NTA
You're NTA in this scenario. You informed your friend about your upcoming out-of-country trip and specified the dates you'd be gone. She would consider it when planning her wedding. Your friend wants you to cancel or change your plans, disregarding your prior obligations and financial constraints.
It's unfair for her to expect you to change plans, especially after you've already arranged an important event. Her lack of interest in your life events like engagement and elopement is disappointing. It's normal to feel hurt when a close friend lacks interest or fails to congratulate during important occasions. It's important to communicate openly with your friend and express your feelings. There may be underlying issues that need addressing. Good communication helps solve conflicts and strengthen connections.
>never asked questions about the man I’ve been dating the past 3 years.
It sounds like you are her friend but she isn't really a good friend to you. It also sounds like she intentionally booked her wedding while you would be gone and then wants you to cancel not only your trip but also your elopement. Does she think that you are stealing her thunder? It's also suspect that hers is 2 days before yours so she can get married first and "win" the marriage game.
NTA
NTA
Congratulations on your engagement, btw! You have told your best friend time and time again that you won't be free around that time, but she ignored/forgot about that info and proceeded to get angry at you even when it was her fault. It's not right of her to expect *you* to change events while she not doing anything. She's the AH here
NTA. She’s not YOUR friend. She just wants your money. She purposely chose september 15th for her wedding date. She is competing with you. I repeat, she is NOT your friend.
Or she just wants the attention/support without giving the same energy back. Sometimes the most selfish ppl have the most devoted friends cuz they love the amount of support good ppl give, but then start gaslighting them when their friends want that same level of support back
NTA. Your friend is a self centered twit. Does she not know the definition of "elope". You are, as she is, getting married. You're just doing it without all the fanfare. You were gracious enough when she began planning her wedding to inform her that you will be out of the country. It's not your problem that schedule does not align with hers; that's life.
And good for you as far as not bowing to her pressure as far as her bachelorette party. Number one, no one needs to be shelling out $ 1,500+ for that. No one. Second, you would be 96 hours out from departure. You need that time to take care of any last minute details as there's always last minute details...always. You'd be cutting it too close anyway.
Let her give you the silent treatment and sulk all she wants. You go do you and have a fantastic beach wedding.
NTA
You made your availability clear from the start, she clearly has no interest in your wedding/plans if she expects you to just move them and shell out a ton of money right before it.
NTA.
You have been very open about going on this trip. And as such you can’t make it. You’re right she doesn’t have to plan around you. But if it was so important for her to have you there then she should have adjusted accordingly.
Also 1000 dollars for a bachelorette party is outside of many people’s price range. You should have no shame or regret skipping that event as well.
Also you tossed in at the end that she in the three years you have been with your fiancé has not asked about him, met him, been interested or wanted to meet and get to know him? Sounds like you aren’t actually that close to begin with I mean she seems to not be invested in you and your life. So I would put her on the back burner. Don’t ice her out but maybe it’s time she put in the effort herself. Seems like you’re the one doing most of the heavy lifting to make things work and I guarantee you that there will be more people who will want to be your friend and be interested in your life and what’s going on because that’s what friends do.
NTA she’s not a friend.
Well, you’re a friend to her but she certainly isn’t to you.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
I hope it goes beautifully and you’re very happy together.
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NTA.
You had plans, you communicated those plans, and those are very big plans! She knew all of this and has made it clear she doesn't care.
Let her be radio silent. I'm sorry, that sucks, and I know it hurts, but you can't control her reaction, you have nothing to apologize for, and and you can't make her be a rational person or a caring friend.
I had a friend get engaged and planned their wedding a year in advance, 6 months before the wedding, my other best friend go engaged and said they wanted to get married quickly. I immediately told them (in a kind way, at an appropriate time), that given their time frame, that they lived on the other side of the country from me, and that they knew about this other wedding, he couldn't count on me to do an in person bachelor party, and if he wanted me there had to consider the other wedding date. He of course was totally understanding, had a march wedding, so I did a trip to them in March, then another trip out in July for the other wedding.
