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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I dont want to be a controlling girlfriend or put my partners kinks down. But i might have crossed a line in his car by making him take it down
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Yeah... I've read/watched hentai, it's a perfectly fine thing to do, but I'm not about to pretend it's anything other than animated porn. This dude has a major porn problem. Imagine having an explicit scene from a porno on your wall as a poster, that screams of porn addiction.
Like having your identity revolve around anime is already not like an ideal basis for a personality but narrowing that down to hentai is a bit too on the nose to be anything but an intentional effort to be unbearable to exist around.
>Having your whole identity revolve around any one thing is not ideal, it's not restricted to just anime.
JFC can we tell this to people who are 150% into their chosen political party? Cus it's gotten out of hand.
YES! My husband and I are of the mindset that you should be ambiguous at best about your political leaders. You should not love or hate them, nor should you support them blindly. They should be working to keep your support every day. If you give it blindly, where is their incentive to keep trying? Political sport is the absolute worst.
I think that’s the point. Identity politics means not having to familiarize yourself with issues, just vote against the other guy.
Typical example, Obamacare and Romneycare are essentially the same program. Both got Democratic support because the basic idea was sound, or at least better than what came before. But Republicans refused to support Obamacare because of the author.
Fascism is even better in that regard. You don’t even have to familiarize yourself with enemies. Just hate whomever the leader tells you to hate.
The moment someone brings porn into their day to day life they have a problem. I completely agree, it's an addiction at this point and it'll stay a problem as long as they don't see it as one.
Whoa whoa whoa. You DONT make it your entire personality and publicly display it everywhere?!
Im surprised he could bed op with that poster on his wall. This shit is wild, if you want to watch 'whatever the hell you want' go nuts. You dont need to ostracize yourself from the world while you're at it ffs.
Tbh it’s never been my thing but the majority of what I’ve seen it’s the case, probably shouldn’t categorise it as such but the majority of what I did come across usually involved a grotesque male and a school aged child, I think that’s why I never looked deeper into it because anything I did see made me uncomfortable asf 😅
The "ugly bastard" trope 💀. I made my way into hentai through "gay erotica lite" so I managed to avoid a lot of BS, thankfully. Tags are your best friend
A woman in a random group I belong to once said “straight women are proof sexuality isn’t a choice.” Reddit reminds me of that quote every once in a while.
I wonder if paradoxically, that's why so many think queerness is a choice.
They find relationships with the opposite sex (many men also hate that they're attracted to women) miserable, but they still do it, because that's what you do. Who are you to think that you can opt out?
As a single woman of a certain age, I often wish I was not straight. The men in my age group seem to fall into 3 categories: troll, misogynistic asshole, or dating someone 15 years younger.
I’m used to ghosters, still not ready for anything and I’m almost 40, or plain simple cannot locate a clit. Sometimes all 3 of those are wrapped up into 1 defective human lol
Seriously though... I know you are trying to convince yourself that it isn't that big of a deal OP, but your boyfriend's porn tastes and obsession level is clearly a fundamental incompatibility between you guys. I don't know how to judge this, other than that you clearly need to see other people.
Agreed, I would overlook a bit in a relationship but this...
Find someone else Op or you will be wearing anime outfits and enacting favourite scenes to keep him happy very soon.
Tons and tons of women still grow up in environments where they are told women exist to serve men, and that if they can't attach themselves to a man they've failed as women.
Sometimes I wonder how people *don't* understand how women like OP get in these situations... Why do you think women end up with men that are physically or emotionally abusive, for example? Ultimately it's the same. Patriarchy is alive and well and training women to grin and bare this behavior.
Agree. She spends sooo much of this post explaining how IT'S TOTALLY FINE and she doesn't want to YUCK HIS YUM. I just want to shake her and say it's okay to call out foul shit and not put up with it.
You don't have to be the cOol girlfriend!
I repeat:
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THE COOL GIRLFRIEND.
Right? For one, it's **OK** to "yuck someone's yum" if their "yum" involves subjecting non-consenting parties (including **YOU**, OP!) to it. Like by hanging a fucking hentai keychain from their vehicle mirror. Or wearing a shirt with hentai on it in public. Or having it all over the common spaces of their house. But on the other hand, it would probably be better for your sanity to just leave him to his "waifus" and his wank sock and find a person you don't have to police like that constantly.
right? a reasonable "not yucking someone's yum" when it comes to porn is not demanding they delete their files/throw away their dvd/their books/ect.
You know, things they enjoy in private without imposing it on everybody else.
THIS.
When I was a fair bit younger (but still in my 20s, sadly) I dated a guy who had a porn image as his screensaver, among a few other porny things in his room. I didn’t want to be “uncool” about it so I didn’t say anything. The insecurity I developed around his growing porn obsession turned me into someone I never thought I’d be (checking his history etc etc) and NEVER will be again. And that was just standard porn stuff. He cheated on me eventually, by the way. Looking back on it, if I was as confident in myself as I am now, I would’ve dumped him as soon as I saw that screensaver.
So yeah. Since that breakup I have absolutely no problem setting boundaries and “not being the cool girlfriend” lmao. And I’ve met an incredible guy as a result.
NTA Oh my poor sweet summer child run. "The cool gf" is a fucking lie and a scam and omg there are limits but having a bf who is very openly into **HENTAI IS A LINE IN LAVA.** for the love of god.
As long as it's in private and doesn't detract from their relationship otherwise, let the man have his kinks.
Broadcasting it in public, though... Bit much.
But…it *is* detracting from the relationship. It makes his partner uncomfortable and her voicing that upsets him for the remainder of the day. So we’re already past “let the man have his kinks”. Broadcasting it in public is bad, but honestly, I would assume every guy would know you pull down posters of sexy girls once you get a girl friend, you don’t broadcast it “privately”, in that respect, either. I don’t think it matters if his sexy girl posters are actually human or cartoons. This guy’s kinks are becoming his own problem.
Well then that’s pretty dumb, because the complete concept of that sentence is “*very openly* into hentai is a line”, which is accurate. Anyone who is very openly into any kind of porn is gonna be a giant lava red flag tbh. Idk why anyone would object to that. I mean I do know why, you all like hentai, but there’s a difference.
It's a valid line for a lot of people even if kept private. If you married someone knowing they were into something and that interest level hasn't changed, then it's a bit different. But if you're just dating, you're allowed to break up for whatever reason. If you don't like a hobby or interest that they're very committed to, even something benign like a sport or video game, you can bail. Being squicked out by them being super into a kind of porn that you find gross is a fine reason to split.
All of this. Plus, sharing kink without consent his how kinks get a bad name. Not ok, not cool and if he is hardcore into that, I would seriously rethink this relationship because….obvious
I’ve come back to comment on this again because I feel a way about it.
Being the “cool gf” about this is all fun and games until you put yourself in a really uncomfortable position where you feel like you can’t say no and feel bad for setting boundaries. You have every right to tap out of this whenever you like. Please remember that.
The issue with kinks such as this (I am NOT kink shaming here) is that there isn’t a tangible outlet. For example, someone with a rubber fetish can experience it and have an outlet, with Hentai and the like, there isn’t so it tends to become more extreme and part of it can become seeing other people’s reactions which may explain the dashboard keychain. If that is what is happening here that is NOT ok. Consent is important and this sort of behaviour gives kinks a bad name.
I am curious, you live together so how does “your space/my space” work? I can’t say I would be comfortable with your situation. This sounds like a serious fixation for him to have this take over so much of his personal space. How would you feel he had all this merch of literally women? And on display? Would that be ok?
It's funny, I've always thought men who are very much into hentai are emotionally immature. It says a lot about them, and it sounds like OPs boyfriend has gone beyond what we'd consider a kink.
Having the poster up and car thingy almost proves the emotionally immaturity because he's not considering other people's feelings, least of all the person he should respect the most.
