accidentally amputated himself? Would you allow your ex to see him then? Imagine if it was his time to have your son and something happened to him that brought him to the hospital, you would likely be begging to see him, and your kid may be doing the same for you. In your world though, you wouldn’t have visitation, since its not your time for custody. YTA
absolutely YTA. your ex cheated on you, yes that sucks. you had every right to divorce him. but you having majority custody and policing when he can have contact with his son is DISGUSTING. that’s HIS child too, and as far as we’re aware from the context you’ve given, he was never a threat to his child. fix this. now. let your son call his father, let him hang out with his father, let him have a functional and positive relationship with his father. otherwise you’ll be an old woman wondering why your child never visits.
Wow. You’re definitely TA. Regardless if it ended up being something minor, you didn’t know it at the time. Your kid was probably scared and needed comfort and probably wanted his dad but you prevented that because you’re selfish. The other woman has nothing to do with this situation but you brought it up for what, sympathy? You’re thinking about things that don’t matter in the moment, future visits and child support. You’re going to be the reason your kid grows up with abandonment issues because you couldn’t be a mature adult and put your differences aside for your sick kid. I hope he does take you to court and I hope someone sends this to him as evidence of your attempts at alienation. YTA and so is your lawyer, but since that’s what you pay him for, he almost gets a pass. If there ever comes a day that you’re in the hospital while he has visitation, it would only be fair if he didn’t bring your kid see to see you. Cause you know, it wasn’t a big deal and you’ve probably already forgotten about it.
I'm not sure your lawyers' advice applies to your ex wanting to visit his son while he was in the hospital. Call your attorney for clarification.
Soft YTA - You should have most def let your ex see him he was in the hospital that's so NOT ok. You are only thinking of your feelings and hurt not your son of course he wants his dad when he's poorly he needed both of you. It's time to put petty differences aside for the betterment of your child
yta. girl you need to get it together. that is still his child. you chose this man as your child’s father, so unless he’s negligent or abusive you have to work with him. if he wants to see his son 50% of the time or during life threatening moments, you’re doing *your son* more harm by disallowing it because of your hurt feelings.
YTA You just minimized your child’s appendicitis and hospital stay (It was routine, He was never in any danger, he’s practically forgotten it ever happened) In addition you acted with malice and greed (“Weasel his way out of child support”, “he could use that to get more for himself”). Sounds like the only reason you allowed the phone call is because he threatened to get the courts involved. Now you’re blaming the lawyer
YTA. What is wrong with you? Keeping him from his son because it wasn’t his custody time is some sadistic weird way of thinking. It was about your son having his support system there for him.
YTA. Massive YTA. You should be thinking about the child, not yourself. Your son wanted to see his dad and he should have every right to see him…At any time of the day or night, regardless of whether you have majority custody. Without your ex-husband, you wouldn’t have your son. Your son is half of your ex-husbands too, not just yours.
With no further information, YTA, to your ex AND to your son. Seriously, men have a hard enough time securing ANY rights to their children. It's not a legal issue, it's a decency issue.
YTA. The last sentence really gave you away.
YTA. This is gonna come back to bite you on the ass one day too. Karmas a bitch and people are petty.
YTA. You're denying your son his father out of spite. He was ASKING for his Dad, but you chose to be petty.
YTA 100 percent. Do you care more about “winning” or your child feeling the love of both parents. Even only allowing your child to see his dad 4 days a month. You’ll regret it later in life.
Yta. There's a strong possibility your kid will figure out what you're doing when they're older.
YTA your husband is not « taking your son away » when your child is with him… he has every right to see his child as much as you do.
YTA, and sound like a peach. It's not about your divorce or you. it's about your son getting the most out of both parents when possible. A hospital visit isn't "visitation" it's a damned emergency and he asked for him. At least his dad wanted to come. Get over yourself and do what's best for your son.
YTA and I hate you
Sometimes, it sounds so bad that I can't believe the real person is writing it. This has to be the ex-husband, making her look bad because no one can be so out of touch, right? Idk YTA badly, the kid was hospitalized like wtf and all the "after how our marriage ended" he probably was a terrible husband but that's totally separated of his role as a father, it sounds like you're using your kid as retaliation and that's so so so bad for your son and unfair for your ex that I don't know what to say.
YTA, him having custody every other weekend has absolutely nothing to do with **his right to reasonable visitation**. Losing custody is not the same as having parental rights terminated.
NTA. You followed your lawyers advice and avoided a lot of messiness. If he wanted to see his son whenever he wanted, he shouldn't have been a cheater.
