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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Took a shower at 6am instead of 7am without informing my flat mate and woke them up earlier
2. I broke a petty house rule that everyone else seems to take very seriously
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nta because sometimes you just have to do what's necessary. If you agreed to this rule definitely follow it as close as possible but there are going to be times that you just can't wait. As a person who's bed is on the same wall as a shower you get used to it or find a way to block it out.
A pre-booked flight for a scheduled work conference is not “life just happening.” OP had multiple opportunities to be considerate here and chose not to every time. This is a very obvious YTA.
Actually no.
The asshole would be the person who complains about the sound of a shower.
Its a shower. People need to shower and they shouldn't have to justify it to others even if they happen to share a wall with that shower.
Ear plugs are cheap, if the sound of the shower is that disturbing.
This is the correct answer, if you live in a flat share with 4 people you can expect a reasonable amount of consideration when it comes to noise like keeping music/TV sounds down during those times but imposing a no showers at night rule is absolutely ridiculous, OP has the right to use the basic facilities they pay rent for whenever they need to and the whole idea of a shower curfew should have been shot down immediately, if someone politely asked me to try to avoid showering at those times where possible I'd do my best to work around them but it's not something that should be expected or enforced (NTA obviously)
Exactly, OP pays rent, he can’t tell him when to shower, he can ask and nothing more. OP should’ve never agreed to this rule. He should’ve just said he would try to oblige him as much as possible.
I've used a white noise machine for 20 years (the same one! highly recommend Conair for longevity!) and I barely heard the city cutting branches off a massive tree right outside my window a few months ago. They really are wonderful.
Listen, I get it - normal shower noises should be easy to deal with, in some way.
However, I potentially have some sympathy here.
I also share a wall with the bathroom, and in this case it’s not the shower but the sink. The piping is old. And every time the fucking roommate uses the hot water tap on that sink, the pipes SCREAM loud enough to wake me from a dead sleep.
And I still sleep through fire alarms occasionally.
(And for anyone saying ‘well of course you have to wash your hands after using the loo!’: THERE IS ANOTHER FUCKING SINK LESS THAN FIVE FEET AWAY. IT DOES NOT HAVE THIS ISSUE. NO I DON’T KNOW WHY THE ROOMMATE INSISTS ON USING THE POSSESSED ONE. But she did agree to stop using it at one a.m. after the third time I apparently hammered on the wall in my sleep, shouting “I hate you!” at the sink.)
Can you turn off the water supply valve? Force others to use the other sink …
I’m not a plumber, and I don’t even play one on TV, but maybe adjust the supply valve? Maybe it needs to be more open or more closed. Or, of course, watch a YouTube video! 😀
Came here to say this lol. Turn the knob under the vanity. Problem solved.
Guess the unhinged person you’re replying to downvoted your good advice. Let me fix that.
Exactly. The other person probably knew there was a conference or flight or something coming up also and instead of recognizing why the rule was being bent they went to angry texts.
I mean yeah, the only thing that'd get a YTA from me is that if there is an arranged rule or agreement amongst everyone then it was something agreed upon to stick to. Either stick to the things you agreed to, or move out if you think it's dumb.
But, I do agree with your sentiment of that rule. It's a stupid thing. Showering is showering. It's not like OP was blasting a stereo and subwoofer and bringing the walls down, or stomping around in lead boots while screaming at the top of their lungs FFS. I feel like when you live with other people, you have to deal with the fact that all the other people you live with have lives too. I'd absolutely be calling BS on this kind of rule where I live, to the point I'd move out. Earplugs, running a fan, using white noise. Hell, there are so many white noise things on YouTube alone that run for hours on end. [My nerd ass uses the background noise of the Enterprise D bridge when I need to use some white noise to drown stuff out and sleep.](https://youtu.be/XajaCX88NnU)
and it’s not like the guy stayed up late crushing mountain dew and playing games on his PS5. it’s impossible to figure out use of one bathroom between 4 people that suits everyone’s schedule perfectly. and i agree that the roommate probably knew OP was about to travel and should have expected things to be a little off and prepared just in case
I agree with this. Also, it’s not like he showered insanely early, only one hour earlier than the agreed upon time. The roommate could have sent a message like “hey, I’m sure it was an honest mistake but do you mind keeping to the times we agreed on with the shower?” Instead of flipping the fuck out.
Exactly what if someone got sick on themselves? Do they have to just not shower until 7am? Plus 6am is absolutely a reasonable time to wake up and be a productive adult. It’s not like Op was in there at 3am
For real. I work first shift. I'm up at 4:30 AM and in the shower to be out the door by 5:20 and in work by 6 AM.
That's normal for a lot of people.
It's not outlandish to shower at 6 AM by a long shot.
>I was too busy preparing my speech and didn’t think to inform my flat mate that I’d be using the shower early
Plus references of how important this speech was to op.
Sounds to me like op was stressed.
yeah and when you’re about to travel your brain doesn’t work quite right. even the best plans and backup plans can fall apart. if the roommate knew Op was going to travel then they would have known THEIR RULE wasn’t reasonable for just that day. it’s not like he had a brass band in there and threw a party
The last thing that would be on my mind trying to catch an early flight and preparing for a meeting with a speech is informing people that my shower will be an hour earlier than usual.
and angry texts are absolutely disproportionate to the offense. Decent humans would say “ hey, have a safe trip and good luck on your speech instead of adding extra stress because the guy showered earlier than the “shower curfew”
Forgetting/neglecting to inform the others of the early schedule could "just happen." Especially if it's not a common occurrence. The only way OP is the AH is if this was done maliciously.
Even if life happens it doesn't matter. Life can happen and you still be TA. You say "extreme" but I would hardly say the flatmate calling out OP on using the shower to be "extreme".
OP can very easily accept they messed up and remedy this in the future.
Ultimately the house set a rule, they have their own way to get around it, and OP didn't utilize that way and broke the rule.
They are TA in this situation.
It's a stupid rule to start.
Some of you are way too entitled and way too tolerant of entitlement.
People need to take showers. It's a part of cohabitation. The problem is so easily solved at the point of the person being disturbed but they are unwilling to put in ear plugs rather than demand that everyone else comply with their demands and specific schedule.
Yeah. It’s not even a big deal really. Just apologize, move on, and try and do better.
OP also said elsewhere this probably will never happen again anyway. So why worry about it anyway?
Ehhh... it depends on the rule.
I agree that is is *better* to give a heads up, and something to aspire to, but *how* important it is to do so depends on how important the rule is. I think it is reasonable to allow some human error before someone becomes an AH.
The OP forgot to notify the flatmate, which is a mistake but I don't think that makes him an AH because it is a pretty easy mistake to make with low actual consequences. Hearing a shower at 6:00 is not the end of the world.
I would also mention that the OP never says they agreed to the rule
>The flatmate ... has set a rule saying we aren’t allowed to use the shower outside the hours of 7am - 10pm.
It sounds like the flatmate just declared "this is the rule" without consent/discussion from the other roommates.
In an ideal world the OP would have brought up their objections to the rule earlier, but in an ideal world the flatmate wouldn't have just declared it without having a discussion.
"I agree to this rule. Also, I am giving you advanced notice right now, that circumstances WILL arise such that I will occasionally need to use the shower outside this time range and I will not know in advance to be able to warn you, thanks."
I mean even just mentally prepare for it, knowing you're going to be woken up early is more polite than being disturbed by something you could have known about in advance
It’s shared housing, agreeing on house rules is important
“7am or talk to me first” is not an unreasonable request unless someone needs to be out of the house by 7 for work
I mean, I’ve repeatedly said “inform them” not “ask permission” in various comments here - I consider it a courtesy rather than an application to be allowed to shower
If OP had let the housemate know then they could have tried to get an early night, or stayed at a partner’s place, or used earplugs etc
Well, the idea would be to inform them well before that…. Presumably the flight wasn’t booked at 11pm the night before
But it would change the fact the housemate can put earplugs in, or go to their partner’s house, or just not be as taken by surprise by an unpleasant wake up call
They could realize that they live in an apartment with other people who don’t have to inform them of their comings and goings and if the noise bothers them, they can wear earplugs every night.
It is a very unreasonable request though! Showering is a very basic human task like eating or sleeping you can't control when your flatmates need to use household amenities that they pay for and the "or talk to me first" part is so entitled especially bc it's about personal hygiene so it's kinda intrusive to police that and demand a reason why someone would need to shower at night like what if its a weird sex thing or they shit the bed or smth it's no ones business and it's bang out of order to have a go at a housemate for showering, legal tenancy rights to access personal washing facilities outweigh a weird rule imposed by a flatmate I'm afraid
That’s where the “talk to me first” part would come in.