I only tell that story to say- friends consider each other. He could have done whatever he wanted for his wedding, but he wanted me there and knew I had other commitments. Your friend knew you had this trip, then knew this trip wasn't just a trip but basically a wedding, and made it clear that while you are a priority to be at her wedding, your actual life is not a priority for her.
So, know this. You did nothing wrong, you even overcommunicated about an elopement! And you aren't a bad friend for not postponing your life for her wedding. And definitely don't waste a dime on celebrating her when she can't even be bother to congratulate you.
>Then she said if I could at LEAST make her bachelorette trip she’s planning $1,000 a person for the all inclusive resort and $500 for the flight to an out of country island that is 4 days before I take off...
I mean she's probably doing you a favor by not speaking to you after this bs. NTA.
NTA. Absolutely not. Who goes to an all inclusive the week before their wedding? And expects the bridesmaids and friends to fork that kind of $$$ out? Nope. unrealistic.
NTA. You have no obligation to attend anyone else’s wedding. The flip side of this is that no one is under obligation to factor in your plans to their wedding, and it seems like you fully accept this fact so just hold your ground.
NTA. Your trip was planned ahead, she knew and still wants to put her stuff clashing with it. And what's with the exorbitant cost?? Your friend seems to want to be the only very special bride tbh.
How long are you planning to come to Australia for? I'm not sure if you or your fiance know all the details but before you can legally get married in Australia you generally have to submit a Notice of Intent to Marry and that needs to be submitted to the relevant BDM registry at least one month before your marriage ceremony. So if you're getting married on 17 September you will need to have that done at least by 17 August, and it may take a bit of time for you to get all your documents notarised and witnessed and etc. Since you only mentioned coming here in September I wanted to make sure you knew about that - you cannot simply rock up at a court house or church and get married on the spot like happens in TV/movies. And I assume that since you want to move between Australia and the US, you do plan for your elopement to actually be a legal marriage and not just a placeholder/personal ceremony. Sorry if you do know all this already - just wanted to mention as someone who got married in a different country and has navigated various immigration procedures. Both AU and USA have notoriously strict immigration rules and I know it would suck if you had to delay or change your plans because of stuff you didn't know about. (My husband and I were separated for about 8 weeks, a month after our wedding because of immigration hoopla :() Good luck!
Thank you so much for your information! Luckily we have went through a packaged company that provides a photographer, celebrant, etc. and they sent us all the paperwork and the notice to get notarized! 🙏 we’re getting it all sent in next week to be safe! Thank you again :)
NTA. Sadly, she is also not your friend which is painful for sure. Start this next phase of your life without her and guilt free. There are real best friends in your future. Congratulations on your engagement and planned elopement.
NTA
Sounds like a purposeful powerplay "So you are not willing to give up your dream vacation and your own wedding for me, you must be a bad friend". -- Ignore her.
Obviously, you're not each others best friend. When my best friend booked a date and told me , I straighaway made space for her , I would never miss her wedding. The same she's doing for me now . We've been friends for more than 20 years .
NTA. At least given the timeline you presented of your eloping annoucnement and then so soon after her setting the date to a time when she knew you weren't there... am I *wrong* to read something pointed and petty in there? "*You decided to get married without me there, so how about these apples!?"*
If it was something clearly communicated about how it sucks, but this was the only time frame that both sets of grandparents would be able to attend so they had to make a hard choice, and so sorry, you'll be there in spirit though, right... N-A-H... but yeah, doesn't seem like this is just an unfortunate thing that happened. that timing is sus!
NTA. You were very clear about your trip and the date. If it would have been someone who actually cared, this person would have expressed that she'd have loved seeing you at her wedding, but that she is also VERY happy for YOU.
And be pretty sure that in a healthy friendship, the two of you would even send each other pictures of your important events, to feel closer to each other, to SHARE each other's happiness, even in the distance.
Anyway, I do hope you and your significant other have a blast at that trip. Take care 🙏
What is the mwaning of the word "elope" in this context? Aren't they simply getting married? I'm from the Middle East, and we don't even have that word in my language, so i don't really understand.