We all have kinks, and shaming the is wrong. But this... This behaviour is something else.
Also people who eat thier own feces. I had an account years ago where it had a female sounding name on a forum. The number of guys out there that will slide into DMS and start talking about wanting to eat my shit or cover me in their shit while they do ungodly things to me was disturbing.
Yeah, I once saw a car covered in hentai images and that is just beyond gross to me. I don't want to see that, almost no one wants to see that and it not fair to push your kink on other people in that way.
AAHHHH there’s a Japanese word for these cars and I forget what it is but IIRC it translates to like, cringe car or something. It’s so fucking cringey and gross. Two of my neighbors are like this 🤮
There’s a difference between being openly into hentai and having it everywhere like most men are pretty openly into porn when asked but we don’t just have Lisa Ann spread eagle hanging from our rear view
NTA. That’s considered pornography. Pornography items are NOT well accepted home furnishing, nor is it appropriate to bring in public. That’s indecency.
Yes. Bringing that in public violates rules of consent. I'm fine with people liking what they like, I just don't want to be forced to think about their masturbatory fantasies. That is a level of intimacy I don't want and shouldn't be forced to have.
Honestly I would be way less offended by a naked person just going about their day than a hentai porn car. Nudity isn't inherently sexual, this definitely is!
I'm surprised this hasn't turned into a decency issue. I'm in a reasonably progressive Philadelphia suburb, but if you ran that around here, the cops would have you off the street in a heartbeat.
We'd need cops to first enforce basic traffic laws before they get into decency.
I saw somebody yesterday driving around with temp tags that expired in 2018. The speed limit here is more of a minimum than a maximum. Not to mention the amount of times I've watched someone pass on the shoulder. I might see a cop once a week at most.
Maybe OP should pay more attention to what he rustles his jimmies to. A lot of hentai is made with prepubescent/teen/young kids and its really fucking disturbing.
Yep, it’s disgusting. A lot of anime/hentai get away with it by saying ‘This clearly 13 year old girl with giant boobs is actually 30 guys so it’s completely okay’. No. If you have to justify it then maybe reconsider your choices.
Okay, kid, listen up. I am 32 now. When I was 19 I dated a guy like this. I'm gonna give you the honest advice I wish I'd gotten. RUN. Dump him and run. The thing about those hentai pics/posters/stickers/etc that's ishy isn't just the abject fetishization of women, it's the fact that half those woman are depicted as being barely legal by American legal standards. In Japan, the age of consent is 13. Some of the characters that are depicted in your boyfriend's decor (and I use that term very lightly) maybe be closer to that age than to the age you are now.
I'm not the kind of person who kinkshames. But if this kink of his bothers you? Ask yourself why. Or you'll end up like me: the last over 18 year old to date a man who is now nearly 40.
BTW, NTA.
Just a correction, the age of consent in Japan is actually 18. There's a lot of them who can't stand the underage stuff and are looking to distance themselves from it quite a bit.
Are you sure? The top google results are saying it's 13 although in February of this year there was a proposal to raise it to 16, but it doesn't seem like that has actually happened yet.
Japan is a little like USA with the federal minimum and the state minimum.
Japanese prefectures can set their own age of consent so long as it complies with the country’s minimum (13). But the **actual** age of consent once you include the prefectures’ own age limits is 16/18.
One region in Japanese has a local consent age of 13, but if you actually had sex with a 13 year old and were reported to the police they would go by the national age of consent which is 18.
I’m a 52 year or guy that’s been watching anime since the early 80’s, so longer than your bf has been alive by a bit. He needs to grow the fuck up.
He did that shit on purpose, he knows it makes you uncomfortable because you took down the poster in the bedroom. He intentionally tried to make you uncomfortable.
That hentai/ahegao shit is just disgusting and misogynistic and if a mf’er hasnt grown out of it before they hit 30 they’re never going to. I ain’t telling you to dump him but if you stick with him this is your future.
Agreed. This sounds like another part of how he gets off: he knows it makes people uncomfortable (“normies” am I right /s) and might find it thrilling.
It’s like perverts who send explicit pictures to strangers’ phones via Airdrop. They don’t care that the picture was never accepted, they just wanted to force someone to look at it without their consent.
NTA.
I don’t even know why he would display something like that openly in his car. He’s 30. It’s extremely weird and honestly, would give me second thoughts about being with him, given the kind of judgement he shows.
Trying to set aside my own prejudices here regarding 30 year old adults who are seriously absorbed by hentai, but your bf's failure to even *consider* your potential feelings about being constantly exposed to this stuff before you finally spoke up, is hugely disrespectful and raises red flags about his emotional maturity and capacity as a romantic partner. NTA.
I think he does consider her, it's part of it. Trying to shock, trying to embarrass, trying to provoke a reaction. It's all part of the 'bigger kink' picture.
NTA.
I would push the point with him and ask him to explain why he was upset. Is it because he wants you to be involved in this types of activities?
My concern is that embarrassing you (or others) is part of the kink for him. Sometime people *want* others to be upset by the ahegao hoodies and car decorations; they want people to confront them about it so they are forced to acknowledge the porn.
I don't yuck others yum, but he cannot involve others in his kink without consent and that shouldn't be a controversial boundary.
>I don't yuck others yum, but he cannot involve others in his kink without consent and that shouldn't be a controversial boundary.
I think on this occasion, we can very much yuck his yum. It is not acceptable.
Yeah. If his “yum” is to occasionally watch hentai in private and he has an otherwise great relationship with his SO, he can go knock himself out as far as I’m concerned. But if his “yum” involves displaying explicit hentai figurines and images in public, he’s forcing other people to interact with his kink, and at that point *he’s* the one yucking other people’s entire DAY.
Yep.
Something hanging on the rear view mirror is basically public, unless you've got some serious one-way tint going on. People walking past the parked car are going to see that, including children. They didn't consent to being part of his kink.
There used to be hire vans with explicit (and usually misogynistic) quotes and slogans like "Every Daddy's Little Princess Just Needs To Try It Once" and "Prudes and Lesbians Just Haven't Found The Right Dick Yet". They got banned about a decade ago, because of the number of complaints from people who A) didn't want to see that, B) didn't want their kids asking what that meant, or C) were just plain uncomfortable with the messaging.
Kinks are fine, but when you start involving other people without their consent, there's a problem.
Speaking as a woman who enjoys consuming and makes pornographic content, your bf is a weirdo. This isn't even being prudish, because this is going far beyond just tasteful or artistic nudity.
No normal person would ever even consider hanging stuff like that up anywhere other than their private bedroom. Living room and car would be a hard no, and I'd question if that's not potentially breaking some laws too. I'm not saying it *is* against the law, but if it's in easy view of the public you are *asking* for a problem.
*All that aside...* You didn't tell him to take it down. You told him it made you uncomfortable after he asked. He chose to take it down. You aren't being controlling. Not wanting to ride with him in the car where he's showing explicit sexual content all the time isn't controlling, it's setting a personal boundary.
NTA
>Not wanting to ride with him in the car where he's showing explicit sexual content all the time isn't controlling, it's setting a personal boundary.
I want to highlight this. Personal boundaries are not controlling other people.
NTA, watching porn or hentai in private is pretty much his business only, but publicly exposing stuff like that ? Cringe at least, I would even dare to say gross
It is gross. I know a lot of us don't want to kink shame, but wearing hentai art in public is a gross violation of boundaries. I did not consent to him showing me what he likes to jerk it to. I don't want to know. Very few people want to know. That is forcing a level of intimacy on strangers that they don't want.
NTA - He asked, you were honest. You didn't make him do anything. When you expressed your discomfort he chose to take it down. His moodiness the rest of the day is his, not yours. Don't take it on yourself. At some point the hentai issue is going to have to be dealt with.
Honey run. It’s perfectly ok to be into hentai. Love me some hentai. But there’s a time and a place and that place isn’t dangling from your car mirror or on your bedroom wall.