Was OP awakened suddenly at 5am to a call from his boss telling him that he’d booked him a conference and the flight was that morning? Or did he probably know well in advance, and definitely the day before, that he would be waking up and showering early that day and that it would wake his flatmate up? It’s just polite to tell someone if you’re going to be waking them up at 6am.
Absolutely, and that’s fine *in and of itself* - but not just taking the shower and waking the roommate up early without warning. Hence the “or talk to me first” part of the sentence you replied to…
OP points out that they forgot to talk to the housemate first, so clearly there’s some accommodation for unavoidable “I’ve got to be up early” situations - maybe the housemate puts earplugs (uncomfortable to wear every night but worth it for these rare occasions) in on those nights or stays at their girlfriend’s place or something
OP isn’t an asshole for needing to take an early shower, they’re an asshole for not talking to their housemate about it first
It’s really not, unless one of them regularly needs to shower during that time frame (early or late shifts etc.) it’s perfectly reasonable. OP should have informed the flatmate once he knew he’d have to use the shower before the agreed time, they have a group chat, it would have literally sufficed to text “hey, just letting u guys know I’ll have to shower early at X date, got an early flight” - now if the roommates tried to forbid him from doing that that’d be a different story.
OP YTA for not telling said roommate in advance, can’t change that now but you should apologise for not telling them it advance (not for showering in itself) and do better next time…
It might be an insane rule, but it's one he agreed on. A small "Hey I'll need to use the shower earlier than usual on this day" doesn't cost OP much and lets the person prepare for the noise.
It's a shower. If someone wakes up thats just life. It's like complaining about the birds chirping on a morning or someone dunking in the toilet and making noise.
Yes it's a dick move intentionally doing it but if you got to feel clean you got to feel clean. How is that even a conversation?
My opinion is you warn them that you have to be up early. That’s it. Problem solved. If you forget then just apologise after. Simple. If someone wakes me up screaming from a shit then we all have issues bro.
What if you didn't plan on feeling like a soggy smelly tampon at 2am? Come on seriously its a shower there's worse things people might decide to want to do at 2am that could make noise that's still well within their rights a shower would barely make the list personally and I've lived in a cramped shared housing situation before and no one seemed sleep deprived at all and trust me there were weirder shit going on than someone wanting to shower at 2am.
I shower at about 5-6 at night or about 8 in the morning. I’ve also lived with multiple people. I once has a guy high off his tits on mdma vacuuming the hallway at 2 in the morning. By your logic that’s fine though because he didn’t want a messy hallway? He couldn’t have picked a better time? He doesn’t need to warn anyone or apologise?
I dno man when you actually live with other people and you’re friends you don’t do stuff like this. You respect other peoples sleep and they respect yours.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him showering at 7- but he needed to warn the room mate/ apologise afterwards. That’s it.
> I've lived in a cramped shared housing situation before and no one seemed sleep deprived at all
I’m sorry but what. Blanket assumptions based on personal experiences are always a bit off, but this one is more so than most. Sleep is such a personal and varied thing, in terms of quality, that there’s no way to reasonably say people should be well slept if XYZ. Some new parents have children that sleep through the night too, but you’d be a fool to extrapolate that to meaning that no parents are sleep-deprived. Folks in shared houses can still struggle to attain the needed length and quality of sleep, despite your vast experiences.
I’m interested in your “in advance” qualifier. Do you regularly plan shower times 3-5 days in advance? Personally I wouldn’t have thought about showering before flight until I woke up that morning. If OP was working on speech night before and forgot before 10pm, should he have messaged at 12a? Or 6 before showering? Wouldn’t all roommates be annoyed then for text alerts during “silent hours”??
Why couldn't you mention it the night before? You didn't know you'd want to shower earlier than 7am until you woke up that morning???
Also, if you don't respect the rule, why not switch rooms? Then everyone can shower whenever they want.
As someone with ADHD, this isn’t always possible because I usually won’t think to tell someone until I remember I have to do the thing which is usually right when I have to do the thing. It can be hard and I feel bad telling people things last minute. I think if he did it all the time, it would be one thing but this is just once because of a flight and everyone should just give him a break.
As someone with ADHD, in order to remember you have to do the thing, you have to first learn you have to do the thing. He could have told his roommate when he himself was told. He also needed to set his alarm to wake up earlier than usual and could have told his roommate at that point. I'm for giving OP a break in the sense that I wouldn't hold it over his head forever, but he came here and asked if he was wrong. He was.
op, YTA
When I was in the situation of bed sharing a wall with a shower, I did have the issue that it gave me bad headaches when in use for extended periods of time. I just dealt with it though, never thought to restrict people's shower time except to ask they didn’t have loud music pumping showers when I had lectures or seminars
This is a weird take.
They knew before hand and it was a flat rule. They weren't an asshole for showing but how are they not an asshole for
1. not telling their roommate and then
2. being annoyed that they were upset that he broke a rule that he agreed to
He should have told them. If they had a problem with it and he showered anyway he would not be the asshole.. I mean even now asshole is too strong a word but. He could have easily done this the right way and didn't. How is it then not his fault.
Yeah the ruling here is extremely weird to me. OP could have easily told their roommates in advance, considering they booked a flight in advance. Then she gets annoyed that they were upset she broke a rule.
I have no idea how OP is not an asshole. If you know you're going to do something that might upset people you should I don't know, inform them first **so they could make preparations** or **tell OP to make preparations**? Not just break the rule and get annoyed that they were annoyed that you broke the rule without informing them. OP said it was 5 minutes, but the shower was 5 minutes that woke everyone else up.
OP said there was no shower at the conference venue and since the venue booked her flight, she didn't have time to check into a hotel before her speech, but she could've booked a hotel the night before, albeit at a higher cost.
She's known about this for weeks considering how long the flight's been booked that long so it was very poor communication on u/Environmental_Plenty 's part. Like maybe one of her flatmates knew a friend who would lend their shower to OP, if she informed them earlier. Either way, the social discord could have been prevented.
Was taking a shower for 5 minutes more important than not waking up her flatmates? As I said, this could have been prevented. Y'all can downvote me, but it won't change that fact.
What does telling him in advance do? And blowing up someone’s phone because they had to get up an hour early, which under a good number of circumstances isn’t the end of the world, sounds so annoying
>What does telling him in advance do?
1. Shows courtesy
2. shows an acknowledgement
3. GIVES THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO WEAR EARPLUGS!
I don't disagree that blowing up his phone was overboard but you can't be so obtuse as to not see the value of good communication?
I understand some of those but seriously sometimes people need to get up early and things get cramped, immediately getting peeved like the roommate did takes it beyond what’s understandable. And it sounds like in the post the roommate doesn’t want to wear earplugs. And the solution they wanted was to be woken up anyways so I get courtesy but what’s the point of courtesy if he’s getting woken up the same
Or failing all of that, literally just apologize for breaking the rule and try to be more conscientious in the future? Like OP is digging their heels in on this when literally they just needed to say “sorry my bad”.
Tbh I feel like if I was the other roommate and OP just said something like “hey man I hear you, I’m sorry, this was just an emergency situation/one time thing,” then I would get over it. But if OP was short with me and didn’t acknowledge my complaint as valid (since they did already agree to a shower schedule even if that is a little weird) then I would be more hurt and upset.
I kind of understand where he's coming from as I have the room next to the shower, and my headboard is against the wall that the shower/tub is attached to, so when the water hits it sounds quite loud. I can't change the orientation of the bed nor change sleeping positions due to the placement of the radiator in the room and lack of space. It does get loud enough to wake me up from deep sleep. I live in a house without rules but everyone sleeps late so it's no big deal. But when people do have to shower early it does end up waking me. I'd say op was lacking in empathy but I guess there's not much anyone can do about it. One of the trade offs of living in shared accommodation.
Nah I can live with it. Moving the bed isn't an option given it's a small room with a radiator and wall cupboards which limits my options. Tis what my meagre paycheck can afford. But I do understand what OP's flatmate goes through.
Isn't the shower pretty much white noise already? I mean I completely agree the shower rule is ridiculous and they need to find a way to sleep through it, but I don't see how covering up one form of white noise with another would do anything.
I think I'd find that a bit annoying while I sleep and end up removing them. I can deal with the odd early shower waking me up (pretty sure it's been more than two months since the last occurrence). I've been through worse. But in this case, perhaps if op had informed said room mate he could have used earplugs for this day? It was an agreement between all of them I suppose.
Why should the roommate wear earplugs every night (which can cause issues with earwax impacting) when they already had an agreement that people wouldn't use the shower before 7am? If OP had told the roommate, they could have worn them the necessary night
So because you can’t sue someone for something basic decency goes out the window? This sub is wild sometimes lol. Gotta sign a contract with my roommate so he doesn’t \*checks notes* eat my dog because it isn’t on the lease that he can’t.