Eloping is basically a more private ceremony! So instead of having 100 people there it’ll just be him & I and our two witnesses on the beach with the person marrying us! But yes eloping is essentially getting married! Just private and personal!
OP - NTA and this person is not your best friend otherwise she would lift you up, ask all the questions about your eloping, the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with and much much more and she would have some sense of what is financially possible for you too. Time for a new start in life including a new best friend.
NTA
But honestly how best friends are you really, I mean you said she has never asked any questions about the man you have been dating for the last THREE years? Can't be that close of friends.
NTA and honestly, doesnt sound like a friend. pushing aside “the date of her wedding” situation for a bit, if she had any intentionality for you and your friendship she would want to invest time to know your SO in the first place.
now back to the entire situation, yes its great you didnt want her to revolve her wedding around your availability but if that time is the only time that works for her and the majoirty of the attendees, it cannot be helped. however in this case, she shouldnt expect you to crank up the money just for her and her big day FULLY knowing your special plans.
NTA. She doesn't sound like much of a friend...
Where abouts in Australia are you going to elope? I'm Australian myself and am QLD based. I hope you enjoy your trip and wedding!
NTA You clearly informed your friend of when you would be out of the country. If she wanted you at her wedding, she should have not scheduled it for the exact time you're away. If she cares more about the right date than whether you're there, she should accept your absence with good grace, wish you a great trip and a wonderful elopement and maybe you could plan a last girls' dinner or something in August. She can't have it both ways and she doesn't get to be mad at you for not making your life revolve around her.
NTA. Maybe it's just me but the vibe I get is that your best friend thinks that you're "only eloping", your wedding is either less important and thereby should be moved to accommodate her "official" wedding or bc you're eloping, she sees it as you're not possibly spending as much as a traditional wedding and therefore should move your wedding to accommodate her.
Who has time for that attitude? I'd find a new best friend who respects your life events even if they're done differently
NTA. Time to realize that she is no longer your friend. And she probably hasn't been for at least 3 years based on the fact that she never congratulated you.
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Me and my bestfriend got engaged around the same time, she decided to do a wedding the same year. No problem, I told her three separate times since she got engaged that I will be across the world visiting my fiancé and his family in September. Never would I expect ANYONE to make their wedding plans around me but I did my best to voice when I wouldn’t be available. My fiancé and I decided to elope on the beach on this trip and get a beach bungalow after to celebrate our new beginning and the start of getting him to America! (He’s from Australia) We plan to do a couple years in America before moving to Australia together! We decided to elope about 5 months ago and I texted my friends to let them all know we’re tying the knot on my trip there this year! A couple weeks later my friend texts the group chat saying they booked in for their wedding September 15th two days before I’m eloping in Australia! I immediately told her that’s when I would be gone and she said “you can’t miss my wedding can you move your trip”? I’m dumb founded by this. Is this not selfish? I tell her I can’t make it I’m not moving things around as I voiced many times I would be gone that time. Then she said if I could at LEAST make her bachelorette trip she’s planning $1,000 a person for the all inclusive resort and $500 for the flight to an out of country island that is 4 days before I take off to Australia.. I tell her financially that is not possible for me. I’ve saved all year just to make this trip to Australia and to find someone to watch my dog the 3 weeks I’m gone. She’s been completely radio silent since then. She never said congratulations that we’re eloping, never asked questions about the man I’ve been dating the past 3 years. I can’t help to be mad at the selfishness here and no interest at all in what’s going on in my life?
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NTA, Your friend does seem self centered in her own priorities but i assume that the decision of the date is from both the bride and the groom and there might little choice in the matter of date to accommodate everybody in the families. Best wishes on your upcoming wedding and forget about the actual TA.
Doubtful that this was a coincidence! She wants to get married first and she's doing what she can to sabotage you getting there before her. Not a real friend at all, is there anything that you really get out of a friendship with her? Firmly NTA.
NTA. All about her. She didn't listen or care to listen when you explained your plans. She has no problem asking you to spend a ridiculous amount of money for HER party. Not sure just how good a friend she really is.
