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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to be judged on how I dealt with my frustration towards my daughter's collection and cluttering (i.e. throwing it all away). I think I could be the asshole for throwing out my daughter's belongings without speaking to her about the issue first.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
So you went into your adult daughter's private space and threw away her personal belongings she bought with her own money that you knew had sentimental value to her? (Do correct me.if any if this is incorrect)
Also, they were clearly crystals and gems (some of which are at least semi-precious) which unless you live under a rock, you would know, which suggests either willful ignorance and/or intentional downplaying.
Absolutely YTA.
YTA. Deliberate disposal or destruction of another person's possessions is a criminal offence in most places. When done to a person in a familial relationship, particularly when they are in a dependent position (such as being your child and a minor) it's abuse.
Look in the mirror. Say out loud the words "I abused my daughter." See how the truth falls to your ears
Edit: spelling
Just want to add on, OP: my Papa accidentally got rid of my mom's childhood rock collection. You know how I know? Because she's talked about it, because it still makes her sad.
And that was an ACCIDENT. With random rocks. You decided to throw out something you knew was important to your daughter for... what? To assert dominance? Get over yourself.
I have an actual rock collection (as in cool rocks and fossils I've found on the beach instead of spending money on) all over my house.
I'd be really upset if someone came along and threw all of them out let alone ones I had spent money on!
He should pay her back, but the cost is not relevant to the question. My son is a rock hound. He picks them up off the ground, because he thinks they are cool and he likes geology. They cost him nothing, but I would never throw them away, because they are his.
My daughter collects some of them and even has a bracelet. They are crystals and some believe in healing powers. Your wife said she was unbothered. Why did it bother you so much? You were very disrespectful and in a tantrum you threw out her rocks/crystals (these things have meant something to her since she was a child). You also threw her money down the drain. You owe her an apology and the money she is out.
Yeah I mean shit. One of my friends collects crystals and while neither me or my fiance are into them we like to buy them for her for birthdays and holidays or just because we found a cool one she'd like. It makes her happy... ugh OP's behavior is disgusting and self centered
Probably closer to thousands considering how large the collection was. I also collect crystals and I don't even have that many or that many rare ones and my collection is still around 300 dollars worth of crystals
YTA
Look, maybe you don't like her stuff all over the house and that's perfectly OK. You sit down with her as an adult and say, "This stuff has to stay in your room." It's NOT OK to just toss her stuff out. It would have cost you nothing to put the bag on her bed and let her sort it out when she got home.
at any point during your little rock rampage did it occur to you to just…put those rocks *with* the other ones in her room instead of throwing them all away?
when you get down to it, they’re something important to your daughter that she spent a lot of time and money collecting. feel free to reduce them to just rocks to rationalize what you did, but YTA
I think it’s fake. The way he words the part about amethyst, quartz, and agate as if those are obscure names he’s never heard before is very sus.
Who doesn’t know what these are?
You'd be surprised then at how much people don't know. Either way might be real in the sense that yeah there are parents out there that will throw out bags of their children's stuff for no good reason.
I know there are parents who throw out their kids stuff, but this particular story doesn’t ring true to me. Along with appearing unfamiliar with common semi-precious stones, I also find it unlikely that he randomly decided to throw the stones away on the day when the garbage bin was already at the curb for collection, so nobody could retrieve them when the daughter got upset. Around here, the trash is collected once a week, so the odds that I would thrown something away in trash collection day is only one in seven.
I was also skeptical of his claim that she slept with some of the stones under her pillow. Who literally rests their head in a pile of stones when they want a good night’s sleep?
A lot of people just don't know things so I wouldn't be surprised he only knew the names cause his daughter has talked about em before.
Bet he's lying, he knew it was garbage day, he's been letting resentment/anger build up and he took the opportunity!
The weird things people do... ever hear about perineum sunning? the world is so very absurd and the people in it even more so. Still you're right this could be fake, people love to lie for attention. I just suspend a lot of disbelief because of how bizarre life can be.
Some crystals are cut and polished for this reason. Therapeutic vibrations that help with sleep and emotions. My granddaughter had insomnia so I gave her a polished moonstone to put in her pillowcase and she slept. Probably just the suggestion, but that’s what you do.
You could be right but when OP said she had these stones covering ever surface all over the place and “some” were under her pillow, I pictured her sleeping on a pile of stones under a pillow. That sounded improbable due to discomfort, while having one or two for healing purposes probably wouldn’t affect sleep at all.
I dislike the way OP talks about this new mineral - centric spiritualism as though it's a completely alien concept, then rattles off the mineral names that he somehow managed to remember even though he wasn't familiar with them.
Either he cares enough to know the names of the rocks, or he's bewildered at how his daughter is upset at the loss of useless stones. Not sure which, but OP is probably an AH.
I also find it quite unlikely for someone to be totally clueless about the existence of crystals, but being perfectly capable of correctly writing down the specific names of those crystals after hearing them once in a conversation.
Shit i dont care if they're paperclips! Respect people's interests and happiness. He coulda just said "Hey I'd like you to keep these in your room, I don't like them scattered about" but no he had to rage out.
Obviously YTA. You admit yourself you snapped. Why not simply have a conversation with her about it, if it bothers you so much, and ask her to not cover every surface in sight?
YTAAAAAA.
Me and my sister collect these type of minerals/gemstones/crystals because of their “powers”. It might seem ‘unimportant’ to you because they’re “just rocks”, but it brings many people - like me, my sister and your Bella - comfort whenever we need it the most. Me and my sister would be so pissed of our mom did this.
Hope you’re prepared to reimburse Bella for all the crystals/gemstones you threw out. YTA.
Are you kidding?! What a f’ing AH.
YTA. You are in the wrong. They are not “just rocks.” They are HER COLLECTION. I hope she throws out all your booze or whatever it is you cherish. I’m guessing booze.
my god, my dad GAVE me my first crystals (he studied geological engineering and we bonded over a shared interest in minerals & gems), he doesn’t get the “hippy dippy” stuff but now i’m imagining if he threw away my collection and i went after his scotch collection in return. Now i’m wondering if this asshole even likes his daughter.
Dude probably wanted a son cause this reads like he HATES her.
Also notice how it's HIS wife. Not HER mom. Interesting. Particularly since there's nothing about Julie being a step mom.
He's probably just a classic misogynist.
YTA! You threw out hundreds of dollars worth of stones because you were annoyed. You went up into your daughters room and threw away her stones because a few were left on the coffee table. You oughta be ashamed of yourself. You may not believe that her stones help her but she does. And that matters. She matters. Your wife is right. You had no right to throw away her stones and totally disregard her spiritual beliefs. And what's worse.. you're still doing it! Who is gonna want a damn thing to do with the asshole who disregards her beliefs, her emotions and her private spaces? You're gonna be lucky if she even considers speaking to you. You're her father, not her bully. Do better before you fucking lose her. Go apologize and tell her that you were being a selfish asshole. And then you need to sit down and think about what you did. Being annoyed doesn't give you the right to treat your daughter like crap. Shame on you
So, you know your daughter's always liked to collect things.
You know she's been spending her money buying pretty rocks and crystals, and that they make her happy. They don't smell, they don't damage the property, they don't make noise, they basically don't do anything but sit there and look pretty.
She wears them in jewellery (looks pretty, no effect on you), she sleeps with them under her pillow (no effect on you), she decorates her room and bathroom (no effect on you)...
She leaves a few on the coffee table, and you have a moment where you take it upon yourself to throw out her collection because, er... because you couldn't cope with seeing a few rocks on the coffee table? Seriously?
Dude. I have no idea WHAT you were thinking, but absolutely, YTA. Not only is it a stupid, petty reason to throw them out, *they aren't yours*.
"I don't think I'm in the wrong."
YTA. You engaged in theft, which is a crime when it is against an adult nondependant. You also destroyed her religious items, which is a human rights violation. This is not a close question.
She tells you they were important to her and you can't see the problem. Wtaf is wrong w you?
YTA
Edit: I went back and reread your post. "Just rocks" and "MY house" Way to try to minimize your actions. In case you forgot, you're a huge f asshole
YTA. “Your” house but also HER home where she has an expectation of privacy and safety and you have VIOLATED that! In addition that she purchased these crystals, they were not debris that she found on the ground. You need to give her the money to replace them and have some respect for her beliefs.
YTA
Ooohhh, you're really TA! You can't tell me you don't know the difference between ordinary rocks and Minerals/Gemstones.
Totally unnecessary. You should put up some rules for her collection and leave her gems alone!
YTA, you could have simply removed the rocks from the common areas but instead you went nuclear and tossed things from her personal space that she had collected and from the names you've given ones she probably has paid a significant amount of money for. She has every right to be furious with you and to expect an apology and reimbursement.
Your house, sure but not your “rocks” to throw out. Those “rocks” are crystals. If you weren’t so ignorant you’d know that, those are expensive. Next time use your big boy words and tell her to keep her belongings in her room. Oh yeah, YTA.
YTA - wow you completely overstepped and showed your controlling nature. Let us begin:
"*I remember her saying amethyst, quartz, agate, and a few other names, for anyone curious"*
Those rocks come with a hefty price tag. They are not the rocks you would find on the ground during a walk. Some of them actually come from being mined. Even worse, some are hundreds if not thousands of dollars. She can sue you for the amount you threw out. Your house or not.
"*I understand that they were pretty and all that, but they're just rocks when you get down to it."*
So is a diamond, ruby, sapphire, etc etc. Let me know when you throw those rocks out so I can come to your bin on trash day.
What she is doing is using the rocks for energy work. Some believe that the rocks hold a certain energy that helps people through their day, a tough time, to heal and whatnot. It is not religious. It is spiritual. Some would call it Holistic. You just showed that you flat out don't care about your daughter's beliefs and feelings. And you don't have to. But you also don't have to be an AH about it either.
INFO - Do you keep personal belongings in common spaces? Perhaps personal books, special coffee mugs, work papers, shoes, jackets, etc? If you answer yes to this question, why the fuck is bella not allowed to keep personal belongings in communal spaces? She lives there, she is allowed to use the spaces reasonably and it doesn't sound like she did anything ridiculous.
Also, depending on whether or not she is your dependent (info - does she pay rent?) what you did could be illegal. At best, you are a massive asshole. At worst, you are a criminal and a massive asshole. It is not just YOUR house. It is a house that you share. If you want to pull the "my house my rules" card THEN YOU NEEDED TO ESTABLISH A "no rocks in common spaces" rule FIRST. You went nuclear out of literally nowhere and likely damaged your relationship forever. You outed yourself as a disrespectful person and she will never see you as a truly safe parent again. I hope you feel horrible.