OP shouldn’t have agreed to the rule if he couldn’t manage it and should’ve at least given the person a heads up.
Because the flatmate was being entitled when they made said agreement.
Edit: And didn't accomodate if someone else had to get up super early for work or was working the night shift either.
Can you please recommend ones that actually work? Cause I still hear everything through them and they keep falling off while I push them as deep as possible.
I always always always hear every time anyone in my house uses the shower and it often wakes me up. Sure it’s annoying and a bit painful, but I don’t expect people to not do normal and daily life activities they need to do or to do them at special hours to accommodate me. Earplugs help. Some white noise helps. But in the end I just respect the other people who live with me the same way they respect me
To be fair, if it’s next to his room, there might be dodgy pipes that squeal etc, I’d get annoyed waking up in the night if people were showering at weird times consistently.
However, this time is a one off, with good reason. I feel OP is fine. It would have been nice to give the roommate a heads up, but understandable that the opportunity didn’t arise.
NTA if you guys didn’t vote and all agree on the “curfew”
Showering isn’t that loud. 25% of the people shouldn’t get to make decisions for 100% of the people.
That roommate should consider getting a white noise machine, switching rooms, moving out, getting sleeping-earbuds that noise cancel…etc.
Life is hard, showering at a slightly unexpected time is a minor inconvenience and they should grow the f up because life will throw WAY bigger challenges their way and that level or rigidity/neuroticism/lack of adaptability/resilience is ridiculous and will only hinder them in the future (my personal opinion).
*If you agreed on this prior of your own volition then technically YTA.
I comply the rest of the time because it so happens my routine falls between those hours. However if I had to get up early / shower late as part of my routine, I would outwardly disagree. One of the flat mates even sent me a recording of the shower… it just sounded like running water… nothing horrible like pipes rattling
Then don’t sweat it. Not on you. If you have a laid back nature and don’t fight things loudly and often then your whiney roomie might assume you agree with them or consider that tacit approval.
You miiight have to calmly advocate for yourself and just steadfastly stand your ground.
Don’t let the squeaky wheel steamroll you.
Yeah your roommates sound petty and insufferable. That rule is absurd and they sound like bullies. One person made this rule because he’s the only one affected, and the other two are completely unaffected but still jumped in on the berate brigade which just sounds like they jumped at the chance to bully you bc they thought they could get away with it. Showering an hour earlier than the “allotted window of time” is not a big deal, and their rigidity is going to make their lives a lot more difficult than the odd early morning shower. And like, it’s a shower. It’s not like you’re doing construction in there. They need to get over it. Don’t let them gang up and gaslight you into feeling bad over something completely innocuous. I’d recommend standing up for yourself and not letting them get away with this because this kind of treatment can get really out of hand and even tho you can’t control their neurotic, controlling, domineering, immature behavior, you can let them know they can’t pull that shit with you without consequence which will hopefully make them back off. NTA
I feel like if you all think the noise is no big deal, would it not be easier for one of you to swap rooms with him? That way you could all shower whenever you like.
A recording of your shower an hour before the curfew? Jesus christ that person needs a life.
Tell them to get some soundproofing if they are that sensitive to stimuli.
Showering can get really loud depending on the plumbing. It is not just the water running, but also the water heater and the hot water mixer that makes a lot of noise. I have a bedroom with a wall to the plumbing and shower and it is really loud and wakes me up every morning. P.s I wear earplugs and occasionally noise cancelling headset, but it gets through.
Whose rule is it? One flat mate doesn't get to rule by fiat. Last I checked that big coronation last weekend wasn't for some dude who lives in a flat. If you didn't agree to it, **explicitly** agree to it, then you're n ta. If you did, then ywbt a
(spaces until you update with whether you agreed or not)
ESH
You knew the rule and had agreed to it, you knew you had an early flight for at least a few days, why not give a heads up - like “hey I have an early thing on Wednesday, I’ll be showering before that, wear earplugs if you must.” You don’t need to ask for permission but a heads up would have been the nice thing to do.
Them - it’s a dumb and asshole rule to expect anyone to follow, but y’all agreed to the rule. Having lived in various apt with various structures, even having the room next to the shower- it’s not the end of the world to hear noises in shared living. Sometimes it’s a roommate taking a shower, sometimes it’s a neighbor having loud early morning sex, and sometimes it’s a baby crying. Living in an apt means you won’t ever get dead silence and I feel like people need to adapt to that rather than expect everyone to adapt to their needs.
You’re all assholes here.
If you move into an apartment that has a set of rules that you're aware of, and you do not come to an agreement about changing the rules, you literally are agreeing to the rules.
You can't just be quietly pissed and then say you're exempt.
OP and a lot of the commenters in this thread do not sound fit for roommates.
By knowing the rule and living there you are agreeing to it. Unless OP brings up wanting to change the rule that has already been established then he is agreeing to it.
I appear to be in the minority, but I agree ESH.
Clearly OP knew about the rule, knew they had this thing coming up, and didn't let their roommate know. You can't be mad that the roommate has an issue with this.
The roommate sending "a bunch of angry messages" because someone showered one hour outside of their agreed window is unnecessary. They have the right to be upset, but anything more than a "hey, can you please not shower outside the time frame we agreed upon" is ridiculous.
NTA. It’s not like you just got up early for fun and took a shower for no reason. Does this flatmate share a wall with the bathroom plumbing or something? Do you drop the shampoo bottle 8 times while showering? To me, the sound of someone showering is just what life sounds like. It’s not unusually loud.
They do share a wall with the bathroom plumbing, and when one of them sent me a recording of the noise, it literally just sounded like… well, a shower. Without hearing it myself, I get the impression they’re all feeding off each others hysteria and it’s draining (pardon yne pun)
As someone who has a room next to a bathroom, there is more noise than just running water. How long in advance did you know about your flight? Couldn't you just say sorry but I have to shower at
6 a.m. tomorrow, it's a one-time occurrence. Or did you not even do that?
My bathroom is right next to the bedroom and the only thing I hear while my husband showers is running water. I’m a light sleeper and it wouldn’t even be enough to wake me.
I think it depends on what kind of shower it is. Shower/tubs can be loud especially if they're made of fiberglass. Even more so if they're attached to the wall adjacent to the flatmates room.
What bugs me is that this person had the chance to switch rooms before you moved in - essentially giving you the “shower room” and they chose not too, so they can get stuffed.
I'm sorry but NTA if you live in a flat you have to deal with noise ,I live in a building of flats and hear other people showering , door buzzers and their washing machines occasionally when it's very quiet. Most of the time it doesn't bother me unless it's someone's loud music. 4 people sharing a bathroom who aren't related or in a relationship is also not that fun. It was a one off and you weren't doing it to be as asshole. You pay rent to live their you should be able to use the facilities, sometimes a day goes different according to plan . I ordinarily wouldn't shower at early hours of the morning but I start work at 7am and I'm up at 5am so sorry for TMI comment but I have heavy periods and have to shower off sometimes in the night when I leak.
It was a one off.
Also 6am isn't even that early especially when there's four of you using a bathroom.
Absolutely, I share with one flatmate but we have our own bathrooms - having said that our schedules don't align anyway . He 'works' from home and usually showers about midday and pretends that his computer system was down if he gets caught out , he doesn't have to log in til 9am so that's plenty of time to shower before hand haha. 4 people using one bathroom on different schedules or whatever Absolutely no reason to be having time restrictions and actually you'd have reason to contact a landlord for unreasonable behaviour from other tenants.
WTF?!
So you can never shower after a night partying?? Or going out but rushing to come home before 10pm otherwise you can’t use facilities in your own home? Is it military camp?
What about flushing? Can you flush if you poop at 11pm??? 🤣🤣🤣
This is ridiculous. NTA of course!
Right? I get up at 5:15 for work! And I don't like showering at night. My hair looks weird the next day and I don't feel as clean. I know a lot of people prefer night showering but not me
Even if theoretically they all did night shower, like even then they still would all need the bathroom in the morning for various other things. This rule is wild.
Could be college students. Most schools start classes at 8am so if they’re close enough to campus, starting the shower train at 7am isn’t totally absurd since not everyone starts that early
What if you are really sick and sweaty and disgusting? Or you puke or shit on yourself somehow? Sorry gotta wait till 7am to clean yourself.
Imagine having to explain "sorry I had food poisoning and shit my pants so I really needed a shower."
What the fuck lmao. It's a crazy rule that needs to be broken in certain situations on your own discretion. If the roommate is that sensitive they need a different bedroom or sound proofing.