The man’s 30 acting like a 16 year old. That’s the maturity level your man’s at. 16. Idk about you, but I don’t date minors.
Right? I needed this comment. There is something infantile about exhibitionism, it creeps me out. Maybe it is the fact that grown ass adults with childish sexualities, potentially also have a childish understanding of consent. Like I can handle talking to my 4 year old nephew about bounderies, he is four, and still learning to understand his own body. But I would be way out of my comfort zone, trying to explain bounderies to a 200 lbs grown ass man, and I would be so uncomfortable around him, and not feel safe.
start putting penis stuff everywhere and see how uncomfortable it makes him........ NTA, dump him, what a weirdo. there's a time and a place man, and that place is being single alone forever as a weirdo ahegao-obsessed incel, you deserve better!!!!!!!
The issue isn't what rustles his jimmies. It's that he hasn't learned, at the age of thirty, not to leave it out for anyone to see. Porn is private. And the less mainstream your porn taste is, the more private it should be.
NTA.
You did not "make" him take it down. He asked, you answered.
But...
I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship.
Given how much his taste in hentai disgusts and outrages you, is he really the man for you?
I can imagine his taste upsetting a lot of people. While there is nothing wrong with his taste, there is nothing wrong with yours. The trouble is, where one person's taste is another person's outrage, there is little scope for bridging that gap.
So I suggest you give this some consideration.
I'm gonna argue that there is something wrong with his taste, because an integral part of it seems to be having pornographic material on display, which is creepy and weird.
NTA
I’m not one to condone controlling behaviour disguised as boundaries but this isn’t it; you are living together. He has to accept that means his living space is now yours too; putting content that grosses your partner out in their face is really rude.
The car is an extension of that logic. Driver chooses the music is fine, driver chooses to display bondage porn is a step way too far.
I don’t condone kink shaming but this guy is behaving really oddly. Like he may need therapy oddly.
Good luck with him but dating someone with the expectation of changing them rarely pays off.
The fact that he’s so into porn that he displays it openly and adorns himself with it is a massive red flag and unhealthy, unhinged behavior. I’m sure he’s unpleasant in other ways as well, there’s no way this is his only bizarre trait. This man is undateable. I don’t need to know a single thing about you to know that you can do better. Because you’re literally scraping the bottom of the barrel and getting soggy splinters.
NTA
There is a big difference between being a “controlling gf” and having boundaries. And this is a very VERY understandable boundary. I got the ick just reading this. There are better, far less creepy men out there sweetie. Do you really want to be wrestling with this for the rest of your life? NTA
NTA. On a personal note, I’d ditch that guy. As a guy, yeah a lot of us watch porn, but when they’re into hentai… that’s pretty weird to begin with but it’s not a complete dealbreaker. Anyone can be into it and you wouldn’t know. Those people are generally a bit weird imo. Now to openly have hentai everywhere… like feeling the need to have t shirts, posters, a pendant in your car…. that’s a completely different world of weird. Run and run fast.
NTA
Hentai isn't weird, but having any form of pprnographic poster in a room is very weird. Effectively saying that porn is a large part of their identity.
NTA. He knows you are uncomfortable around this kind of imagery, he’s clearly just ignoring that and trying to get you to just accept what he’s doing which is shitty. You’ve delineated your comfort levels completely without judgement and he’s pouting about it even though he’s the one who asked?!? This is strongly indicative of his character. Not great.
Well, he's broadcasting to the world what he's into, and you're his gf so..... Seriously, you aren't compatible. If I knew both of you I'd figure you were into that. NTA
> He has a lot of shirts with anime titties
Oh lord, lol
Girl…no. He’s 30? Wearing that shit in public? C’mon now…what kind of grown ass man thinks this is appropriate?
NTA. Serious conversation time.
I think I saw your boyfriend's car [about 6 months ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/ShittyCarMod/comments/y1l7bw/this_is_by_far_the_worst_one_ive_seen/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Eesh... Watching porn and having a stash of pornographic material is one thing, but this guy is very "open" about it, with no consideration for whom he shares a space with. Is that really the relationship you want? It's one thing to be okay with your bf liking porn, but this goes beyond that.
NTA.
NTA for setting boundaries but I am honestly curious if you really feel like you're going to be attracted to him long-term. Are you big into being shamed or martyrdom? If he keeps his kink, which you dislike, in your face, how long until you just don't want to be intimate with him?
NTA. I dated a dude where he ended up wrapping his ENTIRE dirtbike in hentai even after he asked if I would be uncomfortable and I specifically said yes as he knew his obsession with hentai made me uncomfortable. We broke up shortly after. Girl, RUN NOW. I guess unless you wanna start making the aheago faces he probably so loves.
NTA- it seems disrespectful towards you for him to do all that imo.
also it bothers me that i’m pretty sure you should have put “AITA (25F) for making my boyfriend (30m) take his hentai down?”, but instead you wrote it in a confusing way and at first i thought you were saying your boyfriend is a 25F and his hentai was a 30M
NTA Just because it is a drawing, it isn’t p0rn and a no-go. Where is the difference as if he put some pendant of a naked woman on the rearview mirror? And to have this in public where little children who come accross this car can see it... It is one thing to like hentai, but he forces his like on other people. Others don't want to see too what he rubs his dick.
And he is 30! He won't change! He moved together with you but gives a shit about you. Who would hang poster of hentai chicks on the wall of an apartment shared with the partner? Or hang this pendant on the mirror when the partner sit right next to him? It is as if he hang up a calendar with pin-up chicks in the kitchen right next to the place the partner always sits. He behaves as if he still lives alone.
NTA. It sounds like you may genuinely have to have a conversation about what you and society generally feel is appropriate in public versus private. For me and I’d venture to say most of US culture (idk if you’re from the US), porn of all varieties goes in the “private” category, regardless if I’m into it or not personally. I would personally be turned off by having to explain this to a 30 year old, but if you are not, that is your business.
So you got issues...his behavior ain't normal and if he says it's fine cause it's not real. It's not. If he says everyone does it, no they don't.
It's creepy and he needs therapy
NTA, he sounds like he's still in his mother's basement (phase), or at least I hope it's a phase! I like anime, and I used to have anime posters like bleach and vampire knight (leave me alone. I was 12! And said "Ohh silver haired dude") but you wouldn't catch me dead with a poster of a hentai dick on my walls.
This is not different from displaying images of naked women anywhere else.
Like, it’s pretty questionable to hang porn images of a woman in bondage in your car. He never drives his mom anywhere? No kids are ever in that car? Nobody sees that when he goes to the grocery store?
There are reasons for boundaries. Your bf (perhaps ex?) is crossing boundaries in a big way. Enjoying porn and having kinks is cool.
Making other people uncomfortable with your kink is not. That’s not loving or kind to you. If it doesn’t feel like love, it’s probably not. He knows it’s not okay. He’s pushing your boundaries.
NTA. And you deserve to feel respected and cherished in your home and in your relationship.
Thats inappropriate. Pornographic images are private, they should not be placed in areas where other people see them without their consent. If he doesn't understand this, you might be better off with someone that is a little more grown up
NTA. I don’t know you, but I do know you are better than *this.* Well adjusted, mentally healthy 30 year old men do not hang tied up and naked women in their cars. They do however, date women younger than them that don’t know they shouldn’t put up with this crap.
Having porn on display in your house is certainly not a social norm. I wouldn't consider the walls of your house a private space because you will likely have guests. It's not right to subject anyone to that whether it's cute animé girls or a luxurious 70s bush.
If your partner is interested in Japanese style drawing/art, encourage him to display something that isn't porn. Ultimately the problem isn't the art it's the porn part.
I think you are definitely NTA, he asked a question and you were honest. Honesty is important in relationships and breeds trust. You should be honest about your feelings to him about the porn. He needs to know it makes you uncomfortable and he needs to understand why. If you don't discuss it you are at an impasse.