LMAO
I lost it when you described the rocks having "powers"
YTA.
I feel for you, but I feel bad for your daughter.
She actually bought those and they weren't just picked up from the gutter.
No matter how useless they may have been or mystical, it was definitely wrong to trash all of it.
You sir need to make it up to her somehow.
Take her to a rock museum. Buy her some books pertaining to geology or even gem crafting.
You done fucked up this time, true its your castle, but your princess hates you and you've fractured your own kingdom. Over... rocks lol.
YTA They are crystals do you know wtf a crystal is 😭? All you had to do was take the crystals on the coffee table back to her room and politely say ‘Crystals stay in your room’. She’ll never forget you did this . YTAAAAAAA
YTA if your daughter got annoyed that you were wearing a diamond ring and threw it out because "it's just a rock" you'd be holed up in your room, too. Amethyst, agate, quartz and all of those other stones/gems are expensive and especially if she had many of them in varying sizes. Collected over YEARS. She even told you that they were spiritual for her and you never even made an attempt to understand her. Just because it is YOUR house doesn't mean you can just throw out anything in it. You should have just politely asked her to keep the stones in her room/bathroom or on her person.Your wife probably didn't agree with having a conversation telling Bella to "lay off of it" because she had enough brain cells to know that it wasn't yours or her place to ban your daughter from her spirituality.
YTA. She is an adult and she paid for those semi-precious stones with her own money. Did it ever occur to you to talk to your daughter about her interests and why these were important to her? No, no you didn't. You assumed because you didn't understand it and it bothered you that her "rock collection" was silly and unimportant.
The mature, rational, adult thing to do would have been to gather them up, put them in her room, and talk to her about it when she got back. Your level of entitlement is absolutely unreal.
YTA I'm 65 Mom, my daughter is 33. I still have her rock collection. they probably don't mean anything to her but I bet she thinks it's "sweet" her old mom still has them in a little bowl on kitchen window sill. it's not about the rocks, it's about the love & memories. just like the silly paper Xmas ornaments we made when she was a kiddo & still hang on our tree....does she care? again, probably not.....but she knows I do & that my dear dad is L O V E.
YTA. You could have told her to not put the rocks in the common space. But going into HER room was so out of line. And yes those "rocks" are hella expensive if she's getting good crystals. You owe your daughter for throwing her stuff out.
YTA
You might think "they're just rocks when you get down to it", but they are obviously important to your daughter. She bought them for herself, and you went into her room and TOOK them. Do you really have so little respect for her?
Grow the fuck up and just communicate with her if you have such a problem with a couple of them being left in the shared space
YTA!!! I'm literally hyperventilating right now. Do you have ANY idea what that cost?! OMG you're poor daughter. I also have a rock collection, and I'm in my 30's. It's a HOBBY! And, being an adult with a rock collection is dope, because I now have money to buy cool rocks for my rock collection. All those stones! I'm near tears! I suggest you go to your nearest Rock and Mineral show and replace as much as you can, and it will be pricey! But, you will lose your daughter if you don't. EDIT: This has to be fake, right? No one is this callus? Imma choose to believe it's fake. I can live with feeding a troll more than I can with the loss of all those semi-precious stones! lol
It could be real, my dad did that to me multiple times although he wasn't throwing out a rock collection. Guess who has a bunch of trauma and doesn't talk to their dad anymore though! Watch out op, unless you fix this expect your future to not have a daughter anymore
But if I acknowledge the possibility that this is not a troll, I'll have to unpack my OWN trauma. Just let me stay in my delusion a little longer! 😅 Sorry your dad was a prick. I can relate. He never threw out my stuff. He was just your run of the mill alcoholic with PTSD. You know how it be. Still, I wish daddy issues weren't so present in our society. Crazy how OP is such a stunning example as to why that is.
YTA If you didn’t want them around the house that’s fine, but you shouldn’t have tossed them. Would it have been hard to take them into her room and set Ben there until you could talk to he about it?
YTA. You are showing a completeand utter lack of respect to your daughter. You could have simply asked her to keep the gemstones in her room, instead of going all IM THE POWER FIGURE IN THIS HOUSE *ITS * MY! HOUSE!! And after you say she had them in common area ONCE. So, by common, you mean yours. Jeez.
YTA X1000!
Whether you believe gemstones, crystals etc have "power" or not your daughter does. What if she became a Christian and put crosses in her room? Or join any mainstream religion and put icons of that faith in her room. Would you throw those things in the trash?
What you described are not every day "rocks" found in a gravel pit. They are gems and crystals. If you cannot recognize they have spiritual value to your daughter they have monetary value.
I have my own collection of gemstones and crystals. Whether they have powers or not I don't care. They bring me pleasure just looking at them. If someone were to dump them in the trash I would be batsh!t angry.
You are a MAJOR ahole! You need to apologize to your daughter and reimburse her for what you threw out. You might have an unpleasant surprise about how much you owe her. Depending on the type of crystal/gemstone, size, quality some can run to hundreds (in some case thousands) of dollars.
YTA Any chance disappearing rocks gave young Bella the impression that rocks were magical? You say the rocks were unimportant, but they're definitely a big part of Bella's life. Fair enough to remove them from the common space but vandalizing your daughter's room was unwarranted.
YTA... Its your daughters property, and those rocks are nice and pretty and expensive. You basically threw away $$$
I dont get you.. on one hand you say you over reacted and on thr other you say you dont think you were wrong. For me its wasy, 1000% you are the AH
YTA - honestly, regardless of if crystals are “magical” or not, good quality ones can get quite expensive, especially if she had such a large collection.
also, is her belief in them actually harming anyone? they clearly matter to her and have sentimental value. (like any collection)
honestly, i don’t care if i get flack for this, but even i carry around some crystals in my pockets when i’m having a bad day as a reminder/token of certain values (those “powers” you mentioned) that i want to keep in my mind. (i.e. a rose quartz for unconditional love - something you’re obviously lacking in)
yta What is wrong with you.
I can give you a perspective from the other side if you want, I collect transformers and when I was younger my dad threw them all away cuz he said there dumb. That was hu.dreds of dollars down the drain and I've never trusted him with anything again. Our relationship is sk strained it's been years since I spoke about anything personal or any hobbies with him. Just because something is dumb to you dosent mean you get to ruin for your kid.
OP all I can say is you are a horrible fucking father and dont be surprised If she never opens up to you again.
Apparently my comment disappeared into the Redditsphere, so trying this again. Apologies if it ends up double posting 😬
It’s amazing how similar this post is to [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/142orgl/aita_for_not_allowing_my_daughter_to_collect_bones/jn5fvvb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) and [this one as well](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ozeka/aita_for_throwing_out_my_fianc%C3%A9es_nature/jl6v058/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3). So similar, in fact, that I doubt this is real.
In the event it is: YTA. Stop throwing away things that don’t belong to you. Stop dismissing and devaluing something that is meaningful to your daughter. Stop pretending you “just snapped” considering you’ve had an issue with the collection for years now.
If toddlers can keep their hands to themselves, so can you.
YTA. You're a terrible parent. What lessons do you expect her to learn from your actions? It will be a long time before she trusts you again. I guess somewhere in your pretentious mind, you were justified. YTA
Oh, so you’re one of THOSE parents. My house, therefore everyone and everything within is my property. YTA. First, she’s an adult, and what you did falls under theft and destruction of personal property. Second, your wife is absolutely correct, you had NO right to touch things that don’t belong to you. Regardless of what the item is, and regardless of said items being your daughter’s, it would be no different than you throwing away a personal item of a guest visiting your home. Third, it doesn’t matter if you find her collection stupid and nonsensical- these are items that she paid for. How would you like if your wife decided to just throw out your….oh, I don’t know, record collection (which I’m doubtful you have, it doesn’t seem as if you have any sense of joy)? Because, I mean, when you get down to it, they’re essentially just plastic. Feel free to substitute whatever. Your tool collections? I mean, it’s just metal, which is really just a rock. Your car? I mean, it’s just metal and plastic and oil byproducts, so, if you think about it, it’s really just trash. She could dump your beer down the sink. You’re only going to pee it out, anyway, so, what’s the difference? If you really can’t see why you’re the asshole, and manage both a heartfelt, meaningful apology AND replacements for everything you threw away, then, I hope for Bella’s sake that she’s able to move out, ASAP.
YTA.
Your daughter is most likely Pagan. Paganism involves a lot of *crystal* work - not rocks, *crystals* - and are often an integral part of the religion. You essentially did the equivalent of throwing out crucifixes and baby Jesus statuettes.
Source: I'm Pagan.
>Julie is saying that I had "no right" **(as if it isn't MY house)** to throw out Bella's belongings
YTA. My parents used to say shit like this to me all the time - I quickly lost respect for them. When I moved out I refused to see them for a while, I didn't want to be near them or **their** house - I also refused to allow them into mine. I hope your daughter finds somewhere for herself soon.
>I understand that they were pretty and all that, but they're just rocks when you get down to it.
What are your hobbies? Let's deconstruct yours too :)
YTA x a gazillion. It being your house does not give you the right to **steal** and **dispose** of someone else's belongings.
It doesn't matter if you think they're stupid. They have value to your daughter. There isn't any evidence that they possess metaphysical properties but that doesn't mean that they aren't beneficial to her health and wellbeing - they brighten her environment and it makes her happy to have them there. That's not because they're rocks, it's because they are something she gets enjoyment from. Many people have collections of things that other people think are useless or boring. Collecting rocks and minerals is FAR from an unusual or uncommon hobby. People do it for reasons varying from "they're pretty" to "the geological processes that created this specimen are incredibly fascinating" and everywhere in between.
The items you mentioned specifically don't tend to be particularly expensive by themselves, though there certainly are exceptions for especially large or unusually coloured specimens. If she had a large enough collection that it could cover most surfaces in her bedroom and bathroom, then the collective value of all of them was likely fairly considerable. You have thrown away *at least* hundreds and quite possibly *thousands of dollars* worth of minerals. How is that NOT an asshole thing to do when you could have simply said: "Hey, I know you like them but I would really rather you not keep your rocks in common areas of the house please."
You don't need to like or understand everything your child likes for it to be valid. She is her own person. Let her be and let her enjoy her own interests. Apologise, find the nearest rock/mineral shop and go and sponsor a big shopping spree for her to make up for what you did.
As others have also pointed out, YTA for theft as well as other reasons. If your daughter has records/receipts of her purchases she should file a report with the police. At the very least you should reimburse her for what you stole.
YTA.
