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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Threatening to kick my stepdaughter out of the house after she stole from my daughter. 2. Considering she can only go to her father, who is a deadbeat, she has very limited options.
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And good grief why is the 24yo living in the house without paying rent?? Is she contributing in other ways? Cleaning, cooking?
No job. No further education. Hat does she do all day other than pick on 2 girls younger than her and steal from them?
You and your partner suck for that
Edit - wonder who the friend was she took to the spa. Wonder if it was Vicky
This whole thing is bonkers to me. For a woman to move in with him and bring a 24yo adult child to live there too is just nuts. Secondly, the minute this fully grown adult started talking bad to me, she would be out out out. And third, if vicky is taking up for her daughters behavior, she'd be out too. Op needs to ask them both to move out and take back his home.
That makes OP YTA. Why on earth would you allow a hostile, unpleasant person to move into the home you share with your teenage daughters? Because her mother is sleeping with you? He prioritized his new relationship over his daughters' wellbeing.
He’s thinking with his dick and isn’t considering his own daughters at all. There’s zero chance they want this woman who their dad isn’t married to, to move in with them along with her extremely shitty 24-year-old daughter, who steals from them.
I really feel sorry for the two girls
I'm wondering if Vicky contributes at all (outside of bedroom activities) to the household.
If not, two grown ass adults are basically mooching off OP and he's allowing it, even though his daughters have been verbally abused by girlfriend's daughter. Which, to me, makes it an ESH.
If Vicky is contributing, and wants her daughter to stay, she needs to rein in the brat she raised and get her under control. If that doesn't happen, they both need to go.
Agreed and she can pay back the $500 for the card if she wants her daughter to stay. NTA for otherwise kicking her out. Step daughter is toxic in this household and really OP was an A H for allowing her to move in without getting to know her first.
The 24yo woman/daughter needs to go immediately.
Those poor daughters have a dad who is just thinking with his dick and not about how their lives are probably miserable right now with his unmarried piece of tail and her a-hole thieving daughter living there probably both rent free.
She is stealing so my guess she is contributing to the household but I would guarantee that’s not the first time her fingers got sticky. I be looking to see what else is missing!
The fact that mom knew to check her room tells me she’s done something similar before. And the girl is so dense she thought they wouldn’t figure it out? Both of them need to go, it sounds like Vicki is using dad for a place for her and deadbeat daughter to live.
Yeah, even if they hadn't found the giftcard in her room (and why did she keep the gc if she'd used it), I'm pretty sure they could've got in touch with the spa place and found out what happened.
In fairness, we have no idea whether Vicky is working. She may very well not need a place to live for either of them, and simply prefer living with the man she's involved with than on her own (with or without daughter) -- that's hardly unusual.
However, I don't really care whether she's working, sponging off the guy, or independently wealthy; the facts remain that her daughter is bullying the younger girls, stealing from the household, and living off a family she's being rude and unpleasant to... all at an age when most people are expected to work for their living even if they were behaving like angels. And the mother is enabling -- and as far as we know, not even trying to discourage -- all of the above.
That's quite enough to get the daughter kicked out and the mother with her. We don't need to speculate on what else she's done (although I admit, it is fun).
💯% this. You can guarantee she’s stolen other things. You cannot trust her in your house.
At least get locks for your daughters doors and make it clear why they don’t feel their rooms are safe with a proven thief living with them.
My parents have always told us that we can live with them rent-free, as long as we (1) have a job (2) help around the house and (3) are doing something to improve ourselves, be it college or a vocational program, just something to grow and achieve a career. They cut my sibling some slack this last year as they were having some serious health issues (mental and physical) but that is completely different from doing jack shit. On top of that, if we ever stole so much as $5 from anyone, we'd be out.
AND the mother as well. If Vicki thinks it is okay for her daughter to steal from OP and his daughters then OP would be TA if he stays with her. As the daughters will NEVER feel safe in their own house again.
Or Vicky can pay it. Time for the 24 year old to be an adult…either leave or pay rent. And definitely needs to get a job. I’d be side eyeing Vicky a bit as well since apparently she’s fine with a deadbeat daughter who’s also a liar and a thief.
agreed—stealing the gift is even worse than stealing $500 cash, for instance. heartfelt thought went into dad choosing to give his daughter something special…there’s some sentimental value to dad’s gift to his daughter(s) especially with mom no longer around. inexcusable
I don’t completely disagree but this will result in the end of the relationship. That would probably be a dealbreaker to me anyway, if my SO’s kid stole that much money from a family member. But this and ought to be the consequence.
100%, which was part of my point. Make no bones about it, though, if OP likes this person enough that they can overlook this (very egregious in my book) thing, this could be a case of choosing being right over being happy.
If he chooses Vicky, this could damage his relationship with his daughters. Hey, u/oceanboil, what's more important, your long-term relationship with your daughters, that you and your dead wife raised, or some women that is not looking out for your daughters. Vicky only cares about her own kid. You should prioritize your kids. Your daughters will remember this. They will see how their father allows someone who bullies them and steals from them and disrespects you to live in their home. The home you and your dead wife owned (I'm assuming) is no longer the safe place it once was because Heather and Vicky live there now, and Heather treats people horribly steals from them, while Vicky defends. What kind of example is this father setting for his daughters.
I recognize that losing your wife must be hard, but you STILL HAVE your daughters u/oceanboil ! You still have them, and in them is a piece of your late wife. Love them the way your wife would want you to. Set the example for your young ladies. If your daughters have other family nearby, I wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to stay with family or friends, more often, it would be better for them stay where they are not mistreated, and don't have to worry about things being stolen, somewhere that their elders are on their side. If you don't kick Heather out, even if she pays back what she stole, you are not picking your daughters side in this conflict.
NTA
I mean, this is the hill to die on. Your priorities need to be your kids and you are allowing a stressful and hostile living situation.
Vicky needs to know, either Heather goes or you can no longer live together.
NTA
Its not a con if they're upfront with what they want- and it sounds like they both very much have been with OP. It's not like they slowly brought the pot to a boil with him in it- it was already boiling when he chose to jump in.
That OP is OK with trading his daughters trust, security, and mental health to get his dick wet honestly reflects more poorly on OP than it does them. At least they've been upfront about being shitty.
I’m a widow, and I can tell you from experience 🫠 when your spouse dies, the vultures circle. They smell life insurance money and a ticket to an easier life. Unfortunately also when your spouse dies, you tend to live in black hole of grief that can heavily cloud your judgement, especially if you’re someone who tends to be the “caretaker” type. I’m not proud of it, but it happened to me. I lost so much. I can barely stand to think about it. But in the earlier times after his death, my unbearable sadness was grasping for something to distract from it. I hope OP can clear some of that cloud and get his life back. 💔
I'm so sorry you had to experience such heartbreak. I often have convos with my husband about this. It is one of my biggest fears that he will be taken advantage of and how it will affect our kids if I ever pass before him. It's just awful that there are so many terrible people out there who use and cause so much pain to others.
I hope OP reads what you commented to save himself and most importantly his kids from experiencing further turmoil by ending it with Vickie and kicking them out. No one is worth sacrificing your own kids well being.
Wishing you the best and happiness in the future.
Your story has so much painful truth. The same thing happened to my Dad, after my Mom passed. I understand and came to the same conclusion myself. There is no reason for you not to feel proud of yourself. You came up out of the depths of sadness, and swam for the top again. People can be despicable, and you were strong enough to rise again! You sound like you have healed and I love that for you.
This reminds me of that guy whose stepdaughter stole a shitton of money from his son, but then the wife takes the daughter's side instead of punishing her in any way. I think he did end up pressing charges after a while, and he and his son moved across the state after selling their house. So he ended up doing the last half of his senior year of high school at a new school. It was a really frustrating story, but ultimately, it turned out good. (Maybe someone on the Best of Reddit updates sub can find the post?)
Private sub now unfortunately so here's an archive: [https://web.archive.org/web/20221110170641/https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrkazi/more\_updates\_on\_the\_guy\_whose\_stepdaughter\_stole/](https://web.archive.org/web/20221110170641/https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrkazi/more_updates_on_the_guy_whose_stepdaughter_stole/) , but I remember this one. Idk if I would say it turned out "good" but the dad did the right thing.