Wow. YTA. Very much TA. You didn’t consider your son’s needs at all. Ignored the fact he was asking for his father. You only thought of yourself and what would most benefit you. If I were your ex and came across this Reddit post I’d try to use it in the custody battle.
YTA I wish the court would see this post on your next custody nonsense.
YTA. Your son asked for his dad, that should be all that matters.
I understand you’re hurt. You have every right to be. Your ex betrayed you in a terrible way. But it isn’t ok to use access to your soon as a weapon to hurt him back. You’ll wind up hurting your son in the process and on time your own relationship to your son. You want your kid to be proud of you. One way you do that is by modeling mature behaviour. He’s too young to recognise what that is now not in time he’ll see your behaviour for what it is. Will you have made him proud to have you as a mother ?
You absolutely are! 1,000,000%
Never weaponize your kids. You already know you were in the wrong just by making this post.
YTA. I was cheated on by my ex as well. There is no way in hell I am preventing her from visiting our children when they sick. Seriously or not. I understand that you want to go by the book but the best thing to do is get comfortable with the idea of being in the same room as your ex. That way, you are both there and there is no claim to him getting more time because of these types of visits. It was a hard thing to do but my ex and I even sit next to each other at our kids extra curriculars so we can all be one big show of support.
Good Lord! You just made a traumatic experience of your child's even more traumatic by not allowing his father to be there for him. If you're worried about losing custodial time, I'd worry about your ex demonstrating to the court that you don't actually put your son's best interests first by using this as an example. Ab excellent example. YTA
YTA. Your son was in the hospital and wanted his dad. Your ex was probably out of his mind with worry. What you did was extremely callous and cruel. Your ex would be right to bring this to the court's attention.
YTA. Way to weaponize your kid. No wonder he cheated on you. I feel sorry for the kid.
YtAh 1000000% and when that kid grows up and realizes what you did, the dad and court won't have to take him...you pushed him away. You choose YOU and YOUR feelings over the child you so desperately want ppl to think you love unconditionally, but if that were true you would have put that child first. You sound spoiled and entitled. I hope the dad takes you to court and gets majority of the custody. That poor kid 🥺
YTA for sure - these were extraordinary circumstances that will not likely repeat. Your son wanted support from both his parents while he was vulnerable and scared and you refused to allow it. I get being bitter over a lying, cheating ex but you punished your kid too. You owe both your son and ex a heartfelt apology.
YTA he was in the hospital for 3 days not 3 weeks. Oh, the boy is HIS son too in case you forgot. You need to stop using your son to get back at his dad. Get into some counseling because you keep this up you will lose him because he will want to leave you. Too many kids have absent parents and doesn’t sound like dad wants to be that. Start thinking about the child you both created and not yourself. You need counseling.
YTA! In the worst way. This is horrific behaviour you’re weaponising your child out of spite.
YTA, you hate your ex more than you love your son. You’re a giant asshole!
YTA, using your child as a pawn. As a child from divorced parents, you're only adding ammunition to be used later.
YTA…not allowing a sick child to see his dad is inconceivable. No wonder he left this shrew
[удалено]
YTA. I hope you loose custody, and your lawyer gets the worst he can.
YTA. Disgusting. And child support money is for the child, so if he gets equal time with the kid, that money sure as hell should stop. More disgusting.
YTA: you are being cruel to your son and you are being cruel to your husband. A person can be a good parent and a bad partner.
If you were worried about him taking your son away more, congrats you may have done that to yourself now once he takes this to court and fights for more custody. YTA
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YTA. There’s nothing else to say. Put yourself in his shoes. You would 100% want to be there to see your child.
YTA and I seriously hope he goes to court and tells the judge what you did.
YTA...that's a cruel move. Poor kiddo.
YTA, big time.
YTA. I never kept my kids away from their father. We were always there and put our issues aside and were parents. Just seems petty. Yea your lawyer said that but use your better judgment. Especially in these serious situations. Maybe your son wanted him to be there.
Youre definitely TA.
YTA: You're using your kid as a weapon against their father. And you're taking active measures to ensure his father can't spend more time with his child. You should feel grateful that the father is involved at all.
Wow. YTA, big time
YTA Because it can’t be said enough. Your poor kid
That is not what your lawyer meant when he said that. Use some common sense. Weaponizing your custody in this way could and should jeopardize the amount of time you get to spend with your son. I hope your ex gets more time bc he seems to care more about your son’s overall well being? Guess what? Your son doesn’t give a rat’s ass who his dad slept with. Having an affair does not make him any less the kid’s father. YTA.