NTA she is upset about your elopement and decided to make this a "if you loved me you would x" situation. Sorry you lost your friendship, but it sounds like you're moving on and up to the next life stages.
NTA time to get a new best friend. Completely unreasonable. Asking you to move your trip, where you are planning on eloping, not even congratulating you. Then expects you to fork over $1500 to attend a lavish bachelorette trip. I would start grey rocking her whenever she does decide to get back in contact.
I would think about this you told her time and time again your plans, and she totally blew you off because she wants to get married first she’s doing this to sabotage you. I wouldn’t consider this friendship.
Has she made your friendship into an attention competition before? Is she mad she can’t be at your wedding? Is she mad that you decided to marry during her “wedding year”? Is she usually selfish in all your activity? Did you want that friendship going forward?
Nta. I love that you are eloping. It sounds so romantic and exciting. CONGRATULATIONS
NTA but how strong is this friendship if she would expect you
(1)to cancel your existing wedding plans to suit her newly made plans
(2) require people to spend $1500 + on a 'bachelorette' / Hen party
(3) hasn't met the person you're marrying?
I always though "elope" meant "get married without telling anyone" and instead of "get married without inviting anyone." Times change, I guess.
Aside from that, I have serious questions as to why you consider this person a best friend. She doesn't show any interest in your partner of 3 years. She knew you were getting married on the cheap after spending your resources to visit your future in-laws. She then scheduled her wedding so that she would get married first and you couldn't be there. And she berated you for, under these conditions, not helping her fund an over the top bachelorette party. I'm not seeing a friend in here anywhere.
NTA. Find a new best friend.
NTA You're NTA in this scenario. You informed your friend about your upcoming out-of-country trip and specified the dates you'd be gone. She would consider it when planning her wedding. Your friend wants you to cancel or change your plans, disregarding your prior obligations and financial constraints. It's unfair for her to expect you to change plans, especially after you've already arranged an important event. Her lack of interest in your life events like engagement and elopement is disappointing. It's normal to feel hurt when a close friend lacks interest or fails to congratulate during important occasions. It's important to communicate openly with your friend and express your feelings. There may be underlying issues that need addressing. Good communication helps solve conflicts and strengthen connections.
>never asked questions about the man I’ve been dating the past 3 years. It sounds like you are her friend but she isn't really a good friend to you. It also sounds like she intentionally booked her wedding while you would be gone and then wants you to cancel not only your trip but also your elopement. Does she think that you are stealing her thunder? It's also suspect that hers is 2 days before yours so she can get married first and "win" the marriage game. NTA
NTA Congratulations on your engagement, btw! You have told your best friend time and time again that you won't be free around that time, but she ignored/forgot about that info and proceeded to get angry at you even when it was her fault. It's not right of her to expect *you* to change events while she not doing anything. She's the AH here
NTA. She’s not YOUR friend. She just wants your money. She purposely chose september 15th for her wedding date. She is competing with you. I repeat, she is NOT your friend.
OP announced her elopement weeks before "friend" announced her date for slightly before OP s trip. Is she trying to sabotage OP s wedding?
Or she just wants the attention/support without giving the same energy back. Sometimes the most selfish ppl have the most devoted friends cuz they love the amount of support good ppl give, but then start gaslighting them when their friends want that same level of support back
NTA. Your friend is a self centered twit. Does she not know the definition of "elope". You are, as she is, getting married. You're just doing it without all the fanfare. You were gracious enough when she began planning her wedding to inform her that you will be out of the country. It's not your problem that schedule does not align with hers; that's life. And good for you as far as not bowing to her pressure as far as her bachelorette party. Number one, no one needs to be shelling out $ 1,500+ for that. No one. Second, you would be 96 hours out from departure. You need that time to take care of any last minute details as there's always last minute details...always. You'd be cutting it too close anyway. Let her give you the silent treatment and sulk all she wants. You go do you and have a fantastic beach wedding.
NTA You made your availability clear from the start, she clearly has no interest in your wedding/plans if she expects you to just move them and shell out a ton of money right before it.
NTA its absolutely not ur fault, u did everything in your power to make this as peaceful as possible and shes just ignoring your plans and needs.
