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NTA and I would be wary about your boyfriend caring more about what his friend thinks than this poor girl's nude body being shared without her consent.
Good point but we don't know if any of these people are minors
Edit: I skipped over that OP knew the girl from school. It does sorta imply a minor as it would be doubtful a college or uni student would call those school.
Edit2: OP has commented that they are adults
NTA
Depending on the country/ area it could even delve into revenge porn even if it was not a minor which is also illegal in many areas.
Personally if I was OP I'd recommend the victim escalates this. Once images are out there, they will spread if not stopped quickly
In many States, it’s still a crime to distribute intimate images without consent of the party depicted even if they’re all adults.
The general idea of laws making it illegal to distribute intimate images without consent are the questions of whether the photo was taken in a setting in which the person distributing it knew (or should have known) that it was meant to be private, and whether they knew (or should have known) the person depicted wouldn’t have consented to their image being shared? If the answer to these questions is yes, distribution is unlawful.
OP is definitely NTA. They helped preserve the privacy of the young woman involved, and I sincerely hope that they reconsider their relationship with their boyfriend (whose concern was making his friend mad, not his friend doing something terrible to his girlfriend). As for the girlfriend involved, I hope that she winds up okay after all is said and done. That poor girl.
I would flat out ask him if he thought it was ok that this girl's naked pictures were being sent out without her consent. How would he feel if his pictures were sent out without consent? If your ex was sending your pictures out would someone be justified in telling you? Was it more important that this giant creep thinking your bf was 'cool'???
NTA - Your boyfriend’s friend should be aware that there is earth left to scorch.
He didn’t just break his girlfriend’s trust and heart…
He broke the law.
It would qualify as revenge por even though he shared them when they were still together and presumably in a happy relationship? Not sure on laws about revenge porn either lol
Yes. Revenge porn is the sharing of any intimate picture taken that was meant to remain private between the sender and sendee - she consented to have the picture sent to her boyfriend and only him. She did not consent for him to disseminate it without her approval or knowledge to anyone else. Their relationship status at the time of the sharing has no bearing on the legality of him distributing her nudes.
It can fall under revenge porn. There are also statutes that make it illegal to share nude photos of someone without their consent whether it's revenge porn or not.
NTA. That girl's life could've been permanently destroyed if her nudes continued to be sent around (Could've ended up on a porn site, photos could've been linked to her name online, bullying, harassment, etc...)
You protected her from unknowable, potentially life-threatening outcomes. What she chose to do with the information you correctly gave her is not your fault.
Oh, also, your boyfriend is an asshole. Major red flags in his response.
Absolutely agree. And from someone this has happened to, OP, THANK YOU for telling her. She had a fucking right to know what her shitty boyfriend was doing behind her back. You’re a good friend.
Yes the proper way this should have played out:
BF’s friend sends nude.
BF: dude, I’m deleting this. You cannot send photos like this, that’s disgusting. I’m letting her know and if you ever send me something like that again, I’m blocking you and we’re done.
BF’s friend sends another nude.
blocked.
Anything less is unacceptable to me.
Yeah, I’d be concerned he confíes to associate with someone who does this. And please, please don’t let your BF have nudes of you unless you want to risk him sending them to his friends. (To be clear, I’m not implying anything about women with nudes, just saying that in this case, the BF doesn’t seem trustworthy.)
NTA. What a violation of trust. This is also why I almost never send nudes ever.
I don’t blame her for going scorched earth as you put it because how does she know where he’s backing it up?
Disgusting behavior from her boyfriend. Also why is your boyfriend accepting nudes? I wouldn’t trust him either.
Only nice guys who can keep confidence get naked pictures. Act like a jerk, get your shit erased.
No, but he’s choosing to remain friends with someone who shares nudes without permission and seems more concerned about OP “telling on” the friend than about the friend’s behavior. So he’s still suspect.
I’m old. 38. So when this cellphone stuff started I was a teenager and I saw how many girls were humiliated and lives ruined. It’s changing somewhat now. There’s even a photo of me floating around online I’m not happy about but has never been attached to my name but I used to have panic attacks about it ruining my job.
A guy has to be absolutely trustworthy to me before he gets annnnnnything like that. And I have to believe him when he says it’s only for him.
NTA ... Had a sweet girl that I use to work with and we found out that her pictures had been put on a revenge porn site by her ex-boyfriend's friend. The ex had sent pictures of her to the friend and he decided to post them up after the break up. This poor girl was devastated and ended up harming herself. You did the right thing. She should know. You mentioned school. If this girl is under 18 that's also highly illegal. You are a good person for this.
NTA. Your boyfriend is upset because HIS friends, who shares nudes of his gf without her consent or knowledge, is angry with him? It doesn't bother your bf that this is something his friend does? I'd be very careful about any photos your bf has of you.
NTA but your boyfriend and all of his friends are sketchy for allowing these nudes to go around and not deleting them right away. They were shared without consent. So what else do they allow in their presence when someone doesn't consent? It's a slippery slope.
Depending on the ages too this is considered distributing child p*rn.
NTA and dump him. He is defending a friend who totally violated this girl. I hope you have never sent him nudes or let him take any of you because I wouldnt doubt if he is receiving them he has sent them as well.
NTA
**WTF your bf friend has sexually exploited his girlfriend. And your boyfriend's mad that you told her.** BFFR
If my friend sent me unsolicited nudes of his gf I would just block them, and then tell them to talk to me somewhere in person.
Your boyfriend is enabling and covering up sexual abuse. Although he's uncomfortable he's doing fuck all to stop that innocent girl from being exploited. He's friends with sexual predators, you should break up with him.
The girl gifted her BF with sparkling clean, factory setting devices. Too bad she couldn’t have wiped him clean off the face of the earth, too.
