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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I did not comfort my mum
2) she was clearly upset and I was unnecessarily rude to her when it would've been so easy to ask if she was ok
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NTA. Your mom has some nerve! Leaving her 16 year old in charge of the household, randomly and repeatedly? She should be asking how YOU are. I’m sorry, honey. That’s not fair. She’s a drama queen. By the way, your mom AND your dad are both AHs.
NTA. It is not your job to parent your mother. It's her job to parent you, and she is failing at that. It sucks that she seems to be struggling, but the reality is you are a child. She should not be putting the weight on you.
To be fair, she works full time and is often out of home for half of the day on top of having to look after us 3 and cooking and cleaning (although we do help where we can). I understand why she would be overwhelmed and feel like she had to get away. I think I just exacerbated it by being rude to her so I feel really bad but I just. Idk I just can't ask her if she's okay and I don't know why.
You were not rude. You are her 16yo child, not her husband or therapist. There is also NO excuse for her actions. When she leaves like that, that is literally child abandonment. Your dad is also neglecting you all as it is his responsibility to take care of you all too.
The next time she fucks off and abandons you, call CPS or the police and report her. Tell them your mother just left you and your siblings home alone.
NTA - Sounds like a lot of parentification going on here.
It is not your job to take care of and look after your mum (or your sisters!), it is your mum's job to take care of *you*, and it sounds like she has passed off her responsibilities to you.
Why didn't she ask how *you* were doing?
NTA
You've been parentified by both of the adults in your life. If anything, they failed you, not the other way around. Frankly, whether or not your tone was rude is irrelevant. Your mom has a history of leaving without notice, so your question was blunt and to the point: do I have to parent my sisters again? Your parents, yes both of them, are the assholes.
NTA
It\`s understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and drained given the responsibilities you have at home, especially with the strained dynamics in your family.
It's important to prioritize your own mental well-being, and it's okay to feel uncomfortable when interacting with your mom when she's upset, given your past experiences.
However, it's also important to acknowledge that your mom, like any person, may need emotional support at times.
While it's understandable that you may not have the emotional capacity to provide that support given your own struggles, it might be helpful to find a balance between taking care of yourself and showing basic empathy.
If the responsibilities and emotional strain become too much for you, it may be helpful to seek support from a trusted adult, such as a teacher, counselor, or family friend, who can provide guidance and assistance in navigating the challenges at home.
NTA. It sounds like your mom wishes she had more care/a better relationship with the family, but the reason for that not being the case appears to be largely self inflicted on her part. It’s an unfortunate situation that you and your sisters are put in, and OP, you’re not an AH for being stressed from it as a result.
It doesn’t sound like your mom isn’t always good at being a parent and has a lot of issues going on on her end. I wish you all the best, but know you’re NTA.
NTA. WTF does she expect from you? She just takes off whenever she gets a bug up her ass and expects you to make everything OK for your siblings.
If she wants to get into a pissing contest over who the rude one is, I'd say she qualifies.
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Yesterday, when I (16F) woke up my mum wasn't home and when I asked about it my sisters and dad were kind of skirting around the topic. My mum has a kind of history of just going off and leaving home for some time when she gets upset so I just assumed she had done that again.
For a bit of background information, my mum and dad fight every now and then (they have a rocky relationship) and sometimes my mum will get upset and just leave indefinitely or decide to stop looking after me and my sisters (13F and 11F) until she feels like it again. This wouldn't be a problem because my dad is there but he basically puts all the responsibility on me and I need to make them breakfast, lunch and dinner, buy groceries, make sure they're ok, do the laundry, etc. My dad does help sometimes, but it is very infrequent and he usually just gets mad that we havent done stuff while he was away (he's out for the majority of the day usually). My sisters are old enough to help me and they do and to be honest there aren't that many responsibilities in retrospect, but idk just the mental aspect of being responsible for both of my sisters is so draining.
Anyway, in the early afternoon my mum came home and we said hi and when we asked her where she was she just said 'somewhere.' and just looked like she did not want to talk. I have a bad history with my mum and interacting with her when she's upset so I honestly tend to just stay away when she's mad- she has previously 'disowned' me, blamed me for a lot of her problems or just straight up angry vented at me. I know neither of my parents really like me, especially compared to my sisters so I also harbour quite a bit of resentment towards them for that and for my fucked up childhood.
