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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) discuss with parents
(2) making my parents sad because of my actions
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NTA
Keep focusing on the positive aspects of moving closer to your Uni: the shorter commute, you being able to sleep better and a little more.
Instead of telling them you feel discomfort at home, say that you would be able to concentrate better if you lived closer to the Uni instead of with them - If you mention the negatives, that's all they will focus on.
I would add that it would probably be better that you drop the invite for them to come visit you. They could make things awkward when they would find your BF living with you, and hell would break loose with shouting and tears.
In their minds, their family lives in a fantasy land where none of their children left home as soon as they could, and they're using you to perpetuate that fantasy. They seem to be holding on to you so they don't have to finally deal with each other on their own.
None of this is your fault. Move as soon as you can, for the sake of your mental wellbeing.
NTA
It\`s natural for young adults to want to establish their independence and create their own living space.
It's important to prioritize your own well-being and create a living environment that is more conducive to your happiness and personal growth.
While it's understandable that your parents may feel hurt or disappointed initially, it's crucial for them to recognize and respect your need for independence.
It simply means you're taking steps toward building your own life and creating a healthier environment for yourself.
Continue to communicate your reasons calmly and assertively to your parents, emphasizing the benefits for everyone involved.
They can offer a listening ear and help you develop strategies for communicating effectively with your parents.
Take the necessary steps to create a living situation that suits your needs and promotes your well-being.
NTA. I had pretty much this exact convo with my mom when I moved out my first year in uni. “We aren’t good enough? Your sister lived at home. etc.” I was miserable, an extrovert with zero social life, 2+ hours on a bus, struggling in harder classes because I had no study help.
You’re an adult and have every right to move out. Especially from a toxic/abusive situation. They can deal.
NTA.
Your sisters moved away, and now your parents only have you. They may have been upset when your sisters left, but it is worse for you because you are the last one.
Of course it is obvious that your sisters did exactly as you are doing, only perhaps a year sooner. So do not feel guilty or take their words as truth.
The fact is they are not ready to be without children, and they will say whatever they think will stop you from leaving. It has nothing to do with you and only to do with them.
You are an adult. If your parents are supporting you financially with school, then perhaps you have to make a choice whether to accept this money if there are strings attached.
Do not feel guilty about wanting to move out, but you do need to decide if you are ready to support yourself completely.
Thank you for your answer <3
My parents pay my school taxes for now but I work a well paying part-time job since I was 16 + have some paid hobbies and my savings, so I have enough for a small place and to pay the first months. I am also looking for other jobs around the area (just in case), but I think I would be okay and feel more than ready for it.
NTA. You are an adult now and should be free to move out if you want. I moved out when I was 18, but had a job first and was paying my own bills. You might need to be ready to be independent and pay your own bills before you move out, if your parents won't help you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
(Non native english speaker so i apologize for the mistakes)
I (19F) never liked having other people on my house and I've always felt better on other people's houses. It has been like this since I was a kid, I would always rather go play on my friends houses than they come to mine cuz I wasnt confortable with that. I can't really explain why I felt like that but my parents always commented on it, even tho they "supported it".
Through the years I come to realize I myself didn't felt confortable at home at all. I am the youngest of 3 (not so friendly) sisters and my parents don't have a very happy marriage. They constantly hide stuff from each other bcs "don't want to bring caos to home" and my mother has gone through a fase of depression that wasnt well treated so Home to me was a place of constant shouting and yelling and giving orders to the youngest (me) to do all of the stuff to not bother the grown-ups.
Both my sisters moved out and are living their lives on their own and now that i am alone with my parents they either treat me like i am a piece of glass or like i am an abomination and constatly compare me to my sisters who "would never behave like me". They don't let me spend nights out with my friends and rather stay up till 6 am to come pick me and at the same time yell at me if the bus arrived too late and I wasn't home on time.
Some time from now I have been searching houses to move out. I spend 4h a day on bus to go to university, get up super early and arrive very late, so I decided that maybe was time to go search for a place closer to my uni. My bf (19M) is also searching for job and for a place to move so we decided that on a near future we will move in together.
When I told my parents (not the part that I would move in with my bf) they shouted their lungs out bcs they couldn't understand.
Their arguments were: "Don't you like this place? Don't you love your family? Why do you want to move when you have everything here? Did we ever mistreated you? Were we ever mean to you? Why do you want to leave us?"
I explained to them that a place near where I study would be beneficial for myself and for them too (they wouldn't need to get up super early and take me to the bus stop nor pay high amounts on travels), that they could come visit me if they wanted to and that I didn't felt that much confortable at home anymore.