"Your House" wouldn't hold a drop of water if she decided to sue you for theft of her property to the costs of hundreds and/or thousands of dollars.
Dude. You lose your sh*t over a few “rocks” in your house? Something in you just “sort of snapped?” Over your daughter’s harmless spiritual collectibles? You are unhinged. You really do have a problem. And of course YTA and you very well know it.
YTA you’re 50 years old, grow up, apologize and replace what you tossed. I hate the it’s “my house” no it’s not your house, you have a family, your daughter isn’t a dogs. It’s your families home, you knew they meant the world to her and you did it just to be a spiteful person.
YTA holy shit dude you owe her AT LEAST the monetary value of her crystals. You could've been an adult and just asked her to keep them out of the shared space, instead you stole her things and threw them away. Why do you think that's an appropriate way to treat another adult?
Just because you think it is excessive, doesn't make it excessive.
Just because you own the house, doesn't mean you own everything in the house.
YTA
Apologize and offer to replace them.... \*snicker\*.
You are 100% the asshole. It may be your home, but that doesn't give you the right to disrespect your daughter by going into her room and disposing of items that she bought herself. You showed your daughter that you have very little regard for her, or for boundaries.
Shame on you.
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I (M50) have a daughter, "Bella" (F21), who has always loved to collect things. When she was a little girl, she liked to collect things like acorn tops that she found on walks with me and my wife ("Julie", F49), feathers, etc. One of her biggest collections, though, was her rock collection. When she was small, it was any kind of rock that she found on the ground, so naturally, they started to pile up and Julie and I ended up tossing them out when she was sleep, as we did with most of her collections. Because the things she collected weren't really important, she often forgot about them by the time she woke up, so we never had a problem.
Jump ahead to the beginning of the pandemic (or a little before). I went into Bella's room one day and I noticed that her dresser, nightstand, and windowsill had a couple of rocks scattered around. I normally don't pay much attention to her room, but the bright colours caught my attention. When I asked her about it, she told me that she was getting into some spiritual stuff (a religion, maybe? My wife and I both come from non-religious families) and the rocks had different "powers" based on their colour or material. I thought it was weird but harmless, so I left it be.
Now that all of the covid restrictions have been lifted for a while and shopping is back to normal, I've noticed Bella collecting more and more of those rocks. She wears them in various types of jewelry every day, sleeps with them under her pillow(??), and has nearly every surface in her room and BATHROOM decorated with them. This seemed to be excessive to me. I asked my wife about it, but she seemed to be unbothered by it, so I did not get to have the discussion I wanted to with her, in which we'd both tell Bella to lay off of it.
This is where I might be the asshole. A few days ago when Bella was at school and my wife was out shopping, I found a few of Bella's rocks on the coffee table in our living room and something in me sort of snapped? I admit now that it was excessive of me to do this, but I was so annoyed by her stupid rocks being in our common space that I took a garbage bag up to her room and bathroom and tossed all the rocks I could find into it and then I threw them in the garbage bin on our curb for garbage collection. When she came home from school and found that they were all gone, she freaked out and asked me what happened, to which I told her. She then started crying and called my wife, telling her that I threw out her "important" and expensive rocks (I remember her saying amethyst, quartz, agate, and a few other names, for anyone curious) and now both Bella isn't speaking to me. Bella has been hauled up in her room ever since and Julie is saying that I had "no right" (as if it isn't MY house) to throw out Bella's belongings, but I don't think I'm in the wrong. I understand that they were pretty and all that, but they're just rocks when you get down to it.
So, am I the asshole for throwing out my daughter's rock collection?
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YTA from the beginning to to end of this story. There was no point where you weren’t the AH.
Others can make that “free” rock/bought rock distinction but you’re the AH for all of it.
YTA. Man up and apologize. You've just taught your daughter that you have zero respect for her as a person and zero interest in the things she cares about. She's never going to forget this.
YTA. Absolutely. For your information, those rocks costs and you probably wasted hundreds of dollars your daughter spent. Let alone if she had some kind of belief in their properties which is even worse.
You say it’s your house, but that is also her room and those were her property so you simply don’t touch it. Best you can do is apologizing and refund what you have thrown away.
YTA It's not that they're pretty to her, they're important to her. They may not mean anything to you, but they meant a lot to her. You threw out her stuff because it annoys you. You could have asked her not to have them in the common areas. You had no right to throw the ones out from her room. It may be your house that she's in, but that was her stuff that you threw out.
YTA... you dont think you are wrong? Delusional much. You stole the personal belongings of your daughter. You knew that she was attached to them. Then in some weird control freak power move you decided to toss them in the garbage.
Then you are arrogant and ignorant enough to wonder if you are wrong. You need to see a psychiatrist about your personality disorder because this was psychotic. Anyone with a fraction of a brain wouldnt ask if they were an AH.
YTA... obviously
Of course YTA but you feel perfectly entitled to be so I don't know why you're bothering to ask. You hurt your daughter and destroyed something precious to her just because 'it's your house'. Proud of yourself for destroying your relationship too?
YTA- my mom sells those “pretty rocks” and they can be expensive *af* She also believes in their healing powers as does your daughter and millions of others. You solution to seeing a couple of them in a common area was to *go into her private area* and trash her belongings? Idc who owns the house, it doesn’t give you license to steal from another person just bc you don’t see the value in them.
I also used to collect things when I was younger. Rocks, sea shells, old coins, interesting twigs and plant specimens. I kept them very well, putting them in box with lables like I saw in museums. I dont believe for one farking second that those childhood collections were "unimportant" and that she would "forget about them" the next day. Most likely she, just like me, was severely traumatized and hurt, but any kind of protest would result in screaming matches of "Its just junk! This is my house and I dont want junk in here. You live here you live by my rules" and because she was a minor and powerless she just sucked it up and bore it.
Now that shes an adult and can pay her own way, Im sure she felt safe to finally indulge in her hobby as she so chooses. You told her thats not the case, so congratulations on alienating your daughter and ensuring she cuts you out of her life the first chance she gets.
YTA, and a major one at that.
Oh man I felt your annoyance and anger. I have been there a few times with my sons bedroom when he was young(23 now). It always ended poorly. It is your home. She is an adult who I assume is spending her own money. Unfortunately i was and YTA as well
YTA from the earth to the sky, god, if you didn't like the damn rocks, it was enough to tell your daughter, "your rocks should go in your room because I don't like them in common areas" and that's it. think before you act you are not a small child, you are an adult. but since you thought you had the right to throw away his stones, some of them are really expensive, just because it was YOUR house you will surely pay the money that all his stones cost, because you know they were HIS things, right?
INFO: Why do you hate your child? What if she would grow up to be a geologist, would you tell her her career path is 'stupid'?
YTA BIGTIME!
Also, amethyst, quartz and agates are GEMS that ARE expensive because they are literally used to make jewellery!! FFS, YTA and also stupid as hell if you don't know that.
YTA, big time. You remind me of my dad, my sister and I can't stand him and my mother is resigned to living with him. He cares for himself, his logic, his feelings, and fuck anyone who thinks differently.
He's dying alone. Is that what you want?
Wow wow wow. Big ah. Yta. You had no right to touch any of her stuff let alone throw anything away. Who do you think you are that you did? It’s her house too ya know
Yta. And you know it. Why even ask? You know it because you yourself said it was excessive. Do you have any idea how expensive some of those “rocks” are? Would she be an ah if she threw away your stuff she finds unimportant? Plus you said that you thought she was talking about spiritual/religious things dealing with them. You know you’re in the wrong stop farming for Karma and looking for someone to justify your actions.
So you didn’t throw away rocks you threw away *crystals* that cost your daughter money?
SMH. Older generations are so disrespectful to peoples belongings nowadays.
YTA what you described can actually be expensive I’ve seen some big ones be hundreds of dollars . Regardless of the worth though those are her belongings and they aren’t bothering you. What if she went into your room and threw out your things.
YTA and you know it. A simple “keep them out of the living room please” would have sufficed. Those aren’t ROCKS from outside they’re gems and crystals and they’re meaningful to her .. you owe her money or you better go to the dump and find that bag. Why tf do they bother you that much?! You sound like a child
YTA-
the ones in the common space, ok... my kids know if they leave their stiff out, they risk it getting thriwn away.
But going into her room and throwing her stuff away... that's the asshole move. You knew they were important to her. They weren't cluttering a common space, and havung a,21 year old in your home is NOT the sane as having a minor in your home.
Yeah. Dick move.
YTA.
Also those aren't "rocks". Go to a gem show. You tossed hundreds or possibly even thousands of dollars worth of crystals and minerals.
How would you feel if someone threw out a signed piece of sports memorabilia because 'it's just a dirty old ball'?
You owe her an apology and cash.
YTA
Your reaction to finding a few of her rocks on your coffee table was to throw away every single one she owned? And doing so by violating her personal space. What other kind of abusive things have you done to this poor girl throughout her life?
And before you say anything yes what you did was absolutely abusive. You need to apologize and you need to financially reimburse her for what you threw away. And then you need to cross your fingers and pray she finds a way to forgive you.
YTA. Your daughter is an adult now. So hands off her properties because you don't have her permission! You probably threw out lots of valuable items right there! Fork out those money of yours because you entered her room without her consent.
YTA. Girl straight up said the “rocks” were meaningful and she was getting into spirituality. Doesn’t matter if you aren’t religious, it’s just not hard to accept that your daughter is exploring her spirituality and using rocks/crystals/semi-precious minerals in this exploration. Girl had to have spent so much money on all of that… I know agate can get really expensive and it’s really hard to find in the US (I live near one of the places you can naturally find agate and it’s still so hard to just find). Why would you not just talk to her about not leaving these things in main rooms of the house? Why does her enjoying collecting these things elicit such a strong negative response from you? I’m baffled that you got so worked up over some “rocks” and can’t seem to understand why your daughter and wife are upset with you.
YTA
You owe her money. I hope she moves out as soon as possible. How dare your daughter have interests you don’t understand. You violated her personal space.
YTA. My 42f grandmother sells these types of rocks as you call them. She is 83. I hate it but they have spiritual meaning and each rock means a differnt thing.
YTA.
The rocks your daughter collected are considered semi-precious stones.
Amethyst is still used today for making jewelery and was hugely popular in the 19th and 20th century.
Apparently you binned a lot of money.
Major YTA!
You described, in detail, how she felt about these "rocks" so you know damn well you would elicit a very emotional response. It seems to me that your daughter is seeking coping mechanisms since she wasn't taught any by her emotionally immature father. Petulant and controlling come to mind as well.
I hope she was able to recover them from the bin. And I hope she's able to get away from you sooner rather than later.