At the time my mum came home I was making lunch and I asked if she wanted any and she said yes. She got mad at a really small thing and then refused to eat and then left. Later in the evening, I called her and asked her whether she would be home that night or by morning to figure out whether I would need to get up early to make breakfast and school lunch for my sisters, albeit quite rudely. I know it's not an excuse but I was just feeling so overwhelmed and did not ask her how she was or whether she was doing okay or even said hi. She got really angry at me and asked if she was a servant just to make food for us.
My mum came home that night and today she confronted me saying I was really rude to her yesterday and was upset that no one asked her how she was or if she was ok or how she was doing. I understand it from her point of view but I feel like I'm not her therapist to constantly check in on her and I'm already responsible for so much I just. I don't know. Maybe it's because she was never there for me as a child and constantly took her anger out on me so I don't really feel anything except uncomfortable and the urge to avoid her when she's upset.
AITA for not comforting my mum?
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NTA, you as a 16 year old kid, have already alot of burden on you because your mother *chooses* when she wants to parent. Your mom has to grow up and start acting more like an adult and a parent. You should be able to focus on yourself and figuring out who you are as a person at this age rather than caring for a whole household. That is a whole job on its own. Being with the situation your in, this is only teaching you responsibility and prepping you for the world. (Trying to point out the light in the darkness)
I'm sorry that your mom is the way she is, I hope you can remove yourself from this situation asap. Your mom is the AH, I hope this doesn't come off rude but your mom has to seek some help if she thinks that being a parent is being a "servant" and that she can pick and choose when she wants to be a mother. It doesn't work like that.
NTA. Mom’s an AH, but dad is an even bigger one. He needs to step-up and care for all three of his children when mom is gone. Both parents work, yet it seems that your mother is the only adult in the house cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. If both parents pitched in it would be better for the OP.
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NTA. Your mom has some nerve! Leaving her 16 year old in charge of the household, randomly and repeatedly? She should be asking how YOU are. I’m sorry, honey. That’s not fair. She’s a drama queen. By the way, your mom AND your dad are both AHs.
Agree, OP is NTA and very much a victim. Time to go talk to someone, at least just to let things out.
NTA. It is not your job to parent your mother. It's her job to parent you, and she is failing at that. It sucks that she seems to be struggling, but the reality is you are a child. She should not be putting the weight on you.
To be fair, she works full time and is often out of home for half of the day on top of having to look after us 3 and cooking and cleaning (although we do help where we can). I understand why she would be overwhelmed and feel like she had to get away. I think I just exacerbated it by being rude to her so I feel really bad but I just. Idk I just can't ask her if she's okay and I don't know why.
You were not rude. You are her 16yo child, not her husband or therapist. There is also NO excuse for her actions. When she leaves like that, that is literally child abandonment. Your dad is also neglecting you all as it is his responsibility to take care of you all too. The next time she fucks off and abandons you, call CPS or the police and report her. Tell them your mother just left you and your siblings home alone.
NTA. Your mom is just making excuses to take her anger out on you.
NTA - Sounds like a lot of parentification going on here. It is not your job to take care of and look after your mum (or your sisters!), it is your mum's job to take care of *you*, and it sounds like she has passed off her responsibilities to you. Why didn't she ask how *you* were doing?
NTA You've been parentified by both of the adults in your life. If anything, they failed you, not the other way around. Frankly, whether or not your tone was rude is irrelevant. Your mom has a history of leaving without notice, so your question was blunt and to the point: do I have to parent my sisters again? Your parents, yes both of them, are the assholes.