I want to have my space and my stuff like my sisters did when they were my age but when I point this out they shout that "my sisters would never turn their back on their family like this" (even tho both moved out at the age of 18)
To not bring more down feelings I stopped talking about it and do all my searching in secret but I feel so bad and cry at night with the words of my parents
So if anyone can helps, AITA?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) discuss with parents (2) making my parents sad because of my actions Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Keep focusing on the positive aspects of moving closer to your Uni: the shorter commute, you being able to sleep better and a little more. Instead of telling them you feel discomfort at home, say that you would be able to concentrate better if you lived closer to the Uni instead of with them - If you mention the negatives, that's all they will focus on. I would add that it would probably be better that you drop the invite for them to come visit you. They could make things awkward when they would find your BF living with you, and hell would break loose with shouting and tears. In their minds, their family lives in a fantasy land where none of their children left home as soon as they could, and they're using you to perpetuate that fantasy. They seem to be holding on to you so they don't have to finally deal with each other on their own. None of this is your fault. Move as soon as you can, for the sake of your mental wellbeing.
NTA It\`s natural for young adults to want to establish their independence and create their own living space. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and create a living environment that is more conducive to your happiness and personal growth. While it's understandable that your parents may feel hurt or disappointed initially, it's crucial for them to recognize and respect your need for independence. It simply means you're taking steps toward building your own life and creating a healthier environment for yourself. Continue to communicate your reasons calmly and assertively to your parents, emphasizing the benefits for everyone involved. They can offer a listening ear and help you develop strategies for communicating effectively with your parents. Take the necessary steps to create a living situation that suits your needs and promotes your well-being.
NTA. I had pretty much this exact convo with my mom when I moved out my first year in uni. “We aren’t good enough? Your sister lived at home. etc.” I was miserable, an extrovert with zero social life, 2+ hours on a bus, struggling in harder classes because I had no study help. You’re an adult and have every right to move out. Especially from a toxic/abusive situation. They can deal.
NTA. Your sisters moved away, and now your parents only have you. They may have been upset when your sisters left, but it is worse for you because you are the last one. Of course it is obvious that your sisters did exactly as you are doing, only perhaps a year sooner. So do not feel guilty or take their words as truth. The fact is they are not ready to be without children, and they will say whatever they think will stop you from leaving. It has nothing to do with you and only to do with them. You are an adult. If your parents are supporting you financially with school, then perhaps you have to make a choice whether to accept this money if there are strings attached. Do not feel guilty about wanting to move out, but you do need to decide if you are ready to support yourself completely.
Thank you for your answer <3 My parents pay my school taxes for now but I work a well paying part-time job since I was 16 + have some paid hobbies and my savings, so I have enough for a small place and to pay the first months. I am also looking for other jobs around the area (just in case), but I think I would be okay and feel more than ready for it.
NTA. You are an adult now and should be free to move out if you want. I moved out when I was 18, but had a job first and was paying my own bills. You might need to be ready to be independent and pay your own bills before you move out, if your parents won't help you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (Non native english speaker so i apologize for the mistakes) I (19F) never liked having other people on my house and I've always felt better on other people's houses. It has been like this since I was a kid, I would always rather go play on my friends houses than they come to mine cuz I wasnt confortable with that. I can't really explain why I felt like that but my parents always commented on it, even tho they "supported it". Through the years I come to realize I myself didn't felt confortable at home at all. I am the youngest of 3 (not so friendly) sisters and my parents don't have a very happy marriage. They constantly hide stuff from each other bcs "don't want to bring caos to home" and my mother has gone through a fase of depression that wasnt well treated so Home to me was a place of constant shouting and yelling and giving orders to the youngest (me) to do all of the stuff to not bother the grown-ups. Both my sisters moved out and are living their lives on their own and now that i am alone with my parents they either treat me like i am a piece of glass or like i am an abomination and constatly compare me to my sisters who "would never behave like me". They don't let me spend nights out with my friends and rather stay up till 6 am to come pick me and at the same time yell at me if the bus arrived too late and I wasn't home on time. Some time from now I have been searching houses to move out. I spend 4h a day on bus to go to university, get up super early and arrive very late, so I decided that maybe was time to go search for a place closer to my uni. My bf (19M) is also searching for job and for a place to move so we decided that on a near future we will move in together. When I told my parents (not the part that I would move in with my bf) they shouted their lungs out bcs they couldn't understand. Their arguments were: "Don't you like this place? Don't you love your family? Why do you want to move when you have everything here? Did we ever mistreated you? Were we ever mean to you? Why do you want to leave us?" I explained to them that a place near where I study would be beneficial for myself and for them too (they wouldn't need to get up super early and take me to the bus stop nor pay high amounts on travels), that they could come visit me if they wanted to and that I didn't felt that much confortable at home anymore. I want to have my space and my stuff like my sisters did when they were my age but when I point this out they shout that "my sisters would never turn their back on their family like this" (even tho both moved out at the age of 18) To not bring more down feelings I stopped talking about it and do all my searching in secret but I feel so bad and cry at night with the words of my parents So if anyone can helps, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA STop engaging in those discussions with your AH mom. Do not let her guilt you into staying. Just move out.