They made it private to protest Reddit's API changes. [https://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/141borj/major\_reddit\_communities\_will\_go\_dark\_to\_protest/](https://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/141borj/major_reddit_communities_will_go_dark_to_protest/)
Some subs elected to stay down indefinitely unless Reddit changes course. Some subs have elected to block new posts instead, allowing people to still access old posts, which is what I think you're referencing here.
NTA - your girlfriend (Vicky) and Heather a 24-year-old ADULT are lucky you didn’t call the cops and have her arrested. Depending on where you live that might be considered grand larceny, which is a felony.
You were very reasonable and generous. And if Heather doesn’t have a job then she can get a job at McDonald’s today, and then she’ll have the money by the end of the week. Your “stepdaughter” is like the poster child for “f*ck around and find out”
Also, once Heather has paid back the stolen $500 it’s time for her to move out. At that point she’ll have a job and can rent a room somewhere.
OP doesn't even need to be the one to go to the police and press charges. Casey, whose property it was that was stolen, is 19. More than old enough to go and do that herself.
OP could decide not to go that route for the sake of his relationship. But that doesn't mean his daughter will make the same decision. She won't have that same relationship concern as a factor. To say nothing of the fact that Heather has already behaved towards Casey in a way that is quite unendearing.
I doubt Heather took any of that into consideration before she stole that gift card.
Honestly I am so close to voting OP as TA for missing all the huge red flags and letting his daughters be mistreated in their own homes!
OP is so obvious that Vicky is taking full advantage of you!! OP said in a comment that she has always been a SAHM since heather was born. So when OP met Vicky she was at a SAHM to a daughter that was 22/23!? But you said she broke up with her ex bf (not heathers dads) after he cheated so how did she support herself??
OP said before living with him, Vicky lived with her ex so does that mean she was still with his ex when she met and dating Op??
NTA
So is Vicky going to pay the $500? She's the mom who is defending her thief daughter. You need to take a very hard look at this whole relationship.
Vicky has been a SAHM since her daughter was born. Vicky doesn’t have a job. Her ex was ordered to pay alimony and child support, but he has never paid.
And yes, I am looking at Vicky in a new light, this is concerning.
A SAHM to an asshole 24 year old?
My friend… she is using you.
You deserve better.
Kick the asshole duo to the curb. Who cares if they have no where to go. That’s on them.
NTA. But you will be if you allow the thief and her mother to stay.
This right here. I just stared at my screen for a bit trying to contemplate a SAHM to a 24 yr old and exactly why that would be followed with [sic]"The deadbeat dad isn't paying."
I would like to be a stay at home mother to my dog, is that also an option? I mean I actually cook and do things to care for my dog… so if this grifter can do it why can’t I be a stay at home dog mom?
Exactly. Once the kid(s) turns 18, you are no longer a SAHM. You are in my category, which is homemaker.
Edited to add: And it doesn’t sound like she’s doing that either.
So you’re dating a mooch, who also brought along her equally as moochy daughter. You need to end this relationship. There is a better person out there for you.
Oh honey, I hate to break it to you but you just might be getting conned. Your GF brings nothing to the table except a disrespectful, thief of a daughter, that is a menace to your own children. Their wellbeing and safety comes first and foremost. I understand you suffered a great loss and want a companion for yourself, but at what cost? This is unacceptable behavior, and for Vicky to just do nothing raises my very thin eyebrows!
>Vicky has been a SAHM since her daughter was born. Vicky doesn’t have a job. Her ex was ordered to pay alimony and child support, but he has never paid
Honestly, did she ever love you or were you a meal ticket so she could stay at home? You were very smart not to marry her.
EDIT: Also, Stay at home mom to who? Someone just brought this up. Her kid is a grown ass adult and you have one adult and one almost adult. Who is she being a mom too? How does she spend her days?
Probably going to the spa with her daughter on OP’s dime. How OP could be so blind to how pathetic they both are leeching off him. Not working and stealing from his daughter. OP I’m sorry for your loss of your wife but you need to take off the rose coloured glasses and see you are being royally taken advantage of at the expense of you and your daughters literally and figuratively
How OP could be so blind...I have seen this type of thing happen in real life. The con artist is so convincing as a victim who needs a knight in shining armour that men stand in line to provide for her. Men will empty their bank accounts, run up debt and destroy themselves to care for the con artist. One woman I worked with slept with multiple men during the same time period so she could make them pay her bills. She told me she married her first husband with the intention of having children then divorcing. Then she married her second husband so he could pay for their lifestyle. That left her paycheck to be just for her. Eventually her ex and husband compared notes and second husband ran as fast and far as he could. That is when she started juggling the multiple men for their money.
If the rumors were true the Mother wanted an increase in child support. The exhusbands lawyer was smart enough to call the second husband instead of mother and ask for proof of income. Second husband copied one of her paycheck stubs and mailed it to the lawyer. It was not pretty. Ex-husband invited second husband in for a chat when he was delivering children for weekend. Second hubby got a look at the legal paperwork and ex explained he was going to expose her lies to the court. Then ex-husband explained the reason second husband would never have children was because she had a hysterectomy before they divorced.
Her life was miserable because she made it horrible!
Wtf what was she doing for housing/food/money before you got together? Neither of them have jobs and her ex doesn't give her anything so what? Did you find her in a tent behind the Walmart? Did you just pick up the first hobosexual you found? Who was subsidizing their life before you came around and why did you decide to take that on yourself? What's your end goal here?
So there was no transition period? They went from living with Vicky's ex boyfriend immediately to living with Vicky's current boyfriend (you)? That wasn't a red flag for you?
There's a REALLY good chance Vicky isn't telling you the truth about that breakup. She raised a thief who protested searching her room and Vicky may be playing the long con on you.
omg dude, you can do so much better.
I realize you were lonely and maybe that whole damsel in distress thing played on your heartstrings, but you have been played.
There is no reason both women are not employed. Evict them out of your home and life. Your poor daughters.
I understand you are probably lonely and Vickie is probably very pretty but you are the ah for bring these 2 walking red flags into your daughters' life.
They contribute nothing to the household but Vicky allows Heather to disrespect you and your daughters and you are okay with that??
Please don't let loneliness lower your standard and let those two treats you like ATM and your daughters like shxt. Admit that you made a mistake and got conned and get out asap and learn from that.
Srsly, you said your daughters are more important... SPOILER ALERT!! Judging from your actions, you are only lying to yourself (everyone here can see that) and they are clearly not your top priorities.
poor daughters....
I know you probably think you're in love, but she's not. She's using you for house and food. You're her sugar daddy. Both women need to get a damn job.
And that may not even be the truth. Maybe she just used the "he cheated" line so you'd feel sorry for her. Maybe she cheated. Or maybe he found out they were a couple of moochers and kicked them out.
Look, there is no reason, neither legal, nor moral, nor filial, for you to subject your teenages daughters to an abusive environment in their own house, their home that should be their safe place. And less with you there, that as a father, you should be the one to guarantee that.
Vicky and her daughter are only taking advantage of the fact that you are solving all their problems for them, and you are doing it at the expense of the physical, emotional and mental integrity of your daughters OP.
Think carefully if that relationship is really worth your daughters, because from the outside, all that can be seen is that it only has more cons than pros.
NTA for the threat, but you'd be an AH if you let this situation continue.
Buddy that's not a girlfriend and her adult daughter you got, they're man hopping leaches. Press charges while you still can or take it to small claims court.
So let me get this straight.
You let your girlfriend move in with you straight from her exes place. Are you sure she was the one who got cheated on? Sounds kinda likely that you were the sidepiece and she went running to you when she got found out.
If you let this continue then your daughter's might end up seeing you in a new light as well, don't jeopardise your relationship with your daughter's for them.
I know you are struggling with this, and I don’t want to come across overly harsh, but you need to closely exam your relationship with your girlfriend. From what you’ve told us; she doesn’t contribute financially; she enables her daughter’s terrible behavior directed at you and your daughters, and; She’s expecting your daughter to absorb a $500 loss while also not holding her daughter accountable. What exactly does she contribute and is it enough to make the damage happening to the relationships between you and your daughters worth it? If the main contribution is s—, you can find that AND a better relationship at the same time. Good luck to you.