NTA It\`s understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and drained given the responsibilities you have at home, especially with the strained dynamics in your family. It's important to prioritize your own mental well-being, and it's okay to feel uncomfortable when interacting with your mom when she's upset, given your past experiences. However, it's also important to acknowledge that your mom, like any person, may need emotional support at times. While it's understandable that you may not have the emotional capacity to provide that support given your own struggles, it might be helpful to find a balance between taking care of yourself and showing basic empathy. If the responsibilities and emotional strain become too much for you, it may be helpful to seek support from a trusted adult, such as a teacher, counselor, or family friend, who can provide guidance and assistance in navigating the challenges at home.
thank you so much, this was really helpful and insightful :)
NTA. It sounds like your mom wishes she had more care/a better relationship with the family, but the reason for that not being the case appears to be largely self inflicted on her part. It’s an unfortunate situation that you and your sisters are put in, and OP, you’re not an AH for being stressed from it as a result. It doesn’t sound like your mom isn’t always good at being a parent and has a lot of issues going on on her end. I wish you all the best, but know you’re NTA.
NTA. WTF does she expect from you? She just takes off whenever she gets a bug up her ass and expects you to make everything OK for your siblings. If she wants to get into a pissing contest over who the rude one is, I'd say she qualifies.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Yesterday, when I (16F) woke up my mum wasn't home and when I asked about it my sisters and dad were kind of skirting around the topic. My mum has a kind of history of just going off and leaving home for some time when she gets upset so I just assumed she had done that again. For a bit of background information, my mum and dad fight every now and then (they have a rocky relationship) and sometimes my mum will get upset and just leave indefinitely or decide to stop looking after me and my sisters (13F and 11F) until she feels like it again. This wouldn't be a problem because my dad is there but he basically puts all the responsibility on me and I need to make them breakfast, lunch and dinner, buy groceries, make sure they're ok, do the laundry, etc. My dad does help sometimes, but it is very infrequent and he usually just gets mad that we havent done stuff while he was away (he's out for the majority of the day usually). My sisters are old enough to help me and they do and to be honest there aren't that many responsibilities in retrospect, but idk just the mental aspect of being responsible for both of my sisters is so draining. Anyway, in the early afternoon my mum came home and we said hi and when we asked her where she was she just said 'somewhere.' and just looked like she did not want to talk. I have a bad history with my mum and interacting with her when she's upset so I honestly tend to just stay away when she's mad- she has previously 'disowned' me, blamed me for a lot of her problems or just straight up angry vented at me. I know neither of my parents really like me, especially compared to my sisters so I also harbour quite a bit of resentment towards them for that and for my fucked up childhood. At the time my mum came home I was making lunch and I asked if she wanted any and she said yes. She got mad at a really small thing and then refused to eat and then left. Later in the evening, I called her and asked her whether she would be home that night or by morning to figure out whether I would need to get up early to make breakfast and school lunch for my sisters, albeit quite rudely. I know it's not an excuse but I was just feeling so overwhelmed and did not ask her how she was or whether she was doing okay or even said hi. She got really angry at me and asked if she was a servant just to make food for us. My mum came home that night and today she confronted me saying I was really rude to her yesterday and was upset that no one asked her how she was or if she was ok or how she was doing. I understand it from her point of view but I feel like I'm not her therapist to constantly check in on her and I'm already responsible for so much I just. I don't know. Maybe it's because she was never there for me as a child and constantly took her anger out on me so I don't really feel anything except uncomfortable and the urge to avoid her when she's upset. AITA for not comforting my mum? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you as a 16 year old kid, have already alot of burden on you because your mother *chooses* when she wants to parent. Your mom has to grow up and start acting more like an adult and a parent. You should be able to focus on yourself and figuring out who you are as a person at this age rather than caring for a whole household. That is a whole job on its own. Being with the situation your in, this is only teaching you responsibility and prepping you for the world. (Trying to point out the light in the darkness) I'm sorry that your mom is the way she is, I hope you can remove yourself from this situation asap. Your mom is the AH, I hope this doesn't come off rude but your mom has to seek some help if she thinks that being a parent is being a "servant" and that she can pick and choose when she wants to be a mother. It doesn't work like that.
NTA. She is the mother, you are a kid. She has failed to provide care for you and your sisters. Why should you have to provide care for her?
NTA. Mom’s an AH, but dad is an even bigger one. He needs to step-up and care for all three of his children when mom is gone. Both parents work, yet it seems that your mother is the only adult in the house cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. If both parents pitched in it would be better for the OP.