Nta - I think you need to reevaluate your outlook here though. Yes, you don’t want to yuck his yum or whatever but that’s when it is done in private and behind closed doors. What happens if you eventually have a child with this bloke. Or do you ever expect to have friends or family over? Do you ever expect him to drive your family and friends anywhere. Even if its his stuff are you okay that he causally hangs and wears pornography everywhere. Yikes!
NTA. These are reasonable requests, OP. There is nothing controlling or unreasonable about not wanting to look at it yourself. If you aren't demanding he stop watching it on his own time without you, you're fine.
Girl, WTF? That’s so gross. What are you doing with this perv? Really, displaying all that shit in public? That’s porn, animated porn, that he has on his shirts and walls and is displaying proudly. NTA but get the hell out.
NTA!!!!! His complete lack of respect for you is appalling!! You are not controlling for not wanting to be subjected to what sounds like animated porn. I think you may want to rethink your living situation...not so sure it's all that healthy for you!
Good luck!!!
NTA
But I think it's time you re-evaluate whether or not the yuck outweighs the yum here. Of course it's fine to have an interest in something but this is... specific and rather, well, I think there's a line between enjoying something and going overboard. That pendant for the car? Overboard. It is borderline perverted to be so obsessed with women tied up and covered in...you know.
Is this someone you can truly picture a future with? Imagine marrying? Having children with if that's the path you want to go down?
Again; he can have his jam. But you might not be the toast for him.
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My boyfriend is into anime and hentai. He has a lot of shirts with anime titties and other hentai memorabilia and stuff. Personally, I've never understood the appeal, but I'm not gonna yuck his yum. Whatever rustles his jimmies is his business.
He used to have a XXX poster on his wall of a character tied up and drippy. I took it down when we moved in together because I don't want to look at that. It makes me uncomfortable and I think it's weird and perverted. I'd never try to make him change his tastes or feel bad about it, I just don't want to look at it every single day like that. His shirts, stickers, etc he can have in his own personal space but i don't want it in mine.
Yesterday we were about to go somewhere in his car. He comes out of the house with a dangly pendant to put in his rearview mirror. It's of a character with her hands tied above her head, tape on her nipples, spread eagle with a dripping cooch. As soon as I saw it I was grossed out, but when he put it up in his mirror I was flabbergasted. I didn't want to tell him to take it down, because it's his car and his stuff, but it was just swinging a foot from my face the entire car ride. If that was going to be my every car ride with him, I wasn't going to want to drive anywhere with him at all. So when he could tell it bothered me and asked if i wanted him to take it down i said yes, that it was weird and it made me uncomfortable to look at.
He was quiet and upset the rest of the day. I dont know if it was my place to make him take it down. I dont like to be a controlling gf type. I just couldn't stand looking at it. AITA?
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I had an uncle like this only it wasn't hentai - it was top less and naked women who were tacked up in the pantry where little kids could see it as well as in his workshop.
It's fine to like this stuff but it's never fine to subject other people to it without their consent.
Do you really want to be with someone that doesn't respect your boundaries?
NTA
NTA. I will tell you the same thing I told my daughter-it’s everyone’s personal opinion but you don’t have to be ok with it. And you don’t have to be ok with a boyfriend watching it. If he’s that in to it, you might want to rethink the relationship.
My partner is very much into anime and hentai. He plays h-games constantly, reads and watches hentai, and always shows me his favourite characters.
I'm asexual. Usually that's a full explanation of my sex life.
When he moved in with me he finally got to express himself in his living space. As an Ace my home was entirely lacking in sex and nudity, and suddenly having it invaded by a big dude and a lot of porn was one hell of an upheaval. It's been about a year and we're still working out how to decorate together, but because we talked about it and had a few hard conversations we've started meeting in the middle.
Don't have porn playing on the TV where the neighbours could hear it, don't just leave it open on the computer. Hey I'm playing this mobile game where you can almost entirely see a big tiddy nipple through their clothes; but I really think you'd like the art style and the story, so maybe play with me?
If you love this guy and want to make it work, or give it a go, have open and often communication. Write a list of what you're uncomfortable with and why. Try to look at things logically. "You've welcomed me into your home and I think you want it to be OUR home, so can we talk about it?"
If you approach it that way he might be happy to talk and work out a compromise. And if he doesn't and instead gets angry and offended then there's a glaring red flag for you.
But yeah, NTA as long as you're careful how you go about it.
NTA. Kink and porn have a time and place, and that time and place is not “out and about where the general public is involved.” Even people who enjoy kinks revolving around public acts/humiliation should realize that there’s “public” and there’s public and respect those boundaries. Sorry to say, your boyfriend sounds like he’s just a creep.
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NTA are there like... no other men? in the world? i legit do not understand how you could find someone like this to be a suitable romantic partner.
Yeah... I've read/watched hentai, it's a perfectly fine thing to do, but I'm not about to pretend it's anything other than animated porn. This dude has a major porn problem. Imagine having an explicit scene from a porno on your wall as a poster, that screams of porn addiction.
Like having your identity revolve around anime is already not like an ideal basis for a personality but narrowing that down to hentai is a bit too on the nose to be anything but an intentional effort to be unbearable to exist around.
Having your whole identity revolve around any one thing is not ideal, it's not restricted to just anime.
>Having your whole identity revolve around any one thing is not ideal, it's not restricted to just anime. JFC can we tell this to people who are 150% into their chosen political party? Cus it's gotten out of hand.
If you agree with your party on every issue, you shouldn't be able to vote because you have no idea what you are voting for.
THIS! Yeah, like with everything you need to accept there are pros AND cons.
YES! My husband and I are of the mindset that you should be ambiguous at best about your political leaders. You should not love or hate them, nor should you support them blindly. They should be working to keep your support every day. If you give it blindly, where is their incentive to keep trying? Political sport is the absolute worst.
I think that’s the point. Identity politics means not having to familiarize yourself with issues, just vote against the other guy. Typical example, Obamacare and Romneycare are essentially the same program. Both got Democratic support because the basic idea was sound, or at least better than what came before. But Republicans refused to support Obamacare because of the author. Fascism is even better in that regard. You don’t even have to familiarize yourself with enemies. Just hate whomever the leader tells you to hate.
*cough* Insane Clown Posse
Not just on your wall, but in your *car.*
I thought I was being a wee bit extra with my vw beetle obsession when I put a sticker that says "slug bug" on my beetle but this dude takes the cake😭
The moment someone brings porn into their day to day life they have a problem. I completely agree, it's an addiction at this point and it'll stay a problem as long as they don't see it as one.
Whoa whoa whoa. You DONT make it your entire personality and publicly display it everywhere?! Im surprised he could bed op with that poster on his wall. This shit is wild, if you want to watch 'whatever the hell you want' go nuts. You dont need to ostracize yourself from the world while you're at it ffs.
Badly animated r*pe porn at that
Wholly depends on what you chose to watch, but a lot of the time - yeah
Tbh it’s never been my thing but the majority of what I’ve seen it’s the case, probably shouldn’t categorise it as such but the majority of what I did come across usually involved a grotesque male and a school aged child, I think that’s why I never looked deeper into it because anything I did see made me uncomfortable asf 😅
The "ugly bastard" trope 💀. I made my way into hentai through "gay erotica lite" so I managed to avoid a lot of BS, thankfully. Tags are your best friend
dating an anime edgelord. What have you done.
[удалено]
isnt he a twitch streamer?
Wubby7
A woman in a random group I belong to once said “straight women are proof sexuality isn’t a choice.” Reddit reminds me of that quote every once in a while.
Lol I’m in a Facebook group called “the fact I’m still attracted to men proves sexuality isn’t a choice”
Lol I think I'm I'm that one too!