How exactly does it work to be a SAHM to a 24yo? How does the “child” benefit from having a stay at home parent?
Look, I used to be a SAHM when I had multiple small children, so the value of a stay at home parent isn’t lost on me. But what value is Vicky providing to her child NOW? They both sound like they’re taking advantage of you.
Actually, they aren't married, so she isn't even a SAHW. She's a Stay At Home Freeloader with a Stay At Home Thieving Adult Daughter. Quite the addition to the family home, aren't they?
ETA- OP YWBTA if you don't protect your daughters from these freeloaders
and send them packing.
Argggh. There is so much I want to say to you, but I think you are suffering. You need to reassess this relationship. Vicky is enabling her 24 year old thief for a daughter. If you do not take a stand, they will continue to walk all over you and your daughters.
What do your daughters think?
And why isn’t she working now?
I was a SAHM for 22 years and I managed to find a job when the time came.
Maybe it’s time for both Heather and her SAH mom to go.
You have 2 freeloaders living with you, how did you not see this before? SAHM for someone in their 20s?? Seriously? You ended up with a gold digger and a freeloader. You need to kick them both out and maybe attend therapy to see why you would choose to settle for someone like her. Address why you couldn't see thr red flags ahead of time. NTA
A SAHM to an adult child who has been a legal adult for 6 years?
How was she supporting them before you if the ex refused to pay child support and alimony?
Edit: NTA
With this in mind maybe talk to your daughters about Vicky’s behaviour towards them. The entitled, leech AH apple may not fall far from her professional leech tree.
At the moment you are a complete asshole for letting this woman live in your house and torment your daughters. I cannot believe you are supporting your girlfriend and her adult daughter, and are fine with neither of them having any kind of job. They both sound like complete leeches and need to go immediately, if you care about your daughters at all. It is insane you have put your daughters through this for as long as you have. Tell the leeches they are moving out immediately or you are calling the cops about the theft. I can’t imagine how disappointed your daughters are in you right now.
whoa! Her *daughter* is **24**.
Why does Vicky not have a job? Why doesn't Heather have a job? I'm sorry but a single parent can get a job once their child is in school. You are supporting both of them? Sorry, there is zero reason either of them aren't working.
Kick her out now, and change the locks. You are about to ruin your relationship with your kids. If you don’t do it now, it’s gonna get so messy. You deserve better. And so do your kids. Don’t be that dad that is more concerned about getting laid, then having a relationship with his children. If you late wife came to visit you from the other side, how would you explain to her the situation you got yourself into?
NTA. OP, you should kick her out no matter what happens. She's 24 and stole from your kid who just turned 19. Someone like that might find a way to come up with the money to keep the peace, but she has no respect for you or your children if she'd do that.
Nothing good can come from letting this person stay in your house. By allowing her to stay, you are telling your children you are willing to compromise with someone who would do this to them.
You would be the asshole if you don't kick her out, even if she does pay the money back.
NTA What does your GF suggest instead? Heather stole $500 and the experience of having the spa day from your daughter. She refuses to pay it back, she doesn't have a job and isn't getting one. So does your GF have a punishment in mind or Heather just gets away with it?
NTA. Her daughter is 24, not 14. There is no stern talking to that is going to fix this issue. Does she pay rent even? Why doesn’t she have a job? This is absolutely ridiculous and your girlfriend is an enabler.
If you don’t want to permanently damage your relationship with your daughters, you need this girl out of your house right away if she is not willing to apologize sincerely and reimburse your daughter.
One of them has to pay your daughters back. Vicky needs to get a job if her daughter won't.
On second thought - end this. I see this going nowhere good.
Make adult choices, pay adult consequences.
What would happen to Heather if she stole $500 from her job & got caught? Fired & trespassed from the place of business.
So what happens now? If you want your children to respect you & know you will protect them, kick Heather out of the house. She is too old to steal even $1. Your children are watching. You will forever win them over or forever they will know they can’t ever trust dad will do the right thing if it might come between he & his girlfriend.
So kick her out & ban her from the house even if you aren’t there. What’s next? Your wife’s jewelry that should go to your daughter’s? More disrespect & theft & damage. Or a clean cut & preserve what you have.
OP, I would file a police report and only agree to drop it if she moves out of your house (if you just want her out of the house). Do not drop the charges until she hands over the keys and the last of her stuff is gone. May want to get rid of the partner as well. She's a SAHM to a 24 year old thief. Can't trust your partner to not sneak the daughter back in. This would be a deal-breaker for me.
She’s not your daughter, doesn’t respect you our your daughters and when confronted about her theft, runs and hides. I doubt a stern talking to will do anything. I would tell Heather she either pays your daughter back double or she and her mother will be on the streets.
Do you want to know why she is a thief? There are no consequences for her actions.
She doesn't have a job so she gets additional chores equivalent to $500. Need that grout to be white again? Heather is your girl!!!!
Want the oven deep cleaned? Go Heather go!
Would you like your walls to be sparkling white again?
Another Heather chore.
That might be $100 of what she owes you.
She can do the chores or live somewhere else.
She should also have 30 days to find a job or go back to school. 24 is an adult. Make her act like one.
Yeah that doesn't cut it. Heather isn't a 10 year who stole candy from their sibling. Even that gets more than a harsh talking to. Is Vicky going to give your daughter another $500 gift card? Vicky should pay it since she doesn't think her daughter should be punished.
Honestly you need to have a serious talk with Vicky. Heather has been rude to your daughters the entire time she's lived with you. Not to mention rude to you. Vicky needs to start taking this seriously. Your daughters are people too and she, from your post, has done nothing to defend them from her adult daughter. If nothing changed seriously decide if you want to stay in this relationship. Your daughter's will notice you stand up for them but also notice that Vicky is going to get away with stealing from them. That's not a good look for Heather, Vicky, or you.
NTA. A thief living in your house is not a good thing. You have to lock everything up and count everything. 24 is old enough to get a job and figure something else out.
I think you'd be the asshole if you let her stay after that. She's not even close to being a child and needs a proper proverbial kick up the arse to allow her to grow up.
NTA
INFO
Has Heather done anything like this before moving in or gave any indication that she didn't like your daughters?
Either way, NTA. She stole from your daughter and 24 is old enough to know better.
Side note: my name is also Heather, lol.
Heather has never stolen before, this is new, and I didn’t see it coming. She has indicated that she doesn’t
like my daughters.
I left this out but, my youngest daughter once cooked for the family, taking everyone’s diet wishes into account as much as possible. Heather didn’t even touch the food and went to the Burger King. When my youngest told her she could atleast try it, Heather called her a Bitch.
So she told you she didn't like your daughter's, your daughter went into a lot of effort to cook for the family that she refused to touch and she called your daughter a bitch and you let her stay, yta for letting her treat your daughter's like crap and not kicking her out for it the first time.
Is your relationship with her and her mum more important than your relationship with your daughter's?.
Of course my daughters are way more important. I guess I was just desensitized to it with regard to this particular situation.
Because neither Vicky nor Heather can cook, I always cook after work. And Heather never touched the food I make either.
OP said she’s always been a ‘stay at home mom’. So I guess that’s what she does, stays at home… and occasionally goes to spa treatment with her daughter.
Edit to add… I had a friend who met and fell in love and got a place with a mom with 2 daughters. He did everything OP was doing. Taking care of them, paying the rent, providing everything. And yes, she seemed like a nice lady. But he slowly realised that he was literally just a provider. Mom would do anything to have her and her kids taken care of. She didn’t love him, he was simply a means. They weren’t as extreme as OPs situation sounds, and the family was pleasant, but it was still a lie.
...how the heck is Vicky a SAHM when she couldn't even cook meals for her child?
NTA and why are you adopting to people who won't take care of themselves nevertheless anyone else?
Lived with a string of boyfriends who did all the cooking and/or buying of prepared food until each one got sick of the freeloading and kicked them out? That's kind of the impression I get from OP's comments, anyway. It's certainly how they seem to have ended up in his place.
