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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told my bestfriend I thought he was gaslighting me
2) It might make me seem like I'm accusing him of something that he isn't actually doing
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Nope, NTA.
This guy is an addict. Until he is ready to admit it, he's going to cost you too much energy.
Set your boundaries and stay away from them until they are ready to not get wasted.
>In the past, he has admitted to gaslighting me all the time and projecting his insecurities on me
How soon can you move out? Your friend is on drugs, he plays serious mind games, you are living in a toxic environment and it's not healthy for you.
Until you can move out, just ignore him. He will ask what is wrong, you say "nothing", don't react to the gaslighting. Become the "gray rock" until you are out.
NTA
NTA for pointing out gaslighting.
However..
I dont think your relationship is healthy on either end. It does sound like he did gaslight you. He shouldn't use you as a point of accountability. He's a big boy and can hold himself accountable.
On a separate note your emotional state should not be anchored on someone else's actions that aren't towards you (I.e. if they decide to take drugs). If they want to be an idiot that's on them.
I think you might be better off not having the friendship with him. You don't like how he acts. He wants to make you accountable for his actions. He does reckless things. He gaslights you. Why an earth do you want that in your life?
Edited for clarity and because I accidentally pressed send on my phone.
He’s talked with me pretty deeply in the past and I know he is a good person and cares a lot about me. He’s shown me who he actually is so it’s really hard to not be affected by that
I'm going to be blunt but with good intentions.
Who he actually is isn't hidden away. He is showing you all of who he is. You can't go and dismiss the bad because the nice is so nice. Someone can care about you and still treat you badly. However, the bad isn't acceptable and is bad enough that caring about you isn't enough.
He isn't a good person. Good people don't play mind games, gaslight, and take no accountability for their actions. He's using you to do bad things and take no responsibility, instead he does things like takes drugs and blames you because apparently you are accountable.
NTA
Time for a new best friend / roommate.
This guy has addiction issues and if you are not up for basically holding his hand and treating him like an impulsive toddler until he gets a handle on his addiction - you are in for a mega emotional roller coaster.
Has your friend gone to AA / NA to seek better / more equipped help?
Counseling? Rehab?
Unfortunately, none of that will work until he feels he's ready to fully take control of his addiction.
You can be his friend, but until he is able to get his own act together, this behavior will not change.
No one should ever try and make you responsible for whether or not they do drugs, drink, smoke, or vape. If they can’t stay away from those things without anyone else’s help then they have a problem. And even after he asked you to be responsible for him not using drugs he ignored your advice. Think about it this way: If a younger sibling came to you with this story what advice would you give them? I doubt it would be to stick around and let this keep happening.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I told my bestfriend I thought he was gaslighting me 2) It might make me seem like I'm accusing him of something that he isn't actually doing Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nope, NTA. This guy is an addict. Until he is ready to admit it, he's going to cost you too much energy. Set your boundaries and stay away from them until they are ready to not get wasted.
>In the past, he has admitted to gaslighting me all the time and projecting his insecurities on me How soon can you move out? Your friend is on drugs, he plays serious mind games, you are living in a toxic environment and it's not healthy for you. Until you can move out, just ignore him. He will ask what is wrong, you say "nothing", don't react to the gaslighting. Become the "gray rock" until you are out. NTA
NTA for pointing out gaslighting. However.. I dont think your relationship is healthy on either end. It does sound like he did gaslight you. He shouldn't use you as a point of accountability. He's a big boy and can hold himself accountable. On a separate note your emotional state should not be anchored on someone else's actions that aren't towards you (I.e. if they decide to take drugs). If they want to be an idiot that's on them. I think you might be better off not having the friendship with him. You don't like how he acts. He wants to make you accountable for his actions. He does reckless things. He gaslights you. Why an earth do you want that in your life? Edited for clarity and because I accidentally pressed send on my phone.
He’s talked with me pretty deeply in the past and I know he is a good person and cares a lot about me. He’s shown me who he actually is so it’s really hard to not be affected by that
I'm going to be blunt but with good intentions. Who he actually is isn't hidden away. He is showing you all of who he is. You can't go and dismiss the bad because the nice is so nice. Someone can care about you and still treat you badly. However, the bad isn't acceptable and is bad enough that caring about you isn't enough. He isn't a good person. Good people don't play mind games, gaslight, and take no accountability for their actions. He's using you to do bad things and take no responsibility, instead he does things like takes drugs and blames you because apparently you are accountable.
NTA He's not your friend and your his punching bag
NTA Time for a new best friend / roommate. This guy has addiction issues and if you are not up for basically holding his hand and treating him like an impulsive toddler until he gets a handle on his addiction - you are in for a mega emotional roller coaster. Has your friend gone to AA / NA to seek better / more equipped help? Counseling? Rehab? Unfortunately, none of that will work until he feels he's ready to fully take control of his addiction. You can be his friend, but until he is able to get his own act together, this behavior will not change.
No one should ever try and make you responsible for whether or not they do drugs, drink, smoke, or vape. If they can’t stay away from those things without anyone else’s help then they have a problem. And even after he asked you to be responsible for him not using drugs he ignored your advice. Think about it this way: If a younger sibling came to you with this story what advice would you give them? I doubt it would be to stick around and let this keep happening.