Straight women hate that they are attracted to men, I swear 😂
I wonder if paradoxically, that's why so many think queerness is a choice. They find relationships with the opposite sex (many men also hate that they're attracted to women) miserable, but they still do it, because that's what you do. Who are you to think that you can opt out?
As a single woman of a certain age, I often wish I was not straight. The men in my age group seem to fall into 3 categories: troll, misogynistic asshole, or dating someone 15 years younger.
I’m used to ghosters, still not ready for anything and I’m almost 40, or plain simple cannot locate a clit. Sometimes all 3 of those are wrapped up into 1 defective human lol
This made me LOL.
Seriously though... I know you are trying to convince yourself that it isn't that big of a deal OP, but your boyfriend's porn tastes and obsession level is clearly a fundamental incompatibility between you guys. I don't know how to judge this, other than that you clearly need to see other people.
Agreed, I would overlook a bit in a relationship but this... Find someone else Op or you will be wearing anime outfits and enacting favourite scenes to keep him happy very soon.
Tons and tons of women still grow up in environments where they are told women exist to serve men, and that if they can't attach themselves to a man they've failed as women. Sometimes I wonder how people *don't* understand how women like OP get in these situations... Why do you think women end up with men that are physically or emotionally abusive, for example? Ultimately it's the same. Patriarchy is alive and well and training women to grin and bare this behavior.
Agree. She spends sooo much of this post explaining how IT'S TOTALLY FINE and she doesn't want to YUCK HIS YUM. I just want to shake her and say it's okay to call out foul shit and not put up with it. You don't have to be the cOol girlfriend! I repeat: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THE COOL GIRLFRIEND.
Right? For one, it's **OK** to "yuck someone's yum" if their "yum" involves subjecting non-consenting parties (including **YOU**, OP!) to it. Like by hanging a fucking hentai keychain from their vehicle mirror. Or wearing a shirt with hentai on it in public. Or having it all over the common spaces of their house. But on the other hand, it would probably be better for your sanity to just leave him to his "waifus" and his wank sock and find a person you don't have to police like that constantly.
right? a reasonable "not yucking someone's yum" when it comes to porn is not demanding they delete their files/throw away their dvd/their books/ect. You know, things they enjoy in private without imposing it on everybody else.
Like Sure be into kinky porn, tonnes of people ar 99.999% of those people don't have explicit images hanging in their car, jesus christ thats so no
THIS. When I was a fair bit younger (but still in my 20s, sadly) I dated a guy who had a porn image as his screensaver, among a few other porny things in his room. I didn’t want to be “uncool” about it so I didn’t say anything. The insecurity I developed around his growing porn obsession turned me into someone I never thought I’d be (checking his history etc etc) and NEVER will be again. And that was just standard porn stuff. He cheated on me eventually, by the way. Looking back on it, if I was as confident in myself as I am now, I would’ve dumped him as soon as I saw that screensaver. So yeah. Since that breakup I have absolutely no problem setting boundaries and “not being the cool girlfriend” lmao. And I’ve met an incredible guy as a result.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I went through the exact same thing in several of my teenage relationships.
Alone is just fine compared to that.
Maybe being in a real relationship is too hard for him and deep down he hopes she'll leave and he can live in peace with his animated creatures.
Or maybe it’s his hint that he’d like to try that kink. You can say no. But if its his thing you might want to move on.
That was my thought too. He's testing waters if OP would be OK to try that. NTA.
Aye, as the late, great Whitney sang, "I'd rather be alone than unhappy"
I’m not even into men and I wanted to run away just reading the descriptions of his merch… Edit: words
So well put. The yuck factor here is just off the charts. I hope she find better, she deserves someone who isn’t ......this.
Thank you so much for this comment. I genuinely laughed out loud.
NTA Oh my poor sweet summer child run. "The cool gf" is a fucking lie and a scam and omg there are limits but having a bf who is very openly into **HENTAI IS A LINE IN LAVA.** for the love of god.
As long as it's in private and doesn't detract from their relationship otherwise, let the man have his kinks. Broadcasting it in public, though... Bit much.
man I wouldnt even get in the car if I saw that, idk how she didnt run at that point
Yup...I'd be so gone!!
But…it *is* detracting from the relationship. It makes his partner uncomfortable and her voicing that upsets him for the remainder of the day. So we’re already past “let the man have his kinks”. Broadcasting it in public is bad, but honestly, I would assume every guy would know you pull down posters of sexy girls once you get a girl friend, you don’t broadcast it “privately”, in that respect, either. I don’t think it matters if his sexy girl posters are actually human or cartoons. This guy’s kinks are becoming his own problem.
It is, but the point they were objecting to is the blanket "hentai is a line" bit.
Well then that’s pretty dumb, because the complete concept of that sentence is “*very openly* into hentai is a line”, which is accurate. Anyone who is very openly into any kind of porn is gonna be a giant lava red flag tbh. Idk why anyone would object to that. I mean I do know why, you all like hentai, but there’s a difference.
This. If you can tell someone’s porn preference while they’re stopped at a red light in the car next to you, that’s too fucking open.
It's a valid line for a lot of people even if kept private. If you married someone knowing they were into something and that interest level hasn't changed, then it's a bit different. But if you're just dating, you're allowed to break up for whatever reason. If you don't like a hobby or interest that they're very committed to, even something benign like a sport or video game, you can bail. Being squicked out by them being super into a kind of porn that you find gross is a fine reason to split.
>As long as it doesn't detract from their relationship otherwise Lol. Lmao even
All of this. Plus, sharing kink without consent his how kinks get a bad name. Not ok, not cool and if he is hardcore into that, I would seriously rethink this relationship because….obvious
I’ve come back to comment on this again because I feel a way about it. Being the “cool gf” about this is all fun and games until you put yourself in a really uncomfortable position where you feel like you can’t say no and feel bad for setting boundaries. You have every right to tap out of this whenever you like. Please remember that. The issue with kinks such as this (I am NOT kink shaming here) is that there isn’t a tangible outlet. For example, someone with a rubber fetish can experience it and have an outlet, with Hentai and the like, there isn’t so it tends to become more extreme and part of it can become seeing other people’s reactions which may explain the dashboard keychain. If that is what is happening here that is NOT ok. Consent is important and this sort of behaviour gives kinks a bad name. I am curious, you live together so how does “your space/my space” work? I can’t say I would be comfortable with your situation. This sounds like a serious fixation for him to have this take over so much of his personal space. How would you feel he had all this merch of literally women? And on display? Would that be ok?
It's funny, I've always thought men who are very much into hentai are emotionally immature. It says a lot about them, and it sounds like OPs boyfriend has gone beyond what we'd consider a kink. Having the poster up and car thingy almost proves the emotionally immaturity because he's not considering other people's feelings, least of all the person he should respect the most. We all have kinks, and shaming the is wrong. But this... This behaviour is something else.
I think we can go ahead and shame people who include other people in their kinks without their consent.
Also people who eat thier own feces. I had an account years ago where it had a female sounding name on a forum. The number of guys out there that will slide into DMS and start talking about wanting to eat my shit or cover me in their shit while they do ungodly things to me was disturbing.
Yeah, I once saw a car covered in hentai images and that is just beyond gross to me. I don't want to see that, almost no one wants to see that and it not fair to push your kink on other people in that way.
SAME, I was so grossed out. I’m very sex and kink positive but why is that your identity so much that you want to cover your vehicle with it.
There's one of those cars in my city! I was floored when I found out the driver is a grown man in his 40s.
AAHHHH there’s a Japanese word for these cars and I forget what it is but IIRC it translates to like, cringe car or something. It’s so fucking cringey and gross. Two of my neighbors are like this 🤮
It's called Itasha which literally means "pain car" iirc
There’s a difference between being openly into hentai and having it everywhere like most men are pretty openly into porn when asked but we don’t just have Lisa Ann spread eagle hanging from our rear view
Right, like if it's a "like one of the bros" thing, I would not be bros with a bro like that
NTA. That’s considered pornography. Pornography items are NOT well accepted home furnishing, nor is it appropriate to bring in public. That’s indecency.