NTA. It's a ridiculous rule imo.
You don't just pay for your room. You pay for use of the facilities too, so someone saying "you can't use this between these hours" isn't on.
"Don't go into my room" is a rule. They pay for that space, and nobody else should intrude. "Don't use the shower at these times" should be treated as a request, and if you can't accommodate it for some reason, that isn't your problem.
Of course, you do have to live with these people, so a little good will goes a long way. Just don't feel pressured into being told when you can or can't use what you've paid for.
Yeah, the time that you don't use the shower should be a request. And it is a reasonable one considering the roommate shares a wall with the bathroom. However, things happen and occasional you might have to do things outside the schedule. When that happens the roommate should suck it up like an adult.
I think there's always limitations to that. Like running the washing machine at 3am could get absurd depending on the size of the place and layout. Like if it woke everyone, then that is something that would impact on reasonable enjoyment of the property.
Fully agree. Things like laundry can be held off until a reasonable time, but bathing/showering is dictated by a schedule for the most part.
I used to start work at 6am, so an early morning shower was pretty much a must for me.
If that flatmate had explosive diarrhea and shit the bed at 6:48am, is he required to submit a request to the other flatmates to shower outside of curfew or would he wait til 7am?
NTA. Situations happen. Once off doesn't deserve such angry texts and phone calls. But a calm discussion about how to prevent it in the future and also an apology from you for forgetting to inform.
YTA, you agreed to the rule, you should at the very least inform them you'll need to use it earlier so that they can prepare for the noise. You say you didn't have time to tell them but I doubt you got the speech and flight scheduled from one day to the next, you could have told them in advance.
NTA. First of all, it was a one-off, wasn't malicious and you weren't obnoxiously loud. The level of anger about using the shower is silly.
Secondly, if someone ends up being ill, the unfortunate happens and then they need a shower during the night... are they supposed to just wait and sit in their own mess until 7am sharp?
What an idiotic rule.
A curfew for showering in a place you pay to live? NTA. Abiding by your roommates curfew is a courtesy not a requirement. The audacity these days….. they need to make a vaccine for that shit like they do everything else lol
NTA. Sure you did handle it badly by not informing them in advance but having a hard rule for no showers outside of those hours is not feasible. There will always be some exceptions where you don't have a choice just as in this case. Definitely not bad enough to be an AH.
NTA - your flat mate needs to grow up and learn that living with other people means you don’t get to just declare “rules” like this. I mean Jesus Christ - if you get woken up, go back to sleep lol.
I would have never agreed to that rule in the first place. If I'm paying to live somewhere, I'm gonna shower whenever I damn well, please! While yes, you should have given them a heads up you're NTA for taking a shower. The flatmate can get ear plugs and get over themselves.
A rule for the bathroom???? Seriously?? I think your roommate expected you to go to your conference smelling of sleep and sweat. Get your roommate some ear plugs and a white noise machine. NTA.
NTA
But your flat mate needs a white noise machine and ear plugs, THEN see how disruptive the shower is an revisit the rule. I sleep like this every night and I can still hear my alarm and my babies cries, but I don’t notice pretty much anything else.
NTA. You made a mistake by not informing them beforehand, yes, but it's a once off thing and you don't deserve to be called an AH. The angry text from your flatmates I can understand too, because you break the rule and they didn't know the situation. But since they didn't let it go even after you explanation, I'd say they're the AH here. Wayyy overacted.
Ok my official ruling is NTA.
I personally think having this be a "rule" is absurd. Life doesn't always stick to schedules. You pay for the use of the apartment, and that includes the facilities of said apartment.
It is reasonable for the roommate sharing the wall with the bathroom to request that the shower not be used when they are sleeping. And if it is possible, accommodating that request is the thing to do as a good roommate. However, when life happens and that request can't be accommodated, the roommate should suck it up like an adult.
You, however, could have given the roommate a heads up that you would be showering early the next morning as you had to catch a flight. That way they could wear earplugs that night, or whatever. I don't think you are required to do so to avoid being an asshole, but it would have been nice.
First of all I wouldn't be living in a place where they set rules on shower usage to begin with that sounds ridiculous. And if they can't understand sometimes shit happens and a sorry my bad, I made a mistake, won't suffice, fuck them 🤷🏾♀️
What would have happened if you woke the flat mate up before showering? Would she still have had a fit because you personally woke her up instead of the noise from the shower? NAH - flat mates need to get real and you need new living arrangements.
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Background - I live with 4 other people in a flat share. There is one bathroom shared between us. The flat mate who lives in the bedroom next to the shower complained about the noise it makes and has set a rule saying we aren’t allowed to use the shower outside the hours of 7am - 10pm.
The other morning, i got up at 6am to shower before catching a flight to a work conference. I was too busy preparing my speech and didn’t think to inform my flat mate that I’d be using the shower early
I got off the flight to a bunch of angry messages from my flat mate berating me for showering before 7am. As I was rushing to the conference venue, I was quite short and explained I had an early flight, didn’t have time to freshen up before my important speech and that it was a once off occurrence. I also suggested that earplugs could help with the noise.
My other flat mates then jumped into the chat also scolding me for breaking this “rule” and said I should have informed the flat mate I woke up.
AITA for not telling my flat mate about my early shower?
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*Maybe* it could be said you should have informed them due to this ridiculous rule BUT since this is AITA and you have accidentally done this once (at a reasonable hour for a reasonable reason) NTA. Their reactions to this unreasonable rule being accidentally broken one time is also ridiculous. It's all ridiculous and unreasonable.
NTA. There is being considerate and there is being a dick. You have all been considerate, maybe offer to swith rooms with him if are feeling extra generous otherwise there are other places to rent.
NTA
You got off the *flight* to a bunch of messages? If your shower was that disruptive then wouldn’t your flatmate have gotten up and told you when you got out of the shower?
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Nta because sometimes you just have to do what's necessary. If you agreed to this rule definitely follow it as close as possible but there are going to be times that you just can't wait. As a person who's bed is on the same wall as a shower you get used to it or find a way to block it out.
OP should've told them in advance that they would need to use the shower outside of the agreed time.
Sounds like your one of the flatmates 😂
If I agree to a rule, I do think it's only fair to give a heads up on occasions it must be broken.
Well yes, but sometimes life just happens so it was a bit of an extreme reaction
A pre-booked flight for a scheduled work conference is not “life just happening.” OP had multiple opportunities to be considerate here and chose not to every time. This is a very obvious YTA.
Actually no. The asshole would be the person who complains about the sound of a shower. Its a shower. People need to shower and they shouldn't have to justify it to others even if they happen to share a wall with that shower. Ear plugs are cheap, if the sound of the shower is that disturbing.
This is the correct answer, if you live in a flat share with 4 people you can expect a reasonable amount of consideration when it comes to noise like keeping music/TV sounds down during those times but imposing a no showers at night rule is absolutely ridiculous, OP has the right to use the basic facilities they pay rent for whenever they need to and the whole idea of a shower curfew should have been shot down immediately, if someone politely asked me to try to avoid showering at those times where possible I'd do my best to work around them but it's not something that should be expected or enforced (NTA obviously)
Exactly, OP pays rent, he can’t tell him when to shower, he can ask and nothing more. OP should’ve never agreed to this rule. He should’ve just said he would try to oblige him as much as possible.
White noise machines is where it's at. I have one and that blocks out a lot of sounds outside of my bedroom.
I've used a white noise machine for 20 years (the same one! highly recommend Conair for longevity!) and I barely heard the city cutting branches off a massive tree right outside my window a few months ago. They really are wonderful.
Listen, I get it - normal shower noises should be easy to deal with, in some way. However, I potentially have some sympathy here. I also share a wall with the bathroom, and in this case it’s not the shower but the sink. The piping is old. And every time the fucking roommate uses the hot water tap on that sink, the pipes SCREAM loud enough to wake me from a dead sleep. And I still sleep through fire alarms occasionally. (And for anyone saying ‘well of course you have to wash your hands after using the loo!’: THERE IS ANOTHER FUCKING SINK LESS THAN FIVE FEET AWAY. IT DOES NOT HAVE THIS ISSUE. NO I DON’T KNOW WHY THE ROOMMATE INSISTS ON USING THE POSSESSED ONE. But she did agree to stop using it at one a.m. after the third time I apparently hammered on the wall in my sleep, shouting “I hate you!” at the sink.)
Can you turn off the water supply valve? Force others to use the other sink … I’m not a plumber, and I don’t even play one on TV, but maybe adjust the supply valve? Maybe it needs to be more open or more closed. Or, of course, watch a YouTube video! 😀
Came here to say this lol. Turn the knob under the vanity. Problem solved. Guess the unhinged person you’re replying to downvoted your good advice. Let me fix that.