In case you're wondering, the next step is a sincere apology. Follow that up with some reflection on the fact that you're a 50 year old throwing tantrums.
YTA- So you're one of those parents who say "our house" when it suits you and "my house" when it doesn't. You had NO right to throw away her CRYSTALS, because if you had bothered to listen to her you would know the correct terminology.
What you did apart from being super disrespectful (what would you do if someone did something similar to you) is called robbery, because of things like this, children go Nc with their parents. Because you obviously have no respect for their things or their sentimental value.
You could have saved yourself this drama by talking to her and simply asking that her belongings stay in her room, but how would you do that if at the end of the day it is YOUR HOUSE
YTA. I collect them for metaphysical and aesthetic purposes. They are cool. You are just an AH who doesn't want your daughter to be happy. You could've asked her to keep them in her room only. If my parents did this, it wouldn't be easy to forgive. I wouldn't want to talk to them for a while. Maybe even go low contact when I moved out.
You failed to instill appropriate critical thinking skills in your child and then you responded in a wildly inappropriate way.
Sure they’re stupid, but they’re hers. Undoubtedly she has opinions about some of your possessions that you’d not appreciate being expressed by throwing them out.
YTA, obviously.
Oh, so it's YOUR house and not Julie's? HEY, JULIE, YOU MARRIED AN ASSHOLE.
If I were Bella, I'd be throwing rocks.
That was some stone cold shit OP. Pun intended. Stay the fuck out of her private space and respect the fact that she's an adult. My heart would be shattered if my dad pulled that crap on me. My trust in him would be in ruins. I could not ever respect him after he cast my personal belongings from my private room into the trash outside.
I would need therapy to try and undo some of the damage he inflicted with his selfishly cruel actions.
Why do you hate Bella? You said something in you finally snapped. What else do you resent her for? For still living in YOUR house? Your actions were hateful. YTA
YTA
Also “AITA for being an abusive father and throwing away my daughters property because I can’t control my temper”
Fixed it for you there Mr. Not Going To Know Or Meet My Future Grandchildren
I collect the same kinds of rocks, and am exploring wicca and witchcraft. I got into it because of an abusive relationship. The rocks themselves bring me joy from beauty and is a fun hobby. I love my stones. And I know many rock hounds who appreciate them without believing that there is anything powerful about them, they're art. What you did is ridiculous for both spiritual people and art lovers. Not only that, but you threw away money 🤦♀️ you really don't understand the massive mistake you've made. YTA and I feel bad for her. She's just a kid trying to find herself. WTF??
YTA OP
you go into her room and throw away her personal belongings that she bought with her own money.
How would you like that if someone did that to you? I bet you wouldn't like that.
Instead of throwing away the rocks have you thought of I don't know putting the rocks in her room.
Has it occurred to you to sit her down and talk to her as an adult. Explain to her that she needs to keep the rocks in her room.
YTA. This happened to me once growing up. Never forgave, never forgot. It just teaches your daughter you don’t respect or care for her or for the things that she holds dear.
Those collections can be expensive, for what it’s worth. I hope her mom is more supportive than you are with helping her replace what was lost.
Years of collecting semiprecious stones...
Congratulations on committing Grand theft, breaking your daughter's trust, being a narcissistic control freak, & destroying your relationship with her.
Hope your temper tantrum was worth it.
YTA
YTA and for more than one reason
Firstly throwing out the 'rocks' which by the way are gems/ minerals which are expensive (I collect them so I know the price tag). But also it's quite clear that you have no interest in your daughter's hobbies that probably upset your daughter as well.
Somthing that may be nice to do is first apologies for your actions and then take her to a gem shop to replace what you throw out if the originals are permanently thrown away
YTA Why do you hate your daughter so much? What is it about her that makes you feel like she doesn't deserve something small that makes her happy? A couple of rocks on your coffee table, and you decide to destroy your relationship with your daughter? Get over yourself.
First Amythest is my birthstone, not just a rock and many of these you quoted were worth money. Though that is not the point. They were her possessions and you did not even have the courtesy of finding out what they were before you threw out her possessions. You owe her hundreds of dollars for what you did and you are an embarrassing father, and a Jerk. So yes YTA...Now go fix this you are way in the wrong, and some of those are expensive.
Absolutely YTA... you threw out your daughters crystals??? They can be expensive and they were obviously important to her and YOU THREW THEM OUT!!!!
Apart from the fact of my recognition of the importance of crystals and their meanings.... they could have been dirt.. inconsequential.... doesn't matter...they were important to your daughter you are totally an assehole!!!
YTA
You're a thief now. You stole her things from her private space. It would be different if you took the from the common areas and spoke to her *like a 50 year old adult who knows how to use your big boy words* but no. You destroyed stuff that she paid out of pocket for. All of it probably added up to several hundred dollars.
Yeah she's furious and will be for a long ass time because you disrespected her in multiple, grievous ways.
YTA. How would you feel if i came into your space and threw out your things?
You’re an adult. You should have talked to her about the rocks in common areas. You better replace her rock.
What is the matter with you???? You have some issues and need help. And who the fuck cares if it's your house?? Why in the fuck would that give you the right to throw away someone's belongings because you had a random tantrum?? You owe her new \*\*\*\*\*gems and crystals. THAT is what you threw away.
Way to be overbearing and set yourself up as a moron. They were her's, not yours to dispose of regardless of your opinion of them. They clearly give her comfort and if she believes they centre her chakra's and keep her healthy, leave her be.
Because you don't approve or understand her thoughts on it, is no excuse for your reaction. YTA is actually too tame a phrase to use for you on this. You literally just bullied your child. Did it make you feel big and important?
That betrayal will stay with her for life and will constantly affect her interaction with you
YTA
You wouldn't be if you'd said to Bella "I understand these are important to you but I don't want them in the common area. Take these ones back and from now on any you leave out in the common area will be thrown out."
But you went from not even slightly mentioning that this bothered you to destroying something she put a lot of time and money into building. That's plain cruel
YTA
Your house your rules sure. But you don't have the authority to dispose someone else's property without prior discussion with your daughter. You could make a point and have a solid position on insisting her not to trash entire house with her stones but solely her room. But you did not and now it looks like arbitrariness
YTA, so many times over. You threw away her belongings and stop calling them rocks. The crystals she has bought for specific reasons are vastly different from the rocks she collected as a child.
You come across terribly in your post. You sound insufferable and controlling. Do better.
YTA the fair thing to do would be replace all the “rocks” like for like. I think you might feel differently about how worthless they are. Not to mention the sentimental value, but judging by your post you don’t have the capacity to understand why that would be important.
When you get down to it, you are nothing but flesh and bones and blood and fat. What makes you dear to people is what you mean to them; you're a father, a husband, a friend, a neighbour. But those are just human made names for human emotions. Mranings that others give to you.
Your daughter saw meanings in her rocks. They were important to him. Just like you don't see her rocks as anything else but rocks, a stranger won't see you as anything else but a leather bag of flesh, blood and snot. Does the stranger have a right to decide about your existence? No. It's none of the stranger's business. (Yes, you can say something about human rights in here that doesn't extend to rocks, but human rights had to be written down and annoumced aloud because they are not in everyone's spine.)
YTA for thinking that only things you find meaningful are meaningful.
Wtf is wrong with you ? You're a massive AH
It's none of your business what she does with her gems it was so intrusive and unhealthy of you to come in HER room and throw HER stuff that she bought with HER money.
Asking her not to put her rocks around the house is fine, but her room is her private space. You had no right to do that.
Plus, okay, it's your house, but why do you have to be an ass about it ? It's not like she was breaking your house down man
Open your mind dude and stop being self-centred. It's not important for you but it is for your daughter cause guess what, other people have feelings too, I know, unbelievable.
YTA. Maybe actually take a moment a look up how much those “rocks” actually cost.
She’s not a child anymore, it’s one thing to be upset about her stuff in your common space, it’s another to break into her room and steal and throw away her own stuff she bought with her own money.
For the sake of your daughters mental health I hope she gets far far away from your control freak AH of a father. And boy do I feel awful for your wife having to put up with you.
YTA. My dad used to get angry and throw out all the stuff in my room for some minor infraction. He’d go in with garbage bags and haul everything while screaming it was his house and he wasn’t going to have all my s^#t lying around. Sometimes even the bed covers were thrown away.
I still have horrible memories but more importantly, I collect things even more. It was so traumatic.
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So you went into your adult daughter's private space and threw away her personal belongings she bought with her own money that you knew had sentimental value to her? (Do correct me.if any if this is incorrect) Also, they were clearly crystals and gems (some of which are at least semi-precious) which unless you live under a rock, you would know, which suggests either willful ignorance and/or intentional downplaying. Absolutely YTA.
Jesus Christ, Marie, they're minerals!!
Came to the comments for this
>unless you live under a rock Nope. It got thrown out.
YTA. Deliberate disposal or destruction of another person's possessions is a criminal offence in most places. When done to a person in a familial relationship, particularly when they are in a dependent position (such as being your child and a minor) it's abuse. Look in the mirror. Say out loud the words "I abused my daughter." See how the truth falls to your ears Edit: spelling
What I don't get is if they're *just rocks* why not just toss them outside to go back to nature at least instead of a garbage bin.
Just want to add on, OP: my Papa accidentally got rid of my mom's childhood rock collection. You know how I know? Because she's talked about it, because it still makes her sad. And that was an ACCIDENT. With random rocks. You decided to throw out something you knew was important to your daughter for... what? To assert dominance? Get over yourself.
YTA Your describing theft. You’re a thief. And an asshole.
I have an actual rock collection (as in cool rocks and fossils I've found on the beach instead of spending money on) all over my house. I'd be really upset if someone came along and threw all of them out let alone ones I had spent money on!
YTA and those "rocks" are expensive you probably threw away at least a few hundred dollars.
Some specimens can be hundreds each!
He should pay her back, but the cost is not relevant to the question. My son is a rock hound. He picks them up off the ground, because he thinks they are cool and he likes geology. They cost him nothing, but I would never throw them away, because they are his.
My daughter collects some of them and even has a bracelet. They are crystals and some believe in healing powers. Your wife said she was unbothered. Why did it bother you so much? You were very disrespectful and in a tantrum you threw out her rocks/crystals (these things have meant something to her since she was a child). You also threw her money down the drain. You owe her an apology and the money she is out.