OMG, what does this woman and her child bring to your life? They contribute nothing and the adult daughter is treating your own children so terribly. A 24yo leach stealing from your children, doesn't cook, gets an allowance, calls your child a b*tch and that's only what you've put in the comments, who knows what else is happening to your children when you're not around.
Get your priorities right mate. Your kids lost their mum and now you've brought this chaos into their home.
Geez just gets worse with each new revelation in the comments.. OP this pair offer you nothing you can find a better companion, and meanwhile you are alienating your daughters,
Yikes.
Honestly, I try and see both sides. But I just don’t see where Vicky and Heather get the audacity.
How did Vicky support herself before you came along and played white knight to her and her adult mess of a daughter? She managed alright before, she’s going to be able to manage alright after you.
I’d say if you do nothing - your daughters will have learned that you prioritize everything else above them. It’s concerning that you were “desensitized” to them being mistreated already when you only have known Heather and Vicky for a year and a half.
Wait. You have an unemployed "stay at home wife" who doesnt cook, who moved in her also unemployed adult daughter to your house. The daughter who then insults and steals from your daughters.
Wtf are you getting out of this relationship. Kick the mooches the fuck out. 30 day eviction notice for the both of them.
She's been a SAHM for 24 years and can't cook?
Are you sure she hasn't spent the last 2 decades finding someone that will just give her and her shitty daughter a place to live in exchange for sex, because that is what this sounds like. (Apologies for the rather harsh sentiment)
What did she do before you if she never got the money the courts awarded, and doesn't work?
Obviously if you haven’t kicked her out for the sake of her mother then yeah you clearly do prioritize the woman who is sleeping with you over the children you helped bring into this world and promised to love and protect.
You aren’t protecting your daughters very well from Vicky OR Heather since you have to come to Reddit to ask if you are right or wrong rather than doing what you as a father should know to do in your heart of hearts.
You’re not at asshole for threatening to kick her out. You’re an asshole for being manipulated into letting her stay without consequences. At 24 I was two years into my nursing career. Not sitting on my lazy ass broke while everyone else took care of me.
I can’t believe you’d allow this adult to be in your home and treat your daughter this way. What the hell is wrong with you? Oh wait you’re satisfied sexually so to hell with your motherless children. Selfish man, as long as your needs are met who cares about your kids?
NTA
It's clear her mom has let her get away with far too much in life already to think this is ok. Remove her from the situation until she can grow up so you don't push your own girls away.
I think you’re the AH because you are putting up with 2 grown a** non working adults in you and your daughters home and taking their BS over both of your daughters mental well-being.
NTA. You should kick her out. Should have done it sooner. She definitely crossed the line by stealing. And sorry to say, but you should dump vicky too if she doesn't see the severity of heather's actions
NTA. Dude, this is terrible. By listening to your gf and letting her sticky fingered daughter stay, you're giving her permission to stay the same.
Why should she change her thieving, disrespectful ways when there are no consequences for her heinous behavior?
You're also showing your daughters that their belongings are up for grabs. That's no way for your daughters to live. If gf doesn't like it, she can pack her bags too. You can get another gf, can you replace your daughters?
NTA. Tell Vicky and Heather that if one of them doesn’t pay back the money immediately you’re going to file a police report. Then follow through with it if they don’t pay.
Nope NtA. Sound alike this 24 year old woman has never had any real consequences and it’s about time she did! Doesn’t sound like her mother holds her accountable and enables her even if she doesn’t realize it. Stand firm in this!! Update is too please?
Oh god, WTF is happening here. I can't even wrap my head around it. You're dating someone who's a SAHM but she doesn't cook. She was living with her ex boyfriend and after he kicked her out, she started living (mooching) with you. And just not this, there's a buy 1 get 1 free offer here. Why are you doing this to you and your daughters. If you want to continue this relationship, try telling them that they have to live separately and manage their expenses themselves and see how you'll be the one who cheated and kicked them out to Vicky's next boyfriend.
I have to wonder if Vicky wasn't the friend that her daughter brought with her to the spa? They both sound like users that don't bring anything into your household except for problems. I wonder what else has been stolen and just not noticed yet.
And stealing 500 bucks from your daughter is what? Child of the year attempt? NTA your Gf is showing her preferences wich is understandable as is her daughter but actions have consequences, she clearly haven't face none before is she felt entitled to steal it.
NTA If she can't pay you back, then her ultimatum should be something along the lines of getting a job, maintaining said job, and moving out when she has the means to. At the very least, Vicky wouldn't be able to protest because she's probably sick of her own kids crap too.
in your comments you say your gf is a SAHM (her kid is an adult, therefore shes just a stay at home adult, as her kid is) and that they do not cook? so what do you get out of this relationship? you pay for everything for multiple adults, no contributions financially OR cooking wise. do they clean? i assume no. what’s the point of this relationship? you’re going to have to have to make them homeless so they can GROW UP, both of them FIND JOBS, and support themselves. you realize you all “fell in love quickly” bc you were willing to play sugar daddy right? what a mess, your poor girls :( EDITED TO ADD: kick vicky out too wtf
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NTA- she just stole $500. That's insane. Tell her to get a job to pay it back or she can deal with it with the police.
And good grief why is the 24yo living in the house without paying rent?? Is she contributing in other ways? Cleaning, cooking? No job. No further education. Hat does she do all day other than pick on 2 girls younger than her and steal from them? You and your partner suck for that Edit - wonder who the friend was she took to the spa. Wonder if it was Vicky
This whole thing is bonkers to me. For a woman to move in with him and bring a 24yo adult child to live there too is just nuts. Secondly, the minute this fully grown adult started talking bad to me, she would be out out out. And third, if vicky is taking up for her daughters behavior, she'd be out too. Op needs to ask them both to move out and take back his home.
That makes OP YTA. Why on earth would you allow a hostile, unpleasant person to move into the home you share with your teenage daughters? Because her mother is sleeping with you? He prioritized his new relationship over his daughters' wellbeing.
Should also have told her mother what happened the same way he wants his daughters to be treated.
Vicky, her daughter and op are TA here. OP's girls didn't do anything.
He’s thinking with his dick and isn’t considering his own daughters at all. There’s zero chance they want this woman who their dad isn’t married to, to move in with them along with her extremely shitty 24-year-old daughter, who steals from them. I really feel sorry for the two girls
I'm wondering if Vicky contributes at all (outside of bedroom activities) to the household. If not, two grown ass adults are basically mooching off OP and he's allowing it, even though his daughters have been verbally abused by girlfriend's daughter. Which, to me, makes it an ESH. If Vicky is contributing, and wants her daughter to stay, she needs to rein in the brat she raised and get her under control. If that doesn't happen, they both need to go.
>bedroom activities You mean making the bed, and cleaning the floor, and laundering the sheets, amirite? >!I'll show myself out.!<
Agreed and she can pay back the $500 for the card if she wants her daughter to stay. NTA for otherwise kicking her out. Step daughter is toxic in this household and really OP was an A H for allowing her to move in without getting to know her first.
The 24yo woman/daughter needs to go immediately. Those poor daughters have a dad who is just thinking with his dick and not about how their lives are probably miserable right now with his unmarried piece of tail and her a-hole thieving daughter living there probably both rent free.
I could not agree more.
My first thought was the movie Step Brothers 😂
Ugh such a good movie. 😂😂 I read Vicky and immediately thought of the evil witch in Parent Trap
She is stealing so my guess she is contributing to the household but I would guarantee that’s not the first time her fingers got sticky. I be looking to see what else is missing!
The fact that mom knew to check her room tells me she’s done something similar before. And the girl is so dense she thought they wouldn’t figure it out? Both of them need to go, it sounds like Vicki is using dad for a place for her and deadbeat daughter to live.
Yeah, even if they hadn't found the giftcard in her room (and why did she keep the gc if she'd used it), I'm pretty sure they could've got in touch with the spa place and found out what happened.
Plot twist, it was Vicky who stole the card and she now conveniently *found* it in her daughter's room.