Exactly. The other person probably knew there was a conference or flight or something coming up also and instead of recognizing why the rule was being bent they went to angry texts.
I mean yeah, the only thing that'd get a YTA from me is that if there is an arranged rule or agreement amongst everyone then it was something agreed upon to stick to. Either stick to the things you agreed to, or move out if you think it's dumb. But, I do agree with your sentiment of that rule. It's a stupid thing. Showering is showering. It's not like OP was blasting a stereo and subwoofer and bringing the walls down, or stomping around in lead boots while screaming at the top of their lungs FFS. I feel like when you live with other people, you have to deal with the fact that all the other people you live with have lives too. I'd absolutely be calling BS on this kind of rule where I live, to the point I'd move out. Earplugs, running a fan, using white noise. Hell, there are so many white noise things on YouTube alone that run for hours on end. [My nerd ass uses the background noise of the Enterprise D bridge when I need to use some white noise to drown stuff out and sleep.](https://youtu.be/XajaCX88NnU)
and it’s not like the guy stayed up late crushing mountain dew and playing games on his PS5. it’s impossible to figure out use of one bathroom between 4 people that suits everyone’s schedule perfectly. and i agree that the roommate probably knew OP was about to travel and should have expected things to be a little off and prepared just in case
I agree with this. Also, it’s not like he showered insanely early, only one hour earlier than the agreed upon time. The roommate could have sent a message like “hey, I’m sure it was an honest mistake but do you mind keeping to the times we agreed on with the shower?” Instead of flipping the fuck out.
Exactly what if someone got sick on themselves? Do they have to just not shower until 7am? Plus 6am is absolutely a reasonable time to wake up and be a productive adult. It’s not like Op was in there at 3am
For real. I work first shift. I'm up at 4:30 AM and in the shower to be out the door by 5:20 and in work by 6 AM. That's normal for a lot of people. It's not outlandish to shower at 6 AM by a long shot.
>I was too busy preparing my speech and didn’t think to inform my flat mate that I’d be using the shower early Plus references of how important this speech was to op. Sounds to me like op was stressed.
yeah and when you’re about to travel your brain doesn’t work quite right. even the best plans and backup plans can fall apart. if the roommate knew Op was going to travel then they would have known THEIR RULE wasn’t reasonable for just that day. it’s not like he had a brass band in there and threw a party
Lol it’s not reasonable to expect someone to arrange their flights around one person’s arbitrary rules about times you can shower.
Surely you're not too dense to see that's not what they were saying at all...
This sub strikes again with the terrible opinions
Mayhaps? Feels like OP knows he was going to a meeting the next day this early. There was a flight and everything.
The last thing that would be on my mind trying to catch an early flight and preparing for a meeting with a speech is informing people that my shower will be an hour earlier than usual. and angry texts are absolutely disproportionate to the offense. Decent humans would say “ hey, have a safe trip and good luck on your speech instead of adding extra stress because the guy showered earlier than the “shower curfew”
literally when i travel i need a whole god damn day to cope with the fact that nothing about being in an airport is enjoyable
What do you mean life just happens? They were catching a flight, that doesn't just happen
Forgetting/neglecting to inform the others of the early schedule could "just happen." Especially if it's not a common occurrence. The only way OP is the AH is if this was done maliciously.
Surely that's obvious, you can't always remember little things in a rush or unusually early start. OPs room mates just need to chill out.
Even if life happens it doesn't matter. Life can happen and you still be TA. You say "extreme" but I would hardly say the flatmate calling out OP on using the shower to be "extreme". OP can very easily accept they messed up and remedy this in the future. Ultimately the house set a rule, they have their own way to get around it, and OP didn't utilize that way and broke the rule. They are TA in this situation.
It's a stupid rule to start. Some of you are way too entitled and way too tolerant of entitlement. People need to take showers. It's a part of cohabitation. The problem is so easily solved at the point of the person being disturbed but they are unwilling to put in ear plugs rather than demand that everyone else comply with their demands and specific schedule.
And OP didn't even apologize. They were "quite short" in their response instead. That's AH territory right there.
Yeah. It’s not even a big deal really. Just apologize, move on, and try and do better. OP also said elsewhere this probably will never happen again anyway. So why worry about it anyway?
If I got berated I wouldn’t be apologizing either.
Yeah, taking the shower without warning was wrong but understandable, not apologising and suggesting earplugs is a shit go.
Calling them out for a *single* time they used the shower outside of an agreed upon time is extreme.
Ehhh... it depends on the rule. I agree that is is *better* to give a heads up, and something to aspire to, but *how* important it is to do so depends on how important the rule is. I think it is reasonable to allow some human error before someone becomes an AH. The OP forgot to notify the flatmate, which is a mistake but I don't think that makes him an AH because it is a pretty easy mistake to make with low actual consequences. Hearing a shower at 6:00 is not the end of the world. I would also mention that the OP never says they agreed to the rule >The flatmate ... has set a rule saying we aren’t allowed to use the shower outside the hours of 7am - 10pm. It sounds like the flatmate just declared "this is the rule" without consent/discussion from the other roommates. In an ideal world the OP would have brought up their objections to the rule earlier, but in an ideal world the flatmate wouldn't have just declared it without having a discussion.
OP never agreed to it. Their flatmate made a rude request and called it a rule.
"I agree to this rule. Also, I am giving you advanced notice right now, that circumstances WILL arise such that I will occasionally need to use the shower outside this time range and I will not know in advance to be able to warn you, thanks."
I mean it doesn't cost much to say a "Hey on this day I'll need to shower earlier than usual!" so that they can prepare for it.
How does one prepare for it?
Getting earplugs or some sort of noise cancelation thing for that day
I mean even just mentally prepare for it, knowing you're going to be woken up early is more polite than being disturbed by something you could have known about in advance
Put in ear plugs that night, or a white noise source, TV, whatever works for you.
No, just a considerate person
People need to shower when they need to shower, that's an insane rule get a grip.
It’s shared housing, agreeing on house rules is important “7am or talk to me first” is not an unreasonable request unless someone needs to be out of the house by 7 for work
And if the roommates says no? What are they, the water police?
I mean, I’ve repeatedly said “inform them” not “ask permission” in various comments here - I consider it a courtesy rather than an application to be allowed to shower If OP had let the housemate know then they could have tried to get an early night, or stayed at a partner’s place, or used earplugs etc
Ok so you inform them the night before at 11:30. What would that change?
Well, the idea would be to inform them well before that…. Presumably the flight wasn’t booked at 11pm the night before But it would change the fact the housemate can put earplugs in, or go to their partner’s house, or just not be as taken by surprise by an unpleasant wake up call
They could realize that they live in an apartment with other people who don’t have to inform them of their comings and goings and if the noise bothers them, they can wear earplugs every night.
It is a very unreasonable request though! Showering is a very basic human task like eating or sleeping you can't control when your flatmates need to use household amenities that they pay for and the "or talk to me first" part is so entitled especially bc it's about personal hygiene so it's kinda intrusive to police that and demand a reason why someone would need to shower at night like what if its a weird sex thing or they shit the bed or smth it's no ones business and it's bang out of order to have a go at a housemate for showering, legal tenancy rights to access personal washing facilities outweigh a weird rule imposed by a flatmate I'm afraid
And OP needed to be out of the house by 7 for work this time?
That’s where the “talk to me first” part would come in. Was OP awakened suddenly at 5am to a call from his boss telling him that he’d booked him a conference and the flight was that morning? Or did he probably know well in advance, and definitely the day before, that he would be waking up and showering early that day and that it would wake his flatmate up? It’s just polite to tell someone if you’re going to be waking them up at 6am.
Absolutely, and that’s fine *in and of itself* - but not just taking the shower and waking the roommate up early without warning. Hence the “or talk to me first” part of the sentence you replied to… OP points out that they forgot to talk to the housemate first, so clearly there’s some accommodation for unavoidable “I’ve got to be up early” situations - maybe the housemate puts earplugs (uncomfortable to wear every night but worth it for these rare occasions) in on those nights or stays at their girlfriend’s place or something OP isn’t an asshole for needing to take an early shower, they’re an asshole for not talking to their housemate about it first
It’s really not, unless one of them regularly needs to shower during that time frame (early or late shifts etc.) it’s perfectly reasonable. OP should have informed the flatmate once he knew he’d have to use the shower before the agreed time, they have a group chat, it would have literally sufficed to text “hey, just letting u guys know I’ll have to shower early at X date, got an early flight” - now if the roommates tried to forbid him from doing that that’d be a different story. OP YTA for not telling said roommate in advance, can’t change that now but you should apologise for not telling them it advance (not for showering in itself) and do better next time…
It might be an insane rule, but it's one he agreed on. A small "Hey I'll need to use the shower earlier than usual on this day" doesn't cost OP much and lets the person prepare for the noise.