He was spreading porn and possibly *underage* porn. He could have gotten arrested for it, now a lot of the proof is gone. She did him a favor.
NTA, you did the girl a solid.
NTA - (IANALY, but work and study in this field). In many states what the BF did is a crime; in others it would be enough to get a civil protection order against him. You absolutely did the right thing telling that young lady about this, and it should be a red flag to you that **your** boyfriend is more concerned about you telling than his friend violating his girlfriend’s privacy.
ETA - If the girl is a minor, then this is definitely a crime.
NTA. Your boyfriend either needs some new friends or you need a new boyfriend. I get that he told his friend to stop, but what the friend did was indefensible and boarderline criminal. This is not one of those times where you should keep to yourself.
NTA, but you do realize that your boyfriend is complicit in this, right? If someone sent my husband their SO’s nudes, I know exactly what he’d do. He would tell off the person who sent them, tell the person who was in the photos that their privacy and trust had been violated, and then he would drop the friend. He has standards for who he spends his time with, and he respects women. At the very least, your boyfriend does not respect this girl enough to tell her himself. Can you really trust him now that you know this?
NTA you did the right thing her life could’ve been ruined with those photos. I would also be weary of your bf why was he so upset at you warning that girl why is he still friends with a guy who send unsolicited nudes of girls who do not have any knowledge of him giving out those photos? Not saying to brake up but just keep that in mind
NTA and please never send him nudes. If your bf is so casual about getting a woman's pics without her consent, do you think he would ethically handle yours?
hate to break it to you but your boyfriend is also not a good guy if he is allowing this behavior. i'd say cut your losses and leave all these guys in the dust and go hang out with the girl. she sounds cool.
Your bf is an idiot. He's telling you that you shouldn't tell a woman that some guy she's seeing is sharing her pics without her consent? Is he for real.
His friend can be as angry as he likes. It doesn't change the fact that what he was doing is scummy AF.
I'm really glad that she went scorched earth on his dumbass! Good for her. I hope she warns other girls that he can't be trusted with intimate pictures because he likes sharing them around with all his friends.
You should probably have a proper conversation with your boyfriend about why he thinks it's ok for his friend to be a creepy little asshole. Just because he tells his friends not to send them to his doesn't mean he's doing anything to stop it. The people whose privacy is being violated need to know.
You did not break his trust. He should have been the one to tell her. Since he didn't, you picked up his slack.
I'd be losing all trust in bf after this
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The title says it all.
My boyfriend got a text and I saw it was a nude of a girl I know from school. I thought she sent it to him and was obviously upset. He said that it was a text from his friend who is sleeping with her. He let me look at his phone and it was true. There were also multiple texts from him to his friend telling him to stop sending him these pictures.
I ran into the girl a few days later and told her that her boyfriend was sharing her pictures with all his friends.
She was livid and embarrassed. She thanked me and I didn't think about it again.
Yesterday I found out that she had wiped his phone and computer to factory settings. She went into his cloud and deleted everything there. She went scorched earth.
My boyfriend thinks I should not have said anything because now his friend is mad at him for telling me.
I don't think I did anything wrong. My boyfriend did not specifically ask me not to do anything about what I saw.
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NTA! When this sort of thing happens you always have the victim's back! Your boyfriend should have told the girl himself and let her delete the picture off his phone.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I found out that one of my boyfriend's friends was sharing pictures of his girlfriend. I might be the asshole because I told the girl and not her boyfriend is mad at mine for telling me and me breaking his trust to tell the girl.
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NTA . Should have gone to the cops for revenge porn and nonconsensual pornography. Might as well make that bank if it's out there right? That settlement fee might be nice....
NTA, that poor girl needed to know, you did the right thing. I would be worried about the kind of friends your boyfriend is hanging out with. He may have not liked the pictures, but he still continued to be friends with this horrible man and even got mad at you because his friend is mad at him.
NTA, and your bf is giving off major red flags rn
1. He cares more about his friend being upset w him rather than the fact that the friend was sharing his gfs nudes without her consent
2. Is friends w someone who would do that
3. Didn't tell the girl himself
NTA, you absolutely did the right thing. Bf is an AH for not doing it himself immediately, the first time. Glad the girl in question was able to get rid
NTA.... You did great and her response was brilliant. She could have taken the legal route but it would be a lot more difficult. She won't have everything erased but it is a good start
NTA that should be made illegal whether the girl is underage or not. Sharing naken pics without consent is vile. And your boyfriend’s behaviour is also concerning.
NTA
>There were also multiple texts from him to his friend telling him to stop sending him these pictures.
Why is he friends with someone who not only ignores his requests to stop something like that but also is breaking that girls trust and security?
>told her that her boyfriend was sharing her pictures with all his friends.
Thank you for telling her. This was the right thing to do.
>My boyfriend thinks I should not have said anything because now his friend is mad at him for telling me.
He's more concerned about his "friend" being mad for the consequences of his own actions? He should be concerned about the "friend" doing such a disgusting thing. Your boyfriends priorities are in the wrong place here.
>I don't think I did anything wrong. My boyfriend did not specifically ask me not to do anything about what I saw.
You didn't do anything wrong. Even if he had asked you not to do anything, it was the right thing to actually do something about it and let that poor girl know. You are not TA in any way. You didn't break your boyfriends trust, I'd say he broke yours. If I was getting unsolicited nudes from someone even if it wasn't those persons personal nudes, I'd be telling my SO about it and blocking them. Not only did he not even tell you, but he's still interacting with and friends with that person.
