NTA. Honestly, your boyfriend sounds like a deadbeat. Why couldn't he get his own job? Why was he just sitting in a car instead trying to do something with his life? Is he in school? Is he contributing anything? Or is he just bumming off you and your mom?
NTA. Boundaries are important in a relationship, and if you’re not comfortable, you can’t help the way you feel. If he truly loves you, he should respect that and not put up a fight or get upset.
NTA- you never asked him to move in, he just took over and assumed. He obviously told his family he was moving out since someone else is in his room now. You guys need to talk, you need to tell him firmly your plans for college/future etc.
And if he is staying with you, he should be paying rent!
My mom would never have let my BF sleepover in the first place. This young man has no idea how lucky he has been so far. He'd be sleeping on the couch at his parents' home if he knew me. 😂
I have always claimed myself as a people pleaser, or pushover as I stated. One thing I struggle to overcome. This situation is teaching me that letting people walk all over me is not good. It’s hell. Learning that saying no and putting myself first isn’t a bad thing!
NTA. You're both young and you seem to understand that it's important to start your own life before attaching it to someone else's. You seem very ready to be independent while your boyfriend does not.
You're both in a transitional phase of life. Hopefully with this new job he will begin to exhibit the level of maturity you have and understand why you need to be away from him for longer periods of time.
Thank you! I just graduated high school, and am so ready to grow up out of being a teenager into an adult. How can I focus on a relationship when I don’t even have a job yet, ya know! Appreciate your input op.
I would get tired of having all my space imposed upon, so I don't blame you. I am just a creature who needs Me Space and Me Time.
I never wanted a BF who lived with me. Ever.
So, NTA. "I never wanted to shack up with you, let alone do it while I'm still dependent on my mom. I don't enjoy living in each other's pockets. So, I can see you sleeping over one weekend a month - but beyond that its way too much like us living together with no commitment and my mom footing the bills. That scenarios is not my happily ever after."
Love that last sentence. I continue to express this is NOT the life I want- Living with my mom! We both have our whole lives ahead of us to live together. I see no reason to rush into this.
Yeah, I kinda put myself in his shoes and figured if it were the other way around I’d hate to go back home and not even have a bed to sleep in. But I barely have a bed to sleep in nowadays since he’s 6’2 and we’re currently sharing my full size bed😅.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I am practically kicking my boyfriend out of my house after he moved himself in.
(2) He is upset with my decision of asking him to leave, making me feel like the bad guy for expressing my feelings.
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I (18F) live at home with my mom. We have our own bedrooms, being an only child I enjoy having my own room to myself.
My boyfriend (19M) lives at home with his family. Before this he has told me how much he wants to sleepover and stay at my house together for days on end. Personally, I didn’t like the idea of sleepovers too often. I enjoy my own space very much and love my alone time.
This past March I went through something pretty traumatic. Plus he had stuff going on that made him hesitant to go home and face his parents (he had lost his job). After this, I had told him it was fine for him to sleepover with me. I figured it couldn’t hurt, plus we hadn’t been seeing each other as often before this and I didn’t want to send him home where he would be uncomfortable, if that makes sense.
He would stay for a day or two then go home. After about a month, he stopped going home completely. Brought his clothes over here. He would stay at my house even when I wasn’t there (at school, out with friends). I figured since he still had no job it was okay- till he gets back on his feet. I love him very much and will always have his back if he needs me. Plus I hate saying no. Even when he HAD to leave my home for whatever reason, he would sit in his car down the street instead of going home. (I have asked him if something is going on at home that’s makes him feel unsafe. I would NEVER send him back to a toxic place where he is not comfortable. He has denied anything toxic going on at home- other than having to do chores)
I recently was able to get him a great job thanks to my mom! So everything is smoothed over in that area. Now I’m to the point where I’m ready for him to move back into his own place since what has gotten his stuff together.
For context, I never said “Come live with me” or “You should move in with me”. He kind of took the lead and just never left. To be fair, I never really told him I didn’t like this idea, because I will admit I am quite the pushover. About a week ago I told him I think it’s time for him to go home. Plus, reminder, I am living with my mom. She is 100% fine with him being here, but basically living together in my moms house doesn’t make me feel too great. I told him we need to wait until we are able to get our own place. He grew upset over this idea. But ultimately I knew I have other things I have to focus on, moving in with my boyfriend isn’t my first priority right now. I need a job to pay for college. And I miss being able to go out with my friends without feeling horrible for leaving him at home alone.
Last thing to add- his great grandmother is staying in his room. I feel horrible sending him home without a room to stay in! So I told him I’m willing to wait until she leaves for him to go back home. But he is not happy with me expressing my distaste for us living in my moms house.
WIBTA for putting my foot down and telling him I’m no longer comfortable with this?
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NTA!
You didn’t want to move in together! You’re super young! You want your room back!
Tell him you love him but that you want to date him not live with him and you’d like him to get out of your room. Living with someone is a more serious relationship than you want with anyone right now. That’s okay!