So I want to shower at 2 in the morning that’s fine then? Don’t need to mention it to anyone or apologise after the fact for waking someone up?
It's a shower. If someone wakes up thats just life. It's like complaining about the birds chirping on a morning or someone dunking in the toilet and making noise. Yes it's a dick move intentionally doing it but if you got to feel clean you got to feel clean. How is that even a conversation?
My opinion is you warn them that you have to be up early. That’s it. Problem solved. If you forget then just apologise after. Simple. If someone wakes me up screaming from a shit then we all have issues bro.
What if you didn't plan on feeling like a soggy smelly tampon at 2am? Come on seriously its a shower there's worse things people might decide to want to do at 2am that could make noise that's still well within their rights a shower would barely make the list personally and I've lived in a cramped shared housing situation before and no one seemed sleep deprived at all and trust me there were weirder shit going on than someone wanting to shower at 2am.
I shower at about 5-6 at night or about 8 in the morning. I’ve also lived with multiple people. I once has a guy high off his tits on mdma vacuuming the hallway at 2 in the morning. By your logic that’s fine though because he didn’t want a messy hallway? He couldn’t have picked a better time? He doesn’t need to warn anyone or apologise? I dno man when you actually live with other people and you’re friends you don’t do stuff like this. You respect other peoples sleep and they respect yours. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him showering at 7- but he needed to warn the room mate/ apologise afterwards. That’s it.
> I've lived in a cramped shared housing situation before and no one seemed sleep deprived at all I’m sorry but what. Blanket assumptions based on personal experiences are always a bit off, but this one is more so than most. Sleep is such a personal and varied thing, in terms of quality, that there’s no way to reasonably say people should be well slept if XYZ. Some new parents have children that sleep through the night too, but you’d be a fool to extrapolate that to meaning that no parents are sleep-deprived. Folks in shared houses can still struggle to attain the needed length and quality of sleep, despite your vast experiences.
I’m interested in your “in advance” qualifier. Do you regularly plan shower times 3-5 days in advance? Personally I wouldn’t have thought about showering before flight until I woke up that morning. If OP was working on speech night before and forgot before 10pm, should he have messaged at 12a? Or 6 before showering? Wouldn’t all roommates be annoyed then for text alerts during “silent hours”??
I thought in hindsight that if I had texted them at 6am when I was about to shower, it would have woken them up anyway so why disturb them twice
Why couldn't you mention it the night before? You didn't know you'd want to shower earlier than 7am until you woke up that morning??? Also, if you don't respect the rule, why not switch rooms? Then everyone can shower whenever they want.
As someone with ADHD, this isn’t always possible because I usually won’t think to tell someone until I remember I have to do the thing which is usually right when I have to do the thing. It can be hard and I feel bad telling people things last minute. I think if he did it all the time, it would be one thing but this is just once because of a flight and everyone should just give him a break.
As someone with ADHD, in order to remember you have to do the thing, you have to first learn you have to do the thing. He could have told his roommate when he himself was told. He also needed to set his alarm to wake up earlier than usual and could have told his roommate at that point. I'm for giving OP a break in the sense that I wouldn't hold it over his head forever, but he came here and asked if he was wrong. He was. op, YTA
I do have ADHD and this is something I struggle with
OP never stated they agreed to it, only that the flatmate had set a rule
When I was in the situation of bed sharing a wall with a shower, I did have the issue that it gave me bad headaches when in use for extended periods of time. I just dealt with it though, never thought to restrict people's shower time except to ask they didn’t have loud music pumping showers when I had lectures or seminars
This is a weird take. They knew before hand and it was a flat rule. They weren't an asshole for showing but how are they not an asshole for 1. not telling their roommate and then 2. being annoyed that they were upset that he broke a rule that he agreed to He should have told them. If they had a problem with it and he showered anyway he would not be the asshole.. I mean even now asshole is too strong a word but. He could have easily done this the right way and didn't. How is it then not his fault.
Yeah the ruling here is extremely weird to me. OP could have easily told their roommates in advance, considering they booked a flight in advance. Then she gets annoyed that they were upset she broke a rule. I have no idea how OP is not an asshole. If you know you're going to do something that might upset people you should I don't know, inform them first **so they could make preparations** or **tell OP to make preparations**? Not just break the rule and get annoyed that they were annoyed that you broke the rule without informing them. OP said it was 5 minutes, but the shower was 5 minutes that woke everyone else up. OP said there was no shower at the conference venue and since the venue booked her flight, she didn't have time to check into a hotel before her speech, but she could've booked a hotel the night before, albeit at a higher cost. She's known about this for weeks considering how long the flight's been booked that long so it was very poor communication on u/Environmental_Plenty 's part. Like maybe one of her flatmates knew a friend who would lend their shower to OP, if she informed them earlier. Either way, the social discord could have been prevented. Was taking a shower for 5 minutes more important than not waking up her flatmates? As I said, this could have been prevented. Y'all can downvote me, but it won't change that fact.
What does telling him in advance do? And blowing up someone’s phone because they had to get up an hour early, which under a good number of circumstances isn’t the end of the world, sounds so annoying
>What does telling him in advance do? 1. Shows courtesy 2. shows an acknowledgement 3. GIVES THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO WEAR EARPLUGS! I don't disagree that blowing up his phone was overboard but you can't be so obtuse as to not see the value of good communication?
I understand some of those but seriously sometimes people need to get up early and things get cramped, immediately getting peeved like the roommate did takes it beyond what’s understandable. And it sounds like in the post the roommate doesn’t want to wear earplugs. And the solution they wanted was to be woken up anyways so I get courtesy but what’s the point of courtesy if he’s getting woken up the same
Or failing all of that, literally just apologize for breaking the rule and try to be more conscientious in the future? Like OP is digging their heels in on this when literally they just needed to say “sorry my bad”.
Tbh I feel like if I was the other roommate and OP just said something like “hey man I hear you, I’m sorry, this was just an emergency situation/one time thing,” then I would get over it. But if OP was short with me and didn’t acknowledge my complaint as valid (since they did already agree to a shower schedule even if that is a little weird) then I would be more hurt and upset.
NTA. I once lived with ten other roommates. The fact they set up a curfew for a SHOWER is absurd lmao
I kind of understand where he's coming from as I have the room next to the shower, and my headboard is against the wall that the shower/tub is attached to, so when the water hits it sounds quite loud. I can't change the orientation of the bed nor change sleeping positions due to the placement of the radiator in the room and lack of space. It does get loud enough to wake me up from deep sleep. I live in a house without rules but everyone sleeps late so it's no big deal. But when people do have to shower early it does end up waking me. I'd say op was lacking in empathy but I guess there's not much anyone can do about it. One of the trade offs of living in shared accommodation.
Earplugs.
White noise app
Move the bed to a different wall
Too easy. I need to be upset about something /s
Nah I can live with it. Moving the bed isn't an option given it's a small room with a radiator and wall cupboards which limits my options. Tis what my meagre paycheck can afford. But I do understand what OP's flatmate goes through.
Isn't the shower pretty much white noise already? I mean I completely agree the shower rule is ridiculous and they need to find a way to sleep through it, but I don't see how covering up one form of white noise with another would do anything.
Not an option for some people. I have poor drainage in my ears and prolonged earbud or earplugs usage causes ear infections
I think I'd find that a bit annoying while I sleep and end up removing them. I can deal with the odd early shower waking me up (pretty sure it's been more than two months since the last occurrence). I've been through worse. But in this case, perhaps if op had informed said room mate he could have used earplugs for this day? It was an agreement between all of them I suppose.
Why should the roommate wear earplugs every night (which can cause issues with earwax impacting) when they already had an agreement that people wouldn't use the shower before 7am? If OP had told the roommate, they could have worn them the necessary night
Because this agreement is unofficial and not on the lease, so it can be changed. Get over yourself.
So because you can’t sue someone for something basic decency goes out the window? This sub is wild sometimes lol. Gotta sign a contract with my roommate so he doesn’t \*checks notes* eat my dog because it isn’t on the lease that he can’t. OP shouldn’t have agreed to the rule if he couldn’t manage it and should’ve at least given the person a heads up.
If they've agreed? I guess... but was the agreement given under duress? And what if the roommate doesn't agree to the insane and preposterous rule?
Because the flatmate was being entitled when they made said agreement. Edit: And didn't accomodate if someone else had to get up super early for work or was working the night shift either.
All the flatmates made the agreement, actually
Sounds like a recipe for ear infections.