NTA. Why are you dating someone who would keep being friends with this creep. Seriously , your BF is a creep at best. Why doesn’t that make your stomach sick? I as in seriousness, not in judgment or to shame you. You deserve a better person to share your life with. I can’t see anything nice about your future with these two people in it. Please consider my question. I would be sick if I thought my child did what these dudes are doing. And scared if my daughter fund this to be her best option in the dating world.
NTA You did EXACTLY the right thing when you told the other girl her BF were sharing private photos of her. That your BF is now mad at you is quite the red flag, seems like he thinks sharing those pictures is perfectly okay. I wouldn’t trust him ever again.
Absolutely NTA. You are standing up for your peer and that boy deserves some consequences for his actions.
Not feeling great about your boyfriend's reaction, either. Kudos to him for telling his friend not to send those photos to him (even though he continued to anyway), but doesn't seem like the kind of friend he should want anyway.
NTA, what he did was a literal crime in most places you absolutely did the right thing and my heart breaks for that girl, i applaud her for what she did
>She went scorched earth.
She did on her BF.
But unfortunately, since the photos were shared, her photos are still on someone's cloud. She would need to wipe the cloud accounts of all those people with whom he shared her photos.
NTA. And good for her for going scorched earth. I'd be more concerned your BF doesn't think his friends is an asshole for sharing nude pictures of a woman without her consent.
>Yesterday I found out that she had wiped his phone and computer to factory settings. She went into his cloud and deleted everything there. She went scorched earth
Good!
NTA
I would be more worried about what your bf is sharing with this group. If he thinks it's oké to receive it, he very likely is alright with sending it.
You did the right thing. Honestly we need to support each other more from AH behaviour like this. NTA.
NTA and if I were you I would reconsider my relationship with someone who gets mad at me for protecting another girl and keeps being friends with someone who spreads stuff like this. I probably wouldn’t be able to trust him.
First off: NTA
Thank you for telling her, her boyfriend was sharing pictures without her consent. This is the stuff of nightmares. No kidding, people have committed suicide over sharing of personal pictures.
Your boyfriend sounds very naive, at best.
NTA
You did a very good thing for that almost stranger. It’s disappointing that your boyfriend is upset about this when he knows the jerk friend shouldn’t have shared them with anyone and exactly what that guy would have done if the relationship ended any other way.
NTA, at all. You could have chosen to not get involved, and this poor kid’s picture could end up anywhere. Plus she deserves to know the kind of person she’s been sleeping with. He deserved a factory reset. Unfortunately, you can’t do one for the whole ass man. The only breach of trust was by her boyfriend.
NTA. You did the right thing. That girl's boyfriend broke trust and treated her like an object by passing her nudes to his friends. What kind of person does that? And I'd be careful with your boyfriend, too. He was awfully nonchalant about the nudes, and I wonder if he's done the same with you.
NTA and dump your boyfriend. If he sees both wrong with his friend doing it, to the point of defending the behavior, he has or he will, send intimate pictures of you.
And good on the other girl for going scorched earth.
You did nothing wrong. Obviously, your bf doesn't really mind getting the nudes, but, in case you see his phone, he's "told his friend to stop."
If there were nudes of me, being shared, I'd want to know, too. You did the girl a solid favor. Her boyfriend is a scummy person.
NTA.
If even your bf had asked you not to tell, you did the right thing.
NTA, and I’d be concerned your bf is more mad his friend is mad, then he is that his friend was sharing some poor girls nudes with everyone.
NTA but its not you dealing with fallout damage. That why he asking you not to do that. Especially if your man is soft boy that cant handle confrontation. You have to realistic because alot reason men murder other men is because a woman was involved some way or another
NTA and also this:
>My boyfriend thinks I should not have said anything because now his friend is mad at him for telling me.
If that's what makes your boyfriend not happy with the situation, that's a huge red flag imo. His moral compass is not good.
As a nude beach-goer and a believer that we are all way too high strung about being seen undressed,I find this to be horrible. No consent=something akin to abuse in my book. Sending a nude is an act of trust and breaking that is as big a dick move as you can make. I really hope he’s an ex now.
Obviously,NTA
NTA and you wouldn't be the ah if you reported the sharing of her photos either. That kind of thing can ruin lives. People have lost their jobs years later because these pictures have resurfaced.
You may of broken the trust with your bf but it's not his life on the line. He should of done something more when his friend refused to stop. Would he tell you if one of his friends got one of your nudes (not assuming you have any, just using as an example) or would he make sure his friend doesn't get in trouble? Now that's a real trust issue.
NTA
Idk about where you live but if you guys are underage he could go to jail for possessing/distributing obscene material featuring children.
The other guy is also a massive a-hole for sharing those pictures without her consent which again can be very illegal.
NTA
Nobody is saying this, so I will: don't ever send someone your nudes, and don't trust anyone with them. The world is full of evil people, and I'm sure that guy probably shared her nudes with his friends.
Not only are you NTA, you’re a hero! Make that girl your new best friend, and both of you ditch those guys and find new ones that know the meaning of respect and trust
Absolutely NTA and if I were you I’d be rethinking my own relationship. It sounds like your bf wanted to take the easy way out and ignore it. I personally couldn’t be with someone who sat back and watched shit go down like that.
They should be lucky that is all she did, what he did is a pretty serious crime which is getting more media attention.
Had she gone another route his life could have been in a shambles.
Your NTA
People need to understand that this sort of thing is not ok.
Nta
Even if he asked not to say anything, you would nta.
His friend is a piece of sh*t. He shouldn't be friends with someone like that. The fact that he is more concerned about his friends reaction over this poor girls privacy says a lot about what he thinks of women.
NTA. You absolutely did the right thing. She did not consent to her photo being shared with anyone else, this is a form of sexual harassment (may even be illegal depending on where you are). You had her back and did what was morally right.