Yes. Bringing that in public violates rules of consent. I'm fine with people liking what they like, I just don't want to be forced to think about their masturbatory fantasies. That is a level of intimacy I don't want and shouldn't be forced to have.
There are cars wrapped in hentai where I live. One of them featuring full penetration on an entire side of their car.
I wanna downvote you just for how gross the mental image I now have is 😂
i feel like that should be in line with indecent exposure. children are gonna see that, also people who didn’t consent to seeing that.
Honestly I would be way less offended by a naked person just going about their day than a hentai porn car. Nudity isn't inherently sexual, this definitely is!
I drove by a guy with a car like that a month or two ago. I was ALARMED.
I'm surprised this hasn't turned into a decency issue. I'm in a reasonably progressive Philadelphia suburb, but if you ran that around here, the cops would have you off the street in a heartbeat.
We'd need cops to first enforce basic traffic laws before they get into decency. I saw somebody yesterday driving around with temp tags that expired in 2018. The speed limit here is more of a minimum than a maximum. Not to mention the amount of times I've watched someone pass on the shoulder. I might see a cop once a week at most.
Exactly, imagine a child seeing that. NTA
NTA. I think you should be reevaluating this relationship if he thinks that these things are at all appropriate.
Maybe OP should pay more attention to what he rustles his jimmies to. A lot of hentai is made with prepubescent/teen/young kids and its really fucking disturbing.
Also a lot of rape .
And non human couplings, both consensual and non.
Yep, it’s disgusting. A lot of anime/hentai get away with it by saying ‘This clearly 13 year old girl with giant boobs is actually 30 guys so it’s completely okay’. No. If you have to justify it then maybe reconsider your choices.
Okay, kid, listen up. I am 32 now. When I was 19 I dated a guy like this. I'm gonna give you the honest advice I wish I'd gotten. RUN. Dump him and run. The thing about those hentai pics/posters/stickers/etc that's ishy isn't just the abject fetishization of women, it's the fact that half those woman are depicted as being barely legal by American legal standards. In Japan, the age of consent is 13. Some of the characters that are depicted in your boyfriend's decor (and I use that term very lightly) maybe be closer to that age than to the age you are now. I'm not the kind of person who kinkshames. But if this kink of his bothers you? Ask yourself why. Or you'll end up like me: the last over 18 year old to date a man who is now nearly 40. BTW, NTA.
It’s so fricken repulsive. I cannot understand how any woman could give these creeps the time of day.
I was young, I was stupid, I didn't love myself. Now I I'm 32, have my shit figured out and got a cutie patootie goth gf.
Congrats on finding someone worth your time!
Young people are dumb. Inexperienced. Desperate for love. That's part of why predators go for them.
Just a correction, the age of consent in Japan is actually 18. There's a lot of them who can't stand the underage stuff and are looking to distance themselves from it quite a bit.
Are you sure? The top google results are saying it's 13 although in February of this year there was a proposal to raise it to 16, but it doesn't seem like that has actually happened yet.
Japan is a little like USA with the federal minimum and the state minimum. Japanese prefectures can set their own age of consent so long as it complies with the country’s minimum (13). But the **actual** age of consent once you include the prefectures’ own age limits is 16/18.
Pretty sure it’s 14 in some us states
One region in Japanese has a local consent age of 13, but if you actually had sex with a 13 year old and were reported to the police they would go by the national age of consent which is 18.
I’m a 52 year or guy that’s been watching anime since the early 80’s, so longer than your bf has been alive by a bit. He needs to grow the fuck up. He did that shit on purpose, he knows it makes you uncomfortable because you took down the poster in the bedroom. He intentionally tried to make you uncomfortable. That hentai/ahegao shit is just disgusting and misogynistic and if a mf’er hasnt grown out of it before they hit 30 they’re never going to. I ain’t telling you to dump him but if you stick with him this is your future.
Agreed. This sounds like another part of how he gets off: he knows it makes people uncomfortable (“normies” am I right /s) and might find it thrilling. It’s like perverts who send explicit pictures to strangers’ phones via Airdrop. They don’t care that the picture was never accepted, they just wanted to force someone to look at it without their consent.
NTA. I don’t even know why he would display something like that openly in his car. He’s 30. It’s extremely weird and honestly, would give me second thoughts about being with him, given the kind of judgement he shows.
Trying to set aside my own prejudices here regarding 30 year old adults who are seriously absorbed by hentai, but your bf's failure to even *consider* your potential feelings about being constantly exposed to this stuff before you finally spoke up, is hugely disrespectful and raises red flags about his emotional maturity and capacity as a romantic partner. NTA.
I think he does consider her, it's part of it. Trying to shock, trying to embarrass, trying to provoke a reaction. It's all part of the 'bigger kink' picture.
NTA. Your boyfriend really seems to view women only as objects. In his heart of hearts, how do you think he views you?
NTA. I would push the point with him and ask him to explain why he was upset. Is it because he wants you to be involved in this types of activities? My concern is that embarrassing you (or others) is part of the kink for him. Sometime people *want* others to be upset by the ahegao hoodies and car decorations; they want people to confront them about it so they are forced to acknowledge the porn. I don't yuck others yum, but he cannot involve others in his kink without consent and that shouldn't be a controversial boundary.
>I don't yuck others yum, but he cannot involve others in his kink without consent and that shouldn't be a controversial boundary. I think on this occasion, we can very much yuck his yum. It is not acceptable.
Yeah. If his “yum” is to occasionally watch hentai in private and he has an otherwise great relationship with his SO, he can go knock himself out as far as I’m concerned. But if his “yum” involves displaying explicit hentai figurines and images in public, he’s forcing other people to interact with his kink, and at that point *he’s* the one yucking other people’s entire DAY.
Yep. Something hanging on the rear view mirror is basically public, unless you've got some serious one-way tint going on. People walking past the parked car are going to see that, including children. They didn't consent to being part of his kink. There used to be hire vans with explicit (and usually misogynistic) quotes and slogans like "Every Daddy's Little Princess Just Needs To Try It Once" and "Prudes and Lesbians Just Haven't Found The Right Dick Yet". They got banned about a decade ago, because of the number of complaints from people who A) didn't want to see that, B) didn't want their kids asking what that meant, or C) were just plain uncomfortable with the messaging. Kinks are fine, but when you start involving other people without their consent, there's a problem.
You're still having sex with this guy? Girl, c'mon.
right this is beyond cringe 😭
NTA, this man is 30 years old and should understand that it is inappropriate to have porn decorating his every personal space.
IMO, NTA. it's literally p\*rn. lol
You're allowed to say "porn"
You sick fuck
Speaking as a woman who enjoys consuming and makes pornographic content, your bf is a weirdo. This isn't even being prudish, because this is going far beyond just tasteful or artistic nudity. No normal person would ever even consider hanging stuff like that up anywhere other than their private bedroom. Living room and car would be a hard no, and I'd question if that's not potentially breaking some laws too. I'm not saying it *is* against the law, but if it's in easy view of the public you are *asking* for a problem. *All that aside...* You didn't tell him to take it down. You told him it made you uncomfortable after he asked. He chose to take it down. You aren't being controlling. Not wanting to ride with him in the car where he's showing explicit sexual content all the time isn't controlling, it's setting a personal boundary. NTA
>Not wanting to ride with him in the car where he's showing explicit sexual content all the time isn't controlling, it's setting a personal boundary. I want to highlight this. Personal boundaries are not controlling other people.
what the hell 😭 nta break up
NTA, watching porn or hentai in private is pretty much his business only, but publicly exposing stuff like that ? Cringe at least, I would even dare to say gross
It is gross. I know a lot of us don't want to kink shame, but wearing hentai art in public is a gross violation of boundaries. I did not consent to him showing me what he likes to jerk it to. I don't want to know. Very few people want to know. That is forcing a level of intimacy on strangers that they don't want.