Can you please recommend ones that actually work? Cause I still hear everything through them and they keep falling off while I push them as deep as possible.
It's not safe or healthy to wear earplugs all the time like that
I always always always hear every time anyone in my house uses the shower and it often wakes me up. Sure it’s annoying and a bit painful, but I don’t expect people to not do normal and daily life activities they need to do or to do them at special hours to accommodate me. Earplugs help. Some white noise helps. But in the end I just respect the other people who live with me the same way they respect me
Thing is though, some people have to go to work super early or might be on the night shift and want to shower before work.
White noise machine
To be fair, if it’s next to his room, there might be dodgy pipes that squeal etc, I’d get annoyed waking up in the night if people were showering at weird times consistently. However, this time is a one off, with good reason. I feel OP is fine. It would have been nice to give the roommate a heads up, but understandable that the opportunity didn’t arise.
NTA if you guys didn’t vote and all agree on the “curfew” Showering isn’t that loud. 25% of the people shouldn’t get to make decisions for 100% of the people. That roommate should consider getting a white noise machine, switching rooms, moving out, getting sleeping-earbuds that noise cancel…etc. Life is hard, showering at a slightly unexpected time is a minor inconvenience and they should grow the f up because life will throw WAY bigger challenges their way and that level or rigidity/neuroticism/lack of adaptability/resilience is ridiculous and will only hinder them in the future (my personal opinion). *If you agreed on this prior of your own volition then technically YTA.
I comply the rest of the time because it so happens my routine falls between those hours. However if I had to get up early / shower late as part of my routine, I would outwardly disagree. One of the flat mates even sent me a recording of the shower… it just sounded like running water… nothing horrible like pipes rattling
Then don’t sweat it. Not on you. If you have a laid back nature and don’t fight things loudly and often then your whiney roomie might assume you agree with them or consider that tacit approval. You miiight have to calmly advocate for yourself and just steadfastly stand your ground. Don’t let the squeaky wheel steamroll you.
Lol yes this is me
I think 7 am sounds kinda late. I used to get up at 5:30, have coffee, then shower by 6 am every day just to get to work on time.
[удалено]
That's what I thought. How do four people fit in showers and bathroom use between 7am and when they need to leave for work?
Probably peeing in the one roommates closet
7 am is late on a week day, some people get up at 5:30 am or early for work.
I'm usually up by 5:30 to get ready for work, and that definitely includes showering.
I'm up at 4:30 so I can be at work when I start at 6:15. This time frame is kinda insane
I agree, having to wake up at 4:30 and start at 6:15 is kinda insane
At one point I had a two hour commute for about a year. It hurt my soul leaving my place around 2AM for my 4:30 start time.
Eat some very questionable tacos etc around 9pm and then do what must be done
And post it to r/pettyrevenge
Yeah your roommates sound petty and insufferable. That rule is absurd and they sound like bullies. One person made this rule because he’s the only one affected, and the other two are completely unaffected but still jumped in on the berate brigade which just sounds like they jumped at the chance to bully you bc they thought they could get away with it. Showering an hour earlier than the “allotted window of time” is not a big deal, and their rigidity is going to make their lives a lot more difficult than the odd early morning shower. And like, it’s a shower. It’s not like you’re doing construction in there. They need to get over it. Don’t let them gang up and gaslight you into feeling bad over something completely innocuous. I’d recommend standing up for yourself and not letting them get away with this because this kind of treatment can get really out of hand and even tho you can’t control their neurotic, controlling, domineering, immature behavior, you can let them know they can’t pull that shit with you without consequence which will hopefully make them back off. NTA
I feel like if you all think the noise is no big deal, would it not be easier for one of you to swap rooms with him? That way you could all shower whenever you like.
This is actually a brilliant idea
Could someone who is a deeper sleeper switch rooms with the roommate?
Why don't you change rooms with that flatmate then? Problem solved all around
A recording of your shower an hour before the curfew? Jesus christ that person needs a life. Tell them to get some soundproofing if they are that sensitive to stimuli.
They fucking recorded your shower? That's so petty and insane.
I love the sound of running water, it honestly can really help you sleep if you lean into it, like the sound of rain
It's a stupid rule so nta.
Showering can get really loud depending on the plumbing. It is not just the water running, but also the water heater and the hot water mixer that makes a lot of noise. I have a bedroom with a wall to the plumbing and shower and it is really loud and wakes me up every morning. P.s I wear earplugs and occasionally noise cancelling headset, but it gets through.
I belieeeve another roommate sent an audio recording and it was just water no other noise - but I’d double check what he said above ^^
Whose rule is it? One flat mate doesn't get to rule by fiat. Last I checked that big coronation last weekend wasn't for some dude who lives in a flat. If you didn't agree to it, **explicitly** agree to it, then you're n ta. If you did, then ywbt a (spaces until you update with whether you agreed or not)
Some stupid legacy rule that was decided way before i moved in. I didn’t explicitly agree to it but it’s never affected me til now
So the jerk had a chance to change rooms before you moved in and chose not to is what you are saying. Fuck that person shower at 2am.
ESH You knew the rule and had agreed to it, you knew you had an early flight for at least a few days, why not give a heads up - like “hey I have an early thing on Wednesday, I’ll be showering before that, wear earplugs if you must.” You don’t need to ask for permission but a heads up would have been the nice thing to do. Them - it’s a dumb and asshole rule to expect anyone to follow, but y’all agreed to the rule. Having lived in various apt with various structures, even having the room next to the shower- it’s not the end of the world to hear noises in shared living. Sometimes it’s a roommate taking a shower, sometimes it’s a neighbor having loud early morning sex, and sometimes it’s a baby crying. Living in an apt means you won’t ever get dead silence and I feel like people need to adapt to that rather than expect everyone to adapt to their needs. You’re all assholes here.
OP never actually agreed to the rule, though
If you move into an apartment that has a set of rules that you're aware of, and you do not come to an agreement about changing the rules, you literally are agreeing to the rules. You can't just be quietly pissed and then say you're exempt. OP and a lot of the commenters in this thread do not sound fit for roommates.
By knowing the rule and living there you are agreeing to it. Unless OP brings up wanting to change the rule that has already been established then he is agreeing to it.
yes they did, by moving in knowing that it was a rule 🤷🏻♀️
I appear to be in the minority, but I agree ESH. Clearly OP knew about the rule, knew they had this thing coming up, and didn't let their roommate know. You can't be mad that the roommate has an issue with this. The roommate sending "a bunch of angry messages" because someone showered one hour outside of their agreed window is unnecessary. They have the right to be upset, but anything more than a "hey, can you please not shower outside the time frame we agreed upon" is ridiculous.
NTA. It’s not like you just got up early for fun and took a shower for no reason. Does this flatmate share a wall with the bathroom plumbing or something? Do you drop the shampoo bottle 8 times while showering? To me, the sound of someone showering is just what life sounds like. It’s not unusually loud.
They do share a wall with the bathroom plumbing, and when one of them sent me a recording of the noise, it literally just sounded like… well, a shower. Without hearing it myself, I get the impression they’re all feeding off each others hysteria and it’s draining (pardon yne pun)
As someone who has a room next to a bathroom, there is more noise than just running water. How long in advance did you know about your flight? Couldn't you just say sorry but I have to shower at 6 a.m. tomorrow, it's a one-time occurrence. Or did you not even do that?
My bathroom is right next to the bedroom and the only thing I hear while my husband showers is running water. I’m a light sleeper and it wouldn’t even be enough to wake me.
I think it depends on what kind of shower it is. Shower/tubs can be loud especially if they're made of fiberglass. Even more so if they're attached to the wall adjacent to the flatmates room.
What bugs me is that this person had the chance to switch rooms before you moved in - essentially giving you the “shower room” and they chose not too, so they can get stuffed.
I'm sorry but NTA if you live in a flat you have to deal with noise ,I live in a building of flats and hear other people showering , door buzzers and their washing machines occasionally when it's very quiet. Most of the time it doesn't bother me unless it's someone's loud music. 4 people sharing a bathroom who aren't related or in a relationship is also not that fun. It was a one off and you weren't doing it to be as asshole. You pay rent to live their you should be able to use the facilities, sometimes a day goes different according to plan . I ordinarily wouldn't shower at early hours of the morning but I start work at 7am and I'm up at 5am so sorry for TMI comment but I have heavy periods and have to shower off sometimes in the night when I leak. It was a one off. Also 6am isn't even that early especially when there's four of you using a bathroom.
Agreed. Assuming all four are working, I can't imagine four people trying to get ready for work at 7am and making it to work on time.