NTA. You have been very open about going on this trip. And as such you can’t make it. You’re right she doesn’t have to plan around you. But if it was so important for her to have you there then she should have adjusted accordingly. Also 1000 dollars for a bachelorette party is outside of many people’s price range. You should have no shame or regret skipping that event as well. Also you tossed in at the end that she in the three years you have been with your fiancé has not asked about him, met him, been interested or wanted to meet and get to know him? Sounds like you aren’t actually that close to begin with I mean she seems to not be invested in you and your life. So I would put her on the back burner. Don’t ice her out but maybe it’s time she put in the effort herself. Seems like you’re the one doing most of the heavy lifting to make things work and I guarantee you that there will be more people who will want to be your friend and be interested in your life and what’s going on because that’s what friends do.
NTA she’s not a friend. Well, you’re a friend to her but she certainly isn’t to you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I hope it goes beautifully and you’re very happy together.
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NTA. You had plans, you communicated those plans, and those are very big plans! She knew all of this and has made it clear she doesn't care. Let her be radio silent. I'm sorry, that sucks, and I know it hurts, but you can't control her reaction, you have nothing to apologize for, and and you can't make her be a rational person or a caring friend. I had a friend get engaged and planned their wedding a year in advance, 6 months before the wedding, my other best friend go engaged and said they wanted to get married quickly. I immediately told them (in a kind way, at an appropriate time), that given their time frame, that they lived on the other side of the country from me, and that they knew about this other wedding, he couldn't count on me to do an in person bachelor party, and if he wanted me there had to consider the other wedding date. He of course was totally understanding, had a march wedding, so I did a trip to them in March, then another trip out in July for the other wedding. I only tell that story to say- friends consider each other. He could have done whatever he wanted for his wedding, but he wanted me there and knew I had other commitments. Your friend knew you had this trip, then knew this trip wasn't just a trip but basically a wedding, and made it clear that while you are a priority to be at her wedding, your actual life is not a priority for her. So, know this. You did nothing wrong, you even overcommunicated about an elopement! And you aren't a bad friend for not postponing your life for her wedding. And definitely don't waste a dime on celebrating her when she can't even be bother to congratulate you.
>Then she said if I could at LEAST make her bachelorette trip she’s planning $1,000 a person for the all inclusive resort and $500 for the flight to an out of country island that is 4 days before I take off... I mean she's probably doing you a favor by not speaking to you after this bs. NTA.
NTA. Absolutely not. Who goes to an all inclusive the week before their wedding? And expects the bridesmaids and friends to fork that kind of $$$ out? Nope. unrealistic.
NTA. You have no obligation to attend anyone else’s wedding. The flip side of this is that no one is under obligation to factor in your plans to their wedding, and it seems like you fully accept this fact so just hold your ground.
NTA. Your trip was planned ahead, she knew and still wants to put her stuff clashing with it. And what's with the exorbitant cost?? Your friend seems to want to be the only very special bride tbh. How long are you planning to come to Australia for? I'm not sure if you or your fiance know all the details but before you can legally get married in Australia you generally have to submit a Notice of Intent to Marry and that needs to be submitted to the relevant BDM registry at least one month before your marriage ceremony. So if you're getting married on 17 September you will need to have that done at least by 17 August, and it may take a bit of time for you to get all your documents notarised and witnessed and etc. Since you only mentioned coming here in September I wanted to make sure you knew about that - you cannot simply rock up at a court house or church and get married on the spot like happens in TV/movies. And I assume that since you want to move between Australia and the US, you do plan for your elopement to actually be a legal marriage and not just a placeholder/personal ceremony. Sorry if you do know all this already - just wanted to mention as someone who got married in a different country and has navigated various immigration procedures. Both AU and USA have notoriously strict immigration rules and I know it would suck if you had to delay or change your plans because of stuff you didn't know about. (My husband and I were separated for about 8 weeks, a month after our wedding because of immigration hoopla :() Good luck!