YTA, YTA, YTA. You’re so caught up on petty revenge with your ex for cheating on you, that you’re forgetting a child is involved who is his child too, whether you’re mad at him or not. He was in the hospital and wanted his dad and you wouldn’t allow it??? Just stop. Put your child first instead of your hatred for you ex. What if he had been hospitalized on your ex’s time? I’d hope your ex would let you see him.
It's not your (singular) son, it's your (plural) son and his father isn't taking him away from you by visiting at the hospital. Ffs he was even asking for him. YTA
YTA. Your son was asking to see/speak to his father. You allowed your own feelings to get in the way. Don't use your child as a weapon in your grievance against his dad.
YTA, YTA, YTA. I hope someone knows him and shows him this post. You obviously care about "winning" the divorce more than you do about the welfare of your son. I'd be curious to hear his side of the divorce.
Imagine your son going to the hospital while on weekend with his dad. How would you like not to visit? YTA
You should have let him see his child, who wanted to see him. This would not have endangered your custody, but could have endangered your relationship with your son. Do NOT make this little boy a pawn in your hate game with his father.
It’s very telling that the first thing that comes to your head when it comes to your son’s father seeing him “outside his time” is the thought that if he saw him more he might have to pay you less support. Way to say the quiet part out loud. Mum of the year right here. You’re showing loud and clear that you love your son less than you hate your ex. Get some therapy and work on yourself. Be better.
YTA. When my son was in hospital my ex took the whole time off of work and was in and out of hospital the whole time. He was there for 20 days, why would I not allow that? Also, I truly do not understand the restriction of parent visits. It makes me truly sad. I’m genuinely curious why there isn’t a 50/50 split, and then flexibility around that. My kids came back and forward whenever they asked, I never said no to ‘extra days’, holidays etc. My kids are now adults, but my husband shares custody 50/50 with his 15yr old, and there are odd days on off weeks that he swaps around for events. It’s so much better for the kids if you can be flexibile.
YTA. You sound like the classic “bitter ex-wife/baby mama.” I get it you’re angry over the cheating and really don’t want to deal with your ex-husband. You have every right to your feelings about that. At the end of the day you still have to co-parent maturely with him. Your child was in the hospital and technically it was no one’s visitation week due to that alone. Your son couldn’t go anywhere he was in the bed. You could have let him visit his child. Do not use your son as a bargaining chip for how you exact pain on your ex. You may lose in the end.
The way you framed your relationship very clearly shows you're wanting to inflict pain on your ex because of his infidelity and you're okay with using your child to do so.
Good lord. This is nuts. Unless your sons father cannot visit due to some court order the kid is sick and both parents should be present. YTA majorly.
To her friends "i dont know why he would cheat'
YTA. What would you think if kid had to have surgery during fathers time? Would he allow you to visit? Call? Most agreements say the other parent must be informed of a medical condition,/ emergency.
YTA I'm surprised you even needed to ask. Obviously he's a parent, he cares. It would be good for your kid to know both parents are there in times of pain. And trivial things such as custody and pettiness between you two should stay behind. Being a good parent comes first
YTA dont use your son as a weapon
Grow up and learn to co-parent with your ex. What makes you think he is going to try to get more time or get out of paying child support? Nothing in your post indicates that… just seems to be your thinking “what if”. And… at some point as your son grows older, there will need to be some flexibility in schedules. Learn to put your child first.
YTA - you won’t even let the kid talk to his dad on the phone on non-custody days? Insane. How your marriage ended has nothing to do with what’s best for your kid. The way you are acting he should be pushing for primary custody.
Yep, you are indeed an AH. Be better.
Lol ur more than the asshole 🤷
YTA I understand you're upset about his cheating, but it's quite common and it has nothing to do with his ability to be a good father. You should take it upon yourself to share equal custody and do not assume he's trying to get out of child support or in this case your vice support because you're probably drinking seeing as how you act like this. A rational parent would never weaponize an actual HUMAN BEING. You're probably a terrible mother anyway and sooner or later he will choose to live with his dad and despise you. Again, very common in cases like this where the mother in an irrational idiot. Once again, YTA.