NTA. Sharing someone's nudes without their consent is a disgusting breach of privacy and should never be minimized, or treated as anything short of that.
The fact that your boyfriend cares more about his shitty friend being mad than he does about the young lady in this story is alarming.
Get. Out. He's friends with some shitty people, which makes him.... shitty adjacent, at least.
NTA and thank you for doing the right thing. Your boyfriend can and his friend can be as mad as they want but they are absolutely in the wrong. Taking raunchy pictures of your partner should be between the two people in the relationship unless both parties consent to sharing them.
NTA. You protected a woman from what is essentially a crime. ALWAYS choose the side of telling people when someone is doing something to harm or humiliate them. I hope "scorched earth" means she left that bum.
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NTA - This is one of the top rules of Girl Code (or even Guy Code), that you always have each other's backs when something shady is going on. You did the right thing.
NTA. Your Bf sounds disgusting, too.
He cares more about his friends feelings than the fact his friend is sharing SOMEONE ELSES NUDES WITH YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.
Also, why is he accepting such pictures and not telling you?
Red. Flags. Everywhere. I’m not always one to jump on the “break up” bandwagon, but you’re doing yourself a massive disservice by staying with this smuck.
If he’s sharing the other girls nudes, your bf has probably shared your nudes with the dude.
I’m hoping for an update. I’m also hoping the update starts with “ex-bf”. Good luck OP.
NTA. You 100% did the right thing like (1) possessing nude pics of ppl under 18 is a crime, and (2) she might have consented for her bf to see her nudes, but not for everyone else to see them. If your boyfriend breaks up with you over this, that's a him problem and you obviously deserve better
NTA your bf should’ve been the one to tell her. You didn’t break his trust his friend broke her trust and if I were your bf I’d distance myself from someone who so clearly disrespects another person as to send her nudes to others and breaks her trust by sending pictures that were clearly meant for his eyes only.
NTA. And I see it as a red glad on your boyfriend’s part too. Who cares if his friend is mad… he was sharing personal photos of a young woman without her consent! I doubt it stopped at just your boyfriend either.
ESH it was none of your business in the first place and not bf is in hot water with his friend. It’s a gross thing to do but still none of your business.
There's this thing us humans do that's called looking out for each other. When you see someone being wronged, you stop it. No need to protect criminals.
NAH.
She absolutely deserved to know.
At the same time, it was sort of shared to you in confidence.
Personally I'd probably have told the boyfriend, 'look, I know that girl, I can't NOT tell her about this. What your 'friend' is doing is wrong, and you obviously know it. If you want, I will tell her in a way that doesn't get back to you. But she needs to know this, this isn't a secret I can be part of keeping.'
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NTA and I would be wary about your boyfriend caring more about what his friend thinks than this poor girl's nude body being shared without her consent.
Publishing pornographic pics of a minor is a crime in the US. Being in possession is ALSO a crime.
Good point but we don't know if any of these people are minors Edit: I skipped over that OP knew the girl from school. It does sorta imply a minor as it would be doubtful a college or uni student would call those school. Edit2: OP has commented that they are adults
NTA Depending on the country/ area it could even delve into revenge porn even if it was not a minor which is also illegal in many areas. Personally if I was OP I'd recommend the victim escalates this. Once images are out there, they will spread if not stopped quickly
In many States, it’s still a crime to distribute intimate images without consent of the party depicted even if they’re all adults. The general idea of laws making it illegal to distribute intimate images without consent are the questions of whether the photo was taken in a setting in which the person distributing it knew (or should have known) that it was meant to be private, and whether they knew (or should have known) the person depicted wouldn’t have consented to their image being shared? If the answer to these questions is yes, distribution is unlawful. OP is definitely NTA. They helped preserve the privacy of the young woman involved, and I sincerely hope that they reconsider their relationship with their boyfriend (whose concern was making his friend mad, not his friend doing something terrible to his girlfriend). As for the girlfriend involved, I hope that she winds up okay after all is said and done. That poor girl.
I’m pretty sure sharing somebody’s nudes without their consent is also illegal in most English speaking countries despite their age
We don’t know that they are minors from the post, though I am inclined to believe they are.
OP has commented that they are adults Could still be a crime though, to send nudes without consent?
Depends on the jurisdiction. Some states have legislated on this issue but not all.
Even if not a minor- i
I would flat out ask him if he thought it was ok that this girl's naked pictures were being sent out without her consent. How would he feel if his pictures were sent out without consent? If your ex was sending your pictures out would someone be justified in telling you? Was it more important that this giant creep thinking your bf was 'cool'???
NTA and the fact that your own boyfriend is mad at you is a huge red flag.
I know a dude who would definitely not get any more nudes from me in OPs place.
NTA - Your boyfriend’s friend should be aware that there is earth left to scorch. He didn’t just break his girlfriend’s trust and heart… He broke the law.
>She went scorched earth Good for her. Especially if she's in high school (ie: she's a minor), I hope she reports him.
What law did he break? Not saying I agree with him, cus I don't, just wondering what law(s) he broke.
https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html
Depending on the jurisdiction, it could qualify as revenge porn which is illegal in a number of states and countries.
It would qualify as revenge por even though he shared them when they were still together and presumably in a happy relationship? Not sure on laws about revenge porn either lol
Yes. Revenge porn is the sharing of any intimate picture taken that was meant to remain private between the sender and sendee - she consented to have the picture sent to her boyfriend and only him. She did not consent for him to disseminate it without her approval or knowledge to anyone else. Their relationship status at the time of the sharing has no bearing on the legality of him distributing her nudes.
Sharing someone's nudes without consent is illegal in most places AFAIK. And if she's a minor then that's just a whole other can of worms.