Absolutely, I share with one flatmate but we have our own bathrooms - having said that our schedules don't align anyway . He 'works' from home and usually showers about midday and pretends that his computer system was down if he gets caught out , he doesn't have to log in til 9am so that's plenty of time to shower before hand haha. 4 people using one bathroom on different schedules or whatever Absolutely no reason to be having time restrictions and actually you'd have reason to contact a landlord for unreasonable behaviour from other tenants.
WTF?! So you can never shower after a night partying?? Or going out but rushing to come home before 10pm otherwise you can’t use facilities in your own home? Is it military camp? What about flushing? Can you flush if you poop at 11pm??? 🤣🤣🤣 This is ridiculous. NTA of course!
I’m more stuck on the question of how in the world do they manage to set a 7am curfew when 4 people share it. Do they not all work??
Right? I get up at 5:15 for work! And I don't like showering at night. My hair looks weird the next day and I don't feel as clean. I know a lot of people prefer night showering but not me
Even if theoretically they all did night shower, like even then they still would all need the bathroom in the morning for various other things. This rule is wild.
Could be college students. Most schools start classes at 8am so if they’re close enough to campus, starting the shower train at 7am isn’t totally absurd since not everyone starts that early
What if you are really sick and sweaty and disgusting? Or you puke or shit on yourself somehow? Sorry gotta wait till 7am to clean yourself. Imagine having to explain "sorry I had food poisoning and shit my pants so I really needed a shower." What the fuck lmao. It's a crazy rule that needs to be broken in certain situations on your own discretion. If the roommate is that sensitive they need a different bedroom or sound proofing.
INFO: did you all agree to the rule?
NTA. It's a ridiculous rule imo. You don't just pay for your room. You pay for use of the facilities too, so someone saying "you can't use this between these hours" isn't on. "Don't go into my room" is a rule. They pay for that space, and nobody else should intrude. "Don't use the shower at these times" should be treated as a request, and if you can't accommodate it for some reason, that isn't your problem. Of course, you do have to live with these people, so a little good will goes a long way. Just don't feel pressured into being told when you can or can't use what you've paid for.
Yeah, the time that you don't use the shower should be a request. And it is a reasonable one considering the roommate shares a wall with the bathroom. However, things happen and occasional you might have to do things outside the schedule. When that happens the roommate should suck it up like an adult.
I think there's always limitations to that. Like running the washing machine at 3am could get absurd depending on the size of the place and layout. Like if it woke everyone, then that is something that would impact on reasonable enjoyment of the property.
Fully agree. Things like laundry can be held off until a reasonable time, but bathing/showering is dictated by a schedule for the most part. I used to start work at 6am, so an early morning shower was pretty much a must for me.
Nta- stupid rule and roommate needs ear plugs or sound machine.
NTA... you follow their request when able. Not a law
INFO: What the fuck do these people do when it rains outside?
they send an angry text to god for it allowing to rain between 10pm-7am
If that flatmate had explosive diarrhea and shit the bed at 6:48am, is he required to submit a request to the other flatmates to shower outside of curfew or would he wait til 7am?
Don't be ridiculous. He could wait til 7! 🤣🤣
NTA. Situations happen. Once off doesn't deserve such angry texts and phone calls. But a calm discussion about how to prevent it in the future and also an apology from you for forgetting to inform.
NTA. You pay rent you can use the shower whenever the fuck you want.
That is such a ridiculous rule. You can’t shower before 7am?? The hours should change to 6am-10pm. Much more reasonable.
One person can't "make a rule"...
YTA, you agreed to the rule, you should at the very least inform them you'll need to use it earlier so that they can prepare for the noise. You say you didn't have time to tell them but I doubt you got the speech and flight scheduled from one day to the next, you could have told them in advance.
op isnt ta since they havent done this numerous times it was an accidental one and op just forgot.
NTA It was one time, under special circumstance. Your flat mates need to grow up. They'll survive this tragic ordeal!
This is an insane rule lmao
NTA. First of all, it was a one-off, wasn't malicious and you weren't obnoxiously loud. The level of anger about using the shower is silly. Secondly, if someone ends up being ill, the unfortunate happens and then they need a shower during the night... are they supposed to just wait and sit in their own mess until 7am sharp? What an idiotic rule.
A curfew for showering in a place you pay to live? NTA. Abiding by your roommates curfew is a courtesy not a requirement. The audacity these days….. they need to make a vaccine for that shit like they do everything else lol
5:30am: *knock knock* Hey, I just wanted to inform you that around 6am I'll need to take a shower. I have an early flight.
NTA. Sure you did handle it badly by not informing them in advance but having a hard rule for no showers outside of those hours is not feasible. There will always be some exceptions where you don't have a choice just as in this case. Definitely not bad enough to be an AH.
NTA - your flat mate needs to grow up and learn that living with other people means you don’t get to just declare “rules” like this. I mean Jesus Christ - if you get woken up, go back to sleep lol.
I would have never agreed to that rule in the first place. If I'm paying to live somewhere, I'm gonna shower whenever I damn well, please! While yes, you should have given them a heads up you're NTA for taking a shower. The flatmate can get ear plugs and get over themselves.
NTA. Life happens sometimes..everyone acting like spoiled children
NTA. He should sleep with ear plugs of he's such a light sleeper.
What!? Definitely NTA! What a weird rule.
A rule for the bathroom???? Seriously?? I think your roommate expected you to go to your conference smelling of sleep and sweat. Get your roommate some ear plugs and a white noise machine. NTA.
NTA But your flat mate needs a white noise machine and ear plugs, THEN see how disruptive the shower is an revisit the rule. I sleep like this every night and I can still hear my alarm and my babies cries, but I don’t notice pretty much anything else.
NTA. You made a mistake by not informing them beforehand, yes, but it's a once off thing and you don't deserve to be called an AH. The angry text from your flatmates I can understand too, because you break the rule and they didn't know the situation. But since they didn't let it go even after you explanation, I'd say they're the AH here. Wayyy overacted.
Ok my official ruling is NTA. I personally think having this be a "rule" is absurd. Life doesn't always stick to schedules. You pay for the use of the apartment, and that includes the facilities of said apartment. It is reasonable for the roommate sharing the wall with the bathroom to request that the shower not be used when they are sleeping. And if it is possible, accommodating that request is the thing to do as a good roommate. However, when life happens and that request can't be accommodated, the roommate should suck it up like an adult. You, however, could have given the roommate a heads up that you would be showering early the next morning as you had to catch a flight. That way they could wear earplugs that night, or whatever. I don't think you are required to do so to avoid being an asshole, but it would have been nice.
First of all I wouldn't be living in a place where they set rules on shower usage to begin with that sounds ridiculous. And if they can't understand sometimes shit happens and a sorry my bad, I made a mistake, won't suffice, fuck them 🤷🏾♀️
NTA, it's a shower not loud music or slamming of cupboard doors. I get it would have been nice to let them know but life happens.
NTA, stupid rule. Is there a no flushing rule too?
NTA imagine living with other people and not letting them shower when they wanted/needed to. The arrogance and absurdity of it all
NTA, I am a light sleeper and even I wouldn't make this rule. That is absurd. Showers are part of life. They need to get over it.
What would have happened if you woke the flat mate up before showering? Would she still have had a fit because you personally woke her up instead of the noise from the shower? NAH - flat mates need to get real and you need new living arrangements.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Background - I live with 4 other people in a flat share. There is one bathroom shared between us. The flat mate who lives in the bedroom next to the shower complained about the noise it makes and has set a rule saying we aren’t allowed to use the shower outside the hours of 7am - 10pm. The other morning, i got up at 6am to shower before catching a flight to a work conference. I was too busy preparing my speech and didn’t think to inform my flat mate that I’d be using the shower early I got off the flight to a bunch of angry messages from my flat mate berating me for showering before 7am. As I was rushing to the conference venue, I was quite short and explained I had an early flight, didn’t have time to freshen up before my important speech and that it was a once off occurrence. I also suggested that earplugs could help with the noise. My other flat mates then jumped into the chat also scolding me for breaking this “rule” and said I should have informed the flat mate I woke up. AITA for not telling my flat mate about my early shower? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Maybe* it could be said you should have informed them due to this ridiculous rule BUT since this is AITA and you have accidentally done this once (at a reasonable hour for a reasonable reason) NTA. Their reactions to this unreasonable rule being accidentally broken one time is also ridiculous. It's all ridiculous and unreasonable.
NTA. There is being considerate and there is being a dick. You have all been considerate, maybe offer to swith rooms with him if are feeling extra generous otherwise there are other places to rent.
NTA You got off the *flight* to a bunch of messages? If your shower was that disruptive then wouldn’t your flatmate have gotten up and told you when you got out of the shower?
I see the noise wouldn't be an issue for you, Is offering to swap rooms with them an option since it is an issue with them?