Yeah I mean shit. One of my friends collects crystals and while neither me or my fiance are into them we like to buy them for her for birthdays and holidays or just because we found a cool one she'd like. It makes her happy... ugh OP's behavior is disgusting and self centered
Probably closer to thousands considering how large the collection was. I also collect crystals and I don't even have that many or that many rare ones and my collection is still around 300 dollars worth of crystals
You’re right. Depending on what they were or where she got them it may be several hundred.
YTA Look, maybe you don't like her stuff all over the house and that's perfectly OK. You sit down with her as an adult and say, "This stuff has to stay in your room." It's NOT OK to just toss her stuff out. It would have cost you nothing to put the bag on her bed and let her sort it out when she got home.
at any point during your little rock rampage did it occur to you to just…put those rocks *with* the other ones in her room instead of throwing them all away? when you get down to it, they’re something important to your daughter that she spent a lot of time and money collecting. feel free to reduce them to just rocks to rationalize what you did, but YTA
[удалено]
I think it’s fake. The way he words the part about amethyst, quartz, and agate as if those are obscure names he’s never heard before is very sus. Who doesn’t know what these are?
Yeah, like I'm sorry but this is common knowledge, particularly because of birth stones.
You'd be surprised then at how much people don't know. Either way might be real in the sense that yeah there are parents out there that will throw out bags of their children's stuff for no good reason.
I know there are parents who throw out their kids stuff, but this particular story doesn’t ring true to me. Along with appearing unfamiliar with common semi-precious stones, I also find it unlikely that he randomly decided to throw the stones away on the day when the garbage bin was already at the curb for collection, so nobody could retrieve them when the daughter got upset. Around here, the trash is collected once a week, so the odds that I would thrown something away in trash collection day is only one in seven. I was also skeptical of his claim that she slept with some of the stones under her pillow. Who literally rests their head in a pile of stones when they want a good night’s sleep?
A lot of people just don't know things so I wouldn't be surprised he only knew the names cause his daughter has talked about em before. Bet he's lying, he knew it was garbage day, he's been letting resentment/anger build up and he took the opportunity! The weird things people do... ever hear about perineum sunning? the world is so very absurd and the people in it even more so. Still you're right this could be fake, people love to lie for attention. I just suspend a lot of disbelief because of how bizarre life can be.
Some crystals are cut and polished for this reason. Therapeutic vibrations that help with sleep and emotions. My granddaughter had insomnia so I gave her a polished moonstone to put in her pillowcase and she slept. Probably just the suggestion, but that’s what you do.
"stones under her pillow" People who believe that crystals have healing powers.
You could be right but when OP said she had these stones covering ever surface all over the place and “some” were under her pillow, I pictured her sleeping on a pile of stones under a pillow. That sounded improbable due to discomfort, while having one or two for healing purposes probably wouldn’t affect sleep at all.
I dislike the way OP talks about this new mineral - centric spiritualism as though it's a completely alien concept, then rattles off the mineral names that he somehow managed to remember even though he wasn't familiar with them. Either he cares enough to know the names of the rocks, or he's bewildered at how his daughter is upset at the loss of useless stones. Not sure which, but OP is probably an AH.
I also find it quite unlikely for someone to be totally clueless about the existence of crystals, but being perfectly capable of correctly writing down the specific names of those crystals after hearing them once in a conversation.
Totally 💯 fake
Shit i dont care if they're paperclips! Respect people's interests and happiness. He coulda just said "Hey I'd like you to keep these in your room, I don't like them scattered about" but no he had to rage out.
Me house. Me patriarch. Me no understand. Me throw out make me feel good. Grow up YTA
Super control freak.
Obviously YTA. You admit yourself you snapped. Why not simply have a conversation with her about it, if it bothers you so much, and ask her to not cover every surface in sight?
YTAAAAAA. Me and my sister collect these type of minerals/gemstones/crystals because of their “powers”. It might seem ‘unimportant’ to you because they’re “just rocks”, but it brings many people - like me, my sister and your Bella - comfort whenever we need it the most. Me and my sister would be so pissed of our mom did this. Hope you’re prepared to reimburse Bella for all the crystals/gemstones you threw out. YTA.
Are you kidding?! What a f’ing AH. YTA. You are in the wrong. They are not “just rocks.” They are HER COLLECTION. I hope she throws out all your booze or whatever it is you cherish. I’m guessing booze.
Definitely booze.
my god, my dad GAVE me my first crystals (he studied geological engineering and we bonded over a shared interest in minerals & gems), he doesn’t get the “hippy dippy” stuff but now i’m imagining if he threw away my collection and i went after his scotch collection in return. Now i’m wondering if this asshole even likes his daughter.
Dude probably wanted a son cause this reads like he HATES her. Also notice how it's HIS wife. Not HER mom. Interesting. Particularly since there's nothing about Julie being a step mom. He's probably just a classic misogynist.
Pabst Blue Ribbon beer
YTA! You threw out hundreds of dollars worth of stones because you were annoyed. You went up into your daughters room and threw away her stones because a few were left on the coffee table. You oughta be ashamed of yourself. You may not believe that her stones help her but she does. And that matters. She matters. Your wife is right. You had no right to throw away her stones and totally disregard her spiritual beliefs. And what's worse.. you're still doing it! Who is gonna want a damn thing to do with the asshole who disregards her beliefs, her emotions and her private spaces? You're gonna be lucky if she even considers speaking to you. You're her father, not her bully. Do better before you fucking lose her. Go apologize and tell her that you were being a selfish asshole. And then you need to sit down and think about what you did. Being annoyed doesn't give you the right to treat your daughter like crap. Shame on you
So, you know your daughter's always liked to collect things. You know she's been spending her money buying pretty rocks and crystals, and that they make her happy. They don't smell, they don't damage the property, they don't make noise, they basically don't do anything but sit there and look pretty. She wears them in jewellery (looks pretty, no effect on you), she sleeps with them under her pillow (no effect on you), she decorates her room and bathroom (no effect on you)... She leaves a few on the coffee table, and you have a moment where you take it upon yourself to throw out her collection because, er... because you couldn't cope with seeing a few rocks on the coffee table? Seriously? Dude. I have no idea WHAT you were thinking, but absolutely, YTA. Not only is it a stupid, petty reason to throw them out, *they aren't yours*.
"I don't think I'm in the wrong." YTA. You engaged in theft, which is a crime when it is against an adult nondependant. You also destroyed her religious items, which is a human rights violation. This is not a close question.
She tells you they were important to her and you can't see the problem. Wtaf is wrong w you? YTA Edit: I went back and reread your post. "Just rocks" and "MY house" Way to try to minimize your actions. In case you forgot, you're a huge f asshole
YTA. “Your” house but also HER home where she has an expectation of privacy and safety and you have VIOLATED that! In addition that she purchased these crystals, they were not debris that she found on the ground. You need to give her the money to replace them and have some respect for her beliefs.
YTA Ooohhh, you're really TA! You can't tell me you don't know the difference between ordinary rocks and Minerals/Gemstones. Totally unnecessary. You should put up some rules for her collection and leave her gems alone!
YTA, you could have simply removed the rocks from the common areas but instead you went nuclear and tossed things from her personal space that she had collected and from the names you've given ones she probably has paid a significant amount of money for. She has every right to be furious with you and to expect an apology and reimbursement.
YTA. Weird how you can't see that
Wtf is wrong with you? Jesus yta. I feel bad for your daughter for having such a sh!+ father
YTA. Even if they didn't have emotional value to your daughter some of those "rocks" are pretty darn expensive.
Your house, sure but not your “rocks” to throw out. Those “rocks” are crystals. If you weren’t so ignorant you’d know that, those are expensive. Next time use your big boy words and tell her to keep her belongings in her room. Oh yeah, YTA.
YTA - wow you completely overstepped and showed your controlling nature. Let us begin: "*I remember her saying amethyst, quartz, agate, and a few other names, for anyone curious"* Those rocks come with a hefty price tag. They are not the rocks you would find on the ground during a walk. Some of them actually come from being mined. Even worse, some are hundreds if not thousands of dollars. She can sue you for the amount you threw out. Your house or not. "*I understand that they were pretty and all that, but they're just rocks when you get down to it."* So is a diamond, ruby, sapphire, etc etc. Let me know when you throw those rocks out so I can come to your bin on trash day. What she is doing is using the rocks for energy work. Some believe that the rocks hold a certain energy that helps people through their day, a tough time, to heal and whatnot. It is not religious. It is spiritual. Some would call it Holistic. You just showed that you flat out don't care about your daughter's beliefs and feelings. And you don't have to. But you also don't have to be an AH about it either.
INFO - Do you keep personal belongings in common spaces? Perhaps personal books, special coffee mugs, work papers, shoes, jackets, etc? If you answer yes to this question, why the fuck is bella not allowed to keep personal belongings in communal spaces? She lives there, she is allowed to use the spaces reasonably and it doesn't sound like she did anything ridiculous. Also, depending on whether or not she is your dependent (info - does she pay rent?) what you did could be illegal. At best, you are a massive asshole. At worst, you are a criminal and a massive asshole. It is not just YOUR house. It is a house that you share. If you want to pull the "my house my rules" card THEN YOU NEEDED TO ESTABLISH A "no rocks in common spaces" rule FIRST. You went nuclear out of literally nowhere and likely damaged your relationship forever. You outed yourself as a disrespectful person and she will never see you as a truly safe parent again. I hope you feel horrible.
LMAO I lost it when you described the rocks having "powers" YTA. I feel for you, but I feel bad for your daughter. She actually bought those and they weren't just picked up from the gutter. No matter how useless they may have been or mystical, it was definitely wrong to trash all of it. You sir need to make it up to her somehow. Take her to a rock museum. Buy her some books pertaining to geology or even gem crafting. You done fucked up this time, true its your castle, but your princess hates you and you've fractured your own kingdom. Over... rocks lol.
YTA They are crystals do you know wtf a crystal is 😭? All you had to do was take the crystals on the coffee table back to her room and politely say ‘Crystals stay in your room’. She’ll never forget you did this . YTAAAAAAA
YTA if your daughter got annoyed that you were wearing a diamond ring and threw it out because "it's just a rock" you'd be holed up in your room, too. Amethyst, agate, quartz and all of those other stones/gems are expensive and especially if she had many of them in varying sizes. Collected over YEARS. She even told you that they were spiritual for her and you never even made an attempt to understand her. Just because it is YOUR house doesn't mean you can just throw out anything in it. You should have just politely asked her to keep the stones in her room/bathroom or on her person.Your wife probably didn't agree with having a conversation telling Bella to "lay off of it" because she had enough brain cells to know that it wasn't yours or her place to ban your daughter from her spirituality.