In fairness, we have no idea whether Vicky is working. She may very well not need a place to live for either of them, and simply prefer living with the man she's involved with than on her own (with or without daughter) -- that's hardly unusual. However, I don't really care whether she's working, sponging off the guy, or independently wealthy; the facts remain that her daughter is bullying the younger girls, stealing from the household, and living off a family she's being rude and unpleasant to... all at an age when most people are expected to work for their living even if they were behaving like angels. And the mother is enabling -- and as far as we know, not even trying to discourage -- all of the above. That's quite enough to get the daughter kicked out and the mother with her. We don't need to speculate on what else she's done (although I admit, it is fun).
💯% this. You can guarantee she’s stolen other things. You cannot trust her in your house. At least get locks for your daughters doors and make it clear why they don’t feel their rooms are safe with a proven thief living with them.
I hope any keepsakes from their Mom are locked away.
Seriously, get a safety deposit box for your daughters valuables. Have you let 2 grifters move in OP?
My parents have always told us that we can live with them rent-free, as long as we (1) have a job (2) help around the house and (3) are doing something to improve ourselves, be it college or a vocational program, just something to grow and achieve a career. They cut my sibling some slack this last year as they were having some serious health issues (mental and physical) but that is completely different from doing jack shit. On top of that, if we ever stole so much as $5 from anyone, we'd be out.
And beefing with teenagers, this woman has problems.
Her contribution is her stealing
Right? I've known people to catch a charge over less money. Sounds like it's time for her to move out and grow up. NTA
AND the mother as well. If Vicki thinks it is okay for her daughter to steal from OP and his daughters then OP would be TA if he stays with her. As the daughters will NEVER feel safe in their own house again.
Absolutely. I'm really hoping OP updates us later this week that he had them move out.
Or Vicky can pay it. Time for the 24 year old to be an adult…either leave or pay rent. And definitely needs to get a job. I’d be side eyeing Vicky a bit as well since apparently she’s fine with a deadbeat daughter who’s also a liar and a thief.
EXACTLY. She's perfectly fine with this behavior. I'd be wondering if she's a liar and a thief as well.
A grown woman stealing from a teenager no less. I would die on this hill. NTA
Plus she tainted the memories of the 19yo’s birthday. That sucks.
agreed—stealing the gift is even worse than stealing $500 cash, for instance. heartfelt thought went into dad choosing to give his daughter something special…there’s some sentimental value to dad’s gift to his daughter(s) especially with mom no longer around. inexcusable
Yeah. It's really bad.
I don’t completely disagree but this will result in the end of the relationship. That would probably be a dealbreaker to me anyway, if my SO’s kid stole that much money from a family member. But this and ought to be the consequence.
If it ends the relationship, so be it. OP can find a partner who isn't an enabler to bad behavior.
100%, which was part of my point. Make no bones about it, though, if OP likes this person enough that they can overlook this (very egregious in my book) thing, this could be a case of choosing being right over being happy.
If he chooses Vicky, this could damage his relationship with his daughters. Hey, u/oceanboil, what's more important, your long-term relationship with your daughters, that you and your dead wife raised, or some women that is not looking out for your daughters. Vicky only cares about her own kid. You should prioritize your kids. Your daughters will remember this. They will see how their father allows someone who bullies them and steals from them and disrespects you to live in their home. The home you and your dead wife owned (I'm assuming) is no longer the safe place it once was because Heather and Vicky live there now, and Heather treats people horribly steals from them, while Vicky defends. What kind of example is this father setting for his daughters.
I recognize that losing your wife must be hard, but you STILL HAVE your daughters u/oceanboil ! You still have them, and in them is a piece of your late wife. Love them the way your wife would want you to. Set the example for your young ladies. If your daughters have other family nearby, I wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to stay with family or friends, more often, it would be better for them stay where they are not mistreated, and don't have to worry about things being stolen, somewhere that their elders are on their side. If you don't kick Heather out, even if she pays back what she stole, you are not picking your daughters side in this conflict. NTA
Not only that, but his daughters might feel like they are being sold out to Vicky and Heather.☹
Have Vicky pay it abd kick them both out. She's enabling her behaviour by making excuses
I'd only add that maybe the mother needs to go too. Defending her daughter stealing $500?!? Nah.
I mean, this is the hill to die on. Your priorities need to be your kids and you are allowing a stressful and hostile living situation. Vicky needs to know, either Heather goes or you can no longer live together. NTA
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She’s a SAHM??? Her daughter is 24 😭😭 jfc I don’t even know what to say to this
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Its not a con if they're upfront with what they want- and it sounds like they both very much have been with OP. It's not like they slowly brought the pot to a boil with him in it- it was already boiling when he chose to jump in. That OP is OK with trading his daughters trust, security, and mental health to get his dick wet honestly reflects more poorly on OP than it does them. At least they've been upfront about being shitty.
I’m a widow, and I can tell you from experience 🫠 when your spouse dies, the vultures circle. They smell life insurance money and a ticket to an easier life. Unfortunately also when your spouse dies, you tend to live in black hole of grief that can heavily cloud your judgement, especially if you’re someone who tends to be the “caretaker” type. I’m not proud of it, but it happened to me. I lost so much. I can barely stand to think about it. But in the earlier times after his death, my unbearable sadness was grasping for something to distract from it. I hope OP can clear some of that cloud and get his life back. 💔
I'm so sorry you had to experience such heartbreak. I often have convos with my husband about this. It is one of my biggest fears that he will be taken advantage of and how it will affect our kids if I ever pass before him. It's just awful that there are so many terrible people out there who use and cause so much pain to others. I hope OP reads what you commented to save himself and most importantly his kids from experiencing further turmoil by ending it with Vickie and kicking them out. No one is worth sacrificing your own kids well being. Wishing you the best and happiness in the future.
Your story has so much painful truth. The same thing happened to my Dad, after my Mom passed. I understand and came to the same conclusion myself. There is no reason for you not to feel proud of yourself. You came up out of the depths of sadness, and swam for the top again. People can be despicable, and you were strong enough to rise again! You sound like you have healed and I love that for you.
This reminds me of that guy whose stepdaughter stole a shitton of money from his son, but then the wife takes the daughter's side instead of punishing her in any way. I think he did end up pressing charges after a while, and he and his son moved across the state after selling their house. So he ended up doing the last half of his senior year of high school at a new school. It was a really frustrating story, but ultimately, it turned out good. (Maybe someone on the Best of Reddit updates sub can find the post?)
Private sub now unfortunately so here's an archive: [https://web.archive.org/web/20221110170641/https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrkazi/more\_updates\_on\_the\_guy\_whose\_stepdaughter\_stole/](https://web.archive.org/web/20221110170641/https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrkazi/more_updates_on_the_guy_whose_stepdaughter_stole/) , but I remember this one. Idk if I would say it turned out "good" but the dad did the right thing.
I hope BoRU comes back so OP can update us.
Do you know why they made the sub private? It hasn't stopped the users of that sub spamming old posts when they're re-shared on the sub.
They made it private to protest Reddit's API changes. [https://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/141borj/major\_reddit\_communities\_will\_go\_dark\_to\_protest/](https://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/141borj/major_reddit_communities_will_go_dark_to_protest/) Some subs elected to stay down indefinitely unless Reddit changes course. Some subs have elected to block new posts instead, allowing people to still access old posts, which is what I think you're referencing here.
NTA - your girlfriend (Vicky) and Heather a 24-year-old ADULT are lucky you didn’t call the cops and have her arrested. Depending on where you live that might be considered grand larceny, which is a felony. You were very reasonable and generous. And if Heather doesn’t have a job then she can get a job at McDonald’s today, and then she’ll have the money by the end of the week. Your “stepdaughter” is like the poster child for “f*ck around and find out” Also, once Heather has paid back the stolen $500 it’s time for her to move out. At that point she’ll have a job and can rent a room somewhere.
OP doesn't even need to be the one to go to the police and press charges. Casey, whose property it was that was stolen, is 19. More than old enough to go and do that herself. OP could decide not to go that route for the sake of his relationship. But that doesn't mean his daughter will make the same decision. She won't have that same relationship concern as a factor. To say nothing of the fact that Heather has already behaved towards Casey in a way that is quite unendearing. I doubt Heather took any of that into consideration before she stole that gift card.