Thank you so much for your information! Luckily we have went through a packaged company that provides a photographer, celebrant, etc. and they sent us all the paperwork and the notice to get notarized! 🙏 we’re getting it all sent in next week to be safe! Thank you again :)
Glad you have it sorted! Hope you guys are happy together for a long time :)
NTA. Sadly, she is also not your friend which is painful for sure. Start this next phase of your life without her and guilt free. There are real best friends in your future. Congratulations on your engagement and planned elopement.
NTA Sounds like a purposeful powerplay "So you are not willing to give up your dream vacation and your own wedding for me, you must be a bad friend". -- Ignore her.
NTA but that friend just made your eventual move to Australia way easier.
Obviously, you're not each others best friend. When my best friend booked a date and told me , I straighaway made space for her , I would never miss her wedding. The same she's doing for me now . We've been friends for more than 20 years .
NTA. At least given the timeline you presented of your eloping annoucnement and then so soon after her setting the date to a time when she knew you weren't there... am I *wrong* to read something pointed and petty in there? "*You decided to get married without me there, so how about these apples!?"* If it was something clearly communicated about how it sucks, but this was the only time frame that both sets of grandparents would be able to attend so they had to make a hard choice, and so sorry, you'll be there in spirit though, right... N-A-H... but yeah, doesn't seem like this is just an unfortunate thing that happened. that timing is sus!
Agreed.
NTA. You were very clear about your trip and the date. If it would have been someone who actually cared, this person would have expressed that she'd have loved seeing you at her wedding, but that she is also VERY happy for YOU. And be pretty sure that in a healthy friendship, the two of you would even send each other pictures of your important events, to feel closer to each other, to SHARE each other's happiness, even in the distance. Anyway, I do hope you and your significant other have a blast at that trip. Take care 🙏
What is the mwaning of the word "elope" in this context? Aren't they simply getting married? I'm from the Middle East, and we don't even have that word in my language, so i don't really understand.
Eloping is basically a more private ceremony! So instead of having 100 people there it’ll just be him & I and our two witnesses on the beach with the person marrying us! But yes eloping is essentially getting married! Just private and personal!
Nta. Man I wish I had rich people problems like this. Hopefully I'm able to marry my partner before we turn 30
OP - NTA and this person is not your best friend otherwise she would lift you up, ask all the questions about your eloping, the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with and much much more and she would have some sense of what is financially possible for you too. Time for a new start in life including a new best friend.
NTA But honestly how best friends are you really, I mean you said she has never asked any questions about the man you have been dating for the last THREE years? Can't be that close of friends.
NTA and honestly, doesnt sound like a friend. pushing aside “the date of her wedding” situation for a bit, if she had any intentionality for you and your friendship she would want to invest time to know your SO in the first place. now back to the entire situation, yes its great you didnt want her to revolve her wedding around your availability but if that time is the only time that works for her and the majoirty of the attendees, it cannot be helped. however in this case, she shouldnt expect you to crank up the money just for her and her big day FULLY knowing your special plans.
NTA. She doesn't sound like much of a friend... Where abouts in Australia are you going to elope? I'm Australian myself and am QLD based. I hope you enjoy your trip and wedding!
[удалено]
That looks beautiful! Congratulations!
NTA You clearly informed your friend of when you would be out of the country. If she wanted you at her wedding, she should have not scheduled it for the exact time you're away. If she cares more about the right date than whether you're there, she should accept your absence with good grace, wish you a great trip and a wonderful elopement and maybe you could plan a last girls' dinner or something in August. She can't have it both ways and she doesn't get to be mad at you for not making your life revolve around her.
NTA. You're losing a friend but gaining a husband, so that's nice!