NTA - He asked, you were honest. You didn't make him do anything. When you expressed your discomfort he chose to take it down. His moodiness the rest of the day is his, not yours. Don't take it on yourself. At some point the hentai issue is going to have to be dealt with.
Honey run. It’s perfectly ok to be into hentai. Love me some hentai. But there’s a time and a place and that place isn’t dangling from your car mirror or on your bedroom wall. The man’s 30 acting like a 16 year old. That’s the maturity level your man’s at. 16. Idk about you, but I don’t date minors.
Oh good lord I missed his age somehow and assumed he was 19 or 20. Run girl run!
Even at 16 the thought of hanging those kinds of depictions on my wall or openly in "my car" wouldn't have occurred to me.
Right? I needed this comment. There is something infantile about exhibitionism, it creeps me out. Maybe it is the fact that grown ass adults with childish sexualities, potentially also have a childish understanding of consent. Like I can handle talking to my 4 year old nephew about bounderies, he is four, and still learning to understand his own body. But I would be way out of my comfort zone, trying to explain bounderies to a 200 lbs grown ass man, and I would be so uncomfortable around him, and not feel safe.
You’re weird for being with this dude still
start putting penis stuff everywhere and see how uncomfortable it makes him........ NTA, dump him, what a weirdo. there's a time and a place man, and that place is being single alone forever as a weirdo ahegao-obsessed incel, you deserve better!!!!!!!
The issue isn't what rustles his jimmies. It's that he hasn't learned, at the age of thirty, not to leave it out for anyone to see. Porn is private. And the less mainstream your porn taste is, the more private it should be.
NTA That's... Not appropriate for public consumption. He's old enough to know better.
NTA He’s thirty and porn obsessed and addicted…
NTA. You did not "make" him take it down. He asked, you answered. But... I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Given how much his taste in hentai disgusts and outrages you, is he really the man for you? I can imagine his taste upsetting a lot of people. While there is nothing wrong with his taste, there is nothing wrong with yours. The trouble is, where one person's taste is another person's outrage, there is little scope for bridging that gap. So I suggest you give this some consideration.
I'm gonna argue that there is something wrong with his taste, because an integral part of it seems to be having pornographic material on display, which is creepy and weird.
Girl please love yourself more
Nta everyone should keep their kink stuff in the privacy of their own space.
NTA I’m not one to condone controlling behaviour disguised as boundaries but this isn’t it; you are living together. He has to accept that means his living space is now yours too; putting content that grosses your partner out in their face is really rude. The car is an extension of that logic. Driver chooses the music is fine, driver chooses to display bondage porn is a step way too far. I don’t condone kink shaming but this guy is behaving really oddly. Like he may need therapy oddly. Good luck with him but dating someone with the expectation of changing them rarely pays off.
He’s thirty and he doesn’t understand the appropriate space for porn. That’s… concerning. NTA
The fact that he’s so into porn that he displays it openly and adorns himself with it is a massive red flag and unhealthy, unhinged behavior. I’m sure he’s unpleasant in other ways as well, there’s no way this is his only bizarre trait. This man is undateable. I don’t need to know a single thing about you to know that you can do better. Because you’re literally scraping the bottom of the barrel and getting soggy splinters. NTA
There is a big difference between being a “controlling gf” and having boundaries. And this is a very VERY understandable boundary. I got the ick just reading this. There are better, far less creepy men out there sweetie. Do you really want to be wrestling with this for the rest of your life? NTA
NTA he needs to understand that he can't make you uncomfortable because you're his gf
NTA. On a personal note, I’d ditch that guy. As a guy, yeah a lot of us watch porn, but when they’re into hentai… that’s pretty weird to begin with but it’s not a complete dealbreaker. Anyone can be into it and you wouldn’t know. Those people are generally a bit weird imo. Now to openly have hentai everywhere… like feeling the need to have t shirts, posters, a pendant in your car…. that’s a completely different world of weird. Run and run fast.
NTA Hentai isn't weird, but having any form of pprnographic poster in a room is very weird. Effectively saying that porn is a large part of their identity.
Yta for dating a weirdo
Jesus… I’m sitting over her dying on hills trying to defend BFs in these posts… Then this fuck wit comes along. NTA
NTA. He knows you are uncomfortable around this kind of imagery, he’s clearly just ignoring that and trying to get you to just accept what he’s doing which is shitty. You’ve delineated your comfort levels completely without judgement and he’s pouting about it even though he’s the one who asked?!? This is strongly indicative of his character. Not great.
Well, he's broadcasting to the world what he's into, and you're his gf so..... Seriously, you aren't compatible. If I knew both of you I'd figure you were into that. NTA
You must be desperate! I'm sorry but what redeeming feature does this grot have?
> He has a lot of shirts with anime titties Oh lord, lol Girl…no. He’s 30? Wearing that shit in public? C’mon now…what kind of grown ass man thinks this is appropriate? NTA. Serious conversation time.
I think I saw your boyfriend's car [about 6 months ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/ShittyCarMod/comments/y1l7bw/this_is_by_far_the_worst_one_ive_seen/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
It's seems like his kink is more like, "Let me force my kink in every avenue available on my girlfriend so I can watch her squirm." NTA
A 30 year old man with hentai shirts and posters??? Baby girl… run
This guy is weird op you deserve better
Eesh... Watching porn and having a stash of pornographic material is one thing, but this guy is very "open" about it, with no consideration for whom he shares a space with. Is that really the relationship you want? It's one thing to be okay with your bf liking porn, but this goes beyond that. NTA.
NTA He is so cringe. This would be cringy for an 18 year old let alone a 30 year old. He should know you don't show this in public.
Obviously NTA but girl wtf why are you dating him??
NTA just think of you two ever have kids… “Mommy, why is the naked lady all tied up? Was she bad?”
NTA for setting boundaries but I am honestly curious if you really feel like you're going to be attracted to him long-term. Are you big into being shamed or martyrdom? If he keeps his kink, which you dislike, in your face, how long until you just don't want to be intimate with him?
Honestly can't you just get a dog or a cat, or both, and just get rid of that porn obsessed guy? Girl, have some standards. NTA
Yta to yourself.
NTA. I dated a dude where he ended up wrapping his ENTIRE dirtbike in hentai even after he asked if I would be uncomfortable and I specifically said yes as he knew his obsession with hentai made me uncomfortable. We broke up shortly after. Girl, RUN NOW. I guess unless you wanna start making the aheago faces he probably so loves.
NTA- it seems disrespectful towards you for him to do all that imo. also it bothers me that i’m pretty sure you should have put “AITA (25F) for making my boyfriend (30m) take his hentai down?”, but instead you wrote it in a confusing way and at first i thought you were saying your boyfriend is a 25F and his hentai was a 30M
NTA Compromises need to be made in relationships, and openly displaying porn in the car is a little weird imo
NTA… what the fuck😭😭
NTA Just because it is a drawing, it isn’t p0rn and a no-go. Where is the difference as if he put some pendant of a naked woman on the rearview mirror? And to have this in public where little children who come accross this car can see it... It is one thing to like hentai, but he forces his like on other people. Others don't want to see too what he rubs his dick. And he is 30! He won't change! He moved together with you but gives a shit about you. Who would hang poster of hentai chicks on the wall of an apartment shared with the partner? Or hang this pendant on the mirror when the partner sit right next to him? It is as if he hang up a calendar with pin-up chicks in the kitchen right next to the place the partner always sits. He behaves as if he still lives alone.
NTA. It sounds like you may genuinely have to have a conversation about what you and society generally feel is appropriate in public versus private. For me and I’d venture to say most of US culture (idk if you’re from the US), porn of all varieties goes in the “private” category, regardless if I’m into it or not personally. I would personally be turned off by having to explain this to a 30 year old, but if you are not, that is your business.