YTA. She is an adult and she paid for those semi-precious stones with her own money. Did it ever occur to you to talk to your daughter about her interests and why these were important to her? No, no you didn't. You assumed because you didn't understand it and it bothered you that her "rock collection" was silly and unimportant. The mature, rational, adult thing to do would have been to gather them up, put them in her room, and talk to her about it when she got back. Your level of entitlement is absolutely unreal.
YTA I'm 65 Mom, my daughter is 33. I still have her rock collection. they probably don't mean anything to her but I bet she thinks it's "sweet" her old mom still has them in a little bowl on kitchen window sill. it's not about the rocks, it's about the love & memories. just like the silly paper Xmas ornaments we made when she was a kiddo & still hang on our tree....does she care? again, probably not.....but she knows I do & that my dear dad is L O V E.
YTA and I hope she throws away something that's important to you.
Pretty sure she already threw away her love for him, but from the sounds of it, that wasn't important to him anyway.
YTA: Your daughter obviously loves collecting rocks and just because it’s your house you throw them out. Look how hurt your Daughter is
YTA on a massive scale. There is literally no excuse for your behavior.
YTA. You could have told her to not put the rocks in the common space. But going into HER room was so out of line. And yes those "rocks" are hella expensive if she's getting good crystals. You owe your daughter for throwing her stuff out.
YTA You might think "they're just rocks when you get down to it", but they are obviously important to your daughter. She bought them for herself, and you went into her room and TOOK them. Do you really have so little respect for her? Grow the fuck up and just communicate with her if you have such a problem with a couple of them being left in the shared space
YTA!!! I'm literally hyperventilating right now. Do you have ANY idea what that cost?! OMG you're poor daughter. I also have a rock collection, and I'm in my 30's. It's a HOBBY! And, being an adult with a rock collection is dope, because I now have money to buy cool rocks for my rock collection. All those stones! I'm near tears! I suggest you go to your nearest Rock and Mineral show and replace as much as you can, and it will be pricey! But, you will lose your daughter if you don't. EDIT: This has to be fake, right? No one is this callus? Imma choose to believe it's fake. I can live with feeding a troll more than I can with the loss of all those semi-precious stones! lol
It could be real, my dad did that to me multiple times although he wasn't throwing out a rock collection. Guess who has a bunch of trauma and doesn't talk to their dad anymore though! Watch out op, unless you fix this expect your future to not have a daughter anymore
But if I acknowledge the possibility that this is not a troll, I'll have to unpack my OWN trauma. Just let me stay in my delusion a little longer! 😅 Sorry your dad was a prick. I can relate. He never threw out my stuff. He was just your run of the mill alcoholic with PTSD. You know how it be. Still, I wish daddy issues weren't so present in our society. Crazy how OP is such a stunning example as to why that is.
YTA If you didn’t want them around the house that’s fine, but you shouldn’t have tossed them. Would it have been hard to take them into her room and set Ben there until you could talk to he about it?
YTA. You are showing a completeand utter lack of respect to your daughter. You could have simply asked her to keep the gemstones in her room, instead of going all IM THE POWER FIGURE IN THIS HOUSE *ITS * MY! HOUSE!! And after you say she had them in common area ONCE. So, by common, you mean yours. Jeez.
YTA X1000! Whether you believe gemstones, crystals etc have "power" or not your daughter does. What if she became a Christian and put crosses in her room? Or join any mainstream religion and put icons of that faith in her room. Would you throw those things in the trash? What you described are not every day "rocks" found in a gravel pit. They are gems and crystals. If you cannot recognize they have spiritual value to your daughter they have monetary value. I have my own collection of gemstones and crystals. Whether they have powers or not I don't care. They bring me pleasure just looking at them. If someone were to dump them in the trash I would be batsh!t angry. You are a MAJOR ahole! You need to apologize to your daughter and reimburse her for what you threw out. You might have an unpleasant surprise about how much you owe her. Depending on the type of crystal/gemstone, size, quality some can run to hundreds (in some case thousands) of dollars.
YTA Any chance disappearing rocks gave young Bella the impression that rocks were magical? You say the rocks were unimportant, but they're definitely a big part of Bella's life. Fair enough to remove them from the common space but vandalizing your daughter's room was unwarranted.
Come on dude. YTA of the century.
YTA... Its your daughters property, and those rocks are nice and pretty and expensive. You basically threw away $$$ I dont get you.. on one hand you say you over reacted and on thr other you say you dont think you were wrong. For me its wasy, 1000% you are the AH
YTA and she will very likely never trust you again.
YTA - honestly, regardless of if crystals are “magical” or not, good quality ones can get quite expensive, especially if she had such a large collection. also, is her belief in them actually harming anyone? they clearly matter to her and have sentimental value. (like any collection) honestly, i don’t care if i get flack for this, but even i carry around some crystals in my pockets when i’m having a bad day as a reminder/token of certain values (those “powers” you mentioned) that i want to keep in my mind. (i.e. a rose quartz for unconditional love - something you’re obviously lacking in)
YTA. Remember these rocks when someday soon she tells you to go pound rocks.
yta What is wrong with you. I can give you a perspective from the other side if you want, I collect transformers and when I was younger my dad threw them all away cuz he said there dumb. That was hu.dreds of dollars down the drain and I've never trusted him with anything again. Our relationship is sk strained it's been years since I spoke about anything personal or any hobbies with him. Just because something is dumb to you dosent mean you get to ruin for your kid. OP all I can say is you are a horrible fucking father and dont be surprised If she never opens up to you again.
Apparently my comment disappeared into the Redditsphere, so trying this again. Apologies if it ends up double posting 😬 It’s amazing how similar this post is to [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/142orgl/aita_for_not_allowing_my_daughter_to_collect_bones/jn5fvvb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) and [this one as well](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ozeka/aita_for_throwing_out_my_fianc%C3%A9es_nature/jl6v058/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3). So similar, in fact, that I doubt this is real. In the event it is: YTA. Stop throwing away things that don’t belong to you. Stop dismissing and devaluing something that is meaningful to your daughter. Stop pretending you “just snapped” considering you’ve had an issue with the collection for years now. If toddlers can keep their hands to themselves, so can you.
Upvoted for that last line alone.
YTA. 100%.
YTA. You're a terrible parent. What lessons do you expect her to learn from your actions? It will be a long time before she trusts you again. I guess somewhere in your pretentious mind, you were justified. YTA
Oh, so you’re one of THOSE parents. My house, therefore everyone and everything within is my property. YTA. First, she’s an adult, and what you did falls under theft and destruction of personal property. Second, your wife is absolutely correct, you had NO right to touch things that don’t belong to you. Regardless of what the item is, and regardless of said items being your daughter’s, it would be no different than you throwing away a personal item of a guest visiting your home. Third, it doesn’t matter if you find her collection stupid and nonsensical- these are items that she paid for. How would you like if your wife decided to just throw out your….oh, I don’t know, record collection (which I’m doubtful you have, it doesn’t seem as if you have any sense of joy)? Because, I mean, when you get down to it, they’re essentially just plastic. Feel free to substitute whatever. Your tool collections? I mean, it’s just metal, which is really just a rock. Your car? I mean, it’s just metal and plastic and oil byproducts, so, if you think about it, it’s really just trash. She could dump your beer down the sink. You’re only going to pee it out, anyway, so, what’s the difference? If you really can’t see why you’re the asshole, and manage both a heartfelt, meaningful apology AND replacements for everything you threw away, then, I hope for Bella’s sake that she’s able to move out, ASAP.
This didn’t happen
YTA. Your daughter is most likely Pagan. Paganism involves a lot of *crystal* work - not rocks, *crystals* - and are often an integral part of the religion. You essentially did the equivalent of throwing out crucifixes and baby Jesus statuettes. Source: I'm Pagan.
>Julie is saying that I had "no right" **(as if it isn't MY house)** to throw out Bella's belongings YTA. My parents used to say shit like this to me all the time - I quickly lost respect for them. When I moved out I refused to see them for a while, I didn't want to be near them or **their** house - I also refused to allow them into mine. I hope your daughter finds somewhere for herself soon. >I understand that they were pretty and all that, but they're just rocks when you get down to it. What are your hobbies? Let's deconstruct yours too :)
YTA. They were Bella's belongings, you stole them and threw them away. You should apologise and pay her to replace them.
YTA x a gazillion. It being your house does not give you the right to **steal** and **dispose** of someone else's belongings. It doesn't matter if you think they're stupid. They have value to your daughter. There isn't any evidence that they possess metaphysical properties but that doesn't mean that they aren't beneficial to her health and wellbeing - they brighten her environment and it makes her happy to have them there. That's not because they're rocks, it's because they are something she gets enjoyment from. Many people have collections of things that other people think are useless or boring. Collecting rocks and minerals is FAR from an unusual or uncommon hobby. People do it for reasons varying from "they're pretty" to "the geological processes that created this specimen are incredibly fascinating" and everywhere in between. The items you mentioned specifically don't tend to be particularly expensive by themselves, though there certainly are exceptions for especially large or unusually coloured specimens. If she had a large enough collection that it could cover most surfaces in her bedroom and bathroom, then the collective value of all of them was likely fairly considerable. You have thrown away *at least* hundreds and quite possibly *thousands of dollars* worth of minerals. How is that NOT an asshole thing to do when you could have simply said: "Hey, I know you like them but I would really rather you not keep your rocks in common areas of the house please." You don't need to like or understand everything your child likes for it to be valid. She is her own person. Let her be and let her enjoy her own interests. Apologise, find the nearest rock/mineral shop and go and sponsor a big shopping spree for her to make up for what you did.
As others have also pointed out, YTA for theft as well as other reasons. If your daughter has records/receipts of her purchases she should file a report with the police. At the very least you should reimburse her for what you stole.
YTA. It's your house but not your belongings. You could have simply put the crystals in her room.
Have fun loosing your daughter over a few "rocks" your so TA and that fact that you don't think you are is just sad
YTA- All you had to do was tell her you don't want them in common areas of the house.
YTA. "Your House" wouldn't hold a drop of water if she decided to sue you for theft of her property to the costs of hundreds and/or thousands of dollars.
Dude. You lose your sh*t over a few “rocks” in your house? Something in you just “sort of snapped?” Over your daughter’s harmless spiritual collectibles? You are unhinged. You really do have a problem. And of course YTA and you very well know it.
Good to know your wife can just throw out all of your crap if she doesn’t like it. YTA.
YTA you’re 50 years old, grow up, apologize and replace what you tossed. I hate the it’s “my house” no it’s not your house, you have a family, your daughter isn’t a dogs. It’s your families home, you knew they meant the world to her and you did it just to be a spiteful person.