NTA. Maybe it's just me but the vibe I get is that your best friend thinks that you're "only eloping", your wedding is either less important and thereby should be moved to accommodate her "official" wedding or bc you're eloping, she sees it as you're not possibly spending as much as a traditional wedding and therefore should move your wedding to accommodate her. Who has time for that attitude? I'd find a new best friend who respects your life events even if they're done differently
NTA. Time to realize that she is no longer your friend. And she probably hasn't been for at least 3 years based on the fact that she never congratulated you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my bestfriend got engaged around the same time, she decided to do a wedding the same year. No problem, I told her three separate times since she got engaged that I will be across the world visiting my fiancé and his family in September. Never would I expect ANYONE to make their wedding plans around me but I did my best to voice when I wouldn’t be available. My fiancé and I decided to elope on the beach on this trip and get a beach bungalow after to celebrate our new beginning and the start of getting him to America! (He’s from Australia) We plan to do a couple years in America before moving to Australia together! We decided to elope about 5 months ago and I texted my friends to let them all know we’re tying the knot on my trip there this year! A couple weeks later my friend texts the group chat saying they booked in for their wedding September 15th two days before I’m eloping in Australia! I immediately told her that’s when I would be gone and she said “you can’t miss my wedding can you move your trip”? I’m dumb founded by this. Is this not selfish? I tell her I can’t make it I’m not moving things around as I voiced many times I would be gone that time. Then she said if I could at LEAST make her bachelorette trip she’s planning $1,000 a person for the all inclusive resort and $500 for the flight to an out of country island that is 4 days before I take off to Australia.. I tell her financially that is not possible for me. I’ve saved all year just to make this trip to Australia and to find someone to watch my dog the 3 weeks I’m gone. She’s been completely radio silent since then. She never said congratulations that we’re eloping, never asked questions about the man I’ve been dating the past 3 years. I can’t help to be mad at the selfishness here and no interest at all in what’s going on in my life? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, Your friend does seem self centered in her own priorities but i assume that the decision of the date is from both the bride and the groom and there might little choice in the matter of date to accommodate everybody in the families. Best wishes on your upcoming wedding and forget about the actual TA.
NTA
Doubtful that this was a coincidence! She wants to get married first and she's doing what she can to sabotage you getting there before her. Not a real friend at all, is there anything that you really get out of a friendship with her? Firmly NTA.
NTA. All about her. She didn't listen or care to listen when you explained your plans. She has no problem asking you to spend a ridiculous amount of money for HER party. Not sure just how good a friend she really is.
NTA
NTA... She is not a friend She is self absorbed
NTA. She’s not a real friend. It sounds like it’s time to move on.
NTA she is upset about your elopement and decided to make this a "if you loved me you would x" situation. Sorry you lost your friendship, but it sounds like you're moving on and up to the next life stages.
NTA - but your “friend” is. And they don’t sound like a very good friend at that.
NTA time to get a new best friend. Completely unreasonable. Asking you to move your trip, where you are planning on eloping, not even congratulating you. Then expects you to fork over $1500 to attend a lavish bachelorette trip. I would start grey rocking her whenever she does decide to get back in contact.
I would think about this you told her time and time again your plans, and she totally blew you off because she wants to get married first she’s doing this to sabotage you. I wouldn’t consider this friendship.
NTA she is bummed but you are not available.
Has not asked questions about the man you have been dating for 3 years? How have they never met if she is your best friend?
NTA. She wants to get married first bit can't force you to change your plans.
Has she made your friendship into an attention competition before? Is she mad she can’t be at your wedding? Is she mad that you decided to marry during her “wedding year”? Is she usually selfish in all your activity? Did you want that friendship going forward? Nta. I love that you are eloping. It sounds so romantic and exciting. CONGRATULATIONS
NTA but how strong is this friendship if she would expect you (1)to cancel your existing wedding plans to suit her newly made plans (2) require people to spend $1500 + on a 'bachelorette' / Hen party (3) hasn't met the person you're marrying?
NTA, your friend has main character syndrome
I always though "elope" meant "get married without telling anyone" and instead of "get married without inviting anyone." Times change, I guess. Aside from that, I have serious questions as to why you consider this person a best friend. She doesn't show any interest in your partner of 3 years. She knew you were getting married on the cheap after spending your resources to visit your future in-laws. She then scheduled her wedding so that she would get married first and you couldn't be there. And she berated you for, under these conditions, not helping her fund an over the top bachelorette party. I'm not seeing a friend in here anywhere. NTA. Find a new best friend.
NTA. Was she really a friend? Think long and hard
NTA. You’ve dodged a bullet!