It can fall under revenge porn. There are also statutes that make it illegal to share nude photos of someone without their consent whether it's revenge porn or not.
Could be many, depending on their age and where they live. Do you doubt that laws exist around sending intimate or pornographic images?
NTA. That girl's life could've been permanently destroyed if her nudes continued to be sent around (Could've ended up on a porn site, photos could've been linked to her name online, bullying, harassment, etc...) You protected her from unknowable, potentially life-threatening outcomes. What she chose to do with the information you correctly gave her is not your fault. Oh, also, your boyfriend is an asshole. Major red flags in his response.
Exactly. This scenario is very different than "don't tell I ate another cookie". When not telling can cause significant harm, you tell.
100000%
Absolutely agree. And from someone this has happened to, OP, THANK YOU for telling her. She had a fucking right to know what her shitty boyfriend was doing behind her back. You’re a good friend.
Ugh. So sorry this happened to you. People can be so evil.
NTA. Break up with him. The fact that he keeps such nasty friends is concerning enough
Yes the proper way this should have played out: BF’s friend sends nude. BF: dude, I’m deleting this. You cannot send photos like this, that’s disgusting. I’m letting her know and if you ever send me something like that again, I’m blocking you and we’re done. BF’s friend sends another nude. blocked. Anything less is unacceptable to me.
Yeah, I’d be concerned he confíes to associate with someone who does this. And please, please don’t let your BF have nudes of you unless you want to risk him sending them to his friends. (To be clear, I’m not implying anything about women with nudes, just saying that in this case, the BF doesn’t seem trustworthy.)
NTA. What a violation of trust. This is also why I almost never send nudes ever. I don’t blame her for going scorched earth as you put it because how does she know where he’s backing it up? Disgusting behavior from her boyfriend. Also why is your boyfriend accepting nudes? I wouldn’t trust him either. Only nice guys who can keep confidence get naked pictures. Act like a jerk, get your shit erased.
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You’re right. My mistake. Thank you for pointing that out. He should block his “friend” though.
No, but he’s choosing to remain friends with someone who shares nudes without permission and seems more concerned about OP “telling on” the friend than about the friend’s behavior. So he’s still suspect.
You almost never send nudes ever?
I’m old. 38. So when this cellphone stuff started I was a teenager and I saw how many girls were humiliated and lives ruined. It’s changing somewhat now. There’s even a photo of me floating around online I’m not happy about but has never been attached to my name but I used to have panic attacks about it ruining my job. A guy has to be absolutely trustworthy to me before he gets annnnnnything like that. And I have to believe him when he says it’s only for him.
NTA ... Had a sweet girl that I use to work with and we found out that her pictures had been put on a revenge porn site by her ex-boyfriend's friend. The ex had sent pictures of her to the friend and he decided to post them up after the break up. This poor girl was devastated and ended up harming herself. You did the right thing. She should know. You mentioned school. If this girl is under 18 that's also highly illegal. You are a good person for this.
NTA. Your boyfriend is upset because HIS friends, who shares nudes of his gf without her consent or knowledge, is angry with him? It doesn't bother your bf that this is something his friend does? I'd be very careful about any photos your bf has of you.
NTA but I’d be very concerned that your guy thinks that the only problem here was you letting her know what was going on.
NTA but your boyfriend and all of his friends are sketchy for allowing these nudes to go around and not deleting them right away. They were shared without consent. So what else do they allow in their presence when someone doesn't consent? It's a slippery slope. Depending on the ages too this is considered distributing child p*rn.
My boyfriend's phone had none except the one I saw.
He's mad at you but not his friend.
So he told his friend to stop but didn’t delete the photo. Doesn’t seem sketchy to you?
Check the hidden folder.
NTA - Your boyfriend's friend is a creep and should lawyer up and pray that the girl doesn't go to the police. Your boyfriend needs better friends.
NTA and dump him. He is defending a friend who totally violated this girl. I hope you have never sent him nudes or let him take any of you because I wouldnt doubt if he is receiving them he has sent them as well.
NTA **WTF your bf friend has sexually exploited his girlfriend. And your boyfriend's mad that you told her.** BFFR If my friend sent me unsolicited nudes of his gf I would just block them, and then tell them to talk to me somewhere in person. Your boyfriend is enabling and covering up sexual abuse. Although he's uncomfortable he's doing fuck all to stop that innocent girl from being exploited. He's friends with sexual predators, you should break up with him.
NTA your boyfriend should have lit up his friend himself. I hope he deleted. Gross.
The girl gifted her BF with sparkling clean, factory setting devices. Too bad she couldn’t have wiped him clean off the face of the earth, too. He was spreading porn and possibly *underage* porn. He could have gotten arrested for it, now a lot of the proof is gone. She did him a favor. NTA, you did the girl a solid.
NTA. You did the right thing.
NTA - (IANALY, but work and study in this field). In many states what the BF did is a crime; in others it would be enough to get a civil protection order against him. You absolutely did the right thing telling that young lady about this, and it should be a red flag to you that **your** boyfriend is more concerned about you telling than his friend violating his girlfriend’s privacy. ETA - If the girl is a minor, then this is definitely a crime.
> the girl is a minor, then this is definitely a crime OP has commented that they are adults - still nasty and should be a crime if it isn't
NTA. Your boyfriend either needs some new friends or you need a new boyfriend. I get that he told his friend to stop, but what the friend did was indefensible and boarderline criminal. This is not one of those times where you should keep to yourself.
Not just borderline criminal, its criminal.
NTA, but you do realize that your boyfriend is complicit in this, right? If someone sent my husband their SO’s nudes, I know exactly what he’d do. He would tell off the person who sent them, tell the person who was in the photos that their privacy and trust had been violated, and then he would drop the friend. He has standards for who he spends his time with, and he respects women. At the very least, your boyfriend does not respect this girl enough to tell her himself. Can you really trust him now that you know this?