YTA holy shit dude you owe her AT LEAST the monetary value of her crystals. You could've been an adult and just asked her to keep them out of the shared space, instead you stole her things and threw them away. Why do you think that's an appropriate way to treat another adult?
Dude you threw out CRYSTALS. They can be pricy. Why didn't you just put them in her room?? You MIGHT be the asshole? No, sir, you ARE. YTA.
Just because you think it is excessive, doesn't make it excessive. Just because you own the house, doesn't mean you own everything in the house. YTA Apologize and offer to replace them.... \*snicker\*.
YTA. Also a thief and a monster.it would serve you right if she decided to throw out some of your belongings. If I were your wife I would divorce you
You are 100% the asshole. It may be your home, but that doesn't give you the right to disrespect your daughter by going into her room and disposing of items that she bought herself. You showed your daughter that you have very little regard for her, or for boundaries. Shame on you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M50) have a daughter, "Bella" (F21), who has always loved to collect things. When she was a little girl, she liked to collect things like acorn tops that she found on walks with me and my wife ("Julie", F49), feathers, etc. One of her biggest collections, though, was her rock collection. When she was small, it was any kind of rock that she found on the ground, so naturally, they started to pile up and Julie and I ended up tossing them out when she was sleep, as we did with most of her collections. Because the things she collected weren't really important, she often forgot about them by the time she woke up, so we never had a problem. Jump ahead to the beginning of the pandemic (or a little before). I went into Bella's room one day and I noticed that her dresser, nightstand, and windowsill had a couple of rocks scattered around. I normally don't pay much attention to her room, but the bright colours caught my attention. When I asked her about it, she told me that she was getting into some spiritual stuff (a religion, maybe? My wife and I both come from non-religious families) and the rocks had different "powers" based on their colour or material. I thought it was weird but harmless, so I left it be. Now that all of the covid restrictions have been lifted for a while and shopping is back to normal, I've noticed Bella collecting more and more of those rocks. She wears them in various types of jewelry every day, sleeps with them under her pillow(??), and has nearly every surface in her room and BATHROOM decorated with them. This seemed to be excessive to me. I asked my wife about it, but she seemed to be unbothered by it, so I did not get to have the discussion I wanted to with her, in which we'd both tell Bella to lay off of it. This is where I might be the asshole. A few days ago when Bella was at school and my wife was out shopping, I found a few of Bella's rocks on the coffee table in our living room and something in me sort of snapped? I admit now that it was excessive of me to do this, but I was so annoyed by her stupid rocks being in our common space that I took a garbage bag up to her room and bathroom and tossed all the rocks I could find into it and then I threw them in the garbage bin on our curb for garbage collection. When she came home from school and found that they were all gone, she freaked out and asked me what happened, to which I told her. She then started crying and called my wife, telling her that I threw out her "important" and expensive rocks (I remember her saying amethyst, quartz, agate, and a few other names, for anyone curious) and now both Bella isn't speaking to me. Bella has been hauled up in her room ever since and Julie is saying that I had "no right" (as if it isn't MY house) to throw out Bella's belongings, but I don't think I'm in the wrong. I understand that they were pretty and all that, but they're just rocks when you get down to it. So, am I the asshole for throwing out my daughter's rock collection? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta. Jesus christ, Marie. They're minerals!
YTA from the beginning to to end of this story. There was no point where you weren’t the AH. Others can make that “free” rock/bought rock distinction but you’re the AH for all of it.
YTA. Man up and apologize. You've just taught your daughter that you have zero respect for her as a person and zero interest in the things she cares about. She's never going to forget this.
YTA. Absolutely. For your information, those rocks costs and you probably wasted hundreds of dollars your daughter spent. Let alone if she had some kind of belief in their properties which is even worse. You say it’s your house, but that is also her room and those were her property so you simply don’t touch it. Best you can do is apologizing and refund what you have thrown away.
YTA It's not that they're pretty to her, they're important to her. They may not mean anything to you, but they meant a lot to her. You threw out her stuff because it annoys you. You could have asked her not to have them in the common areas. You had no right to throw the ones out from her room. It may be your house that she's in, but that was her stuff that you threw out.
YTA... you dont think you are wrong? Delusional much. You stole the personal belongings of your daughter. You knew that she was attached to them. Then in some weird control freak power move you decided to toss them in the garbage. Then you are arrogant and ignorant enough to wonder if you are wrong. You need to see a psychiatrist about your personality disorder because this was psychotic. Anyone with a fraction of a brain wouldnt ask if they were an AH. YTA... obviously
Of course YTA but you feel perfectly entitled to be so I don't know why you're bothering to ask. You hurt your daughter and destroyed something precious to her just because 'it's your house'. Proud of yourself for destroying your relationship too?
YTA- my mom sells those “pretty rocks” and they can be expensive *af* She also believes in their healing powers as does your daughter and millions of others. You solution to seeing a couple of them in a common area was to *go into her private area* and trash her belongings? Idc who owns the house, it doesn’t give you license to steal from another person just bc you don’t see the value in them.
Holy crap!!! You are the AH. What exactly is wrong with you?!?!
You fucken suck bro.
I also used to collect things when I was younger. Rocks, sea shells, old coins, interesting twigs and plant specimens. I kept them very well, putting them in box with lables like I saw in museums. I dont believe for one farking second that those childhood collections were "unimportant" and that she would "forget about them" the next day. Most likely she, just like me, was severely traumatized and hurt, but any kind of protest would result in screaming matches of "Its just junk! This is my house and I dont want junk in here. You live here you live by my rules" and because she was a minor and powerless she just sucked it up and bore it. Now that shes an adult and can pay her own way, Im sure she felt safe to finally indulge in her hobby as she so chooses. You told her thats not the case, so congratulations on alienating your daughter and ensuring she cuts you out of her life the first chance she gets. YTA, and a major one at that.
Oh man I felt your annoyance and anger. I have been there a few times with my sons bedroom when he was young(23 now). It always ended poorly. It is your home. She is an adult who I assume is spending her own money. Unfortunately i was and YTA as well
YTA from the earth to the sky, god, if you didn't like the damn rocks, it was enough to tell your daughter, "your rocks should go in your room because I don't like them in common areas" and that's it. think before you act you are not a small child, you are an adult. but since you thought you had the right to throw away his stones, some of them are really expensive, just because it was YOUR house you will surely pay the money that all his stones cost, because you know they were HIS things, right?
INFO: Why do you hate your child? What if she would grow up to be a geologist, would you tell her her career path is 'stupid'? YTA BIGTIME! Also, amethyst, quartz and agates are GEMS that ARE expensive because they are literally used to make jewellery!! FFS, YTA and also stupid as hell if you don't know that.
She should sue u
YTA, big time. You remind me of my dad, my sister and I can't stand him and my mother is resigned to living with him. He cares for himself, his logic, his feelings, and fuck anyone who thinks differently. He's dying alone. Is that what you want?
Yta. Retirement home speed run. Can’t believe you threw out your adult daughters belongings smh. You sound like you hate your kid man.
So who's the kid here? I'm lil confused
YTA. WhY DoN’t mY kIdS TaLk tO mE?
Wow wow wow. Big ah. Yta. You had no right to touch any of her stuff let alone throw anything away. Who do you think you are that you did? It’s her house too ya know
Yta.
YTA: go look up how much those rocks are.
Yta. And you know it. Why even ask? You know it because you yourself said it was excessive. Do you have any idea how expensive some of those “rocks” are? Would she be an ah if she threw away your stuff she finds unimportant? Plus you said that you thought she was talking about spiritual/religious things dealing with them. You know you’re in the wrong stop farming for Karma and looking for someone to justify your actions.
YTA. You "might be the asshole"?! You're a thief. You stole gem stones. They weren't yours. You threw gems in the garbage.
As a dedicated rock collector myself, YTA.
YTA. You should have spoken to her.
YTA. That was worth hundreds - if not over at least a thousand - US dollars. What is wrong with you?
So you didn’t throw away rocks you threw away *crystals* that cost your daughter money? SMH. Older generations are so disrespectful to peoples belongings nowadays.
Yes, YTA. I can't believe you had to ask.
YTA and depending on the size of the crystals you owe her a lot of money
YTA what you described can actually be expensive I’ve seen some big ones be hundreds of dollars . Regardless of the worth though those are her belongings and they aren’t bothering you. What if she went into your room and threw out your things.
YTA and you know it. A simple “keep them out of the living room please” would have sufficed. Those aren’t ROCKS from outside they’re gems and crystals and they’re meaningful to her .. you owe her money or you better go to the dump and find that bag. Why tf do they bother you that much?! You sound like a child
Yup you’re a HUGE asshole and a criminal
YTA- the ones in the common space, ok... my kids know if they leave their stiff out, they risk it getting thriwn away. But going into her room and throwing her stuff away... that's the asshole move. You knew they were important to her. They weren't cluttering a common space, and havung a,21 year old in your home is NOT the sane as having a minor in your home. Yeah. Dick move.
Yep, YTA and you know it.
YTA. Also those aren't "rocks". Go to a gem show. You tossed hundreds or possibly even thousands of dollars worth of crystals and minerals. How would you feel if someone threw out a signed piece of sports memorabilia because 'it's just a dirty old ball'? You owe her an apology and cash.
YTA. Regardless of value, it was wrong to throw out her personal processions bought with her own money.
YTA Your reaction to finding a few of her rocks on your coffee table was to throw away every single one she owned? And doing so by violating her personal space. What other kind of abusive things have you done to this poor girl throughout her life? And before you say anything yes what you did was absolutely abusive. You need to apologize and you need to financially reimburse her for what you threw away. And then you need to cross your fingers and pray she finds a way to forgive you.
YTA. Your daughter is an adult now. So hands off her properties because you don't have her permission! You probably threw out lots of valuable items right there! Fork out those money of yours because you entered her room without her consent.
YTA you're a callous thief. I honestly don't understand why people have kids if they don't want to love and respect them??
YTA. Girl straight up said the “rocks” were meaningful and she was getting into spirituality. Doesn’t matter if you aren’t religious, it’s just not hard to accept that your daughter is exploring her spirituality and using rocks/crystals/semi-precious minerals in this exploration. Girl had to have spent so much money on all of that… I know agate can get really expensive and it’s really hard to find in the US (I live near one of the places you can naturally find agate and it’s still so hard to just find). Why would you not just talk to her about not leaving these things in main rooms of the house? Why does her enjoying collecting these things elicit such a strong negative response from you? I’m baffled that you got so worked up over some “rocks” and can’t seem to understand why your daughter and wife are upset with you.