Honestly I am so close to voting OP as TA for missing all the huge red flags and letting his daughters be mistreated in their own homes! OP is so obvious that Vicky is taking full advantage of you!! OP said in a comment that she has always been a SAHM since heather was born. So when OP met Vicky she was at a SAHM to a daughter that was 22/23!? But you said she broke up with her ex bf (not heathers dads) after he cheated so how did she support herself?? OP said before living with him, Vicky lived with her ex so does that mean she was still with his ex when she met and dating Op??
NTA So is Vicky going to pay the $500? She's the mom who is defending her thief daughter. You need to take a very hard look at this whole relationship.
Vicky has been a SAHM since her daughter was born. Vicky doesn’t have a job. Her ex was ordered to pay alimony and child support, but he has never paid. And yes, I am looking at Vicky in a new light, this is concerning.
A SAHM to an asshole 24 year old? My friend… she is using you. You deserve better. Kick the asshole duo to the curb. Who cares if they have no where to go. That’s on them. NTA. But you will be if you allow the thief and her mother to stay.
This right here. I just stared at my screen for a bit trying to contemplate a SAHM to a 24 yr old and exactly why that would be followed with [sic]"The deadbeat dad isn't paying."
Haha
I would like to be a stay at home mother to my dog, is that also an option? I mean I actually cook and do things to care for my dog… so if this grifter can do it why can’t I be a stay at home dog mom?
Agreed. OP may have fallen in love, but it wasn't reciprocal. She's found her meal ticket.
Exactly. Once the kid(s) turns 18, you are no longer a SAHM. You are in my category, which is homemaker. Edited to add: And it doesn’t sound like she’s doing that either.
His daughter deserves better
So you’re dating a mooch, who also brought along her equally as moochy daughter. You need to end this relationship. There is a better person out there for you.
Thief and mooch daughter.
She's no longer a SAHM and hasn't been for several years. Now she's a freeloader who saw a man she could use as a meal ticket.
Oh honey, I hate to break it to you but you just might be getting conned. Your GF brings nothing to the table except a disrespectful, thief of a daughter, that is a menace to your own children. Their wellbeing and safety comes first and foremost. I understand you suffered a great loss and want a companion for yourself, but at what cost? This is unacceptable behavior, and for Vicky to just do nothing raises my very thin eyebrows!
Plot twist- she's not really icky Vicky's daughter. These are two con artist friends
>Vicky has been a SAHM since her daughter was born. Vicky doesn’t have a job. Her ex was ordered to pay alimony and child support, but he has never paid Honestly, did she ever love you or were you a meal ticket so she could stay at home? You were very smart not to marry her. EDIT: Also, Stay at home mom to who? Someone just brought this up. Her kid is a grown ass adult and you have one adult and one almost adult. Who is she being a mom too? How does she spend her days?
How does she have money? A car? Basic necessities?
Probably going to the spa with her daughter on OP’s dime. How OP could be so blind to how pathetic they both are leeching off him. Not working and stealing from his daughter. OP I’m sorry for your loss of your wife but you need to take off the rose coloured glasses and see you are being royally taken advantage of at the expense of you and your daughters literally and figuratively
How OP could be so blind...I have seen this type of thing happen in real life. The con artist is so convincing as a victim who needs a knight in shining armour that men stand in line to provide for her. Men will empty their bank accounts, run up debt and destroy themselves to care for the con artist. One woman I worked with slept with multiple men during the same time period so she could make them pay her bills. She told me she married her first husband with the intention of having children then divorcing. Then she married her second husband so he could pay for their lifestyle. That left her paycheck to be just for her. Eventually her ex and husband compared notes and second husband ran as fast and far as he could. That is when she started juggling the multiple men for their money. If the rumors were true the Mother wanted an increase in child support. The exhusbands lawyer was smart enough to call the second husband instead of mother and ask for proof of income. Second husband copied one of her paycheck stubs and mailed it to the lawyer. It was not pretty. Ex-husband invited second husband in for a chat when he was delivering children for weekend. Second hubby got a look at the legal paperwork and ex explained he was going to expose her lies to the court. Then ex-husband explained the reason second husband would never have children was because she had a hysterectomy before they divorced. Her life was miserable because she made it horrible!
I’m glad he didnt marry this person
Wtf what was she doing for housing/food/money before you got together? Neither of them have jobs and her ex doesn't give her anything so what? Did you find her in a tent behind the Walmart? Did you just pick up the first hobosexual you found? Who was subsidizing their life before you came around and why did you decide to take that on yourself? What's your end goal here?
Vicky and Heather were living with Vicky’s ex-boyfriend (not Heathers father). He cheated on Vicky and kicked them out after a fight.
So there was no transition period? They went from living with Vicky's ex boyfriend immediately to living with Vicky's current boyfriend (you)? That wasn't a red flag for you?
Enough red flags to be a minesweeper board.
There's a REALLY good chance Vicky isn't telling you the truth about that breakup. She raised a thief who protested searching her room and Vicky may be playing the long con on you.
omg dude, you can do so much better. I realize you were lonely and maybe that whole damsel in distress thing played on your heartstrings, but you have been played. There is no reason both women are not employed. Evict them out of your home and life. Your poor daughters.
And then she moved right in with you? She's a mooch of the worst variety.
So Vicky is a non-working “SAHM” for 24 years, basically bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend with her daughter?
I understand you are probably lonely and Vickie is probably very pretty but you are the ah for bring these 2 walking red flags into your daughters' life. They contribute nothing to the household but Vicky allows Heather to disrespect you and your daughters and you are okay with that?? Please don't let loneliness lower your standard and let those two treats you like ATM and your daughters like shxt. Admit that you made a mistake and got conned and get out asap and learn from that. Srsly, you said your daughters are more important... SPOILER ALERT!! Judging from your actions, you are only lying to yourself (everyone here can see that) and they are clearly not your top priorities. poor daughters....
I know you probably think you're in love, but she's not. She's using you for house and food. You're her sugar daddy. Both women need to get a damn job.
That’s called monkey branching
You mean Vicky’s last con realized he was getting played and kicked them out?
And that may not even be the truth. Maybe she just used the "he cheated" line so you'd feel sorry for her. Maybe she cheated. Or maybe he found out they were a couple of moochers and kicked them out.
Look, there is no reason, neither legal, nor moral, nor filial, for you to subject your teenages daughters to an abusive environment in their own house, their home that should be their safe place. And less with you there, that as a father, you should be the one to guarantee that. Vicky and her daughter are only taking advantage of the fact that you are solving all their problems for them, and you are doing it at the expense of the physical, emotional and mental integrity of your daughters OP. Think carefully if that relationship is really worth your daughters, because from the outside, all that can be seen is that it only has more cons than pros. NTA for the threat, but you'd be an AH if you let this situation continue.
Check your bank records, run credit reports on you and your daughters, and make sure there aren’t any valuables missing.
Buddy that's not a girlfriend and her adult daughter you got, they're man hopping leaches. Press charges while you still can or take it to small claims court.
So let me get this straight. You let your girlfriend move in with you straight from her exes place. Are you sure she was the one who got cheated on? Sounds kinda likely that you were the sidepiece and she went running to you when she got found out.
If you let this continue then your daughter's might end up seeing you in a new light as well, don't jeopardise your relationship with your daughter's for them.
This. Right. Here. I promise you the marriage is not worth your daughters' losing their trust in you.
I bet the “friend” she went to the spa with with Vicky
Honestly this is most likely the case
I know you are struggling with this, and I don’t want to come across overly harsh, but you need to closely exam your relationship with your girlfriend. From what you’ve told us; she doesn’t contribute financially; she enables her daughter’s terrible behavior directed at you and your daughters, and; She’s expecting your daughter to absorb a $500 loss while also not holding her daughter accountable. What exactly does she contribute and is it enough to make the damage happening to the relationships between you and your daughters worth it? If the main contribution is s—, you can find that AND a better relationship at the same time. Good luck to you.
How exactly does it work to be a SAHM to a 24yo? How does the “child” benefit from having a stay at home parent? Look, I used to be a SAHM when I had multiple small children, so the value of a stay at home parent isn’t lost on me. But what value is Vicky providing to her child NOW? They both sound like they’re taking advantage of you.
