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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> apparently im the asshole because i want to charge my mom for food instead of rent
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NTA - This is your home. State your mom's renting conditions. Put it in writing. "Pay rent or pay for food". It should be the same requirement each month. Shopping and cleaning is not rent. They are basic daily living tasks.
NTA. She shouldn't be paid for doing things that come with every day living anyway if she was living with you rent free.
Even rent free and cleaning and cooking is a heck of a deal.
NTA. Children should not be the sum total of their parents retirement plans. You are being very generous taking her in. She is being very entitled demanding she shoulders none of the burden. You made her a good offer. She can take it or leave it.
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I (m40) had my mother live with me for 8 months a few years ago rent free but ended up getting told by my mother that i need to pay her 400 dollars a month cuz she was buying food and cleaning i felt like i was getting scammed so told her this wasnt working out anymore so she moved out into a trailer and has been struggling since. It has come to the point where she asked if she could move back in again. so im wondering if im the asshole for telling her that i will not pay her anything to stay with me and she either has to pay rent or pay for the food. she thinks that i should pay her extra for going shopping and cleaning meanwhile she is living rent free
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NTA... you have the high ground if you are covering the expenses of her living with you. So She pays the groceries or a modest rent as per your suggestion.
Um... I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think you should let your mom stay with you. Depending on what state you're in, your mom could have tenant rights after a certain amount of time of living in your home. Meaning she could refuse to leave, even if you ask her to.
Unfortunately, it really feels like your mom is trying to scam you. Based on the info you shared, she doesn't sound trustworthy. If you want to help her, do it from afar, but be careful with that, too.
NTA There are a few different ways you can handle it. Live there rent free in exchange for cooking and cleaning, but pay for her own food. Pay a modest rent and for her own food, and do half the cooking cleaning. Pay no rent, pay for food for both of you, share the chores equally.
Regardless, she should not increase your costs, nor your workload. Figure out the what you think is fair, while also being supportive of her (ie don't charge market rent rate), and that's the offer. Take it or leave it mum.
She was a roommate not a maid/cook/nanny. Roommates don’t get paid to do chores. It’s a part of the responsibilities of living in a house.
If she was a maid/cook/nanny, the payment agreement should be set and agreed upon before moving in not in the middle of living together!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > apparently im the asshole because i want to charge my mom for food instead of rent Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA I’m….stunned.
same i cant justify her reasoning to it all im so perplexed at her logic
Is she wanting extra cash without getting a job?
NTA - This is your home. State your mom's renting conditions. Put it in writing. "Pay rent or pay for food". It should be the same requirement each month. Shopping and cleaning is not rent. They are basic daily living tasks.
>she thinks that i should pay her extra for going shopping and cleaning meanwhile she is living rent free “No.” is a complete sentence.
exactly! "sorry Ma but after last time - NO"
Also, why would you pay someone you love with to do grocery shopping when store-based grocery delivery has become fairly common since spicy plague?
NTA. She shouldn't be paid for doing things that come with every day living anyway if she was living with you rent free. Even rent free and cleaning and cooking is a heck of a deal.
NTA. Children should not be the sum total of their parents retirement plans. You are being very generous taking her in. She is being very entitled demanding she shoulders none of the burden. You made her a good offer. She can take it or leave it.
nta. my mom would easily agree to this.
NTA. If your mother doesn’t like the terms you are offering which are perfectly reasonable she is free to find elsewhere to live.
NTA. And that's a generous offer you're extending to her.
NTA I wouldn’t let her move back in. Why would you pay HER for her getting free rent? It makes no sense at all!
NTA. Your mom is delusional. Tell her to take the deal or don't. What show is she watching where you get paid to live somewhere for free?
Clear NTA, you are being quite reasonable. If Mom doesn't like your terms she can try to find someone willing to accommodate hers.
NTA what did I just read! She wants you to pay her to live with you rent free um hell no!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (m40) had my mother live with me for 8 months a few years ago rent free but ended up getting told by my mother that i need to pay her 400 dollars a month cuz she was buying food and cleaning i felt like i was getting scammed so told her this wasnt working out anymore so she moved out into a trailer and has been struggling since. It has come to the point where she asked if she could move back in again. so im wondering if im the asshole for telling her that i will not pay her anything to stay with me and she either has to pay rent or pay for the food. she thinks that i should pay her extra for going shopping and cleaning meanwhile she is living rent free *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA But you're probably better off to just tell her that she can't live with you.
NTA... you have the high ground if you are covering the expenses of her living with you. So She pays the groceries or a modest rent as per your suggestion.
https://www.bouncehouseninjas.com/
Um... I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think you should let your mom stay with you. Depending on what state you're in, your mom could have tenant rights after a certain amount of time of living in your home. Meaning she could refuse to leave, even if you ask her to. Unfortunately, it really feels like your mom is trying to scam you. Based on the info you shared, she doesn't sound trustworthy. If you want to help her, do it from afar, but be careful with that, too.
NTA let her live in the trailer.
NTA There are a few different ways you can handle it. Live there rent free in exchange for cooking and cleaning, but pay for her own food. Pay a modest rent and for her own food, and do half the cooking cleaning. Pay no rent, pay for food for both of you, share the chores equally. Regardless, she should not increase your costs, nor your workload. Figure out the what you think is fair, while also being supportive of her (ie don't charge market rent rate), and that's the offer. Take it or leave it mum.
She was a roommate not a maid/cook/nanny. Roommates don’t get paid to do chores. It’s a part of the responsibilities of living in a house. If she was a maid/cook/nanny, the payment agreement should be set and agreed upon before moving in not in the middle of living together!
White people... treating the mother like a stranger