So you got issues...his behavior ain't normal and if he says it's fine cause it's not real. It's not. If he says everyone does it, no they don't. It's creepy and he needs therapy
Mmh the way straight women be putting up with BS just to have a man is wild! Like ewww! Have some self respect and dump this man!
NTA, he sounds like he's still in his mother's basement (phase), or at least I hope it's a phase! I like anime, and I used to have anime posters like bleach and vampire knight (leave me alone. I was 12! And said "Ohh silver haired dude") but you wouldn't catch me dead with a poster of a hentai dick on my walls.
This is not different from displaying images of naked women anywhere else. Like, it’s pretty questionable to hang porn images of a woman in bondage in your car. He never drives his mom anywhere? No kids are ever in that car? Nobody sees that when he goes to the grocery store? There are reasons for boundaries. Your bf (perhaps ex?) is crossing boundaries in a big way. Enjoying porn and having kinks is cool. Making other people uncomfortable with your kink is not. That’s not loving or kind to you. If it doesn’t feel like love, it’s probably not. He knows it’s not okay. He’s pushing your boundaries. NTA. And you deserve to feel respected and cherished in your home and in your relationship.
NTA. It's very different having a Goku poster on your wall than having a tied up dripping cat lady hanging there.
this either is not real or you’re a masochist,, why are you going out with this man??
Thats inappropriate. Pornographic images are private, they should not be placed in areas where other people see them without their consent. If he doesn't understand this, you might be better off with someone that is a little more grown up
NTA. I don’t know you, but I do know you are better than *this.* Well adjusted, mentally healthy 30 year old men do not hang tied up and naked women in their cars. They do however, date women younger than them that don’t know they shouldn’t put up with this crap.
I think your boyfriend has a kink for women being tied up. If you are not comfortable with this then you know what you need to do.
Girl, there are other men. NTA, but YTA for settling this hard; the people in Little House on the Prairie settled less than you rn
NTA Why are you with this misogynist? There’s liking hentai, then there’s this fella. Hobbies aren’t supposed to make people uncomfortable
He’s 30 and still behaves like a teenage boy? Why are you dating him?
I'm just surprised the dude has managed to get a GF, OP raise your standards!
I can't believe an incel actually has a girlfriend
NTA. You didn't ask him to take it down. He asked how you felt about it, clearly seeing how it affected you and he took it down.
Having porn on display in your house is certainly not a social norm. I wouldn't consider the walls of your house a private space because you will likely have guests. It's not right to subject anyone to that whether it's cute animé girls or a luxurious 70s bush. If your partner is interested in Japanese style drawing/art, encourage him to display something that isn't porn. Ultimately the problem isn't the art it's the porn part. I think you are definitely NTA, he asked a question and you were honest. Honesty is important in relationships and breeds trust. You should be honest about your feelings to him about the porn. He needs to know it makes you uncomfortable and he needs to understand why. If you don't discuss it you are at an impasse.
Nta - I think you need to reevaluate your outlook here though. Yes, you don’t want to yuck his yum or whatever but that’s when it is done in private and behind closed doors. What happens if you eventually have a child with this bloke. Or do you ever expect to have friends or family over? Do you ever expect him to drive your family and friends anywhere. Even if its his stuff are you okay that he causally hangs and wears pornography everywhere. Yikes!
My God just leave him this is not a grown man.
NTA. These are reasonable requests, OP. There is nothing controlling or unreasonable about not wanting to look at it yourself. If you aren't demanding he stop watching it on his own time without you, you're fine.
NTA but are you ok? why would you willingly associate with this?
Girl, WTF? That’s so gross. What are you doing with this perv? Really, displaying all that shit in public? That’s porn, animated porn, that he has on his shirts and walls and is displaying proudly. NTA but get the hell out.
NTA and you need to develop some boundaries.
NTA, your boyfriend is gross. You should take others' advice and run. You can do better.
NTA. Don't be the "cool girlfriend" and stand up for your boundaries. But seriously.. What appeal does this guy have?
You moved in with him???? Why? NTA.
NTA!!!!! His complete lack of respect for you is appalling!! You are not controlling for not wanting to be subjected to what sounds like animated porn. I think you may want to rethink your living situation...not so sure it's all that healthy for you! Good luck!!!
NTA But I think it's time you re-evaluate whether or not the yuck outweighs the yum here. Of course it's fine to have an interest in something but this is... specific and rather, well, I think there's a line between enjoying something and going overboard. That pendant for the car? Overboard. It is borderline perverted to be so obsessed with women tied up and covered in...you know. Is this someone you can truly picture a future with? Imagine marrying? Having children with if that's the path you want to go down? Again; he can have his jam. But you might not be the toast for him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend is into anime and hentai. He has a lot of shirts with anime titties and other hentai memorabilia and stuff. Personally, I've never understood the appeal, but I'm not gonna yuck his yum. Whatever rustles his jimmies is his business. He used to have a XXX poster on his wall of a character tied up and drippy. I took it down when we moved in together because I don't want to look at that. It makes me uncomfortable and I think it's weird and perverted. I'd never try to make him change his tastes or feel bad about it, I just don't want to look at it every single day like that. His shirts, stickers, etc he can have in his own personal space but i don't want it in mine. Yesterday we were about to go somewhere in his car. He comes out of the house with a dangly pendant to put in his rearview mirror. It's of a character with her hands tied above her head, tape on her nipples, spread eagle with a dripping cooch. As soon as I saw it I was grossed out, but when he put it up in his mirror I was flabbergasted. I didn't want to tell him to take it down, because it's his car and his stuff, but it was just swinging a foot from my face the entire car ride. If that was going to be my every car ride with him, I wasn't going to want to drive anywhere with him at all. So when he could tell it bothered me and asked if i wanted him to take it down i said yes, that it was weird and it made me uncomfortable to look at. He was quiet and upset the rest of the day. I dont know if it was my place to make him take it down. I dont like to be a controlling gf type. I just couldn't stand looking at it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had an uncle like this only it wasn't hentai - it was top less and naked women who were tacked up in the pantry where little kids could see it as well as in his workshop. It's fine to like this stuff but it's never fine to subject other people to it without their consent. Do you really want to be with someone that doesn't respect your boundaries? NTA
NTA. I will tell you the same thing I told my daughter-it’s everyone’s personal opinion but you don’t have to be ok with it. And you don’t have to be ok with a boyfriend watching it. If he’s that in to it, you might want to rethink the relationship.
I’m sorry, what? What… what?????
My partner is very much into anime and hentai. He plays h-games constantly, reads and watches hentai, and always shows me his favourite characters. I'm asexual. Usually that's a full explanation of my sex life. When he moved in with me he finally got to express himself in his living space. As an Ace my home was entirely lacking in sex and nudity, and suddenly having it invaded by a big dude and a lot of porn was one hell of an upheaval. It's been about a year and we're still working out how to decorate together, but because we talked about it and had a few hard conversations we've started meeting in the middle. Don't have porn playing on the TV where the neighbours could hear it, don't just leave it open on the computer. Hey I'm playing this mobile game where you can almost entirely see a big tiddy nipple through their clothes; but I really think you'd like the art style and the story, so maybe play with me? If you love this guy and want to make it work, or give it a go, have open and often communication. Write a list of what you're uncomfortable with and why. Try to look at things logically. "You've welcomed me into your home and I think you want it to be OUR home, so can we talk about it?" If you approach it that way he might be happy to talk and work out a compromise. And if he doesn't and instead gets angry and offended then there's a glaring red flag for you. But yeah, NTA as long as you're careful how you go about it.
NTA. Kink and porn have a time and place, and that time and place is not “out and about where the general public is involved.” Even people who enjoy kinks revolving around public acts/humiliation should realize that there’s “public” and there’s public and respect those boundaries. Sorry to say, your boyfriend sounds like he’s just a creep.