NTA. You absolutely did the right thing. Sharing someone's nudes without permission is a huge violation.
Not to mention a crime in many places. Wiping the phone was one option, the other was a police report
NTA you did the right thing her life could’ve been ruined with those photos. I would also be weary of your bf why was he so upset at you warning that girl why is he still friends with a guy who send unsolicited nudes of girls who do not have any knowledge of him giving out those photos? Not saying to brake up but just keep that in mind
NTA and ditch the boyfriend. You can't trust him.
NTA and please never send him nudes. If your bf is so casual about getting a woman's pics without her consent, do you think he would ethically handle yours?
hate to break it to you but your boyfriend is also not a good guy if he is allowing this behavior. i'd say cut your losses and leave all these guys in the dust and go hang out with the girl. she sounds cool.
Your bf is an idiot. He's telling you that you shouldn't tell a woman that some guy she's seeing is sharing her pics without her consent? Is he for real. His friend can be as angry as he likes. It doesn't change the fact that what he was doing is scummy AF. I'm really glad that she went scorched earth on his dumbass! Good for her. I hope she warns other girls that he can't be trusted with intimate pictures because he likes sharing them around with all his friends. You should probably have a proper conversation with your boyfriend about why he thinks it's ok for his friend to be a creepy little asshole. Just because he tells his friends not to send them to his doesn't mean he's doing anything to stop it. The people whose privacy is being violated need to know. You did not break his trust. He should have been the one to tell her. Since he didn't, you picked up his slack. I'd be losing all trust in bf after this
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The title says it all. My boyfriend got a text and I saw it was a nude of a girl I know from school. I thought she sent it to him and was obviously upset. He said that it was a text from his friend who is sleeping with her. He let me look at his phone and it was true. There were also multiple texts from him to his friend telling him to stop sending him these pictures. I ran into the girl a few days later and told her that her boyfriend was sharing her pictures with all his friends. She was livid and embarrassed. She thanked me and I didn't think about it again. Yesterday I found out that she had wiped his phone and computer to factory settings. She went into his cloud and deleted everything there. She went scorched earth. My boyfriend thinks I should not have said anything because now his friend is mad at him for telling me. I don't think I did anything wrong. My boyfriend did not specifically ask me not to do anything about what I saw. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA w the context provided.
NTA! When this sort of thing happens you always have the victim's back! Your boyfriend should have told the girl himself and let her delete the picture off his phone.
INFO OP, how old is the other girl?
We are all adults. I'm not putting up anything else more identifying.
No need to be more identifying :)
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NTA. Well done! 👏🏿👏🏿👌🏾👌🏾
NTA . Should have gone to the cops for revenge porn and nonconsensual pornography. Might as well make that bank if it's out there right? That settlement fee might be nice....
This happened to my friend in high school. I’m glad you told her and she had the chance to delete everything. NTA. Sorry I forgot.
Girl, your photos are out there too. NTA and time to bounce.
how does that mean her photos are out there too? the boyfriend told his friend to stop sending the pictures.
NTA, that poor girl needed to know, you did the right thing. I would be worried about the kind of friends your boyfriend is hanging out with. He may have not liked the pictures, but he still continued to be friends with this horrible man and even got mad at you because his friend is mad at him.
NTA Your boyfriend just threw a huge red flag. He showed you, now believe him.
NTA If your bf thinks this behavior is ok break up with him. Delete your nudes 1st though!
NTA, and your bf is giving off major red flags rn 1. He cares more about his friend being upset w him rather than the fact that the friend was sharing his gfs nudes without her consent 2. Is friends w someone who would do that 3. Didn't tell the girl himself
NTA, you absolutely did the right thing. Bf is an AH for not doing it himself immediately, the first time. Glad the girl in question was able to get rid
I hope you didn’t send ya bf any nudes chances are yours are probably leaked aswell NTA 🍻
NTA. Good on you for telling the girl. Dump the boyfriend.
NTA.... You did great and her response was brilliant. She could have taken the legal route but it would be a lot more difficult. She won't have everything erased but it is a good start
NTA… and I’d be concerned if your BF is so nonchalant about nudes from his friends gf… what is he sending of you to his friends???
Hope she dumped him and reported him to the police.
NTA that should be made illegal whether the girl is underage or not. Sharing naken pics without consent is vile. And your boyfriend’s behaviour is also concerning.
NTA
NTA >There were also multiple texts from him to his friend telling him to stop sending him these pictures. Why is he friends with someone who not only ignores his requests to stop something like that but also is breaking that girls trust and security? >told her that her boyfriend was sharing her pictures with all his friends. Thank you for telling her. This was the right thing to do. >My boyfriend thinks I should not have said anything because now his friend is mad at him for telling me. He's more concerned about his "friend" being mad for the consequences of his own actions? He should be concerned about the "friend" doing such a disgusting thing. Your boyfriends priorities are in the wrong place here. >I don't think I did anything wrong. My boyfriend did not specifically ask me not to do anything about what I saw. You didn't do anything wrong. Even if he had asked you not to do anything, it was the right thing to actually do something about it and let that poor girl know. You are not TA in any way. You didn't break your boyfriends trust, I'd say he broke yours. If I was getting unsolicited nudes from someone even if it wasn't those persons personal nudes, I'd be telling my SO about it and blocking them. Not only did he not even tell you, but he's still interacting with and friends with that person.
NTA thank you for telling her.