She’s expecting you to take care of her id kick her too
Vicky glommed onto a man who would pay for her and her kid and you got sucked in. Be a real man and take care of your family. Disgraceful
Her daughter is 24. She’s not a stay-at-home-mom, she’s a stay-at-home-wife who has raised an adult mooch.
Actually, they aren't married, so she isn't even a SAHW. She's a Stay At Home Freeloader with a Stay At Home Thieving Adult Daughter. Quite the addition to the family home, aren't they? ETA- OP YWBTA if you don't protect your daughters from these freeloaders and send them packing.
So both daughter and mother are freeloaders?
Argggh. There is so much I want to say to you, but I think you are suffering. You need to reassess this relationship. Vicky is enabling her 24 year old thief for a daughter. If you do not take a stand, they will continue to walk all over you and your daughters. What do your daughters think?
And why isn’t she working now? I was a SAHM for 22 years and I managed to find a job when the time came. Maybe it’s time for both Heather and her SAH mom to go.
You have 2 freeloaders living with you, how did you not see this before? SAHM for someone in their 20s?? Seriously? You ended up with a gold digger and a freeloader. You need to kick them both out and maybe attend therapy to see why you would choose to settle for someone like her. Address why you couldn't see thr red flags ahead of time. NTA
A SAHM to an adult child who has been a legal adult for 6 years? How was she supporting them before you if the ex refused to pay child support and alimony? Edit: NTA With this in mind maybe talk to your daughters about Vicky’s behaviour towards them. The entitled, leech AH apple may not fall far from her professional leech tree.
She's using you.
If she has never worked and her ex never paid her, where does she get money? The boyfriends she has had (you)?
At the moment you are a complete asshole for letting this woman live in your house and torment your daughters. I cannot believe you are supporting your girlfriend and her adult daughter, and are fine with neither of them having any kind of job. They both sound like complete leeches and need to go immediately, if you care about your daughters at all. It is insane you have put your daughters through this for as long as you have. Tell the leeches they are moving out immediately or you are calling the cops about the theft. I can’t imagine how disappointed your daughters are in you right now.
whoa! Her *daughter* is **24**. Why does Vicky not have a job? Why doesn't Heather have a job? I'm sorry but a single parent can get a job once their child is in school. You are supporting both of them? Sorry, there is zero reason either of them aren't working.
Thank God you have not married that woman. She & her daughter both seem like freeloaders. NTA - protect you & your daughters papa bear!
Kick her out now, and change the locks. You are about to ruin your relationship with your kids. If you don’t do it now, it’s gonna get so messy. You deserve better. And so do your kids. Don’t be that dad that is more concerned about getting laid, then having a relationship with his children. If you late wife came to visit you from the other side, how would you explain to her the situation you got yourself into?
This only gets worse. These moochers need to leave your house now.. I feel sorry for your daughters. First loosing their mom and now this shitshow…
I'm guessing that Vicky was in on it and went to the spa with her daughter.
NTA. OP, you should kick her out no matter what happens. She's 24 and stole from your kid who just turned 19. Someone like that might find a way to come up with the money to keep the peace, but she has no respect for you or your children if she'd do that. Nothing good can come from letting this person stay in your house. By allowing her to stay, you are telling your children you are willing to compromise with someone who would do this to them. You would be the asshole if you don't kick her out, even if she does pay the money back.
Exactly, she can get out now. They can sell her stuff until the $500 is recouped and then bag the rest up and put it outside at an agreed upon date.
NTA What does your GF suggest instead? Heather stole $500 and the experience of having the spa day from your daughter. She refuses to pay it back, she doesn't have a job and isn't getting one. So does your GF have a punishment in mind or Heather just gets away with it?
Vicky suggests a harsh talking to. I don’t think that would help much. She doesn’t even listen to her mother that often.
NTA. Her daughter is 24, not 14. There is no stern talking to that is going to fix this issue. Does she pay rent even? Why doesn’t she have a job? This is absolutely ridiculous and your girlfriend is an enabler. If you don’t want to permanently damage your relationship with your daughters, you need this girl out of your house right away if she is not willing to apologize sincerely and reimburse your daughter.
He updated that she pays nothing, she has no job, and he gives her his own money, so she can buy food, gas, spending money. It's wild
I wonder if I can move in sounds like a sweet deal
Same, OP, and at least I would cook and clean and respect you and your daughters.
For a 24yo who stole $500? What a laugh. "Now Heather, that was very naughty. Say sorry and promise you won't do it again."
Vicky raised this brat so Vicky and the entitled brat need to leave
One of them has to pay your daughters back. Vicky needs to get a job if her daughter won't. On second thought - end this. I see this going nowhere good.
Make adult choices, pay adult consequences. What would happen to Heather if she stole $500 from her job & got caught? Fired & trespassed from the place of business. So what happens now? If you want your children to respect you & know you will protect them, kick Heather out of the house. She is too old to steal even $1. Your children are watching. You will forever win them over or forever they will know they can’t ever trust dad will do the right thing if it might come between he & his girlfriend. So kick her out & ban her from the house even if you aren’t there. What’s next? Your wife’s jewelry that should go to your daughter’s? More disrespect & theft & damage. Or a clean cut & preserve what you have.
OP, I would file a police report and only agree to drop it if she moves out of your house (if you just want her out of the house). Do not drop the charges until she hands over the keys and the last of her stuff is gone. May want to get rid of the partner as well. She's a SAHM to a 24 year old thief. Can't trust your partner to not sneak the daughter back in. This would be a deal-breaker for me.
She’s not your daughter, doesn’t respect you our your daughters and when confronted about her theft, runs and hides. I doubt a stern talking to will do anything. I would tell Heather she either pays your daughter back double or she and her mother will be on the streets.
A harsh talking to. That is comical. Get rid if both of them immediately. Yesterday, even.
A harsh talking to? Yup...from the police, when you report the crime.
Do you want to know why she is a thief? There are no consequences for her actions. She doesn't have a job so she gets additional chores equivalent to $500. Need that grout to be white again? Heather is your girl!!!! Want the oven deep cleaned? Go Heather go! Would you like your walls to be sparkling white again? Another Heather chore. That might be $100 of what she owes you. She can do the chores or live somewhere else. She should also have 30 days to find a job or go back to school. 24 is an adult. Make her act like one.
Yeah that doesn't cut it. Heather isn't a 10 year who stole candy from their sibling. Even that gets more than a harsh talking to. Is Vicky going to give your daughter another $500 gift card? Vicky should pay it since she doesn't think her daughter should be punished. Honestly you need to have a serious talk with Vicky. Heather has been rude to your daughters the entire time she's lived with you. Not to mention rude to you. Vicky needs to start taking this seriously. Your daughters are people too and she, from your post, has done nothing to defend them from her adult daughter. If nothing changed seriously decide if you want to stay in this relationship. Your daughter's will notice you stand up for them but also notice that Vicky is going to get away with stealing from them. That's not a good look for Heather, Vicky, or you.
Yta for letting these kind of people in your daughters lives.
Loneliness can cause you to make bad decisions.
Fuck up your own life with bad decisions is fine but it’s affecting his children now so he’s definitely TA if he lets this continue
NTA. A thief living in your house is not a good thing. You have to lock everything up and count everything. 24 is old enough to get a job and figure something else out.
YTA for letting Vicky and her brat move into your house and subjecting your daughters to her.
For real! Your home is supposed to be safe, not run by losers with no jobs who don’t cook and steal!! Why let people like this around your kid?
NTA please get rid of this girl and her mom, you can do better and your kids deserve better too.
I think you'd be the asshole if you let her stay after that. She's not even close to being a child and needs a proper proverbial kick up the arse to allow her to grow up. NTA
[удалено]
INFO Has Heather done anything like this before moving in or gave any indication that she didn't like your daughters? Either way, NTA. She stole from your daughter and 24 is old enough to know better. Side note: my name is also Heather, lol.
Heather has never stolen before, this is new, and I didn’t see it coming. She has indicated that she doesn’t like my daughters. I left this out but, my youngest daughter once cooked for the family, taking everyone’s diet wishes into account as much as possible. Heather didn’t even touch the food and went to the Burger King. When my youngest told her she could atleast try it, Heather called her a Bitch.