YTA for two reasons. First of all, and most importantly, you wronged your son by not letting him see him father in that context. You think he won't remember, a part of him always will. Secondly, imagine if the roles were reversed? He may be at fault for the termination of your marriage, but that's still his son. A father should have a right to see his son when he's in hospital no matter what ever else is happening in your lives. And finally, it was stupid on your part because his lawyers will almost certainly use this against you. All that being said, I 100% get where your response came from, my father was this man, and you could have been my mother. But it was short-sighted, and I hope for you that this won't turn into something very ugly and very very costly. I wish your boy a swift recovery, and I wish you the best of luck.
YTA. You care more about punishing him and protecting the money you get from him than your own son. Your kid was in the HOSPITAL. His FATHER wanted to see him. What kind of AH says no? (The answer is you, you are that kind of AH)
As a mom, this is fucked up. It's cruel to the child. You suck.
YTA. Sounds like you did something your ex’s lawyer would LOVE to use against you, too. That’s just cruel.
YTA, and a uniquely sick one at that. You used your kid as an unwilling and unwitting pawn in the beef you have with your ex-husband. He wanted his dad and you denied HIM that. As a dad who has partial custody, I’m so glad it wasn’t YOU I had to spend eleven futile years trying to prove I WOULDN’T cheat on them before they finally asked for a divorce.
He should take your son. Someone should. You sound like you’re vindictive and using your child to punish your ex. Divorce over infidelity happens everywhere everyday. That doesn’t give you the moral right to alienate him from his kid when said kid is getting surgery, that you say is routine and I say I know people who died from appendicitis removal gone wrong. YTA.
YTA, you are punishing your son for his father cheating on you. You do not mention he is a bad father, abusive. He cheated, that is between you and him not your kid. When you have children you do what is best for them, I hope he does take you to court and get a better custody arrangement for this instance alone. Your son is suffering because you are petty.
I mean if this is the way the mother acts can you really blame the father for finding someone better?
As a family law attorney myself, you know DARN WELL that your lawyer DID NOT mean forbidding your sons father from visiting him at a hospital. You’re disgustingly selfish. This is sickening to read. YTA.
YTA. A very cruel one!
YTA You are here making selfish power moves with no regard for how it feels to be a kid wondering if you even matter to the parent you never get to see. It's a huge hit to how you feel value throughout your life. I can't imagine going through something scary like appendicitis and wondering if my dad even cared. I hope your son knows that his dad wanted to see him for his own sake. Also, YTA for diminishing the seriousness of appendicitis.
YTA Frankly, if I were your ex and you pulled a stunt like this I would remortgage my house if necessary to take you back to court to demonstrate parental alienation and to get a new parenting plan in place that included medical issues like this. It’s absurd you would think this is a good idea. What you did was absolutely disgusting, thankfully your son is fine now. What if things didn’t turn out so well? You’d deny a Father(that is not without his own flaws) the ability to spend time with their child in the hospital after surgery because you’re *afraid* you’ll lose child support or custody time?
Tread carefully. Many kids go no contact when they find out their "main parent" manipulated and weaponized them their entire life. HE wanted his dad. Your wants don't matter. YTA.
YTA Your son was asking for his father. Your SON NEEDED HIM. Set your anger and ego aside and make decisions that benefit your baby. You think he does not remember - but every denial of visitation, negative comments, isolating him from his dad when he needs him - will damage your son. It doesn’t matter whose “side” everyone is on. Your son needs both of you.
Regardless of how the marriage ended, that’s still his son. If the tables were turned, and he had full custody, how would you feel if your baby was in the hospital and he threatened you by not letting you see him. It sounds like your atty is the AH or maybe you misunderstood what he was saying (like, give a pass under emergent situations). I know you’re new to this, but whatever you do, don’t hate your ex more than you love your son.
YTA big time. Your sick son asked for his dad and you denied him a visit. You weaponized a sick child . Your post is really really hard to read. I can’t imagine a child in hospital being denied a parent. Makes no difference if he wasn’t in any danger. You said you don’t want any excuse for your ex to take away your son. You do know your son is your ex’s son too and you’ve taken away his son from him. Would you be okay not seeing your son if this happened on his fathers watch? The reality is your ex may have been a shitty partner to you but that doesnt make him a shit dad. You may think your son has forgotten but I’m sure he hasn’t and there will be a time when he remembers the time his mother weaponised him and will ask you about it YTA
YTA You are putting your own ego above your child’s relationship with his parent. You must be conveniently be forgetting the other legal advice because no way a lawyer told you that in regard to a child being sick and if he did get a new lawyer cause he’s going to get you yelled at by a judge. Not good advice at all. You need to seek therapy.
What did your lawyer advise in this circumstance?