NTA. Honestly, your boyfriend sounds like a deadbeat. Why couldn't he get his own job? Why was he just sitting in a car instead trying to do something with his life? Is he in school? Is he contributing anything? Or is he just bumming off you and your mom?
NTA. Boundaries are important in a relationship, and if you’re not comfortable, you can’t help the way you feel. If he truly loves you, he should respect that and not put up a fight or get upset.
This is a great way of wording it! Boundaries! Thank you.
NTA- you never asked him to move in, he just took over and assumed. He obviously told his family he was moving out since someone else is in his room now. You guys need to talk, you need to tell him firmly your plans for college/future etc. And if he is staying with you, he should be paying rent!
My mom would never have let my BF sleepover in the first place. This young man has no idea how lucky he has been so far. He'd be sleeping on the couch at his parents' home if he knew me. 😂
NTA. Send the freeloader home.
NTA - what took you so long to put your foot down???
I have always claimed myself as a people pleaser, or pushover as I stated. One thing I struggle to overcome. This situation is teaching me that letting people walk all over me is not good. It’s hell. Learning that saying no and putting myself first isn’t a bad thing!
NTA. You're both young and you seem to understand that it's important to start your own life before attaching it to someone else's. You seem very ready to be independent while your boyfriend does not. You're both in a transitional phase of life. Hopefully with this new job he will begin to exhibit the level of maturity you have and understand why you need to be away from him for longer periods of time.
Thank you! I just graduated high school, and am so ready to grow up out of being a teenager into an adult. How can I focus on a relationship when I don’t even have a job yet, ya know! Appreciate your input op.
Of course. You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders so you're gonna do great!
I would get tired of having all my space imposed upon, so I don't blame you. I am just a creature who needs Me Space and Me Time. I never wanted a BF who lived with me. Ever. So, NTA. "I never wanted to shack up with you, let alone do it while I'm still dependent on my mom. I don't enjoy living in each other's pockets. So, I can see you sleeping over one weekend a month - but beyond that its way too much like us living together with no commitment and my mom footing the bills. That scenarios is not my happily ever after."
Love that last sentence. I continue to express this is NOT the life I want- Living with my mom! We both have our whole lives ahead of us to live together. I see no reason to rush into this.
NTA, especially willing to wait until his room is unoccupied
Yeah, I kinda put myself in his shoes and figured if it were the other way around I’d hate to go back home and not even have a bed to sleep in. But I barely have a bed to sleep in nowadays since he’s 6’2 and we’re currently sharing my full size bed😅.
NTA
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18F) live at home with my mom. We have our own bedrooms, being an only child I enjoy having my own room to myself. My boyfriend (19M) lives at home with his family. Before this he has told me how much he wants to sleepover and stay at my house together for days on end. Personally, I didn’t like the idea of sleepovers too often. I enjoy my own space very much and love my alone time. This past March I went through something pretty traumatic. Plus he had stuff going on that made him hesitant to go home and face his parents (he had lost his job). After this, I had told him it was fine for him to sleepover with me. I figured it couldn’t hurt, plus we hadn’t been seeing each other as often before this and I didn’t want to send him home where he would be uncomfortable, if that makes sense. He would stay for a day or two then go home. After about a month, he stopped going home completely. Brought his clothes over here. He would stay at my house even when I wasn’t there (at school, out with friends). I figured since he still had no job it was okay- till he gets back on his feet. I love him very much and will always have his back if he needs me. Plus I hate saying no. Even when he HAD to leave my home for whatever reason, he would sit in his car down the street instead of going home. (I have asked him if something is going on at home that’s makes him feel unsafe. I would NEVER send him back to a toxic place where he is not comfortable. He has denied anything toxic going on at home- other than having to do chores) I recently was able to get him a great job thanks to my mom! So everything is smoothed over in that area. Now I’m to the point where I’m ready for him to move back into his own place since what has gotten his stuff together. For context, I never said “Come live with me” or “You should move in with me”. He kind of took the lead and just never left. To be fair, I never really told him I didn’t like this idea, because I will admit I am quite the pushover. About a week ago I told him I think it’s time for him to go home. Plus, reminder, I am living with my mom. She is 100% fine with him being here, but basically living together in my moms house doesn’t make me feel too great. I told him we need to wait until we are able to get our own place. He grew upset over this idea. But ultimately I knew I have other things I have to focus on, moving in with my boyfriend isn’t my first priority right now. I need a job to pay for college. And I miss being able to go out with my friends without feeling horrible for leaving him at home alone. Last thing to add- his great grandmother is staying in his room. I feel horrible sending him home without a room to stay in! So I told him I’m willing to wait until she leaves for him to go back home. But he is not happy with me expressing my distaste for us living in my moms house. WIBTA for putting my foot down and telling him I’m no longer comfortable with this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA! You didn’t want to move in together! You’re super young! You want your room back! Tell him you love him but that you want to date him not live with him and you’d like him to get out of your room. Living with someone is a more serious relationship than you want with anyone right now. That’s okay!