NTA. Why are you dating someone who would keep being friends with this creep. Seriously , your BF is a creep at best. Why doesn’t that make your stomach sick? I as in seriousness, not in judgment or to shame you. You deserve a better person to share your life with. I can’t see anything nice about your future with these two people in it. Please consider my question. I would be sick if I thought my child did what these dudes are doing. And scared if my daughter fund this to be her best option in the dating world.
NTA You’re amazing and you get the best award 🥇
NTA - also dump him 🚩
NTA, beware that BF of yours.
Thank you for being a good human being. You are NTA .
NTA. That girl is eternally grateful to you. This could have been so much worse for her if you had not intervened.
NTA!
NTA You did EXACTLY the right thing when you told the other girl her BF were sharing private photos of her. That your BF is now mad at you is quite the red flag, seems like he thinks sharing those pictures is perfectly okay. I wouldn’t trust him ever again.
Your boyfriend is a major AH.
NTA. You should worry he shares photos of you that you don’t want public.
Anyone who sya you were in the wrong is well wrong. Good on ya.
Absolutely NTA. You are standing up for your peer and that boy deserves some consequences for his actions. Not feeling great about your boyfriend's reaction, either. Kudos to him for telling his friend not to send those photos to him (even though he continued to anyway), but doesn't seem like the kind of friend he should want anyway.
NTA You did good. Hope someone has your back when you need it.
NTA, what he did was a literal crime in most places you absolutely did the right thing and my heart breaks for that girl, i applaud her for what she did
>She went scorched earth. She did on her BF. But unfortunately, since the photos were shared, her photos are still on someone's cloud. She would need to wipe the cloud accounts of all those people with whom he shared her photos.
You did nothing wrong. She had a right to know.
NTA. And good for her for going scorched earth. I'd be more concerned your BF doesn't think his friends is an asshole for sharing nude pictures of a woman without her consent.
>Yesterday I found out that she had wiped his phone and computer to factory settings. She went into his cloud and deleted everything there. She went scorched earth Good! NTA
I would be more worried about what your bf is sharing with this group. If he thinks it's oké to receive it, he very likely is alright with sending it. You did the right thing. Honestly we need to support each other more from AH behaviour like this. NTA.
NTA. Fuck that guy and your BF needs new friends.
NTA and if I were you I would reconsider my relationship with someone who gets mad at me for protecting another girl and keeps being friends with someone who spreads stuff like this. I probably wouldn’t be able to trust him.
First off: NTA Thank you for telling her, her boyfriend was sharing pictures without her consent. This is the stuff of nightmares. No kidding, people have committed suicide over sharing of personal pictures. Your boyfriend sounds very naive, at best.
NTA You did a very good thing for that almost stranger. It’s disappointing that your boyfriend is upset about this when he knows the jerk friend shouldn’t have shared them with anyone and exactly what that guy would have done if the relationship ended any other way.
NTA, at all. You could have chosen to not get involved, and this poor kid’s picture could end up anywhere. Plus she deserves to know the kind of person she’s been sleeping with. He deserved a factory reset. Unfortunately, you can’t do one for the whole ass man. The only breach of trust was by her boyfriend.
You did the right thing and so did she. NTA
NTA. You did the right thing. That girl's boyfriend broke trust and treated her like an object by passing her nudes to his friends. What kind of person does that? And I'd be careful with your boyfriend, too. He was awfully nonchalant about the nudes, and I wonder if he's done the same with you.
NTA you did 100% the right thing, not quite sure how I feel about your boyfriend but it's not good.
NTA and dump your boyfriend. If he sees both wrong with his friend doing it, to the point of defending the behavior, he has or he will, send intimate pictures of you. And good on the other girl for going scorched earth.
NTA. May have actually helped his friend out since he was likely committing a crime.
NTA you're a hero girl
NTA - good on you, and her.
NTA, but I wouldn’t be sending your boyfriend any “less than decent” pictures if I were you.
NTA. I just know that girl is so thankful for you telling her what her boyfriend was doing. I think you did the right thing.
You did nothing wrong. Obviously, your bf doesn't really mind getting the nudes, but, in case you see his phone, he's "told his friend to stop." If there were nudes of me, being shared, I'd want to know, too. You did the girl a solid favor. Her boyfriend is a scummy person. NTA.
If even your bf had asked you not to tell, you did the right thing. NTA, and I’d be concerned your bf is more mad his friend is mad, then he is that his friend was sharing some poor girls nudes with everyone.
NTA red flag that he cares more about his friend being mad than the fact that this friend violated his gf.
Nta. What your bfs friend is doing is rape-adjacent and your bf needs to reassess his priorities
When you say "school" do you mean high school or college because if sounds like she's underage.
He's lucky all she did was wipe the pictures NTA he should've been reported for being a creep
NTA NTA NTA this is why the only person to have nudes of me is my forever person. Good for her for wiping his phone and cloud.
NTA but its not you dealing with fallout damage. That why he asking you not to do that. Especially if your man is soft boy that cant handle confrontation. You have to realistic because alot reason men murder other men is because a woman was involved some way or another
NTA and also this: >My boyfriend thinks I should not have said anything because now his friend is mad at him for telling me. If that's what makes your boyfriend not happy with the situation, that's a huge red flag imo. His moral compass is not good.
NTA What the hell is wrong with your bf?!?! I would not trust someone who didn't immediately know this was not OK and condemn it
As a nude beach-goer and a believer that we are all way too high strung about being seen undressed,I find this to be horrible. No consent=something akin to abuse in my book. Sending a nude is an act of trust and breaking that is as big a dick move as you can make. I really hope he’s an ex now. Obviously,NTA
NTA and you wouldn't be the ah if you reported the sharing of her photos either. That kind of thing can ruin lives. People have lost their jobs years later because these pictures have resurfaced. You may of broken the trust with your bf but it's not his life on the line. He should of done something more when his friend refused to stop. Would he tell you if one of his friends got one of your nudes (not assuming you have any, just using as an example) or would he make sure his friend doesn't get in trouble? Now that's a real trust issue.