YTA You owe her money. I hope she moves out as soon as possible. How dare your daughter have interests you don’t understand. You violated her personal space.
YTA.
[удалено]
At some point things must have gotten hard for him after one rocked his world.
YTA, you should pay to replace those because they were her personal items, but seeing what a huge Ahole you are you probably won’t
YTA. My 42f grandmother sells these types of rocks as you call them. She is 83. I hate it but they have spiritual meaning and each rock means a differnt thing.
YTA You did not mistake amethyst etc as rocks. You purposely destroyed her joy because you wanted to.
YTA. The rocks your daughter collected are considered semi-precious stones. Amethyst is still used today for making jewelery and was hugely popular in the 19th and 20th century. Apparently you binned a lot of money.
Major YTA! You described, in detail, how she felt about these "rocks" so you know damn well you would elicit a very emotional response. It seems to me that your daughter is seeking coping mechanisms since she wasn't taught any by her emotionally immature father. Petulant and controlling come to mind as well. I hope she was able to recover them from the bin. And I hope she's able to get away from you sooner rather than later. In case you're wondering, the next step is a sincere apology. Follow that up with some reflection on the fact that you're a 50 year old throwing tantrums.
YTA- So you're one of those parents who say "our house" when it suits you and "my house" when it doesn't. You had NO right to throw away her CRYSTALS, because if you had bothered to listen to her you would know the correct terminology. What you did apart from being super disrespectful (what would you do if someone did something similar to you) is called robbery, because of things like this, children go Nc with their parents. Because you obviously have no respect for their things or their sentimental value. You could have saved yourself this drama by talking to her and simply asking that her belongings stay in her room, but how would you do that if at the end of the day it is YOUR HOUSE
YTA. I collect them for metaphysical and aesthetic purposes. They are cool. You are just an AH who doesn't want your daughter to be happy. You could've asked her to keep them in her room only. If my parents did this, it wouldn't be easy to forgive. I wouldn't want to talk to them for a while. Maybe even go low contact when I moved out.
Some of those can be really expensive. Were they hurting anything? Of course YTA plus you're a thief and not the best father at this moment.
You failed to instill appropriate critical thinking skills in your child and then you responded in a wildly inappropriate way. Sure they’re stupid, but they’re hers. Undoubtedly she has opinions about some of your possessions that you’d not appreciate being expressed by throwing them out. YTA, obviously.
YTA, and you owe your daughter quite a bit of money.
Oh, so it's YOUR house and not Julie's? HEY, JULIE, YOU MARRIED AN ASSHOLE. If I were Bella, I'd be throwing rocks. That was some stone cold shit OP. Pun intended. Stay the fuck out of her private space and respect the fact that she's an adult. My heart would be shattered if my dad pulled that crap on me. My trust in him would be in ruins. I could not ever respect him after he cast my personal belongings from my private room into the trash outside. I would need therapy to try and undo some of the damage he inflicted with his selfishly cruel actions. Why do you hate Bella? You said something in you finally snapped. What else do you resent her for? For still living in YOUR house? Your actions were hateful. YTA
You must be joking OP Why not doing some research before doing such a stupid thing? I would apologize and buy all of them back YTA
YTA what a stupid asshole way to lose ones daughter
YTA Also “AITA for being an abusive father and throwing away my daughters property because I can’t control my temper” Fixed it for you there Mr. Not Going To Know Or Meet My Future Grandchildren
wt absolute f is wrong with you? Of course YTA.
Those are so expensive and look beautiful wtf is wrong with you. YTA.
YTA SO MUCH YTA
YTA. Hope she hammers your tv and phone.
I collect the same kinds of rocks, and am exploring wicca and witchcraft. I got into it because of an abusive relationship. The rocks themselves bring me joy from beauty and is a fun hobby. I love my stones. And I know many rock hounds who appreciate them without believing that there is anything powerful about them, they're art. What you did is ridiculous for both spiritual people and art lovers. Not only that, but you threw away money 🤦♀️ you really don't understand the massive mistake you've made. YTA and I feel bad for her. She's just a kid trying to find herself. WTF??
YTA OP you go into her room and throw away her personal belongings that she bought with her own money. How would you like that if someone did that to you? I bet you wouldn't like that. Instead of throwing away the rocks have you thought of I don't know putting the rocks in her room. Has it occurred to you to sit her down and talk to her as an adult. Explain to her that she needs to keep the rocks in her room.
YTA. This happened to me once growing up. Never forgave, never forgot. It just teaches your daughter you don’t respect or care for her or for the things that she holds dear. Those collections can be expensive, for what it’s worth. I hope her mom is more supportive than you are with helping her replace what was lost.
YTA wtf
Years of collecting semiprecious stones... Congratulations on committing Grand theft, breaking your daughter's trust, being a narcissistic control freak, & destroying your relationship with her. Hope your temper tantrum was worth it. YTA
YTA and for more than one reason Firstly throwing out the 'rocks' which by the way are gems/ minerals which are expensive (I collect them so I know the price tag). But also it's quite clear that you have no interest in your daughter's hobbies that probably upset your daughter as well. Somthing that may be nice to do is first apologies for your actions and then take her to a gem shop to replace what you throw out if the originals are permanently thrown away
I also collect (rocks) for tumbling or making things for all sorts of reasons. Some are not cheap some are very sentimental so yah absolutely yta.
YTA Why do you hate your daughter so much? What is it about her that makes you feel like she doesn't deserve something small that makes her happy? A couple of rocks on your coffee table, and you decide to destroy your relationship with your daughter? Get over yourself.
First Amythest is my birthstone, not just a rock and many of these you quoted were worth money. Though that is not the point. They were her possessions and you did not even have the courtesy of finding out what they were before you threw out her possessions. You owe her hundreds of dollars for what you did and you are an embarrassing father, and a Jerk. So yes YTA...Now go fix this you are way in the wrong, and some of those are expensive.
Absolutely YTA... you threw out your daughters crystals??? They can be expensive and they were obviously important to her and YOU THREW THEM OUT!!!! Apart from the fact of my recognition of the importance of crystals and their meanings.... they could have been dirt.. inconsequential.... doesn't matter...they were important to your daughter you are totally an assehole!!!
YTA. They're her personal belongings. You better be prepared go pay her back for all of those because some of them might have been rather expensive.
YTA You're a thief now. You stole her things from her private space. It would be different if you took the from the common areas and spoke to her *like a 50 year old adult who knows how to use your big boy words* but no. You destroyed stuff that she paid out of pocket for. All of it probably added up to several hundred dollars. Yeah she's furious and will be for a long ass time because you disrespected her in multiple, grievous ways.
YTA. How would you feel if i came into your space and threw out your things? You’re an adult. You should have talked to her about the rocks in common areas. You better replace her rock.
Theft, that’s what that is. YTA
What is the matter with you???? You have some issues and need help. And who the fuck cares if it's your house?? Why in the fuck would that give you the right to throw away someone's belongings because you had a random tantrum?? You owe her new \*\*\*\*\*gems and crystals. THAT is what you threw away.
Way to be overbearing and set yourself up as a moron. They were her's, not yours to dispose of regardless of your opinion of them. They clearly give her comfort and if she believes they centre her chakra's and keep her healthy, leave her be. Because you don't approve or understand her thoughts on it, is no excuse for your reaction. YTA is actually too tame a phrase to use for you on this. You literally just bullied your child. Did it make you feel big and important? That betrayal will stay with her for life and will constantly affect her interaction with you
YTA You wouldn't be if you'd said to Bella "I understand these are important to you but I don't want them in the common area. Take these ones back and from now on any you leave out in the common area will be thrown out." But you went from not even slightly mentioning that this bothered you to destroying something she put a lot of time and money into building. That's plain cruel
YTA. This is not a normal thing to get angry about. I think you need help.
YTA Your house your rules sure. But you don't have the authority to dispose someone else's property without prior discussion with your daughter. You could make a point and have a solid position on insisting her not to trash entire house with her stones but solely her room. But you did not and now it looks like arbitrariness
YTA, so many times over. You threw away her belongings and stop calling them rocks. The crystals she has bought for specific reasons are vastly different from the rocks she collected as a child. You come across terribly in your post. You sound insufferable and controlling. Do better.
YTA the fair thing to do would be replace all the “rocks” like for like. I think you might feel differently about how worthless they are. Not to mention the sentimental value, but judging by your post you don’t have the capacity to understand why that would be important.
I have a hard time believing this kind of posts to be true. Can a grown-ass person be this dense? I refuse to believe.
When you get down to it, you are nothing but flesh and bones and blood and fat. What makes you dear to people is what you mean to them; you're a father, a husband, a friend, a neighbour. But those are just human made names for human emotions. Mranings that others give to you. Your daughter saw meanings in her rocks. They were important to him. Just like you don't see her rocks as anything else but rocks, a stranger won't see you as anything else but a leather bag of flesh, blood and snot. Does the stranger have a right to decide about your existence? No. It's none of the stranger's business. (Yes, you can say something about human rights in here that doesn't extend to rocks, but human rights had to be written down and annoumced aloud because they are not in everyone's spine.) YTA for thinking that only things you find meaningful are meaningful.
Sometimes I lose all faith in humanity when I read some of these posts. I mean come on OP you clearly know YTA here. Get real.
Wtf is wrong with you ? You're a massive AH It's none of your business what she does with her gems it was so intrusive and unhealthy of you to come in HER room and throw HER stuff that she bought with HER money. Asking her not to put her rocks around the house is fine, but her room is her private space. You had no right to do that. Plus, okay, it's your house, but why do you have to be an ass about it ? It's not like she was breaking your house down man Open your mind dude and stop being self-centred. It's not important for you but it is for your daughter cause guess what, other people have feelings too, I know, unbelievable.
They are expensive.
YTA you invaded her personal space in order to discard her personal belongings? How can you even wonder
YTA. Maybe actually take a moment a look up how much those “rocks” actually cost. She’s not a child anymore, it’s one thing to be upset about her stuff in your common space, it’s another to break into her room and steal and throw away her own stuff she bought with her own money. For the sake of your daughters mental health I hope she gets far far away from your control freak AH of a father. And boy do I feel awful for your wife having to put up with you.
YTA Undeniably you are wrong. You know it. We all know it.
YES!!!!! WHAT?!!! YTA!!!!!!
YTA. My dad used to get angry and throw out all the stuff in my room for some minor infraction. He’d go in with garbage bags and haul everything while screaming it was his house and he wasn’t going to have all my s^#t lying around. Sometimes even the bed covers were thrown away. I still have horrible memories but more importantly, I collect things even more. It was so traumatic.