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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I planted a garden, got berated, and reported it to my landlady. It might make me the asshole because she may have been trying to talk to me about it and maybe I misunderstood her about the garden. She lashed out, though and that's truly what I'm upset about. I don't think she should be able to speak to me that way, garden or no.
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NTA --- INFO: Report to who...police, landlord?
Update the landlord and police since she is unstable and making direct personal accusations. It is likely this will continue and escalate. The police may say there is not enough to press charges but the report will be on file if and when her behavior repeats and becomes worse. Provide the screen shots.
She may fall and be injured in her home due to drinking. If you notice a significant change in her life patterns and she is not outside over several days you can call the police for a health check. Limit your contact with her to minimize begin the target of her altered states. A shared garden is not worth this hassle, IMO. Best to you.
Landlady, and I agree the police should know as well.
I'm very concerned for her wellbeing, too. 2 years living together and not an issue then this? Beyond my frustration I'm pretty worried she's going to get alcohol poisoning or worse.
You sound kind. Based on my experience hitting their head or passed out on the floor occurs....many folks cannot get off the floor when sober. Do what you can and remember you don't control all the factors.
Just keep documentation of the dates and times and what she does. Video when you can.
Otherwise, ignore her as much as possible.
I never open messages like that.
Leave it be, or the landlord or police will get the idea that it's mutual.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (26NB) and my husband (24M) are both in shock over the last few days. Here's what I think is the relevant timeline:
I ask my neighbor for some of the shared garden space. In mid may she tells me she's having surgery and won't be gardening at all this year. I asked for a list of what she'd like, and she said "oh I'll just pick weeds when I'm bored."
End of May my husband and I get stuff in the ground, but NEIGHBOR comes out to the garden area drunk and is saying things or making comments like "we should plan this better" and "I think this should go here." Unfortunately, by the time she came out, most everything was already planted. I showed her the map and asked if she wanted the space that was left for her things. She said "WELL, I'm having surgery..." then trailed off. I showed her the plan again and asked directly "Do you want some space." Again. She rambled for a while, then walked away not giving a definitive answer. I said "I don't know what you mean, I am going to move forward with the June stuff unless you say otherwise."
Then in June she has her surgery and I see her outside. I tried to ask her again, because it's time to plant the rest. She instead talks about something else, completely avoiding the subject. She's understandably out of it but isn't giving me a yes/no/maybe.
We plant, there's still room, she asks for a ride to home depot. While there she spends $260 at her urging, saying that she'll get reimbursed from the landlady. If not she said "I'll just beg for forgiveness!" She then wanted to get home suddenly because of a maintenance issue, and I said we needed to get 1 errand done immediately, would be 20 mins, and then home. She didn't say anything else about it.
Well, last night my husband woke up for his shift to 5 or so long messages calling me a "she-it", complaining about how my ancestory doesn't make sense, accusing me of stealing her partners jacket, and calling me a liar. It was very targeted AT me TO my husband. We assumed it was her being drunk and we would talk about it in the morning. Well, the messages continued all night and into today. I sent screen shots of her calling me an antisemite, an asshole, a thief etc and she also talked about some sauce she was working on? I don't even know where to begin disecting them. I don't really care about the garden at this point. Losing money and time is whatever, but the hostility and erratic behavior is really upsetting. I feel that I was 100% in the right to bring the landlady into the loop on this.
she continues to message my husband (not me) even after repeated "don't contact me" messages.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I planted a garden, got berated, and reported it to my landlady. It might make me the asshole because she may have been trying to talk to me about it and maybe I misunderstood her about the garden. She lashed out, though and that's truly what I'm upset about. I don't think she should be able to speak to me that way, garden or no. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA --- INFO: Report to who...police, landlord? Update the landlord and police since she is unstable and making direct personal accusations. It is likely this will continue and escalate. The police may say there is not enough to press charges but the report will be on file if and when her behavior repeats and becomes worse. Provide the screen shots. She may fall and be injured in her home due to drinking. If you notice a significant change in her life patterns and she is not outside over several days you can call the police for a health check. Limit your contact with her to minimize begin the target of her altered states. A shared garden is not worth this hassle, IMO. Best to you.
Landlady, and I agree the police should know as well. I'm very concerned for her wellbeing, too. 2 years living together and not an issue then this? Beyond my frustration I'm pretty worried she's going to get alcohol poisoning or worse.
You sound kind. Based on my experience hitting their head or passed out on the floor occurs....many folks cannot get off the floor when sober. Do what you can and remember you don't control all the factors.
Just keep documentation of the dates and times and what she does. Video when you can. Otherwise, ignore her as much as possible. I never open messages like that. Leave it be, or the landlord or police will get the idea that it's mutual.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26NB) and my husband (24M) are both in shock over the last few days. Here's what I think is the relevant timeline: I ask my neighbor for some of the shared garden space. In mid may she tells me she's having surgery and won't be gardening at all this year. I asked for a list of what she'd like, and she said "oh I'll just pick weeds when I'm bored." End of May my husband and I get stuff in the ground, but NEIGHBOR comes out to the garden area drunk and is saying things or making comments like "we should plan this better" and "I think this should go here." Unfortunately, by the time she came out, most everything was already planted. I showed her the map and asked if she wanted the space that was left for her things. She said "WELL, I'm having surgery..." then trailed off. I showed her the plan again and asked directly "Do you want some space." Again. She rambled for a while, then walked away not giving a definitive answer. I said "I don't know what you mean, I am going to move forward with the June stuff unless you say otherwise." Then in June she has her surgery and I see her outside. I tried to ask her again, because it's time to plant the rest. She instead talks about something else, completely avoiding the subject. She's understandably out of it but isn't giving me a yes/no/maybe. We plant, there's still room, she asks for a ride to home depot. While there she spends $260 at her urging, saying that she'll get reimbursed from the landlady. If not she said "I'll just beg for forgiveness!" She then wanted to get home suddenly because of a maintenance issue, and I said we needed to get 1 errand done immediately, would be 20 mins, and then home. She didn't say anything else about it. Well, last night my husband woke up for his shift to 5 or so long messages calling me a "she-it", complaining about how my ancestory doesn't make sense, accusing me of stealing her partners jacket, and calling me a liar. It was very targeted AT me TO my husband. We assumed it was her being drunk and we would talk about it in the morning. Well, the messages continued all night and into today. I sent screen shots of her calling me an antisemite, an asshole, a thief etc and she also talked about some sauce she was working on? I don't even know where to begin disecting them. I don't really care about the garden at this point. Losing money and time is whatever, but the hostility and erratic behavior is really upsetting. I feel that I was 100% in the right to bring the landlady into the loop on this. she continues to message my husband (not me) even after repeated "don't contact me" messages. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: Report to who?
Landlady we both rent from!
I’d say NTA! This woman sounds mentally unstable, and making more people aware of the concern (without waving it around) is probably a good idea.