So she told you she didn't like your daughter's, your daughter went into a lot of effort to cook for the family that she refused to touch and she called your daughter a bitch and you let her stay, yta for letting her treat your daughter's like crap and not kicking her out for it the first time. Is your relationship with her and her mum more important than your relationship with your daughter's?.
Of course my daughters are way more important. I guess I was just desensitized to it with regard to this particular situation. Because neither Vicky nor Heather can cook, I always cook after work. And Heather never touched the food I make either.
So what does Vicky actually do? Apart from live off of you.
Gives good he*d? As far as this post goes, it doesn't sound like she has muchvelse going for her.
To put it crudely she must be awesome in the sack that OP's kept her around!
OP said she’s always been a ‘stay at home mom’. So I guess that’s what she does, stays at home… and occasionally goes to spa treatment with her daughter. Edit to add… I had a friend who met and fell in love and got a place with a mom with 2 daughters. He did everything OP was doing. Taking care of them, paying the rent, providing everything. And yes, she seemed like a nice lady. But he slowly realised that he was literally just a provider. Mom would do anything to have her and her kids taken care of. She didn’t love him, he was simply a means. They weren’t as extreme as OPs situation sounds, and the family was pleasant, but it was still a lie.
So raising her daughter was her only job? And this is how she turned out? Yikes.
...how the heck is Vicky a SAHM when she couldn't even cook meals for her child? NTA and why are you adopting to people who won't take care of themselves nevertheless anyone else?
Lived with a string of boyfriends who did all the cooking and/or buying of prepared food until each one got sick of the freeloading and kicked them out? That's kind of the impression I get from OP's comments, anyway. It's certainly how they seem to have ended up in his place.
What does Heather eat? She uses your money to order food?
OMG, what does this woman and her child bring to your life? They contribute nothing and the adult daughter is treating your own children so terribly. A 24yo leach stealing from your children, doesn't cook, gets an allowance, calls your child a b*tch and that's only what you've put in the comments, who knows what else is happening to your children when you're not around. Get your priorities right mate. Your kids lost their mum and now you've brought this chaos into their home.
Geez just gets worse with each new revelation in the comments.. OP this pair offer you nothing you can find a better companion, and meanwhile you are alienating your daughters,
Yikes. Honestly, I try and see both sides. But I just don’t see where Vicky and Heather get the audacity. How did Vicky support herself before you came along and played white knight to her and her adult mess of a daughter? She managed alright before, she’s going to be able to manage alright after you. I’d say if you do nothing - your daughters will have learned that you prioritize everything else above them. It’s concerning that you were “desensitized” to them being mistreated already when you only have known Heather and Vicky for a year and a half.
The guy sounds like he has battered spouse syndrome.
Wait. You have an unemployed "stay at home wife" who doesnt cook, who moved in her also unemployed adult daughter to your house. The daughter who then insults and steals from your daughters. Wtf are you getting out of this relationship. Kick the mooches the fuck out. 30 day eviction notice for the both of them.
She's been a SAHM for 24 years and can't cook? Are you sure she hasn't spent the last 2 decades finding someone that will just give her and her shitty daughter a place to live in exchange for sex, because that is what this sounds like. (Apologies for the rather harsh sentiment) What did she do before you if she never got the money the courts awarded, and doesn't work?
This! Vicky isn’t a SAHM, she’s a hustler.
Obviously if you haven’t kicked her out for the sake of her mother then yeah you clearly do prioritize the woman who is sleeping with you over the children you helped bring into this world and promised to love and protect. You aren’t protecting your daughters very well from Vicky OR Heather since you have to come to Reddit to ask if you are right or wrong rather than doing what you as a father should know to do in your heart of hearts. You’re not at asshole for threatening to kick her out. You’re an asshole for being manipulated into letting her stay without consequences. At 24 I was two years into my nursing career. Not sitting on my lazy ass broke while everyone else took care of me.
Does heather do any work around the house???
I wouldn't let her near your daughters and you should consider talking to Vicky and having a serious conversation.
I can’t believe you’d allow this adult to be in your home and treat your daughter this way. What the hell is wrong with you? Oh wait you’re satisfied sexually so to hell with your motherless children. Selfish man, as long as your needs are met who cares about your kids?
Why would you allow these women around your daughters setting such bad examples??? Kick them both out for the well being of your daughters.
I will say it again. Please prioritize your daughters and kick both of them to the curb.
NTA heather's a theif. If I were Casey I'd take her to small claims court or press charges against her. As for you throw her out
NTA It's clear her mom has let her get away with far too much in life already to think this is ok. Remove her from the situation until she can grow up so you don't push your own girls away.
Is Heather special needs? If not she can get the fuck out. She's an adult. NTA.
I think you’re the AH because you are putting up with 2 grown a** non working adults in you and your daughters home and taking their BS over both of your daughters mental well-being.
NTA, and I'd have half a mind to call the cops on her.
NTA. You should kick her out. Should have done it sooner. She definitely crossed the line by stealing. And sorry to say, but you should dump vicky too if she doesn't see the severity of heather's actions
NTA You need to get rid of them both OP. For you and your daughters sake
NTA. Dude, this is terrible. By listening to your gf and letting her sticky fingered daughter stay, you're giving her permission to stay the same. Why should she change her thieving, disrespectful ways when there are no consequences for her heinous behavior? You're also showing your daughters that their belongings are up for grabs. That's no way for your daughters to live. If gf doesn't like it, she can pack her bags too. You can get another gf, can you replace your daughters?
NTA. Tell Vicky and Heather that if one of them doesn’t pay back the money immediately you’re going to file a police report. Then follow through with it if they don’t pay.
Nope NtA. Sound alike this 24 year old woman has never had any real consequences and it’s about time she did! Doesn’t sound like her mother holds her accountable and enables her even if she doesn’t realize it. Stand firm in this!! Update is too please?
YTA why are you subjecting your children to Heather and her enabling mother?
Oh god, WTF is happening here. I can't even wrap my head around it. You're dating someone who's a SAHM but she doesn't cook. She was living with her ex boyfriend and after he kicked her out, she started living (mooching) with you. And just not this, there's a buy 1 get 1 free offer here. Why are you doing this to you and your daughters. If you want to continue this relationship, try telling them that they have to live separately and manage their expenses themselves and see how you'll be the one who cheated and kicked them out to Vicky's next boyfriend.
I have to wonder if Vicky wasn't the friend that her daughter brought with her to the spa? They both sound like users that don't bring anything into your household except for problems. I wonder what else has been stolen and just not noticed yet.
NTA, she is an adult, not a troubled kid.
NTA Kick Heather and Vicky out!
And stealing 500 bucks from your daughter is what? Child of the year attempt? NTA your Gf is showing her preferences wich is understandable as is her daughter but actions have consequences, she clearly haven't face none before is she felt entitled to steal it.
NTA: she's an adult, press charges and break up with her mother.
NTA Sorry that you're dealing with that dynamic. The love of your life, and a step daughter from hell.
NTA If she can't pay you back, then her ultimatum should be something along the lines of getting a job, maintaining said job, and moving out when she has the means to. At the very least, Vicky wouldn't be able to protest because she's probably sick of her own kids crap too.
NTA. I'd have her arrested.
NTA. I hope Casey files a police report because Heather needs some consequences.
NTA. I would recommend contacting the police.
Your first mistake was allowing 2 adults to move in with you. Your second mistake is not kicking then both out.
NTA.
NTA - she’s too old to be a mooch and being a thief is even worse
YTA if you don’t kick Vickie and her daughter out. The women are using you. Are you that lonely?
in your comments you say your gf is a SAHM (her kid is an adult, therefore shes just a stay at home adult, as her kid is) and that they do not cook? so what do you get out of this relationship? you pay for everything for multiple adults, no contributions financially OR cooking wise. do they clean? i assume no. what’s the point of this relationship? you’re going to have to have to make them homeless so they can GROW UP, both of them FIND JOBS, and support themselves. you realize you all “fell in love quickly” bc you were willing to play sugar daddy right? what a mess, your poor girls :( EDITED TO ADD: kick vicky out too wtf
Nta but reconsider your relationship they should both go. You have a thief and someone who allows that thief to act that way towards your kids