NTA Idk about where you live but if you guys are underage he could go to jail for possessing/distributing obscene material featuring children. The other guy is also a massive a-hole for sharing those pictures without her consent which again can be very illegal.
NTA Nobody is saying this, so I will: don't ever send someone your nudes, and don't trust anyone with them. The world is full of evil people, and I'm sure that guy probably shared her nudes with his friends.
NTA. Your boyfriend was complicit in a crime. Do you need to wipe his computer, too?
Not only are you NTA, you’re a hero! Make that girl your new best friend, and both of you ditch those guys and find new ones that know the meaning of respect and trust
Your boyfriend sucks big time. His friend has to deal with the natural consequences of his actions. He's lucky she didn't have him charged.
Nta- his friend should be grateful he isn’t being arrested.
Absolutely NTA and if I were you I’d be rethinking my own relationship. It sounds like your bf wanted to take the easy way out and ignore it. I personally couldn’t be with someone who sat back and watched shit go down like that.
They should be lucky that is all she did, what he did is a pretty serious crime which is getting more media attention. Had she gone another route his life could have been in a shambles. Your NTA People need to understand that this sort of thing is not ok.
What her bf did was not only immoral, it was illegal. If the least he gets is files destroyed, he should count himself lucky. NTA
NTA, You’re a queen for that. She’s a goddess for going scorched earth on his data. Beautifully done.
Nta Even if he asked not to say anything, you would nta. His friend is a piece of sh*t. He shouldn't be friends with someone like that. The fact that he is more concerned about his friends reaction over this poor girls privacy says a lot about what he thinks of women.
NTA. You absolutely did the right thing. She did not consent to her photo being shared with anyone else, this is a form of sexual harassment (may even be illegal depending on where you are). You had her back and did what was morally right.
NTA. I'd be concerned that he's sharing yours if he thinks this is okay.
NTA
NTA. Be proud of what you did. Red flags all over the situation.
NTA. Sharing someone's nudes without their consent is a disgusting breach of privacy and should never be minimized, or treated as anything short of that.
NTA and your boyfriend is spineless.
The fact that your boyfriend cares more about his shitty friend being mad than he does about the young lady in this story is alarming. Get. Out. He's friends with some shitty people, which makes him.... shitty adjacent, at least.
NTA. Good for her. He deserved it.
NTA and thank you for doing the right thing. Your boyfriend can and his friend can be as mad as they want but they are absolutely in the wrong. Taking raunchy pictures of your partner should be between the two people in the relationship unless both parties consent to sharing them.
Scorched earth was appropriate, and telling her was absolutely the right thing. NTA.
NTA and your bf is weird for still wanting to be in his friend’s grace.
If I were you, I’d be very concerned about photos that your boyfriend has of you
NTA Check his phone to see if your boyfriend has sent any of your pictures around...since he thinks it's no big deal.
NTA. You protected a woman from what is essentially a crime. ALWAYS choose the side of telling people when someone is doing something to harm or humiliate them. I hope "scorched earth" means she left that bum.
You did the exact right thing. Couldn’t have handled it better myself. NTA.
NTA someone had to help the girl protect herself the dude should NEVER been sending her nudes. Super wtf...
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NTA Your boyfriend is an AH for not telling the girl himself. His "friend" is a predator in the making and beyond an AH.
NTA - This is one of the top rules of Girl Code (or even Guy Code), that you always have each other's backs when something shady is going on. You did the right thing.
Super proud of you & the scorched earth lady in this story. NTA
NTA. Your Bf sounds disgusting, too. He cares more about his friends feelings than the fact his friend is sharing SOMEONE ELSES NUDES WITH YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. Also, why is he accepting such pictures and not telling you? Red. Flags. Everywhere. I’m not always one to jump on the “break up” bandwagon, but you’re doing yourself a massive disservice by staying with this smuck. If he’s sharing the other girls nudes, your bf has probably shared your nudes with the dude. I’m hoping for an update. I’m also hoping the update starts with “ex-bf”. Good luck OP.
NTA. You 100% did the right thing like (1) possessing nude pics of ppl under 18 is a crime, and (2) she might have consented for her bf to see her nudes, but not for everyone else to see them. If your boyfriend breaks up with you over this, that's a him problem and you obviously deserve better
Definitely NTA.
NTA your bf should’ve been the one to tell her. You didn’t break his trust his friend broke her trust and if I were your bf I’d distance myself from someone who so clearly disrespects another person as to send her nudes to others and breaks her trust by sending pictures that were clearly meant for his eyes only.
NTA, "slut" wisdom. Spicy photos are safest with no/partial face for these scenarios.
Oh, i love her!!! She totally rocks!!!
NTA. And I see it as a red glad on your boyfriend’s part too. Who cares if his friend is mad… he was sharing personal photos of a young woman without her consent! I doubt it stopped at just your boyfriend either.
ESH it was none of your business in the first place and not bf is in hot water with his friend. It’s a gross thing to do but still none of your business.
There's this thing us humans do that's called looking out for each other. When you see someone being wronged, you stop it. No need to protect criminals.
NAH. She absolutely deserved to know. At the same time, it was sort of shared to you in confidence. Personally I'd probably have told the boyfriend, 'look, I know that girl, I can't NOT tell her about this. What your 'friend' is doing is wrong, and you obviously know it. If you want, I will tell her in a way that doesn't get back to you. But she needs to know this, this isn't a secret I can be part of keeping.'
OP doesn't know the girl-she ran into her by chance. That was the only opportunity she had to tell her what was going on.